#not quite an incorrect quote

[crazyjaney]

Why split up your party in BG3? RP reasons, obviously!

[investigating various leads at a pleasure house] Tav: [whispering] Drow twins you say? Uh, gang, we need to split up, investigate different leads... cover all our bases, you know? [Grabs Karlach's hand]. You come with me. [Karlach looks like a puppy wagging its tail.] Shadowheart, grabbing Lae'zel's hand: We should go in pairs then. Lae'zel: Chk. Shadowheart: For reasons of defensive tactics, of course. Lae'zel: ... Excellent point. [Lae'zel stops pretending to be annoyed and takes Shadowheart's hand.]

I love my girl squad so much

[harmonysanreads]

Reader : Do you want to take a shower with me?

Aventurine : I have a gun beside my nightstand and I want you to shoot me with it if I ever say no to that because know that I've gone crazy.

[liesmultixxx]

percy jackson summarized:

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Captain Gerrard: Those are your chores for the week. Have I made myself clear?

Hen: You probably did.

Chim: We just didn’t listen to any of it.

Eddie: Your racist tone of voice is very difficult to hear.

Buck: I did listen to your every word and I counted 9 possible lawsuits based on discrimination, which is a feat given that you barely said two sentences.

Ravi: That wasn't very cutesy and demure of you cap. Brat summer is over, just so you know.

[galaxymagitech]

Duke: Why does Batman have so many rules? I can’t help him if he won’t let me!

Dick: Rules only count if you respect the person who gave them.

Duke: But I…respect Batman…mostly.

Steph: If you stick your fingers in your ears and say “lalalala” loud enough, the rules don’t exist.

Jason: Nah, no need for that, Duke, I already blew the rules up. They’re dead.

Duke: I don’t think that’s how it works…

Damian: Father has no power over you. Ignore him.

Duke: Tim, you’re my last chance. Help me.

Tim: Oh? Just kill him. Then the rules won’t count. You can borrow my death ray blueprints.

Duke: …

Barbara: …who forgot to give Tim coffee?

[zetadraconis11]

HL Incorrect Quote #100

*in the Room of Requirement*

MC, bursting in: I finally did it!

Sebastian from the sofa: Did what?

MC, holding up the Field Guide: I finally found all the pages!

Natty, looking up from her book: THAT'S why you've been casting Revelio everywhere?

MC: Yep! And not only that, but I also found all of those Demiguise statues!

Poppy, while petting Highwing: ...is that why you've been taking cat naps all around Hogwarts?

MC: Yep.

Ominis, from a lounge chair: For the record, sleeping on the floors of Hogwarts are not as bad as you would think.

MC: Oh, and I found ALL of the Astronomy tables!

Amit, by a telescope: You did?! I hope it wasn't too dangerous...

MC: Nonsense! I've dealt with a whole lot worse than some mongrels and spiders. This was a piece of cake.

The group:

MC: And don't get me started on those bloody Merlin trials... But I did all 95 of them!

Sebastian, horrified: 95???

MC: Yes! It was not worth the pints of coffee and tea I downed, but I have done it all!

The group:

MC: I need to sleep. *keels over onto lounge*

The group:

Ominis: The more I hear about what MC does, the more concerned I get.

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Nurse, taking Maedhros’ temperature: …it says 40 Celsius?

Maedhros: you should see my father’s.

[infinite-orangepeel]

oop i think he heard himself being called out, nobody move…

[cod-dump]

Price: Look, I know we're both still upset about Mexico, but we have to play nice with Shadow while they're on Farah's side.

Nik: Tsk. Fine.

Price: Thank you. Ah, Commander Graves.

Graves: Captain. Who's this?

Nik: I could pick you up and throw you four and a half meters easily.

Graves:

Price:

Nik: Six meters if you weren't in full kit.

Graves: re...really...?

Price: Nikolai. A word. NOW.

[harringroveera]

AU where Steve came to California for his family summer vacation when he was 9 and met a boy with blue eyes, blond hair, and with a cute surf board, and they hung out for that whole week

Ten years later, Steve is super determined to go back and find him again

[sxphr]

Enid: You've been in a mood all day, what's wrong?

Wednesday, standing with her arms crossed, mumbling: Nothing.

Enid:

Enid: Oh! Is it because you want a hug?

Wednesday:

Enid, laughing: You could've just asked Wends.

Wednesday, blushing: Shut up.

[purpleangiie]

[Duke is sitting on the couch at the manor and is flipping through the channels on tv until he sees something]

Duke: "Guys look, there's circus on tv! Wanna watch it?"

*Everyone stops suddenly*

Dick, tears already welling up in his eyes: "Cool! I might cry watching it but yeah sure, don't mind me, eheh!"

Duck: "Ook–"

Jason: "Nuh uh, uh uh! The first clown I see I punch the tv and I'm not kidding."

Duke: "That seems a little excessive, but–"

Damian: "Look at that miserable tiger! They shouldn't extract exotic animals from their natural habitats just for our amusement! You have no idea how horrible it is for– *keeps rambling about animal cruelty in today's society*

Cass: *nods confidently*

Tim: "Only if I'm allowed to explain every conjuring trick, otherwise there's no fun."

Duke: "Why would you–"

Jason: "I TOLDJA IF THE FUCKING CLOWN APPEARED I–"

Dick: Jay NO–"

[Dick and Tim try to stop him from punching the tv]

Steph, smiling happily as she sits on couch, ignoring the chaos unfolding before her eyes: "I wanna watch the circus!"

Duke:

Duke: "Haha! Nope. Too late. I'm turning the tv off. And never turn it on again."

[alien-slushie]

Rosalyn: We're going to put everything we love in the box-

Raon, On, and Hong, immediately: Can I put Dad in the box?

Rosalyn: No-

Choi Han: Can I put Cale-Nim in the box?

Rosalyn: No!

Alberu: Can I-

Rosalyn: Nobody is putting Young Master Cale in the box!

[starmaker-astral]

Aziraphale : How would you like your coffee, my dear ?

Crowley : As dark and bitter as my soul.

Aziraphale :

Crowley :

Aziraphale : *serves a glass of milk*

[rainbowpopeworld]

(Edited to add: not an actual quote from Michael Sheen - this is a meme)

[f-smutt-fitzgerald]

TWST Incorrect Quotes: A Wonderful Gift

[Yuu gets attacked by a group of hoodlums]

Attacker A: *punches Yuu and pushes them down* You fuckin' bitch!

Malleus: *slowly walks up to the group* Oh my... It seems as though you've given me such a wonderful gift...

Attacker B: Oh yeah, horny boy? What gift is that?

Malleus: *eyes glowing green, all the light in the area goes dark as he cracks his knuckles* An excuse.