shit-people-probably-didnt-say

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Diego: It’s not so much that I have no idea what the kids are saying these days, it’s that when I look up the slang I still have no idea what it means

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Jesper: So my kid just asked me if Santa was real. Hes 9 now so I told him no but that it’s still fun to pretend

Jesper: I asked him who he thinks really puts all the gifts under the tree…This boy looked me right in the eye and said: THE GRINCH 😭😭

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Jesper: I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together, what could you possibly be plotting? You cant even get out of the open window

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Wylan: This bloodline ends with me.

Jesper: That’s the fanciest way i’ve ever heard anyone say “I’m gay”

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Nina: I dont watch porn, I read it. Like a fucking lady

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Klaus: Ghosting doesnt work on me I have object impermanence, I legit forget you exist the moment you leave the room

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Wylan: Beavers are so funny like why are you a little capybara doing hydraulic engineering

Jesper: What is their goal? Do they just see flowing water and think ‘absolutely the fuck not’ ?

Wylan: They actually build their house in there, it has a water entrance to protect them from evil

Jesper: Woah

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Inej: “She wont find out” I am spiritually gifted. I dream, see, feel, smell and hear all the secrets through whispers from the universe. I will find out

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Klaus: I love a manly man just going around fixing stuff, like drill me next

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Klaus: Sorry I didnt text back, I was on tiktok watching a film in 137 seperate parts

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Wylan: “Be his peace” pfft Imma put my cold feet on him 😊

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Wylan: I forgot my son can read. He said he wanted to get some sweets but I said no the shops closed and he said ‘no? They’re open till 7 now’

Wylan: Why would they have a sign up like that 😭

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Inej: Cant I get to know the real you?

Kaz: I wouldnt recommend it

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Wylan: I hate when Im trying to decide what I want for lunch and my brain decides to chime in with ‘y’know instead of having to make a *choice* I think we should just starve’

Jesper: And you wonder why you crash after 3 bells

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Jesper: Ive had 9 cups of coffee today and now I can see through time and I might be inside out. I have no blood left. Just vibration. Im going to alphabetise the alphabet (it’s all wrong I’ll explain later) then going to fight the moon.

Wylan: I think you need to be sedated

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Klaus: Kind of rude that plants in the wild can handle their own shit and keep themselves alive but I decide, out of the goodness of my heart, to keep one as a pet and how does it repay me? By being a finicky little bitch and dying??? Theres no justice in the world

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*Merchant Council arguing at dinner* Wylan: Please do not take sides this time. Jesper: Why? *slides a bowl of potatoes into his bag* They're too busy arguing to notice.