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vaokses · 3 months ago

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I shall be (Pirtir, Ch.3)

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Pairing: Aegon x Rhaenyra's Daughter!Reader

Summary: After what you're certain has been the longest dinner you have ever endured, you prepare to retire for bed. You must face the consequence of a secret you once shared when there's a knock on the secret door of your apartments.

Word Count: 5.4k (sorry 😔)

Warnings: Topic of arranged/forced marriage. Usual Targaryen incest stuff.

A/N: This makes a tad more sense if you've read the prologue on Aegon's PoV, "How long this love can hold its breath". I hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Title is from "I never again shall tell you what I think. I shall be sweet and crafty, soft and sly", by Edna St. Vincent Millay.

After Helaena leaves you by your apartments, you enter and dismiss your handmaidens, unwilling to stand another moment of scrutiny, of performance. They have left the hearth lit and you set out to undo your hair slowly, trying not to remember the last time you stood in this room, sitting by this very hearth as your mother explained to you how you weren’t safe here anymore, how you had no choice but to leave.

It somehow makes the truth of what awaits you more real, that these are the rooms they have decided to assign to you. It makes all of this, the reality of what has happened and what will, more solid, more tangible.

Your thoughts are interrupted, as are your actions, by the faintest clicking sound, as if something is knocking quietly on glass.

You have only recently learned of the secrets of the Keep, after listening too many times to your mother and father reminisce about their encounters over the years, between Daemon’s exiles and wars and returns. You only recently learned of the hidden door in the middle glass window behind the bed, the one where someone is knocking softly right now.

With an impulse so stupid you would believe it beneath you, you approach the door, and quietly open it.

On the other side, the deserted ramparts of the Keep at his back, stands Aegon. When you open the door fully, he offers a small smile, somewhere between daring and apprehensive. A familiar smile.

Your eyes widen, and your next words leave your lips in a hiss, “What are you doing!?”

He shrugs, “I was knocking like an idiot here for a while, whe-…?”

Before he can finish his answer, you have reached for him, fingers grasping at the sleeve of his shirt and pulling him inside before anyone can see him standing at the hour of ghosts outside your rooms.

You step back, startled and confused -and, most of all perhaps, affronted at your own choice, at your own carelessness-, and for a few breaths you seem to merely stare at one another, perhaps equally surprised at finding yourselves here.

You find yourself uncertain on how to move, how to play. Any mask you might find useful to wear now wouldn’t have opened the damn door, wouldn’t have participated in this foolish risk by allowing Aegon to enter you rooms.

A reminder, perhaps to yourself and not him, and you voice, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I believe I should be saying that,” He comments, defiant glint in his eye, lips pressed into a thin line. “You traveled to every city but this one, visited the seat of every family but this one, in these past two years. I assumed you had decided you would only return to King’s Landing to lay waste to it.”

You aren’t sure why it is he feels he has any right to reproach you for not visiting, or why it is you feel the need to defend yourself, explain the reason behind your absence all these years.

“I traveled only to where I was welcomed.”

If he knows you’re lying, which you doubt, for you doubt he ever cared enough to ask if you were extended an invitation from the Keep, he makes no mention of it.

Silence lingers, and though you know you should ask him why he’s here, tell him to leave, summon the guards, you say nothing. Instead, for what feels like the first time since you arrived, you look at him.

Stupidly, the first thought that comes into your mind, and the one that lingers, that brings to the tip of your tongue questions you know better than to ask, that fills you with the reckless impulse to want to know the story behind it -and each story you’ve missed out on-, is that his hair is shorter.

“We are to be married,” Aegon says. You take a deep breath, and find that you cannot release it. You nod your head instead, wordless. “Have they told you why they agreed to it? My mother, my grandsire?”

“The King, no matter the…state of his body or spirit, can overrule his wife and his Hand.”

“You know it was not my father’s doing. As…happy he seems to be that you would dare resign yourself to a man like me, he didn’t arrange this.”

Years ago, you might have offered an apology he won’t hear from those he deserves it from, you might have crossed the distance between you, you might have offered comfort. Years ago, you might have not turned a blind eye, you might have not looked away.

You turn towards one of the shelves by the hearth -strange, how you still remember it is this wall that first illuminates when the sun rises-, and grab the napkin dragon Helaena gifted you from a nearby table and place it upon the shelf.

Turning back around, you answer the previous question, you offer a safe answer,

“No one tells me much of anything, so I’m afraid I don’t know their reasons. But I could venture a guess.”

A truer answer would be that love for a daughter doomed the Greens, while a daughter’s love granted victory to the Blacks. That in refusing to marry Helaena either to Aegon -to give him heirs, to secure his claim as your mother secured hers- or to someone else -a royal womb, a wife in exchange for an army, for another House sworn to their cause-, Alicent accepted defeat. That in betraying who you were -who you might have been- to allow for the most useful lie to wear your face as if truth, in chasing that safety you believed you would achieve by turning the Realm to your cause, you helped Rhaenyra win her war.

Aegon turns his head to look at the dimming flames of the hearth, a furrow between his brows.

“They refused before.”

“Helaena would have been sent to Driftmark were she to marry Jace, y-…”

“I don’t mean them,” He interrupts. He doesn’t look at you still, finding the dying embers apparently fascinating. His hands twitch, much like his sister’s did before, opening and closing, as if needing to release nervous energy. “I mean you and me. I asked, my mother refused.”

Your stomach does a strange flip, as it does when Vermithor makes a vertical ascent into the clouds. No, not quite like that. It feels more like when he just narrowly avoids a crash against a cliff face when speeding through the clouds over the Stormlands. It feels like that faint moment when Vermithor loses his footing on unstable ground and fails to land.

“What? When?”

“After you left,” He replies. He ventures to look at you, only briefly, and at your questioning look Aegon shrugs and explains, “You wanted to stay.”

That isn’t the explanation he seems to think it is, but doesn’t seem inclined to clarify any further. And you aren’t sure you want him to, because an echo of a promise you once made -when you were younger, and the world was smaller- is getting louder.

Instead of asking anything else, you remind him, and yourself, of the war that loomed over this family.

“When we left, Aemond didn’t have Vhagar, and my bond with Vermithor was too new. Now…there haven’t been so many grown dragons with riders since King Jaehaerys’ reign,” You point out. “Your mother understands now, as I hope the rest do, that if a war for the Iron Throne is to be waged, there will be naught but ash and charred stone to rule over once it’s won. Destruction is assured, mutual destruction.”

“And you are here as…what? A sacrificial lamb to prevent bloodshed?”

You look at him, and with more impulsivity than you should allow yourself, you answer plainly,

“Baaa,” Dumbfounded, Aegon blinks, once, twice, before a smile lights up his expression. His shoulders shake lightly with laughter, and you find yourself smiling in kind. And relentless, like a weed you couldn’t pull from its root and now regrows, is that impulse from your youth, that familiar warmth in your chest and in your cheeks at being the one to make him laugh. “I gather it depends on who you ask. I’m sure many would see me a herald of doom and not a sacrificial goat.”

“Lamb,” He corrects, pointlessly, aimlessly. Silence lingers, and a few breaths after, he presses, “Is that why you are here, then? For…for the future of the family? You didn’t want to leave in the first place. I thought…”

When it seems he cares not to continue his sentence, you clarify,

“It was once my home, it’s true, but I…no longer recognize it,” You admit, with more honesty than you should allow yourself, perhaps. From your window you can see the Dragonpit. When you were children you would go there so often, and though the trip had to be made on carriage, in between jests and games, or sleeping in your mother’s lap, it seemed such a quick trip, such a short distance. “It all seemed so much smaller, before. Easier.”

You shake yourself from this foolish nostalgia, and return your attention to the present, to the inside of this room. You return your attention, and your gaze, to Aegon, who still stands there, almost awkwardly, in the middle of the room.

“Wine?” He asks, faintly moving back and forth on the balls of his feet, a jarringly nervous, almost childish, gesture. You do not understand the part of you that finds it endearing.

“No, thank you.”

“I would like some.” He states, but makes no move to pour himself a glass. Instead, he merely looks at you, expectant, eyebrows raised and smile a taunt.

With a deep breath, refusing to let him anger you as easily as he would when you were younger, you acquiesce, and turn your back to pour him a cup of wine.

“I-…They told me you wanted me,” Aegon confesses, the last two words stumbling on an eager tongue. You keep your attention on pouring the wine, and keep your back turned to him, somehow knowing it is while you aren’t looking that he speaks freely. “I was told you chose me.”

You finish pouring a cup -and one for yourself, for you gather this won’t be an easy conversation-, and turn to face him. Aegon stands tall, head held high, and yet you look at him and think only of someone trying to hide, itching to curl in on themselves, make themselves smaller.

His expression struggles for the same control he demands from his body, eyes guarded, jaw set tight.

Not unlike the first time you approached Vermithor, you find yourself waiting for his next move, awaiting a signal to follow, an opening for you to act.

And yet he doesn’t move. You aren’t sure if he is expecting you to, but regardless, you follow his example and hold your ground. Extending your arm, you offer the drink, but he makes no move to accept it.

“Was it a lie?” Aegon asks, quietly.

Something within you is begging you to admit the truth, to say yes. A part of you wishes to risk ruin the very purpose you serve being here, bring forth further division if you must; if that means getting to start the life that begins once you marry with no lies, with your true face.

But you have been a liar far longer than you have been anything else. You weren’t allowed to train with a sword and shield, you have been sent to roam unfamiliar halls and live with unfamiliar faces, you have been parted from your protector as Vermithor retreats to the outskirts of the city. You are alone, with no weapon and no dragon.

You have nothing but teeth and nails and lies, and you have no choice but to put them to use.

“No, it was not a lie,” You tell him, and the surprise he doesn’t bother to hide, the flickering vulnerability you doubt he could hide even if he wanted, that part his lips for a breath and bring a momentary tremble to this brow; they make that part of you wish to offer an apology. The closest you can offer to one is a half-truth, “If I am to marry, I would have it be you I take as a husband.”

And in the blink of an eye, Aegon retreats, cautious again. It feels entirely too close to failure, to deficiency, to let him take from you your advantage like this, because you let a face you don’t wear any longer decide on the words to leave your lips.

Petulant, he corrects, “That isn’t what I asked.”

And now he does approach, taking the goblet from your outstretched hand and downing half the wine in one gulp. You follow him with your gaze as he walks past you to sit in one of the lounges by the hearth.

“Is it not enough?”

He answers with a smile, somewhere between bitter and resigned. The smile hasn’t yet fully curved at his lips when it has already fallen leaving in place an expression torn somewhere between uncertainty and a reckless kind of longing.

You are a Velaryon in name alone, this everyone knows. You are not salt and sea, but even you know the mightiest of vessels can be brought down to the depths by a single crack, a single leak -a single leak, that allows the ocean a way in, a way to reclaim what it deems hers-. Perhaps that is why it is so easy for you then, to take a step back, the beginnings of a frown furrowing at your brow, the faintest movement of your head as you deny his unspoken admission, as you refuse hearing the ever-louder echo of a past long gone.

You were barely more than children, with no understanding of the world or what it would ask of you -of either of you-, when you made the foolish promises you did. It was a folly of youth, and while nostalgia does often cloud your gaze and leaves a faint stinging in your eyes in its wake, you understand, as he should, as he must, that that is all it was.

But doubt creeps in, saltwater through a crack in the hull of a ship, for you understand now, that whatever you had and forsaken, whatever you have made yourself forget, Aegon has kept, and remembered.

How could he, after all this time? How dare he, after all that has and all that hasn’t happened?

You once were naïve enough to think love might prevail over war, but you knew nothing of either. Now, you know better, now you see things as they are, as they were.

And still, something like regret pulls at your chest, something like a dead hope digs under your skin. Foolish, reckless. You tell yourself to take another step back, but you cannot move.

But before you can forget yourself, before you let echoes guide your actions or your voice, Aegon turns away, a humorless and quiet chuckle leaving his lips, his gaze for a moment falling to the cup of wine in his hand before gazing upon the quiet flames of the hearth.

“It is preferable to the alternative, I suppose. My mother wouldn’t forgive me if they had to have my betrothed dragged to the Sept against her will.”

What is expected, what is needed to get the upper hand, is to offer comfort, empty if it must be, that no woman would have to be forced into a marriage with a Targaryen Prince such as him, that the mere idea of a woman not being delighted to be his wife seems impossible to you. A lie, a false promise, anything.

And yet you cannot speak, you cannot move. You will tell yourself later that you were observing, as Lady Mysaria so often reminds you to do while at court.

As if by instinct, an instinct older than your oldest one -you feel robbed of all you learned since you left this place, for a moment, stripped of every instinct your exile imposed upon you and every mask you learned to wear since leaving-, you recite a lesson,

“Betrothals are sacred, in the eyes of any of the Gods. Any daughter, any loyal daughter, would sooner die than dishonor one.”

A groan answers your words, mocking.

“Don’t you tire of it?” Aegon asks, drawing you away from your own thoughts that seem intent on chasing themselves in circles. His head tilts to the side as he considers you and your silence, before he answers his own question with a humorless scoff. “But there’s no reason you would, really. It has always come easy to you, you just-…it’s easy for you.”

“What is?”

“Perfection,” He blurts out, before shrugging one shoulder defensively. He takes yet another sip of wine, and seems to laugh at a joke only he hears before he says, “The Realm’s Delight’s first and only daughter, as Valyrian as the ones in the histories. Rider of a dragon second only to Vhagar. So famed for your grace and beauty you might as well be the Maiden herself.”

Your brow furrows and your eyes narrow.

“Is this your attempt at an insult?”

“In all these years, not one story about a mistake. Not once I heard about you stepping out of line.”

“Court gossip rarely cares about daughters. I was never relevant enough to be gossiped about.”

“You are your mother’s heir. If she ascends the throne, you are to be Queen of the Seven Kingdoms after her,” He insists, lifting a finger off the goblet to aim it in your direction in accusation. At your answering silence, Aegon smiles, humorless and a tad mad, and after a sip from his drink starts again, “If she doesn’t, you still might be, now that you are to be my wife.”

“You speak of treas-…”

He interrupts you with an exasperated groan, letting his head lull backwards on the chair.

“Oh, don’t start. You shouldn’t take me seriously,” He advises, lifting the cup in a mock toast to his self-pity before adding, “No one does.”

“Yet many would have you and not my mother sit the Iron Throne.” You admit, not thinking twice about walking to the hearth and taking the seat by his.

In your mind lingers the thought, the reprimand, that you should know better than to do this, to say this. With lies and charm you’ve learned over time to loosen people’s defenses, to bring forth truth from them, and it does not surprise you that Aegon makes it frighteningly easy, still driven by a reckless kind of honestly -or a helpless one perhaps, truths escaping him like sand between his fingers-, still leaving himself exposed. And you should know better than to allow him to bring forth in you the same kind of carelessness.

You keep your attention on the flickering flames, and notice out of the corner of your eye that he has seemed to move closer and is watching you with some strange glint in his eyes. You turn your head to look at him, a question written in your own gaze.

He motions you closer, as if about to tell you a secret, and foolishly, you oblige.

“It’s because my cock is bigger than your mother’s.”

You lean back with a scoff that he only grins at. That, that is entirely becoming of the boy you remember from your youth.

“By the Gods.” You mutter, false disgust attempting to mask something childish, something like laughter. He leans back, stupidly proud at having caught you off-guard, and you furrow your lips to hide a smile.

“You still make the same face when you get ruffled.”

“I do not get ruffled,” You argue, “I am merely appalled at your…your vulgarity.”

He shrugs.

“You let me in.”

“I-…shut up.”

He laughs again, and you shake your head, looking away.

“Do you wish for me to leave?” He asks, and something gives you certainty that he will obey if you say you do. Which you should, for it is beyond inappropriate for a maiden to allow a man into her private apartments, not to mention unbecoming of your mother’s heir to wish for the company of the largest threat to her claim.

You cannot tell the truth, duty binds your lips with precise stitching; but you cannot lie, for in the quiet of it all the world seems smaller again, easier to handle.

And for those few breaths of silence, you think this is the most honest you’ve been tonight.

When you first arrived in Dragonstone, it was to you as wild and foreign as it must have been for your ancestors when they first reached the island; and like them, you too were escaping, fleeing from what you were promised was certain doom.

You were asked to call that place home, and yet you were not taught the layout of the castle or its surroundings, you were not taken sailing between Dragonstone and Driftmark by Laenor as your brothers were, you were not shown the path into the Dragonmont and into Vermithor’s lair, no. You were asked to call that place home, but Lady Mysaria sat with you on that balcony that looks in the direction of King’s Landing -on that same spot where you said goodbye to her a mere day ago-, and she told you that a home is a lie and a heart a shackle, and she promised to teach you to survive as a woman in a world of men.

You were taught to lie, to mask what you felt and what you thought, and to offer instead of the truth what was most agreeable, most useful. It was an easy lesson to assimilate, almost an instinct you were merely reminded of and not taught, and you dread to think of what that makes of you.

What was most useful then, what kept you safe then, what was needed from you then, was being a loyal daughter, with no ties to anywhere beyond her mother’s home, with no bond to anyone beyond the safety of her family. And so that is what you became.

You made yourself forget the world and the life that was before, the girl you adored and the boy that in another life you might have loved. More importantly, perhaps, you made yourself forget what could have been, what would never be.

You could not, not entirely, because there’s a box of dead bugs in your room that you meant to send to Helaena and yet you never did, and there’s a feeling you weren’t allowed to voice but you couldn’t swallow, and so some words remained stuck in your throat for over three years; but you tried.

You tried, you tried with everything that you are to forget about it all, to believe the tales you told others about the fickleness of youth, but now you’re back here and memories are not so easy to push away -and there’s a napkin dragon in your shelf and warmth in your chest as you sit beside Aegon-, and the words unsaid tighten your throat at each lie you attempt to tell, each mask you attempt to wear.

But there’s safety in the lies, in the masks. Anywhere in the world, be it Dragonstone or the seat of some House or another, you can wear a mask. Anywhere in the world, alone or surrounded, you can protect yourself with lies.

And you cling to them, even now, especially now.

“I-…you should leave,” You say, but then remind yourself that there is no room for mistakes. For half-truths, or half-lies. So you correct yourself, “I want you to leave.”

To your surprise, and to the dismay of a part of you the long night and the even longer absence make difficult to force down now, he obeys.

___

It is only you, the Queen, and her handmaidens in the room as you sit together for tea, and you are eyeing the window behind her as Alicent attempts to entertain you with talk about the wedding preparations. That the guests from the Reach are to arrive earlier than expected, that the Lord Hand has called for a septon from Oldtown to perform the rites, that the eldest son of Lord Tyrell has sent you a crate of hippocras as a betrothal gift.

You can only sit in silence and listen, listen and linger in the realization, horrifying and painful, that these celebrations are months in the planning. The realization that while you were travelling the realm in service of your House and your mother, foolishly believing you were free to choose a husband or not choose one at all, your choices were being stolen from you.

“I was younger than you when I married,” The Queen comments. “I would have never imagined you would remain unmarried for so long.”

You care not for polite conversation, nor any games. With a deep breath, you finally take your eyes off that window and blurt out,

“You advised me and Helaena, when we were children, that if the men were to ever come to take us away, we should ask our dragons to unleash dragonfire on them, or on ourselves,” There’s something quite close to horror in her expression, in her widened eyes and parted lips, when she looks upon you. “Does it truly surprise you, that we understand the…the gravity of marriage?”

The Queen is quiet for a few breaths, returning her attention to her plate and busying herself and her hands by cutting open a biscuit. The silence is starting to become uncomfortable when the Queen clears her throat and speaks again, voice tight, hoarse, “You remember.”

“Should I not, Your Grace?”

She scarred you, with her grief, her grief for two girls that weren’t yet dead, that hadn’t gotten yet a chance to be alive. She scarred you and in doing so she taught you; she taught you much more than your mother ever could.

Many times, Rhaenyra spoke with you about the life and death of her mother, and what fear she had for motherhood, how it was for many years a death sentence in her eyes. But her admissions were always followed by a soft, loving smile, by her hand grasping at yours, and the promise that her fears pale in the love she has for you and your brothers.

Alicent never made such promises, such assurances.

“I was…not myself. You needn’t heed the advice I gave that night.”

She was drunk, and tired, and angry; but neither of those things made her any less herself, nor her words any less honest. Of course, she won’t admit that.

You want to call her out on her lie, for you remember that night, and you remember well. You remember that when you told her you had no dragon, for Vermithor was still asleep and unknown to you and the egg placed in your cradle never hatched, Alicent merely looked at you with rage and sorrow over a decade old and replied, neither did I.

You were children, you were foolish and naïve children, and the next morning Helaena asked for you to accompany her to the Dragonpit, and tried to explain to Dreamfyre why she had to obey you if you ever came to her and commanded dracarys.

“It was advice I valued then and now.” You admit, finding her gaze and offering the faintest of smiles.

“It…gladdens me to hear that then, Princess.”

“Advice my aunt must value as well, for she remains unmarried.”

It is a provocation, and a careless one at that. You knew that before you voiced it, but you trusted the Queen not to falter. And she does not disappoint.

She drops the knife, and the noise of it hitting the plate rings in your ears. For a moment gone as quickly as it began, as if a compulsion she has tried to bury, the Queen lets her nails dig at the skin of her thumbs.

“I resented my husband, for many years, for allowing his daughter the liberties he did, for turning a blind eye the way he did,” She admits, and there’s that tone in her voice again, the tone of that night, tangled in anger and helplessness and regret. Now there’s shame, in the bow of her head, in the restless movements of her fingers. “And yet…my girl, I couldn’t-…”

“I would venture to guess many have vied for her hand in these passing years?”

“My father would have her married and shipped off somewhere far in exchange for an alliance, but…she wishes not to,” She looks at you then, lifts her warm gaze to yours. You’ve seen that look in your mother’s eyes before, you’ve seen it in Mysaria’s, in Rhaenys’. You realize now, with horrifying certainty, how fortunate you are that you haven’t seen that look in Baela’s or Rhaena’s eyes, or in Helaena’s. Alicent gestures with her hand aimlessly, to the nothing and the everything around you. “What use is there for all this, for any of it, if I cannot protect her?”

“I cannot speak on a mother’s duty or choices,” You say, and though you wish it would, it is not a mask like the one you presented to your grandsire last night, telling him what he wants to hear while you grit your teeth at what leaves your lips, no. It is the closest to truth you can offer. “But I am very glad to see her contented, happy even.”

The closest to truth you can offer, without revealing something wrong, something rotten. Like envy, like jealousy.

