#and I feel like it could have gone more interesting directions with the plot. A lot of things happen conveniently.

[writeforthepeople]

Heyy! I've been thinking about Damien and the reader being in a YouTube short film together playing as a married couple and as filming goes on they find themselves actually falling for each other 😩😩 specifically a scene where they're lying in bed together and have to face each other all closely and they're staring into each other's eyes all soft UGHH anyways! I would love if you could write a lil fic like that 🥹🫶 even if you don't end up writing it ty for reading this req!

Absolutely LOVE this idea. The UGHH says it alllllll. Summary: You are cast in a short film your friend Amanda is working on and you are playing Damien's love interest! While you always strive to be as professional as possible, the acting feels a bit too real...and maybe it is?

Warning: No smut, slow burn. Word Count: 4k ... I might have gotten carried away with this one.

You woke up to an early alarm, you had to wake up earlier than usual to start getting ready for your first day on a new set. Your friend Amanda was making her first short film and decided to cast you, of course, you were excited to work on the project because you love her, but you would have been willing to do any part of the project to help. You getting cast as the love interest to the main character certainly gave you a confidence boost though. Nerve racking? Sure! but exciting none the less.

You continued going over the script for what must have been the 10th time as you finished getting ready this morning. It was a romantic comedy about the main character, Gideon Hale who is able to see ghosts. He makes a living running a small bed and breakfast, but on the side he is a bit of an 'Afterlife Coach' (the name of the film) where he coaches ghosts on getting through the afterlife. He meets an old friend (you) who is back in town after many years for a mutual friends wedding. The story focuses on his journey helping the ghosts around him and getting to know you and falling in love. You were a little nervous for a few of the more romantic scenes, but it is nothing you haven't done before. You've been in many plays and projects where you have had to kiss or be romantic with a partner. This one felt different though, you had met Damien a few times through Amanda and somehow knowing him made it feel a bit awkward. Not to mention the fact that you thought he was incredibly attractive, but that would only help the acting be easier, right? It didn't take long to get to the filming location, Smosh had offered to let Amanda use some of their space for filming. When you walked in you were immediately greeted by Erin, the set coordinator. We chatted for a few moments before she brought me to the set Amanda was working on. You were blown away with all the effort that had gone into really making the set look like a bed and breakfast. There was a lobby, a kitchen, and a bedroom plotted out for various scenes. "Y/N!! You're here!" you heard Amanda's familiar voice yell out as she made her way over to you. She was beaming, and it made you smile. "I'm here and ready to work!" you said, giving her a quick hug. "I hope you are here and ready to fall in love because we are about to make magic" She laughed, but you knew there would be more jokes to come on that front. You looked around and didn't see Damien yet but you noticed several other familiar faces from Amanda's parties. It looked like Angela was running the show, directing and moving people about. You think to your self, this must be the most serious you've ever seen her.

"Damien is wrapping in hair and make-up, he has a few scenes to shoot before you enter so once he is done you're next in the chair!" Amanda talked as she led you to the small room right off the stage. "Hey Trina, this is Y/N, she's up after my little star here" he pointed to Damien, waving her finger around in a funny gesture. She walked off without saying anything else. "Hi Y/N, you can take a seat we are almost done here" Trina said and Damien smiled "How are you feeling?" he asked you politely "I'm good, a bit nervous but I am excited" you admitted, trying to hold back your surprise. His hair was different. Last you had seen him his hair was getting long, but was distinctly dyed a silvery white, but the man sitting in the chair has more of a slick backed 90's look and was dyed completely black. "How about you?" you asked, not mentioning the hair. "I'm good" he said not moving his head as Trina added hair spray and tapped him on the shoulder "You are set" she she smiled and turned back to her kit. You watched as Damien examined his look and quickly turned to you "I've never had black hair, how does it look" it was as if he was scanning your features for an answer. You shook your head "it suits you. I like it a lot" you admitted, your cheeks a bit red. "Did you dye it just for the role?" you follow up with and he smiled and nodded "It felt very Gideon" he said with a chuckle "plus Amanda had a vision and who was I to say no to that?" he added. "Well hopefully I don't have to dye mine, but anything for Amanda right?" you smiled.

"Luckily your hair just needs styled" Trina chimes in. "You ready to hop in the chair?" she asked and you nodded, standing up. "Well I will see you out there" Damien said, leaving the room with a wave. "What a nice boy" Trina said after he left and you nodded "he's really sweet" you agreed. "So, you are the love interest huh?" she turned you to the mirror and talked through a bit of Amanda's vision and you got started. You didn't need anything to crazy, she was going to style your hair and put on some make up and take you over to wardrobe. After you were ready, you headed to the set and took a seat in the corner to watch the scene they were filming. Damien was speaking to a ghost played by Tommy, helping them understand that he has options in the afterlife. Amanda came over after they cut and asked if you were ready. You oddly weren't, your nerves were high but you shook out your hands and planned to fake it til you make it. She led you to the scene in the lobby of the bed and breakfast Damien's character, Gideon, owned. You stepped to your marker and looked to Damien, who was reading the script once before the scene and you smiled to yourself, thinking about how cute his thinking face was. You shook out your hands again, you needed to shake any thoughts like those away.

"Ok" Amanda starts "Damien, Gideon is prepping for two arrivals he has today, both are high school acquaintances in town for your friend Aprils wedding. You are feeling uncomfortable, knowing you will have to make a lot of small talk and feel a need to be more entertaining than with any standard guests" she said, nodding but speaking again before he can talk at all. "Y/N, Gwen is nervous about being back in town. Not only is she having feelings about her close friend getting married and starting 'the rest of her life' " the ending she added finger quotes "but Gwen is also feeling inadequate, not being as advanced in her career as she thought she'd be by now, knowing she'll have tons of people asking about it all weekend." I nod to her "I don't want to give too many notes upfront, lets just vibe" she said and you chuckled. That is so like her.

"Action" she said before taking a seat. You begin walking up to Damien, a smile appearing on his face, it looked so genuine. "Hi, I'm uh checking in under Henry, Gwen Henry" as you reached the counter. "I know exactly who you are" he responded. "I'm Gideon, we had 11th grade history together" he spoke, checking you in. "Of course! Gideon, wow, you look great man. I didn't know you worked here" you could feel your nerves leaving as the conversation, while in character, felt so comfortable. "Yeah, I have been running the place for a few years now. Want me to help you with you bags? I can show you to your room" The two of you walk off scene together before it cuts. You ran the scene a few more times, taking notes as you went. Your characters filmed a bit more together, discussing the upcoming wedding. "Do you need a ride to the wedding? Damien asked you, as you sat at the kitchen table the next morning. "I am going alone so I would be happy to drive you" he added. The first time is character is meant to outright flirt with you. "Unless you have a plus one" his character sits across from you and you look up. "I do not" you smirk, as Amanda had instructed "I would love a ride" you went back to looking at your phone but the smile stayed. "Alright folks, that's a wrap!" Amanda yelled and people began bustling around again. She jumped on set and put her arm around around you "you guys did great today" she pulled you in closer "thank you for doing this" she added and you grinned "literally anything for you, and I didn't even have to dye my hair" you joked "Isn't he the best for that?" Amanda asked "It seems like it" you said before her added in "I really am" with a joking shrug. "

The next morning was filming day two of three, and you had a later call time, the morning being a lot of Damien filming with his ghosty friends. By the time you got to set, things were in full swing, but you had a lot to do to get ready. Your scenes were around attending the wedding of your characters friends. Which meant your make up and hair were done up and you were going to be in a nicer dress. Trina got you in the chair quickly, and she did great work. You needed to take some notes because you loved the way she did your make up. Next was finding the right dress. Amanda had the team bring in a few options to find what would be best. When you tried on the first one, you were instantly relieved that there were more options because this was not it. The dress was too tight in the worst ways. The second dress however fit you like a glove.

You were nervous enough about what you had to film today, you didn't want to also have to worry about how you looked. When you stepped back out to the main set area you were greeted by Amanda's grin "giiiiiiirl" she shook her head "If I wasn't married, I'd be the one falling in love with you today" she made you laugh, it was nice to feel all dolled up even though it was only for a few scenes. The bigger issue was the scene after that. Where you and Damien's character end up in bed together at the inn.

No big deal, just awkwardly laying in bed together, staring into each others eyes, with cameras, cast, and crew all staring at you. Totally fine. "Are you ready?" She asked, her tone more serious "nervous at all?" she asked. "Me?" you responded "never" you faked a laugh and she nodded, but you know she saw right through that.

You filmed a few scenes. It felt like you had to film the scene of you walking out in your dress, Damien seeing you for the first time, over and over. Notes given everytime about changing the reaction, Amanda wasn't sure if she wanted an immediate connection, or if it would be one sided from the start so you got several take options to use. Then a few scenes at the wedding, where your characters ended up dancing together, both drinking and feeling the weight of all your old acquaintances feigning interest in your lives. Gideon calls you both an uber back to the inn, far to drunk to drive. The scene cuts to Gideon helping Gwen to her room. The both of you stumbling and laughing, making jokes about the music and the speeches , but when you reach the room the mood shifts. That shift was hard to capture, filming over and over a small but crucial scene.

"Oh, Gideon..could you help with my dress?" your character says, Damien's face heating up at each take. If you didn't know better you'd think part of it wasn't acting. As his character helps, he sits down on the bed, listening to Gwen continue a story as she changed in her bathroom, door open but just out of view. That is when she climbs into the bed with him, both talking and becoming more comfortable. Only taking two takes to get that just right, natural as could be. It was the next scene, the final scene that caused issue.

Gideon and Gwen lay back on the bed, laughing about the way an old school mate said the word "wildest" in his speech, he'd spent the summer in London and now thinks he has an accent. As your laughing slows, you look at each other. Your characters seeing each other in a new way, but you and Damien could not stop giggling. Ruining the scene each take.

"You guys are KILLING me" Amanda says, giggling herself. "Ok, here is the deal. This scene is everything.. it has to be right. We have a few more scenes to get tomorrow so lets try this again then ok?" she sighs. "In the meantime, I need you two to find a way to get...better?" she said with a shrug "I need you two to look at each other like everything shifted, like your friendship is ending and a relationship is beginning. I don't care if you lay in this bed all night figuring it out...but please figure it out" she walked off and you and Damien looked at eachother as the crew starts to wrap set. "Yikes" he said, breaking the silence. "I'm so sorry" you start in but he cuts you off "hey it is both of us, it is an awkward scene" he lets out a bit of air "Maybe we should actually practice" he suggests and you raise an eyebrow

"Why Damien Haas, are you trying to get me in bed?" you ask with a smirk "Maybe" he smirked back and you and while you started it, it made your cheeks heat up. "We can order in at my place and get more comfortable?" he said, losing the edge to his voice and becoming more sincere.

"That does sound like a good idea" you admit. "I guess we haven't really hung out before, so it would be nice to just shake off the nerves and be more comfortable" you said honestly. "Anything I can pick up on the way to your place?" You ask but he shook his head "no, let me shoot you over my address and we can meet there" you hand him your phone and say goodbye to a few people before taking off and driving to his house. The nerds really hit when you walked up to Damien's door. Were you really here to...lay in bed with a cute boy? This can not be real life.

You knock on the door and hear him shuffle a bit before answering. "Hey!" he said, you could tell he was out of breath. "Sorry was just uh picking up a little" he said, gesturing for you to come in. His place looked so nice. You smiled, turning to face him "This place is very you, I like you" you said and he smiled in return "I tried to make it feel like home" he started walking to the kitchen and you followed behind him. "I thought Italian food would be a good option, so I got a few things from my favorite spot".

"I'm not picky" you smiled and watched him as he made you a plate, setting it at the table. "What can I get you to drink? I have sodas, water, tea" he looked in a cabinet next to him "Oh! I don't drink much but I have a bottle of wine we could crack open" he said, pulling out a bottle. "You know, a glass of wine sounds perfect right now" you chuckled. "You are not wrong, take the edge off" he nodded. "What, you don't often invite women over to lay in your bed and stare at you?" you joked at him

"Oh no, this s a weekly occurrence for me" he joked back. He was always quick with a joke, and you liked playing off of him. You followed him to the table, sitting down "Well now I don't feel special at all" you hold back a laugh.

You both talk, getting to know each other over dinner. You found out you had a lot in common, especially around gaming. You learned he even voiced a character or two that you liked and that was a shocking revelation. "Ok" he says, after cleaning up our plates. "I think we dive right into this. Find a way to be more comfortable with ease" he weighs in "we could like...cuddle on the couch?" he shakes his head "this is so awkward" he covers his face with his hand. You start in, hoping to ease his tension "No no, you're right." you give him a small smile "this IS awkward, don't feel bad" you both are quite for a moment "Cuddle on the couch and watch an episode of TV or something? Let us get get over the awkwardness. Pretend this is a casual date night or something" he nods "we are both actors, we can do that" he says with confidence.

You were trying to contain your feelings as he sat next to you on the sofa, turning on netflix and finding a baking show to watch. That was sweet of him since you said that was your go to type of show. "Is it ok if I put my arm around you?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the screen. "That would be ok" you glance at him. When he placed his arm around your shoulders you instinctively leaned him closer. Your heart picked up as his hand nervously laid against you. You held in your breathing slightly, afraid to move too much, wanting to just take in the moment you are in. You watched the show for several minutes like this, quite but comfortable. "I wish I could bake like this" you said, breaking the silence. "Me too" he said adjusting his arm slightly and gently rubbing his thumb against your arm. You got goosebumps very lightly, hoping he hadn't noticed. You adjust slightly and lay your head against his shoulder, allowing for a slight escalation.

In turn, Damien pulled you in a little closer and for a moment you forgot why you were here. "This is...comfortable" he said eventually and you nodded "Yeah, it is" he could not see your smile, but it was there. "Not nearly as awkward as I thought" you added and he chuckled "Oh you thought cuddling with me would be awkward? Should I be offended?" he said playfully. "or should I be happy you imagined cuddling with me at all?" he kept a playful tone but the comment made your cheeks warm. "I guess there are worse people I could have as a romantic counterpart" you joke back. "I'll take that as a compliment" he said, his thumb moving up and down your arm at a slower pace, your body acutely aware.

"We've proven we can cuddle." you say, not sure how to really say that you want to try laying down now. you feel his head nod and you move to sitting back up. "Do you want to...move to my room?" he said now looking at you. "I think so" you said, realizing how close you two still sat. "Do you..maybe want to talk expectations?" he said a bit quieter than his normal voice. "Cuddling on the couch is one thing I uh-" he stammered a bit "I want to make sure you are comfortable and that I don't overstep here" you bit your lip slightly and his eyes moved to stare but quickly came back to your eyes "Yeah" you try to say confidently "Um, the scene does call for a few things, maybe we could practice all of that.." he trail off, knowing that means a kiss.

"Ok" his smile clear "Lets just practice the scene and stop if we feel too weird. Maybe that is easiest? Lets just be Gideon and Gwen?" he suggests and you felt your shoulders actually relax a bit. "I like that Idea" you add in, starting to stand up. "well, are you going to walk me to my room?" you said in a more confident voice that you use for Gwen. Damien stood up, grabbing your hand and leading you to his room. Your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn't believe the way you were able to continue this exercise without squealing. You reached Damien's room and looked around. He had dark bedding, and low lighting. It was much like you expected it to be but very clean and still inviting in a way.

He sat on his bed, patting next to him. "So, we both are sitting here" he said as you made your way over, sitting next to him. "Laughing about the world wildly" you add and he leaned back, you followed. This time, you turned to look at him and he looked at you. This time, there was no giggling, you both stared for a moment or two before you cracked a smile. "Look at us" he said sitting back up, that had to be 5-6 seconds right? he joked. You sat back up too "Better than before right? This is more comfortable already" you tried to shake out your hands and he watched in amusement. "Am I making you nervous" he said, a hint of joking but more a sense of intimacy in his question. He actually worried that something he was doing was uncomfortable and you shook your head no at first but stopped. "I think It was more nerve racking to do all of this with you in front of everyone, judging our movements, giving us notes, you know?" he nodded, you could tell that just saying it gave him some relief. "I was thinking the same thing" he admitted "I don't want to come off as a weirdo but it felt wrong to potentially kiss you for the first time in front of all those people and immediately receive notes on it." he chuckled slightly. "not really how I imagined it" you said, not thinking about the implications of that statement. "So you imagined it huh? He said leaning into the playfulness. You wanted to backtrack, to say something about it being in the script.

Instead you played off his attitude "what if I have?" you bit your bottom lip and you saw the shift in his face, the corner of his mouth turning upwards and he cocked his head to the side. "Well now you have to share with the class. What exactly did you imagine it being like?" the way his spoke made you take a sharp breath. You leaned in closer to him "to start, there were a lot less people" you say in a low voice. Damien matched your energy leaning in, you two sitting on the bed closely "there are less people here now" he watched your eyes, waiting for any kind of invitation "and yet you still haven't kissed me" you felt his hand on your face before the words left your mouth. "I've also thought about what it would be like to kiss you" his voice low as he inched closer. You closed your eyes, waiting for his lips to meet yours. It was soft at first, testing the waters. You pushed harder against his mouth and you felt him envelop you. His hand now in your hair and his body beginning to press against yours. You fall back on the bed and follows, hovering above you as he gently pulls back.

You look up and him and smile "I think we will be just fine tomorrow" he says, before kissing you again.

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Crimson Crown

sapphic high fantasy

in a world where witchcraft is outlawed by the king, a young witch from a coven masquerading as a convent is struggling to come into her powers, and live up to her mother’s expectations after her older sister died

when she discovers a way she could possibly bring her sister back, and prove herself to her mother, she travels to the palace and quickly gets caught up in politics, along with the ex she hasn’t seen in years, who has her own agenda

snow white reimagining, villain origin story

[natswife-marvelicious]

Tipsy Truths

Plot: You struggle with your deep feelings for Natasha, convinced she would never feel the same way. After a night of drinking, you unexpectedly encounter Natasha in the kitchen, and with the help of liquid courage, you finally confess your feelings.

Warnings: alcohol, being drunk

Word count: 2,9k

Masterlist

The Avengers Compound was quiet, and the dark hallways were lit only by the soft glow of the moon outside. It was late, so late that the silence felt almost eerie. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago after a day filled with training, strategy meetings, and the sort of easy banter that often followed missions. It was the calm that always came after action.

But you couldn’t sleep. Not after the night you’d had.

You had just come back from the bar. A night out with a few friends seemed like a good idea at the time, something to shake off the lingering tension, to escape the constant reminders of your biggest problem. You thought maybe if you drowned it out with laughter, conversation, and a few drinks, you could push it down.

But that’s not how it worked. You weren’t just tipsy, you were drunk. And even drunk, you couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Natasha Romanoff.

The woman who was impossible not to notice, even when she wasn’t trying. Her presence in a room was magnetic, pulling everyone’s attention even when she said nothing at all. You had watched her for months, longer than you should have, tried to swallow the growing feelings, to rationalize them away. But there was no logic in what you felt for Natasha.

It wasn’t supposed to happen. She was everything, deadly, confident, impossibly beautiful, and you? You were just… you. A fellow Avenger, yes, but someone who couldn’t imagine being more than a friend to her, someone whose heart raced every time she so much as smiled in your direction. The more you tried to suppress the feelings, the stronger they became. Until you could hardly breathe when she was near.

But how could you ever tell her?

The mere idea of confessing your feelings had you frozen in fear. You’d convinced yourself that she would never, could never, see you the way you saw her. Someone like her could never be interested in someone like you. So, you kept it buried, hidden behind forced smiles and nervous laughter. But now, you were more vulnerable than ever, with the alcohol making your thoughts even louder and your emotions harder to control.

Stumbling down the hallway toward the kitchen, all you wanted was a glass of water to steady your swirling thoughts. You flicked the light on as you entered, the cool air and bright fluorescent light sobering you, but not enough.

You didn’t expect anyone to be awake.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

The voice was soft, but unmistakable. It was her.

You froze. Standing at the counter, sipping water from a glass, was Natasha Romanoff. She looked casual, relaxed, her red hair down around her shoulders, a simple tank top and sweatpants her attire for the night. But even dressed down like this, she was effortlessly stunning.

Your stomach twisted with nerves as you realized just how drunk you still were. Your cheeks flushed, and you quickly looked away, pretending the sight of her hadn’t just sent your heart into overdrive. You fumbled for words, hoping your voice wouldn’t betray just how much seeing her affected you.

“I- uh… yeah. Went out. Had a drink or two,” you muttered, trying to make it sound casual, but failing miserably.

Natasha’s lips curved into a slight smile, her green eyes glinting in the soft light. “Just a drink or two?”

You shrugged awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck. “Okay, maybe a few more than that.”

She chuckled softly, the sound making your heart skip a beat. It was one of those rare, soft laughs that she only let slip when she was truly comfortable. You’d always loved those moments, watching her let her guard down just a little bit. But now, with her standing here so close, you could barely think straight.

“You seem… distracted,” Natasha said, her tone shifting slightly, becoming more curious as she studied you.

Your breath hitched, and you looked down, gripping the cold water bottle in your hand tighter. Did she know? Could she tell? You had always thought you were doing a decent job at hiding it, but now, with her sharp eyes on you, it felt like every emotion you had been burying was about to spill out.

“No, I’m fine,” you mumbled, too quickly, and you hated how transparent you sounded.

Natasha didn’t say anything at first. Instead, she set her glass down on the counter with a soft clink and took a step toward you. The air between you shifted, growing heavier, and you swore your heart was pounding loud enough for her to hear.

“Are you sure?” she asked, her voice softer now, but more insistent. “You’ve been a little off lately."

Your heart leapt into your throat. She had noticed.

