#she explained more but. you really dont need more.
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which characters from mario kart aside from toadette know what a perineum is
Mario & Luigi both do due to their lifelong proximity to trans girls. Mario learned on the go with one of his trans exes, Luigi learned through reading a zine. Princess Peach has no idea what a perineum is and if you try and explain it to her she’ll be like, “ugh why would I need to know how to please somebody with a penis, women are way more fun” despite dating/hooking up with mostly exclusively men (cis and trans alike). She would not respond well to being told everybody has one. Toad knows however.
Yoshi knows what the perineum is from being close with Birdetta, who doesn’t have a perineum (not being a mammal) but just knows from other trans girls. Bowser learned about the perineum having sex with Luigi. Funky & Donkey Kong both know it, but only by the word “taint”. Diddy Kong has no fucking clue. Koopa Troopers and Dry Bones basically all know through a propaganda campaign Bowser launched to raise awareness for the perineum and its wonders after Luigi introduced him to it intimately. Peach still has no clue despite visiting Bowser’s kingdoms dozens of times as part of their elaborate kidnapping/cuckoldry roleplay with Mario, which breaks both of their hearts.
Wario has his own snakeoil brand of taint lotions; the bottles have his face on. Waluigi knows because he’s the number one chaser in the Mushroom Kingdom and he’s low-key good at it. Daisy knows about it through Luigi, that guy read Fucking Trans Women once became the number one perineum advocate. one day he’ll realise.
Toadette knows through being a trans lesbian even though she’s not a mammal and probably doesn’t have a perineum herself. Petey Piranha has no fucking clue even after you explain it to him. King Boo knows. no further elaboration required. the Shy Guys are all eggs so it’s like 50/50 on whether they know.
Rosalina knows, being the seven foot transsexual sex goddess she is. Pauline knows for similar reasons. Wiggler knows but only after googling it when Wario called them a taint. Kamek is a transmasc with like six transfem exes and he still has no idea what it is because he's bad in bed. Lakitu, on the other hand, is a transmasc virgin who knows what a perineum is and is gonna make a trans girl really happy one day.
aaaaand none of the babies know on account of them not knowing anything cause they're babies. all of Bowser's kids know, though. from the propaganda campaign. much to their embarrassment.
BONUS ROUND: Link & Isabelle know, obviously. from all the t4t sex (although not with each other). the inklings know from explicit lyrics in the Squid Sisters' music (they're basically like the squid equivalent of ayesha erotica). the Villagers have no idea because lets be real the people playing those games dont know what a perineum is.
BONUS BONUS ROUND: Dry Bowser knows because he's just Bowser during no nut november; Peachette knows because she's Toadette but the overwhelming Peach power influences her to not give a shit about it against her actual beliefs; Tanooki Mario knows because it's just Mario in a fursuit; Cat Peach doesn't for the same reason. Metal/Gold Mario/Pink Gold Peach are just Mario & Peach using metal power-ups.
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my mum asks me if its offensive if someone says a joke like "im a blank but identify as blank" im like "whats the context" "well, this guy who i knew from england posted on facebook--" "ITS OFFENSIVE!!!"
#she explained more but. you really dont need more.#the british on social media are like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you know uhhhhhhhhhh#anyway keep your parents off fb and twitter its getting bad out there
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Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.
#no im so pissed about that.#dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful#and just#walk away scot free#last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month.#that might just be the bpd tho#but still#quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself#and then she makes her her vice??????????#she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip#sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around#which as she should#but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL#in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist#like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider#i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it#and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe'#THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????.#also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis#with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions#and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore#and then victimizing herself!!!!!!!#like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is#idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner#anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page.#heartbreak high#heartbreak high season 2#quinni gallagher jones#sasha so#missy beckett
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺��)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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i am. tired. u may have noticed that i am... "American" n what not.
I dont have the mental stability to keep up w all the... everything. but news of so and so trying to take citizenship from ppl born here whose parents came here Illegally (unconstitutional, not feasible, most likely just a scare tactic) made its way to me. and 2 things.
