#seriously feel free to add on to this

[storm-driver]

if i may ask. thoughts on the trollhunters movie

how did they do voltron a second time

under the cut for spoiler discussion

I don't think it's the worst "finale" we could've gotten, but it's verily lackluster, considering how great the ending for og Trollhunters was.

I think the worst part is arguably the 'Unbecoming' part during the last 10 minutes, especially since Jim had finally gotten his amulet back and was REALLY ready to throw down again, just like the good old days.

The original series already showed us that Jim not being the Trollhunter wasn't destiny, so it sorta feels like a kick in the teeth for Jim to casually pass it on to Toby. I would want to think the implication is that Jim is going to bear the burden of knowing there was a worse outcome in the other timeline. But that still feels just as bad.

The idea is that the ENTIRE journey we all just went on was null and void. Did it happen? Yes, because Jim remembers by the end and he's going to use that knowledge to make this second shot better. But it feels so cheap at the end of the day.

It was like they wanted to write a little more tragedy into the show, but knew that they needed to give it a big send-off that would leave fans with some decent closure. Unfortunately, the closure comes in the form of having to accept that the massive journey you just went on has been forgotten.

Now, if this had branched into some mega version of "Unbecoming," where Jim has to face the consequences of his actions, I don't think that'd be a bad idea. But it ain't where the series ended, and thus, I don't like to consider the movie when I think about the series as a whole.

Besides the ending, I don't think the whole movie was bad. I thought the opening sequence with tryna get Nari to safety was cool and beautifully animated. There were a few scenes throughout the whole movie that I thought were fuckin dope, like the scene where Jim gets the amulet back while he's gonna fight Belroc. That whole sequence was very hype and it honestly felt earned.

The animation quality for the movie as a whole is immaculate. Nothing looks out of place as far as the original series goes, it just looks like they got a higher budget for the movie and told the animation team to go nuts. Again, it's gorgeous and I'm glad I watched it for the animation alone.

I have always had my faves and dislikes in the voice cast of ToA. Unfortunately, I still haven't gotten past the loss of Anton Yelchin for Jim. His new VA does a splendid job in his memory, but part of why I loved Jim so much in the original series was that passion from the late Anton. Of course, that's nothing that can be fixed. I have no issue with Jim's voice as it is, I just mourn what we've lost. Everyone else in the main cast does a great job, and I have a soft spot for Douxie especially. He was a beautiful addition to the franchise as a whole.

Besides that, I wouldn't want to rag on the movie fulltime besides saying the Steve and Aja sideplot was someone's disguised fetish, so I'm not commenting on that at all. I also thought Aja and Krel's presence in the movie was very weak, considering how fun a sideseries 3Below had been. The Varvatos mech was cool, even if it was just another Pacific Rim. Wish they'd been in the movie more as leading protags.

I'll write down one last thing: I thought the ending of Wizards ended kinda weak, considering how long it'd been since we saw Troll-Jim, and I personally would've loved to see more of that version of him before it got swept away in plot resolution. So not getting to see that side of him for the movie felt like a semi-loss. I don't mind that he got saved. Just that it was too soon and we could've seen more of that troll-ish side like we saw in the original series.

Overall opinion? Very poor quality close to the whole franchise. Not a terrible movie as a standalone. Good animation, bad writing choices. I don't personally think of it as canon, or accept it as a proper ending.

I can't think of much else to say, but if you wanted my opinion on anything I didn't say here, totally okay to respond or reblog with further discussion! The series as a whole means a lot to me and I enjoy talking about it, even if we do a little nitpicking.

[rip-headphones-users]

My Headcannons for how Infected and Kasper operate

Buckle up, this is a long post. Thinking about how characters function in relation to the world around them is basically a hobby of mine, so expect more. (I have others planned for both lampert and unpleasant at the very least)

(Not ship related) (angst heavy sorry)

Kasper’s infection is a brain-rooted/cognito-hazardous parasite

He got it after purposely ignoring a chainmail curse, both as a sort of “fuck around and find out” as well as an outright form of self-harm/self-sabotage.

The parasite is the one that primarily controls all the conscious actions of infected, while kasper now acts sub-consciously.

Its less of a split-mind situation and more of a Venom + Eddie or Gundam + Pilot situation they are two separate entities inhabiting the same body that can potentially act at the same time

It just so happens that the parasite from the chainmail curse has VERY similar desires/interests/motivations to Kasper, so the host/parasite relationship actually works very well.