But you gather the Queen hears it regardless, for she sighs, and adds, “Which she achieved by remaining unmarried.”

You hear the words she doesn’t say, you see something like regret in her warm eyes, and stupidly, some part of you still the child that brought a sweet pastry to the Queen after finding her heaving panicked breaths and paler than a ghost, you want to reassure her, to accept the apology she doesn’t voice.

But Alicent starts again, composed again, distant again,

“You are a woman grown now. I trust in time you will learn to…handle Aegon, guide him. You must a-…”

You know where this is going. You just want one conversation where you aren’t asked to do something for someone, where you aren’t reminded of what is expected from you. One.

You stand from the table with a scoff, walking away and towards the window, “I am not a shepherd, and your son no sheep.”

“I only mean to help you.”

“I do not recall asking for help, Your Grace.”

The Queen joins her hands before her, head held high, back straight. A picture of a woman’s role, a woman’s duty. You look away and instead look out the window.

“You valued advice I gave before, and I ask you to do so again. I only mean to make this easier for you, child.”

She doesn’t wait for an answer and knows better than to press for one. Instead she murmurs your title and your name as a goodbye, not waiting for a returned goodbye of Your Grace or a gesture of your own, before turning around and moving to leave the room.

“You lied to him,” You blurt out, an accusation you are risking much if it ends up being wrong. When the Queen turns to look at you, you force yourself to hold your place, force your hands to remain in place even when you want to cross your arms, force your eyes to look at her even though a part of you fears her. You push on, “You told Aegon I wanted to marry him.”

Alicent takes a breath, and says nothing for a few beats, expression carefully flat as she regards you.

“Did you admit to him that it was a lie?”

“No.”

The only give she allows is the slight widening of her eyes, surprise but not quite. A breath, two, and the Queen bows her head in goodbye again, though now at her lips curves a smile. Sad, as all her smiles are, but a little defiant also.

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!

Though she admitted a little bit to what her stance in regards to the marriage is, the aspect of the lying and especially the lie about choosing him are still the point of this story, and will develop further in the upcoming chapters.

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Taglist: @21-princess @mrs-starkgaryen @nymeriiiia

#aegon ii fanfic #aegon targaryen x targaryen!reader #aegon ii x reader #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon x reader #fics by me

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zqmbiescorpse · 1 year ago

Text

THE MORNING AFTER THE LAST

lottie matthews x female reader

a/n: i used the word 'homosexual' once and every time i see it i giggle a bit, so if it feels out of place for you it felt out of place for me too lmao

summary: you and lottie have always been suspiciously close for best friends. one night at a party, the feelings finally surface. the only thing left to complicate the situation is a plane crash and a possession.

warnings: alcohol, smoking, brief mentions of homophobia, kissing, sexual tension, suggestive themes, possession, minor depictions of violence (like once i think)

word count: 5.6k

(masterlist)

Your head pounded rhythmically, in time with the pulsating music blaring all around you; the consequence of partying in the middle of nowhere with an abundance of alcohol. By some miracle, you and your team had made it to nationals and were due to fly to Seattle the following morning, so naturally, every member of the Yellowjackets could be found here, either drunk or high - in hindsight, it was not the best idea, but you were teenagers, a lame excuse for the fact that you'd get up to some stupid shit.

If you'd had a mind of your own and had refused to succumb to the pressures of high school, you would most likely be at home now, snuggled up in the warm comfort of your own bed, attempting to fall asleep since tomorrow was going to be very busy for you. Without a doubt, as much sleep as possible would have prepared you for the day, even if you were kept awake for a little while due to an overwhelming anxiety and excitement gathering in the pit of your stomach, like butterflies were congregating to flutter around down there.

However, you were currently standing propped up against someone's car. You didn't know whose it was, just that it was oddly parked in the middle of the party, surrounded by towering trees and irresponsible youth. Either way, it provided you with something to lean on, eliminating the need to hold yourself up while you slumped against it - red plastic cup in hand, you occasionally sipped the cheap alcohol, the flavour reminiscent of metal, bitter and sour, burning the back of your throat as you slowly swallowed it until there was nothing left.

Why were you here then? You'd find yourself pondering that question every other moment of the night, each time, your brain would trigger a similar answer and you'd suddenly be fine with the atmosphere again. The social gathering was merely a non-suspicious justification to spend time with Lottie, who was off scrounging for more beer to supply the both of you with. It hadn't been long, a few minutes max, though, you still wished she'd hurry up and come back. You weren't really invested in conversing with any other members of your team, or anyone else here that attended your school for that matter - leaving you awkwardly awaiting Lottie's return.

This didn't automatically mean that you disliked the people you would play the sport with, you did like a large majority of them and they were your closest friends. You weren't a loner, despite your lack of socialising at that moment which suggested otherwise; everyone else seemed to be scattered about, maybe in pairs or threes, moseying around with their own designated companion. You'd even catch glimpses of some of the girls kissing random guys, undoubtedly sparking trouble and unwanted romantic drama. You didn't want to be part of it. Ultimately, you were quite content with reducing yourself to clinging to Lottie's side, as you typically did.

The girl was witty, and cleverly humorous despite the fact that she was more subtle than harsh, never getting in anyone’s face or poking unnecessary fun at an oblivious target. She wasn't mean, bearing no intent to harm or cause trouble. Aside from her stunning looks and adorably gorgeous face, her genuine friendliness, sarcastic nature, and intelligence only ever intensified your infatuation with her. In addition, Lottie was incredible at what she did, her footwork being the cleanest on the team - how could you not admire her?

At times, it frustrated you to no end, considering the world you lived in, people would avoid homosexuals like the plague, meaning you had precisely zero people to talk to about your troubles. You'd attempted to dismiss such feelings for your best friend, however, each instance proved useless.

Creating distance between the pair of you failed miserablely, for starters, the image of you and Lottie Matthews being miles apart caused eyebrows to raise immediately - purposely avoiding her made you feel deflated while it drastically upset her. It was inhumane to do that to someone, especially someone so special to you, therefore, that plan was scrapped within minutes. Besides, you played soccer together for your school, it was only a matter of time before you'd be attached at the hip again.

'Newbie' was not the correct term for you, regarding your experiences with the team, nevertheless, you couldn't help but question your own utility. Although you could never exactly pinpoint why you were valued so much, apparently everyone else thought you were a spectacular asset and essential if they had any hope of winning Nationals. You disagreed.

On the other hand, Lottie acted like she was your personal hype woman, constantly drowning you in praises throughout every second of every game. Those things got under your skin, in the best way possible. It was a miracle that your performance didn't waver when she'd encourage you with such charming words, blushing and fumbling after every compliment.

You watched the brunette make her way toward you, a new batch of murky liquid in her hands, your heart a flutter at the mere sight of her. Lottie stumbled across the bumpy terrain, careful of the mud to prevent a fall, yet, she didn't hesitate to raise an arm excitedly to greet you. You smiled, shyly returning the wave.

"Jesus Christ, what idiot chose here of all places to have a party!" Lottie giggled, slipping the new cup of alcohol into your old, empty one.

"I have no idea, we kinda just show up, no questions asked," Your response was nonchalant, "Oh, thank you, by the way, for the drink," You quickly added on, eager to show your gratitude, even if it was over something minor.

"What?" She stared, wide-eyed, struggling to hear you over the booming beats of whatever shitty song was playing.

"I was just saying thank you for the beer!" Somewhat slurring your words, you began to shout, ensuring that you wouldn't need to repeat yourself again.

"Yeah, of course! It's no problem!"

Neither of you was severely intoxicated, at best it was more of a faint buzz guiding your bodies closer. The proximity gradually narrowed - there was not much hesitation as you were too busy caught up in the pointless, drunken conversation flowing between you and her.

Equally giddy, you became progressively needy, hanging onto every word she spoke, whereas Lottie continuously rambled on about everything and nothing, informing you about insignificant details; a vast grin plastered to her face. Out of all the Yellowjackets, it was obvious that you and Lottie had consumed the most alcohol, the image of you together - fairly isolated from everyone else though still in view of anyone sober enough to care - her free hand lazily played with the ends of your hair and you gazed up at her wearing a toothy grin.

Although it was strange for her to publicly display physical affection for you, the action didn't linger on your mind due to the woozy atmosphere. The man-made peace surrounding you, created by the beer, was soon broken by a few incoherent voices quarrelling suddenly.

"You're a fucking sociopath!"

Lottie, instantly detecting where the commotion was coming from, followed the sound of arguing. You trailed behind her, also eager to see some excitement.

"That was Shauna, right?" You inquired, cracking up at the idea of Shauna of all people getting into it with someone else, she was definitely not the type to start trouble.

"Sounds like her," The taller girl delighted, "Look! There, with Taissa."

You and Lottie merged with the congregation of people intensely monitoring Shauna and Taissa as they bickered back and forth about an incident that had occurred prematurely. Van had evidently been tangled up in the crossfire, the poor girl trying her hardest to separate her agitated teammates. You momentarily realised the situation was because of the gruesome injury inflicted on Allie, having been present when her flesh was ripped off her leg and her kneecap smashed.

"I don't need you to defend me? Last time I checked you were totally fine with the whole 'freeze her out' strategy," Nat, feeling targeted, counted herself into the dispute, "I don't know why you two decided to come over here and just laugh when you were very much involved too?"

Her attention focused on you and Lottie, pointing fingers, exaggerating your amusement that had washed over with concern long before it had been mentioned, and hearing everyone shout at each other conveyed the seriousness of the situation plenty.

"Hey, what? We're not laughing?" Lottie defensively piped up, "I even said that I was unsure about it! How was I supposed to know that Tai would take it that far!"

Natalie shook her head, unimpressed with Lottie, instead, aggressively addressing you now. You hadn't spoken a single word, yet, the terror that shot through your veins was indescribable.

"What's your excuse? Apart from the fact that you go along with anything Lottie does," The blonde condescended.

"Fuck off Natalie, I didn't do anything. I didn't bust her leg and ruin her chances at playing sport," You quipped back at the unwanted blame, humiliated at whatever she was trying to hint at concerning Lottie.

"Bull. Shit."

Many negligible disagreements erupted violently inside the once collective dispute, drawing attention to you and your group. The volume was out of control, girls verbally attacking one another over nothing, arguing for argument's sake.

Due to the commotion, you started to attract bystanders, which in turn, alerted a very annoyed Jackie. She stopped what she was doing and promptly stomped over, disappointed and desperate to defuse the situation. Stern words from the girl with honey-coloured hair swiftly lead the fighting members of the Yellowjackets into a clearing, isolated from the party's intense atmosphere.

You suppressed a groan at the suggested team-bonding activity, not particularly thrilled to forcibly compliment them at Jackie's request. Originally mimicking a military lineup, everyone disassembled from the formation and awkwardly approached each other, mumbling positive affirmations.

You were fortunate enough to be right next to Lottie, the taller girl swivelling around to meet your smaller self. She was without a drink, likely thrown it away before arriving at the new destination - in its place was a freshly lit cigarette. The crisp air dancing across your bodies sobered you up a bit, although not completely, you still felt more capable of thinking straight.

There were millions of compliments you could've shower the beautiful brunette with, deciding what to actually say was a challenge. Taking drags of the cigarette and blowing the smoke in your general direction, because Lottie knew how it would make you blush, she peered down at you expectedly, awaiting an answer. Alternatively, she could've just taken the lead but didn't, for reasons you couldn't figure out.

"Jackie seriously couldn't think of anything better to fix our problems," You offered, seriously unsure about what to say to her. Lottie certainly wasn't going to let it go, yet the issue of accidentally being too forward and implying your romantic feelings for her was a looming threat that held you back.

"What is it, not got anything nice to say to me?" She mused, smirking.

"I admire your commitment to sport and…" You cut yourself off.

"And what?"

A strangled chuckle left your tightening throat, leaving Lottie amused.

"I don't know, well, I was gonna say something like…you're a really great friend to me."

For a millisecond, you considered coming out with the truth and telling her how pretty she was. Ultimately, you fumbled and quickly covered it up, though you couldn't shake the feeling that Lottie knew how awfully you were lying.

"Sure, you're a good friend to me too," she mocked, playfully jabbing her finger into your shoulder before returning the cigarette to her lips.

This your eyes followed, trailing up until you inevitably met hers. You didn't know if it was because you'd gained confidence after the alcohol you'd had throughout the evening, or if you had internally decided to be more bold - forward with her - but you didn't want to look away. You couldn't look away.

You noticed as Lottie's face changed from playful, to something more gentle, yet serious, like she had been suddenly whisked away in the same trance that had lured you into a daze. The ever-present background noise of the girls laughing and joking with each other danced happily around your ears, your subconscious pleased to hear your teammates having fun again. Though, you felt isolated from them, too focused on Lottie's plump lips and how they would part slightly, ready to say something, but freighted to do it.

Her tanned skin glistened under the shine of the moon, creating something other-worldly out of someone who was already beyond ravishing. The distance between you shortened with each second, Lottie's hands were itching to reach out and pull you closer - you craved it.

"Me and Shauna are gonna start heading back, get home safe!"

The lust-filled atmosphere concealing you and her from the rest of the world crumbled, the interruption from Jackie announcing her and Shauna's exit brutally snapped the pair of you back into reality. There were a few awkward glances shared while you casually backed off from her. Nothing really happened; the fear of rejection crept in nonetheless, wondering if you'd overstepped her boundaries.

Jackie and Shauana disappeared into a clearing, prompting many of the other girls to disperse and start to make their own way home.

"Are we leaving too?" You shyly asked, the tension from moments ago playing on your mind.

Lottie paused, considering her options thoroughly. She scanned the surrounding area, her face radiating an internal conflict so severe she couldn't have just been deciding whether she wanted to return home or stick around for a little longer.

“No. We’re staying.”

Her voice was fierce, a dangerous fire blazing in her eyes as she snatched your wrist and dragged you further within the trees, the taller girl guiding you to an unknown destination. You didn't complain nor protest. It was completely in the norm for her to do whatever she pleased with you trailing not too far behind. One could even say, you were totally whipped. She had your entire trust.

"Where are we going, Lottie?" You laughed nervously - that curious, giddy feeling back again.

"Away from everyone…just the two of us."

You couldn't determine her tone and you couldn't see her face. A silent blush tinted your cheeks. Was she messing with you? Was she purposely sounding so seductive? Did she know how hard your aching heart was pounding frantically against your chest?

The brunette came to a halt and you followed suit. Lottie finally spun around, meeting you face-to-face, her eyebrows were furrowed and her breath against your skin was unsteady, but it didn't stop her from grabbing your jaw and sloppily locking her lips with yours.

Tingles and hot flushes spread across your body due to the very sensation that was her mouth pressing bruisingly into your own. Any whimpers or whines you let slip as you reciprocated the passion she was gifting you, were shushed, Lottie taking the quickest of breaks from being attached to your lips to remind you to keep quiet made your insides melt - having the opposite effect, instead encouraging you to get more impatient.

She forcefully guided you backward until the rough bark of a tree was up against you, your hands clutched to her waist and your nails dug deeper because of this, earning a pleasured groan from the one who was basically on top of you. You could taste the liquor from earlier on her, she could taste it on you too. It didn't stop either of you from wildly exploring each other's mouths.

Desperate to somehow be even closer to you, Lottie's weight smothered you, her height compared to yours left you with no chance of gaining control, but that wasn't an issue at all. Unintentionally, she lifted a leg for reasons only justifiable because of the positions you were in and the circumstances of a limited area, causing her knee to press into a certain spot between your shaking thighs. A moan slipped from your throat, louder than expected.

"Oh, my," Lottie chortled, taking a step back, "Did you like that?"

"Shut up and keep kissing me…please."

She obliged, buzzing with delight, the kisses slower at first, filled with love, the pace gradually picking up until you found yourselves similarly to where you were before: heated, messy, and running out of air.

The weight from your foot cautiously stepping up the rickety rungs of the old ladder made quite a racket, the wood rotting, similarly to the entire foundation of the cabin. It was a surprise that the structure was even suitable to live inside. Your designated pillow and blanket were slung over your arm, consequently, you struggled to make it to the top - climbing a ladder one-handed was not on your bingo card for this summer. Then again, neither was surviving a plane crash and having to live in Canada's brutal wilderness for an insufferable amount of time.

"What are you doing?" Taissa, who must have heard your endeavour, leaned over the entrance of the attic, "Here, I've got you."

The athlete assisted you with ease, collecting your belongings for you and placing them to the side so they would no longer be an inconvenience.

"Thank you, Tai," You nodded, briskly moving to set out a place to sleep, busying yourself in an attempt to avoid any questions you knew were about to come your way.

"Why are you up here?"

"I just thought I'd support my friend, prove to everyone that there's nothing to be scared of and that the cabin isn't haunted…" You lied confidently.

"Right…If you were so sure, why did it take you this long to join me up here? I mean, I would appreciate it more if you displayed your so-called unity ten minutes ago? When I proposed the idea and got no response? You tryna make me look stupid?" Taissa quipped, mostly light-hearted, but you knew that she wasn't buying it - she was more bothered about getting the truth out of you than wasting time being annoyed.

You brushed it off with a laugh, kneeling down to fluff up your pillow and adjust the extremely thin blanket-crafted mattress. You relaxed yourself against it, now snuggled up on the floor. Taissa copied this, bringing herself to get comfortable next to you.

"So are you going to tell me the actual reason why you chose to come sleep in this creepy attic?" She was relentless, never shutting up unless your response was satisfactory. "Shouldn't you be down there, with Lottie?"

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" You choked, disappointed that she'd guessed part of your problem this early on.

"Oh c'mon, don't be like that, I'm only pointing out that it's unusual for you to be this far away from her. You and Lottie, not up each other's asses? That's unheard of," She smirked.

"Okay, shouldn't you be down there with Van, then?" You mimicked the suggestive question, turning the suspicious homoerotic friendship allegations onto her this time.

Taissa let out a sigh. Not because of you or anything that you'd said, rather, she missed her secret lover after mere minutes of separation.

"Van's too freaked out, she wanted to stay with the others," She spoke, deflated, the cheeky way of her words had disappeared, the reality of what you'd seen at the seance front and centre in her mind.

"I'm terrified," You bluntly admitted, "I'm way too scared to be near her and I know how selfish it sounds but I can't do it. Lottie…she, well, she was fucking possessed!"

After the party, you and her never spoke about the kiss. Things carried on between you as they normally would, thankfully, yet the memories of that night corrupted your every thought. You assumed that the plethora of alcohol you shared caused her to forget, which was still strange since you remembered it perfectly, but ignored it anyway. If she genuinely had no memory of it, that would probably be for the best; you'd hate to ruin your already-established friendship.

However, over the past week subsequent to the crash, there was a minor difference in her that made it so the pair of you were somehow closer than before, this including physical closeness to one another. Hence, you were under the impression that she simply refused to mention the kiss due to reasons unknown. Possibly some variation of fear.

Then, as her way of 'pulling her weight' to help the group adapt to their new life, Jackie cooks up an amazing idea to host a seance that, in turn, offers Lottie up to any available demons, her body becoming a vessel for the supernatural.

It was horrifying. The delicate flicker of the candles had blown themselves out, ripping away any source of light; the room was filled with disorientated screams and panicked suggestions to make Lottie stop chanting - your 'sort-of girlfriend' had been repeating something demonic in French, successfully freaking everyone the fuck out. Vague translations had left the group mostly in the dark about what was happening, the only parts that were figured out included the spillage of blood and the demands of an unnatural being.

The shock that struck you then stayed with you now, the thought of sleeping next to her was unbearable, thus explaining why you relocated to the attic to be with Taissa.

"It's okay to be scared, you know that, right?" She offered, trying to smile.

"I feel horrible though. I can't believe I just left her because I'm too much of a coward to face an issue that wasn't even her fault!" You fussed, grumbling into your hands to hide your face and the tears that were forming in your eyes.

"Hey, it's not your fault either. I'm sure Lottie will understand if you spend one night away from her, with good reason might I add," A friendly chuckle strived to cheer you up, Tai shuffled up to you in case you needed to borrow her shoulder.

"We kissed."

You don't know why you told her, you were planning on keeping it a secret, locking it away forever like the situation never even existed in the first place and was just another daydream, about your best friend, that nobody would ever know about.

The girl beside you took in a shocked breath, "Shit…I kinda guessed that you weirdos liked each other a bit too much but oh my god I wasn't expecting that."

"We've both been acting like nothing happened that night. Then this had to happen and make everything more complicated." You explained, slightly calmer than you had been a few moments ago.

"Try not to worry about it. Get some rest, clear your mind, and talk to her about it tomorrow, okay?

The suggestion had you nodding in agreement, what else could you really do at that point in time? You were in great need of an undisturbed rest and if you had to move away from the possessed culprit to do that then it was in your right to do so. You concluded that at the first chance you got throughout the busy, chore-filled day, you would go off and find Lottie. The idea made you anxious, nauseous even, but you couldn't avoid her and 'it' forever.

When you finally awoke the next morning, the sun was beaming through the window, golden rays shining down on your face and painfully in your eyes - you rolled over to avoid it, only to discover that Taissa was already gone.

It must've been later than usual since nobody besides Coach Scott could be found inside the cabin, everyone else had vacated it to carry out tasks, individually pitching in, which you were falling behind on due to the late start.

You recalled Shauna asking you to assist her with something, probably revolving meat rations. You weren't sure why she chose you of all people to help her with that stuff, but you supposed it was because you originally showed some willingness and then suddenly, you're dragged into it every time.

Luckily, you spotted her immediately, stood around with Jackie, seemingly waiting for you.

Apologies for unintentionally lying in came tumbling out of you, explaining how Taissa kindly forgot to wake you up. This earned you a hearty chuckle from Shauna who reassured you that it was okay, and that she knew you'd take a little longer as Tai had taken it upon herself to inform the group that you needed the extra rest. Feeling partially relieved, you followed Shauna into the forestry areas to the shed where the dead animals were kept - you didn't fail to notice Lottie's absence.

As instructed, you thinly sliced the portions of raw meat for rationing; the blade smoothly cut through. It wouldn't be long until you'd run out of food again, the one deer unfortunately wasn't enough to sustain the group forever, hence, you'd rather not worry about it, the hunters were out doing all they could and you had to put some faith in them.

Your mind drifted to Lottie, not a great decision since thinking about her was very distracting and you were wielding an extremely sharp knife - to accidentally slash your fingers while concentrating on her would be an amusing story for everyone else, not so funny for you however.

"Are you nearly finished?" Shauna checked up on your progress, peeking over your shoulder.

