#or it just didn’t happen that often idk
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Yo wanted to ask a bit more about your experience in the transhet community there’s a lot of animosity towards transhets and t4t relationships that aren’t…idk how to describe it but y’know what I mean. Wanted to hear your thoughts on it. Didn’t wanna DM off the bat but if you’re down to chat I’d love to!
I'd love to chat! I revel in the chance to talk with people.
in my experience there's a lot of kindness from other trans people but it does sometimes come with a distinct feeling of "We feel kinda bad that you're only into guys." Which can get exasperating.
Like. Other trans people flinch when you say you're het, in a way that they wouldn't if you were a lesbian, not because they think less of you, but they're just kinda surprised by the outcome. Het trans people just, aren't really thought of as something that happens, outside the context of your right wing grifters who try to be one of the good ones.
And, when you talk to Bi trans girls, there's a sort of unspoken idea that men are a fun little treat compaired to the default of sapphic relationships. which is a little exasperating. [In my mind I've joked about waiting for the monthly boyliking phase so i can get the chance to finally talk about guys.]
And it always feels like there's a worry, even within transhet spaces, of getting *too* het. just like how I've seen a worry in transmasc spaces of getting *too* masc. this usually stems from a desire to not want to recreate the oppressive power structures associated in both, but, in a great twist of irony, often ends up expressing both in their vehement refusal.
That's not to say that you can't be a transmasc femboy or be in a st4t relationship where the guy is small and subby and the gal is strong and dommy and have it be a healthy outlook and engagement with the facets of oppression, far from it. But if you seek those things out as escape from engaging with oppression, you tend to fall into it trying to square the circle so to speak.
these are mostly just personal outlooks and feelings on the subject, but i think they're important, because they're a real persons feelings, ya know?
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Could you do some angst Logan x mutant!reader comfort. Like maybe she has a similar origin to Logan where she was tested on for her powers and escaped. She ends up at the mansion and that’s how her and Logan end up together.
I’ve been wanting to write this myself for a while but haven’t had time. I need to see some truama bonding and comfort for that man with someone who really understands what it’s like. I would give anything to be that person. 😭
Hi anon!! Im so sorry this has taken me so long to get to- despite some little changes on the request, and my unsureness on writing angst, i hope you enjoy this drabble!
One step at a time
Summary: sleep can be a fickle thing, a struggle more personal than most.. But it just so happens theres another person in the mansion that understands. Written with X1 logan in mind!
Warnings?: angst, mentions of nightmares and troubled sleep, self doubt, slight depression? Comfort and fluff at the end? Idk how to tag this really.. Words: 1.5k Masterlist
People were scared of things they didn’t understand, of people that didn’t fit in to a societal box. And being a mutant? Well, you became the scariest thing of all. An unknown, a secret unshared in a room full of people.
To some, that fear, that little nagging doubt about what you are, what you could do.. fuelled somthing else entirely. Not fear, not quite, more an evil kind of curiosity. A fixation to poke and prod, bend and snap, push the limits of their fear regardless of yours in the name of science. Regardless that you too, we’re a person, different now yes, but still born of the same matter once.
Careless to the person you were, only the thing you could become. And even then, if you weren’t useful.. you were useless. Another mistake in a pile of scraped idea's, a caged creature begging for a way out.
You never wanted it, never asked to sit in a room and wonder why. Why you, why this. There was never a good enough answer, never a reason, not really. Some People were just cruel, vile and nasty, out for their own gain.. to test the limits of humanity.
But then it begged the question, what was humanity? Because it wasn’t this. It wasn’t the sleepless nights afraid to close your eyes. The sanctity of sleep a luxury. Peace a rationed thing.
Therefore It had become normal to find you in the dead of night, curled up the couch in front of the fireplace; whilst everyone else slumbered. Sometimes a book in hand, other times just your thoughts. Embered flames burning bright and warm, the crackle of wood often the only sound. It was how your relationship with Logan had bloomed.
From wordless nods walking down corridors to conversations and nights shared infront of the fire; he had become pleasant company, a friend you regarded higher- one who understood better- than most. He'd seen the same horrors behind his eyes, the years a tiresome thing.
