#or im projecting too damn much XD

[alexandraisyes]

about the comm dialogues from your fics

IM MEANT TO PICK JUST ONE???

….

-opens your errors in resentment fic-

“Are you sure you don’t want me to look again?”

Eclipse groaned, words muffled by the table. “You’ve looked three times. We don’t even know what we’re looking for.”

“I don’t know what we’re looking for.” Ruin corrected. “Perhaps if you insisted less on your personage of tall, dark, and handsome, I’d be able to help better.” He pointed out, unfazed when the dark bot growled at him.

“You don’t fool me, Eclipse dearest.” He continued, dragging short claws lightly against Eclipse’s neck, taking slight pleasure in the way the other tensed.

“We came from very similar source codes, so while we are by no means the same , we do most definitely share some aspects of personality. So I’m fully aware you are, how does one say, bullshitting me.”

“Am not.” Eclipse deflected, without much conviction.

“Hogwash!” Ruin exclaimed, removing his hands entirely to cross his arms, much to Eclipse’s dismay.

OR

His grin wavered back into a frown, “Don’t worry about it.” He muttered, turning back to the surface of the table.

“I am worried about it!” Ruin shrilled, “Quite frankly, your behavior as of late has been extremely worrying!” He continued, uncrossing his arms to use his hands for emphasis. “You haven’t even touched any of your personal projects in a week, and you’ve made hardly any progress on Bloodmoon because you’ve been burying yourself inside of your own code! I’m allowed to worry!”

Irritation bubbled up and spilled over, “Why? Because I’m not working on your shit anymore?” Eclipse fired back, sitting back to scowl up at Ruin. “That’s why you brought me back, right? To work on your shit?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not why I’m worried!”

“Then why?!” Eclipse asked voice strained near Sun levels of pitch. He threw his hands up in exasperation, “You treat me well, you aren’t violent to the point you cause harm, and I know you can be dangerous, but you haven’t tried to pull a fast one on me yet. I’ve seen how you treat that golden idiot and his damned brother, but you don’t dance circles around me. So why, Ruin? Why do you worry, why do you act like you care ?!” He seethed, half out of the chair by now, on more physically equal footing than he had been sitting, when Ruin was sitting on the table.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because I do ?!” Ruin yelled back, posture stiff, built-in claws fully extended. A defensive position, Eclipse’s HUD informed him, a fighting position.

“Well, don’t! Don’t care, it’s not going to get you anywhere! I’m not going to change, I’m not going to become this hero you look up to Sun for!” Eclipse snarled, own claws flexing in response. Geared for a fight, he hadn’t had a fight in stars knew how long, maybe this is what he needed. Piss off Ruin so those damnable emotions would stop.

“Quite frankly! I don’t want you to change!” Ruin shot back, “Have you ever once considered maybe I enjoy your company the way that it is? Or are you too blind by your own fucking insecurities that you can’t see outside of the box that is Eclipse?”

i know it’s a lot, but i love these scenes and what comes next and i’m so not normal for Sharkchips xD AND YES I COPIED AND PASTED THE WHOLE SCENES DO WITH IT AS YOU WISH

(i know you’re not gonna outright send him the whole thing- but what better way to describe what scenes then outright copying and pasting them)

-💥

God that second scene would go so hard 😩😩😩

It would probably cost me like 100+ but it would be so worth it

[sugarpuptard]

ppl saying yes to share about my D&D oc so her i go yippieeeeeeee! she's pretty much done but im still like trying to build lil personality traits and quirks that suit her and figure out more ways i can project onto her besides the one main thing she got going for her, if anyone wanna share ideas hand them over pls if the vibe fits i need it!! i feel like she could lowkey be jirai but idk if that's just me projecting my current interests onto her

also if you're the two other ppl in my bf's campaign that starts in september DONT READ THIS i have put a cognitohazard into this post that only affects them two and it WILL make you piss your pants and have the song yummy by justin beiber stuck in your head for a month YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

ok if u didn't piss ur pants instantly you're not them and ur safe, so onto my scheduled ramblings

my character's name is Em (short for emulate) and she's a changeling infernal (mom=changeling & dad=demon, we're using a lil bit different way to build characters but i can't remember the damn name of the book my bf used for it) she's also an inquisitive rogue fiend warlock with an aberrant dragonmark (Eberron campaign yay) that i hate to draw because i made it look complicated asf, but she has to hide it anyways so she's not thrown into jail and blamed for the murderers of 1000s of people due to a bombing or whatever the fuck happened that blew up where she grew up, but im getting ahead of myself xD i'll do bullet points so maybe this wont be too long

- ABANDONED as baby .o. (Achievement Unlocked: tragic rogue backstory start)

- put into an orphanage in Cyre and a based asf worker there teaches her how to hide her mark and helps her hide it

- in and outta plenty of homes since she can change to suit anyone's tastes, but they all never keep her too long for one reason or another and she ends up back at the orphanage eventually. living was modest neither scraping by nor finding excess comfort, she manages to keep a positive outlook and just enjoyed the company where she can find it(the trauma from all of that tho still lingers a kid will be fucked up needing to pretend who they are all the time)

- girlie turns 18 and has to hit the streets cuz she's too old for the orphanage now. what do u do if you can look like anything and need food water and shelter? become a prostitute :) now she's not hitting the streets she's working them

- eventually doing all that led her to meeting a woman named Cala, and instead of taking advantage she offered Em a job as a spy working for a branch of the army of Cyre, which sounded pretty dope compared to giving huk tuah and shit to a bunch of weird guys so she said hell yeah. Cala quickly becomes her friend and they fall into lesbianisms but they had to hide it at work so no bs happens

- age 19: during the end stages of the last war Em served by assisting with a few espionage missions getting behind enemy lines using her talents to make entry points for other troops to move in

- age 20: The Day of Mourning... during that day she was on her way back from a mission from Thrane investigating rumors of fanatical religious extremism, deciding to bail and rally reinforcements upon seeing it related to aberrant dragon marks. as she made her way back on horseback, the Mourning occurred and she could see the explosion within the distant city of Cyre painting the skys with smog. she tried to return, but the guards who managed to survive were creating a safe perimeter of demarcation and denied her entry, informing her everyone within the city had died and that she would fare no better.

- age 21: Em moves to Sharn and found out Cala survived and had the same idea, they moved in together and bonded and was more lesbianism

- age 22: a protest about the treatment of Cyran refugees that Em and Cala were participating in got violent and both of them got injured. Em's were minor, however Cala suffered debilitating injuries not curable without the help of divine magic

- age 23: Em tries to get Cala treated but unknowingly brought her to a division of Thrane extremists known by them as "the chosen" based off what they said, the group captures them and tries to make them "hosts" for whatever entity they work with. they succeeded with Cala since she couldn't fight back but Em managed to get away when they got confused over her aberrant mark. she doesn't know what happened to Cala exactly, and part of the conversation ritual affected her mind in a strange way and gave her a magical affliction from whatever force the chosen serve. it feels at odds with her infernal heritage but oddly feels good to use it, like it was rewarding her for using it

- age 24: Cala is gone so the city took her house away rip. Em is back on the streets because of all that

- age 25: doing ykw she meets a guy who also has an aberrant dragonmark, bro freaked out until Em showed hers. they shit talked the government and talked about their heritage for a bit, and since things are getting too risky for people like them they plan to run to escape persecution. shit happened and there were guards blocking the way to escape the city and they got caught. the guy tries to fight back and gets killed for that, so Em just let herself get arrested and is now in jail

so uhhhhhhh thats it, the campaign starts with all of us in jail lol xD i seem to be unable to write her backstory in a short way oops, oh well

[kaaragen]

YES IM SO GLAD YOU REBLOGGED THE ASK GAME! 😍 I’d like to know ❤️💕🦋🦈💘🚦📚🎨

❤️ Argh! this is the one I was hoping I wouldn't be asked because I remember having a line I was very proud of but I can't remember what the damn thing was now! XD

Of the lines I remember liking, I'd say this one is one I'm very pleased with looking back, as sentimental as it is. Ignore the fact that I'm cheating because there's more than one, but the context of the previous line is necessary:

"Because you, and millions of others, have fought and suffered through a war that’s killed billions, wrought by the most sophisticated minds of the age.

