#nothing wouldve like. Changed
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Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with
#my path of self improvement has been less self righteous and personally gainful#and more just. a lot of embarrassment and pain#like i wouldnt change the path i took to get where i am now but i wouldve chosen to travel that path sooner because omg#nothing hits me like the fear that future me will feel the same way about right now me that right now me feels about past tense me
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so freaking depressed right now
#IM SHAKING HIMAROUND A BUNCHHHH#i think he def blames carlo for their dads death#(dont even get me started on how their relationship w their dad is like. parallels <carlos tolerance/borderline dislike of him#vs how much he admires his father . primarily due to how he executed his role as a double agent so well . in his glory days at least)#he knows its extremely unreasonable though. like#carlo and him couldnt have done anything more than he did alone#but. he just is so mad with grief that it doesnt seem/feel that way#LIKE!!!! when he talks about his dad and the circumstances of his death he sounds. so so small#its not like he wished that he brought all of salieri's forces with him#(though i think theres like. an element of that in his wishful thinking)#it wasnt an option though of course#but CARLO was an option !!#he couldve asked his brother who he had a somewhat stable relationship with him!! who somewhat always had his back !!#but ofc they fought and thats what lead to their strained relationship. but still#if carlo hadnt reacted like that and they went together. it still wouldve ended the same#nothing wouldve like. Changed#only that carlo had been there with him on one of the worst days of his life#and i think thats a primary reason of why he cant forgive carlo . bc at the end of the day#carlo was responsible for him being alone . IDKKK top ten brothers that r so fucked uo#carlo kindve deserevd that shovel . ONE GOOD HIT !!#dont even get me started on how this makes his declaration of carlo being his brother 10x more sadder#txt
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the funniest thing about donna tart saying she didn't want to write a female mc for the secret history because people would wonder if she's doing all this because she's in love with henry is that it made no difference whatsoever. the secret history mc is a man and still we're all wondering if he was in love with henry
#good job i guess??#i cant even say its just people wanting to ship things#like no the subtext is very much there#literally it wouldve changed nothing#the secret history#henry winter#richard papen#do henry and richard have a ship name#donna tartt
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i just think if roles were reversed and buck was the one saying those gay ass lines to eddie, eddie wouldve proposed like four seasons ago
#like if buck had a kid and he said to eddie “theres no one in this world i trust with my kid more than you” eddie wouldve given him head#if buck had written him into his will and said “because eddie (cuz im sorry but buck loves eddies name too much to not use it)#you act like youre expendable but youre wrong“ eddie wouldve been like on his knees begging for buck to move in already#or if eddie did something reckless and after told buck he had to do it and buck just looked at him fondly and said “i know you did”#eddie wouldve dragged his ass to the nearest jewelry store to get them matching rings#or if someone off handedly mentioned how long he was dead/underground/uhhh bleeding out from his gunshot wound#and buck corrected them and said “um no actually it was 3 minutes and 17 before we got to the hospital” eddie wouldve done unspeakable#things to him in the bathroom of that underground poker club#or if eddie came out to buck and buck gave him a similar supportive little talk and said “this doesnt change a thing between us”#eddie wouldve been like “uh no actually it does get in the fucking car rn” and driven them to the courthouse so they could get married#basically#eddie says the gayest shit to buck all the time but buck just hears it as Normal Bro Things because hes never had a normal friend before so#he had nothing to really compare it to#but if buck were to say this kinda gay shit to eddie#eddie would immediately be like oh youre in love with me because eddie is a romantic and knows declarations of love when he hears them#however#buck communicates his feelings with flirting but eddie is fucking stupid and has no game and no rizz and doesnt realize hes flirting#eddie communicates his feelings with grand declarations of love but buck is fucking stupid and doesnt realize people actually care about hi#they need to flip communication styles and then theyll realize#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#get him out of there#let eddie free so he can finally have game#omg no or if eddie had done something that kinda pissed buck off and buck just looked at him after eddie apologized and said “ofc i forgive#you“ well there wouldve been something freaky going on in the firehouse closets that halloween#me thinks
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What if Yugo never had a growth spurt because of Toross?
It’s strange to admit, but it needs to be said: Yugo’s growth would not have happened if his mother hadn’t returned. So if there's no eliatrope mommy, there's no toross going after Yugo's ass. Toross would never have been able to escape his prison if Nora hadn’t come along to try to rescue her mother.
Like think about the remarkable timing of witnessing this woman abruptly enter without any warning. She could have returned to the Inglorium hundreds or even thousands of years later.
I'm not saying it's impossible that she came back so soon. I'm just saying that there was also a high possibility that she couldn't have come on time when Yugo needed her to get to Toross.
