#honestly i hope this kind of person finds someone who genuinely accepts them because they deserve better than this

[mistyycowoa]

Confessing my sins to the internet because my irl friends don't know my tumblr

I'm actually a horrible friend and I don't plan to change :)

I'll be a good friend to anyone I actually like and I usually don't associate with people who I don't like, but sometimes there will be an occasional lonely (usually annoying) kid that follows me around. (They're lonely for a reason.) I kinda hate people who are loud literally all the time but I can hold my tongue and this kinda person just doesn't leave because they're not being told directly to leave.

What do I do? I talk to them only when I need them, I make unnecessarily mean comments as a joke, I point out their obvious flaws that I know they have a hard time changing, and all while they still follow me around like I'm not kinda bullying them.

Sometimes I'll treat them like an actual friend when I'm in a good mood, but if I'm not, then the unfortunate victim becomes my emotional punching bag. (I have ways to quickly fix my mood and this is completely unnecessary and I could distance myself until I feel better like how I do with actual friends.) I think this is like. Breadcrumbing? Anyways yeah, toxic shit.

If any of your "friends" treat you like this, they don't see you as a friend. If they leave you doubting if they like you or not, leave you doubting if you're actually friends, they probably don't see you as a friend. (because that's the case for me :3 )

I'm a horrible human being and I don't feel nearly as bad as I should about it :)

[raythekiller]

could you plz do the creeps realizing they like someone & what they do abt their feelings?? thank you sm !

🗒 ❛ Realizing They're In Love ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jack, Masky, Hoodie

#Notes: warning for some light angst in some parts (mainly EJ and LJ)

pronouns used:

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

He absolutely hates the way you make him feel and will be extra mean to you because of it. He doesn't even realize what the feelings are at first, he just knows they make him feel vulnerable and weak and he despises that and, by correlation, despises you as well. Once he does realize it though (after a good, good while) he'll still be mean, but more in a teasing sort of way. You can probably tell he has something for you because of how possessive he gets, always wanting your attention to be towards him and getting jealous every time you spend time with other people. He'll just keep behaving that way and getting increasingly upset that you won't notice his "obvious" flirting.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ben Drowned

Now this guy is the most shameless simp to have ever simped on the face of the Earth. That being said, he's not used to actually having feelings for someone - normally it only goes as far as physical attraction. So while he is normally decent at flirting (again, if you like cringe pickup lines at all), it all goes down the drain as soon as he realized he's actually, genuinely down bad. Suddenly he's stuttering, unable to get sentences out right, and finds his mind going blank whenever you're around, just fidgeting with his fingers nervously instead of trying to make a move. It's cute if you're into shy guys.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

Another one who's a little bit oblivious to his own feelings for a long, long time. All he knows is that you remind him of simpler times, times where things were better, so he wants to be around you as often as he possibly can. You'll be sitting side by side and he'll see your hand resting by your body and the thought of grabbing it crossed his mind, his heart immediately started beating faster to the point he had to excuse himself. That's when he knew. Though he is quite shy by nature, he'll try his best to be a little bolder in his own way, complimenting you more and being a little more physical. One of the only guys who isn't afraid to confess first, though his is a little bit more in the heat of the moment than a well planned out romantic confession.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack

Now with him, things are a little more complicated. He has what I like to call "villain complex", where he truly and genuinely believes himself to be an awful, disgusting and vile person. Hell, not even a person - a demon. He lacks any kind of good opinion about himself, so when he realizes (quite fast, at that) that he has feelings for you? He feels offended on your behalf. To have a monster, an abomination like him be in love with you, something so good and pure in his eyes, is like the ultimate offense to him. So, he won't act on his feelings. Honestly, he'll even hope that you manage to get with someone else so he can know you're genuinely, truly happy and move on. It's very plausible you two won't ever end up together. Unless you decide to take matters into your own hands, that is.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Laughing Jack

Jack is a little bit of a wild card. He naturally has a flirty personality, so you won't know that he's serious unless he decides to tell you, which he probably won't for a good long while yet. That's because, unless he tells you about it, he doesn't actually have anything to lose. His main fear is that you'll be disgusted by those feelings he has, disgusted by him, and decide to leave him just like everyone else did. It's not even rejection that he's so afraid of, it's abandonment. So, while he has one of the easiest times accepting his feelings, he'll be one of the worst when it comes to acting on them.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky

Pretty similar to Jeff, but also complete opposites in some ways. While he is extra mean to you because you make him feel vulnerable, it's also because he's hyper aware of what he's feeling towards you. He's a grown man, he knows attraction when he feels it, sexual or romantic, but that doesn't make him hate it any less. Unlike Jeff who's an asshole as a way of flirting, Tim is an asshole to get you to hate him. If you just despise him, his feelings should technically go away as well, so that's what he's aiming at. He already has enough problems in his life, a "silly little crush" (as he calls it) isn't another one that he needs or wants to deal with. Again, if you want things to go further, you'll have to take matters into your own hands.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

Smooth ass motherfucker. Like Masky, knows what the feelings are right away, but has no fear in acting on them. And he's super fucking good at it. He sees love as one of the many pleasures of life, something meant to be enjoyed, so he's not going to shy away from it. He'll shower you in every love language known to man, this guy absolutely knows what he's doing. He's not even insecure that you might reject him, he knows he's a catch and you know what? He's not wrong. So it won't take him long at all to confess in the most chill but romantic way possible, like it's not even a big deal (which, to him, really isn't).

[toxycodone]

𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 !

𝘤𝘸. 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦

𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴. 𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘰𝘴, 𝘬𝘢𝘣𝘳𝘶, 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬

Laios:

I genuinely think Laios is attracted to the unconventional or stereotypically attractive. Anyone with unique features, personality quirks, etc. If you don't fit in, you're more willing to catch his eye.

He finds it difficult to really like? Gain an interest in someone who doesn't really "stick out". I think it's clear with the way he treats Kabru that like! People kinda are a blur to him! So! anything that makes someone stick out will catch his interest and he'd be more willing to remember them + actually continue to think about them.

MUST. Share his interest in monsters/animals. This is very important. Like there must be a shared interest there whether its just about anatomy, behavior, etc. I just think he needs to be accepted to talk about this and share fun facts. He likes it. Cooking or an interest in food would also be another plus.

Also just? He likes really easygoing people who aren't super judgemental. Laios is really unapologetically himself and he gets chewed out for it by his friends enough. He's very self aware when it comes to his own issues (esp by the end of the manga) so. Yeah. Just someone who he doesn't feel the need to mask around.

Honestly, maybe someone childish would fit his vibe too? I mean this in a more lighthearted sense. Like someone he could play tag with or goof around in the woods with. He missed out on being a kid for a while, and he's still kinda interested in stuff like that (bug collecting, cool rocks, etc.). Even in post manga he still wants this.

Also uhhhh beastkin/monsters/whatever of any kind get bonus points. Do they have to be this way? No. But. It would definitely do some favors to be feral/wild in some way like this.

Kabru:

Okay I am not saying this is healthy or anything, but Kabru is ridiculously attracted to fixer-uppers. The main character/savior/hero complex kicks in and he cannot help it.

This can either be super good for him if the person is like. not terrible and is actually okay with this. but uh. that isn't always the case. Bro is often setting himself up for some sort of situationship most of the time. He cannot catch a break.

But he totally needs to be confronted about this to have a relationship work out. Hope you can be at least a little assertive!

Oh and the people pleasing. It's going so far. Please, I-....

He needs to be stopped.

Ultimately. He's gonna go after the people who show the least interest in him and this SPECIFICALLY comes from his own insecurities as a person.

But in the end he's gonna truly fall for someone who can put their foot down and confront him about these issues. He's so insightful and perceptive when it comes to others and can easily point out and help you with you're own shortcomings. But he is super blind to his own faults. Legit does not. Even realize.

He honestly needs someone to help him grow, because in my eyes I can see him like even post manga being pretty stagnant here so . Yeah. You don't need to be like some badass assertive person either. As long as you can just sit down and have a serious conversation w him about this I think it'd go well.

And he'd fall for you because I think it's the first time he genuinely sees someone who recognizes things that are bad about him + still loves him despite that + wants him to grow as a person and assert his own wishes and needs more. Yeah. I just have a lot of feelings about that.

Chilchuck:

This goes two ways.

Non Toxic Route

He'd easily see himself falling for someone mature and responsible. It would start out as just a professional admiration but it would slowly become more intimate as Chilchuck starts to enjoy their more unique personality traits (and even ones he'd consider annoying) --like being feisty, or maybe they're picky, or they can be silly sometimes. That type of thing.

It's a total slow burn with him.

But he also likes people who are more lowkey. Chilchuck is not a "falls for you immediately/puppy love" kinda guy. He's jaded and has a past and has KIDS so. He needs to be treated gently and not rushed into things. Anyone who lets him come to them and start to be more affectionate without demanding it...yeah. Handle him with care PLEASE.

And speaking of this...he wants to keep up appearances since he does value his professional life and has kids and an ex-wife. So he wants someone that can blend into this life without causing drama or more headaches (his party gives him plenty. pls.)

"Toxic"/Not Gonna Last Route

Chilchuck is easily motivated by the more basic pleasures of life, so I can definitely see him having a bootycall that becomes some weird "what are we" type of vibe.

He's like...in the back of his mind the type to enjoy a "dirty little secret". Something he thinks only him and this person know about. But as time goes on he eventually gets emotionally involved with them and is like "we need to cut this off".

It is an extremely painful breakup on his end for sure and makes him more jaded when its literally! His own fault.

[mins-fins]

orbit of yours !

"power couple, really?" "you have to listen to me!"

synopsis: park jisung has always admired you. hardworking, effortlessly beautiful, talented, humble— you're pretty much the personification of the word 'perfect' (you would disagree though), but your relationship has never gotten past "admirers that occasionally exchange words", so jisung has vanquished the idea of possibly being in love with you because of your lack of interactions, he's just an avid admirer of yours! so when a few accidents and mishaps force (more like drive) the two of you to be in the same room more than you ever had in the past, the idea doesn't just remain a random fantasy crafted by jisung's mind, it becomes reality.

pairing: park jisung x male!reader

genre: high school au, acquaintances to friends to lovers, photographer!reader x soccer player!jisung, fluff, kinda comedy (im not funny), mutual pining, literally no angst, fast burn lowkey, sungchan helps reader realize his feelings and it's hilarious

warnings: swearing, mentions of burnout, oblivious bitches deny their feelings for a good 10k words, this is fucking cheesy, the nightmare which is senior year

word count: 12.2k

notes: GOOD LORD IT IS FINALLY DONE! i don't wanna be overdramatic or anything but this is genuinely one of my most favorite works ever, if you couldn't tell i am VERY jisung biased and im so happy to finally be done with this because it's honestly been so fun to write 🙁 i didn't beat the xiaojun fic in terms of words but this the second longest fic i have ever written and for my jisung debut its impressive that there is absolutely NO ANGST here, i'm just very proud of myself for this and i hope people like reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.. this is for all the park jisung lovers 👍

"WHEN WILL YOU ACTUALLY GET A PARTNER?" chenle asks the question so many times that jisung assumes the sentence has been programmed into his brain. what is it— like the 3rd time this week? he thinks chenle might be more obsessed with his love life than he is with actual important things, like college, graduation preparations, his role as a member of the student council, anything but jisung's uneventful love life, because that was probably the least interesting thing going on in his own life at the moment. "come on jisungie! i heard aejung has a crush on you!" he lets out a familiar groan, giving his friends a 'cut it out' look. "i don't really care about that kind of stuff.."

he hears all the frustrated sighs from his friends, and jisung just chuckles. he knows about the many surprisingly many— people who find themselves attracted to him. he acknowledges the fact that he has a lot of admirers, that a lot of people would perceive themselves as lucky to be in a relationship with him, he isn't new to the idea at all, he doesn't really get what makes him so attractive, such an eyeopener to his fellow students, but he mostly accepts the gifts given to him by his so called "admirers" nonetheless, not wanting to make them disappointed.

now, he says mostly because there are just times where he has no choice but to turn them down. some people get into their own heads too much, and he doesn't want to give some of them false hopes by accepting their gifts. that happened once, where a girl thought the two of them were dating because he decided to accept her gift as a sign of appreciation, that's when jisung learned that he couldn't just accept any and all gifts given to him by admirers who so greatly wanted a chance with him. jisung isn't so concerned about gifts, he wants a person who will be psychically and emotionally present for him, not someone who'll just buy him random things.

"it's gotten a little annoying.. all the confessions" jisung mutters, closing the textbook he had been jotting in. "they're nice yeah but some people just take it too far" he finally finishes, earning some confused looks from his friends. he just shrugs, shoving the textbook he had previously been jotting in into his backpack.

"but you're just so boring!" chenle whines, pressing his cheek against jisung's shoulder. jisung doesn't even try shaking him off, knowing that any of his attempts will be useless. "come on! all these people who would love to be with you and your still a lonely little loser!"

"loser? oh come on!"