So it's here you sit, like always, in your spot on the couch peering between pages of a book and the old grandfather clock, waiting for Logan.
It was late and he'd usually show up around now, your meetings held in a trusted pact- an agreement that if sleep held pain, this is where you'd find one another. It was up to choice then, if you'd relocate to one of your room's; if you felt the embrace of the others arms would quiet the horror, just for a while.
Because while it's true that you both may no longer be broken here in the mansion.. you'd always be bruised bone deep.
"Hey" Logan murmers softly, breaking you from your thoughts as you crane your neck toward him. Hes stood tall in the doorway, clad in sweats and a white vest, two steaming mugs in hand as he pads closer, handing you one over the back of the couch. "Figured you'd want a drink, tried to make it how you like"
You nod, taking a tentative sip with a greatful smile. Your eyes fluttering shut a moment as you swallow, relishing the warmth. Logan had indeed made it the exact way he knew you loved, and it swells your heart; the fondness you feel for the action- for him. "'S perfect, thank you.."
"Was nothin.." he shrugs, sighing into his own cup, back hitting the couch besides you. the cushions are a soft embrace for his aching body, the days seeming longer. He'd confessed one night, that the winter had never helped his affliction. That the cold air made his adamantium bones ache in a way that seemed impossible to describe. The sting of his knuckles that bit sharper with each snikt of his claws.
You shift quietly, book page marked and now placed on the coffee table. Logan watches silently as you reach for the soft blanket that lays dormant on the back. Your fingers adjusting the fabric carefully, unfolding and draping it until it rests over his knees too.
Logan smiles, a look reserved for these nights- for you- in his eyes. Its a soft, greatful, little thing; Unreminicent of his usual gruff demeanor. he lifts a large arm bringing it to rest snug behind your shoulders, tugging you closer.
Theres a comfortable silence that follows then, sat side by side. Logan simply watches as you pick the book back up, resuming your page. A warm feeling in his chest that he hasn't felt for a while as your eyes flit across the words.
He still cant understand how anyone could- would- hurt you. Would even dare harm a delicate hair on your head. It boils a possessive type of anger inside of him, that people, the very same that had hurt him, had dared. That they had ruined your trust, made you into something of their design, just like him.
And Its then that Logan cant help how his mouth moves, how it burts the words before he can even think to stop them, make them sound less jumbled. "You uh.. didn't deserve it you know?.. What they did"
The words feel foreign on his tongue but they hold meaning- one that you can feel as you cast your gaze to him.
Theres a look in your eyes he cant quite read as you hum honestly. "Neither did you. you know that right?"
And Logan knows. Hell its deep down but he knows. Yet hearing the words still bring an ache to his chest. Its beyond hard for him to even think about- admit really- even after all this time. He hadn't deserved it and neither had you. But that was certain weather perceived or not.
"Im.. Tired, logan" you trail quietly, casting your book aside as your head falls to rest on his shoulder. "Just.. So tired of being tired."
A shattering feeling stabs at Logan's chest from your admission, a sigh falling against your hair. "I know you are. Hell so am i but.." he pauses, trying to find the correct sentiment.
"We- you- can do this"
You can't help the exhaled sound that slips from you, not a laugh, not not a breath either. "Logan-" you try to protest, try to shift back inside your non vulnerable shell ready to shut down, but he has you locked next to him, fingers coming to rest on your jaw.
"No, look at me, Cmon" he murmurs, cupping and turning your cheek gently until your gaze meet his. "like you told me that once. Its one step at a time alright?"
You recall saying it, remember the context, and yet the idea of saying it to yourself feels foreign- as foreign as the words blurted from logans tongue.
He'd had a nightmare that night, had woken with a hoarse scream and his claws embedded in the plush mattress; pillows ruined with feathers everywhere, soaked in sweat. You'd come barreling in from downstairs having heard his sounds of distress, knowing the situation.