The odds were 50/50 really. She could've come back anytime.
So let's say, for this hypothetical situation, the Eliatrope goddess didn't arrive on time. Now what? Yugo and his group would've been...stuck??
None of the demigods would have known how to return. Not even Dathura could do so without Sadida's magic flute. Since the gods would not be present to detect their arrival, they wouldn’t be able to help them escape from their realm. This indicates that entering the Inglorium requires the use of an artifact belonging to a god, an otherworldly object like a mechasm's heart, a dofus, or simply being a god. Similarly, leaving the Inglorium necessitates using one of the same means mentioned for entry.
So like....they're fucked??
Not having the Eliatrope goddess to take them back with portals means they would officially be stuck there. Damn.
And since the Inglorium is the realm of the gods, everyone except Yugo and the other demigods will not age. Oropo wanted to include mortals like Arpagone, Ruel, and Flopin because he understood that once they took on the place of their corresponding gods in Inglorium, the realm would be able to completely halt their aging.
As if that wasn't enough, their only connection to the World of Twelve will be through the gods' library, which records the lives of all living mortals in real-time.
Chibi and Grougal will grow up without Yugo, Adamaï, and eventually Alibert. They will have to manage the inn by themselves.
Armand will rule the kingdom and have an heir with Aurora. He will come to resent Amalia for never returning to him and for not witnessing their father's death as he called for her.
Kamasutar Junior will grow old and die without ever seeing Ruel again, just like how Az and his family will never see Yugo.
Madagaskan would only have been able to find Cleophee. She would have learned about him but would also be just as confused and anxious about where her sister and family went.
Ogrest would feel confused and saddened that he would not see Elely and Flopin anymore, while Otomaï would try to comfort him, genuinely wondering where they could have all gone.
The island of Irene would be left unprotected for a long time without Coqueline, leaving Yrehn alone with the Elante.
Poo would take care of the percedal family's home. As much as he would wonder where they are, he won't have anywhere else to go to, so he'll have no choice but to stay there for who knows how long.
There would have been no traces of the Brotherhood, and no one would have known if they were even alive in the first place. The people would likely have turned them into an old myth by then.
The Brotherhood would have been aware of everything their loved ones were doing by reading each of their mortal books, but they would have been powerless to intervene.
Time would have taken its natural course, and the group would have built their own places in the realm while living in constant fear, confusion, and horror at the idea of not being able to return without any artifact.
When the Eliatrope goddess finally arrives, it will be too late for anyone to reunite with their loved ones in the World of Twelve. Everyone will have already passed away, except for Chibi and Grougal, who will most likely feel betrayed by Yugo and Adamaï.
#this is more of a wakfu bad ending#i feel bad for alibert and chibi and grougal.....#this is kinda sad#like nothing changes and they're all pretty much stuck over there#they got so lucky omg#also come to think of it pin wouldve stayed a baby for almost forever lol#and yumalia would still look kinda freaky for much longer 💀💀#this timeline couldve been the original ending for all of them if it wasnt for the goddess arriving exactly on time#thank goodness#wakfu bad ending#wakfu#ankama#krosmoz#wakfu yugo#yugo#yugo the eliatrope#wakfu season 4#wakfu s4#wakfu au#wakfu aus#wakfu bad ending au#bad ending au#damn
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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Technically only got so good because my entire motivation for art was petty spite and vindication and as a result of that i won many awards however it was just exhausting and i never really did enjoy what i made at all and i was competitive to a fault. Ive since grown out of that and even though i may not draw as much as i did, drawing out of love + passion feels so much more better than trying to rise above the "competition" and more fulfilling than any award i couldve earned.
#i talk#like i improved so fucking much bc of anger and i wouldnt change it up but then again. it was bad mentally for me and my peers#greatest motivator at a very pricey cost of threatening people who only want to bond with you from shared interest#jealousy is such a strong emotion that cannot be controlled but i find that if you act on it your very presence will reek of it#and people who wouldve been otherwise been your friends will be more inclined to avoid you.#its not as subtle as you think it is and people will notice if something is made out of malice. word of advice#communicate that jealousy and address it before it consumes your entire life mannn to the other person or by yourself#because at the fuck of it all we will all have to work together and if u dont grow out of it you will be malding alone. LOL#over nothing
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Actually thinking bout talking about other rpgs on here because ive been playing a handful... I played little goody two shoes and i would buy eastward again if i stopped being so stingy about it.
