#not that it matters but it would be nice for this drawing

[multi-fandom-imagine]

About the young Silco winter prompts,

hear me out: 7. mistletoe (super cliche, I know) and it's like Christmas night at the Last Drop, the bar was decorated for the occasion and we have a good old "oh would you look at that, we're standing under a branch" moment + maybe its the final push to share a first kiss ??

A/n: hehe excellent

Vander was tired of his two closest friends dancing around their feelings for one another so he decided to take matters into his own hands. It was discrete, something that most people would ignore.

But Silco was not like most people.

"This is nice." You smiled, your hands clasped in front of you as Silco let out a hum as he stood beside you his gaze glancing around the bar.

"It is.Vander has out done himself." He stated then shifted his body as he looked you over. You were beautiful, hair done nice, the dress hugged your curves. He was having trouble removing his gaze from you.

Parting your lips, you then glanced up as your eyes went wide for a moment as you spotted the mistletoe hanging above you both. "Um."

Hearing your pause, Silco looked up spotting what you were looking at. His cheeks flushing pink for a moment as he coughed into his hand shifting his weight. "Well would you look at that." Shooting Vander a look he then turned his attention back to you as his arm wove around your waist drawing you in close. "Would it be alright if I?" He lent in close as his breath fans across your lips.

"Yes." Closing your eyes, you met his lips in for a soft kiss as Silco held you close.

This was perfect, you were perfect and he owed it all to Vander and his stupid Mistletoe.

[reidgenius]

Low Pain Tolerance | S.R. x Reader

image by reidgif <3

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader Word Count: 1.4k Category: angst, hurt/comfort? Warnings: commitment issues, wildly insecure!reader (it's really just me) A/N: I haven't written for Spencer before, so please excuse any OOC inaccuracies and be nice okay! I am a long-time lurker/admirer of the lovely @pathologicalreid and am writing this for her cutesy margovember event :) Song Inspo: Low Pain Tolerance by Abby Holliday

You never enjoyed running.

Still, that didn't stop you from doing it often. Whether it be on the job or in a relationship, you ran.

To catch a bad guy. To catch yourself before you fall. To stop something terrible before it happens... You ran.

In this instance, you found yourself running from Spencer Reid.

"Would you look at me? Please?" he pleaded.

You knew if you were to turn around that you'd see his glassy doe eyes and be drawn right back in. You knew your weaknesses, and he was certainly one of them. The biggest one. That's why you stayed put, staring at his bedroom wall.

"I can't, Spence." You meant to say it with finality, but it came out more as a whimper.

"You can't look at me, or you can't-"

"Neither. Both."

As the holidays approached, Spencer had mentioned the idea of the two of you making a trip out to Vegas. "Just for a day or two," he'd promised. Though there wasn't much he treasured about home, you knew that his mother was there, and that was more than reason enough.

This evening, he'd brought it up again after letting you avoid the topic for weeks.

"It's only a matter of time before you figure it out," you admit.

"Figure what out?"

"God, Spence, that I'm only bringing you down!" you nearly shouted, though you hadn't meant to. The anxiety took over. "I'm like... gahhh! I don't know how to do any of this, I-"

To your dismay, he let out a laugh as you finally turned to face him. A real, genuine laugh.

"Bringing me down?" He looked at you with an earnest amusement. "Honey, I don't think you realize what you-"

"I'm scared. Okay? Is that what you wanted me to admit? That I'm scared of meeting her?" A single tear gushed down your cheek.

His brows knit in concern as he quickly thought of ways to disprove the common fears surrounding schizophrenia and it's manifestations.

"Baby, schizophrenia doesn't ma-"

"Dammit Spencer, it's not about that! It's- I..."

You found yourself stumbling over your words.

"I don't care about her diagnoses!" you laughed. (Of course, you did care, but that wasn't what was scaring you.) "I'm scared of this!" you said, waving your hands between the two of you. "I don't want to rush it. I don't want to get her hopes up..."

You let your legs give way to sit on the floor against the wall, your head in your hands, mumbling to the cold hardwood.

"I don't want to get my hopes up."

There was it. That was the truth.

You weren't used to it. You weren't used to someone asking you how your day was and really caring. You weren't used to the notion that a man would want to wrap himself around you at night and keep you close. You'd never been one to draw much attention from men. Or women. Or anyone, really.

Naturally, you figured that there must be something deeply and inherently flawed in you. Something Spencer had yet to discover.

So, being with him was... terrifying. You were constantly waiting and wondering when he'd conclude that you weren't as pretty as he initially thought, or as witty, or as intelligent, or kind, or...

And it would only be cruel to drag Diana into this. To have her think that perhaps her son had found his person. To have her thinking that she might be meeting her future daughter-in-law. It felt cruel to yourself, in some twisted way, to pretend that this was all going to last.

Spencer was typically a fast thinker, but your admission had the cogs in his brain working overtime. You were afraid of him? Of your relationship?

He padded over to join you on the floor, keeping a little distance so as not to scare you.

"Get your hopes up? You don't-" he gulped, "I mean... you don't think we're gonna- that this is gonna work out?"

Still speaking to the floor, you sigh, "I don't know, Spence."

You were exhausted. Incessantly feeling like you're on the brink of being "found out" can do that to a person. It's not that Spencer hadn't done all the right things. No, he was the perfect partner. But therein lied the issue. He was perfect. And, in your opinion, you were far, far from it.

You took a deep breath through your tears.

"I don't think I can keep doing this."

Confusion. Utter shock. Things had been going so well with you the past 8 months. Spencer immediately began to wrack his brain combing through all the possible mistakes he could've made. Did he raise his voice with you? Had he forgotten some big milestone? Was he not giving you enough?

"Honey I-" he gathered himself, placing a hand on your thigh, "I'm so sorry. Can I ask... what makes you say all this?"

Though you were reluctant, you figured that now was as good a time as any.