1) "we're gonna stop illegal immigration by retroactively making more people into illegal immigrants" ...very cool guys. very smart.
2) im like. 2nd gen i think? my mom was born here but her bio dad was not lol. hope my bio gramps doing ok wherever he is. never met the guy and tbh he sounds like a dick from what lil i know of him, but no one deserves. yknow. the. well i dont think theyre called camps but i cant remember the word. detention center or smth? im tired lol
#ramble tag#every day i get closer and closer to 'what if we snuck into mexico. switch it up reverse it.'#joking ofc#dont think thatd actually go well for us#everything is so surreal. like im at the point where the idea of getting deported makes me laugh more than anything#im too exhausted to be upset anymore#every since his campaign fuckin started man. i was in middle school.#i was in middle school and terrified of the line i felt i had to walk between white and not white enough#i might vent about race stuff if i cant stop thinking about it. bc god i dont wanna just soak in it. need it out of my head#im white im white im white!! but not as white as my classmates. sitting at lunch. our hands next to each other. stark.#highschool with immigrants and mexicans talked about like animals. this hurts me. but im told to shut up.#bc im not mexican enough to be allowed to do anything#i live in one of those 'you get one maybe two black students in a year' kinda towns if that explains anything#i had a kid who kept calling me the n word. he dated one of my friends. she didnt leave him until he cheated on her.#now that i think about it she hadnt talked to me in forever when she went to me after her breakup#jeez. highschool sucked ass.#ignore me im just... ugh. i have this identity crisis every once in a while dw#i think i even made a post about it before lol#smth about cultural disconnect and how that was a way that dicks romani backstory was smth i could connect to#something revealed to you that affects you but you exist in this limbo of if you can really claim it or not#like the world needs more stories that touch on race etc etc but i just mean that dicks story can fall into this sorta#white passing identity crisis thing. i find it comforting#dunno. my brain is soup
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hm I know this seems like I'm just whining to whine and I understand that living with your parents throughout your childhood is the norm but I'm actually so tired of people asking "where are your parents/do you live with your parents/did you come with your parents?" when I meet people like if we are at a event where ppls families are in attendance why can't you just ask if anybody came with me instead of asking about my parents like not everybody has parents or lives with them etc I know it's just a little thing and I'm coming across as bitter and annoyed but I genuinely am, and then it gets even more annoying because then when you tell people you didn't come with your parents they want to know why and in my case I hate having to explain that I was in foster care because explaining something like that isn't something that can be summed up in a sentence like OMFG and it's so fucking annoying to me like just ask if I came with anybody instead of just assuming I came with my parents 😭😭😭
#as i said i know asking ppl about their parents is the norm but i wish ppl would actually think about of ppl#actually have any some ppl have been disowned or have dead parents or just dont want anything to with them anymore#its so annoying i think ppl should start thinking before just assume but this is just a personal thing im not that angry at anybody lol#im more annoyed at ppl wanting to know why i was in foster care because i hate airing out all my business like that#it involves alot of abuse and very traumatic stuff and then i feel bad when i do explain it because i feel like#ive ruined that person's day by telling them about all the stuff that happened to me like omds#the most annoying instance was when i was at work and this girl kept asking me why i dont live with my parents#and she wanted me to explain why i was in foster care and i was just like. its not really any of your business 😭#just know i dont live with my parents and i used to be in foster care in fact you don't need to know if i live with#anybody or not 😭 like why are asking if my parents are together etc LEAVE ME ALONE
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More and more i come to appreciate fics where buffy is like Still Buffy but Fundamentally Different Somehow from day one just bc of the exploration and tonal diversity it brings. Like yeah i wanna see something different after 20+ years of fandom and fanfic also no i dont wanna see something different.
