#he knows its extremely unreasonable though. like

[soliddaddy96]

so freaking depressed right now

[writeonwhiskey]

the skz house: ch 21

a/n: brace yourselves. thank you to @bahablastplz for editing!

[ read chapter 20 here ]

Chapter 21: Of Rotations and Doors

The first thing you hear the following morning is Hyunjin’s voice mumbling next to you. At least, you assume it’s morning. Without any windows in the basement, you can’t tell if the sun has risen or not. You blindly feel around you for your phone, then remember its way out of reach where you left it, on the bar. You peek an eye open and see that Hyunjin is talking incoherently in his sleep. The past few days of getting readjusted to the time zone must be doing a number on him, because he only does this when he’s extremely tired.  

You rub your eyes and look to your right. The space Chan previously occupied is empty.

The lack of his presence makes you think last night could have been a fever dream, but the way your body aches reassures you it was not. You are terrifically sore. Considering the marathon of sex over your vacation with Chan, followed by this impromptu threesome, your body is feeling extremely used—worn out even. In the best way possible, of course. Your jaw, the muscles in your thighs, your pussy. Each throbbing ache is a pleasant reminder of your boys.

You’re hit with a string of quick flashbacks. You lift the blanket up to cover your face and hide your smile beneath it even though no one can see you. The depravity of it all is still thrilling to think about. And you want to experience it again. You liked having them both at the same time. No, you loved it. Every second of it. Both of their hands on you at once, kissing you, touching you…then both of their cocks at either end of your body. You pull yourself together before pushing the blanket down and turning your attention to the sleeping man at your side.

“Hyunjin,” you say, shaking his shoulders until he stirs. “Wake up.”

His eyes blink open and he looks at his surroundings, an expression of confusion on his sleepy-eyed face.

“We slept down here? What time is it?”

“I worry about you sometimes, and I have no idea.” you tell him. “Let’s go upstairs.”

He sits up, watching as you find your sweatshirt and shorts to put back on. He eventually starts gathering his things too, moving at sloth speed. He stands, only wearing his boxers, with his clothes hugged tight against his chest. You grab the blankets you all tainted and shove them into his chest. He stumbles a bit at the impact, then secures them in his arms with a grumble.

On your way out of the basement, you pick up both of your phones from the bar and see that it’s just about to be 8:00am. You keep the phones in your hand to hide the time from Hyunjin. He’d probably collapse on the stairs if he knew it was this early.

You drag him along for a pitstop to the laundry room and throw the blankets in for washing. Upstairs on the second floor, you send Hyunjin off to his room and continue to the girl’s bathroom alone. You head straight for the shower, but on second thought decide to run a hot bath. Your body needs a good soak.  

The next time you see Chan, you feel unreasonably shy in front of him. He winks at you, and you have to look away as you feel the blood rushing to your face. When the three of you are in the same room together again, your face flushes once more as the memories come crashing back. You can’t stop picturing their faces as they pleased you, and you them. They don’t make it awkward for you, though, which is comforting.

Chan steals a moment alone with you and asks if you enjoyed yourself while tucking a stray group of hairs behind your ear. You can only nod your head enthusiastically in response.

“Good,” he replies.

By December 31st, everyone except the “L Trio”—Felix, Lee Know and Allie—have returned. It had only been a few weeks without everyone, but you’re glad the house is filling back up. You hadn’t realized how quiet it was without Seungmin and Changbin’s constant bickering until they are both back under the same roof. To be honest, you kind of missed hearing the nonsense they would choose to argue about.  

The majority of the last day of the year that has undoubtedly altered your life, is spent lounging around and conserving energy to stay up until the New Year. You, Charlotte and Rhiannon do some light laundry and cleaning—mostly whatever you hadn’t finished the other day while you waited for Chan to come home. Around 7:00pm, the boys get the grill going and you, Charlotte and Rhiannon work on making the side dishes.

Charlotte is washing the rice, Rhiannon is on veggies, and you’re trying your hardest not to ruin the japchae and be on the receiving end of Changbin’s wrath as a result. The man does not play about his food.

“So, y/n,” Rhiannon begins, “The basement seemed off limits for quite a while the other night…”

You pretend to be super concentrated on mixing the soy sauce and sesame oil in a large bowl, thankful that your back is to them. You clear your throat before speaking, hoping to shake off the embarrassment of being called out.

“We just played pool then watched a movie,” you reply, attempting to sound casual about it.

Rhiannon appears at your side and leans against the counter with a carrot still in her hand.

“You little liar,” she says with narrowed eyes. “Changbin specifically got a text, from Chan, saying not to enter the basement.”

“So did Han,” Charlotte adds.

Of course they did. As embarrassing as it feels that they all know something was happening down there…it is quite thoughtful that Chan warned them off. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m a good girl.” you tease, giving Rhiannon’s shoulder a playful nudge.

“Uh-huh. Good girl gone bad,” she says, wagging the carrot in front of your face.

She leaves your side and returns to the island to finish chopping the carrot.

“How was it?” Charlotte asks, sounding genuinely curious.

“Uhmm,” you falter, searching for the right word to describe the experience. “Earthshattering?”

“And they were both into it?”

“Extremely,” you tell her.

“Have you? With Seungmin and Changbin?” She asks Rhiannon.

“Yeah,” she replies. “In, like, the first month of being here.”

Your jaw drops and you turn around at that. You try to picture Seungmin and Changbin double teaming Rhiannon the way Hyunjin and Chan had done with you but immediately shake the mental images from your head. You cannot see them in that light—as attractive as they may be.

“That soon?” you ask.

She shrugs, “I told them for me to keep my emotions with this whole situation in check, that I needed to do it.”

That’s definitely one way to get a grip on the way things are in the SKZ House. A month into your time with Hyunjin and Chan, a threesome would have absolutely been out of the question. It probably would have mentally destroyed you that early on. And maybe Chan, too.

“Did they argue the whole time?” you can’t imagine it going down any other way.

She laughs at that.

“I didn’t let them—I told them who was putting what where and they didn’t push back about anything.”

“Do you think they always do this?” you ask. “With all their assignees?”

“I dunno…maybe not. Judging from how excited they were for it. Though I think any college aged boy would be excited for a threesome no matter how many times they’ve experienced it,” she replies with a shrug. “It probably depends on the assignee and the pairings.”

“Have you had a threesome with Han and Jeongin?” you turn to Charlotte and ask.

She’s setting the rice pot into the rice cooker. She closes the lid and presses cook before turning around to face you and Rhiannon.

“No,” she shakes her head. “I don’t think I could—or that they would.”

“Why not?” Rhi asks.

“I mean…I really enjoy foreplay—making out, touching, all the things that happen before sex. Sex…I like it, but maybe not enough to take on two at the same time.”

You had been naïve enough to believe that all the other girls were having similar sexual awakenings to you. Maybe not to the extent of what Chan has done to you, but their own version of it. Rhiannon seems to call the shots with Changbin and Seungmin, while Charlotte, Jeongin and Han appear to be copacetic.

“And why don’t you think they’d like it?” Rhiannon digs further.

“You’ve seen how shy Han can be…I think I get to see a very different side to him when we’re intimate. One that the boys don’t know about, not even Jeongin. The three of us being together in that sense would cause Han to be completely vulnerable and I don’t know that he would do that in front of the other members. While having sex, at least.”

You think back to Han and how nervous he was to give his speech and how helpful the other members were when he practiced. He is already vulnerable with them. But, perhaps, being vulnerable with someone while you’re naked and fucking a girl could be something entirely out of his comfort zone. You try to push the thoughts from your head. It’s something you can’t, or maybe don’t want, to imagine either.

Once all the food is ready, everyone sits at the table. Since there are only nine of you at the house currently, no one sits at the head of the table. Instead, you all fill in the middle seats. You sit next to Hyunjin and Chan is right across from you.

“Anyone want to share a lesson they learned this year?” Seungmin asks. “Good or bad.”

“Picturing your audience naked for a speech is a terrible idea,” Han announces.

“I told you to just imagine them all with handlebar mustaches,” Changbin comments.

“That sounds even more uncomfortable. An audience of Vaudevillians?” He shivers at the thought.

“That’s why no one takes Changbin’s advice,” Seungmin quips.

“Well, I’ve learned that Seungmin’s mother loves to take my advice…among other things,” Changbin rebuffs.

Seungmin shoots him a dirty look and throws a spicy cucumber at him.

“Ya,” Chan cuts in just as Changbin catches the flying cucumber slice with his hand. “Sijak hajimara.”

Changbin tosses it in his mouth then winks at Seungmin, but they both settle down after whatever Chan said. Everyone else proceeds to share actual things they’ve learned over the past year and how they’ll proceed moving forward with it as a life lesson.

“I’ve learned a lot about patience,” you say when it’s your turn.

The patience it took to break through with Chan, the patience he forced you to have when he was edging you to the point of no return, and the patience that Hyunjin had for you to be ready for him.

“It’s best not to rush things and, as they say, good things come to those who wait,” you continue. “I was honestly tempted to leave the SKZ house after my first week of being knee deep in this chaos, but I’m glad I had the patience to see it out. I’m grateful to have met you all and have you in my life, even if it’s only for a little while.”

A silence hangs in the air after your statement. You know you’re not the only one that has to come to terms with the dissolution of these bonds after the spring semester is over.

“I’ve learned that some rules are meant to be broken,” Chan speaks up and his words take you by surprise. “You can’t push forward; you can’t figure out who you really are, if you’re playing it safe between the lines.”

You look over at him and offer a small smile.

Hyunjin is the only one that hasn’t gone yet. Everyone looks at him expectantly.

“Me?” he asks rhetorically. “Well…I did learn that turpentine or mineral spirits work best for cleaning your brush when dealing with oil paint.”

Another silence hangs in the air after his extremely lackluster statement.

“Boooo!” Han jeers, and laughter fills the dining room.

After the meal is over, everyone helps to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. It’s amazing how quickly things can get done with nine people. Over the next few hours everyone splits up and does their own thing in mixed-matched pairings. Some watch a movie, some play beer pong downstairs. You go to the backyard with Seungmin and Jeongin to get the fire started.  

It's fucking freezing. Like, see your breath when you speak, kind of freezing.

You try not to focus on the cold and busy yourself with turning on the TV. It’s mounted on the wall near the outdoor table and grill. You find a channel that’s doing a New Year countdown and leave it on that. You then grab the cushions from the seats around the table and take them to the firepit. The sitting area surrounding the firepit is made of stone and with the current temperature, it’d be a death wish to sit directly on it.

You watch as Jeongin douses the firewood in lighter fluid before setting it ablaze, grinning like a mad man as he watches the flames rise. The others eventually come out to join once the fire is going and providing warmth. Hyunjin brings out a blanket for you and you cuddle up next to him underneath it. When your body shivers, he offers you his cup and you take a small sip of the alcohol inside to warm up.  

Chan and Han disappear into the house before re-emerging with the fireworks picked up the other day. They lay the larger ones on the concrete next to the covered pool and leave them for later before handing out sparklers to everyone and lighting them. You sit up as it fizzles, not wanting any of the sparks to land on Hyunjin or your shared blanket.

Chan then comes to sit on your other side. He watches you, taking in the child-like amusement on your face as you wave the sparkler around in front of you. He lights each one you have in turn, until there are no more left.

You move to lay back against Hyunjin, but then pause. Should you lay on Chan? You don’t think they’d care either way.

Chan’s hand comes to your shoulder and lowers you back down to Hyunjin’s side. You lift the blanket, offering him to join the warmth. He takes the blanket and covers his lap with it before laying his hand on your thigh, beneath the blanket. You place your cold hand on top of his. He jumps a little at the contact and then moves his hand on top of yours to warm it up.

Everyone else gets comfortable around the firepit, cuddled up for warmth in similar fashions—assignee to members.

“How long until midnight?” Hyunjin asks.

“About twenty minutes,” Chan replies, glancing at the TV.

“Y/N might freeze to death before then,” he adds as you shiver again.

“I’m okay,” you say. “I have you both to keep me warm.”

“Is that all we are to you?” Hyunjin asks with mock hurt.

“Tonight, yes.” You tell him.

“You’re lucky we both run warm,” Chan says, before addressing Hyunjin in Korean.

