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thezombieprostitute · 22 days ago

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Hii! 🥰 If it’s okay, can I please request a Ransom x shy!fem!reader where she’s his gf and he loves making her all flustered and shy? Like he spoils her with SO MUCH love, affection, flirting, and gifts and he absolutely LOVES her reactions (she’d definitely hide her head in his chest)

If there's one thing we all know about Ransom it's that he loves getting reactions from people. This probably isn't the story you were hoping for but it's the one that Ransom gave me.

Ransom Drysdale x Shy!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Bad family, Self-esteem issues, Stalker behavior. Please let me know if I missed any!

The first time Ransom flirted with you, you were certain it was a prank. Your face heated with embarrassment and you basically ran away.

It was rather unique experience for him and he was intrigued. He decided to run some tests and see if that's just how you were or if it was him specifically. He frequented the bookstore you worked at, observing your interactions with others versus himself. Some may have called it "stalking" but he called it "research". And he'd spend enough money at the store your boss would never tell him he wasn't welcome.

When he realizes you weren't faking, that you react the same whenever anyone gives you a compliment, he's even more intrigued. He's never seen someone so easily flustered and thinks you could be a lot of fun to play with.

Just like when he first flirted with you, when he asked you out on a date you immediately thought it was a prank and tried to run off. He cut in front of you, careful not to touch you without permission (he doesn't need an assault charge, after all).

"I'm being serious," he tells you. "I'm not trying to hurt you, I just...you seem like an interesting person and I'd like to get to know you better."

Your face is burning as you look down at your feet. "I just want to work, sir."

"Please? Just one date," he offers with that look he knows works on all the ladies. Well, all but you because you're not looking at him. "How about just a coffee together at the cafe next door? Please?"

And that's how you and Ransom started dating. Much to his mother's chagrin.

Initially Linda just scoffed when she met you. A bookstore employee dating her son? No way was this going to last. Best to not even get to know the poor girl's name. Ransom was just gonna use you for his amusement and dump you like he always does.

Except he doesn't. Over the months Ransom finds himself more and more amused and intrigued by you and your overly shy reactions. Sure it was just a fun experiment to begin with but he's finding he enjoys being your anchor. He likes that someone finds him so reliable, so safe. It's a side of himself he never knew about until you. The fact that, even after all these months of "spoiling" you, you still don't expect him to is something very new for him.

You never shrug at the gifts. You never ask for them, either. Part of him worries you'll never understand that it's okay to accept compliments, to accept gifts. So he makes sure to shower you in both, hoping it'll sink in.

"For the last time, Linda, I'm not getting rid of her."

"She's beneath you, Ransom. I get you've found yourself a charity case, but you can't get emotionally attached to these things."

"She's not a thing."

"But you agree she's a charity case," Linda asserts. "I've seen your spending habits, Ransom. You can't expect me to think she's at all good for you! She's clearly just interested in getting her grubby hands on our fortune!"

Ransom rolls his eyes. "She has never asked for any of the stuff I get her. I get them for her because her reactions are so much fun."

Linda rolls her own eyes, "I don't need to hear about your exploits in bed. I need you to get your spending under control and drop the gold digger!"

"But I'm having so much fun!" Ransom pleads. If his mother won't listen to reason, maybe she'll listen to this.

"Ugh, fine. Keep playing with your...toy. Just don't expect me to like her. And definitely tell me when you've finally dumped her back in the trailer home she came from. I've got a girl lined up for you that I think you'll like."

Ransom knows whoever it is his mother wants to set him up with is the daughter, niece, cousin of one of her friends. He'd rather die than date them. But he's done with this conversation so he turns away and that's when he sees you, crying.

"I'm...I'm just gonna go," you mumble before running off.

Ransom tries to go after you but Linda holds him back saying, "it's for the best. Now she finally knows, you're both done with each other. So let me tell you about Trillia. She's Karen's niece..."

Ransom doesn't hear anything. He breaks her grip and goes storming out after you but once outside, he can't find you. He tries texting, calling, messaging, everything he can think but no response.

After a bit he drives over to your apartment complex. He hits the buzzer for your apartment, no response. Maybe you weren't home yet? The buses weren't the most reliable. Maybe you'd taken the wrong bus? Fuck. He sits in his car and decides to wait. Every 15 or 20 minutes he tries calling you but you still don't answer.

Well, there's one place he knows you'll be at eventually.

It's taken a few days of waiting. Apparently you've been calling in sick. Ransom can understand that, given the likely shock you were experiencing. He hadn't been taking the best care of himself while trying to get hold of you again. He'd even developed a bit of stubble because he couldn't be bothered to shave.

But now, finally, you were back at work and he could talk to you. Well, he could if you'd let him. He knows creating a scene will make things worse for you so he's trying his best to not call out, yell at you to stop ignoring him, whatever. But you know the store so much better than him and are frequently able to get away, making him look for you all over again.

When it finally sinks in that he's not going to give up you let him find you one last time. Before he can even open his mouth you tell him, "it's over Ransom. I knew you were never interested in me so I'm just giving us both the blessing of cutting things off."

"I was just telling my mother what she wanted to hear. What I knew would get her off our backs. How could you think I was never interested?"

"You never took 'no' for an answer," you tell him bluntly. "I didn't want to go on a date, but you wouldn't leave me alone. I didn't want the expensive gifts you got me, but you insisted. i'd practically beg you to stop buying me things but you wouldn't hear it. It was all about you, never me. How could I not know you weren't actually interested?"

"Well excuse me for wanting to shower you with gifts!" Ransom immediately regrets snapping at you, making you wince. "I'm sorry. I just...I thought..."

"You enjoyed making me uncomfortable," you sigh. "You're not the first, won't be the last. I know I'm ridiculous. That I shouldn't be so shy. But you didn't have to make fun of me for it."

Ransom feels his heart break. It's true, he enjoyed your reactions, enjoyed being the one you hugged, and hid with. But was it really fair to you? He really never considered your discomfort beyond his own enjoyment of it. Beyond his own need to feel needed.

"I'm sorry," he finally sputters. "I'll...I'll try to be better."

You shake your head, "it's for the best, Ransom. Now please, for once, respect my 'no' and leave me alone."

Ransom wants to argue. To say it's not what you think. To swear to do better by you in the future. But it would only serve to prove your point. So instead he nods and leaves.

