#and people who wouldve been otherwise been your friends will be more inclined to avoid you.
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Technically only got so good because my entire motivation for art was petty spite and vindication and as a result of that i won many awards however it was just exhausting and i never really did enjoy what i made at all and i was competitive to a fault. Ive since grown out of that and even though i may not draw as much as i did, drawing out of love + passion feels so much more better than trying to rise above the "competition" and more fulfilling than any award i couldve earned.
#i talk#like i improved so fucking much bc of anger and i wouldnt change it up but then again. it was bad mentally for me and my peers#greatest motivator at a very pricey cost of threatening people who only want to bond with you from shared interest#jealousy is such a strong emotion that cannot be controlled but i find that if you act on it your very presence will reek of it#and people who wouldve been otherwise been your friends will be more inclined to avoid you.#its not as subtle as you think it is and people will notice if something is made out of malice. word of advice#communicate that jealousy and address it before it consumes your entire life mannn to the other person or by yourself#because at the fuck of it all we will all have to work together and if u dont grow out of it you will be malding alone. LOL#over nothing
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