#not quite an incorrect quote

[crazyjaney]

Why split up your party in BG3? RP reasons, obviously!

[investigating various leads at a pleasure house] Tav: [whispering] Drow twins you say? Uh, gang, we need to split up, investigate different leads... cover all our bases, you know? [Grabs Karlach's hand]. You come with me. [Karlach looks like a puppy wagging its tail.] Shadowheart, grabbing Lae'zel's hand: We should go in pairs then. Lae'zel: Chk. Shadowheart: For reasons of defensive tactics, of course. Lae'zel: ... Excellent point. [Lae'zel stops pretending to be annoyed and takes Shadowheart's hand.]

I love my girl squad so much

[harmonysanreads]

Reader : Do you want to take a shower with me?

Aventurine : I have a gun beside my nightstand and I want you to shoot me with it if I ever say no to that because know that I've gone crazy.

[liesmultixxx]

percy jackson summarized:

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Captain Gerrard: Those are your chores for the week. Have I made myself clear?

Hen: You probably did.

Chim: We just didn’t listen to any of it.

Eddie: Your racist tone of voice is very difficult to hear.

Buck: I did listen to your every word and I counted 9 possible lawsuits based on discrimination, which is a feat given that you barely said two sentences.

Ravi: That wasn't very cutesy and demure of you cap. Brat summer is over, just so you know.

[galaxymagitech]

Duke: Why does Batman have so many rules? I can’t help him if he won’t let me!

Dick: Rules only count if you respect the person who gave them.

Duke: But I…respect Batman…mostly.

Steph: If you stick your fingers in your ears and say “lalalala” loud enough, the rules don’t exist.

Jason: Nah, no need for that, Duke, I already blew the rules up. They’re dead.

Duke: I don’t think that’s how it works…

Damian: Father has no power over you. Ignore him.

Duke: Tim, you’re my last chance. Help me.

Tim: Oh? Just kill him. Then the rules won’t count. You can borrow my death ray blueprints.

Duke: …

Barbara: …who forgot to give Tim coffee?

[zetadraconis11]

HL Incorrect Quote #100

*in the Room of Requirement*

MC, bursting in: I finally did it!

Sebastian from the sofa: Did what?

MC, holding up the Field Guide: I finally found all the pages!

Natty, looking up from her book: THAT'S why you've been casting Revelio everywhere?

MC: Yep! And not only that, but I also found all of those Demiguise statues!

Poppy, while petting Highwing: ...is that why you've been taking cat naps all around Hogwarts?

MC: Yep.

Ominis, from a lounge chair: For the record, sleeping on the floors of Hogwarts are not as bad as you would think.

MC: Oh, and I found ALL of the Astronomy tables!

Amit, by a telescope: You did?! I hope it wasn't too dangerous...

MC: Nonsense! I've dealt with a whole lot worse than some mongrels and spiders. This was a piece of cake.

The group:

MC: And don't get me started on those bloody Merlin trials... But I did all 95 of them!

Sebastian, horrified: 95???

MC: Yes! It was not worth the pints of coffee and tea I downed, but I have done it all!

The group:

MC: I need to sleep. *keels over onto lounge*

The group:

Ominis: The more I hear about what MC does, the more concerned I get.

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Nurse, taking Maedhros’ temperature: …it says 40 Celsius?

Maedhros: you should see my father’s.

[whyhowdythereextras]

apollo justice and phoenix wright text leak

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

Chat, I regret to inform you that I have added a new hyperfixation…so…

Agatha All Along Incorrect Quotes!

Alice: Hold the fuck up.

Also Alice, crawling into Lilia’s lap: It’s me. I’m the fuck up. Hold me.

Rio: I have an idea!

Jen: No murder.

Rio, sighing petulantly: I no longer have an idea.

Lilia: I have a bad feeling about this…

Agatha: What do you mean?

Alice: Don’t you ever get that little voice in the back of your head that tells you if something is going to get you in trouble?

Agatha: No.

Jen: That actually explains so much.

Lilia: As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had this little voice in my head telling me to “live it up today, because there’s not gonna be a lot of tomorrows”.

Agatha: You do realize there’s medication designed to get rid of those kinds of voices, right?

Teen: A bird flew in through my window and I’m trying to befriend it.

*later*

Agatha: Why don’t you quit bothering me and go talk to your bird friend?

Teen: Matthew and I are not speaking at the moment.

*the coven, huddling together behind a makeshift shelter to shield themselves from repeated gunshots*

Alice, hastily shoving the others behind her so she can return fire: Agatha, do you have any idea who would want to shoot you?!

Agatha, squashed between Jen and Rio: Many people want to shoot me. I take great pride in that!

Jen, glaring at the group as she hands over bail money:

Alice, tapping her shoulder: What about Teen?

Jen, glaring more: I’ve got to bail him out too? Where’s Agatha?

Teen: No one called her. We used Lilia’s phone call to call Alice and Rio’s to call you. Then Rio used my phone call to vote for American Idol.

Rio: :)

Jen: Rio isn’t answering her phone.

Agatha: Here, I’ll try.

Jen: Alice and I have tried six times each, what makes you think that-

Rio, picking up on the first ring: Hey, sweetheart.

Agatha: The ends always justify the means!

Jen: Do you know who said that?

Agatha: Was it Oprah or someone nice and great like that?