But.. You hadn't laughed, despite him being so surrounded by pillow feathers that he's sure he looked like big bird. You hadn't been cruel or judgemental, pitty in your eyes. You'd just been.. Well, you. Kind and understanding, reassuring him that it was okay, that he was safe. To take a shower and you'd sort the rest. It was from then that the fondness he felt for you had bloomed to something a little more inside of him.
You nod gently, a small, barely there smile on your lips now as you repeat. The light of the fire a soft glow in your eyes, tone a fraction more hopeful. "One step at a time"
"Yeah, thats it sweetheart" he smiles gently, a proud look in his own eye's, before his throat clears. A bashful look taking over his features as he continues, thumb absentmindedly stroking over your cheekbone. A distraction to the honesty he was going to drop "Besides.. you got this knucklehead who'd really like to keep this.. Us.. up"
You swallow, breath stuttering as your cheeks heat."You.. You would?" you sound a little surprised, yet a little hopeful, and It makes Logan smile, hearing your heart pounding in your chest.
"Yeah sweetheart" he breathes, voice a low gravel as he anxiously nods, before rushing to add. "if- if thats something you'd want?"
"Yes!" you exclaim, so excitedly it makes logan chuckle, the deep rumble joining the crackling fire. "I, uh, i mean.. ofcourse i do Logan"
Logans fingers tilt your face higher, his forehead coming to rest on yours as your fingers trace over his scruff coated jaw. "Things are better with you.." you murmer, breath puffing over his lips. "Lighter. You get it, get me.. This.."
He hardly lets you finish before his lips are pressed to yours, breaking the miniscule gap between them. His kiss so uncharacteristically gentle, like he was afraid one taste and you'd break.
"Things are better with you too.." he says quietly, forehead on yours, a smile against your mouth as his nose rubs your cheek.
And so Its that night you both agree, while wrapped up in one another, that things are better together. Better with each others shoulder to lean on. And despite the darkness that would still linger sometimes, that's all that mattered. You and him. Him and you.
#logan howlett#wolverine#logan howlett x reader#deadpool and wolverine#carbonsfics#wolverine fluff#logan howlett fluff#logan fluff#logan angst#logan howlett angst#wolverine angst
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Mikey getting his head patted/scratched by his older brothers is absolutely adorable.
Look at how much they adore their little brother.
#Leo tends to give the most head pats#raph is more likely to actually scratch his head#I couldn’t find that many examples for Donnie#it maybe because raph and Leo are the older brothers while Mikey and Donnie are the younger brothers#or it just didn’t happen that often idk#tmnt#tmnt 2012#teenage mutant ninja turtles#2012 raph#2012 mikey#tmnt leo 2012#2012 michelangelo#2012 leo#2012 donnie#michelangelo#donatello#leonardo#raphael#raph#leo#donnie#mikey
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Do you think someone ever gets too close to romana or tries to touch her and she just on instinct elbows or kicks or punches them because she’s used to touch being a bad thing
#like idk she spent a lot of time getting chased around and captured by aliens who wanted to hurt her#and then there’s the whole etra prime situation#and it doesn’t happen often becuase her job doesn’t really involve getting all that physically close to people#but like at one point she stumbles or something and narvin goes to help her and gets an elbow to the ribs#and she just insists she’s fine and walks away while he stands there confused concerned and trying to get his breath back#because let’s be real I don’t think she’d give an actual explanation#doctor who#romana#gallifrey#also just to add on but she probably didn’t experience much of any positive examples of touch before leaving gallifrey#so she’s really only had exposure to touch that was meant to hurt her
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the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.
