#probably a mental illness

[farmergilesofham]

what if I'm actually just straight but got so alienated by society for other reasons that my coping mechanism was to assume I must be queer, because why else would I struggle so much in society if it wasn't for this one easily-identified singular well-known difference with my peers

what if I'm not even neurodivergent, and I've just been depressed for almost a decade?

okay that one's unlikely but I keep thinking about death and I am 100% sure it's not normal to be curious about what it'd feel like to die. also that strangling feeling of not knowing what I want to do with myself do I want to be a carpenter or a writer or will I throw myself at whatever work comes my way or will I be homeless or will I finally see a doctor about whatever's clearly wrong with my brain

i mean the waiting times are like 11 years long but i have to get to it eventually

and the sinking feeling of doing nothing with my day, despite not knowing what I should be doing, and avoiding fun and enrichment in lieu of sitting and doing nothing

what about that bit where I keep staying up too late, waking up at an inane hour, and then doing the whole charade again

what the fuck am I doing with my life

I live in a world on fire, and doing the slightest thing to mitigate that or to get behind my beliefs has my heart beating in my throat, so hard I feel like I'm a bad intake of breath away from passing out

why do I feel like we're spiralling inexorably towards another world war? I don't want to die

I don't want to die. i really don't.

[autumnalmess]

Hey man sorry I've not posted in a while, it's a funny story actually. I actually got arrested for stealing bread for my sister and her seven starving children. yeah, it was pretty bad. I tried to escape 3 times so yeah I got 19 years, yeah and then I broke my parole and now there's this slutty little man after me, yeah I think he has a crush on me or smt idk

[ivyithink]

“His name was Magnus. He took me from my room in Paris, as I kicked and screamed.”

bonus version with the shadow of magnus but no text, because I’m indecisive and, after debating with myself over which one to post, decided to just post both…

[simcardiac-arrested]

them’s the breaks, little friend

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[alicornze7]

Silly guys goin' on silly adventures:]

@rorydrawsandwrites's puppeteer au but the only difference is that jax gives consent

My contribution to this wonderful au has been long overdue:')

Rambling in tags ehe (cw: ribbun:p)

Well maybe it's not the only difference

[nadjasnandor]

he should have been a tumblrina

[maxpawb]

something happened to me on that day

[bardic-inspo]

*takes your face and holds it tenderly*

You were not made just to suffer. You are more. You are so much more than your hardest moments. 💜

[ryan-sometimes]

Recently I’ve been getting anons and comments doubting the validity of some of the stories I tell on here. There’s nothing I can do to convince you that the stories I tell on here are completely genuine. All I can say is that they really are. I only post the wackiest, most interesting or funny stories of my life on here. You don’t get much of the boring day to day stuff.

Truth is, I come from a very long line of crazy people. When my dad was in med school he and some friends planted a small homemade bomb in an abandoned bathroom at their university. His roommate stole a pancreas from the corpse lab and put it in a girl’s backpack. The entire med school was suspended because no one owned up to it. My uncle would sneak out at night with my grandma’s car and she’d find out because she’d check the mileage and see it’d gone up, so my uncle started driving her car backwards since that didn’t increase the mileage. He got arrested driving her car backwards on the highway to another town. My uncle would steal my grandpa’s shotgun, tell his friends to jump in the pool, and start firing it randomly at the backyard. My cousin genuinely had two weed smoking girlfriends who were also girlfriends with each other. My great uncle had an affair exposed by having his intimate photos and videos with his mistress sent to the family groupchat by people who stole his phone, all because they were salty that my aunt told them to go fuck themselves when they messaged her asking for money. My aunt took out all her life savings and moved to another state to build a bunker because she believes the apocalypse is coming, and she didn’t even take any of her children. I don’t know how to tell you this, but life is just stranger than fiction sometimes. The sample size of life stories you get on my blog are just the instances in which that’s true.

