#our other roommate has depression and anxiety

[rose-lalondde]

sakuino college au where sakura is catsitting for sasuke & naruto but then the cat escapes, so sakura is frantically looking for it. The cat ends up running into ino's apartment/dorm and she ends up contacting sakura (her number is on the cat's collar idk) and that's how they meet for the first time

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Time is a mind fuck. When we were kids in the definitely modern '60s, "Thirty Years Ago" was the 1930s...the depression and old-timey music and "hot jazz" were happening.

Here we are now, 2024, and "Thirty Years Ago" was the '90s, and 30 years was not quite the same expanse of time as it was in the '60s.

The differences became exponential.

The '80s were 40 years ago.

The '70s were 50 years ago.

The '60s were 60 years ago.

The '50s were 70 years ago.

The '40s were 80 years ago.

The '30s were 90 years ago.

And "The Roaring '20s" were 100 years ago.

Time has changed.

I remember pondering the fact that Sgt. Pepper had come out TEN WHOLE YEARS BEFORE my senior year in high school, and how much a part of history it had beome in that VAST expanse of time.

And now I need to be reminded that not just one, but several decades have passed since this or that happened.

And I've been in a time-distortion bubble since roommate moved out, and my anxieties have shot back through the roof. Yes, my shit is being taken care of, and I am eternally grateful for that, but the anxiety of poverty doesn't just go away.

And it warps time. It dilates it. It expands and drags it.

And it accelerates so quickly at times it feels like huge chunks of time are lost. Like someone is using the jog-wheel on an old videotape editor. A flick of a wrist and it's four hours later and you're wondering what the fuck happened.

Time. We have four days until this election is "traditionally done". We have, hopefully, all girded our loins for the fallout to go on until it's officially over.

You babies aren't as well acquainted with time as us old farts are. There has never been a point like this IN our "time" as we know it. Nothing really to compare it to, other than Germany 90 years ago.

Can't just say "the '30s" anymore. You have to add the 90 years ago to it. Because to some of us, the '30s are still just 30 years ago.

[justeliiijah]

1:25 Siffrin!

submitted by @sammusbird my beloved <3

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

HOOO boy okay a lot of characters with anxiety, PTSD, and depression in media are shown as uwu soft or evil with NO in between and siffrin has a LOT OF NUANCE TO HIM. there was a lot of care and love put into how they react to the hopelessness of their situation and by god do i adore it.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

dude is so fuCKING shape. also SUCH fun nonbinary rep??? give more queers knives. i know a lot of us have them but more. more should have them. me. give ME a knife.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

how do i draw him in color he looks Wrong

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

ace attorney bc i think it wld be funny. they wld get framed for a murder that they did commit somehow i can Feel it

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

dont kill me bc this is kind of hilarious but the song is called Time Travel by Never Shout Never it's linked lol. u can extrapolate abt who's talkin to who in the song but i imagine it's loop and siffrin

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

[thousand yard stare] hot and transmasc next question

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

fuck that lad up yall ur doing great

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

as king of angst every time i see siffrin unburdened with trauma i lose ten years off my life span (i don't have any real pet peeves and am not super active in the fandom!)

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

i can't even be roommates with my roommates, man

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

unfortunately i am a bit of an asshole and i also have ptsd i think we wld kill each other with our eyes immediately

11. Would you date this character?

we are the same type of fucked up so that is a solid dear god no

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

ftm (i am projecting ok). they are canon nb i believe but i don't know if. like. there's a canon depiction of them w top scars or some shit but it wld fuck!!!

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

feel free to assume what i mean from this bc i'm not adding context

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

i am not a fashion bitch but i think someone shld give him a choker

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

surprisingly canon for once! isafrin <3

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

mira or odile w siff. those mfs are his besties stop trying to make them kiss. also mira is aroace

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

loopfrin. ironically my bf @codacheetah is extremely abnormal abt this one lol

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

mira and siffrin's relationship makes me fuckign emotional literally dont look at me???? but siffrin and odile too bc like. they share that lack of ability to Know where they come from (if only partially on odile's part). and bonn-- okay i think. i think all of their relationships are insanely complex and important ok

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

not applicable tbh. i do think that he shld kick the king in the wiener tho

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

mira my beloevd <333

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

i havent posted fic since like. 2017

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

i love the introspection abt the recovery i've seen!!! like, ppl showing how they think siffrin copes after the fact.

as for dislike,,, hm. i don't love the Other People Loop aus despite how intriguing they are because,,, well. there's a Reason to me that it was siffrin, a reason that their desperation to stay was so powerful. they are singularly capable of that level of need, i think.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

man its gotta be

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

ur gonna laugh but. like s4 jon sims. i think they wld get along but jon is far more of a loser

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

honestly i think i thought they were a very malleable char? like, that he wld change w the player's decisions. and i wasn't wrong entirely, because that's. how story driven gaming works, but siffrin has a much stronger personality and identity than i thought. i also thought they were in space for some reason i did NOT listen to coda's rants

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

hes a cutie :3

[ros3ybabe]

Where Have I Been?

hello lovelies. so, I started the challenege, did one day, and all of a sudden I feel off the face of the earth. I fell into a bit of a depression, and while I've managed to pull myself out, life has been busy busy busy! This is probably the 2nd busiest week of the year (the 1st will be in August, and you'll find out why). Here's an update on life:

I fly to Colorado on the 16th, so....under 5 days now. I haven't packed or anything yet, but I plan on doing that either tomorrow or Thursday. And I have to clean and prepack for when I return because....

I signed a new lease for a new place to live! I'll have roommates who I haven't met yet (I'm taking over someone lease, actually), but my lease starts August 18th. I return from Colorado on the 14th of August, so....I'm going to be very busy once I return.

I decided to call it quits on getting a 2nd job. It's going to mess up the schedule with my first job, and it would only make me 200$ more a month, which I'm not worried about missing our on since I'll still sell stuff on depop once I return from Colorado and I'm going full time at my current job.

I've gone out to lunch with my dad a few times as well, it's been really nice hanging out with him and spending time with my dad. I lucked out in the dad department and spending time with him is one of my favorite things!

I've been debating going to San Fransisco in October for an XG concert, but I don't know if I'll have the money or ability to anymore. (thank you new apartment and all those fees and expenses!)

my anxiety has been terrible. I haven't changed anything about what I do, but I did squish a lot of anxiety inducing things into the span of two weeks, which....my bad on that. Now I know, don't do that to myself.

I bought new makeup! The juvias place bronzer, charlotte tillbury setting spray, nyx eyebrow stuff, and blush, ughhh I love buying new makeup, I just wish it didn't cost money!

I've gotten better at doing my makeup! I've had people not even notice I'm wearing it because it looks natural despite being like, a full face! Thank you perfect color matches on my skin tint, foundation, and concealors!

I went to two movies with a friend. We saw the new Strangers: Chapter One and the Planet of the Apes movie. Both were definitely good, in my opinion.

I now have to plan with my boyfriend for when he needs to come down here and get his stuff and work out changing the utilities to our roommates name since I'm leaving. I don't feel like it should be my job to coordinate that, but oh well. I guess it's too hard for him and his best friend (my roommate) to call each other for once?? Ugh, men get on my nerves sometimes.

I need to ask my dad and a friend to help me move upon my return, which also means I won't be able to work that weekend, which kind of sucks.

I need to declutter my room and start throwing away things I don't want or need anymore this week to make it easier on myself when I return from Colorado but hahaha I procrastinate a lot.

I'm stressed about paying rent. I'll have to pay rent for here and rent/fees for the new place before august and then September's rent for the new place, and my new rent is about double what I pay now. so yayy, adulting and finances. I don't feel qualified to be an adult, but here I am, age 21, an adult.

That's about it for now! Lots of stress, lots of anxiety, lots of stuff happening super close together. But that's life, I guess. Forgive me for my absence from my blogs. I also stopped studying spanish for now, and my routines are non-existent. Colorado will change that, tho, for sure. I do plan on updating a little more frequently once things settle down when I'm in Colorado. but for now, it'll be kinda here and there with my posting.

thank you for all the patience and kindness, lovelies. til next time 🩷

[barnabytremayne]

Inferiority Complex: Navigating the Maze of Self-Doubt

A rewrite of an early essay.

Ah, the ol' inferiority complex—a lifelong subscription to the "Am I Good Enough?" newsletter. It's like being in a never-ending thumb war with your own psyche. You've got these decent qualities—like, you're not terrible at Scrabble, and you can microwave a Hot Pocket without burning down the kitchen—but somehow, they're never enough. It's like your brain's a snarky Yelp reviewer: "Three stars—room for improvement."

For me, this feeling of inadequacy is like a clingy roommate who overstays their welcome. It's not just about flunking the "I'm Enough" exam; it's about feeling like you're missing a crucial page from the manual of life. And it's not picky—it'll haunt you at work, in relationships, even during that awkward moment when you're trying to parallel park.

Comparison? Oh, it's our favourite pastime. We measure ourselves against others like we're in a perpetual "Who's Got the Best Existence?" contest. Spoiler alert: We always lose. It's like playing Monopoly with Jeff Bezos—no matter how many hotels you build on Baltic Avenue, he's still got a spaceship.

And it's not just one thing. It's a tangled mess of emotions, like earphones in your pocket after a vigorous dance-off. You're not just "not good enough" at your job; you're also "not good enough" at being photogenic, at making small talk, at remembering to water your succulents. It's a cosmic conspiracy—the universe whispering, "Hey, buddy, you're missing a few screws."

Now, let's sprinkle some extra complexity on this inferiority sundae. Being autistic? That's like playing life on Expert Mode. Social cues? Ha! We're decoding hieroglyphics. We're the square pegs in a world of round holes, trying to fit in while secretly wondering if we're from a different planet.

And mental health? Buckle up. Depression and anxiety are like those uninvited party guests who crash your self-esteem soirée. Depression's the DJ, spinning sad tunes, and anxiety's the bartender, serving up "What If?" cocktails. Suddenly, you're doubting your ability to adult. "Can I handle taxes? Can I adult? Can I even microwave that Hot Pocket?"

Relationships? Oh boy. We're convinced our partners will wake up one day, squint at us, and say, "Wait, you're not the person I ordered." We're like emotional impostor syndrome. "Sure, they love me now, but just wait till they see my sock drawer organisation skills."

Career? It's a tightrope walk over a pit of self-doubt. "Am I smart enough? Talented enough? Can I adult AND microwave Hot Pockets?" We hesitate to chase our passions, fearing we'll trip and fall into the abyss of "Not Good Enough."

But here's the twist: I'm learning. I'm kinder to myself now. I've got a mental Post-it note that says, "Hey, cut yourself some slack." I focus on the good stuff—like that supportive partner who thinks we're the bee's knees (even if we're more like the bee's ankles).

And therapy? It's my secret weapon. I sit in those comfy chairs, spill my emotional guts, and learn strategies. I'm like an emotional MacGyver, cobbling together coping mechanisms with duct tape and hope.

So, fellow complex-havers, let's embrace our quirks. Let's microwave those Hot Pockets and remember: We're enough—even if we're still figuring out how to parallel park. 🚗🌟

[lemonbombsfjl]

Our holiday wishlist

ETA: updated 11/24/23

Okay, there are technical issues with the My Registry website. Shipping address is not being provided as it should.

Three options kit: I can put it all on Amazon, which I really wanted to avoid; I can give anyone participating my address to send things directly, or you can send me funds to buy stuff locally. So far people have taken me up on the latter two options. Let me know/DM me.

No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose.

——————————————————————

The holidays are coming. Could you bring two disabled ladies some cheer?

I live in supportive housing,* in an ordinary apartment in a normal building in Brooklyn, due to cPTSD*, physical disabilities, illnesses, anxiety disorder. Most of my SSI* income pays for my housing. I have SNAP,* but nothing else.

During COVID lockdown, the second bedroom was vacant for two years. It was miserable lonely! 😢 Last month, a young woman who also has remarkably (sadly) similar disabilities moved it. ❤️ Miraculously, we get along great! However, she had just the clothes on her back (not even winter clothes!) and not much else. Her SSI is still pending, so she has no income to speak of. Neither of us have family. I asked friends for clothes donations and gave her some of my winter gear.

🫶We are grateful for what we have, but the reality is that we are living beneath the poverty line. We have to pay for laundry, transportation, cleaning supplies, toiletries. We do not receive any handouts. 💸 Most charities cut back on that after giving their all for COVID victims. 😔

What I would like, for both of us, is to have a lovely holiday. We can put together good meals; we will handcraft gifts for each other.🧶 But we cannot participate in holiday shopping, concerts, and other 🔔local traditions due to poverty & our disorders. We cannot travel to visit friends. We do not have cable/streaming services or a way to play music.🎵We do not have a tree. 🎄

The popular attitude of “this holiday is for us, but NOT for you” “be grateful you are not on the street” is elitist, smothering, depressing, hurtful. We are already dealing with the huge pain of traumas and neglect; we do not deserve this. No disabled person does. The sadness makes all our issues worse.

My roommate doesn’t know yet: I have put together a registry with lots of small items — we don’t need all, I just wanted there to be lots of choices! —for little treats that would make our season festive. Everything under $20, most around $5. If there are two items, it is to reflect our differing tastes.

None of these items are affiliate links.

We would be forever, forever grateful, for any little thing sent. We will pay it forward whenever possible. Thank you.

If anyone wants to know how to help with our day to day needs, DM me on IG.

[No MLMs, job stuff— we are permanently disabled & unable to work. If you can’t help for the sake of the season, without strings attached, you need to read A Christmas Carol and pay attention!]

*click links below for info

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supportive_housing

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supplemental_Security_Income

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supplemental_Nutrition_Assistance_Program

[realityhop]

Rates of Depression in Women and Men

from On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (2023) by Elise Loehnen —

If you look at national statistics, it appears that sadness is a problem for women, that women are far more depressed than men. According to data from the National Institute of Mental Health, the prevalence of major depression in women was 10.5 percent in 2020, versus 6.2 percent for men. But this statistic offers a limited perspective. Women are more equipped for our sadness, though that doesn’t make us more sad. In I Don’t Want to Talk About It, perhaps the landmark book on male depression, therapist Terry Real asserts that the men in his practice are no less affected by depression; it just manifests differently. He argues that many men are struggling with undiagnosed “covert” depression, which is often paired with an addictive defense. After adding up all the mental illness stats—affective disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse disorders, and personality disorders—he found the totals evened out. While women officially overindexed on depression, men made up significant ground in substance abuse and personality disorders. This makes sense, as men are four times as likely to die of suicide and other deaths of despair.

Something feels wrong with the emotional health of men—look no further than the havoc they wreak on society. It is overwhelmingly men who rape, kill, and abuse—it’s men and boys who pick up semiautomatic guns and mow people down. The Bushmaster XM-15 E2S Shorty AK—advertised with the slogan “Consider your man card reissued”—is the gun a twenty-year-old used to slaughter twenty-six people, primarily first graders, at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012. A decade later, an eighteen-year-old mowed down twenty-one people in Uvalde with an AR-15 from Daniel Defense, a company that relies on machismo statements in its Instagram marketing like “Nobody has the right to tell me how to defend [my family]” and “Defending your nation, defending your home.” We are in a crisis of toxic masculinity, and we must address what’s happening to drive boys and men to murder children. It’s clear that men have a problem, and it puts us all at risk.

According to Real, there are good reasons men don’t acknowledge what’s happening inside of them. For one, there’s no cultural template for supporting depressed men. He cites the research of Constance Hammen and Stefanie Peters, who ran a study of college roommates across genders. They found that when women tell roommates they’re depressed, they’re met with nurturance and compassion; men, meanwhile, are met with social isolation and unkindness. We are not well equipped for supporting boys and men who feel otherwise when the social expectation is that they be stoic and strong. A second reason Real cites is the ways in which we acculturate our boys. As he explains, “Men do not have readily at hand the same level of insight into their emotional lives as women, because our culture works hard to dislocate them from those aspects of themselves. Men are less used to voicing emotional issues, because we teach them that it’s unmanly to do so. Even a cursory look at gender socialization in our culture indicates that a man would be far more likely to act out distress than to talk about it, while a woman would have the skills, the community, and the ease to discuss her problems.” This is adding insult to injury. We discourage our boys from developing the capacity to metabolize their emotions and then stereotype them as being less equipped. […]

Nancy Eisenberg of Arizona State University is one of the foremost researchers on prosocial behavior, empathy, and the development of morals. Many of her decades-long findings underline the disparity between how boys and girls are taught to process emotions by their parents: Mothers spend a lot more time talking to their daughters about feelings (including their own) than they do to their sons, and dads use harsher language with boys and discourage them from being vulnerable. They even found that moms are more expressive with baby girls than baby boys and talk to daughters about sadness and sons about anger. Parents, despite their professed and apparent sensitivities, still hold the prevailing cultural belief and bias that emotions and relational wisdom should be cultivated primarily in girls, that the language of feelings will serve boys badly or is not something they need. Terry Real believes that we’ve collectively subscribed to a myth that boys must be turned into men, that they can’t achieve manhood without initiation into the cult of masculinity. He observes this doesn’t happen for girls; he writes, “

[rosalind-hawkins]

Ryo for the meme?

So sorry for the delay on this one! I kept having issues with my draft not saving and needing to start over.

I sincerely think Ryou was my first favorite character from Yugioh, even before Kaiba, if you can believe it.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

When I was first introduced to Yugioh, what struck me about him and made me latch onto him was the obvious emotional pain. At the time I was just starting to figure out my own depression and anxiety that my family was oblivious to, and I think I just related to that lack of support. I guess this is the answer for Question 25.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

How excited her gets about food, actually. He and Joey are probably almost equally enthusiastic about it, and it's adorable.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

How they changed his dad in DSOD. I preferred it when the dad was an oblivious nerd just trying to give his son a cool gift instead of being a power-hungry weirdo.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

This probably sounds silly, but I want him living his best life in a Pokemon game with a team that he's bonded to, getting to live an RPG adventure just like Monster World, but a little bit safer. I want him taking a nap leaning on his Altaria with an Absol curled up at his feet, looking like it's asleep but keep watching. And don't forget his floaty little Shuppets hovering about.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Friend of Foe by t.A.T.u. because I watched so many AMVs at the time that I was introduced to Yugioh. The song captures his poignant and desperate confusion with his own life and identity.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Honestly, aside from Question 1, nothing specific comes to mind aside from general nerdiness. I used to have a bad sweet tooth, like I imagine he does, but not so much anymore.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Making him a sweet spooky boi with 27 tarot card decks at home that dresses like he's going to bible study. Also, a big one is giving him visible scars from all the stuff Y B has put him through: the arm, the left hand, the chest.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I wouldn't say despise. Not sure I'd say I dislike anything the fandom does with him too much

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

I imagine he's a night owl, so as long as he keeps things quiet at night, we wouldn't have a problem.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

Definitely! We could probably introvert in the room together, doing our own things, or chat about art.

11. Would you date this character?

Again, I'm married, but if I had the chance and Y B was gone for good, absolutely.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I've actually always headcanoned that Ryou had a Catholic mom and she tried to pass on her faith to him, but it didn't fully stick, necessarily. This isn't from nowhere, I swear. In the church scene in season five, in the English dub, Ryou goes into the church saying "I should be safe in here" after running from a disembodied voice. I think that means that he must have some small level of faith if he thinks the church itself will ward off the evil.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

🥰👀🙏🤷‍♀️🤔

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Galaxy Goth - Give him star earrings and glittery platform boots. Give him galaxy print leggings and an illusion neckline shirt with sheer/lacy sleeves. 👌👌👌👌👌✨✨✨✨✨✨ Hell, make it femboy too, he could rock that so hard. Make it pastel galaxy goth, it works just as well. Dress this boy up.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

You know I can't ever just pick one ship. I'm a multishipper. It's never just one.

Euroshipping, Minorshipping, and Puffshipping are my top three.

Mumbleshipping, Rollshipping, and Teaseshipping are my top poly ships for him.

Honorable mention to Graceshipping, cause I think he and Ishizu could be so damn sweet together, and that's my #1 straight ship for him.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

Tendershipping, actually. I don't hate on it or people who like it, and I have a soft spot for some of his ships, but I just can't see Yami Bakura the way a lot of the fandom sees him, and that's where it comes from. I don't wanna get into it because this isn't a Y B post. I'll just leave it at that. No hate here, just a different perspective.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

Deathshipping. I can appreciate some of the art and some of the sillier conceptions of this ship, but I'm not personally into it.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I haven't read the manga, but I've seen enough moments from it of Ryou and Joey together (included what looked like stealing a camel together), and their bond in DSOD was too adorable. It made me so happy to finally see somebody standing up for Ryou.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Obviously I wish he didn't get so roughed up by Y B.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Normally I'd leave ship characters out of it, but I can't help it: Ishizu, Joey, and Duke are my top picks here.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I play around with different versions of what's Ryou's mentality can be like after Bakura is gone and what the lasting impact is. There's a lot of options there, which is why I don't write just one version of Ryou.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

There's a lot of things that people do with him. I love when people flesh out his relationship with his family and

23. Favorite picture of this character?

EVERY PICTURE HE IS PRECIOUS

But him with the banana.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Okay, gonna try to stick to canon personality with this.