Infected accidentally makes Kasper lose a decent chunk of weight after it takes over, due to it not being able to feel when Kasper is hungry and forgetting to let him eat

Kasper and Infected can be addressed separately (Lampert, UnpleasantGradient, Folly and maybe a few others know this) and Kasper tends to choose not to respond due to his own apathy, instead opting to let Infected take the lead.

Being able to respawn/no permadeath on the regretevator is the reason why Kasper opted to infect himself, as he saw it as the next closest thing to death/suicide.

Allowing infected to enter his mind has radically reduced Kasper’s lifespan. (He’d be lucky if he made it to his late 30’s)

His nose bleeds when Kasper and infected try to act at the same time

Infected is only transferrable via chainmail

Infected doesn’t feel any of the bodily necessities that kasper has, so its not uncommon for him to collapse of exhaustion, dehydration, hunger, ect. If someone doesn’t remind him.

Infected doesnt feel pain either

Kasper feels it though. A lot.

In fact the whole process of infected entering his mind was incredibly painful as is.

Infected isn’t the reason why things in the elevator/on his own body suddenly lose their texture, neither of them know why that happens now.

They personally aren’t physically effected by it and both find it cool, so neither are bothered.

It’s probably just the result of infected’s malware (thats only technically supposed to effect machines) managing to attach itself to a human. Or maybe Kasper could do that and never previously knew. Who knows. ;)

Kasper/infected can phase through objects that are textureless, including parts of his own body. Anything else will collide as it normally would, and take damage.

Infected will always talk with full leetspeak, (L13k D1$) while Kasper will only have one letter/number substitution (L1ke Th1s)

UG unintentionally named infected that. Basically just looked at Kasper, who had just let a parasite into his mind, and looked at the chainmail virus on his computer, and it went “huh… Bro’s Infected”

Bro is, in fact, infected.

[damnikindadontcare]

A comprehensive list as to why I think Carmy x Claire shouldn’t be together:

It took Carmy a good 10 seconds to remember Claire’s name at the store

Carmy originally gave her a fake number, so she hunted down Fak to get his real one

Claire had to make him repeat his real number to her even though he looked like he was fighting for his life to not hang up the phone

Their dates weren’t dates, they we’re running errands and not the sweet “I love doing mundane stuff with you kind” the “my cars not working so I need a ride kind”

When they attended the house party Carmy was clearly uncomfortable and quite literally pretended to be someone else the entire time (Logan)

Mikey and Richie pressuring Carmy about Claire in fishes even though he clearly just wants them stop and let it go

THE PANIC ATTACK SCENE, Carmy trying to his damndest to picture Claire to help himself calm down but it’s not working and the moment he pictures Syd he can breathe again

They had brief crush on each other in high school and nothing more, they were never close friends if anything Mikey and Richie seemed closer to Claire than Carmy ever was. Their conversation in the car backs this up because Claire talks about knowing and thinking Mikey was cool, but not a lot about Carmy

Every time Carmy was asked if Claire is his girlfriend he couldn’t answer, he even has to ask Fak if Claire is his girlfriend

Not to make this about SydCarmy but to make this about SydCarmy he does all these intimate things with Syd (i.e. the table scene, the monogrammed jacket, you deserve my full focus, opening an entire restaurant with her) but he can’t even bring himself to call Claire his girlfriend

There was no point where Carmy showed any interest at starting or being in a relationship with Claire it was all forced by someone else (i.e. Giving Claire a fake number, Fak giving Claire his real number, Richie and Mikey pressuring him in fishes, Richie and Fak pressuring him even now, only calling Claire his gf after someone told him that’s what she’s supposed to be, hanging out with her only when he runs errands and needs a ride, having to be reminded to invite her to family and friends night)

Their entire relationship felt like an obligation (specifically to Mikey) from Carmy’s part, he never pursued it and never put as much work into it as Claire did

The obvious indications that Claire represents Carmy’s past while Syd represents his future

Claire telling Carmy she loves him for the first time via voicemail after only dating for a few weeks

Carmy unintentionally breaking up with Claire whilst locked in a fridge

[hows-itgoagain]

its so tragic when a fandom has The Ship that completely overshadows so many other ships to the point that they’re entirely forgotten about by so many people and some people end up not even KNOWING about some other ships because The Ship is too popular

