#please stop calling me a girl
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Why can't I be accepted.
I came out to my friend as trans earlier. I asked them to call me Charlie and use he/they pronouns. You wanna know what they did afterwards? They ranted to another friend. Still using my deadname after I asked them to stop using them. Verbatim, they said "Since when was she trans?" I'm glad that friend told me because I have a different lunch period than them both but still.
I'm so fucking done. I just want to be seen as a boy. Why the fuck did I have to be born a girl. It feels so fucking awful to have somebody you thought would accept you end up ranting about you behind your back.
#tw transphobes#cw transphobes#tw transmisandry#vent#i am slowly going insane#im slowly going insane#mental health#help#anyways#im a boy. im a trans man.#please stop calling me a girl#im not a girl#im a boy#i hate it here barely anybody supports me over here#im practically always in the closet.
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white chocolate
bonus:
image id under cut!;
[Image ID:
A digitally drawn comic of characters from the game Persona 4.
Image 1:
Yu Narukami on a couch, leaning towards a bowl on the table in front of him as he asks, "Oh, are there any pieces of white chocolate left? They're my favourite." Next to him, Rise Kujikawa has a hand on her chin as she looks at the bowl as well, though she says, "Mm... Looks like no..."
In the next panel, Chie, drinking from a can of soda, says, "The white chocolate? Didn't Hanamura take the last one just a second ago?"
Image 2:
The first panel shows Yosuke holding a wrapper as he pops something into his mouth, looking over. In the second, he lowers his hand and says, with his mouth still full of chocolate, "Oh, shit. Sorry, Partner."
Narukami waves him away quickly, saying, "No no no, it's not a big deal, don't worry. I mean, I don't mind!"
Yosuke mournfully says, "Well, but they're your favourite... Here."
Narukami insists, "Really don't worry about it-- wait what do you mean, 'here'."
Image 3:
Yosuke leans over the back of the couch, cupping Narukami's face in his hand as he kisses him to give him the chocolate in his mouth. To the left and right of Narukami, Yukiko and Rise are both taken aback, mouths wide open as they blush heavily.
Yosuke pulls back, putting a hand to his mouth as he licks his lips, saying in a somewhat teasing tone, "There you go, Partner. Like Satonaka said, it's the last one, so savour it, okay?"
A reverse shot shows the room completely flabbergasted: Narukami, Rise, Yukiko, and Naoto all are beet-red, staring at Yosuke in shock as he idly says, "Is it just me, or has that dumb bear been gone for way too long now? I'm gonna go check on him, he better not have broken anything," completely casual as if nothing had happened.
Image 4:
The bonus drawing shows Yosuke collapsed against the door of the room he just left, with a small note pointing to him that reads, "His knees gave out as soon as his brain caught up". He has his head in his hands, but is still visibly bright red, and screams at himself in his own head, "WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT."
In the same drawing, Kuma is shown to have been down the hall, confused as he calls out, "Yosuke? What's wrong?"
End ID.]
#if the girl who fed me an edible like this at a party 2 years ago is reading this i was the skinny dude in the acdc shirt#please call me im in love with you#persona 4#p4#yu narukami#yosuke hanamura#souji seta#souyo#comics#im a firm believer in yosuke rizz. i think hes naturally rlly charismatic#but hes over-aware of social things and so as soon as he tries he 'overcorrects' and seems really awkward#and he sees this and tries harder to be cool and only comes off even more awkwardly and etc etc#but once he stops thinking and being a try hard he turns into the most charming person in the room all of a sudden
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maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"
sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"
"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it
media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)
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the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#the famous vanha kauppahalli date™#we know how bad he is at pronouncing words not in english he does not want to fuck up his husbands language in front of him#(the nhl stars try to speak german video has entered the chat)#different attitudes here lmao#“he did good” mate he was... eating food... what... what is there to praise here..?#i shivered sweet mary and joseph sasha this is how you praise maffhew? yeah id be an annoying little shit about it too#whatever they have. unexplainable. i wont even bother#im glad to see pie and cake are still very confusing for esol#somehow ive had the conversation with several different people in my lifetime and realised even i dont know what the fuck it is#in the sense that when i translate pastries into english for my american friends i just pause and go#wait... i think this is a pie... but its called a tart in spanish but its also kind of a cake? and- [windows reboot sound]#ive had to do this with pastafrola and im like please just eat it dont make me explain im gonna cry if i do#I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT TO ME JUST EAT IT#“so whats the difference between a torta and a tarta and isnt a tarta kinda like a pie-” “stop asking questions you dont want answers to”#you have no idea how upset i get trying to explain#im glad sasha at least protrays a little of that frustration by going “i dont know english word” girl SAME
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how do you think jason would react if he knew his best friend replaced him twice, once with percy and once with thalia
one grace sibling traded in for another.