"Spencer. I am not good for you! Good enough for you!" With each point, you illustrated by raising a finger, "I am impulsive and I complain and I get weird sometimes when you touch me and I can be a massive bitch and I never know how to-"

"Woah, woah, woah-" He snuck up closer to you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and placing his head atop yours, all while you kept rambling. "Why in the world do you say that? Not good enough for me? If anything it's me who isn't deserving of you..."

"No, you-"

He stopped you in your tracks just by saying your name in that beautiful way he does. Like its covered in honey and dripping with admiration.

"You are everything. You may think those things about yourself but I certainly don't." His thumb caressed your bare skin so carefully as he continued, speaking slowly so as to allow the words to really sink in. "You are the most generous person I've ever encountered. You care so deeply about people you love. You are courageous and willing to try all the weird foods I suggest even though you really don't want to." He smirked a bit at that one. "You have taken everything that life has thrown at you and navigated it with grace. You really are just... you're it. You're her. You're the girl - the woman - I've always hoped would come my way but never dreamed actually would. Honey, I've figured out everything I need to know when it comes to how I feel about you."

You sat there, warm under his embrace, pondering his words as he spoke. It's nothing he hasn't said before, granted, in much less grand and emotionally charged ways. But it was like you were really hearing it for the first time. You wanted so badly to believe him.

"I love you," he continued. "I love you so much that sometimes I am afraid of myself. Of what I'd do for you. You, god, you make me so much better."

"I love you, too. Too much," you squeaked out.

"No. Not too much." He leaned back to encourage you to look up at him. "You know I really mean all that right? Just the way you are. Quirks included?"

"I guess. And now I'm just self-conscious that I am so self-conscious..."

"You say that as if I'm not the exact same way!" he chuckles, trying to make light of what is clearly a shared wound. You'll deal with that later. Together, preferably. "Please, trust me. Do you trust me?"

And you did. You trusted Spencer with every cell in your body and hair on your head. There was nobody else you'd ever been so confident in. So, you nod against his chest as your tears begin to subside.

"Good. Now why don't we move this party up into the bed?"

"No offense, Spencer, but the last thing I want right now is to f-"

"No no no nooope! Not that, babe," he laughed. "Just wanna lay with you 'til this feeling passes. Is that okay?"

"Please."

And so, the rest of the evening consisted of cuddles under your massive comforter. Sweet admissions whispered in your ear. The tiniest kisses to your hairline and your shoulder and your nose and your wrists.

By the time you dozed into a worry-free slumber, you believed him a little more.

Perhaps you could let Spencer love you, forever.

[cherry-smokes]

Sugar Me

AKA the time you meet Steve at one of your gigs loosely based on Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard Pairing: Steve Harrington x bassist!reader best friend!Eddie x bassist!reader Word count: 3k Note: reader goes by Sugar and uses she/her pronouns Warning: Sugar is a flirt:)

Sometimes you think you would be the most miserable person on earth had you not been in your 20’s in the 80’s. Rock and roll is alive and well and as Eddie likes to scream when he’s four beers in, it will never die!

Meeting him was one of the greatest gifts you were granted. Despite what the rest of Hawkins thinks, he’s the greatest guy you know. The rock scene was supposed to be all about going against the grain. Expressing yourself and indulging in things most people are too scared to indulge in because of what others might think. Despite this, it’s still infested with misogyny. Especially in a place like Hawkins.

Getting people to take any of your interests seriously as a woman is damn near impossible. Not with Eddie though. When he asked you to join Corroded Coffin you didn’t think twice. Eddie trusted you. He appreciated your talent and you knew going into it that you wouldn’t just be eye candy to draw in a crowd as the only chick in the band. To Eddie, how you dressed or how you presented yourself on or off stage didn't mean anything. As soon as you got that Bass in your hands, that's all that mattered to him.

Before you met him, finding your place in Hawkins had been frustrating. You'd tried other bands but they just never worked out. When guys in bands are raunchy and bold they're praised. For them it's a badge of honor. God forbid a woman dresses in the same skin-tight clothes and flirts, now that would just be down right slutty right?

Thankfully for you, the guys in the band don't share this sentiment. However they do have their moments. They're just guys after all.

When Eddie mentioned he’d invited his friends to your gig tonight you were a bit surprised. You’ve never been one to judge a book by its cover, but from your brief knowledge of Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington the last place you expected him to want to be on a Friday night is a dive bar at the edge of town.

You’ve heard Eddie’s Hail Mary about how-

“He’s a changed man Sugar, swear it!”

You believe him, really! If Eddie told you the sky was red you’d believe him too. Despite whatever bulletin board conspiracy your band mates have drawn up you aren’t fucking Eddie. He’s your best friend, frankly you’re still waiting for the day people can comprehend that a guy and a girl can be friends without secretly wanting to make out and elope in Vegas.

Steve Harrington however, was not a man you could be ‘just friends’ with.

The second he walks into the bar trailing behind a girl with mousy blonde hair and a chic vest you pause mid sip, beer instantly forgotten. No one is allowed to look that good in a Polo. Don’t even mention the hair-the hair! It’s a waste he isn’t in a glam rock band, blasphemous even.

He looks out of place in the bar. He shakes all the guy’s hands following it with a pat on the arm similar to how a Wall Street guy would greet his coworkers.

“Stevie, Buckley. This is the one and only Sugar!”

He introduces you in that tone he tends to use during a campaign. You lean across the table as Robin sits down to shake her hand.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Eddie never shuts up about you.”

“How could he?”

You tease as you scooch your chair to make space for Steve to drag one over to your table. He sits down, holding his hand out to shake yours “Nice to meet you I’m St-“

“Stevie right?”

You cut him off with a firm hand shake and a curl of your red lips. Similar to his cheeks as he nods in agreement.

This is just going to be so fun. You've heard rumors about how much of a playboy he was back in high school. However, considering that he spends most of his time babysitting kids and according to Eddie ‘striking out’ you have a feeling that isn’t the case anymore.

You can’t help but notice the way his eyes linger over the lipstick stain on your cup, or the way your leopard print pants stretch over your thighs.

“This your first show?”