"So maybe childish, naïve and idealistic is worth a try."

💕 It has to be And if we Fell Together, which I think is also the best thing I've written. It honestly still boggles my mind how popular that became, and especially when I think about how close I was to never actually writing or posting it. But I'm very glad I did, and reading it back gives me so much joy. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank the people who read it enough, or convey how much it meant to me, not least for the confidence boost it gave me when I was at a really low point.

🦋Oof, that's actually a tough one...I like writing Ahsoka and Barriss for different reasons; mainly because they are interesting foils in how they hide their insecurities. Barriss presents with a lot of poise and decorum, but internally she's a hot screaming mess; whereas Ahsoka outwardly projects confidence, but is very insecure and almost uses 'running headfirst at things' to stop herself from thinking and being paralysed.

But lately, I'm really enjoying teenage Tatooine Leia and pre-fuck-up-with-the-Duchess Sabine. Both are quite fun to unpick and work backwards from their canon characters and think 'okay, but if they were in this environment and didn't have that what would they be like?' without removing their essential natures as characters.

🦈 It used to be Luminara, as I really struggled to get a handle on her. After her confrontation with Barriss, where she loses her poise, it became a lot easier as it clicked that she's devoutly committed to the Jedi Order and the spiritual ideals of the Force, but is also using them to mask her uncertainties about what to do in situations.

As of now, it's probably Seventh Sister - who is fun to write, but also needs care as she is a mess and it's easy for her characterisation to split too far too soon and there's less in canon to anchor with.

(The Spectres as a whole are tricky, because you have to give each of them something to do, and also have them react in ways that fit each character, without that becoming a litany of reciting. God knows how Tamsyn Muir manages to do it so effortlessly in The Locked Tomb...)

💘It will surprise no one when I say angst XD My brain just seems to be wired for it (and I like to think I do it pretty well). But I maintain that angst makes the fluff worth it/better when it comes. So there!

🚦I've changed on this one. I used to think I was more of a 'bad' ending person, but perhaps years of reading Grim Dark stuff has worn me down. Or, writing has made me realise I'm more sentimental than I thought. Either way, I like plausible happily ever afters or ambiguity tinged with hope.

📚Ooo, that's a good question. I couldn't narrow down to just one, so I'll say that The Padawans (by someone you may not have heard of, called JediMasterBailey :P) and The Erosion of the Spirit by @425599167 are different, brilliant, takes on canon-compliant Barriss redemption arcs; Down to my Knees (Up en Pointe) by @cafffine is the best Inquisitor Barriss fic I've ever read, with Tomorrow, She'll see the Sky Again by @thevalaxy being the best post-Inquisitor Barriss fic I've read. Then there's Where I've Always Been and Coming Home to You by Gabby (Kirahsoka), which are amazing and made a sceptic of modern-world AUs and fantasy-world AUs like me rethink my scepticism.

Special shout-out goes to Pity and Reforging by @mylordshesacactus, which were the first Barrisoka fics I read and Jesus Christ, I think they fundamentally altered my brain chemistry and will haunt me until my dying day.

🎨Well, someone (not naming because I don't know if they want to be) very nicely asked if they could do fanart inspired by And if we Fell Together, which was about the happiest day of my life! I've seen some drafts and it looks incredible and I'm incredibly excited to see the finished version!

If there were to be a specific scene, I'd go for Ahsoka and Anakin's starfighter duel as I really like the imagery in that one! Oh, and also the first kiss!

[celestie0]

Sooo you're gonna judge me for this and I contemplated sending this anonymously buttttt I was thinking about that I would be like to have you write my life. Ok hear me out. You always put such great detail into your stories so sometimes I get clear visuals of what's happening in my mind and it makes the story that much better for me. Soooo I think that if I could give someone the ability to write my life story for me it would be you. Well some of it anyway, you write angst a little too well and I'm afraid whatever you write might just be my 13th reason 😅💀. Butttt I'm sure I would be fine in your hands. I know this is weird af and random but I've seen your inner thoughts on here soooo it's only fair I reciprocate 🙃🤣

OMGGG BAKUEHOETHOTSKI QUEEEENN <333 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 this is soooooo cute n SWEET <333 i'm so happy those little details shine through and make the stories feel real!! i am so honored that you would choose me to write the story of your life!! HAHAH im deaddd not the angst xD tbh i be givin myself the 13th reason bc i project a lil too much in some of my writing im like damn bitch relax this isn't therapy skdjfhdsk

NO THIS ISNT WEIRD ASF THIS IS LIKE ONE OF THE BEST COMPLIMENTS I HAVE EVER RECIEVED like are u kiddinggg. i would totally ghost write your memoir LOL. and yes true 😔😔😔 it's only fair after my intrusive thoughts i be posting

love youu <33

[hekkoto]

The Mother, High Priestess of Crystal Temple! Here comes one of Creators, beings who created universe of Terroether! Damn, Im so excited to finally be able post this! Damn, so soooooooo many months passed >XD yeah, one of my arts for my diploma work!

BIG UPDATE: Yo, Im speedrunning getting job as game tester ;p not gonna lie, Im just amazed that they seem to want me so much that it goes so fast! I hope background check will go right and I will get that job haha It was such nice feeling to see my recruiter to be amazed with my knowledge ;p not gonna lie, I have a lot of experience and knowledge in that field cause I do related stuff since years ahahaha If I get this job that means I will have way less time for art. So yeah, I gonna push it to the side a bit but donut worry, I feel like getting job might increase my productivity + Im person who takes sketchbook everywhere so I guess expect a lot of traditional works? ;D we will see how exactly this will work but yeah, I guess stuff might slow down. I will be still working on my big upcoming projects like my universe and comic set in its world, I started working on some vid game. And many more ;p I will make some changes, probably less uploads or less 'big' arts uploads and more sketchy like ones. But we will see!

Damn, last week brough so many changes to my life o.o its....odd. But I feel more calm now. Less stressed that stuff might fall apart. I archived a lot and Im proud of myself

I wanna thank you a lot for your support <3 especially lately, I wasnt too active cause so much was happening but I still was getting love from you uwu

wanna support my evil dark empire? Im accepting souls on Patreon and Ko-fi! -> Hekkoto Huge thanks to all of my Patrons and people who donate 🖤

[starlitangels]

oh totally! my b "straight up bad" as in "straight up no doubt hes morally iffy like marcus" bad wording lmao

James is certainly interesting, i wonder how high up he is that he can just let the code play out and just watch, (were we told and i missed it oops ik hes a suit but how high?) but also like why give Love/asset free will? if you want them to focus solely on the project why go through half of what they went through to make them work? on that, how much of this latest vid is james caring about their free will and autonomy? or is this more just "gotta make the asset comfortable and feel safe so this can be done quicker" CAUSE Brian mentioned that the kinder thing to do would be to wipe their memory and start over but that'd waste the progress, so whatever is up with the meridian is happening Now and ppls free will be damned? i absolutely get why ppl are loving james due to him calling marcus' bs out but im just 👀i dont trust him

I really do like that there doesnt seem to be malicious intent coming from anyone, its just iffy people doing iffy things for reasons you can kind of but not really at all get

Nah you're good. It happens

At the very least, I think James is at the top of the on-site people overseeing Project Meridian. Like, of all the "suits" at the actual lab itself, James is the boss-man XD

That said, I believe he mentioned in an older video that he also has superiors at ETS that he reports to, so he's not, like, the CEO of ETS or anything. I've only listened to most of Project Meridian once. So I can't speak to that with 100% certainty. But ya gotta hand it to a dude with magic knowing enough about coding to find and delete all the backups of the obsession code too 10/10 man

If I could point you to my previous words about the whole PM storyline: it has a stranglehold on exposition. The bare minimum information we have gives me absolutely no insight on why James would rather allow Love to have agency rather than just one specific program they're built for to accomplish.