You had spent months trying to be subtle, trying to keep your feelings hidden. You’d convinced yourself that Natasha had no idea how you felt, that your little sideways glances during training or your nervous stammering during movie nights had gone unnoticed. But of course, Natasha was perceptive, she always noticed everything.

“Natasha, I-” You tried to find an excuse, something to deflect her question, but the words caught in your throat. The alcohol was making it harder to think, and the way she was looking at you, like she was waiting for you to crack, made it impossible to focus.

Your stomach twisted painfully, and before you could stop yourself, the truth slipped out.

“It’s you,” you blurted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Natasha’s eyes widened slightly, a flicker of surprise crossing her face before she quickly masked it with that cool, unreadable expression she always wore.

“Me?” she echoed, her voice calm, but you could hear the curiosity behind it.

You swallowed hard, suddenly feeling a wave of panic. What had you done? You hadn’t meant to say that. You weren’t ready. But now that the words were out, there was no taking them back. The dam had broken, and everything you had been holding back for so long was starting to spill out.

“I… I like you, Natasha,” you confessed, your voice shaky and unsteady. “I like you more than I should. And I know you probably don’t feel the same way, and I get it, but I just… I can’t keep pretending anymore.”

There it was. Your heart was pounding so hard you thought it might burst out of your chest, and you couldn’t bring yourself to look at her, afraid of what you might see on her face. Afraid of the rejection, the confusion, the pity.

But instead, there was only silence. Long, heavy silence.

When you finally forced yourself to meet her gaze, Natasha was looking at you with an intensity that made your breath catch. Her green eyes were soft, her lips parted slightly as though she was about to say something, but she didn’t. She just stared at you, her expression unreadable.

“You think I haven’t noticed?” she asked quietly, her voice steady, but there was a gentleness to it that made your heart ache. “The way you look at me? The way you act around me?”

You blinked, your stomach dropping. “You… noticed?”

Natasha’s lips curved into a small smile, and she took another step closer, her hand reaching out to brush lightly against your arm. Her touch sent a shiver down your spine, and you couldn’t move, frozen in place by the weight of everything that was happening.

“I’ve noticed for a while,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I just wasn’t sure if you were ready to admit it.”

You stared at her, your mind reeling. All this time, you had been so convinced that you were hiding your feelings, that she had no idea. But Natasha had known. She had known, and she hadn’t said anything. Why hadn’t she said anything?

“I didn’t think you’d…” Your voice trailed off, and you swallowed hard, your throat tight. “I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way.”

Natasha’s expression softened, and she stepped even closer, her hand sliding down to gently cup your cheek. The warmth of her touch sent your heart racing again, and you leaned into it, unable to stop yourself.

“You were wrong,” she whispered, her thumb brushing softly against your skin.

Before you could say anything else, Natasha leaned in and kissed you.

The world seemed to stop for a moment. Her lips were soft, tentative at first, like she was giving you the chance to pull away if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. You kissed her back, your hands shaking as you reached up to pull her closer, to ground yourself in the reality of what was happening.

Natasha deepened the kiss, her other hand sliding to the back of your neck, holding you in place as if she was afraid you might slip away. But you weren’t going anywhere. Not now. Not after everything.

When she finally pulled back, her forehead rested against yours, her breath warm against your lips. “I like you too,” she murmured, her voice barely audible, but the words sent a wave of warmth flooding through you.

You let out a shaky breath, your heart swelling with relief and joy. All this time, you had been so afraid, so convinced that your feelings were one-sided, that Natasha could never see you the way you saw her. But you were wrong.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

Natasha smiled, her thumb gently stroking your cheek as she stayed close, her breath mingling with yours. “You don’t need to apologize,” she said softly, her voice steady and comforting. “I get why you didn’t. This… it’s complicated. But you don’t need to hide anymore.”

Her words felt like a lifeline, pulling you out of the sea of doubt and insecurity you had been drowning in for months. You leaned into her touch, eyes closed for a moment as you let it sink in. She liked you too. The reality of it felt almost too good to believe, but the way she held you, the warmth of her body pressed so close to yours, told you it was real.

“I was so scared you wouldn’t feel the same,” you admitted, your voice quiet, but the alcohol in your system made it easier to speak your truth now. “You’re… you’re so amazing, Natasha. You’re everything. I didn’t think someone like you could ever like someone like me.”

Natasha’s hand slid down to your shoulder, steady and firm as she pulled back just enough to look you in the eyes. There was a seriousness in her gaze now, the playful glint gone, replaced by something more earnest.

“Don’t ever say that,” she said, her voice firm but gentle. “You’re one of the strongest, kindest people I know. You belong here. And I didn’t feel like this about anyone until you.” She paused, her fingers tightening slightly on your shoulder as if to emphasize her point. “You matter to me. A lot.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. The intensity of her words, the sincerity in her eyes, it was almost too much. All those nights you’d spent agonizing over your feelings, the self-doubt, the fear of being rejected by her… they melted away in an instant. Natasha Romanoff, the woman you had admired for so long, cared about you. She saw you.

“I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, your voice shaking with emotion.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” Natasha replied, her expression softening into a smile, the kind that made her eyes crinkle at the corners. “Just… let yourself feel this. Let yourself believe that you’re worth it. Because you are.”

You nodded, feeling a lump in your throat as the weight of her words settled deep in your chest. You had spent so long doubting yourself, but now, standing here with her, everything seemed clear. It was still terrifying, but the fear was mixed with something else, something warm and hopeful.

“I just… I don’t want to mess this up,” you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Natasha’s smile widened slightly, and she took a step closer, her hand slipping down to lace her fingers with yours. The gesture was simple, but the warmth of her touch grounded you, calming the racing thoughts in your mind.

“You’re not going to mess this up,” she reassured you, squeezing your hand gently. “We’ll figure it out together. It doesn’t have to be perfect. We just have to be honest with each other.”

You felt a small smile tug at your lips, the tightness in your chest loosening for the first time in what felt like forever. Honest. You could do that. Maybe this wasn’t as complicated as you’d made it out to be. Maybe it was as simple as two people caring about each other.

You squeezed her hand in return, a quiet but firm acknowledgment of everything she had just said. “Together,” you echoed softly, feeling the word settle into place like a missing piece of the puzzle.

Natasha leaned in again, her forehead resting against yours as she closed her eyes. “I like the sound of that.”

For a moment, you just stood there, the two of you enveloped in a bubble of quiet intimacy, the rest of the world fading away. The only thing that mattered was her, the steady rhythm of her breathing, the warmth of her skin against yours, and the knowledge that for the first time in a long time, you didn’t have to hide anymore.

After what felt like forever, Natasha finally pulled back, her fingers still intertwined with yours. She gave you a look, half playful, half serious, as if she was considering something.

“You’re pretty drunk,” she remarked, raising an eyebrow.

You laughed softly, the sound surprising even you. “Yeah, maybe a little.”

“Come on,” she said, her voice lighter now as she tugged gently on your hand. “Let’s get you some water and make sure you’re okay before you pass out on me.”

You couldn’t help but grin, the tension that had once knotted up inside you completely unraveled now. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

She led you over to the counter, grabbing the water bottle you had left there earlier and handing it to you. You took a long drink, the cool liquid soothing your dry throat and clearing your head a bit. Natasha watched you with a soft smile, her eyes still holding that warmth that made your heart flutter.

As you drank, she leaned against the counter, crossing her arms and giving you a look that was both teasing and affectionate. “You know,” she said, her tone playful, “I kind of figured you had a thing for me.”

You almost choked on your water. “W-What?”

She laughed, a soft, musical sound that sent butterflies through your stomach. “Come on, the way you looked at me during movie nights? The way you got all flustered during training?” She raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. “It was kind of cute, actually.”

You felt your cheeks heat up, and you rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly. “I didn’t think I was that obvious.”

“Maybe not to everyone else,” Natasha said with a smirk, “but I notice things.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. Of course she noticed. Natasha always noticed everything. That’s what made her such a skilled spy, after all. But now that the truth was out, you didn’t feel the need to hide it anymore.

“Guess I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought,” you muttered, giving her a sheepish smile.

She chuckled and stepped closer, her hand finding yours again as she gave you a soft, reassuring squeeze. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re here now.”

You nodded, feeling a warmth bloom in your chest. “Yeah… we are.”

Natasha tilted her head slightly, her eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your pulse quicken. “So, what now?” she asked, her voice quiet but steady, as if she was testing the waters.

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the question but also the excitement that came with it. What now? The future stretched out in front of you, uncertain but full of possibility. And for the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel afraid of it.

“I don’t know,” you admitted honestly, your voice soft. “But… I want to find out. With you.”

Natasha’s lips curved into a small, genuine smile, and she squeezed your hand again, her touch comforting and steady. “Me too.”

The two of you stood there for a moment longer, just enjoying the quiet between you, the unspoken understanding that whatever came next, you would face it together. It was a new beginning, and though you didn’t know exactly what the future held, you felt ready for it. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you were exactly where you were supposed to be.

Natasha stepped closer again, her hand slipping around your waist as she pulled you into a gentle hug. You melted into her embrace, resting your head against her shoulder, your heart full and light. Whatever came next, you knew you didn’t have to face it alone.

Together, you would figure it out.

And that was all you needed.

Fluffy fluff :)

[atlas7seo]

Hear me out: A Zelda Game where Link pulls the Master Sword and tells no one. And when I mean no one, I mean no one. So imagine this Link comes home with a funky sword wrapped in fabric, his family asks "what's that?" And he just shrugs. Like we can have actual family dynamics like Wind Waker. GUYS REAL PARENTS. Meanwhile everyone in the castle is freaking the f out because the master sword is gone. Did Ganon take it?! How did he manage to?! IT WAS SO WELL GUARDED!

And Link just kinda doesn't want to deal with the pomp and grand displays he knows he'll have to suffer through so he just kind of tells no one, but he's still the hero at heart and he knows he has to beat Ganon eventually so he kind of just goes around fixing random problems the entire game while waiting for Ganon to show up. And he gets like fun equipment from it. So a kid he helped find his parents gifts him a slingshot. A random soldier lends him a shield. The Zora he helped with directions gives him a helmet to breathe underwater. Stuff like that. And with more quests he unlocks more places where he can just fix more problems.

Like we can have the standard combat stuff and dungeons but he could also solve like mysteries or stuff all while trying to avoid Zelda and the royal family. So a game that's entirely a stealth mystery level. And along the way these random side quests he does actually ends up culminating in beating Ganondorf. Like these random gifts are useful tools. I know botw you can beat up Ganon with a mop and I feel like doing it again would be very funny. Like some nice lady just gave you a mop to clean her floors and she says to keep it and Link is just like "thanks ig but idk what I'll do with it," and proceeds to wack Ganon with it.

And not all the quests are required and there could be gimmicks like in Majora's Mask where two tasks happen at the same time so you can do one or the other so everyone will have a distinctly different playthrough. We could also have a day night cycle where different quests happen at night or in the day.

Also if people wanted we could bring back Sheik. Link doesn't know Sheik is Zelda and it'd be funny if Zelda didn't know Link was...Link ig and at the end it's like this really funny like "WAIT A MINUTE YOURE THE PRINCESS/HERO?" moment. Like obviously the audience will know but the dramatic irony yall. I live for dramatic irony.

I just want more story and interactions yall. I really enjoyed the concept where people knew Link was the hero already in BOTW so I think it'd be interesting to watch more heroes who just already knew before the critical incident. Most of the time Link is kind of just thrown into the plot and he trips into becoming the hero.

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - calm before the storm

Masterlist - part seventeen

Summary: Just as the chapter's title suggests. It was the calm before the storm…

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 11k+

Warnings: Fluff! Some awkwardness that happens after one makes a confession lol. Trauma regarding torture, loss of a child, body dysmorphia, etc. There's a plot twist at the end of this chapter ;)

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69 @avatar-lover @ikeyniofthetayrangi @cardi-bre91

A/n: Hiii 🥰 I'm very sorry for the hiatus that I originally promised wasn't going to be a hiatus. To escape life, I dove into other fixations such as Destiny 2, the Fallout show, Dune Part 2, and Bridgerton... yeah, I did some bouncing. So far, my summer has been fantastic! Anyway, here's another chapter before I inevitably disappear again 😂

Enjoy!

If there was anything Kayla was extremely grateful for, it was that Spider didn't have a heightened sense of smell as the Na'vi did.    

She could smell both Ronal and Tonowari on her skin, and while it internally delighted her, she felt her skin prickle at the thought of Spider of all people being traumatized and learning about her very recent courting by smell alone as they share close quarters with one another. The thought mortified her more than anything, more than the idea of eventually having to tell Jake.

Thankfully, Spider returned home that day none the wiser, Ronal and Tonowari already long gone even with their scents still lingering in Kayla's nose. She felt like a teenager again, embarrassed and trying to hide it from her parents. However, she quickly stomped down that thought at the harsh reminder that she's a grown-ass woman and Spider wasn't a very judgemental kid. He was also someone who had caught onto Ronal and Tonowari's interest in Kayla early on and wouldn't be surprised if he learned the truth. 

With that in mind, Kayla emerged from her kelku the next morning wearing the new top the Metkayina clan leaders had gifted her. For a very brief moment, she felt exposed and uncomfortable, the woven beads cool against her skin, but then, she looked down at herself and felt her body relax to see that the top covered just about as much as her threadbare red shirt did. It wasn't even close to revealing as some of the tops Kayla had seen Na'vi women wear, even with the low cut. A small part in the back of Kayla's head felt delighted to realize that this top was definitely made for her.

She still wore her shorts, but the small change in attire was still noticeable as she quickly learned. Na'vi eyes silently observed her as she walked through the village, and even though she heard the Metkayina whisper as she passed them, they weren't hateful or disgusted, but more in awe. Her skin crawled because she didn't know if she preferred it or would much rather have them feel indifferent to her again. 

While their eyes all noticed her top, Kayla almost felt the need to throw her shirt back over herself at the thought that the Metkayina might also smell her new scent as well. It would explain the way their noses would twitch and their ears all perk up and turn in her direction when they haven't even noticed her presence yet. 

If Spider noticed any of it, he didn't say a word, instead, he informed Kayla that he would be deep-diving with the other reef boys that afternoon. Something crawled in her stomach at the reminder of Ao'nung and other reef boys leaving Lo'ak alone outside the reef before she sternly told Spider to make sure either Lo'ak or Tsireya was with them. Apart from the small, suspicious stare, Spider didn't question her, taking his new bow in hand and heading out to meet his friends, waving back to Kayla as he went and promising to be back before supper.

Walking along the beach, Kayla recognized the tsahik from a mile away, fingers entangled in a worn fishing net. As Kayla walked over to the other woman, she watched the way Ronal's ears lifted and moved in her direction. Ronal looked up from her work and recognized Kayla from a distance, and by the time the dreamwalker approached her, it wasn't hard to deduce how pleased she looked, eyes dancing approvingly over the avatar woman's figure, reaching a hand out to lightly adjust the top on Kayla before nodding once with confidence,

"It suits you perfectly. I was afraid it would not be able to hold up against your beauty."

Despite having a young Na'vi body, Kayla felt as though her heart was ready to give out, her feet barely catching when she initially stumbled in reaction to Ronal's compliment. Kayla's eyes quickly averted, the tip of her ears feeling warm as she quietly thanked the tsahik and changed the subject, making plans to see both her and Tonowari later. After making a brief conversation as to what each other's plans were for the day, Kayla had turned to leave but nearly jolted out of her skin when she felt a gentle tug on her tail. She couldn't help the feigned glare she threw back at Ronal, internally delighted by the rare mischief she saw in the Metkayina woman's eyes, but trying not to show it. Kayla's fake irritation only appeared to amuse Ronal forward, the tsahik tilting her head at the avatar while appreciatively staring her up and down once more, forcing the heat from Kayla's ears to travel down her neck. 

The avatar cleared her throat and then finally departed, hiding her own smile as she thought back to Ronal's well-hidden playful behavior. It was nothing like the woman who sharply tugged Kayla's tail the day they first met, further showing just how much things have changed around here.

Summoning an ilu, Kayla makes her way through the reef, reaching the atoll wall where all the various pools travel up one side like stairs, catching various sealife whenever the tide rises up and down. Dozens of Metkayina are fishing and gathering in these pools, with nets, and baskets at their feet. Kayla zeros in on one particular Na'vi and swims over after letting her ilu take off, climbing up onto the slippery wall to make her way over to her friend.

Rutxa looks up and appears smug at the sight of Kayla, blue eyes pointedly narrowed on the avatar's new top while dramatically sniffing the air, "You look... enamored. Had a good evening?"

Kayla's eyes narrow, "Don't play dumb. I bet you're just dying to weave a story about it."

Their grin remained playful, humming dramatically as if deep in thought, "Perhaps if you tell me all about it, I won't have to... fabricate any details."

Kayla lets out a humorous scoff, shaking her head, "You're horrible."

"Yes, that was what my mother called me. Don't abuse it."

The laugh that bubbles out of Kayla coincides with the screech of an approaching ikran. The sound makes Kayla pause and look up to the sky in order to discover which ikran. She only had to briefly catch the color to know the banshee was Neytiri's bonded, and a small wedge of dread made its home in Kayla's chest.

Neytiri lands her ikran gracefully, several yards away from any Metkayina as they go about the pools of the atoll wall. The Na'vi woman looks around before her eyes land on her intended target. Kayla half expected her sister-in-law to bristle at the sight of her, but she felt a small bit of genuine confusion when all she saw was a woman who was trying to appear small and guarded. If Kayla wanted to verbally taunt, she would've pointed out to Neytiri that she almost looked guilty. The two women stare at each other for some time before Neytiri takes a deep breath and starts slowly walking forward, her face pinched with dread at the idea of the long-awaited conversation she was no doubt forcing herself to partake in.

Kayla takes her own deep breath and then motions Rutxa to wait here before drifting over to meet Neytiri halfway. While it felt as though they walked forever to reach each other, both women found themselves standing right in front of one another only seconds later, neither saying a word while their eyes never fully meeting, both hesitant to say anything at first due to their ongoing impasse. 

Neytiri looks Kayla up and down before she swallows her pride, both visibly and internally as she opens her mouth, "Your clothes. They are lovely."

The Sully sister's eyes dart off to the side, her words are stiff but courteous, "Thank you."

"Did the tsahik make it?"

The mention of Ronal made Kayla's ears twitch, "What gave it away?"

"It would explain why she asked me about making a bow for Spider. And--" she takes a small whiff of the air around her mate's sister, "You smell like her. Tonowari, too."

"... I see. Don't tell Jake."

She raised a hairless brow at the other woman, "I will not need to. He will smell it."

Kayla pointedly doesn't blink, finally staring directly into Neytiri's eyes with a stern expression, "Which is why I am avoiding him at the moment."

Neytiri quietly observes Kayla, yellow eyes piercing into one another's gaze, trying to sniff out each other's thoughts. The Omatikaya woman is wracked with bafflement. It is a beautiful thing for one to finally find their mate, or, in this case, mates. It should never be something to be ashamed of, as newly mated pairs often run to their families to excitedly share the news. The fact that Kayla would rather hide and avoid Jake baffles Neytiri. She wanted to hiss and scold both of the former sawtute for what was clearly a spat between siblings, along with a dash of pride, but at this time and place, she knew Kayla wouldn't accept nor appreciate her scolding. 

Still, it bothered the Na'vi woman. Neytiri knew the two siblings had a lot of conflict between them, but to go as far as to not share such wonderful news with each other? Neytiri would give anything to be in Kayla's position. She would've given anything to be able to excitedly share life updates with her own sister once more. Sylwanin used to love hearing how Neytiri's day went before bed, even though Neytiri wasn't in turn thrilled to hear about what her sister and Tsu'tey would get up to in the woods. Then again, Neytiri was the only person her sister trusted with that information, and it shattered Neytiri's heart to think how she had taken that for granted. She will never make that same mistake again, and any secrets Sylwanin entrusted to her will die with Neytiri.

Hence why she couldn't bring herself to deny Kayla when the other woman was clearly trying to tell her not to share her secrets with Jake. Neytiri exhaled through her nose and nodded in defeat, "I will not breathe a word." 

Kayla stiffly nodded and briefly looked away, peering over her shoulder to see if Rutxa was still waiting for her. Neytiri's conflict was easily undetected, watching Kayla when the avatar wasn't looking with a pained expression in her eyes. Everything that had come between the two women lately was pounding against Neytiri's skull, begging her to say something, to make things right, to finally confess her sins out loud. It has been plaguing her ever since the boy-- ever since Spider confronted her about her distaste and mistreatment toward him. Ever since he made her stand in the eyes of her inner demons, her hidden thoughts no longer feel as hidden as they used to be and she's been struggling to accept everything he said was true. 

'Denial is a river in Egypt.' It's a phrase she's not familiar with, but it's something she remembered Grace used to say when Neytiri was a child. When the scientist explained what it meant, somehow it threaded its way into Neytiri's head, and she had yet to forget about it. No one could deny Neytiri's grief after everything she's been through, but neither could anyone deny how unfair she had been to Spider his whole life. Despite knowing how innocent he was, Neytiri refused to See him. Despite eventually accepting Jake and loving him for who he is, she couldn't do the same for Spider, and despite knowing how that hurt the child, she didn't care. Or at least-- not at the time. The fact that she didn't care for a child and his feelings was something she came to terms with long ago, but staring Kayla in the face and simply stating she wasn't Spider's mother haunted Neytiri in her sleep. 

