#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time

[gibbearish]

btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 51

~*~Sebastian~*~

I love stupid drinking games. One of the reasons Marvel press is fun is because of the dirt we have on each other from drunken nights and hours of waiting. Both result in otherwise inappropriate questions. This was just an organized version. When Boone said you never had fun with who you were sitting next to, I started counting people between and wrote a dare to make out with the person three people to your right.

Eli went first because it was his invention. Plus, since everyone did the never have I ever and could jump in with the truths, and the point wasn't to win, it didn't matter who went first. Straight in he pulls out, "Never have I ever had a threesome."

Me, Boone, Eli, and Alissa drink. I didn't know about Alissa. Will didn't drink, but he did laugh, "Bunch of whores."

Alissa shrugged, "Everyone experiments."

Kirk looked at her, "Not everyone. About half."

Emma was next, "Last movie that made you cry? Easy A Star is Born. I cried twice during. Sat threw the credits crying. Then absolutely sobbed in my car for another ten. Then went to see it again the next day and cried just as much."

Everyone shared theirs. Mine had been a month ago when ET was on late-night TV.

Alissa got two squares, so she got a question and a dare. Angry sex or makeup sex. Me, Eli, Kirk, Boone, and Emma were in for the angry sex. Alissa had to take off her bra and hang it from a light.

Boone had to share his worst sexual experience. That led to some funny shit. Eli had a woman throw up on his dick. He claimed the tour bus gave her motion sickness. Emma's was a guy who said his own name when he came. Mine was in the back seat of a car, missing a stroke when the cop banged on the window and thinking I’d broke my dick.

Angie pulled, "Never have I ever sent nudes." All of us drank. Will's truth was his virginity story. Kirk's ended in tears, but he wasn’t the one who cried.

I got a double color. Least favorite sex position and why. Sixty-nine because I can’t fully enjoy either and I wind up focusing more on my blow job and do a shitty job taking care of her. Emma's was reverse cowgirl because there's a problem with angle of entry and an unflattering view of her ass.

"There is no unflattering view of your ass." That just popped out.

Angie agreed with Emma, "She's right. Because in reverse cowgirl your ass is going to connect with his body and jiggle. Gravity works much better to smooth things out in doggy style."

Will smiled, "The jiggle is a feature, not a bug. But I do agree with the dangerous angles." All the straight men cringed.

My dare was to switch places with either person beside me, have the next person sit on my lap, with my hand on their inner thigh until my next turn. I ended up feeling up Angie in my lap. If I’d gone the other direction, I’d have Eli in my lap. My way was better.

Kirk read, "Never have I ever had phone sex."

Emma didn't drink, but she did glare at the woman in my lap. I raised an eyebrow, "Opposed or opportunity?"

She smiled as she said, "Opportunity."

I hummed, "You'll be in Georgia and I'll be in Canada next Sunday."

"I know."

"A lot of distance."

I started to say something about getting to be the teacher, but Angie swatted me and pointed a finger at Emma, "Any erection he gets is going to poke me in the ass, so stop what you’re doing."

You get the idea. Conversations about sex, preferences, and dislikes. Some basic shit with movies and music. Some good questions, so not so much. I learned Emma loves lazy morning sex, but not lazy evening sex. She learned I like it when she takes my hand because that's her wanting the contact. Everyone had to answer how many times they had sex in the last week. That wasn't fair. Not because I'm embarrassed by the number, but because it’s a lot to remember. I said, "Seven?"  Emma pointed up. "Eight?" She nodded.

Angie and Alissa exchanged a look, "No wonder her parts we still tingling the day after he left."

Will got a dare to explain in detail his last sexual experience, pick someone else to share, and then everyone had to vote. Wonder who he was going to pick? I prepared myself. Will and Alissa had a perfectly acceptable Thursday night with three position changes. She orgasmed during position two, switching to three to finish him. He told a good story that made his wife blush. He finished and looked at me. What did I say? I knew he’d picked me. Only he didn’t. He pointed to Emma.

Emma threaded her fingers together, turned her hands out, and cracked her knuckles.

What followed was a rather detailed accounting of our shower this morning. The physical part anyway. With just the physical description I realized just how much we talk during sex. I was filling that part in as she wove the story. Specifically, her asking if she should finish me and how her question nearly did. She didn’t share that part and her eyes darting to mine gave me a thrill.

As soon as she stopped talking everyone pointed at her, including Will. He nodded in my direction, “He alludes to a four-letter word starting with “W” and you’re blushing, but not one hint of pink from the erotic shower story?”

She took a sip of her drink, “I don’t like to lose.”

Angie raised her hand, “How did you not fall over? Showers are so slippery.”

Emma stood up and put her foot on the futon, “Tiled bench on the wall and a cut out shelf to hold onto to.”

I saw her put her hand on Eli’s shoulder and covered my face with my hands, “Somebody make her sit down.” I shook my head, “So fucking thankful Angie isn’t in my lap anymore.”

I heard Kirk laugh, “I think she’ll do fine with phone sex, Seb.”

His words got my attention. I dropped my hands, “Oh shit!”

A perfectly innocent question, “What’s your favorite thing about your birthday?”, took a turn. Angie had answered buying her favorite cupcake and two new ones from a bakery close to her school. Emma answered how it was her guilt-free day to be pampered and do whatever she wanted. Will smirked, “Birthday sex.”

Heads nodded with agreement. I shook my head, “Birthday sex means anal.”

Everyone laughed and Will shoved me. Hard.

Alissa crossed her arms over her chest, “Do not even act like that’s the only day you get it.”

Eli snorted, “I never get birthday sex.”

“You’re not getting non-birthday sex tonight either.” Beside me, Angie crossed her arms over her chest too.

I half expected Emma to cross her arms in solidarity.  I was struck with a drunken laughing fit. Others joined in.

Eli was not one of them, “How’s your birthday, Seb?”

“My birthday is in August.” See how I dodged the question.

Kirk started laughing so hard I thought he might piss himself. “Eli never gets birthday sex. Will has bonus birthday sex. I have lots of birthday sex.” He looked at me and pouted, “And poor Seb doesn’t know what he gets for his birthday.” He let out a very loud snort, “Straight people and anal.”

Emma pulled, “Pick a stripper or lap dance song.” I was fascinated by the way her eyes shifted from up and left to up and right and the way she chewed on her lip as she thought. She was thinking hard.

Eli elbowed her, “It’s not that hard of a question, Emeliana.”

She flipped him off, “Don’t Let Go, En Vogue.”

I have no idea what anyone else said. I was too busy finding the song on Spotify and creating a playlist. Will elbowed me. I looked up to see everyone looking at me. “Oh, not doing either. Naked is fine. Naked and dancing . . . nope. Too many body issues for that.”

Eli looked at me strangely, “Damn, if you’ve got body issues the rest of us are fucked.”

Emma smacked the back of his head, “You damn well know that outside and inside don’t necessarily match.”

He rubbed the back of his head, “Sorry. Fuck, that hurt.”

My text alert went off. It was from Will, who was sitting next to me. “Keep her.”

The questions and stories went on. The “game” ended when Eli reached the Candy Castle after skipping a big chunk of the board going through some sort of wormhole involving dots on spaces. I think he made it up.

We all did a celebratory shot and Emma pulled Angie off the couch, dropping down next to me. Alissa squished in between Emma and Will, so when we put our arms around the women, we brushed hands. Us, being us, we held hands for a few minutes. Long enough for Angie to take a picture and text it to Emma and Alissa.

I don’t even know how long we sat talking and sharing laughter. It was a good night. The kind of night you want to remember and never want to end. I would have never imagined a guy who’d dressed me over ten years ago on a TV show would be part of a couple who bridged my world and the world of a woman I met in a grocery store. A woman I adored more every day.

Everyone seemed to decide the party was over at the same time. We shared an Uber with Will and Alissa back over the Williamsburg bridge, dropping us off first. Inside the elevator Emma attacked me. Damn woman lacks self-control. I was going to wait until we got into my apartment. Instead, I found myself trapped in the corner, a hand on the back of my neck and one on my crotch. Sloppy, sloppy kisses were a preview of what was sure to be equally sloppy sex. We zig-zagged down the hall, fell through the door, and started shedding clothes on the way to my bedroom. She pushed me onto the bed and we fought with my jeans, laughing the whole time. Finally, we figured out my shoes had to come off first. I slapped at the nightstand drawer a few times before finding the handle and managed to get the condom on. Emma had much better luck with her shorts. I’d already pulled the drawstring on our way, so I gave her a head start. She straddled my hips and sank down on me.

I groaned loudly, “You feel so fucking good.”

Emma’s fingers pressed into my stomach, “You too.”

I used my thumb on her clit while she rode me. At least, I think I did. I was in the general vicinity. Precision with fine motor skills is one of the first things that go for me. I tried. It felt good, but I wasn’t getting any closer to an orgasm. I held onto her hips and rolled us over. Luckily, it only took two or three strokes to realize I wasn’t inside her anymore. We laughed as I got us back on track. A lot of groping and messy kisses later I pulled out and rolled onto my back. I looked over at her, “This isn’t gonna happen for me.”

She convulsed with a laugh, “Me either.”

While we laughed, I took her hand and held it against my stomach. “I don’t think you’re a real couple until you’ve had a sex failure.”

“And I have no confetti to throw.”  That started us laughing again. “Hey, your dick’s not broken and nobody yelled their own name, well, any name.”

“It could be worse.” I let go of her hand, lifting my arm for her to cuddle up. “Let’s go to sleep and forget this ever happened.”

“Not a chance.” She kissed my chest.

I pulled my head back and glared at her, “I don’t like you anymore.”

Emma kissed me very softly, “Yes, you do.”

I smiled, “Yeah, I do.”

~*~*~

About seven I sprang up in bed finding it hard to breathe. Night terror. Emma was sleeping soundly and I didn’t want to wake her. I picked my underwear off the floor and went to the other room. I sat in my favorite chair, focusing on my breathing to pull myself out of this. The racing heart and hyperventilating had me feeling dizzy and with numb extremities. Middle of the night panic is the worst. If I’m awake I can usually catch it quickly and do what I need to manage. In the middle of the night, I’m a couple of steps behind. Takes a little longer to calm down. When I left the calm place I visualize and opened my eyes I was better. The panic had passed as it always does. It would take a little while for the adrenaline to metabolize. I padded quietly to the bathroom, not wanting her to wake up and see me like this, to brush my teeth and wipe away the sweat. Back to the kitchen, I grabbed the biggest bottle of water I had. My journal was in the office. I swung by for it before heading back to my chair. My rule for this is to just write. Thinking or trying to figure out what was going on never worked. I would look back later, but for right now it was just stream of consciousness.

I heard Emma in the bathroom about an hour later. Putting my journal on the coffee table, I turned in the chair to be able to see her. When I’d gone to the bathroom, I’d moved our discarded clothes to the bedroom. She must have found them because she was in my shirt. Talk about something to put an instant smile on my face. I reached out a hand for her, “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Emma took my hand, letting me lead her to sit on my lap. She pressed her lips to mine before laying her head on my shoulder. “I missed your warmth.”

Kissing her head, I hugged her closer and made an instant decision to tell her. “I’ve been up for a while. Had a night terror. Fucking hate waking up in that panic.” Now, as I say it aloud, I realize even more than the panic, I hate feeling weak and out of control.

Emma lifted her head, her green eyes meeting mine with soft concern. She ran her fingers from my temple, around my ear, down my neck, over my beard, and finally to rest on my chest. “What do you need to take care of you?”

I smiled and kissed her. Fuck. I should have woken her up because the last ten seconds had done more to calm me than everything I’d done in the last hour. “I’m ok. Meditated, water, journaling.” I pointed to my journal.

“Any luck identifying the trigger?”

I shook my head, “Na, just wrote. I see my therapist on Thursday. She’ll tell me.”

She laughed, “Will she? Mine won’t tell me anything.” She imitated a voice I didn’t know, “I’m here to help you find your answers, not give you mine.”

“Good point.” I kissed the bare slope of shoulder not covered by my shirt.

“It’s been years, but I remember the after felt like bugs crawling through my veins. And the shaking.”

I held out my hand, watching the slightest tremor, “Not so bad.” Her fingers laced with mine, steadying more than my hand.

“Why don’t you go for a run and burn it off?”

“Thought about it, but didn’t want you to wake up to a note and think something was wrong. Too much to write out.” The thought of her thinking this had anything to do with her was enough to get my heart racing again.

“If there’s a next time, I’ll know.”

I like that she didn’t automatically tell me she wouldn’t have wondered.

Before I could voice my thought, her hand was on my face and she kissed me, “Seriously, Bastien, go for a run.” She nodded toward the door.

“And leave you here?”

“I will be right here when you get back.”

There’s a comforting thought. “Ok.” A run sounded good. Usually, I’d head to the gym early and hit something cardio and I’d be back to normal before the rest of the guys got there. She stood up and took my spot when I went to put on some clothes. I pulled my running shoes out of the closet and sat on the couch to tie them. “I won’t be too long.”

“Take as long as you need. I’ll shower. Maybe switch around some of your drawers and cabinets.”

“Sounds good, enjoy yourself.  Still want me to show you around today?”

“Absolutely.” She put her hand over her stomach, “You’re going to have to feed me.”

“I can do that.” I kissed her and headed out the door.

I put in my earbuds, cranked up the music, and just ran.

[razorblade180]

Sunshower

[Menagerie]

It’s as busy as its ever been. The streets are bustling more than usual as vendors and civilians alike decorate the island with the symbol of the Belladonnas on flags. A celebration is gonna begin; one that will last indefinitely. If there’s one thing Menagerie is known for it is parties. This one is bound to be the biggest one since.....

Kali:Come on everyone, double time! Blake could come home any minute!

Ghira:Khali please don’t yell at anyone. They’re doing all of this of their own free will after all.

Kali:Well that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t put forth their best effort. *pouting* They need to have the same enthusiasm as Ilia.

As quickly as her name was uttered was as fast as she could be seen. Palm tree to palm tree she’s dashing at a speed that would make Ruby jealous. In her arms are wires of flags she’s precisely pinning with each tree jump.

Ilia:I’m running low on flags! Neptune, hook me up!!!

Neptune:*raises a box* A hundred flags right here!

Ilia*grabs it midair* Thank you!

Kali:Thank you for your help too a Neptune. It’s greatly appreciated.

Neptune:Pleasure is all mine. Not everyday a human gets to set foot in this place. I feel super... *looks around* fortunate.

Ghira:Young man I do hope you behave yourself. We’ve been informed of your.....reputation. It would be a shame if the faunus around here got worse opinions of humans.

Neptune:Yes sir. I wouldn’t be much of best friend if I ruined things around here; right Sun? *throws up a box*

Sun:Got that right! *catches box from a tree* thanks dude!

The young man might not have White Fang training but he’s a monkey faunus through and through. Jumping from the trees couldn’t be more natural; not one flag is out of place that he places.

Sun:*bouncing frantically* Woohoo! I should do this for a living!

Ilia:*keeping up* Geez can you be a little serious here? If any of your flags banners come undone I’m not fixing them.

Sun:Aw don’t be like that. I’d fix yours; then again it wouldn’t take as long.

Ilia:What’s that suppose mean?

Sun:Nothing, just that you’re moving incredibly slow.

Ilia:Slow!? Last time I checked you could barely keep up with me when we first met.

Sun:Pfft home field advantage. Now that I know this place I could lap you faster than you can change colors.

Ilia:That sounds like a challenge. First to pin a hundred more flags gets to greet Blake home first.

Sun:As long as the loser gets to stand there and watch.

Ilia:Oh you got yourself a deal!

Sun:Don’t be grumpy when she wants a kiss after a long year of saving the world!

Ilia:Like she would want to kiss you banana breath. Time to put your skills to the test.

Sun and Ilia:Neptune!!!!

Neptune:Yeah yeah...*tosses boxes up and watches them get whisked off* I swear those two.....

Ghira:My money is on Ilia.

Kali:Nah, Sun has this in the bag. If not then I’ll be less hard on the workers.

Ghira:Deal.....

Neptune:(These two aren’t much better. How did Blake end up calm with people like this her whole life?)

Both Faunus race at breakneck speed; not giving up an inch of progress. People who didn’t know any better would mistake the acrobatics for a routine instead of a romantic rivalry showdown.

Sun:45.....46.....47

Ilia:48......49......50

Neptune:*whistles* Look at them go. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sun move that fast.

Ilia:75....76.....77

Sun:78....79.....80

Ilia:You look tired! Maybe you should give up?

Sun:I’m fine, you’re the one who should be-

Ilia:*sticks leg out* Ooops.....

Sun:*trips* Ilia!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ilia:Ha! All is fair in love in war. 93....94....95.....huh?

Three clones dart pass her with the remaining flags he had left. Before she could process what was happening the flags were wrapped across the trees in her sight. The clones then landed at the base of the final tree where Sun was.standing smugly.

Kali:Woo! Alright everybody double time!

Workers:*groaning*

Sun:Boom, a hundred done. Oooo want me to take two from you? I see you still have some left.

Ilia:Your semblance is annoying....

Sun:So is getting tripped, but all is fair in love and war right? *sticks tongue out*

Ilia:*rolls eyes* I may have deserved that.

Neptune:*throws his arms around them* Good job you two. Everything is basically done now and not a moment too soon. *points to the sea*

A giant ship is approaching with an all too familiar captain on board.

Khali:I bet you I know who’s on board.

Sun:To the docks! *runs off*

Ilia:Don’t run! There’s people everywhere. *chases after him*

Neptune:She says as she runs after him. *starts walking*

Ilia:Do you ever slow down.

Sun:Of course I do. Today I’m just extra pumped, don’t act you’re not.

Ilia:I’m not as excited as you are.

Sun:So what are your freckles pink?

Ilia:What!? *checks her arms* how long have I been like this!?

Sun:The whole time. You should really keep an eye on that.

Ilia:*changes back* Noted, you should also pay attention to where you’re going instead of looking at me.

Sun:I told you I know this place like the back of my- *pulled back by his tail* Hey that hur-

Ilia:You rather take a dip in the ocean?

Sun:*realizes he’s on the dock edge* Oh.....we’re here. That was fast.

Neptune:*few feet away* That’s what happens when you sprint!

Ilia:Oh you showed up too....

Neptune:Aw don’t be like that. I thought we were getting along. *smiles*

Ilia:Half the time. The other is still trying to tolerate you.

Neptune:What side would that be?

Ilia:*rainbow colored* Did you even have to ask?

Neptune:Fair point.

Sun:Both of you hush! She’s coming.

Ilia:You’ve gone this long without seeing her. A few more minutes won’t kill you.

Sun:You’re just saying that because you lost the challenge.

Ilia:*squints* whatever...like she’s actually gonna kiss you.

Sun:A guy can dream can’t he? Blake and I have something special and I’m sure she’s been- *Neptune turns his head to the boat*

The boat had gotten significantly closer during their brief chat. Blake was seen clear as day now waving at them from the ship, but she wasn’t alone. Bye her side was Yang, just Yang. No other members of the team in sight which could be easily dismissed as they’re on the other side. What couldn’t be dismissed however the two of them holding hands, fingers interlocked. They looked really happy as they waved. Sun didn’t realize that he zoned out and Ilia’s skin started turning gray.

Neptune:Guys?

...........

Neptune:Guys look alive.

Ilia:*color coming back* Huh? Oh...right. Sun are you oka-?

Sun:*makes a clone to toss him to the boat* Can I get a hand here kitty cat!?

Blake:*lassos his arm and pulls him up* Hey Sun! *hugs him*

Sun:Long time no see you two.

Yang:Well that’s what happens when you go off to save the world.

Sun:How’d that go for you?

Yang:There was challenges but we had each other so everything worked out. *snakes hand around Blake’s waist*

Sun:Heh, glad to hear it. *smiles*

Neptune:Poor guy....

Ilia:He seems to be taking it well.

Neptune:You’ve hung out for him how long now and you honestly believe that?

Ilia:*watching closely*......

His tail isn’t moving, but not in an idle way. It’s stiff like he’s tensing it. As she keeps watching he’s purposely not looking at Yang for long and keeps smiling. Not his normal goofy smile, it almost looks like his cheek bones look like they’re giving it all they got. It’s almost sad, frustrating in a way. Is that what he’s feeling?

Ilia:He’s not taking this well at all.

Neptune:Not one bit.

*boat docks*

Blake:Hey you two! *Jumps down and hugs them*

Ilia:Wow, when did you become a hugger?

Blake:How else am I supposed to show how much I mess you?

Ilia:(I could think of a few) Cash... I could always use that.

Yang:*chuckles* She reminds me of Ruby.

Ilia:*holds out hand* Hi I don’t think we’ve ever actually met. I’m Ilia, Blake’s friend.

Yang:*shakes her hand* I’m Yang, her girlfriend.

Ilia:Is that right? Well you got a good one, Blake is great. *smiles*

Yang:Don’t I know it?

Neptune:Where’s Weiss and the others?

Yang:Sorry lover boy. Everyone else finally went home. I’m only here because Blake wanted me to meet her parents. Hopefully I make a purrfect first impression.

Ilia:Please tell me she’s not actually going to say that in front of them?