#reyna probably wishes she could hug the other grace sibling sometimes#reyna accidentally calling thalia “jay” or making references only jason understands with her will make me cry#reyna has full rights to have the same reaction nico had in the titans curse no because stop it#rick let her grieve PLEAAAASSEEE#let a girl be sad i beg of you#hoo#pjo#jason grace#heroes of olympus#thalia grace#the burning maze spoilers#the burning maze#why are the third books in ricks five book series always the most heartbreaking and depressing#tbm spoilers#reyna ramirez arellano#reyna avila ramirez arellano#i am just a girl but also let her cry because her childhood best friend just fucking died pal-o LET HER BE SAD#RICK PLEASE LET A WOMAN CRY!!!#as a former woman i cry all the time! let her cry!
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I have to say when it comes for episode 107 I'm on the camp of this feeling wrong. Like, two gods' plan is to just let Ludinus just have his way? And just assume that the vessel won't get them? The Wildmother showed Orym the time Predathos came to town, it took out two of them in a blink and the Titans did the heavy lifting, it chased them from Tengar to Exandria without concept of navigation so it's foolish to think they won't do the same this time around. Running forever isn't a life even the infinite should be pursuing. Corellon is cheeky and flirty but it's a mask for being deflective and honestly a little cowardly. What you're asking and trying to persuade with gifts requires the Hells to entertain sacrificing one of their own, which they shouldn't (and I'm hopeful they won't, because that'd be to me at least be a character betrayal since they have always prioritized each other over the gods) consider doing even for any kind of promise, and treating it like it's a necessity, as if leaving like you've decided you want to do now is your 'sacrifice'? Even if being a vessel and still being of sound mind was a viable option with proof that it can work that way, there are too many unknown factors that it seems not even the gods have answers for, so it should all trail back to the fact that this is STILL not a risk worth taking and Ludinus should not be having his way.
I guess part of this feeling comes down to the fact that this was not what I was hoping to get out of the episode; I'm always open to being surprised (because I often am) but it has to be in a good way, this was not a good way. But we'll have to see where it goes, this is a proposal of two gods against a majority yet to say their piece and could still be heard out, I still trust Matt's vision and Abu DM's like smooth butter, but the god debate admittedly continues to wear on me - we were already in a state where we were open to talk but now they're conspiring against one another too? Can we not just focus on Plan A: Unite to Stop Ludinus from releasing Predathos? Evoroa literally said Ludinus' plan is to divide why are we sowing more division? Couldn't just kill Zathuda and take his dragon for Fearne...this should've been Bell's Hells' big win to make up for Otohan but now for me at least it feels a little sour.