The expression Kayla gave terrified Neytiri, guilt riddled her mind and heart. She didn't originally care how her words might hurt Spider, but the guilt she felt when her words affected Kayla felt like she took an arrow through the stomach. It only got worse when Neytiri took the time to look around and see everyone else's reactions. Those who mattered most to her, her husband and her children, all had looked at her as though they didn't recognize her. They looked at her as if she was some sort of monster. After spending time to herself, replaying her words to Spider and everyone's faces, Neytiri finally admitted to herself that they were right. She was a monster. She might not be like Quaritch, but she shouldn't go around and pretend she was better than him, especially after they both held a child at knifepoint for the sake of another.

Neytiri had looked down at her reflection in the water that same day -the day Spider called her out- and suddenly realized she no longer recognized herself. Even though there were things no one could blame her for, there were still moments in her life where Neytiri knew she could've done better. Yes, she let her children play with Spider, but she never once acknowledged him. She didn't have to claim him as hers, but she could've at least made the boy feel welcome. She could've invited him to a family dinner at least once, or given a comment or two on how to properly hold a bow when she caught him trying to teach himself. 

So many instances flash over Neytiri's eyes, instances where she could have shown kindness or care to a little orphaned boy who had done nothing but admire her family and love her children with every fiber of his little being. But she didn't. And when she thought back to the young woman she used to be... before Hometree and before her father... before Tsu'tey and Sylwanin... that young woman would have shown such kindness to Spider. By Eywa, that young woman might have even grown to love him as she had grown to love Jake.

Regret will forever be her friend as Neytiri finally comes to accept that she was wrong. Feeling a little more courageous with Kayla's eyes no longer on her, Neytiri spoke up once more, albeit a little more softly, and with the most sincere regret, "I am sorry."

Unaware of Neytiri's internal conflict, Kayla's eyes return to hers, squinting with disapproval, "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

Neytiri pressed her eyes shut for a moment, the guilt bleeding into her expression as her ears pinned back against her skull, "I am sorry to you as well. I had threatened your son. I almost killed him in front of you."

"He's n--" Kayla's words caught in her throat, then she swallowed them down and looked away again, trying to hide the small pain in her voice, "Thank you."

Neytiri nods, voice a little more sure, "I would not be any better than the monster who took my son away from me if I took yours."

Kayla wanted to be firm and agree, but her tongue swelled in her mouth, with something itching at the back of her mind that told her not to sound petty and vindictive. A question kept nagging at her, the same question Kiri once asked her. What would she have done if she was in Neytiri's place that night? It was a scenario she couldn't imagine in her head, even if she could imagine a lot. 

She hesitates, her posture relaxing and less guarded as she softly asks, "Can... can you explain it to me? So that I can try to understand?"

A visible wince flashed over Neytiri's expression, her eyes wide with distress in response to Kayla's question. Neytiri wasn't sure she could describe what she felt... not without breaking down, that is. Then again, it had been the first time anyone had asked her how she felt instead of just assuming and giving her time to herself. She didn't want that anymore. She's had plenty of time to herself, and a part of her was angry at everyone who continued to give her a wide berth. Solitude was something she no longer needed, and she wanted everyone to stop treating her like she was going to break.

Perhaps talking about it was something Neytiri needed just as much as Kayla in order to feel some sort of comfort. The idea makes her take a deep breath and slowly answer, "It is not the same as losing a parent, in my eyes. I lost my father, and even though I miss him every day, we are told that our parents will join Eywa before us and that they will be waiting for us there when we eventually do the same. For a child... it's different. A parent should always go before their child. That should always be the way of things... and that was stolen from me. You might not know this, but you should be prepared for when Ronal has her child. When we are born, the first tsaheylu is with our mother. To form that strong and emotional bond. To lose the first child I ever bonded with--"

Kayla's tail and ears lower, blinking rapidly to contain hidden pain, her imagination running wild with everything Neytiri had described. It helped that Neytiri was trying to explain it... but Kayla couldn't imagine how it must feel for a grieving mother to say all of this out loud.

Neytiri sucks in a sharp, wheezing breath, but it wavers and her lips begin to quiver. Her eyes grow wet with tears as her hand reaches up to try and gently claw at her chest, visibly and verbally shaking, "The pain for my father and even my sister do not compare... I feel as though I have a gaping wound in my chest that will not stop bleeding. It's always there, ever flowing, and I cannot take a breath without remembering it. My baby who I had kept safe inside me for so long... suddenly ripped from my arms before he could find love... or have a family... or be the olo'eyktan he was always meant to be... I had always wanted to see him as a father, and now I will never have that."

Saying it out loud felt as though she was living Neteyam's death all over again. Fresh tears spilled down Neytiri's beautiful face, carving a familiar path down her cheeks as a sob interrupted her explanation. Her chest squeezed painfully, and her sobs only got worse as Kayla suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, purposely hiding Neytiri's face as the grieving mother continued to cry her heart out, wishing she could just be numb. Neytiri didn't miss the way Kayla buried her own wet face to hide from the world, nuzzled into Neytiri's shoulder. The female Na'vi continued to sob, and even though the grief was still too fresh, it helped to have finally put it all into words. It helped to know that someone was trying to understand her when she felt as though everyone else could only pity her. 

"I'm sorry..." Kayla whispered as Neytiri's cries began to subside, "I could never imagine what that feels like."

Neytiri didn't miss how her shoulder felt wet where Kayla's face lay, and something inside the Na'vi woman snapped into place. She didn't want Kayla to imagine. She didn't even want Kayla to understand because that would mean having her sister-in-law go through the same agony she went through. Neytiri didn't want anyone to go through the loss of a child, let alone her husband's dear sister. The thought of having Kayla go through pain similar to hers nearly brought Neytiri to anger. Determined and dry of her tears, Neytiri pulled away, lifting her hands to rest gently on Kayla's shoulders, fixing her with a sharp eye.

"I do not want you to ever experience this pain. I do not want you to end up like me, ma tsmuke."

Kayla shook her head, "There's nothing that says it's wrong to end up like you. You're a good woman and a good mother. You're fiercely protective of your children. Any mother would thrive if they were even remotely like you," watching doubt and pain creep back up Neytiri's face drives Kayla to quickly add, "And I was wrong if I ever suggested otherwise. I never blamed you for protecting your children, Neytiri."

"I know," the Na'vi woman whispers, eyes briefly lowering to the ground in shame, "But I should have never belittled you for protecting yours."

The two women stand in silence once more, now filled with understanding as two mothers protecting their young. With her newfound determination, Neytiri raises her head high, straightens her posture, and stiffly nods, "If you'll allow me, I will go apologize to the boy."

Kayla is silent for the moment, carefully watching Neytiri before slowly replying, "... I better not hear that you hurt him again."

"You won't." 

And with that, both women nod and part ways. Neytiri moves back in the direction of her ikran while Kayla stands still and watches her leave. Wiping the remaining tear tracks on her face as she walked, a thought crossed Neytiri's mind, making her pause in her tracks. A brief memory of Sylwanin flashes through her mind, happy and glowing as she tells Neytiri that Tsu'tey had begun courting her. It was a small pain in her heart at the memory, a small pinprick of a needle, faint but still causing her heart to bleed at the thought of her sister. Swiftly turning back around, Neytiri briefly sees Sylwanin in the flesh, standing there with a beaming smile before the facade fades, and reverts back to Makayla, whose head was tilted while quizzically watching Neytiri. 

Neytiri's breath stuttered for a moment before the words began to tumble from her mouth, "For what it is worth, ma tsmuke, I am happy for you. If Ronal or Tonowari or either of them hurt you, I will kill them for you."

The words briefly stun Kayla, eyes wide and jaw open with shock, before the spell breaks and she finds herself laughing. The needle in Neytiri's heart fades, along with the pain of her sister's memory. Neytiri found herself smiling as well, proud that she pulled such a reaction from her new sister.

~~~~~~~~~

As promised, Spider came home before dinner, and Kayla looked up from cleaning her AR with a smile, "Hey, kiddo."

"Do you have to do that a lot?" Spider tilts his head down at the weapon with curiosity, then briefly looks back at his charge, "Will it not work otherwise?"

Kayla rolls her lips, unsure of how to explain to a child who prefers the life of a Na'vi compared to humans. She shakes her head, "It could jam, for one. I have to clean it for the same reason you have to eat. It needs to function."

Spider nods and says nothing else, which sounds off a dozen other bells in Kayla's head, quick to understand that his questions and attempt at small talk usually meant something else was going on and he was deflecting. She knows that behavior all too well. She sets the weapon aside and gives all her attention to the teen, knowingly smirking at him, "What's up?"

His eyes immediately dart away, arms folding in around him as if to protect what little there was left to hide. He looked embarrassed, ashamed he had been caught as he mumbled under his breath, "Neytiri apologized."

Her expression melts into something solemn and sincere, nodding once, "I know."

"Did you make her?" He asked with suspicion in his gaze.

"No, but she asked me if she could."

"How come?"

Kayla shrugged, feigning innocence as she tried to play nonchalantly, "I'm guessing she was under the impression I didn't want her anywhere near you."

He stared at her for a while, unconvinced, "Right."

Then he moved on to the next topic, "'You gonna break your link tonight?"

Kayla groaned quietly, playfully rolling her eyes up at the ceiling of the marui, "Yeah. Norm radioed earlier to pester me, and I figured I'd see how everyone was doing. 'You need me to tell him anything?"

"My spares' got plenty of battery. I'll be good for a while. Tell everyone I said hi."

"You got it."

~~~~~~~~~

She wakes in the link bay with a queasy stomach and a splitting headache.

It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time she broke her link, but the moment the blinding lights of the biolab flashed in Kayla's face as the lid of the gurney was lifted, she felt her stomach turn and she had to bite the inside of her cheek. 

Sitting up with a stifled groan, Kayla holds her head in her hand, trying to stop the bright room from spinning. Norm, dutifully standing beside her with his arms crossed, decided not to beat around the bush, even in her weakened state, 

"You can't keep doing this, ya know. Staying back there for long periods of time is going to kill your body here, one day at a time. It's safe to say you've reached the limit of human-avatar links."

"Maybe that's a good thing, Norm," Kayla muttered, able to roll her shoulders back and sit up straight without feeling dizzy, "With data like that, the RDA won't be able to get the go-ahead with building avatars for civilians. This can keep them at bay for a while."

"But it's not a good thing for you, Kayla."

"I know. I just..." she tried waving it off, avoiding Norm's narrowed gaze like a child being scolded, "I just need a little more time."

Norm scoffed, unimpressed, "You're stubborn. Just like your brother."

When that doesn't pull a reaction out of her, Spellman decides to break more bad news, "There's more. Scouts have reported seeing a rogue ikran dressed in military gear flying through the mountains, and it's pretty close to our base. They've confirmed the rider to be Colonel Miles Quaritch."

Clouded eyes flick briefly to Norm, widened with shock before Kayla looks away again, exhaling her opinion, "Fuck."

"I thought maybe you could tell Jake for me when you get back."

Kayla is silent for a few moments before she replies, "No. No, let's not tell him."

"What?" Norm rustled.

"If we tell Jake, he'll just wanna come back and track Quaritch down. Maybe that's what Quaritch wants. Right now, Jake needs to be with his family instead of looking for revenge."

Kayla's eyes return to her friend's, wide and pleading, "Please, Norm. Please don't tell him."

They have a silent stand-off, the occasional sound of machinery breaking said silence. Eventually, Norm's posture sinks in defeat, making him look smaller and older than he actually is, "... Fine."

"Swear it."

"I swear it... unless he asks me."

Kayla scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Fine."

"... When you say you need more time, I meant when I said you're just like your brother."

She silently watched him with confusion but didn't verbally ask what he meant, waiting for him to elaborate. Norm looks off to a far wall, recounting very distant memories he hadn't thought of in years, "He was also running out of time, and he was getting desperate. He said he needed more time; time to see Neytiri again."

When Norm looked back at Kayla, he noticed she was purposely keeping her own gaze glued to the floor, her long matted hair covering most of her face, mumbling to a point where he struggled to hear her, "It's not like that this time."

"You're lying." Norm immediately retorts, taking a gamble on his theory when Kayla doesn't immediately try to defend herself. They both knew she was lying only to herself, and Norm didn't hesitate to point it out, "Something's changed."

Seeing no point in lying or keeping it secret, Kayla sighs, "Tonowari and Ronal have officially asked to court me."

Norm's eyes widen, "And...?"

"I agreed but asked to wait on the rest of it until I'm officially one of the People."

"Smart..." He couldn't help it. He needed to lighten the mood and feel a little smug. Norm deserved that much as a boastful smile spread across his face, "Also 'I told you so.'"

Kayla scowls, her eyes finally looking up at him to express how stolid she felt, "Dick."

He snorts, unaffected, finally moving to sit down next to her on the gurney, "So... do they know about... you know... the fact you can't have kids?"

Her posture visibly stiffened, "It didn't come up, no."

"That's probably something you need to discuss with them, Kayla, and soon."

"I know."

His hand reaches out to lightly tap her knee, "I am not saying that it'll be a deal-breaker for them. I don't think they'll care, to be honest. But you don't keep secrets from the people you love."

"Hey," she nudged him back, trying to force a teasing smile on her face, "Why do you think I'm telling you all this?"

"How sweet," Norm scoffs goodnaturedly, "But that's just you trying to deflect."

~~~~~~~~~

It was strange being able to sleep in the shack again, and even more strange to be the only occupant. Kayla looked around the tiny man-made space, eyes flicking to her bunk, the desk, the small kitchenette, and then the vacant wheelchair she never had the heart to throw out when she first arrived at High Camp. It now lay folded up and leaning against the corner wall, former white letters that spelled 'Sully' now unrecognizable. A fond smile graced her lips when she thought back to the three weeks she and Spider stayed here and the teenager struggled to figure out how to balance on the accessible chair as it rocked on its back wheels. The attempt ended with him falling and rolling backward and leaving Kayla in a fit of uncontrollable laughter that he eventually joined.

The thought of her boy made her chest squeeze uncomfortably for a moment, the feeling of loneliness suddenly very apparent in this small shack. How strange that she was sitting in a place she had once tried to call home, but now she felt homesick for an island that was oceans away, or in her case, one neural link away. Realistically, she could go lay down in a link bay and wake up in her marui, awaken to Spider's nivi swinging slowly just off to the side of hers as he sleeps. Kayla shook her head and smiled to herself, amused at the idea of walking to the link bay only to be intercepted by either Norm or Max, both men who had adamantly told her not to link back until it was early morning in Awa'atlu so both her human and avatar form could receive separate reprieve. 

As much as she would like to entertain the idea of rest, the lingering silence in her shack made it feel as though the walls were closing in around her. Kayla knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if she were alone, so she kept herself busy instead, starting with her overgrown hair.

Looking into the mirror that night, a small sense of normalcy returned when she had managed to cut her hair to the same short length she had when she first arrived on Pandora. While her reflection didn't initially scare her anymore without any matted long hair or sunken eyes, Kayla still had a hard time recognizing the woman in the mirror without blue skin or a piercing yellow gaze. It felt wrong and her skin prickled and itched with this revelation. A twisted part inside of her wanted to try and scratch her face off until she recognized it, but she refrained from doing so, knowing how delusional it sounded. It felt as though she was living in someone else's body and she needed to return to hers despite the logical voice in her head reminding her that she was born in this body, as a human, not a Na'vi, and she was foolish to believe otherwise.

The unrealistic voice in her head argued that there was nothing wrong with being a little foolish.

~~~~~~~~~

Waking in her avatar gave Kayla a wave of relief, sitting up in her hammock and stretching as if she had never left. The worries of the night before are immediately forgotten as she and Spider venture out of the home to search for friends and family.

The three reef children Spider has been associating himself with were the first of the day to greet them, and it was clear that the silent news of the Metkayina's clan leaders' courtship was not lost to their children. Kayla was surprised when Tsireya ran up and hugged the older woman's waist, the girl giddy and unable to contain her bright smile. Spider tilts his head curiously at the interaction but otherwise says nothing. 

Kayla took a peek at the girl's brother and saw a slightly different story. Ao'nung was glaring, but not at Kayla or Spider. Ao'nung was scowling at Rotxo, the latter of whom looked gobsmacked while staring up at Kayla, unable to hide his shock even as he turned to his best friend to see his reaction. Ao'nung only scoffed and shoved Rotxo's surprised face away with one hand, mumbling to Spider that they should get a move on.

"Where are we going?" Spider asked curiously. 

"Father wanted to show you how to weave our fishing baskets."

His play on words wasn't lost to the group, certainly not to Kayla and Spider. The adult avatar managed to hold back the wince at the thought of Spider silently noting how Ao'nung didn't say 'my father', but did her best to pretend she didn't even notice. Instead, Kayla decided to follow Ao'nung and Spider to the chieftain's marui, while Tsireya and Rotxo had split up to do some chores, promising to catch up with the other reef and Sully kids later. 

Tonowari greeted them as they entered, both he and Kayla sharing a secret smile as she crouched down beside him. Having many obligations around the village yesterday, the olo'eyktan had only been able to see Kayla from a distance and had yet to get a better look at how she appeared in her new top apart from what Ronal had described to him. Kayla could tell how much he enjoyed seeing her wearing his courting gift by the way his large hand grazed over her skin, encompassing her back whenever both Ao'nung and Spider were occupied with the task he had given them.

The two teenagers were busy weaving large pieces of what would eventually become a fishing basket between them, taking up a lot of floor space with the amount of dry grass, seaweed, and pliant wood being used to fashion and form such a large item. Tonowari was mostly instructing Spider on how to do it since Ao'nung was already skilled in basket weaving, but the chief's son was also impatient and this served as a way to tame such impulse. The olo'eyktan works effortlessly alongside them, his words gentle yet stern,

"Work together, like brothers. You are building a house. You're building your village. You're building a family."

Kayla restrains her smile, despite how warm her chest felt while watching the three of them work together in weaving. She allowed herself to play at the idea of this image being hers one day without trying to get her hopes up. As she watches Tonowari instruct Ao'nung and Spider to take turns weaving their basket pieces together, she gives into the desire to call them 'my boys'... but only in her head.

~~~~~~~~~

Flashing lights, spinning faster and faster while his eyes are forced wide open to watch, feeling as though something sharp was penetrating his skull, embedding itself into his memories...

His screams go unheard this time, and no one comes to stop the machine, not even Quaritch, as the blood drips from his nose, bare skin cold against metal. Spider feels as though his head is going to explode--

Sitting up in his nivi, Spider finds himself gasping for air while his eyes try to get accustomed to darkness... no flashing lights in sight. His hammock gently swings with him as he moves, his mind taking an embarrassingly long time to remember where he was. Spider takes a bunch of large, greedy gulps of air, his breathing mask hissing in tandem, while he looks around the marui to remember he isn't alone. 

Kayla was sitting up in her hammock and carefully watching him. Spider's mind briefly felt shame for being responsible for waking her, but he was too busy breathing to form an apology. It's not like she would accept it anyway. The two of them have already spent countless nights waking up due to Spider's nightmares, and Kayla has been adamant in assuring him that he wasn't at fault for any of it. Once she knows Spider is aware of her presence, Kayla silently stands up and moves over to the kid, standing over his nivi as he's sitting up, starting to relax.

When trying to talk, his throat felt raw and his voice only added to it, "... Hey."

"Hey," Kayla bravely reaches out to cup the back of his head, her hand a gentle, warm weight that feels a lot better than a cold, metal slab, "Was it the scanner again?"

He nods, but the moment Kayla goes to step away, something inside him panics. It felt stupid and childish, but Spider couldn't stop the impulse that made his arms move around Kayla's torso and pull her into a tight hug, pressing his mask up against her ribs as his body started to uncontrollably shake.

Kayla froze, arms raised in the air with hesitancy, blinking multiple times to ensure she was still wide awake and not just imagining this. The teenager only burrows further into her as if she had just found him lost in a shopping mall. For several seconds, she didn't even dare to breathe so as not to spook him before she eventually began to relax and gently settle her large arms around his shoulders, her voice softer than before,

"Alright... it's alright, Spider. You're safe now. What do you need?"

"Just," Spider huffed, feeling incredibly stupid yet distressed at the same time. He knows he shouldn't be acting so small and meek, but the idea of going back to sleep terrified him, "Talk. About anything."

The marui is filled with silence as Kayla wracks her brain to come up with things to say, and then decides that now might as well be as good of a time as any, especially if it meant helping distract Spider from his nightmares, "... Ronal and Tonowari have asked me to be their mate."

Initially, he's quiet while digesting the news, but he's honestly not surprised. He thinks back to the way both clan leaders and even their children had been treating him differently today and the day before. It explains the certain looks Spider has seen other Metkayina give Kayla and her new attire... and it would possibly explain Neytiri's sudden apology to him.

Instead of pointing all of these signs out to his guardian, Spider just snorts in his mask and keeps his arms around her waist, "I told you so."

"Shut up," Kayla huffed under her breath, but even he could tell there was no heat behind it, especially since her arms only tightened around him, "I'm not taking an 'I told you so' remark from a sixteen-year-old, especially since I already got that from Norm. I'm dense, okay?"

Spider laughed and let the silence linger for a minute before reopening his mouth, "... So? Did you accept?"

"Not entirely. I told them I wanted to wait until after my Iknimaya is complete."

"Makes sense. That's usually the way it goes. Courting sometimes lasts years for the Na'vi, so it's not entirely something they wouldn't be used to. You did the right thing."

Kayla's tail leisurely sways behind her, the tone in her voice sounding hopeful, "You think so?"

He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to feel like a child for once, to be held and comforted before he answers quietly, "Yeah. I do." 

~~~~~~~~~

While it was an honest answer, there were slightly different intentions behind it. Spider was impressed by the way Kayla handled her courtship, and any respectable Na'vi would approve of her mature decision to wait. However, Spider now felt as though he was racing against the clock, and at least this way, he still had some time to prove himself useful.