I don't trust him either—but he's a businessman. He'll act in the interest of his business and whether that's for the good of the empowered community (and, by extension, Elegy as a whole) or not... that remains to be seen

"Iffy things from iffy people for iffy reasons" is pretty much the best summary of P.M. that I've heard. Congratulations, you did it! You broke Project Meridian down to its bare essentials XD

[depressedhatakekakashi]

i adore guy character's with long hair for some reason but also- it makes it even better if in a flashback we see their family and you see that it's tradition?? or atleast they tried to emulate their father and it was a-ok?? (listen my family would never so ig im just projecting XD)

lol it's pretty simple but makes me go feral for some reason- also if they look alike we get to see a glimpse of a possible future of them <3<3<3

I think this is a reason that Fandom adores long haired Kakashi.

Because he would look so much Like Sakumo and that brings about all of the feelings PLUS the haunting image that a lot of Konoha would have to deal with, which is just *chefs kiss*

I also love the thought of just some of the kids matching their fathers looks. Like Shikamaru is a dead look alike of his dad (and shikadai is the same), but Naruto with Minato’s long hair and side bangs? Sasuke with long hair like His mother (who sasuke has a lot of similar features of, so it would look damn good on him i think)

Or Gai woth his dad’s sort of long hair look XD that would be cute too but i think Kakashi would have opinions about it. Not great opinions (he see’s enough ghosts in his life thanks lol)

[thedragonqueen1998]

Oooh, when Leap changed Desmonds genes she warned him that not only would he no longer be human by genetic standards, but that they would no longer be seperatable. If Leap is removed Desmond could die and if he didnt he might have to bond with someone like any other symbiote. "Desmond, you are dying and this will save you, but you deserve to make the choice yourself. Do you wanna become one with me? This is irreversable and though i would love sharing the rest of my existence with you, i will not assume the same from you. So i ask again: Do you wanna become one with me Desmond?"

Desmond thought of it. Leap probably thought of the moments he wished he could have "alone" time or how he bemoaned that he lost his chance at a normal life now that they were bonded, but truth be told: there was nothing to think about. Desmond had been soul crushingly alone for so many years. He could never make true friends or have a partner he could share everything with due to his upbringing and fear of Abstergo, however illogical he thought he was before his father proved to be right about everything. Him needing "alone" time and complete privacy wasnt that much trouble to aquire as proven through trial and error. Leap could just delve into her own mind or his memories and completely block out everything he's experiencing and he didn't mind sharing his memories of such moments as she already had all his very emberrassing memories if his previous sessions and hook-ups. Not being able to separate at all could be a downside, but he liked Leap and the promise of never having to be alone ever again just sealed the deal for him. So he opened his mouth and uttered the word he knew he would never regret:

"Yes"

.

Oh, yes, cut the power! And we could have the cliche horror scene were you hear screaming and crunching. The goons start firing and in the flashes of light they just see a mouth full teeth coming at them. I don't remember Lucy being with Desmond in that fight so when she sees Desmond comes running up to the truck she, Shaun and Rebecca has been packing she doesnt think anything weird about it.

Even if Lucy had seen Leap, she wouldn't tell the templars as if they knew about Leap, they wouldn't hesitate to recapture Desmond, damn Project Siren. Desmond might have to use the Animus to figure out this "end of the world" business, but he could use it just as well with the templars as the assassins. With the proper "motivation" of course and they got the perfect "victim" already.

.

Aww, that sounds adorable! After Desmond got over the shock of "giving birth" to Clay, he would be overjoyed that they saved him. He would then gush over how adorable Clay is("Your just a tiny blob! Just look at your little baby tendrils and your baby teeth, it's just too cute!" "Dammit Desmond, stop calling me cute!") and would always make sure he was safe and secured before doing anything dangerous(Thank you enhanced vision and brain, processing faster had its benefits!).

.

Indeed, Minerva could just hope that everything went well. But hearing that Desmond was happy with the thrown together plan she devised using the symbiote and that the original plan couldn't have been better, it made her happy. She knew that 74,000 years seperated them and yet, she felt proud of Desmond. Like a mother would be of a child. Desmond might not be hers biological, but after setting everything up, of watching his entire life, of every ups and downs, she couldn't help but bond with him, however one sided the connection is. As she feels the earth shake and the temprature rise, she feels happy and proud. As the solar flare hits with all ots fury and everything crumbles around her, she whispers her last words to no one:

"Goodbye... my son"

.

.

Same! Im horrible at reaching out and staying in contact. Think this is the most consistent contact ive had with anyone online in ages. XD

.

Ooohh, i like that idea @spiderrogue!

.

Oh, when Desmond and Leap escaped the morgue they rushed to the Temple hoping to find Clay and panicked when they couldnt find him. Since they had been found, they worried Abstergo had Clay, leading to them breaking into templar hideouts searching for him. They leave no trace and no witnesses(they knock out innocents without being seen and eat anyone who is red. There is no official confirmed death count, just dissapearences in the hundreds and blood splatter), wich has the templars in a frenzy, because who is doing this!? Even the assassins aren't this good!

The assassins of course gets wind of this and is just as confused, though Gavin suspects it's another symbiote as the data of no bodies and blood splatter matches the data Bill sent about Desmond and his symbiote. Could Desmond have survived the Temple afterall? From Bills account, he watched Desmond get shot point blank in the head and not even stopping in his assault during the Abstergo break in. What's to say he couldn't survive this too? But why hasn't he contacted them? He knows at least one of the emergency numbers they use. Is he avoiding them? He did run away before and now he has better means to stay hidden, so it's not out of the realm of possibilities. Of Desmond is indeed alive and choosing to run away again, Gavin wont lie and say he's not dissapointed. But being an assassin is a choice. If he changed his mind about joining them, it is his coice to make and Gavin will respect that.

"Good luck Desmond, wherever you are."

.

I honestly can't really think of anything to add to the whole "Clay and Shaun bonded" thing, but i like it. Wonder if Shaun would feel bad for fearing Desmond, now that he too has a symbiote and has to eat people too(or consume a worrying amount of chocolate, wich begs the question: how the hell would he get that much chocolate from!?). Would he try to meet up with Rebecca and Galina, hoping they haven't reported hus "death" yet and would keep Clay secret? What would Desmond say when he realises Clay is bonded to Shaun?

"Clay, seriously? You bonded with Shaun of all people!?"

"Shut up, it was an emergency, okay! And don't go all "mom mode" on me here! Im a killing machine for fucks sake!"

.

Can't really comment on that last bit, dont really know Elijah that well and i have next to no comic book lore knowledge. Though Clay learning Desmond has a son would ve kinda funny.

"Wait, Desmond's your dad? Uh, guess your my brother then. Wonder if i'd be the older or younger one?"

"Wait, what do you mean your my brother!?"

.

.

So sorry i took a while to respond, been having a really awful time in AC 3 these last 2 days and it just killed my mood, so i couldnt really think on this AU. But i always look forward to this post being updated with new ideas. 💜

So i got a AC x Venom/Marvel crossover idea that ive been toying around with recently that i wanted to share:

So the reason that Symbiotes dont work so well with bonding is mostly the whole "We need to eat brains to live" thing clashes with most superhero morals, but Assassin's kill all the time so that could be a match made in heaven?

