#Silm crack

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

My favourite thing about Turgon are the seven increasingly spectacular gates he built along the entrance to his city that no one’s supposed to find anyway.

[elves-as-things-my-friends-said]

Maedhros: I feel like we should try a more diplomatic solution sometimes -

Celegorm: I CAST WAR CRIME

[psstwantsomecheese]

Gay af to want to go to Beleriand. What are you trying to explore? Your sexuality?🤨

Gay af to wander the woods. Why do you like being surrounded by bushes?🤨

Gay af to hang by your right arm for decades. Oh you 'broke' your 'back' on a 'mountain'?🤨

Gay af to be guests of an underground kingdom. Why do you want to enter your boy cousin's hole?🤨

[barelyanartblog]

"But Fingon could not release the hell-wrought bond upon his carpal pad, nor sever it, nor draw it from the stone. Again therefore in his pain Maedhros begged that he would slay him; but Fingon cut off his paw above the carpal pad, and Thorondor bore them back to Mithrim."

– Of the Return of the Noldor, The Silmeowrillion

[inthehouseoffinwe]

Crack idea: Elrond’s tired of elves constantly asking him to be king, and when they finally say ‘if not you, at least choose one of your sons!’ plonks the crown on Aragorn.

He has the training. The skills. Is well known and generally loved by the vast majority of elves anyway.

And if they don’t like it? Well. They should’ve been more specific.

It’s worth mentioning Thranduil finds the whole thing *hilarious* and doesn’t even try to hide that he’s sending his most problematic elves Aragorn’s way. Elrond and Galadriel start doing the same and we end up with Gondor filled with hardcore Doriathrim and Fëanorians.

The only reason they’re not throwing hands is the position of High King is cursed and no one wants to answer to Elrond if his youngest son gets so much as a paper cut on their watch. Especially since this whole thing is their fault. Aragorn ends up with a constant guard of Sindar and Noldor he can’t shake off no matter what he does.

[quinthejester]

because this is exactly what happened with annatar and celebrimbor <3

[elvinye]

the second age of middle earth led to a boom in novelty and luxury products for the elves. fancy clothes, food that tastes good instead of just keeping you alive, books! all kinds of books! history, science, high literature, trashy romance, you name it

the trashiest and most popular genre? peredhel romance. most of it very thinly based on young adult elrond

peredhel hit the sweet spot between "weird and exotic" and "normal and nonthreatening"

elrond's political career is skyrocketing and everyone agrees that he's very handsome, but writing about him specifically would be tacky, so thinly-veiled OCs it is. tragic backstory already included!

cannot overstate how much elrond hates them

the sindar are not normal about melian's line and eldritch tendencies

the noldor are not normal about peredhel having human-like body hair. the Noldor Hair Thing strikes again

the majority are written by the noldor, followed by the sindar, followed by Men. there is one (1) dwarven example that the author mostly wrote to test themselves

all descriptions of knock-off homebrand elrond are both sensationalised and strangely demeaning

knock-off homebrand elrond is paired with just about every elf he has ever met (and a few he hasn't)

popular titles include The Peredhel and the Princess, A Herald's Desire, A Tale Of Two Twins, From Hostage To Husband, and Pouty Peredhel Polishes King's Spear!

most noldor stop writing after gil-galad bans them. some begin to write exclusively books featuring gil-galad out of spite

after getting married celebrian collects them and uses them to tease elrond mercilessly

[camille-lachenille]

Fëanorions and fam go to the ren faire:

Maedhros: basic tunic and cloak with a hood. Leather boots and belt, a giant bag with a first aid kit, snacks and water for everyone.

Maglor: cliché jester outfit in clashing colours with extra long shoes and obnoxious bells on his hat and the point of his shoes. Carries a ukulele and plays earworms the whole time

Celegorm: Spirit Halloween Robin Hood costume (yes Nelyo, the leggings have to be that tight), Huan is dressed like the Sheriff of Nottingham in the Disney cartoon

Caranthir: painstakingly reproduced by hand a historical outfit from a Byzantine mosaic, sourcing the most historically accurate fabrics he could find. Yes, these are real pearls and gems. No, he won’t say how much the whole thing is worth nor how long it took him to make.

Curufin: borrowed old stuff from Maedhros. He put all his time and efforts making Celebrimbor’s garb

Amrod: front part of a dragon puppet

Amras: back part of a dragon puppet

Celebrimbor: asked his dad if he could dress like a knight and Curufin made him real plate armour and a sword out of aluminium so it’s not too heavy and roped Caranthir into making a tiny gambeson to wear under the armour

Fëanor: black t-shirt and jeans, spends all his time critiquing other people’s outfits

Nerdanel: Merida cosplay, having the time of her life beating the shit out of buff guys at strength games

[sadsilmarilsoup]

This would so be me 😂

If anyone knows who the artist is please speak up!

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Maedhros’ abdication is so funny because every feanorian was probably salivating over his return like oOOooOoh Nelyo’s back, oh yeah we got our King now you see what he’ll do to you Nolofinwe he’ll really put you in your place huh buddy, good old Nelyo’s not gonna stand for this disrespect he’ll show you the crown belongs with us. And then

[dragon-ashes1485]

Twin Chaos Headcanon

Do you reckon that once Elros was king in Númenor he and Elrond did the twin switch thing? I like to think Elrond recieved a letter one time that said something along the lines of:

I need a holiday. I'll work for Gil-Galad for a week and you rule my kingdom, deal?

And Elrond was just like yea go on then.

A few days in and Gil-Galad is wondering why Elrond keeps making bad puns, why his handwriting is atrociously illegible and is just generally being extroverted.

Meanwhile in Númenor the subjects are confused as to why the King sings at random intervals, gives looks of sharp disdain to annoying politicians rather than swearing like a sailor and no longer gets carried to bed after drinking with the sea-guard.

Then they switch back just as everyone has grown accustomed to it. Elrond (the real one) tries hard not to laugh when the king makes a bad pun, Elros having influenced him. Elros finds himself VERY drunk on his first night back, the sea-guard believing his capabilities to be far higher than when he left.

P.s the bad pun Gil-Galad says?

Some courtier named Nindrol: "High-King-"

Gil-Galad: "Hi Nindrol." (Thank you random elf name generator)

Elrond: *unintelligible noises*

[psstwantsomecheese]

When burning to death in a fiery chasm isn't even the worst thing that's happened to you

[barelyanartblog]

*Arrives at Beleriand 30 years late holding Starbucks*

[stormygopher]

The best possible adaptation of The Silmarillion would be musical in the style of SIX with all the kings of the Noldor singing about their horrific deaths.

[gondolindon]

the fact that 'nolo' (derived from the root for wisdom) means embarrassing/cringe in finnish is hilarious to me. in cringe there is wisdom. professor's words not mine