#critical role#cr spoilers#c3 spoilers#c3e107#bells hells#corellon the arch heart#ludinus da'leth#predathos#fearne calloway#imogen temult#man when the stormlord sees that ring they're gonna go 'dude I called dibs on the lightning girl!'#it's good stats at least minus the last ditch 'meteor or death'#is that Imogen's relic now? Because I was still hoping for like a weather staff (I called it the Weathervein) for her - can she double dip?#but why save Zathuda? If you have questions there's the Speak with the Dead bracelet#Fearne at least may've won over the Unseelie by noting Ludinus' fey absorbing to one of their emissaries#and Ashton got to slushify Simul-Ludinus and pulled out most of the group from the collapsing temple#Braius this is like 3 gods you're trying to bid for you#but yeah Corellon I'm kinda disappointed in you because how dare you ask them to sacrifice Fearne or Imogen!#you wanna act righteous put yourself in the line of fire - don't risk Calamity 2.0 and plot to turn tail and run#Matron please tell me you're not the other god - help push the 'stop predathos first then we'll negotiate the after as equals' idea#can't rule out that this is actually Azzy M too
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every time someone on twitter calls buck buckley a dom/brat tamer 10 angels fall from heaven with their grace completely stripped and 10 puppies die
#like what r you guys talking about…#“brat tamer evan buckley!!” girl… the only thing buck buckly is “taming” is his chest hair with those bimonthly waxing appointments#buck buckley starts drooling and humping peoples legs when they so much as give him a compliment#he is not domming u…. or eddie for that matter….#buck buckley yearns to be told what to do and how to do it and to be praised when he does it right#buck buckley is this emoji: 🐶#buck buckley likes to please his partners in bed.. he wants to be good so desperately#he wants to please them so much that at times it appears that he has control. but he doesnt. he has one thought in his head:#need to be good. need to be good enough so that they stay and love me.#he wants to be told what to do#sure he could slap eddie around in bed if eddie wanted. but he would only do it cuz eddie TOLD him to do it.#like that’s the dynamic.#Enough With The Brat Tamer Buck Buckley Agenda. I Cant Take Anymore.#buck has puppy essence.#essence of pup if you will#he was running the table saying “stop!! give me my phone back!! bobby!! eddie took my phone!!!”#and ur calling him a brat tamer? enough.#evan buck buckely#evan buckley#911 abc#911#buddie#eddie diaz
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hi idk if this has been said but . pls hear my vision… lindsay and noah platonic duo. brains and the beauty. noahs the brains. lindsays the beauty. noahs like “jeez this girl is dumb i cn manipulate her or smth” but then he starts warming up to her and they like paint eachothers nails and talk about boys or somthing idk please theyre besties trust 🤞
(also noah finally gets a makeover courtesy of lindsay)
I think I might've mentioned this exact duo before, though I may be wrong about that. Regardless, I've had Many A Thought about the potential dynamic between Lindsay "reclaiming bimbo as a term of empowerment" and Noah "could be god's biggest hater but was nerfed with an inability to GAF", to the point where I have a few drafts exploring this exact concept.
Through the lens of my eyes (blurry as it would be, my prescription fairly strong), I don't think Noah would ever consider manipulating Lindsay- at least, not in a similar manner to the likes of Heather or Alejandro. He's shown in canon to be pretty adverse to the idea. Why else would he make those comments about Alejandro in "I See London..."?
Not that he doesn't think about how easy it would be to use her. But his morality wins out over his scheming thoughts pretty quickly- no one wants to be New Heather, after all.
However, he's also shown a capacity to explore sneakier options of deception and trickery; pretending to pass out during the 20k run in The Big Sleep, trying to excuse his comment about Alejandro under the guise of it "being a compliment where he's from", tricking the Sasquatch with his fake ball throwing, getting himself eliminated on purpose in Dodgebrawl. I'm trying to think of other examples In Canon off the top of my head, but I'm coming up short since most of his actual speaking lines in the show are 'zingers' and 'witty one-liners' instead of actual character moments.
And we also know, from the way he treats Owen, that he's a lot more patient and indulgent towards the... 'slower' or 'simpler' contestants. He very rarely gets mad at Owen's mistakes- see how he gently chastises him in "Super Happy Crazy Fun Time Japan" when he's disturbing their set, he'd pretty much gentle parenting him, or how he doesn't even raise his voice against Owen after being blasted by nose-shake in "I See London...". You could argue that Owen just has best friend privileges, but given the way he also talks about his dog I think Noah just has a soft spot for happy-go-lucky, heart-of-gold, kind of stupid people (and blondes). Sound familiar?
Lindsay would fall under this umbrella of 'treat with kindness' because of this, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't try to subtly nudge her in the 'right direction'- out of Heather's and/or Alejandro's influence and into his own. For her own safety, of course.
Not that I think he'd even like Lindsay at first. The two of them are opposite ends of the social spectrum; I'd take a while for Lindsay to break through his snarky exterior, but I think eventually Noah would realise that she isn't the 'two-faced airhead popular girl' he'd assumed her to be and quickly warm up to her (she's airheaded, sure, but there's nothing two-faced or nefarious/mean-spirited about Lindsay). It's a classic case of "extrovert adopts introvert".