Now that he was proven right that Ronal and Tonowari did, in fact, wish to mate with Kayla, Spider felt the need to work harder and become a more willing and helpful individual. He did what he could without the ability to connect with a tswin and tried to always give a helping hand whenever and wherever. Offering help wasn't hard, especially if he offered it to Tsireya since she always had something for him to do, but some Na'vi still have a hard time accepting Spider's help for... obvious reasons.

But even if the Metkayina didn't want his help, the human teen wasn't just going to lie down in defeat. He found many ways of helping around the village, either by his friends' side or himself, now that everyone wasn't as worried about leaving him alone. Other than to help with chores, Spider barely spent time with his friends outside of work, too busy trying to keep himself relevant. He wanted-- no, needed to pull his weight, too ashamed of the idea of being useless to the point he would get left behind again. As silly as he felt for still having such fears... it was still warranted. He wanted to give the Metkayina a chance to trust him and consider him a viable part of this village so they wouldn't make him leave. As much as he missed the Forest, he couldn't bear the thought of going back alone. So if his friends and his... guardian were staying here, then so was he, and he was determined to prove that he deserved to stay here.

These thoughts plagued him almost every waking moment and thus distracted him from the world around him. While Spider was busy gutting and cleaning some fish Lo'ak had caught, he was approached by the very clan leaders he sought to impress, but hadn't noticed their presence until they spoke,

"Hello, Spider."

Spider's posture straightens instinctively in response to Tonowari's strong voice. Looking to his right, the teenager glanced up and met eyes with the olo'eyktan, standing tall beside his mate and greeting the boy with a pleasant smile. Spider stood up and appropriately greeted the clan leaders with a gesture of his hand and a small, almost sheepish smile, "Hello."

"Is your bow of any use?"

It was difficult to see behind the mask, but Tonowari could've sworn Spider's eyes brightened at the mention of his bow, "It's solid and nicely made. Thanks again."

"Of course."

Spider briefly glanced at the silent Ronal, and he felt as though he imagined  the smile on the tsahik's face and quickly looked away to pretend he didn't see it, "Uh... is there anything I can do for you two?"

While Ronal may or may not have been smiling, Spider dared to describe Ronal's tone as sounding almost light when she spoke, "There might be."

Tonowari chuckled at her being vague and decided to specify for the boy who looked between the two of them with such confusion, "We came to ask for your blessing."

The boy tilts his head, "My... blessing?"

"To court your guardian, Makayla te Suli."

Spider appeared uneasy by their motive, crossing his arms over his chest while the confusion was still evident, "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you be asking Jake?"

Ronal snorts lightheartedly, "Makayla has been vocal about who we should and shouldn't be asking for permission. It's not her brother's approval she wants, it's yours."

He stood there, motionless, trying to figure out the ever-growing puzzle in his head that was made in Kayla's image. He didn't know why she would tell both of her future mates to seek him out over Jake, someone who was related to her by blood, despite their differences. While Spider understood that Makayla felt responsible for him, that didn't mean he was suddenly entitled to any life-changing decisions she had to make. It's not like her decision to join Ronal and Tonowari's family would affect Spider... much.

The idea of being left in an empty marui came to mind, but he quickly stomped the image down, glancing off toward the ocean as he finally gave the two clan leaders his answer, "Then... yeah, I guess it's fine."

~~~~~~~~~

They must have told Kayla his answer, because once she returned home, Spider was met with a cautious look in her eyes,

"And you're really okay with this?" She asked without even greeting him.

Knowing what she was talking about without even asking, Spider only looked at her with the same confusion he had given Ronal and Tonowari, "Yeah?"

"Kid, I'm not doing anything that's going to make you uncomfortable."

Guilt ate away at his stomach, his sole purpose of trying to remain useful to the Metkayina still at the forefront of his mind. He didn't want Kayla to hold herself back for the sake of his comfort. That would only make him a burden and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed to prove that he didn't need her should the day come when she moved into the chieftain's marui and he was left behind.

Trying to keep his expression neutral, Spider tried to explain this to her without having to go into detail about his insecurities, "They're going to be your family someday, not mine."

Realization dawns on Kayla as her eyes widen, "Is that what you want?" When he doesn't answer, keeping his head lowered, Kayla tries a different approach when she feels as though she was onto something, "'Cause personally, I'd rather have you with me on this. I go where you go, kiddo and anyone who gets with me will have to deal with that."

Stunned, he looked up at her with disbelief, unable to help how accusatory his voice sounded, "Why? Why do you care so much?"

There it is. A question that should've been asked a long time ago, but Spider had always been afraid to ask, so confident that he wouldn't like the answer. As for Kayla, she had always been afraid of the day he'd finally ask her because she wasn't sure if she would be able to say the right thing or even give an honest answer. Half the time, she knew she was winging it when it came to taking care of Spider, but... isn't that what most people have been telling her parenting is all about? As much as she wished to continue being stubborn about it or outright refuse it, Kayla had to admit to herself that even if she would never be Spider's mother, she was the closest thing he had to a parental figure. And... she knew, deep down, that's what she wanted but she had been putting her own wants aside if it meant that's not what Spider wanted.

But clearly, he wanted to make sense as to why she wanted him to be comfortable with their new clan leaders, along with everything that came with them, so finally, Kayla took a deep breath and put it all out on the table, "Because you're a kid, Spider, and you deserve a family. I'm asking you if I can officially be your family. And who knows, maybe one day Ronal, Tonowari, and their kids could be your family."

Spider sucked in a sharp breath of air without realizing it, the soft hiss of his mask filling the marui. His nerves made him want to instinctually laugh it off like she was joking, but he didn't picture Kayla to be the kind of person who joked about such things, especially when he was involved. Replaying her words in his head, he almost believed he imagined it; like it was muffled in the back of his mind because that's what he wanted to hear her say... and yet the words had matched up with her mouth as she spoke... had he imagined it?

There was a small, nasty voice in the back of his head telling him that of course, he imagined it because why in her right mind would Kayla want to be his family? He's nothing but trouble and Kayla was being courted by the leaders of the Metkayina, two respected individuals whose image would surely be ruined by Spider's very presence. 

Another small, more kind voice in his head told Spider that Kayla was right and that he deserved to have a family. Sure, it might not be the family he was born into or the family he had wanted practically his whole life, but it could be his, the family he actually needed. He thought of Ao'nung and Tsireya, two Na'vi who had become such unlikely friends... and yet they could be more? Ronal and Tonowari, who have been decent to him, could potentially be more?

Of course, there's also Kayla, the female avatar who looked unsure as she stood before Spider, staring down at him with fear as if she had said the wrong thing. He couldn't possibly hope that this was her intention, and so he swallowed the dryness in his throat before hesitantly replying,

"So... you're not asking if I'm comfortable about this for... other reasons?"

She frowned, "What other reasons?"

"I don't know..." he shrugged and found himself looking away, sheepish to admit it, "I thought you were asking me all this to make sure I would be okay with getting left alone again when you inevitably go to be with them."

He didn't see the way Kayla's eyes briefly widen in horror before she cursed under her breath, crouching down beside him while bravely placing a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, "Shit, Spider-- I'm sorry. I can see why that looked bad. No, I'm not leaving you alone just because I intend on seeing someone. I take my responsibilities very seriously, thank you very much."

Ah, yes. Responsibilty. That's who he was to Kayla. It was a good reminder for Spider not to get his hopes up, a reminder that Kayla was a parental figure, but she could never be more than that. He didn't dare glance over at the bookshelf where his mother's picture was displayed, not wanting Kayla to misinterpret anything. 

"... Okay."

Kayla's eyebrows furrow, trying not to appear hopeful, "Okay?"

He nods, "Okay."

Kayla smiled then, more confidently and unaware of Spider's hidden thoughts, but he smiled back, regardless. She squeezed his shoulder once more before pulling away, humming with a small, playful tone in her voice as she mentioned, "You know, eventually we'll have to move in with them, right? Are you comfortable with that? You know that families usually pile together at night."

Spider's face slowly begins to contort with uncertainty, "... You and I aren't used to that."

"Nope. We're not."

Nervously, he smiles, "Shit. Is that a dealbreaker?"

The laughter Kayla let out was cheerful and full of life. It was also contagious as Spider found himself laughing as well, and despite his doubt, there was a small bit of weight that had to been lifted from his shoulders. Despite being unsure of what the future holds for him... at the very least, there was going to be someone to keep him safe. Whether or not Kayla could be his family she mentioned, there was also the uncertainty of whether or not the clan leaders and their children would think the same. Either way, his acceptance clearly made Kayla happy, and he didn't want to ruin that with his insecurities. 

~~~~~~~~~

If there's one thing Jake can confidently say about his sister, it's that if she wants him to know something, she'll tell him. 

It was obvious to everyone that Kayla was not afraid to tell Jake whatever she was thinking. She's not afraid to speak her mind to him, no matter how brutal, and while there are times that Jake secretly appreciates it, lately it's been disheartening due to recent... obvious incidents.

So, when Kayla avoided him for two days, Toruk Makto enjoyed the peace and quiet, but Neytiri gave him a knowing expression that told him he wasn't being very true to himself in those moments. He eventually had to admit to himself that the silence was getting to him and he would've preferred his little sister yelling at him than straight up avoiding his presence. He eventually gave in and sought her out on the third day. 

He finds his sister in her marui with Spider that morning, rolling up their separate nivi and getting prepared for the day ahead. Jake watches them for a moment, still unsure of how to address them if neither was going to admit they were mother and son, before announcing his presence. Kayla, once laid back and content, ready to face the day, now looked tense and wary at the sound of her brother's voice. Jake tried not to let it bother him, keeping his expression neutral as he offered to assist Kayla with any chores she had.

She agreed, with reluctance, and moved to meet him in the doorway. Jake did his best to keep his face impassive, but he struggled when Kayla walked close enough to the point he could catch a whiff of her scent. It was by no means her own, or the one Jake had affiliated as his sister whenever she was near. It smelled familiar, but it wasn't Kayla's and while it was faint, it was definitely new. It bothered him for a moment as both he and Kayla walked out of the marui together,his brain trying to conjure where he had smelled that particular scent before. While Jake wanted to mention it, he wisely doesn't say a word for many reasons. The whole scent debacle was a Na'vi thing and he could understand if Kayla wasn't entirely comfortable about the concept, and she may not understand it fully herself. 

And like before, he knows that if there's something Kayla wants him to know, she'll tell him.

Kayla had asked Jake to help her with a canoe she's been wanting to make for a while now, and so together they conjured up the necessary supplies and started hauling it all back to her pod. She trailed behind Jake, silent for the most part, and the tension in the air was palpable, almost worse than the silent treatment she had been giving her brother for a few days. Jake knew something was right on the tip of her tongue, practically hearing the gears in her head without even needing to see her face as he walked in front of her. It was the same, intense silence he remembered experiencing when she was younger, right before she came out to her brothers. Tommy, ever the nurturing sibling, was worried for Kayla and had gently told her that if there was something she'd like to get off her chest, he and Jake would always hear her out, and no matter what, they would always be there for her.

Jake felt his chest squeeze painfully at the memory, so he was glad to distract himself from it when Kayla's voice suddenly spoke up from behind him,

"Jake."

He continued to walk towards her home as it drew near, ear tilted back in her direction, over his shoulder, "Hm?"

"There's something I got to tell you--" 

She paused, and before Jake could ask her to elaborate, a soft thud from behind him gently rattled the woven pathway beneath his feet, followed by the sound of a large splash. Jake frowned and turned back around, only for his sister to no longer be standing there. In her place, was the basket of supplies she had been carrying, the contents spilled across the walkway and even rolling into the water below, the soft plopping sound of small items crashing into the water filling the air while Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

Something heavy falls in Jake's gut, as his ears point up and dance around in alertness. He reacts fast by quickly setting down his items and sprinting to the edge of the path, looking down into the water.

"Kayla!"

He sees a small shadow, quickly growing smaller as it sinks further into the water. It was the only thing that crossed his mind before diving into the sea.

The loud splash followed by Jake's distressed voice calling out to Makayla grabbed Spider's attention and steps out of the kelku, just in time to see the revered Toruk Makto diving straight into the water, abandoning baskets full of spilled supplies all along the pathway in his panicked rush. Spider's heart plummets in the five seconds Jake was underwater, and when the older man had yet to break the surface, Spider found himself running down the woven path toward the spot Jake had jumped from, even if he didn't believe he could be much help to a large, full-sized Na'vi, fearing the worst.

By the time Spider reached the deserted supplies scattered across the walkway, Jake had finally resurfaced, gasping for air while water spilled into his eyes and ears. The former marine struggled to paddle with just one arm back toward the path walk while trying to keep a fully grown female avatar afloat, her closed eyes doing nothing to help the panic begin to eat away at her brother's chest.

Despite being small, Spider scrambled to help Jake lift Kayla's body out of the water, hooking his arms underneath hers and lifting with all his might with a soft grunt. Jake helped by lifting Kayla's legs out of the water, and once she was lying across the pathway on her back, Jake lifted himself out of the water before frantically crawling over to her, gently shoving Spider out of Kayla's space so he could inspect her for injuries.

Nothing visible appeared to be wrong with her, but Kayla's eyes remained closed and when Jake initially dragged her out of the water, he couldn't help but notice how lifeless her body moved. Or, in a sense, didn't move.

"Hey!" Jake practically yelled in her face, his hand beginning to gently pat her cheek, only for the motion to grow into harsher slaps the longer she refused to open her eyes.

The panic that was beginning to rise up to Jake's throat only added to the stern, angry tone in his voice as he yelled at his sister's face, "Heyheyhey, wake up. Kayla!"

"Kayla?" Spider's voice called out, less afraid of sounding panicked while fear was evident behind his mask when directing his attention to Jake, "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know..." Jake initially replied before pausing his train of thought, a sinking feeling of familiarity washing over him when he started to analyze Kayla's symptoms and recognize the signs. It had been over a decade... but he'd seen this happen before, and the thought scared him.

"Spider, do you have your flashlight?"

Without asking for an explanation, Spider hands him the flashlight he kept in a small pouch of necessities he had tied around his loincloth.

"There we go..." Jake mutters under his breath almost as if trying to soothe and reassure himself, turning on the flashlight before leaning over Kayla's face. He takes his free hand and forces one of her eyelids to peel back, shining the bright light directly into her eye before moving on to the other one. 

Her pupils don't move or even dilate, confirming Jake's growing fear, "Shit. She's not in there."

"What?" Spider croaked, suddenly hating the way his eyes felt warm.

"She's not in there," Jake automatically explained, "Something or someone interrupted her link." 

Jake tries catching his breath, willing himself to regain a bit of self-control. He didn't want to assume the worst, but at the very least, Kayla wasn't dead, and her avatar didn't appear to be injured. For all he knew, Kayla had simply woken up hundreds of miles away, among their human allies and the Omatikaya. He'll just have to make a call back to High Camp and they can sort out this small situation. Nothing major... 

He kept telling himself that as he bent down and lifted Kayla up into his arms, supporting her back and the crook of her legs while trying to maneuver around Spider, "Hang on-- watch out. Let's get her back to my place." 

Spider dutifully follows, bounding down the woven path just to be able to catch up to Jake's long strides, the boy's eyes never leaving Kayla's avatar, "What do we do?"

"Let me try and contact Norm."

The walk back to the Sully marui felt like forever, with Jake trying to stamp down his growing anxiety the longer it took to get back. When they finally arrived, Jake and Spider brought Kayla inside only to find themselves alone, with no one else home. Jake gently lays Kayla down and immediately beelines for his long-range radio, gripping the device harshly as he speaks into it,

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over."

Jake releases the button and waits, the pod filled with static and silence. Spider kneels down beside Kayla's head, staring at Jake's radio with a rising, fluttering feeling in his chest that makes chills rise across his skin. As he and Jake continued to sit in silence, the lack of response on Norm's end was palpable.

Jake could hear his own heart racing in his ears as he brought the radio to his mouth once more, "Norm, it's Jake. Are you there? Norm?"

Silence.

"Norm? Norm?"

~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sure how many times he had tried calling High Camp as minutes turned into hours. Whether it was six or seven attempts, Toruk Makto had begun to inspect the radio to ensure it was even working, not wanting to entertain the thought that something might be wrong on the other end of the communication. Each time he spoke into the radio and then stopped to wait for a response, he couldn't help the glances he'd send over to Spider. Each time, as the silence lingered between each call, the teenager's face only fell further and it made Jake's chest feel like lead. By the time the suns were at the highest peak in the sky, the village stirred with whispers about Makayla te Suli's collapse. As people gradually learned what had happened, Jake found his home being bombarded with not only his wife and children as they raced back to the pod but other Na'vi as well, much to his surprise. 

Some of his children's friends were also present. Ao'nung and Tsireya were with Lo'ak when they heard about what happened to Kayla and immediately came running back to the marui with him, concern etched on their young faces. Jake watched with confusion as the reef siblings moved like a well-oiled machine. Ao'nung, as if on instinct, knelt down beside Spider, inspecting Kayla's avatar while Tsireya sternly let Lo'ak know that she was going to fetch her parents.

Jake heard this but didn't register the words until the young girl was already heading out the door, and by then it was already too late to stop her. Lo'ak quickly distracted his father from his racing thoughts when he asked what had happened to his aunt. By the time Jake recounted the events, the rest of the Sullys were speeding into the marui and Tsireya had returned with the clan leaders. 

Ronal was like a tidal wave as she bounded into the Sullys' home, a fearsome expression in her eyes that would immediately make any normal man flinch had Jake not been exposed to Grace Augustine's own ferocity, 

"And why have you brought her back here instead of to me?"

"Because she's not injured and this has nothing to do with spirituality," Jake found himself saying robotically, instinctively falling into the role of Toruk Makto to help him not acknowledge the hidden anxiety deep in his gut, "Makayla's human form must have woken up and that's why she collapsed here. She's... she's no longer possessing this body."

Tonowari hovers over his mate like a protective shadow as she bends down over Kayla's avatar, the olo'eyktan's eyes hardened with determination to find a solution as he addresses Jake, "Is that normal?"

Jake's ears pin back, eyes unfocused for a moment, "No, it's not. This only happens if someone is forced out of their Na'vi body. I've seen it before."

Ronal grabs Kayla's chin to tilt the avatar's head to look up at her, "Makayla? Makayla, can you hear me?"

The formality had puzzled Jake for a moment, staring oddly at the tsahik as she continued to carefully inspect his sister's avatar. Peering over at his wife, he noticed Neytiri looking back at him, waiting patiently with her tail gently swaying behind her, the way she normally looked when she expected him to figure something out. Whatever it was, it would have to wait as Jake shook his head and turned back toward the radio, making contact his first priority. 

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over." Jake pressed into the radio before letting go of the button, not as enthusiastic for a reply.

"What is happening?" Tonowari questioned.

"I've been trying to reach our human allies with the Omatikaya all afternoon, but so far no one's responding."

"And I take it that is not normal either?"

A shadow falls over Jake's eyes as he glares into the piece of technology in front of him, "No."

"J-- Jake! We have a situation."

A familiar voice suddenly buzzes through the device before being abruptly cut off. The whole room stills as if time had stopped. Jake hadn't noticed he was holding his breath as he stared down at the radio until his lungs burned and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. With a start, Jake greedily sucks in air as he quickly moves to grab the radio,

"Norm, what's going on?" He harshly demands, "What happened?"

"Lab compromised-- can't--"

The connection cuts off again but Jake doesn't give up, desperate for an answer, "Norm! Come on... Norm, do you copy? Where's Kayla?" 

"She... She's gone!"

The air completely sucks out of his lungs, his brain scrambling for a reasonable explanation. He didn't have to look around to know that everyone else would be panicked and concerned as well. Ronal had stood up straight once more, standing near Kayla's feet as her expression reared back with affliction, her eyes darting to Tonowari as they both shared a look of genuine fright. Spider noticed their exchange out of the corner of his eye before looking back down at the body in front of him, his chest feeling tight as the news sunk in, his small hand leaning near Kayla's as if afraid that touching her hand would somehow evaporate her avatar's form. The lightest brush of skin against his elbow let him know that Ao'nung was still right beside him.

Jake could feel the rushing of his heartbeat pulsing loudly in his ears as he absorbed the information. All other rational thoughts jump out the window as he suddenly snaps and growled into the communication device, "What do you mean 'gone?' Norm, what the fuck happened?"

Neytiri didn't even have the heart to chastise her husband for such language in front of the children, her own mind spiraling at all of the possibilities that might have befallen her people, let alone Kayla. Tuk's hand instinctively reaches up to grab her mother's when she feels the older woman's distress, the air stale with tension as all eyes are fixed on the radio. 

"I had to force an emergency shutdown on Kayla's link in progress," Norm finally manages to explain without the connection cutting him off, "High Camp had to evacuate because we thought our location might've been compromised. We all scattered and ran to hide and avoid capture, but when we made it to the rendevous she didn't show up-- And... she's not here, Jake. We went back to camp when the coast was clear and Kayla is the only one not accounted for."

That could mean anything, but Jake wasn't ready to make any conclusions until he got the full story, "Who compromised High Camp?"

"Quaritch."

The room felt silent once more, dread swimming in Jake's gut as he closed his eyes and heaved a large, exhausted sigh. One of his ears flicked in the direction he knew Kiri was kneeling down to wrap her arms protectively around Spider without even having to look. 

"He had been sighted scouting the Hallelujah Mountains for days prior to this. We thought he might've finally found us so we dispersed."

Jake's head spun with emotions, trying not to let anger get the better of him as he clutched the radio, "Why didn't you call in these sightings to me? I would've come back."

"Because we thought he was after YOU, Jake. If you had come running back, he would've been there, waiting for you."

He took a deep breath, "Do we know for sure Quaritch has Kayla?" 