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @irishhappiness; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly; @thiquefunlover63

#zombie asks #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x shy!reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x female reader #ransom drysdale x f!reader #ransom drysdale angst

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hamburgerndsprite · 3 days ago

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Sprite's Favourite Fics {Bangtan Fics} Part 4

Note: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5, Part 6

[OT7]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ Yellow Lights by minniepetals

— pairing: bts x reader — genre: fluff, poly!au, office!au, established relationship — word count: 7.0k — summary: who would have thought your coworkers would mean more to you than you initially thought a year later?

➺ Love-Starved by Hollyhomburg

Pairing: OT7 x Reader, Jeon Junkook x Reader W/c: 7.0k Genre: Fluff, Smut Synopsis: "It's the little things that often lead people to fall headfirst into love. Jungkook's already fallen, hard. And the boys? they might not have fallen yet, but they can feel the pull of gravity."

➺ BTS Yandere Masterlist [M] by Aris-ink

Genre: nsfw, dark content, Smut oneshots of each member

➺ One Wish by youarejesting

Pairing: BTS x Friend!Reader Genre: Fluff Words: 7.8K Synopsis: “Hello, I think I have been kidnapped!”

{SERIES}

➺ Black Mamba by hoebii [ONGOING]

Pairing : OT7 x Hybrid! Reader Genre : Angst, fluff, Hybrid!Au Rating: nc-17 Warning : Violence, swearing, mental breakdowns, weapons (mentioned), toxic thoughts, blood Parts: [12 Parts posted]

➺ Fairy Good by hoebii

Pairing: Tiny Fairy BTS x Reader Genre: Fluff, CRACK x100 Parts: 3/3

➺ Tiny Tan - Limited Edition ML by youarejesting

Pairing: Bts x Friend!Reader Genre: Fantasy, Comedy, Fluffy Fluff, Adventure. Summary: It is your first time buying proper merchandise, there are new chibi figurines and the first person to order will recieve a limited edition set. But what happens when BTS have gone missing without a trace and a few days later you receive your package. The box says congratulations, you open to find your limited edition figures, they look so lifelike. OH WAIT! it’s cause they are.

➺ No Doubt About It by hoebii

Pairing: CEO! BTS x gf! Reader Genre: Angst, Fluff Summary: They have doubts about your intentions and believe you may be a gold digger, prompting them to put you to the test. Parts: 3/3

{REACTION}

Asking for a threesome prank by dreamescapeswriting

Cockwarming by dreamescapeswriting

[KIM NAMJOON]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ Heaven Can Wait by bangtan-spells

Pairing: Namjoon x girlfriend reader Genre: Romance, drama, Accident Au, Idol au Synopsis: Namjoon is devastated when his girlfriend is seriously injured in a car accident while he is on tour. A week later, he and his bandmates visit her in the hospital, only to learn that she is in the ICU so they cannot meet her. Tragically, that night, she suffers a cardiac arrest, leaving Namjoon and her loved ones in despair.

➺ Fishy Business by hoebii

Pairing: Jin x Reader (Platonic), Namjoon x Reader, Jimin x Yoongi Genre: Fluff, Crack, Hogwarts au Warning: Jin is a blobfish Synopsis: Amused, Namjoon asked Jin “Oh? And what might she be talking about all day then?” “You of course. She never shuts up about you, your pretty face, smart brain, sexy b-” “OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH.” You quickly snatch up the small bowl you keep Jin in before you dart out of the class and speed walk away, face now beet red.

➺ Mall Santa by youarejesting

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader x Jimin Genre: Soft boy Joon, Fluff, mistletoe kiss, cute baby bangtan visits Santa, Santa Joon, Elf Jimin. Words: 2.7k Summary: Being a mall Santa was hard so each Santa had two assistant elves, checking the schedule Namjoon saw he was working with two of the kindest and cutest elves that all the Santas wished they were paired with Y/n and Jimin. He is scared of tripping over his boots, knocking off his wig and beard and confessing his huge crush on the two of you.

[KIM SEOKJIN]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ Soft by hoebii

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader Genre: Fluff, Crack, Established Relationship!Au Wc: 853 Synopsis: “I wanna touch your cheeks, they look really soft"

➺ The Devil's Advocate by jimlingss

➜ Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader ➜ Words: 11.8k ➜ Genres: 98% Fluff, 2% Smut, Devil!AU ➜ Summary: The devil is a lazy. selfish. bastard. He never shows up for work and forces you to take his place at the gates of Hell. But when he follows you on your vacation — you have an inkling of his intentions. After all, you are his advocate.

➺ Kitchen Romance by jimlingss

➜ Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader ➜ Words: 11.1k ➜ Genres: 95% Fluff, 5% Angst, Chef!AU ➜ Summary: You come from a long line of matchmakers. Your ancestors' ancestors were matchmakers and it's all because of a special, inborn gift. A gift that allows you to see each person's fated ones above their heads. But it's not so much a gift when one day, your boss walks in with YOU above him.

➺ Business Affairs by magicalsalamander

Pairing: BTS Jin x Reader Genre: Fluff/ Angst/ Smut/ Office worker/ Humor/ Enemies to lovers Summary: When the unexpected happens and here you are hours away from home your professionalism is put to the test. Jin, long time rival, always shows up at your worst moments. What happens when the world seems to be against you and the only one you know is Jin?

[MIN YOONGI]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ The Sugar Wars by Hollyhomburg

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Intern! Reader W/C: 5.3k Genre: Soulmate au, Fluff, Brief Angst Summary: Maybe tasting everything his soulmate eats wouldn't be so bad if Yoongi’s soulmate didn't have the largest sweet tooth Ever. Maybe you wouldn't need to sweeten everything if he didn't drink his coffee so bitter.

➺ Penguins, Concussions and Swear Words: A Love Story by dinoyoongi

PAIRING: Yoongi x Reader GENRE: Romance WORD COUNT: 7099 SYNOPSIS: You’re the mascot for your university’s hockey team - The Ulsan Penguins, and pathetically infatuated with a player from your team’s biggest rival.

➺ Eight by cupofteaguk

pairing: yoongi x fem!reader genre: idol au, friends to lovers au | fluff word count: 5k summary: eight times Min Yoongi tells you he loves you

➺ Bouquet by yooniivrse

pairing: yoongi x reader genre: established relationsip au, fluff word count: 1.3k content: oc buys yoongi flowers / my man is whipped summary. every day with you serves as a reminder that you are, in fact, the best thing that has happened to him

{SERIES}

➺ Stellar Behavior by lo1k-diamonds

PAIRING: Officer!Yoongi x Mafia (f)reader WORD COUNT: 44.3k GENRE: Gangster AU, Law AU, enemies to lovers, smut PARTS: 8/8 SUMMARY: Yoongi has been in the police force for long enough to know that the system isn’t perfect, so when an injustice is about to put his protégé in jail, he has no other choice but to go to you. You’re the devil, but you’re hard to resist, and he needs to decide between falling into temptation or showing you that two can play the game.