Meanwhile, Lindsay would be dead-set on breaking Noah out of his sour little shell. Either because she overhears Owen/Izzy/Eva explaining how Noah struggles to make friends because he's "very shy" and "mixes up his insults and his compliments", thus she assumes that, hey, Noah's made fun of her a few times, maybe that was just him trying to be friendly? So she makes it her mission to reciprocate his efforts and befriend him (much to Noah's initial suspicion, and begrudging appreciation).
Or she gets the concept of a 'gay best friend' stuck in her head (an impressive feat, getting anything stuck in such a vacant space /j) probably from watching too many high school teen dramas, and sees Noah as the ideal candidate since he pretty much embodies most of the stereotypical GBF traits; a sassy twink who's defining characteristic is making snarky comments. If Noah ever caught wind of this, he'd either be mortified by the concept and avoid Lindsay like the plague until she'd eventually hunt him down, or he'd think the whole concept is too funny to pass up and gladly play the part- if only for his own amusement. (Personally I headcanon him as bi, but he's so canonically queer coded that he fits the stereotype anyway.)
Which is all just a long-winded way of me saying I think Lindsay would kindle the friendship without giving Noah much of a choice (again, extrovert adopting introvert) and Noah would just go along with it, being the lazy guy he is, and quickly grow fond/protective over her.
If he and Owen are the golden retriever and black cat dynamic, Noah and Lindsay are an afghan hound and a black cat; Noah has a lot of black cat energy (that's just a given) and you cannot tell me that Lindsay isn't an afghan hound- they're pretty, gentle-natured and renown for their low intelligence.
Plus, Lindsay's capacity for meanness (as unintentional as it may be) would be comedy gold to Noah. He'd encourage her to keep that sharp tongue and steel spine, if not for his own entertainment, then to ensure she doesn't become someone else's doormat again. In return, Lindsay would bring out a softer side of Noah, likely a result of her reminding him of his several older sisters.
She'd absolutely abuse her 'soft Noah' privileges too by roping him in on sleepovers where the two of them gossip and paint each other's nails (Noah's against the idea at first but Lindsay hits him with the puppy eyes and he folds like a lawn chair), eventually leading to Lindsay giving Noah a much needed glow up. He finds himself enjoying the pampering- though he'd never admit it- and Lindsay's just ecstatic that she has someone to use as a dress-up doll (Tyler wouldn't let her give him another makeover after Paris).
#i have a lot of thoughts about the beauty&brains duo#this would also be why lindsay calls tyler 'noah' in wt btw. she's mixing up her bf and her gbf. doesn't help that they both--#have long-ish brown hair and wear red (she's face blind give my girl a break 😭)#this ended up longer than i anticipated. again. at this point i should stop assuming i'll give short responses.#the brainrot cannot be contained. i am patient zero.#anyway THANK YOU FOR THE ASK please feed me more b&b content. it fuels me.#total drama#td lindsay#td noah#silly headcanons#character analysis#⬅ kind of? a little bit#replies#long post
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How would James's and Sirius's targeting and bullying of Snape look like if they were adults? In college Hogwarts. Would their peers or authority intervene more? How would it look like? Would it even happen if they were pretty much adults?
I don’t know how universities are elsewhere, but in Europe? People (unless they’re living in dorms or student housing) couldn’t care less about each other. You have people you barely see in a few classes, others you might share schedules with but not courses. Campuses are often spread across cities, not concentrated in one single location. So I just can’t picture bullying on that scale in a university setting. First of all, it’s not a boarding school context—you can’t expect adults to be in a residential system unless Hogwarts was more of a specialization academy than a university. If that were the case, then maybe.
But here’s my second issue: I can’t imagine James and Sirius bullying Severus the same way as adults. Adults bully, sure, but it’s usually more psychological—ostracizing someone at work, spreading rumors... It’s not as physical, you know? Also, the idea of people over 15 calling themselves The Marauders... Ugh, I’d laugh in their damn faces. In a school setting, it makes sense—it’s a childish nickname in a childish environment. But can you imagine that in an adult context? Who the hell would take them seriously? I’d die laughing at them, honestly.
