shit-people-probably-didnt-say

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My toxic trait? I love intellectually running circles around men who think they are inherently superior to women

Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside when their only rebuke is retorting to name calling

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Wylan: I should be allowed to go feral at least once a week

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Jesper: Wylan had a dream that I divorced him because ‘I was bored’ and he has been mad at me all day

Nina: Well you should have told dream you not to do that

Wylan: Exactly! See, Nina gets it

Jesper: 😭

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Matthias: Strong words considering who your mother married

Wylan: 🫨🫨🫨

Wylan: Are you really stressing about a man who wouldn’t even exist right now if his mother had higher self-esteem??

Nina: 😮😮😮

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Wylan: Dont ask me if I think you shouldn’t do something questionable. Before I am a friend, Im an enabler

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Klaus: What age do we start meeting up for Bingo cause Im ready

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Wylan: I have a ‘dry clean only’ jumper that is about to learn some harsh truths about the real world

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Wylan: “You know, for a long time I thought you didn’t like me.”

Jesper: “Really? I don’t even remember a time when I wouldn’t have liked you.”

Wylan: “I do. Because you said it to my face. ‘I don’t like you’.”

Jesper: “…that doesn’t sound like something I’d say…”

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Jesper: You know how we’ve always had this unspoken rivalry…

Wylan: Its not a rivalry, you’re just always mean to me

Wylan: And its hardly “unspoken”

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Wylan: No two snowflakes are the same. They are all unique fleeting creations.

Jesper, smashing together 20000 of them to throw at Nina: That's beautiful.

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Diego: If you chug a bottle of vodka on new years eve at 23:57, you’ll be vomiting horrendously when the clock strikes midnight

Alison: Why would anyone want to do that

Diego: Start the year off at rock bottom so you can only go up

Klaus: Bold of you to assume vomiting from alcohol is rock bottom

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Klaus: If you cant handle me at what you have mistakenly assumed is my worst then prepare to be unpleasantly surprised in the near future

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I stepped on my cats tail and I honestly feel like I need to go to jail

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Wylan: Do you ever just see your cat relaxing peacefully and think ‘I need to invade this perfect angels personal space immediately’

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Kaz Brekker and Jesper Fahey

SHADOW AND BONE | 01x01 A Searing Burst of Light

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This damn post influenced my dream last night. I accidentally angered a goose but with sharp claws and it hunted me through the mall 😭😭😭

I was hoping closed doors would stop it. They did not

Wylan: Why when you tell someone they were in your dream they automatically think it’s sexual. No, you morphed into a giant swan and chased me through town

Jesper: *Desperately holding back laughter*

Wylan: I was STRESSED

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Jesper: Kaz, what are you doing tomorrow? Kaz: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.