[scourgeofshadows]

How I found out someone attempted to assassinate Trump

[thatgoddamngingerundercut]

2020 MAMA 'Dynamite' Dance Break

[euclydya]

can y'all tell me about hatena? :0 i think it has something to do with flipnote animations but i never had a 3ds or anything, so i don't know much about it :'] but i see y'all talk about it sometimes!! :0

mhm! So flipnote studio was actually an app on the dsi! it was for animating indeed, and while it was very simplistic in design people made a LOT of cool animations with it! for example, a couple of flipnote artists we really looked up to back in the day were EpicGuitar and ShinyEevee:

they were SO popular on hatena dude. Epic especially, I think the two of em (they're brothers and they shared a ds to animate) were like The Most Popular animator on american hatena at one point but wdr Exactly fndndndjdjfjd

but ANYWAYS. Hatena was our first social media, it's where we met our bff of like. over 10 years? when did we meet exactly??? in 2013 I think JESUS IT'S BEEN LIKE 11 YEARS @primordial0riginator ??????????? I'm getting off topic but what the fuck time flies! so yeah hatena's pretty important to us cuz not only did it kickstart our love for animation and helping us take art seriously, we also met like. Our Best Friend In The Entire World there!

Back to hatena though it was like. Hell sometimes HDJSJSJDKDDKS you'd go to check the most popular flipnotes and of course see The Big Popular Famous Guys (Epic, ShinyEevee, Gizmo... God who else. I'm having a mind blank fbdhshxjfjdb) but also sooooo much spam because hatena worked on a. "give this flipnote Stars" system where you could just sit down and spam click a button and give a flipnote an infinite amount of gold stars? which were like... Likes fhdjsjdjdsjd.

There were other stars too though. Green stars, you got those for correctly reporting theft of flipnotes as compensation! There were also blue, red, and purple stars! Blue and red stars you had to buy, same with purple stars I think, but you could gift em all out after you bought em. Getting any coloured star was seen as a badge of honour or some shit, ESPECIALLY purple stars. If you got a purple star you were FUCKING. AMAZING. you were like, talk of the town for a bit. Those fuckers were EXTREMELY FUCKING RARE. probably because they cost a shitton.

Actually scratch that, I just googled it and apparently they were so rare because you could only get them in the most expensive stars pack (you could buy coloured stars in packs btw!) and they weren't even guaranteed to show up, what the fuck? Not to mention this app was full of children and young teens, barely any adults posting flipnotes, so you KNOW everyone's parents were like.... Nnnahhhhhhh to buying coloured stars HSDNSHSJSJDSJ. We vividly remember ShinyEevee getting a purple star and we were SO happy for him tbh

And!!! speaking of stars even more, they could be used not just on flipnotes but to buy custom themes for your creator room! A creator room was like. Your profile. You could customize it after you hit a certain milestone (something like having a registered active account for more than a week idr exactly) and good LIRD they had tons of themes to choose from HFDNDKDKDKXJZ i remember a fairly cheap one we saved up for iirc was a galaxy theme? it was. very pretty and only costed green stars. I'm sure there were themes out there that needed purple stars to be purchased but Whateverrrrr HDDHDJDHDJD

uhhhh what else. The most popular type of flipnote was the AMV, animated music video. You'd see tons of people's furry ocs lipsyncing to Whatever Popular Pop Songs have been playing on the radio recently and if you were lucky those flipnotes would be Unlocked, meaning you can download them and change them—obviously this was a huge sign of trust because people WOULD ABSOLUTELY STEAL YOUR FUCKING ART FHFHCJDJDDJFJ but anyway. People would leave their notes unlocked all the time so others could spin em off and use the audio to animate to.

There were AVs, Animated videos, which were like. not music videos obvs but short comedy tidbits? Like. using the audio from family guy or SpongeBob instead of music. Those were popular too ofc but not as much as AMVs; a few creators were known for their AVs moreso than their AMCVs though! and usually people did a mix of both cuz AVs didn't take as long to animate than AMVs did cuz people put E F F O R T into making AMVs usually JEHDJDSJDJDU

There were PVs, picture videos, where the animation was very limited. Nowadays ig those are called animatics! Usually set to music, and the music was generally vocaloid. Not much to say about em tbh

uhhhhjjj what else... We remember people would "import" flipnotes too. Usually really well animated Japanese flipnotes. Idk how they'd do it, but they'd get onto japanese hatena somehow and download tons of popular flipnotes from over there and repost them (with proper credit... sometimes.) to american hatena. those also got super popular usually!