"We're still looking, but... look-- Kayla grabbed a radio before we split up and scattered. There was a tracker, and when we got back, Max tried to access it, but the signal was lost nearly halfway to our rendevous point. If Quaritch snatched her, he could be anywhere by now."

"... So why Kayla? Did he take her to get to me?"

"That's what I thought originally. But Jake-- we don't think he's reporting back to Ardmore anymore."

Norm's words clearly surprise Jake, eyes briefly widening before they return to their normal shape. Unaware of Jake's reaction, Norm's voice continues to come in through the radio, "We've been monitoring RDA radio chatter and there were never any indicators that he never called in a strike against the camp. Ardmore didn't send an army, it was just him. I think he acted alone on this, against Ardmore's orders. Or maybe she doesn't know about it. All I know is he's after something or someone, whether it's you or something else, he knows that Kayla has what he wants."

Jake feels a weight of revelation sink in his stomach, slowly peering over his shoulder, only to find that Spider was already looking back at him. As expected, Kiri was kneeling behind her best friend and her long blue arms encompassed the human teen's shoulders, tightening further when her father's gaze landed on them. Spider doesn't move or even breathe for that matter, the kid's eyes wide with what could only be described as fear. 

"I think I know what he's after," Jake muttered back into the radio, his eyes never leaving Spider's, "Let me get back to you with a plan, Norm."

He cuts contact on the radio and rushes to stand up. Kiri, assuming the worst after seeing the look in his eye when he gazed at Spider, speaks up before her father can even say a word, "Dad, you can't leave her! Not like when you left Spider!"

Jake winced, an apologetic expression directed at the boy in question before he straightened his posture, looking around at the room of Na'vi all staring at him expectedly. The weight of Toruk Makto was heavy on his shoulders once more... only this time it felt worse. The fear of failure was worse.

Quaritch likely has Kayla, and the very thought of the Recom holding his sister hostage brought that same, deep-rooted fear he had festered when Quaritch had taken his daughters. The haunted image of Quaritch's knife against Kayla's throat when they were fighting on the ship didn't help that fear. Looking over and meeting Neytiri's eyes, Jake saw that same haunted expression on her face, the look of someone who had lost so many of her loved ones to the colonel. Quaritch was responsible for her father's death, and the lives that were lost when Hometree fell. Quaritch was responsible for Tsu'tey, for Grace, for Trudy... Neteyam... Hell, he might have been the one held responsible for the death of Neytiri's sister, Sylwanin.  

Turning back and taking one look at Spider's pleading eyes, Jake was desperate to ensure that Kayla wouldn't be added to Quaritch's growing list. 