"Pretty much, yeah," You murmured, preoccupied, "Hey, have you seen Lottie this morning? I'm just curious since she wasn't around the cabin."

"Yeah I saw her, it wasn't for long," She recalled, "Laura Lee took her to the lake. You know, after the seance and everything…she's been acting really weird."

Having finished your task, you placed the knife down and rested your palms against the rigid table, then said, "I don't know how I'm realising it now but, something has been wrong with her for a fair few days. We haven't brought any attention to it, is all.

With a dirtied rag, Shauna wiped the blood off her hands and urged you to do the same.

"Maybe keep an eye on her if it makes you feel better. I think we've all been acting reasonably different." She replied, wanting to keep the hopes high, this you appreciated, giving her a small nod as she gathered up the meat and took it away to be stored.

You sighed deeply and shut your eyes tight, focusing on nothing, ensuring that your head was clear. The heat alone, out there in the wild, made you feel exhausted.

Stretching your back, you heard a faint rustle from no more than a metre or two away. Expertly scanning the surrounding area, you were ready to snatch the weapon up from the table and call for backup. If you were lucky, this could've been your next meal. Your mouth almost watered at the many possibilities of which animal would come into your vicinity without a single clue in the world of what their fate would be. The low grumble in your stomach grew.

Emerging from the trees, you quickly learnt that it wasn't an animal at all, it was Lottie; her hair had been wet but was gradually drying, some of the strands still clinging to her face, and the t-shirt she was wearing had a few damp patches splattered about.

Abruptly feeling awkward, you met her eyes sheepishly, waiting patiently for her to break the silence.

"Is now a bad time?" She carefully questioned you, her hands joined together in a nervous clump.

"Not at all," You uttered, feigning confidence when you were actually as equally anxious as she was.

"Can we talk?"

You had no objections, having been patient all day, awaiting an opportunity to set things straight with Lottie. Trailing behind her into the woods, you thought back to the party, the way she was leading you to a secluded area so the pair of you could be isolated, it was a direct parallel to that night that seemed a lifetime ago, the night where you had hopes that your relationship might have progressed.

"Is everything okay, Lot?" You gently asked.

"Where were you last night?" The taller girl decided you'd walked far enough and that this spot behind the cabin was suitable to converse, thus she stopped, "I woke up and you weren't there."

"I went to the attic."

"Why?"

There was no use in lying, it wouldn't benefit neither you nor Lottie, the excuse that you went up there for Tai, that you failed in convincing her, wouldn't make much sense anyway because the brunette had slept through the proposal. Plus, you just wanted to be honest. That's why you agreed to this in the first place.

"I was scared of what happened to you," You admitted, the anxiety you felt after seeing her possessed came flooding back, distressing you all over again.

Lottie paused, conjuring the perfect response. She didn't say anything - a small, understanding, but sad, nod was the best she could do. A harsh pang of guilt struck your lower body.

"I'm sorry, leaving you like that was probably wrong and I shouldn't have done it, I didn't mean to upset you, Lot. I'm really sorry," You apologised sincerely, "I'm not freaked out anymore, maybe a bit on edge still but, you're better now, right?"

You wondered if you sounded too whiny, your intention was to ensure that your best friend was okay, nothing else.

Her big brown eyes swirled with confusion, she couldn't even tell herself if she had returned back to normal, her voice brimming with anxiety, she whispered, "Do you hate me for what happened?"

"What, no! Of course not, I promise I don't hate you," You explained in a panic, absolutely heartbroken that you'd caused her to say such ridiculous things.

"I don't just mean that," Lottie slowly spoke, testing the waters as she was concerned about approaching the upcoming admission, "The party too, we never talked about it."

To say you were astonished was an understatement. Lottie, someone who you thought had completely forgotten about the kiss, openly acknowledged the fact that it definitely happened.

"I didn't say anything because I didn't think that you remembered, or that you chose to ignore it. I could never hate you, especially because of something like that. It was amazing!" You exclaimed, red tinting your cheeks, joy spreading across your face.

This same cheer infected Lottie, her frown lifting into a beautiful, more confident grin.

"Yeah, it was good," She agreed, blushing furiously.

Although she appeared happier, the furrow of her brow indicated that she remained slightly apprehensive, prompting you to inquire, "What is it, Lot?"

"There's another problem, I think I've been seeing stuff and I don't know if it's real or not." The brunette troubled, shuffling around.

"Like hallucinations? Visions?"

"Visions. I went to the lake earlier, with Laura Lee, and she dunked me under the water - and I ended up in a candle-lit room and then I saw an explosion and… I don't know what's happening to me," She rambled on, her eyes pricking with tears.

You reached out to her, firmly rubbing her shoulder for comfort, "You can talk to me about anything, I'm here for you."

"So, you'll believe me? Laura Lee does, but the others are cautious. You're the one that I need." Lottie's expression was solemn, entirely serious about the discussion you were having; her vulnerable side shining through.

"I believe you and I trust you. I care about you so much, you know?"

Your attention was brought to the blossoming pink patches covering her face due to your honesty, the taller girl experiencing an overwhelming mixture of emotions, she launched herself into your open arms. You hugged her back, tightly, letting go wasn't something that you'd be doing anytime soon, the height difference when you'd have such drawn-out, warm embraces always succeeded in making you laugh.

After an undetermined amount of time, you both instinctively pulled away simultaneously. You gazed up at her, body language oozing with love while you brushed her dark strands of hair out of her face. Lottie's tanned hand cupped your cheek, you could see that she was feeling the warmth radiating off of it, yet, it didn't humiliate you, it felt freeing.

You leaned in close, pecking her soft lips once, then going back in for a second short, though, sickly sweet kiss. Lottie began to giggle - the melodic noise identical to the one you would hear in the Yellowjackets locker room after a long, tiring game, or when you and her exclusivity went around invested in your own dumb shenanigans. It had been a while since you'd heard it, your heart beating faster as a result.

Her palm traced your skin until she arrived at your chin, tilting it upwards, accessing your mouth easier as she towered over you - this kiss was not a short peck. It wasn't a sloppy, heated mess either, rather, it was slow and filled to the brim with affection.

"So are we like a thing then?" Lottie beamed, remaining incredibly close to you with an indescribable bliss.

"If you want things to be official, then I do too," You marvelled, mirroring her wide, toothy grin.

You continued to pepper kissing all over each other's faces, showering your counterparts in affection. From there, things were appearing more positive; your hopes were high for the future.

#lottie matthews x reader #x female reader #fanfiction #yellowjackets fanfic #yellowjackets #yellowjackets season 2 #yellowjackets season 1 #showtime #wlw #lottie matthews #lottie matthews x female reader #taissa turner #shuana shipman #jackie taylor #vantai #mistyquigley

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cursingtoji · 2 years ago

Text

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 — 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥!𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚

part 2 of Sweet Sacrifice

summary: Chainsaw man universe where humans can form contracts with devils in exchange of sacrificing something valuable.

cw: chainsaw man spoilers (anime only), self insert into csm canon, reader is in love with Aki, dub-con, heavy oral (f -> m), deep throat. choking, bruises, spit, failed attempt of masturbation, Sukuna has a normal human form (at least for now), reader goes into Sukunas domain, as per the last chapter reader is a virgin 4k words.

note: this was very fun to write, quick info… for reasons of “just cause” himeno is not into aki in this series. also i have plans for the next chapters but feel free to speculate

After the last mission with Aki you felt like everyone at the public safety building looked at you weirdly, like they were trying to understand how a not so skillful hunter finished a strong devil by herself.

Aki thankfully taught you to not share too much about your devils and the contracts, so you knew how to defend yourself if anyone asked you about Sukuna.

“Makima-sama wants to see us” Aki said, joining your walk.

“Great” you mumbled ironically but followed him anyway.

Aki knocked and you heard Makima calling you in.

After a quick greeting she started asking about the report from your previous assignment together. You haven’t read it before Aki submitted it so you allowed him to confirm the information.

“...So you summoned Sukuna with a cursed word and he appeared beside you?” Makima asked you directly.

That was not what happened. Sukuna took your body. Aki would not lie about this, but you know the actual truth is not what he would’ve written as well. Having Sukuna taking control of your body was a huge risk for the public safety, the type of risk that could get you executed like a devil.

“Actually—“ he started.

“I’m not asking you” her eyes did not leave yours.

“No, my contract with Sukuna allows me to use his strength as it was my own, he does not manifest physically as another entity. If Hayakawa wrote that, my apologies, he was hurt and probably confused, I should’ve explained better” you took the fault knowing that Aki did not write what Makima said.

“Very well” she seemed pleased with your answer and you could hear Aki exhaling relieved, “What did Sukuna take?” the question got you in alert mode. That was your superior asking. What should you say? Would she know if you lie?

“Makima-sama, with all due respect, I don’t think she needs to disclose that information” your eyes widened, you never saw him standing up for Makima like that.

“It’s nothing that’s gonna be missed,” you added, not wanting Aki to suffer any consequences.

“Fine, congratulations y/n, thanks to your new contract you have an offer to join the 3rd division.”

“What?” Aki and you said at the same time.

Makima slid an envelope to you.

“They need an answer till the end of the week, you may go now. Hayakawa you stay” you bowed, still a little confused and left the room not without exchanging a look with Aki, “Leave the door open” she ordered.

On your way out you saw a blond kid waiting outside, upon hearing Makima's voice he quickly fixed his posture and entered the room.

You haven’t even taken the offer and Makima was already replacing you as Aki’s partner. Bitch.

You went back to your desk, and found that week’s patrol shift. Today you were by yourself, patrolling a chill area and replying to the radio channel which the local police uses to call for public safety back up.

You sighed, knowing this day was gonna be long and boring. Leaving the building, you decided to walk to your area, using a path Aki and you would always take. Before you got to your destiny, something drew your attention to an alley. It was the middle of the day, you doubted a devil could be there, either way you carefully approached the source of the noise and recognized Aki’s voice.

Hiding behind an irregular wall you listened to the conversation. You couldn’t see them without them seeing you, but it was obvious he was beating the shit out of someone, you assumed it was the skinny boy from before.

“Makima-san is not the kind of woman a punk like you should be chasing” followed by the indistinguishable sound of fist hitting a face.

“Sounds to me you like her too” the boy replied. You felt your heart sinking.

Why was Aki defending Makima? So what if that newbie wanted to be her new dog? To hell both of them…

But why does Aki have to get involved? You wanted him to defend your honor and only you—

What honor?

You heard that familiar and yet strange voice inside your head.

You swallowed your shame and left the alley, wanting to focus on anything but Aki.

It’s not like you could have him anyways.

“You greedy asshole” Denji kicked Aki’s balls once again, “I saw you partner, what else do you want, huh?” he kicked again, “You get to hang out with a hot chick like that everyday and you’re giving me shit for wanting the same with Makima? Fuck you” before he could give another kick he saw Aki wasn’t getting up, “Shit”.

Two days later, when the sun was setting you ran into Aki when you were leaving a house after finishing executing a small devil. He was talking to the cops outside.

“Hey, I beat you on this one” you smiled at him.

“I heard you replying the call on the radio” he defended, “Just wanted to come by in case…”

“In case what? In case I couldn’t handle it? Please, that devil was the size of a pigeon” you made a sign to the cops that it was done.

“So, do you miss me already?” you teased him.

“In comparison to those two I miss you every hour of the day” he threw that statement unbothered, it was enough to make some blood rush to your face.

“That’s right, you have a fiend now as well” you giggled imagining how Aki dealt with the fiend, he confirmed with a grumpy face.

“Have you accepted the offer?” he asked.

“Oh I forgot about it” indeed you haven’t even opened the letter yet, “I’ll take till the end of the week.”

“Why?”

“I’m just not thrilled to work with a bunch of freaks.”

“That's basically what division 4 is now” you laughed and he smiled.

“They are living with me, you know” Aki picked up a cigarette and lit it up, you watched waiting for him to continue, he took a long drag and extended the cigarette to you, “Power, the fiend and Denji, the Chainsaw”.

“Chainsaw huh…” you wondered, “Why though?”

“Makima-sama asked me to” you felt that weird tightening in your stomach again.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I guess I am.”

Since you haven’t given an answer to the offer yet, Makima put you with division 4 on a mission the next day to recover a piece of the gun devil in a hotel. There you got to meet the new members and saw your senpai, Himeno.

“They don’t look so bad” you whispered to Aki, he even got the devils to call him senpai… after a bribe but whatever works.

“Give it some time.”

During that week so far you have been feeling weird, ever since that night with Sukuna actually, if you can even call it that. Every night after a stressful work day you recalled that event, silently expecting him to show up again, but nothing. So you managed to drift your focus to something else, by now that tactic has only made you more and more horny.

“…will give you one as well” your attention was drawn back to the current situation when Himeno said your name and put an arm around your shoulders.

“What?” the team was looking at you weirdly, especially the Chainsaw boy, “I’ll give a what?”

“A kiss to whoever defeats the devil.”

“Not a chance.”

Denji started to talk about how he already decided who he’s gonna kiss.

“…when it comes to sex stuff it feels way better when its with two people who get each other.”

You couldn’t hold back a scoff/laugh, it was automatic given the situation you were in, no one seemed to have noticed your reaction but when your eyes met Aki’s looking at you weirdly you decided to put an end to that subject, Himeno seemed to have convinced Denji anyways.

“Let’s go” you called and all of you entered the building. The rookies leading the way meanwhile the three of you stayed a bit behind.

You let your thoughts wander, thinking about what sex would feel like with Sukuna.

Next time I won’t be so good.

That’s what he said last. You have no idea what he meant by that, or what to expect next, but something made you think you were gonna find it out soon enough.

A couple minutes later chaos seemed to have taken over, power killed an ugly fucking walking head, then you all got stuck inside the 8th floor, Kobeni was crying and trying to drink toilet water, Denji was sleeping like a baby. After looking around you gave up trying to find a way out and simply layed on a bed in an empty room.

“Could’ve been worse” you murmured to yourself. You seem to have all this time and nothing to do.

The bed was pretty comfortable… your core still burned, would it be too bad if…?

You slowly brought your hand down your uniform till your finger found your clit over the material of your trousers.

You sighed, felt good, you needed some release. You closed your eyes, circling that spot and thinking of that night when Sukuna had control, but instead you imagined Aki to be one touching you and—

“AARGH” you screamed louder than you should’ve, a sudden sharp pain in your lower lips had taken you off guard. When you looked down you found Sukuna’s mouth in your palm “Did you fucking bite me?!” you accused. He clearly bit you through the pants.

“When I told you I was gonna be the only one touching I meant it, not even you can touch yourself got it?”

“That’s ridiculous I—“ your left hand seemed to have transformed into his again, bigger with sharp black nails, he went straight for your neck, choking you.

Down the hall you heard Aki calling your name, he probably heard your scream and was now opening every room to find you.

You panicked, not wanting him to find Sukunas hand around your neck.

“Sukuna” you begged.

“That’s not my name.”

“M-master please…”

“Say you won’t do it again” his grip tightened, cutting your breath, Aki’s voice was closer.

“I— won’t— I p-promise” you chocked out.

Right when he let go of you and you gained the control of your hand back again Aki barged in.

“What’s wrong?” he rushed to your side on the bed, putting his hands on your shoulders to take a look at your face while you coughed.

You managed to come out with a lie about having a nap then waking up from a nightmare and choking with nothing. He didn’t seem to believe it but didn’t ask anymore questions thankfully.

“I need smoke” he got up from the bed, “Come” and took your hand making you go with him.

You hated to lie to Aki, it was necessary, but whenever you felt his skin touch yours like that you almost felt like giving up on everything, on Sukuna, on being a hunter…

“Himeno-senpai, do you have any cigarettes left?”

“I want one too” you added

“Sorry, that’s the last one,” she replied.

Both you and Aki asked for it, Himeno gave him first then he gave you. You realized how close you were to each other’s faces when Denji screamed “indirect triple kiss!” you giggled while Aki told him to shut it.

More time had passed, you have no idea what time it is but you really wished you had taken a nap. Now, Himeno, Aki and you were lying on the hall facing the huge disgusting blob the devil had become.

Himeno asked Aki if he had a plan, he always had a plan, but this time the only thing you were certain of was not killing Denji since that’s what the devil wanted.

“I’ll use the sword” your heart skipped a beat, you quickly protested it as well as Himeno.

“I’ll use Sukuna first” you argued.

“Who? What’s that?” Denji asked.

“That’s one of the devils I have a contract with—“ you started to explain but Aki cut you off.

“He’s not gonna be useful here. If that thing doesn’t have any weakness there’s nothing Sukuna can do.”

“Oh and what can your sword do?” his words made your blood boil, was he trying to underestimate your contract with Sukuna? Underestimate you?

“Oi, no fighting” Himeno interrupted, but before you could continue Aki got up, taking you with him by your arm before the devil moved in your direction, then you were running.

Fuck, you needed to do something.

The whole floor starts to bend in the devils direction, you found a stable place in one of the rooms, Kobeni was screaming about throwing Denji to the devil.

“I’ll use the sword” Aki said and you got the cursed word to summon Sukuna on the tip of your tongue.

“I’m not gonna do it” he said from inside your head.

Fucker.

“Himeno” you warned her, Denji was not about to become devil food, but you also didn’t want Aki to lose years of his life by using the sword.

“Die!” Kobeni screamed and ran towards Denji with a knife.

“Enchain” you called.

You lost consciousness for no more than 5 seconds, but when you came back Kobeni was on the floor, a bloodied knife beside her and—

“Aki” you whispered nothing but the pool of blood coming out of him “Sukuna… what the fuck”.

“You called too late little hunter, that was not our deal, you’re gonna pay for it” he replied in that voice only you could hear.

You kneeled beside Aki while he defended Denji and Power tried to manipulate his blood, when she touched him he flinched and reached for the closest thing that happened to be your hand.

Himeno was freaking out, the Kobeni again, until Denji got up.

“If I manage to kill this fucking devil, I still expect to get that kiss” he screamed at Himeno but looked at you too before explaining his plan. That boy was deranged, but you liked him.

So long have passed, Denji was still slicing the eternity devil, Power really seemed to have stopped Aki’s bleeding, you managed to not fall sleep while laying beside him, you wanted to make sure he was still alive, so you keep waking yourself up.

“Hey” he murmured, “you have awful eye bags.”

“I would punch you if you weren’t stabbed” you murmured back. He adjusted himself getting closer to you, he was pale but not as much as when he got hit by the knife, “I’m glad you’re okay” you placed your head on his shoulder.

“Can he hear us talking?” he whispered.

“Who?”

“Sukuna” you looked up.

“I don’t think so” you replied, Sukuna only seemed to be around when you were by yourself or in a stressful situation.

“I saw him” Aki moved some hairs away from your face, “When you said the word, I saw your features change, your eyes got darker, he didn’t do anything, but he smiled when I got stabbed, you smiled…” your eyes widened.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve done something myself” your heart broke, Aki sounded so fragile.

“It’s okay, I’m fine” he placed his arm on your shoulder, resting his cheek on your forehead, “Can you promise me something?”

“Maybe, what?”

“If you don’t feel safe with Sukuna, terminate the contract.”

Safe…

“I’ll think about it.”

Thankfully Denji was right, he managed to defeat the devil by himself, freeing everyone else from the 8th floor. While Power was holding Aki on her back, you approached Denji.

“You must be exhausted,” you murmured.

“It’s not so ba—“ you gave his cheek a peck when he wasn’t looking at you directly.

“Well, you deserved it so…” before you finished he fell backwards, but Himeno got him when he was about to hit the floor.

“Let’s get them to the hospital” Himeno said and you agreed.

With Aki and Denji spending the night in the hospital for observation, you decided to go back home and check on them the next day.

Home seemed to embrace you when you arrived, finally having your own food and a decent shower.

After a long time washing your body and hair you stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you, but the second your toe touched the ground you heard a voice

“Enchain”.

And everything around you changed like you were transported somewhere else.

“What the…” it seemed like a dark cave, looking down you seemed to be standing on a wet floor, was that blood? It didn’t smell like blood, although the place looked like it was rotting it didn’t smell like anything weird. There were bones around, piles of them, and a huge spine above you.

“Don’t look around without permission” you heard him again, behind you.

“You—“ when you turned around you met his naked chest.

Only then you realized you haven’t seen Sukuna in a human form since your contract, you forgot how tall he was. He was wearing a white robe, tied around his waist, from that point up his torso was exposed, black lines adorning it.

You took a step back, raising your head to look at his face, he had an obnoxious smile and a look of superiority.

“Where the fuck am I?”

“In my domain, basically in my mind” he turned around and sat down on a throne made of bones.

“That explains why this place is so creepy... How do I get out?”

“You can’t until I say so.”

“Suk—“ you rolled your eyes and was about to say his name in a very disrespectful tone until you met his serious face, “What do you want?”

“Do I have to remind you of our deal? You said Enchain, now you gotta pay.”

“You did nothing” you crossed your arms, “I may have said it but you failed to keep your word.”

“Watch your mouth, hunter. Contracts have power, if I hadn’t held my end of the deal I would’ve suffered the consequences, but here we are. If that dumb head of yours wasn’t so busy thinking about getting fucked you would’ve realized that was nothing for me to do in that situation”

You opened your mouth to argue back, but quickly realized you were in no position to do so.

“Whatever, let’s get this over with” with that he pulled the only thing that was covering your body, the white towel, and threw it away.

You attempted to cover yourself, but he pushed your shoulders down until you fell on your knees in front of his throne.

“Sukuna, not here” whatever was under the wet ground was rough on your knees, and the whole setting made you uneasy. All the skulls laying around seemed to be watching you.

“I said I wasn’t going to be good, especially after you misbehaved so badly earlier. Tell me, little hunter, have you used that mouth of yours to something other than pointless arguments?” Sukuna leaned back on the throne, spreading his thick legs and undoing the knot on his robe. The angle you were in gave you a pretty good look on what you were going to be working with.

If there was a source of light behind Sukuna you would have his dick casting a shadow on your entire face.

“Sukuna…” you called his name in scared tone, all your confidence fading out as you noticed from up close the thick veins.

“Do I really have to teach you everything?” he pulled away from the throne backrest getting closer to you, roughly taking your wrist and turning your palm up.

When you met his eyes he had a mischievous look, he snorted leaving you wondering what about your expression he found funny.

Then he spited in your palm and made you wrap it around his length.

You couldn’t help but gasp, such a dirty act and still your thighs were pressed together as hard as you could to get some friction on your core.