He looks back at you, wiping his palms down his jeans. He looks all American. Like he came straight out of a Bruce Springsteen song.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Well, I’ll make sure it’s extra special for you tonight.”

“You’ve only known the guy two seconds why are you giving him special treatment Sugar, I thought I was your main man?”

Eddie says this as he kicks your leg underneath the table.

“When you look like that you get special treatment, I don’t make the rules.”

You take a sip of your beer, glancing at Steve over the glass.

“Alright Casanova finish your beer we gotta get up there soon.”

You raise one arm in surrender as you chug what’s left and go to stand up. Making sure to lightly drag your arm behind Steve’s chair as you start walking to the stage. You turn to Robin before leaving, “killer vest by the way.”

You know Eddie is just teasing. This is just who you are, and you really get a kick out of seeing how many buttons you can push. How pretty and pink you can make a guy. According to the flush that spread over Steve's face, pretty damn pink.

It's just fun. You get the feeling Steve tends to go more for the 'girl next door' type and you've never been one to get your hopes up. Hawkins hasn't necessarily been kind to people like you. Guy's were never really that into you in your early teens. When they were, it was because they assumed you were an easy lay. You can imagine their disappointment when your idea of a perfect first date wasn't hooking up in the back of their dad's cars or under the bleachers.

It's fine though. Guys are much more fun when you can flirt them up at the bar and never see them again. It keeps your schedule free for rehearsals anyways.

You find yourself lost in this thought as you set up on stage. Glancing over at the bar you see Steve and Robin bickering quietly. He holds a beer out of her reach as she yanks at his hair before snatching it out of his hands. You can't help but see a resemblance between them and you and Eddie.

As if he knows what you're thinking he comes up behind you, guitar in hand as poke's at your side.

"Ready to rock and roll?"

"You sound like a dad when you say that."

"I thought you liked that kind of thing?"

You shove him harshly but can't help the laugh that comes out of you.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Steve swears this is heaven.

Yeah it’s hot in the bar, and it reeks of beer and sweat and he’s being jostled around like a punching bag but god it’s worth it when he sees you on stage.

Baby hairs stick to your forehead, sweaty and glistening. Your black top clings to your body and he feels like an asshole for staring at your legs in those pants. The real kicker is your hands. The way you pluck at the base effortlessly as if they’re gliding on air.

He flinches as the band finishes up the song and Robin hollers right beside him.

“They’re good! Not that I didn’t think they’d be good, I totally believed Eddie when he said they were but they’re like-actually good!”

Steve holds back a chuckle, Robin is a light weight but he’s glad she’s a happy drunk.

“Yeah, they’re killer.”

Eddie speaks up breathlessly from stage.

“Alright everyone, for our last song of the night let me draw your attention to our very own Sugar for a very special cover.”

He dramatically gestures over to you and bows down as you step up to your own mic, which you’ve been neglecting for most of the night.

The crowd hollers for a moment before cooling down. It’s hypnotic, the way you command a room just with your presence. As if you could make everyone buckle at their knees with just a breath.

“Step inside

Walk this way

You and me babe

Hey hey!”

The crowd roars at the familiar favorite. Steve’s never been one for rock music, but he can’t help but bob his head to the beat alongside Robin. He thinks he’d listen to every goddamn song ever created if it was coming out of your mouth.

You pull your hair back in your hands as you tap your leg rhythmically, seductively eying the crowd. Your bass hangs low by your waist and sways slightly. It’s obscene, everything is obscene when you look like that.

“I'm hot, sticky sweet

From my head to my feet, yeah”

It’s like you know what you’re doing. There’s a confidence that spills from you and he’s down like a dog. He feels like you could stomp his heart out with your black boots and he’d polish the blood off them with the shirt off his back afterwards.

Fuck he’s pathetic.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The feeling right after finishing a set is always the best. You're all giddy, high off the adrenaline and slightly cocky. You could perform in front of just three people and you would all still feel like hot shit.

"That was awesome!"

Robin breaks through the crowd with Steve trailing behind her, promptly apologizing to the men she's shoving aside. The way she walks through the larger and gruff looking men as if it doesn't phase her amuses you. From what you've heard about Robin through Eddie, you've grown to admire her from afar. While you've always been too shy to admit it, you've been dying to meet her. You love your guys but you often find yourself desperately yearning for someone who you could connect with on a deeper level. You've known Robin to be deeply feminist. You've read some of the Zine's she makes alongside Nancy Wheeler, fighting against the patriarchy and the typical conservative views in Hawkins. You're aching to collaborate with them on one.

Which is why you immediately agree to her request to buy you a beer.

As she drags you over to the bar, Steve stays back with the group. Shooting a longing glance at you as you walk away as if he had something he wanted to say to you.

"Harrington strikes out once again."

Steve's head whips towards Eddie.

He starts fumbling over his words immediately. He knows from past conversations that you and Eddie have only ever been just friends. He has also, much to his dismay at first, grown to care for Eddie and their friendship. He wouldn't want to cross a line in trying to get to know you in a more than friendly way.

"I'm not striking out-I'm not even in the game."

The guys all burst out in boyish laughter, making Steve roll his eyes.

"Dude. You were practically drooling the entire set."

Gareth says this before mimicking Steves' starstruck face he saw in the crowd.

"It was hot in there!"

"Oh yeah, I bet it was."

Jeff and Gareth leave to get beers of their own which leaves Eddie and Steve.

After a moment Steve speaks up.

"Look man, I'm not going to try anything I know you guys are close I don't want-"

Eddie cuts him off.

"Steve. You gotta know that doesn't bug me right? If you decide you want to actually get in the game I won't stop you."

He leans in close, and in his most theatrical voice whispers "but know this, it isn't a game for the weak."

He loudly slaps his hands on Steve's shoulders before hollering over his shoulder.

"Buckley! How about a game of pool?"

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Your head whips over to find Eddie ready to drag Robin away for a game of pool. You would be disappointed, but you've already made plans with Robin to hang out sometime this week, and Steve is already walking over to you.