#🗣️#maybe ill change my mind on eastward playthrough 2... now that theres a new farming dlc to play#i sorta wish the dlc wasn't set in a different universe that has nothing to do with the main game i wouldve enjoyed a continuation#PROBABLY...#felt like old me was a little uncharitable. its still a very well made game i love the cooking personally#gotta do playthrough 2 to set the record straight
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i have so much lore cooking in my brain for aftercredits its killing me. but i gotta finish these fuckibg character bibles first or the hoes will make fun of me for not having every line of dialogue memorized in a game i played originally 9 years ago. and also the character references i need to make those too
im gonna redesign frisk again i think also
#charas on like their 7th small design change someone free me from this never ending nightmare#i Think im gonna try and get all the references down this week#-end. weekend#and then knock out replaying/rewatching the game routes of undertale and uty to knock out the character bibles in the work week#so that way i am not plauged by guilt for not using my spare time to draw#if im not constantly drawing i feel like shit bc im not furthering my career#like i make any momey off of this. but id Like To. Someday#but if i dont feed the content machine ill be Forgotten#as you can imagine this heavily impares my abilty to play video games#besides pt and acpc#if im watching someone else play it i can use the miniplayer to multitask#if Im playing a game im only doing one thing and thats A Waste Of Time#aftercredits au#if i wasnt paralyzed by the fear of people calling me stupid for having fun i wouldve started already#but i am nothing if not easily molded by others expectations lets gooo#the plans in motion with ètoile. whos ref i hate bc i forgot details but we gotta just move forward#he speaks#perennial buttercup au
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stupid ahh scene and internal conflict when you realize jim is already a murderer
#og post#batposting#hes shot soooo many people bro 💀#like yeah jim maybe you shouldve shot that guy! it wouldve changed literally nothing!
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the anomalous agate (part four)
hello, all. we've made it to the home stretch! this is the last main chapter of the anomalous agate—there's an epilogue after this, as well as bonus extra set more in the world of hanzawa to tashiro. I've also been playing around with the idea of doing a sort of… director's commentary? something like that. where I get to indulge and talk about some of my thoughts.
for anyone who has no idea what this is about, go here for part one
for those who do, here's the ao3 link, and if you prefer tumblr, it's just under the cut
case 2-x: the anomalous agate (part 4)
Sunlight set the streets before me aglow. It was, by all accounts, the warmest day in autumn we’d had this year, and I was beginning to sweat. There was a restless kind of itch inside my skin that I couldn’t seem to quell. Part of it was the bruise—the mark had faded, but now the area of pale purple felt consistently irritated.
The other part was the fact that it was Saturday afternoon. Richard had closed the shop to make a special house call, and it was only now that I realized I’d spent the majority of every weekend working in Ginza. Rather than feel like I was chomping at the bit, though, the sudden free time left my skin itching to head into Jewelry Étranger like always.
After poring over my various options, I’d decided to spend my day off on various chores and errands. I was currently on my way to the supermarket, but in the absence of any attractive deals awaiting me, I was dragging my feet in the afternoon heat. While looking around for a reasonable distraction, my attention was waylaid by the sight of the café I’d entered just over a week ago, and after considering its merit as a temperature-controlled room as well as my flagging enthusiasm for shopping, I decided to enter.
The moment I stepped inside, a cooling breeze swept over my skin, and I was immediately refreshed. Then I scanned for a free seat and caught sight of a familiar head of black hair. A chill skittered up my spine; the person in question turned around and froze the moment our eyes met.
Hanzawa Masato’s mouth parted in an involuntary ‘O’ shape, and I knew, again, that I was bearing witness to a scene I shouldn’t have seen. I thought about tucking myself into a different corner of the café, but the person he was sitting with had already spotted me, and obliviously waved me over.
Hanzawa’s companion was a boy with half-dyed hair, the natural dark brown color abruptly transitioning into a sharp blond-gold. In the time it had taken me to approach them, he’d moved to sit next to Hanzawa, leaving a free seat for me on the other side. I took the offered seat awkwardly, wondering if there was any normal way to introduce myself.
Thankfully, Hanzawa took the lead in greeting me. “…It’s nice to see you, Seigi.”
“…It’s nice to see you too, Hanzawa.” As shocked as he’d been when we’d first made eye contact, he didn’t look irritated or out of sorts. I addressed the person next to him. “And you are…?”
“Tashiro Gonzaburou! Is it fine if I call you Seigi, too?”
“Sure,” I said, a little stunned by his easygoing smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Tashiro.”
Before we could get too deep into a conversation, I ordered an iced americano. Hanzawa took a careful sip of his milk tea—it wasn’t the kind that Richard liked, but I wondered if that was why Hanzawa had asked for the royal milk tea in our first meeting.