Jen: It was Machiavelli. A decidedly non-Oprah like person.

Jen: I bet you didn’t even finish the thing I asked you to get done!

Agatha: For your information, I most certainly did! Got it done last night!

Teen, whispering to Agatha: You didn’t get it done, did you?

Agatha, whispering back: I don’t even know what she’s talking about.

Lilia: I am at a loss for words!

Teen, glancing at the camera like his mom like he’s on The Office: Despite being lost for words, Lilia yelled at us for the next 45 minutes.

Agatha, carrying Señor Scratchy out of the room:

Señor Scratchy: *snuggles under her chin*

Agatha, kissing his head: You are being punished. Please stop being adorable. I love you.

Teen: I got a trampoline tent for summer sleepovers!

Jen, whispering to the other adult witches: …think of all the sex.

Alice: There are two types of people.

Rio: If you wanted to eat someone, you could put a fire under it and slowly roast them :)

Lilia: …three. Three types of people.

Jen, cautiously: I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before, but…Teen, you are a little crazy.

Teen: Aren’t we all a little crazy here, Jen?

Jen: No, I mean you’re aging-ballerina, child-chess-prodigy, professional magician kind of crazy.

Teen: It’s my mom’s fault. You know, we come from a Jewish family, but she used to tell me the reason Santa didn’t come was because my room was too dirty.

Rio: I’ve come looking for trouble. And if I can’t find trouble, I WILL create some.

Alice: Do you trust me?

Lilia, smiling proudly at her: Yes.

Alice, who has been completely panicking: Wait, what? Why?!

Agatha, awkwardly glancing around for help: Er…Alice, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what to say to people who are crying. So I’m just gonna hope that the tone of my voice makes you think I do, okay, sweetie?

Alice, sniffling: …thanks, Agatha.

Agatha, patting her on the back with a bit too much enthusiasm: No problem, kid.

Lilia: I told Agatha about it weeks ago!

Teen: She WHAT?

Agatha: What??? Lilia says insane shit all the time, how was I supposed to know this one was true?!

Lilia: Bank accounts are a sham created by the shadow government!

Agatha: SEE?!

BONUS:

Wanda, watching from the afterlife: so…when exactly do kids grow out of that whole emo, rebellious stage?

Lorna, shrugging: I don’t know. Alice is still in it.

[infinite-orangepeel]

oop i think he heard himself being called out, nobody move…

[cod-dump]

Price: Look, I know we're both still upset about Mexico, but we have to play nice with Shadow while they're on Farah's side.

Nik: Tsk. Fine.

Price: Thank you. Ah, Commander Graves.

Graves: Captain. Who's this?

Nik: I could pick you up and throw you four and a half meters easily.

Graves:

Price:

Nik: Six meters if you weren't in full kit.

Graves: re...really...?

Price: Nikolai. A word. NOW.

[harringroveera]

AU where Steve came to California for his family summer vacation when he was 9 and met a boy with blue eyes, blond hair, and with a cute surf board, and they hung out for that whole week

Ten years later, Steve is super determined to go back and find him again

[sxphr]

Enid: You've been in a mood all day, what's wrong?

Wednesday, standing with her arms crossed, mumbling: Nothing.

Enid:

Enid: Oh! Is it because you want a hug?

Wednesday:

Enid, laughing: You could've just asked Wends.

Wednesday, blushing: Shut up.

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Bobby: I feel so old.

The 118: ...

Bobby: You're supposed to say "No, Bobby, you're not old! You could still run a marathon if you wanted to"

Ravi: You are old, though.

Hen: But you look very good for your age!

Eddie: Yeah, you're totally a silver fox.

Chim: Very ruggedly handsome.

Buck: You're not running a marathon, though.

Ravi: Because you're old.

[daddiesdrarryy]

Pansy: Draco, just call Harry and tell him that you want to be friends again. It took you so long to be friends

Draco: Look, Pansy, I can’t. I just cannot hear about Harry’s girlfriend and her ass that don’t quit, okay?

Draco: My ass don’t quit! What about my ass?

Pansy: Draco, please just call Harry

Blaise: Seriously, mate

[purpleangiie]

[Duke is sitting on the couch at the manor and is flipping through the channels on tv until he sees something]

Duke: "Guys look, there's circus on tv! Wanna watch it?"

*Everyone stops suddenly*

Dick, tears already welling up in his eyes: "Cool! I might cry watching it but yeah sure, don't mind me, eheh!"

Duck: "Ook–"

Jason: "Nuh uh, uh uh! The first clown I see I punch the tv and I'm not kidding."

Duke: "That seems a little excessive, but–"

Damian: "Look at that miserable tiger! They shouldn't extract exotic animals from their natural habitats just for our amusement! You have no idea how horrible it is for– *keeps rambling about animal cruelty in today's society*

Cass: *nods confidently*

Tim: "Only if I'm allowed to explain every conjuring trick, otherwise there's no fun."

Duke: "Why would you–"

Jason: "I TOLDJA IF THE FUCKING CLOWN APPEARED I–"

Dick: Jay NO–"

[Dick and Tim try to stop him from punching the tv]

Steph, smiling happily as she sits on couch, ignoring the chaos unfolding before her eyes: "I wanna watch the circus!"

Duke:

Duke: "Haha! Nope. Too late. I'm turning the tv off. And never turn it on again."