Hyunjin drapes his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. Chan moves with you, staying close to your other side to keep you warm.

Changbin and Seungmin speaking in suddenly raised voices waft over the burning fire.

“I wouldn’t put my hand in for $100,” Changbin is saying,

“$500 then,” Seungmin says.

“That’s a leg…maybe.”

“Nobody’s jumping in the pool,” Chan cuts in flatly. “It’s partially frozen.”

“Oh,” Seungmin says, as if he wasn’t aware, “In that case I’ll pay you $2,000 to do it. Do it, Binnie.”

“Don’t.” Chan says in a stern tone you’re all too familiar with.

“He wouldn’t anyways, he’s bluffing,” Seungmin says.

“I would,” Changbin remains defiant.

Chan shakes his head and rolls his eyes. These are the young men he’s in charge of and those two, specifically, are probably the hardest to wrangle. Especially when they’re together. How they both got paired with one girl is beyond you. Rhiannon, you assume, must have a whole different set of problems compared to what you’ve gone through with Chan and Hyunjin.

You look over to Jeongin, Han, and Charlotte. They’re in their own little world as usual. Han is playing something on his phone while Charlotte and Jeongin watch with him. She, too, is in the middle of them. They seem like the calmest trio in the house.

You wonder what the dynamic is like between Allie, Felix and Lee Know. You wish they were here. Well, maybe not Lee Know. He can stay in Korea with his shenanigans.

“It’s almost time!” Jeongin jumps up to announce, grabbing the utility lighter.

Chan stands, too, and your left side immediately feels the lack of his warmth. He walks to Jeongin and takes the lighter from him. Seungmin grabs the other lighter before Jeongin can get to that one too.

“I can do it,” Jeongin says, sounding very much like the youngest member.

“I don’t want any repeats of last year,” Chan tells him.

“That was a fluke. The firework wasn’t placed correctly.”

“Okay, Innie,” Chan tells him with a curt nod but still proceeds towards the fireworks with the lighter in his own hand.

As the others rise, you and Hyunjin follow suit. He wraps the blanket around both of you and you walk towards the TV together. Chan sets up a perimeter of sorts around the fireworks, warning everyone not to stand too close.

The 60 second countdown on the TV begins.

Part of you can’t believe this is how you’re ending the year. The things you’ve seen, the things you’ve done…never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined. Now, here you are, with this newfound community. You’ve endured a lot of pain, confusion and heartache, but you’re ending it happier than ever. More bonded with this group than ever.

When the 10 second countdown begins, Chan returns to your other side.

“10…9…8…”

You reach out and lace your fingers through his as everyone continues counting out loud in unison.

“7…6…5…4…”

These two men on either side of you have taught you so much about yourself these past couple of months. How to get out of your comfort zone, how to hold your ground, how to rely on someone, how to submit and trust. You’ll never get to experience this again, but you’re glad you get to right now.

“3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Chan turns your face to his first and places a hard, but chaste, kiss to your lips, followed by a few short and quick pecks. He releases you and leaves your side to attend to the fireworks. You then turn to Hyunjin. He wraps his arms around your waist and yours move up to his neck; his kiss is deeper. Your eyes flutter shut as his tongue enters your mouth, seeking out your own. You kiss him back and everything around you feels oddly quiet.

Until the sound of fireworks startles you both and you break apart. You look up to the sky in awe, watching as they burst into huge, bright, colorful spectacles. You slip your arms beneath Hyunjin’s and hold his waist, face pressed against his chest. Still cold…but content.

You return to sit near the firepit as Seungmin and Chan finish setting off the fireworks. Then you all watch the others going off around the city as they light up the sky, too. It’s beautiful.

When the fire dies out, everyone goes back inside. Your limbs start to defrost the second you step into the house. Everyone hangs out for a while longer but as it approaches 3:00am, they start to disperse. Chan kisses you on the forehead before going up to his room, and not too long after you and Hyunjin head up too.

In his room, Hyunjin acknowledges how sore your body feels—but he still asks to taste you. He insists it’s good luck to enter the new year this way. And you let him. After all your interactions with Chan, it’s nice to just be worshipped by Hyunjin. You don’t have to think about anything, you can just relax and feel. And he knows exactly how to make you feel good.

The start of the new year in SKZ House is relatively calm. When Allie, Felix and Lee Know return home everything is complete. The house feels whole again. You all settle back into your routines and get adjusted to your new class schedules when the semester starts. You’re surprised when Hyunjin shows up in the biology course you’re a TA for. You’re happy to see him there, but you’re stern with him after the first class that he has to work for his grade, there won’t be any favoritism. He seems a little offended at that.

You keep up the same schedule—Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights with Chan, and Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights with Hyunjin. It doesn’t give you any cause for concern as it once had. You are now certain that there is no jealousy, and you can relax when you’re alone with either of them, and when you’re with them together.

On one of the Sunday nights when you get to choose where you sleep—you proposition them both and they agree. In Chan’s room, this time. Hyunjin buries himself between your legs while Chan teases your nipples and kisses you. You bounce on Chan’s dick as Hyunjin fucks your mouth, but this time you ask them both to cover you in their come. They grant your request with ease.

As February approaches, you can honestly say that you’ve found a happy balance between the two men. You’re very aware of how quickly the time that you have with them flies by, but you continue to push it to the back of your mind. You must live in the present.

On Friday, when you and Hyunjin return home from your shared afternoon class, you can immediately tell something in the house has changed while you were gone. With the exception of Chan and Lee Know, everyone is sitting in the living room when you both walk in. They turn to look at you, and the girls stand from the couch. Charlotte beckons you to follow them to the den.

A sense of worry starts to flurry in the pit of your stomach as you walk behind them. You close the door once you’re all inside, then the four of you sit on the plush rug in the center of the room.

“What’s going on?” you ask. “You guys are scaring me.”

“There was an announcement,” Allie says, taking a deep breath. “A two-week rotational is being enacted.”

You furrow your brow.

“A what?”

“From the rotational clause in the contract?” Charlotte, bless her heart, sounds confused by the fact that you haven’t memorized the contract from start to finish.

That damned fucking contract.

“I must have skipped over that part…what is it?”

“For the next two weeks, we are going to be with a different member pairing. Lee Know and Chan are upstairs working out who will be with who now.”

All you can do is blink. You’re hearing the words coming out of her mouth quite clearly, but they’re not making sense when strung together. You’re being assigned to new members? For two weeks? That can’t be right.

You have only recently come to a level of comfortability with Chan and Hyunjin, only to presumably have it destroyed by this. With Hyunjin, maybe not so much…but Chan, you can only wonder how he’s handling this while setting up a schedule for which of his fraternity brothers will have you next.

“They say you don’t really have to do anything sexual,” Charlotte adds. “But it’s not off the table. It’s encouraged actually—with proper protection.”

“But…why would they want this?” You ask.

“It promotes the idea of community or something, I don’t know…I think it’s really so we can’t get too attached to any one specific person or set.” she continues.

You try to see yourself being intimate with anyone else in the house besides Chan or Hyunjin. But again, it’s difficult for you to imagine. You’ve done well, so far, keeping everything platonic and respectful with the other members. Why would they want to complicate things with this?

The girls continue discussing the upcoming rotation, but you’re caught up in your thoughts. When you go back out to the living room and see Lee Know on the couch, you immediately turn for the stairs.

You knock on Chan’s door, and he calls out for you to enter. He’s lying flat on his bed, legs crossed at the ankles, hands intertwined on his chest, eyes looking up at the ceiling.

“Is it true? This is really happening?” you ask.

“Yes,” he replies sullenly. “Starting Sunday, you’ll be with Seungmin and Changbin for two weeks.”

You stand at the side of the bed, willing him to look at you but his gaze remains on the ceiling.

“Can you look at me?”

He lets out a sigh before turning to face you. You sit down on the bed and scooch closer to him. You need a better understanding of where his mind is with this.

“Do you guys do this every year?”

“No, we don’t,” he tells you. “It’s an order coming down from higher up.”

“Higher up?” you repeat, “Your father?”

His silence confirms your assumption.

“Why?”

“You know why,” he says plainly.

And you do. His father wants to make sure Chan is not getting too attached to you and straying from the path he has been on since before he was born, probably.

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“I don’t think I’m really allowed to feel anything about it. That’s kind of the point of it all.”

“What if we just say we did this rotational bullshit, but don’t actually do it?”

“No…we should,” he tells you.

You arch an eyebrow. Not too long ago he was saying he couldn’t handle the thought of you fucking anyone else in the house besides Hyunjin…now he thinks this is a good idea?

“He’d find out if we didn’t…he always finds out everything.” He continues, sounding defeated. “It’s not required, but you can fuck them if you want to.”

It’s been a while since anything he’s said has felt like a punch to the gut. You climb on top of him and straddle his waist. He remains limp until you grab his hands and place them on your hips. You lean forward to place a quick kiss to his lips.

“I don’t want to,” you say softly, shaking your head.

“You say that now, but you can be open to it.”

“And you’re not just saying that now?” you counter.

He shakes his head.

“The other girls are great,” he says, “but they’re not you.”

“And none of the other members are you.”

How can he not see it from your point of view? He’s being adamant that he wants no one else, yet can’t seem to grasp that you don’t either.

“Maybe we should just go along with it.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest. You feel offended at the suggestion and don’t respond to it. You can’t without getting angry. And you don’t want to be angry with him…this situation, the way he’s feeling…none of it is his fault. You can see he’s struggling to cope with what he wants from you and the reality of what’s to come.

“We are forbidden to speak about what happens during rotations, anyways. You could do it and I would never know.”

“I don’t want to,” you say again.

“But you should.” he replies. “You should want to. I should want to. That’s why he’s doing this.”

“And you’re going to let him win?”

“I don’t see any other options,” he shrugs. “We are going to have to move on from each other at some point, y/n. Maybe this will help.”

It’s not often Chan seems powerless. Right now is one of those rare times. You slide off his waist and onto the bed. He doesn’t even try to stop you from moving away. You can see the conflict within him. Wanting to be with you, but also wanting to finish the school year as his parents intended.

“I should go,” you say, sliding off the bed and standing up.

This is a losing battle for you.

He gets up from the bed, too, and walks behind you towards the door without saying anything. You reach for the handle to turn it, then pull the door open. His left hand immediately shoots out and palms the door, shutting it. He leaves his hand on the door, and you can feel his warmth, hear his breathing directly behind you.

You close your eyes and sigh.

“Chan. If this is what you want, you have to let me go.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” he says darkly.

But it does. It really does. And you wish he could see that. Does he think he’s doing you a favor by suggesting you get over him now, before the semester ends? That somehow fucking the other members in this house will rid your feelings of him.

“I’m gonna go.”

You pull the door open again. He slams it shut.

“No.” The word comes out like a plea from his lips.

He grabs ahold of your waist and spins you around so you’re facing him. His grip on you tightens as he pushes you back against the door. In the next instant his mouth is on yours while his right hand yanks down your leggings and underwear. His hand cups your pussy, rubbing against it as his tongue claims your mouth.

You can’t stop the moan that escapes your lips at his touch. He rubs your pussy until your hips are bucking against his hand and you’re dripping wet. Your body always betrays you, with him. You shouldn’t want him as much as you do, after all he just said.

He pulls down his own pants then grabs you by the hips and lifts you up. You wrap your arms around his neck, legs around his waist. He positions himself at your entrance before pulling you down onto him so hard that you scream out.

“I’ve never wanted or needed anything, or anyone so fucking bad.” he says, lifting you up and slamming you back down onto his cock.

“You think I want to share you? You know I don’t.”

He lifts you up slowly, once more, before forcefully pulling you back down again.

“You could fuck every single guy in this house, y/n, and the thought of it fucking kills me.”

His hands move down to your ass, gripping it for better leverage as he fucks you.

“Rub your clit for me.”

You reach a hand down between you and start rubbing your clit. He keeps fucking you, his breath coming out in anxious spurts as he slams your pussy down on his cock. His eyes are watching his cock enter you, your fingers on your clit.

“My girl. My fucking girl. My pussy.”

“Chan,” you moan his name.

“Wait for me,” he demands, recognizing the look on your face.

You bite your bottom lip between your teeth as he keeps thrusting into you. You lean your head back against the door and fuck him back with your hips. The sounds of your body hitting the door is anything but quiet. Neither of you care.