Once I’d gotten my drink in hand, Tashiro asked, “So how’d you meet Hanzawa-senpai, anyways?”
Before I could muster up a vague enough answer that would satisfy a guy who seemed wholly blunt and direct, Hanzawa cut in with a response. “Seigi works at a jewelry store in Ginza,” he said. He addressed me: “I was under the impression you worked weekends?”
There wasn’t a hint of turmoil on his face. I thought I’d gotten better at reading him, but I had no idea what he was thinking at the current moment. The circumstances through which I’d met Kaede were kind of awkward, so maybe it wasn’t right to explain… but it wasn’t like these were non-awkward circumstances, either.
“Oh—well, yeah, that’s normally the case,” I said. “But Richard’s making a house call today, so the shop’s closed… we’ll be open tomorrow, though.” That was at least double the words necessary for an explanation. It wasn’t like Hanzawa was going to show up and buy something—he didn’t need me to prattle on about the exact specifics of Jewelry Étranger’s schedule.
“A jeweler’s store?” Tashiro mused out loud before clapping his hands in epiphany. “Hanzawa-senpai, were you buying earrings?”
“…Perhaps?” I’d seen Hanzawa be reticent with information before, but the tone of his voice here was an obvious tease.
With a put-upon sigh, Tashiro asked, “I guess you’re just allergic to straight answers, huh?” At Hanzawa’s answering smile, he added, “Are you finally going to tell me how many piercings you actually have?”
Hanzawa seemed to consider it for a long time, before simply declaring, “That’s no fun—I’ll let you keep guessing.”
For all that I’d worried about an awkward situation, Hanzawa and Tashiro were more than able to carry conversation. Rather than cultivate a sense of unease, Hanzawa’s air of mystery had turned into something almost playful, something which Tashiro’s presence seemed to actively encourage. The two people sitting across from me both carried an inherent kind of charm—from Tashiro, so natural he likely didn’t notice it himself, and a deep, practiced consideration from Hanzawa’s end. I would have been fine just watching them talk to each other, but Hanzawa took note of my sense of distance and conscientiously pulled me into a discussion about various customers that had passed through Jewelry Étranger. We began to trade stories about the interesting people we’d encountered—Hanzawa had stories about almost anything, and Tashiro helped out at a bathhouse near his home that was full of interesting characters.
Still, I couldn’t help but feel the sense that I was a third wheel in this situation.
During a lull in the conversation, Tashiro tilted Hanzawa’s drink towards him and took an exploratory sip. “You got a new flavor,” he observed. “Don’t you usually stick with the same one?”
Hanzawa’s gaze lowered towards Tashiro, slumped forward on the table in the perfect picture of relaxation, Hanzawa’s drink in hand. He tilted his drink back towards him and took a sip. “It is college,” he said. “I think you’re meant to loosen up a little.”
“And have all-night karaoke sessions?” Tashiro replied with a laugh. He straightened back up in his seat, not once breaking eye contact with Hanzawa, and added, “You’ve never really been uptight, anyways.”
Hanzawa raised an eyebrow. “I was president of the disciplinary committee, you know.”
“Hirano-senpai was vice-president,” Tashiro replied scathingly.
I had no idea what that name meant, but seeing as Hanzawa’s lips twitched in amusement, it was an excellent point.
“Anyways, you weren’t uptight, you were up in everything!” Tashiro exclaimed. With his brows scrunched in concentration, he began to count a list of Hanzawa’s activities on his fingers. “President of the disciplinary committee, captain of the ping pong club, head of the dorm, all the random stuff you did for the cultural festival that you’re still doing…” He punctuated his list with a dramatic huff. “I was right—you are a masochist. I bet that hasn’t changed in college.”
On second thought, maybe the ability to carry a conversation didn’t exactly mean one was a good conversationalist. I didn’t know how to look at the two of them without feeling embarrassment, but strangely enough, Hanzawa didn’t seem to mind the impropriety.
His lips curled into a threatening smile. “Tashiro-kun, are you sure you want to repeat that?”
At the deep fondness hidden in his voice, I had a sudden epiphany. Blankly staring at Tashiro, I knew—this has to be what that guy meant.
Unaffected by Hanzawa’s words, and unaware of the whirling thoughts in my head, Tashiro simply muttered, “This is exactly what I mean.”
“How is the ping pong club, anyways?” Hanzawa asked, confirming my suspicions as he pivoted topics.
Tashiro flashed him a peace sign. “Doing great! The guys in our year keep telling stories about you—that’s how they terrify the first years!”