You had no idea what the average size was, but Sukuna was definitely above that. Your fingers weren’t even close to touch, how were you supposed to…?

“Come closer” he spread his legs, Sukuna was back to his original position, back against the rest, looking down at you like you were a bug. You noticed the frown was gone, like he was more relaxed.

You obeyed, moving more into the middle of his legs your face now just inches from his dick.

His hand guided yours up, stopping before the head and going back down encouraging you to squeeze his base, his chest was rising faster as you learned the way he liked it. You approached the dark red tip, giving it a kitten lick to test waters, a satisfied groan from the devil made your face heat up.

“Don’t be shy” he placed his hand on the back of your head, pushing you down his hard cock as you put your hands on his thighs for support.

Sukuna pulled you back before he hit the back of your throat, when your lips reached his tip you sucked it and felt his hand closing and pulling your hair.

“Liked the taste?” he teased. You would never admit it out loud… but you did. The bitterness of it and his scent made you high.

Being a virgin you didn’t expect a cock to be so hot. Literally. You felt your cheeks burn just being this close to his hot skin.

Your tongue traced the underside of his length, the warmest point of him. Out of curiosity you reached for his balls too, they ehere even hotter and so heavy.

Sukuna adjusted his hips, tilting it a little but enough to make you gag on it.

“Open wider” his rough hand held your face, index and tumb forcing the sides of your jaw to stretch more. It hurt, you wined, sinking your nails on his thigh, “Relax…”

You’ve read porn before, you know what you’re supposed to do, in theory.

“I need to buy cigarettes, you can wait here” Aki told you when you reached a convenience store.

“I’ll go in with you” you replied, while Aki went to the counter you walked to where the maganize were. You picked the newest edition of a popular one, flipping through it you found an interesting article. It was a reader question for the recurring sexologist. My husband never comes when I suck him off, what should I do to improve my head game?

You brought the magazine closer, not fully reading the answer but just scanning your eyes over the words that stood out the most.

Create a vacuum by pursing your lips… focus on the frenulum… suck the balls… swallow when it reaches the back of your—

“You buying this?” Aki was suddenly beside you, your head was basically inside the magazine, thankfully shielding the content.

“No, there’s nothing good” you closed it quickly and put it back.

You should’ve come back for that.

Taking a deep breath you tried to relax your throat as Sukuna applied pressure to the back of your head, as soon as his thickness reaches the very back of your throat your eyes fill with water.

“That’s it, choke around my cock, little hunter. Allow me to bruise that throat of yours” he thrusted his hips and you realized you have almost no control over it anymore, just to surrender to the situation. A mixture of liquids accumulated on your chin, almost dripping.

Sukuna loved this more than he should, you looked so helpless. But those eyes didn’t deceive him, he could see the lust, the hazy look and your delicate hand under his balls told him the secrets you didn’t.

“You’re such a whore, you know that?” you swallowed, “You know why?” he bent, one hand still on the back of your head and the other around your neck, he pushed you until your lips were amost at his base. All the heavy meat of his cock down your throat.

Your teary eyes tried to look up at him, the hand on your neck closed around it, Sukuna could feel his own shape there. You eyes widened realizing you could barely breath.

“Because good girls don’t take dick like this” he trusted a few more times until you felt it twitch, your hair was aggressively being pulled but the hand around your neck kept you in place while he shot hot loads down your mouth.

“Eat it” he commanded and you obeyed, shutting your eyes and swallowing it, although it was a lot.

Sukuna pulled you away, mesmerized by the string of cum and saliva connecting your mouth to his cock.

You inhaled for the first time since this started but soon began to cough, your jaw ached and your legs were numb beneath you.

“Monster” you managed to murmur in a extremely husky voice.

“Please” he was catching up his own breath, through blurry eyes you could see his abdomen was sweaty, his thigh was trembling. Sukuna bent, supporting his elbows on his knees to get really close to your messed face, his huge hand approached your face and out of reflex you fliched, but with a delicacy you would never expect he removed the strands of your hair that got caugh in your wet face. The sudden act made your face soften, he ran a thumb over your swallowed lips, rubbing the saliva off, he looked at you with a proud smirk. You felt vulnerable at that moment, his eyes didn't seem dangerous, and he was so close you couldn’t help but close your eyes and reach for a kiss.

You found nothing.

Opening your eyes again you saw the tiles of your bathroom, finding yourself naked on the floor. Droplets of your wet hair ran down your back, you took your towel off the floor and wrap it around your shoulders and attempted to get up, groaning from the pain on your knees. The groan scratched your sore throat and you started to cough again, moving to the sink you lowered your head trying to get some water but the image in the mirror scared you. There was a clear imprint of a hand around your neck, you traced it in shock. You thought about what to say tomorrow at work, should you wear a scarf?

But the most important question was: how deeply involved were you with Sukuna now that he had literally marked you?

#sukuna x you #jjk x reader #sukuna smut #chainsaw man x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #sukuna x reader #csm x reader #jjk smut #sukuna x y/n #devil!Sukuna

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akutasoda · 1 year ago

Note

Hi! It's nice to meet you, I read though your works for a while now and saw how good they are.

I was wondering if I could request something with the hunting dogs(platonic teruko)

We the reader was there significant other/friend and died right after committing a very violent crime.

So the hunting dogs go on for years thinking that there friend/significant other was a criminal until many years later they find out that the reader died so that they wouldn't get framed with a crime.

So basically the reader died to protect them. And took being framed with a very serious crime so the hunting dogs wouldn't.

Thank you for your time and if this is to big of a request that's okay.

Have a good day!

time's long lost mistake

synopsis - for ages they never understood what drove you to do something that permanently stained your reputation, but they find out that's not the real story

includes - tachihara, jouno, tecchou, teruko

warnings - gn!reader, angst, reader dies, slight hints to blackmail, wc - 1.7k

a/n: hello! its nice to meet you to! no request is to big it just means ill take a bit longer haha - hope your having a nice day aswell!

michizō tachihara ★↷

tachihara had been through quite a bit. despite him being apart of a undercover mission in the port mafia he had never really committed a crime that would make him reap the consequences. but one thing he constantly worried about was that you may be caught up in any crossfire - port mafia or hunting dog.

being associated with both of these meant even more of a risk for you. but you knew what you were getting in to - he had told you many, many times. you had no doubt that you two could make it work and so did he. but now he wishes that maybe you both were a but more cautious.

wether the threat was from his undercover affiliation with the port mafia or because of his title as a hunting dog, you had no idea but one thing was for certain. if you did not take the fall, your lover surely would reap more consequences than you ever could imagine. you were made quite aware to the fact that there was no way out of this and that was fine. your mind was sealed on your decision.

tachihara had never thought something like this would be capable - let alone you but here he was, faced with the news of your untimely demise following the crime that seemed near impossible for someone to commit. he was near outraged, not to you, but to himself for not seeing any signs or letting you do this but now in your final resting you were branded a criminal. and yet he felt deep down as if something was off.

and it seemed his gut feeling was correct. for years he had gone on bearing the news of your demise and some part of him always felt mad when he had heard others talking bad about you and your end. but all of a sudden, like a sudden clarity, he was informed by a conspicuous individual who had presented him with clear as day evidence. evidence that could clear your name.

but now he felt even more outraged, he had let his job affect your life and caused you to die protecting him. he wished dearly that you had talked to him about it and not go along with it immediately to protect him. but it was too late for that now. now all he could do was try and bring peace to your final resting and clear your name.

saigiku jouno ★↷

jouno was always very hesitant to begin a relationship. not that he didn't want to, he loved you dearly and wanted nothing else but to be with you, but because he wanted to be with you that he feared that you would be used against him. being a hunting dog came with risks and the last thing he would want is to put you in danger.

however he eventually became confident enough to begin that relationship. trusting taht you both would be strong enough to protect not only each other but the relationship itself. the risks were well understood and much discussed before and during the relationship, he didn't want it to seem overbearing but he had to get his worries across.

however no amount of warnings could've prepared you for the decision that you were about to make. the decision if either sacrificing yourself or letting not only your liver be framed but the entirety of the hunting dogs. you wished you could've discussed it with him but time was short and you had decided the consequences of letting your liver be framed would be much worse than what you would face.

upon hearing the news, the only way jouno could describe the way he felt was betrayal. betrayal of the fact that he did not believe you could do something like that and betrayal that you had never been honest with him. he became rather quiet after. he was lost in honesty. not only had he lost you but it had left him to question things he normally wouldn't.

for years he had gone on feeling a multitude of emotions and becoming rather reclusive. that was until he was presented with quite the comically suspicious envelope. contents, that upon reading, made him realise that all this time he had doubted you. now he could feel the shame creeping up on him. why did he ever doubt you? of course you wouldn't do something like that.

and in fact he felt sympathy even more, for you. for the fact that he understood the situation you were placed in and no matter how much he wished things went differently he could do nothing to change the past. all he could do was bring peace to your reputation and get revenge in his own personal way.

tecchou suehiro ★↷

tecchou was a firm believer in justice, that was laid in no doubt. however there was one person that could rival his faith in justice. and that person was you, the person who stood by his side thick and thin. the person that understood the risks associated with dating a hunting dog and still chose to be with him. oh he wished he could of made you take back that choice.

the risks that hung over your head were a constant reminder for the reality of who you were dating. but you never minded in the slightest. you loved him and nothing could deter you from being with him. but fate did not see it that way. fate saw it fit to adminish a cruel change.

you had knew all too well the consequences of the action you were about to take. but to you, you hadn't seen it as the matter of the hunting dogs reputation or yours - but more as your beloved boyfriends reputation or yours. and you were more than willing to sacrifice yourself for him. the news had hit him like nothing he had ever felt before. he was in disbelief, how could you do something of that level and let alone die without explaining yourself to him - scratch that, how did he not see this happening.

he went on for years with the restraints your death placed upon him. he was disappointed in himself for not being there to protect you from your fate. constantly questioning the one thing he never even batted an eye at - justice. surely justice ment more than you losing your life for one crime (a rather violent one but that didn't add up for him). and even so he never felt as of he could be mad at you. he could never even dream of being mad at you.

clarity came in the form of a brown, conspicuous envelope that was laid in the middle of his residence with no recollection of how it could've gotten there. engraved upon it read 'justice for your loved one'. did he find it suspicious? yes. did he still open it? yes.

upon reading the contents, he felt as if he had lost control of his body, the envelope and its contents falling with a dull thud as he tried to process the information contained. but, however, it made everything click into place for him. inside contained documents of information passed between you and a classified individual. information that lead to you taking the fall to spare the hunting dogs of being framed for the crime you ultimately were framed with. a crime that no doubt would of lead to the disbanding of the hunting dogs.

justice was cruel. and what was even crueler was the fate of the fact that he bore for these past years. all this time he had been led to believe you truly had committed these crimes of your own volition, that he had doubted your innocence. but now he had learnt the truth and he had two options. to continue on knowing that everyone else hated you for what you did or to spread the truth and avenge your name and bribg peace to your final resting. a final will to justice.

ōkura teruko ★↷

teruko had two people that she truly admired in her life. the commander and you. she truly looked up to you in a way siblings would and you reciprocated the feeling just the same. she never really gave a thought into what being associated with her meant for you, she had occasionally but she had come to the conclusion that the both of you were perfectly strong enough to protect each other.

you however had thought more about the risks, but they quickly were oberlooked. you understood them yes, but the last thing you wanted to do was to just leave teruko. you two had made a silly child like promise to always look out for each other. and sometimes, now, she thought she could've honoured that a bit more.

she spent alot of time blocking out the noise of people telling her what happened or even just talking about it, mind spiralling into thought after thought about what could've driven you to commit such a crime. she lived in denial, no there's no way you could or would do anything like that, is what she told herself over and over again to block out the noises or glaring at those that sttill spoke ill of your name. fellow hunting dogs could only look upon her in pity.

that was until she received a few files. files detailing conversations - more like threats - sent to her that were intercepted by you. she stared at the words in disbelief. you had taken the fall for her, you had prevented her from being framed. but at a cost she didn't seem fit. while it brought her some clarity, knowing that your name could be cleared and hopefully grant you honour in death, she was unhappy that it was because of her that lead you to that fate.

many people tried telling her that it wasn't her fault entirely but she couldn't help but harbour the guilt of knowing that if she had distanced herself from you, you would be alive and well. but the more that she thought about it, the more she started realising that you took her silly idea of being found siblings and forever protecting each other a bit to serious and she admired you for that.

#x reader #x gender neutral reader #bsd x reader #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #bsd x you #bsd x reader angst #bsd tachihara #tachihara x reader #bsd jouno #jouno x reader #bsd tecchou #tecchou x reader #bsd teruko #teruko x reader

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pizzabox-box · 2 months ago

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How does Fake Peppino and Peppi-no perceive themselves? I assume from the clones post that Fep sees himself as peppino (to some extent), but also knows that he isn't as "real" as the real peppino (and that being real is better? Or is that something Pizzahead told him?) Does Peppi-no still see himself a bit as Peppino, or does he just consider himself the monster that killed peppino?

The best way to describe how Fake feels about himself would be like this:

" I may not be "The Real" Peppino but I'm still a Peppino! And I will try to be the best Peppino I can be! I'm not just some messed up clone... I will prove how good of a Peppino I can be! You will be proud of me! Just you wait! I will show you! I will show you all! "

Fake Peppino seems himself as a Peppino, but at the same time he's aware that he's not the original. He doesn't want to admit it to himself, but the fact that he's just a butchered clone of someone is eating at him.

He doesn't see himself as the monster most view him as. He's just making pizza, what's so wrong about it? There's some doubt and second thoughts but it's deeply repressed. There's no time for being sad when you're running a restaurant!

So now onto Peppi-no, what does he think of himself?

"I'm Peppino! Of course I'm Peppino! I have to be Peppino. People need their Peppino! What else would I be if not Peppino. This is what I always wanted. ... "

But he knows he will never be The Peppino, real Peppino is dead. He Killed him.

"Oh, who I'm I kidding. I'm a terrible selfish monster. I took a life of another for my own selfish desires. No better than a stupid ravenous animal... "

But there's no time for self pity, he has a restaurant to run! "Friends" to meet. An act to put up. He can't risk anyone finding out! So he shoves these thoughts in the back of his mind. But no matter how hard he tries, they come back to haunt him again. Each time more intense and more aggressive.

This song fits Peppi-no very well:

I realized in my last life That I hate the light So I keep running And running I'm trying to hide From everything that's inside This heart that I've tried To erase and wash away all the shame

He regrets what he did, and is trying to hide from the consequenses

Scared to death of what's within There's bleeding kind of beating, deep beneath the skin Feel it rattle, ravage, all my sin Hear it scream behind my chest again

Flashabacking

No alchemy can give me what I wish I could be So I'll try a different body Just a dash of this and that A touch of blood and add some mud My wishes, fears, and painful tears I wonder when I'll have enough

He can't undo what he did. He takes real Peppino's place, runs his restaurant. Worries about how long he can do this.

No form of love can give me what I wish I could be I pray just change me I'm broken, torn, and tattered I'll never be full again I'll close my eyes and shatter My heart, rebuild from the start Dis-gus-ting

Talking about how much he regrets doing what he did, he was fundementally changed by the piece of real Peppino.

Even if I somehow find a way to feel alive, I Realized in my last life That I hate the light So I keep running And running I'm trying to hide From everything that's inside This heart that I've tried To erase and wash away all the shame To erase and wash away all the shame

Didn't know what he was doing until it was done and now he's stuck with the consequences

Stuck in the mud in my mind, if I clean up, I swear that I'd shine I am confined to what is inside Eating away at the thoughts that I'm trying to hide And I'm sick of all this wondering if I even deserve to live I think it's best I rip these feeling out with the rest of it

Hating himself for what he did

The breath of life was my demise I'm cursed until the day I die Perhaps a better set of eyes Will blind me from this sin of mine

taking Peppino's life was a terrible decision, he wants to return to blissful ignorance, before he took the bite

I've been forsaken, I'm breaking, can't take it again So take from me my mind and let me be

Reaching his breaking point. Wants all the guilt to stop

I'm lower than the dirt A worthless Homunculus Sick. of. this.

self hate again

self explainatory, he's trying to run away from what he did

Toil all day, till this rotten clay Water and blood just aren't enough To fill my heart up Over and over I try to reshape Crying in shame as I take the pain out Maybe that can change me That can save me

day after day he takes Peppino's form to continue his act, hopes he will weasel his way out of this mess, hoping that maybe someone can help him

I'm broken, torn, and tattered I'll never be full again I'll close my eyes and shatter My heart, rebuild from the start Disgusting Even if I somehow find a way to feel alive, I Realized in my last life That I hate the light So I keep running And running I'm trying to hide So maybe in my next life I'll finally find Find a way to wash away all the shame To erase and wash away all the shame

already went over this, a lot of guilt, self pity, self hate. And he's trying to run away from of it.

#pizza tower #fake peppino #Peppi-no #dead man walking au #oh an animatic for this song would go SO hard

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iwas-princess · 2 years ago

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i love love LOVE you writing sm! esp the fluffy to angst ones hehe. i really loved how you write the 'all too well' with suna rintarou. i dont wanna be that type of person, but if you can and if it's possible, can you maaaybe write a short part 2 of it? like what happens next after that huge fight and how yn decides to try again with suna? up to you honestly! would love to hear your opinion about making or reasons why you wouldn't make a part 2 about it! thank u and have a good day/night! <3

suna rintaro • all too well (taylor’s version)

the irrigated glare that you held to rintaro’s back all evening had begun to make him sweat with intimidation. every word that left your sweet lips seemed to be soaked with venom before being released and his heart was wounded with each ice cold syllable that stabbed into his chest.

he deserved it, he knew that it was a consequence to be treated like this after last week’s occurrence— but it hadn’t made your defensive behavior hurt any less.

“do you want to play some mario kart then, baby?”

suna had been on the floor of your living room, suggesting things to do together for your rainy night in, for twenty minutes now and every proposal was shot down with a grumpy ‘no’ by the princess herself. he would be lying if he told anyone that he wasn’t getting tired of your difficult attitude, because he was just on the brink of locking himself in the extra bedroom for the night at this point. but, as he always did, he put up with it to please you.

once he was met with the same effortless answer, he decided to take another route. perhaps you hadn’t wanted to play any video games tonight and he was assuming something wrong. but, he wasn’t sure what else there was to do given he had already offered nearly every source of entertainment.

with a small huff, he pushed himself off of the carpet and stood.

“i’m not sure what else to do then, baby.” he scratched his head as he racked his brain for any other ideas. “i’ve suggested everything that we do on days like these, do you have any ideas, princess?”

he was gentle, masking his frustration very well, but you knew— you knew how many shadows of anger lurked inside of him, no matter how good he hid them from you.

the reminded made your heart ache and tears threaten to burn your eyes, but you held your ground strong. you wouldn’t let him hurt you anymore, not after last time.

you agreed afterward that you were being a bit irrational about the missed date, but his words were beyond unreasonable. the cut they left ran deep and stung every time you looked at him, never failing to remind you of his true feelings.

doubt was all you felt recently whenever he did his usual generous acts for you, the old feeling of love and appreciation disappeared you once felt showed no sign of return. the only thing you could think of every time he did something as caring as opening a door for you or giving you a mindless foot rub at night, was his words. his cruel, hatful words he claimed were honest.

‘even five minutes in the same room with you can leave me so exhausted.’

‘you drain my battery’

‘you’re just so goddamn clingy all of the fucking time.’

they repeated like a mantra in your head all day, reminding you to never say too much to him or be near him longer than ten minutes before leaving the room. at first, it was difficult to stay away from him and do things yourself, but after a few long days went by, you began to learn.

you did surprisingly well at being somewhat independent, finding that time away from your boyfriend was peaceful and the extra time you put in for yourself made you feel refreshed. soon, you no longer felt the heartache that came along with distancing yourself from suna, and even longed to hermit into your room for alone time whenever he entered your space.

you loved him still, and some times found yourself aching to have everything back to the way it once was— but you knew that would never happen.

so, you decided to make the best of what the future held instead of grieving the loss of your once angelic relationship.

although, you were finally becoming happy within yourself, all you felt towards suna was anger.

pure anger for wasting your time thinking you were loved and cared for genuinely, not just to please you. he had made you think all along that he thought of you as his princess, his pretty princess that he lived to serve and couldn’t stay away from— but as it turns out, he couldn’t stand you.

so, why play nice?

“have you ever thought that maybe, i don’t want to do anything with you, rintaro?”

#suna 🌷#suna rintaro #suna x reader #suna x reader angst #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro angst #suna angst #suna rintaro x reader angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader angst

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de1ete-bi · 6 days ago

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thoughts of the Halloween episode of The Sun and Moon show

sorry its long (not really)

I liked Nexus in the begin when he was still New Moon. I think it helped the family more than having Old Moon stick around, not being able to sit with his thoughts and reflect on the way he treated everyone he deems below him mainly Sun. While it also allowed him to see the consequences and aftermath of his death and how it directly affected sun more than everyone else. While I think the addition of Solar indirectly caused Nexus' downward spiral, in the end I'm glad he joined the family. after Solar's death it was weird that he spiraled that fast. Now that I rewatch it he was spiraling far before that and it was just the last straw. Nexus's whole purpose was to be better, kinder, and more loving than those who came before him, I think after Ruin was exposed is when he abandons that purpose of being kinder to be "Smarter and Better" than Old Moon. I think that's when 'Dark" Sun started influencing him even if it was just a thought ever now and again, slowly chipping away at the core of his mind. I believe Sun was able to recognize that something was happening just not knowing what. That's why Sun started to pull away from Nexus and everyone else, cause he knew he was gonna get hurt, even if it hurt everyone else as well. While its a bold claim from nexus of that he was treated as tool, he was right in the fact that Sun was not the best brother to him. Though Sun never claimed to be, he was well aware that 1) Old Moon was "never" coming back and therefore could not hurt him, and 2) that Nexus was not Old Moon nor was he acting like him, However you have to realize that Nexus was walking around with his dead twin's face, the face that hurt him everyday for years. the face that he grieves for when he's was alone and no one can hear him mourn the loss of the one person who was with him for everyday of his life. Sun lost the other half of him when Old Moon died, and then Lunar dying soon after. he didn't get a chance to really grieve and, yet he still took care of Nexus and Earth. Nexus had some points, But not a good enough reason to go that level of insane. In the End he got a truly sad death which was to die by the hand of the one that still after everything did truly loved and cared for him.