“Come on my cock, baby,” he says. “Tell me you’re mine.”

He brings a hand to your neck, squeezing it and pressing you back against the door frame as he fucks you. You press your lips firmly together and shake your head—you don’t want to give him the satisfaction right now, after all he’s suggested. He growls and holds you still while his hips drive into you.

As his thrusting and breathing become erratic, you let yourself go, too. The walls of your pussy clench around his cock as you come. His thrusts slow down, but they’re still just as forceful, knocking you back against the door as he comes too.

He rests his forehead against yours as he withdraws from you. You set your legs back on the floor and drop your arms from his neck.  

“Mine,” he whispers.

You pull your leggings and underwear back up, eyes hardened as you stare at him.

“Everybody’s apparently,” you say coldly.

His jaw tightens. You place your hands on his chest and push him backwards before turning around and opening the door. He slams it shut after you exit and you grit your teeth as you walk down the hall, fighting against every atom in your body telling you to turn around and go back to him.

You don’t want anyone else besides Chan and Hyunjin. But ultimately, you can’t have either of them. Will it be easier to break the physical ties you have with them now? Rather than waiting a few more months and suffering then? You haven’t decided what you’ll do in the coming weeks. Whether you sleep with anyone else or you don’t, it has to be your decision.

[ read chapter 22 here ]

a/n: i am asking you guys to trust the process of my story telling haha. we have a chan POV coming up in ch 23 to look forward to!

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Omega Reader being one of the only if not THE only Omega in an entire Spider Society of Alphas and Betas 😩❤️

Alpha F! Reader in a Spider Society where you're the only female Alpha and Miguel is Having Confusing Feelings because oh shit you can get him Pregnant Pregnant? Like you're packing? Hmmm.... 😳

Reader who is a normal human and doesn't understand or is maybe like "curiosity killed the cat" about "oh wow Miguel can purr and growl? What else can he do 😳" and you're totally unaware he can like, TELL when you're ovulating and you cant even tell when he or anyone else scents you (imagine hobie scenting you to piss miguel off lmao) 💦

Reader who is one of the very few Omega in a Spider Society of normal people but your pheromones actually still affect everyone lol so like yeah some people are yandere already and others are like "you know i dont know what it is but Reader is looking real submissive and breedable and im usually not even into that shit" 😏

Reader being a "late bloomer" where you thought you were like, a normie who didnt present, and you're suddenly struggling to function because all these people you've been bonding with suddenly all have special smells that make your knees wobble sometimes and occasionally your boss gets a little bit of a growl in his voice and you're suddenly thinking, "could I fuck him raw and just take plan b. I really want an extra large super sized buffet style creampie from this man" (and also angst/possessiveness because maybe you're really upset and want to go back to "being the old normal you" and you start avoiding people who mysteriously want to spend more time with you now more than ever, and I'm also a sucker for 'new Omega wants actual surgery or drugs to not be an Omega anymore even if it's blackmarket shit that could kill them') 🙏

I'm also a fan of like. "You burned me or deserted me or I quit the group we were in together because of how you treated me and after some time has passed now that you want me back I'm actually a single mom now and here's my cute adorable little baby that I won't let you even sniff at even though the dad isn't even in the picture"

Like I'm not a parent obviously but there's some real visceral horror in the concept of like being pregnant and you're surrounded by people like unreasonably obsessed with the fact you're pregnant, like to an extremely nosey controlling "all but hijack your life" degree. You put your baby down for a nap and go to check on then 5 minutes later and they're FUCKING GONE and you start absolutely losing your mind and its like "oh no it's fine, Peter B just felt entitled to break into your place because he wanted Mayday to meet her new sibling and spend time with their Uncle Peter"

Reader is in their home dimension maybe even refusing to be a Spider anymore and you've STILL got people CONSTANTLY literally warping to your location and robbing you of any and all privacy. You get woken up in the middle of the night by your baby crying and suddenly abruptly it stops and you turn around PANICKED and. There's Miguel bottle feeding them "because you've been so tired, let me help you 🥰" and you're freaking out because, one, Miguel what are you doing in my bedroom, and two, is he giving your baby fucking formula instead of your milk without your consent. Like. They're constantly touching your kid and borderline kidnapping them and they're just like "oh my gosh look how flustered you are, what a good protective mom 🥰" meanwhile you're contemplating actual fucking murder

[praetorqueenreyna]

Tamlin is shocked (and a little scared) when his ex-girlfriend's sister stops by his flower shop. Featuring Florist!Tamlin and Tattoo Artist! Nesta.

For Tamlin Week Day 3: Flower Languages. Click here to read on AO3, or continue reading below!

@tamlinweek

“I have a question for you.”

Tamlin jumped and dropped his shears with an aggressive clank. He was trimming the ends of yesterday’s flowers, his headphones blaring Hozier as he focused on his task. He hadn’t even heard somebody enter his flower shop.

It took a second for him to place where he had seen the modestly-dressed woman before. It was Nesta, one of the three sisters that ran Archeron Tattoos next door. Immediately, Tamlin was on guard. A year prior he had had a disastrous relationship with another sister, Feyre, which had ended so badly he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had set his shop on fire. For months after, he had avoided even glancing at the door to the tattoo parlor. Things had settled down and Feyre even had a girlfriend now, but that didn’t stop her from giving him the stink eye whenever they crossed paths. He had been so busy deliberately not looking over there that he barely knew anything about the other two sisters.

“Um, yes?” he stuttered, aware that he had been staring blankly at her for way too long.

Nesta raised an eyebrow. She didn’t seem like she was here to murder him, but also didn’t seem like she was thrilled to be there. “I need reference photos for a piece I’m doing this weekend and can’t find any online. If you have the flowers here, I’d like to take some pictures.”

Tamlin could have pointed out that she didn’t actually ask him a question, but to be honest, Nesta was intimidating. She was almost as tall as he was and, though he outweighed her slim frame, she seemed like the kind of person capable of getting what she wanted. Besides, the request wasn’t unreasonable and there was nobody else in the shop right now.

“Sure. What flowers do you need?”

Nesta pulled out her phone and thumbed through it until she found the list. “Yellow hyacinth, foxglove, cowslip, marigold…” She rattled off about a dozen of the weirdest flower requests Tamlin had ever heard. He was used to people requesting orchids and roses, not wolfsbane. There was an awkward pause when she finished talking and was waiting for him to respond.

Tamlin cleared his throat. “I’m sure I have some of those. I’ll be honest, it’s a rather…unusual set of flowers.

“I’m aware. You know about florigraphy, correct?”

“Yeah. Flower languages.” As a florist, Tamlin had come to know the most common flowers used to convey meaning. Red roses for true love, white tulips for remembrance, etc.

“Exactly. My client just got out of a shitty relationship, and she wants a huge floral sleeve celebrating that. And instead of using flowers that represent love and peace and all that crap, she wants flowers that say ‘fuck you.’ Turning those negative experiences into something positive.”

Tamlin had never thought to use flowers to convey anger or spite, but he could see the appeal. He was certainly well versed in bad break ups. He led Nesta around the shop, pulling out the flowers from her list that he did have in stock. To his surprise, she asked for his opinion. They talked through each flower, Nesta taking pictures of them from every angle while Tamlin Googled its meaning. Nesta was extremely meticulous. She lined up the flowers next to each other, studying their color and shape against each other to make sure they’d make an aesthetically pleasing art piece. Many of the flowers with negative connotations were yellow, which she said didn’t tattoo as well. They finally settled on black dahlia (betrayal), narcissus (selfishness), and columbine (folly).

“I think I’ll frame them like this,” Nesta mused, placing the individual flowers on the table in an artful array. “With the praying mantis in the middle.”

“Why a praying mantis?”

“You know, that whole thing where the females rip off the males’ heads after they mate.” Nesta gave a devilish grin. “Very empowering.”

“That’s not true.”

The easy-going atmosphere that had developed between them collapsed. Nesta scowled. “What?”

Tamlin, who by now was wishing he had ever learned when to shut the fuck up, stammered, “It’s a myth, that praying mantises do that. A very common one, lots of people believe it!”

Apparently, his nervous explanation was pathetic enough to convince Nesta that he wasn’t trying to talk down to her. She tilted her head, appraising him with cool gray eyes, wordlessly waiting for him to continue.

“Well, um, the study where the females eat the males was done in a lab, and they were starving and stressed out. Afterwards, they were observed mating in the wild, and it doesn’t really happen.”

“So you’re telling me a bunch of people had to go out and watch bugs have sex?” Nesta asked in a deadpan voice.

“I guess? I don’t actually know all the details. It can’t be as weird as I’m making it sound, but—”

“Relax, I’m kidding,” Nesta grinned at his obvious discomfort. Tamlin noticed she had a dimple in her left cheek.

“Oh.” Although she didn’t seem like she was going to bite his head off anymore, Tamlin scrambled to find something to recover the conversation that he had derailed. “You could do a spider. For a lot of them, the females are way bigger and more powerful than the males. And the males have to bring them presents to avoid getting eaten.”

“Mhmm, I like that. Thanks.” Nesta paused in the doorway. “You know, you’re not as much of an asshole as I had thought.”

“Thank you?” There was barely enough time to comprehend what she had said, then she was gone.

Tamlin spent the rest of the day thinking about her. And Feyre. He had assumed that Feyre had told her sisters plenty of stories about how terrible he had been. Some of them would even have been true. He had spent the past year trying to forget one Archeron, only to fall headfirst into another. It was so stupid. They had talked for twenty minutes about flowers and she had smiled at him. Still, every time he entered or left his flower shop, he couldn’t help but glance in the doorway of the tattoo parlor, hoping for a glimpse of Nesta.

***********************************

That weekend, he was closing up the shop when he heard a knock on the door. He had already locked it and was busy sweeping, and he approached the door ready to politely tell the overeager flower buyer to fuck off. His irritation transformed into elation when he caught sight of Nesta through the glass. He hurried to unlock the door and usher the tattoo artist inside, along with the petite red-headed woman that accompanied her.

“Hey, hope you don’t mind us barging in,” Nesta said. Before Tamlin could say that she could barge wherever and whenever she wanted, she nodded towards the other woman. “This is Gwyn. I just finished up her sleeve. I told her how you helped me, and she wanted to come by and thank you in person. And show you the final piece.”

Gwyn was wearing a tank top, and one of her arms was a riot of color. Tamlin couldn’t see the details of the new tattoo under the saran wrap that currently covered it.

“Oh. Of course, you didn’t have to do that. I’m happy to help,” Tamlin replied, flustered. Gwyn was staring at him with big blue eyes. They were a little puffy, as if she had been crying, which Tamlin assumed was the result of getting a tattoo for hours upon hours. She was grinning though, clearly pleased with the completed work.

“Well, thank you still. I really appreciate it. Especially the bug info. I would have been so embarrassed to find out the mantis stuff after I had already gotten the tattoo.” She stepped forward and held out her arm. “Do you want to see it?”

“Sure, I’d love to.” Gwyn pinched the edge of the saran wrap between her fingers and peeled it off. The surface of the tattoo glistened with ointment, but it was still breathtaking. The flowers that he had Nesta had picked out absolutely glowed, bright bursts of red and purple and yellow and green against Gwyn’s pale skin. In the middle of the flowers was a black widow spider, glossy black with the distinctive red hourglass on her abdomen. It was an absolutely stunning piece of artwork.

“Wow,” Tamlin breathed. “It’s incredible.” He lightly touched Gwyn’s wrist to tilt her arm so he could see more of the tattoo, then realized what he had done. “Oh shit!” He jerked his hand away. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have touched you without asking.”

Rather than being annoyed, Gwyn was blushing furiously. “It’s okay, you can touch.” Nesta snorted, and Gwyn shot her a look that Tamlin couldn’t interpret. “Just not on the ink. It still hurts.”

“I bet.” With his fingertips, he rotated Gwyn’s arm back and forth, taking in every little detail. “Amazing. Just amazing.” He let her arm go. “That guy doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“Yeah, fuck him.” Nesta slung one arm around Gwyn’s shoulders, careful to avoid the new tattoo. “You should totally have gotten to kill and eat him.”