“And I’m sure you’ve let them know that these are terribly unfair rumors?” Hanzawa said, leaning towards him. He fluttered his eyelashes, the action dancing on the edge of mockery and sincerity. “Disparaging a poor alumnus who can’t even defend himself, really…”
Before he could get too far in his speech, they both seemed to realize there was a third person at the table and jerked back into regular sitting positions. Hanzawa ineffectually cleared his throat, and said, “Ah, Seigi—you used to be in a karate club, right? Don’t you still keep in touch with the members?”
“…Well, not any of the newer ones, really,” I said, doing my best to convey that I hadn’t seen anything incriminating. “But I help out in events every once in a while, and I’m on an email chain with a bunch of people I knew at the time. It would be hard to pick it back up all of sudden, but I’ve been considering it.”
Hanzawa’s eyes flickered over to my fading bruise. He opened his mouth as if to ask me a question, and then seemed to think better of it.
“I did karate for a year, actually!” Tashiro piped up.
Genuine disbelief and interest bled into Hanzawa’s voice. “Really?”
“Closer to half a year, probably,” Tashiro amended sheepishly. “But yeah, I cycled through a lot of different sports back then, so I know the basics. Maybe I would’ve picked it back up in high school, but then I got conned—”
“You bore the consequence of terms you accepted, you mean,” Hanzawa cut in.
“Conned,” Tashiro repeated with extra emphasis, “into joining the ping pong club. But karate requires a lot of discipline, so I probably wouldn’t have ever stuck with it for long.” He sighed. “Now that I’m the president of the ping pong club, I can’t even skip practices!”
“Well, obviously,” Hanzawa drawled. With a lightly accusing finger pointed at Tashiro’s hair, he added, “Unfortunately, I only hear good things about you from your clubmates. They don’t even think your hair makes you look like a ruffian!”
“I haven’t dyed my hair in two years because of that stupid rule!” Tashiro replied. “Seriously, what was that president thinking…”
“Probably that you’d grow your hair out and then cut off all the dyed parts,” Hanzawa replied dryly.
“No way,” Tashiro said. “Besides, this is kind of my brand now, anyways.”
“Delinquency?”
Tashiro glared at him. “If only he knew your hair was dyed,” he griped, “then I bet he’d—” He paused in the middle of his complaint and peered at Hanzawa’s unchanging expression. “He knew?”
“Well, my hair doesn’t stand out like yours does.”
“So what?” Tashiro asked. “Just because you look normal doesn’t mean you are.”
Hanzawa ruffled his hair in retaliation. “Show some respect for your senpai,” he huffed. Ignoring Tashiro’s squawks of protest, he added, “Besides, we didn’t force you to dye your hair back to brown, right?” With his hand still near Tashiro’s hair, he curled a stray stand around his finger. “Has your hair been growing much longer recently?”
“Yeah,” Tashiro said, smoothing his hair back into submission. “I think I damaged my hair pretty badly when bleaching it, so it grew kind of slowly, but recently that hasn’t been the case. I don’t know why, but it’s useful for now, isn’t it? I might not even need a wig.”
“…A wig?” I ventured.
Pink dusted Hanzawa’s cheeks. “I—I forgot… that you wouldn’t know,” he finished smoothly, though I had a hunch what he meant to say was I forgot you were there. I’d feel offended if it wasn’t for the fact that this meant that Hanzawa had drastically lowered his guard around me.
“It’s alright,” I said. “Is the wig for your cultural festival?”
“You know about that?” Tashiro asked.
“I heard a little about your… cross-dressing competition?”
“It’s officially termed a beauty contest,” Hanzawa said, “but unofficially… no one calls it that.”
“That’s cool,” I said lamely, but maybe Tashiro had picked up on the sincerity in my voice because he blinked at me for a few moments before beginning to motormouth.
“Hanzawa-senpai’s helping me out!” he exclaimed. For the first time since we’d met, he ducked his head out of shyness. “It’s—for this year, I’m participating… some guys wanted me to do it in my first year, but I refused to, and well, I’m way taller than I was back then so it’s kind of weird, but still—I think it could be kind of fun? And it turns out that a lot of making things look good is in costuming and makeup, which I don’t know anything about, but of course Hanzawa does because he creepily knows everything, right?” He paused, and added, “For that bruise on your face, he could probably help you out there, if you wanted?”
“Oh—he already did, actually,” I said. “I learned how to cover it up when it was way too obvious to go to work, but I didn’t want to bother, otherwise.”
“Of course, he’s amazing,” Tashiro said, like it was a natural law of the universe, and Hanzawa stared, spellbound. “I don’t know how anyone’s going to pull off anything good next year because he’s got things so well-handled. It should really be impossible for a human to actually do that much”—he turned to Hanzawa and glared without much heat—“so maybe actually rest some time, would you?”