[JUNG HOSEOK]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ Learning Flights by bts-ot-7

Pair: Hobi x reader Genre: Established relationship, angst, fluff, idol! au, BTS on a world tour WC: 1155 Summary: Tour life can be difficult and even the strongest relationships can be broken down when one is overwhelmed. Your attempts to voice your concerns about Hobi’s well-being were quickly shot down by the man himself.

➺ Hot Rod [M] by kinktae

pairing: greaser! hoseok x waitress! reader word count: 10k genre: 1950s au, smut, fluff warnings: VIRGIN KINK, semi-public fingering, oral (f), brief handjob, unprotected sex, lots of banter summary: a 1950′s inspired fic where greaser Hoseok can’t keep his eyes, or hands, off the new waitress at his and his boys’ favorite diner.

➺ Love at First Snow by vanaera

Pairing: dance major (and “academically challenged”)!Hoseok x Genius! female reader (College AU) Prompt | “You know, you remind me a lot of the Grinch. The only difference is in the end, his heart grows three sizes, but you stay an asshole.” Genre | Fluff, Humor, Angst Wordcount | 16.9k Synopsis | It is during the first snow Hoseok first meets Y/N. It is also during the first snow he prepares to put a ring on her. Little does he know, fate has other plans. (OR: As Hoseok relishes in the spirit of the Holiday season, he cannot help but also reminisce how you two, though entire polar opposites of each other, ended up together.

{SERIES}

➺ Jungle Park Series by jimlingss

► Pairing: CEO! hoseok x HR! reader ► Genre: Fluff, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Workplace Romance!AU ► Summary: The equation is simple. Hoseok needs to hire someone. You need a job. Except like any actual equation, it’s not fucking simple at all! Not when you have to add the fact that he was forced to hire someone he doesn’t want in his office, he has little respect for your job in general, and oh yeah...once upon a time you might have—*CENSORED*.

[PARK JIMIN]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ Drabble by indgio

↳ genre: established relationship / implied idol!au ig? / fluff & comfort / a lil angst and a lil humour ↳ wc - approx. 700+ ↳ Summary: the one where jimin is not supposed to freak out but he freaks out anyway. ↳ Alternatively, jimin does not enjoy getting calls that let him know you’re in hospital, even if they give you chocolate pudding.

➺ Drown with me [M] by hoebii

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader Genre: Lifeguard!Au, Smut, Fluff Wc: 2.9k Rating: 18+ (Minors DNI!!) Warning: Cunnilingus, Fingering, unprotected sex, swearing, oc almost low-key drowns

➺ Antifreeze by winetae

—pairing: jimin x female! reader —genre: smut, pwp | college!au, ballet/Christmas au, alpha/beta/omega-verse —word count: 11.7k —summary: ‘Don’t sleep with your dance partners.’ For three years, Jimin has followed the above rule religiously. Who knew it would take a vengeful ex, a Christmas fundraiser, and a pair of torn tights for his resolve to crumble? ↳ alternatively, Jimin participates in the school’s adaption of The Nutcracker for extra credit but doesn’t expect his new dance partner to a) be this bad at dancing and b) be this fucking cute

➺ A Work of Art [M] by missgeniality

➺ Pairing: Jimin x Female Reader ➺ Genre: PWP, Smut, Slightest Angst ➺ Rating: 18+ ➺ Word Count: 7.3k ➺ Summary: You surprise Jimin with his Filter outfit; and then some.

➺ Blessing and a Curse by btsmosphere

~pairing: Jimin x reader ~word count: 12.7k ~genre: college!au, magic!au, fluff, angst ~warnings: nightmares, house fire, knife injury, and blood, mentioned homophobia/biphobia, swearing ~summary: You are the unluckiest person you know. Park Jimin seems to be the exception to the rule. But when strange dreams start haunting you, Jimin begins to piece together the events that have followed you your whole life…

➺ Eleven by hongcherry

🕚 Pairing: Jimin x exGirlfriend!Reader(f) 🕚 Rating/Genres: NC-17; Angst, song-inspired, exes to lovers 🕚 Word Count: 5.0k 🕚 Warnings: Major character death, brief description of death scene (blood, body position, scene itself), pet names (kitten), car crash, not happy ending 🕚 Summary: “After you and Jimin break up to pursue your separate goals to achieve life’s success, Jimin tries to rekindle the spark that’s been flickering ever since the split.”

[KIM TAEHYUNG]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ Making Time by borathae

Pairing: CEO! Taehyung x f. CEO! Reader Genre: Slice of Life, Fluff, married life! AU Wordcount: 772 Summary: “Christmas time has been pretty stressful for you and Taehyung. And so he decides that you and he should make time for some much needed tranquility.”

➺ Ruined [M] by taegularities

⋙ pairing: Taehyung x female reader ⋙ rating: 18+ ⋙ genre: strangers to lovers; angst, fluff, smut ⋙Summary: “Does forever sound too long?” You first see Kim Taehyung at the office you’ve just started working at – and his eyes draw you in immediately. Quiet, powerful, and confident; yet he’s wrapped in a suit of secrets. A suit you want to take off layer by layer.

➺ You should see me in a crown by shining-on-a-sunday

pairing: prince/king Taehyung x servant reader warnings: yandere behaviors, sexual content, obsessive behavior wc: 3.5k synopsis: “You are going to hide anywhere you want in the castle, and I’m going to try and find you.”

➺ Under Wraps [M] by jungkxook

⟶ pairing: taehyung x fem!reader ⟶ words: 15,062 ⟶ rating: 18+ ⟶ genre: enemies-to-lovers / fake dating / fluff / smut ⟶ summary: there’s nothing you and taehyung seem to hate more than each other - except for christmas. having recently been dumped by your (now ex) boyfriend only seems to make this holiday even worse. but when taehyung suggests that you should pretend to be dating each other to save you both the embarrassment, pity, and bothersome questions from family and friends alike for a fun carefree month of celebrations, you can’t possibly say no.

[JEON JUNGKOOK]

{ONE SHOT}

➺ The Probability Of Us by Jiminrings

pairing: college professor! jungkook x pretty student! reader wordcount: 6k glimpse: jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories.