Jake's expression hardened, hiding away his thoughts while addressing Kiri, "I won't, baby girl. Not this time." 

~~~~~~~~~

A/n: In between chapters, I asked for a couple of commissions from the following:

I'd like to thank @sullyfortress for this beautiful masterpiece of Kayla!

And @rocklobster0 for making this cute chibi art of Kayla/Tonowari/Ronal! You guys are amazing individuals and are so gifted😍Thank you so much!

[xerith-42]

I was wrong

It takes a lot to admit that, even more for me to admit that about MCD, but I was wrong about something in regards to this series. In a previous post I said that the worst episode of MCD was Season 2 Episode 95, because it was the culmination of the absolute failure that was Laurance's character arc. And I wasn't wrong about that, S2E95 is an objectively bad episode and I stand by it being one of the worst. But it's only one of the worst episodes of this series. Probably second or third worst.

The actual worst episode of Minecraft Diaries happens far earlier in it's run time than I anticipated. The actual episode that begins the degrading of every single main character happens within it's first season. The worst episode of Minecraft Diaries is Season 1 Episode 65, Our Fears.

For those of you who haven't watched MCD in a minute, or aren't insane like I am and recognize what happens in an episode from just a number and a thumbnail, this is the episode where Aphmau and Dante get chased into Malachi's abandoned castle and fall victim to his uncontrollable magic. A magic that shows people their greatest fears.

Now the concept of a ghost that forces the audience and the characters to come face to face with the leading characters greatest fears is a fantastic idea. I'm serious this is one of the best concepts for character work in the entire Aphverse. This is great, this can go so many good ways.

Aphmau's fear is pretty weak mostly because it shows her house on fire, nobody hurt, and Malachi comments that she's "Scared of losing the ones you love." My honest reaction to this was "She lost her house in episode 36 and didn't seem to care because her loved ones are safe. You wanna communicate that she's scared of people dying just show Zoey lying on the ground or something smh." It gets the job done, but not very well.

Dante's fear is the only one that's well done because it's an image of Gene about to rip apart the realm barrier in the Nether. This works surprisingly well despite only being one shot because it gets across Dante's connection to Gene and the Nether pretty well, setting up for the reveal later on. Dante's existence is this episode's single redeeming quality. And as much as I like the guy, he's not enough to hold up the episode after what happens next.

Now, dear viewer who presumably knows the plot of MCD because you've read this far into a post about this single episode, you know that at this point in the series Garroth has been found out by his brother and has the looming threat of the entire O'Khasis military on his mind all the damn time. Zane has already hurt members of his village in direct ways, and only didn't do more damage because he was called away for an emergency. Garroth has already failed to protect one lord, and he's nearly failed to protect another.

Laurance is a shadow knight. And even though the lore of shadow knights is still flimsy at this point, we know that they are very prone to killing lords, it's why Laurance renounced his position as head guard of Meteli and refuses to return. But that doesn't mean his desire for blood is gone. It just means it has a new target. Like say, the lord he comes to the castle in search of? That he has explicit romantic feelings for?

Again, this idea of forcing the audience and the characters to face their greatest fears is such a good idea, especially with these three, because they can all be interlinked. Aphmau fears losing her loved ones, Garroth fears failing to protect his people, and Laurance fears that he'll give into bloodlust. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? I don't know if I can make it anymore obvious where the show should have gone from here.

But, no, unfortunately Jesson wrote this series. So what could have been one of the best moments of character work in the entire series, instead became the beginning of the end for our would be love interests. I'm of course referring to how it's revealed that their actual "worst fear" is Aphmau getting with... Another guy. Not even her picking one over the other, just her holding hands with and kissing some guy that Garroth and Laurance DON'T EVEN KNOW!

And despite Laurance saying he's happy as long as he has Aphmau in his life, he starts getting enraged that another guy would have the audacity to kiss her. Even though the scene he's shown seems to be entirely consensual. And in response to this, BOTH OF THEM DECIDE TO TRY AND KILL THIS ILLUSION OF DANTE JUST FOR KISSING THE GIRL THEY LIKE!

AND THIS IS SEEN AS A GOOD THING BY THE SHOW!! Attacking this illusion breaks the barrier around the real Aphmau and Dante, and Garroth and Laurance are never punished for their actions here. Aphmau is barely concerned that her guards, the men she's willing to trust with her life, were willing to kill someone for the crime of kissing her. Hot fucking take, Aphmau maybe shouldn't trust these people after seeing that they're willing to kill a man over the crime of loving her when they want to.

And even hotter take, GARROTH AND LAURANCE WOULDN'T DO THIS! Both men have been shown to be highly protective over Aphmau, which makes sense it's literally their job to keep her safe, but that protective nature shouldn't cross over into actively interfering with her romantic life. They're fucking lucky it was just an illusion, what would have happened if Malachi used mind control? What if he was using Aphmau and Dante's bodies as puppets? What if Garroth and Laurance just killed an amateur guard whose only crime was being forced to kiss the girl they liked?

This is one of those writing decisions that truly baffles me. It was RIGHT THERE, HOW DID YOU MISS, IT (the perfect piece of character work) WAS THREE FEET IN FRONT OF YOU! The answer is that Jesson don't really care about the interesting character work, they care about tropes. They care about the main character being in a love triangle with two guys who equally suck but in different ways. They care about fans getting excited and debating over which ship is better. They care about pushing this love triangle onto viewers regardless of what makes sense for the characters involved because the writers fail to see the nuance of the characters that they fucking wrote the nuance of.

I fucking hate Episode 65. Easily the worst episode of MCD. Any episode after this when Garroth and Laurance act horrendously out of character in service of this love triangle (I'm looking at you episode 77, and episode 90, and season 2 episode 95, and season 2 episode 98), know that it started here. It started with episode 65.

Fuck this episode.

[wolfiesmoon]

HELLOOOO!!!

I like, just read your work, and I SUPER DUPER LOVE IT!!!!

(very slay)

So like, I'm so happy you're doing requests!

Could I do a request for a jealous Lilia Vanrouge? No problem if you don't do it fast, or even don't do it! No stress or pressure!

hahahah hiiiiiii!

idk why but i absolutely love ur vibes!! u seem so silly (very fitting for a lilia kisser)

i actually had a bit of trouble thinking about a plot for this, i don't see Lilia as the type to get seriously jealous (atleast not the current lilia, still in blissful ignorance abt book 7) so i made it a different, more silly type of jealous in the end

"Ahehehe, he's so pretty..." you smiled at your phone, sat on Lilia's bed at the moment. After coming to Twisted Wonderland and obtaining a phone, you realised that you have a whole new world to explore. A whole new world of otome games.

Recently, you've been obsessed with this one guy in one of the otome games you're playing. He's just perfect, and that's all that is to it.

On the other hand, your good friend Lilia has been feeling a strange sense of unsatisfaction whenever you talk about that fictional crush of yours.

He invited you over to his room with the intent to converse with you deep into the night but you're just rolling around on his bed and freaking out over a fictional character instead of gazing at him with interest as he talks about one of his travels.

Not that he blames you for getting so worked up over video games, no no. He himself finds a lot of enjoyement in playing them. They have an appeal, and he gets it. Though he hasn't experienced an otome game for himself yet.

But he still thinks that it is quite rude you are not talking to him right now. Not to mention the strange feeling that boils inside him when you giggle at your phone for the umpteenth time.

He'll have to gain your attention in the way he knows best.

He soundlessly climbs up on the bed behind you, making sure you didn't notice him before grabbing your shoulders from behind and playfully yelling "Boo!"

"Ack! Lilia!" You yelp, turning back to see Lilia laughing heartily at your reaction.

"Hahahaha, that was quite the reaction!" He seemed very pleased with himself.

"What was that for?" You furrowed your brows, pouting at him.

"Well, I invited you to my room so we can enjoy eachother's company, is all." A subtle invitation to start a conversation. His eyes travelled to your phone screen for a moment and he saw the fictional guy you're freaking out about.

Hm... he could probably do better. Atleast in his humble opinion.

"In a minute, in a minute... just gotta finish this chapter." You turned back to your phone with excitement shining in your eyes. Excitement that wasn't directed at him.

Oh, he sees how it is. He'll just have to win you back the hard way.

He casts a spell on your phone, making it float out of your hands. You tried to reach above you to catch it but it just kept floating higher and higher, just out of your reach.

"Lilia! Stop that!" You knew it was him doing it, mainly because he was laughing joyously, watching you jump around on the bed, trying to catch it.

"Oh, but I'm enjoying myself very much right now. Is it so wrong of me to have a bit of fun?" He smiled at you mischeviously. There was a glint of something you can't quite place shining behind his eyes.

"You seem oddly worked up." You comment, giving up on the phone for now and plopping back down on the bed.

"Whatever do you mean..?" Lilia acted innocent. While you were inspecting his face to find any suspicious expressions, he used magic to poof your phone away. There. Now there's no more distractions.

"Wait... my phone! What did you do to it?!" You realised it's gone a tad too late, head whipping around the room to try and find it.

"Kehehe, don't worry. I put it somewhere safe." Lilia assured you. Now you can focus all your attention on the one who's right in front of you, on him.

"O...kay? Why are you smirking evilly at me?" you were now especially suspicious of him.

He moved next to you on the bed, wrapping his right arm around you. He seemed awfully delighted when you looked at him in the eyes.

"Now, we can talk for hours. I have lots of things I want to find out about you." he punctuated the 'you' with a playful poke to your forehead.

"O...Oh, all right. What do you want to talk about?" you were still kind of processing the entire situation, but you were glad Lilia was in a talkative mood. Conversations with him are always enjoyable, even if you didn't get to finish that chapter you were really looking forward to.

"There, now I have you. I'll make it worth your time." he seemed very satisfied at the return of your interested gaze on him. Now he just has to make sure it stays on him for good.

[just-j-really]

While I'm on the subject of Dreamling-does-tropes-wrong:

Hanahaki au where Hob's the one with hanahaki. Because I think however you set it up Hob refuses to play by the rules of the genre and the potential there is like catnip to me.

"The cure is confessing your love" variant? Hob's just like "Well fuck this actually" and tells Dream he loves him the moment he starts coughing up flowers. And there's so much potential there!

-Poor Hob tries to confess to Dream every time they interact and something keeps getting in his way- he falls in love in 1689, in 1789 they get interrupted, in 1889 he gets halfway through a confession and Dream YOU DAREs him, in 1989 he gets stood up. In 2022 Dream shows up at his table in the New Inn and Hob just blurts out "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU" before Dream has the chance to actually say anything.

-Modern day, post-reunion, Dream doesn't want to intrude on Hob's life but he does want to see him more so he decides to go for the totally rational move of using his Dream-powers to spy on Hob- which means he gets a front-row seat to Hob slowly succumbing to hanahaki the second their meeting ends. All of Hob's friends/coworkers/acquaintances are REAL worried for him, but he's just like "it's seriously nbd I'll just tell him next time I see him." Dream is also REAL worried while spying from afar, but eventually goes to Hob in person to beg him to confess to whoever he's in love with. (Could be very serious and emotional, could play like that one "just tell them you love them" "alright. hey, I love you." "yes, like that!" meme.)

-Hob blurts out a love confession at... literally any of their canonical meetings, and the rest of the fic is dealing with the fallout. I think the simplest way to do this is 1889, with the confession standing in for "I think you're lonely." I think the most interesting way to do this is 1489, because so much would change. I think the FUNNIEST way to do this is 1589, yes Hob is still married.

But then you can also do the "the cure is having your love requited" variant, where Hob suffers through several centuries with an incurable lung disease. One of his most treasured dreams is that someone will come up with a cure (but for Plot reasons it keeps just not happening, like someone does come up with a cure but the side effects just aren't worth it if you can technically survive having flowers in your lungs. And/or he's never found a doctor he trusted not to freak out if he died and came back on the operating table).

And then you've got options such as:

-Dream falls in love in 1689, and either they start up a relationship right then, or they spend several centuries where Hob thinks they're in a relationship (his feelings were returned, of course they are!) and Dream thinks he's pining hopelessly for Hob, who could never love him

-Dream Does Not realize that Hob is in love with him (and in fact thinks Hob just keeps getting hanahaki, over and over, for different people, and wonders why Death saddled him with the world's Messiest human). And then he falls in love with Hob.

-Dream DOES realize Hob is in love with him. Unfortunately, he falls in love with Hob (or more realizes that what he was feeling WAS love) while fishbowled. Fortunately, Hob notices the lack of flowers, gets worried about what that means (because if his Stranger returns his feelings then why isn't he here? the flowers can't be gone because he's dead, Hob refuses to believe it). Cue a fishbowl rescue!

-Dream falls in love with Hob post-fishbowl, but is in denial about his ow feelings and assumes Hob found a workable cure sometime while he was fishbowled, or got over him. He's VERY SAD about this and can't figure out why. Hob is busy googling 'how to ask out a guy who i empirically know likes me back but only looks at me mournfully when i try to flirt'

Like I want to write this fic so bad but there are so many directions i want to go with it...

[panlight]

What is something that you thought when you first read the books and how did that develop over time?

My opinion of Renee was initially a lot more positive when I first read the books. She reminded me of my mom, and my mom isn't by any stretch of the imagination a bad or neglectful mom. She was just the kind of carefree extrovert who liked to try on new hobbies that Renee initially seemed to be. I also didn't read Bella's "I've been running the house since I was six" as literal, I read it as hyperbole. I read the "at least Phil will make sure the bills will get paid" as a joke, since my dad has always been forgetful (but again! in no way bad or neglectful!) and we make similar jokes. I still maintain that Renee wasn't initially meant to be terrible and as SM kept writing books she wrote her worse and worse. Again, I don't think SM would have named the miracle baby "RENEsmee" if she had a poor opinion of Renee. Remember, she wrote Forever Dawn right after Twilight; all the other books, including New Moon and Eclipse, came later. I've since accepted a more negative view of her based on how she has been written in Life & Death and Midnight Sun, and come to realize that maybe SM/Bella DID mean it literally when Bella was doing the taxes as a child.

I thought the James bite was going to be a Big Deal. Bella was, as far as we know, the first person to be bitten by a vampire and NOT die or turn, and that, to me, should have been a big thing?? But it's not? It never went anywhere? Other than to occasionally look at her silvery scar. I had initially thought it could have gone in so many interesting directions (did the experience work like an inoculation and now she's immune to venom? could they use her blood to great a cure? conversely would it slowly be turning her into a vampire? or give her some kind of powers?). I still feel like this was a HUGE missed opportunity, and while i still wouldn't have loved the halfpire baby and 'Bella's the best newborn ever' plot points, using this one-of-a-kind situation with James' bite could have at least been a way to explain them better. Maybe she was able to conceive BECAUSE she had that exposure to venom; or maybe that exposure was what made her able to skip all the newborn stuff. Like this one was thing where Bella WAS legitimately special and unique and SM didn't really do anything with it.

A minor one, but when I first read Eclipse and it talked about how Bree surrendered and "only Carlisle would think of offering" and I originally read that as Carlisle offered surrender to all the newborns and Bree was just the only one who accepted. I had this image of him standing on a rock in the clearing being like, "We don't want to fight! This isn't your battle! If you surrender we will spare you! We are merely defending ourselves and the town!" as the raging newborn horde is running toward him until Jasper and Emmett have to drag off the rock before the newborns overrun him. The Eclipse movie and Bree Tanner book ruined that interpretation, haha.

[creepswrites]

Billy loomis x reader where she’s a very introverted person and it kind of messes up his plans at the party that night everything went down

i tend to write billy a very specific way, which is why i haven't written very much for him, but i hope you enjoy this! he's very interesting to write for! mayb in the future i'll do a story and touch on his mind more, we'll see

BILLY LOOMIS with a F! S/O who is very introverted

“Dude, when’s she gettin’ outta here?” Stu whisper-yelled at Billy, jerking his thumb over in your direction. “We gotta get a move on and you said she’d be gone by now?”

“I know, I know,” Billy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew bringing you along to the party would make his plans with Stu far more complicated than necessary, but it would look bad showing up without you. He cared about you - shockingly, after all he wasn’t exactly fond of most people - and he didn’t want you getting roped into his shit.

He wanted you to go home with some group of girls who left earlier but you had been too terrified to ask them for a ride. So, there you sat in the kitchen, sipping on a vodka lemonade without a care in the world, blissfully oblivious to your boyfriend’s plot to murder.

Billy sighed, turning his head to look at Stu. The two were sat on a couch as Randy talked about some horror movie to the remain few guests. Of course, soon word would reach them about their dead principal and Billy had no doubt they’d take off to go see. This had all been planned meticulously for months in advance.

He knew it wasn’t your fault for screwing it up. You didn’t know, that was the whole point. Problem was how to get you out. “Is Tatum still… around?” Billy asked Stu with a hard look.

Stu blinked once. Twice. “Dude I told you, I didn’t want anything happenin’ to her.” His voice was low. “If you want her gone, dude, that’s on y-“

“No, no, I mean,” Billy huffed, “if she’s still here, maybe she can take my girl home. Two birds, one stone, ya feel?”

Realization dawned on Stu’s face. “Oh, yeah, I getcha! I’ll go find her.” He stood with a dramatic flair, attracting Randy’s attention. “I’ll be right back~” He said, walking backwards towards the stairs, earning laughs from the people around the couch.

Billy just smirked to himself and focused on his red solo cup. Coca Cola wasn’t his favorite but he needed to blend in. As he took a drink, you slipped into Stu’s place. Dark eyes followed your movement as you snuggled closer. “You okay?” He asked softly.

Now, very few people knew Billy beneath his surface level. His real thoughts and feelings. Stu knew more than most people but no one had ever seen him completely. It made him feel safer. Like his disguise was working. Dating Sydney had been a welcome distraction, another piece of his plan perfectly in place. So her dumping him hadn’t been expected.

Finding you wasn’t either. But he was attracted to something about you. Something in his gut that told him he might be able to trust you with his darkness. Let you in on his and Stu’s work one day, when you could all look back on tonight as just a faint memory.

Not now though. Right now, he needed to protect you.

While he’d planned on killing Tatum for a nice, clean finish, Stu had been resistant to the idea. Your very presence may have just spared her from any involvement. Stu liked her and didn’t want to hurt her but, unlike Billy, he was aware he might have to cut his losses.

Your introverted nature may have given Tatum a chance to walk away.

“You okay, doll?” Billy asked you softly, curling an arm around your shoulder.

You slid more into his side, scrunching your face up slightly. “I’m… not a big party person.”

He chuckled, a warm sound he had practiced. “I know. It’s why I’m glad you came with me. I- I know its really outta your comfort zone, but I appreciate you coming with me.” Billy kissed the top of your head, resting his chin there. “Next date, you can pick.”

A soft giggle from you made him smirk. “Is this a date?” You teased, tracing odd patterns on his jeans. “Odd date for an odd guy, hm?”

Oh, if only you knew.

Stu smacked his hands down on the back of the leather couch, making you jump and making Billy shoot him an annoyed look. “Hey, uh, Billy?” Stu bit at his lip nervously, Tatum looking clearly worried over his shoulder. "Sydney's upstairs getting sick in the bathroom."

Billy frowned, scanning Stu's face and noting the ghost of a smile there. While he'd broken up with Sydney weeks ago, they still needed her for the final act. So they'd slipped her something that'd make her throw up but not do any real damage to her. A last minute adjustment to the plan but, sometimes, Stu had good ideas.

Quickly, Billy put on a face of alarm. "Oh shit, did something happen?

Stu shrugged. "Hard to say. Think she might need some help."

Tatum gagged lightly. "I love Syd, but no way. That's gross. I just wanna go home."

"Aww, not stayin' the night?" Stu teased, wrapping an arm around her waist. He kissed her temple as she looked at you.

You and Tatum got along fairly well. Being girlfriends of two best friends meant you two would have an easier time getting along versus hating each other. Besides, Tatum knew it wasn't your fault Syd was paranoid and broke up with Billy.

"Would you mind driving her home for me, Tatum?" Billy asked softly, brushing hair back behind your ear. "I should make sure Syd gets home alright and I don't wanna leave you here alone." Billy kissed your forehead softly.

You frowned slightly. "Are you sure? I don't mind helping."

Billy smiled at you, his perfectly practiced smile reassuring you. "I'm sure. I was gonna leave anyways. How 'bout I head over to your place after I help out Syd?" He asked, a smirk growing on his face.

You blushed as Stu giggled obnoxiously, him and Tatum gagging over the two of you. As if they weren't the king and queen of disgusting couples things.

Tatum took your arm and dragged you off the couch and towards the door. "You better make sure Syd gets home safe." She pointed a delicately painted nail at Billy and Stu.

Billy held up his hands placatingly. "So long as you get my girl home safe. Deal?"

Stu laughed and Tatum rolled her eyes, hooking elbows with you as the two of you marched out of the house. You liked Tatum, since she wasn't afraid to speak her mind and always defended you. She, of course, made sure you got home safe and sound. When you'd finally gotten home, you took a quick shower, changed into pajamas, and fell into bed.

You didn't even notice you'd fallen asleep until you woke up to the sun's harsh rays beaming down on your eyes from your bedroom window. A pang of concern came over you when you realized Billy hadn't come over.

Quietly, you padded down the stairs and saw your mother and father's eyes glued to the television. It looked like whatever had their attention had interrupted your dad heading to work and your mom from cooking breakfast. As you stepped closer to ask what was wrong, you heard the newscaster's voice.

"...police confirmed the killer to be Neil Prescott who broke into the house and killed five people - including his daughter Sydney - and then himself. The only two survivors were Billy Loomis and Stu Macher, whom authorities say are currently hospitalized due to injuries."

You stopped listening, adrenaline coursing through you and your heart pounded as you stared at the screen. Oh god, Sydney's dad killed all those people? His own daughter? You bolted for the door, not even bothering to change out of your pajamas as you made your way to your car. The hospital would no doubt be open, you thought as you backed out of the driveway.

All you could think of was that you needed to see if Billy was okay.

[conchcronch]

I Could Never Forget You

Sanji x You

He was there, he saw you. Reality begins to sink in and you panic, hoping you can talk to Sanji and maybe, if you're lucky enough he could find it in himself to forgive you. This was not how you expected the conversation to go, but you certainly don't mind the new direction the evening has gone. A/N: While you don't have to have read the first part in this series, it would likely give you a bit more idea as to what's going on. But let's be real, who reads smut for the plot. Here is the first part in the series if you're interested!

Tag List: @onepiecemasterlistblog

NSFW Below Cut

When Sanji returned to the crew after everything in Whole Cake, he was different. You chalked that up to processing the events; the broken off engagement, seeing his siblings and father again, and just trying to return to normal day to day life. The two of you hadn’t really spoken since his return, you stayed by Zoro’s side the vast majority of the time, and remained quiet when he wasn’t around. 

You were worried about him, but at the same time you didn’t want to be the one who approached him first. You were polite, always saying thank you and receiving a curt nod in response. It wasn’t until you were recovering after a training session with Zoro that you realized why he was treating you this way. 

“He saw us, y’know.” He was leaning against the railing of the deck, drinking a bottle of water as the sun was just beginning to dip. You had gotten into the habit of training on the deck after dinner when everyone else was doing their own thing inside, the lack of people around meant you got quiet moments like this where you could just enjoy being together without having to think about what conclusions the crew might jump to. 

“What do you mean?” Your voice wavered, you half didn’t believe him, half internally begged for him to be joking. 

“You know what I mean.” It had happened again, several times. But that was all it was, just a friends with benefits type situation. 

“No he didn’t.” You said mainly to ease your mind but he took it as though he needed to defend it. You felt like you were going to be sick, bile beginning to burn your esophagus as you leaned your head over the railing, trying to take deep breaths of the salty sea air in hopes it would help it pass. 

“You give a shit?” He stepped closer to you, a hand pulling the hair that was dangling around your face back so if you did throw up it wouldn’t get in the way. 

“Yeah I give a shit!” You said, your head dangling loosely. 

“Why?” You looked up at him as best as you could in your current position, despite his close proximity, his attention was directed towards the sun slowly sinking below the horizon.

“Because I liked him, Zoro. And even though he hurt me, I don’t want to hurt him back. That’s not who I am.” 

“Do you still like him?” You sighed, not wanting to think about the fact your feelings were still lingering. You were happy in this situation-ship with Zoro, loved the attention he would give you and the way everything felt so effortless with him. But you were struggling to ignore the sour tugs at your heart whenever he would drop his gaze to avoid meeting yours. The way his hand would dart away at the very brush of your fingers against his, every interaction you had with him made you want to pull him close. But you weren’t ready to have that conversation with Zoro.

“It doesn’t matter, what matters is I didn’t want him to find out that way.” You and Sanji had never discussed what you were, which until this moment you had used to justify your actions since that night. But you knew it was unlikely that Sanji would see it as anything other than what it was. And despite the ‘you were engaged’ argument you couldn’t refute the claims even if you tried.

”Find out what, that we fucked?” His nonchalant tone made your stomach lurch, but not in a way that forced your dinner to make a reappearance. The railing of the ship was digging into your soft stomach, surely leaving a bruise if you stayed hunched over it much longer. 

“N-no…” You pull yourself up, Zoro’s hand retracting from the hold it had on your hair. “I mean y-yeah I guess that’s part of it.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, opting to stare out at the water lapping at the sides of the boat, forcing a clawed hand through your bangs. “I just wish I could have told him in my own time.” 

“Why do you care, he was the one that got engaged.” 

“There’s two sides to every story.”

”You didn’t much care for that ‘two sides’ shit when I had you bent over the bench press last night.” 

“Well maybe I’m beginning to regret some of my past actions.” He hummed in acknowledgement, a silence stretching on between the two of you until the anxiety blossoming inside of you became too much. Without another word you grabbed your bottle of water and headed towards the door inside, your gate that of someone mid anxiety attack, completely unaware of the man on the other side of the door.  Just as you grab the knob to head in, the door is pushed outward by someone on the other side, catching you completely off guard. Before you knew it, you were staring into the sea blue eyes of the last person you wanted to see at that moment. 

“S-Shit sorry I-“ He looked just as surprised as you, the cigarette clenched tightly in between his teeth. He stepped around you, holding the door open so you could pass though, never uttering a word to you. You stomped through the halls, weaving your way around crew members, none of which dared to speak to you, clearly seeing you were in no mood. You open the door to your bedroom, sitting on your bed with arms crossed. Your brain going a mile a second, replaying all the times you begged for Zoro, begged him to make you feel good, all the times you went out in search of him despite the fact Sanji was around, despite the fact you knew he had seen you looking for the swordsman he hated so much. 

“I need to find him.” You said to an empty room, determined to go find Sanji and put all of this to bed. To explain your side of things and hope that he can find it in his massive heart to forgive you. You left your room in the same panicked way you had entered it, navigating the halls expertly while you tried in vain to map out your discussion points as though it were an essay. 

Before you knew it, you were standing in an empty galley. “S-Sanj-“ Your stammer fell on an empty room. Here you were, prepared to throw yourself at the whim of a man you had pined after for years only to see an empty room. You stood there dumbly, hoping that if you were here long enough, he would show up. Rarely did he go anywhere besides the men’s room and here, his showering schedule remained consistently as part of his morning routine.

The wind blown from his sails, your energy chewed through by your anxiety, you felt there was nothing left to do other then return to your bedroom and mentally agonize over things. The short walk back to your bedroom felt long and your body heavy, turning the door knob felt the equivalent of pushing a boulder up a mountain. 

The lights remained off, you didn’t want to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You wanted to shower, to clean the anxiety and emotional muck off your skin knowing you were unable to get rid of it mentally. You pull open a drawer, searching for your favourite oversized shirt to put on after your shower, hoping the little bit of comfort it would bring would help you get through the rest of the night. But then you froze, something feeling off.

Your room, it didn’t smell the same. It wasn’t an unfamiliar smell, in fact quite the opposite, it was a smell you had grown accustomed to before it was quickly forgotten about and replaced with a much more earthy aroma. This smelled of expensive cologne and tobacco smoke. Then you become hyper aware of the feeling of eyes on your back, the sound of someone’s even breathing. 

How had you missed him? He was sitting perfectly still on your bed, his gaze downcast and the familiar glow of a lit cigarette peeking out from his bangs that hid his face. “S-Sanji?” He barely reacted, his hand came up to grasp the cigarette, pulling it from his lips to allow a puff of smoke to be forced from his lungs. 

“Why?” His voice was quiet, and if you hadn’t been waiting for this question you would have almost missed it. “Why of all people, why him?” 

“S-Sanji, I have so much to explain.”

“Why him?” His tone was more demanding this time, venom in his voice. “There has to be a reason.” 

“He was there for me.” Your voice was unsteady, your statement ending as though it were a question.

”When I wasn’t.” 

“You left me” His head moved just enough that you could see his eyes through his bangs. You had said it before, he had left you, you had felt abandoned that day.

“I didn’t want to!” 

“How was I supposed to know that in the moment?” 

“I came back.” It was your turn to deflate. “I saw you.”

“I-I…I didn’t know about that until today…” 

“Do you know how hard it was for me to slip out long enough to get back here?” He pushed himself to his feet and cleared the distance between the bed and where you stood, looming over you. “And I come back to see you like that.”  

“I-I know…It wasn’t my intention.” He sucked on his cigarette hard, holding it in his lungs before blowing it out directly into your face. 

“I wasn’t even gone for three days.” 

“I know” You didn’t know what to say, even though you had just spent your entire walk carefully mapping all the points out, now that he stood in front of you you were completely amiss. 

“What did he do that I didn’t? 