Gwyn giggled. “No argument here. I should get going, my roommate is probably out front waiting to pick me up. She waved bashfully at Tamlin. “Bye, it was nice to meet you. And thank you again for all the help.” With that, she slipped out the door. Nesta watched her leave with an amused smirk. It felt like there was an inside joke that Tamlin was missing out on.

“What are you laughing about?” he asked, feeling bold.

“Nothing. Just that you’re challenging Gwyn’s new resolution to swear off men forever.”

“What? Me?”

“Yes, you. Being all cute and respectful like a Victorian gentleman.”

Now Tamlin was the one blushing, his ears were practically on fire. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“And the little wrist touch. I’m surprised she didn’t swoon directly into your arms.” Nesta grabbed Tamlin’s hand in a mock imitation of his own interaction with Gwyn. She was rougher than he had been, jerking him forward into her. She had missed his wrist and instead had her hand wrapped around his palm, a mistake he was grateful for, since hopefully she couldn’t feel his blood pounding.

“I didn’t…I wasn’t…” Tamlin’s head was a buzz of static. He couldn’t even breathe with Nesta right there. She was so pretty and so terrifying, which apparently was exactly what he found attractive.

“Relax, I’m messing with you.” She released him and stepped back. “Seriously, you’re a good guy. Stop by next door any time. I promise I’ll tell Feyre not to bite your head off.” With a cheeky wink she left, the bell on the door tinkling faintly behind her.

***********************************

He could do this. He was not going to chicken out, like the last three times he had tried. The cowardly part of his brain was screaming at him to turn back even as he locked the flower shop behind him, but he ignored it. For the first time since his breakup with Feyre, he entered Archeron Tattoos.

All three sisters were there. Feyre, thankfully, was working. She was bent over someone’s ankle, carefully sketching lines with her tattoo gun. There was a brief flash of regret, but nothing more. They were never meant to be, and they were both happier now. Feyre looked up when the door opened and did a double take. She took a few seconds to properly glare at him, then returned her attention back to her client. Tamlin exhaled in relief; a part of him had fully expected her to attack or yell at him.

Elain was behind the counter. She had revved up a formulaic greeting before she realized who he was, and cut herself off mid-sentence. Tamlin gave her a distracted wave, not wanting to get sidetracked. Nesta was in the shop, organizing bottles of colored ink. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

“Hey.”

She looked up, and smiled. “Hey.”

Tamlin looked around, painfully aware that Feyre and Elain could hear everything they said. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”

“Sure.” Nesta led him to the back of the tattoo shop, where they at least had a little more privacy. She turned to him and folded her arms. “What’s up?”

Tamlin had rehearsed the next part a million times. And instead of saying any of that, he pulled a flower out of his pocket and offered it to Nesta. “I brought this for you.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Nesta carefully took the flower, which now had a crumpled stem and smashed leaves.

“It’s a pansy,” he explained. His mouth was inexplicably dry and his voice sounded weird in his ears. When they had been doing their florigraphy research together, they had run across the pansy on multiple sites with multiple meanings. One meaning had stuck out to him, and he hoped that Nesta had remembered it as well.

“You occupy my thoughts,” she murmured. She smiled that dimple smile that left Tamlin weak in the knees. “You’re cute.”

“Oh good, you remembered,” was all that came out of his mouth.

“I did.” She laughed and tucked the pansy behind her ear. “Tamlin, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

“Yes. Yes. Definitely.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up at six.” She lifted herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips, then darted past him. Tamlin stood there, stunned, waiting to wake up.

On his way out the door, he stopped. “Bye, Feyre,” he said loudly.

“If you hurt her, I’ll kill you. Asshole,” she said in reply.

It wasn’t great. But it was a start.

[magicxc]

Toxic Traits

Pairings: Survey Corps x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1280

Warnings: none

A/N: I love a lil toxicity lol. This is the variety I was talking about earlier. From the mundane to the sexy and even the toxic. Everyone has their flaws, now let's explore what I think theirs is in a relationship. Tell me which trait you think matches their character the best. 

Its as the name suggests - toxic. No physical abuse or sexual deviance of the sort, but do proceed with caution or not at all if toxic-type themes aren’t your cup of tea.

Lastly, do note that I have a habit of modernizing these characters while keeping their stories true at its core lol. So if you see me mention trauma from titans and a range rover in the same sentence, just mind ya business.

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren - Jealous

You never knew what kind of day you were gonna get with Eren. Sometimes it’d be the best day ever and other times it’d be the worst. You make eye contact with some random man for a second too long? Clearly you want him. You’re paying for something and the hand of the cashier slides against yours during the transaction? Thats basically cheating because now you’ve hand fucked a stranger. You give a full frontal hug and not the, more appropriate, side hug to one of your male friends? You two must be fucking each other. As intense as Eren can be, you found that the pendulum swung both ways. He’d get down on his knees and worship the rain for nourishing the grass that you walked on should you ask for it, so it was hard to walk away when he got into his little fits. It was like a see-saw of emotions being in this relationship, the highs feeling ethereal and the lows leaving you distraught. You often wondered why you allowed Eren to get away with such behavior.

Levi - Possessive

It was like a double edged sword with this man. He was all for showing you off until someone's eyes wandered just a little too long, now he’s shoving his tongue to the deepest parts of your throat until they get the message. One time Connie complimented the shirt you were wearing which happened to be a low cut and exposed your chest; and Levi’s immediate response was to litter your skin in love bites. Anything to get the message across and let others know that you were a claimed woman. Cause Levi isn’t too much for the long talking and he would hate to see push come to shove for whichever poor bastard couldn't get the message. While you adored how much he loved you, being with him definitely got a little exhausting from time to time.

Erwin - Controlling

He’s a commander so he’s used to people following his orders without question. And while he isn’t always unreasonable, Erwin does expect you to take into consideration his every suggestion, and by consideration, he means do it. It can be as simple as styling your hair, cooking a certain meal, or saving your more risqué outfits for when he accompanies you. Though he phrases his demands politely you can't help but feel a little confused after every encounter; wondering how he’d talk you down on something you were so headstrong about. Thankfully he didn't ask for such outrageous requests, and you’ve since learned not to question it; for the last time you found yourself with a sore ass.

Connie - Petty/Blackmail 

Slippery slope this one. Pissed him off? Well now he’s taking the things you didnt realise were gone until you needed them. Shoelaces out of all the shoes, backs to your earrings, lightbulbs from each room. Not in the mood for sex? He may as well go get it elsewhere. You finally build up the courage to walk away from him. Well now your boss is about to find out exactly what that mouth do. Connie himself is unsure if he’d ever follow through with his more extreme threats since it always works out in the end. I guess it’s really only one way to find out and thankfully you’ve never been stupid enough to try it.

Jean - Obsessive

Jean doesn’t have a whole lotta chances at true love lowkey. First real crush paid him dust. His bestie died during training. And his other bestie died during a mission. Considering he’s one of the few people with the least traumatic childhood, I think he loses his shit at the idea of letting love slip away, because everyone somehow always ends up leaving him. Therefore he needs to know your every move, your daily routines, hours spent on a typical girls night out, mileage it takes to make sure that you’re going exactly where you said you were. You couldn’t sneeze without running it past Jean first. But life sure is easier now that he’s got a tracker on both your phone and car. It would raise the tension if you were to find out, he thinks, but what could you do about it really? 

Onyankopon - Arrogance. 

Mans can literally never be wrong and it’s super frustrating. It's like talking to a brick wall. He’s entertaining some girl who’s clearly flirting with him and suddenly you don’t know the meaning of friendship. You wanted pasta for dinner? Well he’s cooking soup because it’s heartier. You’re in the middle of an argument yet he’s only focusing on the minor details that are wrong in the story as opposed to the bigger picture overall. But it’s okay, cause he doesn’t mind working through these little hiccups with you. After all, where else would you go? Who else would love on you the way he does? Put up with your constant nagging? Only he would.

Reiner - Yandere

Not only was he never supposed to find love, but the idea of him finally finding it and almost losing it? Let's just say it doesn’t end too well for your dating prospects; and after a while Reiner makes it clear that it can end just as bad for you. Reiner is a sweetie pie and a devout lover when things are going great. But sometimes he gets to be a bit overbearing, and what was supposed to be a break between the both of you turned into him breaking some bones. The same ones that your friend dared try to comfort you with. Since then, the relationship has been as steady as it can be and you’ve been getting nothing but queen treatment, but at what cost?!

Armin - Dishonesty/Isolation Not a trait that raises too many red flags, until it does. Armin loves being around you. He considers you his best friend and has no qualms about you both spending literally 24/7 wrapped in each other’s arms. Though your friends were happy for you guys at first, it did raise a few eyebrows down the line. You both had gone from sharing similar interests to sharing an identical lifestyle. The same job, the same apartment, and the same friends all seemed to merge into one. But how could Armin help it when you were…well you. So what if a few phone calls from your homegirls to hang out went ignored or a few check in text messages from your family got deleted? Armin would claim to never know, see, or hear such a thing; and it’s usually the story he stuck to. But should you ever question him further, he’d find a way to put your mouth to better use, dick stuffed so far back until you forgot what had you so upset with him in the first place.

Floch - Manipulation 

Any time you get mad at him, he becomes the king of gaslightery. Floch went all day without sending so much as a text message? Well he worked a double to put food on the table. Valentine's day passed and he didn't get you any flowers? He doesn’t need a holiday to show you how much he loves you. You want to wait a while before tying the knot? Now you're using him for all he's got and wasting his time. Very rarely did Floch get nasty in his insults or the manner in which he manipulated you. In fact, they were always followed by a soft voice, gentle touches, and a redeeming act. So how could you stay mad at him when he was truly trying his best to build a great lifestyle for you both. 

[invertedfate]

Welp, id like to think at how canon can undertale yellow be towards if, and its honestly, rather plausible?

The events of undertale yellow takes place because of floweys action, which we know wouldnt happen since flowey woken up recently. So clover wouldve taken the normal og undertale route, learned about the fate of the humans, and probably be as aggressive as he was towards monsters like he was to Asgore.

The hard question is how scientific elements like the Steamworks and Axis would take place in IFs world, since a lot of science stuff in IF canon relates to Gaster, Sans and Undyne.

I think it would be a nice approach, at least to marvel at the concepts, what do you think?

The thing is, the yellow souled human is someone else entirely, who fell many, many decades before the DT experiments even happened. Clover in UTY fell only a year before UT, which already doesn't mesh with how IF interprets UT even in the old timeline. There are a lot of other places where they just don't gel, though. Steamworks wouldn't exist, and Chujin wouldn't be a boss monster because IF treats Boss Monsters strictly as the species the Dreemurrs are. This means that even if he existed, he and Kanako would just be ordinary monsters. A big problem, I think, is that IF runs on the assumption that no qualified adults stepped up during the brief window where Sans insisted he pick up where Gaster left off. If someone like Chujin existed, it begs the question of why he wasn't appointed to a scientific position with Toriel worrying about these young people (e.g. Sans and Undyne) taking on so much responsibility. In IF, they took those positions because they showed skills that were extremely uncommon in the Underground. Sans knew Gaster's work, which he only shared with the Mage otherwise (and the Mage was dead), so he was able to use that as leverage, whereas Undyne by the point she got appointed was legally an adult and built the holosky. So you kinda gotta ask, "Why wouldn't Chujin be appointed in at least an assisting capacity?" While it's not unreasonable for places like the Dunes and Honeydew Resort to exist, other aspects of UTY like the war only being decades ago rather than centuries and the super compressed timeline make it really hard to reconcile in the world of IF. Ultimately, I just don't think UTY and Inverted Fate really mesh together because even in IF's old timeline, the way I interpret the UT lore just doesn't mesh with how UTY interprets it. That's not a knock on Undertale Yellow, but more a demonstration of how it doesn't really fit as a universal prequel.

[dullgecko]

What do the bad kids get each other on birthdays

Adaine all ways gets people some variation of baked good enchanted to not go stale since it’s all ways a truly unreasonable amount.

Riz is a bit of a wild card but whatever it is it’s always extremely personalised and a great gift.

Gorgug will get them something home made akin to the tin flower he gave Fabian but with a slight bit more artificer work added to it

Kristen is like Riz in the fact she’s a wildcard however the gift if truly random one year it was a bunch of tie dye the next it was a gym membership so they could work out together. The rest of the kids and even parents have a bet before a birthday to see who can get the closest to what it is.