"you know i'm right!"

jisung scoffs, lightly shoving chenle. while yeah, it's nice to have a lot of people admire him, everyone expects him to do this and that and act a certain way. it's like they enjoy perpetuating a false image onto him rather than actually admiring him for who he really is, and jisung doesn't think he should give people like that the time of day, they piss him off more than anything.

he's a little lost in his thought when a familiar voice sounds in his ears, a couple of giggles following the sound. "you're too funny y/n!" one of them shouted, poking a familiar figure in the shoulder, and jisung's eyes fall on you immediately, as if on instinct. you were looking as you always did, a familiar dslr camera hanging from your neck, that polite smile on your face as your friend continues poking your shoulder.

lately, you'd been quite the topic of interest among your fellow schoolmates. now that's not abnormal at all, you somehow always manage to be the talk of the town in school, you could do the smallest thing and somehow people could still make huge talk about it.

jisung would never say it, not out loud or even in mutters to himself, but he's always held a unique admiration for you, one he doesn't think he could actually put into words. there's something about you that pulls jisung in, like your a magnet and he's an oblivious piece of metal, slowly getting closer and closer to you without being able to do anything about it.

everything about you is beautiful. your eyes are a beautiful brown color, your smile is a beautiful stretch that shows off your perfect white teeth, your hair is a beautiful mix of raven and brunette. oh, and your voice is so beautiful too, it's so soft, gentle, but also deep.

you're like an angel.

at least to jisung you are.

it's pretty funny, actually, your so wrapped up in your own things that you barely notice the sheer amount of people who want to date you. you don't acknowledge romantic advances a lot, and even when you do, it always ends in rejection. you talk a lot, and your words are always pure and witty, your laughter is natural, your smile is contagious.

but.. jisung doesn't like you. he only likes you in the friend kinda way, he just wants to be friends with you. you look nice! smell nice, dress nice, speak nice..

jisung knows a lot more about you than his friends do. despite the fact that the two of you have never officially deemed yourselves "friends", he's always known little facts about you, as you him. the two of you have been going to school together for seven years, so the idea of not knowing anything about each other seems ridiculous.

you're a photographer, your favorite color is blue, specifically lighter shades, your favorite subject is history, your lucky number is 2 because of your birthdate being 02/02/02, your favorite flowers are daisies, you don't really enjoy sports, but if you were to choose one to play, it'd be baseball, and you want to go to college for journalism.

but jisung can't say that he likes you, because even if you two know all these things about each other, you've never considered yourselves "friends", all you do is admire from afar—

and when you do interact, it's just short and sweet sentences exchanged between you two, mostly because the both of you are so busy, that you can't afford to just stop and talk. sometimes, jisung wishes his life was just a little less hectic and he could stop and talk to you, because that's what he wants to do.

"what's with you?" jisung immediately yelps as chenle flicks his forehead, and he resists the urge to punch the older in the face. "gawking at y/n? really?"

"i'm not—" jisung hates that he feels his face burn. "i'm not gawking, i'm just.. i was just looking at him".

"looking at him with hearts in your eyes".

jisung scoffs at chenle's audacity, as if he wasn't doing exactly that a good few minutes ago. he would never admit it out loud before, so why should he admit it now? he'd never live it down if anybody ever found out..

"you know.." chenle begins, tapping his finger onto the desk in front of him. "you two would be a great couple" and the words are enough to make jisung roll his eyes once again. "a power couple!"

"power couple, really?" jisung raises an eyebrow, chenle never fails to say something that confuses him. he finds the words to be ridiculous, but his reaction just seems to make chenle even more giddy, because he continues;

"you have to listen to me!" chenle persists, and jisung is about to check out of the conversation completely.

"y/n is a photographer for sports journalism, you play soccer, you've known each for what.. ever? he's pretty, you clearly have the hots for him—"

"i do not!" jisung immediately yells in rebuttal, much louder than he wanted to. "yeah he's.. cute but anyone with eyes can see that, i'm not in love with him or anything".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suspicious, but jisung remains stubborn, crossing his arms as he averts his gaze from his best friend.

yes, you are cute, anybody with two functioning eyes can see that.

"i think park jisung might have a crush on you".

at the words, you look up from your camera, meeting eyes with your close friend, sungchan. you blink, as if dumbfounded, then snicker. "park jisung? are you trying to boost my ego or something?"

you know park jisung, you know about how probably half the students in this room dream of having a chance with him. so many people like park jisung, so many people want park jisung.

and if you think about it, you can't exactly blame them for that..

"don't laugh! i'm serious! he looked like he was about to devour you, did you see his eyes!?"

the words just get another laugh out of you, the words seem ridiculous in your eyes, because why would park jisung, beautiful, talented, striking park jisung have a crush on you? in your eyes, your pretty much nothing to him.

"okay.. why would park jisung ever be interested in me?" you ask, rearranging your camera as you raise an eyebrow at sungchan, who simply deadpans at you, that familiar 'are you serious?' look in his eyes.

"okay let me see, your smart, pretty, everyone likes you at this point, also— the two of you are pretty much perfect for each other! you'd be a power couple!"

you furrow your eyebrows, a power couple? you'd never heard that phrase used to talk about somebody your friends had been "shipping" you with, your not even sure if you can even consider yourself friends with jisung, because the two of you can never actually talk to each other without someone coming up and interrupting the interaction.

you'd love to just be able to talk to park jisung, just the two of you, one on one.

"power couple? that's funny.."

"you think everything is funny" ironically, you laugh at your friends words. "this could be like— your only chance at having an actual romantic connection with someone".

"i don't care that much about romance, chan" you muse, humming as you turn off your camera. your eyes wander over to jisung, who is very much distracted by something stupid chenle is saying, he's laughing about something, laughing hard too.

there is no reason for him to look so pretty as he laughs like a maniac..

he's cute, you say in your mind, he is absolutely adorable.

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS GET ON THAT STATISTICS TEST FOR SONG?" a boy from the same year and member of the soccer team along with jisung inquired. they sat on the bleachers in front of field, watching as the baton club practices. they have to practice this week, unfortunately, so jisung's schedule had become tight and packed, he barely had any free time these days, it was all exams, college tours, last minute extracurriculars, and practice, practice, practice. "i got a b plus" one of his classmates responds, the other responded; "i got a b on mine". jisung was very far removed from the current conversation, his eyes on a familiar trio of sports journalists on the other side of the field, a trio which included you, mesmerizing you. he sees you often these days, with that same dslr camera around your neck, a pretty smile stuck on your face.

"you, jisung! what score did you get?" one of his classmates asks, but jisung was occupied, so he didn't answer. a tap on his shoulder makes jisung snap out of his staring fit, and he blinks a few times, assessing where he is. "what?"

"we were asking about the marks on the recent statistics test!"

"ah" jisung presses his lips together. "i got an a plus" he says the words casually, but it causes for a cheer to be sounded by his fellow classmates, who shook him and slapped his back supportively.

"you're so smart jisungie!"

the praise from his classmates get a smile out of jisung, but he isn't focusing on that, his attention is on you. even with how your across the field, he can clearly see all of your features, the sun shining on your face makes you look majestic, like an actual angel, jisung isn't sure why he's even focusing so much on your face, but he can't focus on anything else, because his eyes just naturally always wander over to you.

"will this ever finish?" you inquire, pertaining to the baton club, who were still on the field even after they were supposed to get off. "i'm supposed to take photos of the soccer players for my editorials.." you mutter, it'd be horrible if you couldn't even deliver on the promise you made to your superiors.

"they're probably going to split the field" your fellow sports journalist, taehyun says. a small groan escapes your lips, you're annoyed, you hope this doesn't interfere with the photos you have to take, it'd be horrible if you just ended up doing the same thing all over again. "see? baton club is taking one side and the soccer team takes the main area because they need to start practicing now".

"they look so cute! i've always wanted to be apart of the soccer team!" lee sohee exclaims, and you turn towards him, a look of interest on your face. he attentively watches the boys, humming to the song that's playing. "why didn't you join them then?" you inquire, interest peaked.

sohee smiles at you, readjusting his camera and fixing his posture. "i enjoyed writing the editorial articles more" he shrugs. "wanted to try out but i missed the tryouts because eunseok hyung would have killed me if i missed anton's recital" at the words, you laugh, used to the behavior from the older boy.

"maybe next year".

"you'd fit in perfectly!" taehyun muses, and sohee brightens up, seemingly loving the words.

"really!? that's what seunghan tells me too!" he cheers at the words, looking proud of himself. "i'd look cute in that uniform though.."

you chuckle at sohee's word, finding him to be absolutely adorable. "yeah, you definitely would" you ruffle his hair, smiling at the giggle which sounds from the boy.

"i'm gonna go get a closer look at them" you say, motioning towards the soccer team. taehyun nods and watches as you get closer to the field, not super close, but close enough that your camera can capture a good view of the soccer team. you narrow your eyes, pointing your camera at the busy boys who are doing their usual routine, the viewfinder shows jisung in all his glory.

you take pictures, zooming in and out. you don't mean to put all the focus on jisung, he's just too alluring to not be the center of attention. he's such a natural, he's just so amazing, you can't not focus on him.

[click.]

and another shot, another one as jisung scores the goal. jisung's posture was perfect, his back straight, chin high as he wore an angelic smile. jisung hears the clicking of the camera, and looks to his left to see you, in the viewfinder you see jisung looking in your direction, you pause for a moment and notice a baton heading straight towards him.

"jisung watch out!" you yell, at the words, he tilts his head.

you quickly take the strap of the camera off your neck, throwing it until it landed right beside your fellow journalists, who looked as confused as jisung did. you ran as fast as you could, grabbing jisung's wrist and pulling him close to you.

the baton managed to hit the ground instead, and jisung shrieks as he loses his balance, toppling forward. he quickly grabs onto the closest thing to him.

you.

you lowered your arms to catch jisung, and you feel him hold onto the sleeves of your blazer, one of your arms on his stomach, the other on his waist. all his weight was in your arms, causing for you to lose balance too.

"shit—" you swear, falling onto your back. jisung fell on top of you, the grass tickling his skin. your back immediately hits the grass, and your head hits the ground softly, but your arms remain around jisung. jisung's hands were still on your arms, his upper body laid on top of yours, his head was buried into your shoulder, and he was sat in between your legs.

jisung takes a sharp breath, a look of worry quickly flashes in his eyes as he sees you. "holy shit y/n are you okay!?" jisung asks, pulling away from your prior position and you sit up, opening your eyes to meet his worried ones. jisung kneels, leaning closer to you as he cups your cheeks with his hands. "did you get hurt? is your head okay!?" he asks, or yells, turning your head to inspect for any signs of wounds. you just stare at him, his bangs that messily lay against his forehead, his eyes that glimmered under the sunlight, and his pink lips that you totally just want to lean over and touch with your own.

"yeah.." you whisper, your cheeks squished from the force of jisung's hands.

jisung stops turning your head and sighs. "are you sure?" he asks, still holding your face. you nod, placing one of your hands on jisung's, his are soft, yours are rough, you note. you move his hand and smile. "i'm alright don't worry" you respond, still holding jisung's hand. jisung pursues his lips, and he extends his hand out, pulling you up from the ground. you let go of his hand, dusting off your pants.

"jesus y/n" taehyun's voice sounds from behind you, and you finally glance away from jisung, eyes focused on your friend. "are you okay? your not injured are you?"

"i'm fine.." you mumble again, blinking as taehyun suddenly hands you your camera. ah, he'd picked it up for you. you take it, inspecting it to make sure it's not broken.

"is the camera okay?" jisung inquires, looking over your shoulder to stare at it.

luckily, it wasn't damaged because it had fallen on the soft grass. "it's still working" you respond, and the two boys beside you let out a sigh of relief, with taehyun placing a hand on his chest.

"jisung! come back here!" his coach quickly yells, jisung looks to you, then back to his teammates. "thanks, i owe you" he says before running back towards his group, fetching the soccer ball he'd left on the ground prior.

"wow your like a hero!" sohee exclaims, shaking your shoulder with a smile. you just let out a nervous laugh, scratching your arm. you give one last glance at jisung before you feel your face heat up excessively, so you quickly turn away, putting your camera back around your neck.

"we should go back in now" you say, you don't say any more words as you quickly make your way towards the doors. your friends blink, exchanging glances in confusion, but they quickly follow you back inside.

"y/n! wait up!"

jisung watches you three leave, feeling his heart racing against his chest.

what the hell just happened? he asks himself.

"jisung are you okay!?" a very familiar voice shrieks. jisung turns to meet his fellow teammate jooyeon, looking concerned as ever.

"i'm alright, thanks for asking" he answers, gaze lowering down to his nails, which he quickly starts picking.

"are you sure? you looked like you hit your head pretty hard" the younger boy, as always, just wants to make sure jisung isn't lying, he's genuine like that. he pokes jisung's forehead, as if he was inspecting him.

"seriously, i'm fine" jisung lowers his hand, giving him his default 'i'm okay' smile. "y/n cushioned the blow anyway.."

"you were so close to him!" jisung startles as keum donghyun comes out of nowhere. "how did it feel? was it like a dream come true?"

"i—" jisung is speechless, he closes his mouth and blinks a good seven times before even actually assessing the question.

how did it feel?

jisung doesn't know how to express it. he didn't want to think about it in that way because you'd just done such a good deed, you saved him from flying metal going straight towards his head, he shouldn't have been thinking about the lack of distance between you two, he shouldn't have been staring at your lips, and he shouldn't have been thinking about kissing you.

his face must be so unbearably red right now.

"don't ask that! it was just very abrupt.. also, i can't think of him like that! he saved me from a flying baton, i'm just grateful for him".

jooyeon hums in agreement, slapping donghyun's shoulder for him ever asking such a thing. "that's right, you should probably get him a token of appreciation or something".

jisung blinks, trying to imagine what he should ever gift you. he truly has no idea, he's not sure if he should go over and beyond, or just give you a little gift as to not intimidate you. "i can't really think of anything, i don't want to overwhelm him or something, he just wanted to do a nice thing.."