Blake:*nervous* I really hope she doesn’t.

Neptune:Well they’re bar your home so need for an escort.

Blake:Cool, we can all walk and catch up.

Sun:Actually I still have a lot more preparations to take care of. This is where I tap out for now.

Blake:*frowns* Really things look done?

Sun:Nah it’s not even close hehe. Catch up with you later. *walks off*

Ilia:....

Blake:Sigh, I thought this would end up a bit weird. Maybe I should-

Neptune:Trust me he’s fine. Your mother literally gave him a list for three people because of his semblance. As a matter of fact, maybe you should help out Ilia.

Ilia:Huh?

Neptune:Yeah, you lost the race you two had. Wasn’t the promise to help with his work?

Ilia:Ummm it was. I...I was just hoping I’d weasel my way out of it.

Neptune:Dang, you stab him and you won’t even help with his work load.

Ilia:You weren’t even there for-hey! *getting guided away.

Neptune:*whispers* Aren’t you spy? Can’t you read what I’m trying to spell out? Go check in him.

Ilia:Why don’t do it? He’s your friend?

Neptune:Sun rarely gets mushy around me. Besides do you really want to spend time around Blake and Yang? It looked like any minute you were gonna change into every shade of red. I’m giving you an out.

Ilia:......fine. But don’t get used to me doing this. *walking off*

Neptune:Thank you, you’re beautiful!

Ilia:So is every girl you look at.....Thank you though.

Neptune:*Turns around* Alright you two, I want every detail about your adventure. Blake, I know you didn’t cut your hair for nothing; what happened? *chuckles*

Ilia:(He’s really good swaying people...)

She started walking in the opposite direction; thinking and following her target’s footprints. Neptune was right, she didn’t want to go with them at the moment. There was too much to process right now and it was starting to show as her skin did get a little red as if she was getting sunburnt. She felt burned alright but the heat had nothing to do with it. Sandy foot prints faded as they led through the market streets.

Ilia:Not gonna make this easy for me huh? Actually I’m glad, I need a good distraction right now. *climbs a tree* All right Sun, where the hell am I gonna find you?

[kamino-ink]

Behind The Mask | Lee Felix

✧ Genre: Spiderman!au, fluff, angst

✧ Summary: You’ve started to notice how your friend has begun to show up to class absolutely exhausted, always falling asleep - he claims it’s just his schoolwork and his internship, but what you don’t know is that his so-called “internship” is actually his duty to serve the people of Queens as Spiderman.

✧ Word Count: 3.2k

✧ Check out my masterlist!

                                         ✧

 “So, class, as you can clearly see on the board, there are about four key reasons why water is so vitally important to us, as human beings, and the planet itself-”

 “Do you think this is how he dirty talks to his husband in bed?” Jisung whispered to you across the lab table, leaning dangerously close to a stray beaker on the edge of the desk.

 “Dude, I didn't need that image in my mind. Thanks a lot.” You groan sarcastically to the amused boy, discretely reaching over to slide the beaker closer to the middle of the table so the clumsy kid would (hopefully) not somehow manage to break it.

 Jisung sticks his tongue out at you before turning his attention to a very dazed looking blonde beside you. “Come on, it was funny - right, Lix…? Felix? Hellooo?”

 You tilt your head slightly in curiosity as to why the boy next to you wasn’t answering his other friend, your gaze drifting over to his slumped over form. He was just barely holding his head up with his chin resting on the palms of his hands, though his legs drooped down to the floor, the bottoms of his shoes swaying above the ground. His black turtleneck was covered up by the plaid shirt draped over it’s material, though spots of the coal colored cloth was made visible by the odd tears in the overlapping shirt.

 Lately, you’ve begun to notice something... off, about your close friend. He was mostly quiet, unless he was with you or Jisung, choosing to crack stupid jokes around the two of you instead of trying to amuse a larger crowd. That hadn’t changed, really, but Felix was starting to make weird excuses to not hang out with either of you after school some days - this didn’t happen every single day, of course. Though, whenever you saw him again either at school or outside of it, the teenage boy would be covered in spots of dark bruises or little cuts protected from the outside air by bandages (usually Star Wars or Hello Kitty ones, curtesy of his aunt.)

 Needless to say, you were starting to wonder if maybe Felix had somehow managed to have a run in with a bad crowd - perhaps he had been influenced by them, hence the cuts and bruises.

 “Yo Felix, wake up,” you grunt, noticing how your teacher had paused for a split second in his lecture to send a heated glare to the dozing boy, “what’s up with you? This is the third time you’ve nearly fallen asleep in class just today. It’s not even eleven.”

The blonde slowly adjusted his position on the stool, now choosing to let out a whine as he let his tired body lead him to lean on your shoulder for support - mostly for his head. “s’ the Stark Internship, Y/N, I already told you guys like a miiiilion times.”

 “I am going to personally beat Tony fucking Stark up if he keeps making you work so hard. Does the man have his head so far up his ass that he can’t see how exhausted you are?”

 “Look, I swear he isn’t overworking me. I’ll be on a break soon, promise.”

 “Pinky promise?”

 He lets out a soft sigh, begrudgingly bringing up one of his hands from his lap to link his pinky finger with your own.

 “Pinky promise.”

 “Fuck me!” Felix screamed into his pillow, completely ignoring a smirking, amused Jisung sat at his own desk just a mere few feet away.

 “Eh, I think I’ll pass,” the cheeky teen snickers, dodging a pillow that the younger had thrown violently at him from his spot on the bottom bunk, “you kind of did this to yourself, Lix. You pinky promised Y/N that you wouldn’t let Stark overwork you-”

 “But it isn’t Mr. Stark telling me to do all these jobs, Jisung! I’m the one who keeps putting myself in these shitty situations.” The blonde shot back almost too quickly in his hero’s defense, throwing his legs over the edge of his bed so he could properly sit up and face his friend.

 An entire week had since passed the day in chemistry class where you had made Felix pinky promise to take a real break from his “internship.” What you obviously didn’t know was that Tony Stark had little to no time to direct Felix’s superhero antics each and every day or night; it was all him, for the most part. In fact, you weren’t even aware of Felix’s superhero alter ego - Spiderman. Only Jisung was aware of his otherwise secret identity, not including the amazing scientist himself. Sure, he sort of felt guilty about not telling you of his secret, especially since he knew you would support him through thick and thin, no matter what - the only thing that might change or, well, increase is your babying of him. You already worried enough about his consistent injures, why should he put that burden of knowledge on your head?

 But now, the injures had gotten worse - he had a run in with some ragtag gang of robbers at a convenience store a couple nights ago, and one of the bastards had managed to slash through his suit deep enough to leave a mark on his arm. The following day, he had neglected to wear longer sleeves, which meant that his bandaged wound was open for anyone to see - and boy had you seen it.

 “Felix, what the fuck happened to you?” The burning question had been on the tip of your tongue the entire day at school, only you had decided to wait to confront Felix about it until you both began to walk home.

 “I uh - nothing, I swear - I just got... mugged?” He lied to you through gritted teeth, the following laugh stained with awkwardness.

 “How the fuck were you mugged in broad daylight?”

 “Well, um it was actually like... around eleven, I guess?”

 “What - Lix, why in the world were you out so late? There is no way in hell May would’ve let you out at that time for no reason.” You whirled around on him now in the middle of the otherwise deserted sidewalk, crossing your arms over you chest impatiently.

 “S-Stark Internship? Yeah! I was supposed to get some field work done before the next morning and I forgot the other half of the day, s-so I had to finish it really late.”

 Needless to say, you had quickly snapped in a blind, chilling rage, badmouthing the multi-millionaire in front of his nervous intern, who first came to you as your best friend. You brought up the fact that Felix had promised to take a break from the exhausting internship, to which the already perplexed, panicked teenager had then snapped at you of all people, saying that this internship was basically his duty - his life. Since then, you had been silent towards the boy all week, refusing to speak to him out of pure agitation, worry, and hurt.

 “Listen, I know that this entire ‘I’m a superhero’ thing is really, really important to you. But you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture sometimes; clearly you’re working too much, and between school and your spidey-shit, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t collapsed yet.” The brunette admitted bluntly. “This isn’t healthy like, at all. I doubt Stark would appreciate you getting hurt so often just because you feel obligated to make him proud.”

 Before Felix could even get a word of retaliation out, he heard his phone’s ringtone faintly going off somewhere on his mess of a bed. He was about to just ignore whoever was calling at such an ungodly hour, but after a sharp glare from Jisung, he tossed a pillow and curled up blanket from the corner of his bed onto the floor to reach his still ringing phone.

 A picture you had taken of all three of you huddled together during Christmas last year displayed itself on the bright screen, showcasing your bright smiles and red cheeks from the cold day last year. The time read one-thirteen in the morning.

 Why were you calling so late?

 “Hello-”

 “L-Lix?” Your voice comes out as a stuttered whisper, immediately grabbing his rapt attention as he presses a button on his phone and puts you on speaker.

 “Y/N, why are you calling?” He notices Jisung shake his head from his seat, clearly wanting you to keep talking considering the dangerously low, nervous tone you were using.

 “I fell asleep on the train and m-missed my stop a while ago. I started walking home, b-but now these two people are following me. I - I think I’m close to the bank down the street, could you - could you come get me?”

 Felix shoots out of his spot on the comfy bed, tossing his phone onto the comforter while he darts over to his closet in a hurry. “Y-yeah, of course! Just don’t stop walking, okay? And stay on the phone-”

 “-Felix!”

 The line cuts off.

 Jisung throws himself up from his seat by the desk and grabs Felix’s phone from his bed, turning his back to the boy as he starts to slide his suit onto his body in a rush. “Felix, she won’t pick up the phone now!” He says quickly, continuing to spam your contact even when they run out of the apartment - not bothering to see if May was awake or not.

 “She said that she’s by the bank, right? I’ll swing over there and take care of the creeps, you call the police and meet me there.” The superhero tells the following boy his plan, already shooting out a splatter of webs onto the side of the building so he can swing into the air.

 He knew that you wouldn’t hang up on him, especially after calling him for help. It was likely that you had already called the authorities beforehand just in case, but he was too worried that they wouldn’t be able to get to you in time. Felix had already lost too many people that he loved in his life, he wasn’t about to risk losing you too.

 The city of Queens was relatively peaceful during the darkest hours of the night, with a good handful of its otherwise lively residents choosing to stay in the comfort of their homes rather than walking around at that vulnerable time slot. While everyone was more than aware of the superhero presence in their world and, specifically for them in the case of the web-slinging hero, city, the rising danger of criminal activity pushed them to refute from stepping outside when the villains might be lurking about in the shadows. This left the city of Queens to be oddly silent during those particular hours, which is why Felix would so easily hear your desperate screaming even before he had turned the next corner that led to the closed bank.

 “Let go of me, you assholes!” You shout at the perps, your voice coming out strangled in taut pain from how the manicured nails of the woman dig into the skin of your neck, her wrist pressing down harshly onto the front of it to regulate your pained breathing. Fighting back had proven useless, as each time you even tried to swing a leg at the powerful woman she would only further intrude onto your sensitive skin, drawing copious amounts of blood that dribbled down your neck and onto your exposed shoulder, the sleeve of your shirt having been ripped in the initial struggle.

 “No one is coming to save you, angel,” the man taunts you from a few feet away, cracking his neck, “not the cops or whoever you called. They won’t be able to piece your damn body back together - you see, my sister here has an acquired taste for blood, but mostly from pretty little girls like you.”

 “-Hey now, isn’t that cannibalism or something? Cause’ let me tell you, drinking human blood is not normal. Dude, that is so messed up.”

 In sync, all three of you twist your heads to look to wherever the sudden voice had come from in the dead of the night, the nails digging into your skin in the back of your mind the second someone else had suddenly appeared.

 Perched on top of a dimly lit lamppost was a figure you never would have thought you would be able to see in person - or in a sticky situation like the one you were currently tied into.

 It was him - Spiderman.

 The young superhero casually hopped off of the lamppost and onto the sidewalk, the pads of his covered feet soundless even then - it was no wonder that none of you had heard him approaching. “Alright creepy lady, if you could let my fr- erm, my little buddy go it would be greatly appreciated. Kinda makes my job easier.” He hums nonchalantly, his bug-eyes seeming to move with his suit as he analyzes the situation at hand.

 The redhead practically strangling you lets out a growl, sounding eerily similar to a wild dog, and easily releases her grip on your neck. Your back slumps against the brick wall as you take deep breaths, your throat sore from the strong pressure, stinging pain from her long nails ringing in your head.

 “A spider, huh?”

 “Everyone has a gimmick these days.” The brother retorts sourly, twisting his neck to make it ‘pop’ again while his sister steps up beside his shorter form. “Come on, Spiderboy, I would love to dissect your organs and the girl’s!”

 “I mean, you guys totally brought this onto yourselves.” He quips, not even hesitating to sling out four splotches of his webbing onto the creepy criminals, effectively ensnaring them into the sticky substance.

 But it could never be that easy, and Felix probably should've been expecting that much.

 While he had been making his way towards your shaking body still leaning against the wall for support, he had left his back turned to the two perps. Because of his keen focus on making sure you were still, you know, breathing, he hadn't noticed that the woman had tore through the web - not until he felt an all too familiar tingling sensation run up his arms, sending his hairs flying under the tightness of his suit.

 Before he could spin around and protect the both of you, she had snagged her nails - more like claws - underneath the hem of his mask, pulling it completely over his head and slinging it to the ground. The next few seconds were like a blur to you as Spiderman turned on his heels and threw the woman back onto the concrete with a sickening thud, splaying his web all over her from head-to-toe, including her entire skull so she couldn't catch a glimpse of his exposed face.

 But it was too late - you had already seen him.

 “F-Felix?”

 Said teenage boy whips his head around the second you utter his name in a shaky, bewildered tone. He sees the confusion, hurt, and complete awe in your glazed over eyes; you had seen him, you had figured it out without even needing to try.

 Lee Felix was Spiderman.

 “... so what you’re saying is I have even more reason to beat the ever living shit out of Tony Stark?”

 The blonde hisses a word of protest at your monotone grunt, accidently pressing down a bit too hard on the gauze he was using to wrap up your bloodied neck, which made you whimper softly in pain - almost immediately the boy bandaging you up paused in his movements, the tips of his cold fingers grazing your skin midair.

 “You’re fine, Lix. Keep going.” You uttered to the cautious boy quietly, watching his every hesitant move in the reflection painted on his bathroom mirror.

 When he had heard the sound of police sirens and the frantic shouting of Jisung approaching the bank a few minutes ago, Felix had panicked and grabbed his mask, slipping it over his head before he had scooped you up into his arms and swung back to his apartment. Luckily May had been in a deep sleep, so she wasn’t there to pester you two about your shared injuries.

 Jisung was on his way back, of course, since Felix had texted him a quick sentenced summary of what had happened.

 “Are you not - how are you not angry at me right now, Y/N?” Your best friend questioned you, guilt seeping into his soft, broken voice so much that it made your heart squeeze in your chest.

 “I’ll admit, I’m kind of ticked off that Han fucking Jisung knew before me, but I suppose I can forgive you for, you know... saving my life.” You laugh weakly, blinking slowly at the reflection of the boy, still clad in his blue and red suit, carefully finishing off the bandaging on your neck. While it most certainly was not the appropriate time for your pitiful heart to start racing in your chest at his close proximity and soft breaths fanning out onto your chilly skin, you couldn't help but fall into a short-lived daze when the boy grabs onto your thighs and turns you to face him.

 “I - I did want to tell you Y/N, I swear,” he mumbles, “Jisung found out on accident, and uh, obviously Mr. Stark knows because he gave me this suit n’ all. Don’t - don’t be pissed at him for encouraging me to do this, please? I was already sort of doing this stuff before he found me.”

 “But why, Lix?” You huff a bit selfishly, looking down at the floor of his tiny bathroom. “You could seriously get hurt doing this - we’re just kids, we’re supposed to be doing stupid shit like - like falling in love, going to the arcade with friends, and going to dumbass parties just for the free food.”

 “Because I’m the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, Y/N. I want to protect the people of Queens, and outside of it - I wasn't able to save my uncle, but... I have helped so many other people doing what I’m doing. I mean... I was able to save someone else I love, for once, tonight.” He whispers to you softly, lifting your chin with a single finger so you can meet his steady gaze.

 In all your time being friends with him, you don’t recall ever seeing Lee Felix looking so serious.

 “I was actually able to save you, Y/N - god I was so fucking worried when you called because y-you sounded so scared and I wasn’t there to prevent any of it from happening. I’m so thankful that I got to you before something terrible happened.”

 “I-”

 “Please don't interrupt, for once I’m actually talking about how I feel without chickening out like I usually do,” Felix laughs quietly, watching as your lips twitch into a small smile at his truthful words, leaving him to keep speaking, “I like you - love you, so much, Y/N. S-so, if you don’t mind, could I - could I possibly kiss you?”

 You nod with no hesitation, feeling your cheeks heat up when he gulps and starts to lean in, closer and closer until you lips are brushing against each other.

 “... so should I shut the door before May inevitably wakes up and potentially sees you two kissing? It might weird her out since Spiderman is kissing her nephew’s best friend.��

 “Jisung-”

 “I’ll take that as a yes.”

                                         ✧

[randombtsprincessa]

Aberrations || 3

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Yoongi x Reader

Chapter:  01  02

“Can’t you just go and check? I haven’t even had my coffee yet!” Taehyung said as I held on tightly to his forearm, unwilling to let him slip away from me when my sweet, amazing partner had already been snatched from me by the cruel Mr. Kim. Genius or not, the chance I was willing to give Min Yoongi was already gnawing in my mind. Maybe I should’ve told Namjoon that Yoongi had implied I try to seduce him. Maybe that would change his mind but I doubted it.

“Why do you need coffee to check a studio listing?” I mumbled. “I don’t want to see Suran so early in the morning. She asked me for my number yesterday. I mean, what for? We’ll see each other every day anyway.” He said. I blinked in surprise.

Tae was right. Why would Suran need his number? The project was dead lined to an entire month and Tae had never ever missed a class. Yoongi hadn’t asked and I hadn’t even thought about anything other than getting rid of him. Again, the words ‘truce for now’ cause a pang in my chest.

“I’m too scared.” Tae whispered.

“Relax, Tae bear you’ll be fine.” I said.

“Easy for you to say; you’re working with Min Yoongi.” He mumbled.

I stopped in my tracks. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

Was there something that Taehyung knew about Yoongi? Why would Taehyung - sweet, awkward, smart and hard working Taehyung - know anything about rude, abrasive, harsh and mean Min Yoongi? I didn’t even know he was in our class. Yet, Mr. Kim had called him a genius and Taehyung knew about him? What had I missed?

Taehyung frowned at me through his glasses. “Well, you know; he is Min Yoongi; he’s had all of his mixes labeled at number one by Kim. He always beats us by some tone or nuance that Kim likes more. He doesn’t even have a partner. The guy he was working with changed majors to dance and Yoongi said he was ok alone. He must really be good.” Taehyung actually sounded gruff for the first time ever. “Some of his work plays in Dark Wild. Haven’t you heard any of the playlists Namjoon posts on the college website?” he looked at me like I had one eye.

“No…” I trailed off.

I suddenly felt like an idiot. Min Yoongi had his songs played in Dark Wild and I didn’t even know it. Was that why he was so arrogant? He felt like he had made it big already so he looked down on others? I never knew Mr. Kim ranked our mixes instead of just grading them. I felt uninformed.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I hissed.

“Hey, ow, I thought you already knew!” Taehyung winced when my fingers dug in harshly into his arm. “I just thought you didn’t care about the first place.” he said.

I frowned at him.

“Tae, but you care, you should’ve told me, we could’ve done something to get first rank.” I said.

“That’s never going to happen with Min here, which is basically ever. Its second place for us, Y/N.” he said. I pouted as we resumed our walk towards the bulletin boards. “We’ll work harder.” I promised.

“Don’t worry about it. At least, you’ll have your name up on the first rank.” He said wistfully. “Or…I will sabotage him so you get your spot. I only care about the first rank if you get it, Tae.” I said.

He shushed me, looking around. “You can’t say that stuff around. If something happens, it will come on you.” He said, his eyes wide, making me laugh at his innocence. “Ok, I won’t, you dork.” I nudged him to keep moving and finally we made it to the boards where we pushed past – Taehyung got dragged – students to the front.

“Oh god, where are we?” Taehyung asked.

“I got Studio Genius. You got Hope World.” I paused and looked at him with a grin. He mouthed at the list before giving me his boxed grin too. “We’re next to each other!” he cheered before looking about with a hint of blush on his cheeks. I laughed, pulling him away from the crowd.

“This is amazing. We can visit each other when we want to.” I said.

“What if Yoongi doesn’t like it?” he asked.

“Then Yoongi can suck your cock,” I said.

“Y/N, I’m older than you! God, have some respect. If not for him then me, besides I’m not gay.” He swatted at me and I rolled my eyes before checking the time.

“Ok, time for class.” I sighed. “Thank god, I’ll go get my coffee.”

“Careful not to melt in front of the barista,” I teased. “Brat,” he grumbled but I caught his grin as we parted ways.