My thoughts on "Dark" Sun

For "Dark" Sun to be the one to force Sun to choose between Nexus and Moon is very cathartic for the character of Sundrop in my option. Yes it was a little fucked up, it was necessary tho. It was what Sun needed for him to finally start making decisions and to grow more of a back bone. I do not doubt the claim that "Dark" Sun is every Sun because it makes senses in a way. We the viewers have never seen the universe where Sun doesn't exist ,because I don't believe there is one we would have seen or heard about it by now. However there are some special cases like Lord Eclipse who had the chance to get rid of his Sun but didn't or couldn't, or where puppet is from which I believe is the Base dimension for the T.S.B.S universe. Which leads me to believe that Sun and the other Suns are what their dimensions are based around or on. The fact that "Dark" Sun stopped time and pulled Sun to talk proves this more. There are more signs as well, like when "Dark" Sun talks to Sun and turns on the glow function so we can see a difference in who's who, along with that there is a one of Ruin doing it to, when he said he could feel the camera looking at him and saying hello while staring at it. It makes more sense why "Dark" Sun seems to know everything that happens to sun and his family, and why he says certain generalized statements about what Suns do and do not like. This also make sense why Sun can interacted with all or most energy sources like star power and wither shards with out many consequences, its because He is the begin, middle and end to the universe. That's also why he hasn't died in someway yet, because if he dies the universe go's with him His body will most like be the form of the wither storm for that universe or at least starts from his body. That may also be why he goes in to a trance like state when he sees "Dark" Sun's Dragon its the universe's coding deep in him that starting to from the wither storm. I do think if Sun was to die his soul(?) would go where the souls go and his body start the process of the wither storm. but if Sun didn't die, he would go in that trance like state and his body would start the process anyways, but he wouldn't be able to do anything. However I don't believe we the viewers have seen the last of "Dark" Sun, but I think Sun and them won't see "Dark" Sun again hopeful. I think Sun will Most likely look for someone outside of the family for therapy maybe someone atlas knows or would recommend cause i don't see Sun begin ok with talking to earth about it after all of this happening

please no hate this is just my option

#sun and moon show #tsams sun #the security breach show #tsams dark sun #tsams nexus

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sierrawitch · 9 days ago

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Dear Diary…

On Saturday I went to the grocery store to procure some tasties for a party with friends. As I pulled out of my parking space, I noticed a wind spirit swirling and playing with the leaves on the pavement.

I’ve reflected on that for three days, now. Not intensely, but it popped into mind periodically throughout my days. I wondered how it would be to feel as free as the wind, with no real responsibility but to blow some leaves across the ground, rustle the trees, and usher in a new season of crisp, chilled air.

I’ve always been particularly fond of earth spirits. They’re very grounding and calm, they can be stoic yet tender. I work with plants and herbs often in kitchen magick, herbal remedies, saining, etc, and have rarely felt the need to connect with the spirits of other elements. This is my mistake.

After witnessing the playing wind spirit, I’ve been more aware of the energies and personalities of other nature and elemental spirits around me.

Last night, for example, I was watching a film with a scented candle lit to help me relax after a long day. The flame flickered wildly, despite there being no draft to speak of. When my eyes wandered over to it, the dancing light stilled, and waved ever so slightly at the tip. Then, when I returned to watching the film, it wildly flickered again until it regained my attention. I watched it, and felt the sense that it was just a young thing wanting to be noticed and appreciated. Remembering that this candle was newly opened, I had no doubt that this little flame was something like a child.

The beauty of animism and spirit work is the realization that we are indeed connected to all things, living and non living (or at least non living by perception). Our existence as humans is preoccupied by essentially meaningless man-made design and obligatory schedule, to the point where we’ve become dissociated from this idea and consequently the natural world. Even on this journey of mine, I’m sucked into the hubbub of societal life. But it’s moments like these when I’m reminded of the truth: there is more to our world than what it seems, and there is more to explore and connect with than what we realize.

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velidewrites · 9 months ago

Text

This Ends In Fire

Everything goes wrong when Nesta Archeron crosses the Wall to find her sister. Kidnapped and trapped Under the Mountain, she must now become the very thing she swore to destroy. But there is a light in the darkness—a flicker of a flame, ready to show her a way out. If she’d only let it.

Pairing: Nesta Archeron x Eris Vanserra

Tags: Rated Explicit; Marriage of Convenience; UTM AU

Notes: My humble submission for @sjmromanceweek!

Chapter 1 || Go to Prologue || Read on AO3

ONE WEEK AGO

Eris Vanserra wiped the last of his blood off his back and straightened his shoulders despite the soreness. Now that he was alone in the quiet darkness of his rooms, he could hear the rapid pulsing of his veins as it echoed off the stone walls. Eris gritted his jaw, letting his body tense and muscles harden. He would let no one, not even the servants, hear.

Dipping the wet cloth into the basin, he twisted the fabric and watched as the water slowly turned a pale shade of pink. It felt lukewarm on his skin, doing nothing to ease the pain, to bring any sort of relief. Not that Eris had expected it in the first place.

Fifty years ago, back when his magic had still been his own and not yielded to the hands of another, he could have opened a rip in time and space and let the cloth disappear in there, all evidence of tonight erased in the blink of an eye. The best he could do today was a quick snap of his fingers to strain the cloth of all liquid, and a flicker of a flame to burn its remains. The ash, he knew from experience, would soon melt into the cracks between the stones anyway.

With that taken care of, he slid both arms into the sleeves of his jacket, fighting off the wince his body demanded to submit to. Everyone had eyes Under the Mountain—especially the darkness.

He did allow himself a quiet breath, though, as he realised the usually stiff back of the jacket had mysteriously been padded, the fabric no longer roughly grazing his skin as he walked. It did little to calm him—no, his breath only seemed to encourage the fire stirring in the pit of his stomach, the flames rising higher and higher until they licked at the column of his throat. It had been foolish for her to risk it for something so small, so insignificant in the grander scheme of things. For him. But his mother had never seemed to listen, anyway.

Whatever she’d sewn into the spine of his jacket, it helped, and Eris hated it with every step he took as we walked out of his chambers. The Vanserra family tailor answered to his father, like everyone in the family’s employ, which meant Beron would find out about what his wife had done one way or another. She had been shackled to his side long enough to understand that, which made everything all the worse. She knew—she knew what the consequences were, and yet…

She thought Eris was worth it anyway. It was the Mother’s most cruel of punishments, perhaps, to allow Lady Vanserra to keep her heart despite the family she’d been given. It was why Eris never prayed to her, or the Cauldron, or any of the Gods that had once used to roam these lands. They had all abandoned them long ago. The monsters stayed.

One of them awaited Eris at the end of the narrow hallway, carved so deeply into the Mountain he doubted even its native dwellers were aware of its existence. The shadows had led him here once before, the last time he’d needed to bargain. They had sensed his urgency—desperation was not a word Eris preferred to resort to—in his sleep, and revealed the location somewhere in the depths of his dream. It was the first and only night Eris had not been plagued by nightmares.

He had not been blessed with such comfort the second time. All he’d had to do was think the right words at the right time, and watch as a shadow of disdain passed through Rhysand’s face. To Eris, it was confirmation enough.

“Tell me why I should not kill you right where you stand,” the darkness purred, and Eris rolled his eyes.

“I come with a proposition.”

“If there is anything you require, I suggest you take it up in a formal audience with our Queen,” Rhysand said simply. “All this secrecy is…” His gaze narrowed on Eris’s. “Troubling.”

“I would hate to inconvenience our Queen in such a momentous time,” Eris drawled smoothly. “The time is almost up, after all.”

Though Rhysand remained silent, Eris could have sworn the darkness tensed around him—watching. Waiting.

He continued, “A celebration is in order, I hear. The Attor is on the hunt—if my information is correct.”

Rhysand angled his head an inch. “And where do you obtain such sensitive information, Eris?” he asked.

Eris let a smile creep onto his mouth. “Oh, you have no reason to worry, Rhysand,” he crooned. “I can assure you you’re still the only one warming our Queen’s bed.”

Rhysand’s gaze darkened.

Still, Eris pushed, “I do wonder what Amarantha will make of you, though, once her precious Tamlin arrives.”

“You dare speak our Queen’s name?” Rhysand asked him quietly. “I could leave right now and tell her of your disobedience—and I think we both know which one of us she would believe.” A smile of his own tugged at the corner of his lips. “How, I wonder, will your mother take the death of yet another beloved son?”

There it was—the monster he had come to bargain with.

“While I’m sure you’re eager to return to her side,” Eris taunted, “there is something I need from you.”

“And why, exactly, should I feel inclined to help you?”

Eris smiled. “Because if you don’t, I will tell your Queen of your little visit to the Spring Court on Calanmai.”

For a heartbeat, the air around them seemed to still.

Then, “That visit was sanctioned,” Rhysand said. “I was acting on Amarantha’s will.”

“Ah, yes. The three drunken wraiths conspiring to dethrone her rule,” Eris mocked. “One shudders to think what might have happened had you not stepped in, High Lord.”

The darkness seemed to narrow on him. “Is there a point to your empty threats, or have you requested my presence simply to annoy me?”

“A little bit of both” did not seem like an adequate answer at this time, so Eris simply said, “As I’ve told you before, there is something I require from you.”

“And I told you, I am not feeling particularly generous tonight.”

“No, I imagine you save all your generosity for the Queen,” Eris answered. “I can also imagine her pretty face when I tell her the wraiths were not the only traitors you spoke to that night.”

Rhysand went wholly, entirely still.

“A human girl,” Eris hummed, delight rising through his chest as he watched that darkness stir with unease. “With pale blue eyes and hair like ancient, molten gold. A mere Child of the Blessed, one would think,” he mused. “But I am told that minutes after you left, she was approached by a very concerned Lucien Vanserra…and hurried right back into Tamlin’s manor.”

“Your brother has always had an affinity for the ones beneath him,” was Rhysand’s only reply. But Eris could tell—could feel the shift in the power around them, like lightning bracing to strike at midnight.

It was why he waved a dismissive hand. “Lucien Vanserra is an embarrassment to my family, and an exile,” he said, the words souring on his tongue even as he spoke them. “I will not claim him as my brother unless he miraculously regains his senses,” he added, letting a grimace twist his face. “Though I very much doubt that will ever occur.”

“Well, from what you’re telling me, a reunion seems to be imminent,” Rhysand commented. “Your mother will be delighted to see her youngest after such a long separation, I’m sure.”

It was the second time he mentioned Eris’s mother tonight. The threat was more than clear—and that fire inside him stirred at the message it carried.

Rhysand crossed his arms over his chest, something too hidden in the dark for Eris to discern rustling with the movement as Rhysand asked, “How did you get your spies from Under the Mountain?”

“I don’t feel particularly inclined to share my secrets with common whores.”

“Careful, Eris,” Rhysand warned, something cold slithering into his tone—perhaps to combat the fire cracking at Eris’s fingertips. “Your words may be your greatest weapon, but in our current situation, they remain your only one.”

Rhysand straightened then, and even the darkness seemed to take a step back as he announced, “I grow bored of your company. Tell me what it is you want, and don’t try screaming into my mind again.” He grimaced. “Your voice is exceptionally unpleasant, you see.”

For what had to have been the hundredth time tonight, Eris rolled his eyes. But as much as he wished to show Rhysand how, exactly, he’d been trained in handling the monsters’ threats…

“I need you to manipulate someone’s mind.”

Rhysand arched an eyebrow—and Eris thought that, perhaps even if his plan failed, the surprise on the High Lord of Night’s face would be compensation enough.

“So rebellious,” Rhysand drawled, his gaze studying him closely. “What would your dear father have to say, I wonder, if he found out his heir has grown a little too ambitious in the dark?”

“Say we have a deal, Rhysand,” Eris simply told him. “And I will never mention the girl ever again.”

Rhysand must have let the mask slip a little, then—a new kind of darkness finding its way behind his stare as he met Eris’s at last. “Not a single fucking word about her, Eris,” he warned, and when Eris nodded, his shoulders seemed to relax a little. “Alright, then.” He outstretched his hand.

Eris shook it firmly, his own skin tingling strangely as the darkness infused with the quiet scent of jasmine scented night.

“It’s a bargain,” Rhysand said.

***

PRESENT DAY

Nesta’s cell was shrouded in darkness, occasionally broken by a flash of a strange, blue flame. It had taken less than an hour for her to learn that the screams would soon follow, filling the space with an echo of pain and agony.

Somewhere in the distance, the fire burned again, casting shadows on the wall ahead—dancing in what she couldn’t help but feel was a mockery of her misery.

She sat up straighter, waiting for the wailing to come. From what she had discerned earlier, the voice belonged to some male creature bearing wings. She could still hear them flapping in desperation, as if their tortured owner still believed he had a chance of escape.

The only other sound accompanying the prisoner’s screams was the Attor’s raspy laugh, and Nesta tried not to shudder every time it came. She could still feel the monster’s voice on her skin, like grains of sand brushing over her roughly. Though she had not seen the Attor since the moment it had knocked her out mid-flight, the mere sound of its cruel laughs had been enough to make her stomach twist and her heart drop heavily in her chest.

The worst, and perhaps the best thing about all this at the same time, was that Nesta was not alone. She had been tossed into the cell unconscious, but had woken up to the quiet murmurs of both concern and excitement—the mixture odd enough that she figured out quite quickly whose company she’d been shoved into.

Nesta had no interest in finding comfort in the arms of the Children of the Blessed, but she found herself listening in on their conversation anyway.

“You have nothing to be afraid of,” the eldest of the group cooed, her slim hand patting another girl’s head gently, easing her quiet sobbing. “This is all a misunderstanding. Once the Fae understand we have come to serve them, we will be released to perform our duty.

Nesta rolled her eyes.

It did not go unnoticed—and another woman shot her a look, her navy gaze piercing. “You’d do well to show some sympathy,” she hissed. “Where we come from, the Fae do not shove us into their dungeons without prior questioning.”

Nesta was not sure what to take offence more—that someone so empty-headed felt within their rights to snap at her, or that they assumed Nesta, of all people, was one of them.

“Where are you from, anyway?” another Child asked her, red hair spilling over her shoulder as her head angled in curiosity. She had not arrived with the other three, Nesta remembered, with one of the guards only bringing her in hours after. “Do your clans not bear the symbols of our masters?” she asked, finger tapping on the wood-carved token around her neck. Nesta could hardly see the details of it in the shadows, though she made out a pair of hands holding up something rotund in shape—yet another meaningless thing of the world she had no desire to be a part of.

“She must think herself above such things,” the blue-eyed one scoffed, then returned her attention to the trembling girl in her friend’s arms.

Nesta turned back to the red-headed one. “I lost it on my way here,” she lied. “It fell from my neck mid-flight.”

The girl’s brows knitted into a scorn. “You ought to pay better care to such things in the future.”

“I doubt there’s any future for us left,” Nesta replied, ignoring the loud shush of the others as the youngest cried even harder.

The girl glanced over her shoulder quickly. “I saw the creature that brought you here,” she whispered. “It must’ve been terrifying.”

“I thought the Children are servants of all faeries.”

The girl scrunched her nose. “I doubt that thing can be called a faerie at all.”

Despite herself, Nesta snorted—and the girl smiled weakly. “My name is Carisa. You didn’t tell me where you came from.”

Nesta cleared her throat. The girl might have been tolerable, but it hardly meant Nesta was going to reveal to her everything about her life.

Especially not when she felt like, despite being entirely devoted to the torture next door, the Attor was still watching her, somehow.

“I was sent as an emissary to the South,” Nesta explained. “But I come from Scythia.”

Carisa’s face seemed to light up even in the darkness. “So am I!”

Shit.

Carisa continued, “Did you attend Queen Vassa’s coronation?”

Nesta had no idea the human lands on the Continent had appointed a new queen. “I was already gone by then.”

Carisa hummed. “You must have been here long, then,” she said. “You missed quite the celebration. I have a feeling Vassa is going to be a fair and just ruler.”

“I don’t particularly believe in the monarchy.”

Carisa blinked.

“For once, we agree on something,” the blue-eyed one cut in, apparently now part of the conversation as she looked at Carisa reproachfully. “The only authority we recognise are the Fae.”

“How glad we are to hear it,” a hoarse chuckle sounded above them—and they all jumped up with a shriek. Nesta included.

The Attor’s smile revealed all his silver teeth. “Come, Children. Mother has been expecting you.”

***

Eris watched as the blood trickled down the table in thin streams of crimson, the sight so dreadfully familiar he had to fight the urge to check over his back. It pooled at his feet, filling the small chamber with the scent of iron and wet earth, betraying the nature of its owner. These Lessers were native to the southern regions of Autumn, with the power to rip the roots of the strongest oaks from the earth with a mere nod of their fur-clad heads.

It was a shame this one had to die. He had proven himself to be one of Eris’s most capable spies, and, for the past forty-something years, had proven loyal enough that Eris had stopped questioning his reports only two decades in.

But, no matter how useful, he was still only a pawn.

And Eris was playing a larger game.

“Clean it up,” was Beron Vanserra’s only command as he wiped his hands on the pristine white cloth he’d summoned from thin air. No matter how much of his power Amarantha had claimed for herself, he was still High Lord—which meant he had access to magic Eris could only dream of.

It was one of many reasons he had framed his own spy. Why he’d turned to Rhysand, of all people, to get one step closer to winning the game.

“I should feel honoured,” Eris commented, using the spy’s discarded tunic to wipe his own hands. “You usually let Aran and Conall have all the fun.”

Beron scoffed. “Those fools would have bragged about it to the first whore that landed in their beds,” he said, as though it was not his own sons, his flesh and blood he was talking about. He cut Eris a look. “I should not tell you this is a matter of utmost secrecy.”

Eris nodded. “What is your plan, then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Beron simply told him, his attention already elsewhere as he slid on his dark-bronze jacket, the material thick enough to cover the blood speckled over his formal shirt.

Eris did not let himself get surprised easily, and he liked to think he knew his father well enough to anticipate his reactions accurately. But this—this strange, eerie calmness about him as he buttoned up the hems was enough to make him say, “I do not understand.”

Beron met his gaze.

Eris continued, “We just found out one of our own spies reported for Amarantha. How certain can we be that the others have not been compromised?”

His father waved a hand in dismissal. “She will learn of this one’s death quickly enough,” he told Eris, something souring in his expression as he added, “I do not know what the Hybern bitch is playing at, but with this death, the game has officially begun.”

For Beron—perhaps. But Eris…Eris had been playing for a long, long time.

If the knowledge of Amarantha sending Beron’s own sentries after him was not enough to steer his father’s focus far away from Eris’s own dealings, it only meant Eris had to push a little harder. “You wish to wait for her next move.”

Beron cuffed his sleeves. “I want her gone, as we all do.” Another look at Eris carried a flash of a warning. “I have not taught you such impatience,” he mused quietly—too quietly. “Your mother, perhaps. It would not surprise me to see yet another failure of hers in my one and only heir.”

Eris stiffened.

“Mother has nothing to do with this,” he said slowly, as if to calm the rising urgency in his own chest. Clever—he was so clever bringing Mother into this, dangling her life right before Eris’s nose until he stumbled grasping for it.

Beron hummed. “Perhaps you require another lesson instead,” he said, and something like a smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he gestured to the body and ordered, “Clear the table.”

Eris was going to abide—the way he always had.

His feet carried him to the centre of the room as though they possessed a mind of their own, completely isolated from the thoughts pounding through Eris’s head. His back had fully healed—courtesy of the newfound comfort of his clothing—and, in a few moments, Beron would know exactly who to blame.

But then a knock sounded on the heavy, wooden door—and Eris stopped.

“My lord,” a voice called, quiet and hesitant. “My lord, you and your family’s presence is requested in the throne room.” A pause. “I’m afraid time is of the essence.”

Eris did not dare to move.

Beron sighed deeply. “Clean up later,” he instructed, then made his way for the door. “Kill him on your way back in.”

Eris’s face eased back into its usual stillness. “Naturally.”

“Good,” Beron nodded, the word the highest of praises in his mouth. “Now let’s see what this is all about.”

Praying Amarantha had somehow heard as the High Lord of Autumn referred to her as “the Hybern bitch,” Eris followed his father. It was ridiculous of him to hope, it the thought brought him some entertainment, at least, as they made their way up the labyrinth of corridors carved into the Mountain, passed only by the occasional guards or maids scurrying toward their designated rooms.

They reached the throne room quickly, Beron disappearing immediately to take his place by the other High Lords—in the alcove right above the western side of the hall and overlooking Amarantha’s iron throne.

A little higher up, in the lounges reserved for nobility, Eris slid into his usual chair, his gaze not leaving the throne for one second as he, ever-so-slightly, leaned toward his left. “You should not have done that, Mother,” Eris murmured. “He—”

“Straighten up, Eris,” came the reply, soft and quiet. “Smile.

So Eris did.

“Who are they?” a female voice to his right asked, and Eris bit back a hiss as he realised Aran had brought in a female into his family’s section. Again.

“Fresh meat for the Attor,” his younger brother snorted. The female visibly winced.

Only then did Eris finally regain his senses enough to scan the area below. A small group of people gathered before the throne, where Amarantha lounged—with a smiling Rhysand beside her.

Eris gritted his teeth.

“Kneel,” the Attor announced, wings sprawling high up from where he stood behind the group—as if to block them all from turning. “Before your Queen.”

One of them—the shortest one—slid the hood off her head, the others quickly following suit before dropping to their knees. Eris realised then—there would be no torturing Beron Vanserra today, even despite his best wishes.

No. They’d been invited for a feast.

Amarantha’s red-stained mouth curled into a smile as she leaned back in her throne, her right arm wrapped around Rhysand’s. To his left, Eris heard Conall scoff. “What have you brought me today, my dear?” she asked, clearly addressing the Attor to the horror of Aran’s companion. “Ah. Children of the Blessed. How delighted I am to see your lovely faces,” she added, and one of the women—the closest one whose features Eris could make out—seemed to beam at the acknowledgement.

“These three were found near the Winter border, Your Majesty,” the Attor explained, the rasp of his voice carrying throughout the hall. “This one arrived at Autumn’s eastern docks earlier today,” he pointed to a red-haired woman. “And this one,” he said, wings flaring in unabashed pride, “Came from Spring.”

It only lasted a second—even less, perhaps—but Eris did not miss the flash of fear in Rhysand’s violet gaze. There and gone, like the flicker of a star as it descended down on the last woman.

She looked up, then, her black hood falling farther down her back—and met Amarantha’s gaze directly.

Eris held his breath.

She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful female he’d ever seen.