"i'm sure he'll be appreciative of anything!"

at the words, jisung just sighs, smiling.

what a hero, l/n y/n— you really are something, he thinks.

"yeah— i'll think about it".

"good! back to practice now!"

jisung doesn't think he will ever fully be able to focus on practice, though.

"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN RAN OVER BY A TRAIN" the words from the older boy, yang jeongin, snap you out of your polaroid staring daze. you flinch just the slightest, eyes peeling away from the scattering pictures which litter your desk. you rub your eyes, clearing your throat as you quickly gather all of the photos on your desk, hoping the eye bags present on your face weren't completely obvious. knowing jeongin though, they were definitely obvious. "thanks for the kind words" you respond sarcastically, a small eye roll accompanying your words. the older boy snickers, situating himself beside you, a teasing smile on his face. he props his legs up, blinking at you. "seriously though, you look like you haven't slept in years, are you alright?"

"i'm as alright as someone looking to pursue journalism can be.." you mutter back, placing the photos which were previously on your desk into your backup, a small sigh escapes your lips. "all of my applications are still pending.."

"seriously? i assume you would've been accepted into any of those schools by now!"

"you know how it all goes, they get hundreds— heck, thousands of applications every day, i just have to be patient".

jeongin raises an eyebrow, then just shrugs at you, humming. "there's no need to worry, y/n, you'll get into a good school".

you chuckle at his words, he totally read your mind when it came to that. "i'm not worried about anything" you lie; "i'll be okay, i know".

but do you?

your absolutely tired the whole entire day, you tried your best to focus in your classes, but you couldn't help your head slipping down and the way you almost slipped off to dreamland whilst your teachers were asking you very much audible questions.

"did you sleep last night?" sungchan asks you in the middle of your afternoon break, poking your arm as if to wake up. "you look like a zombie.."

"i slept a few.. hours?" your tone is very much a questioning one, as if you didn't even believe your own words. "i don't know, i was too busy fighting with lin, apparently i'm not good enough at what i do to consider journalism".

paired with the lack of response to your several applications, you weren't having the best week, it was all becoming just a little too much for you.

graduation is just too far away..

"anyway! did you choose the photos you'll put in the editorial yet?"

you think, for a while. you felt as if you had stared at so many polaroids by this point, that they're probably going to start appearing in your dreams, with the lack of sleep, constant flashing of cameras and just news news news, you've really had no time to focus on other things.

"i haven't even found time to think about the editorial" you whine, a weary sigh escaping your lips as you think about how pissed off your higher up is gonna be if you almost miss the deadline once again. "is the deadline coming up?"

"well— is four days a close deadline for you?"

you gasp, loudly, almost throwing your camera across the hallway. "four days!? four days until the deadline seriously!?"

you usually aren't like this. you are usually very calm, cool, and collected, but your week has been just the definition of a shit storm, and everything just seems getting worse and worse.

"hey, it's okay!" sungchan immediately replies, hoping to reassure you. he places a hand on your shoulder, a smile coming to his face. "it's not like this is anything new, it'll all be fine, you only have to choose two pictures anyway".

you sigh, rubbing your temples. "yeah" you breath. "it'll be fine, fine" you repeat, nodding your head as you relax yourself.

the hallway is crowded, not crowded crowded, but crowded enough that you couldn't help but begin counting the heads around you.

your eyes get stuck on a familiar figure across the hall.

park jisung, smiling and laughing with his friends. you get lost in a trance of admiring him, even though you can clearly hear sungchan talking to you. all your attention is immediately on him, and a small smile spreads across your face as you observe him, being himself.

there is absolutely no reason for him to be so breathtaking while just talking with his friend!

you are so distracted, and you don't mean to get stuck in this little reverie as you stare at the boy that you totally do not have a crush on.

he hasn't really left your mind, instead of just floating around in there like he'd been before that whole prior incident, now he occupies a whole subsection of your mind in recent days. you could be with your other friends, and all of a sudden your mind would wander off to jisung, or you could be in class and he just pops into your head.

you never thought you'd be one to get distracted easily, but you've clearly been proven wrong by just the alluring aura of park jisung.

you startle when jisung turns your way, making eye contact with you. he smiles upon noticing you, his eyes practically lighting up, and he waves at you. your a little taken aback, but jisung doesn't wait to see you wave back, just turning back towards his friend and continuing his previous conversation.

"what was that?"

"what was what?"

you quickly look over at sungchan, who had just witnessed that whole entire scene. he looks at you like you just grew a second head, and your face begins to burn as the realization dawns on you.

"you and park jisung!?"

your quick to try and sputter out a response, but you shake your head, face excessively heating up, it's probably red at this very moment. "there is nothing going on between us!"

"that doesn't seem like nothing!"

you realize how guilty you look right now. with your red face and constant insistence that there is absolutely nothing going on, those are traits the guiltiest of people display, and it all just makes you look even more guilty with how your face gets even more red.

(you must look like you're dying right now).

"it's just a friendly exchange!"

"not while your looking at him with hearts in your eyes!"

he was completely calling you out, and he was right. you were staring at jisung like he was an angel that had graced your presence, you stare at him like he's a saint and everyone else doesn't matter, as if he's the only person in the room. "i— i wasn't! i was just zoned out and he just waved at me to say hi!"

sungchan narrows his eyes suspiciously at you, totally not buying it. "uh huh, sure" his voice conveys disbelief. "just know, i'm onto you y/n".

you nudge him in the shoulder, seriously wanting to change the topic. "yeah yeah whatever" you cross your arms as you mutter the words, you're sure if you take one more glance at jisung, you won't be able to look away, so you just clear your throat and walk the other way, face still red as sungchan teases you the whole entire time.

maybe if you glanced back, you'd see jisung watching as you left..

JISUNG WAS REALLY HOPING HE'D BE ABLE TO catch you before school dismissed. you two haven't genuinely had an actual talk since you saved him from the flying baton heading straight towards his head. all you two have done is give smiles, waves, and mutter small greetings to each other in the hallway. he had to admit, it upset him in just the slightest, because he really did want to just have a conversation with you (of course, he isn't exactly sure he'd be able to get through a conversation with you without blushing like a madman anyway), but your schedules just kept conflicting, so even catching a glimpse of you around the campus has become difficult for him to do.

he doesn't want to waste any opportunity he has in his hands—

"y/n!"

when jisung sees you across the hall, he realizes that he shouldn't take this chance for granted. you turn around at the call of your name, smiling as you see the others making his way towards you. jisung runs a hand through his hair, hoping he isn't making anything awkward. "jisung hi, do you need something?"

you smile politely at him, a smile so beautiful it seems like it could get rid of all the problems in the world. jisung loves your smile, he could stare at it for hours, is that creepy? he hopes it's not creepy..

"oh uh—" the words he'd been planning to say somehow get caught in his throat, but he clears his throat and proceeds. "i was wondering if i could walk you home?"

you blink, puzzled by the question. why would he want to walk you home? your mind begins to wander, trying to figure out why he'd want to do such a thing.

can't you just ask y/n? stop being an idiot..

"why?"

you don't mean for your words to come out that way, and you're almost afraid that you made jisung uncomfortable with your tone of voice, but he instead just smiles, squashing any of your bad thoughts. you love jisung's smile, you think it's underrated, so little people talk about it and the fact shocks you, you could probably compliment his smile for hours—

but that sounds just a little creepy.

"i just want to accompany you—" —and this is my only excuse to be around you— "do something nice for you after you did something nice for me".

the words make you pause. he's just.. so thoughtful huh? you've never heard of someone wanting to repay you for being nice, it's actually a little strange if you think about it.

"jisung you don't have to reward me for doing something nice.."

"it'd be great to walk with you, though, you make good company".

that's it? that's really it?

you're not sure why you're surprised about that, maybe it's just the idea that he literally searched for you just to say this, he truly just wants to walk you home, he truly just wants to spend time with you.

he thinks i make good company, just the thought alone is enough to make you giggle in your head. your inner thoughts sound ridiculous, but you can't help them.

"if you don't want me to it's totally oka—"

"no no no" you immediately cut into his sentence, hoping that didn't come off as desperate as it sounded. "i'm glad you offered to walk me home, i'd love to walk with you too".

you unsuccessfully try to mutter those last few words, a sudden shyness taking over you. jisung smiles, glad, no, elated at your agreement. he doesn't know why he's that happy, but he hopes it isn't clear and evident, he'd never live it down.

after bidding a goodbye to your friends, and telling sungchan you'd make sure to choose the photos for your editorials, you dragged jisung out of the school doors, much to your and jisung's surprise, as well as the shock of a few of your classmates, he made sure to eye the both of you suspiciously.

"what interested you in photography?"

a scene like this is something jisung thought he'd never get to, being able to talk to you, one on one. just the two of you sharing a simple conversation is what he's wanted for an uncharted amount of time, even with how straightforward it is, the two of you could never really find time to converse normally.

when jisung asks the question, you almost think you heard him wrong. he genuinely wants to know? in a way, you feel like you've always been just the slightest bit boring, yeah you wanna do journalism and love taking aesthetically pleasing photos but you've never considered what you do to be a talent by any means.

you pick at your fingers, looking down at the ground instead of at jisung. "it's an interest i picked up from my mother, i've always been shocked how she could just do that, you know? i love videography and stuff like that as well, i love how one can capture so much with just a single camera".

your words intrigue jisung, and he listened the whole entire way, not interrupting you once. he found a smile crossing his face at the clear display of passion for your creative work, he loves the way you put it into words. god if he didn't admire you before, he surely did now.

"what about you? you're pretty much good at everything, what drew you to the adrenaline rushing excitement of soccer?"

jisung pauses, allowing himself to let out a small snicker at the question. "i don't really enjoy soccer".

you raise an eyebrow. "oh?"

jisung laughs again, your tone of voice amusing him. "don't say it like that.. it's not that i hate it, i'm just not as into it like everyone expects me to be, i got onto the school team and i've been stuck there ever since" there isn't exactly distaste in jisung's tone, he just states it casually, like how it is. his voice is just simple, mundane, he doesn't dislike soccer, it's just not what he's looking forward to do.

you love his honesty.

"i'm into other things in a much more passionate sense, like dance, soccer is just a hobby" he finally finishes, pulling his sleeves over his arms as he avoids eye contact with you.

"so no professional soccer player park jisung?"

"i think i'll leave it to the other guy to be known for that".

you chuckle at his words, okay, he's funny (you knew that already, you just had to reiterate it in your head). god how can a guy be so perfect? you get why people are so into jisung, he's charming even without trying. you feel like the luckiest guy on earth knowing he asked to walk you home.

"y/n, i'm a very.." jisung pauses, as if trying to articulate the words he was about to say. "i really admire you a lot".

you almost lose it.

park jisung, beautiful, talented, hardworking park jisung admires you? he is an admirer of yours? you don't even know what to say, you try your best to sputter out a response but your brain is practically malfunctioning. your face goes red, and you go silent for a few minutes.

"i don't get it" is what you say, and jisung just cocks his head towards the side, observing you. "what's so admirable about me?"

"do you want a list?"

oh i'd love that. "i don't think you should waste your time".

"i wouldn't be wasting my time" jisung smiles, his gaze focused on you and only you, there's a way he's looking at you that keeps you still, unable to look away from him. "i never get the chance to tell you, i'd love to talk about everything i admire about you".

when did jisung get so bold? he'll never know where this random confidence came from, but he has an opportunity, he can't let it go to waste. he has to bring it up to you.

"what i do is nothing incredible—"

"i would disagree".

you should be angry that jisung interrupted you, but you found yourself smiling at his words. he's so generous, he doesn't have to tell you this, he doesn't have to compliment you like this, but he's doing it on his own accord, he wants to.

"okay then.. is it a good time to tell you that i also feel the same?"

jisung's ears go red, so red that it looks like smoke is gonna start pouring out of them. he is shocked, absolutely speechless. you admire him? does that mean he's gotten it all wrong these past few years? does that mean you return his feelings as well—

wait what?

"oh really?"

the prior confidence jisung had when telling you about his admiration has now all fizzled away, his voice almost cracks as he tries to register your words, and thank god it doesn't.

"it's kind of like what you said, you're amazing, a very admirable person, i know you don't really think of yourself like that but i do, and it's nice to be able to tell you up front".

jisung remains silent, but you don't mind, you just give him a smile and continue walking forward, allowing for him to catch up to you.

"is that actually true?"

"why would i lie to you?" you turn around, your whole body facing him. you begin walking backwards and wait for jisung's reply to your question. "don't give me that look".

jisung frowns, a playful one, he sends you a cute little glare that makes you giggle. he's absolutely adorable, you think in your head, he's the cutest person ever right now.

"you admire me?"

"yep".

"more than i admire you?"

"definitely, and don't even try to argue with me".

jisung opens his mouth to do exactly that, but you stop, turning around as you make it to the front of your house. "okay well, thank you for walking me home, ji".

jisung raises an eyebrow, noting down the nickname in his head. it's a common nickname, but he loves the way it sounds coming from you, he loves that you didn't just drop his full name.

"it's no problem.."

"i—"

you're cut off by the sound of the door opening, and your met with the face of your mother, whose face immediately brightens at the sight of you. you smile at her, and jisung just kinda stands there awkwardly.

"hi honey" she wraps her arms around you, and you let her, leaning your head onto her shoulder. "i thought you were staying late today?"

you shake your head. "not today, it's friday remember?"

"ohhh, yeah".

jisung glances down at the ground, playing with his feet. he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to interrupt the conversation you're having with your mother—

but he doesn't have to say anything, because your mother pipes up.