#train.txt#the satiate the ‘no toss!!!! only fetch!!!!’ part of my brain#i just had an for a ‘new slayer in buffy’s place’ idea and was like ‘this COULD just be buffy if you tweak her a bit we dont need a new guy’#like just given the experiences she CANONICALLY has and her CANON personality there’s really a lot of range to be had#i and really like the idea of her starting off a bit more serious and invested in la only to go ‘NAH’ after everything in la#and try to focus on life more#i came up with an idea of the slayer crying/panic attacking in the stacks and giles finding her#and her explaining being a slayer like having a brain tumor or heart conditon. like knowing ur probably gonna die and soon#and being paralysized by wanting to make the most of that very finite time with no idea how to do that#and like SNDJDJDNDMDSKDJJDDJDMDJ ITS SO JUICY TO THINK OF BUFFY IN THAT LENS#whats to have friends but also whats the point if she’s dead tomorrow BUT ALSO ALL THE MORE REASON!!!!!!! TO HAVE A LIFE!!!!!! WHILE SHE CAN
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i opened gno cloe and i can't even begin to tell you how stunningly beautiful she is to hold
#she's all i expected her to be and more#🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤#tales from diana#i love how most of my personal posts these days are either complaining about work or teeheeing about bratz dolls#THE BODY GLITTER!!! THE ROOTED EYELASHES!!!!!!#i really mainly got her for her second outfit (that the repros come w... cries i know the original had THREE outfits ffs!!)#but when i took her out of the box she was just so stunningly beautiful in that semi-formal dress that i couldnt take her out of it yet#kaily was also in awe#we unboxed alwayz bratz jade and gno cloe on a friday night while our parents were out seeing a standup show#i cant stress enough not just how beautiful she is in person but actually out of the box and to hold#i was explaining to kaily about how getting into bratz again has just felt so fucking good. like so much better than i expected#if i knew how great it would feel i would've started buying bratz again years ago tbh. i always gazed from a distance in longing#but oh... em... gee. it's like so difference once you just open one or two. it's over#and kaily has respected and admired my passion from the sidelines but not until she held gno cloe herself was she like#'ok. i get it. shes beautiful. this feels so fucking good' YEAH RIGHT???!?!?!?!?#i also have to say the repros of 2000s bratz hit different. my kumi felicia and cloe are on another level#from alwayz yasmin and jade. as much as i love them#idk i also think i just prefer the old unarticulated bodies. but i do like the slight bend-and-snap knees the new bodies have#bratz dont need elbow articulation. it just doesnt feel representative of the time they came out and thrived in#it just feels not as bratz i suppose#but i still like the new bratz well enough. ive seen leaks of that line coming up next year... im gonna have to get that sasha#shes the only one of the core 4 i dont have yet so i want whichever sasha i finally acquire to be really special
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watching ap bio past season 1
#ada speaks#im sorry lynette i cant stand any episode youre in i need more of jack hanging out with mary stef and michelle or his freakass students#it becomes so hit or miss but god there are some really good hits still 😭😭😭#i cant even explain what is wrong with lynette and jack other than the dialogue and Vibe is so rancid it makes me avert my eyes#i don't even think it was this bad on my first watch#what do you mean you guys are more like cousins. how are you as the writers acknowledging this and yet still.#anyway there are like. i think its the third episode to the sixth? unbearable#i think i remember the finale of s2 being them getting together but at least i get to see glenn breasting boobily thru the hotel hallway#i cant fucking stand how s1 effectively ended with jack being like. i like these little fuckers. and then this season is.#yeah anyway forget all that my arc is that i will grow to like toledo bc uhhh this is my conflict with lynette now. bc ofc the only reason#that a man would do Anything is for a woman he's obnoxiously in love with#nevermind the fact that they fucking had this same arc for him last season and the episode where he was like yeah fuck it#i actually Like my weird coworkers and im gonna go hang out with them instead of this miserable woman#not that lynette goes against that. but they couldnt even stick to anything relevant to like. being from toledo#shes just this. quirky snarky woman who also for some reason really loves her home town. we dont even know shit about her.#i legitimately think the biggest misstep is not having her more integrated with the other women in the show#because as it is her literal entire character revolves around jack#she shows up to interact with the rest of the cast and remind us she's working at the school only to have jack check her out or some shit#like ok. contrived plot device of a character#im going to stop talking about lynette now im sorry i wish she was written better LOL#in a show full of really fucking enjoyable women she is certainly. there!#i think its literally just like. it irks me so much because jack is just like. Waiting to get through the 'friendzone period'#and we barely see lynette after she tells him they should just. be friends. like ok. show them being friends then#she can be fun when shes involved in some crazy scheme. but no. only when its about this ~sexual tension~ is that allowed
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Photon Maiden's selection album, 4 Un Voyage, finally released!! Let's go!!!