"Hey stranger, can I buy you a drink?"

He chuckles softly as he sits on the stool that used to belong to Robin. Who is loudly arguing over the rules with Eddie behind him.

"I'm pretty sure its supposed to be the other way around."

"Say's who?"

You both look at each other then. For the first time tonight you're able to really take him in. He has the prettiest eyes you've ever seen. Light brown, the way the lights in the bar reflect in them makes it seem like there's specs of gold in them. More than anything though, they look kind. It stirs something up within you. A feeling you so often try to push down. Then he smiles at you and you have to look away before you let the feeling come up any further.

You wave the bartender down and order a beer for Steve. Who nods in thanks before facing his body towards you.

"You were pretty amazing up there."

"I'm glad you enjoyed the show."

"Is that why they call you Sugar?"

You furrow your brows at him, not exactly sure what he means.

"The song?"

You go slightly red, embarrassed that you didn't catch onto what he meant. You feel silly. Guy's don't usually make you feel this way. They don't make your mind fog up. You feel tense, like you're hyper aware of how you're sitting and breathing and wondering if he can tell how fast your heart is beating.

"Oh! Right the song!"

He laughs at your response finding it endearing. He sees a slight crack in the persona you've put up all night. He wants to break it open and get to know who you are when you aren't on stage. He wants to know what kind of person you are alone, when everyone has gone and you're unwinding for the night.

"No the song worked its way into the set list later on but Eddie started calling me Sugar because he thinks it's ironic."

"Why would it be ironic?"

You laugh at this before you catch the look on his face and realize he's being serious.

"Well...I've been known to be a bit...blunt I guess."

He nods in understanding. He thinks this is his shot. If he can prove to you now that he's a worthy competitor in whatever game Eddie was talking about he might have a chance.

He gets the sense that you won't just agree to going out with him. He knows his reputation, knows the kind of person he was before. He thinks about it for a moment and wonders if he should dust off his old tactics but, that just doesn't feel right. He figures he should just be honest. Even if it makes him seem like a total dork in front of you.

"I thought they called you Sugar 'cause you're sweet."

He mumbles this and hides behind his beer as he takes a sip. You still heard him though. His compliment is corny, it resembles that of a dad joke and if he didn't seem so earnest about it you would have rolled your eyes.

But he's blushing and his eyes keep bouncing to your face to see your reaction and you can't help but send him a sweet smile. Not a flirty one, or a teasing one. A genuine smile that means he said something right.

"You think I'm sweet?"

You're indulging yourself. You've been called hot before. Sexy, confident. These compliments are nice sure, but nothing compares to the feeling of someone complimenting the way you are.

"Yeah, I mean Eddie talks about you all the time. Even from what I saw tonight, you just...you seem like a really warm person."

He can't remember the last time he was so nervous. He's sure he sounds like an idiot.

One look at your face and he stops worrying about all of it. He wishes he could have met you sooner. He thinks he could have avoided becoming such an asshole had you been around to not make him feel like an idiot for being so soft.

"Well aren't you a sweetheart Stevie."

He lets out a relieved breath, it sounds like a laugh.

"I don't know about that."

"Don't be so humble, I doubt I'm the first girl to tell you that."

"I hope you're the first girl who means it"

You realize now exactly what Eddie meant when he said Steve was a changed man. You've trained yourself to see men as one thing. Someone who doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, and doesn't feel anything other than lust and pride. When Steve says this, you realize he isn't the same guy he used to be. He's someone, who like you, wants to be seen.

God do you see him.

"If Eddie talks about me as much as you say he does, you should know I never lie."

"I'll take your word for it."

He lifts his cup to yours. You clink them together before taking a sip. Behind him, Robin gives out a triumphant yell as she scores a point.

"Do you wanna go watch them play?"

You don't want to, but you ask anyway. There is something at the back of your head telling you to look for an out. To walk away before you're in too deep.

Steve doesn't even glance behind him as he places his drink down and makes himself comfortable.

"I doubt I'm missing much."

You smile at him once more.

Later, when you're all leaving the bar. Steve, who barely nursed his one beer walks Robin to his car and glances over at you as you load your equipment into the back of Eddie's van.

Robin waves hastily at you "See you soon!"

You laugh and wave back before hopping into the passenger seat.

When you're all settled in Eddie speaks up.

"Sugar and Stevie sitting in a tree..."

"Shut up."

As he drives you home, you can't help but think that you wouldn't mind k-i-s-s-i-n-g in a tree with the sweet boy.

────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────────────

a/n: this was so much fun to write! If anyone would want to read more about Sugar and Steve let me know, I would love to make this an on-going series if y'all are interested:)

(also! all of the images used here are from Pinterest!)

[d3vdgvrlll]

trauma ig

@gorelvr and anyone else who wanted it

i’ll start from the begining because it’s the one thing that will make my story similar to others. it will have a begining and an end just like anyone else’s. i have been sexually abused since i was seven years old. my cousin joe (obv not his real name i was in israel at the time) he was considerably older than me. 13, not too bad, but at the time it felt like a worlds difference. it didn’t start slowly, not at all, and pieces of it i don’t even remember. i do remember closets tho. it wasn’t just an rape either. he wanted me to like it- either that or he was just sadistic. he would make me smile and beg for it, make me please him as a lover, told me it was right since i was his blood. in fact, he would draw this blood quite often. he would pinch me, beat me, cut me, anything to make me cry, because he had a rule. if i cried, he could come back to use me again. he would do anything to draw out a mere sound of discomfort, anything, any excuse so that he could come into my room at night and violate me. he called me his wife. he called me his girl. and in my native tongue i had to tell him i loved him as well. when i was 9, after two years of this, with no one believing me (and if you ask how it’s possible, youve clearly never heard of arabic jewish culture-) i move to america. i lived in chicago, and suddenly, i was a normal girl. sure, i couldn’t speak english but i was clean. no longer dirty. i was far away from joe and i thought maybe id be far from the pain too. i was far from the bombs that rang in my ears as i walked home, the desolate shelters littered around playgrounds, the constant whisper of “you are never safe” far behind me. i was ahead of everyone else, and when i heard that another one of my childhood friends died of an attack, it didn’t feel better, but at least it wasn’t me. at least it wasn’t me.