"oh! and who might this be?" she narrows her eyes at jisung, cogs in her brain seem to turn but then she snaps his fingers and gasps, seemingly getting it. "oh my god! park jisung?"

jisung smiles, a little laugh escaping his lips. "that is me".

"holy, you've changed so much? the last time i saw you you were barely up to my knees!"

at the sound of your mothers words, you give jisung a teasing stare, one which he quickly turns away from. "you and y/n are finally friends? i was wondering when it'd happen.."

your face goes bright red at the words, and an awkward chuckle escapes your lips. "seems he was too, he always talked about it—"

"haha! what!? that's hilarious mom!" you quickly cut in, not wanting her to talk about your former ramblings about park jisung, park jisung who was right beside you. "yeah okay, jisung i'll see you monday?"

jisung nods, a little too desperately for his liking, luckily you don't notice. "yeah, monday, have a good weekend, y/n".

you smile, blood rushing through your cheeks. "be safe".

he gives a small wave and turns around, beginning the walk back towards his home.

"he's such a nice kid, you sure you're just friends?"

your jaw pretty much drops, and you give your mother a look you don't think you've ever shared with her before. "yes! just friends!"

"hmm, sure".

"WHO ARE THOSE FOR?" CHENLE asks as he immediately notices the goodies in jisung's hands. he raises an eyebrow suspiciously at his best friend, examining the bouquet of flowers and box jisung held. jisung ignores him for a couple of minutes, placing the box in his locker and closing it behind him. "for someone" he just replies, hoping he could just remain vague instead of telling chenle about his true plans. the older narrows his eyes, clearly curious about this 'someone'. he flicks jisung in the forehead, resulting in a yelp from the other, who glares. "ow! what was that for?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows and rubbing his forehead, a frown now coming to his face.

"what you're hiding stuff from me now?" chenle rolls his eyes at jisung's frown. "who are those flowers for? you got a boyfriend or something?"

chenle was right in assuming it was a boy that was making him go crazy, but you aren't his boyfriend (not yet at least, he's trying, really). he doesn't want to exactly divulge his plans to his nosy best friend yet, just because he'd go around telling everybody he could about what jisung was doing, he didn't want anything to be spoiled.

"they're for.. y/n".

jisung winces the moment he says those words, because chenle goes absolutely crazy.

"FOR WHO!?"

jisung is quick to slap a hand over chenle's mouth, glaring at him for how loud he said those words. "could you be any more obvious?" he asks, gritting his teeth as he continues to glare at his shorter best friend, whose eyes just widen even more. "yes they're for y/n—"

"what are you two dating now?" chenle doesn't care about anything jisung has to say, he slaps his hand away and stares in interest, wanting to know more.

"no! were not dating! it's just—" jisung pauses, how is he even gonna explain this without looking super guilty? blood rushes through his cheeks as he thinks about it, about how these are your favorite flowers, about how you might react. "i wanted to get him something nice! he did a good thing and.."

and i am just so in love with him, i think i might be going insane.

"i just want to do something nice!"

"okay but are you doing something nice or are you getting ready to ask him out?"

jisung's face goes a dangerously red color, and he immediately shakes his head, denial coursing through his veins. "i'm not going to ask him out, i mean— i get why you think that but it's not what it looks like!"

chenle raises an eyebrow, staring at his totally lovestruck best friend. "it sure does seem to be what it looks like".

"chenle—"

"look, jisung, there's no need to deny that you have such an obvious crush on y/n" chenle states like it's a matter of a fact, because it is, they both know it very well, he's better at assessing jisung's feelings than jisung himself is. "he thinks your cute, you think he's cute, you two just need to ask each other out".

"um.." jisung presses his lips together, the two falling into a weird silence. he clutches the daisies in his hands, thinking about you, but he shuts off his thoughts to respond to chenle's little analysis of him.

"i just don't know where we stand, i mean we're barely even friends".

"you two are pretty much already more than friends considering he can't talk to you without looking like he's about to devour you whole".

jisung's face must be an astonishing shade of red right now. "it's not—! i don't know how to explain it okay!?"

"yeah and how are you gonna explain the flowers?" chenle points at the daisies jisung is practically squeezing to death. "other people are probably gonna get another idea".

"well i'll let them think what they want" jisung responds, his only focus is you, who cares what other people think? your his main priority. "y/n is my main focus, i don't care about what other people are saying".

chenle chuckles at his response, oh park jisung is so down bad, he's so in love with you, a kind of love chenle has never seen him have for another person. yes park jisung, love avoiding extraordinaire, is head over heels in love with a boy, chenle cannot believe it.

"okay jisung, go ahead with your wooing y/n mission or something".

at least chenle is supportive.

jisung has to go through so many interrogations to explain to your fellow photographers why he's giving you flowers, while a few of them just shrug and get it, the rest of them make sure to eye him suspiciously while he goes on with his explanation and bright red ears.

he knows most of them probably won't keep their mouths shut, and jisung knows that you told him he shouldn't get you anything for preventing him from getting any future brain damage, but jisung disagrees, he thinks you deserve gifts.

"who are those for?"

your brain doesn't register the flowers, or the connection that they have with your not-so-secret admirer, you just stare at them puzzled. "they're for you!" sohee yells from somewhere else in the room, focused on another important thing.

your eyebrows furrow, and you blink as you stare at the daisies on the table. daisies are your favorite flowers, but everyone knows that! these could be from anyone! you're no stranger to getting random gifts from people, so these could really be from anyone.

but you only have a certain person in mind..

"from who?" you ask, but you really already know who, considering the knowing look sohee sends to you.

"jisung".

of course, you say in your head, your fingers trace the packaging of the bouquet, admiring the pretty flowers before you (the pretty flowers given to you by a pretty boy), a small smile comes to your face as you think about it. you told jisung not to get you anything, but he obviously wasn't going to listen to you, he's made that very clear.

"did he tell you anything?"

sohee doesn't spare you another glance, but you can just tell he's grinning like a madman with the way he's clearly trying to hold in his laughter. "he just told me to make sure to get them to you, he was very insistent".

the teasing tone of your friends voice doesn't go unnoticed by you, and your barely able to stifle your laugh, not at sohee exactly, but at jisung's actions.

of course he didn't listen when you said for him to not get you anything, he remembered what your favorite flowers are, did he spend his weekend thinking about it? you wonder what kind of florists we must've went to.. your mind races with just jisung thoughts, and you're just so lost in them that you don't realize your zoning out.

oh park jisung, why do you have to be so sweet?

"DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO?" YOU immediately ask the moment you come across park jisung in the hallway. the boy blinks, smiling at the sight of you, his face practically brightens at the sight of you. "what do you mean?" he inquired innocently, a small tilt of his head adding to his question. you send him a glare, not a serious one, but it's still a glare. you can't even believe his audacity, for him to look at you with such beautiful eyes, make your knees feel weak without even having to do anything? park jisung is just such a crazy man, you don't know if you can stare at him any longer, you might end up passing out from heat exhaustion (the heat from your face, of course, something that's become so normal for you when around park jisung).

"don't 'what do you mean?' me, i told you not to get me anything!" you complain, lightly shoving jisung's shoulder. "seriously, i said it was fine.." you mumble those words, but jisung just smiles.

"i wanted to get you something anyway, i needed to show you my appreciation somehow".

but just your admiration is enough appreciation for me, just you being around is enough, just you is enough.

your own thoughts weird you out on occasions.

"i told you not to—"

"but i wanted to, it's fine y/n, seriously, just accept my gesture".

you bite your inner cheek, he just always has to be nice, doesn't he? your cheeks flare up and you swear your face goes a shade of red you've never seen before, how does one boy even affect you like this? you don't think you've ever acted like this around any of your other admirers ever..

"ah" a small smile comes to your face. "thank you" you whisper, you're not sure why you get so shy all of a sudden.

"it's no problem" jisung responds, a smile coming to his face. he closes the door to his locker, and then leans onto it. "walk with me?"

you blink, jisung really likes walking with you, huh? is this gonna become your thing? you wouldn't really mind when you think about it.. you enjoy walking with jisung, you just enjoy any time you can spend with jisung.

"what's with you and asking to walk with me?"

"walking with you is just.. nice".

"do i ease your stresses or something?"

your tone is meant to come off as teasing, and your question is mostly unserious, you don't register how you sound like your flirting with jisung, probably because everything just feels so natural with jisung, you love how you feel around him, it's confusing to explain.

"i guess you could say that" jisung's response snaps you out of your jisung focused thoughts, thoughts which are difficult to not get stuck in considering park jisung is constantly occupying your mind these days. "anyway, can you walk with me?"

you pause, tongue pressing against the inside of your cheek. you have class in twenty minutes, and you don't really want to walk back all the way with only five minutes left to make it to class. "i don't know.. chen might kill me".

"please?"

that catches you off guard, you seemingly forget how to think for a second. jisung really wants to walk with you so bad, he's reverting to that easily convincing voice of his? you'd be an idiot to say no, you'd be an idiot to deny anything given to you by park jisung, you sigh in your head.

"okay, fine".

a smile of victory places itself on jisung's face, and he takes your hand, to your own surprise, as the two of you begin making your way down the hall. you wanna bring it up, but you don't want him to let go of you, so you don't. your face goes a bright shade of red, jisung doesn't seem to mind, or maybe he's always wanted to hold your hand, you aren't sure.

you focus way too much on it, on the way it feels, how jisung's soft hands contrast your rough ones, how warm his hands are, you don't want to let go, you don't want him to let go. god, you feel like such a loser, freaking out over a boy holding your hand.

but it's not just a boy, it's park jisung, park jisung makes you feel things you thought you'd never feel before..

"why do you seem so worried?" jisung chuckles, his hand holding yours. he nudges your shoulder lightly, raising an eyebrow.

"because, i don't wanna be late".

jisung snickers, not making fun of you, though, he hopes you don't think that. "have you never skipped a class before?"

your eyes widen as large as saucers, model student park jisung has skipped classes? a small chuckle escaped your lips. "no, i could never bring myself to, it always made me feel strange.."

now it's jisung's turn to look surprised, you laugh again, why does he assume you skip classes? or have even attempted to skip? you wonder what goes through his mind. "are you serious? you've never tried to skip before?"

you scoff, pinching his arm. "i tried to once in the sixth grade because of a dare from friends, but i literally couldn't do it, they called me a wimp for the rest of the year".

"aww sad".

"don't give me your fake pity, also— you've skipped class before!?"

jisung chuckles at your surprise, giving a small smile. "it was a few times as a sophomore, some classes are just so boring i can't resist".

"wow, model student park jisung skips his classes? i cannot believe the information that has been bestowed upon me".

the words, paired with your sarcastic tone made jisung let out yet another snicker, he hopes he's not overdoing it in your eyes, you're genuinely just a very funny person. "oh no! don't use this secret to tarnish my pristine reputation!"

"you're such an idiot".

a cute idiot.

"be quiet, you still love me" jisung rebuts, adding a small nudge to your shoulder along with his words.

it's weird to say, but you like this. even with your totally non-romantic feelings for jisung, you find this nice. is this what dating him would be like? you get to hold hands and joke around in the halls without a care in the world? you think you'd enjoy that, you'd enjoy dating park jisung.

wait what?

you snap out of your thoughts when jisung stops, so you stop too. he lets go of your hand, and you resist the urge to frown, because you don't want to come off as desperate. (but you are desperate, you're so desperate, having park jisung hold your hand was so nice, you want him to hold it again).

"this is my stop, thank you for my walking with me".

the words are simple, basic, but you find your face heating up at them anyway. you clear your throat, not wanting to stay silent any longer. "it was no problem, i couldn't disagree anyway".

jisung laughs, he is so pretty, so pretty without even having to do anything significant. "of course you couldn't" he looks down at his feet. "anyway! have a good day y/n, don't be late to your next class!"

you blink as you watch jisung walk into the auditorium for his next class, you watch as he walks away, standing there for what seems like forever. how could a guy, just a guy affect you so much? what is it with park jisung and making you stop in your tracks? he's mesmerizing, just so easily draws you in.

your eyes widen as you realize the time, you're going to be late for your next class, mr. chen is going to kill you!

and as you totally sprint down the hallway to get to your next class, your mind is racing with thoughts of park jisung the entire time.

"AM I NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND?" YOU CAN practically hear the pout in sungchan's voice as he said those words. you place the extra polaroids on your desk, then glance up at your friend, who stares at you with an expression of defeat on his face. you raise an eyebrow, puzzled at what the actual hell he's talking about, he's always just bringing stuff up so randomly, you can't even keep up with what he's referring to now. sungchan just frowns, letting out a groan of frustration as plops down beside you, a small huff adding to his words. you chuckle at the way he decides to present himself, and he groans once again, very frustrated. "where is this coming from?"

"why didn't you tell me about you and jisung".

you pause, an expression of surprise comes to your face, your face which heats up astonishingly quickly. "me and jisung? me and jisung what? we aren't—"

"y/n there's no point in denying it, everyone already knows".

"everyone already knows what?"

"that you and jisung have a thing, it's fine if you don't wanna tell everyone but excluding me? your best friend in the whole entire world from the news?"

"jisung and i aren't dating!" you say immediately, clasping your hands together as you try to calm your rapidly beating heart. why do people even think that? yeah you like park jisung but how did people even reach the conclusion that you were dating? you're not even sure if jisung returns your feelings. "i don't even know where people got that idea.."

"so your constant yearning stares and pitched up giggles are all not apart of that?"