Slipping back into his regular grace, Hanzawa gestured at the café. “Isn’t this resting?”
“It’s—I don’t mind that you’re helping,” Tashiro said, a frustrated edge to his voice. “I’m happy about it; I just need you to be, too.”
Hanzawa’s gaze drifted to an aimless point in the air. “Don’t worry about that,” he said, voice a little strangled. “I’m… going to stop by the restroom before we head out.”
With that said, he glided towards a distant corner of the café. Tashiro’s eyes tracked his back as he moved, and once Hanzawa left his line of sight, he studied me with careful eyes.
There wasn’t any pressure behind it, but I couldn’t look away.
Tapping his empty drink against the table, Tashiro said, “Like he said, we’ll probably head out soon.” His voice had dropped in both pitch and volume. “You seem like a good guy, Seigi—it was nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.”
“Since that’s the case… he jokes about it, but if you run into Hanzawa-senpai again, could you make sure he’s not actually running himself into the ground?”
Caught by the sincerity and intensity of his request, I agreed without a second thought. “Sure.” Then I realized it wasn’t the kind of promise I could meaningfully keep, but I didn’t know how to clarify my inadequacy.
“I seriously mean it,” Tashiro whispered, “a guy like that has to be a masochist for how much work he takes on. I mean, he’s helping me even though he graduated already…”
It wasn’t the kind of thing I could say to his face, but I had a feeling that Hanzawa didn’t consider helping Tashiro as work. Hanzawa was only a year younger than me—maybe not even that, since I didn’t actually know his birthday—and so Tashiro was two years younger than me at best, but I couldn’t help but feel a rush of odd assuredness at the fact. Looking at him, I could understand, a little, what Richard had meant by saying that non-interference was sometimes the respectable choice.
When Hanzawa returned, he raised an eyebrow at the slightly somber mood of the table—Tashiro staring at his empty drink, and I, lost in my thoughts. “I’m going to assume you started gossiping behind my back,” he said.
Rather than lie, Tashiro dismissively waved off his statement and said, “I told him to look out for you, since you’re up to something or the other. The moment you’re out of my sight, you’re doing all of these interesting things I don’t even know about…”
Stunned by his frankness, Hanzawa’s reply was stilted. “It’s… only expected, I suppose. That I can’t be around as much anymore.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” Tashiro clarified. “It’s just a thing. Drag me around sometime when you go on your strange adventures, would you?”
“…I’ll consider it, okay?” Hanzawa said, gentler than I’d ever heard him, and I knew, surer than anything, that those weren’t empty words.
With Tashiro appeased, Hanzawa and I locked eyes.
There were a lot of things that I wanted to say. That more than ever, I felt that lapis lazuli was a perfect stone for him. That he was absolutely capable of grandness and importance. That Hanzawa carried different aspects of himself like he was a living example of metamorphism. But seeing him like this was the exact reason I couldn’t say anything to him. Today, we hadn’t spoken a single word about his visits to Jewelry Étranger, but I’d never felt the pressure to. Each time I’d met with Hanzawa, he’d been on his back foot—navigating his interactions with Richard and I at Jewelry Étranger, worrying over Kaede, or helping me cover my bruise.
But here, without any jewel in his possession, there was someone that recognized Hanzawa as he was. Maybe, then, he didn’t need anything at all.
Tashiro had asked me to look out for Hanzawa, but really, it was the other way around—I just never had to ask. Though there was a lot I didn’t know, I had the feeling that Hanzawa and I were similar types of people. If someone saw us as special, it would be impossible to let go.
I swallowed down all those presumptuous words, and said, “Have a nice day.”
“…You too, Seigi.”
— — —
Three weeks later, I was making a cursory sweep of the Jewelry Étranger floor, watching the clock tick over to closing time, when the door swung open with a blast of frost.
In swept Hanzawa Masato. He was wearing the same shade of pale blue he’d worn during his first visit, but he’d opted for a warm turtleneck instead of a light sweater. He’d layered it with a soft brown coat, but his face was still tinged pink from the cold.
The door clicked shut behind him. I felt as if the broom in my hands should have clattered to the floor, but it stayed in my grip.
Even though it was our duty to greet a client, it was Hanzawa that broke the silence first. “I wasn’t sure if I’d be interrupting something,” he said. Something about his demeanor was noticeably different—he didn’t look uncomfortable, but he wasn’t speaking with his usual practiced composure, either.
I glanced toward Richard—he kept a cool face, but there was a slight deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes that he hadn’t yet shaken off.
“You’re not interrupting,” I said, leaning my broom against the nearest wall. “Feel free to take a seat.”