Fabian always goes all out on gifts he’s rich and he enjoys spending it on his friends. It often a bunch of small trinkets or a couple really expensive items like a new fancy drum set for Gorgug one year.

Fig try’s and often succeeds to write a song in the person’s favourite genre and it’s always a hit (she has like +20 in performance or something)

Adaine is great at baking and loves sharing the things she makes with he friends. She's the one that bakes and decorates their birthday cakes and they're always amazing. All of the bad kids have a favorite kind, but all of them enjoy her cheesecakes the most. As for their actual gifts, its usually something that is small enough to snack on over multiple days like cookies or mini muffins. Fabian insists she is trying to ruin his figure.

Riz is the kind of person who will notice you looking at something in a store a little too long and will make a note of it. He has lists of things he could get people for their birthdays. Narrowing it down is always the hard part, and making sure that no one else has purchased it for them, or that they dont already have it themselves. A good chunk of his money from his detective work goes towards his friends and family in this way. People are usually a bit confused as to how he knew they wanted the gift, but then they remember his perception is through the roof.

Gorgugs gifts are beautiful and hand made, like little jewelery boxes or bags or hairpins. They're all very thoughtful and he's careful to test them before giving them to anyone in case the artificer tweaks he made to them malfunction.

Kristen sees something she thinks someone will like and buys it without a second thought (she has a 100% hit accuracy on this). She's usually the person who's panic buying the gift the morning of though, because she totally forgets the dates. If she's given a couple days heads up though the gifts are usually pretty thoughtful if not a bit random.

Fabian is amazing at buying people gifts. They're often very personalised, thoughtful and money is not an issue. He doesnt like handing them directly to people though, and will usually leave them where he knows the person will find them later when he's not in the room (he does at least sign the attached card these days though, after his first gift to his friends made him seem like a weird stalker).

Figs songs are always a huge hit with her friends, and they've come to expect them now. Riz cannot handle the attention though and will usually be hidden nearby to listen to the first performance on his birthdays rather than standing where people can see him.

[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

Juliette, the Girlboss Trope, and Structural Change

From what I’ve observed, stories with “girlboss” protagonists tend to be less likely to critique existing power structures and end up focusing more on slightly tweaking surface level aspects of them to allow the protagonist to prove themselves within the context of the existing system. To me, this is extremely interesting within the context of These Violent Delights because Juliette is arguably initially set up to fulfill this archetype. Because she is a girl, her claim to the status of heir is questioned by those around her more than it would be otherwise. She feels more pressure to be ruthless and to do whatever she can to earn the respect of those around her. Toward the very beginning of These Violent Delights, she threatens to kill Tyler when he attempts to upstage her, saying that she will kill him before she lets him take her heirdom away from her. Without knowing that These Violent Delights is a Romeo and Juliet retelling, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Juliette to become the leader of the Scarlet Gang and somehow fix things from the inside at the end. She is well set up to be the Strong Female Protagonist ™ who takes what is owed to her and is hardened and kickass and ruthless and doesn’t let interfering men get in her way. 

But importantly, regardless of how much Juliette initially knows it, this is a facade. The image of the hardened ruthless heir may be one that Juliette encourages, but it is a heavily distorted reflection of who she truly is. Because at her very core, though she was raised to be the heir of the Scarlet Gang and therefore should be the literal personification of the continuation of the blood feud, that is not who Juliette is. Throughout the duology, her main motivation is protecting those she loves. At first, she believes that she can do this by working within the existing system. She tries to legitimize herself as heir within the existing power structure of the Scarlet Gang. However, the Scarlet Gang Juliette is set to inherit is one built upon a foundation of fractures that legitimizes its existence through the perpetuation of the blood feud to the extent that to solve the blood feud, or even seek to calm it, would be a violation of its very nature. The Scarlet Gang could never accept a leader that sought to do this, nor could the White Flowers, who equally rely on the blood feud as a source of power, accept the figurehead of their rival gang as an ally. To do so would be a fundamental betrayal of the nature of these two groups. Thus, Juliette must choose between legitimizing her position as heir, bringing more suffering upon the people and city she loves in the process, and giving up her position as heir and forfeiting her power. 

But if Juliette forfeits her power, who does she forfeit her power to? After all, if she merely walks away, the blood feud will still exist. The refusal of one person to fall in line cannot topple an entire system. The answer comes back to Tyler who, unlike Juliette, truly is meant to represent the continuation of the blood feud. He feels the need for vengeance and hatred at his core, and is constantly suspicious of Juliette, recognizing her lack of loyalty though it is incomprehensible to him. Ultimately, there was never room enough for both of them. When Juliette threatened his life in These Violent Delights, she did so out of fear of him usurping her place. Little did she know, he already had. In representing the longevity of the blood feud, Tyler, not Juliette represents the longevity of the Scarlet Gang. While she was the heir in name, he embodied the very lifeforce of the gang. In a way, he almost represents the Juliette that could have been. And that is precisely why Juliette had to kill him.

Though Tyler’s death is foreshadowed by Juliette’s initial threat in the first book, when she shoots him in Our Violent Ends, it is not the callous, unfeeling kill of an heir pushing aside the final obstacle before claiming their rightful place at the top. Instead, it is Juliette’s final severance from the vicious cycle of the blood feud and the illusion of her status as heir. She recognizes that the power she would wield as the future leader, or even the true heir, of the Scarlet Gang stakes its legitimacy in the continuation of the blood feud, and therefore, she would lose legitimacy as a leader if she were to act against the blood feud. This is further demonstrated when Lord Cai tells her that she can choose between dying a White Flower and being heir following his discovery of her relationship with Roma, representing her direct defiance of the blood feud, and her murder of Tyler, representing her sabotage of the longevity of the blood feud and her rejection of her status as heir.

By this point, Juliette has established that she cannot live as a part of the blood feud. She put a bullet through its heart, firing on her own kin to do so. Because the blood feud has no future, she can no longer pretend to occupy the role of heir. But at the same time, in killing Tyler, she has rejected her place within the blood feud. She cannot die a Scarlet, and she cannot die a White Flower because she refuses to be either. In the end, it is not her and Roma’s apparent deaths that aid the end of the blood feud. Instead, it is their rejection of its perpetuation through their rejection of their statuses as heirs. Their continued survival after their apparent death and the birth of their daughter stands in direct defiance to the division brought on by the blood feud. Though, as is further explored in Foul Lady Fortune, this division is still very present, Roma and Juliette’s continued survival both acknowledges that the kind of change required cannot be brought about by the efforts of one titular protagonist, no matter how world ending their sacrifice, and gives hope for a better future. Unlike the girlboss protagonist, Juliette rejects the status quo and achieves her goals by rejecting power. Instead of seeking to be the figurehead of change, which would also be extremely ahistorical, she does her part and steps back, acknowledging that as a singular person, she does not and should not have the power to fix everything. In the end, she watches from the outskirts of Shanghai, and though she is doomed to forfeit her place within her home to protect the people she loves, she is safe enough to live with her husband and raise her daughter and use her remaining connections to do what she can. Because in the end, one person cannot fix everything, no matter how powerful they are. And the spark of hope represented by Juliette and Roma’s continued survival and the birth of their daughter as well as the protection offered by their weapons ring is enough. 

[elftwink]

got a text from my coworker apologizing that she accidentally outed me to another coworker and i am not sure how to respond because on the one hand theres not really a safety issue and if there is fallout im pretty sure its handlable and the most likely outcome is literally nothing happens. like one of our other coworkers is openly nonbinary so this is not a stealth-necessary work environment and i have often considered coming out to coworkers with the main reason i havent being because i dont want to put the effort in to talk to everyone LOL. and the coworker who outed me is a pretty good friend and i know it was an accident and she feels bad so like i dont really want her to beat herself up about it or for it to reflect badly on our relationship

but on the other hand im not sure how to convey that without saying something like "no worries" or "you're fine" or otherwise minimizing what she did, which i dont want to do because despite there not being a safety issue it is kind of upsetting and nerve wracking. like i just dont have control over a situation where i previously did have control & there isnt a way to put that back the way it was. and i don't know exactly what our other coworker has been told either, or how he reacted, or anything really, so i just sort of have to wait until sunday to see if he says anything or treats me differently (the latter of which i think is extremely likely; not that he'll be directly bigoted, but ive talked to this coworker about trans stuff before and the conversations have been... ill informed and very exhausting. usually i just try to end them as fast as possible because i dont get paid enough to have a difficult conversation with someone who knows nothing but thinks they are an expert, especially when i am the only one of us with any personal experience).

she already feels bad and i dont want to make her feel worse (she's my friend!), but i also don't like being put in the position where i have to comfort her about the thing that she did to me. i know this isn't what she intended like i firmly believe this is a good faith apology, i just dont know how to respond to it in a way that doesn't involve saying it's okay. and i don't want to say it's okay because it really is not okay.

(the other thing also, which just has to do with the general atmosphere of transphobia and not my coworkers apology, is i find that i am usually expected to say everythings fine when something transphobic happens to me, lest i be painted as the evil and unreasonable transgendered who isnt willing to let people make mistakes and rules my tyrannical pronoun kingdom with an iron fist. or whatever. i dont think my coworker would react this way, but years and years of people misgendering/outing/saying transphobic things and then crying to me as though they're the victim and reacting extremely negatively if i did not dry their tears and reassure them that They're A Good Person, Really... it weighs on you. there's an unspoken expectation that you will be endlessly tolerant and forgiving, and an accompanying resentment or anger if you don't fulfill that expectation. even when people aren't getting angry at you, you still flinch from the times people were, and you still try to temper your reaction based on the possibility they will react badly. difficult to have honest and genuine conversations in that environment!)

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 25

First thing in the morning, I walked over to the Shield headquarters, determined to get some answers. Outside, children played in the heatwave, laughing and splashing through sprinklers to cool off. I had thought London was famous for its rainy weather, but this summer was proving brutal. A little girl with pigtails saw me watching and offered a toothy grin. The sight stirred something deep inside me—a pang of loss for a child I never knew I wanted.

Maybe it was just my emotions clouding my judgment, but she resembled Bucky in a way—the same brown hair and strikingly blue eyes. I waved at her as her parents guided her into the ice cream parlor beside the road. I stood there, frozen in my thoughts, until a boy on a bike rang his bell and jolted me back to reality. I couldn’t afford to be distracted. I needed to stay focused for what lay ahead.

I stepped into the lobby of Shield headquarters and approached the receptionist. “I need to see Peggy Carter,” I said, hoping she was aware of my situation. The receptionist nodded and led me to Peggy’s desk, where I took a seat. She would be back shortly, I was told. I sat in the same chair where I had broken down weeks earlier, though it felt like a lifetime ago.

A few minutes later, Peggy arrived with a warm smile that quickly faltered when she saw me. “Did you know? About my pregnancy?” I asked bluntly. Her face told me everything I needed to know.

“I found out just three days before you did,” she said, her voice sincere. “I would have told you if I’d known before the serum.” Her apology seemed genuine, but I was still seething. “You mean before Shield took away my baby?” I snapped.

Peggy took the seat next to me, her expression softening. “I’m deeply sorry you had that choice taken from you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Her sympathy was real, and for a moment, I felt understood.

“If you need someone to talk to, I’m here,” she offered gently. “I know you have the commandos, but sometimes men can be... well, a bit dense.” She gave a weak smile. I nodded, though I wasn’t here for a therapy session. “There’s something else,” I began. “Since I got the serum, I’ve been experiencing this condition where I fall into a kind of frenzy when someone I care about is in danger. It’s like I’m driven to protect them, no matter how extreme or unreasonable the measures might be. Has Dr. Erskine mentioned anything about this?”

Peggy took a moment to consider her response. “Dr. Erskine’s theory was that the serum amplifies what’s already inside us. Take Steve, for example—he’s a good man, and the serum made him even greater. Schmidt, on the other hand... well, you see where I’m going with this?” I was confused for a moment. Was I so inherently flawed that the serum brought out buried emotions?

“From what Steve and the others have told me, you seem to be a fiercely loyal person,” Peggy continued. “Perhaps the serum is amplifying your innate desire to protect those you love, no matter what it takes.” Her explanation made sense but also complicated things. I had to find a way to control these outbursts if I wanted to be a reliable member of the team.