Woman, he corrected himself immediately after the treacherous thought, if the rounded tips of her ears weren’t enough of an indication. Had Eris not been his father’s only suitable heir, Beron would have killed him for harbouring such a sentiment without hesitation. It would not have been Beron’s first time.

Even so, Eris could not help but let his gaze linger. There was a devastation to her beauty, as though all the gods he’d forsaken had decided to prove him wrong in crafting this woman. When she looked at Amarantha, there was no admiration, no blind loyalty that shone from her companion’s misty stares. No, this one looked at Amarantha with…challenge, shining brightly from those blue-grey eyes.

Eris stilled at that, the realisation ripping the world underneath him open as he understood why he glimpsed fear in Rhysand’s eyes.

A human girl. Those were his own words, spoken no more than a week ago. With pale blue eyes and hair like ancient, molten gold. A mere Child of the Blessed, one would think, but I am told that minutes after you left, she was approached by a very concerned Lucien Vanserra…and hurried right back into Tamlin’s manor.

This woman had come from Spring—and she was no Child of the Blessed.

The lie burned like fire in those eyes of hers as she held the High Queen of Prythian’s gaze. “We are here to serve you, Your Majesty,” she said, her voice smooth and clear.

“Such devotion,” Amarantha purred. “I would be delighted to have you as my guests tonight. A ball—in your honour.”

The other four erupted in whispers, their excitement so palpable it turned Eris’s insights sick as Amarantha added, “And a very special offering from my court later.”

In the past five decades, Eris had attended enough of those celebrations to know exactly how Amarantha liked to play with her prey. To know what would happen to those women the minute the final note of the violins marked the ball’s bloodied end.

But, if he was right, one of those women, the fraud…

If he was right, she was the one they’d all been looking for. The one Rhysand had met that night, knowing she was the key to everything.

A newfound fire sparked in Eris’s chest as a new pawn appeared on his centuries-old board.

He was going to save her.

And in turn, she was going to save them all.

#sjmromanceweek2024 #neris #neris fic #in which eris has fire in his blood and he fucks like it too #nesta x eris #nesta archeron x erisi vanserra #nesta archeron #nesta acotar #eris vanserra #eris acotar #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #my writing

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604to647 · 7 months ago

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Mi Galleta (Part 2 - White Chocolate Macadamia)

7.5K / Modern AU Grumpy Bouncer!Pero Tovar x Sunshine-Rich Girl!reader

Summary: Pero helps you out with a sticky situation at the restaurant and you get to know him better.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please), very minor angst, unwanted physical touching (not from Pero), petnames (Cookie, baby, princesa, etc.), kissing, oral (f receiving), unprotected PiV (discussed), cum eating, reader can wear Pero's jacket and it's long on her, Biker!Pero comes with his own warning.

A/N: I don't know anything about bikes! (Also does anyone have any non-dark biker romance book recs?) Series Masterlist

Pero doesn’t call. Or text. Not that night. Or over the weekend. By the time the work week rolls around, you make a vow to yourself that you won’t go to visit him during the day unless he does, and consequently you don’t go at all.

Feeling a little hurt, you wonder if maybe you made a bit too much out of what you thought was mutual flirtation. It was his job, after all, to make it hard to gain access to the restaurant; perhaps he thought that your time together and all your efforts with the cookies and lunches were just a means to an end, and that once you were successful, desire on either of your parts to interact should cease. That thought makes you even sadder; even though you were trying to find a way upstairs, your daily meet ups with Pero had become more - you had liked him. He was gruff for sure, but you had enjoyed getting to know him and the discovery that he seemed to be softer than he appeared. You had thought he enjoyed getting to know you as well.

“I’m sorry he didn’t call, babe,” Dorothy laments, giving you a big hug.

“It’s okay,” you pout, crushed, “…maybe I read too much into it.”

“You’re always so sweet, giving people the benefit of the doubt,” says Eloise, “He really ought to have messaged.”

“Do you think… you would be up for going to Lin? To eat and drink, I mean,” Dorothy asks, sheepishly.

“Dorothy!!” exclaims Eloise, “We agreed not to-”

“Not to what?” you ask, curious.

The two women look at each other; Eloise looking exasperated and Dorothy trying to look innocent. “Okay, out with it,” you grin.

“So… you know how my friends from college are coming in from out of town this weekend? I thought… it might be nice to take them to Lin! It’s this super hot restaurant, still so exclusive, and the food was soooo good last week! We all loved it! And they have that extended cocktails list we said we wanted to try, remember? I feel like it would be such a perfect place to take them!” Dorothy finishes in a hurry.

“You’re right,” you say softly. You would have given Pero a similar rave review if you had had a chance, “They would love it. You should totally take them there.”

“The thing is…” Dorothy chews her lower lip, which is generally a sign that she knows she’s about to ask something completely unreasonable, “… we still don’t know how to get it. Just because we got in once, does that mean we automatically get in again? Regardless… our chances of getting in or even just finding out how to are probably better if… you’re there?”

Eloise shoots Dorothy a death glare.

“…but if you rather not see the bouncer guy… it’s totally okay,” Dorothy adds on quickly.

You sigh, but it’s not one of exasperation but of indulgence. You know if you refuse, the girls would truly let it go, never holding it against you. But… it’s also such a simple thing for you to do, you can’t really find it within yourself not to acquiesce. You’ve always been this way: not a people pleaser per say (it’s not in your nature to do anything that truly makes you uncomfortable or against your character), but genuinely happy to extend yourself for others. If you were to really analyze things, it’s probably that deep down you feel that with the advantages you’ve been afforded, your true grievances in life are little to none; the little things that may be troublesome to you are nothing compared to life’s real misfortunes that you’ve been lucky enough to have avoided. Why not help if you can, your grateful heart always asks.

And, it’s not like you have to see Pero for more than a minute or two.

“Ok, we can go,” you smile. The way Dorothy’s face breaks into an expression of pure joy confirms for you that you’re doing a good thing. Eloise is a little more cautious; she triple-checks with you later that you’re sure, and you reassure her that you really, truly are.

Pero recognizes Dorothy right away when she strides into the building lobby. She’s heading up a good-sized group, maybe seven or eight people, and he’s hoping that you’re among the crowd. As the rest of the party starts to file into the elevator bank, his heart leaps when he sees you bringing up the rear.

You make brief eye contact with Pero as you pass his desk; the look in your eyes unreadable, but he thinks they’re missing a brightness he’s used to. Pero wants to talk to you, ask you how you’ve been. Tell you it’s only been a week but he’s missed you. Apologize for not calling. But then he sees Paul’s hand on the small of your back, guiding you after the group. As he follows, he can’t take his eyes off the sway of your hips and the way this guy is touching you with such familiarity. Who is this guy, anyways? Is he your date? Your boyfriend?

Seething, he reaches in the elevator to swipe the fob and press the button to the restaurant floor, keeping eye contact with you as he wordlessly steps back out into the hall. You can’t look away from Pero either; you’re not sure if this is the scowl he normally wears to maintain his bouncer authority or if he’s genuinely displeased.

“Man, I’d love a mindless, easy job. Thanks, pal,” chirps Paul.

You nearly snap your neck turning your head so quickly, unbelieving of Dorothy’s old classmate’s rudeness. It seems that everyone but Paul takes notice of your horrified expression; you turn to face Pero again, hopefully conveying an apologetic look as the elevator doors close.

---

Pero decides he’s done for the evening. He calls in someone to cover the rest of his shift and goes upstairs to clock out. He saw via the computer that you and your friends have been seated in a private room, and he’s sure that you’re in for a fun night of cocktails and good food, maybe even some dancing – he’s not in the mood to see you come downstairs after a night a reverie with that smarmy guy hanging all over you. Who the hell was that asshole?

Getting his backpack, Pero exchanges his suit jacket for a motorcycle jacket before going by the kitchens to say goodnight to the kitchen and wait staff. That’s when he spots you. You’ve tucked yourself against the wall at the very end of the kitchen serving window where the overhang of the counter creates a little nook you’re sinking into. Pero watches you play on your phone, periodically looking up and scanning the hallway that leads back to the dining room, and that’s when he realizes you’re hiding here. He can’t think of anything down this way for restaurant goers: there are no patron washrooms, and you don’t appear to be in need of any assistance – there are plenty of staff coming and going but you haven’t made any movement to flag anyone down for help.

Pero takes a moment to admire how beautiful you look tonight; maybe even prettier than he remembers. Despite not knowing where the two of you stand, he doesn’t think he can pass up this opportunity to speak to you; and although he’s finding your somewhat squirrely behaviour to be adorable, he tells himself that it’s his gentlemanly duty to make sure you’re okay. Never mind that the dress you’re wearing is doing wonders for your curves, and absolutely nothing for his self control.

“How come you’re hiding by the kitchen?”

Surprised by Pero’s sudden appearance, you answer a little bit haughtier than you intend, “I’m not hiding!”

“You are!” He can’t help but be playful with you, “Why else would you be tucked away down this-” Pero cuts himself off; he’s just noticed that you’re fidgeting with the hemline of your dress, and not just tugging it down, but wrapping your fingers around a large piece of torn fabric, “How did your dress get ripped?”

You look up at him, eyes wide; you didn't realize it was that noticeable.

“Who did that, Cookie?” Pero’s voice is tight, barely masking his anger, but his eyes are soft, full of concern, “Are you okay?”

Suddenly you don’t care that he didn’t call - Pero’s here now and he looks like he’s about to kill someone for you; maybe that’s why you drop the hem of your dress and reach for him. When your hand connects with his chest, it feels so solid and comforting; your body automatically follows, wrapping your arms around his waist and laying your head against his chest. Though caught off guard by your actions, Pero instinctively takes you into his arms, pulling you in close; he brings his lips to your hair and rubs your back soothingly.

“What happened, Cookie?” he asks again when you pull away to look at him with your beautiful, shining eyes, “Who do I have to hurt?”

“Don’t hurt anyone, please. It’s not worth it,” you lay your head back on Pero’s chest.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

You nod, but you seem tired.

“There’s a little terrace where some of us go to take breaks, you want to talk there?” Pero offers. A quiet spot sounds lovely to you.

Pero keeps his arms encircled protectively around you as he guides you past the kitchens, through what looks like the staff locker room and lounge and onto an adjoining terrace, “No one will bother you here, Cookie. I promise.” You sigh comfortably as you take a seat on the patio seating; Pero takes the suit jacket he was wearing earlier out from his backpack and drapes it over your shoulders.

You smile at him gratefully, his presence alone relaxing you. Pero waits for you to tell him what happened; he doesn’t press or push, just sits across from you and holds your small hands in his.

Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, you feel finally comfortable enough to fill Pero in, “The group I’m with tonight, most of them are Dorothy’s friends from college. They’re fun and nice enough, but there’s this one guy that’s always been a bit handsy.”

Pero’s eyes darken as you continue, “Dorothy, Eloise and I call it ‘octopus hands’. Just always touching and trying to grab. Suckers for hands practically. He’s been like this every time we get together with that group, which thankfully is not very often. Anyways, I had had enough of having to dodge him, so I pushed him away… he grabbed onto my dress and it ripped. It was an accident.” You shrug, as if describing the actions of a petulant child.

“And you were hiding from him because you think he might try something? Get aggressive?” If he were an animal, you would definitely describe Pero’s hackles as being up.

You chuckle, “No, I told you I’m not hiding! I’m avoiding the room. It’s totally different.”

“Is that so?” smiles Pero.

“I’m trying to avoid the room because I don’t want to try to act like I’m not pissed. Pretend like things are cool, because that feels annoying to do and I probably won’t be able to do a very good job at it if I’m being honest. And then there would be a scene,” you say, making a face.

“You don’t think Dorothy will take your side?”

You wave off this concern, “Oh no, I’m not worried about that. She’s got my back. And I’ll definitely tell her about it, but I don’t think it’s the right time right now: in front of other people that are friends with Paul, and where everyone has been drinking. I’d rather not put myself or Dorothy in that position.”

Pero admires the care you’re showing for your friends; if you appeared more upset or avoidant of what had happened, he might gently push you to ignore their feelings and give yourself more consideration. As it is, you seem fairly in control of your feelings and the situation, so he doesn’t push.

“So, I was just waiting by the kitchens and thought I would go back in with our food when it was ready. That way I would have something to focus on… instead of punching him in the face,” you finish.

“I’d like to have seen that,” grins Pero, “Is this the same guy who was touching you in the elevator? The one who wanted an ‘easy job’?”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry about that, Pero. That was so unbelievably offensive, I was ready to sock him then. Yeah, that’s Paul. I’m sorry,” you look pained at the memory of Paul’s rudeness.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Cookie. Glad to know that’s not the kind of guy you go for.”

“Nope,” you scrunch you nose up good-naturedly, “I only go for guys who take my number but don’t ever text or call.”

“Oh princesa, I’m so sorry. I wanted to text, I really tried… I can’t find your number in my phone,” Pero looks down, embarrassed.

“What do you mean?”

Pero unlocks his phone and holds it out opened to the Contacts app, “I looked under your name, then I tried ‘Cookie’, then I just started looking for different cookies: Chocolate Chip, Sugar, Ginger Molasses… I couldn’t find you.”

You take the phone from him and look at him dubiously but ultimately decide that he’s being sincere, “I put it under the cookie emoji.”

“The emoji? Where is it?” Pero really couldn’t look more confused.

Scrolling to the bottom of his contacts list, you show him it’s under ‘#’ and you when you pull it up, the top of the screen displays the silly selfie you took as the contact photo.

“Oh, Cookie… I feel so dumb. I’m sorry,” Pero looks so much like a dog that’s been scolded that you soften and forgive him immediately. “I should have just texted you right away when you gave it to me,” he types out a quick message and sends it with a whoosh.

When the notification comes in, you look down at your phone: I’m sorry. Forgive me, Cookie? :(

You laugh so hard. Who would have thought that the scary bouncer with the menacing scar over his eye could be so adorable. And sweet. And protective. And hot. Your body moves with a mind of its own; to answer his question, you close the space between the two of you and kiss him.

Pero doesn’t know how it’s possible, but your lips are sweeter than your cookies. He kisses you back softly at first, a gentle introduction of your mouths as he becomes increasingly familiar with the plush feel of your lips, the curve of your soft smile. When your mouth relaxes into a sigh, followed by an oh, he presses deeper, tongue seeking an invitation; as you open up for him, he pulls you closer and lets his tongue do the talking, saying all the words that he wasn’t able to this past week. Your hands wrap around his neck and thread through Pero’s hair as you let out a soft hum of contentment; Pero smiles at the sound and strokes your tongue with his a few more times before pulling off your lips, chasing after them with a couple of light pecks. Opening your eyes, you answer with a flutter of soft kisses to the corner of his upturned mouth before snuggling in under his jaw, “You’re forgiven.”

“Do you want to get out of here, princesa?”

You begin to nod but then stop yourself, “Oh, I would love to, Pero, but… I already ordered and I wouldn’t want that food to go to waste. Also, do you think I could just pay for it separate so I don’t stick the others with the bill? Still… it would be a waste. I hate food waste. Plus, I can’t just ghost Dorothy and Eloise… I have to at least say good bye…”

“What did you order?” Pero asks, simply.

“The Chilean sea bass. Oooh noooo… just thinking about it is making my mouth water. Ok, I’ll admit it, I don’t want to leave because I want to eat it so badly,” you joke.

“Will you let me take care of it, Cookie?” You nod even though you don’t know what he means to do.

“I’ll be 5-10 minutes, you can stay out here or in the lounge if you want. No need to hide by the kitchen.”

“I wasn’t hiding,” you smile as Pero bends down to kiss you lightly.

“Fine, you can avoid in here if you want. I’ll be back soon, hermosa,” and he leaves before you can ask about this new nickname that he’s added to the ever-growing roster.

When Pero is gone, you check your phone and see a few messages from the girls:

Where did you go?

Are you okay?

Was Paul being weird?

You type back a quick response: I’m fine! Yes, he was being a weirdo! But Pero found me, so…

A string of exclamation points and celebratory gif responses come in in quick succession. You’re giggling and typing out responses as fast as you can when Pero returns with a heavy paper bag in his hand, “It’s all taken care of, princesa.”

You peek in the bag while Pero puts on his backpack, “I didn’t order all that.”

“I have to eat too, you know,” Pero pretends to scowl at you before kissing you quickly, “plus there’s a few appies and a dessert thrown in there, too.”

“Can… I pay?” It looks like a full feast.

“Don’t worry about it, Cookie. Staff perk.”

Not sure you believe him, you look at Pero skeptically, but he cups your face with his hands and strokes your cheek gently before giving you a deep kiss that leaves you dizzy, so you decide to just go with it.

“Ready to go say goodbye to your friends?” Nodding, you take Pero’s outstretched hand; he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before leading you back to the dining room your friends are in.

When you walk through the door, Pero drops your hand in favour of curling his palm around your waist protectively and walking a step behind you like a watchful guard dog. You can only imagine the glower on his face as the room quiets and everyone stares at you; you would roll your eyes and laugh if not for the fact that you see Paul get up from his seat, only to sit down immediately with one glare from Pero.

“I’m going to go, babes,” you say apologetically when Dorothy and Eloise come to give you hugs. They both give you big smiles and so many kisses, never begrudging you for leaving – their only request that you promise to text when you make it home. Blowing them kisses and waving to everyone, even Paul, you breeze out of the room tucked under Pero’s arm with his lips pressed to your hair.

In the elevator on the way down, Pero helps you button up his jacket that you still have draped over your shoulders before pulling you in by his collar for another searing kiss that lasts the entire way to the ground floor; still light headed from his affection, it takes you a moment to register that he’s walking you towards to a sports bike parked just outside the doors. Pero is pulling a black bike helmet out of his backpack when you stutter, “We’re going on that?”

“You ever been on a bike before, Cookie?” Pero smirks.

You shake your head, shyly, “Just scooters and stuff… never… a crotch rocket.”

Pero laughs uproariously, “I’ll take good care of you, I promise.” And you believe him.

Taking a walk around the bike, you can’t help but admire its sleek design as you run your fingers over the letters on the front frame. Even though the engine is off, you can feel the bike’s power emanating off the metal; you don’t know anything about bikes, but you can appreciate a well-designed machine when you see one. You can tell that a lot of care and time has been poured into this vehicle - loving upkeep and carefully selected mods (even though you have no idea what those would be); this motorcycle is clearly a labour of love and you’re starting to feel excited about getting to take a ride on it. Pero watches you as you take in his bike, appreciating the way your gentle fingers skim over the frame, the handlebars, and then the seat of his Ducati; he spies the glint in your eyes go from trepidation, to awe, to excitement and suddenly he can’t wait to take you out on the open road.

“How do I get on?”

Pero points to the little foot peg over the back wheel and holds out his arm to help you up. You’re incredibly grateful for the extra coverage from the length of Pero’s jacket as you grab a hold of Pero’s steady forearm, hike up your left leg to step on the foot peg and swing yourself over the backseat as you would a horse. Planting your foot firmly on the peg on the other side of the bike, you immediately close your legs; you’re almost thankful for the rip in your dress since it provides you with a little more give to spread you legs over the smooth back seat slant without flashing everyone on the street. As it is, your dress is hiked up near the top of your thighs and you’re depending on the flaps of Pero’s jacket for some semblance of modesty. Pero is kneeling next to the bike putting the food in his backpack when he sees you drop your foot from the peg and let your bare leg dangle down, lightly swinging it without your heels ever touching the ground. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything sexier in his whole life. You’re using both your hands to hold your dress to the seat, leaning forward following the natural decline of the seat and smiling broadly at him, “Where are we going?”

Straightening up, Pero grins, “I can take you anywhere you like, princesa. If you want to go home and have dinner by yourself, I’ll take you. But if you’re up for it, we can go to a nice terrace with a view and have ourselves a little picnic?”

You nod at that option and bite your lip a little at how cute Pero looks as he puts on his backpack so it sits on his front like a baby carrier. Then he does something a little unexpected: he reaches out with his helmet in both hands and holds it over your head, “Cookie, I only have one helmet, so this will have to do, okay?” When you nod, Pero slowly lowers the helmet over your head then pops open the visor so you can still see him as he adjusts the strap under your chin. It’s not bad but there’s definitely a little room for your head to wobble around; the inside of the helmet smells vaguely like Pero’s cologne and you feel a warmth spread through you as breath his scent in – when Pero leans back to inspect his handiwork, you give a little giggle and wobble you head around, “I’m a bobblehead.”

Pero laughs and reaches in through the visor opening to pinch your nose, “Ok, when we’re riding, keep your legs on the pegs and hold on to me tight, okay? If anything’s wrong, tap my arm, and if you want me to slow down, tap my leg. Ready?”

You give him a big smile that you’re not sure he can see and an enthusiastic thumbs up; before Pero flips down the helmet visor, he definitely sees your bright eyes shining with excitement. Even though he knows you’re perfectly capable, he makes a show of helping raise your leg up and placing your foot back on the foot peg. One of his strong hands holds onto your ankle while the other gently runs up your calf and brushes your knee, sending a shiver down your spine. When Pero repeats the action with your other leg, you let him have complete control to handle and position you any way he wants and he feels his crotch start with how good it feels to have you soft and pliant in his hands. Once satisfied with your positioning, Pero skates his hand up your thigh, skirting your raised hemline, and when he gives you a light squeeze to let you know he’s done, you inhale sharply and clench down on nothing.

After Pero swings his leg over the frame of the bike and puts on his gloves, he waits for you to wrap your arms securely around his middle before starting the ignition. As the bike roars to life, you give a little squeal of delight that Pero can hear even through the helmet and he smiles to himself. Revving the engine a few times for effect, he takes off carefully but still feels you grip him tighter as you’re jerked back slightly; he can’t say he’s sorry. Picking up speed as he weaves through the streets, he feels you rest your helmet on his upper back and his chest swells at how easily you’re taking to riding.

After about 15 minutes, Pero pulls up to another office building and cuts the engine. Helping you take off the helmet, he finds you giddy with a big smile on your face; as you smooth down your hair, you exclaim, “That was so much fun!!” The ride had been thrilling; you know Pero wasn’t going that fast for your sake, but you found the rush of the wind blowing past you and the freedom and danger of being so open on the road to be exhilarating all on its own. The hum of the engine had been an unexpected comfort and the vibrations of motor reverberating through you had kept you alert and excited throughout your short journey. Not to mention that being so close to Pero and his warmth, sinking in to the feeling of security he provides, has you turned on and tingling. Finding your enthusiasm infectious, Pero helps you off the bike and leads you up to the building to which he gains access with a swipe of a fob he produces from his jacket pocket.

