#pranks roast

[prankvids]

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[dailykugisaki]

Day 106 | id in alt

Kugisaki Nobara, the Biggest Okkotsu Yuta hater.

[ragesin]

april fools w/ meliodas but he just poofs back into ten commandments mel and kills you

[stonesandswords]

I’ve decided to instigate a prank war against my coworker and I’ve already spent $3 on a 5 second gag.

This is all so hinged.

[gaghype]

⇛ Feeling low? Tap for random smiles!😉

⮕ Want $1000 for pizza? Let's chat!✅

Join the meme revolution! Reblog!🥰

[memethrill]

🡢 Feeling blue? Check out this random meme!😂

➡ Need iPhone? Simple: Enter now!🤑

Memes await, just reblog!🤭

[keepingthepeaceinouterspace]

more info on the gorilla suit!

Astronaut Mark Kelly smuggled a gorilla suit into the ISS, without telling the rest of the crew

[itsreaditandwow2]

"Clean up in Aisle Angry Grandma's ass!"

Judy Jennings (Angry Grandma)

[chaoticace2005]

Rules for the Hazbin Hotel, authored by Vaggie:

1. No drugs.

2. No fights.

3. No pranks.

4. No problematic language.

5. No murder (OR TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL)

6. No smuggling in of drugs. Not by sticking them up your ass. Or by hiding them in a pizza box. Or by slingshotting them to the roof. Or getting someone else to. Not at all.

7. No sexual rendezvous with outsiders in the hotel. No SHOWING sexual rendezvous with strangers to people of the hotel either.

8. Make sure the pig/future pets stay in the patron’s room. (This includes eggs!!)

9. No singing Limit singing to once twice per day

10. Stop flirting with the bartender Angel

11. Don’t call Husk “Husker” unless he allows it.

12. No harassing the staff at all. This includes asking who tops.

13. Don’t suggest anything sexual/romantic to Alastor unless you want your head cut off.

14. NO CUTTING OFF PEOPLE’S HEADS

15. NO EATING PEOPLE

16. NO MAKING CHARLIE CRY.

17. Don’t ask me to put my spear “inside you” Angel, what the fuck?

18. Don’t turn the interior of the hotel into a swamp?! Keep it contained in your room if you must!

19. No stabbing staff or residents. No matter how much they look like bugs! (OR IF THEYRE NAME IS ANGEL)

20. Don’t try and stab bugs if they’re within 10 feet of another demon.

21. Don’t call anyone a “bitch” OR TALK ABOUT HOW MY NAME SOUNDS LIKE “VAGINA”

22. Limit Niffty’s access to sharp objects.

23. NO DEALS ALASTOR

24. No drinking. Limit drinking at bar.

25. No mentioning the Stock Market Crash of 1929. For everyone’s benefit.

26. Don’t blow a hole in the wall.

27. Try to keep roast battles OUTSIDE the hotel. (Or stop picking fights?? Please Alastor I swear to God…)

28. No spying on the hotel for outside sources or putting technology that can be used against us.

29. No evil laughing in the middle of the night, what the fuck Alastor?

30. No building weapons/war machines.

31. No eggs! (Fine the eggs can stay.)

32. Someone please keep an eye on Niffty. (And the eggs.)

33. Stop touching people ANGEL.

34. Don’t make other people storm off HUSK.

35. Respect boundaries.

36a. If Angel looks like he’s about to pass out/cry don’t comment. Let him do his thing.

36b. Don’t try to talk to Angel if he’s on the phone with Valentino. Honestly don’t even mention his phone calls with Valentino.

37. Please don’t call Lucifer “Daddy”

38. Don’t turn into a 20 foot tall demon-eating creature unless absolutely necessary.

39. Don’t cause angry loan sharks to show up at the front door.

40. NO EXPLOSIONS!

41. Rule #2, “No fights” can be broken if the person you’re fighting is Valentino. Or Adam.

42. Don’t lie to your girlfriend or hide the fact you were secretly an angel.

43. DONT TALK ABOUT PEOPLE’S TITS (or lack of)

44. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A BEDROOM ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE’S HAVING MAKEUP SEX

45. Don’t give people makeovers while they’re sleeping, ANGEL!

46. Don’t pretend to eat someone’s pet, ALASTOR

47. Don’t die.

48. I never want to hear the words “cum-plete” again.

49. STOP HAVING FIGHTS ACROSS THE BUILDING LUCIFER AND ALASTOR!!

50. If Charlie is passed out on the couch LET HER SLEEP

51. No making bombs in the hotel Cherri!

52. Stop breaking rules and then saying it’s “FOR SIR PENTIOUS!”

53. Angel don’t try to shoot someone if they break spaghetti.

54. Don’t break spaghetti. Or “ruin” Italian food. Whatever the fuck that means. This apparently includes pineapple on pizza.

55. Don’t mention Valentino unless Angel brings him up first.

56. Don’t comment on Angel and Husk’s flirting.

57. Only call Angel “Anthony” if things are serious (or if you’re Husk)

58. Don’t use any of the nicknames Husk and Angel use for each other. This includes but is not limited to: “Whiskers”, “Legs”, “Kitty”, “Webs”, “Tony”, “Love”, and “Baby.”

59. It’s better not to question whatever facts Husk gives about his past.

60. Family dinners at 6 pm unless you can’t make it due to prior obligation. Game nights after on Sundays.

61. No hunting people for sport and NO KNIFE MONOPOLY.

62. Don’t attach knives to a roomba so you can have a “boyfriend” Niffty.

63. Keep Niffty away from Roombas.

64. Alastor, treat people with decency. Really, it’s not that hard.

65. No making giant ducks that breathe fire to chase people around the hotel just because they call you short.

66. Therapy. Everyone.

67. DONT HAVE SEX ON THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!

68. If Valentino enters the property you have permission to stab him.

69. “Hell is forever” is bullshit. You guys aren’t. You can do this.

[bbyobbyo]

seventeen as dads headcanons

content: reader is married to svt, normative(?) family structure, literally just unhinged thoughts, not proofread lol

note: was trying to write an actual fic but then got distracted sorry, dadventeen brainrot is so real

Seungcheol

Super protective “don’t touch my family” dad outwardly

All of his kids’ friends are straight up SCARED of him

But within the household he's the one sneaking ice cream when you say no, albeit guiltily

Shopping trips with him will always result in buying something for them and he is very willing to be taken advantage of

“Babe if I can’t spoil them now, they’re gonna grow up and move out before we know it!”

Tries his best to be handy around the house, but probably makes it worse, ends up calling Mingyu to come fix it

Jeonghan

DEFINITELY a “go ask your mom” dad

This man not only powerless, he doesn't even want the power, he's just here to have a good time and if you say they can't, then sorry kiddo

You can’t tell me that he doesn’t bring up becoming a family prank channel at least once a week

LOVES bragging to everyone else about his kid’s achievements, cannot shut up about them to anyone in a 5 foot radius tbh

His kids definitely talk to him about everything, which is great because he is SO nosy.

Has a list of all their best friends, enemies, and crushes at school somewhere on his notes app for future reference when they come to him for advice

Joshua

The REAL practical joke dad, admittedly made them cry a few times when they were younger and felt really bad about it

Perfect sweet husband and father in image, all of his kids know he’s actually lame af

Dominates the summer barbeques, UNDISPUTED GRILLMASTER

Super dependable, will drop everything if his family needs him and never goes back on his word

Gives surprisingly good fashion advice

Jun

Definitely walks around the neighborhood with his baby in a sling carrier strapped to his front, POINTS AT EVERYTHING OF INTEREST

When they start learning how to speak he adopts all his baby’s weird mannerisms (it started off as a cute joke but then realized he couldn’t stop)

Cries at every baby milestone until they’re like 10

Will not stop bringing up embarrassing childhood moments, especially in front of their kids’ friends/significant others

Cuts fruit for them instead of apologizing

Hoshi

Will fully ally himself with his kids

Like legit would do anything for them. ANYTHING.

I’m talking borderline go to his kid's school to beat up their hypothetical bullies himself sort of dad

The kids can always count on him to say yes if you say no

Absolutely DEVASTATED when they grow out of the tiger stuff he buys for them and become angsty teens

“What do you mean tigers aren’t cool? Do you not love your old man anymore?”

Wonwoo

Quiet doting dad

Definitely more affectionate when the kids are younger but gets into the awkward advice-giving stage when they grow up

LAME DAD JOKES GALORE, groaning is a regular activity in this household

Tries to google basic algebra every time his kids ask for help on math homework because he doesn’t want to admit he forgot everything

Chaotic af unsupervised. “Guess we’re having pizza again tonight kiddos” kinda dad because he cannot and should not cook

Jihoon

Another quiet dad, but make it savage

I feel like he would just love roasting his kids (affectionately of course)

And always overwhelmingly acts of service so his kids know they are loved

Allowance randomly appearing under their pillow, their favorite foods magically stocked in the fridge, always relenting to one last bedtime story no matter how tired he is

Would let you have final say but he makes it really clear he’s on their side and empathizes with them but its out of his hands

“Next time just don’t get caught, okay?” *winks*

Minghao

Loves loves loves just spending time with his babies

Doesn’t matter what he’s doing he just wants to be in the same room as them or cuddling and holding them

Emphasizes equality in your relationship so his kids can grow up with those values and learn to respect others

TURNS EVERYTHING INTO A LIFE LESSON OH MY GOD

Doesn’t believe in allowances but will cave and literally buy them anything they want if they ask

Would rather die than miss any important event (competition, speech, recital, talent show, graduation, etc.)

Mingyu

Absolute super dad, what can’t he do? Nonstop home improvement projects, cooks anything his kids are craving, offers to drive everyone everywhere

But also the whiniest dad ever lol constantly complains about people “ruining his system”

Absolutely FUCKS at the school bake sales, earns them twice the target fundraiser amounts because he's dilf material and knows how to get the moms to spill their pockets

Likes to have the final say, but you’re both usually on the same page in regards to discipline so his kids aren’t getting away with anything

Just the most supportive dad in the universe, the kids learn to never take him for granted

Seokmin

You already know his kids are gonna be spoiled rotten. He will be the favorite parent by default sorry I don't make the rules!!

His arms are the very definition of a safe space

Leaves all the discipline to you because he cannot keep a straight face when delivering a lecture (one time he made them cry and also ended up crying because he felt so bad)

Does so much embarrassing shit just to cheer his kids up when they have a bad day, acts surprised when they tell him he's cringe

Such a pushover that they are probably gonna make fun of him when they're older, but that's okay because they know there's no universe in which their dad will stop loving them

Seungkwan

As long as he can pick them up still, his kids are never on the ground for too long

Two words: SPORTS. DAD.

He could practically captain the cheerleading teams at their school with how many events he's been to

Knows all of his kids’ friends parents, they all get together and have coffee once a month actually

Nags nonstop and complains about everything he has to do for them, but is always diligent and does it without question

Gets so pouty when they start getting embarrassed to show affection, he WILL get his cheek kisses if it's the last thing he does!!

Vernon

Chillest dad in existence?!?

Literally as long as his kids are safe he doesn't give a single fuuuuckkk

“Sleepover? Yeah, call me when you're done and I'll pick you up.”

He WILL argue with you if he doesn't think there's a good reason to say no to them

So cute and encouraging to all their weird hobbies and phases throughout the years. “Lemme see” and “Really? Show me” are regular phrases in his vocabulary

His kids are definitely gonna inherit his legendary facial expressions afnngjdg

Chan

Super affectionate and doting, but also quite strict with them at times

“I just want the best for you, I want to see you succeed”

HAS A PHOTO OF THEM READY AT ANY TIME, lockscreen is a different shot of his kids every day and is eager to show it off even if no one asked

Not so subtly signs his kid up for dance lessons

Just the most encouraging dad ever, makes sure that they know making mistakes are a part of life and that he will always love them no matter what

[prankvids]

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[harunayuuka2060]

MC: *meeting Che'nya's grandfather*

Che'nya's grandfather: ...

Che'nya: How are you doing, Grandpa Nya?

Che'nya's grandfather: *continues to stare at MC*

MC: ...

MC: Hello, sir. My name is MC. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Che'nya's grandfather: ...

Che'nya's grandfather: *gestures to them to come closer*

MC: *walks closer to him*

Che'nya: Grandpa Nya?

Che'nya's grandfather: *holds MC's hand and starts patting it gently*

Che'nya's grandfather: I'm begging you. Marry my grandson.

MC: Huh?

Che'nya: :3

Che'nya's grandfather: My grandson may not be the most charming fellow, and his fashion choices aren't great, but he's a good boy. Yes, he likes to play pranks sometimes, and you're welcome to give him a scolding if he gets out of line.

MC: ...

MC: *smiles* How kind of you, sir.

Che'nya's grandfather: ...

Che'nya's grandfather: You're a beautiful child. My future grandchildren will surely be good-looking. *hearty chuckle*

MC: Because of Che'nya, that's for sure.

Che'nya's grandfather: *waves his hand; disagreeing*

Che'nya: Grandpa Nya, are you roasting me? :3

Che'nya's grandfather: Please eat more. *serving MC food*

MC: Thank you, sir-

Che'nya's grandfather: Please call me Grandpa.

MC: ...

MC: *smiles*

MC: Thank you, Grandpa.

Che'nya: Grandpa Nya, where's my food?

Che'nya's grandfather: Yours is on the fridge. Get it yourself.

Che'nya: :3

MC: ...

MC: *has offered to wash the dishes and Che'nya is helping them*

Che'nya: *humming a song*

MC: Your grandfather is a good person.

Che'nya: Right~? I told you he's going to like you nya~.

MC: ...

Che'nya: *looks at them* Are you still not convinced?

MC: ...

MC: I'm trying not to doubt the situation.

Che'nya: ...

Che'nya: *teasing smirk* I told nya that kiss would have resolved this.

MC: ...

MC: It's a ridiculous notion.

Che'nya: Is it~? Or are you afraid it will lead to something else? Hm~? Hm~?

MC: ...

Che'nya: :3

MC: Probably you getting revolted by it.

Che'nya: Just let me kiss you nyaaa... *his tone pleading*

Rook: Ami masque is not here today?

Vil: Yes. They have a date with Che'nya.

Rook: ...

Rook: How do you feel about this, Roi du Poison?

Vil: Nothing. I don't hold their personal life.

Rook: ...

Rook: *chuckles* Oh, Vil. It's my first time to see you making that expression.

Vil: ...

Vil: What?

Rook: *smiles* The ache of losing someone you've come to cherish, now that you've discovered the depth of your feelings for them.

Vil: ...

Vil: Don't make it sound like I was rejected.

Rook: Then let not sorrow cloud your beautiful face, Roi du Poison.

Vil: ...

Vil: Fine. *then receives a message from Neige*

Neige - Viiiiilllll!!!!! You need to see this!!!! q(≧▽≦q)

Neige - *sent a photo of MC giving Che'nya a gentle kiss on the lips*

Vil: ...

Vil: *starts crying*

Rook: R-Roi du Poison?

[obeythebutler]

Hi! I'm new to your blog so I apologize if I mess anything up.

Could I request MC surprising the brothers with a feast they accidentally cooked up because they were worried that there worried that their wouldn't be enough food for the brothers?

It's 7:30am and his brother still aren't ready for RAD.

Hell, they haven't even stepped down for breakfast. Even Beel, never the one to miss it is missing.

Did all his brothers decide to skip today's classes? Were they orchestrating some other useless prank?

Lucifer stares at his watch, waiting. If they don't come down in the next five minutes he's going to leave them at home and give them detention. Maybe he'll have to pull Mammon out of his bed again, or carry Belphegor down the stairs.

The thought of dragging his brothers like sacks of potatoes down the stairs makes his head ache. It’s always been like this, him caving in so easily to his brothers demands, being so lax on them.

The saving grace is the human exchange student.

MC.

They're on breakfast duty today, and Lucifer can smell the pleasant hint of roasted hellfire mushrooms. Cinnamon too. They've always been a diligent person when it comes to their work.

Unlike his brothers.

Sigh.

"If you all don't hurry up, the food is going to get cold!" Their voice rings from the kitchen, and Lucifer opens his mouth to give one last reprimand to his brothers, to hurry up and come down before he drags them.

There's a blur besides him then, a flurry of moment that messes up his perfectly styled hair.

"Food cooked by the human! I call dibs on it, I'm the great Mammon after all!"

The eldest gawks at his brother, perhaps in disbelief or surprise, and then fixes his hair in resignation. Whatever makes him be on time, his scoldings or MC's voice.

Lucifer rolls his shoulders, steps forward to get into the dining hall instead of the hallway, but then he senses footsteps on the stairs. Five pairs of shoes, each distinguishable from the other.

His brothers are a blur as they surpass him to get to the dining hall.

What the—

At this point, all the man can do is to slap his palm on his forehead.

They won't listen to him, but they'll willingly rush to the dining hall when MC calls, huh? For the sake of hell and everything that is corrupted, they're such simps that its intolerable to watch.

As soon as he steps in though, Lucifer is rendered speechless by the sight in front of him. So are the brothers.

There's just.....so many plates of food. Creamed Bonnacon, Devil Zebra Bacon Sandwich, Hell Pancakes, and that doesn't even cover it. Blood Strawberries, Caramel Shadow Tart, Ghost Watermelon....It's a feast fit for a banquet, and it must have taken so much time to cook all that...

"T-That's......that's just like that anime! Where the main character cooks up a feast for their roommates because they didn't want them to go hungry so they woke up at the crack of—"

"Shut yer mouth Levi." Mammon says, although there is no irritation in his tone as he gapes at the dining table. He can spot some of his favorite foods, given that there are plates and plates of them. He mentioned some of his favorite things to eat to MC long time back, but he didn't think that they would remember.

The fourth-born has a smile on his face now, as he stares at the cat drawn on his pancake with blueberry syrup. It's so cute.

He remembers MC placing some pots and utensils on the table the night before, stating that it would be less time-consuming in mornings given the rush.

His cheeks feel hot.

"Now, darling, that is quite a feast you have cooked up for us!" Asmodeus hangs behind MC's shoulder as he compliments them. There is still flour on their cheeks, and so he wipes it away from them using his thumb, earning squawks of protest from both Levi and Mammon. "Thank you so much! This is soo going on Devilgram!"

"I thought the usual wouldn't be enough," They mumble, nervously shifting their gaze from the brothers to the table. Asmo's weight on their shoulders is a comfortable one, yet the intense scrutiny they are subjected to makes them want to hide away. "Next thing I knew was that I kept adding and adding ingredients until I realised what I did. So you better finish it all."

Belphegor giggles. "That won't be a problem." He can sense his twin's growing hunger at the sight of the feast before him, and food does taste better when cooked by your loved ones. The demon is glad that he chose to be on time today.

Wait, Beel was right besides him, he isn't here....

"Woah—" MC can only stumble out the words as they are caught off guard when pulled into a hug by the sixth born. He's tall, and so warm. "Easy there!"

"Thank you MC!" Beel's voice is full of happiness, and he can't help but hug them for it. He knows his gluttony is a lot to handle, and it causes a lot of trouble for others, but them going out of their way to make extra efforts and ensuring that he and his brothers won't go hungry makes him feel loved.

He'll wait this time, to eat with MC.

"At what time did you wake up to cook all of this?"

You turn your head towards Satan, who is now besides you. Gazing at you ever so softly. "I woke up around three, couldn't sleep since I had drunk a lot of coffee the night before."

"Your sleep schedule will be messed up if you continue," He reprimands you, but his tone is light.

"Thank you for ensuring that we all don't go hungry though." Lucifer smiles as he says that.

Maybe this is what home is.

You and the brothers, cooking too much and enjoying it nevertheless. Casual conversation drifting across the table, with Hell coffee as bitter as ever, packing some for Purgatory Hall residents and leaving together for RAD as the gates to the house close behind you all in remembrance.

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Alt Ending to “Fuck being nice to you”

Tags: Nanami x fem!Reader, Satoru x fem!Reader, mmf threesome, spit roast, unprotected sex, blowjobs, squirting, this fic is a lil ridiculous, nsfw, mdni

Synopsis: This is an alternative ending to my fic Fuck being nice to you. If you want, you can read it here! This is the ending where Satoru catches you and Nanami and asks to join in :3

An: It feels like so long ago I wrote Fuck being nice to you... Ahhh the good days.

“Yeah.. yeah.. Actually- no, I think I’m falling ill. I think you should g-go now… I don’t want to contaminate you..” You didn’t know your husband could be such a filthy liar, but here he was. His voice was breathy and needy. He was nearly panting in front of his coworker.

"Hm, are you seriously sick? Do you have a fever?" Gods, Gojo knew no boundaries. He sat up from his chair, and he leaned across Nanami's desk before pressing the palm of his hand to Nanami's forehead. "You actually do really feel warm, Nanamin. You should take better-"

He silences himself as he peaks down towards your husband's lap. His six eyes knew someone was down there, but he just thought you were trying to play a prank. He didn't expect to see you sitting on your knees with a mouth full of cock.

"Oh- I... I see." Satoru actually cannot for the life of him think of something witty to say. He's always thought that Nanami's wife was really pretty, but seeing you on your knees like that was enough to even make him blush.

