#ok night night i be tired as shit
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"Well, you could consider this a Kingsman AU, however that would be a sort of cheating given that my face is directly inspired by Harry Hart himself."
"So, in a way. This is almost a return to form rather than an alternate universe."
(aka, me watching the kingsman church fight scene again and having thoughts, also simping over harry hart/mr darcy again and remembering that my narrators design is inspired by harry hart specificaly)
(aka aka, its midnight rn and i got volunteering in the morning but i stay up to dooble my boy before going to bed night night)
#artswin#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#the narrator#tsp#tspud#harry hart#kingsman#harry hart kingsman#kingsman harry hart#kingsman the secret service#ok night night i be tired as shit
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today i offer you prompts 11-20 for isat month!! ignore your calendar THANKYUUUU <3
#isatmonth#isat#isat siffrin#in stars and time#isat loop#isat mirabelle#isat isabeau#isat sadness#isat change god#isat spoilers#two hats spoilers#technically#is-at all the tags????? idk im tired!!#id in alt hope it makes sense im sorry in advanced!!#eyestrain#potentially#*looking at horizon DRAMATICALLY* i am no longer the person i was before i started this piece... (i hurty my hand </3)#maiora draws#today on: drawings that made my graphic design buddy really mad at me <3#i have developed so much beef with the favor tree while drawing this#i would fight the shit out of this fictional tree#and i would LOSE but whatever <3<3<3#i have so many nitpicks over this image but its OKAY its FINISHED now im FREE!! IM RUNNING AWAY#BUHbye have a nice day or night or whatever your hair looks amazing ok ciaociaoOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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local man is getting a haircut tonight
#thankfully i love the person who i’ve been seeing lately so i feel ok to go in even tho i still feel like death#i texted her like Heyyy just wanted to lyk that i feel like shit so i might not be very talkative#and she was like Nw i’m also super tired today so we will have a chill night 👍#like Yayyyy pls get rid of my hair#it’s driving me mad
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what we need mental health services to offer is an anger room. where you can go to just scream and break things. like stock it with 20 bucks worth of cheap plates and let patients smash the shit out of them. howl and pound on the walls until they're relieved/satisfied. maybe THEN when my mind is cleared of negative electricity we can discuss the sources of the suffering. like when i did equine therapy (which is the only therapy that ever helped me) they leave you all alone with the horses for an hour and then at the end you verbally process for five minutes. when you're at peace and thinking clearly. smashing objects is a great way to achieve clarity of thought. i speak from years of experience. just ask the holes in my walls.
#i'm not going back to therapy until they offer a rage room treatment option#the last time i drank liquor i scared some children by sobbing in public and went to the ER only#to walk out before the mental health team arrived i am tired of mental health teams#then there's shit like betterhelp shoving ads in your face and betterhelp might be the most evil thing to come out#of the last decade preying on desperate vulnerable people is so gross it's like when the cops cut holes in the tents of#the homeless like what is actually wrong with you people are you even human or did the modern world kill the#soul-like lifeforce deep inside you what happens in your head when you fall asleep at night i swear too many people#have been gutted of their humanity and are just zombies following orders they are so dangerous they keep us all sick#on campus someone wrote 'it's ok to be angry' on a public wall with a sharpie and i love this stranger bc#it's more than ok. it makes sense. rage is the proper response to the current reality.#rage and substance abuse
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randomly woke up and then I saw a viktor/jayce edit and now I’m crying…oh the miseryyyy 😭😭😭
#tired af from work last night#but the gearsssssss the gears parallellllll#no doubt jayce has seen some shit on his journey through time/hexcoreland idk#maybe even how bad things end up if he lets viktor continue with his work#and so he takes matters into his own hands but also ends up keeping his promise to viktor from before#too little too late obviously…maybe? unless?? man idk#either way my jayvik heart is going through it#every character is going through it#one more act and then things are supposed to be wrapped up?? and then it’s all over??#I’m both devastated and excited and I want to know how it ends but I don’t wanna say goodbye…#sighhhhhhhh I should go back to sleep ok bye#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#sleep deprived ramblings
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guys when the disability is disabling 👎
#sorry stupid vent post <3#im gonna be angry in the tags here for a second#im just. idk. sick of being aware of the fact that im getting worse.#i had a week off from work for moving and school purposes#and now that im back i am . oh boy 👍 not great#literally passed out this morning which . thats new. dont like that.#hopefully its just a . one off thing. i dont know. but. idk.#something something capitalism something something ableism something something im tired of this grandpa#i am tired of being in pain <3 im tired of feeling like im falling behind constantly and like im letting everyone down#by just not being able to do the things i feel i should be able to do.#and like. also currently looking at wfh jobs bc i do not think my body can handle school and work and having to stand and walk and stairs#that much . every single day.#and i feel bad about that too bc i transfered to this store ! i put in work to be here at this store and my fucking body is giving out !!#its not even bad. its a much quieter store than the one i came from. everyone ive talked to is nice. the manager is understanding#and i hate that i feel like im just. deteriorating. and failing at everything <3#but like whatever . its whatever. i know its just the. internalized shit of 'yeah but im not bad enough to warrant this'#like ! fuck !#idk. things to bring up in therapy i guess <3#ok goop night sorry for this. i wont be deleting bc fuck me if i ever delete a post. cringe is dead or wtvr
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Oh god why the physical discomfort is happening again. Why is it so tiring to walk or do anything. No matter how much I sleep, I'm still tired. I manage my diabetes well. Why does my body just make existing feel bad.
