#escape abuse

[marymousesoul]

https://gofund.me/fa4f2e3a

Hello, My name is Camryn, but you may know me as Maralyn/Mary. I am a 17 yr old girl with high functioning autism and ADHD. I haven't been able to do school due to being homeless and I've never had a job/know how to get one.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

None of our hands are clean

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[technically-human]

Hey, don't cry. Ghost yuri, okay?

(Now that you know the girls, they need to meet the boys!)

[wheelqueer]

💛💛

Abusers can often tell, that what gives them the power over another person is just them owning a piece of property, a house, financial and economic hold over this person. They know that the only thing that enables them to control a victim, to punish them and keep them unable to escape, is that the victim has no other house to go to, no other source of income, no other survival resources.

So they’re not going to sit still and watch as the victim attempts to gain friends, a job, resources, piece of property. They’re going to do all in their power to sabotage it, stop it, or have it work in their favour.

For example, if the victim is acquiring friends (whose houses could be later used as a refuge), the abuser will attempt to sabotage or break it, either by monopolizing the victim’s time, giving them chores and jobs and time-consuming activities they have to do, away from friends. Or by telling the victim, that they’re universally unlikable, that their friends are not real friends, that they’re secretly judging and consider the victim a burden in their life. They might also go the route of suddenly needing the victim’s all time, being jealous, sick, feeble, needy, anything to stop the victim from reaching out and forming connections with the world.

If it’s about the money, the abuser will either find a way to claim a part, or all of the victim’s new income, or they will try to get the victim to spend it, by withdrawing the money the victim would usually get for necessities. They might sabotage the job by causing new trauma which will keep the victim incapable of work, they might steal the money, break something so the victim would have to replace it, or, they will try to talk the victim into putting the money in a place where they won’t have access to it, like in a joint account, savings account, a gamble, an investment. They will make it sound like a smart thing to do; then, the victim can’t go anywhere as their money is out of reach. And once the money is within reach, the abuser will find a new joint venture for them to spend it on, so then again, the victim would end up spending the money on increasing the abuser’s property, rather than for buying their own. The abuser will convince the victim that doing otherwise, would be very stupid.

In order to escape the sabotaging abuser, the victim has to somehow organize savings, a new place to go, new social connections, new experience and income, practically overnight, or completely in secret. This is why it often feels hard or impossible, it’s not a matter of taking your stuff and physically getting out, they make sure you have nowhere to go. They make sure you’re either unaware, or too ashamed to go to a shelter, that you’re looking at homelessness if you turn your back on them, because they made sure you have no income, no access to resources or social connections. 

And I’m not saying that the escape is impossible because I did it, and others have too; it might take years, it might take risks and secrecy and fighting with the abuser over and over again for the right to privacy, for the right to keep your own money somewhere they can’t reach it, sometimes it takes enduring violence, putting your life on the risk only for the escape. I’m saying you’re not guilty for having a hard time with it. It’s not happening because you’re incapable, or lazy, or don’t know how to get anywhere in life. It’s not because you’re bad at getting friends, or a job, or income. It’s not because of you. The abuser is actively standing in your way at the every step of it. But they won’t be able to do that forever. Nobody can keep another human being where they don’t want to be, forever.

[wisedreamerreview]

Realization of Truth

Day 59-page 59 realization of truth – There are those, who have been in, or may currently be in an abusive relationship. The abuse does not have to be physical to cause damage. While physical abuse is bad, unless the abuse causes a fatality, most of the time, the injuries will physically heal. Severe injuries may leave scars, a reminder of what happened. Physical injuries though, can and often…

[the-art-block]

Please consider donating and/or sharing to help this lovely person escape a very shitty situation!

Donations Here!

If you have any additional resources you could appraise them of, this is a link to their Tw*tter account! They need all the help they can get, folks!

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[lo-jo-s-blog]

Willy Stampler and Tucker Trout are such good hateable villains, acted so well and such amazing representations of inter generational trauma and patriarchal entitlement (i was gonna say respectively but kind of not) and i love them and i hate them and i love will and anthony and i hate this fucking podcast

[mochii-derogatory]

ive been watching the dog motif show... why is no one talking about this guy. isaac lahey come home from france,,,, sweet boy,,,, we miss you,,,

[rwnjun]

andreil if they were birds ..!

[mewobrute]

[ghostdrinkssoup]

I thought it was a good thing abigail wasn’t cannibalised until I realised it meant every part of her was wasted. her death fulfilled no greater purpose. none of her fathers cherished her in the end and she was elevated to no new heights. she was simply killed and laid to waste, unknown and unseen. nobody loved her

[dani-luminae]

"It's so silly, why is Carlos scared of dogs?"

"What's going on with the whole staring contest thing with Mal and Maleficent, it's so lame"

Because these are both details on how each of these mothers control their children! Same with the Evil Queen convincing Evie that her only worth was in beauty and who she married and why Jafar made Jay steal consistently!

I know the second and third movies really gloss over it horrendously but D1 was very much about abused children escaping their parents and each of the four parents has a different method of "control" over their child.

Maleficent's staring contest is "you will never be as powerful as me unless you do as I say," (aided in part because at this point in canon, Mal's dad was human), so Mal finally "winning" a staring contest was her beating her mother through refusing to give in, and thus Mal's spell triumphed.

Cruella teaching Carlos to be scared of dogs is "the world is too frightening and dangerous and you must stay here," but befriending Dude is the moment he realizes she is absolutely wrong about the world and he would much rather be surrounded by friends than live in fear.

Jafar making Jay steal is because there's no magic and wealth is now the only semblance of power that can be found on the island but also isolation because you can't trust anyone - until Jay wins the MVP trophy and realizes that trusting his friends makes a great difference.

And the EQ reducing Evie's worth to beauty not only references the whole "Fairest of Them All" thing but also magic/knowledge was not a guarantee of power, but 'beauty' was what mattered most and why Snow White survived being poisoned; and yet that fails Evie because Chad is the worst but the one person who encourages her no matter what is the son of a dwarf.

[furiousgoldfish]

my parents: why don't you already know stuff! how old are you! you have no skills to survive, you'll never make it out in the real world! Nobody will ever hire you!

me, about things I'm interested: hey how does that work?

my parents: don't ask me! nobody cares! you should already know this!

me, trying to learn a new skill on my own: hey i can do this now, look

my parents: THAT WONT MAKE YOU ANY MONEY, and you're horrible at it, what is that, I'll rip it apart! it's ugly and worthless!

me: it's so easy and encouraging to learn and grow in this household :) I am getting all information and support that I need :) I am going to grow into a capable and functional adult :) nobody is withholding knowledge or skills from me :) I am certainly not being blocked from gaining knowledge and skills so I wouldn't run away from this place :) my parents are so well meaning when they paralyze me in shame and cut information off :) this is a normal and loving family situation :)

[ruler-of-turtle-kind]

Hey, do any of my followers have experience with absconding from their parents' house to a safe place as soon as they're able? Do you have any advice on how to do that? Do you have any advice on what the person they're going to live with should do?

[donamasu]

"My child, how you've grown!"

Is a parent someone who teaches you to hold a spoon? Who apologizes when they hurt you? Who takes care of your body? Who's just glad you're here?