“It’s not like that…I mean it was in the moment, I was hurt Sanji, I thought you had chosen to leave me.”

“Sexually, what did he do that I didn’t do?” His tone was impossible to read, it was masked better than his face which was mostly hidden by the shadows of the dimly lit room and his bangs, making him difficult to read.

“What?” Confusion and slight shock evident in your voice.

“You’ve never looked or sounded like that with me.” 

“S-sanji it’s not a-about sex, not fully I mean…That’s not how it started at least.”

“But it’s partially about sex.” You could see his jaw tighten, biting down on the cigarette that had found its way back between his teeth. “So tell me.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. There was a drawn out silence between you both, your lips sucked into a tight line before you finally sighed.

“Sometimes I want to be handled…differently than how you do it.” He sighed heavily from his nose, smoke enveloping you. 

“I don’t understand.” His voice was quiet, slightly cracked like a glass that had been dropped one too many times, but was too strong to fully shatter.

“You’re so gentle, which is nice. But sometimes I want there to be some urgency, some spontaneity.” You sighed, bringing your hands to your face to rub at your eyes. “It just started to feel too much like a routine.” You could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, you hated how this conversation was going, it felt like you kept digging a deeper hole for yourself, while simultaneously hurting someone you do really care for. “Fuck Sanji, I’m so sorry. In the moment it felt like it was justified. Like I was entitled to feel like this, but then I f-found out you saw and I-I just didn’t want you to th-hink I stopped caring about you.” You hiccuped a sob, wanting to sink to the ground but resisting. “I’m sorry I am so fucking sorry.” 

Sanji had tried to be blank, tried to act like he didn’t care. And he had done a pretty convincing job if he did say so himself, but the moment he heard that broken sob his resolve shattered. His arms were around your waist before you could fully realize it, he pulled you into his chest, one arm holding you close, the other bringing a hand and cradling your head as you cried into his suit jacket. “I swear it was never my intention Sanji, I was just so hurt.” You tried to pull your head away but he held it firmly. “I never meant to hurt you, I-I…I don’t know, I’m just s-so sorry.”

“You shouldn't be sorry, I’m the one who’s sorry.” You could feel his lips move against the top of your head. “I should have figured out a way to come sooner, you should have heard the news from me, not from her.” He sighed heavily “And I-I was the one who agreed to marry her…Not at first, but when I saw you and him like that…I just convinced myself that things would be better if I left you here with him.” You felt your heart shatter, erupting back into broken sobs, your body rattling as he held you tightly against him.

“How can you even stand to be around me?” You managed to get out between gasps for breath you couldn’t catch and broken sobs. 

“I made mistakes too.” You didn’t want to know what they were, but something about knowing you weren’t the only one who was far from your best self through this whole situation quieted your sobs. 

“I don’t think I want to know what they were.” You sniffed, his finger pulling your chin up so he could see your puffy, tear stricken face, a small smile on his chapped lips. 

“Why don’t we start over?” You nod, his smile widening. “Can I make it up to you?” You furrow your brow, wordlessly questioning him. 

“If we’re starting over, there’s no need for you to make anything up to me.” He shook his head, a slight blush spreading across his cheeks. “You don’t have to do anything for me.” You couldn’t resist cupping his cheek, the tip of your thumb swiping a tear that was just about to fall. 

“Please,” You couldn’t help but smile at his plea. “I-I just don’t think I can…” His eyes darted away from yours “I don’t think I can be dominant like him.” 

“Oh…I didn’t realize you meant make it up to me like that.” 

“I don’t have to, I just thou-” You shook your head, unable to fight the smile off.

“No no Sanji, I just thought you were offering to bake me a cake or something.” 

“I can do that too, or instead if you’d prefer.” You shook your head and pulled his face closer to yours. “After seeing you like that, it’s all I can think about. I need to see it again, I need to be the one who makes you sound like that. But I-“ He leaned forward, his lips against the pulse point in your neck, “I don’t think I can treat you the way he did, to h-hit you like that.” Memories of Zoro’s rough hand spanking you as his orgasm approached came flooding back, your thighs clenching around nothing at the thought. You could feel him breath in your scent, something he had gotten into the habit of doing for comfort. His soft lips trailed from your neck, up your cheek and finally they were inches from yours. 

“I don’t need you to be like him, I want you to be you. I can be the one in charge if that’s easier for you.” Your lips were a hair apart and just before you closed the gap a whine slipped past his lips, clearly you weren’t the only one who was withholding some turn ons. 

Your whole body melted into his hold the moment your lips met. Every kiss with him was always a whirlwind, breathtaking, and perfect in every way. You had loved the way Zoro dominated your mouth but there was something in the way Sanji kissed that was unmatched. His hands were clawing at the back of your shirt,  moaning into the kiss. He had always been needy, maybe even a bit whiny, but this was on a whole new level.  It was like he had been starving for this, for you. And now that he finally had you in his grasp he could let loose. 

You had to push his chest in order to get him to pull away from your lips, he was already straining against his trousers and all you had done was kiss. “P-Please.” The words came out as though they were a breath. “Use me.” 

“Wha-” Both hands cupped your cheeks, as though he thought you would look away. 

“Use me for your own pleasure, take what you need, please. I need you to use me.” He guided your head to the side so he had access to your neck, pressing needy kisses on every inch of skin he could get to. “You tell me what to do, where to sit, how to touch you, fuck please, I’d do anything for you. I just want to hear what he got to hear.” His words were punctuated by kisses and nips at your skin. Despite his hands barely even touching you, you knew you were already wet. 

“You’re sure?” He moaned at the question.

“I’ve never wanted something so badly.” His lips made their way back to your lips, meeting in a sloppy kiss that you both needed more than air in that moment. As your mouths were busy you managed to pull your workout shirt off, his hands shoving your shorts down your legs, leaving you completely bare to him. You could tell by how he was grabbing at your skin he was trying to be rougher than normal, trying to mimic how he had seen Zoro manipulate you. Your lips slipped from his, moving to kiss along his cheek until you could nip at his ear lobe. 

“So you want me to use you?” You hadn’t intended for your voice to be so sultry, and by the wanton whine that slipped from his lips you knew that was a yes. “Can you get on your knees for me?” Before the sentence had fully left your mouth he was kneeling in front of you, his hands on the outside of your thighs with his gaze trained on you waiting for your next request. The sight of him fully dressed in front of your entirely bare body was never something you thought about, never something you expected to turn you on half as much as it clearly did. You held out a hand, he quickly put his in yours and allowed it to be brought to your lips where you greedily sucked on his middle and index fingers, that tasted of metal filled your mouth as you lapped drooled around his rings. Such a simple act was making your slick begin to seep to your outer lips, you could tell he wanted to delve in, press his face between your folds but yet he remained, patiently awaiting your next instructions. 

When you were finished with his fingers you allowed his hand to slip from your grasp, his eyes remained trained on you, waiting patiently despite knowing where this was going. “Go ahead.” He moaned at the permission, his tongue was the first part of him to touch your, followed shortly by his lips as he moaned into you. ”N-Now I want you to finger me at the same time.” It took all your focus to get those words out as steady as they were. He slipped his middle finger in with ease, you were practically dripping already, he had many skills but you were confident that next to his cooking skills his next best skill was his ability to eat you out. The way he would somehow simultaneously suck on your clit while gathering your slick with his tongue was inhuman. But the way he moved his finger inside of you at the same time already had you racing towards your peak. “G-gods you’re doing so good.” You silently wished there was something behind you to put some of your weight on, but the second he used his free hand to guide your leg over his shoulder any thought of suggesting a change of position died. He added another finger without instruction but your brain was so far gone you didn’t even realize it. Your fingers knotted themselves in his golden hair, tugging harder than you ever had before, helping him maintain the pace you craved. It got to a point where he just extended out his tongue and allowed you to manipulate him however you needed, grinding against him desperately. His moans got louder, begging for your cum without words . His fingers were moving inside of you the same way Zoro’s had, and while Zoro’s fingers were thicker, Sanji’s managed to reach so much deeper. Your grip somehow tightened even more on Sanji’s hair, your hips ground even harder against his mouth when you finally came, your head lolling backwards as a drawn out moan slipped past your loose lips. 

You came down slowly, releasing Sanji’s hair but never telling him to stop. His fingers slowed as did his tongue which had gone back to lazily lapping at your clit. Once you had come down from your orgasm, your body feeling limp and the cringe of over stimulation finally hitting you, you whined, grabbing his hair looser this time and pulling his face away from your mound. He looked up at you, his eyes glassy and your face absolutely covered in your slick, watching as his tongue ran over his lips tasting as much of you as he could. “You did so good.” He moaned at your words, “You’re such a good boy.” You knelt down, meeting his lips as he moaned at the pet name. You could clearly taste yourself on his tongue, arms wrapping around you and his hands slipping low enough that he could dig his fingers into the meat of your ass. 

“I missed your taste so much.” You're fairly certain he didn’t intend to say that out loud, the words muffled by your mouth against his before finally pulling back. “I thought I’d never get to taste you again.” You ran a hand over his cheek, your thumb brushing over his lower lip. 

“I’m not done with you, you know that right?.” Your hand slid down from his cheek until you could begin working the buttons of his blue and black striped dress shirt open.  It didn’t take long before you were straddling his lap, surely leaving a damp spot on his pristine slacks. The feeling of his soft, warm chest against your hands was something you had never quite experienced with anyone else but him. Zoro’s skin has nothing on Sanji’s. He breathed a curse, his nails digging into your hips trying to stop you from grinding against him, something you hadn’t been conscious of. You eyes met his, “I-I’m sorry.” he looked away from you, “I-I just…I’m really close…” His cheeks flushed pink, the blush even blooming on his chest as you pushed his shirt off his shoulder. “Aw, do you need more attention?” He nodded, still refusing to look at you. With the amount of teasing Zoro had put him through regarding his stamina you knew it had become a bit of an insecurity for him. Despite it never really being an issue in your experience you knew that he got worked up fast and if you kept going he would finish without much help, but you had no intention of ending this prematurely. You slipped off his lap, pushing yourself up to stand up straight before nodding towards the bed. “On the bed, sit on the edge.” He scrambles to his feet, staggering the short distance from where he had been kneeling on the floor to pull himself onto the plush comforter. “You’ve been so good Sanji” You ran a single finger along his jaw, his eyes glued to you waiting in anticipation for your next instruction, but little did he know, you were taking a break from instructing. “I think you’ve earned yourself a reward,” You pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, being careful not to graze his straining crotch with your body. “Don’t you think?” He nodded, trying to move his head to catch your lips in a kiss but you move your head before he’s able to. “But I need you to do something for me,” 

“A-anything” his voice is as rough as it is first thing in the morning, a sound you always loved but rarely got lucky enough to hear. 

“You won’t like it.” With a finger under his chin you lead his lips to yours, stopping when your noses brush. 

“I’ll do anything, as long as you like it, it doesn’t matter.” You slid your face along his, your lips going as far as being able to brush against the shell of your ear. 

“I want you to cum in my mouth.” You heard his breath catch in his throat followed shortly by the hint of a whine. “I know you don’t usually li-“

“Please!” He interrupted you mid sentence, “Please let me” You trailed a few kisses from him ear down his neck, no longer having the fabric of his shirt to block your descent, kisses turning to playful nips as they got lower. Taking a second to dart your tongue out and feel the way his stomach tensed when you swiped it over his pebbled nipple before going lower. 

“You’ve been such a good boy for me tonight, it only makes sense for me to make you feel as good as you made me feel, don’t you think?” You looked at him as you pulled at the button of his trousers, watching as he nodded repeatedly. You pulled his pants open, barely giving him a chance to push them down before you were fishing his cock out. He raised his hips enough to push his pants down, letting them pool at his feet as you wrapped your hand around him. 

You always loved how reactive he was on the few occasions he allowed you to touch him. Not to say he was ever not reactive for you, there were a number of nights you wished you could have shoved his face in a pillow to get him to quiet down. But when you had his cock in your hand he was almost limp. Slowly you stroked him, kissing along his inner thigh the way he always did to you, going from the side of his knee inward until his leg met his body before repeating it on the other side, only met with frustrated moans when you pulled back. “P-please” You almost missed it, confusing it for a particularly shaky sigh rather than a plea.

”Please what, my pet?” You rubbed your cheek against his cock, feeling the precum that was leaking from the tip smear across your skin, watching him moan from his open mouth. “You know I’ll do anything for you, all you have to do is use your words like a good boy.” You could barely resist his cock anymore, his smell was almost intoxicating. 

“I need to feel you” You rubbed your face against him more,

”You can feel me like this.” You loved playing dumb with him.

“I need to feel inside of yo-u” His words hiccuped as you ran a hand up his thigh.

“Well why didn’t you just say that.” Keeping your gaze trained on him you swallowed his cock in one go, giving him no time to process or get used to the warmth of his mouth. A high pitched moan ripped from his throat, his hands grabbing fist fulls of your hair on instinct, but your moan at his reaction convinced him not to move them. 

You wanted to tease him more, break him down until he was begging. But you had missed him just as much as he missed you, you had just forced yourself to ignore it. You loved how Zoro fucked you, loved the way he’d force his cock down your throat at the drop of a hat, and then pound into your mouth like you just an object to be used. But something about Sanji got you so wet, maybe it was the way his cock felt in your mouth, the fact that your jaw didn’t get sore from the sheer girth, or how his body curved over you, almost to the point where you could feel his chest every time you pulled off him. “I-I f-fuck I’m alm-most there” His wordless were pleas, as though he thought at any second you were going to pull off and leave him like that. You doubled down, swallowing his cock over and over, making sure to moan around him as you did so. His hips began to buck up into your mouth, pushing his member into your throat once, twice then he came, his seed running down your throat as though it were water and you had been dehydrated. With every pulse he pushed back into your throat, each thrust weaker than the last until his body fell backwards and he whined, begging you to stop. 

God even his taste was different then Zoro’s. You accredited the slightly bitter taste to his habit of chain smoking, you didn’t dislike the flavor nearly as much as you did the vice. You pulled off his cock, watching it quickly deflate as you run your hands up and down his thighs. Your knees crack as you stand, only on your feet for a second or two before you crawl on the bed, manoeuvring yourself so you can lay next to him, quickly getting pulled so your head is on his chest. “We’re not done, I know you can go again.” He did something that was somewhere between a laugh and a moan, his hand holding you tightly against him. 

”I could never forget you.” The words seemed so out of place in your mind but yet tugged at a memory you had pushed far back. Even when you were concentrating on recalling it, you struggled, only able to remember it had something to do with Zoro and that forsaken night. 

“How much did you see?” The question fell from your lips before you even realized. That and other variations of the question had been plaguing your mind since you found out he had been there for even one second, and you silently hoped he had been there for even less. 

“Enough to get the picture.” The silence between you stretched on, and part of you thought you weren’t actually going to continue. “I heard more than I saw.” 

“Okay, what did you hear then?” 

“You begged.” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“Did you let him cum inside of you?” You nodded against his chest, clearly able to hear his heart beat faster. 

“You never let me-“

“You never gave me the choice.” You cut him off. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted someone to do that?” you pushed yourself up, moving to straddle his waist, not at all surprised when you felt his semi erect member nudge against your ass. “I never had a say in our sex life.” His gaze averted from you “And that’s not to say it wasn’t good, sometimes it was great. But there were things I wanted to try, wanted to try with you, but I never got to speak up.” Your hands were on his chest to keep yourself up, his hands wrapping around your forearms for the extra support. “Even things I liked to do, you didn’t want me to do. This might come as a surprise Sanji, but I love sucking your dick.” His cheeks were burning and you could tell he was fully hard again. “I love it so fuckin’ much, I love when you cum in my mouth. But you never let yourself, you were just so stuck in the routine that you wouldn’t listen to what I wanted to do to you.” It felt like a weight was lifted off of you, for the first time since this whole thing, you felt like you and Sanji may actually have a chance if he was willing to give it another try.

”I just…I didn’t want to be one of those guys who never makes their partner finish.” His words were unsure, and he still refused to meet your eye line again. 

“You’ve never been one of those people, Sanji.” You cupped a cheek in your hand, gently guiding him to meet your gaze. “For all the things you may not have done, you always made me cum.” You leaned down, pressing your lips to his for a moment before pulling away. “Sometimes, I just want to return the favor.” 

“What about being rough?” 

“If you’re not into that, you don’t have to do it. I'm never going to force you to, or not want to have sex with you because there’s something you’re not comfortable with. But, that being said, you don’t need to hit me to be more dominant.” His lips tightened into a straight line, you could tell he was thinking very carefully about his next words, deciding whether or not to say it, so you kept talking. “I don’t need you to be rough, I just want us to be able to talk about things. Because Sanji, when it gets down to it, I like you for more than your cock.” You brought your lips down to his again allowing yourself to melt into the kiss as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you down against him. ”I’m really sorry”, your words were swallowed by him, the only sign that he actually heard them was the way he tightened his arms around you.

”What if I hurt you?” His sentence was punctuated by the sloppy kisses he was leaving along your cheek and down to your neck.

“Maybe I want you to hurt me a little.” You shrug, your breath hitching as he nips at your collarbone, doing it again to the same reaction. He begins to sit up, pushing you back so he could have more access to your chest. You allow him to kiss and lap patterns along your chest, surely littering hickies all over you, he’s so lost in the moment he doesn’t even register the way you guide his swollen cock between your legs. He only seemed to register it when he felt the head of his cock rub between your slick folds, moaning into your breast as you sank down onto him at a painfully slow pace. You cradle his head against you, running your fingers through his silky hair breathing in his scent when he’s fully inside of you. You feel him let out a shaky breath, clearly trying so hard to last, already on the edge. “Look at me” You let go of his head but when he doesn’t move you bring a hand back into his tresses, grabbing them and yanking his gaze up, a whine coming from his bitten lips, “I said, look at me.” His eyes were glassy and his cheeks flushed, but god he looked amazing. 

You had never thought yourself to be dominant, but something about how willing he is to do anything you ask, and those sounds, gods the sounds he makes really did something to you. Everything he did only managed to stoke the fire that was raging low in your stomach. “See my love,” You let go of his hair, dragging your hand down and along his cheek, “Did that hurt?” You could see the cogs in his brain attempting to turn, clearly clouded by the fogs of lust. He shook his head slowly, “Did it feel good?” He nodded. “Do you want me to do it again?” He nodded quickly, his lips parting. You couldn’t resist his pink lips anymore, leaning down to kiss him roughly both hands cupping his cranium, knitting your fingers through his hair and tugging every so often, your hips moving as you kissed. 

Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t have parted your lips from his. You were fucking yourself on him, his hands running down your back and grabbing your ass harder then he had before, clearly getting a sense for what you were asking of him. It wasn’t until you felt him trying to pull away from your lips, his hands grabbing your hips hard enough to still your movements. “Do you want me t- How should I finish?” You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your lips, the fact that he was asking what you wanted was all you had ever wanted. You pulled away, a hand on his chest pushed him back on the bed, his hands releasing his hold on your waist so you could sink down fully on him. 

“I want you to do exactly what I tell you, okay?” His expression was priceless, you’re confident that if he hadn’t been actively fighting the urge he would have cum at the sentence alone. 

“P-please.” His voice was a sigh more than anything. 

“Hand,” You put your hand out in front of you, quickly he placed his in yours which you pulled forward, manipulating it until you could press the pad of his thumb on your clit, the rest of it splayed out on your lower stomach. “I want you to keep that right there, you don’t need to move it or anything just- just the pressure.” Having his finger right where you needed it was already ushering you towards your edge and you weren’t even fucking your self on him yet. “Can you do that?” With an expression of amazement he nodded, “Then, I’m going to fuck myself on your cock, okay?” 

“God yes” 

“You better not take your eyes off of me.” You leaned forward, your hands rubbing along his chest as you did so. “Not until you cum inside me, got it?” You knew he did, you knew he was going to be such a good boy for you and do exactly what he was told. “Think you can do that?” Your lips moved against his, swallowing his moans whenever he tried to answer. “Hmm what was that?” 

“Y-yes I can, shit I can do that f-for you mm-o-“ His sentence was broken off by a long moan.

”That’s my good boy.” You pushed yourself back up before he could try to kiss you, your eyes never leaving his as you began to fuck yourself on him. You ground your hips against him, the sound of skin slapping and both of your moans intermingling echoed off the walls of your bedroom. You grabbed his free hand, bringing it to your lips and pressed kisses to it before moving it so he was grabbing your breast, a moan falling from his lips as he toyed with the soft fat. 

“I’m n-not g-“ His eyes fluttered shut for a brief second, but you were feeling generous and opted not to point it out, feeling yourself nearing your climax for the second time tonight. 

“Move your finger, in slow even circles.” You were surprised by how even your tone was, watching as he nodded slightly before doing exactly as instructed.

“God you’re so good for me, Sanji” Your voice was wavering now, shaking as your thighs began to tremble, your hips speeding up as you chased your mounting high. “My good boy, always m-making me cu-um” You wished you had been able to keep your eyes open when the wave of your orgasm crashed into you as though it were a welcomed tsunami. Your hips sputtered, stilling for a moment as his fingers never stopped. Your eyes opened to see his brow furrowed and his lips caught harshly between his teeth. 

“C-can I cum, p-please?” You pulled his hands off of you, your hips stilled as you lean down, chest against his. 

“You want to cum now?” He nodded, whining when your lips pressed to his neck, his hands sliding up your thighs and around to dully scratch at your hips. “You’ve been so good for me, but I need you to use your words.” You lifted your hips, bringing them down quickly once, a long drawn out whine escaping his open mouth. 

“P-please- '' You repeated your action, the same way Zoro had done to you when he was punctuating his sentence to prove he was better than ‘good’. 

“Please what, baby?” You nipped at his neck, sucking hickies. 

“Please, I need to cum, p-please l-let me-e.” 

“I think you can ask nicer than that.” You pushed yourself back a bit, supporting your weight on either side of his head, his eyes going from yours to your hanging breasts that were just out of his reach. ”Just ask nicely and I’ll give you exactly what you want.” His gaze moved back to meet yours, his pupils were blown out and his eyes glassy. 

“M-mom-mommy please,” Oh… As though he realized what he had just called you his face went bright red, breaking your eye contact, his hands balling on your hips. You watched in real time as he began getting in his own head, but you weren’t going to let that happen. 

“Does my baby need to cum that bad?” You used a hand to pull his chin back to look at you, shock written across his face. “Maybe just this once I’ll let you cum without asking nicely, what do you think?” You nodded his head for him, moving your hand back to support your weight while moving forward so he could finally reach your breast which had been just out of reach virtually all night. 

You knew the pace he liked towards the end, and you did your best to replicate it without his guidance, but when it proved quite difficult to do in this position you sat up fully, his tit falling from his mouth as you bounced on his cock. 

You knew this was about him, but when you felt the burning coil start to tighten in your loins for the third time that night you couldn’t stop yourself from rubbing your clit as you fucked yourself. You leaned backwards, your free hand supporting yourself on his knee, his cock hitting you at such an angle you thought you might be able to see his outline in your lower stomach. “S-Sanji I-I want you -to cum-m inside” 

His hands on your thighs tightened and he began thrusting up into you as best as he could, sitting up suddenly to make it easier to fuck you. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you against him allowing you to focus on getting yourself off. He only managed a few thrusts before you felt a rush of warmth inside of you. You managed to time your own, weaker climax to correspond with his, your stomach tightening as you rolled your hips against his, moaning loudly into his shoulder. 

Both of you tried to catch your breath, heads resting on one another’s shoulder. Your hair was sticking to the back of your neck, even to your back. You could feel his cum begin to drip out down his softening cock which was still nestled between your walls, but despite that slightly uncomfortable feeling, neither of you moved. 

Neither of you knew that on the other side of the very thin wall that you shared with the guy’s room, the door had been locked and a certain swordsman was leaning against it. He would never admit to it, he would rather swallow his swords then admit it, but the moment he had seen you come outside long enough to go in the direction of the kitchen he knew where this was going. He had gone into the shared room, pleading it was under the gauze of an evening nap but when he flicked the lock his shirt was off, his pants followed closely behind. For what felt like half an hour he laid there in wait, almost falling asleep when he thought he may have been wrong. But when he heard your startled yelp when you noticed Sanji in your bedroom his cock began to stiffen. Since that moment he had been working his erection, cumming twice, the sound of your moans reminded him of the first night you two were together. He had been chasing those sounds every time he fucked you, but they were never the same. But as soon as Sanji’s tongue touched your engorged clit your first whimper was exactly the same. 

He had to be the one to make those sounds again, no matter what it took.

[glassrunner]

while isha was very much a cutesy character that helped soften some of the harsh moments of season 2, i ultimately feel that her existence was unnecessary.

the moment she appeared onscreen and immediately tagged along with jinx, i got the sense that she was incredibly hamfisted into the plot for the purpose of eventually making jinx Suffer More. the progression of their relationship (which i understand happened over a timeskip, but seriously that timeskip is doing too much heavy lifting -- a problem in its own) from "annoying kid following me around" to "new little sister" isn't elegantly alluded to, it's constantly made extremely obvious. and just to make sure we get the point, riot puts the final nail into that narrative coffin by having jinx literally say aloud that isha is a basically a younger version of powder and paints her hair blue. and then two episodes later, she's gone. just to give jinx yet another reason to go insane, which she doesn't really need.

isha has literally no dialogue. she serves to remind the audience of jinx's past, minus the trauma. it's easy and expected to project a young powder onto every scene she's in, which is just a waste of a new character. but even before the direct isha/powder comparison, jinx declares that she's discarded that persona, that "jinx" is no more. somehow, isha's mere presence even calms down jinx's psychosis to the point that she has a mild break for presumably the first time in a while only after isha is taken away, which just feels extremely lazy and gratuitous -- like the big bad Insanity is just a convenient lever to pull when the plot needs more tension and drama, rather than something that jinx has suffered from her whole life, and which silco's death amplified to the max.

all of the interesting plotlines i was looking forward to, like caitlyn's spiral into vengeance and fascism, jinx's rage and grief and psychosis causing chaos, vi and caitlyn either reconciling or being unable to in the end... it all just feels like it was brushed aside. jinx, after firing a rocket that killed half the piltover council, decides she just won't fight piltover anymore; caitlyn, who's grateful for ambessa's support and guidance in her crackdown on zaun, suddenly turns on her to aid vi; vi, forgetting her life-threatening feud with jinx, abruptly remembers they indeed are sisters who shared a life. so many conflicts conveniently resolved in seconds, when they should've taken at least a few minutes to untangle -- all because we needed so much time devoted to isha and jinx's relationship.

don't get me wrong, i LOVE the emotional moments that have been present so far. i think they do still hit, but their beauty is definitely muted because the pacing is a complete disaster. it was really difficult to enjoy isha having a bug battle with jinx when 1. i didn't even really recognize that jinx and 2. i was constantly thinking about what the other characters were doing. with how many plotlines need to be wrapped up before the finale (zaun's independence, the black rose vs. the medarda clan, mel's supposed magehood, etc.), i'm really not confident that we'll get a satisfying ending, and honestly i wouldn't have minded not having isha in the plot at all if it meant we could get a more coherent and less rushed overarching storyline.

[insomniac-101]

So something that I often don't see people discuss is the manner in which the 9th and the 10th doctor's seasons are so intrinsically connected that it is almost impossible to understand a lot of key character arcs if you choose to skip it upon rewatch. The reason why I say this is because the moment you reach season 2, 10 is essentially the product of the development 9 achieves at the end of his season. To skip him, would mean that you also miss context as to the reason why Rose is so important and in turn, not understand the reason why their bond in particular is such a big part of the plot during the 10th's era.

Now bare with me, because I'm about to go off a bit lmao.

The first season of nuwho not only serves as an introduction to many of the key characters we see later on, such as: the Doctor, Rose, Jackie, Jack, Mickey, Harriet jones, etc. but it also serves as an introduction for the concept of the series as a whole. Prior to this, doctor who as a franchise had a reputation of being a geeky sci-fi show with no real wide spread appeal. Remaining as a niche interest to many, up until the reboot returned and reintroduced the show to a newer audience.

This is important to note because this is one of the main reasons why we see such a huge emphasis placed on the companions' lives in the reboot. Because RTD meant to expand the world of Doctor who and its audience, and by doing so, he strived to try a multitude of new plots that were otherwise never explored previously. This is why the romantic plotline of his season is so crucial to the story itself because he means to explore a facet of humanity not previously seen with the Doctor as a character. RTD essentially built this plot line from scratch, as the only other attempt at exploring such an angle was received negatively (The 8th Doctor's movie). So there's a degree of leniency that I give his writing In particular because like I said prior, he had no prior reference for exploring humanity to the degree in which the new series does.