#blue chatter#just. the experience of blinking into existence becoming associated with ice in my mouth#and how it’s becoming a pattern that the first visual thing I process is a hand in front of my face#At least that I remember. I’m sure other stuff happens but my memory is unsurprisingly v blurry after#I feel bad for making my roommate take care of me so often#but I super cannot control when I dissociate#and I do genuinely need the help#bc today I was home alone and it took a loooooot longer to break out of the blurry stage#I somehow didn’t think to get ice about it until I was in the middle of the grocery store an hour after the episode had ended#I want to be more independent about this so people don’t have to take care of me all the time#it is relieving to know that I can live with friends after grad school#so *someone* can be around usually if something goes wrong and I’m not cognizant enough to help myself#but I don’t wanna make them feel like they have to help me or put that on them#or like. freak out their kids. their kids are not raised remotely like I was and they’re rly young so they don’t rly understand this.#how do you explain trauma to a three year old whose parents are incredibly good at gentle parenting#idk. I’ll figure it out. hopefully with time and therapy I’ll be able to process my trauma enough that I won’t be like this forever.#I don’t wanna be like this forever.#I want to go to grad school and start practicing in clinical psychology and help people#and be independent and be able to support my friends instead of the other way around
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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one thing I love about following celebrities/artists who are honest and proactive about their mental health struggles etc is I can’t count the number of times someone I know is going through something and I’m like ‘I’ve got a song for u’ and how much of my life involves telling myself ‘if [redacted] can do something/get better/etc then so can i’ (and having actual real evidence of it in front of me) and I can’t understate how much I appreciate these things.
but at the same time it involves a whole lot of watching people I care about suffer and you learn to read the signs and infer between the lines in songs and interviews, and yes we can never fully know what they don’t share with us, but when they do share things it’s not a big stretch to be like ‘this seems like it’s what life is like for you and I have taken encouragement from it but you deserve so much better’. and it’s easy to find ways to get angry at a predatory industry and realise things that could be hurtful if you’re already fragile.
and we can advocate for some things and help ourselves and the people around us feel better but it’s hard to meaningfully reach your faves as an individual. and there are things we can’t say on the internet in too much detail, speculation becomes the harmful kind of gossip, and so sometimes it’s a whole lot of internally saying ‘you’re doing incredibly well to have gotten to where you are but I wish for your sake things would get better faster’
#curse and catch 22 (not the song)#I didn’t mean to make this so anonymous as a post but maybe. it’s applicable to a lot of artists. I don’t know#just thinking about how sometimes someone will say something and it’s like ‘oh honey’ if you can see. why they might be saying it#like a glimpse into the top of an iceberg that makes a lot of sense to be there given other things they do and talk about#I feel like we’re in a unique position as a fandom with the way all four of them have been so vulnerable in different ways#and they may not be perfect but imo no one deserves to suffer like that especially for an extended amount of time. but the thing is#sometimes the fans are suffering and so are our faves and people appreciate the relatability and don’t have any basic compassion#or ability to see past their own struggles. with this fandom especially compared to a lot of others I’ve been in and I think I know why#but in the end the way I see it we’ve gotten so much relatable content and encouragement (bc the Finding The Positives Vibes which are ther#and sometimes there’s nothing we can give back apart from being a part of systemic change which all of us deserve for ourselves too#idk if this band is unique in this or I just find them more relatable personally and thus easier to see how hard they’ve worked#on themselves and taking risks in order to be honest. and it reminds me of the quote about how suffering won’t make your art better#healing will. and so imo anyone whose art is really good when they are going through a lot has me thinking. imagine what it’d be like#when life isn’t so hard for you?? or when you’re getting better but it just takes a long time I’m like. you deserve to feel better faster#this all said I’m incredibly proud and I’m not trying to insinuate there’s anything catastrophic going on bc there absolutely isnt#I am not in any way worried. I’ve seen tragedies about to happen and these guys show none of the signs. but I do relate to a lot of tidbits#pertaining to. certain chronic mental illnesses and/or being neurodivergent in an unaccommodating world (don’t ask which)#things I would anticipate would be a lot harder when there’s hordes of often fickle occasionally predatory fans to contend with#sometimes I just think of this idk#celebrities are people#5 seconds of summer#5sos#5sos fandom#cw mental health things
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Crimson Crown
sapphic high fantasy
in a world where witchcraft is outlawed by the king, a young witch from a coven masquerading as a convent is struggling to come into her powers, and live up to her mother’s expectations after her older sister died
when she discovers a way she could possibly bring her sister back, and prove herself to her mother, she travels to the palace and quickly gets caught up in politics, along with the ex she hasn’t seen in years, who has her own agenda
snow white reimagining, villain origin story
#the crimson crown#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#sapphic books#hm. this was okay but to be honest 20 days later I just didn’t find it super memorable. even while reading I wasn’t really feeling it#tbh I feel like it could have been original enough to let go of the snow white stuff and do its own thing?#I feel like that was holding it back or twisting it into weird shapes.#some of the snow white related elements just felt awkwardly placed#and I feel like it could have gone more interesting directions with the plot. A lot of things happen conveniently.#The ending was a sudden escalation.#idk it also kinda felt like trying to do malice again but different yknow?#but like i just preferred some of the things inherent in malice more#I liked that there was a bit more diversity in the side characters (without them dying) compared to Malice.#My favourite aspect was probably her relationship with the princess and the handful of friends she makes#didn’t love the narration. also the phrase ‘would that i could’ is used so often. also smelling juniper. stop!!!!#also. girl RIGHT after you killed [x]????? you don’t think that maybe Getting The Fuck Outta There is more important than fucking rn#it's fine I guess. just wasn't into it.