“Hanzawa-san…” Richard began, before he fully collected himself. “It’s nice to hear from you again. Would you like me to bring out what you’d looked at previously?”
“I’ll make tea—” I offered, but Hanzawa stopped me in my tracks.
“There’s no need,” he said. “It shouldn’t take too long.” He took a deep breath, drawing closer without taking a seat. “To answer your question, Richard-san—you mentioned you carried different kinds of agate, yes?” At Richard’s ensuing nod, he said, “Do you carry any earrings with blue lace agate, then?”
Professionalism snapped Richard back into action. “We do have a few,” he said, rising from his seat. “I’ll be back out in a moment, then.”
Once Richard had disappeared into a back room, Hanzawa offered me an appeasing smile. “I’m sure all these repeated visits are bad for business, but I do actually plan on making a purchase.”
“Richard treats all of his clients sincerely, whether they purchase something or not,” I said in instinctive defense. Maybe my next words weren’t appropriate for an employee to a client, but I’d run into Hanzawa outside of work twice. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure you’d be back. Even though we ran into each other again…”
“I wasn’t planning on it, then,” Hanzawa admitted. “So I do appreciate that you didn’t pressure me.”
“What changed?” I asked.
“I won’t ruin all my mystery,” Hanzawa replied, a little flippant, and I was reminded of the lightness with which he and Tashiro had conversed. “But the simplest explanation is that I figured out what I wanted.” At my blank stare, he laughed, and explained, “I liked the lapis lazuli. But something so ostentatious won’t ever be my style. I said I wanted a statement piece, right? This is one—but it’s a statement to me, not someone else.” He gestured towards his sweater. “And it’s this shade of blue. I do like blue.”
What I’d noticed earlier was the difference between composure and confidence—the latter of which was unmistakable in Hanzawa’s voice.
“If you’re happy with your choice, that’s great,” I said.
In lieu of a proper reply, Hanzawa said, “…If you ever feel like hanging out sometime, Seigi, you do have my number.”
I didn’t give a proper reply, either; Richard returned with his collection of blue lace agate.
There were only three pairs of earrings, so he offered to have a stone worked into jewelry if Hanzawa preferred. Despite his initial hurry, Hanzawa took the time to inspect each set of earring as carefully as he’d studied eyeshadows. Finally, he decided that Richard’s offer wasn’t necessary, and picked out a pair of teardrop-shaped earrings.
“Can I wear these out of the shop?” Hanzawa asked as Richard advised him on the best way to store jewelry. After brushing past his annoyance at the interruption, Richard gave the okay, and so Hanzawa carefully tried them on, closing the back with a soft click.
After making his goodbyes, he paused by the opened door. In the next moment, he whipped back around to face me, displaying a brilliant, evanescent smile. Against all odds, he’d found a way to glow beneath the gray winter sky.
Just outside the door, I caught a glimpse of a green hoodie, and heard a familiar voice. “Your ears!”
Startled, Hanzawa turned and closed the door behind him, but I caught his response just before the door swung shut. “My earrings, Tashiro-kun. Really, it’s rude to point…”
As if on cue, the clock ticked over to closing time. I wasn’t sure when I’d see Hanzawa Masato again, but I knew—whatever conversation he was about to have, it wasn’t one he’d run from.
#hey look! now you guys finally can know why i changed my icon!#like i said then: new year new me babey!#this wouldve gone over way better if i actually posted this at new years like i wanted to lmao#kiri.txt#hanzawa masato#nakata seigi#cfojr#the anomalous agate#my writing#the case files of jeweler richard#tashiro gonzaburou#richard ranasinghe de vulpian#any typos are my own... word skipped straight past em!#tho that means nothing bc spellcheck sucks nowadays#jeweler richard
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talking to macdennis shippers makes me realize how much more i enjoy charden lmfao
#i love early seasons macden a lot but i think they sort of. fucked mcdn beyond repair in a lot of ways#where they Need to derail the show and do some genuine repairs#if theyd stayed the way they were in s5 itd be like oh yeah nbd theyre fucking lol#but now its. complicated#which isn't inherently bad but i think theres so much to unpack that its just like. if its not done right its going to be a disaster#charden have remained actual friends#it doesn't feel like a huge jump for them to be on good terms#but everyone immediately assumes something must have happened offscreen if macden are getting along#like. its overcomplicated! idk! i think dennis' entire character is overcomplicated#and it makes it really hard because he is So established to just have a fun plot#also i think theyve slowly fucked mac's character and have no intention of fixing it like they have with charlie and dennis' characters#like charlie was made Too Dumb and theyve been remedying that by making him a little more grounded and serious#dennis was Too Angry and they're remedying it by having him develop a way of burning off pressure without exploding#but everything theyve developed for mac has just sort of been left behind#if there was a moment to show how he'd changed it wouldve been post mfhp but it almost seemed like it was a complete reversal#he devolved lol#he was definitely like. better. in s16. but he's lost so much complexity while the others have gained more#and it feels incredibly unbalanced#dee is just a nothing character now too which (while i disagree with a lot of the complaints abt her in s16) can be seen clearly now#but mac is just.#okay im done rambling bye#ada speaks#idk how to explain but macden as a dynamic feels like it holds both of their characters back#and it rarely brings anything new or interesting to the table#dennis shows a different side of himself around charlie#but he is. mostly just angry or exasperated around mac
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Watching My Hero: Two Heroes as the first movie is just...so nostalgic...