this is where i met a friend named lucie. she was the first female friend id ever had. my wonderful grandma, who was like a second mother to me (at the time when she was alive my mother was still kind, the lines on her face less pronounced, her words filled with less poison) signed me up for swimming classes with lucie. after swimming class, me and lucie would shower together. it’s started off because i had conditioner that she needed for her blond hair, conditioner that i was willing to give up to her because she was so much whiter than me, so much purer. she then asked me for favors. to touch her. she’s press me against the wall and kiss me, and when i resisted, she wouldn’t even react. she asked me for more. she said “if you do it well this time, you won’t have to do it again.” and “kiss me for longer this time, you only did two seconds, you promised ten” and each request, no matter how hard it was for me to do, was done. and each time, there came another. no matter how much she promised it’d be the last one, there was always more. i couldn’t get away from it. i was trapped. i was scared, and i wanted her to be my friend. she taught me that if u don’t give people ur body, they won’t stay. she taught me that im worthless besides what i can offer to others. she taught me everything i know and live by, and then she left anyways .

seventh grade- i had a very nice science teacher. i was doing very well in his class. his name i really cannot say because he is still teaching at the school in illinois, and no one has believed me, no matter what i insist happened. we were doing a bridge project. i was failing, because my grandma was dying. she was dying, and she was my everything. watching her- it was the hardest thing i’d ever done. but i couldn’t avert my eyes because it felt sinful. it felt wrong to look away because it was hard to watch- she was my grandma after all, the one who raised me, loved me, showed me the good in the world. so i watched. i watched and stayed with her and read her books she couldn’t hear me reciting while she lay in her hospice bed barely breathing. i wrote down the stories she told me through her tubes, and i tried to imagine that the wires connected to her were flowers instead, that she was somewhere were her grimace was rlly a smile. she stayed alive until my birthday, my 12th birthday, because she didn’t want to ruin it. she stayed alive, in pain, riddled with so much terror, to see me turn 12. one day, i walked into her room and spoke to her, and watching her eyes try to open, her oxygen intake spike up, her stiff limbs try to reach me- it killed me. i love her and always will. it feels awful to group her with this awful man- my science teacher, but in this story they do go together, unlike in real life where my grandma was such a big and powerful woman she always stood alone. or with me. i digress, the man- let’s call him Mr.P- he failed me. i was excelling- frankly, because im very smart and quite good with physics and such, but he still failed me. (shortly after this whole ordeal i was neurologically tested and i have an IQ of 156). i walked into his class one day, and all i can remember is him smiling, saying that he would give me an oppurtunity for extra credit, but that it had to be secret- you can tell where this is going. i had already learned from lucie that nothing is good abt me besides my body, and so when he took mine, the second person to- i could just sit and cry. at least this man let me cry- at least this one didn’t kill my hair to get a reaction, with the promise of hurting me more the less i liked it. i don’t remember much besides my face being pressed against vents on the side of the classroom. i would “wake up” (ptsd) with blood between my thighs, and cuts on my face from the metal on the vents, because of how hard he shoved my face in them. he had a daughter- she was 6 at the time. when i graduated, he told me he’d do the same to her. that was the first time i cut myself. because i knew i couldn’t stop him. i knew that i couldn’t do anything. i knew that what lucid taught me was wrong. my body wasn’t even special- it wasn’t even “worth it”, it was just available.

i moved all over the US, living in austin, chicago, colorado, and florida for the longest times. chicago was my home though, and i know the city like the back of my hand. this is not something many people can say, but i survived being homeless in chicago during the polar vortex. for those who don’t know, the polar vortex is a phenomena that happens every year. winds from the arctic pass through canada and end up in the midwest, chilling the air to roughly -58 degrees F or lower. after my grandma died, my mother became mean. angry. she scared me. she hit me. it’s too much to get into and frankly, i live with her and my dad now and i feel odd talking abt it. it’s my current reality as well, but what i learned from them is that words mean nothing. so i wont spend them here. after a week of being homeless and running to and from school, living in an underpass, someone started walking “home” with me. his name was pat. this is the man i often reference in posts. he was my best friend, not at this time tho. we walked home together for weeks, not speaking a word to each other, until one day i caught an awful case of pneumonia, the second time id fallen ill with it in the month. this time, i couldn’t walk, stand, breathe, or talk. i was passed out when he found me, at least that’s what he told me. he said he carried me to his friends house and that’s were they saved me. his friends name was biscuit, and biscuit ended up being a huge drug dealer. he kept me in his attic- it had a hole in the roof but it was better than dying in the cold. i had already lost my left foot to frostbite- i still can’t feel it but i can walk on it now, which is better than before. in the attic, and idk much abt it because rlly the memory is so hazy- sometimes i wake up in a cold sweat bc im back there, and sometimes idk if im dreaming or if its real- but rlly truly i dont know for sure what happened. all i know is that biscuit used to bring his friends up there, while i was healing (they put tons of drugs in me idek what they used to help me get better but im pretty sure it was a combo of depressants and steroids)- they would pass me around. i just get hazes- visions sort of. i dont even remember. i remeber the feeling of their hands tho, and suddenly feeling a lot colder, feeling the wind on my bare skin. i remember waking up with wind rash and scabs from cigarette burns. i don’t remeber enough o accuse anyone of anything though, so i didn’t mention it to pat. in my head, he didn’t even know. i was wrong ofcourse- he knew. he always knew.