I thanked Peggy and was about to leave when she called out to me. She looked hesitant, as if she wanted to ask something but wasn’t sure how. “It wasn’t Steve’s child, was it?” she asked softly, a hint of worry in her eyes. I understood why she was asking; she had seen the way Steve and I were together. She must have noticed the stolen glances, the way he held my hand, the closeness we shared. But she didn’t know about the lies, the betrayal, or how it all fell apart. I looked down, feeling ashamed and mourning what could have been. “No, it wasn’t his,” I said, and walked out without looking back.

The following weeks were spent mostly alone in my hotel room. The commandos were out on missions, taking down Hydra bases, and I felt useless. At least they let me tend to their wounds when they returned. As always, I anxiously awaited their arrival, and when I heard the familiar commotion downstairs, I rushed out of the makeshift infirmary I had set up. I went through the faces of the commandos, making sure everyone was accounted for before allowing myself to breathe a sigh of relief.

Falsworth was the first to spot me at the top of the stairs. “Good to see you, love. I think I’ve broken a few ribs that need the attention of the best nurse in town,” he said with a grin. Dum Dum Dougan laughed. “I think it’s just your bruised ego because I saved your ass.”

I ignored their banter and walked over to Steve and Bucky, who seemed to be in the middle of a heated argument. “You either let her join us on the next mission, or I’m not coming,” Bucky said, his anger palpable. Steve looked exhausted, a clear sign that Bucky had been pushing him for weeks. I touched Bucky’s arm gently. “It’s okay, Buck. Let it go,” I said, glancing at Steve, who looked pained. I noticed a large scratch on his chest. “You’re hurt, Steve. Let me take care of that.” I took his arm and guided him to the infirmary.

Steve hesitated. “It’s fine. It’ll heal on its own.”

“That could take hours. Don’t be ridiculous,” Bucky interjected.

Steve followed me reluctantly and sat on the cot in the center of the small room. I had everything I needed for first aid: two cots, a privacy screen, and a few supplies. He had already removed his suit and wore a cream-colored shirt, now stained with blood. “Can you take the shirt off?” I asked quietly. He complied without meeting my eyes.

I took a cotton pad soaked in disinfectant and began to clean his wound. His breath brushed against my face, and I focused on my task, trying not to look up. I almost missed the whisper, “I miss you.” My heart ached as I looked into his eyes, seeing the heartbreak there. He took my hand and pressed it to his lips, kissing it gently.

“I missed you too,” I murmured, our faces so close that our breaths mingled. The moment seemed to stretch on endlessly. I didn’t want to hurt him again, but my body ached for him. Steve closed the distance between us and kissed me, pulling me close by the hips. It was a slow, tender kiss full of hope. I lost myself in it until I noticed the pain on his face. I realized that we were so close together that I had pressed against his injury, and his blood stained my shirt.

He pulled back, apologizing. “I’m sorry... for the blood. I got carried away.”

“It’s alright. Let me finish treating you,” I said softly, and I completed the bandaging in silence.

When I was done, Steve looked at me with a searching gaze, but found nothing. I stared at my shoes, feeling vulnerable and conflicted. I didn’t want to toy with his emotions or give him false hope. Steve leaned in and kissed my forehead before heading to the door. He turned around one last time. “I’m not sorry for kissing you,” he said, and then he left.

Next Chapter

[tubbypeddle]

hihi, could i get a matchup for percy jackson? thank you!

despite my age, i’m rather short at 5’1, with tanned skin and dark hair. my hair is also cut short at just above my shoulders. i present as female, and often use makeup such as eyeliner.

my fashion preferences skew toward the goth side— black, skirts, gloves, the like. metallic accessories are a major piece in my outfits, and i enjoy giving fashion advice when my friends ask for it.

my label on my sexuality is…weird. i don’t particularly mind my partner’s gender, but i find that I only feel attraction toward people who like me first, if that makes sense. i don’t know if there’s a specific label, but i do find it odd.

now, personality…it’s all over the place, matching whoever i am with. when i’m alone and with people i don’t know, i essentially don’t speak, just watching others awkwardly before i’m invited to the conversation. a lot of people have called me ‘weird’ in the past, but i don’t mind it anymore. anything can steal my attention away, and i find myself watching the most mundane things. even an ant on the wall can distract me from my work.

work, work…ugh. i view myself as a somewhat lazy person if I’m uninterested in the task, though it may just be my ADHD. while i do take advanced classes in my schooling, anything that doesn’t immediately pique my interest is a hard no.

one of my hobbies is collecting, with cards being my main focus. pretty rocks and crystals are also enjoyed, though they’re mainly to be admired and put on a shelf. other things I’ve picked up are extremely old coins, pretty stained glass, and shells. i get extremely excited upon receiving any, to a near unreasonable extent. this maybe be a problem with my disorganization…

fears…another stupid thing. i can take collapsing in the middle of summer and walking the halls late at night, but any criticism from my parents has me shutting down and on the verge of tears. they aren’t even particularly mean, but i’m particularly sensitive to their words. my second, more mild fear are insects— spiders. i’ve been trying to use ‘exposure therapy’ on myself by getting close to them and poking the web, but it doesn’t feel like a good decision.

with how successful i can be in academics, it’s laughable how unathletic i am. i do run and get an average amount of exercise, but any heavy lifting has me struggling. those close to me in life have previously expressed concern over me being slightly underweight, but it doesn’t bother me too much. i can get up on my two feet and any pity towards me is absolute infuriating. guns seem to be more fun as a weapon, anyway.

I have a hard time expressing my affections outside of quality time and just…talking. gift-giving is also easier for me, just wrapping up a nice little crystal or other trinket to give feels nice, and easier than putting my emotions into words. in private, i can get all over a significant other— hugging, cuddling, any physical contact can help me express my feelings.

Hello!! Another PJO matchup request!!

(You’re an Athena kid, aren’t you? /lh)

I love these, they’re so cute and instill me with so much nostalgia. Mostly because i read the books rather than watched the series. (I started it, but its really hard for me to retain attention LOL)

Anywho! Let’s get into this!

You’ve been a camper at Camp Half-Blood for years, and still, it was difficult for you to feel comfortable around anybody. Even the people who were supposed to be your brothers and sisters.

Not until it was one day when three newbies arrived to camp.

He talks enough for the both of you.

Leo Valdez

As soon as he meets you, he claims it’s love at first sight. (Though, he’s a little girl crazy, he claims every girl who looks at him first is love at first sight)

He thinks you’re so pretty, and so sweet and quiet. (At first). He attaches himself to you immediately. With Drew attaching herself to Jason, and Annabeth to Piper, he feels a little left out. Even though Will was assigned to be his little tour guide, he asked that you accompany them.

After that, he kind of just hangs around you a lot.

At least, as much as he can before his quest with Jason and Piper.

After that quest is over, he clings to you like a lost puppy. He claims it’s because Piper and Jason’s lovey doveyness was sickening. That he needed to have someone like that, too.

Before either of you really get together, he’s got that dorky kind of crush on you.

You know, the one. The cute one.

He learns all of your favorite things, and learns them so he can do them with you. He really wants to show off, but he’s maybe not so good at it.

He collects little rocks and trinkets for you. He’ll find whatever cards you’re into and gift them to you, “free of charge” he says. He really just like seeing you light up like the sun every time he finds one you don’t have yet. (It’s really hard, but he’s trying.)

He’s surprised to find that the two of you are a lot more similar than he expected. The ADHD, and the RSD, and the talking a mile a minute. As soon as you trust him enough to start yapping, it’s all the two of you ever do. There’s rarely a moment where the two of you are alone.

Your feelings for him feel like they come out of nowhere. Perhaps it was when he gifted you his first card. Or maybe when he broke cabin rules to sit by you during meal times. Or, perhaps, it was when he came back from his quest to save Hera, and he was immediately looking for you. He ignored the on-field medics, he ignored Piper and Jason asking him where he was going.

He was immediately going to your cabin to give you a big hug.

If you ask him to be your boyfriend (because you might have to, he’s terrified of rejection, but he’s made it wildly clear that he’s madly in love with you) I promise he’s the most fun, and the dorkiest boyfriend you’ll ever have.

He’s attentive without meaning to be. He notices things you like, and even enjoys learning abut them just so he’ll have more of an excuse to talk to you. (As I’ve already said, but sh)

He even makes little things for you to collect, it’s become a tradition between the two of you. He makes small little things for you to admire and put on your shelves. Or even little things that might make your life easier. A card finder or something. A spider killer. I dunno. He just likes making you things, and likes seeing you using them or even displaying them next to your bunk in your cabin.

He loves the presents you give him, too! Trust that he keeps them in his infinite tool belt at all times. He loves having your gifts on him at all times.

One of your date nights (sneaking out of your cabins at night and meeting at the mess hall) was just making each other charm bracelets. He wears it always. If it keeps getting caught on things as he’s tinkering, he wears it on a chain around his neck that he keeps tucked into his shirt and out of the way.

He also loves holding you, and adores that you can do the same with him. He’s all for hugs and cuddles. He loves it, he just loves it.

Holding your hand while going around camp, sneaking kisses during Campfire. He adores sitting behind you at Campfire so he can just drape himself over you.

A touchy little feller, he is.

ALSO ALSO

He absolutely adores your fashion. He likes anything you wear, but he’s a big fan of the all black fits you got going on. He’s a big fan of the goth—ness. About you. He likes you a lot, so he likes whatever you’re wearing a lot. Even if the Camp uniform is a hideous orange tee. (He thinks you can pull it off)

Honorary mentions!

Jason Grace

(Obviously, this takes place in a world where he and Piper weren’t together, because I’m assuming you’re not a homewrecker). He lights you up in a different way. He’s softer with you, spoils you in any way you want. Perhaps your personality would change with him, even though I could see you with Leo better than Jason.

Wooo this one came out quicker than I thought it would. ANYWAY. Have fun with this!!!!!

[buggitino]

some headcanons about sebastian solace from the hit game pressure roblox

to start - this may seem unimportant to you guys but its important to me: that ring on his finger is about as serious as the squirrel stapler room (that is, to say, the whole thing is a bit that the devs have included in their silly project and i will be treating it as such) (for selfish reasons, of course, but idc!! i'm having fun with this stupid game that i love and thats all that matters) (update on this: as i'm typing, i'm finding out that zerum is serious about her and sebastian being married which is honestly kinda...) (like sure fine that's cool and all if he were JUST your OC but sebastian has reached a point of publicity where he is more than that. obviously, i think it's rude and terrible and disrespectful to disregard a creators wishes as to how their character is used in fan-made content (this especially goes for NSFW art cause i think its fucked up if people make that sort of content of a character and POST IT after the creator explicitly said not to). at the same time, there are many people on the internet who do not care and will do what they want regardless. i think it'd be fair for her to ask not to have any of it sent to her specifically or posted in the Pressure server that she co-runs where she will obviously see it but she's saying she doesn't want anyone to make that sort of stuff period which is unreasonable and will only serve to hurt her in the long run. i don't know how old zerum is but this is reminiscent of my own (early) internet phases where i would become EXTREMELY attached to a character and refuse to acknowledge that that character existed differently (or at all) to someone else (i don't want to admit it was a sans AU but i really don't think i have a choice). i really hope she gets past this in a healthy way and comes to understand that a character who's been made public the way sebastian has been made public has a very different dynamic than an OC that you're sharing with your friends)

☆ pretty basic and angsty interpretation and im positive most people in the fandom agree with me on this - he doesn't like getting hit with the bright light not only because of the angler fish DNA making his eyes sensitive but also because it reminds him of surgical lights (which is why he has a Take No Shit policy (since the update) for expendables flashing him) (yeah, he has a pretty short fuse already, but he wouldn't deck an expendable for leaving and coming back in once nor would he shoot them for using the keycard on his wares) (so even though its because of the DNA mixing, i like headcanoning theres more to it for funsies)

☆ can and will let the expendables die in his shop because then he doesn't have to leave to collect all the shit they drop (on that note, wags his tail and chuckles when you buy stuff cause he knows it'll ultimately be useless and he'll just get it back)

☆ collects data so he has records of urbanshades bullshittery (so he can prosecute their asses the second he escapes) AND so he can re-discover his own identity (this plays into my headcanon that he's slowly forgetting what he used to look like as well as what his life used to be outside of urbanshades teensy weensy ginormous fuck up facility)

☆ i know this is (basically) canon but i'm solidifying it for myself by calling it here: he's chilean american (and speaks chilean spanish) and i know like i KNOW if his radio was working he'd be blasting Bio Bio or Futuro or Pudahuel 24/7

☆☆ bonus!! he 100% listens to mid 90s - early 2000s emo music now (have you even seen him) (that mf painted his nails pitch black in middle school) (walked out the door listening to Green Day and One Last Wish on his walkman while his mom kissed him goodbye telling him to have a good day at school TRUST) and his favorite chilean genres are nueva trova chilena, folklore, cueca, and punk melodico! (im not entirely familiar with chilean culture and music so if anyone here is chilean and likes Pressure PLEASE chime in i'd love to hear your thoughts)

☆ on the topic of family, he would help his mom cook and clean sometimes when his older sister was out (his dad helps too!!)