In an adult setting, I think the other people around them would feel super uncomfortable witnessing their behavior. No one would join in on their jokes, and they’d probably end up being sidelined and ignored. Like, who wants to hang out with a bunch of over-20s who are acting like brainless idiots, constantly pulling unfunny pranks? Whose sense of humor is on par with a squid with trisomy? Who think they’re so cool for giving people insulting nicknames while calling each other Padfoot, Prongs, and Moony? I mean, seriously—how are you giving other people nicknames to mock them when those are what you call yourselves?
Honestly, as an adult, I find what the Marauders did believable because they were teenagers, and in a teenage context, a lot of behavior gets a pass that would be utterly cringeworthy in the adult world. But the Marauders in an adult setting, acting the same way? Absolute cringe. I think they’d try to make fun of Severus, and the rest of the people would be like, “What are you doing? Are you stupid? This is embarrassing, stop.”
Because honestly? They’d be so embarrassing.
#do you know my friend padfoot?#imagine someone talking to you like tat on a pub#and you and your girl friends like ????#someone call the police please#please let me go please#please stop embarassing me#the marauders#the marauders headcanons#sirius black#james potter#prongs#padfoot#severus snape#severus snape defense#severus snape headcanons#harry potter#harry potter headcanons
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Confessing my sins to the internet because my irl friends don't know my tumblr
I'm actually a horrible friend and I don't plan to change :)
I'll be a good friend to anyone I actually like and I usually don't associate with people who I don't like, but sometimes there will be an occasional lonely (usually annoying) kid that follows me around. (They're lonely for a reason.) I kinda hate people who are loud literally all the time but I can hold my tongue and this kinda person just doesn't leave because they're not being told directly to leave.
What do I do? I talk to them only when I need them, I make unnecessarily mean comments as a joke, I point out their obvious flaws that I know they have a hard time changing, and all while they still follow me around like I'm not kinda bullying them.
Sometimes I'll treat them like an actual friend when I'm in a good mood, but if I'm not, then the unfortunate victim becomes my emotional punching bag. (I have ways to quickly fix my mood and this is completely unnecessary and I could distance myself until I feel better like how I do with actual friends.) I think this is like. Breadcrumbing? Anyways yeah, toxic shit.
If any of your "friends" treat you like this, they don't see you as a friend. If they leave you doubting if they like you or not, leave you doubting if you're actually friends, they probably don't see you as a friend. (because that's the case for me :3 )
I'm a horrible human being and I don't feel nearly as bad as I should about it :)
#i had a friend in primary school who was treated like this by me and my then best friend for the whole 6 years#she was very much bullied i think#we literally had a “class x girls group” and “class x girls group without (victim)” and we sometimes shit talked her in there#my best friend was a bit more obvious about not liking her#she would like be my shield anytime things got confrontational while i never stood up for myself#pretty sure she shared snacks with me a lot too and i just never returned the favour.#and now theres this boy that has nearly no friends who follow me around during breaks#just today i literally gave him the silent treatment because i was having an inner monologue and i didn't bother telling him#i even found it kinda funny that i walked around silently while he muttered to himself and questioned if he did anything wrong#like dude no you didn't do anything wrong but also i found it too funny to correct you#i have actual friends that i treat decently btw#like. without all this weird shit#i just take advantage of the loney and probably neurodivergent kids :)#moral of the story. please have more than 1 friend. especially irl. dont let them treat you like how i treat these poor “friends” of mine#ive literally never told the 2 people i mentioned here anything along the lines of “im grateful i have you”#feel free to stop being my friend because of a post like this :3#i wouldnt say i *like* being a horrible friend but also im like. not doing anything about it and not bothering to change for the sake of#these people who are already kind of outcasted and probably need someone to rely on#“im not doing charity” proceeds to refuse basic respect to these people because theyre “annoying”#you could call this a vent post#im kind of telling myself that im a horrible person to begin with so i feel less bad about “breaking character” on top of being guilty#honestly i hope this kind of person finds someone who genuinely accepts them because they deserve better than this#and also because theyre a headache for me and im sick of them