when we got better and went back to our respective homes, we stayed very close. we formed a trauma bond. codependcy. it was wonderful while it lasted, but soon, he started to fall for me. he never raped me, but he did other things. i don’t care to specify at the moment because i fear ive already gone into prolific detail about things i never wanted to think about again. truthfully, i love pat. i do. i hold no hatred towards him, and i really don’t like to talk about all the bad things he did to me, because he was my sweet boy. i never loved him like that- he was just my best friend, but when i speak about him people don’t seem to understand. he understood me, and it’s just. hard to talk about because there’s so much to say. i can’t write it all down in this small part of a bigger story because i have so much to say about him that i’d rather just give it out in pieces. if you see something tagged with #pat or #i miss him, it’s probably about him.

idk what else to say. i’ve been manipulated many times since. used, beat, thrown away. at least pat had the decency to lie to me about it while he did. i’ve never been anyone’s first choice, and i’ve never felt as loved as i did when i had him. he was my best friend, and while this story isn’t about him, it’s hardly about me either. long story short, people used me because they could. i was available. i was around. i used to feel like a victim until i realized im just not special enough to be that. im not special enough to be anything to anyone, and my body wasn’t even “chosen” to be used because its me, it was just convenience. idk. that’s as much as im willing to share. there’s more but - for now this is enough.

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Delicate (Jake's Version)

9 - Comme De Fleurs Nous Fanons

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: Explicit (MDNI!)

Warnings: SMUT, cockwarming, protected!sex, feelings and lots of them, mention of death (wow these are wild)

A/N: Smut and sad wrapped into one nice, little heartbreaking package. The chapter title is hidden in one of the songs on the playlist, by the way hehehe. Take that as you will.

Taglist: @mrsevans90

Playlist

Mom: Where are you

Mom:  assuming you're with Jake

Mom: I don't care i just want to know you're okay

Mom: your father isn't feeling well at all

Mom: he wants to speak with Jake at some point about you

Sam awoke to what felt like five hundred texts but it was just the ones from her mom and a few from Nat.

Nat: tell Jake we really appreciated him paying last night

Nat; we had a good time

Nat: maybe we can do that more often?

Sam smiled as she texted her mother back first.

Sam: im okay, yes I'm w Jake, I will tell him dad wants to chat, be home in a bit

Then she text back Nat back. 

Sam: well would both like that, and he said no problem at all, he enjoyed it too

She had rolled onto her stomach, and there was a well-muscled arm strewn across her back. Jake was still snoozing, his breath warm as it hit her arm. She nudged him and he groaned, but opened one eye slightly, then smiled.

“Fuck yes, there's a girl in my bed.” He rasped triumphantly, jokingly, and Sam shook her head and leaned in to kiss him. She put her phone down and snuggled up close in his arms. She swung a leg over his hip and remembering that they went to bed naked, he thrust his hips toward hers, settling his hard length against her. He wanted to push it inside her. He didn't even want to fuck her at that moment, he just wanted to be as close as he possibly could to her.

“Hey, can I...put my dick inside you? Like just to put it inside you? I just wanna feel you.” He asked, his voice so soft and needy that Sam couldn't possibly resist. She didn't, as she positioned herself so that he could just slide right in. She wanted to feel him too.

“Just don't cum...I'm not on birth control.” She said and his eyes widened. He glanced down between them, admiring her pretty, round breasts against his chest.

“Like to live on the edge huh?” Jake asked, as he gently pushed himself between her folds, letting a satisfied groan leave his lips. He pressed them into her neck.

“No, I'm just very careful with who I let inside me . I very much doubt you're gonna get me pregnant and run, pretty boy. Dare I say, Jake Seresin , I trust you.” Sam's tone was confident and matter of fact and Jake nodded in agreement. He would most certainly not do that. He was raised better than that and if it came to it, he would take full responsibility for anything that happened between them.

Her wet warmth enveloped his length so easily and left him feeling like he could just go back to sleep. He was so comfortable with Sam. It was then that he made a decision that would change the trajectory of the rest of his life. No doubt he wanted to be chosen for this mission, but if he didn't get to be team leader, he wasn't going to be as upset as he would if he didn't have Sam to come home to. He wanted to make sure he could come home. 

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Jake’s voice was low but soft as he ran his fingers down her ribs, around the curve of her ass, drawing her in even closer. He knew he hit the deepest part of her when her brow furrowed and she whimpered softly.

“Yeah...” she sighed, as she brought her hands up and around the back of his neck. She toyed with the hair there.

“What kind of relationship do you want this to be?” He asked and her eyes fluttered shut. She puzzled over her answer for a few moments, as she shifted slightly, pushing him so that he was on his back and she was straddling him. Jake relaxed into the pillows and placed his hand at her hips. 

“I want to be done dating...I need stability. I hate dating. I hate getting to know new people. I just want to be comfortable with someone. Especially with my dad being...” She stopped, mind going fuzzy at the thought of her father’s condition. Jake watched as her thoughts went elsewhere and he ran his fingers up and down her spine, attempting to bring her focus back on him. Her eyes flicked to the sage green of his and she bit her lip. “Is that what you want too?”

“I don't want to fuck around anymore. It's honestly boring. I'm ready to commit to somethin’ long term. I want someone to come home to.” He said softly, reaching up to brush hair from in front of her eyes. Sam could tell by the way he stared at her, the way he vigilantly watched her every move, he'd fallen head over boots for her. Sam wasn't even surprised. This happened with most guys, but it for sure felt different with Jake. Most guys she'd been with wanted to parade her around, introduce her to their friend and family, brag that they'd bagged a Naval Commander’s daughter. Jake had been humble about all of it though. It wasn't about the outside connections that would benefit him. Even when he had the few moments to show her off, he did it in a way that oozed confidence but was also respectful, which was on par with what Nat had told her about him.

“So were both compliant then?” Sam mused and Jake could feel her beginning to giggle, but she stopped herself, as her fingers weaved through his short hair, making him press into her hand.

“Yes ma'am. So official. Where do I sign?” He asked, voice husky as Sam scratched his scalp leisurely. She'd come to realize just how much he enjoyed her hands in his hair, so she was all too eager to please him in that sense.

“We need to discuss a few things before you sign.” Sam said and he drew back, slight panic crossing his features. “I think we need to be honest about past partners...”

