#or vent them out so here you go
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i find it funny that some jc stans will laud jiang cheng’s political savvy and also say how jc always treated wwx like a brother (to then make wwx’s ‘promise-breaking’ seem like such a *massive* betrayal) and then go around and say that of course jiang cheng could not have helped wei wuxian because “he had to look after his clan!” while referring to the newly recruited disciples, forgetting entirely that if jc did consider wwx a brother, wwx and jiang yanli would be his ONLY remaining family and as such, if he were to prevent another event like lotus pier, it would include safeguarding wei wuxian, his “brother”, first and foremost! they also forget that “political savvy” and jiang cheng do not have any meaningful connection because it was precisely his lack of political acuity and tendency to let his emotions dictate his choices that allowed jin guangshan and the rest to manipulate him into withdrawing his support from wei wuxian.
i just don’t get some of the fandom’s vehement defence of characters in mdzs who had immense power (purely by nepotism and name-brand recognition basically) and the efforts to go around and around in talking points to absolve them of their guilt and wrongdoings, even if it is simply caused by wilful ignorance. for jiang cheng, ignorance can never be claimed and his actions are damningly wrong. he IS a fucking clown and in a striking moment of growth, he himself acknowledges this. there was no excuse that would justify him persecuting and aiding in the genocide of the wens and it is undeniable that he abandoned wei wuxian before wei wuxian ever suggested separating from the jiang clan.
#this post is very heated but im a little sick of how how ppl want to glorify jc’s “clan leader” achievements while also going#“poor jc he had to choose between his duty and wwx” bro what?? duty?? guy had a terrible rep and didn't use his resources well#also this is NOT duty vs wwx this is cowardice vs morals#even if wwx did not sway his mind just his own conscience should’ve made him back the wens up if only coz of his big fat debt he owed them#this handwaving and glorification of “struggles” faced by THE authority figures pisses me off so much just apologism disguised as analyses#anyway ik this is very strongly worded and you are free to disagree but i just feel this so much had to get it out here#canon jiang cheng#wei wuixan#mxtx mdzs#mdzs meta#mdzs fandom#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#vent
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Just another day wishing I didn't live with my parents but having to because I can barely take care of myself
#haha i had a meltdown#over smthn silly to them#which did result in me crying a lot#embarrassing when its something silly but more embarrassing when its about something serious to me#anyway#long story short masking is not going well for me and i was inevitably gonna blow up#i cant even really cry it out in my room cause i dont have a lock on my door#so#haha#sorry for random vent#ig its not reallt a vent when its this vague#i feel silly esp cause my coworker was like ' you should just be grateful you hava roof over your head and food and a bed'#and i do get it#but bestie this is not living#i think living would at least mean having a somewhat decent time#but im just kinda surviving#its basically just like hs except now that im an adult theyre 'allowing' me to live here and i owe them for it#idk thats too much to get into when i said it wasnt a vent post
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[ * hey hello quick announcement I vibe with proshippers now (I have sorta nuanced views but I'm closer to being proship and I'm comfy hanging out with them so. If you don't vibe with that there's the three dots in the top right corner of this post, click that and it should give you the option to block me) ]
Edit 2: [ * HEY WHY DO I HAVE MORE FOLLOWERS NOW. THAT AIN'T RIGHT. THAT DOESN'T ADD UP. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT. I THOUGHT MORE PEOPLE WOULD UNFOLLOW AND MAYBE BLOCK. ]
#cw shipcourse#tw shipcourse#<- [ * just in case ]#[ * I won't be posting any darkships on this blog though so dw this blog is going to be squeaky clean of that ]#[ * though tbh i already don't really post any shipping at all (minus tsn) LMAO i just draw Ink being a silly awesome guy ]#[ * this will stay on pinned for maybe a couple of days ]#[ * rude asks will get blocked. no hesitation ]#[ * just REALLY needed to get this off my chest because keeping this hidden (i didn't have a support network specifically for this but now#do) has torn my mental health to shreds like. i had to pull the vent animation card kinda shreds. ]#[ * i won't be posting about shipcourse either . stresses me out ]#[ * anygays. back to our regular schedule of cool Ink arts ]#edit: [ * I MEANT WEEKS I'M KEEPING THIS PINNED FOR AT LEAST A WEEK ]#edit 2: [ * There's a few recent ones which do have proship dni which... man... how do i tell you this... ]#[ * i avoid interacting with them though but since this is kinda a bit of a Situation ig I'm giving them the option of whether to block me-#or not ]#[ * because again no darkships on this blog ]#[ * anyway yapfest over ]#[ * yet ANOTHER edit: i am in fact a darkship enjoyer but. again I don't post that stuff here !!!!!!!!! ]#[ * just wanted to clear that up if that somehow modifies things ]
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i am not ready to get pissed off today but can we not ruin people’s positive fandom experiences. can we not. if someone makes a post saying “i love sophie foster!!!!” can we not go to that post and immediately comment “well i don’t like her”. if someone shares a headcanon and it clashes with yours can we not go to that post and reply “well that headcanon is WRONG because HERE’S WHAT CANON SAYS”. if someone talks about a ship can we not go on that post and start ripping it to shreds. can we not. you are aware that just scrolling past without engaging is an option, right? you know you can tamp down the urge to express your negative opinion where inappropriate, right? make your own damn post!!!! can we not ruin positivity posts for the people that like/made them. can we please not. please.