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Why must we long so much to live and so much to die?
#some things should’nt happen all at once.#I just finished reading all the bright places#my heart has been cut out and chopped in a million pieces and I’ve been attempting to put it all back in while I bleed out#idk#i knew how this story ended#i knew it would break my heart#but what I didn’t know is that he is like me#i am like finch#someone who wants so desperately to live because when life is good it’s so worth it#and someone who wants nothing but to disappear…..#how those things happen together is a mystery to me#but I’ve never seen a character written like that#a character written for me#this is one of those books that I’m going to think about often#it’s going to take up space in my brain#all the bright places#books#life and death#greif#self discovery#characters just like me#Theodore Finch#Violet Markey#Finch and Violet#ultraviolet#finch
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i wish i knew how to keep friends :( making friends is… hard, but doable. if i have a reason to be near someone and they’re amenable to my Autism Beam of infodumping, i can usually make them tolerate being around me for as long as that activity lasts.
but semesters end. mutual interests fade. activities wrap up. and then those people leave. not to say i’m not thankful for however long their friendship lasted, i just wish people were more likely to want to be friends because they liked me, not because i was a body near them to spend time with.
#sometimes they stay. it’s not often but it happens#and then i’m scared for the rest of the friendship that anything could make them leave#thinking of all the friends that just… stopped replying to me the second they weren’t forced to spend time with me#i lost basically every friend i had when school went online in 2020#with the exception of my dnd party. i’m scared that if we stop playing dnd i’ll lose them too#my call of cthulhu campaign ends… tomorrow. technically#the two other players i met through this campaign#and i really like talking to them. i have. not a ton in common with them#but i’m so scared that once we don’t have the connection of the campaign i’ll lose their friendship#i didn’t keep any friends from my dorm hall this year#i was always on the periphery#the only person i still talk to from any of my classes is my partner#i don’t think she really… gets. how lonely i am#because she has *so* many friends.#and for good reason. they’re a wonderful person that i could talk for days about#and idk what i did to even deserve her friendship much less whatever we got going on now#i just wish i could keep more connections#that i wasn’t always doomed to have to start from scratch every time something ends#but i guess it’s sort of my fault too#im too scared to overstep some unseen boundary that i don’t reach out to make a connection in the first place#anyone who stays has to be pretty stubborn lmao#zephyr talks
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Just remembered when I would wake up in the middle of the night and be like oh damn god wants me to pray for 10 minutes and then I would like fervently pray and like wish I could go to sleep but have to pray and worship for 10 minutes in the middle of the night to help whoever it was that needed helping
oh wait is this just like ocd lol
#mine#exvangelical#religious trauma#ex fundie#ex christian#I feel like there was such an obsession with just torturing myself for god and others idk#this didn’t happen that often but even just the memory that it did. whew
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.