The ninth doctor, when we meet him, is essentially a recluse. He is in a state of stagnation, implied to have been alone for some time after the war and it gives off the impression that he's no longer accustomed to being around people. He's often direct, rudely so and very standoffish to anyone that isn't immediately measuring up to his standards. This isn't to say that he isn't charming in his own way. He's sarcastic and when he tries, he can actually be very good with people. But the war still weighs heavily on his conscious and so, he views the world through the eyes of a soldier. Prioritizing the act of surviving rather than slowing down and actually taking the time to live life.

I mean, the man essentially meets Rose while blowing up her workplace and if that isn't concerning on its own merit than I don't know what is lmao.

A scene that sticks out to me the most about him in particular is when he looks at himself in the mirror for the first time. He notes that he has big ears, and from the manner in which he says it the implication that he perhaps has not seen himself in a long time is not lost to us. This coupled with the knowledge that he had indeed been seen traveling prior to meeting Rose, gives the phrase a more dark connotation that makes sense for his character.

I like to think that this indicates that the guilt of what he did to stop the war weighs so heavily on him that he could never bring himself to face his reflection. Because truly, to have gone so long without seeing yourself, not even in the reflection of a window or other surface is not something that is easy to do. Rather, it is something you have to go out of your way to do. Also it's important to note that his appearance is in fact a reflection of that weariness he feels. With his body, being older outwardly (appearing 40ish ) and his features being very sharp and serious. Even his hair is pretty short, much like how a soldier would keep it as a means of not wasting any time on worrying on something so inconvenient. His preference for darker colors and his constant outfit is also very noticably practical, not at all decorative like his prior bodies. This is purposeful, because it is what sets him apart from prior versions of the character and an easy way to visually see his most prominent traits.

Now with that out of the way, now I can discuss how 9 changes and what his relationship to Rose is like, so that one can better understand why Rose is such an important part of the Doctor's character.

From the moment the two meet, you can see he harbors an immediate curiosity towards her. Here they are, trapped in an elevator being attacked by a group of living mannequins and yet, Rose is almost unaffected.

That isn't to say she isn't afraid, she is, but her fear doesn't stop her from asking questions and demanding explanations. She doesn't shy away from him, rather she confronts him head on and even shows a level of concern for other people while she is actively the one in danger. It is enough to prompt him to ask her name, but not enough to involve her. Preferring to instead keep his distance.

It is not until another chance meeting that he gradually lets her in, allowing her to humor him with her curiosity and we see once more that he is in fact very good at socializing, but only with certain people. The reason why I stress this is because he often outwardly puts this front of coldness towards those that don't interest him. Rose was able to look past this front, and seems to look past his rather cold attitude towards other humans. He often stresses how inept they are, going on tangents about how they're nothing more than apes but she ignores it and tries to get at the core of the issue. That's why they mesh so well, because she is able to separate the fluff he inserts into his answers and take it for what it is. That isn't to say she's a doormat, she just knows when to pick her battles.

"do you know like we were saying? About the world revolving. It's like you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world is turning and you just can't quite believe it cause everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning 1,000 miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling round the sun at 67,00 miles an hour. And I can feel it, we're falling through space you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go.. that's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler"

He is describing the manner in which he views the world. Unlike how a kid is unable to comprehend the vast truths of how the world functions and remains naive of it for a period of time, he is a man that was never given that chance to be unaware of how it functions to an infuriating degree. He sees the world for how it is, dark, unforgiving and so direct. Everything is calculated so precisely and he can't even begin to comprehend why anyone would see the good in it as it's just that, a planet.

But that's why he finds humans so interesting. There's a part of him that holds onto that hope that it is something more, that perhaps he is missing out on a purpose behind all the darkness. That's why he is running amongst them, to find a reason behind their way of thinking. To experience the world through the eyes of the hypothetical child, rather than the adult who breaks the illusion.

Not only that, but this conversation also let's us in on how touch-deprived he is.

For it is in a moment of vulnerability that he allows himself to reach out and touch Rose physically. Grabbing her hand for emphasis on how heavy this revelation burdens him. It's a cry for help in a sense, because he has reached the point where he has metaphorically "let go". Dropping her hand, to show that he is losing that last part of him that clings to that hope of finding something that will allow him to question his view of the world. He is miserable and lonely, because when you view the world through such a cynical lens it becomes all the more apparent that life is so lonely. If everything is doomed, then why go out of your way to care?

You see this in the way he remains unaffected by the reveal of Mickey's "death." Having grown so used to it, that he finds it off-putting to see that Rose is freaking out as a result. It happens everyday to people far more important so why give it any real weight if it's inevitable? Why ascribe a meaning to something that just is?

Remember when I mentioned it is implied that he was traveling on his own for a while? What places did he visit? The Titanic, the Kennedy assassination, the explosion of Karakota. These are all fixed points of time that are associated with absolute tragedies. But all the same, they're key points in life where the world remained cruel without reason. Thus fueling his very uncharitable view of the world and how it functions.

That's where Rose becomes key to his overall development. As a human, she inevitably views the world through the lens of that child. She doesn't know the ins and outs of the universe's processes, yet she continues living without ever really seeking to understand it better. It doesn't matter to her that the people around her aren't necessarily important in the grand scheme of things, they matter because they just do. She is capable of loving others and affording care to others simply because she wants to, not because she has to. She is confronted with alien threats the moment he walks into her life, and yet her view of the world and her existence doesn't really change. She does not harden rather, she curiously grows from it. Growing wiser and more aware rather than crippling under the discovery of another threat in the universe.

She is clinging to the understanding of the tiny little world she lives in, yet her hold doesn't relent. For she is not falling, to imply so would mean that he was right in his assertion that our existence is doomed. No, instead in the place of any real meaningful explanation about the world's existence is something so innately human: hope. An illogical thing to always maintain, yet she always seems to have it.

After all, it is such a confusing notion when you think about it. We have no reason to believe that things will improve, and that we'll be met with good outcomes. It's so metaphorical, not at all tethered to something practical like numbers and data and yet, even when the odds are against us, somehow we hope things will improve.

It's that aspect that he wishes he understood.

(i would love to dedicate a whole analysis on Rose in a separate post so for now, I will only focus on the Doctor and her role in his life)

This is why he takes her to the ends of the universe on their first trip. He's testing her, seeing if this will be enough to prompt a reaction out of her that fits his narrative. He also seeks companionship, to have someone understand what it's like to see your planet burn and to have yourself remain as the sole survivor. In a way, to justify the validity of his misery and guilt. She's affected of course. It's in that moment that she realizes, the scope of the universe and is faced with the undeniable truth that everything does end. It shakes her and you can see her sort of doubt her view of the world. No longer able to remain blissfully unaware of the big picture when it is quite literally in your face.

But something she has, and he lacks is a foundation. Rose still has her mother, someone to return to at the end of the day. She can be comforted by the people in her life while his inability to let anyone in, essentially stunts him.

When given the choice to spare Cassandra, he refuses. He lacks the capability of seeing past the evil, and assumes that there is no good in her. No second chances. An act that catches Rose off guard, who in spite of personally recieving the brunt of Cassandra's cruelty, she asks the Doctor to save her.

Eventually he takes her back to her time. He entrusts her with more information regarding the war and the death of his people. People pass them by, oblivious to his presence as he is wallowing in the sorrow of remembering. It's a metaphor, of sorts. While our two protagonists are brutally aware of the doom that awaits them in the future and they remain stuck in place reminiscing, the world around them continues moving on.

He is giving her every reason to run, to leave him behind and save the very last shreds of naivety she has.

But when he asks her if she wants to leave, to no longer accompany him on his adventures, she refuses. Because his confession puts it all into perspective.

He is hurting.

He desperately craves company: to have a hand to hold onto and keep him grounded as the world falls apart. Yet more than ever is she aware of her limitations; that she cannot undo what has been done to him.

And so, she does what she knows she can do to help ease the pain even if it is very miniscule. Tells him that he has her, and that his pain is one she can now share and understand. She offers him chips, not because it will magically make it all disappear but because it will distract him from the pain of remembering. It's also her favorite food, so no doubt she is trying to share that sense of comfort it brings her with him.

Such a human thing to not focus on fixing the bigger problem and instead focus on what can be changed in the current moment. They still have time until the end of the earth, so why spend more time dwelling on it?

That is her response to his question.

I believe the episode the unquiet dead is where he realizes the extent of his feelings for her. There they are about to be pulled apart by a horde of zombies yet Rose doesn't regret coming along. She tells him so and in the end all she asks of him is that they fight for their lives. Still clinging on to that bit of hope that they could get out of this, even if it is misplaced. To stay together in spite of their inevitable deaths is all she asks for, and he in turn tells her how glad he is to have met her. Assuring her that he is glad it's her that is there by his side as he clings to her hand like a life line. Somehow, having someone there to hold made the inevitable more bearable.

For a single moment, he remembers what it is like to not regret something.

But no, they live! Again and again, even if logically it makes no sense given how the world works. All the while, he meets more and more extraordinary people. With Rose, always reaching out to others as they embark on every new adventure. Thus indirectly providing him insight on the manner in which normal people are capable of doing brave and incredible acts even if it is at the cost of their own life. Their hope in a future for the people they hold dear, motivating them to put everything on the line if it meant that there was even a slight chance everything would be alright.

There's good in people, even those that outwardly appear to not be worth the trouble. And it's that potential he latches on to, and why he tries so hard to lend a hand when he can.

This is actually where the trend of the importance of knowing people's names starts, because the companions often serve as his connection to the humans around them. They ground his perspective, reminding him to not focus so much on the grand scheme of things that he forgets to look at the smaller details. This is why in the episode Midnight it is so tragic that no one asked for the stewardes' name. For up until that point, he knew better than to not at the very least humanize her (by asking for something as basic as her name, her story, etc.) rather than see her as pawn in the midst of the problem. That is the principal that Rose instilled in him and yet when left alone, he finds himself forgetting to do so. Thus, why he takes the revelation to heart.

But I'm getting ahead of myself lol

It is when he is confronting the last of the daleks that he has to reconsider his beliefs of how the world had up till now functioned. He has been proven time and time again that the world is not always such a negative place, and that there is at times tranquility that could be found in the midst of the chaos. That the universe and it's inhabitants are capable of doing both good and evil.

So why is he so quick to want to kill the last of the daleks and cling to that cynicism he was beginning to reconsider? Here he is faced with a being who understands his pain, but in the form of his biggest enemy. It is not innocent, having been at one time capable of monstrous acts that caused mass suffering but...neither is he. There it stands defenseless and unarmed and yet he is the one threatening it with a weapon, just like Rose reasons. She is alive and unharmed, standing next to a dalek yet the active threat is not the dalek, it's him. He is tempted to kill it because his first instinct is to resort back to that hatred that gave him purpose for so long. The same poison the daleks used to eradicate the rest of his people. But is it truly incapable of being good, if not, then why is he any different? To give into the temptation would mean to validate that goodness could not be found everywhere. That if he followed the same mindset that once drove him to pull the trigger on everyone involved in the whole war, than he was doomed to become one of them. To repeat the endless cycle of violence and prove once and for all that he is a monster that cannot change.

Again the answer to the question is up to us to decide. But for him, there's only one clear answer.

No one else has to die. By choosing to not do anything he can live another day, without carrying the guilt of another being dying at his hands. Not because it has to be done, but because he has the option to refuse.

He can no longer assert that its existence as the final survivor of his race isn't important. That just because he hates it, doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a second chance like he got.

Really who is he to pass judgement, when there was a point in his life where he too was blinded by rage and the very narrow view he held of the world?

There is always a choice, and sometimes, the choice is to not take part in that decision.

And so that's what he does.

Rose takes on the burden for him, reaching out to the dalek in the same compassionate way he once did for him. Ordering the dalek to die not out of spite, but out of mercy because that is what the dalek wanted. A being born with the ultimate goal of surviving at all costs with hatred running through its blood, yet it's last moments are spent anguishing over all the death it caused. But unlike the Doctor, who strived to change as a result, he used up his second chance to end the pain. All it asked in return, was comfort or in other words...a hand to hold.

Or..so we think.

It's this ability to look past his biases that allows him to see the good in individuals like Mickey, Jack, and even Rose, when she inevitably screws up. He is able to grant them a second chance to prove themselves and keep them grounded, just like they did for him. His bonds to said people strengthen as a result and now he travels with a group of individuals he can trust with his life. People that can ease the burden and see the good in him.

Now the final episodes of his run is where the final test to his resolve to change is put into question. In a cruel twist of faith, history repeats itself.

Once again, he is given a choice: to let humanity die at the hand of the daleks, or end it all himself.

But alas he chooses not to give in. To not let himself become like the very thing he despises, because the alternative would mean witnessing the mass death of humanity at his hands. A group of beings he personally saw was capable of so much good, and was directly responsible for his change of heart. They reminded him that he was not above changing and that he could find meaning in simply continuing to find the good in others. He refuses, and so he seals his fate.

Yes he would die as a result, but at least he'll die knowing that he did all that he could. That he did not repeat the same cycle of violence that drove him to make the decision to eradicate all that he knew in an act of desperation.

He was free at last of the hatred that poisoned him for so long and it's due in part to the emotion that now stood in its place. Something he slowly cultivated throughout the span of his episodes: Love.

Love for humanity.

Love for Rose.

Love for himself. Because he finally did something he would not live to regret

" Before I go, i just want to tell you that you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I!"

When he finally regenerates, it is done with the intention that his final act is not one of destruction, but love. This man, with the blood of so many on his hands, was able to forgive himself through the compassion extended to him when he was at his lowest. Rose a mere human, through sheer kindness, was able to motivate the doctor to keep going. To not hang up on the inevitabilities of life, and to find beauty in what was fleeting.

To have faith in the good of the people around him, even when it wasn't easy.

Most importantly, she reminded him that his journey was not one that had to be solitary. He could share the burden with others, and in turn, build genuine friendships that would help ease that loneliness he felt.

What makes Rose special to the doctor is not that she is inherently special. She is not someone of high status nor this faultless god that is capable of doing no wrong. No what makes her important to him is the fact that she was perceptive enough to realize that he needed help, and selflessly gave it at a time where he was at his lowest. She extended the best of humanity towards him during a time where he desperately needed a reminder that life was more than just pain. She never gave up on him, always assuring him that he was capable of doing good even when he himself didn't believe it.

This was not a bond forged on shallow appearances or attraction, no, it was a deep friendship in which both people involved grew to become better versions of themselves by the end. They just so happened to fall in love in the process.

Something I want to point out is that the reason why he has the courage to kiss Rose is because his love for her, he feels, is unrequited. He thinks this will be the last chance to show her how much she means to him in this body, and perhaps ever. He is insecure, you see that in the way he practically sneers at any man that looks at her yet he never makes a move himself. That is why he is deeply confused as to why it takes her so long to warm up to his 10th incarnation in the Christmas invasion. Going as far as to claim that she had given up on him. A behavior that to him, makes no sense as he was essentially tailored to her tastes. A pretty boy, just like the ones she showed interest in previously.

This is why he asks her upon regenerating what she thinks of his appearance and once again when he wakes up from his coma. He wants her to fawn over him but doesn't take into account that maybe, bursting into flames isn't exactly a normal human occurrence lol

But we see that that is not true. His looks were never something that bothered her. Because whenever she is made to make a choice between the doctor and someone else, it's always him. Even at the expense of what he would consider to be the safer options.

Rose loved him since his 9th incarnation. This is made evident in the manner in which she immediately asks him to change back once he regenerates into 10 (Doctor Who Born Again, Children In Need Special 2005).

"Can you change back?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yeah"

"Oh."

"Can you?"

"No"

(note: if you haven't seen this clip, I strongly recommend doing so as it adds so much context to the conflict explored in the Christmas special)

If she had solely loved him when he was 10, then she would have accepted him easily but she didn't. It took her the entirety of the Christmas invasion to understand that he was still the same man. This is why the episode focuses so much on 10 sort of dancing around her, trying to earn her approval by showing off how he's still the same man. Going as far as to pan on his face numerous times as he wistfully looks at her direction, all while he fights the sycorax as if to make sure that she is watching him be impressive. (it's something I realized upon rewatch, just how desperately he is trying to earn back her approval lol)

So with all of this in mind, nine essentially transforms into a new man. Figuratively and literally lol. A man that finds the joy in living again and meets each challenge with a curiosity akin to that of a child. He's fun, far less burdened (outwardly) by the death of his people and more open to meeting new people. He becomes what 9 physically believes to be the ideal image of a partner Rose would want, down to the wispy hair and handsome features. Not to mention younger, as if, physically representing the the burden being lifted from his body, thus de-aging him.

But with this new man that was born out of his love for humanity and Rose, there's a conflict that is more apparent than ever. Will he be able to overcome the implications that come with falling in love with a human?

This is where the conflict shifts, because with confronting this question he is left to actually take into consideration what it means to fall deeper in love with her. A scenario he previously only humored in fantasies because he was unaware that she returned them.

Had she simply loved him as a friend, it would have been easy to ignore it but no she had fallen for him too. So now he can no longer skirt around it. To fall for a human would mean to expose her to what a Time lord's life and perspective entails. How alien he truly is and how that especially affects the manner in which they communicate. This is explicitly said in the Christmas invasion, when her whole world shifts at the reminder that he is in fact not human.

"The thing is, I thought I knew him, Mum. I thought me and him were...and then he goes on and does this. I keep forgetting he is not human"

This is what series 2's main conflict is.

But it is far from one sided.

She in return, has to confront the inevitability of her death. Can she ask that of him, to put aside the pain and let her live out the rest of her days by his side? Once she outlives those she loves, would she become someone unlike herself?

Because now it's not a question of will they won't they, they know how they feel about one another. No, it's a matter of when.

This is why series two appears to have very little conflict between the two at first glance, but that's because the conflict is within themselves. Since ten was made with her in mind, they tend to operate very similarly and so they don't get in as many arguments as they did previously. Because again, ten exists from the changes made in nine. You cannot have one without the other,as they are the two sides of the same coin.

Another tid bit that must be mentioned is that 10's desire to be human can actually be traced back to 9's era. This is because the 9th doctor always made it a point to separate himself from Rose's family life. This is what causes him to have such a strained relationship with Jackie in the first place, because his refusal to take part in Rose's personal life directly interfered with Jackie's relationship to her daughter. Jackie does care for the Doctor. He is important to Rose and so she makes an effort to welcome him, even when he refuses.

But really from a few comments he makes off handedly in father's day, one can infer that the reason why he stays far away from their home life is more of a reflection of how he views himself. Like an outsider who cannot afford to get too close to the people around him.

After all he had this to say about the importance of living a life that is ordinary.

"i don't what this is all about, and I know we're not important -"

"who said you're not important? I've traveled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine, but you two. Street corner, 2:00 in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that.."

You can't always trust the Doctor's words because he often puts on this unbothered front. But in this specific instance, he says this not as a means of diminishing it but rather being rather fond of the idea. To live the one adventure he could never have, sound familiar?

It's because of this that the 10th doctor makes an effort to be more involved in Rose's personal life. Extending his care towards her mother, and even spending the holidays with them. He even goes as far as to imply they were the closest thing to family when he tells Donna about it.

This long ass essay is all to essentially say that the idea of pitting ninerose, tenrose, and tentoorose against one another is rather pointless lol because they're all essentially the same ship but at different stages of their relationship. You cannot have the existence of one without the other because they all occupy the same man. All are equally valid according to the narrative and canon so please can we lay this useless competition to rest?

There's enough Rose to go around!

[rose-morose]

I want to mention before you start reading this, this isn't a hate post on Arcane or Jinx, so if you're gonna read it please read to the end, though it is a very long read, so you have been warned

look I know it's not a very popular opinion, but I really wasn't a fan of Jinx in the first season of Arcane, I just thought her whole madness arc was uncharacteristically generic and over exaggerated compared to the rest of the show's extremely competent writing, and her character felt very one dimensional and simple

(Arcane season 1 and 2 spoilers under the cut)

after she stopped going by Powder and became Jinx, she just kind of felt like the kooky crazy lunatic archetype with no other facets to her personality

there were moments that kind of made her seem more complex, like some of the early interactions she had with her sister Vi after the time skip, and her relationship with her father figure Silco, and the one scene on the bridge where she was fighting Ekko, but she seemed to only exist in the context of the other characters and wasn't really her own character, to me she seemed more like a plot device than a person

but then season 2 came, and Silco was gone, Vi didn't want anything to do with her, Ekko was off doing his own thing somewhere else, and for the first time ever she was truly alone

and it suddenly felt like Jinx could finally be alone and still be compelling and interesting and have her own growth and development outside of the context of other characters, she could be her own person

she went from over the top stereotypical movie crazy to a person struggling with genuine mental illness, a past filled with trauma, and complex feelings around her remaining relationships with the other characters, characters that she no longer depended on, as well as her self

like when she had the shot on Vi, but couldn't take it, there was a great deal of strife and contemplation on her face and ultimately it was her tear falling that alerted Vi to her presence, this is the first time she didn't seem to have one of those black and white demeanours of unbridled aggression or passive despair that she had often flipped between when interacting with other characters

and Jinx finally formed a real relationship with Sevika rather than just being outwardly jealous and petty but ultimately not behaving like she actually cared that much about her one way or the other, only using her to justify her new initiative, and while they still don't seem to like each other, now there is more complexity behind that unfriendly relationship that allows for nuances like the two working together in the wake of Silco's death, someone that they had both previously relied on for direction and purpose, which was really the only thing they had in common in season one

and the introduction of Isha gave Jinx another opportunity to form a relationship with a new character that required more than one word like "dad" or "sister" to adequately describe it

now Jinx had her own little sister that looked up to her, instead of her constantly looking up to Vi, she actually had to take the initiative and act on her own and allow Isha to follow

I of course hope to see Isha continue to develop as her own character as well, but for now I'm content with her helping Jinx to be her own person

now I said that this isn't a hate post on Arcane or Jinx, and that's because I actually fucking love this show, the writing is brilliant, and now I love Jinx's character too, Silco was my favourite character and I'll admit that I was apprehensive about how the story would unfold without him, but now I really can't wait to see what Jinx and Sevika do in the next two acts of the show

thanks for sitting through another one of my extremely amateur and even more extremely long characters analyses, hope it wasn't too wordy (even though I know it was) as usual I would love to hear the insight of others on the topic, so feel free to reblog or comment your own take and I would love to read it

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Vivziepop Is The Female Thomas Astruc

Seriously, these two have so much in common and it's obvious that Vivziepop has gone down the same road as him which is a creator who is overtly sensitive to criticism and reveals themselves to be an immature manchild who snipes back at critics in the worst way possible.

One big thing I noticed is they have hate sink characters who had great potential to be more interesting, but refused to do anything with them because they want to hammer in a theme with them some people are just plain bad but as a result they become really bland villains who come off as just causing misery for the sake of it.

Another thing I noticed both have had dip in qualities after their promising first season. They were given praise in their first season but fans noticed by second season the flaws of the shows, especially when it came to the romance and characterization. Plot premises are repeated to an obnoxious degree and characters get more and more flanderized to the point they almost seem a parody of their first season characterization.

Also the biggest thing that seems to really be an issue is the romance. With Ladybug, romance was always the focus but it's the fact that it strangles the plot makes it a problem. In Helluvaboss, it wasn't originally going to be about romance but just running a business to assassinating people in the living world. Never or less, both romances have shown to get more toxic as they strangle the show from being interesting or bringing any good characterization.

I also think the biggest things against these shows is the fact that they both feel like they have no direction due the poor writing qualities that their creators have. I also think it ties back to them not listening to anything that could improve themselves, but instead double down on trying to look right and as a result looking foolish for their efforts.

[artbyblastweave]

Have you read The Fifth Defiance? Your thoughts?

Alternatively, other superhero non-Worm prose of note?

Hmm. So, I actually have read The Fifth Defiance, but for reasons I'll get to in a minute I've never gone out of my way to talk about it on here. For those not in the know, it was a Web Serial directly inspired by Worm, set in a post-apocalyptic world where a petty criminal known as Prevailer lucked into the Superman-teir powers and eventually wound up razing the western hemisphere, killing every would-be superhero who attempted to oppose her regime. The titular fifth defiance refers to the fifth organized attempt to overthrow her, organized by a group of five moderately-powerful, morally grey capes who agree to work under her as bagmen while secretly planning to use their inside access to her regime to find a way to put her down before she gets bored and finishes destroying the world.

I really, really wanted to like the Fifth Defiance. Prevailer is one of the most unique implementations of the Evil Superman trope- in both powerset and appearance- that I've ever seen in superhero fiction- like Sophia Hess if the narrative were a little more interested in having you feel bad that someone ended up that fucked in the head. The worldbuilding was phenomenal, the characters were phenomenal, the powers were near-universally Worm-tier, the prose was good, the fight scenes well-done, the supplementary materials interesting. I thought it did an admirable job depicting a world in which superpowers resulted in Great Man Theory becoming true- It was incredibly compelling to see the ways in which the geopolitics of this world were contorted around keeping the whims of this one emotionally-stunted, depressed tyrant satisfied, and how a small group of sufficiently well-coordinated superhumans working in concert could be used to enable an otherwise unsustainably-incompetent regime indefinitely- only for that regime to start to crumble when the predictable backbiting kicks in.

However. You could visibly see the author losing control of the direction of the plot in the back half of the story, and by the end it was a train wreck. The ending is inconclusive, I didn't think that anybody's character arc was brought to a satisfying conclusion, and the focus in the back half is bafflingly distant from Prevailer, the rebellion against whom the entire goddamn book is named. Most of all I thought that the attempt to work in the same cosmological space as Worm in regards to the origins of powers ultimately amounted to The Entities, But Worse- or more specifically, The Entities but not integrated nearly as cleanly into the climax of the story despite how heavily they come to dominate it.

Overall I walked away incredibly dissatisfied. But I also think it could be one of the greats with some tightening. It's really, really good until it isn't.