“Okay?” Jake shifted and he felt his length soften, finding the conversation suddenly less interesting. He didn't really want to discuss his past partners like this, but he gave her pause because it was so clearly bothering her at that moment. 

“I've known Bradley for years because of Mav. I slept with him once, when I was with Dad, visiting NAS Oceana. There's no feelings from my end, but I know Bradley is still a little sore that I picked you over him.” She explained and Jake pursed his lips. 

“Ah...okay...well...I slept with Nat once. Only once. And there are definitely no feelings on either end. She kinda hates me.” He pressed in closer to Sam and she dissolved into a fir of giggles against him.

‘She doesn't hate you. She just knows your reputation with women and feels stupid for being another notch in your bed post. She thinks it makes her looks unprofessional, where it's already hard for her as a female pilot.” Sam reasoned and Jake understood completely. 

“I'm sorry she feels that way. I didn't intend it like that. I was a whore in my younger years and I really don't want to be that anymore.” He said and Sam grazed her nails up and down the back of his neck as the conversation went silent for a few moments. Jake's cock had checked out for a few with the awkward and serious nature of their chat, but with her hand at the back of his neck, it was beginning to gain interest again. She hiked her leg a bit further up his hip, needing to adjust her position for whatever reason, and that had him immediately hard again. He poked his nose at hers, gaining her attention. “Can we go back to the talk about where I sign on to bein’ your boyfriend full time? I think I'm like, a prime candidate for the job and since it's open...” 

“You are one smooth asshole, you know that?” Sam chuckled and she let her lips be drawn to his. She couldn't help it. It was like he had this unavoidable gravity that she got caught up in and couldn't escape.

“But I could be your smooth asshole.” Jake said with a smirk, his lips hovering over hers. He was achingly aroused now, not forgetting that he was already inside of her. Half of the work was done. 

“You already are mine. You waltzed in like the cutest, most confident stray puppy and had no doubt that I'd keep you.” Sam joked and Jake grinned.

“Please don't take me back to the pound. I'm too good looking.” He said, taking the opportunity to carefully move his hips back and forth a few times.

“Jake...careful.” Sam's voice turned stern but there was still lust on the brim. He rolled and pulled her with him, untangling them deftly from the sheets. He tapped her leg.

“Hop off my cock for two seconds.” He commanded and Sam’s brows furrowed and she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips as she raised herself up and off of him. He reached over into the drawer of the night stand and plucked a condom from it. This one had a pink wrapper. “Ooh. This one's nice. One of those warming ones.” He said, ripping it open with his teeth, spitting the foil to the side of the bed, and rolling the condom over his length which was at full mast now. He reached for Sam, and she knowingly re-mounted him. 

Jake's hands gripped her hips, but then one hand went down to guide his cock back inside her. Both of her hands were on his chest, playing with the sparse hair there as she eagerly relinquished control to him. He slid inside with ease and a soft whimper left his lips that made her blush. The fact that the big, tough Hangman sounded like his composure could fail at any moment underneath her, made her hot. The sounds he made spooled heat in her loins like no other man had ever. It did nothing good for her own ego that Jake was a writhing mess for her. 

“God fucking damn it. You feel so damn good on top of me. So good wrapped around my cock, babygirl.” Jake's words had an edge to them, all desire and a little something Sam might have called reverence, but that might just be what she wanted to hear. 

“You need to stop with the pet names or I'll cum right now.” She moaned as he sheathed himself to the hilt, hitting the deepest parts of her. There was a twinge near her belly button that caused her to glance down at where they were joined. He was fully inside of her and it hurt so good. 

“Don't say shit like that. You're gonna awaken some sort of kink that I ain't never knew I had.” His voice took on a southern twang, making Sam shiver slightly. There was the good ole small town Arkansas boy she wanted. The California pretty boy came right the fuck out of him when his basal instincts took over and he reverted in speech and mind to his country boy roots. Sam would bet money that he had some kinks that she could get on board with. She's always wanted a pretty country boy to fuck her in the bed of his truck underneath the stars, so maybe she'd hint at that the next time they were in the truck. 

“Yeah, Jake? What kinda kinks do you have? Tell me, handsome, I wanna know.” Sam teased and a deep growl settled in Jake's chest as his hands took a hard hold of her ass. He wiggled both and then firmly slapped them, prompting Sam to yelp and dig her nails into his pecs. 

“You. In control. For one.” He said, pressing his head back against the pillows and using his whole body to bounce her up once, his actions begging her to get going. “Ride me like you stole me. I know you know how.”

Sam swallowed hard at his words, feeling breathless as she gazed down into darkened sage green eyes. They were calculating, and patient, but there was ferality to them that she wanted, no, needed, to tame. She took in a deep breath and she began to move her hips, not up and down but more scooping back and forth, so that her clit ground against the freshly shaven skin just above the base of his shaft. She was already on the edge of her orgasm, having had him settled inside her for such a long time beforehand, so she didn't need much to get her over the peak. 

“That's it, babygirl. You look so good up there, with those perfect tits bouncin’ up and down. Fuuuck . Use me . I wanna feel you cum on my cock so bad.” Jake's voice was strained, a needy whine at the end of his words that made Sam come undone so fast and hard that she saw stars as she moaned his name, loud and proud. Sweet, rapturous notes danced around his name, leaving her lips and filling the air in the room. She threw her head back in ecstasy, and raked her nails down his chest, which made his resolve fizzle out. He filled the condom, but he wished he was spilling inside her bare. He'd absolutely settle for what he was getting though, because it was a dream come true for him either way. 

Sam collapsed on top of Jake and he could feel for a moment how they were both in sync, breath ragged, hearts pounding in their chests. His hands traveled up and down her sides and her back, fingers dipping at the indent of her spine. She reached for his hair, massaging with the pads of her fingers softly. 