"i don't—" you are definitely showcasing all guilty characteristics, your red face, your shrill voice, and your very obvious lying, sungchan sees right through you, anyone would be able to. "yearning stares are stupid i don't do that!"

"yeah, sure y/n" sungchan sighs, and you groan, screaming into your pillow. "i'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it's disgustingly obvious that you're into jisung, and i mean in a cringy way".

you gasp in offense, turning away from your best friend. you want to remain stubborn, but you can't, of course you can't, how can you even deny your feelings for jisung anymore if other people can now tell that you like him? your face heats up in embarrassment, and you cover your face with your hands. "is it really that obvious?" you mutter, hoping the answer isn't what you think it is.

"yeah, very, i wouldn't even be surprised if the two of you were actually dating and this was a little trick of yours".

sungchan points at you, an accusatory look in his eyes, but he immediately lets it go, because he knows you, and he can tell that you are telling the truth. you don't even have the courage to look at him, still covering your face with your hands. "have you not told jisung how you feel yet?"

your silence tells sungchan everything he needs to know, and the look he gives you is absolutely criminal.

"YOU HAVEN'T!?"

"i haven't found any time too!"

"how much time have you been spending around jisung these days!? you haven't even tried to bring it up to him!"

you let yourself fall to the side, half your body hanging off your bed. "i don't know how to" you whine, mind immediately rushing to thoughts of park jisung, thoughts you probably shouldn't be having. "it's awkward!"

"well i'm sure jisung feels the same with the way he always has to resist the urge to kiss you in the hallway".

"with the way he WHAT!?"

the words are enough to make you rise from your formerly fallen state, a look of astonishment on your face. did jisung really return your feelings? or was sungchan just trying to start something that would end up absolute humiliation?

"y/n, not trying to be rude or anything, but it's so obvious that jisung wants to date you, he doesn't even have to say it for everyone to know!"

you feel like you just discovered the secrets of the universe with those words, park jisung likes you? like likes you likes you? once the realization dawns on you, you gasp loudly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT UGH!"

sungchan watches you freak out, he truly can't believe that he had to tell you for all of it to finally set in.

it's actually pretty funny, and he snickers as he watches you go absolutely ballistic.

"HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N?" JISUNG ASKS the first recognizable person he sees in the hallway. he hasn't seen any seniors anywhere for a while, but that's because the days keep getting warmer, meaning graduation keeps getting closer, most of the seniors only take two classes and then go on to do their extracurriculars, so they don't really have to spend the whole entire day at school, but it's weird today because he usually always sees you, even when he isn't purposefully looking for you (which has become a common thing for him to do, he's just loves the time he can spend with you). he hopes you aren't absent, because today is friday, and if he doesn't tell you his important news now he's going have to wait an extra two days.

"y/n? uh..." the unfamiliar boy pauses for a moment, as if thinking, and jisung is hoping that it isn't the worst, because he really needs you to be here today. "well i'm not sure where he is actually! probably with his other photographers".

"but he's here right?" jisung doesn't care if he comes off as desperate, his only focus is you, you are his main priority, he doesn't care about the impression he's making on others, he can truly only think about you at the moment.

"yeah! i'm just not sure where exactly!"

"okay thank you!"

the guy gives him a strange look, a mix of teasing and giddy, but jisung walks off too fast to see it, he's set on finding you. he doesn't exactly know where he's supposed to go, he's just hoping to somehow spot you and be able to get you alone.

"what are you rushing for?" chenle comes out of nowhere, noticing jisung's urgency and the way he's clearly focused on something specific strikes him as odd, but he already has an idea of what's making jisung so fidgety. "you're gonna confess your love to y/n or something?"

"yes, actually i am chenle, it'd be great if i could find him, though".

maybe it's jisung's surprising honesty, or the way his main priority is you. chenle finds it amusing how quick the switch flipped, but it's also kind of cute. the usual pessimist, mr 'i don't really care about love' park jisung is down bad for a boy, it's adorable. "have you tried the photography room?"

"where do you think i'm heading?"

chenle chuckles at jisung's attitude, simply smiling and pulling his cheek. "alright then! don't forget to tell me how it goes!"

jisung doesn't spare chenle another glance, just turns back around and focuses on the task at hand, finding you and telling you how he feels.

jisung wonders how you'll react, based on what he's seen, it's not completely guaranteed that you'll reject him, it's probably more likely that you return his feelings rather than don't. does that make him horrible? thinking because you've exhibited the traits of someone who has a crush that you have a crush on him?

maybe you don't like him and he's letting it all get to his head, it all just seems too good to be true.

jisung doesn't even have to go all the way to the photography room, because he bumps right into you whilst on his way there, and a small yelp escapes your lips. "oh my god.. sorry!"

jisung cannot contain his excitement, and his nervousness. there is absolutely nothing to be nervous about, this is y/n. kind, understanding, charming y/n, it's not like he's going to scream at you for telling him you like him. it’ll all be fine.

"it's alright" you whisper, shaking your head for a moment. "i was looking for you" you immediately say, not allowing for jisung to speak before you.

jisung's eyes widen. you were looking for him? it makes his brain go haywire, figurative cogs in his head turning. "that's ironic, i was looking for you too".

jisung swears he can see the red coloring on your cheeks, but he doesn't say anything about it.

"i have to tell you something".

the two of you say that sentence in unison, the same amount of anxiety coursing through your veins, the same red hue on your cheeks, the same look of surprise in your eyes. "you can go first" you whisper, picking at your fingers, you aren't exactly sure if you want to hear what he's about to say.

"are you sure? it seems you have something more important to say.."

"it's fine! really, i can just say it after yo—"

"i'm in love with you".

the words strike you like a punch to the gut, a slap to the face. your stomach drops, your face is burning horribly, and your legs feel like they're about to give in. you cannot believe it, you hope you don't pass out, you hope you don't just die right here, that'd be so embarrassing.

park jisung is in love with you. beautiful, talented, model student park jisung who you've never truly known how you felt about is in love with you. you are so happy, giddy, and it disgusts you, but the disgust is quickly replaced by the feeling of joyousness. park jisung is in love with you, he feels the same way.

"jisung, i'm—"

"it's okay if you don't return my feelings i just wanted to tell you!" is that really what he thinks? that you don't love him back? he must be crazy, you've only ever exhibited reciprocal feelings. "i'll be off now!"

"no! don't go!" you grab jisung's wrist before he can walk away. smart move y/n, you're acting so natural right now. "i just, i return your feelings! i just don't know how to explain it, also my hands are very sweaty right now and i feel gross.."

you let go of jisung's wrist and feel your face get unbearably hotter. it's embarrassing, you feel so embarrassed, but it's park jisung, and jisung just stares at you lovingly. you're so cute, how did it take him this long to tell you how he felt?

"you're so cute".

jisung doesn’t even realize he says the words until you give him that look, and your red face just makes him giggle more. "this isn't— that is not fair! i was supposed to confess first!"

"you're the one who told me to go first!"

"i didn't know you were going to tell me you liked me! i prepared a whole sentence for you and everything!"

you whine, covering your red face with your hands. jisung removes your hands from your face, and a small smile graces his pretty features. he's absolutely gorgeous, he has such a pretty smile, you have the sudden urge to tell him about it. "your smile is beautiful".

now it's jisung's turn to become the red faced lovesick fool. "ah, really?" he responds, voice shaky, hands even more shaky, but they're so soft, your mind always reminds you to note that.

you hum in agreement. "it's very pretty, i can't believe more people don't talk about it".

"well you can talk about it, aren't we technically dating now?"

the question makes you pause. you feel like your about to go insane, you're dating park jisung? park jisung is your boyfriend? this is like a dream come true, a dream you thought would stay a dream and only a dream. "dating? dating! yeah yeah!"

your natural act is not natural at all, you are very nervous, so nervous you feel like your about to collapse onto the floor. "there's no need to be so nervous.."

you groan. "says you!"

"alright y/n" jisung lets go of your hands, much to your dismay, because you frown. he takes note, and reaches over to grab your own once again, intertwining your fingers. "we’re dating, you don't have to go red faced every time i compliment you now".

"but it's you, how do i not?"

jisung sighs, leaning forward and pressing a small peck on your lips. oh he is such a stupid little—

"why would you do that!?"

"i'm sorry!" jisung giggles, he was definitely not sorry. "it was an instinct, i had to!"

"you— ugh!"

park jisung can't just not make you nervous, he's such a crazy man.

one that you love, of course.

"I THINK I LIKE THIS ONE THE MOST.." JISUNG states, admiring the polaroid photos which litter the desk. you hum at his words, rummaging through the box on the counter, you are very much focused on finding that estranged camera taehyun had pointed for you to find. your boyfriend glances up, looking over your shoulder, silently watching as you get frustrated about this stupid camera you couldn't find. "which one?" you inquire, glancing over at him. jisung holds up the polaroid, a picture you'd taken of you and sungchan at the beach when you were nine. a pretty photo, you aren't even sure how you pulled it off. "ah, that is a pretty one" you whisper, and you smile the moment jisung smiles. his smile is so pretty, a cute stretch which is enough to make you smile, even if you feel down.

"what’s with your face?"

"searching for this old camera is pissing me off" you remark, knowing that you have to search for this is just making you even more mad, why do you have to pack the photography room right before graduation? you hate it. "who even left it in here?"

"a former student maybe?"

you close your eyes, sighing. "i need this to be over so much more quickly" you complain, and jisung just laughs at your misery.

"we graduate in a week, y/n, just be patient" the younger pokes your cheek, then he cups your face, trying to make your frown disappear. "an old camera is not the end of the world".

you glance down at jisung's lips, then narrow your eyes. "are you trying to seduce me?" you question, raising an eyebrow.

"no?" jisung responds, adding a small tilt of his head to his words. "do i sound believable?"

"not at all" you say, pushing jisung's hands away and looking back to the box in front of you so you can continue to scour for this camera you have to get for your friend. you continue to search through the box, trying to find this old dslr camera for your friend. "so don't distract me".

"i'm not!" jisung whines, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his chin onto your shoulder, watching you try to succeed at your mission of finding a camera. "you don't want to give me, your lovely, amazing boyfriend attention?"

you merely roll your eyes at jisung, he's so annoying (in a cute way), you're about to call chenle to drag him away from you, but you also don't want him to let go of you, his arms around your waist make you feel safe, loved, park jisung makes you feel so loved.

"i found it!" you shriek, victory soaring in your voice. "fucking finally".

"okay so can you give me a kiss now?" jisung asks, puckering his lips and leaning closer to you.

he's so desperate, and you are too, it's adorable, park jisung is adorable. "hmm" you pretend to think about it, an inquisitive look making it's way to your face. "nah".

"y/n! that's not fair!" jisung whines, shaking you with his arms that are still around your waist. he frowns, trying to give you his best puppy dog eyes.

you almost give in, but you push him away, taking the camera you'd been searching for. "later, babe".

"you said that this morning!"

you sigh, turning around to stare at the pouting park. the cute pout remains on his face, how can you ever resist him? you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, ruffling his hair. "there, are you happy you big baby?"

"you could do better".

"uh huh, and you could be patient".

jisung frowns once again, but it's not a serious one, just the cute one he likes to do when he pretends to be mad at you. "don't be mad, you know i love you".

jisung does know, he knows that very well. he smiles at you, he's so in love with you, and not even in an embarrassing way, there's nothing embarrassing about this, he feels joyful, a sense of euphoria overtakes him whenever he’s with you.

"i know, i love you too".

and he isn't lying when he says that.

because he truly does.

[azure-cherie]

🔸Positive things people say behind your back 🔸

🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸

🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸

Hello , i hope you are doing well, this is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest , thank you so much for letting me read your energy, engaging, commenting, reblogs and feedbacks are very appreciated and help me to get better in what i do and also help me in picking your energy better . I'd be grateful for it <3

Pile 1 :

People think you're very grateful and kind , that you have a vibe that is very hard to find , they admire how genuine you are and how when you're angry you let it out and when you're sad you let it out you don't keep it within yourself you rather accept the emotions, you don't run or supress the negative emotions but treat them like your friend . They say that you are someone who is actively healing their shadow side and they are so happy with your progress. They also consider you are a conformist and someone who is sophisticated and we'll behaved at most times . That you are genuine and have no two faced actions. They love the mole on your face and say that you can try to be a model because of your long legs. Your face glows and radiates the elegance that can win hearts and it's such a win . They would love to be friends with you they are tired of hating you.

Chanelled words & placements:

Porsche , blue berry, down to earth , new in town , old city girl , merkantilism , copper, susan, lord have mercy , Virgo 6th H , rahu 12th , Venus - mercury, asteroid hekate prominence, asteroid Vishnu prominence, chitra Nakshatra , Bharani nakshatra.

Pile 2 :

Very first thing i get is they love the way you cook , maybe you upload pictures and damn these people wanna have some. Hey call me over as well ;) , they say you're very talented and can make so many things . You don't realise right that how powerful your creativity is it brings deep realisations to people like it reminds me of a surrealist whose channelled art brought so many realisations to the people . You are a dream girl you have a very different kind of vibe , you have this sense of freshness to you that's so lovely . You're someone who can guide others and give them real advice and that's honestly so admirable, they say that they admire your choices like they really follow what you wear for example you bought some boots and then the others start buying that too you make things worth using . You're really a star

Chanelled words and placements:

You're so fine , doja cat , euphoria , gentle , tailor , mocktail , enigmatic, prophetic, lavish , mutuals , Osiris , cancer , 6th H , gemini , asteroid Persephone/proserpine prominence, Uttara Phalguni Nakshatra, moon dominance.