➺ How Long Will We Fall by Jiminrings

pairing: jungkook x reader wordcount: 14k genre: soulmate au, painful f2l, unrequited love (at first), a lot of angst, more fluff n wholesome moments, emotional constipation, yearning, jealousy, swearing, reverse cards that make u cheer, redemption arc, glimpse: if it’s fate, it should already be set onto your skin — that’s why jungkook’s initials are already on your finger. he’s always there for you, but not only for you. if you’re his fate, he’d rather not have it. alternatively, jungkook’s your soulmate, but he doesn’t want to be.

➺ Staged For The Season by voyter

pairing. jeon jungkook x fem!reader word count. 18.3k words genre: Fake Dating Au, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Smut summary: Going back home for the holidays meant facing his ex — the one he still couldn’t let go of. Determined to win her back and spark a little jealousy, he brought you along… as his fake girlfriend.

➺ Down and Down by kkukverse

pairing: MMA fighter! jeon jungkook x fem!reader genre: fluff,angst synopsis: “I would kill to see her again, but I would die if that ever happened because I broke her, Jimin. How could I see her when I’m the last person she would ever want to see?”

{SERIES}

➺ Four-seven-eight by Jiminrings

pairing: jungkook x reader glimpse: you’re secure when it comes to loving jungkook, knowing that your husband loves you beyond words. what you aren’t so secure about is his first love — someone who isn’t you. alternatively, jungkook’s married to you, but he still celebrates his anniversary with his ex out of sentimentality.

➺ Beauty & The Geek by smoljimjim [ONGOING]

Pairing: Geeky fastfood worker JJK x Rich barbie girl OC named Siri Genre: College AU, sort of strangers/friends to lovers, funny, fluff, angst, smut, happy ending (I plan on this fic being more funny and cute rather than angsty, but there will still be some angst of course) Description: What’s an unpopular geeky guy to do when one of the most popular rich girls on campus starts trying to vie for his attention? Reject her, of course, ‘cause it must be some kind of joke and there’s no way they would work. Oh, and there’s also the fact that he can’t stand her.

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fayelero · 8 months ago

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࿔ rap : angst ࿔ pop : fluff ࿔ r&b : smut ࿔ hiphop : smau

⤷ my feats are opened ! some of those works are old

⤷ 影 kageyama tobio

. fav hq boys with this trend - pop music

. I know baby, I know - pop music

. it’s volleyball or me - rap to pop music

. coming home late after a win - r&b music

. I told you im pregnant - pop music

. getting you flustered - pop music

⤷ 西 nishinoya yuu

. friends do not kiss for fun, right? - pop

. eyes without a face - pop music

⤷ 複 multiple

. how they would be at your first match as their gf - pop music

⤷ こず kozume kenma

. space songs - rap to pop to r&b music

. neko’s name - pop music

. gold digger - rap to pop music

. PS5 - pop music

. getting you flustered - pop music

. my strange addiction - pop n rap music

⤷ 哲郎 kuroo tetsuro

. teacher’s pet - r&b music

. fav hq boys with this trend - pop music

. I know baby, I know - pop music

. I told you im pregnant - pop music

. please please please - pop music

. getting you flustered - pop music

⤷ 複 multiple

. how they would be at your first match as their gf - pop music

. you prank them up - hip hop music

⤷ 砂 suna rintaro

. fav hq boys with this trend - pop music

. I know baby, I know - pop music

. just confess - pop music

. surgery? - pop to r&b music

. I told you im pregnant - pop music

. smell that - pop music

. fucking tattoo - pop to r&b music

. getting you flustered - pop music

. drugs - pop music

⤷ 宮 miya atsumu

. fav hq boys with this trend - pop music

. I told you im pregnant - pop music

. friendzone - rap to pop music

. girlfriend in training - pop music

. wildflower - rap to pop music

. spoiling you - pop music

. getting you flustered - pop music

⤷ 複 multiple

. how they would be at your first match as their gf - pop music

⤷ 赤葦 akaashi keiji

. even calm ones have meltdowns - pop

⤷ 木兎 bokuto kotaro

. after game care - pop and r&b music

. sweater weather - pop music

. fav hq boys with this trend - pop music

. i know baby, i know - pop music

. pretty girl - pop and r&b music

. crawling back to you - pop music

. I told you im pregnant - pop music

. getting you flustered - pop music

⤷ 複 multiple

. how they would be at your first match as their gf - pop music

⤷ 徹 tooru oikawa

. after party - pop music

. I know baby, I know - pop music

⤷ 岩泉 iwaizumi hajime

. spot me - hiphop music

. getting you flustered - pop music

⤷ 天道 tendou satori

. getting you flustered - pop music

⤷ セミ semi eita

. getting you flustered - pop music

#⋆⋰☄︎ kie’s main

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prankvids · 1 year ago

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GOLD DIGGER PRANK PART 51 GONE HOME LondonsWay

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lalathemediterraneanmermaid · 6 months ago

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What do ikeprince suitors smell like? Pt.2

Hi my beautiful Belles, it's such an honor to present you with part 2 of "What do ikeprince suitors smell like? I absolutely loved and had so much fun doing the first part. So here is the promised second part, where we will discover the perfumes that the princes from Rhodolite are most likely to wear. This is not entirely accurate - it's only based on their routes information and the vibe each boy gives me.

Jin Grandet

The big bro, seductive womanizer and alcohol lover definitely smells like seduction and playfulness with a mature vibe. I'm sensing some kind of citrusy freshness along with some spices on top of a woody warm bed.

Notes: bergamot, galbanum, tangerine, liqueur, pink pepper, ho leaf, amber, rosewood and oakmoss.

Perfumes he might like:

Sauvage - Dior (Basic, but it still works)

Cuirs - Carner Barcelona

Grand Soir - Maison Francis Kurkdjian (sometimes he takes this one from Nokto's perfume collection).

CH Men Prive - Carolina Herrera - His favourite, probably layered with "Grand Soir" for special occasions.

Stronger With You Intensely - Giorgio Armani

Chevalier Michel

King Highness, my man, your man, nation's man, world's man. It is said in his route that he showers a lot. It is also said by Belle that Chev smells like vetiver and winter. So I'm getting fresh clean boy vibes from our pookie man. He may also be a huge Byredo boy.

Notes: vetiver, green apple, wintergreen, sweet orange, white rose, white lily, jasmine, gardenia, ylang-ylang, sage and soap.