Here are the songs in order:
FriendShip
4 Challenges (ver. 2023)
We Never Stop (ver. 2023)
Hikari (ver. 2024)
Akatsuki (fruits mix ver. 2024)
OVERCOME (ver. 2023)
Linked Ring (ver. 2023)
Collector
24 (ver. 2024)
Into the storm (ver. 2024)
Be with the world (ver. 2023)
Photon Melodies (ver. 2023)
Begin Again
Platinum (Saki Solo cover)
Dear My Friend (Ibuki Solo cover)
Fansa (Towa Solo Cover)
Let The Show Begin (Noa Solo cover)
Your Love ♡
Happy Happy Friend (Cutopia cover)
Kawaikute Gomen (Cutopia cover)
Photon Melodies (TAKU INOUE Remix ver. 2025)
#crow talks#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#photon maiden#AHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG!!!! <333#the reason why i found out this album was released was bc i saw sato hina make a story abt it on her ig lol-- (ty sato hinaaaaa)#now i can hear the full version of all of their solos let's gooo!!!#also cutopia's stuff!!! THEY ALL HAVE FULL VERSIONS!!! YESSSSSS#also crazy to me they remixed the taku inoue remix for photon melodies this year..... just for this album.... damn#as im writing this im still in the first few songs so i wont be able to say my thoughts on all of the covers#you might see me post abt them later tho.... especially let the show begin and dear my friend#ahhhhhhhh i forgot how much i love photon maiden's sound <3 SATO HINA U ARE AMAZING!!! her harmonies and... idk how to explain but--#her voice during instrumentals where she just belts notes and just!!! IS AWESOME?! yeah i love it so much!! i never get tired of her singin#haru-chan is also so good!! ive been listening to more harmoe so ive been getting more and more used to her voice and seeing how cute it is#OH AND haru-chan's voice for the more “serious” photon songs scratch my brain a lot..... ahhhh i should go listen to harmoe after this#tsumugi risa is awesome too.!! i still think it's crazy she can have that voice for saki then switch to chu2 and akikaze rui lol#tsumugi risa's voice in collector makes me rlly giddy lol (makes sense since the song already does that w the synths and stuff)#AND!!! dont get me started on nanaki kanon...... i love the tone she gives to ibuki's voice... it makes her parts more richer and nice to--#listen to! it's really apparent in akatsuki (fruits mix and og) and linked ring! i already love both songs a lot so her voice just boots it#her voice kinda sends an arrow through my heart and such ahhhh i actually love her voice so much SHES AMAZING!!!#*meteor isnt here but i LOVE how she sings 'is the tempo slow? i dont care at all' SO MUCH IYAAAAAA!!!!!#i think nanaki kanon's voice just adds a whole new flavor to photon that i never knew i needed..... she's so amazing guys pleaseeee--#i should check out the stageplays and see how she does w koharu in revstar...... ive seen the first stageplay so i just need to watch more#ALSO IM ON INTO THE STORM AS I TYPE-- THE 2ND RAPPING PART WAS IBUKI!?!!?!? OK DAMN..... i love the power she puts into her voice AHHHHHHH#okay enough fanboying over photon maiden.... it's making me look like theyre my faves..... i wanna see all the units live one day istg--#LISTEN TO THE ALBUM!! stop reading me fanboy over it and LISTEN!!!!#edit: * i put the wrong song lol ALSO BEGIN AGAIN IS JUST SATO HINA PROPAGANDAA AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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#my mom hasnt decided about driving to Toronto#i told her i need an answer#ideally now. but i feel bad bugging her#she thinks i should wait and see if prices go down#and she thinks i shouldn't spend so much money on a concert ticket#and i agree. i dont want to. i think its insane that they resell them for so much.#but its my money. and i get to decide what this concert is worth#i was telling her the prices are going up and i dont want them to turn impossible.#and she kept asking how much are they how much are they how much are they#i didn't wanna tell her bc i knew shed judge me but i did. and she did#i almost feel like she thinks she'll be doing me a favor by not helping me get there bc i wont spend the money#but she really really wouldnt be#i was hoping i could buy one for tomorrow and just go by myself and not make it her issue#but theyre more than im willing to pay for crappy seats#and she said i dont want you to go at any cost and like!!!! im not!!!!!