I think that's it tbh! It was a nice and sorta niche community that made up a lotta people's childhoods. Hatena itself shut down in 2013 or 2014, and was quickly replaced with Sudomemo, which... Hoo lord. Sudomemo is its own can of worms HDDHSJDJDJDSIDK. Lotta good animators over there too but afaik it's either DEAD dead now (as in, not active at ALL) or it's also been shut down? Not sure tbh. But yeah! There's the basics of what hatena was, there's tons of video essays out there going into more depth if you're ever curious though!

-Jimmy

[strogoff-era]

Settings for your Terror (2018) modern!AU

Litteraly the most boring job you can think of. Put these guys in Situations

Sea Of Thieves players being really into rp

Whatever field you're working/studying in (must come with fun facts and gossips about the field)

Restaurant staff

Production team for AMC. They're working on a show about this Artic expedition and no one notices that they all share the same names as the guys who died 200 years ago

Aquarium staff

Great British Bake Off

Tattoo parlor & flower shop. You choose which one is Terror or Erebus

SCP team

Animal rescue team

Strip club

Weird and convoluted web of Tumblr mutuals

E-sport team

They’re all 12 and talking on a 2000’s rp forum

Summer camp

[wizard-irl]

Things That Are Not Closed

Spiritual energy in the body

Smoke used to cleanse

Spirits as companions, mentors, or guides

Poppets

Things That Are Closed

Chakras

Smudging

Spirit/totem animals

Voodoo dolls

No culture owns a concept, but they do own how they interpret and execute that concept. If you're drawn to a closed practice, there's likely a non-closed alternative you can pursue instead.

[darkwood-sleddog]

no idea where i'll go if tumblr falls. my dogs whole lives have been documented here. my training successes and failures. my literal everything. this blog has been the only time i've ever felt like i've built a community online. i really hope tumblr sticks around.

[enlitment]

Przybyszewska's The Danton Case Official Drinking Game

Take a sip of a wine from Marseille* every time...

(*maybe water it down or substitute it with grape juice if you don't want to be like Danton in the play)

Someone starts humming La Marseillaise out of the blue

Danton gets called ugly (warning: maybe do it every other time, this happens quite a lot)

A character dramatically takes out their pocket watch

Robespierre's eye colour gets mentioned (yes, being called a "green-eyed monster" counts too)

A character either: a) talks about getting on their knees for someone, you know, metaphorically b) literally gets on their knees (looking at you, Eléonore)

Someone calls Camille a 'genius baby/toddler'

Lucile says or does something that proves she's smarter than 99 % of the characters

Robespierre gets called the Incorruptible

Saint-Just's being dte in the committee meetings (=down to execute)

You feel the strong urge to yell at Camille and call him a beautiful idiot (also approach with caution - this may be subjective but I personally felt like doing it in literally every scene he's in)

[housederiva]

just wanted to say you're not annoying in my notes at all, so no worries!! it's always super fun when you reblog my stuff because i get to see everyone's tags and what they think when they reblog it from you, so dw you're 100% fine! -abyssal-ilk

Ah! That's super kind of you to say (and a huge relief) I always get worried about that sort of thing xx

[adoroborosgoth]

do you think we can stop paying for Netflix now? how many shows do they have to cancel for people so say enough? Is it really worth it when all they do is make a show and cancel it doesn't matter how good it is or how loved. I'm not even a shadow and bone fan but I recognize that the council has made a stupid decision. In this case all they do is make stupid decisions, can we stop paying them to do it.

[mrbottomhat69]

I accidentally fell ass-first into Star Darlings lore after finding the tie-in character guide at a thrift store and some of the stuff astounds me because the doll line and the webisodes made it seem like a slice-of-life series about astrological sign girls starting a band. Taurus girl and Gemini girl are sisters. Capricorn girl grew up in a circus. Cancer girl's parents are straight-up dead. The book series deals with internal espionage and the potential end of the world. It looks so plain and conventional on the surface but holy cow. Every time you make a wish, celestial anime girls go down to earth to grant it in order to keep negative energy from swallowing the earth. Cosmic horror lite, basically.

