#ocd healing

[sleepymick]

nothing i do is ever going to fix what ive done and will never make me someone that didn’t do what ive done

[ed-recoverry]

Reminder that abusers can be abusive by accident.

Reminder that abusers can genuinely, wholeheartedly believe that they are doing you a favor by abusing you.

Reminder that some abusers never apologize because they genuinely, wholeheartedly believe their abuse was for the better.

You’re allowed to know and acknowledge this and still be upset!

Explanation is not an excuse.

Some people abuse purely to cause a victim pain.

Others abuse for more complicated reasons.

But that doesn’t negate the fact that they abused you.

Even if there were aggravating circumstances, you are still allowed to still be mad at your abuser. You were not in control of their circumstances in their life and it was unfair you had to suffer the consequences.

Abuse is abuse, no matter the circumstances.

[desultory-suggestions]

Just a little reminder for you today. You are loved. I know you are trying your best, and I promise you that it is enough. Any mistakes you made today will pass, give yourself the kindness of admitting that you are just a person and people make mistakes. Take a deep breathe in, and let it out. You can do this hard thing.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

A small selection of photos from the POC and Mental Illness Photo Project by Dior Vargas.

[anglerflsh]

solution for intrusive thoughts

[cutthroatkindness]

It's truly so fucking OK to be scared.

It's OK to be young and scared, it's OK to be old and scared. It's OK to be scared of something big and bad happening and it's OK to be scared of something small and "insignificant" happening.

Right now, I'm scared shitless over something OCD related and a lot of people could see it as "dumb" or "weird" to be scared of but that doesn't take away the very real fear.

I'm 28 and I'm pretty scared right now over something that I DO logically know will be fine. That's OK! Be gentle with yourself too. 💛🌻

[singaporehelmet]

backshots! sorry. those were the voices. no but seriously, his hair is gorgeous. what the fuck. also why does he have such a tiny waist.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Be careful when during pms, as hormones may make your moods swings kinda hard to deal with especially on more stressing days (or if you have troubles sleeping/are drained for various reasons) and help your intrusive thoughts come up and take over you. Anxiety and panic attacks may also be more frequent and scare you cause of their intensity. Take care of you, take breaks, sleep, comfort yourself, and try to focus on nice things as much as you can. Go slow. Maybe take a break from news and socials if you fear they may give you bad news and help your mind move towards negativity. Be nice with yourself. Remember none of those thoughts are real, nothing of that is going to happen nor you really think those words. It's not you talking but your fears and insecurities. Reconnect with yourself and try to talk with people that make you feel safe and can help you ground and stay present. It'll be okay.

[krist-420]

Be Kind and Patient to Yourself

[astrosouldivinity]

Astrological placements in a natal chart that may indicate OCD or Anxiety

+ Autism/ADHD

Part 2:

⚠️ Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that these placements indicate AuDHD, anxiety, or OCD. However, individuals with these placements may be more prone to certain behaviors associated with these disorders. Astrology can be a useful tool for observing subconscious patterns and can aid in shadow work. Keep in mind that these insights may not apply to everyone, so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

Cancer Sun/Moon/Venus/Rising/Mars: This relates to OCD concerning their emotional environment. They need to feel safe, in control, and secure in their feelings; otherwise, navigating their emotions can become stressful and anxiety-inducing. Their heightened sensitivity gives off neurodivergent vibes, as they are attuned to the emotions and energy of their surroundings and the people around them. They are sensitive individuals who can easily pick up on the emotional currents in their environment, which adds to their need for emotional balance.

3H Stellium- They give off ADHD vibes and may be prone to anxiety due to their active mind. As a mutable air sign, they can embody multiple personas at once while experiencing various emotions and perceiving different perspectives and realities. Their mind is rarely still for long, contributing to a sense of restlessness.

Aries Moon/Mars/Mercury: They can be impulsive and brash, often unintentionally angering others with their brutal honesty. However, they remain authentically themselves and refuse to dim their light. This commitment to honesty, or being a truth seeker, is commonly associated with autism, while their impulsivity aligns with symptoms of ADHD.

Scorpio Sun/Moon/Mars/Rising/Mercury: They are sensitive individuals but often conceal their feelings, masking their emotions out of fear of vulnerability. Much like Cancer or Pisces, they can pick up on the emotions of others, and may require time alone to recharge. Their energy is quite intense and has a mirroring effect, which can unintentionally trigger many people. This mirroring behavior is a common symptom associated with autism and ADHD.

Pisces Anything: As mutable water, they are highly adaptable, able to easily morph into the emotional energy of their environment. Their creativity and intuition contribute to their sensitivity. Individuals on the autism spectrum often exhibit heightened sensitivities, which can manifest as sensory issues and a need to stim. For a Pisces, stimming might take the form of their creative outlets, allowing them to express and manage their emotions.

Honorable Mention: Aquarius + Capricorn, 12H Stellium or 12H Moon/Mercury/Mars

~Part 1~

[salioblog]

On the Topic of Narcissistic Mothers and Self-Autonomy.

To be yourself is to commit a crime within the arms of a narcissistic mother’s house. To experiment with individuality or day to day activities is to sin under the watchful eyes of a narcissistic mother. To consider the idea of freedom regarding anything, to desire, to wish, to express, and to think are all felonies to the government made of solely a narcissistic mother.

A narcissistic mother will dictate rules to every action you commit, either mundane or vital, mother will always be in control. Mother should always be in control. To commit an action is to be her. To commit an action is to be but a copycat of her almighty image. A narcissistic mother is a tyrant, she commands, dominates, and oversees every breath.

To a narcissistic mother, you are nothing but marionette. And a marionette is silent, obedient, and soulless. If you fail to be a perfect marionette, you are but a transgressor. To dare and ruin her meticulously written marionette play is to wear a dress of immortality, a shining dress of corruption. Oh, and God forbid the existence of siblings.

Truth of the matter is, you are allowed self-autonomy by a narcissistic mother, solely to claim her own wrongdoings. She cannot taint her colourful persona black after all, she must be pristine. So, she grants you the autonomy of a trash can. Oh, yes, of course, you are allowed to exist as a dumpster when she wants to, and as a perfect image of her when she also desires. But that is about all that you are permitted to exist as. Other siblings will be angry. Other siblings will feel just like you, but if you are the scapegoat (specifically if you are the eldest), you are blamed for their anger. She did her very best raising them, but you… You are the one who corrupted them. You are the family’s cancer. If you were docile as she demands, they would have been, too. You are only granted self-autonomy when you are given the status of venom.

You are not your mother. No matter how keenly she attempts to mold you into a picture of her, as long as you resist, as long as you hold onto your own person dearly, you will never be her. Do not shatter just yet. You are destined for so much more.

-

Personal Notes.

My mother is simply not aware of the breakage she has caused in me. My mother is not aware of all the body aches this mental damage induces. My gut health is down the drain, not to mention my immune system’s function. I am physically in shambles. I am in the constant embrace of a state of fatigue. Lethal, quiet fatigue. Being me has grown extremely tiresome.

Don’t lose.

17:17 Wed Jul 31 2024

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Part 2 of a small selection of photos from the POC and Mental Illness Photo Project by Dior Vargas.

[2riskywhiskey]

And For Her

And For Her…

I would leave.

I would leave this

head full of doubt;

This head full of obsession;

This head full of lonely and controlling unforgiving thoughts;

I would leave it for the better.

I would pack it’s bags,

demand it never come back..

I would sign those papers and divorce the depression;

I would leave these disorders with nothing but a restraining order.

Because with her, I don’t have to fight for my endorphins;

I don’t have to spell “dopamine” three times to feel I deserve it;

And I don’t have to beg for mercy

For the girl I meet each day in the mirror;

I don’t have to pretend to be good at pretending.

And for her…

I would cut those strings,

Tied to this ring,

Woven in addictions and regret;

I would toss it in a lake somewhere,

And I would kill it inside of my head..

And I would forgive myself;

For every lash,

Every bruise,

Every scar,

I would apologize to that little girl,

For giving up on love,

Because she was given,

All the wrong love from the world.

And I will fight for her when she cannot fight for herself.

I will hold her hands,

And wipe her tears,

And tell her gently in her ear,

That there will never be a day…

That I will not be there for her.

-jlh

[obsidianwhipsers]

I’m the kind of broken they don’t put on posters.

Therapy is a joke, meds are a bandaid on a bullet wound,

and the truth is, some damage runs too deep to fix.

They say there’s hope,

but hope feels like a crueler lie every time I reach for it

[dontthinkorjudge]

act of intention: day twenty-six

tw: descriptions of moral ocd

today i made sure to go easy on myself. i know i have a lot of things i need to improve on, but in the words of kylee rackam (a very informative bpd and npd influencer whom i can't recommend enough), you can't shame yourself into healing. if i don't make sure i'm in a healthy place, i won't get anything done.

think of it this way: my brain is like a motorcycle, and my ocd is a ditch. when something triggers one of my obsessions, i fall into a ditch. when i fail to recognize my ocd for what it is—or worse, think of it as an asset or anything reliable—i force myself to work towards my goals with a counterproductive mindset in my way, thus dig myself deeper into the ditch. today i've had to put most of my goals on hold to dig myself out of the ditch. it sucks to have to put things on hold, especially so close to school starting, but i have to find a sustainable way of approaching them before i end up hurting myself again.

[system-of-a-feather]

For realsie though, I really wish I could look at the people who are diagnosed with DID and get upset at people "making it look like a fun disorder to have" with some level of sympathy or empathy, but I really honestly think that rhetoric is really honestly destructive as a means for self soothing and one I really just can't stand personally.

Like this disorder sucks ass and the reason it happened sucks ass and recovering with it sucks ass, but I don't see that rhetoric as any better than stating that "anyone who went through that could NEVER recover or live happy".

And I get where that comes from, I do, but at a certain point in trauma processing, stabilization and recovery, things start to click that trauma is over and PTSD inherently is referencing an event that has already passed. Trauma sucks. Severe chronic trauma SUCKS, but that's the past and - while its a LOT more difficult than it is to just say - that past REALLY doesn't have to define the present even a quarter as much as trauma makes it feel.

Of course, I understand and get those who feel like DID is horrible and a hell disorder - I 10000% understand that and its a valid feeling / opinion / statement to make, but to claim that it is impossible to have fun, be happy, and make casual content and just genuinely make the best out of a shit situation; or to claim that anyone with DID would be totally dysfunctional and miserable and unable to do XYZ - it's just... really self depricating and a huge negative self fulfilling prophecy don't you think? Also not to mention a LOT of projecting?

Other people don't deserve you forcing your self loathing and pain onto them. You are allowed to hate your situation, you are allowed to hate your disorder, you are allowed to feel and think and experience your experiences however you want, but a line is drawn when it comes to displacing that hatred, those feelings, those thoughts, and those experiences onto others and demand that they should meet your standards of misery.

I apologize, but I'm not going to pretend like DID stresses me out when I'm really not stressed by it anymore because most of our regular parts are actually decently connected and coordinated with one another. I'm not scared of them and they aren't scared of me. I'm not fighting them and they aren't fighting me. We got trauma but we also got, ya know, a life going and the trauma gets less and less prevalent and intrusive as time goes on so, life's honestly pretty lit and I really love to see other systems heading in that direction.

I think everyone should aim to be happy and at peace with their disorder. I don't understand, empathize, or support the idea that someone had to meet a standard of misery to be "real".

(TW: suicidal ideation and physical abuse mention)

If I take medication that makes it so I don't scrub my hands raw and have panic attacks over having not eaten a salad "recently" thus meaning I am going to rot from the inside out and die, does that mean I am faking having OCD? If I take medication and improve my life so that I only pluck my hair once a month, is my Trichitillomania faked? If I stop having suicidal ideation, does that mean I was faking being suicidal the whole time? If I stop having bruises, does that mean I faked being beaten as a kid?

(TW cleared)

Recovery and peace should and does not ever invalidate the truth of the pain suffered and the struggle overcome. Happiness and joy can co-exist with the truth of hurt, pain and suffering.

Trying to hold the two as mutually exclusive is a huge part of why a lot of people get stuck being miserable. If misery is vital for honoring your pain as real, it is very hard to let that go and let yourself be happy again, because if you are happy, what will attest to give your pain justice? But pain, justice, misery, and happiness - they can all co-exist and honestly, that's a really important thing to learn and understand in my healing journey as it really opens up doors to letting trauma go.

Your pain doesn't define your truth.

Your truth is your truth.

It will stay true regardless of if the pain persists or leaves.