Perfumes he might like:

Sycomore - Chanel

Grey Vetiver - Tom Ford

Philosykos - Diptyque

Aqua Universalis - Maison Francis Kurkdjian - His favourite

Blanche - Byredo - His second favourite

Bal d'Afrique - Byredo

Mister Marvelous - Byredo

Clavis Lelouch

The Hellcat Troublemaker charming gentleman probably smells like sweat, chaos, trouble, chemicals and gunpowder, but let's pretend he doesn't. This mf brings joy and happiness to everyone's lives. He's the life of the party. We've all been charmed by him at any point in the series, don't you dare denying it. Yes, he is traumatized, but so are we. He is dazzling and fresh like a summer breeze, sweet and funny like an ice cream.

Notes: mandarin, lemon, sea salt, jasmine, rose, muguet, heliotrope, musk, vanilla, coconut and aromatic herbs.

Perfumes he might like:

Bleu de Chanel - Chanel (courtesy of Keith)

Aqua Allegoria Bergamote Calabria - Guerlain - His favourite (layered with "Pulp" to add playfulness).

Blu Mediterraneo: Fico di Amalfi - Acqua di Parma

Pulp - Byredo - His other favourite, he loves this one because he stole it from Chevalier's Byredo collection.

Allure Homme Sport - Chanel (this one is the one he uses while pranking people, just because the word "sport" in the perfume's name.)

Leon Dompteur

The gold digger girl dinner love of my life. He is a true gentleman, he treats you right, it's the princess treatment for me girl. He is classy, sweet, thoughtful, a liar friendly, masculine (in the best way possible) and sensitive. Roses seem to bloom whenever he smiles. A provider. Husband material. He gifts you PLUSHIES, how cute is that? Love him.

Notes: lavender, linalool, bergamot, roses, cinnamon, anise, clove, thyme, jasmine and cedarwood.

Perfumes he might like:

Fahrenheit - Dior - His favourite for high events

Y Eau de Parfum - Yves Saint Laurent

Rive Gauche pour Homme - Yves Saint Laurent - His favourite

Black Saffron - Byredo

L'Homme Ideal Sport - Guerlain

Blenheim Bouquet - Penhaligon's

Green Irish Tweed - Creed - His second favourite (layered "Black Saffron").

Yves Kloss

The Barbie Haughty Kitty. He definitely smells like flowers, especially roses, and something really sweet, gourmand with a soft clean base.

Notes: apple, peony, rose, apricot, jasmine, iris, musk, vanilla, praline, sugar, strawberry and peach.

Perfumes he might like:

Peony & Blush Suede - Jo Malone London

White Suede - Tom Ford

Eau Rose - Diptyque

Chanel Chance Eau Tendre

Love in White - Creed

The Favourite - Penhaligon's - His favourite

Bianco Latte - Giardini Di Toscana (layered with "Eau Rose") - His favourite combination (he uses this one to go see you Belle).

Licht Klein

The lone wolf, our cutie pie, Yves's baby. I feel like he smells like fresh rain on top of a sweet and clean base with some spices added.

Notes: orange, wintergreen, rain, mint, green apple, white lily, sweet pea, orchid, vanilla and sandalwood.

Perfumes he might like:

Silver Mountain Water - Creed

Acqua di Giò Profumo - Giorgio Armani

Royal Water - Creed - His favourite

Celeste - Giardini Di Toscana

Millésime Impérial - Creed (Silvio's gift).

Nokto Klein

Our frivolous womanizer, the slay and cunning fox, my baby. Chev's personal clown. He LOVES perfumes - Silvio and he are in some kind of competition about who has more perfumes. He is the layering king, not just because his perfume gets mixed with other girls' scents, but because he knows what he is doing. In literally everyone's routes, it's said that our silly boy who just wants to be loved and understood smells like a red flag "late night trysts", but what exactly that smells like?

Notes: Freesia, white rose, ylang-ylang, orange blossom, cinnamon, musk, sandalwood, heliotrope, queen of the night, vanilla and jasmine.

Perfumes he might like:

L'Homme Ideal - Guerlain

Noir - Tom Ford

Black Orchid - Tom Ford

Do Son - Diptyque

Flowerhead - Byredo

Luna - Penhaligon's

Grand Soir - Maison Francis Kurkdjian

Roses Musk - Montale

Intense Café - Montale

Reflection Man - Amouage (matching with Azel)

Royal Mayfair - Creed

Borabora - Giardini Di Toscana - His favourite

Blu Mare - Giardini Di Toscana (Silvio's gift)

Luke Randolph

Our own big (enormous) Winnie the Pooh. The Honey Lover. The Nap Lover. He is sweet, lovable and caring, the perfect brother you will never have. He will do anything to help you and to make you happy. He doesn't really care that much about his appearance, so the majority of his perfumes are gifted.

Notes: Honey, vanilla, herbs, honeysuckle, violet leaf, white musk and amber.

Perfumes he might like:

Mojave Ghost - Byredo (Clavis's gift, stolen fom Chev's perfume collection)

Oajan - Parfums de Marly (Jin's gift)

Chergui - Serge Lutens (Sariel's gift)

Honey Aoud - Montale - His favourite

And this is the end. Hope you enjoyed this silly little simulation, because I did. I had so much fun, especially with ma' boy Clavis.

This may not be the end of this series, next I'm planning to do the same dynamics (scents and perfumes) with our evil boys from Ikemen Villains. But if you have any suggestions let me know!!!

Kisses my beautiful little bunnies. xoxo.

#ikemen prince #ikemen series #cybird #cybird otome #cybird ikemen #ikemen games #cybird series #cybird games #jin grandet #chevalier michel #clavis lelouch #leon dompteur #yves kloss #licht klein #nokto klein #luke randolph #scent #perfume #belle

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ijustwannaseecoolart · 4 months ago

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Smiling Critter Office AU

This idea has been pestering me. Basically, the Critters work at a regional office of a conglomerate company called Daylight, Inc. Here are the critters:

Dawson "DogDay" Dayton

Regional Manager.

Nepo baby (his dad is the CEO).

His friends/employees sometimes make fun of him for this.

Doesn't like flaunting his family's wealth. (At least not explicitly; just look at the three-piece suits he always wears).

Throws the best office parties.

Weighed down by his family's lofty expectations.

Felix "CatNap" Nightly

Assistant Regional Manager. NOT Assistant to the Regional Manager. He gets hissy if you get that wrong.

Sleeps on the job constantly, but he somehow manages to get all his work done. Therefore, DogDay sees no reason to fire him.

Cat of few words.

Comes from a poor family.

NEVER ask him to do any public speaking. He'll just run away.

Holds a grudge against Daylight. What for? That's a story for another time.

Christine "CraftyCorn" DaVinci

Receptionist/DogDay's secretary.

Has a huge crush on him, but is scared of being seen as a gold digger.