Your mouth falls open slightly, and if this moment wasn't so tense, you'd laugh at the noise Nanami's cock made as it slapped back against his stomach.

"Satoru-" Nanami is trying to apologize. This was a complete disgrace of the workplace, and he inadvertently subjected Satoru to his sick fantasies by letting you continue. He should've been more responsible -- either by telling you to stop or by telling Gojo to fuck off. "I apologize.. I-"

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm intruding... I-" Satoru doesn't even know how to act. He's completely off kilter. He quickly stands up from his seat, and his cock is tented in his black pants, which is incredibly noticeable to both you and Nanami.

After a beat of silence, Satoru finally gains the confidence to ask, "Can I... can I stay and.. watch?" He asks sheepishly, fumbling with his fingers and avoiding eye contact with both you and Nanami. "I won't touch either one of you - promise. I just want to watch if that's okay. If not, that's totally fine. I'll just forget that I ever saw this."

Nanami's first instinct is to tell Gojo to fuck himself, but he thinks about it for a moment. He glances down at you, and you look back up at him. It seems both of you were waiting to see what the other had to say.

"You want to watch me... fuck my wife's mouth..?" Nanami asks, just to be clear. He was fine with Satoru seeing that. It's not like you'd be naked or anything.

"Yeah.. I just want to watch anything really.." Satoru nods his head. His heart is hammering in his chest at the thought of seeing you on your knees once again. He'd much rather it be his cock that was touching the back of your throat, but he could live with seeing Nanami too. The pleasures of being bisexual.

"What do you think, darling? Wanna show Satoru how good of a job you can do?" Nanami asks with a small smirk on his face, and the palm of his hand pats your head encouragingly.

You give your husband a small smile and a nod. You were happily married and completely devoted to your husband, but you would simply be lying if you said you didn't find Satoru attractive. Who didn't? You didn't mind him watching you get Nanami off.

Satoru's dick immediately twitches with joy, and he makes quick work of moving Nanami's desk out of the way so he can see what's happening in it's entirety. He then also quickly locks the door so no other surprise visitors can try to join in.

Before he sits back down, Satoru tugs down his pants and boxers a little, unsheathing his large cock from his clothing. His eyes are focused on you, watching as you tease Nanami's length with your tongue.

Nanami has a fistful of hair in his hand as you give his tip small kitten licks. Your husband’s breathy moans fill the air as his eyes are glued on you. He couldn’t believe that you three were doing this in his office… on school property.

Of course, it was late in the day, so all of the students were gone, but it still just felt so exhilarating.

“Take me in your mouth, darling.” Nanami instructs, and his thumb pushes your chin down, forcing you to open your mouth for him.

Suckling on his fat tip, your eyes glance over towards Satoru who is still sitting in the chair. His hand was wrapped around his cock, slowly pumping it in sync with how you’re bobbing your head.

His face was twisted in concentration, and his pale skin was flushed a bright red. His light blue eyes never left yours, imagining what it’d feel like if you had your pretty lips wrapped around him instead.

“Looking at someone?” Nanami asks in a condescending tone before he pushes your head down, forcing his length deeper down your throat. “Eyes on me, sweetheart. Satoru is just a guest.”

Your throat constricts around his girthy cock, causing for you to gag. Your eyes water as you look up at your husband. He gives you a small smirk as his thumb wipes the tears from your eyes.

Satoru grits his teeth together, jerking at his cock harder. His stomach was practically doing flips from how erotic everything was. You were just too damn pretty on your knees like that, and seeing Nanami punish you for looking at him was something he didn’t know he needed in life.

“Just like that, darling… Ohhh fuck.. nice and wet for me.” Nanami groans as he leans his head back. The palm of his hand still rests on your head. You can feel his wedding band against your scalp.

You can’t help but just glance over at Satoru again. It’s not your fault — you’ve never sucked dick with an audience before. Satoru is such a mess in his chair. His arm is moving quickly, pumping his length vigorously, and his hips are bucking up towards his hand.

“What did I say?” Your husband’s sharp tone immediately catches your attention. The air in the room shifts, and you can see a different side of Nanami start to make more of an appearance. You look up at him with a remorseful look in your eyes, and he jerks your head back to where his cock is out of your mouth.

“You want to look at Satoru that bad? Fine. Look at him while I ruin you.” Nanami guides your body up, and he bends you over his desk to where you’re facing Satoru.

Satoru’s eyes were wide, and he had momentarily stopping moving his arm while he was enamored with the sight of Nanami bending you over.

Your husband’s hands push up your pencil skirt, and without any prep, he guides himself towards your entrance. “W-wait.. Ken-“ You stammer before he rudely pushes himself past the wet muscle with a small ‘pop’.

“Mmm. So tight for me, all for me, right?” Nanami moans as he leans down over your back side, almost mounting you on his chest.

“F-fuuck!” You cry out as the rest of his length slides into you at a torturously slow pace. Your husband presses wet kisses against your neck and collarbone as one of his hands is pressed against the desk to hold himself up. "Ngh~ too b-big.. please ah-!"

“That’s not an answer, darling.” He mumbles lowly before his other hand grips your hair, forcing your eyes up to look at Satoru.

The white haired male was already back to fucking his fist. His tip was an angry red from neglect. His chest was rising and falling heavily with each panicked breath. He already felt so fucking close, but he didn’t want to finish just yet.

“Tell him it’s all for me.” Your husband demands in low growl. His hips are starting to rut into your backside, fucking himself deep into your sopping wet hole.

“It’s yours~!” Your voice is a shaky whimper as you can barely hold yourself together while receiving deep thrusts from him.

“Oh, you can do better than that, darling.” His voice is so taunting. He can’t help but let that side of him win. He wants to ruin you, punish you for even looking at Satoru while his cock was buried in your mouth.

“I’m yours-! F-fuck.. all yours, Ken.” You try to rest your body against the desk, but Nanami won’t let you. He’s going to make you look at Satoru the whole time while he pounds into you.

“That’s my girl.” He praises as his hips crash down into your backside, causing the most pornographic slapping noises.

His cock is so mean, drilling deep into you, kissing strings of pre-cum against your womb. Your spongy walls latch onto him juuuust right.

“You’re a fucking mess, darling. You like being fucked in front of him, don’t you?” He taunts once more before his hand swats the flesh of your ass. “I didn’t know I married a whore.”

“Ngh.. fuck.. Ken.. so, so good.. m-more.” You’re a drooling mess on his desk. His cock literally fucking you stupid.

“You want more?” He asks before his hand presses down on the center of your back, forcing you flush against hush desk. “I’ll give you more, slut.” His hips start moving harshly, with little regard of hurting you or not.

The desk is starting to creak from the amount of pressure and movement it’s under. Nanami couldn’t care less if it breaks. He’s too enthralled with the feeling of your weeping cunt wrapped around him.

A loud groan rips through the air, and both you and Nanami peak up to see Satoru panting heavily. His shirt was soiled with his own cum. Watching you get manhandled was just too much for him. “Fuck..” He breathes out, still carefully stroking his cock through his orgasm.

“Look at what you did. Making him finish like that. Aren’t you ashamed?” Nanami teases as his thrusts slow inside of you. The wet gushing noises fill the room as your cunt flutters around him.

“Don’t you dare finish. You cum when I tell you to.” Your husband threatens before giving your ass another firm spank.

Your body is right on the edge, and you grip onto the desk, digging your nails into the wood. “R-really close.. Ken.. please.” You try to plea with him.

“Hold it.” He simply demands.

“But I-“

“Satoru, come here.” Nanami completely interrupts you. He readjusts your body against the desk as Satoru slowly approaches.

“Yeah..?” Satoru asks hesitantly. His body is still recovering from his orgasm from earlier. His heart is hammering through his chest with fear and excitement.

“Fill her mouth since she doesn’t know how to be quiet.” Nanami instructs, and his hips start to slowly roll inside of you again. You have to bite your lip harshly to prevent yourself from finishing on him.

“Fuck- you sure?” Nanami shoots Satoru a sharp glance, and the white haired male doesn’t waste another second. He quickly peels his ruined shirt off his body, revealing his muscular chest, and he shifts to where his cock is hanging in font of your puffy lips. He’s already getting hard again, but his cock is too heavy to stand straight up.

“Open your mouth for me, sweets. I’ll be gentle.” Satoru coaxes you as his hand brushed against your cheek. This was like a dream come true for him.

Your eyes lock with his as you slowly open up your mouth for him. Satoru guides his tip against your tongue, teasing you before he slid his length into you mouth while stifling a moan. "Fuuuck~ Just like that, pretty..."

Suddenly, Nanami snaps his hips forward brutally, knocking your body forward and Satoru's cock deeper in your mouth. Your moan vibrates around his length, causing for him to grip onto your hair tightly.

"Sh-shit. Still sensitive." Satoru quietly whines in a breathy tone.

"Don't be such a wimp. Give her what she's askin' for." Nanami chastises as he looks down to where you two are connected. His cock is nearly dripping in your juices, making it very clear to him just how much you like being spit roasted by them.

It slowly deteriorates to a push and pull between Satoru and Nanami. Satoru is guiding your head up and down while also thrusting into your mouth, and Nanami is behind you, pounding your pretty cunt into oblivion.

Your whines and moans are muffled from Satoru's cock in your mouth, but you can feel your pleasure building back up again. Your stomach starts to coil, and the air around your body feels fuzzy. Your hand smacks to table, hoping that Nanami will just understand what you're trying to convey.

"Mmm, just a bit longer, d-darling. 'm almost there. Gonna cum with me, aren't you?" Nanami moans from behind as each one of his thrusts makes the fat from your ass ripple in recoil.

Satoru pets your hair as he gazes down at you with a small grin. His cock is completely drenched in spit and drool. Your eyes are all bleary from tears, and your face looks so fucked out. "Aw, look at you. Are you cock drunk, sweets?"

You of course couldn't answer, but the obvious answer was yes.

"Cum for me, darling. Gonna fill this pussy up." Nanami grunts, and his cock starts to twitch and flex with each rope of cum he shot into you. Your cunt immediately starts to pulse around him as you reach your high at the same time.

"Goood girl." Nanami praises in a breathless voice, and his hands start to caress up and down on your body. "Did so good for us."

Satoru slowly pulls himself from your mouth, and he allows you to have a moment to gather yourself. "Mhm... took us so well." He agrees as his fingers come through your hair, massaging your scalp as you catch your breath.

Nanami slowly pulls himself out of you from behind with a sharp hiss. "Still so tight." He murmurs as he crouches down and presses a french kiss straight on your cunt.

"Mmnph~ Ken." You whimper, and you try to pull back from him since you're still so sensitive.

"Oh, I've missed those pretty noises, darling." He coos before he presses another kiss to your wet folds. "You taste so sweet too." He tenderly flicks his tongue over your clit, making your legs start to tremble.

Your husband swipes his finger along your entrance, and he smirks when he sees the muscle clench around nothing. "Mmm, guess she wants more, huh?"

"Wait Ken- sensitive." You whimper out, holding onto the desk for dear life.

"That's the point, darling. Satoru, come here." Nanami instructs once again, and Satoru happily walks behind you. His mouth nearly waters from the sight of your glistening cunt on display for him.

"Are you going to just eye-fuck her the entire time, or are you going to actually fuck her?" Nanami asks as he cocks an eyebrow at Satoru.

"Don't come cryin' to me when she starts asking for me to join in on the regular, 'kay Nanamin?" Satoru retorts without even missing a beat, and he positions himself behind you.

Nanami adjusts himself to where he's sat on the ground between Satoru's legs, facing him. His head is tilted upward, so he can lap at your cunt while Satoru fucks you from behind.

Satoru presses his tip against your entrance, and he scoffs at the bit of resistance he feels. "You weren't lyin'. Pretty girl is still tight." He grunts as he pushes his tip in, causing a whimper from you. Satoru was just a bit smaller than Nanami, but he made up for it in overall girth, stretching you wiiide open.

"Ah~ fuck... Satoru.." You moan as he buries himself to the hilt. Nanami then carefully latched his lips around the small bundle of nerves, and he gently suckles. Your entire body trembles from excitement

“Mmf~ that’s right. Say my name, sweets.” Satoru moans as his thrusts start to make the most vulgar plap noises against you.

Nanami’s tongue worked against your clit as Satoru made sure to thrust against all the right spots. Your body felt like it was being ascended right up to heaven as both men worked to pleasure you.

Nanami’s wooden desk creaked with each thrust of Satoru’s hips. Your entire body was being rudely pushed forward while Satoru’s large hands groped at your ass.

“She’s fuckin’ cryin’ for me, sweets.” Satoru groaned as he could feel his balls tightening. Nanami’s tongue would sometimes on purpose accidentally rub against the underside of his cock, making his cock jump from the sensation.

“So good. So fucking tight. Ngh~ gonna cum inside you, okay pretty? Need to fill you up too, see your tummy bulge with my cum.” Satoru is such a talker when he’s pussy drunk. His body tenses as he grabs your hips and pulls you back onto him with each thrust.

“Wait- fuck.. ah! I’m gonna…” You cry out, trying to get Satoru to pause for just one moment. Something was building inside you, but it didn’t feel like a typical orgasm. You try to wiggle your way away from the two men, but they both have you completely pinned, making you take whatever they graciously give you.

“Let go, pretty. Let go f’me.” Satoru encourages you as he feels himself on the brink of coming a second time. Nanami licks a stripe all the way from the base of Satoru’s cock down to your clit, and instantly, Satoru’s pumping you full of his seed.

“Sh-shit-! I…” Your voice is barely whimper as your cunt convulses around his cock. Liquid gushes out from your weeping whole, completely soaking both of the men behind you.

“Oh darling, you made a mess.” Nanami laughs earnestly as his hand massages your thighs.

“Shiiiit sweets, you didn’t have to do all that for me.” Satoru purrs as he rubs on your back lovingly. He carefully pulls his hips back, allowing for his cock to slide out of you.

You lie against the desk for a few more moments, catching your breath. You can feel Nanami pressing tender kisses between your thighs, and Satoru’s large palms are massaging your back. Your eyes flutter closed as you let both men tend to you.

“Wouldn’t it be so great if your future kids come out with white hair?” Satoru jokes before Nanami shoots him a death glare, causing him to laugh and put his hands up in surrender. “I mean, I’d pay good money in child support!” He laughs as Nanami tries his damnest to grab him.

[merakidoll]

𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝟏 | Sylus and Gojo

synopsis : just two rivals who’s common interest is the ditzy barista

warnings : chubby bimbo reader! reader is implied to have braids ( so what does that mean? ) rivals sylus and gojo! penetration, zoom sex! masterbation ( m ) allusion to gojo getting his bussy plowed but no description! lots of pet names! lowkey a little of subby gojo! this is really more so sylus focused

gojo and sylus who were one another’s rival - but with rivals comes a common thing they both long for, and for the two ceo’s it was the pretty airhead barista who made their dark roast perfectly! the two bright haired men found the sweet thing so .. delicate; that even when she simply mix up a dark roast with a pumpkin spice - neither have the heart to tell her.“is it good mister sylus?” sylus gave a curt nod, lips tight as he took a deep gulp of the warm, very sugary- very cinnamony substance. “just how i like it princess, you’re so good to me” his eyes shimmered as he noticed gojo walk in. him too occupied with a phone call to notice his presence.

“hey baby, how bout you make another one of there for mister gojo. know he’d love it! on me, but shh it’ll be our little secret.” sylus put his long slender finger to his lips in a shush motion. he could have came in his pants the way your big eyes shined; just so eager to please. he slyly moved to a corner watching you hand gojo the cup, his demeanor getting giddy at how you gave him a free coffee. “for me precious?” sylus held in his chuckle watching gojo take a sip, his adam’s apple bobbing as he held in a cough.

“do you like it?” you said hopeful. “it’s my favorite! and mister sylus really enjoyed it too!” at the sound of his name gojo’s eyes immediately shifted to where the other man stood, eyes lowering while he licked his lips looking back at you. “did mister sylus put you up to this sweet thing?”