Pile 3 :

What people admire about you is your presence how you can light a room up and how brave you are , you can take up any responsibility and ace it. You always wanna be perfect you're a 10 and that makes you so likable , they like your lips and the lipstick you use . Your dad might be influential, you give the vibes of young money . They say how pretty you look in light colours, they love your money management skills , you're light hearted and don't take things seriously they really like that as well about you . They say that you smell good and are very keen with cleanliness which is really good . You're so fun when your walls are shed and your guard is down , they see how beyond the guard you're a very fun person. They want to take trips with you . They like how generous you are with money . Tip : don't be too selfless hold your ground .

Chanelled words and placements:

orange , marchantia, Ophelia , dancing queen , mid - day meals , cookies , medium , mindful , mediator , tip toes , fine grip, dark feminine , Saggitarius, 3H , 2H , 7H , Virgo , Aquarius , revati nakshatra.

Pile 4 :

You actually have so fine grip on people's minds , your words stay with them for a long long time , they really admire your intelligence so much, they feel like they can ask you anything and you will have an answer to it , you're like so cool , so intelligent, conversations with you never feel boring or stagnant. They admire your way of motivating people, they really love your car and your skin. Your skin is so beautiful and supple , i think you could be in the astro or tarot community as well people really admire your knowledge. Your mom wants to say she's proud and she's sorry for behaving to harsh , and your flowers that you grow in the garden feel so nurtured by you . You are divinely blessed.

Chanelled words and placements:

Dior, mirror , coquette, cute , rabbit , dancing in the dark , beauty and the best , marinate , lashes , belly dancing, Taurus , 11th H , 9th H , asteroid siren prominence, asteroid kleopatra prominence, mercury dominance Jupiter dominance.

[the-s1lly-corner]

How do you think the digital circus crew would react to a new member who genuinely to want to stay and doesn't want to leave at all?

TADC cast x reader who doesnt wanna leave the circus !

i lied about the previous post being the nights last post, imma spit out one more before i call it a night!! hope this is okay anon, this one may be a little on the short side; maybe.. i always write these notes before everything and forget to edit them accordingly

wrote this as general reactions instead of platonic/romantic/whatever relationship stuff! i like to imagine reader says this when the topic of trying to find an exit comes up... like imagine the atmosphere the looks the !!

CAINE:

hey i mean, hes not gonna stop you from not leaving! caines part is a little weird, since ive seen so many theories on his whole deal and i like them all, i cant settle on just one idea and roll with it... i think he would be thrilled that you want to stay, though.. doesnt have to remind you there is no escape because youre not interested in it... i think he would casually ask why you dont want to leave, though, its not often he finds someone whos content, at least not content without the loss of hope

POMNI:

she was the one who brought up trying to find an exit, again.. she kind of just looks at you with confusion written all over her face. she asks you if you meant that you have given up on trying to escape. you assure her that you just dont want to leave, giving up has nothing to do with it. she just gapes her mouth, before closing. blinks twice, and just asks why. why stay in a program like this? you cant provide an answer that seems to appease her, though... definitely some weird and confused looks from her

RAGATHA:

she doesnt know what to think of it. ragatha herself has come to terms with her position. like sure if there were a plan to escape that truly seemed like it would work, i think she would jump on it and try to leave.. i dont think she would pry you for answers, she believes you have your own personal reasons

JAX:

honestly i dont think he would care, assuming this is as i said in the note above where the topic of escape comes up and you guys arent dating or like best friends. i mean its your life and hes not going to argue with you, if you wanna be stuck in this shithole thats your business. oddly enough doesnt use it as ammo against you, though, and he bullies everyone over just about anything... maybe he cant come up with a cool nickname that makes sense, or otherwise find a way to make fun of you... but. idk

KINGER:

i think kinger would like to escape but i think he just accepted hes going to be stuck here forever. now if he had someone to fight for and be with and they wanted to leave, he would follow them. otherwise hes content with staying put because he doesnt have much incentive or desire remaining to leave. being there for years and seeing so many people fall does that to a person

ZOOBLE:

very similar to jax, in the case that its your business, of course this is assuming you guys arent close to one another. theyre not going to lecture you on how to go about your life. nothing to say here that wasnt already said in jax's segment

GANGLE:

gives you a soft and meek "but why" when you speak up to the group that you dont plan on leaving when pomni brings the topic up. you offer a shrug, or just say you dont want to leave. true utter confusion, and in a dark way believes that you prefer this world over the real one; even when your memories are smeared and burned, if any remain at all

[thequietkid-moonie]

For a Spy x Family request, how would Fiona deal with needing to get a fake lover for a mission, only to end up genuinely falling in love with them?

Falling in love with her fake spouse

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Fiona Frost ]

[ Spy x Family ]

I totally loved your idea!!! Fiona is so funny of a characters and this idea is already inmensily funny on the show, so it was really funny to write it with her!

Hope you like it as much as I did! 🫰🏼

Fiona was hesitant to accept this mission, she hated the idea of depending in someone else for anything, she is more than capable to achive any goal, she can fulfill her missions without any problem and in little time, so she doesn't like this idea at all

However, she doesn't want to say no to a mision neither, if she has to invest so much time and dedication to the point to fake marriage then is an important and delicate mission, and she can't defraud the rest if she has been asked this, so, as much as she hates it, Fiona accepts the mision at the end

She doesn't really take much time on finding someone who becomes her fake spouse, as long as it can fulfill the role and doesn't bring her troubles then is find for her, and, honestly, once she find you and start this fake relationship she didn't payed much attention to you, just the necesary to make sure no one doubted your relasionship

It is dificult to get on Fiona's heart for how focused she is on her mision and how obsessed she is with Twilight, but little things like treating her with kindness and being interested on her, showing her care or even admiration will slowly warm up her heart

It take quite a long time but the key point is managing to catch her attention enough for her to the curiosity start to sparkle inside of her, even if is just the smallest feeling it is there and, soon or later will lead her to start to want to know more about you

Is quite probable that she already knows everything about you since before starting the fake relationship because she needed to know you were a safe option, however once you catch her attention she finds herself wanting to know more about you, so from that moment she will be paying more attention to you

Her sharp senses now are following your every move full of curiosity, she is careful to don't get caught (still, that doesn't mean it can happen that you feel observe from time to time, but she is always quick to say that it must be nothing if you ever tell her about it)

Fiona doesn't exactly know when what she feels for you started to be love but she won't doubt it much, if she falls in love she will do it with someone who she finds admirable and amazing (even if that person isn't a spy), even so, if she ever question her feelings for you she will always finds reasons to say that you are amazing and perfect

Fiona is really straight forward with herself, so when she knows that she likes you and will actually like to be with you (and after making peace with how now the one she love isn't Twilight but you) she will start a plan to win your heart, she won't say it right away nor force her feelings onto you, she prefers to win your heart in a proper way by showing you how of an amazing partner she can be for you, how much she can offer you in a relationship, Fiona will even start to show off her skills too, she likes to impress you with them and if you do compliment her is like a victory for her (she doesn't show it much but she actually becomes really flustered whenever you compliment her)

[snapghoul]

Heyyy. I've been so obsessed with the seresin twins. They've taken over my life, and I love it.

I've got a question, though. How did Tyler react to Jake coming out? Gimme all the headconnons.

Me too, I’ve been consumed by them and I will gladly share them for those who love em ❤️

How Jake’s coming out was a lot far less rocky than he’d originally thought.

Note: writing snarky banter between Bradley and Jake is so hard like it looks cringy to me but then I remember how cheesy their banter was in the movie and I feel better about it.

Warnings: foul language, internalized homophobia and homophobia

Jake had always sensed that he wasn’t attracted to women. Growing up in a small Texas town, he had a few girlfriends, but none of those relationships ever felt right. He dated primarily to fit in, rather than out of genuine interest. While he could acknowledge that some girls were conventionally attractive, he never felt any real attraction.

His first kiss with a girl, in freshman year of high school, was a moment of clarity for him—it didn't feel right, but he initially chalked it up to inexperience. He tried to replicate the experience several times, hoping it would change.

It wasn't until college that he found himself in a situation where he almost all the way with a girl, only to back out because he felt uncomfortable and disinterested. This experience made him realize he wasn’t into women at all. It was shortly after this that he shared his first kiss with a guy, which felt more genuine and right.

He remained closeted to his parents for two years.

Jake was relieved to find that his parents were surprisingly accepting when he finally mustered the courage to come out. As he fought back tears, his mother reassured him, “I already knew, dear. As long as you find someone who loves and cares for you, I’m happy to welcome them.”

His father’s response was a bit more blunt but equally supportive: “The second they lay a hand on you, I’m grabbing the shotgun.”

Not everyone was accepting at Sophia’s wedding. A few aunts, uncles, and cousins cast disapproving glances and made hurtful comments as Jake’s boyfriend stood by his side, their arms linked. Sophia did her best to keep the comments away from Jake but in the end he experienced his first true heartbreak after that, his boyfriend breaking up with him due to the homophobia in his family.

But Tyler had always been different. He’d known something was up the moment Jake came home after his first kiss with a girl, he saw the hint of confusion and disgust in his eyes. Although he didn’t have a name for it back then, he recognized that girls weren’t for his brother. Tyler was also the first person Jake called at 2 a.m. when he was overwhelmed.

“Ty, I just—I kissed a guy, and honestly, I think I’m gay, and I don’t know what to do. Shit, Ma and Dad are gonna be pissed—”

“Jake, slow down and breathe,” Tyler said. He stayed up until 6 a.m., helping Jake calm down and reassuring him that everything would be okay.

“Ty, do you care that I might be—no, that I am gay?” Jake asked shakily, fearing his twin’s reaction.

“No, Jake, I don’t. Honestly, I’ve had my suspicions for a while, and I don’t care who you love. Remember Mr. Henes and Mr. Wright?”

“Yeah, they ran the rodeo… wait really?”

“Yup, and they’ve been married for thirty years, that explains some of the looks they got but they didn’t care! They did their thing and let no one stop them. Jake, why should it matter that you like guys?”

“I don’t know… because it’s not right?”

“No, you know what ain’t right? Telling people who they can or can’t love. That includes you. If you like him and he makes you happy, then go for it. If you feel it, chase it!”

“Christ, what kind of cheesy movie did you pull that from? ‘If you feel it, chase it?’”

“I actually just made it up. I like it, though. It can apply to a lotta things.”

Jake chuckled, and they sat in silence for a moment.

“Want to hear about the field science I’m doing? My class has us studying cloud microphysics, so I’m just walking around taking pictures of the sky. It’s actually pretty fun! I’d much rather be out here than stuck in a stuffy classroom.”

Without missing a beat, Tyler shifted the conversation from Jake’s anxiety, taking it with him and letting the moment of calm settle between them.

Bonus: Jake panics over a certain chicken.

Jake tried to keep his cool, reminding himself, Play it cool, play it cool, Jake. He’s watching! Holy shit he’s coming over!

Bradley fucking Bradshaw had an uncanny ability to fluster Jake, driving him insane. There was something about the guy that made Jake lose his composure. Jake had felt this before, but never to this extent; the way Bradley moved, talked, and just existed made Jake feel cornered. When Jake felt cornered, he relied on his greatest defense: his offense.

“Y’know, Rooster, if you’d just hop off that perch of yours, maybe you’d actually be a decent pilot. Instead, you just sit there, waiting for something that never comes.”

Bradley’s expression darkened, his frustration clear as his feathers metaphorically ruffled at Jake’s jabs.

Seriously!? Rooster?! What kind of name is that? Not cool! Not cool! Don’t piss him off! Jake thought, desperately trying to regain his composure.

Wait, why is that look kinda hot? No! No! Jake, stop it! But damn, he looks good.

Bradley’s irritation flared. “If only you’d stop leaving your wingman hanging, Hangman. Maybe you’d actually get someone who feels comfortable enough to fly with you. But hey, no one wants to fly with a wingman who hangs them out to dry.”

Jake’s jaw tightened as Bradley closed in on him. Hangman?! I don’t leave them hanging! I always come back…

Bradley’s proximity made Jake’s heart race. Holy shit—he’s much bigger up close. Jake tried to focus on not letting his growing attraction show, but it was getting harder by the second.

Bradley took Jake’s silence as a victory and gave him a hard shoulder check as he walked by. That was the moment Rooster and Hangman were born—along with Jake’s frustrating attraction to Bradley Bradshaw.

[this-is-chaos-magick]

I think...the reason Wanda and Vision’s relationship grips me so hard is because it feels so personal. I get what they’re feeling that sense of being lonely, even when you're surrounded by people that knows you. You want to talk, to connect, but it’s like no one really... sees you. They just see the version of you they’ve made up in their heads.

....two outcasts who find each other. Everyone else has all these opinions about them, mostly negative, but none of that matters becuz they have each other. And that kind of connection? It’s powerful

I want that.... I want to find someone who actually understands me, who gets me, and who loves me for everything I am...the good, the bad, all of it. Wanda and Vision found that with each other. Their love isn’t perfect, but it’s real, and that’s what makes it so beautiful.

Their love story reminds me that being truly seen and accepted is rare but worth everything.... And honestly, isn’t that what most of us were hoping to find.....?