“You have one of those fobs for every building in the city?” you tease.

Pero puts his finger to his lips, “Restaurant industry secret, shhhhh,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

A short elevator ride later, Pero brings you to an empty terrace with a beautiful view of the city lights; you gaze around in awe as he starts laying out the food.

It’s a wonderfully romantic dinner. The conversation flows easily, and you learn a little more about your grouchy bouncer. You’re only initially surprised to learn that William, the restaurant manager and sometimes host, is Pero’s best friend, and that the two of them have worked together for years at various different restaurants. Remembering William’s easy smile and friendly demeanor from when he sat your party both of the times you’ve dined at Lin, you giggle at the obvious dichotomy between the two friends. If only potential restaurant patrons knew that big golden retriever energy awaited them at the end of the elevator ride should they make it past the scary Cerebus downstairs. When Pero asks you what you’re laughing at, you simply ask him if he and William have always worked their current roles; apparently not - they both started out as bus boys and worked their way through the kitchen, though Pero’s never had the inclination to work front of house the way William has. “You don’t say,” you jest, to which Pero gives you his most fearsome glare. You’re not the least bit intimidated, especially when he follows up with the gentlest forehead kiss.

Between bites of the mouthwatering sea bass, you’re happy to discover that in addition to a common love of food, you and Pero have also both travelled extensively; to your mutual delight, you realize that somehow, you’ve eaten at some of the same restaurants in Europe and Asia. When you both claim to know the best udon shop in Toyko, you agree to say the name at the same time - doubling over in laughter when you both name the same hole-in-the-wall in Shinjuku. Throughout the easy flowing conversation, Pero finds ways to stay close and you welcome his every touch: a caress of your hair near the ear, a stroke of your knee under the table, a kiss to your hand. With the sun now fully set and the chilly evening air giving you goosebumps, Pero pulls you close to his side - tucking your bare legs in between his to keep you warm as you finish dessert. Pero looks into your eyes with longing as you both savour the last bites of the rich lychee flavoured flan. When he helps wipe away an errant sugar smudge near the corner of your mouth with his thumb, he brings his face so close to yours that you’re caught short of breath. He really is so handsome, you think before his mouth descends on yours and you get lost in the way he licks and softly groans into you. Your tongue chases his as you open for him, and you gasp when Pero, palm under your ass, pulls you into his lap fully one handedly.

Wrapping you arms around Pero’s neck to run your hands through his hair, you moan as his hands roam your back, pulling you closer against him still. The kissing is downright urgent: a mirage of open mouths, panting, devouring. Needing air, and a break if you’re honest with how close you are to just sinking down on him on this terrace, you bite down on Pero’s lower lip and nibble a little before murmuring, “Pero, please take me home.”

Pero’s eyes never leave you the entire time the two of you pack away the containers and make your way back to his bike, his look dark and wanting. If he takes his time helping you on the bike, letting his hands trail up and down your legs, eyes lingering on yours before he flips down the visor, who can blame him. If you press yourself tight against his back while he weaves through the streets, inching your hands lower and lower on his torso, seeking out his upper thigh for purchase when he accelerates, who can blame you.

By the time Pero parks in front of your building, the thrill of the ride and the hum of the bike between your legs has only amplified your want; you’re positively dripping for him. You can barely keep your hands to yourself on the elevator ride up and Pero is on top of you the moment your front door closes. Your hands fly to take off his jacket, his shirt, reaching down to frantically unbutton his pants without shame; stopped only when he insists on undressing you first, growling, “Need to take this dress off, hermosa. Don’t want you wearing anything another man has touched for a minute longer.”

You step right in Pero’s space, locking desperate eyes with him as he reaches behind you to undo your zipper; he drags it down slower than necessary, drawing out the process. When you whine at how long it’s taking, Pero chuckles, “Patience, princesa,” before pulling the zipper down the rest of the way and letting the fabric slip over your shoulders and pool around your feet.

“Holy shit, Cookie,” Pero breathes as he takes in your matching black lace lingerie set, “I think my heart just stopped.” Suddenly shy under his gaze, you turn away to lead him to the bedroom, but he stops you and pulls you back so suddenly you crash into his chest. Holding you flushed against him by a strong hand on the back of your neck, Pero uses his free hand to tip your chin up to look at him, murmuring, “You’re so beautiful,” before kissing you like his life depends on it. His lips crush to yours, tongue mapping every slope and dip of your mouth, his one hand now gently gripping your neck under your jaw - caging you within his hands so that you’re left to the mercy of his desire. One rough palm moves down your body to explore all your soft curves, lightly groping and claiming all the spots that make you moan into his mouth. Pero walks you slowly to the couch in the middle of your living room so gradually you don’t even notice until the back of your legs hit the cushions. He releases you at this same moment so that the soft impact has you toppling back, sat on the couch with a light bounce; you can only watch with lust hooded eyes as Pero lowers himself down to the floor onto his knees in front of you.

“Pero,” you whisper, needy.

“I’ve got you, princesa,” breath hot, Pero kisses down your neck, hands holding your legs open so he can slot his wide frame between, getting as close to your body as possible.

“Ohhhh, god, Pero… baby,” you whimper as his mouth worships your neck, nipping at your décolletage, then licking a wet stripe down to the valley between your breasts. When his hands abandon their grip on your thighs to trail up, cupping your breasts, you can’t help but buck into his abdomen, seeking more of him. Face buried in your chest, Pero chuckles, “Such an eager, pretty girl. Tell me what you need, Cookie.”

Pulling down the cups of your lace bra so that your tits spill out, Pero gropes you roughly before his fingers zero in your nipples, alternating rolling, pinching and tugging on your peaks in an excruciating delicious pattern. Smiling devilishly at you, “I’m waiting, princesa.”

“Fuc- oh, Pero, please. Please. Need your mouth, please,” you plead, desperation lacing every word.

Without warning, Pero dips his head to take a breast in his mouth, and you gasp in pleasure, hands flying to bury themselves in his hair to grip his soft curls as his nibbles and swirls your hardened nipple. Back arching off the back of the couch, you try to muffle you moans as Pero’s efforts with his mouth and hands electrify you to your core, heat pooling in your underwear.

“Don’t do that, hermosa. Want to hear you, want to hear what I do to you,” Pero comes off your breast with an obscenely wet smack of his lips before switching over to your neglected breast, his hand taking over for where his mouth left off.

“OH! Pero, feels so good! Right there, oh, ow! Oh god, yessss,” the sting of Pero’s attention on your peaks only adding to your ecstasy. Pero uses your lifted back to his advantage, his free hand now able to claw down your spine, grabbing and massaging your ass. Having his hands so close to your pussy is sending you out of your mind; Pero’s hands and mouth seem to be everywhere at once and you don’t know what to focus on. It’s almost too much and you gently push him away so you can catch your breath; the dopey, shit-eating grin he gives you tells you that he knows exactly what he’s doing to you.

He does know, and Pero’s damn proud of it. He’s never seen anything sexier in his life than you splayed out in front of him with eyes glassy from near over stimulation, tits pulled out of your bra and lightly bouncing as you pant, all while you pussy tries to grind down onto him for some friction. He’s rock hard and he hasn’t even tasted you yet.

Pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, swollen from where you bit them to keep yourself from crying out, Pero moves back slightly so he can admire you some more. He can’t believe he’s here right now, that he gets to be the one that makes you feel this good; another smaller, possessive part of him triumphs that Paul never stood a chance - that you were always going to be his tonight. And now he’s about to show you he’s worthy.

When you look back down at Pero with a lazy grin, breathing more even, Pero presses forward, “I’m going to taste you now, okay Cookie?” Your soft ‘yes, please’, is all Pero needs to hear before he dives forward towards your dripping core. Pressing hungry kisses over your panties, Pero growls when he feels the soaked through fabric on his tongue, “So fucking wet, princesa. Is this all for me?” All you can do is moan in assent as Pero continues to make out with your pussy. His mouth never leaving you, Pero tugs off your underwear; tossing the wet scrap of lace aside to reveal your glistening cunt. Running his fingers through your folds to spread your arousal up and over your clit, he takes a moment to drink in your near pornographic sounds before he lowers his mouth and positively feasts.

You’re entire being feels like it’s been lit up. Pero’s tongue presses against your seam, dipping in and out, teasing you with broad strokes and indulgent swirls. His nose nudges at your clit over and over, as his entire head moves up and down, focused only on bringing you pleasure. You think he’s giving you a break to collect yourself when he butterfly kisses up to your now throbbing clit, but reprieve is the furthest thing from Pero’s mind. Just as you’re crying out his name in a heavenly melody, he breaches your tight hole with two of his thick fingers and seals your clit in between his lips and sucks. You squirm, trying to get away from the sudden onslaught, but Pero lays his other arm across your stomach to hold you down so that all you can do is take, take, take.

“I-I-. I’m so close, Pero. Ohhhh nghhhh, baby, ohhh, so c-close,” you’re simpering, eyes closed and head thrown back, desperate for more while simultaneously sure you can’t handle it.

“Open your eyes, princesa. Eyes on me while I eat your perfect pussy,” Pero commands, nuzzling your aching clit with the tip of his nose to get your attention. When you look down, you lock eyes with Pero as his takes your nub between his lips again, lightly flicking his tongue while his curls bouncing against his forehead from the force with which his fingers drive into you. When you grab onto his hair and pull him deeper into you, he hums his approval and the vibration does you in, you step off the cliff and let go as your orgasm washes over you, wave after wave. Pero continues to finger fuck you through your high while rising on one knee to palm at your neglected tits and kiss you long and tender.

“Oh, Pero. Ohhh, that was- oh god,” you can barely string together your words; you’re completely wrung out and spent. You’re now Pero’s pliable fuck doll, good and ready for his cock and not much else. He lifts your legs and maneuvers you into a laying position on the couch and it’s all you can do to try and keep your eyes open while you wait for him undo his pants and free his hard cock. He’s magnificent: long with an impressive girth, a thick perfect vein runs along the underside of his length, ending at a bulbous weeping head; you want to feel the heft of him on your tongue. Your hunger must show in your eyes and the way your plush lips instinctively part because Pero chuckles, “Another time, Cookie. Right now, I’m going crazy every second I’m not in this tight cunt.” He looks around the room looking for his backpack to get a condom, when, as if you’re reading his mind, you offer dreamily, “Pero, I’m clean. If you want…”

His dick jumping at your words, Pero want you to be certain, “I’m clean too, hermosa. Are you sure?”

“Want to feel you, baby,” your eyes dark with lust, “Fuck me bare, Pero.”

How’s he supposed to last when you have a mouth like that? “Fuck, princesa,” he breathes as he runs his tip through your dripping folds, adding to the sheen of leftover slick he transferred from his fingers; Pero fists his cock and coats it in your release to ready himself for your tight hole. Hovering over you, he lines himself up to your entrance and captures your mouth in a passionate kiss as he slowly pushes in. Every quick inhale of air you take to replace what he pushes out of your lungs is music to Pero’s ears. Your tight walls almost choke him as he feels you spread your legs further, one leg now dangling off the edge of the couch in order to accommodate his size. Pero is remiss to leave your lips, but he’s unable to resist the temptation to lean back and watch your face as you take his full length. You hold his gaze amid your lust-filled haze, a blissed-out smile spreads across your beautiful face that cracks only when you lips form a soft ‘oh’ before relaxing again; Pero is hypnotized by this pattern repeating itself over and over as he pushes in deeper into your cunt. When he finally bottoms out, you let out a breathy ‘Fuck’ before pulling him in for a slow and patient, soul affirming kiss.

Full. You feel so full. “Taking me so well, princesa. God you feel so perfect around my cock,” purrs Pero, peppering your face and neck with soft, soothing kisses; waiting for your go ahead to move. When you give it, he starts slow; dragging his cock nearly all the way out, before pushing back in with the same tempered control – you reward him with a call of his name and praise on how good it feels to be split open. Over and over, he thrusts into you with the restraint of saint until he feels your arousal start to drown his cock, and only then does he pick up the pace; you wrap your legs around his back, heels digging into his back to press him deeper, encouraging him to fuck you harder until he’s driving his cock into your cunt with a force that punches the air out of your lungs every time. His grunts combined with his filthy words affirming how you were made for him, how he wants to stay buried in you, how you’re creaming so pretty around him, push you closer and closer to your edge again.

Snaking his hand between your bodies to toy with your sensitive clit, Pero feels you clenching down, “Come for me, Cookie. You look so perfect when you come, need to see you come on my cock.” You want to please him so. You’ll give him everything he asks for, so long as he never stops looking at you the way he is right now: wrecked, desperate, devoted. Doubling down on his attention to your pulsating bud, Pero draws perfect circles with his thumbs as he continues to rut into you with abandon, chasing both of your releases. This time, when you come, your back lifts off the couch and Pero catches you, pulling you close as you shout out his name over and over into his shoulder, biting down and sucking into his skin so to muffle the string of obscenities rolling off your tongue.

The sting of pain from your teeth brings Pero to his precipice, and he manages to choke out, “Where do you want me, princesa,” before laying you down gently and pulling out. Still lightheaded and cock drunk, you gaze through your lashes at Pero and almost shy, request, “Paint my tits please, Pero.”

Fisting himself furiously, the timidness of your tone in contrast to the lewdness of your words sends a tightness through Pero’s whole body right before he jerks and splashes ropes of cum all over your pretty breasts.

When he’s done, he steps off from over you and kneels by your head, kissing you appreciatively. He reaches to grab a box of tissues but when he offers them to you, you giggle and swipe your fingers through his milky spend and pop your fingers in your mouth, sucking them clean. Pero feels his softening dick make a valiant attempt to jump back to life as he watches you clean every last drop of his cum from your chest, licking your fingers and swallowing with a hum. After he helps you up to your feet, you cup Pero’s face in your hands, stroking his scruff with your thumbs, and he melts under your tender affections. “Stay over?” you look up, doe eyed.

Grabbing you at your waist and sweetly kissing you as he walks you backwards toward the bedroom, Pero grins wickedly, “Of course, Cookie. I’m not done with you yet.”

#pero tovar #pero tovar fanfiction #pero tovar fic #pero tovar x reader #pero tovar x you #pero tovar x f!reader #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #modern!pero tovar #modern au #no y/n

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vampirepirates · 1 month ago

Text

THE LONG WINTER — SANDOR CLEGANE.

Masterlist:

author's note + cast list

Parts: 1 2 3 4

CHAPTER THREE — A MISSING SISTER.

And all I gave you is gone, Tumbled like it

was stone. Thought we built a dynasty that

heaven couldn't shake. Thought we built a

dynasty like nothing — ever made.

— Dynasty, MIIA.

The tourney at Harrenhal marked a turning point in the life of Lyarra Stark. Things were not easy between the siblings once they made their return, especially since Brandon was hardly around — and Eddard had once again returned to the Eyrie. Benjen, Lyanna, and Lyarra were left to their own devices. Lyarra made a consistent effort to not sneak out as much, choosing to stay with her sister throughout the night instead. She'd even taken to sharing her bed, only so that she would not have to leave her side. The three children would march around Winterfell, carrying on as if nothing had changed. After the tourney, Benjen seemed to collect himself — moving on from petty grievances, to take a place at his sister's side.

The three had become inseparable within the first week of their return. Everywhere they went, they went together. Lyarra was not certain how much time she'd have left with Lyanna, before she would lose her to Robert. Her sister seemed to know that as well as she did, and made sure that her two siblings were with her at all times. She rarely talked about Rhaegar, as Lyarra feared the topic itself, but when she had — her eyes were distant, longing for something out of her grasp.

The topic of Brandon's wedding shed light on their somber attitudes, though. as they finally had something to look forward to. Lyarra, in particular, longed to return to Riverrun — a thought that would make her younger self wince. Last she'd heard, Petyr was still with the Tullys. He'd have no choice, then, but to talk to her. She'd finally get a proper answer on whether he'd been avoiding her. Though, as much as she longed to see her friend, she was more concerned with her own brother's joy. In truth, she did not know if Brandon and his betrothed cared for one another. Every time that she'd questioned her brother, he'd avoided the topic altogether. Benjen had suggested that there was someone else that he'd given his heart to, that he had not been permitted to marry. Yet, even still Brandon was never overtly expressive with matters of the heart.

However, the idea of a wedding — outside of that of her sister's — brought a sense of expectation to Lyarra. It was a fascinating concept, despite its often barbarish implications. Lyanna, however, did not appear to be as enthused. She'd been happy for her brother, no doubt. But the very thought of a wedding likely only further reminded her of her own. Some nights, Lyarra would observe her sister cradling a winter rose — one that had once littered the crown, she'd assumed. In that moment, she would have given anything to see her sister as joyful as she once had been. She would ride off with her in the night, fleeing the city to live a life of their own. They could make it as some sort of sellswords, no doubt. They'd have to cut off their hair and dress as men, but that wouldn't be the worst thing, in Lyarra's mind. If they were caught, there would be dastardly consequences — but she would accept them head-on for her sister. Benjen held no such fantasy. He'd become too much of a realist of Lyarra's liking, recently.

A month after the tourney, a raven reached Winterfell. Brandon was to be wed in a month. Lyarra and her siblings would need to prepare for travel as soon as possible, seeing as the journey to Riverrun was not overtly short. Lyarra hadn't snuck out in a fortnight, instead spending her nights with Benjen and Lyanna. Their routine had started off almost entirely by accident. Lyarra had spent the night in Lyanna's room, and just before the sun had begun to creep over the hills — the two were disturbed from their slumber by their youngest brother. He hadn't slept a wink, made apparent by the red circles around his eyes. Lyarra let him in within moments, and moved to set up blankets on the ground. As Benjen himself had gone to lay down, she sat by his side. For the remaining weeks until their departure, the three slept side-by-side every night. It'd done nothing to ease their discomfort, as they now woke with an aching back and a bent neck every morning. Yet they felt better than they had in months. Regardless of what was coming, the three had one another.

Lyanna had taken to wearing a winter rose in her gowns. She no longer dressed as the boyish, rough girl that her sister knew all too well. No longer was she allowed to wear leather trousers, instead she was to wear her traditional furs and garments wherever she went. Despite her evident discomfort at such clothing, Lyanna knew better than to argue with her father.

Leaving Winterfell had become such a routine for Lyarra, that she no longer felt such sinking discomfort at doing so. It'd become familiar, and she could easily recall every familiar tree, hill, and building. Again, came the longing feeling in her chest. Soon, she'd see Petyr again. As she rode alongside her brother, she allowed her mind to wander. What would he look like now, after all this time? Was he still the small, sharp-featured boy that she'd come to know all too well? Was he longing to see her again, the way she was him?

Traveling without Eddard left a sour taste in her mouth. It'd only been months since she'd last seen her brother, but it felt wrong to be apart from him for so long. He'd always been the comforting presence that she'd needed for these journeys. Ned had never been the most talkative, but she felt better around him than she did now, at the very least.

In Lyarra's mind, they'd been on the road for months by the time they reached Fairmarket. It was the first proper town that they'd come across, and Lyarra welcomed the opportunity to take a break. Lyanna had been silent for most of their journey, opting to nod along to whatever the others had to say instead. She'd hardly seen Benjen since they left, seeing as he rode ahead with the other men in their party. The moment they had been given a room in a local inn, Lyarra threw herself onto the first mattress she saw.

"That can't be comfortable." The distant voice of her brother rang out. Lyarra only further buried her face into the quilt in response, with an almost silent grunt of aggravation.

"You'd be surprised." Her words were muffled by the fabric, but she knew Benjen could discern them well enough. She had half the mind to turn and glance over at him, before she was cut off by a sudden, sharp weight pushing her further into the mattress. Lyarra whipped her head towards the offending pressure in annoyance, when she saw Benjen draped across her.

"You know, you're actually right! This is pretty comfortable." Benjen emphasized his words with by raising his head and dropping it heavily on her back. She let out an offending grunt, before pushing him off of her with all of her strength.

"You're such an idiot" She grumbled out, choosing to sit up at that moment to brush her hair out of her face. Benjen was still lying on the ground when she had the chance to peak over at him, sprawled out on the floorboards. Somehow, that almost looked more comfortable than the stiff mattresses they were stuck with. Lyarra made a point of tripping over his ankle, before making her way out of the room once she heard a distant yelp of pain from behind her.

Lyanna was sitting outside when she finally found her, perched on a rock — gazing into what little landscape they could see. Lyarra did her best to announce her approach, taking heavy steps in the short distance. Eventually, Lyanna craned her neck to discern who had been walking up to her. When their eyes met, Lyarra could hardly help the gasp that was punched out of her. Her sister's eyes were bloodshot, heavy bags littering them. Lyarra's reaction was instant, lunging towards her to pull her against her chest as the girl's tears returned in waves. She was not certain how long the two sat, cradled in one another's arms. Once she had seemingly collected herself, Lyarra pulled back to wipe the pads of her thumbs against her cheeks.

She did not once stop to ask what was wrong, or if there was any way that she could help — a fact that she would later come to regret. Instead, she held her sister tighter, promising that she would take care of her. Promising that no matter what, the two would face what was to come together.

Sleep evaded Lyarra that night. After the image of her sister's devastated expression came into mind more than once, she'd resigned to the fact that she'd likely get no rest. Instead, she did her best to take quiet steps out of the room, making a quick distance to the same rock that she'd seen Lyanna earlier. She was unaware of how long she sat there, caught in a cascading jumble of her own thoughts, until she heard a door shut behind her.

Her traveling party were not the sole inhabitants of the inn, yet Lyarra couldn't help but spin back to face the offending sound. She was met with the started expression of her sister, who had a leather sack in her arms — eyes wide, like she had been caught in the act of something that Lyarra could not discern.

"What are you doing out here?" The question was barely above a whisper, but the words themselves were sharp. Lyarra raised an eyebrow at her sister's inquiry, choosing then to climb off of the rock and approach her. Lyanna took a step back, a motion that was only made noticeable by the moon shining across her pale complexion.

"I could ask you the same thing." Lyarra sighed, choosing then to scan over the objects that Lyanna had with her. The same winter rose that she'd coveted so closely before — which came as no surprise to Lyarra — a sack of what appeared to be the clothes she'd brought with her for the journey, and a steel blade. The final object gave Lyarra pause, as she moved to grab Lyanna's chin — forcing the girl to meet her gaze.

"You can't be serious. Where are you going?" Lyarra looked over her sister, looking for anything else she could have on her. The concept that her sister planned on leaving in the night, to gods knows where, had her gut reeling.