Ultimately dreams of being an artist, but got stuck with this job, which she views as a dead-end one.

Surprisingly enough, she can drink anyone under the table.

Doodles in her spare time, but immediately destroys them.

Her sleep schedule is ABYSMAL.

Roberta "Bearhug" Grylls

Head of HR and is ACTUALLY good at it.

One of the office's two chain smokers.

Abandonment issues and separation anxiety due to her parents dying. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Huge crush on CatNap.

Tried her hand at being a sales rep, but somehow ended up getting an innocent person's house raided. DogDay had to beg his dad not to fire her.

Henrietta "Hoppy" Hopscotch

Sales rep

Office menace

Ongoing prank war with Kickin

Keeps weapons around the office

Makes a contest out of everything

Kyle "KickinChicken" Gallifore

Sales rep

Best-dressed one here after DogDay

Skateboards to work or takes a dirt bike

Ongoing prank war with Hoppy

From a family of entertainers

He's only here because he needs to do something before he gets his big break. Or at least that's what he says.

Pauline "PickyPiggy" Berkshire

Accountant

Helps with the food aspect of DogDay's office parties

Sassy and headstrong when she wants to be

From a family of farmers

Steals any unattended food

Surprisingly scary when she gets angry

William "Bubbaphant" Mammuthus

Head of Accounting Department

The office's other chain smoker

Most likely to take up overtime

Photographic memory. He remembers everything his friends have ever done since they met. Good luck winning an argument against him.

Sick of his everyone's crap

(If anyone could draw this, that would be nice)

#smiling critters au #smiling critters #poppy playtime au #poppy playtime #office au

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getinthefuckingcarkitten · 6 months ago

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Wriggling helplessly in Phoneless Hell rn but please let me release demons out here. CW for foxvery stepcest

Anyway what if Foxy got to grow up with a rich dad with whom she has a fraught relationship due to her mom's untimely and frankly mysterious death. She has everything she could ask for except for what she really wants and her dad's numerous gifts don't fill the void. As her 20th birthday approaches, he decides to remarry and hope to offer to her now what she didn't have as a kid, a mother figure.

And Avery, who's at risk of being thrown out of her company due to recent scandals involving altering important documents to embezzle large sums of money takes the first chance to jump out of the fire by being Way Too Nice to her boss, who takes the bait immediately. She's too nice to be involved in that kind of thing, too kind, attentive and selfless. And beautiful, even if her age is starting to show! And Avery goes along with it, yes, sure she'll meet his little daughter, they can surely build a beautiful family. And she gets to keep the job, of course, even if now having to bed the boss was part of it, she's determined to cling to it with tooth and nail.

Anyway, he brings Avery home and it's. Well. Turns out that the way her soon-to-be-husband talked about his daughter was a bit misleading. For starters, she isn't a cute little girl, but a bratty 19-year-old with a too-sharp tongue who dresses like they're stuck in a permanent heat wave and hates her fucking guts. Foxy seems to instantly sense that Avery's heart isn't in it at all, and immediately starts treating her new stepmom callously. Making gold-digging jokes that Avery has to laugh off, commenting on her outfit (The audacity! At least she's wearing something!) and generally being miserably hard to get along with. And now that Avery is going to be at their house much more often, that's just a permanent pebble in her shoe that she has to deal with. Great.

Then one day Avery just snaps. Maybe it was the third wet towel left over her expensive purse this week, maybe it was another morning the little princess came home drunk and pretended to spill something on her, but she snaps. Just grabs a fistful of what she thought were extensions at first, but were just too soft to the touch and she minds her strength to not scalp the girl as much as she deserves it a little, and then she almost gloats over the whimper she hears before getting really close to Foxy's face and telling her that either she fixes her attitude, or Avery will fix it for her.

She tries not to think of how transfixed she was in how Foxy's skin flushed darker, how her eyes watered a little and how her eyes seemed to reflect something that definitely wasn't fear. A surprisingly small "Yes, ma'am" is her only response before Foxy scurries off to her room.

Foxy does not, in fact, fix that attitude. Well, she's better behaved in front of her dad, to his delight, but whenever they're alone she does it over and over again, her childish pranks, trying to trip Avery as she walks or stealing her drinks while she's still drinking them while making eye contact. It only really stops whenever Avery gives her a scathing look before giving her a good, and frankly relieving slap, and she supposes it's lucky that she hasn't denounced Avery's temper to her dad yet, but not only does the little cunt go right back to her ways after a while, she seems to be trying to spend even more time bothering Avery personally.

It's then that Avery cracks the code, one day. But she has to test it out, and her correction methods start to change. Another little joke in the kitchen gets Foxy shoved face down over the counter. She pretends to be about to spank her and then just leaves the confused, clearly aroused girl there. Avery ignores most of her provocations, all the different ways the brat has found to call her a hag and a gold-digger and holds back the outrage, if a little bit of amusement at one particular way too bold comment on the possible sag of her tits rather than trying to correct them while they're alone, frustrating Foxy, then suddenly pinches her thigh under the dinner table until it hurts, making the girl have to hold down her whimpering and pretend it's the spicy food making her red in the face.

In the back of her mind, Avery is concerned. Maybe this is an elaborate ploy to expose her true colors, and this is the only reason why she still avoids Foxy when she can afford to do it as the girl seems to want to bring out the worst in her, but then one day the marriage proposal comes. She's been such an angel in their lives, Foxy's dad says, and his daughter's been so much happier, so much better behaved, says she's been wanting to finally get more involved in his work.

Of course Avery will accept it, and there's some sort of dark, heavy feeling that coils around her heart and drips to her lower belly as she thinks of how much more time she'll spend with her new stepdaughter, that insufferable brat whose blushing, teary-eyed face had seared itself into her mind. And she pretends that it's not the almost overwhelming desire to see it again, but love for her fiancé that makes her smile so much as she accepts the proposal;

#dol avery #foxglove the vixen #the demons. they Got Me #anyway i think i got karmic retribution for taking foxys phone away in her blog and this is why mine died. writing this may also be a peace #offering to foxy's restless spirit (been too long since shes been latched onto some older woman's ti-

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ae-azile · 1 year ago

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Intrusive angst/humor ArmKhun fic idea (likely primarily told from Kinn's POV) I may or may not write.

About a year after the finale, Korn dies (for real this time). A heart attack, just like the one he faked. It brings Kinn a lot of grief that he tries not to show because his father really fucked his boyfriend's family and life up (along with his own, if we are being honest) and he knows Porsche is probably feeling relief.