“Where were you? I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes for you!” Yerin said when I arrived, panting in front of our desk. “Sorry, had to check a listing with Tae,” I told her, sliding into my place next to her.

“Un huh….Well, make sure to tell him that we all are going to a party today.” She said, picking her pen up.

I groaned.

“Yerin, we went to a party just the day before yesterday! I can’t physically party today.” I moaned. “I’m not taking no for an answer, Y/N. I will hogtie you if I have to.” She said. “Well, you’re going to have to because I can’t. I…want to spend some time with Sehun. He’s being extra sweet these days. I want to get what I can out of that as long as it lasts.” I said. She slowly turned to me and raised my eyebrows, making me groan again.

“You’re so disgusting. I didn’t mean it like that.” I said.

She chuckled. “It wouldn’t be so bad if you did though, I have stayed over at your place when he came over. I think I know how sweet he really is or rather, how sweet you are.” She smirked, looking down into her notebook and I let out a wail of anguish. “Please tell me you didn’t!” I said. “Oh honey, Ara and Doona might be too nice to tell you to shut it but if I was your roommate I would’ve punched a hole through your walls. Or at least left you guys to finish it, as one of your best friends, it would be unethical of me to cock block you.” She said.

I put my head down on my arms, feeling boiling blood rear up like stallions in my face, unable to look up into her face again. Sehun and I weren’t that loud, were we? We always tried to be considerate of the others, which is why he rarely came over unless it was just to sleep. I would go over to his apartment more.

I felt her nudge my arm again.

“You can hide all you want right now. I want you hot and dolled up for the party, I am going to come over to make sure you look sexy.” She hissed into my exposed ear.

“Please Yerin, you’re torturing me,” I whined.

“That’s in the job description, babe. Plus, all you have to do is sit still and let me wield a brush on your face.” She said. “Too bad, we can’t all look naturally hot like you.” I hissed back, looking up slightly to glare at her.

She shrugged in a ‘what can you do?’ manner and I put my head back again.

“I am not coming.” I said decisively.

There was a pause.

“We’ll see about that.” She said back sounding equally as decisive.

I rushed out of the class, trying to vanish before Yerin could catch me. My hasty retreat was spoiled, however, when I saw Sehun leaning in front of the hall, making me feet naturally gravitate towards him in confusion.

“Hey,” he said, looking up from his phone, the frown marring his face lightening slightly but not turning into a smile. My eyes darted from his face to the phone. “Sehun, is everything ok?” I asked.

He shrugged, finally giving me a small smile. “Sure, everything’s fine. It’s just that gig I told you about. Yeah, I have to put in extra hours for practice.” He waved the phone nonchalantly in the air before shoving it in his pocket. “How was class?” he asked, holding out his hand to me. “It was fine. I have to actually,” began when I heard the dreaded call.

“Sehun; are you up for a party tonight?”

I groaned, burying my face in his jacket. “Please say no,” I begged.

“Why, what’s wrong with going out tonight?” he asked quietly as he watched Yerin’s approach.

“I…” I trailed off as she finally reached us.

“Well,” Yerin stared at him expectantly.

“Sure, I’m fine. God knows I need to get out more.” He shrugged, looking down to see my expression.

“Perfect, we have that sorted then. Y/N, I’ll be at your at 6 sharp. We’ll all meet there at 8? I mean, it’s Friday. We can afford to stay out late.” She pointedly pouted at me.

“Don’t ‘puppy eye’ me, Yerin.” I warned. She stuck out her tongue at me before throwing Sehun a grateful grin. “Thanks for dragging this lump.” She said before turning on her heel and walking away.

“She’s something else, I swear. Come on, its Kim’s class.” I said, pulling Sehun along. “I told you to say no.” I said.

“I think it’s a good idea, Y/N. I haven’t gotten out in ages. I haven’t taken you out in ages. We could make this a date. Besides, I can ask around if the guys from my dance class want to come. You should meet them.” He said.

“You…want to take me on a date?” I teased, slowly running my fingers up his arm.

He paused, clearing his throat before grabbing my hand from his arm. “Is that wrong?” he asked, his voice a little stiff. “No, I like it, Sehun.” I eyed the way he removed my hand from his skin but didn’t say anything as we reached the class doors.

“A date would pick me up.” I said.

“A date would but we’re going with friends. The date will start once you show up at the club. Maybe then your date will save you a dance and a drink.” He grinned and I blinked; my cheeks heating, at the prospect of having him buy me drinks, where I’d been prowling about for a guy to get me drinks not two days ago.

I was right. Sobriety was going to make me feel guilty some way or another.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked.

“Sure, I just…I just missed you, you know.” I whispered.

There was a pause in which I felt his eyes boring into mine.

I looked up to see his face too close to mine, a frown on it again, like he just couldn’t feel relaxed today. “I miss you too. I hope you know that. I’m trying, ok?” he whispered.

He was positioned near the door and over his shoulder; I could see the students, busy chatting while waiting for the class to actually start. I could see Tae sitting huddled in his seat as Suran busily wrote things beside him in a notebook, lyrics mostly. Two seats down, my eyes froze. Min Yoongi was already in the bench and he had left the seat I had said I was going to sit in.

Also, his eyes were fixed on me.

My mouth ran dry and my breath caught momentarily at the sudden eye contact. Why was he staring at me? I thought that he might find his phone more interesting than student watching. His eyes, dark even from a distance bored into me before, very subtly, he raised an eyebrow, his eyes darting to Sehun’s back for a split second.

I felt scared all of a sudden. He didn’t know Sehun, did he? He wouldn’t say a word to him. We had a truce on. He couldn’t even see Sehun’s face right now.

“Y/N, tell me what’s wrong?” Sehun asked suddenly, his hands coming up to cradle my face.

I looked at him in a panic. “Nothing, absolutely nothing, I’ll see you at Dark Wild.” I said, reaching up to press my lips to his in a desperate kiss which made him stumble back before I practically shoved him away from the class doors and hurried inside.

By the time I was sitting next to him, Yoongi was already deep in his phone, not even bothering with a ‘hi’. I could live with that. I could completely abide by his indifference as long he stayed far away from me. Truce or not, I just wasn’t willing to put my guard down around him.

I turned my seat to look at Tae but he didn’t look at me. His hood was up, his glasses high on his nose, his lips pulled into a pout, and he mostly likely had his earphones in so he wouldn’t be able to listen to anything Suran said.

Out of the corner of my eye, I turned to glance at Yoongi to see him biting his lip, his fingernails busy tapping on the phone screen, steadily. I looked at the phone to see and snorted, “Piano Tiles,” I said in surprised amusement.

Yoongi’s fingers paused and he turned to look at me, his blond hair shiny in the fluorescent lights. “Got a problem, sweetheart?” he asked coldly. I shrugged, looking away as Kim finally marched in, adjusting his tie and casting a look around the class. “Mingling with the new partners, I see. Good, good,” he said.

There was some uncomfortable shuffling around but no one really argued.

Of course, I couldn’t help myself from looking at him and I saw he was already giving me a cold smirk, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. His fingers were tapping out piano tiles again, too fast for me comprehend. I looked away again.

“Right, so now that we’re all here. Let’s get to it shall we? I want you all to know that the studios aren’t being given out to you like Halloween candy. They are still meant only for juniors and seniors but time has been allotted for sophomores this year so use it well. You will only be able to work in the studios while your class time is in session, if you have special permission or a junior or senior is willing to let you in. Which means that any other time, you feel like meandering in the studio and rebel around, it will not be tolerated.” He looked around the class sternly.

“The equipment in the studio is expensive. If you don’t know what you are doing, call for someone. I don’t want any student to be liable to pay for some fancy mechanical object you can’t even pronounce.” Again, a look was casted around to see he was understood.

“Also, I do not care if you have not been around for some time. The studio is not for your personal activities. I think we’re all adult enough to know that fiction cannot be actually lived out in real life.” He looked away a little and adjusted his tie again.

Was he getting red around the neck?

I heard a chuckle next to me and looked at Yoongi who was slumping again, his knee resting on the front bench, his eyes, derisive on Namjoon. He caught my look and his smirk intensified, “He’s speaking from personal experience.” He muttered.

I made a disgusted face but bit my lip, unable to help the grin. He had to be right. Namjoon was embarrassed as he finally looked up at the class.

“If you all understand what I’m trying to say, I hope you have checked which studio you got allotted. You know where they are. Go and start checking them out. I don’t want any of you wandering. Remember, this project counts for your final grade.” He warned.

I grabbed my bag first, narrowing my eyes at my partner who sighed, looking reluctant to stop his stupid game. He glanced at me for a second before standing up, his bag clutched in his hand and he followed me slowly.

I moved quicker to catch up with Tae and I was right. A wire ran down from his neck into his pocket and I tugged it out of his ear making him look at me.

“Sorry, didn’t you see me?” I asked, linking in our arms.

“Yeah, sorry, I haven’t put my head up for half an hour now. Where’s your esteemed partner?” he asked. I turned around to look to see if Yoongi was still behind but he had vanished. I sighed. I knew it. The delinquent had to vanish and leave me hanging.

“He left.” I said.

Tae frowned. “He can’t do that. Namjoon or someone might catch him and report him. Your project won’t even get to start.” He said. I shook my head. “Maybe then you’ll get your first place.” I said. He rolled his eyes as we reached Hope World studio. “This is me. I’ll try to visit, ok?” he asked. I nodded, moving next door, studying the plaque of Genius Lab inscribed on the fogged glass.

I punched in the code and pushed it open, looking around.

It wasn’t small, but it wasn’t all that big either. A small couch lay on one side of the door, keyboards, drum sets, a sound board lining the desk. Music sheets lay in a pile on the desk and it looked like it had been freshly cleaned. I brushed my hand on the mike set and guitars when I heard a thud in the quiet space, making me squeal in fright.

“Relax, it’s just me.”

Yoongi looked too big in the studio but he looked at home, as if he’d been here countless time. He moved the pile of music sheets away and studied them critically before putting them in a drawer and clearing out a table as he pulled a sound board on top of it. “You know how to operate anything here?” he shot at me.

“Yes, of course,” I said, miffed.

“Not the instruments, sweetheart, that’s semantics. I mean the real deal, the kits, the boards, the computer programs.” He leaned back on the desk, arms folded, head tilted back slightly as he stared at me, “Let me guess, no, you don’t.”

I didn’t say anything.

Truth was I never needed to do that. Taehyung had an entire space set up for music which he called V space. I didn’t even know why he called it that. He made everything we decided on there while I sorted out the files.

“Right, well, today’s going to be shot with you in here and I don’t have the time or inclination to teach you anything today. I’m going to need my energy tonight and making sure you follow is going to be enough of a drain. You can head off to visit Taehyung if you want. Or you can tag along with me and see if we can come up with some lyrics during lunch,” he picked up his bag again and walked out the door, leaving me to gape after him.

Did he just ask me eat lunch with him? Did I want to eat lunch with him? Of course, now that I knew he was a veritable genius I knew he could make the entire project by himself and then erase me out of it completely. I couldn’t let him do that.

Picking up my bag, I rushed after him after making sure the door locked.

I stared at him as he hunched over the table, his arms surrounding the paper on which he was scribbling as if it was his first born child.

Yoongi had led me straight to one of the more backward cafes, some place I had never been. He had placed his order and quickly grabbed a seat while I was left to order something and slowly deposit myself in front of him. It didn’t seem like he even noticed, he was already writing down on a pad, lyrics most likely. I had shifted, coughed, to get his attention but he was completely engrossed. After a few minutes I gave up, choosing to stare at this ‘genius’ in front of me.

People said that genius had to be borne of pain. Well, Min Yoongi didn’t seem much borne of pain. His clothes looked eccentric yes like he’d just thrown whatever suited his bad boy image but now when I was studying him it struck me his clothes were definitely high end and very obviously designer.

He was dressed in all black today, the black t-shirt stretching across his chest. With the padded jacket he’d left open and a black cap now nestled backwards on his still blond hair. They were all labeled Puma.

Our order came and the waiter left but he didn’t move, his fingers still scribbling against the paper. I coughed again and he looked up finally, throwing an annoyed look at me. “Will you stop sniffling? Go get yourself a cough drop.” He snapped before his head dropped back down.

“Yoongi, if you’re making lyrics I should be in on it,” I said.

“You will be; these are just ideas.” He muttered. “Well, show me,” I demanded. He gave me a look. “Show me yours.” He said. My mouth dropped and he rolled his eyes. “Ideas; show me your ideas, trust me sweetheart, I can do better than you.” He waited as I retracted my arm. “Don’t have any ideas, do you? Maybe, if you think more and stare less at me,” he trailed off, his attention back on his writings and I clenched my jaw.

I was being stupid. This wasn’t Taehyung, I couldn’t wait for him to come to me and I was definitely not going to go to him. I picked up my bag and took my drink. “Well, I will show you my ideas tomorrow and I am not staring at you.” I was out of my seat, on the way out when I heard him pipe up, “Whatever you say sweetheart.”

Lights flashed around me as I clutched on to my glass, my lips quirked up as I stared at Ara and Doona dance to touch my body, doing the silly cover move and giggling. Beside me Yerin was deep in conversation with Taehyung, who looked mildly alarmed as Yerin was animatedly moving her hands. He kept dodging out of the way to avoid getting hit by them. On my other side, Sehun had an arm slung over my shoulder, a beer bottle in his hand.

His face was red from dancing earlier and while I still had some form of energy left, his was gone as he said, he needed to drink to recharge. Now, he was chatting with Baekhyun and Sebastian, two guys who had tagged along with Tae. “I know, acting can take quite a toll.” Baekhyun was saying when I tuned into their conversation.

Like me, it seemed like Sebastian had been relegated to the background. He didn’t speak much but he did keep an eye on Tae, maybe because Baek had told him to.

I turned to Yerin when she sighed, putting her head down on my shoulder. “Go dance with the others.” I said.

“I can’t, I’m waiting for Jungkook to show up so I can introduce him. If he’s not here in 15 seconds…”

“What will you do?”

We both turned around to look at the person who spoke and Yerin’s face split into a mischievous grin. “Maybe you’ll find out when you are actually late.” She giggled. The boy grinned back, wrapping a muscular arm around my best friend and pulling her in for a chaste kiss. “Maybe later then,” he mumbled. I glanced over to the girls and beckoned them over as Yerin and Jungkook pulled apart.

“Right, are we all here?” Yerin asked.

“There are still the guys from my dance class.” Sehun muttered. “Oh, well, we’ll get to them later. Jungkook, this is Ara, Doona, Taehyung and Y/N, my best friends. This is Sehun, Y/N’s boyfriend. That’s Baekhyun and Sebastian, Tae’s friends. Guys, this is Jeon Jungkook, the guy for however long he can put up with me.” Yerin said.

“Wow, I love your self esteem.” Jungkook muttered before nodding at us. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Word of advice; you better put up with Yerin. She acts like a badass but if you hurt her we will cut you.” Ara said as Doona and I nodded. “Ara, babe, I can do the threatening myself. You sound like my dad.” Yerin said glumly but Jungkook grinned, toasting Ara, “Noted, don’t worry,” he said.

“Anyways, I am recharged enough.” I said, pulling away from Sehun and grinning at the girls. “How about the four of us leave the guys to gawk at us?” I muttered slyly and with cheerful shouts, we all turned to the dance floor while pulling Tae along with us.

“This is one of Yoongi’s pieces.” Tae shouted in my ear suddenly as I made him twirl by crouching under my arm. I froze at his name. “It is?” I asked and Tae nodded as Yerin gripped his other arm and pulled him away from me.

I stayed where I was, my steps decidedly slowed as I focused on the music, trying to work out the beats from the fast almost harsh sounding tune. It was just music with no words but I could almost see him in the deep basses. It reminded me of his gruff voice.

“Y/N, come on, I need another drink!” Doona said and we returned to our seats in the bar when Sehun came up to me. “Babe, Doona, these are the guys from my dance class.” He said. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder and pulled us to the counter where three guys were standing.

“Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Hoseok, our class leader and Jimin, the assistant choreographer. Oh and this is Yoongi, I think you know him, he’s in your music class.” Sehun said.

My steps had already faltered the second I recognized him, even if his back to me. I would recognize that particular shade of Blond anywhere. He turned slowly, his eyes piercing into me once before quickly darting to Sehun and his arm around me, his lips quirking ever so slightly.

“Hi,” my eyes moved to Hoseok who smiled widely at me, his hand stretching towards me. “I’m Hobi,” he said. “Hi Hobi,” I said smiling as Jimin stuck his hand too, a small cute smile on his face, his swollen eyes shutting into beautiful crescents. He was the type that just asked for his cheeks to be squished. I had an irrational urge to run my finger into his frumpy hair. “I’m Jimin. The cutest Mochi about,” he said and I giggled, shaking his hand too. “Hey, Park, keep the flirting to a minimum.” Sehun warned and laughter echoed in our small group. Hobi and Jimin shook hands with Doona before she slipped away to get a drink.

“Hi Yoongi,” I said finally, cautiously, when he made no move to say anything. His eyes were still on Sehun before he glanced at me, tilting his head in acknowledgement.

I looked up at Sehun to see him eyeing Yoongi almost uncomfortably.

“So, what are you guys working on now?” I asked quickly. “We could show you!” Jimin said quickly, looking at Hobi. “Hyung, the beat is perfect, Suga made this for our practice, remember? We could show her.” He said. Sehun rolled his eyes once as Hobi nodded, putting down his drink and nodding to me. “Tell me if you like it, it’s still a fledgling,” he said and Sehun dropped a kiss on my head before leaving with the two, staying on the fringe of the crowd so I could watch…and leaving me alone with Min Yoongi.

Doona must have called the others over because as soon as Hoseok, Jimin and Sehun’s overly complicated dance finished, there was another round of introduction.

Our separate group soon mingled into one as it turned around Jungkook and Sebastian were interested in dancing too and Baekhyun and Sehun started talking about their acting stuff which I just did not even try to follow. I spied Taehyung and Yoongi talking in one corner and quickly looked away.

“Is it me, or did the guys just ditch us?” Ara asked as Yerin downed her shot. “We’ll make them pay later,” She said. “Oh please, we all know you’re going to leave with Jungkook.” I said. “What’s got you in a twist? You’re leaving with your own hot man.” Yerin said. “To be honest, you all are lucky; Jungkook and Sehun have got to be the hottest guy in this damn club.”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t say that. Have you guys seen the boys from the dance class? Even the guy from Taehyung and Y/N’s class, he’s got to be the sexiest man I’ve seen tonight.” There was a pause in which Doona sighed. “If you’re taking Jimin home tonight, I’m going to have to ask to play music.” She said.

Ara raised her glass to Doona before smirking. “I thought you were going home with Taehyung and Baekhyun anyways,” she said slyly. Doona gasped, her cheeks reddening. “Ara, Tae’s our best friend!” she stuttered.

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” she giggled and put her glass down, walking off with Doona following as they both kept their bickering on.

I laughed, turning to Yerin. “I need some fresh hair, want to come with?” I asked. “I don’t think I can move from this oh do comfortable stool with the perfect view of my boyfriend’s hot back. Inhale some extra fresh hair for me.” she said, her eyes fixed over my shoulder. I rolled my eyes, picking up my purse and walking out to the small back balcony and shut the door, taking in a long deep pull of cold night air and giggling into the silence.

“I would ask what’s funny but knowing you, it would be something stupid and I don’t want my brain cells to die.”

My giggle died down into a choke and I whirled about to see Yoongi leaning back against the wall beside the door. His booted foot was up on the wall; his head tilted back, eyes not even looking at me. I had walked straight past him. It took me a minute to regain my composure when I registered what he had said.

“You don’t know anything about me, Yoongi.” I said, crossing my arms.

“You’d think so but you’re pretty much easy to read.” He said.

“Oh, and you are such a mystery, aren’t you, Suga?” I asked.

That got his attention. His eyes settled on me and they weren’t friendly. I sighed, dropping my arms. “Look, we have a truce, remember? I also…heard one of your pieces, it was nice.” I said. His eyebrow rose. “Thanks,” he said coldly before frowning at me.

“Why did you come to me for a drink when your boyfriend’s so nice?” he asked suddenly.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“That guy; the one whose arm you are walking on so proudly. I know him. He’s one of the promised stars from our college. If you’re dating him, why’d you want to get with another guy?” he asked. “I know for a fact that even if you are just using him, you aren’t dumb enough to jeopardize that.”

He probably didn’t want to sound harsh but he did. He sounded curious yes, but all I could see was the ass who had indirectly called me a slut.

“Look, like I said, you don’t know anything about me or about Sehun. I suggest you forget that night as a drunken mistake on my part. Of course, because complimenting someone’s hair is trying to get them to buy you a drink in your life, I am hoping you will just dismiss it as a useless waste of ten minutes of your oh so precious life and stop making me feel bad.” I said in one breath and he stared at me.

Without another word, I reached past him for the door handle and pulled the door open, walking back into the warmth of the club, slamming the door shut and stopped when I saw the person in front of me.

Yerin was staring at me coldly, her lips curled into a scowl, her arms folded. I knew this pose. She meant business. Behind her I could see Ara and Doona, watching me with surprise as I stared back at them like a deer in headlights.

“You,” Yerin said, her voice cool and controlled, “are coming with me.” She said, nodding at Ara and Doona.

“Yerin, I don’t know what you heard,” I began but she chuckled, pulling out her phone and typing out a text. “Oh, I heard enough. I think Jungkook and the guys can wait tonight, can’t they girls?” She asked and Ara and Doona nodded. Of course, they would.

“Spill,” She said.

“It was nothing! Min Yoongi is an ass who doesn’t deserve a single second of thought. Why would you be so on top of that?” I asked.

“Because you went to him to bait him and he’s being a mean bastard to you ever since, hasn’t he? I heard enough and I am not an idiot. I know two plus two is four, Y/N.” Yerin hissed.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Ara asked.

“It wasn’t important.” I said.

“Meeting the guy who you baited then got burned by isn’t important?” Doona asked.

“Girls please,” I began to be cut off again by Yerin.

“This is my fault.” She said. “I was the one who pushed that idea onto you.”

“What, no it’s not! Yerin, I didn’t try and bait him. I thought his hair looked cool and went to tell him because I was drunk. He made this whole scenario up and he’s been hanging that over my head ever since.” I finally said.

“He’s blackmailing you? Oh he’s dead.” Yerin growled.

“Yerin, relax. We…have been partnered for a project. We called a truce. Hopefully after the project’s done, we’ll never see each other again.” I said.

“But,”

“Are you sure?” Ara asked, putting a hand on Yerin’s shoulder.

I nodded, still feeling a little unsure. Yoongi hadn’t agreed to the truce verbally. I had no idea if he had even taken the truce up for consideration, much less hold up his part of it but I couldn’t let the girls be upset because of my own stupidity.

“Ok, let’s just go home, Yerin you too. It’s ice cream and chick-flick night.” Doona said.

[a-big-apple]

TAZ fic: What, What, What

Taako is mildly fucked up, but perseveres; Lup wonders if her brother might actually be part gerblin. Just another fancy dinner at Taako's Amazing School of Magic!

Apparently when I’m sad I cook all day, write fic about Taako and Lup all evening, and post it when it’s too late at night for anyone to see it? But I’m less sad, so...it worked!

Read on AO3

This comes after my Adventure Bang fic from last year, but you don’t have to have read that—just know that Taako has a cool house on school grounds, and Lup lives there too.

***

Lup doesn’t often bother coming home through the front door; her scythe makes doors basically irrelevant, and after almost a year in the Raven Queen’s service she still hasn’t tired of making a dramatic entrance with a badass plane-slicing blade. But sometimes when the weather’s nice, after a long hunt or a lot of paperwork, she’ll take a minute to come up the walk through the wild garden and let the enchanted birds carved over the doorframe sing out a full chorus of The Thong Song before she goes inside.

Today she stands in the sticky early September heat and listens through twice before she’s ready; breaking up blood sacrifice cults bums her out every time. If she does a little twerk for the second chorus, well, Merle never has to know she took his advice.

There’s an unusual bustle of school staff inside, cleaning, polishing, changing over the big event space to a fancy dining room with bursts of magic. Predictably, Ren is standing perched on a chair supervising these efforts; when she spots Lup, she gives her a frazzled smile and a wave.

“Can you make sure Taako’s on schedule?” she calls across the dining room. “He was in a weird mood this morning. Oh, no, Sam, let’s do maroon on the napkins? Fall colors. And velvet for the seat cushions.”

Lup doesn’t know specifically what’s going on, but she can guess; the school year’s about to start, this must be some kind of opening dinner. “I’ll check on him. What time’s he supposed to be ready?”

Ren crosses something off the list on her clipboard before looking back to Lup. “Six sharp. Thanks!”

Lup shoots her two finger guns and continues on to the door into the private wing, only to find it locked. It’s not a problem to Knock it open, but it is unusual, and as soon as she steps through she can smell food cooking and maybe something burning. Biscuit, who generally takes it upon herself to keep tabs on all entrants, darts through a wall to greet her.

“Hey, spooky girl,” Lup coos, bending to rub the underside of the cat’s mandible. “Who’s my favorite ghost cat? Hmm? Did you miss me?” Biscuit’s ribs rumble with a purr, and Lup grins. “Guess so. Let’s go see what’s cookin’, huh?” The cat follows her down the hall, twining around and phasing through her legs.

The kitchen looks like a five-star restaurant exploded; there are platters and tureens and baskets of food on every counter, and the kitchen island, and the dining table, and the seat of every chair; the sink is piled comically high with dirty dishes. In the middle of it all stands her brother, wearing nothing but a pair of Barry’s boxers and eating what looks like over-roasted brussel sprouts straight from the baking tray with his fingers. There’s a smear of herbed cooking oil in the shape of a handprint on his stomach, and a streak of some kind of sauce on his elbow. She’s getting a sense for what Ren meant by “a weird mood.”

“Yo,” he says, stuffing a fingerful of blackened leaves into his mouth. “How’d the cult thing go?”

“Fine,” she says, still staring around at the chaos; something crunches underfoot as she comes around the kitchen island. Some wayward Fantasy Corn Chex, if she had to guess, which hopefully means Taako ate something other than burnt reject vegetables at some point today. “You know. Blasted ‘em straight to the Stockade. You, ah...you have a thing tonight, huh?”

Taako holds out the baking tray. “The scholarship thing. I told you about it last week.”

Lup plucks up the last few sprouts and pops them in her mouth. Even burnt, they’re delicious, perfectly seasoned and sprinkled with No-Sodium Salt. “Scholarship thing?”

“I did tell you...didn’t I?” He blinks at her, something shifting in his expression; Lup takes the tray and balances it on top of the dish pile, then takes his greasy hands.

“Hey. It doesn’t matter. Tell me now?” she says, rubbing his knuckles with her thumbs. He lets her, mouth working. “You okay?” she asks, when he doesn’t speak.

“Yeah.” He squeezes her hands, and his expression clears a little. Then he grimaces and lets one hand go to grab a kitchen towel. “Yeah. I started a scholarship, this year. Forty free rides. They’re all comin’ for dinner. You too, if you want. I mean, whoever’s home.”

“Absolutely,” she says, grinning as he tries to wipe his hands and hers without actually letting go of her at all. “You’re disgusting, you need a shower. I think you have icing in your hair, did you make a cake?”

“Three cakes, they’re in the icebox. Also, shut up, I’ve been cooking for eleven hours.”

Lup kisses his cheek and shoves him out of the kitchen. “It shows. I’ll clean up in here, go get ready before Ren comes looking for you.”

***

Eventually Ren does come looking, bringing a line of staff to retrieve the food. When Lup heads upstairs at ten to six, she finds Taako in their shared dressing room, sitting at the vanity fussing with his hair. He’s tried to do a fishtail, but it’s crooked; when he sees her come in, he sighs and lets his arms flop into his lap. “Can you fix this? I fucked it up.”

At least he’s dressed, in high-waisted black trousers and knee high boots, and the shirt Magnus gave him for his birthday with the delicate embroidery on the frilled cuffs. He picks at them as she brushes his hair out. “So tell me more about this scholarship,” she says, watching her fingers as she starts to braid instead of giving in to the urge to examine his every expression in the mirror.

“What’s there to tell?” he says, letting go of his cuffs to poke through his jewelry box instead. “I picked forty kids from the applications who don’t have money, or don’t have homes, or don’t have families or whatever, gave them tuition and room and board.” He picks out an ostentatious ring with a big blue stone, clearly costume, maybe magical, and slips it on his pointer finger. “I’m calling it the Study it Up! Scholarship. Ren tried to get me to change the name, but it’s my money and my school, so.”

“Forty kids, huh?” Lup says, quiet, and Taako shakes his head.

“Lup, c’mon, I don’t wanna—”

“No, no, I wasn’t trying to—I just. You’re doing a good thing.” She holds the end of his braid in one hand, squeezing his shoulder with the other.

Taako smiles, finally, leaning his head against her arm. “Yeah, no shit.” He hands her a hair band, with an obnoxiously large purple silk flower on it. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, babe.”

He runs a hand over the fishtail as she ties it off; satisfied, he whirls out of the chair and throws on his academic robes, plucks a matching hat from the hat shelf, takes the Umbrastaff she made him from its hook. It turns deep blue as he touches it, to match his robes, and he holds out his arms. “Good?”

He looks smart; professorial. He looks like the kind of Somebody they always wanted to be. Then he points his staff at the record player in the corner, and The Thong Song comes blasting out of it. Taako points at her and laughs, and breaks into his Thong Song Dance, as only he can.

“You dumbass,” she shouts over the music, laughing, and joins him.

[findmevagabond]

7/25/2021. 11:33.

Well, looks like it’s been a while. That happens with me. I get on a decent roll and then all of a sudden i just stop writing. This time it was mostly based on the fact that I haven’t been to Starbucks in a while, and that’s where I did every entry before this one. Right now I’m laying in bed, in quarantine because I was exposed to COVID... which... I’ll explain in a minute. 

Right now, let’s catch up. 

Nothing really eventful happened from the seventh to the fourteenth. On July 15, the boyfriend and I drove to the east bay to visit his family for a few days, and to attend a wedding ceremony. His aunt had just gotten married, and she was so beautiful. Tall, Filipino, short red hair. She was wearing this beautiful long sleeved sparkling white dress with a deep V-neck. It was like watching a movie when she walked in.

Her husband wasn’t much to look at, no offense. Old, white, wearing a black suit. Well, they’re both “old,” but you know how women usually age well. 

It was the third time I’ve seen this side of his family, and it was actually really fun. His mother (step-mom) made me a bracelet, because during quarantine she started her own very small business. It was turquoise with an evil eye pendant in the middle. I lost it immediately when we got home. 

She also made me a fidget ring, which has come in really handy for me lately. She made it because I commented on how long her nails were and asked if they were real. She said yes, and I followed up with stating how I could never grow mine out because when I’m nervous I peel them. 

Now that I have the ring I haven’t been doing it as often, and I’ve started using a nail growth serum. I’m hoping they’ll get long enough to where I’ll feel like my hands are pretty. 

Most of the time there, I spent throwing darts at their dart board and reading my book (The Thursday Murder Club), which I have yet to finish because I also tend to neglect reading. I also believe I might have some overdue library books that I need to return once I know I’m not sick. 

The last night we were there, the boyfriend and his brother decided to smoke a fourteen pound brisket outside, which took about sixteen hours. They started right after we got home from the ceremony around nine o’clock on July 17. I tried to stay up with them, but made it until Jack-in-the-Box got there at two in the morning. I ate my food and then went inside to watch Howl’s Moving Castle while they stayed outside. Got about fifteen minutes in before I was out. 

The next morning (afternoon, really), we ate the brisket with rice and it was actually really good. After that, the boyfriend and I went to the mall where we found a photo booth (I LOVE photo booths) and we took some pictures :)

All in all, I had a really good time. 

We left that day, on the eighteenth and got home around seven. We went from his family’s house to my mom’s house, because her and her boyfriend had left to go visit Washington for the week and invited us to house sit. We were there from the 18-23. Except for Tuesday, the twentieth, where we went to his house to spend the night because the next day we were going to go to a water park for his sister’s birthday. Unfortunately she got her period and we had to cancel, so the boyfriend and i went to the pool instead. We got back to our house that wednesday afternoon, where we hung out and then hung out with another friend of ours... 

All three of us were smoking and drinking and sharing shot glasses. After the friend left, the boyfriend and I proceeded to binge watch Rick and Morty. The next day we played Crash Bandicoot, and then Friday we packed up and went home. 

I did work the entire week, aside from Wednesday (the sister’s birthday) and Thursday. Worked on Friday while the boyfriend went surfing with his other friend. 

Then, yesterday, the boyfriend called me at work. He told me that the friend we hung out with Wednesday night tested positive. Him and I were both sent home from our respective jobs. We don’t live together so we couldn’t quarantine together. His mom has him locked up in his room with a case of water and is bringing him food when he needs it. He shares his room with his brother, but she forbade his brother from going in there. I’m assuming he’s sleeping in the living room when he’s home, which isn’t very often anyway. 

As for me, I’m self quarantining in my room until I know I’m not risking anyone. Unfortunately I don’t have much food, but I’ll try to make my popcorn, fruit by the foot, and chewy bars last me a few more days.  Today I woke up lightheaded, which I’m praying is unrelated to the virus and is instead due to the fact that I haven’t been drinking an adequate amount of water. Also, it’s summer and it was pretty warm last night until midnight when it started to cool down. 

Today is going to be in the eighties but I’ll be inside all day with the windows shut and the curtains drawn so let’s hope it doesn’t affect me. 

I feel bad, though. I work in a small chocolate shop, and there’s only four people (including me) that work there. Now that I’m gone they’re down to three, and only two of them know how to open and close. The third one even has another job. We just hired a new guy yesterday, but now when are they going to find the time to train him? It’s basically every man for themselves right now. 

They expect I’ll be back by the end of the week but if I feel any worse tomorrow I’m going to have to inform them.

Were you alive when COVID started, vagabond?

[educationtech]

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Study at top Engineering College

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Maybe the stress is not the first thing that pops into your mind when you think about Electrical Engineering, but if you start working with electrical systems you will deal with so much anxiety. An occasional setback of electrical charge hits you when you are not paying attention and accidentally touch the leads of charged capacitors. Also, it happens when an individual connects 2 wires that they should not or an electrical component more or less explodes in front of their eyes because they connected it to the testing board in the wrong way.

Plenty of affordable degrees to choose from

MTech electrical engineering is the most popular degree in the world, and most of the colleges have steep tuition fees. However, every electrical engineering courses are not expensive. An individual just has to know where to look and find the perfect location in terms of price and quality. More affordable does not mean that they get an inferior learning experience, but they can find low-tuition Electrical Engineering Master’s degrees in different countries. Also, you can stop worrying about learning a foreign language.

Develop great DIY techniques

DIY or “Do It Yourself” is one of the more exciting reasons to get into the Electrical Engineering course. When you know how power generation, how to transmit energy, control panels, and electrical systems work, what usually malfunctions and what are the basic rules of Electrical and Computer Engineering, students of top mtech colleges in Jaipur can make their own systems and devices, instead of searching and buying them.

It is not just everyday fixes, like changing a light bulb or a faulty fuse. They need to able to cope with more complex problems within their household and those of your friends and family.

Join awesome elite

You might have heard of some random folks like Alexander Graham Bell, Michael Faraday, Heinrich Rudolf Hertz, etc. All of them were EE fields and left a huge legacy behind in their field.

Also, there are some famous people who changed careers mid-life, but the influence of Electrical Engineering industries remained and kept them at a steady and upward climb. Also, some of the famous personalities like Steve Jobs, Mr. Bean were helped by the intuition and problem-solving skills. They develop electrical engineers and managed to occupy a high position in the field they transitioned into.

Innovative and attractive fields due to the introduction of new gadgets

Electrical and electronic components are invented, modified, and reinvented every day. That is why you will never be bored. New and exciting stuff is available all the time and an individual will have lots of fun testing and assembling it.

Thanks for Read our blog, you can check out full blog on official Page Arya College, Arya College is one of the Best Engineering College In Jaipur Rajasthan. In This College Many Branches for Engineering you can make great future with us. Arya College Provides Computer Engineering, Electrical Engineering & Electronics Engineering’s Branch for our Engineering students with top companies placements in campus.

[guilelessmonk]

Different Kinds of Difficulty: Continuous and Aspirational

With Cuphead reigniting discussions about difficult games it is worth spending some time examining all the ways in which a game can be difficult. Cuphead is difficult and Chess is difficult but they are difficult in such radically different ways that it seems odd to just apply the same "difficult" label to both. But instead of talking about how different games are difficult, I want to talk about the different ways the same game can be difficult. I want to talk about the difference between continuous and aspirational difficulty.

This is an image of Cuphead and not Chess because only one of them is bringing in that sweet sweet SEO right now.

Defining our Terms

Broadly, aspirational difficulty is how well you have to be able to play to win, and continuous difficulty is how well you have to play to not lose. These are similar to the concepts of skill ceiling and skill floor but are different in some important ways. 

Skill ceiling is the cap on how good at a game you can be. For example, Tic Tac Toe is a game with a low skill ceiling as it is very easy to be as good at that game as it is possible to be. Aspirational difficulty isn't how good at a game you can be but rather how good at a game you have to be, even if only for a moment, to be able to win or accomplish a goal in the game.

I've never been good at darts but sometimes I'll try throw darts at the bullseye to see if I can hit it. There are no points, I'm not playing against anyone, and there isn't a limit on how many tries I get (outside of my own patience). I just throw dart after dart at the board and try to hit the bullseye. If this counts as a game is another discussion entirely but it is a good example of a pure kind of aspirational difficulty. I'm just trying to do something that is hard to do and I win when I've done that hard thing. It doesn't matter how bad at it I am the first 99 tries if I hit it on the 100th.

Compare that form of difficulty to getting the infamous "Art" ending to the Stanley Parable. To get this ending you have to spend 2 hours pushing a button and then spend another 2 hours going back and forth to press 2 different buttons. Pushing the buttons is easy, even when there are 2 of them and you have to go back and forth to press the buttons. This is, on a mechanical level, very very easy to do.

Save the virtual cardboard baby from the fire!

But despite how easy this is very few people are willing to put in the work to get this ending because you have to spend 4 hours pushing buttons and if you screw it up you have to start all over again. At no single point is this difficult, but doing it continuously for 4 straight hours is unbearably hard to do. This is continuous difficulty. It doesn't ask you to do anything amazing in the way aspirational difficulty does, rather it sets a limit on how bad you are allowed to be. Skill floor is about your mechanical ability to press the button, the continuous difficulty is that you have to press that button every few seconds for hours on end.

Both at once

Very few games only use one or the other, I had to pull some strange examples to show relatively pure forms of each. While games use both it is worth understanding them apart from each other so we can better talk about how they work together.

For example: in Cuphead there is a lot of continuous difficulty that comes from having to avoid enemy attacks. Being good at dodging attacks will never win you the fight, but you have to be at least okay at dodging attacks to give yourself enough time to damage the enemy. It is also worth nothing that the aspirational difficulty in this game isn't much higher then the lower bar set by the continuous difficulty. Enemies tend to be very large and easy to hit with your ranged attacks. That said there is a great deal of aspirational difficulty in using your parry to get additional super meter and this mechanic makes each fight a great deal more interesting as each parryable object is a chance for you to try and do some amazing stunts.

Players tend to experience continuous difficulty as stress as it is a constant unrelenting pressure. Stress has negative connotations but it isn't necessarily a bad thing in this context. A game that provides no or insufficient stressors sounds relaxing but it can just as easily be unbearably boring especially when that lower bar is the only form of difficulty the game provides.

Compare this to a game like Super Mario Odyssey which has a low amount of continuous difficulty. It is much less demanding and screw ups aren't a big deal. That said, you can pull of some amazing platforming if you push yourself to find creative solutions to the game’s various problems. The game not only allows you to pull of some amazing tricks but recognizes and rewards you for doing so by hiding caches of coins in places that you "shouldn't" be able to reach. I would describe Super Mario Odyssey as a game with low continuous difficulty but high aspirational difficulty if you really want to 100% it.

How are you making a game harder/easier

Now that we have a basic understanding of the difference between continuous and aspirational difficulty, and how most games comprise a mix of both, lets talk about difficulty levels. If we wanted to make an easier version of a game do we want to lower both continuous and aspirational difficulty or perhaps only one of them?

In a FPS game like Doom (2016) lower continuous difficulty might mean giving the player more health, making enemies less aggressive or giving them fewer attack patterns. Lowering aspirational difficulty might mean being more helpful with the auto-aim, enlarging hit-boxes (especially for head shots), or making enemies move slower/less-erratically. 

In many games continuous difficulty maps to defense (how many times you can get hit, how hard it is to avoid getting hit...) and aspirational difficulty maps to offense (how hard it is to hit enemies). This isn't always true, and many individual acts for both attack and defense contain combinations of both continuous and aspirational difficulty, but I felt this was worth noting.

Let’s examine the classic example of how to make a game harder: making enemies bullet sponges (giving enemies tons of health). In making enemies bullet sponges you aren't making them any harder to hit, you are simply making it so you have to hit them more. This is an increase in the continuous difficulty but not in the aspirational difficulty. You don't have to get better at shooting enemies to win here, you just have to do it for a longer period of time. If made without other shifts in aspirational difficulty this will change the feel of the game by putting a greater focus on doing the same things over and over again. A different solution here might be giving the enemy some kind of armor that the player has to aim around in order to deal damage. This would make it harder to kill enemies while preventing fights from becoming long slogs, though it would require additional art assets and visual/sound cues to convey to the player when they aren’t dealing damage which is a large trade off.

When changing a game’s difficulty level you generally want to preserve how the game feels which would mean lowering/raising both continuous and aspirational difficulty in roughly equal measures. Doing this well means that to a player that is generally less skilled the game will get the same feeling out of the game as a better player would get out of a harder version of the game. 

So?

There are many more kinds of difficulty. A game can challenge your reflexes, memory, perception, or any number of other things. The goal here isn't to say that there are only 2 kinds of difficulty, rather to try and understand two broad classifications of difficulty and how they interact.