[justanothershippingcan]

It makes me almost laugh how, even after P5R, some genuinely believe Akiren and Akechi hate each other. It’s just so baffling to me when (and this isn’t even everything):

1) The whole beginning of their confidant (and Akiren still going out with Akechi for eight whole ranks) implies in a not-even-subtle way that Akiren knew. He knew from the very start that Akechi was someone at the very least dangerous due to his detective work, and even more so with the full-on certainty (basically) that Akechi had already been into the metaverse. Yet the full true ending requires that the whole confidant has been completed and truly, besides an initial attempt to understand the danger the PTs were getting into with Akechi, Akiren/Akechi’s whole outings were... dates. The most normal of dates, aside from Rank 7 (which is where, again, not even so subtly, Goro “mentions” the whole assassination ordeal and an aborted-from-the-start possible accomplice route) and ofc Rank 8. Akiren didn’t have much to gain from them, besides possibly understanding... well, Akechi as a person. And also, Akiren is kind of an appreciator of the fine art of danger, he likes the thrill of it. He loves the rivalry they have. 

2) I adore how dudebros many use the whole “I hate you” bit of Rank 8 as proof of Akechi’s hatred towards Akiren and... it is kinda funny. Because, yes, the sentiment is there, and Akechi isn’t utterly lying, but it requires a reading between the lines operation. Both Morgana and Maruki literally state, respectively that “Goro likes Joker” (OG Japanese Engine Room, translated in English as “You don’t hate Joker”, which still conveys the same meaning, albeit less strongly/forwardly) and that their relationship “ISN’T based on hatred, nor ill will”. 

What Goro defines as spite for Akiren as a person is mostly spite because of his envy. Envy because Joker is everything Goro could have been had he had a chance. Envy because Joker was luckier. Envy because Joker got what Akechi had been craving for the most: being loved by people around him for who he is. These same people are also ones that state how basically everything from Akechi’s mouth is a full on lie besides this one and only one, but I digress. A more normal line of thoughts linked to this is, well, Akechi’s whole assassination attempt as proof of his hatred again, which well, the assassination attempt is yikes on a healthy relationship perspective, but since I am not debating on whether their relationship is healthy or not as if enemies to lovers where the lovers attempt to kill each other isn’t a basis for many heterosexual classical literature romances as well, isn’t it pretty funny that Goro challenges Akiren to a duel just before that fateful day of November. And isn’t it even funnier how he wasn’t that surprised by Akiren surviving and even states,at max rank, how Akiren too isn’t satisfied with how they left it either. I wonder.

3) P5R whole, well, Royal part is literally Maruki creating a false reality for all the PTs and somehow people still believe Akiren hates Goro with the full-on knowledge that Akiren’s whole ideal (again ideal, wished for) reality is Goro living and working with the PTs. It’s Goro having a second chance. It’s Goro specifically being with him, playing Chess with him in the reserved space of Akiren’s attic (the window behind them is the same as Akiren’s attic), their card is the only one, besides Simping Morgana - where Ann isn’t even looking at him btw) - where two PTs are together). 

I have seen someone in a comment mention how this is proof Akiren wanted Akechi to pay for his crimes and being alive was so Goro could be sent to jail when? Literally Akechi isn’t allowed to go to jail in Maruki’s reality LMAO. Akiren could have asked for everything. Money, fame... yes, but we can state these aren’t truly Akiren-like wishes, right? So, not that. But how about... having a loving family that actually cares? Because no, I can’t believe parents who leave their child to a friend’s acquaintance are supposed to be good parents. But this is an HC, so let’s scrap that. Then there is it: clearing up his name. Making it so that all of his crimes would vanish completely, especially in a country like Japan where having a dirty record is utterly terrible. He would get rid of the side-looks, the prejudices, the suspicions possibly brewing in his home town about him being the worst of criminals at age 17/18. And yet. No. For sure we can say the PTs being all together is also accounted for in Akiren’s wish, possibly, but the thing is, Maruki doesn’t use that as a last resource. His ace in his sleeve was Akechi. Had always been.

4) Every single third awakening in the game is in each PT’s room. It’s somewhere private, somewhere which is only theirs, somewhere they can call home. Akechi’s initially, in early development as uncovered by Faz, was in Jazz Jin which, he himself admits, is kinda his place, a place where he unwinds and relaxes. Akin to, well, a bedroom. Yet, it was significantly changed. Changed to freaking Leblanc. And no, I don’t think it’s because of the coffee. 