☆ twirls/plays with his hair (mostly because he doesn't have anything else to fidget with) (projecting he's self conscious about it cause thats why i play with my hair whoops)

☆ soft spot for teen/young adult expendables that he doesn't have for the older ones (every time he sees an expendable younger than 30, his disgust and rage towards urbanshade grows)

these are all for fun and just my personal opinions/headcanons!! i'll update these eventually (maybe) and i wanna hear what you guys have to say too :D

[eisenartworks]

I've already told some of these before to @gofancyninjaworld in asks I've sent them, but I'll make a post abt some stuff I noticed

Slight differences in Tatsumaki's past

We all already know on just how different and far more unreasonable and I daresay straight up abusive Tatsumaki is in the webcomic, but tbh back then, I wasn't sure what caused it.

For a Doylist explanation, ONE needs Tatsumaki to not be so fatally flawed, bc to be fair, if we put wc Tatsumaki in manga Tatsumaki's situation, SHE WOULD FUCKING DIE. Wc Tatsumaki got lucky, but if she herself were to face Psykorochi and the eventual enemies, that sort of mentality would not give Tatsumaki the help she eventually needed. And not surprisingly, most of the problems the heroes faced in the wc MA arc can be traced back to ding ding ding! Tatsumaki!

For a Watsonian explanation... It took me a reread.

Webcomic Blast is... questionable, to say it generously. He's certainly no ideal hero manga Blast is, and that I do think would surely explain its bleaker world. But it certainly also explains why Tatsumaki is so cruel. Her meeting with Blast was brief, and harsh. He saved her life, but there's not an ounce of kindness there.

but the manga -

... They all lead up to the same advise, but god, look at the difference. Not only does Blast makes sure to let Tatsumaki out, Blast guessing Tatsumaki's reasons allowed her to open up to him, reminding her that she was wanted and needed by someone, he also made sure to give her kindly advise on top of the iconic one: Protect your family.

And to Tatsumaki, I do think that makes all the difference.

The two Saitama's costumes are extremely likely to not be the same

Yeah, I admit this also took a reread, so when I came upon this panel, you must understand I was pretty boggled. That would certainly explain why it looks... Like that. It's a genuinely a cheap costume. Heck, I have a feeling Saitama actually just buys another identical looking but different colored costume whenever he damages his. Maybe that's why whenever ONE colors wc Saitama, the suit color differs. This chapter I'm pretty sure was posted AFTER the The Road to Hero OVA, so I do think the change is intentional.

Manga Saitama on the other hand, has insistently kept going wearing the same costume and continuously repairs it whenever it got damaged or dirtied. There's just not doubt Saitama greatly values his costume, and takes pride in it bc it means he's a hero. Even tried entering it in a hero costume contest once and got its leather waxed. In fact he values it so much that he does subtly bend reality around it in that despite tanking attacks that would disintegrate its normal cloth (or literally any matter tbh), it still somehow gets away with dirt at best and a few rips at worst. It's also why when he lost utter faith in his own heroism, is when the suit gets genuinely destroyed except for the glove holding the core. Why though?

Probably because to some extent, the OVAs are canon. ONE did write some of them, or at least approved of them. This panel certainly helps reinforce that, considering it didn't happen in the manga, but in the anime:

That explains why manga Saitama's suit is a bit more quality and actually has good colors - it was made by someone who cared and believed in Saitama.

Webcomic Saitama's mysterious past

I really enjoyed reading the sidechapters in the manga, esp in the earlier chapters. They're pretty charming, some of it was actually a little sad. We get to know a whole lot more abt the characters and their different sides, Saitama especially, a bit of worldbuilding and a moral lesson here and there. Even some additional buildup/insight to some friendships/relationships. It's pretty interesting to see Saitama's past and see how it parallels some characters, Garou being the? Closest? Most poignant? ONE did intend that they're the antis of each other.

What I didn't realize until rereading the webcomic a few times is that we don't know anything about Saitama. At all.

the webcomic to me seems to operate strictly on the rule: if you never read it in the webcomic, it never happened in the webcomic. Opm has no shortage of mysterious characters. Drive Knight is def the one I first would think of. Webcomic Saitama isn't one I'd expect despite being. Well, literally obvious. We don't know anything about him. He hasn't said a word about his past. it's unimportant to the overall story I guess, but still. It's weird. We actually know a bit more abt wc Drive Knight's past than we do wc Saitama's. wc Saitama and manga Saitama may not even have the same backstory except for encountering Crablante and becoming a hero. If it isn't the same... That would certainly explain why they seem to have a different characteristic despite the fundamentals being the same. manga Saitama overall seems to be kinder, and more empathetic. Heck he's even pretty soft to kids, and the manga makes sure to show that over and over. Wc Saitama has never shown if he's nice or even likes kids.

Webcomic Sweet mask never met Blast. Manga Sweet Mask did.

Webcomic SM has this to say abt Blast:

... But manga SM has this:

how this changes SM, we are yet to know. I had to point this out bc I haven't seen anyone point this out, so I had to make sure.

Thnx for reading I have no idea where I am going w this

[dullard]

Im sorry.

1, 2, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 18, 21, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 36, 38, 39, 42, 43, 44, 49

This is for jurgencrepins I Checked

1. What motivates your character?

Joris: Idealism (often applied rigidly to himself as Not Doing Enough in his own mind, preemptively) and trying to Do Good. Whatever that happens to mean in the moment.

Kerubim: For a long time, it was proving himself through impressing others, but at this point its just that he wants to be comfortable and around his family. Which makes him seem kind of lazy now, lol.

Atcham: Used to be survival and revenge/obsession (sort of). Now it's the want to protect the people important to him.

2. How does the public view them? (Doesn't have to be anything major, it could be classmates, friends, strangers in the park, etc.)

Pre-waven:

Joris: Everyone assumes he is a small child. Every time. He's actually even pretty small to be a child. When he's in a political situation, he's slightly mysterious, and not to be underestimated (mostly because other political actors know hes old as balls)

Kerubim: Friendly and capable shopkeep. Knows something about everything. Most people in his community know him and its partially because of the extremely invasive ads he puts everywhere. Old cat man - If someone were actually interested in beating the crap out of an old man, he'd seem to be a fine target. People who know who he is are a lot more cautious though.

Atcham: I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE he looks different so people treat him with at the very least an arm's distance. No matter what he does people will think hes strange. That said, hes not helping his own case. I think some ecaflips assume he's sick though, if they haven't heard of or met a hairless ecaflip before, since losing your fur is something that happens if you're really ill or unwell.

Waven:

Joris: Similar to his political persona but now much more outward to the average citizen. He's also seen as extremely capable of decision making, at least within Bonta, thanks partially to propaganda. He is the firm hand of the law, fair and just, and a bit private.

Kerubim: He is the caring and wise elements of the current Bontarian government. Tends to be associated with public services like hospitals (imo in waven times bonta's Military Hospital is the closest we get, and eniripsas handle other things the way they used to, but the government funds some amount of clinic-esque action), schools, shelters, and the like. Reads books at the Bontarian orphanage. That kind of thing.

Atcham: That guy that hangs out with the other two guys. Nah I'm jk I think he's kind of. I can't describe this. He ensures success and prosperity of people who are working. If you run a business like a fruit stand or a clothes shop in waven-era bonta, you likely like him and hes the one that smooths out supply chains.

8. What are some internal obstacles that your character has to overcome?

Joris: Extremely critical of himself, self loathing for intangible thought crimes, self loathing for tangible realcrimes, self loathing for things out of his control at times, holding himself to absurd standards (often unreasonable), i could go on. I genuinely think he may be his own biggest obstacle to long-term happiness

Kerubim: His ego slash self loathing slash reliance on others for external approval and praise and love (these things are fine but hes got problems with not being able to provide these things to himself ever)

Atcham: Anger and the want to Hit Da Bricks (His instinct, when he gets angry in a way he can't resolve, is to leave a situation entirely)

9. What emotion does your character feel most frequently?

Joris: Depends what he's doing at the time since his daily activities vary greatly depending on the year. When hes doing his job though it's Deep Tiredness

Kerubim: Cozy :3 Also desperate need for approval

Atcham: Irritation/frustration as a form of Very Light Anger that doesnt bother him That Much.

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how?

Joris: I am prioritizing Bonta. A leader that does not prioritize their own people is no leader at all. Other peoples leaders will prioritize them. The things I am doing must be done to ensure Bonta is prosperous, and once Bonta is totally prosperous we can extend those resources out to other places. But right now we need to be concerned with ourselves.

Kerubim: He just tends to try to make the people in his immediate vicinity as satisfied as possible and then reassures himself he tried his best. His focus on individual people makes political actions easier because he just has to benefit Them instead of thinking about people negatively affected.

Atcham: He actively avoids thinking about it. If Joris is talking about it he just sits there and nods but in his own head he'd rather avoid it entirely and focus on day-to-day doing good by people.

12. What are some of your character's pet peeves?

Joris: Ignoring the ones he thinks are just a normal thing to be irritated by regarding his dadson, calling him short, or little, or small, or cute, or young, or

Kerubim: People not listening to him when hes telling them something

Atcham: WHEN KERUBIM DOES THAT STUPID THING WHERE HE BENDS THE SWORD TO SEEM LIKE HE KNOWS WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT TO CUSTOMERS IT DAMAGES THE SWORD I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU STOP DOING IT!!!!!

15. What habits does your character have?

Joris: picks at his scales (scales are like pimples or hairs for him and sometimes little ones pop up on his face and upper chest and shoulders especially). Picks at his face where there arent scales. Hopping up on things to be a little taller. This is a broad question I'm not sure how to answer it. Being overly polite with everyone to keep distance.

Kerubim: Grooming i know we dont see it in the shows but i think he grooms himself when hes nervous if he has a moment and it helps him calm down a little and settle his thoughts. Also he clears his throat a lot.

Atcham: hunching slouching getting low to the ground moving on all fours. Sneaking. The Slippery Sneaker seems to Slink. Also he tenses his dominant shoulder when he thinks theres a threat and lowers his body close to the ground.

18. Who/what comforts your character?

(checks who sent the ask) dont ask questions you know the answer to. anyway its each other are you happy. Aside from that:

Joris: Crowds big enough that hes not notable at all (I think hes insane for this)

Kerubim: Items and objects and artifacts and mementoes

Atcham: A well defended area without major vulnerabilities. Can be a room in a house or a cat tree or anything.

21. What is your character's relationship with their emotions?

Joris: Hate those thangs. Kill them. Hate Them. If he could get rid of them he'd seriously consider it were it not for some of the warmer ones.

Kerubim: Some of them he's very happy with. Others he's accepted as part of life. Some more he sees as a moral failing he can't seem to get rid of.

Atcham: Shockingly in-tune (see: "When you have a life like mine, you need someone to blame" line in the movie). Actually pretty healthy approaches to them even if Joris and Kerubim dislike his Tendency To Leave For Unpredictable Periods Of Time. its his cope.

27. How does your character view themselves? (Expectations, intelligence, confidence, self-belief, etc.)

Joris: He tries his best, he doesn't do enough. He's a hero of sorts, he's a villain. He's accepted his body, he hates how people treat him because of it. He's smart, but he's stupid. He can do anything, he fails everything. Every thought has an equal but opposite thought.