We often just say a game is difficult (or like Dark Souls) but difficultly has too many complexities for it to be comfortably put under a single label. Understanding the different ways in which a game can be difficult, and that different forms of difficulty effect players in different ways, allows us to better understand how to create the specific kind of tension we want in players of all skill levels.

I'm sorry said you don't bring in the SEO chess, please give me your SEO.

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 48 - Mistakes, fetishists and tongue-out faces

In the previous chapter: Eddie's on the phone with Angie and gets turned on by her voice; Angie has a nightmare about Chris Cornell and has a weird reaction when he shows up at the girls' apartment in search for food, he also gives Angie a package that was put in his mailbox by mistake; Angie finds out Eddie climbed up the Space Needle to take the light bulbs and sent one to her with a letter; Angie scolds Eddie on the phone for what he did, but she can't be fully mad at him; Angie's thinking about cutting her long doll-like hair short and changing her style.

**

“What the fu-” for a moment I think I got inexplicably blocked in when, after I turn off the tap, I stretch my hand with my eyes closed towards the shower door to open it and it doesn't move an inch.

It takes me a few seconds and too many attempts to push it to realize the problem is I gotta open it the other way, the opposite than the one in Seattle. 'Cause I'm not in Seattle, I'm in San Diego, I'm at home. I don't really feel at home though, it's like I'm on holiday, as if this was the umpteenth motel and not the place I planned to spend my future, at least the nearest future, with my ex girlfriend. The ocean, during the first surfing session half an hour ago, is more familiar to me than this place. Maybe it's really because of touring, being in a different place every time makes you lose your reference points. Maybe it's because I'm actually unconnected to this house somehow, after all I'had lived here for two or three months when I left to go to Seattle. And I didn't even have the time to make it more personal anyway, also because I was waiting to do it with Beth, so the decor is kinda neutral and impersonal. The only personal touches are the baseball cards on the fridge, the black and white picture of Pete Townshend flying mid air with his guitar I have in my bedroom and now that I think about it I really should take it back to Seattle with me, a cheap acoustic guitar placed against the couch, the basketball hoop I mounted in the back, the wetsuit hung to dry out on the porch, the dart board on the door. The little bit of personal I had in here is now part in the small bedroom and part in the living room of the apartment I share with Jeff and where I spent more time than I ever did in this house. Or maybe it's just because I've been here for just a couple of hours and I haven't met anyone of my friends yet. It's not the walls that make a house, but the people.

I throw the towels in the laundry basket and as I do I remember I've got a washing machine here and I won't need to go to Wash'n'Go to do the laundry, although the washing won't happen magically by itself and I'll still have to make an effort and put all the stuff into it, add soap and push a button. I walk into my room, put clean underwear and t-shirt on and as I'm thinking if my pants need to go into the washing machine too or I can give them another go, I hear the door bell ringing. I quickly promote my cargo bermuda for another round putting them on and run into the living room as I'm still zipping them up and I look through the shut mirror blinds to see who it is.

“I'm not a hot chick, but I hope you'll let me in all the same!” Craig exclaims looking towards the window.

“Why should I?” I ask him after I open the window.

“Because I have beer” he answers showing me the twelve-pack.

“I like your line of argument” I close the window and open the door to my friend. I don't like to call him best friend, I never use that word, it's not like I'm making charts or something, but he's surely one of my closest friends, and the oldest one, basically since childhood.

“I hate you” he shakes his head standing on the porch.

“I'm happy to see you too”

“You didn't wait for me” he complains pointing at the wetsuit hanging on the banister.

“You know I like to hit the beach early”

“You're an asshole,” he grumbles as he gets in “but I'm happy you're here” he adds giving me his hand and a not so light pat on my back before entering.

“I warn you, I've got no food” I point out when I see him making a bee line to the fridge.

“Jamie will take care of that later, after work, don't worry” he explains placing the beer in the lowest compartment of the fridge.

“Chinese?”

“Of course. And his brother's coming too. Huh and Mitch will surely be here too with her college mate. And then I don't know, someone else”

“You set it all up huh?”

“And your band?”

“They must be chilling at the hotel right now, they'll join us later”

“Great. What about your girlfriend?” he asks directly as he sits down on the couch.

“My girlfriend?” I walk towards the window and roll up the blinds completely, as if I was expecting for her to show up all of a sudden knocking on my door.

“Yeah, where is she?”

“God, I don't know, I haven't met her yet. She surely didn't come to tell me welcome back, honestly I hope I won't met her even by chance”

“Hehe weren't you all for zen now?”

“Yes, but if I don't see her I'll be better” I basically inspect the whole neighborhood from the window, then join Craig on the couch.

“Anyway who cares about Beth, I don't wanna know about the ex girlfriend, I was talking about the new one”

“The new one?” I give him a side look as I immediately figure out where he's getting at.

“Yeah... what's her name... mmm it's on the tip of my tongue””

“Angie”

“HA! See? She's your girlfriend then!”

“Hehe no, she's not”

“You literally just said her name”

“I only realized you meant her, I didn't say that-”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Where is she?”

“In Seattle”

“In Seattle? And when is she coming?”

“I have no idea, I don't even know if she's coming, she might not”

“What do you mean? Didn't you ask her?”

“Sure I asked her”

“How the fuck did you ask her?”

“Hahaha what? What do you mean how? I asked her, I asked her to come to California”

“Ok, but how? How did you tell her? Which words did you use?”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters a lot, what did you tell her, Ed?”

“I told her it would be cool if she came see us play live in this west coast tour”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Why?”

“Is that what you told that girl?”

“Maybe I didn't use the word cool but-”

“You're an idiot”

“Hahaha why?”

“She'll never come here”

“Did I say something wrong”

“Mind you, I wouldn't have come over today either if you asked me like that”

“Ok, just tell me then, what should I have said to her instead?”

“Uhm I don't know, what about I miss you, I want to see you?”

“Tsk sure”

“Why don't you come here to San Diego? You can stay at my place, so we can spend some time together”

“Jesus Christ”

“Eddie?”

“And that said, she'd just run for the hills back to Idaho” Angie's behaviour can be confusing sometimes, I can't understand if she's just trying to buy time or she really doesn't understand I like her, but the truth is I'm more for the second option. If I told her something like that though, there wouldn't be any possibility of misunderstanding and she'd be forced to deal with the matter and deal with my feelings. And she'd take it bad. And she'd end up ditching me and keeping the distance like she did with that Dave guy...

“That's what you think!” Craig retorts.

“Because I know, I know her”

“Fine. Can I see her at least?”

“Sure, you'll meet her if you come to Seattle”

“Did you accidentally try to be funny?”

“What? No” I sincerely reply, I don't know what he means.

“Come on! Show me”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Don't even try to convince me you don't have a picture of this girl because I won't believe you”

“Uhm... no... I don't think I have any...”

“Don't waste my time, come on”

“Wait, let me check, but I don't think so...” I take my notepads from the small table beside the couch and quickly run through the pages.

“Take your time, I'm not in a hurry” he adds placing one of the throw pillows behind his head and making himself more comfortable on the couch and at this point I figure out he won't give up until he sees her. I stand up and walk towards the big table, I stick one hand in the pocket of my corduroy jacket that's hanging on one of the chairs and pull out my wallet. I take three polaroids from the wallet and quickly examine them before picking the one I'm less jealous of.

“You're lucky, I just happened to have one”

“You just happened to have one in your wallet, huh? Let me see” Craig appears behind my back like a true ambush and steals the photograph from my hands before I can complain and goes sitting on the edge of the table.

“I didn't even remember I had it...” I blatantly lie as I put the wallet into the back pocket of my pants.

“Yeah, sure. Anyway... uhm, not bad” he remarks without taking his eyes off the picture and I suddenly realize how fragile the concept of less jealous is.

“You can't really see her features because she's pulling a face and sticking out her tongue” I point at Angie's face on the picture and right now I wish that tongue out face would hide something more.

“No no, I can see them, I can see she's pretty, very pretty” he insists.

“Well, yeah”

“I can see everything” I'm gonna kill this guy.

“Ok give it back to me” I try and grab it, but he moves away.

“I can also see where it was taken”

“I took it when she gave me the polaroid camera as a birthday present” I try once again, in vain.

“IN A BED, THAT'S WHERE YOU TOOK IT!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“She's clearly lying on a fucking bed! Hats off to you, Ed. I'm here giving you advice, but you're way beyond that, my friend!

“It's not a bed, it's the back seat of her car”

“ALL THE BETTER!”

“Shut up, you jerk!”

“Well done, Ed, I underestimated you” he gives me another couple of heavy pats on the back and I finally manage to take my polaroid picture back.

“We were just playing around”

“I can imagine... spare me the details about the games you were playing though, ok?”

“There were no games! I wanted to test the camera, but she didn't want to have her picture taken” I explain putting the photo back in its place.

“Hey you don't owe me any explanation, you're a grown up man now” he makes fun of me trying to pinch me on the cheek, I push him down from the table.

“Nothing happened”

“And when will you make something happen?”

“Come on, let's go get some waves” I answer as I take my shoes from beside the cupboard.

“Didn't you go before?” he gives me a questioning look.

“I'd do anything to make you shut the fuck up”

**************************************************************************************************************************

Love is in the Hair says the writing on the beauty salon's window, circled by a cloud of red and pink small hearts. I'd like to know what Angie thinks about this wordplay. I get in and I'm welcomed by the smile of the girl behind the counter.

“Good morning! Do you have an appointment?” she asks opening a drawer and pulling out a big book with a dark blue cover. Only when she opens it and I notice some numbers I realize it's an appointment calendar.

“No, ehm, I mean, yeah. I'm Meg's friend, Kaminski... Grace”

“Oh yes! She's in the store room in the back, I go call her right now” she winks at me and quickly gets away who knows where.

I hang my jacket and scarf on the rack at the entrance and look around. They opened a few minutes ago and there are already two women at the backwash sinks, a girl who's having her nails done and another who's getting a candy pink substance, which I guess is wax, spread over her lips.

“Hey, you got ahead of time! What happened?” I turn around and see Meg walking up to me, together with the girl I met before, holding some kind of blue robe in her hands.

“Yeah, I know, I know, I'm surprised myself”

“You can give me your bag if you want”

“Yes, thank you” my bag goes from my hands to Meg's first and then the other girl's, who places it in a locker behind her back and then closes it immediately. As I follow these movements with my eye, Meg makes me wear this sort of light kimono and fastens it with the belt.

“So, what do you wanna do? How long do I cut?” Meg goes on as she gestures for me to follow her to the sinks.

“Not too much, I just wanna take some weight off, get a lighter look”

“Uhm what about this long? Maybe with some layers?” she asks taking one lock of my hair between her fingers and indicating a short length.

“Yes, that's perfect. Also an inch more is ok, not too much though”

“Ok, what about the color?” she adds and has me sitting on the backwash armchair.

“Always brown, but darker than this, I want something warmer, a warmer shade” I explain as she places a towel over my shoulders, sticking it under the collar of my shirt.

“No dramatic style change to surprise Stone when he comes back?” she asks as I tilt my head backwards and as I look up I can see her witty smile.

“No, I'd rather not risk not being recognized”

“Hahaha that's a bit of an exaggeration”

“Well, we've been dating for such a short time...” we've basically just started dating and he's already away with the band, I don't think I need to do something like changing my looks so he doesn't get bored easily, he has yet to get to know my looks.

“Stone's crazy for you and knows you by heart, I don't think there's an actual risk, he'd recognize you even if you shaved your hair and tatooed your whole face”

“I'd rather not risk it though” the hot water on my head starts to have a relaxing effect.

“How are things between you?”

“Well, like they usually go between two persons who're not in the same place and aren't seeing each other”

“Ok, but you talked on the phone, right?”

“Yeah, sometimes”

“Sometimes?”

“Well, once every couple of days, more or less”

“I'd say it's more than sometimes. Who calls who?”

“Oh well, he usually calls me, I mean, he's always called, also because they're continuously moving. I feel bad a little, I suggested he could give me the number of each new place they're at or to make a collect call, but he told me to fuck off each time with a different sarcastic joke”

“He's a real gentleman”

“Hehe yeah”

“It's serious then...” she insists with this kind of investigation and the massage my head is getting with soft foam and hot water is extremely relaxing, but not enough to make me spill the beans.

“Mmm maybe, I don't know, it's too early too tell”

“Ok, but he really seems to be into you, doesn't he? And you? What do you feel?”

“Wow, hehe, this... this is a very good question”

“That's supposed to have a very simple answer”

“I like him, I like him a lot and I'm happy with him. But we don't actually know each other well yet, you know, we should spend some more time together to figure out if it can work or not” I use a very nice turn of phrase because ok, Meg studied psychology, but I don't wanna be her patient right now, I'm good with being one of her customers at the beauty salon.

“Oh... OH! I get it now!” she exclaims, interrupting the massage for a moment, then starting back in a slightly more vigorous way “You still haven't... you know...”

“No, I didn't... I didn't mean that! Even though, actually...”

“Well, you'll have time for that, when the guys are back”

“Sure” I answer trying to hide my embarrassment keeping my eyes closed. She accidentally found out one of the reasons of my anxiety. It's always the same story, recurring every time I start hanging out with a new guy and I should have got used to that, but maybe I'll never do. I'll never get used to starting all over again, getting to the point of taking your clothes off and showing your true self and having to give the usual explanations, hoping he won't run away disgusted or worse, pretend everything's alright and turn off the light right away. Once again I'm at the beginning of a relationship and I'm torn between the will to make it grow, to live it up and fully enjoy it, and the wish to never get out of this initial phase, to remain for ever, or at least as long as I can, in this preliminary limbo made of dates, kisses, jokes, looks and phone calls, without thinking about when I'll have the talk with him.

“Maybe if Stone doesn't take the initiative, you should” she says interrupting the stream of my thoughts, as she's starting to rinse off.

“It's not a matter of initiative, and I'm ok with not rushing into anything, I prefer things that way” the longer the fucking wait is, the better.

“And that's because it's serious for you, I was right! Conditioner?”

After having my hair washed, I'm diverted to another chair for the hair cut. The magazine I find in front of the mirror and that I start to go through gives us some very interesting subjects to discuss, most of all subjects that are not Stone Gossard, like the prodigious method to speed up your metabolism in four weeks, America's dream mansions, the plot of the latest episodes of Good Sports accompanied by a backstage photo set of Farrah and Ryan, the latest boot trends. While Meg starts working on my hair with brush and hairdryer, one of her colleagues, a very beautiful 30 something blond woman, walks up to me dragging a cart that makes so much noise.

“Can I do your hands now, while Meg dries your hair?” she asks and without waiting for an answer she takes my left hand and places it on the cart, right on a towel that's rolled up into a sausage shape. She sits beside me and starts checking my nails, then takes some kind of small napkin, pours something that smells like disinfectant on it and uses it to wipe my hand. She then takes my right hand and repeats the whole sequence with the other hand too. It's the first time I do this in my life and seeing how tense I am, I guess everybody figured it out here.

“What do you think? We spiced up your hairstyle a little but nothing too dramatic” Meg catches my attention and only now I realize she turned off the hairdryer and she's now spraying my hair with something that smells very good.

“Oh my god, yes! Thank you, Meg, it's really what I wanted” and strangely enough I'm sincere. I usually leave the hairdresser's with embarrassingly big fluffy hair I can't wait to wash again at home, but not today: I'm really satisfied this time.

“Do you want a pedicure too?” my enthusiasm is killed by the question asked by Meg's colleague.

“NO!”

“Are you sure? I'm gonna sign you up for our discount card” Meg chimes in trying to reassure me, but price is not my problem.

“No, it's not for that, it's just... well, I'm very very ticklish and I don't really like people touching my feet, no I hate it, it's a fixation. I'm weird, I know, hehe” I try and play the paranoid card to drop the subject quickly.

“She's basically the opposite of Mr Footsie” the woman winks at Meg, who pulls a disgusted face.

“Who's Mr Footsie?” I ask curious.

“A dirty pig” Meg replies.

“A customer,” her colleague retorts “a very kind and polite one, who always leaves generous tips”

“A filthy animal who usually has Samantha do him the pedicure” Meg gives more accurate information, also revealing the name of her colleague.

“He never did anything inappropriate”

“Apart from his dick getting hard when you massage his feet” one of the two ladies having her hair done looks suddenly outraged, the other one acts normally as she didn't hear what we're talking about.

“Hahaha that's not sure! And anyway, even if it really happened, that'd be an involuntary reaction, he can't control it”

“And every fucking time, as soon as Sam is done, he asks to use the restroom. Bleargh!”

“Maybe he just needs to go!”

“Yeah, sure. Come on, he goes there to jerk off, that's so evident!”

“Oh shit” I laugh out loud.

“How do you know?”

“I can say it from the happy relaxed face he has when he comes to pay” the girl at the counter answer in Meg's place.

“He must be one of those... dudes... what are they called... foot fetishists” lady number two remarks as one of the hairdressers is blowing dry her bangs.

“But those usually get turned on looking at other people's feet, not when people touch theirs” Samanta points out.

“It's the same thing, it's always about feet” the customer insists.

“Not exactly, the typical foot fetishism is about submission, that guy's just a fucking perv” Meg explains and we all nod apart from lady number one, who pretends not to listen and focuses on a copy of Vanity Fair.

“So, are you satisfied with your haircut?” Meg asks again, trying to drop the subject.

“No colored locks?” her colleague smiles as she works on my fingernails with a file.

“Hahaha no, Grace is a nice girl, she's not some thug like Angie”

“Angie? You dyed her hair?”

“Yeah, she stressed me out and in the end I gave in. I just did highlights though, but she had it cut a lot”

“Blue and purple highlights” Samantha adds.

“You cut her precious mane?!”

“She wanted it shorter than yours, she got crazy. In the end we found a compromise on a less dramatic change, but it's still a big change...”

“Well, it means she needed to change... and maybe she wanted to impress someone” I suggest referring to Eddie.

“Hehe I don't think she needs to impress any more, the guy's already been captured” Meg moves a big round mirror behind me so that I can see the back of my head too.

“But the guy doesn't come out about his feelings” I remark as my hands are put into a bowl of lukewarm water.

“What if I told you the guy somehow revealed his feelings?”

“That somehow is not ok with Angie, it leaves room for doubts”

“Somehow only because Angie's stupid, any other person would have understood he was confessing his feelings. I don't wanna gossip, but we're talking about a present and a letter, the message was clear”

“Was the message I love you, I wanna be with you?”

“Hehe no, not so explicit”

“I understand Angie then. Eddie's trying, but he's ambiguous. He should talk straight, speak his mind. I can understand being cautious, test the waters at the beginning, but at some point you gotta put your cards on the table, especially when you see the other person doesn't get your messages between the lines”

“Ok, but if none of the two wakes up we can go on for years. If he doesn't, then she has to do something” Meg walks away towards a hot pink curtain in a corner, simply slips a hand through it and pulls out a broom, then comes back up to me.

“Sure, I agree with you. What I'm saying is that this deadlock is probably convenient to him too, maybe he's taking time, maybe he's not so sure or has doubts”

“The only doubt I can concede him is because of the age gap. And because Jeff could beat him up if he fucks up with Angie. Apart from that, I can't see why he should have doubts” she explains as she collects my cut hair from the floor.

“Well, whatever his doubts might be, he must make up his mind and act on it. If he's not sure being with Angie's a good idea, well, he should leave her alone, but if he decides to go for it, he should do it once and for all!”

“I agree!” exclaims Samantha, as she arranges a series of files and sticks on the cart.

“Well, this could be the perfect occasion” Meg suggests as she scoops the hair in a dustpan.

“Do you think she's already landed by now?”

“Nah, it's too early”

*************************************************************************************************************************************

“I'll starve for a few months, but it was worth it” I tell myself as soon as I leave the airport and I find myself alone with my backpack in a sunny boulevard lined with palm trees. Is there a more Californian image than this one? Had I taken the bus, I'd have spent one third of the money, but it'd have taken me like twenty hours to get to San Diego. Instead, after a peaceful, comfortable, less than three hour long flight, I'm already here. There's an endless line of taxi cabs outside the terminal, but first I need to figure out if I need one or not. I sneak into a phone booth and call the operator to ask for the address of Winter's, the place the guys are playing at tonight, that luckily for me Eddie mentioned. After that, I look up El Cajon Boulevard on the map of San Diego I've just bought at a kiosk. It's not exactly close. It's not close at all, it must be more than ten miles from here. I do need a cab.