"Away. Somewhere. To pray, maybe." Lyanna's tone was wistful, and far too calm to satiate Lyarra's nerves. Lyanna had never been one to devote herself to the gods, but when she had it had been at the weirwood tree in Winterfell. Her sister's poorly covered lies only made Lyarra's stomach curl further into a pit.

"What does that mean, Lyanna? Where were you going?" Her words were punctuated with sharp intakes of breath, Lyarra leaning further into Lyanna's line of sight, imploring her to answer anything. Her attempts were to no avail, however, as her sister only stood prouder — chin raised, assured, and unwilling to budge.

"Why does it matter, Lyarra? Am I not allowed one moment to myself? My body won't even be my own anymore, soon enough. I'm not allowed to go anywhere anymore. To even speak to a man alone, let alone my family. I don't need you down my throat, as well." In an instant, the night sky felt suffocating. Lyarra took a sharp breath, stepping back as she furrowed her brow.

"So, what, I'm not allowed to care for my sister anymore? Was I meant to allow you to slink off into the darkness, knowing full well I may never see you again? You don't know what is out there, Lyanna. If you want a night to yourself, take it. I'll sleep in Benjen's room, for all I care. But this?" She pauses, gesturing widely between the two, "This is running away. This is a coward's way out."

"Fine, then. Let me be a coward! I would rather betray my family name than live a life that was not meant for me. I am not meant to be Robert Baratheon's prize, a wolf locked away on a shelf for him to show off when he is drunk enough to remember my existence. As he fucks everything he sees. That is not my life. It is not fair of you to ask me to live it." The two were still speaking hardly above a whisper, but Lyarra's lungs hurt like they had been shouting. Lyanna would not relent, not even to step out of the bubble the two had created.

"No, it's not fair. I wish you were not asked this, I wish this was not your life. I would give anything to take your place, if only so that you would have your freedom. I would leave with you this very moment, if I could." Lyarra took her sister's hands into her own, bending to gaze into her eyes pleadingly.

"You mean it? You'd leave with me now, if I asked?" Lyanna's words were quiet, her tone noticeably hopeful. The shift made Lyarra flinch, as she took a slight step back. She meant it, then. She meant to flee in the middle of the night, while Lyarra herself had been none the wiser. As if Lyanna knew what she was thinking, she took a step foward herself — her features hardening. Lyanna's mind had made up, regardless of what Lyarra had wished. "I would not ask that of you. I would not ask you to leave your life for me, as I chase a fool's dream. Go inside, Lyarra. Rest. The ride to Riverrun is not an overtly pleasant one." With that, Lyanna took a step forward — meaning to walk past her sister, and keep going. Before she could step out of her range, Lyarra grasped onto her wrist.

"Do you take me for a fool? I would never leave you, especially when I know you intend to flee in the night." Her words were harsh, sharper than she meant to be — as she dug her nails into Lyanna's wrist. She did not stop until she heard a resounding hiss, which inspired Lyarra to pull her back to her. "Please, please don't go. Please, Lyanna." She knew well enough that she was begging, her tone closer to pathetic than it had ever sounded before. This gave Lyanna pause, and she couldn't help the warm hope that flowed through her chest.

"Please, don't ask me to stay. If you won't leave with me, just let me go. I need to go." Lyarra hadn't noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks until Lyanna wiped one away, pressing her palm gently into the side of her face. Lyarra leaned into the touch in an instant, desperate to keep her sister close to her in any way that she could. She wanted to fall to her knees and beg, plead for Lyanna to not leave her. She couldn't bare the thought of living without her, of suffocating within the all-encompassing walls of Winterfell without her by her side.

"Lyarra, look at me. This is not my life. I am not meant for this. I wish, for you, that it could be. But it isn't. So let me go. Go back to our room, rest your eyes. In the morning they'll ask where I am. Say you don't know. Please, Lyarra." At that, Lyanna had to pull Lyarra against her to muffle her tears. The two would be found, sooner or later. They only had so much time, and Lyarra was becoming all too aware of this. "Do this for me, sister. I promise you, I will see you again. I swear it." Lyarra said nothing, only cowering further into her sister's chest. She was too cowardly to protect her the first time, but if this was what it took to give Lyanna the life she wanted — Lyarra nodded through her tears, muttering loose promises through her lips. The childlike hope in Lyanna's eyes made it worth it.

For the first time in years, Lyarra saw the young Lyanna staring back at her. The version of her that she had been longing to reach, that she had been longing to bring back — at what ever cost necessary. This was the cost, she supposed. She would lose her sister, if only to protect what was left of her. She knew that her brothers would likely not forgive her for this, if they found out. The thought made her stomach churn uneasily, as she tried to swallow down her tears.

Their goodbyes were short, gone before Lyarra's mind could properly catch up with itself. Lyanna kissed her forehead as if they were once again children, and Lyarra watched as her figure faded until she was nothing more than a shadow in the distance. She found her bed as quickly as she had abandoned it, and did her best to not make her cries audible — as she buried her face in the quilt for the second time that day.

Once the disappearance of Lyanna Stark had spread through the area, the remainder of their journey to Riverrun was rushed. What should have taken well over a fortnight took no longer than a week. Lyarra couldn't say that she was surprised. They didn't want to risk the disappearance of the other two siblings, not when rumor had it that Rhaegar Targaryen had been the one to 'abduct' Lyanna to begin with. She wasn't caught off guard by the thought, not entirely. Lyanna went willingly, to that there was no doubt — but the way that she had caressed the winter rose came to Lyarra's mind. She knew she would be meeting Rhaegar, wherever it had been that they had found one another.

Part of Lyarra was comforted by the fact that Lyanna had the opportunity for true happiness with the man, and the other part of her — the part fighting for dominance of her — felt ill at the very thought. She knew, all too well, what was to come. Lyanna was betrothed, and Rhaegar Targaryen had ignored this claim entirely — ignored his own wife, at that. Robert would not allow this to pass unpunished.

Benjen had attempted to reach out to her on the remainder of their journey more than once, but Lyarra did not spare him more than a blank smile. She could not manage much more than that, she thought. This was her fault. Had she simply pulled her sister back, convinced her not to go, they would not be in such peril. But she hadn't. She chose her sister's freedom, and this was the result of it.

The moment that the walls of Riverrun came into view, Lyarra all but rushed to the doors. In a flash, she was across the drawbridge and thought the doors. Her movements were wild, as she tore down every door until she found who she was looking for. Once her eyes caught onto him, she dashed forward — burying herself in the older man's furs. Brandon was stiff, hesitation embedded in every movement. However she paid his reluctance no mind, as she only pulled him closer to her. After a beat, his resolve crashed — as he dropped to his knees to wrap his arms around her, burying his nose into her hair. The two sat like that for far longer than necessary, a moment reminiscent of the night that she'd cried in his arms. Only this time, the two were just as afraid as the other.

Every waking moment after that she stayed by her brother's side. Even Catelyn, his intended, had seemed to understand that — as that night, she'd offered for Lyarra to stay with him, claiming that she'll sleep in her own quarters. Lyarra knew better than to accept her offer, however, and chose to spend her night in Benjen's room — as she had been doing for months. The boy accepted her back welcomingly, only hesitating for but a moment before allowing her in.

It was when she woke up, that she began to realize she'd yet to see Petyr. It was hardly the time to create a stir for him, however. She'd only had the chance to ask when she had caught Catelyn alone. The question was timid, yet Catelyn responded as if she knew she'd been intending to ask since she'd arrived. Petyr had been sent back to the Fingers, not too long ago. According to her, Petyr and Brandon had gotten into a quarrel of some kind — though, as much as Lyarra questioned, Catelyn would not divulge the details of their fight. Only that it had not ended pretty, and it was decided that he would return home. This fact alone was enough for Lyarra to sink further into her own sorrows.

At the moment where she needed him the most, Petyr was gone. To no fault of his own, she'd assumed — yet she couldn't help the sting that burned in her chest. She had half the mind to send him a raven, but couldn't bring herself to write to him. Another ignored letter would only cause her further pain, she decided. It was not worth the trouble.

The concept of time seemed to become a foreign thought to Lyarra after that. She could hardly keep up any longer. Brandon was riding to King's Landing, alongside their father. The day that he left, she had properly expelled all of her remaining tears into his pelt — leaving him with a half-soaked tunic. He took her face in his palm as he promised to return. Her father made no such promise, only grasping onto her chin similarly to Brandon. As the two rode away, Lyarra allowed her legs to give out underneath her, collapsing into Benjen as he did his best to hold her up.

She did not let the younger boy out of her sight, from that day on. Just before she had begun to settle for the night at his side, a knock came at the door. Brynden Tully chose to appear then, a man who had previously made himself scarce. It was evident then, just how uncomfortable the man was with his own presence — as he approached the two siblings. They were to return to Winterfell, with haste. Eddard would likely be there by the time that they returned, and until further notice they were not to leave their ancestral home. Lyarra thanked the man, asking him to send her thanks to his nephew Edmure as well — suddenly feeling rather guilty for the way she had treated him. Catelyn bid the two siblings farewell, as Lyarra made a point to assure her that Brandon would return — if not for duty, simply because he had promised. Her words likely did nothing to satiate Catelyn's nerves, though she sent an appreciative smile nonetheless.

It wasn't until they had returned to the snow-ridden castle of Winterfell, that Lyarra's world properly came crashing down around her. Once she'd entered the gate, she'd scoured the courtyard for the first sight of her brother — warmth enveloping her as she finally caught his eye, only to be frozen in fear as she noticed his expression. He was devastated, grief hovering over him like a shadow. She gazed into the depths of his eyes, brow furrowed as she tried to discover the cause of what was ailing him so. It was only when she noticed just how alone they were, how everyone had seemingly been giving the siblings space — that Lyarra realized what must have happened. She sunk to her knees then, Eddard following her suit. Benjen stood solemnly behind the two, his emotions hidden behind an expression far too mature for a boy of his age.

Lyarra fell into Eddard's chest, wailing in a way she never had before. Brandon was gone. Their father was gone. Lyanna was never coming home. A war had started, then and there. The King was begging for Eddard's head as well, claiming that he and Robert must face him in King's Landing. Vaguely, Lyarra heard him revealing all of this to Benjen, explaining further that Jon Arryn was the only one to defend the two boys properly.

Eddard was leaving for war, a thought that further removed all stability in Lyarra's legs. She could no longer feel her own tears, even if she had tried. She felt numb, too many losses hitting her at once. Ned had attempted to promise her that he would return, but she cut him off with a sharp glare. The last person that had assured her he'd return broke that very promise. She'd even comforted his betrothed with those same words, only to let her down tenfold.

Within months, there would be another wedding. As if some joy was meant to be found in a time like this. Eddard was to be married to Catelyn Tully, a fact that Lyarra wasn't certain either party was pleased with. Their marriage would strengthen the house, but at what cost? The wedding came and went. Lyarra did her best to weather her own feelings, pushing them aside at the hopeful look in Eddard's eyes. He was an honorable man, a fact that even those who barely knew of the name 'Stark' knew. He would treat Catelyn with respect, and if Lyarra looked close enough she could almost see warmth in Ned's gaze.

The day that Ned left Winterfell, Lyarra could hardly force herself to look up to face him. She sat at Benjen's side, weakly nodding as Eddard made empty promises. He swore to bring Lyanna home, regardless of what the cost was. The younger siblings knew his words were empty, as well as he did. He brought them both to his chest, kissing their foreheads in tandem. They were meant to look after one another, protecting Winterfell above all else. Should Eddard fall, Benjen would be the next 'Lord Stark'. As the two watched Ned ride off into the distance, they felt one another properly break apart in each others arms. After all of this, they might only have one other. A thought that both comforted Lyarra, and filled her with more guilt than she had ever felt in her life.

When it was announced that Eddard had returned, Catelyn had all but jumped from her seat to greet her Lord Husband. Lyarra, however, did not move an inch. Benjen had given her an inquisitive look, but she only waved him off. She knew all too well, the moment that she stood up to greet Ned — all she would be able to think about is Lyanna's absence. He swore to her that he would bring her back, and she had a fool's hope to believe him. After another moment, Benjen stood to follow Catelyn, raising his arm to Lyarra.

Lyarra took a sharp breath, before nodding to follow him — clasping onto his arm for strength. Just as she had expected, Eddard stood alone in front of the gates. He looked older. He was only a few years her elder, and yet he looked just a year younger than their father had. His eyes were restless, his own somber attitude carrying him as he solitarily. It was only then, that she noticed the small bundle pressed against his chest.

There, Ned Stark held a babe. She couldn't help her own curiosity, as she unlinked her arm from Benjen to cautiously approach the two. Eddard's eyes widened at her approach, as if he'd assumed she would avoid the very thought of him. Once she reached the two, she couldn't help but peel back the blanket from the infant's face — clutching her chest as a gasp escaped her. There, the face of Lyanna Stark looked back at her. The babe had her eyes — though they were far from the same hue — her nose, her smile. He looked like her mirror image. The thought flooded Lyarra with confusion, as her head snapped to the man holding him.

Eddard only met her with a quick shake of his head, unnoticeable to anyone more than a foot away from the two. His eyes told a simple story, 'I'll speak of it later,' and the heat within them was enough for her to nod mindlessly, moving to step away from the two instead. To anyone who asked, the babe was Ned Stark's bastard. A thought that was hard to believe for many, considering the man was not one to break an oath. However, Lyarra could not help but hold her breath. There was something he was not sharing, a fact made clear by the unreadable expression that marred him any time he looked her way.

He found her when she was alone, that night. Before she had fled to Benjen's quarters. There, he carried the babe against his chest. He was well and truly asleep, however that did not change his familiarity. Lyarra did not open with a question, choosing instead to lean against her nightstand with a raised brow.

"I can't explain it. Do not ask me to, Lyarra." His words allowed no room for argument, while his gaze carried a level of finality that only furthered his intensity. Lyarra found herself speechless, choosing that moment to take a harsh seat, the chair thundering beneath her. She deserved answers, he knew that as well as she did. However, there was something keeping him from telling her the truth — something that Ned would not relent from, no matter how much she attempted to persuade him to do so.

"What is his name, then?" Her voice was weak, hardly recognizable as her own. Ned's gaze met hers in surprise, almost as if he did not expect her to relent as quickly as she had. The thought was unsurprising, but in truth Lyarra was tired of fighting. All she could think about was the babe in his arms, a babe that carried the face of Lyanna Stark wherever he went.

"Jon. After Lord Arryn." His words were soft as he looked down at the infant in amazement, as if he couldn't believe his own eyes. Lyarra narrowed her gaze, at that, making quick strides across the room to stand at his side. Eddard seemed to shrink at her approach, his arms coming up to cradle the baby closer to him. "I can't raise him alone. Catelyn won't speak to me, won't even look at me. She wouldn't let me explain. Not that I could, anyway." He hardly allowed her to get a word in, before his arm came up to wipe sweat from his own brow. He wasn't handling this well, not that she could blame him.

"I need your help. This is far too much to ask of you, I know that. I wouldn't, had I any other choice. He deserves to grow up proper, deserves a better life than I can give him." Ned sounded almost ashamed of himself, as he continued to gaze down at the boy. He hadn't looked away once, as if he were afraid he'd disappear the moment he closed his eyes.

"I'll take care of him, Ned. I promise you, I will care for him as he deserves. You have my word." Lyarra clutched onto Eddard's hand, bending in the slightest to meet his line of sight. Reluctantly he met her gaze, his eyes brimmed to the edge with tears. In that moment, she couldn't bring herself to ask the fate of her sister. She'd learn in due time, if not from her brother — then from someone in the courtyard who hadn't learned to whisper quiet enough. News travels quickly throughout the realm. Instead, she chose to lean into Eddard's space, gazing down at the boy alongside him. He'd repositioned, then, moving to offer her the babe. In an instant, Lyarra was filled with nerves. She'd never felt as if motherhood was for her — especially not her brother's bastard. Yet, the moment he was in her arms, Lyarra had never felt something more right.

Once his eyes peeled open, Lyarra was met with the tentative gaze of her sister. His eyes bore into hers, holding a question that she could not answer. Tears came streaming down her face before she could control them, and it was only the stable hand of her brother that kept her upright. She knew then, gazing into the eyes of the babe in her arms, that she would do anything for him. Regardless of what his story was — where he came from, in that moment he was hers. She'd hardly noticed Eddard slinking from the room, as she came to rest against the wall instead of his stiff arm.

"Hello, Jon." She cooed, caressing the boy's cheek with the pad of her thumb. She was stunned then, by the realization that she had never felt more love than she had in that moment, as she held him in her arms. A baby that she had known for less than a day, yet felt like she had loved more than half of her life. Jon Snow was her boy to care for, hers to protect. She may have failed her sister, but Lyarra swore in that moment that she would protect him with her life — regardless of what was to come.

Hey, so. Remember when I said I was going to make this one shorter... Oops. The last few chapters are a little rushed, but Lyarra is grieving okay. Things aren't going to go as they normally would. I really wanted to focus on the growing connection between Benjen and Lyarra, and ALSO the loss of Lyanna. Lyarra lost more than half of her family in less than a year .. She is not handling things well alright. I tried to do this in a proper way that made sense, but I also beg you guys to bear with me. The timeline is likely messy but.. Who reads a fanfic for a proper timeline?? Right?? Haha.. Okay.

The next chapter is likely going to introduce two of the main characters that haven't been mentioned yet. Right now, I'm thinking it's going to cover everything from this moment until the first proper episode of the show. So it will likely be a pretty long chapter. I apologize to everyone who decided to read this thinking it'd be a normal Sandor fic.. but above all this is the story about Lyarra Stark. I hope you all still enjoy! I am having a lot of fun writing this. And as always, feel free to leave any comments you have here!

Thank you,

Zevran

#the hound x reader #sandor clegane x reader #the hound #sandor clegane #petyr baelish #petyr baelish x reader #lyanna stark #jon snow #got x reader #game of thrones x reader #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones #got fanfiction #game of thrones fanfiction

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dangerously-human · 1 year ago

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As with everything else, Lucy's seeming inability/refusal to comprehend Lockwood's crush on her is layered. There is a point where she's genuinely just that dense, I think, but it doesn't actually last that long. Certainly by the time Lockwood tells her he'd die for her, she knows, or at least a part of her does, though it's still easier for her to reach for alternative explanations for multiple reasons.

I think she's in denial partly because it's something she hopes for so strongly. It's difficult to get caught wanting something, and the more you want it, the more you end up telling yourself any hint you might get what you want must be a misinterpretation - because you must be looking too hard, inventing clues that aren't there. The thing is that Lucy is very, very good at tuning out her instincts, because of her trauma. Especially earlier, Lucy struggles to see herself as desirable in any way, to make an honest assessment of her strengths, so it's basically impossible for her to see herself the way Lockwood sees her. Even once she starts untangling the messages she's internalized, when things get too real, she gets scared all over again of making the wrong move. If she reads this wrong because she wants it too badly, the consequences would be devastating, so it's easier to convince herself she's read it wrong in the first place, in the direction that doesn't give her what she wants but also involves less risk. (Which, like. Mood, Luce.)

Later in the series, she's still in denial because she's afraid of what it would mean if Lockwood does mean it, if all the flirting is actually getting at something real. Initially there's that factor of worrying over her impact on Lockwood and his on her, that they'll hurt each other irreparably. Even as she makes peace with that possibility, though, it's obvious that leaning in to this is going to take enormous vulnerability, and it's going to be hard in all kinds of ways. This is a big reason why she needs Lockwood to be more direct with his confession, even as his little "I love you"s become increasingly obvious: she needs to remove all doubt, to quiet her insecurities and also to know that he takes this seriously enough to make the effort, to take the risk, to fall right alongside her.

So, yeah, sometimes Lockwood is yelling I love you in every way except literal and Lucy is oblivious. But a lot of the time, she's highly motivated to dodge that emotion bomb by any means necessary, and our girl is gifted at reframing the narrative to suit her own purposes, especially subconsciously.

#personal #lockwood & co

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wizardpink · 4 months ago

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Hi! I read your post-finale DM meta and I think it's very interesting. The point about Armand turning Daniel because Daniel eviscerated him and made him feel seen for who he truly is (in all his flawed, monstrous glory) felt very true to his character. So I get why Armand would fall for Daniel (eventually) and turn him. But I was wondering (and this is presuming that nothing like the chase or a relationship between them happened in the past), how do you see this Daniel, this vampire who seems to have his shit together and be pretty content with his vampiric life (afawk from the finale, tho this obviously may not be the full truth), falling for Armand eventually? How do you think that will develop?

@destielonfire First of all let me apologize for having no idea when you sent this, I never saw a notification so I hope it hasn't been too long!

I think Daniel's hot girl summer moment we saw a glimpse of in the finale is a ruse by the writers. It added an air of levity to the season finale and gave viewers (and eric!) the gift of swaggering badass vampire Daniel.

But season 3 will have the time to get into it more deeply and well, I don't think anyone ever has a great time after being turned, even if you are rich and famous.

I'm not sure Daniel has ever had his shit together a moment in his life. He says he did when he convinced Alice to marry him, but it must not have lasted long. He was never able to balance his work life with his family. I doubt he'll have an easier time balancing his work life with being a vampire.

I'm also leaning towards the reads on him that this is going to pull him right back down into his addiction issues, now that he's immortal. There are no (well fewer) consequences for substance abuse as a vampire, plus he has a whole new drug, blood, and all that comes with acquiring it. In Dubai we saw that Daniel was squeamish about eating wriggling fish. How is he coping with killing and eating people? I think we only saw one half of the story in the finale. We saw the alcoholic at the bar, buying shots for all his friends while everyone laughs and cheers. We didn't see the next morning's hangover.

In the books, Armand effectively drives Daniel insane to the point the point he falls in love with him, which is hella fucked up (and we love that), so I can see the show taking one of two paths here.

The first is they just adapt that method straight from the books. Lonely and desperate Armand chasing Daniel around the world trying to figure out how to navigate their future as master and fledgling (and understand what drove him to break his vow to never make another vampire for THIS GUY), eventually coming to the conclusion its because he loves him, and Daniel later doing the same. Because they're both trainwrecks impossibly drawn to forms of self harm.

The second is a little less inexplicable and a lot less toxic. Instead of Armand driving Daniel crazy with his psychosexual torture, Daniel does it to himself with his hedonistic desires and lack of self-control. He feeds and kills and feeds and kills, pushes away his family, friends, and collegues, ruins his professional reputation. And he can't understand why he can't stop, why nothing ever makes him feel complete, etc etc. And because he is his maker, because of their invisible cord, