#nuerodiverse

[dodgeryy]

This blog is dedicated to neurodiversity and mental health, specifically personality disorders and even MORE specifically cluster B. I love using this blog to connect with others like me, reblog and share their experiences, and try to bring light-hearted PD content into our communities. I personally do not post vents on my blog, but I do take care to properly tag them when I post/reblog them. I also post the occasional fandom / chronic illness / disability post here and there as well as ofc cute animals and funny hahas.

ASKS / DMs / SUBMISSIONS OPEN AND ENCOURAGED!

I am an adult! Minors are free to interact/follow/moot, but be aware that I might interact w or reblog adult content. (Anything heavy will always be tagged.)

Some posts may have themes of trauma, child hood trauma, psychosis/mania, depression, anxiety, and paranoia. I tag as best I can, and don't ever get graphic. Feel free to ask for specific trigger tags if you are a follower.

DIVAS. I am Ery, I am known 4 dressing cunt and acting like cunt. I am a big fan of the whimsical and fantastical, and media that is horrifying and gut wrenching. The waters call to me and every time I see anything bigger than a puddle I want to jump in.

I am a college student student w impulse control problems. I am studying fashion design and like to spend my money on calico critters and way too expensive accessories. You can find me in my sewing studio half naked because I realized there is a cute, easy, life changing alteration to the outfit I was wearing that I need to make RIGHT NOW. I spend my free time buying things to feel something, video gaming, and being not normal about many things.

My go to coffee order is a mocha.

Gay gay insane and disabled so here are some labels / disorders I got.

Genderqueer • aroace • lesbian

AuDHD • NPD • BPD • OCD

POTs • Pectus Excavatum • Connective Tissue Disorders • Mitral Valve disease

HERE ARE MY HOBBIES

Sewing / designing

Dungeons and Dragons

Character design / drawing

Arts and crafts in general

Color guard

Astrology / Tarot

Yearning for the waters (swimming and lifeguarding)

SPECIAL INTERESTS

Airplanes / aviation

How to train your dragon (books)

Dungeons and Dragons

MEDIA I HAVE PLAYED/WATCHED

These are not all current but does not mean I am not down 2 chat about them!

Greys Anatomy

LoL/Arcane

JJBA

Hades

Gemini Home Entertainment, other internet horror series!!!,

madoka magica

HTTYD(animated)

Harry Potter

PjO

good omens

critical role + Vox Machina

and a lot more I forgor but like. There.

MUSIC ARTISTS I LURV

Saint Motel

Oingo Boingo

Orville Peck

Cake

Record Heat

Lord Huron

TV Girl

Bjork

Florence + the Machine

Portugal the Man

[davytheshark]

Please tell me this isn’t just me!

So I am a diagnosed ADHD and Anxiety sufferer. I have been formally diagnosed and have been on meds for about 2 years.

I suspect that I have Asperger’s syndrome (my psychiatrist mentioned it the first time he met me), but I don’t want to sound like those kids on TikTok that are saying they have it just to be qUiRkY and get clout. Some of my friends are like this and I feel really self conscious about talking about this with them because they will most likely trivialize it.

Does anyone have any pointers?

[bowlifecomics]

It makes me happy when they listen

[angelasscribbles]

Neurodivergent Things

[the-cult-of-the-neurodiverse]

I've been obsessed with palaeontology since I was a literal toddler.

[etcrump]

The last two nights by partner has complained that I haven’t been speaking much to them in the last couple of days… I haven’t felt anything has been different. I’ve had conversations with him the whole day. We just got back from a week long trip together and we are known to relax by doing parallel play. Well for as much as he feels ignored, he has a horrible habit of blasting TikTok’s, a podcast, and or drowning himself in Reddit threads and when I attempt at talking he always shushes me and says he can’t focus on me and whatever he is doing, so I stay quiet and move on… he wonders why I chose not to speak sometimes. My whole life has been full of people who care not to listen to my ramblings, so I’m used to it. I’ll just stay to myself like always

[ancient-reverie]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[coachnanda9]

Don’t underestimate the power of intuition. It’s not a god given energy, but your brain picking chunks of knowledge built by your own experiences, pain and pleasures. How does utilising the power of intuition helps us? 😓 ~ Reduces the effort of our working brain 😳 ~ Allows us to deal with difficult situations in a flexible manner 😀 ~ We make choices quickly and efficiently 😁 ~ Gives us a boost in our self-belief and confidence #intuition #intuitive #intuitiveart #emotionalattention #innovativesolutions #knowyourself #knowyourworth #youreamazing #nuerodivergent #nuerodiversity #nuerodiverse #happiness #choices #feelgood #feelings #intuitiveguidance #intuitivedirection #thought #richmind #selfbelief #selfbeliefquotes #boostconfidence #memory https://www.instagram.com/p/CpcTfvuvB-Z/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lionheartslowstart]

Disabled?

My life has been challenging. Especially between the ages of 5 and 13, and then again from 19 until, well, now, really. Since my freshman year of college, it seems like everything is just getting worse and worse and worse.

For a long time, I attributed my rapid deterioration to a combination of being in an abusive relationship, developing a thyroid condition that went several months without treatment, and being away from home before I was ready. But as my stability continued to collapse, it became apparent to me that, while those three events certainly had an impact on my mental health, they were only a few drops in the pond, so to speak. That those events, traumatic though they were, were not enough to keep me from crawling out of the hole I’ve found myself in. Not this many years later.

In fact, it seems like things get worse every year, not better. Some days, I’ve found myself struggling to do basic tasks, or even activities I enjoy. Even the idea of doing certain things can send me into a state of panic. Frankly, it has gotten to the point where being a normal, functioning person feels completely out of reach.

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed as autistic. While this diagnosis did not come as a surprise, it still shook me up. Don’t get me wrong, I pursued this diagnosis for a long time, and finally receiving it was a huge relief. But it also confirmed a lot of things I wish weren’t true, like the fact that I’ll never truly fit in. Even more importantly, it shed a new light on previously held beliefs, and raised some significant questions.

For years, I expressed to my mother that, no matter how well I was doing, no matter what was going on in my life, it seemed that every few months, I would have a complete breakdown of my faculties, and my life would come skidding to a halt. Executive dysfunction held sole reign, and everyday life felt impossible for a few months. Then, eventually, I’d slowly find a way out of the hole, and life would begin anew. After my diagnosis, and a lot of research, I came to understand that what I was experiencing is called “autistic burnout,” something frequently experienced by high-masking autistic people who mask unconsciously for too long and end up exhausting themselves to the point of dysfunction. A lot of the time, people are able to move through the burnout and resume regular life. However, sometimes people aren’t, and remain unable to function as a “normal” person.

Thus far, each time I have experienced burnout, I have been able to come out the other side and resume life as I have known it. But this time, I’m scared. Since writing my last post about autistic burnout, I have realized that this is, in fact, not the longest I have gone in a state of burnout. Or rather, it’s not that straight forward. On one hand, I did take a whole year off of school after my freshman year. On the other hand, I worked a part time job for the better part of that year. That was almost ten years ago, so it’s hard for me to remember exactly how “functional” I was, or how much I was masking. But I was able to go back to school and eventually (after taking another semester off) graduate and get my diploma. Still, if I’m being honest, school was never the same after that. And I have to wonder if it’s because I never fully took enough time to recover from burnout. So in that respect, I’m hoping that if I really really commit to honoring my needs and unmasking completely, I can recover my strength, energy, and willpower, and once again become a “productive member of society.” The fact is, I don’t like having nothing to do. I don’t like feeling like this. But I can’t seem to get my shit together enough to actually DO anything, even though I want to.

When I was in high school, I was on top of the world. I really really hate saying that I peaked in high school, but it’s true. I was getting top grades, I was popular, I was happy (well, happier, I still had a lot of problems most people didn’t see). It felt like I had my whole life ahead of me. I had all these plans, all these dreams, they all felt so tangible. And then I went to college.

Like I said, the thyroid disease and abusive relationship definitely took their toll on me. But looking back now, I believe what really sent me spiraling was being away from home. Not because I “wasn’t ready,” which I thought for years, but because in leaving home, I left behind my support system, which I had become extremely dependent on, and even more importantly, my structure.

I peaked in high school because I had a routine. I had a specific schedule of things I did day in and day out, including school, extracurriculars, and friends who lived within a 15 minute driving radius. I had assignments and tests in subjects I was intimately familiar with. I was comfortable and safe. And when I went away, even though it wasn’t even that far, I essentially lost all of those things all at once. And that in and of itself was incredibly traumatizing. I floundered my freshman year. Despite everything I’ve ever been through, my freshman year of college remains the most traumatic time of my life. I would give anything to go back in time and change it, especially knowing what I know now.

Several months ago, before receiving my diagnosis, I expressed to my therapist that I felt like I was regressing. Like I just kept getting worse and less functional. I discussed what I wrote here, about performing at my best in high school, especially around the ages of 17 and 18. But that since then, it feels like a steady slope downhill. Her response was jarring. She said,

“Are you regressing? Or is it that you are just staying the same? Maybe you feel you “peaked” at the age of 18 because a lot less is expected of an 18 year old. 28 year olds have a lot more expectations placed on them. Maybe you are simply not able to live up to the expectations of a “normal” 28 year old. And that’s okay.” (For the record, I love my therapist and all of this was said with kindness.)

Well, it doesn’t feel okay. I’ve said for years that in many respects, I still feel 22 inside. Don’t get it twisted, I’ve absolutely grown mentally and emotionally. I’ve matured, I’ve learned things about myself and the world, I’ve done a LOT of internal work to both better myself and understand myself. I handle conflicts and many negative emotions a lot better than I did when I was young. So in those ways and a handful of others, yes, I have grown up. And yet, I still can’t seem to just...do the thing. What thing? I don’t know. ANYthing? Adulthood? Life? Function like a normal fucking person? All of the above?

I found out last week that I qualify for Medicaid.

Which like, hooray I have health insurance, which I otherwise wouldn’t have, because I aged out of my parents’ insurance forever ago, and I’m currently unemployed. But the reason I qualified for Medicaid is because I’m an autistic 29 year old woman who struggles to take care of herself. And that sentence alone led me to ask myself a very uncomfortable question:

Am I disabled?

For the record, I understand that the phrase “differently abled” is more accurate, especially when you consider that most language having to do with any type of divergence from the majority has negative connotations and is centered around “productivity” by neurotypical and able-bodied standards. But please bear with me here. I am using the word “disabled” for a reason.

Because it was largely assumed for my whole life that I was a functional, fundamentally neurotypical person, I have been conditioned to feel a certain way about my value as a productive member of society. People have always judged me for being “lazy” and “spoiled.” I constantly worry about how people will react when I tell them I’m unemployed, or when I tell them really anything specific about my life. How must I look to people? How must I come off? The possible judgment from others about how I live my life weighs on me. Even when people tell me they’re not judging, I don’t believe them. Because I am judging myself. Very, very harshly.

Because I should be able to function normally. I should be able to take care of myself and just be a fucking adult. That’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it? At least, that’s the way I was made to feel it’s supposed to be my whole life.

I have never been ableist. I’ve never gotten pissy or frustrated when someone around me needed help, even if it affected me. I’ve never judged anyone for being different or needing different things. I’ve always criticized our society for ignoring the rights and needs of the differently abled, and I’ve always been extremely vocal about the discrimination the differently abled face, and how fucked up it all is.

So why am I suddenly so distraught? Why is it that even the mere thought that I might maybe possibly be “disabled” literally keeps me awake at night? Why am I obsessing over this and begging the universe to change it?

“Internalized ableism occurs when we are so heavily influenced by the stereotypes, misconceptions, and discrimination against people with disabilities that we start to believe that our disabilities really do make us inferior.” - Amanda McDowell

And there it is.

Clearly, this is the next hurdle I must face. Before I can even think about recovering from autistic burnout, I have to unlearn all of that garbage that I have received by osmosis from an ableist world. Because how can I honor my needs, how can I do the things that I know will help me, if I’m constantly judging myself for them?

Then, of course, there’s also the guilt. I feel like I’m appropriating a term that doesn’t belong to me. I mean, I’ve been able to function before, right? I’ve worked, I’ve gone to school, I’ve done “normal people things.” So how could I possibly even have the right to call myself disabled?

This is a lot. I’m trying to unpack it all, but that’s going to take time, patience, and self-compassion. These questions remain: Am I disabled? Both in the legal sense and in the literal sense? What does that mean? How do I feel about that? Does that change my life in any way? If it does, what are those changes and what do they mean?

Finally receiving an autism diagnosis was huge for me. It was a massive relief. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there. But now, only a few weeks later, it seems that weight has been thrown right back on. And I definitely felt it this time.

As I said before, this diagnosis has confirmed a lot of things that I wish weren’t true. It has made me examine myself in ways that are helpful definitely, but also in ways that are exhausting and re-traumatizing.

I don’t know what my next step is. All I know is that it’s crucial I unlearn this internalized garbage, both for my own health, and because it’s just not the kind of person I want to be. In the meantime, I will continue to rest, and try my darndest to trust the process.

God I fucking hate this.

[hillsidecomics]

The Autistic Spider-Man

[thesockwhisperer]

The 4th of July can be fun but fireworks are the W O R S T. I hope everyone who struggles with the sounds and lights of it all (like me :/) can hopefully have a not terrible night. Same goes for folks with ptsd that is triggered by the fireworks!

Update: I LIVE (barely)

[that-bluesybitch]

[bowlifecomics]

I wonder why

[thy-dragon]

Aquatic animals as allegories for lgbtq+ people and neurodivergent people.

Clownfish aren’t even an allegory that’s a trans fish.

[yellowyarn]

i love you autistics who don't have special interests

I love you autistics without sensory issues

i love you autistics who are hyposenstive

i love you autistics who are both hypo- and hypersensitive

I love you autistics who hate routine

i love you low empathy autistics

i love you high empathy autistics

I love you autistics with lots of freinds

I love you autistics who are hyper verbal

i love you autistics who make lots of eye contact

i love you autistics who can't mask

i love you autistics who dont know who they aren't behind their mask

i love autistics who are "childish"

i love autistics that have never had a meltdown

i love autistics with catatonia

i love autistics with intellectual disabilities

i love autistics with Anxiety and/or Depression

i love autistics with Psychotic Disorders

i love autistics with Bipolar Disorders

i love autistics with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders

i love autistics with truma Disorders

i love autistics with Dissociative Disorders

i love autistics with Eating Disorders

i love autistics with Somatic symptoms Disorders

i love autistics with Sleep Disorders

i love autistics with addictions

i love autistics with Personality Disorders

i loved autistic systems

i love autistics with multiple disabilities

i love autistics that can't work

i love autistics that cant leave their house

I love autistics who can't live alone

i love autistics who use AAC

i love poc autistics

i love people with autism who prefer person first language

i love autistics who use function labels

i love autistics with outdated diagnoses

i love autistics who were/are misdignosied

i love self diagnosed autistics

i love all autistic people

[miss-saytr]

Hyperfixations are something you have to think about. You have to talk about. You have to express yourself creatively about.

I just can’t go an hour without thinking about it. The characters the history the things the science and whatever is apart of this thing you can’t stop thinking about and your head fills like a water balloon with knowledge and you constantly need more and if you see it online or in public you jolt and you feel embarrassed about it but actually not really when someone says it’s ok to talk about it but then again it’s kind of embarrassing to like this thing but yet I have the chance to talk about it.

I wore a shirt with the characters on it do you recognize them? Do you wanna talk about it? Do you like it? Oh ok who’s your favorite? Why? That’s awesome I like them too. My favorite is this character though.

What do you wanna watch tonight? I have a recommendation. You’re fine with that? Awesome. So did you know that when they made this show… did you know the inspiration for that character is… And the creator…

Ok I’ll see you tomorrow. Fuck. Why did I recommend that show? Why did I talk about it so much? They think I’m so annoying now. Don’t they. Ffffuck. Ok ok it’s fine, shake it off. I just randomly brought it up. That scene in that episode is so embarrassing. They’re gonna think I’m weird for liking this. God I hate myself for letting that happen.

I’m drawing these characters in my sketchbook. I’m writing about them in my only hand written journal. I’m making little assumptions and jotting them down. Don’t you dare look through my art of them or my journal. Please don’t. It’s so embarrassing that I even like this.

You know… if it’s so special to me, why do I feel the need to keep it a secret half the time? I think the answer lies in the quote of a boy I shared a history class with when I was still in high school. It went something along the lines of this:

“The annoying kid talks about his special interest. The quiet kid doesn’t.”