"you took everything from" Wanda said this to Thanos because vision is her everything... he's the only man in the world who genuinely cares about her....the only one who truly knows her

Sorry I am rambling again...I am just having a really bad day I freaking miss Wanda and Vizh :( I need them back together

[circular-bircular]

2 Cents

(Get it? Cause it's all about change? I'm hilarious)

The response to SAS has been stunning, to say the least. Duh, of course you know what I'm talking about -- Woooahhhhh the major anti-endo is pro-endo now!!!

Only, I really don't want to frame it like that. And... I'm so relieved to see so many taking it in stride and not framing it like that.

Me and Dude have been friends for a very, very long while -- or at least it feels like a long time. DID makes it hard and all to really realize how much time passes. But I consider Dude one of my close friends at this time, and I hope people can see why. He's a person who's willing to change, albeit stubbornly, and he works so hard to be kind -- even when the world has been so much less than kind back.

And one thing I've always known is that Dude was anti-endo, but willing to compromise on those opinions and beliefs if it meant furthering the science of it all, and understanding more about all of this. As time went on, it became understanding more about CDDs than ever before, fueled less by frustration and more by genuine curiosity. It's what attracted me to this friendship in the first place.

Seeing Dude repeatedly start to say that he is pro-endo warmed my heart, but not because of the pro-endo part; it was because of the change part. Because so many people struggle with that, with the idea that they can change. Me being one of them.

It's been... so difficult trying to carve out a place in syscourse. In life. I started out pro-endo and manipulated into very nearly thinking I wasn't a DID system at all. I moved to this nebulous area where i was harassed for stepping out of line. I was neutral, I became anti-endo, neutral again -- constantly flip flopping because I didn't have anyone or anything to hold onto. I didn't get to have a community. I didn't get to be anything other than The Bad Guy.

While I was in a CDD server, I at least had that community, but even that wasn't what I wanted. Even that wasn't good for me, even if it was good in other ways. Maybe I'll find the good again someday.

But seeing this outpouring of support... As someone who now no longer uses any syscourse label (Call me what you want, I really don't care), it's a goddamn relief to see someone being accepted with open arms. It's a relief to see people being so kind and generous, both with asks and with comments. I have to be blunt and say how jealous I am, seeing the outcropping of support.

But I'm also relieved to see my experience really is far from the norm... while also acknowledging that I am incredibly braced for impact at the moment due to those experiences.

I'm an incredibly stubborn person, I'm able to admit it. I struggle to change. I'm incredibly set in my ways. But I also do change, rapidly, flipping on a dime when I think it's what the other person wants. (Honestly, part of why I appreciate Dude so much was his insistence on slowing down, getting the facts, and making an educated decision based on that). And recently with syscourse, I've felt as if I have to slam my fist into the table and shout and scream about How Pro-Endo I Am, just in case anyone was lumping me in with those anti-endos -- but then I saw how some pro-endos were acting, and I felt I couldn't say anything about it-- ugh, I'm rambling.

All that is to say, I've felt so... stunningly alone lately, even with the support of my friends. I'm alone in syscourse. I'm alone in recovery. So many of my friends are moving on, healing, growing, and... Here I am, just a silly little circle on their blog, young and stupid and dumb.

So I'm glad people are accepting Dude, not as a pro-endo, but as someone who has grown. It gives me a lot of hope for my future. A lot of hope for finding a community -- not as a pro-endo, or anti-endo, or syscourse anything.

Just as a person.

Does that make sense?

I hope other people out there, stuck in syscourse like me, feeling very alone in a very large world, can see how willing people are to extend a hand. I hope I've extended my own enough. I just... have a lot of hope for the future.

@sysmedsaresexist Thanks for helping give me that right now <3

[thistle--bug]

I ramble about the Untamed

I just finished watching the Untamed with my sister (it took roughly 3 months lol) and I just wanted to write down a barely coherent collection of thoughts I had about it

This was my first c-drama actually! I feel like I started with the finest one

When I started, I thought "how could you possibly need FIFTY episodes for this story?" and as it went on I kept thinking "how can this take ONLY fifty episodes?". Still now I think they could've used a few more episodes to flesh out some arcs better and the last arc did feel a little rushed

Although I get what happened and where it was left at worked for the story, we were ROBBED of more Husaisang content. I want to see him do necromancy and be clever!

The juniors were genuinely the BEST addition to the story. Not only did it let us see how Lan Zhan was bringing about the future of his clan and raising them with less restrictions, but they were just so cute. They helped the old stubborn cultivators accept change and trust Wei Wuxian more as well! And of course I adore Jin Ling. His relationship with Jiang Cheng may not be the typical sweet and warm uncle-nephew relationship but there is so much love and care there. Jiang Cheng may disguise his care as anger, but because Jin Ling is the same way he sees through it. He tells Wei Wuxian immediately that Jiang Cheng would never hurt him, even if he promises to break his knees every day.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan have the central romantic relationship, sure, but the show writes every relationship with care and importance. Friendships like Wei Wuxian's and Wen Ning's are extremely important, as well as familial ones like Wei Wuxian and his Yunmeng siblings. With that, I think the sibling relationships are done exceedingly well. They are loving but complex and turbulent. Like I don't know any personal details but I bet you that MXTX has siblings 100%.

Honestly my favorite dynamics were Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, the three sworn brothers (they FASCINATE ME), the whole messy ass Xueyang trio, and Wei Wuxian with the Wen siblings

Is Jin Ling leader now? I hope not, he's too young!

Obviously Jiang Cheng is my favorite. This man can't express any emotion in a healthy way to save his life and I, for one, find it endearing. I don't understand how people genuinely dislike his, especially considering how he was 18-19 when he became leader like.... do you realize how young that is and what that does to someone!!! Anyways, yeah, I don't care, I support his every action even when he's being a bitch

I wasn't expecting him to become so important tbh but I really adore Lan Xichen. He's genuinely the kindest. He is Wangxian's #1 wingman, even when they both threaten the image of his entire clan that he leads. He extends nothing but pure kindness towards Jin Guangyao even when he was at his lowest rank. Sure, his trust may have been his downfall at the end, but I admire him for it all the same

You know who else I admire a lot? JIANG YANLI!!!! Her blind 100% complete trust for Wei Wuxian even at his very worst moments is so commendable and I adore her for it. He NEEDED that

The music in this show is so damn good. Both the score and the character theme songs! My favorites have to be Wei Wuxian, Xueyang and Jiang Cheng's theme songs, because the voices are so pretty! And Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's actors sang it themselves too :)

While it has a huge sprawling story, the actual message they tell over and over is quite simple: Kindness is essential. Like, we are given characters like Xueyang and Jin Guangyao that had a similar childhood to Wei Wuxian. Without a parent, abandoned, poor, and looked down upon because of their low status. The reason Wei Wuxian grew up to be a good person is because over and over again, he was treated kindly. Jiang Fengmian brought him into his family and he had siblings that adored him. Jin Guangyao and Xueyang weren't given that kindness and therefore weren't able to give any of it out either.

The golden core transfer reveal was so well done. I knew what had happened but I was SO curious how Jiang Cheng would finally find out. Bless Wen Ning for spilling everyone's tea lol. The way Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan both had flashbacks to moments where Wei Wuxian was seemingly arrogant made them look cruel now. Everyone acted that scene out so WELL

I appreciate the efforts to push against censorship as much as possible. The actors added their own little flavor, small details like Wangxian bowing thrice as married couples do in front of ancestors, framing of certain scenes, and more...

The pacing and set up of this show were done really well! I think starting us out with the post-death Wei Wuxian era worked out so well because we knew some huge details of what had happened, but it left me itching and burning with the need to know how all this could possibly unfold and it really kept my attention the whole time

the distinct architecture and scenery of each clan was so beautiful!

Although I got truly hooked a little later on, I am so fond of the simple times of the Cloud Recesses. They were so young and carefree and that's the only time we really got Huaisang and Wuxian bestie time (which I really miss)

Okay I think that's all I got for now. This show unleashed the unbridled love and obsession for a piece of media I haven't felt in a while

[wheelie-sick]

Hi! I have a genuine question about Deaf people and sign names.

I tried to do some research on it but lots of the answers/resources I'm finding seem to be opinion-based or not exactly relevant to my situation.

I teach moderately-to-severely disabled students in a self-contained classroom at the elementary level. Most of my students have cognitive disabilities (among other diagnoses) and are nonverbal. Some of them are using or learning to use ASL. None of them are deaf/hard-of-hearing.

Would it be appropriate for them to use or create "sign names" for their classmates, themselves, or other staff members? Many are unable to finger spell and tend to indicate people via pointing. One of my students has created a sign language gesture reminiscent of a sign name when referring to a staff member and I wasn't sure if that was something I should accept/encourage or try to find alternatives for.

The two points of view I have come across are that sign names are exclusive to Deaf/HoH people at that sign names are exclusive to those who use ASL as their primary language. I was curious to know if you had any thoughts on the subject.

If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them. If not, that's okay, too. I saw your post about your hearing "friend" making up sign names (which I am totally against/understand the culture behind that) and it kind of sparked the question.

Thank you for your time and I hope you have a good day/night!

oh man this is complicated

and a quick disclaimer that I am not the spokesperson for the Deaf community, other Deaf people I'm sure have other opinions

I'm personally of the opinion that only Deaf* (*and cultural Deafness includes people traditionally considered HOH) people who are fluent in ASL should create sign names with some exceptions. I don't think it's as broad as everyone who uses ASL as a primary language can create sign names because I'm quite honestly uncomfortable with hearing CODAs creating sign names even if ASL is their primary language.

the short answer is I think your students' situation is an exception

while ASL is and always will be first and foremost the cultural language of Deaf people it is also a language used by non/semi speaking people who are often just as involved in the Deaf world as Deaf people are. we share the struggle of oralism and we share the struggle of communicating (to whatever extent) in a sign language. we have and should continue to have a lot of solidarity. we also share a community. I know there are non/semispeaking people who exist in the Deaf world because we share a communication method and in the process they adopt Deaf cultural norms. while they are not Deaf they are undeniably hearing members of the community.

though of course not every non/semispeaking person chooses to exist in the Deaf world there is a large overlap

and this on its own would not be enough for me to say "yep! they can create sign names!" because hearing CODAs also exist in the Deaf world and still shouldn't be creating sign names

I think for me the biggest point is that communication is a right and names are part of communication. not being able to use someone's name limits communication and I don't think it's fair to limit your students' communication like that. your students aren't choosing not to fingerspell names they are incapable of it and that is entirely a different situation. this is also not a situation of "hearing person thinks sign names are just So Cool" those sign names naturally came into existence in the same way Deaf sign names did. this isn't a hearing person appropriating a part of Deaf culture because they think it's "neat" this is natural evolution of language among people who use the language as a primary form of communication. (from the sound of it these students didn't even know about the existence of sign names?)

and my personal opinion is that you should encourage it. because it's communication and communication is a right

other Deaf people are welcome to add on with their opinions

[kitkatt0430]

Thoughts on Passengers (2016)? I personally loved it. Chris Pratt is problematic though.

I think I'd have liked it better if Aurora hadn't forgiven Jim. I get why she did - she accepted that she was stuck with this guy and had to make the best of it. On some level she did a cost benefit analysis for what her future was going to look like and decided that it'd suck less if she let go of her rightful anger and resentment towards him and made the best of things.

Considering who she was at the start of the film was the sort of person who abandoned her life and her loved ones for a year of colony experience and a novel that wouldn't be written for over 400 years, I do see where Aurora ends the movie as character growth. She's learned to live her life as it is instead of abandoning what she has for what might be.

Jim, though... it's hard to see him sympathetically to be honest. There's a lot of things he could have done differently and should have done differently before resorting to waking up a fellow passenger for company. And it's hard not to view his decision to wake up Aurora as particularly creepy given that he basically forms something of a para-social relationship with her before deciding to wake her up in hopes that they'd form a real relationship. He very much fits the 'predatory nice guy' trope that, having encountered enough 'nice guys' who stopped being interested in being my friend when they realized that a romantic relationship 'upgrade' was never gonna be on the table... I find that kind of character hard to enjoy.

That said, I do think he genuinely came to like Aurora for herself and not for the idea of her he built up in his head before waking her. And the situation he was in at the start of movie was genuinely unfair to him so I can understand why he made a bad decision out of desperation from his isolation - there is a reason solitary confinement is legally considered a form of psychological torture. So I don't hate that she forgives him or anything like that. I'd have just found it more interesting personally if she hadn't forgiven him.

Honestly, I do think it's well acted. It fits well into both of the main actor's wheelhouses. They're both good with science fiction plots, they had better onscreen chemistry than I expected, and the overall plot falling out the way it did made a great deal of sense to me. Most of the plot holes I've seen people complain about are down to the same kind of human hubris that led to real world events like the sinking of the Titanic and programming/mechanical errors from a very real world tendency to push code and hardware into production before they've been fully tested.

I've only watched the movie once back when it first came out on dvd (I think I rented it? or someone rented it anyway, might have watched it with my mom for a girl's day) so I don't remember it super strongly and I did wind up refreshing my memory by looking up a plot recap. I do remember that I did overall enjoy it - I'd certainly watch it again (though it's low on the re-watch priority list). But I think that's in part because it pings my love of science fiction and my enjoyment of certain flavors of psychological horror (I'd have probably enjoyed it more if it played more deliberately into that particular interpretation of the story) than because I found it to be a good romance movie. In fairness, I'm aromantic and so a lot of romance tropes are unrelatable to me; if I'm going to enjoy those tropes then I need them to hit differently than a lot of professional romance writers (of books or film) write them.

