50% sadness 50% candy and that's it that's basically what i am welcome 2 my blog <3 (men dni)
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:’)
#life is cool and good i’m so happyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m so in love i’m the luckiest girl in the world and also i get to see tinashe tomorrow like everything is so fucking cool :)#been seeing my bf for nearly 11 months now and the only times he’s ever made me cry is when one of us goes out of town and i think about#how much i’ll miss him#like that’s so!!!!!#idk! i love him so much it’s truly crazy he treats me so good i’d die and kill for him#i’m big simping rn i’m just listening to his old voicemails and lying in my bed smiling#being in love is so cool :)#alhamdulillah
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oh also i don’t have strep throat yay :)
#just a stupid little throat infection#taking my little medicines and iA i’ll b fine soon….. huge :)
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🙄
#god i hate that this blog has devolved into the boyfriend chronicles it feels so stupid but this is the last social media i have that my#IRL friends are not on#idk i hate talking their ear off about whatever this is but also if i don’t process out my feelinfs i will die so i have to do it here#sorry folks#annoying for me too i promise
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:(
#had to cancel plans and started crying i’m being such a fucking baby about this lol#i miss him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who cares being in love is super cool
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i think i have strep throat????
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:)
#i doubt anyone reads these (actually if they did i’d be deeply embarrassed) but good news#relationships are stabilizing i was truly tweaking for no reason#spent a whole weekend alone did a refresh and i’m back to feeling normal and enjoying the company of my loved ones lol#boyfriend made me dinner while i lied on the floor and complained about the uterus agonies and i have received a lot of forehead kisses#everything is normalizing………#i am having an insanely#emotional period and constantly crying about random scenarios i work myself up to but oddly enough i can see through all that and i know#it’s not really ‘real’#in the content normal moments i have with my brain im like yeah life is cool n good again#hehee#it’s sick how fucking sprung i am actually like i constantly have to resist sending him long essay texts everytime we hang out about how#much fun i had and how much i love him#he takes crazy good care of me i almsot#feel bad#i used to be little miss independent and now i’m like no i’m just baby >:(#he drives me places and does the cooking and does the emotional#support and i’m like#wow thank you!!!! your reward is you get to unlock more tragic backstory and now console me over new breakdowns i’ve been hiding from you!!#im high maintenance i fink
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me: sitting here drawing a bunch
my left hand: ow. ow. ow. i hurt.
me: you're. not even the hand i'm drawing with. you're just chilling. what is your fucking problem.
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a study i did because i realized idk how to draw environments at all LMAO
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:-)
#okay spent the whole day with no one but myself it was weird and hard i hate.#i gotta become more detached from my loved ones i did spend most of the day in bed but not even sleeping?#i was just like ‘’i’m awake but i wish i wasn’t………’’#’’what is this feeling like i’m up and conscious but don’t want to do my things……’’#like you fucking idiot Please get medicated#i also cooked a very good meal and then spent the last 2 hours wondering if i should invite my bf over for dinner#except everytime i checked discord he was still gaming with the bros which ive learned is an important thing they need to do so i gave up#it’s so wild when i was single and made a good meal i was so fine eating it alone and now i just want to Share……..#this is so gay lol#anyways i caffienated but am resisting the urge to go out and am now Working instead if you can believe it#its true what they say#sometimes ‘self care’ is face masks and bubble baths but sometimes#it is about getting in the RING and finally doing the tasks you’re putting off that give u anxiety#i gotta catch up on my stupid emails and spreadsheets job so i can be at a bit more peace#pretending not to see my friends’ texts asking me if i want to come over haha !!
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just kidding i cant shut the fuck up
#also!!!!!!! desolate bc of course i haven’t had a single evening to myself in almost 2 weeks so do we think i am cooking?????#no!!#restaurant food all day every day babey#bad for tummy bad for wallet#also haven’t gone home to see my family in a long time probably taking a toll on me#i cant go home bc my parenrs are being balls off the wall insane and calling me to say really mean things so of course i dont want to go#(and that’s its own seperate demon to deal#with)#but also i miss them#and as they age i can’t stop wondering about how limited my time is with them and if they will die soon (i know!!!! i know i know i need to#get a grip)#anyways it’s a wonder i m not dead in a ditch#how i keep going i have no idea
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heheeee
#me texting boyfriend at 4 am asking him to take me to the pool tomorrow: hmmmmmm yes more social plans that will fix me :-)#no but really i think i havent been as physically active as i need to be and its probably also not super good for me#i need to be a little fishie#also one of life’s fascinating little discoveries is i look really cute in a bikini top and that is major………… could fix me
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(last one!!)
#i think excessive sleeping + excessive socializing + no time for hafsa to sit and commune with hated#*herself#is giving me robot brain disease#no happy chemicals being produced i am#robotically moving from one day to the next#and it doesn’t help that every activity is the same lol#meeting up with a friend be like pick a resturant and split a bottle of wine and then lament the money spent#hanging out with boyfriend is like cook a meal together and eat with netflix and then take a walk and fuck stupid nasty and then go to bed#i love these activities when i have the stomach for them#but lately it’s all mind numbing sameness#actually bf and i tried shaking it up he told me#to put a pretty dress on and took me out for a very fancy dinner and a jazz club which i did appreciate but i think i need to do something#a bit more reckless and stupid and messy than that#anyways all this is moot i think i’m just crashing out bc my period starts in a few days and all my hormone#*hormone levels are dropping
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