“n-no ..” you shifted on both feet, biting into your gloss lips nervously. “good girls don’t lie do they precious?” your mouth opened, agape like a fish trying to respond. but luckily sylus stepped in. “comon gojo, leave my girl alone. it’s all a harmless prank” he smirked at his enemy, before walking away leaving you two to stand in silence. it was now a tuesday. both gojo and sylus having a scheduled meeting at 12pm sharpe. the zoom call started quickly, gojo joining only to see the other man already logged on.

there he was, the camera having the perfect view of sylus fucking into you cunt. you moand loudly, the camera in your face, braids wrapped around sylus’s hand as he pounded into you, pelvis meeting your ass. “tell’em baby. tell gojo how daddy’s makin you feel” gojo’s cock pressed hard against his slacks, his jaw clenched that he has lost this. “yes precious tell me. tell me how good it feels being a bad girl.” your eyes opened, low and red, pretty lash damp from how hard your pussy was being pounded. “s-so good n f-feels s’good mister gojooooo!” your small hand moved back trying to push some of the ceo out of you, but he only took hold of it, pushing you more against the desk.

“good ass pussy” sylus threw his head back, stilling himself into your tight cunt as he came stuffing you with his seeds. “s’full” he heard you mumble, spit dripping from your mouth as his cum mixed with yours fell out of your hole, and onto his floor. sylus knew he wasn’t done with you. gojo did too, sylus starting his movements back- but slower. he stared at gojo in the camera as he gave you slow thrust; mushroom tip touching every piece inside of you. “you miss it go?” he titled his head letting go of your hair, and grabbing your neck pushing your back to be against his chest.

“tell me. tell her. tell her how you used to be in this exact position” sylus’s unoccupied hand moved down your body. pinched your nipples, to moving down and rubbing your clit. “it feels good baby?” sylus’s question was for you both. you moaning into his neck with a fuzzy brain, orgasms right there. and to gojo who squeezed his long cock, abs flexing while his balls jerked in his pants. “cum.” on command you and gojo mad a mess in unison. your cream making a ring around sylus who’s cock jerked shooting more of his cum inside of you.

gojo’s got all over his computer, a small smudge being made to his camera lens at how hard he’d just came. he breathed in and out fastly watching sylus whisper sweet nothing into your ears, soft kisses to your cheek as he moved his cock to stuff the cum that came out of you back in. without even glancing at gojo he spoke. “meet us at my house. i missed you too baby boy.” then the zoom was over.

[chaoticallyfluffy]

I want more of the JL acting like normal celebrities.

Batman and Chappel Roan working together on a competitive cooking show against teams of Kylie Jenner and Danny Devito, Kanye West and Kesha, Taylor Swift and Superman, etc. They are a surprisingly good team who work together great. They end up winning the whole thing and a bunch of wholesome memes start trending about the two of them adopting you after your awful parents kicked you out. Superman and Taylor Swift are surprisingly a TERRIBLE team. They’re disqualified because they never finished cooking their meals as they were too busy arguing. They are memed to be the parents who kicked you out and desperately need a divorce.

Wonder Woman going on a survivor-like reality show about a bunch of celebrities stuck on an island together and all the contestants are whining about things like “My hair is so frizzy and Chad is SO hot, I don’t want him to see me like this omg” While Diana has already chopped down multiple trees, used the wood to make a cabin for everyone, hunted a wild boar which is currently roasting over a campfire she also made with the leftover sticks and leaves, and cracked the coconuts from the tree. The rest of the show is mostly a normal reality show. The other contestants never have to lift a finger and can peacefully gossip and have drama while being well fed, housed, and hydrated. The only real difference is that every few minute the camera switches to Diana wresting a grizzly bear or catching fish with her bare hands.

The masked singer where there’s a person in a colourful parrot costume singing on stage and everyone has to guess who it is. People have guessed many celebrities like Oliver Queen, Bruce Wayne, or even Lex Luther, but they mostly guessed famous singers because the guy is GOOD and there’s no way he doesn’t sing professionally. He sang songs like “Party in the USA”, “Call Me Maybe” and “Never Gonna Give You Up”. People were going crazy trying to figure out who he is. The time finally comes for the reveal. The man slowly takes off his parrot head and... it’s Batman. The crowd goes wild.

The Flash (Barry) and Green Lantern (Hal) make a podcast and spend the entire time going on long rants about their respective interests. Flash talks about forensic science and chemistry for an hour while GL hums in interest or asks questions every once in a while. After that GL rambles about airplanes and engineering for another hour while Flash enthusiastically nods and adds in related stories every so often. Twitter diagnoses them with autism.

Captain Marvel has a TikTok account where he posts himself trying suggestions from his fans. Some of his most popular videos include him juggling a bunch of chainsaws (perfectly, btw), pranking JL members, bedazzling Mr Minds prison jar with fake crystals and speech bubble stickers that make it look like Mr Mind is saying things like “I’m DUMB”, and his most popular by far, citing The Santa Clause rules to Black Adam and convincing him that since he killed his father technically that makes him his new dad (the horror stopped Black Adam in place mid battle, giving Marvel the perfect opportunity to punch him in the face. The punch has been slo-mo’d and memed to oblivion). His Batman mandated PR team has been begging him to stop for months but in response he posts himself TikTok dancing (terribly) in front of a green screen in the background showing an image of the emails while asking for more suggestions.

If anyone has any ideas like this or fics to recommend plz tell me In the comments, I love the Justice League just casually being celebrities.