5) You know the song No More What Ifs? The one which at first was in Proof Of Justice (which, by the way, either inspired the contents of the game or the Anime and P5R directors are besties, since what’s in there is basically Akechi’s P5R confidant condensed in 20 minutes of angsty gay longing footage) and then got put, as many other Proof of Justice related matters - as stated above -, in the game? It’s literally Akechi’s theme song. And it talks about him in every way (I can only be me... if you haven’t read Mementos Mission GO READ IT) and about someone else who brings joy to life (I wonder who that is)? Yes, well, the instrumental of it is the default song in the Thieves Den. Which. It’s defined as Akiren’s palace. 2+2=4 and in here Suspicious coincidences add up to just equal either fruity (for real) or still the undeniable fact that what these two share is a sentiment far, far from hatred.

[tinukis]

i think about trans sanji a lot... mtf or ftm he's transgender (or genderfluid ♥️)

but i think about ftm sanji and his struggles with his identity. his self hatred, self esteem, and toxic masculinity... i think about ftm sanji a lot...

i have stuff from my notes app. one was meant to be written as a fic but i gave up so it's incomplete. this takes place after wci and before wano. warnings are below the cut and in the tags, please read with caution.

trigger warning - gender dysphoria, child abuse (may be graphic.), misgendering, self-harm

Sanji wishes he was never a man. Let alone be born with the genital of a woman's.

He loves women. He admires them. Their beauty, their bodies, their smile, their femininity, everything. He wishes he could be just like them, that was his assigned sex, after all. Yet as a child, every time he stared at himself in the mirror, he would be staring at someone else. He did see a girl, but it wasn't him.

It's his turn on night watch. As everyone exchanges their goodnights and enter the cabin, Sanji climbs into the crow's nest and leaned against the window where the moonlight shined. His hand over his heart and crumpling his shirt into his fist. They just left Whole Cake Island but now that half his crew learned about the Vinsmokes, he was only filled with dread and anxiety.

They knew too much and there was nothing he can do about it but fill his lungs with tobacco. He knew they wouldn't pry further and he was relieved that they still see him the same but... It was being confronted by his Captain he dreaded the most. He didn't care about anyone's past nor does he try to look into them, but after everything Sanji did to Luffy and what Luffy did for him, he doesn't know what the hell to expect anymore.

Sanji knows Luffy would notice something's wrong and he couldn't avoid him forever. What was he supposed to tell him anyway?

Oh everything's fine, Luffy. Just you know, I've been reminded what sex I was born as and how I grew up hating myself because I'm actually a man. And I hated being a man because of how all the men in my life raised and treated me. I feel like I have betrayed all the women in my life. But other than that, I'm fine, Captain.

He puffs out a trail of smoke with a long exhale, clutching his head and pulling his hair that covered his right eye. He only wishes for silence but the calm waves below. Not his shitty thoughts about his identity or what lessons he'd been taught on Kamabakka Kingdom. With little to nonexistent self-worth, it was fucking hard to accept who he is. He needed no one elses approval but his own.

—

"Mother... is it wrong to feel like a boy?" Sanji fiddled with his thumbs, sitting on the edge of his mother's bed. His back was turned towards her, but he could hear her smile.

"What makes you feel that, Sanji?"

"... I don't know. My heart feels bad and heavy when I am a girl," Sanji hugged himself tight, gritting his teeth to hold back his tears. His brothers told him a man doesn't cry, otherwise he'd never be considered or respected as one.

"Sanji, look at me," his mother's voice was soft and full with kindness.

Sanji slowly turned his head, sniffling his red nose with his tearful eyes. His mother gently cupped over his cheek and wiped away the teardrops overflowing from the corner of his eye.

"Follow what your heart feels, Sanji. Despite what your father says, you continue seeing me, right? Continue with what your heart desires."

...

If only it were that easy.

—

"I was born wrong," said Sanji.

"Clearly," responded father. Unsure what he had meant by that, Sanji was overjoyed to be treated as a boy going forward.

A man was not who he wanted to be, yet those feelings of euphoria when dressed alike to his brothers and referred to as a "son" or "he" were undeniable.

It was a bit of surprise that even his brothers were forced to comply. But that doesn't stop their bullying and abuse whenever left alone with them.