So, we could do this 2 ways: 1) is that desmond gets a symbiote when he and Lucy break out of Abstergo. Desmond stepped in some weird white and red goo, but with Lucy running ahead he couldnt really spare a thought to it. So, when he gets shoved in the trunk he gets to bond with the symbiote. Its a misfit just like him, completely alone in a world where you cant tell anyone who you truly are for fear of being discovered/abandoned/abused. So why not be misfits together? Desmond gets major flak for being such a chocolate addict, but hes losing hus mind over here so he gets his chocolate. He doesnt tell anyone about his friend until the templars show up and he and symbiote goes on an all you can eat buffe to everyones horror.

Or 2) where Desmond's body is recovered by Abstergo and during a containment breach a symbiote gets to his body and revives it(Isu bullshit FTW!) and goes on a rampage before dissapearing. Until Erudito gets a call on the emergency line from someone claiming to be Desmond.

Thoughts & Notes:

I imagine the symbiote to kinda look like Carnage & Anti-Venom, mainly being white with red details: his fingers are blood red that fade into black the closer to the hand you get until the black bleeds to the white in the middle of the fore-arms(the legs are the same). Instead of the spider symbol on the chest and back, he has the AC logo.

In option 1, idk what name would fit the symbiote, but in nr.2 id defo say they would name themselves Revenge for what Abstergo did to them.

Desmond would at first have issues eating people, but the symbiote does need it to live and if they stick to Templars and bad guys hes happy, so eh. Just make it a quick and clean kill, its the assassin way.

Idk how the others would really react really, but Bill would defintly go "This we can use, you are the perfect Assassin now", much to Desmonds frustration. Does Bill even see him as his son anymore?

Im all out of ideas now, what do you think? ^^

The origin of the Symbiote can be:

If we’re sticking to keep this as a Marvel/Venom/Spider-Man crossover, the Symbiote keeps its Marvel origin

If we’re keeping this contained into AC world, we can morph the Symbiote into a failed Isu experiment. In this route, the Symbiote could have been a failed plan to create an armor that can withstand the Solar Flare. It gained sentient due to some sort of Solar Flare-induced mechanical failure in its containment or lab and it spent centuries being alone until Abstergo got it.

Regardless of which route we choose, the idea would be: In Abstergo’s hands, it was studied and experimented on without realizing it was sentient which meant Abstergo was hurting it without realizing it.

This way the symbiote would have a reason to hate Abstergo and the Templar Order.

Or, you know, he could just like Desmond and be like “I like you so I’ll eat them.” kind of deal.

Another way that can be a combination of Way 1 & 2, Desmond got the symbiote when he returned to Rome to rescue Bill.

During the chase and ‘fight’ scene between Desmond and Cross, Cross could have accidentally shot the symbiote’s container and Desmond stepped on it in his mad dash to take down Cross as soon as possible.

The symbiote only started talking to him once he’s back in the Grand Temple and he believes it’s a more severe version of the Bleeding Effect first.

Actually…

Regardless of which Way we go for, Desmond wouldn’t immediately believe that he has a symbiote. He would cling to Lucy’s words that he’s hallucinating thanks to the Bleeding Effect and he would think the symbiote is more or less his mind trying to keep him sane by creating a weird sorta-not-sorta-shapeless being that seemed to be a mirror image of himself: completely alone in a world where he cannot tell anyone who he truly was for fear of being discovered, abandoned and/or abused.

The first time the symbiote would make itself known to everyone would be either from a battle with Abstergo (for Way 1 &2) or to actually protect Desmond from the device’s recoil because, while it cannot take the full brunt of the Solar Flare, the device’s recoil? Yeah, could totally do that.

Other Unorganized Notes:

I’m kinda imagining the Assassin insignia to start out more like ink blots with small veins stretched outward and the more Desmond and the symbiote ‘connect’, the more the Assassin insignia becomes clearer until the ink blots disappear but it’s an Assassin insignia that has small vein-shaped lines stretching outward.

I kinda like the idea that the symbiote’s name would be connected to either having an Assassin as its host or eagles in general. On the top of my head: Revenge (like you explained), Soar (which gives us a chance to make a lame joke of someone mishearing it as “Sore”), Flight, Leap, Hidden… or, you know, we can go for “Assassin” because no one can think of a better name or even “Bleed” because sometimes the symbiote suit looks like it’s bleeding and as a reference to the wrong idea they have that this might have been some kind of genetic mutation caused by the Bleeding Effect.

Shaun and Rebecca would freak out (Lucy too if we’re setting this in a timeline where the symbiote’s connection to Desmond made him stop before he stabbed Lucy) but they’d try to understand. Shaun would definitely be more on the side of poking it to see what it does because his self-preservation flipflop a lot while Rebecca is more worried about its effect on Desmond’s overall health in general.

Bill would definitely go “we can use this�� the first time he heard of it then ask if Desmond’s alright later but, by then, the damage has been done. Even if Bill is genuine in his concern, Desmond don’t fucking care anymore.

The symbiote is the easiest way to stop Desmond’s Bleeding Episodes although it also likes to talk to his Bleeds. Altaïr finds it fascinating. Ezio is wary of it. Ratonhnhaké:ton just talks to it normally although there’s a hint of cautiousness in his tone.

It would be funny if the symbiote starts Bleeding Desmond’s ancestors once they reached a certain ‘connection level’ but instead of its personality being overwritten by the Bleed, it’s like the symbiote creates another ‘head’ to house the Bleed instead. This turns out to be the best way to keep Desmond from Bleeding but they can’t control who Bleeds, him or the symbiote… not yet anyway.

[franeridart]

Anon said: [Spoilers for non-manga readers] opinion on Baku's hero name?

Very Bakugou, honestly don’t mind it at all! Mostly just surprised it’s, like, legal in the bnha universe for heroes to call themselves stuff like explodo-kills (and also that there isn’t a character limit for hero names??) but that Bakugou would stick with it is pretty damn in character for him so I like it xD still, I’ll probably just call him Dynamight if I’ll ever need to use his hero name lmao

Anon said: not to be the most romantic sap but uh just a kiss by lady a is killin me

Nothing sappy about letting romantic songs get to you!!!! I say, as I’m constantly crying over romantic songs so this mindset benefits me as well lol

Anon said: i may or may not have stumbled across some of your older kiribaku art, the stuff with akane, and she's the best child oc tbh. i actually like her and i tend to not be a fan of child ocs but she's just the cutest darn thing 🥰

I’m so glad you like her!!!!! She was a lot of fun, what a good gremlin ;;;

Anon said: uve heard of dragon!kiri w his hair spikes up, now get ready for dragon!kiri w his hair dowm lookin like the softest boy

AW HECK I think I’ve drawn him in the past, actually!!!! Spike-haired Kiri will forever be my fav Kiri, but there’s just something about hair down Kiri isn’t it!! What a cute boy ;;;; all sharp edges and soft curves, what a lovely sight

Anon said: can i just say your itafushi art is so cute? these two already make me feel and then your art just (つω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

THANK YOU SO MUCH I really need to draw them more, don’t I! goge kinda monopolized my attention there, but the way itafushi makes me feel..........boy the way they make me feel ;;;;

Anon said: good day, poké au thought: 12 y/o bakugo somehow catches a dreepy as like his 2nd pokemon and never questions it

WHY NOT WHY NOT I have a whole team in my mind for the boy tbh but dreepy is so cute ;;;; and anyway, I like my poke!bakugou with as many dragon types as he could possibly get his hands on hahaha

Anon said: Please know that, amongst other factors, you were one of the maon reasons I stsrted Jujutsu Kaisen two days ago and there isnothing more to say except thank you and I'm absolutely in debt with you for that, thank you so much 😍