[furorsopher]

hello fellow pagans, specifically chronically/mentally ill ones but this applies to everybody!

quick reminder, that samhain may be one of the - of not the - most important holiday for us, but just because it’s so important, you shouldn’t overexert yourself too much when it comes to celebrations.

it’s a struggle for a lot of us to recognise that physical/mental disabilities/illnesses don’t stop for our spiritual new-beginnings. the next days you will feel that exhaustion. you’ll probably regret having celebrated and won’t have a good start in the new cycle.

samhain stands for honouring what we have lost and celebrating that we can move forward after resting. so your celebration of samhain can also be a long nap. maybe changing sheets in your bed if you can, getting take out or making something to eat that wont steal all your spoons but fuel your body.

and on the first of november, take a breather. slow down with nature. you are a part of nature, allow yourself to act like it.

you shouldn’t just have to survive. you should be allowed to live. take samhain as an opportunity not only to honor things around you, but yourself, if you can.

[ddarker-dreams]

thinking about the yan husband rotation's reaction to not letting them hold your face because of it disrupting your skincare ...

[robosalazar]

capcom PLEASE give me some more content of leon in training

[poketkit]

Young Os + Ed

[rockwgooglyeyes]

Really, what CURE highlights is Ivan's sense of self- or lack thereof.

"you can break me apart"

"to quiet my fears, I'll drown in you"

"consume me, yes, me"

Maybe this is why, overall, I think Ivan wrote the lyrics more than I believe Till did. While we know Till to be a producer and lyricist, the content of the lyrics themselves are really what put that final nail in the coffin for me. I don't really believe that Till would have a desire for Mizi to hurt him, even in a romantic way. His affection for her seems far more pure than that, something where violence and injury are absent, something happy and bright where there are no worries. Mizi might be Till's reason to believe in the world and the future, as she shows him a possibility of goodness and happiness, but she doesn't seem to distract him from his own fears. In fact, his admiration of her from afar is a behavior that's an extension of his fears and insecurities, stemming from his superiority complex where people don't like him, it's because he's better than them and they know it. But not only that, adding onto that superiority complex, Till has a fear of vulnerability (or he just doesn't want to be perceived as weak) due to his traumas and I don't think that he would want Mizi to "break him apart." Then again I might be splitting hairs and I might be wrong. These are just my thoughts at the moment

Back to Ivan, though. He's . . . *sighs* his sense of self worth is pretty much nonexistent. He thinks very poorly of himself, he's part of the crowd who call him a freak and a pervert and a monster. He believes himself to be something wretched and broken, in need of fixing and yet, unfixable. He's just as afraid of vulnerability as Till is, ironically, but it's for a different reason- Ivan is afraid of laying it all bare and having someone confirm his suspicions that there's something irrevocably wrong with him. He's not insecure in the same way Till is, because he believes wholeheartedly that he's fucked up and that he's unlovable and that's how he got here. It's not Till who *needs* to love him back, or anything like that, it's Ivan that's the problem.

That's why "consume me" and "you can break me apart" and "to quiet my fears, I'll drown in you" are so utterly Ivan. Ivan would be happy to be consumed by someone he loved because that way, he's useful. He's sustaining them. He would be happy to be broken apart by someone he loves because that way, they can get their anger out on someone without any consequences, because he doesn't mind, he's happy to be the meat on their chopping block. He will use a person he loves as a distraction from his own doubts and fears because, hey, he already knows what's wrong with him but there are so many wonderful people around him, who he can help support. His problems aren't what's important because he doesn't have problems, not real ones, anyways. He can't compare to any of his friends, he has a guardian who doesn't actively physically abuse him, and he's famous. What more could he ask for?

Also I think the "sick of these nights to come" is in reference to the possibility of Ivan winning and being forced to live in a world without Till, a comparatively quiet universe. Anyayws. starred crossed doomed yaoi my belvoed. if anyone calls them toxic i will have questions because i want to know your reasoning and if i can dispute it because maybe im wrong!

[perrenial-peonies]