aranarumei

[aranarumei]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[aranarumei]

most difficult thing about tagging these days is figuring out whether the / or & applies to a relationship im writing. i've been on a real kick of like, ambiguously romantic/platonic relationships, where it's intimate in some fashion but not really about like. dating or anything. and it's always hard to figure out how exactly to tag that. i usuallllly go for the relationship tag and like. some clarifying additional tag or smthing. since i think whatever i write is probably more targeted towards someone who'd be checking the ship tag? sometimes i tag both, as well... i think either solution works, roughly, but it is a little frustrating sometimes

[aranarumei]

[ID: A digital drawing of Tashiro and Shirahama from Sasaki to Miyano. They're laying on a bed; Shirahama propped up on his elbows looking groggy, looking at Tashiro laying perpendicularly across his waist. Tashiro has one leg crossed over the other and is stretching his arms up over his head and yawning. The color palette is mainly blues, greens, and yellows. The artist's signature "sunnfish" is written on the bed. /End ID]

Shirashiro be upon ye

[aranarumei]

shirashiro doodle

[aranarumei]

I decided to venture a question. “Richard,” I said, grateful for the relative privacy of our compartment, “are you still awake?”

For a time the thrum of the train continued, uninterrupted. I leaned back into my seat and let out a noisy exhale, hoping that I, too, could fall asleep.

All of a sudden, Richard’s lips parted, and I froze. “Seigi,” he sighed, “what is the matter with you?”

still having feelings about richard & seigi in vol 8. this started out as a bed-sharing fic until i realized what i was going for didn’t align with canon, so instead I had a ton of fun extending their train conversation at the end. maybe now i can finally, finally read vol 9

[aranarumei]

the quickest sketch/warmup cause i miss drawing them

pose ref under the cut

[aranarumei]

kiri's wip wednesday: "random encounter"

listen. um. wednesday is like... like a state of mind. i'm trying to right myself back into proper tumblr posting. and we all gotta start from somewhere.

let's see... context. i was playing more of crisis core recently and wanted to write some cloud & zack bc i just got to their first meeting. hardest part of posting this stuff is coming up with an okay enough wip title

.

“Tseng’s such a stiff, isn’t he?”

There’s a first-class SOLDIER looking at him. Cloud almost can't believe it, but something in his body must move before his mind, because he shrugs and says, “I don’t know. I’ve never talked to him before.”

Zack smiles, white teeth, bright eyes, kind, first-class SOLDIER and the type of guy that would have fit into Nibelheim, in any small town, only anyone with eyes would have then seen him and realized, he's too good for this place. “Well, he’s such a bore it’s no wonder,” Zack says, as if the reason Cloud’s never spoken to Tseng is a conflict of personality and not opportunity, “Plus, I’m way cooler.”

“Sure,” Cloud huffs, and is rewarded with a bark of startled laughter. “So, um... this is normal, for you?”

[aranarumei]

A result of procrastination

[aranarumei]

There's more than one way to write a passive sentence.

And that’s one, right up there. So’s the one preceding this. Not all passive sentences use passive voice. However, the common thread is reversal of the expected grammatical order, placing the object of the verb as the subject of the sentence. It’s less visible—and somewhat inside out—with the expletive construction, also called agentless construction, but it’s still there. I’ve written about…

[aranarumei]

Hi! I made a silly illustration for the speeddraw from last week. Please enjoy! If you're looking for a high res version to print, several Drawfee patreon tiers offer our high res renders for that month and all months prior since we went independent :)

[aranarumei]

Yeah sorry I’ll never be normal about characters who only see themselves as having value in what they can do for others. Yeah it’s terminal. Sorry.

[aranarumei]

I love them so much, I'm so happy

[aranarumei]

[askbox open!]

[aranarumei]

I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know

[aranarumei]

thinking abt the “me? gongaga” scene like. man. truly it’s a meme I’ll never be able to look at normally. because that’s zack introducing himself to cloud. he puts himself on cloud’s level immediately—says hey, this guy can keep up with me!—even though cloud’s not any class of SOLDIER. and cloud responds to him, removes his helmet, offers his name, like it’s easy.

how many things are easy for cloud strife.

[aranarumei]

Was bored at school

[aranarumei]

Now, even our aspirational advertising figures are just like us — The Man Your Man Could Smell Like is humorous because his perfection is so unrealistic. The dapper Mr. Peanut is reborn as a wisecracking baby. Even Beyoncé herself huffs as she scrambles to go viral for Verizon. So it goes for our celebrities, who are products in and of themselves. Taylor Swift, enjoyer of private jets and fat bank accounts, easily maintains a longstanding image of being the girl next door every time a video of her swishing her hips at the Eras Tour takes off. If you look up something like “being relatable for minutes straight” on YouTube, you will get piles of compilations of everyone from Tom Holland to Kylie Jenner being #real. It’s a 2002 tabloid column’s dream. A new normal, where everyone and everything is chill and Just Like Us. Well, except us.

so it's come to this: i've started substacking