To avoid his own grief, he focuses on his brothers. While Kim just went through the required steps and otherwise hasn't expressed anything akin to sadness, Kinn knows Tankhun has to be struggling. He was the only one who openly cried upon finding out and at the funeral. Other than a calm request to have the chance to control his own finances again (a request Kinn hesitantly granted) it isn't like Tankhun can just bounce back from grief like that.

So Kinn goes to visit Tankhun's suite. He wants to apologize for focusing on what to do, rather than being there for him. But when Kinn gets there, Tankhun seems fine. He's watching a show and waiting for Arm to get off his shift. But he does check in with Kinn to see if he's okay. When Kinn says he is fine, Tankhun points out he likely isn't if he's trying to come here for comfort. When Kinn corrects him and says he wants to comfort Tankhun, Tankhun rolls his eyes and tells him he is doing wonderfully, happy to see him, but would appreciate if he left before Arm arrived since he will be interrupting their movie date. Kinn rolls his eyes at that, but complies.

After leaving, he swings by the armory to let Arm know that Tankhun seems too stable so soon after their father's death and to keep a close eye on him tonight. Arm just says he planned on being there anyway. Kinn is glad his brother has such a loyal and compassionate guard.

Until Arm's and Tankhun's wedding invitation is delivered to his suite a week later. He thinks it's a joke. Porsche is baffled by it, but points out it would be a weird joke for Tankhun to set up. So Kinn goes to his brother's suite, only to find compound guards helping him move furniture out.

"I want to blend mine and Arm's styles!"

Kinn argues with Tankhun, then goes to Arm and says Tankhun is under the impression they're getting married. Arm is like, "Yeah, we are."

"You need to let him know you aren't serious! That you thought he was joking when he asked you!"

"But we are serious."

Kinn starts obsessing over this. He confronts Tankhun several times and Tankhun just dismisses him because he has a wedding to plan. He only has somewhat of a conversation when Kinn accuses Arm of manipulating Tankhun into requesting control of his finances back so he can take control of them or bleed him dry. Tankhun snorts at that and says Arm never even asked about him regaining his finances. He just wanted them for the ring, wedding, and honeymoon. Arm actually bought Khun an even more expensive ring and keeps wanting to pay for the honeymoon.

Kinn is half under the impression that this is an elaborate prank, even when Arm and Tankhun start shopping for tuxes and go to cake tastings. When Kinn complains about the copious flowers Tankhun ordered (he may have agreed to give Tankhun full control of his inheritance and investments back, but that doesn't mean he isn't watching the accounts), Porsche says he should focus on something else. Maybe the loss of his father. Kinn just keeps complaining and worrying over Arm being a manipulative gold digger.

He asks Kim what he thinks. Kim doesn't really care, but eventually admits he has known about Arm and Tankhun for a while. When Kinn asks what a while is, Kim tells him, "Almost a year. They seem to really love each other."

Kinn starts to feel hurt now. He is sullen during the copious rehearsals (the wedding MUST be perfect and Tankhun did make him his best man). Finally, after the rehearsal the night before the wedding, Kinn asks why he didn't say anything. Tankhun finally admits he only could when their father died. That he suffocated him, didn't trust him, and he only felt comfortable coming out of secrecy when their father was dead and couldn't hurt Arm. He only told Kim because Kim never once trusted their father, even as a child.

Perfect wedding, but a wilder after party. It will not only have a dramatic KimChay reconciliation, but a more unexpected Tankhun-Vegas reconciliation that has Kinn questioning if the wedding is a prank all over again.

Heartfelt talks. Revelations about love and grief. Kinn opening up to Porsche and vice versa. The end.

#armtankhun #armkhun #armkhun fic #armkhun fanfic #KinnPorsche #fic ideas #will i write it?#i dont know #but i can actually see it being a one-shot and have a lot of it suddenly mapped out in my head #so maybe!

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lizardsfromspace · 2 years ago

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Greetings, boils, ghouls, skele-thems and non-bone-ary individuals! Tonight's terror tale is called "I just finished watching Tales from the Crypt and here are my thoughts on the series". Horror pun

Season One

Season one was just six episodes, and aired in June 1989. The whole season, because the first three episodes aired on one night, which would be the case for every season but the last. This season isn't quite there yet, notably the Cryptkeeper animatronic is less expressive and the character himself is less silly.

Best Episode: "And All Through The Night". The most important episode, because it set the tone for the series (the premiere is good, but not very representative, being a crime story with a fourth-wall breaking protagonist). It's the story about a woman who kills her husband, and then finds herself stalked by a evil, killer Santa. All from the director of Back to the Future.

Honorable Mentions: "The Man Who Was Death", "Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone", "Collection Complete"

Worst Episode: idk "Lover Come Hack to Me" is p. forgettable

Season Two

Season two is a step up in length (18 episodes!), the Cryptkeeper (more expressive and more cackly), and stars (Arnold Schwarzenegger directs the second episode). It set the pattern for what the show was: a ghoulish, bloody horror anthology, done with high production values and featuring Hollywood's biggest stars and directors.

The one problem, and it's one that will haunt the rest of the show's run, is that Tales from the Crypt also features a fair chunk of non-horror crime stories, and they're pretty bland on the whole. Luckily, the show's producers know not to do them all the time...yet.

Best Episode: "Television Terror". Tales from the Crypt was rarely scary, or really trying to be. It leaned more towards "fun", and as for scare factor, well, these were adaptions of comic books designed to scare children (and even though it was a very R-rated HBO show, kids loved Tales from the Crypt, enough for it to get both a Saturday morning cartoon & a kid's game show spinoff). But "Television Terror" is one of the few episodes that actually tries for grim, serious horror, and it's the show's scariest episode. It also stars sleazy 80s talk show host Morten Downey, Jr. as a sleazy talk show host, real stretch of a role there.

Honorable Mentions: "Cutting Cards" is another of the show's best episodes; "Three's A Crowd" has one of its best dark twist endings; "For Cryin' Out Loud" features Lee Arenberg as a murderous band promoter taunted by his conscience, Sam Kinison; "Four-Sided Triangle" features Patricia Arquette as a woman in love with a scarecrow; "The Ventriloquist's Dummy" is a twist on the cliche featuring Don Rickles; "Lower Berth" is a romance between a circus freak and a cursed mummy, with a surprise twist; "Mute Witness to Murder" is one of the show's few great noir episodes; "My Brother's Keeper" is a story of Siamese twins.

Worst Episode: "Dead Right", the season premiere. Demi Moore is a gold digger who marries a man when a psychic tells her he'll inherit a large sum of money, then shortly die. There's a decent prophecy twist, but man, so much of this is devoted to showing off how gross the man she married was.