“Signed, sealed, delivered, huh?” Jake mused which made Sam burst out with laughter. Jake chuckled too, feeling warmth spread in his chest. It was unfamiliar to him as it was not a lustful warmth. It was something he felt few times before, something he felt that was similar to the comfortable warmth he would feel when he saw his brother or his parents after a long time away. His cold and seemingly uncaring heart filled with the warmth of love for Sam as she hovered above him. 

“Jake...I am so comfortable with you. I really like that...” Sam said and Jake's thoughts for a minute were ‘not feelings talk again’ but he let her continue, because not only did he know that he loved her, he also respected her. She had earned that immediately from him, by way of her own cocky confidence and intelligent retorts. “And...I am really grateful to you for helping me get through what's going on with my dad. I feel alone with it sometimes...”

“Remember I said you tell me when you feel like that and I'll take it away?” Jake murmured as he wrapped his arms around her lower back and squeezed gently. She made a satisfactory noise.

“Yes. And you are. You’re making me pretty fucking happy when I probably shouldn’t be.” Sam whispered and Jake’s brow furrowed at her admission. She lifted her head then, moving her arms to his chest, and propping her chin on her hands to look directly at him. “Which, by the way...my dad wants to see you. Wants to discuss you and I.”

“Nothing bad I hope? I actually wanted to talk to him too though, so I guess it’s good timing.” Jake said, as they settled and both became quiet and comfortable in the silence. Jake would try to talk to Ice later that day.

🛩🛩🛩

Ice wasn't doing well. Now he was having more trouble breathing. His cancer was back and it was fierce. Maverick had just been to see him a few days ago. Now he had another visitor. The blond knocked gently on the door and Ice made a motion for him to enter the room. He'd asked not to be put on a ventilator. He knew his time was coming and he wanted to go out at least a little like himself. A little bit of dignity left. 

Jake Seresin pulled the chair to the edge of the bed, where Iceman was propped up on a pillow. His phone was on his lap and he was resigned to the fate of using the notes app to communicate. Ice held a hand out and Jake shook it carefully. He felt like he might break the man. Jake hadn't known him personally for very long, but now that he did, it almost made this whole thing worse. Ice put his other hand over Jake's and patted it a few times before picking up his phone and typing something to show to him.

How's the training?

“Hard. Mav is tough. Expects a lot, but I guess that's good.” Jake said, glancing over at Ice with solemn eyes. Ice smiled. He typed again and showed Jake.

And Sam? 

Jake drew in a sharp breath and swallowed hard. He could've sworn the ring in his pocket vibrated in anticipation. The ring that he’d snuck away from work to buy. The ring that he felt like he was maybe making a mistake with. The ring that he’d spent way too much on for a woman he barely knew, but for once, he was going to wing it and trust what he was feeling deep in his heart.

“Uh, well sir, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. And I knew you wanted to talk to me about her too, so maybe we’re on the same page.” Jake said softly, glancing at the door. Ice nodded, having a feeling he knew what Jake was about to ask. He placed a hand over Jake's again and took a minute to type something out.

You're a good pilot. You remind me of...me...when I was young. Just the right amount of arrogance and loyalty. The kindness and respect you've shown my daughter is something of a unique and admirable quality. Not many men can be so honorable with someone else's daughter as you have been. You must really love her, though you’ve only known her for a short time, but...when you know, you know.

Good that Ice didn't know what he and Sam had gotten up to in private though. Jake's brows knitted as he stared into Ice’s eyes. Tears welled and his jaw worked as he gathered his composure enough to ask Ice the question he'd come to ask. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. 

“Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing...to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.” Jake's voice was shaky and Ice smirked. He pulled Jake toward him in a hug. When he let go, Ice typed out his response.

I would be honored to have you marry my daughter.

Jake let his breath out and took a deeper one. He smiled and thanked Ice. They sat in a comfortable silence for a little longer. Ice only asked one thing of him.

Just be there for her, Jake. She doesn't need anything else but you. Especially now. I won't be here for much longer. 

Jake's mouth tightened, knowing he was right. Sam would need him more than ever very soon.

[dagrapesody]

Baking session!!

They love baking together you can’t change my mind!!

[b6d11f]

at my best, I'm a sacrificial lamb at my best, I am something you could handle

[booigi-boi]

Found my old VHS collection. Don't remember recording this show at all. Anyone got any info? Googling doesn't work :/

Sorry for bad quality. For some reason the recording is all fucked up

[deoidesign]

Time and Time Again comes back tonight!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.

My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!

So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.

[anewp0tat0]

I tried but not very hard to see what the anniversary date was, and i decided to just prepare myself for the 16th or the 18th... it was the former. so, as always, but this time truly by accident... happy belated 17th birthday Black Butler!! I truly hope this year is amazing for us.

this year, I decided to use an idea I had wanted to try for a while but I never thought I would be able to pull off. and I still probably couldn't in the best way.... but regardless, here is a made up last chapter scenario.

you can also see this comic on webtoon here. whatever your fancy, if you please :>

[sleep-deprived-luka]

Gog au niigo for tonights doodle

[lulubeanie]

Don't forget that you can always draw your ocs and favorite characters in fun outfits that you think they would wear. you can and should do this

[essektheylyss]

I was personally assaulted (honorific) by this essay on ambition. It's very good.

[yuseirra]

I saw a cockroach yesterday... I'm using that experience as an insp o<-< that's what you call "Sublimation", right..

[intrusive-thought-library]

Revenge for stealing the last pickled onion from her lunch box in 5th grade

[the-sky-queen]

The Mind Electric - Animatic

Starline AU belongs to @totaleclipse573

My goodness I'm so nervous to post this but I'm gonna be brave and do it anyway. Inspiration struck me like a lightning bolt yesterday and I rushed to make this as fast as possible. I have visions in my head for how I would do the whole song, but I'd only want to do that if I could use the actual audio. (I couldn't figure out how to just record it off of YT (there was a specific edit of the song I wanted to use) which is why I ended up singing the section of the song I wanted. If I ever figure it out, I may possibly reupload this and/or do the full version. *shrug*)

The editor kinda ate the quality a bit so separate pictures along with the original sketches are under the cut!