I do remember it having trailers that pushed the 'both of them woke up accidentally' angle which made me super not interested in watching it in theaters. The actual plot line turned out to be a whole lot more interesting and enjoyable for having Aurora's waking not being an accident. And Jim's arguably not being accidental either, but a case of programming errors in the ship's AI. It's one I'd likely recommend if asked and would enjoy re-watching with a friend.

As for Chris Pratt (he who lives up to his last name), he's definitely played into why I haven't re-watched the movie since what was probably 2017 (pre-pandemic years melting together effect). I've kind of reached the point where when a new movie is announced that I'd usually want to watch, him being in it is almost guaranteed to immediately kill that interest (such as the Mario movie). Which has had the unfortunate knock on effect of making me less likely to rewatch movies I have previously watched and really do enjoy... but have him in it.

[wisewomanonce]

Love Is a Command: Choosing to Love Like Christ

When I finally surrendered my life to God—ALL of it—I began to search the scriptures for how to live in a way that would truly please Him. I wanted to know His will, what He wanted from me. In a family devotional, I came across the scripture that would change everything:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” And Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ The whole Law and the Prophets depend on these two commandments.”— Matthew 22:36-40 AMP

We’ve all heard this a thousand times, but this time, I realized it wasn’t just advice—it was a command. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It wasn’t optional. It was an order.

And that realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Loving others like this didn’t just feel like the nice thing to do, it felt like a “requirement”. But I was left with one burning question: why? Why is loving each other so important?

John 13:35 provides the answer:

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:35 ESV

Okay, I get it. We love people to show them a glimpse of God’s love. But my next question was: “How”do I love like this? Because honestly, I didn’t know my “neighbors” enough to love them.

For so long, I thought love was just an emotion—a feeling that comes and goes. But God shows us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 that love is an action. It’s a choice. And He gives us clear instructions on how to love:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”— 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

As someone who needs directions (I’m a recipe-follower in the kitchen, if you know what I mean), I was thrilled to find these step-by-step instructions. Here’s what I learned:

- Love is patient: patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset. So by showing calmness during stressful situations. It’s showing empathy toward others when they are not doing things to our standard. 

- Love is kind: It’s about offering generosity and friendliness, no matter who people are or where they come from.

- Love does not envy: It’s about celebrating others’ success instead of being jealous.

- Love does not boast: It’s remembering that every good thing we have comes from God. Anything we’ve achieved is a gift, not a personal accomplishment.

- Love isn’t rude: It’s about treating others with respect and consideration, not letting our emotions turn into harsh words or actions

- Love isn’t self-seeking: It’s not about doing things for praise. It’s about acting out of genuine concern for others.

- Love isn’t easily angered: Self-control is crucial. We need to be slow to anger, and slow to speak and quick to listen.

- Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth: Love celebrates what is good and true. It doesn’t justify wrongdoing

- Love protects: It means we guard others' reputations and well-being, even when we want to vent or gossip, even when they have mistreated us

- Love hopes and believes all things”-We have hope for change in others, just as God has shown us grace and transformation.

1 Peter 4:8 sums it up:  

“Above all, have passionate and unfailing love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”— 1 Peter 4:8 AMP

This kind of love isn’t easy. But it’s the love that we’re called to offer—“to everyone” When I see someone hurting or living in a way that’s far from God, I pray, hoping and believing they will come into the fullness of the knowledge of Christ.

My prayer now is that I see everyone as God’s creation, even when they act in ways that frustrate or confuse me. I pray for self-control, to treat people with grace (giving what they don’t deserve), and to remember that I don’t have the right to mistreat anyone. It’s all about love—choosing to love, even when it’s hard, even when it doesn’t feel natural. 

I’m learning, day by day, that love is more than a feeling. It’s a choice. It’s an action. And it’s something we can do—because He first loved us. 

So here’s what I tell myself to keep my heart in check:

1. God commanded it—“not suggested it” Loving others is a direct command from Him.

2. I love God, and He loves them, so I do the same.

3. People are flawed, just like me. If I can be forgiven, so can they.

4. God saved me, and He can change anyone’s heart—just like He did mine.

5. If God can forgive me again and again, who am I to hold a grudge?

6. I’ve tried it my way and made a mess. Love never fails, and I trust in that.

7. I pray to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world—let His love shine through me every day.

8. Scripture says he who is forgiven much loves much. I've been forgiven more than I could ever deserve, and that forgiveness fuels my love.

Let’s remember: Love is a choice, and it’s the one thing that never fails.

[gffa]

If it means anything, I disagree with not all, but a decent amount of your opinions, but your reference posts are pretty much unparalleled in the fandom and you're overall an incredibly thoughtful and positive person to see on the dash. I've never gotten why SW seems to be so overrun with people who seethe so hard over real human people who happen to be having fun with the space wizards in a different way than them, I'd take someone who disagrees with me on everything but actually devotes their effort to posting about the things they DO love and why over someone with the exact same takes whose whole investment in SW fandom is complaining about how much other people suck any day.

Aww, this is really sweet, thank you! I joke about a lot of this stuff (because I find it takes a lot of the tension out of the air for me and I hope it can help do the same for others), but genuine I do want to be someone who can co-exist with people even if we agree to disagree and I'm not going to be super bothered by it. There are always going to be people we can't change the minds of, that we're always just going to disagree with them about stuff, and the more we learn to accept that and just simply be secure in our own positions, the less we need other people to agree with us. There are exceptions, like I don't think we should just chill out with transphobic and racist behaviors and be like, well, that's just your opinion. But the inconsequential stuff, like, it's Star Wars! It's a made-up space story! Real people are vastly more important than opinions about fictional characters! I'm really honored that you're not bothered that I probably disagree with you on a bunch of stuff and this message is so kind that I admire your thoughtfulness and kindness in fandom as well. I'm always for people who would rather devote time to the things they love and tell me why they love that, than trying to convince me that the things I like are actually bad. Like, you want to convince me that Anakin Skywalker deserves more sympathy? I am all ears, my friends, if you can tell me why you love him specifically! Nothing convinces me more than wanting to join someone who is having fun, like that's what I'm here in fandom for, too! re: whole investment in Star Wars being complaining -- Honestly, I think a lot is just that this is how fandoms are these days, but that Star Wars gets it worse because it's been going for like 40+ years now. The prequels backlash set the tone and even if the prequels themselves aren't argued over as much anymore, we're all just constantly rubbed raw by seeing angry yelling, so we have almost no patience left. Anger drives engagement, it feeds itself and that's why Twitter has so much engagement despite being so hellaciously bad for your mindset--anger drives engagement. The more angry SW fans are, the more they post about it, the more other fans get angry, the more angry engagement there is. We have to make the active choice to step away from it--angry posts feel good in the moment, but ultimately they don't lead to a healthy fandom long-term. There are things that are worth getting angry about re: behaviors towards real people, but about the silly, ridiculous stuff? I'd much rather be trying to make people laugh than to be miserable. <3 That's not a judgement on those who might see it differently than me, I've just had too much anger in my life, it became a poison and stole years of my life, so I do not want to go back there. It's much more fun to embrace the joy in stupid Star Wars ridiculously charming bullshit. <3

[tobiasdrake]

At long last, the perfect solution has arrived.

I honestly didn't think the story was going to get here. I genuinely did think we were going to have to choose between two mutually dark endings. I don't trust writers to see value in liberal ideals such as democratizing problem-solving. A lot of writers will pay lip service to basic ideas like "prejudice is bad" and then stop there.

But nope, Yuma's on the ball. He sees the merit in turning the problem over to the people as a whole and saying, "Let's all work together to solve this." I appreciate him for that. Even if he is a hilariously unrepentant identity thief.

I think the fact that you're asking that question means that as much as you purport to love them, you don't trust them. That's sort of what I was getting at when I said that your love is selfish and domineering.

Yuma going straight for the throat with that guilt trip. I'm over here being analytical and then Yuma says the same thing but snappier.

Oh, piece of cake.

Yuma: I know this all sounds hard to accept but that's why I've prepared this demonstration with my lovely assistant. Kurumi: Hi, everyone! I'm here to demonstrate. Yuma: I have here this UV flashlight. Click. Kurumi: snarl gnash froth Yuma: And click. Kurumi: Why am I craving meat buns right now? Yuma: Any questions?

I suppose that works too. That means we need to leave the labyrinth without killing him but like I said, soul-reaping has been proven ineffective at perma-killing homunculi so we can put the plan off 'til tomorrow. That's fine.

Of course, that's probably not where Yuma's going with this. I'm getting the vibe that this was a Morton's Fork - a false dilemma in which both options lead to the same conclusion anyway - and he nonetheless plans to linger in the Labyrinth until his soul fades away and Makoto gets ejected. Shinigami was saying that would happen if we chose to stay.

Yep, Yuma's going with the plan where he dies and Makoto lives, rather than the plan where he lives and Makoto dies for like an afternoon but then springs back to life right as rain.

NURTURE VS NATURE ASSHOLE

Or in other words, NURTURE VS NATURE ASSHOLE.

Different life experiences molded Yuma into a different kind of person. One who sees value in cooperation and teamwork, rather than the individualist ideology espoused by the WDO creed.

Y'all, I'm so proud of him. I'm so glad this is the direction that Yuma's character growth was moving in. I was hoping he'd get here, but it didn't feel like he was moving in this direction when he kept waffling about needing to find his conviction and stop relying on people.

Oh cool, hope for Yuma. Since Makoto forged their Coalescence bond, we can loophole him out of here without waiting for Yuma to waste away into nothingness.

That means if Makoto solves the mystery and destroys the labyrinth from the real world, Yuma might still be alive and get ejected. This might not have to be a self-sacrifice.

I still like temporarily soul-killing Makoto and letting him regenerate as our loophole solution but, I admit, that's partly for petty reasons. As long as he didn't kill our pals then I don't want to kill him kill him. But I do feel owed the equivalent of a hard punch in the shoulder after everything he's put us through.

If he did kill our pals then his head is going in the box as soon as he's finished revealing everything to Kanai Ward.

Also, academic reasons. By which I mean, I wanna see what it looks like when a homunculus regenerates. Do you think they glow? I choose to believe that they glow.

But sure, if there's a chance Yuma will get out of the Labyrinth via this plan then I'm here for it. The difference is whether we're rolling the dice on Makoto's fate or Yuma's, and it's the heroic thing to gamble on your own life rather than someone else's.

No, you'll do it. Because you've already confessed that your own methods are unsustainable. You were ready to accept being soul-reaped, even calling it the right conclusion, five minutes ago. That says to me that you're ready to gamble on something else.

You haven't changed your system of belief but you've accepted that your system of belief is in error, and that's the first step. To suddenly double-down now would be an admission to yourself that you never loved Kanai Ward and were only ever interested in a throne to govern from.

I don't think you have that in you. You're a jackass, Makoto. But it's in your own ideological interest to go through with the plan now. To do anything else would be a betrayal of the principles you hold closest to your heart.

See you around, Evil Twin. Try to grow a cool goatee before the next time we meet.

Let's call that Plan B. Makoto doesn't need to physically be here for us to reap his soul, so if he takes too long carrying out the plan and we feel like we're about to fade into nothingness, we can do a last-second reaping!

Makoto will drop dead in the middle of whatever he's doing, we'll spring back into existence--

HOLD UP.

This plan doesn't work. Time remains frozen so long as we're in the Mystery Labyrinth. This is a stupid plan and I want to reap his soul now. He'll get over it.

It is not. We are going to experience infinity time before Makoto even has a chance to pull it off. Goddammit, Yuma.

Oh look, the other means of leaving that comes at a terrible price. Shinigami's hinted at it a few times. So what is it? More of Yuma's lifespan? Severance of the contract? Someone else must die in his place?

Severance of the contract. That's not so bad. We did what we came here to do and we wouldn't want to keep spirit-murdering people on a regular basis.

THIS IS TERRIBLE AND WE SHOULD NOT DO IT. Reasserting the personality of Number One would be the worst possible outcome for Yuma. Yuma. Stay here and wait for infinity instead.

So the only people who will even know what happened here are Makoto and Vivia. Oh, I do not like the idea of pushing the reset-reset button on Makoto.

This is where we say farewell to Shinigami.

To be honest, this is a harder goodbye for Yuma than it is for me. For him, she's been his steady companion through everything he's been through. He's built a strong emotional bond with her and come to depend on her as the single most important person in his life. Now it must come to an end and, worse, he won't even remember she was ever there.

But for me, she's an eldritch parasite who devours people's souls for punishment, which is way over the top so far as punitive justice goes. She's also obnoxious, crude, hypersexualized and jealously possessive towards a child-shaped character, and showers the rest of the cast in a deluge of bigoted insults all the time.

Like half her dialogue consists of "Laugh Lines" that are just expressing unfiltered hate. The joke being that she actually said the thing you're not supposed to say out loud. Y'know, 80% of modern conservative comedy. "She's a BIMBO, he's a WEIRDO, her boobs aren't nearly as big as mine, POLE OR HOLE, HALARA!? This is literally my entire personality!" Charming.

Shinigami feels like an outlet for all of Kodaka's worst behaviors as a creator. Which. Like. Sure. Concentrating 90% of the gross shit he adds into his stories into this one character seems to have paid off. It gave us some nice enby rep in Halara, an astonishingly non-disgusting version of a "Two teenage boys infiltrate the girls' school" story, and some interesting neurodivergent characters. But it doesn't make Shinigami herself endearing in any way.

Shinigami will be missed. By Yuma. But not by me. Oh, and also not by Yuma 'cause of that whole memory loss thing so. Oh well, nuts to that, then. So long, Shinigami; It was unpleasant knowing you.