Season Three

Around season three, a spinoff called Two-Fisted Tales was proposed, which would've adapted EC Comics' pulp action & adventure stories. It was never picked up, but the pilot's segements were folded into Tales, with one in season three and two in season four.

Best Episode: "Abra Cadaver". Beau Bridges gets revenge for his brother's prank by trapping him in his own body. Great, ghoulish POV work here.

Honorable Mentions: "Carrion Death" features Kyle MacLachlan as a fugitive handcuffed to a dead cop who swallowed the key to the cuffs; "The Trap" is a crime story with a good twist; "Top Billing" features Jon Lovitz as a struggling actor who will do anything to get a part in Hamlet; "Easel Kill Ya" has Tim Roth as a starving artist turned killer; "Undertaking Palor" is a kids-on-bikes story featuring Aron Eisenberg and Ke Huy Quan; "Mournin' Mess" has the guy from Wings investigating a group helping the homeless whose name is literally GHOULS; "Yellow" is one of the Two-Fisted Tales stories, featuring Kirk Douglas as a WWI general and his son Eric as the general's cowardly son.

Worst Episode: "Spoiled". It's a soap opera parody. Enough said.

Season Four

Season four and five are the show's peak.

Best Episode: "Split Personality". Goofy horror-comedy. Joe Pesci is a con artist who pretends to be twins so he can marry a pair of twins who. Don't want to share.

Honorable Mentions: "None But The Lonely Heart" is a story of a serial murderer of old women, directed by...Tom Hanks?; "On a Dead Man's Chest" is a tale of heavy metal and moving tattoos; "Seance" is another good noir episode; "Beauty Rest" is "Top Billing" but about a beauty pageant; "What's Cookin'" stars Christopher Reeve as a chef who discovers a new source of meat; "The New Arrival" is another of the show's legitimately scary episodes, featuring child psychologist David Warner going to the home of patient Zelda Rubinstein; "Strung Along" features Donald O'Connor as a puppeteer trying to make a comeback, but is his new assistant what he appears to be?

Worst Episode: "This'll Kill Ya". This one is just...bad? It opens with a protracted rip-off HOMAGE of the 1950 noir D.O.A., before diving into a boring weird science story, and ending with a contrived twist.

Season Five

Best Episode: "Death of Some Salesmen". TIM CURRY IN THREE ROLES!

Honorable Mentions: "Forever Ambergris" features Steve Buscemi and gnarly melting efffects; "Food for Thought" is a gothic circus story with Ernie Hudson and Joan Chen; "People Who Live in Brass Hearses" features Bill Paxton and Brad Dourif as crooks trying to rob a ice cream man; "House of Horror" features Wil Wheaton as a college student being put through ghostly hazing; "Creep Course" is a tale of mummies.

Worst Episode: "Came the Dawn". It's a worse Psycho, which means an evil-alternate-personality twist. Pass.

Season Six

OOF.

Season six starts fine, with two great episodes. Then...

OOF.

The show suddenly becomes comedy episodes and crime stories all the way down. Where are the ghouls? Where are the vampires? WHERE ARE THE WEREWOLVES??? (though the show never produced a great werewolf episode and I am Disappointed by that)

We do get some towards the end of the season, but this is the show's worst, by a lot.

It ends with "You, Murderer", a first-person story notable for resurrecting Humphrey Bogart (and, in the frame story, Alfred Hitchcock) via CGI. Which probably seemed more fun at the time, when it was a passing tech fad and not...a thing studios were actually trying to do

Best Episode: "Only Skin Deep". It's weird that such a silly season gave us one of the show's scariest episodes: the tale of a creep who picks up a masked woman at a costume party, and discovers it's the biggest mistake he'll ever make.

Honorable Mentions: "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime" is a Nothing But Trouble-y story of Catherine O'Hara as an ambulance-chasing lawyer facing strict justice in a small town; "Staired in Horror" is a gothic curse story with a goopy ending; "Comes the Dawn" features CREATURES in a proto-30 Days of Night; "99 & 44/100% Pure Horror" is a story of the wife of a soap manufacturer, and also has a goopy ending.

Worst Episode: Many contenders, but one obvious winner. "The Pit" is a story of MMA fighters being pushed into a cage match by their wives. Nobody dies, and nothing even slightly horrific happens. It's just. Boxing. I have no idea why the Cryptkeeper is telling me about this

Season Seven

The seventh and final season suddenly moves the show to London. Yes, the entire season is produced in Britain; if you're expecting big British 90s stars, though, think again - apparently, British actors refused to do the show in Britain because of high taxes. It does feature not-yet-famous actors like Ewan McGregor and Daniel Craig, though.

I was told this was the worst one, but while it's nowhere near the peak, it's...better? This season does something unique by merging the crime stories and the horror stories into one, leading to many episodes that start with criminals, who then encounter something paranormal. It's also tilted more towards Actual Horror

The Cryptkeeper segments in this one feel perfunctory, though; after they started to sprawl out in the last couple seasons, he's barely in these, and there's only two that are Britain-themed despite the show pushing the British setting hard (the show's never had so many establishing shots). But the Cryptkeeper gets his largest role of the series in the series finale, "The Third Pig", the show's only animated episode and the only one narrated by the Cryptkeeper.

Best Episode: "Horror in the Night". A man shot in a heist finds his way to a hotel, which quickly turns surreal. Another of the show's scary episodes, and one featuring a kind of hallucinatory horror it rarely did.

Honorable Mentions: "Cold War" seems to be a crime story, but with a paranormal twist (this is the one with Ewan McGregor, who's American); "Report from the Grave" features a parapsychologist whose experiments in afterlife contact turn fatal; "About Face" is a bit of gothic Victoriana about a corrupt priest's illegitimate daughters; "Confession" stars Eddie Izzard as a suspect in serial killings.

Worst Episode: "Last Respects". The director of the 1972 Tales from the Crypt film returns to direct...a much worse version of one of that film's segments? Not sure what happened here.

Anyway should you watch Tales from the Crypt in 2023? YES!!! Tales from the Crypt filters through just about every genre of horror at some point (there are even a couple episodes that are proto-found footage) and even if it's rarely 'scary' it's almost always fun. It's also cool to see such a high-profile horror show, such a unabashedly pulpy and gross horror show, made in a time where horror was increasingly a dirty word. Now if only they could work out the rights issues so we can get our boy the Cryptkeeper back on his throne (pronounced like bone)

#tales from the crypt #television

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