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the deweys photos are from this video: https://youtu.be/5xTwJho44ao?si=bPw8MZZ327lCogVZ aren’t they just everything
kissing you and the minnesota wild official media team (with consent) full on the mouth, THANK YOU THIS VIDEO IS EVERYTHING 🥰🥰 i have seen pieces of it before i think (connor petting a shark 🥹) but the entire video start to finish is such a delight, 10/10 would recommend
#i’m so glad i saw this now and not when i was deranged at 2AM last night (i say as if i am not currently deranged)#like i had to physically pause. stop watching the video. to take notes to tell you guys about it i hope you know#holyjost thank u i love u i appreciate u & how u always have the sources 😭#i send out a prayer to the universe (put shit in the tags) & u provide#liv in the replies#holyjost#i love this reaction image btw it is one of my FAVORITES#anyway i was just chilling and then lost it at the ‘brandon just says shit’ part and had to start writing down notes (as follows)#there is SO much. the lore. the fact that brandon lasts two seconds before his shirt comes off everyone else is so bundled#dewey2 immediate “sharks” girl help the two of them on the bean bag together#the boat competition BOLDY’S CONTRACT??? yeah i AM thinking about that in a weird way what kind of contract brandon#also boldy motion sickness girlie he’s so real for that one 😭😭#and brandon talking a big game and then like fuckin. curled into a ball on the beanbag passed out bro i cannot.#LD BONITA? LD BONITA FISH??? So excitedly???? my GOD.#LEAVE THAT POOR FISH ALONE!!!!#oh the shark lore 🥺 dewey baby let me take you to this fantastic thing called an aquarium.#you can pet sharks there!!! i can’t even. i know i’ve seen it and had a breakdown about it before but connor’s hand when he pets the shark#the absolute joy oh my god. connor PLEASE ik u want to touch all the fish… we have sturgeon & sting rays & jellies#brandon praising connor’s attitude 🫡 he is so goal oriented they said the goal is a vibe check and connor studied.#also. save me hot brothers save me#what the fuck is this yeti cup ritual give me a cult au NOW wkdndiwkdi they’re such freaks. i love it. also just drink it bro#VLADDY MENTION THAT’S MY BOY HI BEAUTIFULLLLL#OH THIS WAS THE MIDDSY FIGHT???#awww Freddy (who i never think is a forward??)#connor dewar#brandon duhaime#minnesota wild#for reference!
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my mom keeps describing the steroid weight gain i’m probably going to experience as “swelling” and it is like. mildly unnerving me
#marzi speaks#we’re basically in agreeance that i need to gain the weight anyways#bc. healing 👍#but she keeps talking abt having seen young kids have to go on steroids#and that the ‘swell’ can be a bit dramatic#and like. GIRL !!!! PLEASE stop calling weight gain swelling when i was literally just diagnosed with an inflammatory disease#you are Stressing me Out#and also !!!! i don’t really CARE if my body changes shape a little bit bc holy shit i’ll be alive#like yeah there may be some ‘woah i’m not used to this’ feelings#but like. i’m fine with that???? that’s life ????#idk i think our anxieties are clashing there. she’s flat out told me she’s gonna back off on some of this stuff bc she’s in A Lot Mode#but. uuugghhh girl u stress me out with thattttt. stop calling it swelling at least
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I was so happy living my Leech Daughter Era™️ tho 😩
RIIIIGHTTTT?!??! like i enjoyed the freeness of my gap year, and i love being unemployed bc. well i aint gotta do anything😂😂 but i hate being broke..........💀
i am enjoying the busyness n buzz of my life now bc im in a (bit</3) better place n im having more fun now, but dammit!!!! i jus wanna look pretty (i actually look like a frog in my pjs n unkempt bun majority of the time lol) and paint, read n write, and watch anime in my room all day😩😩😩
but we got this!!!!!! we'll grind n then we'll be retired on the beach one day i swearrrrr 🙌