#I don't fuckong know who i am.#im so fucking tired#diabetes management#I guess#Woo hoo. I have a rare condition that I can't find shit about anywhere#And I have to convince fucking doctors that I know what I was diagnosed with as a child#No its not type 1. No its not type 2 either for fucks sake#Yes its chronic. No my fucking eating habits didn't cause my body to not work#Yes I am sure can you shut the fuck up about eating habits#No seriously fucking stop#I don't give a shit if you think that I could've prevented the chronic illness that is literally a GENETIC MUTATION FOR FUCKS SAKE#MY FUCKING EATING HABITS DIDNT DO SHIT TO CAUSE THIS.#WHAT VOULDVE CAUSED IT WAS MAYBE ALL THE CRAZY FUCK8NG STRESS I WENT THROUGH AS A CHILD. AND THE TRAUMA. AND THE FACT THAT DIABETES RUNS IN#MY FUCKING FAMOLY#why am i so angry#I hate feeling so bad#I just wanna colapse in bed and sleep#Im so fucking tired but I can't even blame it on diabetes management#Im getting enough sleep#I think#I didn't stay up last night#Why am I so tired#I just want to feel ok#I can't have caffine because my parents won't let me#Im just so fucking tired.#What the fuuuck
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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ohhhhh do NOTTTTT take antipsychotics amd sleep meds after drinking. BAD IDEA
#i am so fuckign tired. holy fuck#ohhhhoohoohooooo. oh Buddy. oh man#good night Losers i am aboiut to. sleep better than anyone else in the world. get FUCKED#ooooooooo uwish ur me ur so jealous. oh fuck my head hruts so abd#thank god i dont have work today. yessssssssssssssssssss#sorry these gkicked in just now#ok not sjust now like 5 minutes ago. sort of BUT THERYE. really hitting me now#i havent slept in 20 hours im very soryr for the typing#i cant see also. i have no glasses on soryry#oh god im rambling. oh im so soryr shit my bad. GOOD NIGHT
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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I'm obsessed with that poll what do you mean your grandma's mother went to collage.
It wasn't even allowed in Italy
#ok my grandma was born in? shit I don't remember hold on#1926 i think#so let's say her mother was born in 1885 more or less#so potentially she could but???? there was war?????#like????#my own mother couldn't go past elementay school she had to take night classes for a middle school diploma when she came here#I'm sorry I'm astonished this is so weird to me#(there was not war in 1885 but it's not like the situation in 'italy' was a good one)#i made a mistake I'm tired#her mother could have been born in 1900#I'm positive she did not have my grandmother at 40yo#even tho my grandmother did have my mom at 40yo#it's a long story
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i don’t have sewing pics from today to dump thoughts in the tags of so here r my boyz instead (charlie left joel right)
#this has been a text post#had a shit day at work bc my idiot manager didn’t schedule us heavily enough#couldn’t nap bc of fuckass daylight savings#had to pull an espresso shot to have the energy to walk charlie before sunset and do french zoom#took a bath but had no energy for homework today#movie night (30 rock) w lindsay was nice. that was great.#i’m just so so soooooo tired#the good news is that my lawyer is a magician fr and got my speeding ticket worked down to $48 & not on my record if i behave for 180 days#tomorrow i have other french zoom. but a shorter shift#work and school EXHAUSTING#i will also finish 30 rock either tomorrow or wednesday and i’m devastated#i don’t want it to be over!!!!#i watched this show all the way through almost exactly a decade ago#and watching it again has been like a spine adjustment but for my soul#like damn i was fucked up! i needed that!#ok gn
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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ヽ（≧□≦）ノ
#ok cant sleep#keep crying#eyes hurt#why didnt meletonin work like it does every night#alarm going off in 6 hours#not enough sleep#dont feel tired at all#just anxious#so so so anxious#why is this feeling happening#i canceled plans with the guy earlier because anxiety was just not letting me leave my apartment#i got fully ready to go out and just couldnt do it#ngl i think a part of it is not having glasses#like there are much bigger fish to fry but i kind of feel like having my glasses is a little tiny piece of armor#((not to mention its super disorienting when everything is blurry))#((do you know how many times i poked myself in the face today because i kept trying to adjust my glasses that werent there))#i hate having my face exposed#its too real#tbh i would wear sunglasses 24/7 if it was normal#then people wouldnt give me shit all the damn time about eye contact#ppl call eyes the window to the soul then call ME weird for not wanting to look into them#sorry the WINDOWS to your SOUL are a little much for me#FUCK I NEED TO SLEEP#alarm in 5 hours and 55 mins
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I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long
#talk post#i love this blog i want to live here#I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg#but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before#WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY#(yelling at a mirror)#seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately#and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week#making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts#and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again#this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row#but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school#and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing#and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year#and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it#like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me#PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE#i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean#i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy”#but things only work for so long#i hate the passage of time#anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff)#walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor#ramble#hit post
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