I was genuinely tearing and screaming for these kids to succeed. Just how happy they are, how innocent it all is, how much HOPE and JOY they have in their eyes T__T I am actually so emotional by how simple this story used to be...
Its genuinely shocking to see how weak they used to be too??? Like holy shit Todoroki only used his fire like, twice this whole movie??? Kirishima was so...soft??? OCHAKO HARDLY DID ANYTHING ARHGHDSKFJKSDJKSD MY GIRL IS STRONGER THAN THIS I SWEAR WHAT THE FUCKKKK. BIGGEST INJUSTICE IN THIS MOVIE IMO IT JUST FEELS SO FUCKING WRONGGGGGGG AAAAA
It also just hits me so hard how hopeful and happy Izuku used to be...he truly has no idea how much weight One for All will be putting on his shoulders...oh my poor sweet baby boy...
Also. Holy shit TOSHI AND DAVE GAY AS HELLLL BROOO I FELT LIKE I WAS INTERRUPTING THEM EVERY TIME THEY WERE ON SCREEN- DAVE WAS SO IN LOVE WITH ALL MIGHT HE WAS GONNA COMMIT CRIMES FOR HIM LSDFJLKSJKDS
Melissa Shield is wonderful. That is my darling girl in STEM I stan and I wish her all the best in life. I think her and Hatsume should kiss because of that one Team-Up Mission comic lmao
Honestly lovely movie. Highly recommend if you want a nice taste of old BNHA of kids being cute and punching bad guys to victory.
#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#also casual krbk was sooooo real omfg#bros were at a love hotel wtffff. I had to cover my eyes at the feet shot cus WTF was that#They were rlly sweet. Truly the Bros <3 of this bnha era i love them#bkg being his old bitchy self. Yeah. thats the fucking gremlin alright. and shoto his angstier self too. thats my fucking boYS#BUT JESUS FUCK LET OCHAKO DO SOMETHING. CHRIST THEY MADE HER SO FUCKING WEAK I WAS SO PISSEDDDD#IIDA MOMO KYOKA MINETA KAMINARI KIRI ALL GOT GOOD ASS SCENES OF THEIR QUIRKS#BUT NOT MY GIRL??? UR 4TH MC??? ARE YOU SERIOUSSSSS#NO GUNHEAD MARTIAL ARTS? ONLY TINY ZERO GRAVITY? COME O N YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS LSKJFLSJLD#MELISSA WAS QUIRKLESS AND DID SO MUCH MORE WTFFFF#ok yeah thats my main gripe with this movie#except that like. college toshi n dave shouldve just had an onscreen kiss and it wouldve changed nothing lmao
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This might sound really stupid but after like 4 years of living with depression and knowing it I had the realization just this week that i am actually really for real living with depression and it left me feeling kind of shaken.
#idk its just.. kinda slapped me in the face really hard that i havent feel enjoyment for anything in a long while#or like most feelings most of the time#and it made me choose the easier part a lot because i had nothing to fight for#and it made me not seek out things because what for?#and the realization is worse because i cant change anything because i cant convince myself to feel happy again?!#or passion or love or anything#fuckk#this sucks i wish i wouldve just stayed in the more passive knowledge
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Ok well the old hadestown soundtrack is kinda disappointing after listening exclusively to the OBC soundtrack for so long :(
#personal#hadestown#i still love it!!!!!!!#it's still my favorite musical in all its forms!!!!!!#damon daunno specifically made me fall in love with orpheus' role and if his voice wasnt so fucking goddamn pretty#i truly dont think i wouldve gotten into the show as quickly and intensely as i did#but like#the bridge in wait for me?#wedding song and flowers and if it's true and nothing changes and how long and come home with me and we raise our cups???#eva noblezada the woman that she is????
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