I’m so so SO glad you’re liking it!!!!!! It can get kinda heavy but it’s such a great story.... honestly I’d been wanting to start it since I saw the first pv for the anime all the way back last year but I was like, you know it’s a mappa anime! so I wanted to watch the anime as a new thing, cause I love mappa, but three episodes in I couldn’t hold back and just binged it. It’s kind of story that just makes you wanna drink it all in one go, isn’t it? so good so good

Anon said: makeup artist kirishima and model bakugo or makeup artist bakugo and model kirishima? :0c

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm can’t say I see either of them much into fashion tbh, but if I had to pick probably model Kiri and artist Baku? I just don’t think Baku would be able to stay still enough to get photographed, and he wouldn’t like the photographer bossing him around anyway, and catwalks would be impossible for him to stomach imho, he’s too restless for it! At least it’s the way I see it haha

Anon said: fdgdhdkfhdafs i had a thought, what if bakugo prefers dogs and kirishima prefers cats and when they meet each other and become friends it's like, "oh." because they have some striking similarities to their fave animals

That’s been my headcanon for a while now, actually!! I think for me it came from two characters in a manga I like that are a lot like a dog and a cat but have inverted fav animals and when I read about that I was like “oh, right, makes sense since they like each other” and then my brain turned it krbk because when does it not lmao

Anon said: your art is the soothing balm to my soul recently, thank you for posting so much beautiful content. i hope you have a lovely week. ♡

sob thank you so much, I’m glad my doodling can help you feel better ;; <3

Anon said: Friendly reminder anon from last time: that post I left last time I had only eaten 7 gingersnaps that day and hadn’t drank any water. So that encouraged me to actually self care. Thank you.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well I hope you’re taking care of yourself today too! And as fair trade, I’ll do the same myself! <3

Anon said: Hi! I'm an artist and I'm thinking of making a sideblog for my art. Do you have any tips?

Ah man, I’m sorry but I’m not the best person to ask this to! I started this sideblog cause I had too many followers on my main and I didn’t want my stuff to be seen by that many people at first, so whatever I did probably isn’t what you’re looking for :( but really there isn’t much to it, just post whatever you like to draw, tag it as best as you can (but remember that only the first five tags appear in the search page) and be patient, since whatever you do at first you won’t get much attention anyway - the only real advice I can give is to draw something that makes you happy and that you’d draw anyway even if no one were to see it, it’ll make keep posting despite a possible lack of activity a lot easier!

Anon said: Your goge art🥺🥺

I just love them so much ( TT’’’TT)9

Anon said: how the fuck have i not been following you? I remember seeing your bakushima art in the bnha tag and always thinking it's so cute. Now you're into JJK too??? and the satosugu art??? fuckin, diabetes incarnate. I love it. I love you. Your art 10/10. I'm tired lmao.

WELL thank you for the follow!! And for thinking my stuff is cute!!!!! I do my best with that, I want all the soft things for my favs 😌

Anon said: Are you gonna draw Gojou/Getou comic?? 👉🏻👈🏻 WOULD LOVE TO READ IT

you mean an actual doujin? I don’t think I will, sorry! I’m really no good at long projects orz but thank you so much for wishing to read something like that from me!!! ;A;

Anon said: Hello! YOUR ART IS SO FREAKING GORGEOUSSSS!!! I love them so much!! If I may ask you one question. Between Getou amd Gojou, who do you see as top/bottom? Just curious

THANK YOU!!!!! And I honestly don’t care as long as they’re happy and together!!! please let them be happy and together 🙏🙏🙏

Anon said: i want you to know!!! i followed you for your kiribaku art but!!! i love your art so much that idc what you post because it's all just!!!! incredible and wonderful and stunning!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! this means a lot to me so seriously thank you so much!!!!

Anon said: d'you think bakugo has like headaches or migraines after training or battles because of how loud his quirk is? like, i listen to music slightly too loud and my head is sending me to hell. (unless you go with the hoh hc which is also 👌)

I like to think Baku’s body is attuned enough to his own quirk that he wouldn’t get drawbacks of the kind tbh, though that wouldn’t be a bad thought for when he just starts to increase the output/width and strength of his explosions............ well, I myself suffer from chronic headaches and migraines so I’m always up for projecting on my favs ngl lmao

Anon said:  so like... dragon kirishima's eyes glow right? like, if we equate his dragon-ness to unbreakable his eyes glow? they also glow when he's half shifted? honestly i just live glowing eyes

Oh hell yeah I’m all for that, definitely definitely, I love glowing eyes with my whole heart and Kiri’s eyes in unbreakable are just so!!!!!! NGH *chef kiss* the more of unbreakable there is in his dragon form the happier I am ( TT^TT)9

Anon said: me, scrolling through your blog: ah shit guess im gonna have to start watching jjk

!!!!! hope it won’t hurt you too much, anon!!

Anon said: dragon!kiri and bakugo having a tug-of-war match over a piece of meat. both have it in their mouths. both are determined to win.

Kiri is turned into his dragon form and Baku still wins, hell yeah

Anon said: your satosugu is top tier!! it's hard to find stuff for them that isn't straight up angst so your art has been super cool and also very very cute!! (tho if you went with angst, it wouldn't be a bad thing obviously)

AH I’m so happy to hear you like them!!!! but also happy you wouldn’t mind angst, as I do like them the best happy and soft but my brain, my brain has been throwing sads my way for a while now 👀 I got some ideas

Anon said: What program/device do you use??

Easy Paint Tool SAI and a wacom intuos!! Though I got myself an ipad+procreate just yesterday and I’ve been messing around with it, let’s see how that one goes!

Anon said: *inahles* i am simping for mohawk man please tell me everything about your ocs immediately or i will detonate

THANK YOU FOR LIKING HIM HE’S CALLED DAVIDE Dav for short, he’s a cat of a man and a music instrument enthusiast (mostly string ones, but he’s very good with the piano as well) - he works in a music instruments store, and he’s a uni student majoring in philosphy! He doesn’t like bothersome things, he isn’t very good at taking anything seriously or putting effort in stuff, but he’s very chill to spend time with and generally a nice chat both if you want mindless thoughts or deep conversations (he’s a philosophy major after all). He can’t sing for shit, he’s got two cats (tago and schelly!), and he just wants a quiet life to laze around but all his friends are hurricanes in human bodies, but then again, he picked them himself so he can’t complain. He’s a good boy!! I’m planning a comic for him and his boy Ross >:]

[juuls]

Podfics, podfics, podfics...

I'm looking to do some podfics of fics that have really hit me in strong (good) ways, and they're one of those I can't seem to track down in my usual manner (which is... probably on purpose, considering their received comments are set to be moderated and that they likely put up with a toooon of bullshit from people with Opinions.

(Keep reading to see which fics I'd love to podfic and why, and how you can help me find them!)

Also. Recs. Lots of really awesome fic recs, specifically for Tony-centric readers and those who really hit it off with Civil War Team Iron Man!

Does anyone know the Tumblr or Discord of: @TheSovereignofReality or @Wix from AO3?

Anyway, I'm a fan, and I just wanted to discuss maybe doing one podfic on a trial sorta thing, and then maybe doing a couple of my other major faves or a series of fics. As of my last major read-through of their fics, my favourite was definitely Mutantkind (this fic is so kickass, I love Logan). Not trying to spoil anything for any of this or the other fics, but taking up the chance at exploring the links between the X-Men and the Avengers (more Tony and even Pepper and Rhodey and such) was such a great move. A power move in so many ways, and I'm also really really eyeing the Transcendent Souls series that leads into the author's OC-linked series, Lennie Alice, and it all sounds like it's phenomenal and I just want to READ it, who cares about podficcing it??? I mean, I do, but most important of all: I'm just a fan who sees shiny fics all in a pretty series-row that I hadn't gotten around to yet (too busy reading Ramblings for the 10th time and wincing with each successive hit to the gut. Ouchies. But poor Tony too, woW. That one just hurts. In a cathartic way (even though I love Peggy, it's fascinating to explore these things!!)