Kerubim: A fraud, when it comes down to the wire. He does think he's very intelligent though, and he does have his unshakeable confidence that things will work out for him no matter what.

Atcham: He has fairly realistic ideas about his capabilities. His least reality-connected idea of himself is as Independent, and if he's reminded of a way he is Not, he gets strange in the head and leaves for a while. It's uncomfortable for him to think about that hes been kind of domesticated by circumstance when for a long time it was vital to his survival to be threatening and on-edge and prepared at all times.

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it?

Joris: Pride. He has a Recoil after a feeling of pride where he becomes kind of inward, at times. He's very old, though, so there are plenty of things he's rightfully prideful about (and he fights off the recoil consciously)

Kerubim: Emotional security. Relishes in it when he feels it without any other feelings to hinder it.

Atcham: Shame. Beats it down with a stick. Reminds him too much of being a little kid.

29. What are the three things that your character values most?

Joris: Family, independence, the respect of others

Kerubim: Family, memories, good craftsmanship

Atcham: Loved ones, his ability to protect himself and others, a well-forged sword

30. Is your character hiding something from other people, if so, what?

Joris: He thinks he hides everything, and he kind of does because he's very quiet and tries not to divulge information unnecessarily. He ALSO thinks hes not Good at hiding things and that others must see him as an open book and a fool, which is not very true.

Kerubim: There's so much to say, it's not hiding it until they ask very directly and you LIE (read: actively opposite information. Twisting or exaggerating is not a lie to him) about it. Omitting information and avoiding clear answers is king.

Atcham: Simultaneously he doesn't hide much (personality wise) and also he hides everything (physical items). I think he feels more secure with things if they have a hiding place. This makes his room impossible to clean, and yet it is in its own organization.

31. What genre of music does/would your character love?

Ask my good friend Ronik they have better thoughts on this than I would.

32. How does your character view their past?

Joris: It's Things That Have Happened. History. There's fondness there, but he's not as concerned with it as he is with the present.

Kerubim: It's everything. He holds onto the past with a death grip and drags it behind him.

Atcham: Prefers to avoid it. Not particularly interested in holding onto it more than necessary.

33. What are three positive traits that your character has?

Joris: Considerate of others and the consequences of actions, selfless, wants to Do Good (this one is mutated into something arguably negative after 600+ years)

Kerubim: Kind, wise, good at bluffing until luck takes over

Atcham: Cautious, selfless, knows when a battle is lost and its time to hit da bricks

34. What are three negative traits that your character has?

Joris: Impulsive, overly critical hater mindset including to himself, does not know when to quit

Kerubim: Lies to make himself look better, assumes things will work themselves out and doesn't do anything about them, can't take criticism

Atcham: Hater, doesn't value his own life enough when his loved ones are in the picture, leaves situations that Could Probably Be Resolved (and when I say leaves I mean hes gone for like months or more)

36. What are the things that make your character enter a full rage/cold mode? (Depends on their character.)

Joris: Someone knowingly endangering others will do it as good as anything will, especially others who trust you.

Kerubim: Hurting groups he considers vulnerable like children and orphans, or hurting his family

Atcham: He's tricky because he's actually extremely in control of himself, especially in a battle situation, but he Will get a little less cautious in a battle if you piss him off by insulting him or his family. INJURING his family actually makes him more cautious because he starts looking for a way out.

38. Someone your character dislikes goes up to them and confesses. How does your character react? (Doesn't have to be a rejection.)

This is the kind of question that I think you would be better at answering than me, Ronik. I really don't know actually. Someone Should Send You This Question, Among Other Questions, In Your Askbox Yesterday

39. What does your character have yet to realize about themselves?

Joris: Your self loathing and overly-critical approach to your own thoughts is hurting you, not ensuring that you don't become worse. (until waven era. Then his cope of managing to get past those things is making him worse but he's still hurting himself with them lol)

Kerubim: You don't need the approval of others to survive.

Atcham: You are a good person.

42. What is one thing that your character dislikes about themselves? ("Nothing" is also a valid answer.)

Joris: His whole self. There is a Him deep inside him that is Bad that he cannot root out. He's selfish (for things everyone thinks), he's cowardly (for things everyone fears), he's possessive (for things many people might be jealous about in the same situation), etc. etc. etc.

Kerubim: His whole self. He's a fraud and for some reason he can't just be happy. Something wrong with him (moral failing).

Atcham: His reliance on others.

43. What does your character see as the greatest injustice?

Joris (pre-waven): That people can do the best they can with what they have and still be ravaged by war and inequality that they had no hand in the creation of

Joris (waven): THAT OUR BEAUTIFUL NATION IS NOT THRIVING AS IT SHOULD!!!! We did everything right except the things we didn't (I took those moral L's, personally, for the people of Bonta. The people are not culpable for those decisions), why are there still hardships for the people?

Kerubim: That some vulnerable people do not have a protector

Atcham: That people get by with what little they have and still are at the whims of those more powerful who have everything

44. What does your character fear?

Joris: Being in the wrong, being seen as a fool, also a lot of things

Kerubim: Being alone

Atcham: Being fully reliant on others (because then, what happens when you lose them? You can't go back to the way things were before)

49. In the end, what is your character grateful for?

Joris: Kerubim and Atcham. Luis. The little things (boufbowl, sunlight, etc). Spiked coffee. Also OUR BEAUTIFUL NATION'S PROSPERITY.

Kerubim: Joris and Atcham. Luis. Lou. Everyone he's ever known, even the ones that hurt him.

Atcham: Kerubim and Joris. Security in food and home. Quiet. His own strength.

That was fun :) thanks for sending themmm

[stillinthatweirdfaze]

I usually don’t make posts like this bc sharing hobbies and interests on the internet makes me very very anxious for whatever reason but I really really wanna share this issue of the Dragon magazine I found at the thrift store yesterday!!!!!!!!

25th anniversary edition of the official D&D magazine !!!!! It is issue 284 and it came out in June 2001. Unfortunately it did not come with the advertised bonus CD rom when I bought it though :[

I’m gonna use this post to show off some of the stuff that’s in it that I really liked or found interestingggg :]

First off we have a full spread add for baulders gate 2, which is kinda funny considering the third one didn’t come out that long ago. I want to eat this ye oldie early 2000ds generic fantasy font I bet it tastes like burnt shortbread.

A little step by step on how the artist made the cover which I find like. Infinitely charming. Especially since this cover itself is so gorgeous. I hope Todd Lockwood is doing good today.

A full page add for an online anime fantasy rpg called Nexus the kingdom of the winds. OUGGGGEEEEE this art style,,,,,,, it takes me back to places it takes me back to like that one vampire anime and clanad and YouTube anime top tens. Fuck graphic design we should start putting sparkles and radial gradients on everything again.

an add for a series of sound effect cds for your games which I want so so bad I need to know what’s on these.

Two little sections where it seems people can submit photos and stories about themselves or their game members to be published. The Dm of the month one is genuinely heartwarming and cute. The thought of Steve seeing that he won made me smile. Also “Nubile dwarf chicks” and “chaotic secretive” is a great example of how early 2000nds out of pocket this issue can be sometimes. You can fucking smell the energy off the second image.

An extremely funny review of a previous dragon issue.

an add for Gen con 2001 and a schedule of upcoming conventions. If anyone went to these I would genuinely love to hear about them I love convention history a whole lot especially from around this time

A page in, apparently a series, about what ttrpg players value in a game written by Gary Gygax!!! If anyone has any previous or the final issues of this study please do share I really really wanna see them. Also the three genders: males, females, and newbies

Two stat blocks for some half dragon characters

A Draconic to English translation table that I wish I had as a preteen because I would have eaten it the fuck up. Also I cut it off but the last sentence on the bottom right is “please don’t disembowel the dwarf” which apparently is “martiver thric gixustratt tundar”

Add for a brand of miniatures and in what stores to find them. I wonder how many of these places are still open

An add for WOTZ game stores with the tagline “it’s where you play the game” and advertising “Hella Bandwith” and “scantily clad BABES.” I find it unreasonably funny that they are three pictures of the same exact woman, scantily clad babe, one (1), one singular babe.

Spell and magical item themed crossword

A full on campaign setting of the real city of London. I didn’t take pictures of all of it but it has a history section, locations, npcs, adventure hooks, and what even looks like a little blank dungeon layout of a mansion . I feel like putting real places as campaign settings has always been like, a thing, but I don’t see it too often. Its charming I like it.

A stat block and gorgeous illustration for a lesser dragon companion. The gradient circle in the back is my favorite argggg I wanna draw like this sometimes

A section on how to assemble your own monster models. Admittedly I know close to nothing about model making so this was an extremely fun read for me

A bunch of PC portraits of half dragons that are so so cool. You see a lot of stuff about people getting really specific designs about different hybrids like oh a dwarf tyfling looks different than an elf tyfling n that sort of stuff in the modern day but you don’t really see it canonized at all. So it’s really interesting to see that concept in an officially published D&D thing, even if it’s just a magazine. I really like the dwarf one a lot.

Possibly my favorite thing ever is this cartoon that reads like a fucking wizard tumblr shitpost. Like down to a fucking tea this is some shit the evil wizard blog would say and it makes me so so so happyyyyyyyyy. It’s the cadence that amazes me they got the tumblr wizard cadence exactly right. Im posting this shit on its own without shame bc I need people to see it. Pour me something whimsical and arcane bar wench.

A absolutely chefs kiss add for a ????? Pc????? Pc game????? Pc accessory??? I honestly can’t tell anyway enjoy your free ps2 polygonal hotted woman ass

And finally the thing that made me fuckin gasp out loud when I saw it, an add for the original year of our lord 2001 shitty D&D movie with special features and online sweepstakes to win a trip to Prague. Holy shit. God I love this game.

anyway that’s it, I plan to frame this thing and put it up somewhere. Ty for reading all my nerd shit. :,]

[uncanny-tranny]

i know this isnt usually what ppl send u but i look up to u and i love the way u see transness, im sure u can help. basically i got top surgery 4 months ago and im extremely unhappy with my results. not the surgeons fault, he warned me getting keyhole might require revisions, and im getting them in november, but i cant help feeling like ive failed my transition. i still have so much chest dysphoria. how to cope until november? it's unbearable, its all i think about; that i still have, u know...

Continued ask:

First of all, I feel the need to emphasize that this isn't your fault. You haven't failed at anything. It is okay not to be satisfied with your results right now, especially with a surgery that needs revisions. You are entirely allowed to seek those revisions, and while it's nice that other people think the results look fine, that doesn't outweigh that your opinion about your chest and how it looks is most important. You are not selfish or unreasonable to acknowledge this. I just really, really feel the need to say this because I worry that so many trans people are afraid to admit when they aren't totally satisfied with surgery because it takes a lot of effort and they want to show the "appropriately amount of happiness." This idea, however, isn't right and isn't fair. You are allowed to feel however you feel about your results; other people's opinions aren't a factor in that.

I will also state that I haven't had surgery yet, but I definitely would encourage you to build trust in yourself to express this. It's great that you have admitted how you think about the results. That's a big deal! I think, though, that it can be important to build trust in yourself to be able to be happy and satisfied. There may come a point where, after revisions, you are happy, and that's something I also noticed in your ask. I just think it can be helpful to internalize that hopefulness because it empowers you to know that this isn't permanent.

I also hope that you have a support network that is affirming and will listen. It's nice to be told that others think your chest is fine, and I'm sure they are completely genuine and mean it, but I think it's missing the point. It isn't about having a "cis chest" or a "good-looking chest," it's about having a chest that makes you happy. If you're able, I'd definitely make that clear if you haven't (no judgments if you haven't)

This is a tumultuous time, I'm sure. You deserve to be able to express the full range of your emotions however works best for you. But not for one second do I wish you feel that you have failed. There is nothing you failed at. Transition will always be a unique experience, for the better and worse. I just wish you peace along your journey. You are the most important part of your transition. Your body, your voice, your spirit all matter so immensely, no matter where you are in this part of transition. If there is nothing tangible I can do to help you with this, then I simply want to remind you of just how utterly you matter. I'm glad you were able to open up about this. It's so incredibly vulnerable and scary to admit, even though there is nothing bad about what you feel.