#not pain or fear just. tired.

[cesium-sheep]

dream about hanging out with maneskin, damiano was bitching at tomas about whether he'd picked out a cake and he was like "yeah you said chocolate and peanut butter and cats and the cake that would refrigerate fastest had all three" and we went to a city and arin and them wanted to run around and do everything but I had to go home because I was tired and we'd already been gone for a while. jackie had come with us but stayed with arin and them. then when I got home before arin stuff started being dropped off like fossils they'd win at a museum game or something and I was sad cuz I wanted to get to go to those places. (jackie got dropped off at some point too. I think after I left my brain switched it from maneskin to matt and his friends?)

[uncanny-tranny]

I know other adults like to joke about how much pain they're in, but genuinely, please try to get your pain checked out if you're an adult experiencing it, or at least adapt your life in whatever way lessens your pain.

Your pain deserves to be addressed. Please don't "let" it get worse because you've been told that to grow older is to suffer. No, you aren't being needy or selfish or annoying. Ultimately, you are the one who suffers the most from the state of your health, and it's entirely reasonable to want your health to be up to your standards.

[katpurrccinodraws]

I didn’t notice I dressed Sofia up like her brother, but its a lab coat instead of a trench…

I forgot to post this yesterday but I got too stressed out, and shut down etc etc.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

progressing through the myth of sisyphus again

[tired-o-fighter]

Alright

Things i have learned after 10 minutes on a rollator

- the speed goes faster and steadier and it's incredibly helpful

- knees do hurt a LOT less

- everyone stares at you but no one tries to talk to you they just walk out of your way as if you're gonna eat them. I'm fine with that. (I'm from a country where it's incredibly ableist. People who need mobility aid just don't leave home. You don't see ANY young people using mobility aids)

- THE WRISTS HURT

- in order to drop the weight on it you have to use all your arms and it makes you EXHAUSTED

- you can NOT sneak out with it thinking no one will figure it out

- there's a good chance you'd be in big trouble when you get back home because they now know you snuck out with it and they have the exact same ableist mindset and believe you don't need it

- you can just sit on it as soon as you get tired. This is incredibly helpful. Breaks are helpful to save spoons.

[mixelation]

Is naruto convinced that deidara is his real brother?

nah. he's old enough to understand when his parents are simply playing THE BEST PRANK OF ALL TIME

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens

[lelianasbong]

Read a comment that claimed Fenris was secure in his elven identity so he "could teach Sera not to be such a hypocrite" which.... Fenris?? Fenris who struggles yea verily with his own internalized racism? Who describes city elves as 'squandering their freedom, living like frightened cattle'? Who describes the Dalish as grubbing in the dirt and rolls his eyes when Merrill tries to bond over their elvishness? Who, in his short story, sees a homeless elf and looks at him in disgust - not at the human society that put him there, but at the elf for not fighting back hard enough? That Fenris??

I appreciate both of these characters dearly, don't get me wrong. They were/are my first loves in their respective games. But Sera gets lambasted for being a city elf with messy feelings about elves due to her trauma while Fenris - who is also a city elf with messy feelings about elves due to his trauma - gets a pass presumably because he's a Hot Woobified Man and fandom will never hold Hot Woobified Men to the same impossible standards they subject women to.

And I wonder how much Hawke being human vs. the Inquisitor potentially (1/4 of the time anyway) being an elf plays into it? In that case it feels like people bristle at elves making questionable comments about elves when they're directed at their Super Nice Player Character and therefore Sera is MEAN!!1 abt elves bc Lavellan but Fenris is NOT MEAN!!1 abt elves because.. Hawke is human so they weren't personally insulted I guess?? Which, um. Is a take.

[yaoianimeremade]

Soon im rly gonna do it

[morningmask27]

I feel like November will be a difficult month for me again and I'm not looking for it

[lamortwrites]

Going to bed at half eleven like a responsible adult everyone clap

[semiotomatics]

lol maybe i shld get top surgery too while im at it

[byanyan]

ough tmw the existential dread creeps up on you out of nowhere even though you had a good day...

[punkrockisafulltimejob]

Bleh

[ipatrichor]

there are plenty of good parts of me finally having looked into deconversion resources (validation that i'm not alone in my experiences, examining my beliefs to find out where they come from and if they're harmful, developing a healthier mindset and worldview, etc.) and i would make the choice to do so again

however i gotta say the process of deconstructing things i've been taught literally since birth, realizing how fucked up a lot of it is and how much it's harmed me and most of the people i've ever known, and starting to unlearn perspectives and thought patterns that i had never thought to question before is. well. let's just say it feels like dissolving in acid and not being sure yet what parts of me will make it out the other side

like this was absolutely the right choice for me, i know i'm going to be happier and more mentally well once i've actually examined and worked through the ways christianity shaped my mind and thoughts, it's just fucking scary and overwhelming to pull my perspective on reality apart at the seams and rip out the parts that are rotting yknow. especially since it means confronting a lot of shit i didn't realize i was repressing

[bloomburnburial]

.