#none of the examples i cited are actually what i’m pissed about. they’re just examples#if you don’t agree with a post you can do this magical amazing thing called SCROLLING PAST WITHOUT ENGAGING#when posts are all “sokeefe is so cute!!!!” do you see me commenting shit like “actually they’re toxic and they suck”?#no because i have basic fandom decency and have a semblance of self-control. do you think the sokeefers care about my opinion????#the only exception is when the person explicitly says they welcome debate#and usually a post that just says something like “omg who loves biana vacker here?” is not the sort of post that is inviting debate#jfc you all are you not ashamed#sorry for the vent i needed to get that out of my system. saw some responses to a post about a certain character that pissed me off#kotlc#kotlc fandom#keepblr#<- what i wrote this about#someone’s going to ask for the actual details that inspired this but i’m not giving them out publicly. dm me if you want to know#mine
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Total Drama Psycho Noah AU, before Alejandro knew the truth, Noah would sometimes cuddle to the charmer while sleeping... Alejandro was amused and fond by this... But when Alejandro learns about Noah's true crazy colors and the sleeping Noah cuddles into Alejandro again, Alejandro is trying NOT to freak out! 😴
Wait no you're so right. Noah's sleep cuddling habit would've been seen as innocuous throughout the whole series, especially in World Tour when their sleeping arrangements were so cramped. Of course he'd always end up practically gluing himself to the nearest person in his sleep- who would usually ended up being Owen or sometimes Alejandro, as they were the two people Noah tolerated enough to spend most of his time with.
But as soon as everyone on the jet becomes aware that he's not nearly as harmless as he's portrayed himself to be? When he intentionally shows himself to be a threat to their safety/wellbeings?
Well, suddenly his "cute little quirk" has turned into a very volatile situation.
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What is Alejandro supposed to do when he wakes up in the Economy cabin, not even twenty four hours after the London challenge, and finds everyone's fearful eyes trained on him. How is he supposed to react when he feels the familiar weight of the dangerous, downright vicious person they'd all watched snap someone's arms like uncooked spaghetti, draped over him like a blanket?
Especially when they all know that a Noah who's woken up before he's ready is cranky. And that was the Noah from before, who was apparently keeping a tight leash on his wilder instincts- now that he's given up on holding himself back, who knows how he'd respond to being woken up?
Oh wait. They all know how he'd respond- and it involves a lot of bloodshed.
He's trapped; waking up Noah is a guaranteed death sentence, and any movement could be enough to stir the other from his precarious slumber.
And the others know it too. Tyler and Duncan watch him like a hawk, their faces palid with pity and terror, though they thankfully remain just as muted as Alejandro himself. It's unnerving, being held under the terror-shrunk gazes of the two, but not nearly as unnerving as the soft steady breathing of the deranged bookworm sleeping on top of him.
For a moment, there's a tentative silence that hovers between the three of them like a sheet of ice over a frozen lake.
So of course, Owen's boisterous entrance to the cabin shatters it.
"Hey guys, Chef's serving breakfast in the-! Oh, did I interrupt something?"
Noah stirs from his sleep, and Alejandro's breath becomes an inmate in the prison of his lungs. He'd doomed.
"Wuzza'? Is it ch'llenge time?" The bookworm slurs, one hand wiping at his sleep-crusted eyes as the other finds purchase against Alejandro's shoulder. Noah pulls himself into a sitting position, his body subconsciously curling itself towards the nearest heat source- which just so happens to be Alejandro's terror stilled form- and the Spaniard in question internally prays to whatever God is listening that he'll somehow evade the psycho's inevitable ire when he realises that Alejandro is, in fact, not a pillow.
After a trepid second of inaction, Noah hums inquisitively against the warm mass beneath him, and blinks tired eyes up towards Alejandro's ashen face. A moment of incomprehension passes. Then another. And then realisation flickers over the bookworm's features like a dying ember.
Alejandro is so fucked.
Noah's face solidifies into something blank and unreadable- the complete lack of discernible emotion in is expression is almost eldritch in its uncanniness- and the latino doesn't know if its more or less unnerving than the unhinged, crooked smile he's graced the cast with yesterday. But then, unexpectedly, Noah wordlessly slides himself off of Alejandro's lap.