#I ALSO HATE PEOPLE ASKING WHEN IMMA GET A JOB#SHUT UP. I AM...... WORKING ON IT (lie)#ok i genuinely am now. but someone call on a miracle bc idk how imma balance school>work>creative. my life is already consumed by school...#please...... jus lemme be a leech......... PLEASE😩🙌#but yeah. my family keeps asking that just because im not going full time (i take 3 classes?!?!?!). n always say they worked through school#like yeah well you also had 2 or 3 kids before you even 22. like stop playin w me?!?!?!?#also 2/3 of em did NOT finish or even go to college??!?! makes me go more insane too bc my dad is tryna get me to go through MEDICAL SCHOOL#AS IF THAT'S A WALK IN THE PARK........#yeah the job convo is a sore spot for me rn because everyone was..... refusing to understand the purpose of my gap year n why i wasnt in a#hurry to work again when i started college (i wanted to adjust).#also taking the bus and riding a bike is so dangerous around here. my own grandma told me a girl got hit by a bus when riding her bike to#work. LIKE MISS GIRL WHATTTTTTTTT😧😧😧😧😧😧#also there are no more bike trails beCAUSE people were getting snatched or 🔪.... n then ppl were purposefully hitting bikers w their cars..#also my brother n dad forget/dont understand that im BLACK. and that im a WOMAN......#the race thing was a wholeeeeee issue that made me stop talking to my brother for awhile LMAO
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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am i watching the winter embrace on repeat and staring at joels hand so gently on her cheek as she looks up at him in such an unbelieving manner because he shouldn’t be there because he’s half dead in that basement except he is there and he’s holding her and his touch is soft and comforting and protective and gentle and it brings her back to the present and helps her realize that she’s safe now because he’s here bur also that he is alive and here with her and she doesn’t have to worry about her worst fear coming true anymore because she can feel his hand on her cheek and his arms wrapped around her and hear the sound of his voice and see the alive look in his eyes? yeah.
#the way he just.#the way his hand just fits there.#she fights against him and he lowers them down and his right hand rests on her cheek and it’s just#it’s pieces to a puzzle#and she stares at him#never blinking#not once#and she can’t even speak because so much has happened#and she just hugs him and he finally gets to hold her#gets to hold her for all the missing times during the last few weeks he desperately wanted to#and she needs it. she initiates it#because it’s Joel and he’s her safe place and#despite never having hugged prior to this#she knows he’ll hold her.#and he does. fuck he does.#and she infuriates it and he holds her and smoothes her hair down and calls her baby girl and stands them both up and whispers reassurances#that he’s got her and that she’s okay now because he’s there and she’s with him#and they’re finally back together and alive#which is the most important thing.#please shut me up I have to stop it’s eating away at my bone marrow please.#the last of us hbo#joel miller#ellie williams
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Omg I hate to say this but I really love Meihua
#meihua save me meihua#i usually make fandom ocs to fill the world with characters whom i think would be interesting or at least makes sense#but i like the small amount of personality i gave meihua so i wound up liking her lots#like... she looks so soft and delicate and her mannerisms do have that quality but she's a tease. she loves gossip.#she had threatened to bodily harm jc (sit down and let me patch you up or I will break your remaining good arm too)#even if she can't follow through the treat because she's annoyed with his stubbornness#she has told some high officials that she wants to castrate them for trespassing#she gets her workaholic husband to stop doing overtime by various seduction methods or very obvious 'oh woe is me' lies.#she sends their kids to him to puppy dog eye their dad to play with them or teach them. 'fuqin i don't know how please teach me'#she gets him out of his office by using the powerful combo of their twins achievement something plus dogs#'Yingying and Lulu just taught his puppy tricks. Darling. you should come see.' she says it works everytime#when she gets called out for this manipulative behavior and weaponizing the children she doubles down and goes:#'oh but you haven't been bitimgwhen i. your lovely wonderful wife. am using myself as bait. woe is me my husband doesn't love me anymore.'#they both know she's being a little shit but dammit it still works#meihua i love you so much#i should spend time thinking about my other oc but i think of meihua instead#i love Xie too and she's become quite solid in my head but Xie really is a group effort#some people will say something interesting or funny in the tags and I agree so I made up scenarios with her#Meihua is just mine. i didn't even consider the wife requirements. i just wanted the gentlest looking girl I can draw#and made her my soft spoken gremlin
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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