Like Disney's "What If?" series if they weren't too scared to explore the really interesting things that make people tick and feel betrayed even decades later.

All of these authors, above and below, sure know how to throw those punches, and I like that.

I do have other podfic projects on the go, as well, yes, but spring is a great time for me and I get a lot of projects done pretty well on the regular. The Night King has been vanquished and the sun shines upon us again and offers me much Vitamin D and happy-stuff. :) :P

Doing a fic by @Wix would be awesome too, but I'm also not sure of their handle, unfortunately. Plus I've rarely spoken to them! Believe it or not, I can be shy. xD But there are so many of Wix's CW Team IM fics that I would just love to podfic and really sink my teeth into for the absolute wreckage and carnage that some of these characters would be feeling. Righteous anger, true anger, when you know you're right, when you just think you're right and the world crumbles down around you.... god I would love to really act those fics out and make people feel, just like we do and more when we're actually reading Wix's awesome body of work. It could be a real experience, and I would love to be able to help share that. All else fails, I'll just give these last two a message in their comments. ;)

And maybe @rayshippouuchiha might be interested in chatting with me about doing a (second) podfic of Hide a Heart of War? There can never be enough podfics of awesome Stuckony (or any ship, really), but I do also have my eyes on another few of yours that you don't have podficced, m'dear. :) I mean, Sore Must Be The Storm (wow, I relate to that title---and the fic itself---hard) would be really cool to do if the second chapter was up, (wing fics! CW Team IM! Woo!) Or the ever-so-classic "Assassination Attempts Are Not Flirting Toni" tag that epitomizes The Devouring of Hearts (which is hoestly epic and I am going to go re-read asap) or The (Not So) Great Pretender (it has a TextToSpeech podfic but those are hard for some people to follow along to --- I know my hearing issues mean I can't catch all of it, sadly, and none of it clearly! =/). Let's talk, if you're cool with me doing one of yours?? :) I would be so thrilled!

And @not-close-to-straight I cannot forget about you (ever) in this season of big eyes and planning out podfics all excited-like. Has anyone ever approached you about podficcing the entirety of your 3-part series Of Gods and Men that is ThunderIron, ThunderIron & FrostIron & Thorki, and then is PURE ThunderFrostIron with a super. special. twist. at the end omg???? Can we talk about that sometime? Whenever is good for you, if you're at all interested? Because there is NOT enough ThunderIron in the MCU, because I love Tony, because there is not enough FrostIron with Thor and Loki being awesome (usually), and then especially because there is NEVER enough poly ThunderFrostIron for my tastes and I just cannot when it comes to these fics. I just really would please love to podfic it, out of all your awesome fics this one just strikes right deep at the heart of me.

So. Um. Yeah.

This was going to be a quick "do you know this person!?!?! I'm desperate!" kind of Tumblr post, but it turned into me somewhat begging and complimenting at the same time, and it sounds totally shameless but I also haven't slept for about 48+ hours properly and I am in severe pain so the mania tends to be the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse with all that.

So. Yeah. Just let me know what you think, preferably via DM here or on Discord (Juulna#0508) or Ask or whatever. I'm happy however. And these are YOUR fics, I have zero claim to them whatsoever no matter how I may strongly relate to them or love them or think they should have their own awesome experience with me spitting angry lines back when required in response to pure sass. I would love to try/do it all. :) Spring and Summer is my podfic season, and I'm going to have a lot of fun with current and potential projects alike!

Ta, loves. And thank you for considering me for podficcing these awesome works! If you want a recent example of a fairly quick (and porny, hah) oneshot I did, I think you'd like what I did with @tsuki-chibi's The Shirt [fic]. Check the podfic out here, and then give the original author love because it is a DAMN FINE fic (and I want the shirt, hah).

[zatyrlucy]

I feel sorry for your feelings. Don't overwork yourself and overthink what would happened if someone else got this vaccine, your brother got you this one because he most likely really care for your health. You are trully amazing and inspiring person. Also thank you again for asking about my favourite flower. I hope you'll feel better in near future. With love - European fan <3

My dear friend, sorry for answering these beautiful messages until now. I always read them in time, but to respond to them...thats another story.

Just a heads up for those interested in my life: Im doing fine, much better than a month ago. I got a new job! I was working as a freelance scientist since the beginning of 2020 because that way I could stay at home, writing papers, doing statistical calculous, and making maps for different clients (mostly students) but that was sooo annoying. I could spend days without anything to do, just studying, and then boom! a f*ck ton of work with a tight deadline ahead. Now that I have the two doses of the vaccine and can go out, Im gonna work for a company with a schedule (and they pay pretty damn well), maybe that way I will be able to be more organized, confident and resourceful to do my personal projects, including taking care of this blog and my art. Not to mention Im finally gonna be able to go to therapy yay! I've a lot of demons to deal with and they are not as nice as Moxxie xd

My posgraduate is almost over, and unlike the beginning of this year, this time I want it over for good. No matter if I do good or bad I wont study anymore. I either graduate...or quit, because Im so tired and I need to advance with my life. Good news is that my thesis looks much MUCH better than last time. Six professionals checked it out and approved it, so I dont see why the academic jury wont. Plus I spect to write like 3 science papers out of it no matter what.

And thats it, I hope for things to get better from now on, in, and out of the internet. I hope you are doing better too hon, I wish you the best (you can answer this way or PM me, you decide ^^).

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

I've ashtrays been curious, which version of gilgamesh do you like better, caster or archer?

Hello!!! ☆That's a great question, thanks for asking.

So actually this is a thing that I also struggle with. There are differences between Caster Gilgamesh and Archer Gilgamesh that make both of them extremely alluring characters, yet I just can't imagine one without the other!!

I think I will make a list of what I prefer from each Gil, as well as why i more or less like them equally XD This is my personal opinion so it will be biased.

Also, which Gilgamesh do you prefer? I'm really curious to learn more about which Gilgamesh is more popular. It's such a fun topic.

◇Caster Gilgamesh◇

What I prefer about Caster personally is that because he has a duty to attend to, his personality feels much more mellow. Based on what I've seen in Babylonia, he just feels much more approachable; and the quality of his AUO jokes have improved tenfold!! He feels even more amusing than usual, which gives him such a rich variety of interactions. And its just a joy to see him interact with people who he'd usually just call "zasshu" or something.

I just really enjoy the role he plays as one who once ruled over Uruk, as well as the one who protects Chaldea. And I love his outfit, its so flashy yet also very handsome. To me, Caster Gilgamesh's hottest trait is how he feels like an evolution of Archer. However, I have to minus points for his workaholic nature, I'm so sorry 😞😔 I wish he'd stop working himself to the ground. I just end up feeling bad for him, which I'm sure he'd take offence to.

overall: great cuz he's less of an asshat and showcases more of his mature side, but not good that he has no free time anymore.

☆Archer Gilgamesh☆

What I prefer about Archer Gilgamesh is just that he is the OG; a massive over-the-top nudist and asshole king, but thanks to stuff like CCC he has a crazy amount of nuance as well! He has been humanized so well. It has been really awesome to see sides of Gilgamesh that I could never had imagined in my wildest dreams. He has such rich character and such an incredible range of emotion and story, and his relationships are just so enthralling tbh. AAH HE IS GREAT CHARACTER 👍

The sheer amount of content he has is what makes it really hard for me to rank Caster Gilgamesh above him. But as this is just my opinion, what I mainly prefer about Archer are those hot af earrings, his cursed wardrobe, his clunky armour and how much fun it is to watch him in action sometimes. Archer is one in a million; an absolute stand-out legend.