I admit it's not the best plan: hanging around the club until someone I know shows up. Anyway, it was the only plan I could arrange without asking too much information to anybody, so that the Mookie guys won't suspect anything. Considering it's one o'clock in the afternood I hope there's at least a coffee shop near the club where I can crawl into waiting for someone to show up for soundcheck. The sea, well the ocean actually, is only visible for a short stretch of road, in the proximity of a port, then we turn towards the inland. The taxi driver is a middle-aged man with red cheeks and a funny smile. I hope he's not drunk. He asks me some questions just to do some conversation, but he's not intrusive. He compliments me for my hair. I feel it strange, I feel strange, lighter, more uncovered, which is not bad considering I'm starting to sweat with my leather jacket on. Thank god I followed Meg's advice and didn't bring my coat. I take off my jacket, I remain with the rainbow striped sweater and I immediately feel better, although in this cab with no air conditioning I'd feel good with a short sleeved shirt too. I roll down the car window a little and even though I'm looking outside, I'm not really focused on the landscape changing before my eyes. My thoughts are all on what will the guys' reaction be as soon as they see me and all the different variations of the same scene, going from the hooting and hollering for surprise and joy to the complete indifference, from them making fun of me for my little change of style to their eyes telling me something like What the hell did you came here alone for? And Eddie? What do I expect from him? I'm here speculating about what he'll do and say to me, and maybe he won't even have time to give me attention because he'll be here with his friends. I don't know what to expect and this makes me anxious, why did I have to get out of my comfort zone right now? What do I want to prove? That I'm capable of climbing up my personal Space Needle and overcome my insecurities? By now I've only proven I can take a plane. And a cab.

I get to the address, pay the driver and take a look around. The club is so small it takes me some time to spot its sign among all the others. This boulevard is anything but isolated, it's full of life and business, other clubs, bars, restaurant and diners, supermarkets, various shops, even a mattresses shop, just from here I can see at least three auto repair shops and two funeral parlors. I instinctively try to pull my sweater up to cover my shoulder, which obviously remains uncovered all the same, I cross the road to reach the club and as I get closer I recognize the small billboard hanging outside the entrance of the location that represents the Facelift album cover. When I'm close enough though, I see something's wrong, although I don't immediately realize what it is, I mean I sense something's out of place, but I only notice it after a few long seconds. The writing says: FEB 13 ALICE IN CHAINS. February 13th? But today it's the 12th, 13th is tomorrow. They're playing tonight, I'm sure about it, Eddie told me: 'The 12th we're still in San Diego', that's what he said... No, wait a minute, actually he said 'Wednesday the 12th' … but he got confused because today it's Tuesday, well, I gave for granted that he had confused the day of the week. But what if the mistake was the date number?

Shit.

What if it's a mistake by the club? Mmm not likely. The problem is, if they're playing tomorrow what the fuck do I do? First of all, I have to change the date of the return flight, if I can, then what? What do I do? Where do I camp? How do I let them know I'm here? Because I gotta let them know. But why didn't I just stay in Seattle? Why does Eddie have no sense of time? As I'm growing more and more paranoid I look down, right under the billboard picture, and the whole situation gets surreal: WITH PEARL JAM.

Who the fuck is Pearl Jam?

[junker-town]

Cowboys’ CeeDee Lamb might have the best career of this draft’s WRs

CeeDee Lamb should be one of the first WRs drafted in 2020.

Retired defensive end Stephen White shows why CeeDee Lamb has a bright future, even if the receiver isn’t a finished product.

The Dallas Cowboys selected CeeDee Lamb with the 17th overall pick in the 2020 NFL Draft. Here’s what Stephen White had to say about Lamb ahead of the draft.

It’s impossible for me to avoid comparing CeeDee Lamb to Jerry Jeudy. I would say that even if Jeudy hadn’t been the only receiver I’ve done a breakdown on to this point. They are two of the top receiver prospects in this year’s draft, and there are many similarities between them.

Lamb and Jeudy “look” the same, with both guys measuring in at a little over 6’1 and weighing over 190 pounds. They were both used in a multitude of ways in their respective offenses — Jeudy at Alabama, Lamb at Oklahoma — this past season. I saw them both running a bunch of shallow crossers, quick outs, quick slants, jet sweeps, and a ton of screens from both out wide and in the slot. They also both showed big-play potential, although the way they made those big plays often diverged.

However, this isn’t a compare and contrast column, especially since Lamb is a big-time baller in his own right. Instead, I will just give you the lowdown on Lamb as I did with Jeudy, and then you can do the comparing and contrasting on your own.

What Lamb does well: Breaking ankles

Let’s start with the fact Lamb can make you miss in a phone booth. Any young whippersnappers reading this may have to google what a phone booth is, but trust me, you’ll get it after you do.

There are some guys who can just see running lanes develop down the field that almost nobody else can, and Lamb definitely falls into that category. It didn’t really matter what kind of pass he caught or where he was at on the field, if he got the ball with any space to maneuver, it was showtime.

In the four games I watched of his, I saw a bunch of dudes who might need new ankles after trying to tackle Lamb out in the open space. He has that ability to stick his foot in the ground and change directions on a dime, then give you 10 pennies back just before the defender is set to make contact. That’s something guys have or they don’t. And Lamb was always looking to make a guy miss.

Watching Lamb dart through secondaries for big yardage actually reminded me of Dante Hall returning kicks back in the day. In particular, there was this play that made me stand up and holler. Lamb weaved in, out, around, and through traffic on his way to a long touchdown off a simple smoke screen.

You can’t teach that. You can’t coach that. That kind of elusiveness translates well to the next level, where we are seeing more short passes and screens to take advantage on the outside. That is especially true when you are talking about a guy who was making these kinds of moves against top-notch competition.

What Lamb does well: He’s tough to bring down

Another big selling point on Lamb is that he is a stronger runner with the ball in his hands than he looks.

Part of the reason he was so good at making big plays out of short passes is that he was able to keep his balance and stay upright when defenders tried to blast him, but didn’t wrap up. He actually reminds me a lot of Texans All-Pro receiver DeAndre Hopkins. The way Lamb keeps working through contact is going to pay huge dividends in the NFL.

I saw Lamb get blasted a few times right after making a catch, but he was always able to maintain possession while going to the ground. That, along with his strong running style, gives me plenty of confidence in him being a “tough” guy.

While the jukes and spins are going to get the crowd going, some of those 5-yard gains on third-and-4 are likely to be a part of his hallmark in the league, as well.

Another plus in Lamb’s favor is that he has a great feel for how to run routes, especially against zone coverage. He knew how to navigate through traffic to get to the open windows and make himself available. When you run those shallow- to medium-depth crossing routes, there are always linebackers and safeties in that area looking to give you the business.

I was actually able to see Lamb work around those “hole” defenders, either avoid the contact or weather it, then find an open window to sit down in. That isn’t something you see from many college receivers.

Where Lamb can improve: Making contested catches

Watching the tape, it’s clear that Lamb is fast, as his 4.5-second 40-yard dash at the combine showed. But while Jeudy’s time was only .05 faster, their speeds on the field look much different to me. Jeudy got open deep consistently, but Lamb didn’t seem to get a lot of separation when he was targeted on downfield throws.

This was something that was consistent in all four games. The only contested bomb Lamb caught where the ball travelled more than 20 yards in the air was against LSU.

He did have another long touchdown on a completely busted coverage against Houston, too. Otherwise, his targets on go routes were mostly either bad throws, balls that fell incomplete but would’ve taken an outstanding catch, or in one case a drop.

And that brings me to my only real concern with Lamb after watching his tape: his ability to make contested catches on 50-50 balls.

I already said in Jeudy’s breakdown that it wasn’t much a concern with him because I’d expect him to have enough downfield separation on most of those throws. With Lamb, I saw him run deep routes against corners and safeties, and pretty much every time when the ball arrived, the defender was right there to try to make a play on it or to distract him enough so he couldn’t catch it.

I thought Lamb showed good-to-great hands in almost every other kind of situation over those four games. He went up high and caught several balls with his hands, and he caught several others while in traffic. However, it seemed like trying to catch those contested fades were just a different animal for him. And he’s not tall like Mike Evans, who can just sky over a defensive back to get it.

I think it’s an area Lamb can improve on to be a deep threat in the league. Like I said, his hands look really good otherwise, so it’s probably just a matter of working on his concentration. If he gets to where he can catch like Hopkins in those contested situations, or even come close, Lamb is going to be hell to try to defend.

I do think it’s something he can certainly do.

Lamb’s NFL future: High upside

I do see Lamb as a high first-round talent. However, after watching DK Metcalf and A.J. Brown last until near the end of the second round last year, I’m not sure if anybody actually knows what a first-rounder actually looks like anymore.

I will note that like Brown and Metcalf, I didn’t see Lamb run an extensive route tree in those four games. It was mostly 5-yard breaking routes, shallow crossers, deep over routes (which seemed to be his specialty), and various versions of deep balls.

I will put the disclaimer that watching the TV copy means I’m usually at the mercy of whether the broadcast showed a replay angle of his route. Still, as far as I could tell, Lamb’s route tree itself was pretty basic. But, just like with Metcalf and Brown, I’ve seen enough of Lamb athletically that I don’t think teaching him how to run a deep dig or out is going to be very hard. It’s not astrophysics.

With his quick feet and body control, I imagine Lamb will end up being one helluva route runner before it’s all said and done, anyway.

Lamb is a fantastic prospect, but there are some areas he needs to improve on to develop into a Pro Bowler, which is what you are looking for when you draft a guy high. I don’t think he will have a problem adjusting in the league, but I don’t think he’s a finished product yet.

Regardless, it would take a lot for him to fail as a pro. There are just too many things he does well, including blocking. I could definitely see him being an 80+ reception guy in an offense that emphasizes getting the ball into his hands quickly. And as I said earlier, when he gets the ball in his hands, that’s when the party really gets started.

What will be interesting to see if Jeudy or Lamb comes off the board first on draft day. Of course it will make for a lot of internet arguments for months and maybe years afterward, but I really believe both guys will be tremendous in the NFL, barring injury.

As an old sixth-round pick myself, I always like to remind people that it’s never where you start, but where you finish. The beauty is I think both guys can fit in just about any offensive system because of the different roles their college teams had them play. While I like Jeudy over Lamb right now today, there is no question that Lamb could overtake him in the league, and that’s the fun part for me.

Regardless, the future should be bright for both of these outstanding young men.

Be sure to check out my other scouting reports on Chase Young, Jerry Jeudy, Derrick Brown, Jedrick Wills Jr., and A.J. Epenesa.

For the purposes of this breakdown, I watched Lamb play against Houston, Kansas State, Baylor in the Big 12 Championship Game, and LSU in the College Football Playoff semifinal.

[bonnissance]

femslash february prompts: berena #2: mistaken for dating

hahah so this ended up much longer that I thought it would be so most of it’s under a cut. It’s basically fluff and feelings but CW: implied homophobia in one section

Realisations, Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell, Teen, 2500+ words. 

It takes Serena a while to notice. An embarrassingly long time, in hindsight, to realise. She likes to think she can be forgiven for not grasping it quicker, because after all it was all so innocuous in the beginning, there was barely anything for her pick up on anyway.

She likes to think she can be forgiven for not noticing sooner. Not noticing the assumptions others made about her or about Bernie. Not noticing the assumptions colleagues and their families and strangers and their dogs made about Bernie and herself. She wants to be forgiven, really, for not noticing sooner: not noticing how she and Bernie might as well be dating.

~~~

If Serena had been paying attention, she would have known it went on for weeks, months even, before she caught her first inclining. She would have noticed it starting with Serena herself, really, always assuming that Bernie will agree whenever she asks for company. Bernie doing the same for her and neither of them having any issue sharing that company with Jason.

She would have noticed it growing, to includes others. Others like Raf and Fletch who only bother to invite one of them out, always assuming they will bring the other anyway. Or bumping into Dom in Pulses and him asking her to say hello to Bernie too. And Ellie asking after Bernie every time Serena calls because they are, apparently, “all Serena ever talks about.”

If she had been paying attention Serena would have noticed the patients jumping on board too.

“Oh, your lady already did that,” appendicitis in bed 4 said, looking at Serena at the foot of the bed.  

“What lady?” Serena asks, missing the possessive as she flicks through their notes.

“The blonde one. Came by about five minutes ago and did what you’re doing.”

She feels, more than hears, Bernie walking up behind her as the patient speaks.

“You mean this one,” Serena asks, looking up. Rounds on Bernie and pushes the notes into her hands. “Guess you’ve called dibs then, Ms. Wolfe, they’re all yours,” she says with a smirk.

Serena darts off to the other side of the ward and out of earshot leaving Bernie with the patient.

“Feisty, she is, and a looker” they quip. “That doctor of yours.”

“Oh, she’s not mine,” Bernie replies without thinking. Cringes at her misstep, grateful Serena cannot hear her standing two beds over and three beds down, and corrects herself. “I mean, yes, Ms. Campbell is a very fine doctor,” she says, before diving into medical jargon to hide her embarrassment.

~~~

Even thought she has no idea when it all started Serena does remember when she first began to twig: a perfectly average evening getting drinks after clocking off.

It had been a decent enough shift, steady but not hectic, but Serena still felt the urge to smash though a bottle before getting an early night. She had said as much, in their office. Bernie had smiled, offered to keep Serena company and help her drink. Serena had laughed, nodded, called Jason and left with Bernie in toe.

She turns right instead of left leaving the hospital car park, and takes Bernie on a bit of goose chase around Holby. Stops at a quiet pub the suburb over from Serena’s house. Bernie get out of the car, looks at Serena smirking face but does not ask. Just shrugs her shoulders and walks into the pub.

Bernie wanders off to find them some seats as Serena walks to the bar. She orders a bottle and the bartender, a slip of a girl barely 20 year old, ferrets around the wine rack behind the bar. She turns back, hands empty, and apologises.

“I’m sure there is a bottle out the back, I’ll nip out and grab it,” she says, smile wide and earnest. Serena smiles her thanks back. “I’ll bring it over to you and your girlfriend,” the bartender calls over her should as she ducks out of the service area.

Serena barely resisters the word and walks back over to Bernie sitting in front of an unlit fireplace. Does not think anything of it until the bartender comes over with their shiraz five minutes later. She looks at Bernie and Serena with a sparkle in her eye, like they let her in a secret, and tells them to have a good night.

Bernie blushes as the bartender walks away and Serena cannot help but think she missed part of the conversation.

~~~

It keeps happening, after that, the feeling that Serena is getting half a conversation: that she is only hearing part of what people are saying around her when Bernie is there. Especially when they are away from the ward.

Jason insists on going to a new exhibit at the local museum on Serena day off. She huffs and moans but does not say not. He suggests she ask Bernie come with them and she perks up. She asks and Bernie agrees though neither of them seem much of the actual exhibit. They both ask too many questions and Jason asks to walk around in the museum alone so they leave him to take his time in silence.

It is unseasonably warm that day so they decided to enjoy the sun and walk around the park across from the museum. Serena hears bees humming in the gardens as they pass students napping on the grass and office workers on their coffee break. They alternate between chatting as they walk and the walking in silence: both feel as comfortable as the other.

They walk past a flower cart and Serena stops. Bends down to smell an enormous purple allium that the florist tries to talk them into buying.

“It’s a beautiful flowers worthy of such a beautiful woman,” he says, looking at Bernie and gesturing towards Serena. Serena smirks as she stands and looks at Bernie. Bernie rolls her eyes. The florist sees Bernie’s reaction and zeros in on her. “You might wanna step up your game, luv, or she’ll find someone better,” he says and waggles his eyebrows.

Serena pins him with a glare. His face falls. Neither of them buy the flower and the keep walking. Serena does not notice the bright red Bernie beside her.

Nor does she notice the vase of small magenta alliums that appears on their office desk a few days later, pushed against the cabinet in front of the window. Not till they are nearing the end of their vase life, anyway, and Serena has to throw them away before they start moulting on the paperwork.

~~~

Paperwork that keeps piling up and piling up. Serena walks into the office at the beginning of one shift and spends most of the day doing her best to ignore it. Passes day on the ward, enjoying the calm, until she has to deal with a partially difficult patient: 45 year old women presenting with severe abdominal pain.

She is being obtuse about treatment and requests that Raf take her case. Well, specifically, “that tiny Scottish bloke” instead of Serena or “her bitchy blonde friend”. Serena struggles not to laugh in her face at calling Bernie “bitchy” and goes off to get Raf and some painkillers for the headache she can feel forming behind her eyes.

The afternoon wears on but the word “friend” sticks in Serena’s mind. It bothers Serena but she does not know why. It is, after all, an accurate assessment of their relationship and thus an empirical statement of fact. Bernie is Serena’s friend: her best friend.

It bothers Serena, how this woman had managed to make the word sound like an insult. Said it like it had two extra syllables and an alternative meaning. Said it in the same opaque tone Serena reserves for rosé and bugs being near her person. Like their friendship was somehow shameful.

It bothers Serena but she says nothing about it. She does not know what to say so she stays silent when Bernie bumps into her in the office a few hours later and asks her why the long face.

Serena just smiles and laments having another two hours until her shift ends. Says what she would give for a few minutes of quiet. Bernie points the huge pile of paperwork on Serena’s desk. Challenges Serena to get through half of the stack. Promises it is her shout that night if Serena can manage it and takes care to shut the door gently behind her.

Serena tries not to be smug when she closes the final folder two minutes before clocking off. She finds Bernie on the ward, wrapping up with a patient, and tells Bernie drinks are on her. Bernie smiles: tiny and small and knowing.

Serena realises that Bernie planned this. That she deliberately took over the ward after they spoke to give Serena some time alone. She smiles back and thinks how wonderful it is to work with her best friend.

~~~

Serena knows that Bernie will make good on her offer but cannot be bothered with the bustle of Albie’s that night. Says she fancies somewhere quiet, that she is famished, and suggests they grab dinner instead. Bernie seems keen enough, after checking in about Jason, and says Serena can choose where they eat.

Serena fancies carbs and red wine and the logical choice is Italian. The waiter beams as they walk in and beckons them towards the back of the restaurant. He grabs the tiny posy of flowers from an empty table and drops in the middle of their table: a table for two in the most secluded corner of the restaurant with flowers and a candle in the middle. He lights it as they make themselves comfortable.

“I’ll leave you with the dinner menus, unless you want to skip straight to dessert?”

Serena thinks he might offer them some serenading violins next and she finally realises: he thinks the two of them are on a date.

She almost bursts out laughing. Looks up at Bernie doing her best impression of a socially anxious strawberry and sobers. Orders three fingers of whisky and a bottle of wine instead.

Bernie hides behind her menu and Serena follows suit. The silence wears on even after their drinks arrive and they order.

“What did the grape say when it got stepped on?” Serena tries to crack a joke.

“Umm…” Bernie blinks at her as Serena pours herself a glass of red.

“It let out a little whine,” Serena says, smiling at herself as she takes a sip.

Bernie stares at her for three painstaking seconds that feel so long Serena wants to crawl in on her self. Then Bernie laughs: loud and uninhibited. So loud that Serena can feel the the rest of the table turn to stare at them.

She does not care in the slightest. Does not have a single flying fish worth of care because Bernie honks like a goose and smiles like a puppy and she is doing that right now because of something Serena said. She dissolves into laughter as well, ice properly broken and tension eased, and the two of them throughly enjoy the rest of their night.

~~~

After the not date Serena wonders if she ought to actually talk to Bernie. Maybe even try to get Bernie to talk back. She agonises over it for all of five minutes before deciding against it.

After all she has no problem being associated with ladies of a more sapphic persuasion. And so what if the occasional stranger assumes — wrongly — about her but goes out of their way to make her feel welcome. Kindness like that can only be a good thing, she thinks, for women who are actually out on dates with other women.

But the problem is not the assumption, not really. The main issue is the certainty every one else seems to have developed about Bernie and her and the nature of their friendship. Saying something out loud would just make all that bigger than it needs to be and she does not want to embarrass Bernie.

Or, worse, offend her. The last thing she wants Bernie to think is that Serena has a problem with her interest in women. Well, the interest Serena assumes she has in women, given Alex, though she has to admit Bernie has never mentioned anything to do with dating since the divorce.