From Touken Ranbu, Nikkari Aoe. He seems sweet and normal on the surface, and then he'll suddenly say the weirdest occult crap to you with the most normal smile and you just want to back away slowly. And then you realize, oh dear this man's a weirdo. An absolute weirdo. (He's the one that can see ghosts after all, there's a real connection over that.) (He gets two gifs because you need to understand what a weirdo he is.)

From UtaPri, we've got Shion from Heavens. He's a quiet shy boy on the surface with soulful eyes, but still waters run deep. I feel like they're both easy to underestimate.

And from Nanbaka, I can't really explain why, I always associated him with Seitarou Tanabata. Maybe because they share the spiky Christmas tree hair, idk. Maybe I just think they'd be good friends.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

See Question 1.

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

This boy is helpless in the kitchen. He's gonna have to count on his partner to either cook for him or teach him how to cookl

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[missywritesfor7]

🌺 Promise Flower | PJM 🌺

Synopsis: Jimin is a popular dance student and the best one at his university. Mina is a photography student and has known Jimin since high school. An idea for a photo project finds Mina getting closer to him than she ever has before. She learns how big his heart is, but also learns how closely he guards it. Every time she thinks he'll let her in, he pulls away again. Is it even worth the trouble?

Pairing: college student!Jimin x fem!oc

Warnings: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, alcoholism

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

|| Ch. 30: Just Dance ||

I learned that my parents had no idea Ryan was bailed out. A bit of research on their part found that an old friend of his bailed him out. An old friend who is part of the reason why Ryan started his criminal career many moons ago.

Keri and Lilly are safe, still living in a shelter an hour away from me. I hope to get a chance to visit them soon now that finals are over. I’ve been texting Keri and getting updates on Lilly and honestly I can’t wait to hold her again.

Ryan has been sitting in jail without bail since they realized he’s a flight risk. In the meantime I’ve been able to get a restraining order against him. If for whatever reason he gets out again he’s not allowed within 100 feet of me. I feel a little better now that that’s done.

Jimin is gearing up for his summer class that he agreed to teach solo. It’s a much more fast paced class since it’s 8 weeks long rather than the usual 15-16. As before, his class will have a performance at the end of the term, and I think he may pull his hair out before the term even starts.

On top of that he still hasn’t been cleared by his doctor to dance. It seems he’s been feeling more pressured since then. He’s been putting all of his energy into his class performance this time around. He’s working hard on choreography and even harder on strengthening his leg. He says his doctor told him he’s close, but not quite there yet. He’s starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and he’s beyond ready to continue his passion on stage.

We’re all on track to graduate next spring so I decided not to enroll in any summer courses. I know I’ll probably be stressed out all year so I want to take the summer to just relax a bit. Plus, after this year I feel like I definitely need a break.

Tae decided to take one film class over the summer as an elective. He really enjoys it and I think he does amazing working with film. I see him less but he always comes by occasionally to show me what he’s working on and eat my snacks.

Jin and I are nearing the end of our lease and we haven’t fully decided if we’ll renew or not. Actually I don’t plan on going anywhere so I have no problem renewing my lease.

Jin on the other hand is unsure of what he wants to do. He recently signed a contract with an entertainment company that got him cast in a small but important role in a new drama. He’s toying with the idea of dropping out of school completely to focus on that. If he does then he’ll move closer to his new agency and I would have to find a new roommate.

I don’t want Jin to leave school for selfish reasons, but honestly I’m happy for him. If he gets the chance to drop out and make it big then I encourage it, he’s amazing at what he does.

Finding a new roommate would be easy if I could get Jimin to move in with me. But I’m not sure he’d leave Hoseok without a roommate. They’re both very close and are like roommate soulmates. I doubt he’d leave Hoseok behind so I don’t even bother to ask. I’ll just continue holding out hope that Jin will stick around just one more year.

After midterms I decide that Jimin and I should go out. While he’s been on campus working day in and day out I’ve been doing freelance work, mostly weddings and small events. Still it’s not enough to keep me fully occupied during the times that Jimin is gone. I’m starting to miss him quite a bit so I decided we would have date night this weekend.

We start our evening at an arcade for some friendly competition. We decide to make a bet where we’ll play various games and whoever loses the most games will have to buy dinner the next time we go out. That makes the friendly part of the competition a little less friendly.

He beats me at air hockey and basketball but that’s where his win streak ends. I beat him with ease at Guitar Hero and surprisingly I win at Dance Dance Revolution as well. We play a few racing games and I walk away with a clear win. Afterwards we go to a Korean BBQ restaurant where I relish in my victory.

“I can’t believe I beat the worlds best dancer at DDR!” I tease.

“That game isn’t even real dancing!” Jimin pouts.

“Don’t be mad because you lost,” I chuckle. “So where are you going to take me for dinner as your punishment?”

“McDonald’s,” he smirks.

“Fuck you!” I huff.

“Don’t worry,” he says giggling. “I’ll take you somewhere special.”

“Oh yeah? Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” he winks. “Maybe after my class’s show at the end of the term? You’re going to be there right?”

“Of course I’ll be there.” He’s only asked me about 5000 times the past week. I know I missed his last show, but I wouldn’t miss this one for the world.

“Promise?”

“Yes, baby. I’ve promised many times. Do you think I wouldn’t be there?”

“No,” he looks away shyly. “This one is just…special. I worked really hard on the choreography and I want you to see it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there no matter what.”

“I’ll take you somewhere nice to eat after.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

When we finish our dinner we go for a short stroll down the street hand in hand. We decide to stop at a nearby food truck selling ice cream and get ourselves a couple of cones.

It’s a nice evening and I just enjoy getting to go out and spend time with him. For the first time since the summer began his face has been lit up just the way it used to always do before he started stressing himself out with teaching.

“So Jin texted me this morning,” I say as we finish up our ice cream on a nearby bench.

“How’s his shooting going?” Jimin asks.

“It’s going great. So great that he decided he won’t be staying in school.” I smile with my head down at the bittersweet reality. “I’m happy for him, but…now I have to find a new roommate.”

I look to Jimin hoping maybe he takes the hint. Maybe he’ll suggest moving in with me so I won’t have to. You would think by now I’d learn to be direct with him, but I’m afraid of putting him in an odd position if he has no desire to leave Hoseok.

“That’s good for him,” he says smiling. “I knew he would make it big. How soon will you need to find a roommate?”

“Our lease ends next month so hopefully I can find someone to move in soon after.”

“You will,” he says giving his bright enthusiastic smile. “I know you will.” He gives me a sweet kiss on my cheek and I can’t help but blush. I don’t know how but whoever I end up rooming with is going to have to get used to him being around all the time.

We remain cuddled on the bench a little longer after finishing our ice cream. I live for the moments when I can rest in his arms and feel so safe and warm. He holds me tightly as if I were to fly away and peppers my face with soft kisses. He’s so gentle and delicate with the way he touches me. The way he handles me like a precious porcelain doll. I couldn’t ask for a better man to be in love with.

Our date night proved to be just the break Jimin needed to power through the rest of this summer term. He’s been happier and brighter each day. There’s less stress and he’s filled with excitement. For what I’m not too sure. He says he’s happy for his class’s performance this weekend. He’s happy that practices are going smoothly. And he says he’s happy to take me out somewhere special afterwards. I don’t know what special restaurant he has in mind, but he insisted on even picking my outfit for the night.

The day of the show he goes through my closet looking for an outfit he finds suitable. I sit on my bed laughing at him every time he comes across another piece of clothing that I’ve stolen from him.

“I was looking for this shirt!” He says pulling one of his t-shirts off the hanger. “How do you have so much of my stuff??” He laughs.

“You leave me unsupervised way too much,” I giggle.

“I guess I’ll have to watch you closer from now on.”

“I’m still going to steal your stuff,” I say with a smirk and a shrug.

He keeps digging through my closet finally pulling out a purple dress that unsurprisingly still has the tags on it.

“This is perfect,” he says giving the dress to me.

“This? Why?”

“You said dresses are for special occasions. This is a special occasion.” He goes back into my closet and pulls out a pair of silver strappy heels. “These too.”

“This is all so…fancy. Are you about to propose to me or something?” I joke.

“Do you want me to?”

“Don’t play games with my little heart,” I laugh. Although if he wanted to propose to me right now I sure as hell wouldn’t say no.

We get to the auditorium and I take my seat right up front where Jimin says he has reserved just for me. Afterwards he heads backstage with his class while I read the program for the night in my seat.

Since this is the summer term there’s less performances than there would be after a full spring or fall semester. There’s only two other classes performing, followed by Jimin’s class at the end. But I also couldn’t help but notice a performance listed after his class.

It doesn’t have much information other than it’s a performance by a special guest. Maybe this is what had him so excited? I know he’s well connected with people from all corners of the dancing world.

Plus there’s also Hoseok who’s a celebrity dancer himself, even more so now since his crew made it to the finals of a national competition last month. They may not have won in the end, but social media has been buzzing with pictures and videos of this “amazing breakout dance crew” and their eye catching leader.

Maybe he got Hoseok to perform, that would definitely be a great surprise for everyone. Hoseok and Jimin are so close they can talk each other into doing anything. I can imagine Jimin giving Hoseok one pouty look and instantly getting whatever he wants out of him.

Whoever it is I’m excited to see the whole show. I wish I had my camera, I absolutely love getting photos of performers, but I was forbidden by Jimin. He says someone will already be there taking photos and videos so I won’t need to. He also says I can’t focus on the show if I’m too busy taking photos. So just this once (again) I let his pouty beak talk me into letting him have his way.

The show finally gets started, first with an introduction from the head of the dance department. He keeps it brief but expresses how proud he is of all the students and instructors, and how excited he is about the upcoming year.

Next the first class steps on stage for their performance. Their instructor starts by introducing the 8 dancers and explaining the concept of their routine. This class is made up of first year students and even one student who only just graduated high school and was accepted into the summer course based on his dance accomplishments in high school.

The concept of their performance is based around perfecting the basics and fundamentals. I’m not sure how they consider this basic, because once the track starts and they begin dancing it looks anything but basic. They’re dancing to a medley of songs of different genres. It looks like a challenging routine and I wonder how they all make it to the end flawlessly and without dripping pools of sweat.

The second class is made up of intermediate level hip hop dancers. There’s 10 students in this class and their performance is an anthology of hip hop music from the 80s to present day. It’s a high energy performance and the entire crowd is bouncing along to the music. Every pop and lock is precise and on point with every beat of the music. It’s a fun and incredible show to the very end of their routine.

Finally Jimin comes out to introduce his class. He looks nervous but also incredibly handsome. I give him a big proud smile to help him feel more at ease. He smiles back at me and takes a deep breath before speaking to the crowd. He introduces his 7 students who are intermediate contemporary dancers.

“The theme of this routine is life,” he says. “How precious and fulfilling it can be, but also how fragile and painful it can be. This is Life.”He steps to the side and his class begins their routine once the soft orchestral music begins playing.

Their moves are hypnotizing and so perfectly in sync with the music. So much emotion can be felt in each formation that the group breaks into. There are points of the routine where together their bodies create optical illusions that blow me away. Everything is so well coordinated and the teamwork between the students is perfect. It has to be, this routine clearly relies a lot on everyone moving together in order for the visuals to work.

I look over at Jimin at the side of the stage and he’s fully encapsulated in the performance. I can see him silently counting steps and nodding in satisfaction at various points. His hard work has paid off in this amazing performance and I couldn’t be more proud. It’s clear why he wanted to make sure I didn’t miss this one, he’s done an incredible job putting this entire choreography together.

At the end they all take their bow and I blow many kisses Jimin’s way. He’s smiling and blushing but that only makes me blow more kisses at him. His class leaves the stage but instead of leaving with them, he walks up to the microphone and begins speaking.

“So,” he starts sounding more nervous than he did introducing his class. “As some of you may know, I tore my acl during the fall semester. It’s been very difficult dealing with recovery and being unable to dance for so long. Longer than I’ve ever gone without dancing since I started at the age of 6.” He takes another deep grounding breath before continuing. “I don’t think I would have made it this far without the amazing people that supported me when I was at my lowest. My family and my friends, the entire dance department, everyone has given me the strength to carry on and not give up.”

He’s fighting tears now. My baby is getting emotional and it’s taking everything in me to not run up on stage to pull him into a big loving hug. I know everything he’s been through during this time and I just hope he knows how much he’s grown.

“This next special performance is something I want to dedicate to everyone who stood by my side. But most importantly, I want to dedicate this to my better half, Mina.” He looks my way and smiles. “Thank you for being there. For being my rock. For talking sense into me when I’m being unreasonable. And for loving me.” He looks back towards the crowd and continues. “I got some help from a great friend who I owe so much for doing this for me. Please enjoy this performance titled Love.”

He steps off leaving the stage completely. The lights dim and a few people roll a piano out to the back of the stage. A shadowy figure steps up to piano and takes a seat. When the spotlight shines towards him I realize it’s Yoongi.

The enigma himself has made an appearance and the crowd is audibly excited about this special guest. Typically he disappears over the summer and pops back up with a new writing or producing credit added to his repertoire. He could be anywhere doing anything right now, but just as I noticed when he came up with the idea for the benefit concert for Jimin, he has a heart of gold. Not to mention he has to know how much of a celebrity he is, anyone would pay to see him but he’s doing this for free for his friend.

He begins playing a song soft and slow at first. It’s takes a moment before I realize this is the song that Jimin was going to dance to for his recital before he got hurt. He worked hard creating and redoing his choreography for this song. The song itself is light and beautiful, Yoongi plays the notes so smoothly it feels as if he barely even touches the keys.

A moment later someone steps out onto the stage wearing a black, almost completely sheer outfit. The spotlight stays on Yoongi though as the dancer begins dancing slowly and smoothly across the shadows of the stage.

His body moves and bends in ways that make my joints hurts just watching. He shows incredible strength with thighs as thick and strong as they’ve always been. Maybe stronger. Jimin’s stomach, which I’ve committed to memory by now, is too much for the sheer top he’s wearing. My eyes trace every ab, every ridge of his biceps, all the way around to his back as he spins around to the music.

Watching Jimin dance has always been mesmerizing, even in high school his ability to capture the audience is unmatched. I’ve missed watching him dance.

I’m watching him dance.

Jimin is dancing.

Holy shit.

Jimin is on stage dancing.

My jaw hits the floor as the spotlight moves away from Yoongi and shines on Jimin confirming that I’m not hallucinating. He’s gliding across the stage as if he had never been injured. His face looks focused and determined, but his moves are loose and relaxed.

The song picks up and his moves intensify quickly. It’s a powerful performance and I can’t help but shed a tear at the fact that he dedicated this to me and called it Love.

At one point he pulls a rose from I swear out of his ass, and dances across the stage where he places in front of a stuffed cat I didn’t even realize was there. It’s Blossom. The calico cat I bought him at the hospital. The cat he left on his bed everyday since. The cat that we joked was our child once we began officially dating. The cat he would send me selfies with whenever I wasn’t with him.

Through my tears I try watching on as he floats on every note that Yoongi finesses out of the piano. Jimin does one more turn and a shower of purple confetti erupts around him. It’s grand and beautiful and I’m crying so much.

He and Yoongi stand at the front of the stage looking out to the standing ovation that’s erupted throughout the crowd. Somehow I’m standing, though my legs are weak from the overwhelming emotions I’m feeling.

Jimin gives Yoongi a big hug which causes him to turn bright red, though his gummy smile gives away how much he appreciates it. Jimin pulls out another rose from thin air and I make a mental note that I need to ask him when he became a magician, because how the fuck?

He comes off the stage and walks towards me holding the rose out.

“For you, my love,” he says wrapping his arms around me.

“I love you so much,” I say giving him a kiss. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

In this very moment I felt everything disappear. Everything ceased to exist around us. The only people on this planet are me and Jimin. There’s no crowd. No stage. No auditorium. No one pulling Jimin away for photos or an interview. No one asking me questions about our relationship. No one insisting that we stand on stage together for a photo for the newspaper.

No, even as we make our way to the special restaurant Jimin has in store for me there are no other cars on the road. There’s no one in the steakhouse on the top floor of one of the skyscrapers in the city. I hardly even notice the server who takes our order and delivers drinks and fresh bread.

I notice only Jimin. I see, I hear, I feel only Jimin.

“So,” Jimin says. “What did you think?”

“I…it was…baby, it was everything to me.” I struggle because there really are no words to describe the way I feel right now. “How…I mean were you cleared to dance? Babe, oh my god were you supposed to do all of that?” It took this long for me to remember he’s not supposed to be dancing yet. I was so taken by his performance that I forgot he’s still supposed to be recovering.

“It’s ok,” Jimin chuckles reaching across the table to hold my hands. “I was actually cleared a month ago.”

“A month ago??”

“I was going to tell you, but then I got this idea to surprise you instead.” He smiles, gently squeezing my hands. “I wanted to dedicate my comeback to you so it worked out.”

“My love,” I whisper through tears.

“Also,” he says hesitantly. He takes a breath. “I wanted to ask you…what if I maybe…moved my stuff into your place? Like, if it was my place?”

“Jimin,” I laugh. He’s too cute for words and it only makes it harder for me to hold back my tears. “Are you asking to move in with me?”

“I mean only if you want me too. It’s your place so it’s up to you. I just thought, cause Hoseok is moving out so…I kind of need a roommate too so maybe-“

“Yes you can move in with me! My sweet baby Jiminie, I thought you would never ask!”

“I just wasn’t sure,” he says shyly. “You never asked so…”

“Well I didn’t ask because I didn’t think you would leave Hoseok, but he’s moving out?”

“Yeah he told me yesterday that he’ll be spending the next year abroad so he’ll be moving out soon.”

“That’s perfect,” I say trying to not make it sound like I’m too happy about Hoseok leaving. I’m just happy he’s created the opportunity for Jimin and I to move in together.

“You won’t get tired of me?” He asks smirking.

“I should be asking you that,” I laugh. “How many times will you clean up my vomit before you move back out?”

“On second thought, I don’t think this will work out,” he giggles hysterically as I playfully threaten to throw my knife at him. “I’m kidding, babe,” he laughs. “If that’s what I have to do to take care of you then I’ll do it over and over again.”

“I would do the same for you too, my love.”

“Really?” He asks with a big bright smile. “You promise?” He asks raising his tiny pinky finger.

I raise my pinky and link it tightly with his. Tight enough for him to know how much I mean it.

“Promise.”

[messiambrandybuck]

Wait whatttttt did you have shitty roommates for a while before you got your own apartment? I never heard this!

Okay so!

In late August of 2022 (around the 28th) I moved into a house with my partner, where we were going to rent a room and live with 3 other people, including the land lady. (my housemates had a pitbull/catahoula mix, a chocolate lab, a cat named Aggie, a foster named Max, and then a wolfdog hybrid. Our landlady has three cats). Bonus points for the landlady being a hoarder but the sweetest woman on the planet. But definitely a hoarder.

Towards october-ish, one of my housemates and I talked about how Aggie had bonded with me, and decided to officially pass over the ownership so he was my cat. (He's going to be a year old in june <3). In November, I experienced a traumatic experience with a now ex-partner that has forever since changed my perception of that living space, and the people within it (to no fault of their own).

I can't remember when exactly, but near the end of the year/start of 2023, there was a "domestic" dispute. While my partner was at work, my housemates fought verbally, and then their alters fought physically. And then I was dragged into the middle of it physically/emotionally/you name it. I suffered. Many a ptsd attack, and I was genuinely afraid for the safety of everyone involved.

I had started bringing up apartments I thought were nice and affordable for about a month prior, but that entire shitshow, and the tension that followed after, motivated my partner to find us our own living space. There was also just a lot of toxicity flowing off of one of the housemates, and despite being friends with him it really killed my mental health to hear him shit-talking my partner, even after I would ask him not to. One of those types that confuse being an asshole to being blunt, and since he's autistic he feels validated in being blunt (which he is! but. yknow. he's usually not just being blunt.)

Mid-February of this year, my partner went to Italy with their family while I stayed at their mothers house (neither of us wanted to risk me being alone for another fight), and it was the best week I'd had in a long time, motivation wise. It was the moment I realized that the living space I was in was my problem. All the negativity and uncleanliness put me in the worst depression of my life.

On March 17th, we started the move into the apartment we're currently in! Our landlady tried to claim we had to pay 1,000USD for window damage, because the house was old and if you opened one of the windows it wouldn't shut. My partner tried to explain that it was wear and tear (since we didn't cause the window to stop working), and that made the Toxic Housemate super pissed, and he took it out on me. (using my anxiety against me, because he loves using past trauma as a fighting tactic. swell guy. /s) The landlady refused to let us grab the rest of our stuff until we paid, but my partner's father just fixed the window and we were able to get the rest of our stuff out.

Anyways uh. Yeah! That's a semi-detailed, pretty thorough timeline of the Big Events that happened in that household. Loved the dogs, loved one of the housemates like a brother, but it was an entire shitshow lmfao.

[enthusiastofeverything]

I haven’t truly posted on this tumblr in years and at this point I think everyone who used to know about this account has unfollowed it or deactivated theirs. So I can speak freely.

Tonight is another night at a bachelor party in Las Vegas. It is exactly what the quintessential bachelor party consists of. Drugs, drinking, gambling, and strippers. The other guys (of whom I only really know my brother, brother in law, and my brother’s oldest friend) are all sharing stories of their past debaucheries.

Right now I’m obviously not with them. They’re at the strip club. I, like last night, slipped out as quietly as possible. Because strip clubs make me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I don’t know if it’s social anxiety or if I’m just a loser, but I don’t do well in unstructured environments with people. I can make friends extremely easily in class, in clubs, and at work. When there’s a primary objective everyone is participating in, I can contribute to that, and communicate what I’m doing there while also making friends. All of my friends have been made in classrooms or in school clubs. The two exceptions were on my dorm floor and were my roommates who were forced to spend time with me.

I don’t know what that says about me. But I know that when I’m in situations like these, such as parties or at bars, I get depressed. I can tell I don’t belong. That feeling- like I’m the only one in the room that can’t figure it out- forms a pit in my throat. It makes me want to escape. But I don’t want to be alone. I would like to be with someone else. Normally, I have someone I love who I can’t talk to. But it’s approaching 3 AM at home and she’s tired from watching our child, so I won’t wake her. (That’s why I’m posting this; to vent.)

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s been so long since I felt this way that I thought I’ve been fixed. I’m not, though.

I don’t know if it is fixable.

[duckprintspress]

Our monthly “created works round-ups” are Duck Prints Press’s opportunity to spotlight some of the amazing work that people working with us have done that ISN’T linked to their work with Duck Prints Press. We include fanworks, outside publications, and anything else that creators feel like sharing with y’all! Inclusion is voluntary and includes anything that they decided “hey, I want to put this on the created work’s round-up!”

Check out what they’ve shared with us this month…

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Hold it together by Era JM Couts

fiction || naruto || no ships, platonic or familial || teen & up || no major warnings apply || 940 || complete

summary: Hold it together had been Sakura’s mantra for far too many years. Existing for others, surviving a war, forcing her mind to endure just one more day, just one more mission, just one more battle.

But as Naruto and Sasuke fight their final fight, Sakura slowly has no more reasons to hold it together.

OR

Sakura’s pov of manga chapters 696-699. As per my view and poetic liberty.

other tags: Final Battle, POV Haruno Sakura, Angst, Chapter 696-699 (Naruto), Building anxiety, Sakura’s pov of the Final Sasuke/Naruto fight.

TUMBLR – AO3 – INSTAGRAM

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​I’d Call As You Climbed by Puck Malamud

fiction || arcane: league of legends (2021) || platonic or familial, f/f || caitlyn/vi (league of legends) || teen & up || no major warnings apply || 5,639 || complete

summary: > “You’ll have to excuse Vi,” the skinny kid with big eyebrows drawled. “She’s a punch first, ask questions later sort of girl.”

Caitlyn goes down to the undercity after Jayce’s workshop is destroyed and meets Vi and her gang. This doesn’t change anything. But then again, it might change quite a lot.

Written for Fandom Trumps Hate 2022

other tags: Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence; Alternate Universe – Different First Meeting; Arcane: League of Legends Season 01 Act 01; POV Caitlyn (League of Legends); Pre-Relationship; Pre-Femslash; Enforcers (Arcane: League of Legends) – Freeform; background Caitlyn & Jayce; Team Up; Privileged Character Unlearning Biases; Making Bureaucracy Work For You

TUMBLR – AO3

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​thinking (about last night) by Rhosyn Du

fiction || red, white & royal blue || m/m || alex claremont-diaz/henry fox-mountchristen-windsor || explicit || no major warnings apply || 18,743 || complete

summary: “I hope you know that I am literally never going to stop reminding you that you said that. I’m going to, like, take out an ad in the student paper. Maybe hire a skywriter or something. I am definitely telling Pez.”

“I hate you,” Henry tells him.

“Lies,” Alex says, still laughing. “You know you love me.”

Henry lets out a heavy sigh. “Well,” he says softly, “that’s rather the problem, isn’t it?”

“What, you think we’d be better off if we still hated each other?”

“I think,” Henry says slowly, “I’d be better off if I could figure out how to stop being so stupidly in love with you.”

It takes a few seconds for the words to really register, as distracted as Alex is by the heat of Henry’s breath and wondering how much it would cost to actually hire a skywriter. Once they do, it takes a full minute before Alex can move. Can breathe. Can think.

Finally, he forces out a whispered, “What?”

When that gets no response, he tries again. This time, his voice actually cooperates. “Wait, what?”

The only response he gets is a soft snore and Alex realizes that Henry, the utter fucking asshole, has passed out on his shoulder.

other tags: Alternate Universe – College/University, Roommates, Drunken Confessions, Communication Failure, Idiots in Love, Pining, Jealousy, Light Angst, References to Depression

AO3

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​Castles in the Sky by Shadaras

fiction || 全职高手 – 蝴蝶蓝 | quánzhí gāoshǒu | the king’s avatar – húdié lán || platonic or familial, queerplatonic f+m (just in case: this is distinctly separate from the platonic relationships!) || queerplatonic chǔ yúnxiù & yè xiū, chǔ yúnxiù & shū kěyí, chǔ yúnxiù & team misty rain || general audiences || no major warnings apply || 36,613 || complete

summary: Here are two truths and a lie:

Chu Yunxiu is Misty Rain’s captain.

Chu Yunxiu is dating Ye Qiu.

Chu Yunxiu is happy to have the Shu twins on her team.

Of course, a lie can become true if you believe in it enough…

(A Chu Yunxiu character study.)

other tags: Aroace Characters, Mostly Canon-Compliant, Post-Canon, Team Feelings, Women-Centric, Fake Dating to Queerplatonic Marriage

AO3

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Fledgling Bonds by Tris Lawrence/tryslora

fiction || teen wolf || poly (one gender: male) || derek/stiles/jackson || teen & up || no major warnings apply || 6,143 || complete

summary: When Jackson’s ambo is called to the building where he lives, he’s terrified it’s Derek. But no, it’s the guy next door, who has crowds of noisy people over all the time, and plays his TV loud enough to bother Derek into getting noise-canceling headphones. Jackson and Derek are more than a little surprised to discover exactly who that person is.

other tags: Panic Attacks, Canon Divergence, Future Fic, Polyamory Negotiation

AO3

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​All of this month’s shared works are fanfiction – so if you’re in the market for something new to read this New Year’s Day, why not check them out?

Who We Are: Duck Prints Press LLC is an independent publisher based in New York State. Our founding vision is to help fanfiction authors navigate the complex process of bringing their original works from first draft to print, culminating in publishing their work under our imprint. We are particularly dedicated to working with queer authors and publishing stories featuring characters from across the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. Love what we do? Sign up for our monthly newsletter and get previews, behind-the-scenes information, coupons, and more

[cazort]

So I strongly agree with most of the reasoning in this post. And I do think that it's important for people to be able to afford living alone because there are circumstances where, for whatever reason, people need to live alone.

That said, I think our society has normalized living alone to an extreme degree. We humans are social animals and many of us are better off living with other people, both psychologically, and from a resource-utilization standpoint.

With one person in a home, I need one vacuum, one stove, one fridge, one shower, etc. With four people, I need one vaccum, one stove, one fridge, and I can get by with one shower but I would prefer two. And then there are all the benefits, sharing food, dividing cleaning tasks so we do more of the things we enjoy and are good at, so together we get more done and it feels like less work.

Living alone also predisposes some people (such as me) to mental illnesses including major depression and anxiety disorders. I can't tell you how much better my mental health is living in even an "average" roommate condition (i.e. roommates I am not even friends with and do not hang out with, and may even have some minor conflict with) vs. living alone. And obviously, having a good roommate situation (people you like spending time with, get along well with, do things with) which I have found is pretty much the most common scenario with roommates for me, is even better.

The best solution here is a "both AND". Make it affordable for people to live on minimum wage, including to find comfortable, safe housing near their job.

AND

remove stigmas on communal living situations, including but not limited to adults living with roommates, extended family under one roof, families taking on additional people to live with them, polyamorous people with more than one partner in the home, cooperatives with their own rules and guidelines, group houses associated with a larger non-profit organization, etc.

and then in these circumstances a minimum wage person can not only live comfortably but can live well and build wealth.

i don't want our goal to be for people to merely be able to "get by" on minimum wage. i want people to be able to build wealth, to move out of poverty, move out of living paycheck-to-paycheck and do forward looking things like building a financial cushion of a few thousand dollars in their savings account, paying off debt, opening a brokerage account and investing in things that yield a higher rate of return, opening a retirement account, saving for a down payment on a home, etc.

BOTH sides of this "both ... and" scenario involve zoning reform. remove density maximums, remove limits on the number of unrelated people living under one roof. (even challenge these constitutionally. engage in civil disobedience.) allow subdivision of single-family homes. allow accessory dwelling units (like a livable apartment above your garage or maybe in the basement or on the top floor of a home.) remove parking minimums and allow or better yet encourage people to live without cars, which can allow an increase in density without burdening the infrastructure of a community.

I feel like a good shorthand for a lot of economics arguments is "if you want people to work minimum wage jobs in your city, you need to allow minimum wage apartments for them to live in."

"These jobs are just for teenagers on the weekends." Okay, so you'll use minimum wage services only on the weekends and after school. No McDonald's or Starbucks on your lunch break.

"They can get a roommate." For a one bedroom? A roommate for a one bedroom? Or a studio? Do you have a roommate to get a middle-wage apartment for your middle-wage job? No? Why should they?

"They can live farther from city center and just commute." Are there ways for them to commute that don't equate to that rent? Living in an outer borough might work in NYC, where public transport is a flat rate, but a city in Texas requires a car. Does the money saved in rent equal the money spent on the car loan, the insurance, the gas? Remember, if you want people to take the bus or a bike, the bus needs to be reliable and the bike lanes survivable.

If you want minimum wage workers to be around for you to rely on, then those minimum wage workers need a place to stay.

You either raise the minimum wage, or you drop the rent. There's only so long you can keep rents high and wages low before your workforce leaves for cheaper pastures.

"Nobody wants to work anymore" doesn't hold water if the reason nobody applies is because the commute is impossible at the wage you provide.

[delusional-messiah]

My roommate’s self harming had been getting worse (part 1)

This is the first time posting something I’ve written. I’ve tried to split it up into parts for ease of access.

My roommate has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for a long time and is medicated for it. We've only lived together for a year so I don't know how bad it was before his diagnosis but I know that he self harmed in the past. Pretty severely it seems, at least from what he's said to me. I've never seen any scars myself but he keeps himself pretty covered up when he dresses so I guess he might just not want me to see. I can understand that. I haven't told him everything about my past so I think we're on an even understanding. He's studying medicine and has a pretty heavy workload but, despite his difficulties, he made it through his first couple of years studying with few hitches. Because of our schedules, we didn't see much of each other but on the occasions that we were in the house at the same time, we would sit and chat together. Since the start of this year however, I've hardly seen him at all. I think the worry over him was what kickstarted my issues again.

The first thing was that the narcolepsy came back. I began having sleepless nights and falling asleep during the day, although fortunately, I already attended most lectures remotely so I didn't miss out on my studies. The worse problem was the dysmorphia. I'm not even sure what I was having problems with, I just started avoiding reflective surfaces. After just a few days, I even draped a cloth over the only mirror in the apartment.

The sleep problems worsened quickly. During a morning lecture I blacked out and didn't wake up until the evening. My roommate must have moved me while I slept because I woke up sitting upright in my bed. I'm not sure how I didn't wake up, even during my episodes I have always been a light sleeper, but I'm thankful that he took the time to do so. Although, if he had moved me then that meant he could have seen me. I couldn't let that happen again. Maybe it was a good thing that he didn't come out that much because I suddenly realised that I didn't want him to see me. In fact, I didn't want anybody to see me. From that moment on, I decided that nobody could see me, at least until I had figured out what was wrong with m appearance.

After a mostly sleepless night that I spent catching up on my lecture I must have finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning. The scene I awoke to was like something out of a twisted true crime case. Every mirror, screen, camera and reflective surface had been smashed. There were shards of glass and metal scattered all over the ground. There was some blood too. I could only think that it was my roommate. Maybe he had been sent over the edge. Maybe something had finally snapped.

I decided it would be best to go and see him, to check if he was alright. I spent several minutes knocking on his door with no answer before I even considered opening it myself. I always tried to respect his privacy and didn't really feel comfortable just barging in but this time it was for his own good. When I tried the door, however, it was locked. I paid it no mind, maybe he was still asleep. If he had had some sort of breakdown during the night it only made sense. I decided it would be best to just leave him to it. When he didn't emerge the rest of the day, I checked his calendar to see if he had anything planned. I should've gone there first as he had marked down to go into the local library to study all day. I tried to stay up to wait for his return but sleep got the better of me.

[rikkami]

Yurrrp Im losing it.

On top of my relationship issues that are fucking me up real good, work is killing me but doesn't pay well because its physically impossible for me to do fulltime hours without a car. Im late on rent and my saving grace, my tax returns, is having issues with the finnish irs. Mother fuckers arent giving me the one benefit i get from work and Im losing my mind over the paper war with them. While most everyone at my work place got it with 0 issues despite being in the same situation.

Everything is just going to shit, Im probably really fucking depressed over all of this, but also if I now go get help for my depression it'll put all my trans thingies on hold.. Not that I have proper contacts yet I'm self medicating right now and Im waiting for the hospital to respond so I can get the diagnosis, which is like 3-5 more talks with a doctor.

Staying at home also gives me huge fucking anxiety, its a mess, and my roommate (longer time ex partner) while they are a beautiful person and I care for them, aint helping and they just cause me more stress over monetary things and the house being disgusting.

And like I said at the start, about my relationship issues, I still am single, but with my latest ex: whom I consider still my best friend, I am also losing my mind.

Our relationship has changed, but every thing we do has stayed the same despite we talking about how its not going to. We still sleep next to each other, cuddle up for movies and she gives me kisses. She asked me if I ever would move to her hometown. She told me she wants to preferrably get a poly lesbian girlfriend so she doesnt have to give this up (although she will if it comes to that). We see each other 5 days a week and talk on discord the other 2. Everything she gives me is still sending me huge vibes about how she might still love me, but she is vocally clear that she is a lesbian and cant see us being together. But also says things like she doesnt feel like she can move on from us. When she is the one who cut it off. We've even had sex, more intense than what we did when we were dating, despite her saying she has no interest in me and its just a case of trust and still being able to take the pleasure from it why we can do it.

So it still feels like I'm in a relationship with the one who I really really love for the longest time, but she can't give the one thing that matters which would be truly love me back. Im just so fucking lost and should just cut it off and move on but I really dont want to lose her be it the physical/romantic parts, or my best friend.