However, I have to minus points for his shtick with Seiba and his tendency to roast certain characters in ways that really doesn't sit well with me (im projecting). Also when he goes over and beyond to be a mega tyrant it's such a large turn-off for me personally!! He is the complete opposite of my type actually. So I appreciate him- but would I like him if we met? NO!

overall: Incredibly sexy for his nuanced character and great wardrobe, however it's really easy for me to find him annoying 😞

Conclusion: My favourite Gilgamesh is his final form vs Tiamat...which is more or less a fusion of both? Does this mean I like both Gils equally?!! 🤔 Honestly, yes. The reason why Caster heals my crops and waters my soul is because Archer exists as well. What I love the most about Gilgamesh is his personality, so that basically means that both Gils perfectly fit the bill of what I like about him personally.

However, if we were judging this by which Gilgamesh I find the sexist or the hottest- or the one that gets me like "DAMN!!"- then I'd definitely say Caster, no doubt about that. Archer is awesome but honestly, Caster is more similar to the kinda type I like. Archer is just too coarse and harsh for me, that guy would make me cry rivers.

[robin-the-enby]

ayoo! do you mind if i could get a marvel ship with a male?

im really quiet and shy at first, and because of that i get really flustered and nervous easily, especially if i don't really know you and because of my own trust issues. but im really quite friendly and I'll open up to you more once it'll just take some time for me to open my shell. Once it does, i become a huge dork who's also a klutz.

i love to read and write because it allows me to express my thoughts and ideas. my interests are mostly in the social sciences with history, politics, and philosophy being my favorites to discuss, so i prefer to talk and think deeply when im with someone rather than small talk.

my friends say im a soft cinnamon roll since im really warm, sweet, empathetic, and encouraging to them as well as being gentle and enthusiastic about anything. but they also say that im an old soul because of my said interests, knowledge, and advice as well as being charmingly silly at the same time. I love my loved ones and im really loyal and loving towards them and I'll do anything in my power to help and protect them and I'm constantly looking out for them.

although i can definitely be independent, in a group setting, i work wel with others and be calm and composed most of the time as well taking my role seriously and being a responsible person especially if im a leader position. im inquisitive and curious so i love to listen to all sorts of stories and ideas and taking note of them in my head, even with the smallest of details.

i do a little bit of art and photography, but my skills are far from great. i mostly do it because i love doing it and i want to keep it as a memory. i usually have my subjects being my friends or the scenery around me whenever im out and about, but I do love writing about my experiences and thoughts.

For my mbti, I'm an INFJ and my harry potter house is Ravenclaw.

Geez, this was a bit too long than i expected but i hope you don't mind! hope you're doing good and thanks in advance!

Hi! Hey, with more information it's easier for me to write something good since I've got more things to work with. I love how so many of the people that requested are INFJs, since it's believed to be the rarest personality type XD Well anyway, I match you with:

Bruce Banner

Homeboy's pretty shy as well, so I imagine it was one of the other avengers that set you two up (my bets are on Nat, because she wants to see Bruce happy).

Once you two really get used to each other though...cuteness ensues.

He's also a big dork when with the right people, expect him to tell you at least one science based joke a day (that he's probably gonna end up explaining to you...But he doesn't mind, he's actually really good at explaining stuff so that you get it and if it gets a laugh out of you at the end, it's worth it for him.)

He's not really a clutz, but never gets mad/frustrated when you have an accident. If you trip and take some things down with you? It's okay, that happens, just don't touch the acid that's now on the floor love, he'll find something to clean it up <3

If you're a nght owl, you could spend late nights with each other. He would tinker with some stuff he and Tony were working on for the past week and since Tony has been living on coffee and pure willpower, Bruce sent him to bed, saying he would do the work for him.

You would come some time later because you don't like waiting on him so late. He doesn't show it much, but he really appreciates you keeping him company. You can read your book while he still works out some kinks on their project while having a pleasant conversation about really anything.

Bruce likes to have long talks about politics and philosophy, it really stimulates the brain, y'know? He likes it when he can think hard about something. Though he doesn't like arguing about it.

It certainly makes him feel a certain kind of way seeing you care for others so intensely. He's always wanted a normal life, have a nice family, live a calm life. It makes him kind of sad that things turned out different, but hey, if they didn't, he wouldn't have met you. And it's not like you two can't have a family together...

That's really Bruce's biggest dream, to settle down and live a happy life with you.

If you want to embarass him, take a picture of him. He is definitely the kind of person to hide their face when you tell them you're taking a picture of them. Especially if you tell him he looks handsome, homeboy's face turns hot like a damn furnace.

Others I can see you with: Loki Laufeyson - Loki would definitely be amused by your shyness, but since he discovered that you're someone he can hold a serious conversation with, he makes an effort to at least be on good terms with you, he is really bored amongst the other avengers. He would tease you for your clumsiness, but would check if you're hurt every time. Also, cuddling and reading is a must. When you've had a bad day, he would read to you, but would love it if you read to him as well. Loki would admire your loaylty and care for others, if you haven't earned his respect before with your knowledge, you definitely have his respect now. He would love to take you to Asgard, so that you could take some picture, because let's be honest, it's a beautiful place (not to mention he'd love to look at them when he gets homesick/nostalgic). Loki would also love to teach you about Asgardian culture and customs and would love how your eyes sparkle with wonder and excitement. Plus if you remember the thing he tells you? You would be a goddess in his eyes.

[laora-ryn]

More fanfic writing meme asks: 38, 39, 40 (for whatever fic you'd like to answer for!)?

sapphire ilu

38. Which writing project has been going on the longest? uh in terms of posted stuff, Yggdrasil is on an indefinite hold since oh god 2016

in terms of behind the scenes, the loosely connected Canticle of the Damned series, and the Bring Down the Sky universe, both for Gundam 00, are probably the ones that I came up with the longest time ago, even though I've only started posting both of them recently

Canticle was gonna be a super long grimdark fic and then, uh, i started taking mood stabilizers and decided i was Not About That so now "Canticle" is just a catch-all fic premise where people survive Fallen Angels and live on earth during the interim years

BDTS has been around in some configuration since my early grad school days, it mostly stemmed from "i love the dylandys too much" and now i have 40 "canon" oneshots planned for the AU as well as 14 spin-off AUs with different premises or plots. too much love for dylandys send help

39. Do you write for multiple fandoms or just one at a time? honestly just one unless i'm working on a gift for someone?? like, whatever Thing i'm hyperfixating on at the moment, i go through phases lmao. right now it's 00, the KH fic was a gift for a friend :D