She does not want to bring it up and have Bernie think being around her makes Serena uncomfortable. Serena never wants Bernie to feel uncomfortable around her and she has no idea how to have that conversation so Serena says nothing.

~~~

They are in the supermarket, when Serena finally notices. Jason had invited Bernie to come over for dinner, not realising Serena needs to go shopping first. Bernie seems nonplused when Serena explains she needed to make a trip to the shops on the way. Just suggests they go together to pick up supplies.

Thankfully Bernie is the stoic sort that likes pushing a trolley, Serena finds as she flits from one side the isle to the other. Bernie brings up the rear and Serena pulls things off the shelf; dropping them in the trolley as Bernie slowly pushes. She catches Bernie smiling at her rereading through her shopping list for the forth time and fights the urge to poke her tongue out at her.

Eventually they have everything they need for dinner and Serena goes to make a beeline to the checkout. Only Bernie steers them towards the dessert isle instead. Serena clues in to why when they stroll by the racks of chocolate and Bernie turns to Serena smiling that wide puppy smile of hers.

“Oh, fine! You can chose dessert,” Serena huffs, affection lightening her tone. Bernie sets herself to task. “One thing, mind,” Serena add, realising she needs to cover her bases in case Bernie’s sweet tooth decided to take the whole rack home.

“Children in candy stores, the lot of them,” a voice to the left of Serena’s elbow says.

Serena turns to see a middle aged women with mousy blonde hair smiling over at her. Serena quirks an eyebrow and the woman jerks her chin to another woman standing close to Bernie: already holding three blocks of chocolate and reaching over to make it four. Serena looks at Bernie with her floppy hair and wolf grin and nods to the stranger.

“I know what you mean,” Serena replies as Bernie back walks towards her and the trolley.

“This way we all get to share,” Bernie grins as she drops in a family sized block of chocolate and pulls the trolley towards her.

Serena smiles and hears the other woman giggle. Turns and nods goodbye before she starts trailing behind Bernie.

They recognise each other at the check out: standing parallel as two sets of pairs. They smile at one another as they both lean against the conveyer belt as their trolley gets unpacked by their company. The line shifts forward and they roll along.

Serena turns to the side as Bernie politely talks to the lady behind the check out and looks towards her new acquaintance. Sees the mousy blonde slip an arm around the other woman with a sweet tooth to rival Bernie’s and pulls her into a one armed hug. The other woman leans into the hug and they both turn their heads to kiss lightly on the lips before breaking apart.

Serena feels her tummy almost flip and blinks. Looks back at Bernie, now stacking their groceries into the trolley. Their groceries, Serena notices her own words, in a trolley they are going to roll towards the car and unpack together before driving home to cook together and eat together and spend the evening together. They might live in different parts of town and sleep in different beds but Serena was less domestic in a marriage of over a decade that birthed her child. She feels her tummy properly flop.

Serena finally notices that the world has had good reason to think that she and Bernie are dating and has done for some time. She feels the world shift out from underneath her as she finally realises she wishes it were true.

[keithtlamb-blog]

How to Keep Your Kids Safe on Halloween

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Pumpkin Carving Guide

Tips, Tools, and More for a Spooky-good Time.

Boo! Read it

Ultimate Halloween Safety Checklist

1. Secure railings

Young children, and the adults who often accompany them, will need the security and support of railings while climbing steps to get to your front door. If you've been putting off fixing that rickety railing, it's time to get out the toolbox and make it secure.

2. Clear walkways

Trick-or-treaters are too busy counting candy to pay close attention to where they're walking, so it's critical to survey your yard for potential trip and slip hazards. Be sure your yard is free of tripping hazards like hoses and sprinklers, clear walkways of loose gravel, and be sure to clean moss off steps. If your home has an irrigation system, turn the system off well in advance of the big night so your lawn and walkways have a chance to dry.

3. Avoid using candles

A glowing jack-o'-lantern makes your home warm and welcoming to candy seekers, but using a candle to illuminate a pumpkin can be dangerous. Costumes, paper decorations and ornamental straw can easily catch on fire. Instead of a traditional candle, use one powered by batteries.

Print a free copy of this checklist.

Download PDF

4. Consider candy choices.

No doubt buying Halloween candy is fun, but keep in mind that not all candy is appropriate for every child. Avoid candy that poses a choking hazard for toddlers, and keep in mind that a number of children have peanut allergies. Even if the candy doesn't contain peanuts, it could be made in a facility that handles peanuts. Check the candy bag's label for a peanut allergy warning.

5. Use lots of lights

A dimly lit entryway helps set the spooky mood of Halloween, but it also increases the chance of an accident. Make sure the exterior lights of your home are working, and consider turning on flood lights to illuminate the darkest areas of your yard. Even if you're not going to be home, leave on lights for safety reasons or make sure your motion sensor lights are active to dissuade unsavory characters from vandalizing your home. And, if you won't be there, make sure you set your security system, just to be safe.

6. Contain your pets

Barking dogs not only scare trick-or-treaters of every age away, they also present a danger. A dog that breaks away from your home might not bite, but he could knock down a toddler or scare a teen right into the street, causing even more danger. Keep all pets securely confined inside your home until the hustle and bustle of the night has passed.

7. Don't put out candy

Maybe you won't be home on Halloween or perhaps it's difficult for you to answer the door, so you've put out a bowl of candy for kids to help themselves. While this seems like the right thing to do, someone could taint the candy. It's probably unlikely, but it's definitely not worth taking the chance.

8. Make room in the garage

If you're headed out on Halloween, clean out the garage and store your car securely in it. Children are four times more likely to be struck by a motor vehicle on Halloween than any other day of the year, meaning that parking your car and trick or treating on foot is a good idea. When you also consider potential vehicle vandalism and theft, your car is best kept in the garage on Halloween.

9. Use discretion when opening the door

While nearly all trick-or-treaters are innocent kids out to collect as much candy as they can possibly carry, you must still be cautious of whom you open the door for. If you have an uneasy feeling about the person approaching your door, don't open it. And as the barrage of trick-or-treaters fades to just a few here and there, it's a good idea to stop opening the door for the night.

Halloween has a reputation as a frightening holiday, but that doesn't mean it should be dangerous. Use our tips and resources to keep trick-or-treaters and your family safe and enjoy a spooktacular Halloween night.

For many children, Halloween is one of the most anticipated nights of the year - and it's easy to understand why. After all, when else do they get to dress up as their favorite character, collect candy to their heart's content, and stay up past their bedtime?

Of course, you want your kids to enjoy a hauntingly fun night, but like most parents you're probably concerned about their safety. Relax and read on. From toddlers to teens, we've put together the ultimate checklist for keeping your kids safe on Halloween.

Young Children

In addition to adult supervision, here are more ways to help keep your children safe and secure on Halloween.

Costume Safety

When purchasing your child's costume, check the label to be sure it is flame resistant, which means it should resist burning and extinguish quickly. If you're making their costume, use flame-resistant fabrics such as nylon or polyester. To help minimize the risk of contact with candles and other fire sources, avoid costumes that are loose or baggy. For added precaution, check the U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission website for Halloween costume recalls.

To help prevent trips and falls, be sure your child's costume and shoes fit properly. Have them try on their costume several days before Halloween so you have time to make necessary adjustments. If their costume includes an accessory such as a sword or knife, it should be soft and have a blunt end.

Opt for face paint instead of a mask, which can obstruct your child's vision. Buy nontoxic face paint or make homemade paint with your child. Test the paint on your child's face several days before Halloween to be sure it won't trigger an allergic reaction.

Add a few pieces of reflective tape to your child's costume and trick-or-treat bag to increase their visibility. Glowing bracelets or necklaces can also help your child be seen, but keep them away from babies as they may be tempted to chew on them.

Trick-or-Treating Safety

Talk to your child about what they should do if they get lost. For extra precaution, consider having your child wear a GPS tracking device or a Halloween safety tattoo.

Trick-or-treating generates a lot of excitement, which means your kids may forget the basic pedestrian safety rules you've taught them. Before your night begins, remind them to stay on sidewalks, never dart into the street from between parked cars, and walk, not run, from house to house.

You should be sure to carry a flashlight with new batteries. Depending on their age, you may also want to provide your child with their own flashlight. If you do, choose one that's labeled child-safe.

Candy Safety

Caution your kids against eating goodies before you've had a chance to approve them, and only okay candy that is in its original wrapper. Be mindful of any food allergies your child may have, and never allow your little one to eat a treat that poses a choking hazard. Hard candy tops the list of foods that most often send kids to the emergency room. Have safe treats or inexpensive toys on hand to trade your child for their dangerous candy.

To help avoid post trick-or-treating belly aches and tantrums, have your child eat a good meal before the night begins and discuss how many pieces of candy they'll be allowed to eat.

Tweens and Teens

If your kids are heading out this Halloween without an adult escort, review these tips to help them stay safe.

Neighborhood Safety

Consider downloading a crime mapping app like CrimeReports to learn what crime is taking place in your community and find out where registered sex offenders live. Use this information to help your child plan their trick-or-treat route and discuss any off-limit areas or homes.

Before they leave home, be sure your child has their cell phone and establish how often they should check in with you. Tell them to call you immediately if the plans they've discussed with you change. You should also talk about “what ifs.” For example, you might ask your child what they will do if someone offers them alcohol or drugs at a party, or if a stranger invites them into their home while they're trick-or-treating.

Party Safety 

Older kids may skip trick-or-treating and attend a party. Make sure a parent will be in attendance and find out what time the party is expected to end.

Allow your child to enjoy their independence while helping them stay safe by downloading a personal safety app. These apps can let you do things like check your child's GPS location and confirm that they made it to their destination.

Remind older children that Halloween “pranks,” such as toilet papering a house or throwing eggs at passing cars are not only disrespectful, they're also illegal.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration warns that Halloween is a dangerous night for pedestrians; it's also a perilous one for motorists due to the number of drunk drivers on the road. Consider prohibiting your teen from driving on Halloween. If they do get behind the wheel, remind them to use extreme caution.

We hope this list will help your kids enjoy a safe night of trick-or-treating. For more tips, plus a slew of creative uses for leftover candy, check out our Halloween-themed Pinterest board.

Did we miss anything? What Halloween Safety tips would you add to the list?

  Don't have time to read now? Click below to pin and read later.

The post How to Keep Your Kids Safe on Halloween appeared first on SafeWise.

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Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”)

I’m not gonna lie. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes – like paint colors for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, and tile for six bathrooms (plus two mudroom/laundry rooms along with two kitchen backsplashes) has felt overwhelming at times. Heck, planning just one room, like a bathroom renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming… and here we are planning six different bathrooms, two different kitchens, and 10 other rooms simultaneously! But we’ve managed to keep our heads on straight (so far) and even have some advice to offer through it all.

So whether you’re working on a new construction and have to make a lot of decisions like this all at once, or just trying to systematically renovate your home while keeping each room in mind so it all ends up feeling cohesive without being boring or too repetitive, this post is for you. We actually talked a little bit in this week’s podcast about how we chose each side of the duplex’s (not white!) kitchen cabinets and tile, but we knew that collectively showing you a bunch of our selections all in one post – and breaking down our process for picking them – might help other people out there who have burning questions like these ringing in their ears:

“Is this tile/paint color/cabinetry the right choice?”

“Am I going to regret this?!”

“How is this all going to look together?”

“Am I being too safe and boring? Too out there and crazy?”

“I keep going round and round – how can I actually make a decision?!”

Basically, this is the stage where you’re past all of your inspiration gathering and general planning (we shared our duplex style planning with you here) and you’re trying to take those images you saw on Pinterest or in a magazine (or just that dream room that lives in your head) and make it a real room in your real home. How do you do that? You have to find actual products that you can buy and paint colors that will tie it all together (and did I mention there’s a budget that you have to work with too)?

So here’s what we do to keep things feeling organized and to help focus ourselves and visualize things a lot better – you know so it feels less like throwing darts at a board while blindfolded – and more like following a streamlined process of steps to narrow things down and picture them before you make any final decisions.

First, Make A List

Before you start attempting to making finish selections, you need to know what decisions need to be made. And what helps us to to keep things feel more manageable is to arrange that in the order that each selection needs to be made (with the most urgent ones up top). For example, with so many decisions ahead of us – rugs, furniture, art, bedding, the list goes on and on –  we’ve chosen to focus on just the most urgent things that we need to select before any of that: paint, tile, cabinetry, plumbing, and lighting. These are the things that will go into each of the duplex’s freshly drywalled rooms to make them feel like actual rooms instead of white boxes (if you haven’t seen the most recent video tour, watch that and then come back to this post since it’ll make a lot more sense).

However you make and organize your list is up to you. For us, what starts off as a paper list often ends up as a spreadsheet once we start ordering. Here’s an example of one we used when ordered lighting for the pink house. Those first two columns (item & quantity) are the list we’re talking about. We took inventory of exactly what each space was wired for (did we need a pendant? a can light? a wall sconce? a chandelier? a fan?). It usually helps to walk through your space in person or look at a floor plan (or both!) to make sure you’re not missing anything.

The chart above is incomplete because at some point we typically move over to a more visual list, like a mood board, so we can better see how everything is coming together. Here’s one we’re in the process of making for the duplex, but more on that  – and the actual items in it – in a minute.

Then, Pick Your Star(s)

We learned long ago that a room where too many things scream for your attention can get chaotic. Plus, choosing which pieces will be the focal point relieves the pressure to make every single item in a room “interesting” which can be a tiresome, budget busting, and sometimes impossible goal. So we often break design choices loosely into two categories: stars and supporting players. The stars are the items you want people to notice when they first walk in – like the bold wallpaper, colorful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls.

Some rooms have only one star, others may have several – that’s up to you. But pretty much everything else functions to support those items – like the neutral couch that falls into the background or the white wall that helps your starring artwork or chandelier stand out. For example, readers of our email newsletter know that we’ve been hung up on the idea of colorful doors in the duplex. In fact, we’re using one of the exact colors we saw in this showhouse that we worked on earlier this year (Sherwin William’s Oyster Bay), which is pictured below, for all of the interior doors on one side of the duplex.

We knew if the doors were going to be “stars” then the wall paint around them probably shouldn’t compete for attention. So all of the walls are going to be a very light warm gray (SW Spare White). The interior doors, all of which are solid wood five-paneled doors, are actually going up in the duplex this week and we snapped some in-progress photos over the weekend. They haven’t been painted yet, but I photoshopped the image below to give you an idea of what the other side of the duplex might look like. For that side we picked a muted pink tone (SW White Truffle) which should pair nicely against the same very light warm gray walls on that side (they’ll also be SW Spare White).

We also picked our stars for the bathrooms to help focus our tile shopping. We learned from doing the pink house that we prefer a fun tile floor versus a fun tile shower wall in a bathroom (we can enjoy our cool patterned hex tile floor in the master bath from any vantage point nearby, but the pretty accent tile that we used on the back wall of the hall bathroom’s shower is often hidden by the bathroom door swinging in front of it and the shower curtain itself. Choosing to focus on some playful and beachy floor tile greatly simplified the process of tile shopping because we could focus our efforts on finding interesting things for just that area, knowing that almost anything would work with some incarnation of white subway-esque tile on the walls of the shower.

Next, Give Yourself Limiting Parameters

Having a million ideas and possibilities is exciting at the start of a design project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. So I know limits don’t sound fun, but they ARE YOUR FRIEND at this stage. Some parameters may be out of your control – like your budget, which clearly puts a cap on your tile’s price per square foot. Or your contractor’s requirement that you order lights from certain vendors or something like that. Plus, you may already know that you want only a certain color, or finish, or size.

Whatever parameters you’ve established, it’s helpful to use those to filter results when you’re searching online. Sites like Home Depot, Lowe’s, and Wayfair are becoming better and better about their search filters. USE THEM. This will save you time and keep you from going crazy.

One parameter we set for ourselves when shopping for floor tile was “no super small tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master bathroom at the beach house.” As much as we love how that floor turned out – it was very, very, VERY time consuming to install compared to the other spaces where we used larger tiles.

Choosing larger tiles with interesting patterns instead of relying on smaller tiles isn’t a parameter that makes sense for everyone or every tile project – but it really helped our decision-making process when we imposed that limit on ourselves. And the good news is that we were still able to have some fun within that guideline. For instance, we discovered that The Tile Shop sells these long 4″ x 24″ porcelain tile planks in several hues (their display shows all one color being used together) but we realized it would be fun to use all three tones together. So we bought an equal amount of pink, white, and taupe tiles to create our own large-scale herringbone for one of the mudroom floors. This was us mocking it up on the store’s floor:

We also wanted extremely durable tile materials – porcelain and ceramic only. They’re both hardworking non-porous surfaces that are typically much easier to maintain than marble and cement tile (both of which are porous, so they can get stained and you need to worry more about sealing them, etc). So that material parameter immediately cut out a ton of higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. So again, it really helped us focus on the best options for this project.

Lastly, Visualize Before You Finalize

By this point we often still have 10 million tabs open in our web browser with potential options. So after a couple of passes of nixing things we don’t feel strongly about, we usually find it helpful to visualize all of the pieces together. Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they’ll fit together or how you’ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from browser screen to browser screen – and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER!

The actual way that you choose to visualize them will vary – it may be a mood board of some sort (we use Photoshop) or you can just pin everything to a Pinterest folder to see them all together as a group. Heck, you can even print things out to make a collage and swap things in and out to see what combos you like most. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving one thing in and pulling another thing out will help you see what works well together.

For instance, while we were sifting through tile options we kept a Photoshop file like this open – and we kept dragging different contenders in and out (this isn’t the final version below, btw – it’s what it looked like in the middle of the process). It was a quick way to evaluate what looked good together and what didn’t – and much easier than clicking from tab to tab in our browser, which can make your head spin and leave you feeling like you might never make a decision.

*Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post*

As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved on to creating the floor plan images that you saw earlier, where we just dragged selections into actual rooms on each side of the duplex. Not only can we see everything in one place, but we can also stay organized as to what is going where.

With two identical-but-mirrored floor plans, sometimes it’s hard to keep things straight, so this definitely helps us stay on top of where each tile or cabinet color (or door color) will go. Plus we have the added benefit of getting to see how everything will look all together on each side of the house.

So now that we’ve shared a little bit about our process for selecting items, we’ll tell you about the items we chose themselves!

Duplex Tile, Cabinetry, & Paint

We didn’t set out to create a “pink side” and a “blue side” but once we chose the two interior door colors, it started to naturally lean that way. But we still plan to inject both colors – along with mint and various neutrals and wood tones – throughout each side as we furnish and decorate. So, in the end, it won’t feel as monochromatic as this mood board suggests.

Here are the product links for you guys, as promised:

Mudroom floor in pink, white, and taupe

Master bathroom floor

Hall bathroom floor

Kitchen backsplash 

Kitchen lower cabinets: Ikea Kallarp

Interior doors: SW White Truffle in semi-gloss

Interior walls: SW Spare White in eggshell (both sides)

Interior trim: SW Extra White in semi-gloss (both sides)

Kitchen backsplash

Kitchen lower cabinets: Ikea Askersund

Interior doors:  SW Oyster Bay in semi-gloss

Mudroom floor

Master bathroom floor

Hall bathroom floor

The wood tone on both sides is just to represent the wood floors, which are oak hardwoods that we plan to sand down and stain with Minwax Provincial (the same stain we used for our own floors in Richmond).

You can hear more about how we chose the kitchen cabinetry in this week’s podcast, but we knew we wanted to do non-white cabinets on the lowers to keep things a little more unexpected and playful (if you can’t take a few fun risks at a beach house where people will only stay for a week, where can you?!). To stick to our tight kitchen budget, which is around 4-5K for each fully finished kitchen (including appliances), we wanted to work with the stock options at Ikea since we have been really happy with their cabinetry at the pink house. And we were psyched to find both a wood toned cabinet and a painted cabinet option that we loved. In one duplex kitchen we’re pairing this pink tile with these gray-turquoise flat front cabinets. We will probably do a few white uppers on each side too – maybe with some open shelving.

On the other side of the duplex in the other kitchen, instead of colorful cabinets, we’re pairing these beachy wood flat front cabinets with a similar tile, but in a blue colorway. We bought both tile choices from The Tile Bar and they look like cement tile, but they’re porcelain! Three cheers for easier maintenance and added durability.

Here’s a look at some of the other tiles that we purchased. Three of these are from Wayfair (top right, bottom right, and bottom left), since we had such good luck ordering tile from them for the pink house, and the one in the top left is from Home Depot. Both Home Depot and Lowe’s seem to be upping their tile game lately, so it was fun to find an option like this there! And all of this tile is porcelain – again: super durable – and it’s all specifically made for floors, since we don’t want to get anything too slick that’s not meant for that surface.

I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, but keep in mind that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot of “supporting players” – like white subway tile, very light gray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. So in the end they should add some fun and interest to each bathroom, but not be too overwhelming since they’re all going to be tempered by everything else in the room. Here’s hoping, anyway!

P.S. If you missed last week’s duplex video tour, go watch that because Sherry talks about a lot of plans we haven’t covered here – like the window we’re adding to each of the hall bathrooms – and the shelves we’re adding to each side of the master bedroom in front of the exposed brick chimneys. And just for comparison’s sake, you can check out how the pink house turned out. It feels a little more old/historic since there was more original stuff that we could save in that house. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful younger sister with a beachier and slightly more colorful wardrobe. 

*This post contains affiliate links*

The post Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”) appeared first on Young House Love.

Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”) published first on https://ssmattress.tumblr.com/

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Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”)

I’m not gonna lie. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes – like paint colors for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, and tile for six bathrooms (plus two mudroom/laundry rooms along with two kitchen backsplashes) has felt overwhelming at times. Heck, planning just one room, like a bathroom renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming… and here we are planning six different bathrooms, two different kitchens, and 10 other rooms simultaneously! But we’ve managed to keep our heads on straight (so far) and even have some advice to offer through it all.

So whether you’re working on a new construction and have to make a lot of decisions like this all at once, or just trying to systematically renovate your home while keeping each room in mind so it all ends up feeling cohesive without being boring or too repetitive, this post is for you. We actually talked a little bit in this week’s podcast about how we chose each side of the duplex’s (not white!) kitchen cabinets and tile, but we knew that collectively showing you a bunch of our selections all in one post – and breaking down our process for picking them – might help other people out there who have burning questions like these ringing in their ears:

“Is this tile/paint color/cabinetry the right choice?”

“Am I going to regret this?!”

“How is this all going to look together?”

“Am I being too safe and boring? Too out there and crazy?”

“I keep going round and round – how can I actually make a decision?!”

Basically, this is the stage where you’re past all of your inspiration gathering and general planning (we shared our duplex style planning with you here) and you’re trying to take those images you saw on Pinterest or in a magazine (or just that dream room that lives in your head) and make it a real room in your real home. How do you do that? You have to find actual products that you can buy and paint colors that will tie it all together (and did I mention there’s a budget that you have to work with too)?

So here’s what we do to keep things feeling organized and to help focus ourselves and visualize things a lot better – you know so it feels less like throwing darts at a board while blindfolded – and more like following a streamlined process of steps to narrow things down and picture them before you make any final decisions.

First, Make A List

Before you start attempting to making finish selections, you need to know what decisions need to be made. And what helps us to to keep things feel more manageable is to arrange that in the order that each selection needs to be made (with the most urgent ones up top). For example, with so many decisions ahead of us – rugs, furniture, art, bedding, the list goes on and on –  we’ve chosen to focus on just the most urgent things that we need to select before any of that: paint, tile, cabinetry, plumbing, and lighting. These are the things that will go into each of the duplex’s freshly drywalled rooms to make them feel like actual rooms instead of white boxes (if you haven’t seen the most recent video tour, watch that and then come back to this post since it’ll make a lot more sense).

However you make and organize your list is up to you. For us, what starts off as a paper list often ends up as a spreadsheet once we start ordering. Here’s an example of one we used when ordered lighting for the pink house. Those first two columns (item & quantity) are the list we’re talking about. We took inventory of exactly what each space was wired for (did we need a pendant? a can light? a wall sconce? a chandelier? a fan?). It usually helps to walk through your space in person or look at a floor plan (or both!) to make sure you’re not missing anything.

The chart above is incomplete because at some point we typically move over to a more visual list, like a mood board, so we can better see how everything is coming together. Here’s one we’re in the process of making for the duplex, but more on that  – and the actual items in it – in a minute.

Then, Pick Your Star(s)

We learned long ago that a room where too many things scream for your attention can get chaotic. Plus, choosing which pieces will be the focal point relieves the pressure to make every single item in a room “interesting” which can be a tiresome, budget busting, and sometimes impossible goal. So we often break design choices loosely into two categories: stars and supporting players. The stars are the items you want people to notice when they first walk in – like the bold wallpaper, colorful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls.

Some rooms have only one star, others may have several – that’s up to you. But pretty much everything else functions to support those items – like the neutral couch that falls into the background or the white wall that helps your starring artwork or chandelier stand out. For example, readers of our email newsletter know that we’ve been hung up on the idea of colorful doors in the duplex. In fact, we’re using one of the exact colors we saw in this showhouse that we worked on earlier this year (Sherwin William’s Oyster Bay), which is pictured below, for all of the interior doors on one side of the duplex.

We knew if the doors were going to be “stars” then the wall paint around them probably shouldn’t compete for attention. So all of the walls are going to be a very light warm gray (SW Spare White). The interior doors, all of which are solid wood five-paneled doors, are actually going up in the duplex this week and we snapped some in-progress photos over the weekend. They haven’t been painted yet, but I photoshopped the image below to give you an idea of what the other side of the duplex might look like. For that side we picked a muted pink tone (SW White Truffle) which should pair nicely against the same very light warm gray walls on that side (they’ll also be SW Spare White).

We also picked our stars for the bathrooms to help focus our tile shopping. We learned from doing the pink house that we prefer a fun tile floor versus a fun tile shower wall in a bathroom (we can enjoy our cool patterned hex tile floor in the master bath from any vantage point nearby, but the pretty accent tile that we used on the back wall of the hall bathroom’s shower is often hidden by the bathroom door swinging in front of it and the shower curtain itself. Choosing to focus on some playful and beachy floor tile greatly simplified the process of tile shopping because we could focus our efforts on finding interesting things for just that area, knowing that almost anything would work with some incarnation of white subway-esque tile on the walls of the shower.

Next, Give Yourself Limiting Parameters

Having a million ideas and possibilities is exciting at the start of a design project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. So I know limits don’t sound fun, but they ARE YOUR FRIEND at this stage. Some parameters may be out of your control – like your budget, which clearly puts a cap on your tile’s price per square foot. Or your contractor’s requirement that you order lights from certain vendors or something like that. Plus, you may already know that you want only a certain color, or finish, or size.

Whatever parameters you’ve established, it’s helpful to use those to filter results when you’re searching online. Sites like Home Depot, Lowe’s, and Wayfair are becoming better and better about their search filters. USE THEM. This will save you time and keep you from going crazy.

One parameter we set for ourselves when shopping for floor tile was “no super small tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master bathroom at the beach house.” As much as we love how that floor turned out – it was very, very, VERY time consuming to install compared to the other spaces where we used larger tiles.

Choosing larger tiles with interesting patterns instead of relying on smaller tiles isn’t a parameter that makes sense for everyone or every tile project – but it really helped our decision-making process when we imposed that limit on ourselves. And the good news is that we were still able to have some fun within that guideline. For instance, we discovered that The Tile Shop sells these long 4″ x 24″ porcelain tile planks in several hues (their display shows all one color being used together) but we realized it would be fun to use all three tones together. So we bought an equal amount of pink, white, and taupe tiles to create our own large-scale herringbone for one of the mudroom floors. This was us mocking it up on the store’s floor:

We also wanted extremely durable tile materials – porcelain and ceramic only. They’re both hardworking non-porous surfaces that are typically much easier to maintain than marble and cement tile (both of which are porous, so they can get stained and you need to worry more about sealing them, etc). So that material parameter immediately cut out a ton of higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. So again, it really helped us focus on the best options for this project.

Lastly, Visualize Before You Finalize

By this point we often still have 10 million tabs open in our web browser with potential options. So after a couple of passes of nixing things we don’t feel strongly about, we usually find it helpful to visualize all of the pieces together. Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they’ll fit together or how you’ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from browser screen to browser screen – and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER!

The actual way that you choose to visualize them will vary – it may be a mood board of some sort (we use Photoshop) or you can just pin everything to a Pinterest folder to see them all together as a group. Heck, you can even print things out to make a collage and swap things in and out to see what combos you like most. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving one thing in and pulling another thing out will help you see what works well together.

For instance, while we were sifting through tile options we kept a Photoshop file like this open – and we kept dragging different contenders in and out (this isn’t the final version below, btw – it’s what it looked like in the middle of the process). It was a quick way to evaluate what looked good together and what didn’t – and much easier than clicking from tab to tab in our browser, which can make your head spin and leave you feeling like you might never make a decision.

*Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post*

As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved on to creating the floor plan images that you saw earlier, where we just dragged selections into actual rooms on each side of the duplex. Not only can we see everything in one place, but we can also stay organized as to what is going where.

With two identical-but-mirrored floor plans, sometimes it’s hard to keep things straight, so this definitely helps us stay on top of where each tile or cabinet color (or door color) will go. Plus we have the added benefit of getting to see how everything will look all together on each side of the house.

So now that we’ve shared a little bit about our process for selecting items, we’ll tell you about the items we chose themselves!

Duplex Tile, Cabinetry, & Paint

We didn’t set out to create a “pink side” and a “blue side” but once we chose the two interior door colors, it started to naturally lean that way. But we still plan to inject both colors – along with mint and various neutrals and wood tones – throughout each side as we furnish and decorate. So, in the end, it won’t feel as monochromatic as this mood board suggests.

Here are the product links for you guys, as promised:

Mudroom floor in pink, white, and taupe

Master bathroom floor

Hall bathroom floor

Kitchen backsplash 

Kitchen lower cabinets: Ikea Kallarp

Interior doors: SW White Truffle in semi-gloss

Interior walls: SW Spare White in eggshell (both sides)

Interior trim: SW Extra White in semi-gloss (both sides)

Kitchen backsplash

Kitchen lower cabinets: Ikea Askersund

Interior doors:  SW Oyster Bay in semi-gloss

Mudroom floor

Master bathroom floor

Hall bathroom floor

The wood tone on both sides is just to represent the wood floors, which are oak hardwoods that we plan to sand down and stain with Minwax Provincial (the same stain we used for our own floors in Richmond).

You can hear more about how we chose the kitchen cabinetry in this week’s podcast, but we knew we wanted to do non-white cabinets on the lowers to keep things a little more unexpected and playful (if you can’t take a few fun risks at a beach house where people will only stay for a week, where can you?!). To stick to our tight kitchen budget, which is around 4-5K for each fully finished kitchen (including appliances), we wanted to work with the stock options at Ikea since we have been really happy with their cabinetry at the pink house. And we were psyched to find both a wood toned cabinet and a painted cabinet option that we loved. In one duplex kitchen we’re pairing this pink tile with these gray-turquoise flat front cabinets. We will probably do a few white uppers on each side too – maybe with some open shelving.

On the other side of the duplex in the other kitchen, instead of colorful cabinets, we’re pairing these beachy wood flat front cabinets with a similar tile, but in a blue colorway. We bought both tile choices from The Tile Bar and they look like cement tile, but they’re porcelain! Three cheers for easier maintenance and added durability.

Here’s a look at some of the other tiles that we purchased. Three of these are from Wayfair (top right, bottom right, and bottom left), since we had such good luck ordering tile from them for the pink house, and the one in the top left is from Home Depot. Both Home Depot and Lowe’s seem to be upping their tile game lately, so it was fun to find an option like this there! And all of this tile is porcelain – again: super durable – and it’s all specifically made for floors, since we don’t want to get anything too slick that’s not meant for that surface.

I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, but keep in mind that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot of “supporting players” – like white subway tile, very light gray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. So in the end they should add some fun and interest to each bathroom, but not be too overwhelming since they’re all going to be tempered by everything else in the room. Here’s hoping, anyway!

P.S. If you missed last week’s duplex video tour, go watch that because Sherry talks about a lot of plans we haven’t covered here – like the window we’re adding to each of the hall bathrooms – and the shelves we’re adding to each side of the master bedroom in front of the exposed brick chimneys. And just for comparison’s sake, you can check out how the pink house turned out. It feels a little more old/historic since there was more original stuff that we could save in that house. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful younger sister with a beachier and slightly more colorful wardrobe. 

*This post contains affiliate links*

The post Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”) appeared first on Young House Love.

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Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”)

I’m not gonna lie. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes – like paint colors for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, and tile for six bathrooms (plus two mudroom/laundry rooms along with two kitchen backsplashes) has felt overwhelming at times. Heck, planning just one room, like a bathroom renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming… and here we are planning six different bathrooms, two different kitchens, and 10 other rooms simultaneously! But we’ve managed to keep our heads on straight (so far) and even have some advice to offer through it all.

So whether you’re working on a new construction and have to make a lot of decisions like this all at once, or just trying to systematically renovate your home while keeping each room in mind so it all ends up feeling cohesive without being boring or too repetitive, this post is for you. We actually talked a little bit in this week’s podcast about how we chose each side of the duplex’s (not white!) kitchen cabinets and tile, but we knew that collectively showing you a bunch of our selections all in one post – and breaking down our process for picking them – might help other people out there who have burning questions like these ringing in their ears:

“Is this tile/paint color/cabinetry the right choice?”

“Am I going to regret this?!”

“How is this all going to look together?”

“Am I being too safe and boring? Too out there and crazy?”

“I keep going round and round – how can I actually make a decision?!”

Basically, this is the stage where you’re past all of your inspiration gathering and general planning (we shared our duplex style planning with you here) and you’re trying to take those images you saw on Pinterest or in a magazine (or just that dream room that lives in your head) and make it a real room in your real home. How do you do that? You have to find actual products that you can buy and paint colors that will tie it all together (and did I mention there’s a budget that you have to work with too)?

So here’s what we do to keep things feeling organized and to help focus ourselves and visualize things a lot better – you know so it feels less like throwing darts at a board while blindfolded – and more like following a streamlined process of steps to narrow things down and picture them before you make any final decisions.

First, Make A List

Before you start attempting to making finish selections, you need to know what decisions need to be made. And what helps us to to keep things feel more manageable is to arrange that in the order that each selection needs to be made (with the most urgent ones up top). For example, with so many decisions ahead of us – rugs, furniture, art, bedding, the list goes on and on –  we’ve chosen to focus on just the most urgent things that we need to select before any of that: paint, tile, cabinetry, plumbing, and lighting. These are the things that will go into each of the duplex’s freshly drywalled rooms to make them feel like actual rooms instead of white boxes (if you haven’t seen the most recent video tour, watch that and then come back to this post since it’ll make a lot more sense).

However you make and organize your list is up to you. For us, what starts off as a paper list often ends up as a spreadsheet once we start ordering. Here’s an example of one we used when ordered lighting for the pink house. Those first two columns (item & quantity) are the list we’re talking about. We took inventory of exactly what each space was wired for (did we need a pendant? a can light? a wall sconce? a chandelier? a fan?). It usually helps to walk through your space in person or look at a floor plan (or both!) to make sure you’re not missing anything.

The chart above is incomplete because at some point we typically move over to a more visual list, like a mood board, so we can better see how everything is coming together. Here’s one we’re in the process of making for the duplex, but more on that  – and the actual items in it – in a minute.

Then, Pick Your Star(s)

We learned long ago that a room where too many things scream for your attention can get chaotic. Plus, choosing which pieces will be the focal point relieves the pressure to make every single item in a room “interesting” which can be a tiresome, budget busting, and sometimes impossible goal. So we often break design choices loosely into two categories: stars and supporting players. The stars are the items you want people to notice when they first walk in – like the bold wallpaper, colorful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls.

Some rooms have only one star, others may have several – that’s up to you. But pretty much everything else functions to support those items – like the neutral couch that falls into the background or the white wall that helps your starring artwork or chandelier stand out. For example, readers of our email newsletter know that we’ve been hung up on the idea of colorful doors in the duplex. In fact, we’re using one of the exact colors we saw in this showhouse that we worked on earlier this year (Sherwin William’s Oyster Bay), which is pictured below, for all of the interior doors on one side of the duplex.

We knew if the doors were going to be “stars” then the wall paint around them probably shouldn’t compete for attention. So all of the walls are going to be a very light warm gray (SW Spare White). The interior doors, all of which are solid wood five-paneled doors, are actually going up in the duplex this week and we snapped some in-progress photos over the weekend. They haven’t been painted yet, but I photoshopped the image below to give you an idea of what the other side of the duplex might look like. For that side we picked a muted pink tone (SW White Truffle) which should pair nicely against the same very light warm gray walls on that side (they’ll also be SW Spare White).

We also picked our stars for the bathrooms to help focus our tile shopping. We learned from doing the pink house that we prefer a fun tile floor versus a fun tile shower wall in a bathroom (we can enjoy our cool patterned hex tile floor in the master bath from any vantage point nearby, but the pretty accent tile that we used on the back wall of the hall bathroom’s shower is often hidden by the bathroom door swinging in front of it and the shower curtain itself. Choosing to focus on some playful and beachy floor tile greatly simplified the process of tile shopping because we could focus our efforts on finding interesting things for just that area, knowing that almost anything would work with some incarnation of white subway-esque tile on the walls of the shower.

Next, Give Yourself Limiting Parameters

Having a million ideas and possibilities is exciting at the start of a design project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. So I know limits don’t sound fun, but they ARE YOUR FRIEND at this stage. Some parameters may be out of your control – like your budget, which clearly puts a cap on your tile’s price per square foot. Or your contractor’s requirement that you order lights from certain vendors or something like that. Plus, you may already know that you want only a certain color, or finish, or size.

Whatever parameters you’ve established, it’s helpful to use those to filter results when you’re searching online. Sites like Home Depot, Lowe’s, and Wayfair are becoming better and better about their search filters. USE THEM. This will save you time and keep you from going crazy.

One parameter we set for ourselves when shopping for floor tile was “no super small tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master bathroom at the beach house.” As much as we love how that floor turned out – it was very, very, VERY time consuming to install compared to the other spaces where we used larger tiles.

Choosing larger tiles with interesting patterns instead of relying on smaller tiles isn’t a parameter that makes sense for everyone or every tile project – but it really helped our decision-making process when we imposed that limit on ourselves. And the good news is that we were still able to have some fun within that guideline. For instance, we discovered that The Tile Shop sells these long 4″ x 24″ porcelain tile planks in several hues (their display shows all one color being used together) but we realized it would be fun to use all three tones together. So we bought an equal amount of pink, white, and taupe tiles to create our own large-scale herringbone for one of the mudroom floors. This was us mocking it up on the store’s floor:

We also wanted extremely durable tile materials – porcelain and ceramic only. They’re both hardworking non-porous surfaces that are typically much easier to maintain than marble and cement tile (both of which are porous, so they can get stained and you need to worry more about sealing them, etc). So that material parameter immediately cut out a ton of higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. So again, it really helped us focus on the best options for this project.

Lastly, Visualize Before You Finalize

By this point we often still have 10 million tabs open in our web browser with potential options. So after a couple of passes of nixing things we don’t feel strongly about, we usually find it helpful to visualize all of the pieces together. Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they’ll fit together or how you’ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from browser screen to browser screen – and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER!

The actual way that you choose to visualize them will vary – it may be a mood board of some sort (we use Photoshop) or you can just pin everything to a Pinterest folder to see them all together as a group. Heck, you can even print things out to make a collage and swap things in and out to see what combos you like most. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving one thing in and pulling another thing out will help you see what works well together.

For instance, while we were sifting through tile options we kept a Photoshop file like this open – and we kept dragging different contenders in and out (this isn’t the final version below, btw – it’s what it looked like in the middle of the process). It was a quick way to evaluate what looked good together and what didn’t – and much easier than clicking from tab to tab in our browser, which can make your head spin and leave you feeling like you might never make a decision.

*Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post*

As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved on to creating the floor plan images that you saw earlier, where we just dragged selections into actual rooms on each side of the duplex. Not only can we see everything in one place, but we can also stay organized as to what is going where.

With two identical-but-mirrored floor plans, sometimes it’s hard to keep things straight, so this definitely helps us stay on top of where each tile or cabinet color (or door color) will go. Plus we have the added benefit of getting to see how everything will look all together on each side of the house.

So now that we’ve shared a little bit about our process for selecting items, we’ll tell you about the items we chose themselves!

Duplex Tile, Cabinetry, & Paint

We didn’t set out to create a “pink side” and a “blue side” but once we chose the two interior door colors, it started to naturally lean that way. But we still plan to inject both colors – along with mint and various neutrals and wood tones – throughout each side as we furnish and decorate. So, in the end, it won’t feel as monochromatic as this mood board suggests.

Here are the product links for you guys, as promised:

Mudroom floor in pink, white, and taupe

Master bathroom floor

Hall bathroom floor

Kitchen backsplash 

Kitchen lower cabinets: Ikea Kallarp

Interior doors: SW White Truffle in semi-gloss

Interior walls: SW Spare White in eggshell (both sides)

Interior trim: SW Extra White in semi-gloss (both sides)

Kitchen backsplash

Kitchen lower cabinets: Ikea Askersund

Interior doors:  SW Oyster Bay in semi-gloss

Mudroom floor

Master bathroom floor

Hall bathroom floor

The wood tone on both sides is just to represent the wood floors, which are oak hardwoods that we plan to sand down and stain with Minwax Provincial (the same stain we used for our own floors in Richmond).

You can hear more about how we chose the kitchen cabinetry in this week’s podcast, but we knew we wanted to do non-white cabinets on the lowers to keep things a little more unexpected and playful (if you can’t take a few fun risks at a beach house where people will only stay for a week, where can you?!). To stick to our tight kitchen budget, which is around 4-5K for each fully finished kitchen (including appliances), we wanted to work with the stock options at Ikea since we have been really happy with their cabinetry at the pink house. And we were psyched to find both a wood toned cabinet and a painted cabinet option that we loved. In one duplex kitchen we’re pairing this pink tile with these gray-turquoise flat front cabinets. We will probably do a few white uppers on each side too – maybe with some open shelving.

On the other side of the duplex in the other kitchen, instead of colorful cabinets, we’re pairing these beachy wood flat front cabinets with a similar tile, but in a blue colorway. We bought both tile choices from The Tile Bar and they look like cement tile, but they’re porcelain! Three cheers for easier maintenance and added durability.

Here’s a look at some of the other tiles that we purchased. Three of these are from Wayfair (top right, bottom right, and bottom left), since we had such good luck ordering tile from them for the pink house, and the one in the top left is from Home Depot. Both Home Depot and Lowe’s seem to be upping their tile game lately, so it was fun to find an option like this there! And all of this tile is porcelain – again: super durable – and it’s all specifically made for floors, since we don’t want to get anything too slick that’s not meant for that surface.

I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, but keep in mind that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot of “supporting players” – like white subway tile, very light gray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. So in the end they should add some fun and interest to each bathroom, but not be too overwhelming since they’re all going to be tempered by everything else in the room. Here’s hoping, anyway!

P.S. If you missed last week’s duplex video tour, go watch that because Sherry talks about a lot of plans we haven’t covered here – like the window we’re adding to each of the hall bathrooms – and the shelves we’re adding to each side of the master bedroom in front of the exposed brick chimneys. And just for comparison’s sake, you can check out how the pink house turned out. It feels a little more old/historic since there was more original stuff that we could save in that house. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful younger sister with a beachier and slightly more colorful wardrobe. 

*This post contains affiliate links*

The post Our Duplex Paint, Cabinetry, & Tile Choices (Let’s Just Say They’re Not “Safe”) appeared first on Young House Love.

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