No broken arms. No stab wounds. Not even a threat against his person.
...What?
"Uh. Sorry for sleeping on you, I guess." The cynic says off-handedly, in his customary sardonic drawl, before he steps over to Owen and calmly asks what the blonde oaf was so excited about.
What?!
"It... is no problem, mi amigo." Alejandro chokes out, displacing the stationary air in his lungs.
Where is the vicious psychopath from last night? Why is Noah acting so... normal? Was his display of instability a fever dream or something?
No, both Tyler and Duncan shoot Alejandro matching looks of bewilderment from their seat on the adjacent bench. What happened last night was real, regardless of Noah's current docility.
Owen and Noah's conversation filters off into nothing, and the Archvillain spares a glance towards the pair. Only to find the both of them staring back at him, grinning; Owen's face scrunching up into his usual friendly smile, and Noah's smug smirk rapidly morphing into that same too-wide snarl he'd adorned on the bus- are those fucking fangs?!
"You make a pretty good pillow, Al."
#in other words; noah notices just how scared his teammates are of him and decides to play The Waiting Game#you know that feeling when you're anticipating a jumpscare so you're just sat there being super tense? and then nothing happens?#that's what he's been going for this whole time. but now he can use it on his teammates too! how fun!#sprinkle in a few Scary Smiles™ and unhinged comments to keep them on their toes.#and THEN when everyone finally loses their paranoia he'll Do The Jumpscare.#the alternative here is noah wakes up against alejandro freaks the fuck out and crawls into the vents The Grudge style#which is the funnier option and therefore canon in my heart#total drama#psycho!noah au#alenoah crumbs?#silly ideas#replies
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SOMEONE KILL THEM PLEASE SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM SOMEONE KILL THEM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
#vent#rant#uhc shooter#brian thompson#donald trump#elon musk#jd vance#i know it won't stop with them but life would be so much more peaceful for me if they'd just drop fucking dead.#still i prevail. im still here.#skyguy's moment of weakness#i try not to be a doomer or whatever and for the most part im not!!#i am simply#scared. very scared. and a little jaded.#i will fight as well as i can by living and loving to the fullest i can#let them take me not curled up and shrouded in a white flag but smiling and thriving and breathing and reading and talking and laughing#me screaming in effort LIFE. GOES. ON. I WILL LIVE TO SEE PEACE AND PROSPER.#i love you all btw. i hope your day gets better :] go out and kiss the skies if you're able.#i know what it's like to not see beauty and im privileged enough to see the same days in a brighter light than my younger self.#but please someone kill them please that would be ideal.#and fighting. i will go out fighting and screaming and indignant as well. i am a coin.#how did they miss THREE TIMES BRO COME ON
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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Not aiming this at anyone specifically, but I’m genuinely so disappointed & annoyed at the fact no one in my real life circles bothered to reach out to me to check up on me regarding the recent Liam Payne/One Direction news.
#ignore if you want I’m just gonna vent a minute#it’s been over 3 days now & almost nothing#They know I was/am a fan of at least 1d or could take a pretty good educated guess if nothing else#& yet not one person who knows me personally bothered to ask if I was alright#And honestly… I’m not#I’m fucking struggling#it’s just so complex n confusing & I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with everything#I get it people are busy and have their own things going#& they probably don’t think it’s a big deal losing Liam as it was just a silly little boyband to them#but to me n to everyone who was there for those years it feels so so strangely personal#like a longtime distant friend has just been ripped away so tragically#& not only the tragic death of a person but the death of your adolescence & all the innocence of that time#the end of an era that had so much joy n significance in your life#& I know it’s probably not easy to tell I’m upset bc I keep my emotions pretty much exclusively to myself (thanks autism)#but honestly it’s just so invalidating and isolating to not have anyone to talk to#I already feel so completely alone in general bc no one ever checks in with me n stuff like this just solidifies that#I just don’t think it would have been so difficult just to drop a quick message to say ‘hope you’re okay’ or ‘thinking of you’ at least#it would have made a difference#& I know this post isn’t gonna matter to anyone but I just had to get my frustrations out somewhere bc it’s weighing on me a lot#anyway if you got to here thanks for your time n I hope you’re doing okay!!#feel free to reach out to me if you ever want/need to ❤️❤️❤️#wow that was a lot#personal#Kirsty talks#my posts#my stuff#1d#Liam Payne#one direction
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(it hurts it hurts it hurts )
#the original caption was “but i still fucking love you” but even though this is tumblr i don't like swearing officially#anyways in a bid to actually post something i present to you some oc art. i did a farrah portrait and didn't like it and then i did new oc#art but none of it seemed to fit for this blog.. i would say you can look for my insta but lately i have switched insta to like 10 friends#on private so.. here we go!! drew this a long long time ago when i was emotionally raw#and some one i knew. well. messed me up in some way! so this was vent art while i was listening and vibing really hard to olivia rodrigo >:#this is my oc by the way!! please don;t tag her as anyone else ;-;; idk fdshjagh anyways. moving on.. i think it still holds up as an#illustration bc i drew it at a really emotionally raw time and it shows i guess? i do my best work when emotionally invested maybe... hm ..#i can't say that the fandoms are hitting rn.. so this is me testing out original stuff. because this IS an art blog for myself not just a#fanart blog and ngl i love the fandoms that brought me here but idw to limit myself to them!! ah the fear..
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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Hnngg
#im so stressed ughhhhh#this divorce is gonna end me man though im probably stressing out over nothing AGAIN#like tomorrow my dad's bringing some expert to the house to put a price on the house#and i literally have no idea whatever that's gonna be how we are gonna pay that shit lmaoo#also i just really don't wanna be there or be with them in the same house god i hate it when they're near each other#i am..... going through it more than i probably should since I'm an adult now n stuff but whatever#it's not like i can just stop feeling all this distress and grief n shit especially since he's already found a girlfriend#with kids and stuff and they've already been going to my grandparents ughhh i feel thrown away you know#it hasn't even been a year it's pissing me off so badly#i feel like killing myself every time i think about tomorrow and then I feel even worse when i think about later ughhh#i shouldn't be so distressed i really shouldn't#especially since I've been living my life on an incredible streak of luck so.#whateverrrrr#uhh like comment and subscribe#vent#i just gotta. cause there isn't anyone here i can really talk to since#everyone sees this so much more differently and sis is just always telling me im making it into something bigger than it is#but it's really stressing me out#idk i fear this is not gonna end nicely I don't even see him anymore#and it literally hasn't even been a year but he's not really talking to me but at the same time i don't really#feel like talking to him either so who knows uhh..
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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guys I have just been killing it these last few months! /sarcasm
#failing classes! losing friends! making my mom upset! all our chickens died and it was basically my fault!!#but its hard to say there are times when i dont love-#didnt mean to lie about it all / i love you sometimes i love you-#i cant love anything in this world.#yippee!!#someone get me a medal! a trophy!!#sigh. but at least i still have them (looks lovingly at my fics and characters). they will never go anywhere#and.. i do have some friends. and. pointing at 1 person you know who you are!! <3 ur presence in this world is appreciated#delete later#vent#i just need to like#get out of here#or something#“i want you to know-#i want you to know-#i want you to know that im-”#“and it was half my fault but i just like to play the victim!”#“so i ignore things and i move sideways till i forget what i felt in the first place”#AHHH the song tags r in the wrong order :(
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laalalalala another vent post because i have no therapist to pay for listening to my bullshit
#i just dont fucking get it lol#like i genuinely just cannot grasp the concept#i dont usually do this but i finally snapped and asked her if she thought about how *I* would feel when she texts me#about the 'letting herself go' and how she's disgusting and a monster. and she hits me with a 'no because this is how she feels#she's feeling really really badly so that's what she's thinking about atm' like ok??????????? is this like. normal?#because no matter how horrible i feel at any point of time i will ALWAYS think about how my words may affect the other person FIRST#because the last thing i want is to make someone feel worse because i feel bad. there is a constant calculus party going in my brain#where i try to calculate how much and in what words i can tell say to this particular person to absolutely minimise the chance#that they'll feel bad or uncomfortable or whatever because of what i say. ofc i will slip up and miscalculate every once in a while#shit happens and i am sorry if i do but at least i can honestly say to myself that i did what i could to Not do that.#i will always think about the other person first because (usually) id like people to return the same action towards me.#and idk maybe im tweaking here but isnt that like. normal???? like the obvious logical thing to do they teach you in kindergarten?#sorry. heavily catholic upbringing moment but what happened to 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'????????#anyway. obviously there will always be slip ups and unusual occasions but to openly just state that because you were feeling really bad#you didnt really care what the other person would feel when you tell them something is fucking WILD to me. like genuinely inconceivable.#this is not to assume a holier-than-thou persona but i really do think this is the normal fucking thing to do if you're an adult?????#like oh my god sometimes you will just have to shut up and not fully vent upon someone especially if its uninvited and out of the blue#i think its different if you're having a heart-to-heart trauma bonding moment or sth and someone *asks you* to vent etc etc#but to just treat every instance when you're feeling bad as a permission to just say whatever with 0 consideration for the other person???#wild. really fucking weird to me that's all.#✨tumblr vent posts✨ dont count ofc you are not only allowed but legally required to say the deepest most horrible batshit insane thoughts#that ever cross your mind <33 like i would not tell a person irl that i daydream about the woodchipper thing obviously cause its fuckn nuts#uwu teehee episode 2137 of 'i dont understand the way the world and other people work and its driving me insane lol&lmao'
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