–

"We're only wrestling! It's what boys do!" Yonji exclaimed with his arm strangled around Sanji's neck. Sanji tugged and tugged, attempting to escape his grasp only for Yonji to flex tighter.

"You're a boy, right, Sanji? Then act like one! Reiju is more of a man than you are!" Niji laughed, swinging a harsh kick into Sanji's shin.

Sanji was gasping between breaths, his skin turning from a shade of red to blue. For once, Yonji obliged but that moment of refreshing release was cut short by Ichiji's foot to Sanji's mouth.

"If you're a man, then stand up!" Ichiji yelled, kicking Sanji again by his stomach, not giving him a single chance for a breath of air. Coughed up blood splattered over the red carpet and Ichiji's white pants.

"Eww! She spat out blood!" Yonji exaggerated his gagging with his tongue lolled out his mouth and pointing into it.

Sanji shakily forced himself up, bloodied and bruised. His brothers smirked at him, intrigued that he was even capable of standing up after a beating.

"I'm... I'm not a she!!!" Sanji shouted and panted heavily. He knelt over, clutching onto his growling stomach that was building up his throat.

"Oh yeah? If you're not a girl, then," without warning, Niji swung his leg across Sanji's head, forcing a crack into the castle's walls. "Try not to pass out!"

His brothers waited for their useless brother to even breathe one shallow breath. Sanji couldn't move a single muscle, yet he was still conscious. When he heard heavy footsteps, his eyes widened and his heart beat grew steady. Sanji cried out for his father, but his throat felt clogged and not a word was heard.

"H-hel...p... me..." Sanji sputtered with quivering lips. His brothers laughed aloud, every time their mouths opened their words would never be positive.

The heavy footsteps got closer and Sanji turned his head towards that direction, staring at his father's unchanged expression. The burning sensation from his stomach rose. It ached terribly and he couldn't do anything but cry.

"F-fath— MGH—!" Sanji vomited on the carpet, his brothers expressed their disgust and laughed. When Sanji's eyes met with Judge, he was stared down at with revulsion. He bit back the bottom of his lip, trying to prevent tears or vomiting again, he couldn't tell what was happening anymore. It was like the room started to spin, the laughter dissipating in the background before everything turned to black.

–

The only people in Sanji's life that even treated him with kindness were women. His bedridden mother, his bystander sister, and the maids. But his mother was long gone for months. All he became accustomed to was the gray brick walls, steel bars caging him in, and a heavy iron helmet upon his head. The only people that ever kept him company were the Germa soldiers. But of course, they never bothered with conversations and only responded to Sanji's needs. He was even lucky that his requests for books were allowed.

Being kept alive, rotting in this dungeon was a fate worse than Hell. His hair grew longer and it felt so damn itchy. But with the stupid mask over his head, he couldn't satisfy the itch. Sanji had to resort to scratching his arms until they burnt and glowed red. Sometimes he'd scratch hard enough that it'd draw blood. He'd only stop once his arms started to bleed.

Sometimes Sanji refused baths. He wasn't comfortable with either a man or even a woman scrubbing him clean. He didn't want to do it all himself. He didn't want to look at the bare body he couldn't stand to look at. He wanted his mother. He wanted Reiju.

Since Sanji refused to have a bath because of the growing pit in his stomach grew each time he had to strip down, reminded of the body that shouldn't be his. The Germa soldiers resorted to soaking him with a hose and drop off his preferred choice of clothing.

That was all these past months of hell Sanji lived through alone in the dark and dank dungeon. The isolated loneliness was more agonizing than being beaten like a worn out punching bag by his brothers. Despite the amount of bruises and broken bones they may have caused, he missed them.

But maybe he thought too soon. Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji found him, surprised that he was still alive. They purposely spoke aloud how killing Sanji would likely make their father happy. His heart began to race like it was about to burst right out of his chest. Once they got the gate unlocked, they approached Sanji slowly, making him backed against the cold brick wall.

It was the same cycle as previously. Maybe even worse now as they were beneath the palace so no one would hear Sanji scream and cry for help.

–

Liquid rolls down Sanji's forearm and his cigarette burnt out. His nails dug into his skin deep enough to draw blood. Shit. No matter the pain he's given himself, it will never get rid of the filthy hands that bruised his body.

Sanji tosses his cigarette into the ashtray and lights another.

Why couldn't the good people in his life just leave him to rot?