#i hate myself for stooping low enough to accept resale prices but im not spending all of my money#and i have standards for prices for where the seats are#i made the decision to sell my vienna ticket before the shows were canceled bc i knew it was thr responsibile thing to do!!!!!#i will not drive 12 hours to toronto by myself!!!!!!#im doing it at more cost than i would like but not any cost. and id also like to not be judged for it#and also. its so important to me. and if i explain how important it is. id probably get judged for that too#idk man. she said she's gonna look some now at Toronto traveling expenses#she didn't say she would have an answer by tonight#you would think if she doesn't want me to spend a crazy amount of money she would have some urgency about answering me#ig she just doesnt wanna tell me no.#idk. idk. idk. maybe i will figure out some way to go to Toronto by myself if she says no#maybe ill buy an even more ridiculously priced ticket for tomorrow#idk. ahahhahahajahahahahah
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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#periodical life updates#genuinely about to write a whole post explaining wxs ship dynamics because they ALL work well together. i love them <33#i have a LOT to say about emurui specifically. i know the big ship in this group. i get it! people /love/ the gays. but emurui is so cool#from the small things (rui understands what emu means when she says ''BANG-POP-WOOSH!'') to big things (their parallel arcs in WxS)#just! nene and tsukasa going to be big worldly actors and emu and rui curling in on the memories in the bubble of the wonderstage#how long will it last. how long do they still have together. they don't want to hold their friends back but this was everything to them.#do you THINK ABOUT THEM!! believe me i love every connection in this polycule but i need more people to think about emurui hdkjdh#anyway moving on. i have lgbt club tomorrow and a bunch of deadlines are definitely closing in :/ ive got a lot to do and i DONT WANT TO.#i definitely want to start the queue up again ive got a lot of things in there i want to reblog <33#i want to start on that eca comic again. waughh theres a lot. there's always a lot. oh well. we'll get through it.#idk what else to update on other than ''im really busy'' ''i'll restart queue'' and ''i think emurui is cool'' so i guess thats it!!#see u ily!!
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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actually im kind of thinking abt how all the main players in the AU are probably way more mentally Not Great than it may appear at first
#like Alex is constantly worrying she isn't doing enough for her family and pushes herself way too hard physically and mentally bc of it#no one expects it out of her but she kind of just got herself into that mindset and ends up hurting herself by pushing too hard usually#(Rana is working with her to help break the habit)#Herobrine lived in caves for like 7 (I think. im too lazy to go check the rough timeline rn) years straight#like i already dont have to explain why thats bad on its own but hyperfixating on a dead civilization that long#to the point where you almost entirely forgot your first language is Worse.#he's had so many spider bites and eaten parts of spiders that he's literally just immune to the venom now#Rana you'd think would be better off since she's like the traditional happy cheery character but I guess that's also why she's Not#being happy is a choice to her. she's lived through some of the worst shit but she keeps persisting because the world needs more love in it#she's going to be happy out of spite despite all the odds and she wants to give that to others as much as she can#this girl walks in and out of the Nether every other month for potion ingredients like how 'okay' can she actually be really#Steve is probably like the most normal by comparison#but im not really sure how sane you can realistically qualify yourself to be when you've previously done DIY top surgery with a sword#that was not a fun day for neither Steve nor (pre transition) Rana but it worked! please dont do that again#no one else do it either neither of them would recommend it#he's not traumatized from that or anything but ill be damned if the gender dysphoria didnt win that day#but at the same time so did he. via the use of like 20 healing potions#thanks Rana#minecraft au mastertag
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