#i’ve been so anxious to actually participate in fandom partly because of my memory issues#i often forget details of what happened in the show(s) or what i posted yesterday or what somebody else posted that i liked and have been#thinking about for a week#like i just got so worried that it would end up making me look stupid#and so i just didn’t really say much of anything to avoid that possibility#and I’ve somehow sort of let go of that?#like I’m just posting stuff even if it sounds obvious or stupid or uninteresting#like i’m just trying to have fun and idk i’m happy about that#:)
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#i’ve been doing rly good lately. in a way that i didn’t know was possible#i’m sm more reasonably productive these days#like i have a relatively stable routine now and my memory is better than it’s been in years#i’ve even been finding myself remembering things without having to check my to-do list. it’s almost irrelevant atp#compared to the January Horrors when i considered getting checked for a concussion bc of how hazy and broken my brain felt#and i’m consistently paying my bills and i’m driving more often now#idk i don’t even feel great or super happy these days i just feel. content#and obviously i still need therapy for all that shit that happened earlier this year#bc i still can’t believe that happened and then immediately my therapist had to end things with me 💀#but idk. it doesn’t feel all that urgent anymore#nothing feels URGENT it all just feels reasonably doable#oh! and my friend is flying over to see me in a couple days so even more good news :DDD#i think the lesson here for me is that i need to give myself more credit if for no other reason than survival#danbles
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Actually now that I’m thinking abt it, a common thing in media I grew obsessed with is where two men (either very platonically in love or implied to be romantically in love) suffer through a big event where one of them dies because of the actions of the other, either directly or indirectly, and the other is forced to live with that grief and also deal with the guilt of having caused said death (whether they actually caused it or not). Like this has happened three times now
#my rambles#trial 2 ishimondo. widower arc Dean Winchester. and now trigun#although taka didn’t cause Mondo’s death. he just felt guilty for it and responsible#I’m blaming supernatural it was the first#and in all three one of them was in uniform#like hello.#I love grief and tragedy in media I can’t help it#anyways. I know this isn’t a rare trope or anything but. idk it’s interesting to me that it pops up so often in the stuff I hyperfixate on#and happens to be the thing I focus on too#I like a specific type of storytelling lmao
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#why is it suddenly considered acceptable to tell people to kill themselves over a difference of opinion?#this didn’t happen to me I just see it so often#and just saw a post where ppl are making fun of others being uncomfortable with suicide baiting#telling someone to kill themselves doesn’t make your argument stronger doesn’t help anything and even if they are being annoying there are#a hundred different things you could say#i don’t understand how someone can tell a person to kill themselves and not feel bad about saying that#idk maybe I’m overreacting#suicide mention tw
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calling myself a former rpf fan is so misleading bc “fiction” had nothing to do with it. even when i did read fic i was never even all that into it and i didn’t really get much out of it it was ALL about reading those primers and manifestos and analyzing lyrics and watching videos/interviews/etc
#and i can say yeah i don’t read rpf anymore. which is true.#but that doesn’t mean i don’t still wholeheartedly believe that a lot of this stuff Happened <3#for the record i was really into phan and ryden and then larry#and to a lesser extent petekey i liked reading all the lore but i didn’t Post as often abt them or engage w as much content i guess#i was never as deep into mcr at the time idk why it did take me longer to get into them overall#anyway while i am largely not comfortable reading rpf anymore it’s also partly to do with like#i think as a category of fic it’s very limited and i just never enjoyed it#bc it can never be ‘in character’ bc they. aren’t characters.#and we don’t know them so there is no right or wrong way to write anyone so it’s all about who we imagine them to be#and it becomes very much like projecting fan images into their personal lives#fanfic engages with the original text but what happens when there is no text to engage with. well it’s boring.#you can’t explore characters when the characters are real people with real lives#all this to say i have a fondness for throam BECAUSE it is so far removed and such an original universe#(and open about making all the side characters not based on who the band members they used were really like)#that i just enjoy it as a story. and i think it draws on real life details in interesting ways while ultimately creating original characters#it’s not like a literary masterpiece but i do enjoy it and think about revisiting it often. it’s been years i wonder if i’d#like it this much now.#anyway it is 4:30 in the morning and for some reason i can’t stop rambling about this#r.txt
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