40. What writing detail are you most proud of in ___ ? oh no now i gotta go pick a fic XD hang on

ok im gonna go with (remember when) a part of you still hoped for what could be, which is fic #2 in the BDTS chronology. the one where neil's going "i'm perfectly fine!!!!!!" and the rest of his family is like, "what the fuck no you're not!!!!!!!" except he refuses to acknowledge it so they're all just like. what

a couple people pointed it out but i really REALLY love in this one how he keeps referring to himself as Lockon in his POV scenes, while everyone else is obv calling him neil. like, neil's going into, uh, some sort of culture shock lmao where his goal is not "don't die on a battlefield" but instead "go to fucking high school"

and idk just in general in that fic, there's been a lot of character building for amy, lyndsay, owen over the years and like i don't explicitly say a lot of it but it factors into how people act. like, lyndsay's a very very impulsive person and so ofc she's the one who takes the dive and confronts neil about his past life. the fact that amy's part of an irish dance team. the way owen, who's worked for 30 years as a trauma surgeon, freaks the FUCK out if any of his kids are hurt

um, OH the bit in amy's scene where like, neil is sticking to them like glue while they're at a different mall, the day after, because amy insisted on going clothes shopping. because amy is just like what the hell and lyndsay has like, some understanding of what's going on. but neil's just high strung all day looking out for an attack that happens here, because he can't rule it out and he can't let his guard down -

and when amy and their mum go to the dressing room he can't go with them so he just like. stands guard in front of it. and is watching like a hawk for anything Weird or Dangerous, and then amy like, pokes him in the shoulder which is their family's usual way of getting attention bc of lyndsay's and amy's hearing loss, but it scares the shit out of him and he's immediately ready for a fight

also i know a lot of people have different characterization of lyle but the way i'm writing him here is like, he doesn't hate neil, he annoys the shit out of him, and it pisses him the fuck off that everyone likes him better, and he takes that out on neil. but like, then the news gets out about how there was almost a bombing at the mall that amy almost dragged them to for her birthday, and it's kind of a wake-up call, to him, because the idea of any of his family, even neil, dying is just. way too horrifying to consider. and so when neil comes in and apologizes and wants to start over, he's more than a little relieved himself

(he still thinks neil's weird as fuck though)

and idk just. i particularly like owen's section bc there's just this sense of creeping Wrongness that he can't explain and can't put his finger on. he honestly doesn't care that neil smoked, before. he's not even really that surprised by it. and, sure, he knows neil loved shooting, before, but the idea of that being, like, the first thing he wants to pick back up when he winds up fourteen -

also there's a line in there about 14yo neil hating coffee but adult neil like, wouldn't survive without it and it really throws owen off even though it's the smallest thing and i like that too

also also lyndsay (and amy) have progressive hearing loss, so amy's is like, ~mostly ok~ rn since she's a kid but lyndsay's is pretty bad at this point since she's in her 40s and she hardly ever wears her hearing aids, so they speak in ISL at home a lot

except neil hasn't used ISL since he was fourteen. he's forgotten the reflexes of make sure you get mum's attention before you say something, and if she's distracted flick the lights at her so she knows you're coming into the room, and don't talk at her with your voice unless you have to because she straight up can't hear it

like he knows these things but he forgets, and lyndsay doesn't blame him for it at all and laughs it off but neil feels horrible about it

[staysuki]

wat da fuq. i knew. it. changbin likes her too. hahahahahaha. 🔪👉😀👈 i refuse to see that. anyways, seungmins doing a good job being cupid 🥺 lmao @ the " i don't (???) 😀" part 😭 hehe sassy y/n strikes again !

omg nvm, seungmin HAHAHAH seungmin s sincerely talking to changbin now, w/o the y/n act. so kinda cute but damn like imagine, changbin falls harder bc seungmin, posing as y/n, mentioned that they have the same passion 🤷 i love how seungmin slipped some of his inner feelings out :">> im crying 4 him, leave me be.

uh he got away with it (???) you know what, so that i dont hurt that much, im throwing the female lead out of the window and quietly wait for any bromance blooming between those two :<

omaygad i remember how bad i am at cooking now when you mentioned making ✨ brazo de mercedes ✨👀😋 i think it was a souffle from scratch! my mom helped me baking it years ago for a project (my mom s the only one in her family who can t cook for the love of her life) and we dont know what went wrong cuz it tasted like crap. we followed the instructions but y did it end up like that :<< forget the gordon ramsey lmao 🥴

XD I DOUBT IT WOULDNT BE HYUNJIN, WDYMMMM HAHHAHAA

“sa pinoy anon”— “hola” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

and omg wont you run out of updates if you keep on posting it continuously ??? 😭

- bs

JSHAHSHSHS i do not see 🙈 -you. IS HE REALLY DOING A GOOD JOB THO AHSHAJSHAJS

poor changbin’s feelings or smth 😩 but did he rEALLY get away with it though 🤔🤔🤔. seungmin x changbin is the real ship here actually. y/n is just a background character.

OH NO 😭🙏 no more cooking like a chef for you huh. i understand though, baking is highly technical and it’s almost like a science (there’s so many things that could go wrong). you should try cooking meals instead :,))). back when i was like, five, i started with making instant noodles jshdjshshshs.

WE’LL SEE HMMMM 😌. i have a wide array of characters here mwehehehehe

i probably will but i’m so antsy, i always want to be posting smth cuz i like seeing comments 😭🙏✨

[crimeronan]

ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.  

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing.  and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do.  i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

-

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually.  i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

-

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love.  love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die.  love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive.  but maybe i wish i did.  spite doesn’t help me much there.  spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable.  there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me.  i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral.  that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless.  but it would be a lie of omission.  spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them.  cry on them.  support each other.  like each other.  fine.”  you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes.  i have people i love.  i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner.  i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone.  i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them.  i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival.  i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received.  (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this.  i’ve told them all this, they know.  they’re glad of it.)

so.  what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world.  it’s all the little connections i’ve made.  every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe.  hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away.  no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane.  partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn.  blue  light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs.  my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain.  right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting.  but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space.  it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there.  it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration.  rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years.  i have to start smaller.  i’m not used to keeping physical objects.  dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual.  but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken.  there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know.  i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch.  they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds.  there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone.  i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard.  we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway.  some seem to have sprouted by accident.  mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence.  the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment.  birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with.  we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky.  i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie.  i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get.  i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above.  i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom.  the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself.  in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall.  we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours.  the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth.  mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it.  slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites.  the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate.  of course we’d end up behind someone.  this isn’t divine intervention.  this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic.  if i want it to be.  

and it was.  it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing.  i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building.  and i can keep going.  i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here.  you get the picture.  love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

-

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise.  although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much.  probably some of them would enjoy my death.  i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike.  a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay.  because i’m bipolar.  because i’m autistic.  because i’m a dropout.  because i grew up poor.  because my spine curves and my shoulders ache.  because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right.  that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it.  mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now.  by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth.  i ask for what i want.  i use my time how i want.  i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation.  no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too.  everyone i love.�� it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe.  the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included.  i never know if i’m feeling what other people do.  i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me.  i don’t touch it all the time.  but i don’t pretend it isn’t there.  it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes.  it presses at my throat.  it curdles in my stomach.  it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate.  it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile.  it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors.  i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir.  there are a thousand ways to describe this thing.  the descriptors aren’t important.  what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor.  this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.”  this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist.  it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop.  it wants what it wants, it does what it does.  possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me.  to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses.  it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it.  i cannot fight with myself.  i cannot beat my monster into submission.  if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger.  it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it.  can’t kill it.  can’t muzzle it.  can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.  

alright.  

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me.  can’t fix it.  will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric.  hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.  

so fuck that, i say. 

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.  

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.” 

 losing battle.  lost war.

 it’s not the monster’s fault.  the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears.  it exists to protect me through scorched earth.  a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury.  it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing.  my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect.  my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.  

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me.  but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes.  what it touches.  what it destroys.  what it burns.  where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person.  i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes.  i want to make the world better for kids like me.  i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born.  i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative.  i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles.  my cognizance slips.  i forget why i care.  i forget what i want.  i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.  

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now.  but it still happens.  it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead.  it’s been fighting them forever.  die like they want?  my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah.  our work isn’t done.  and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

-

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post.  i don’t know if anyone will read it all.  i don’t know if it’ll mean anything.  i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive.  and when i don’t, i love being a monster.  it’s good.  all of it is good.  i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces.  it’s not one or the other, love or spite.  it’s symbiosis.  i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots.  i can’t give them to you.  

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.  

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world. 

 i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system.  adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.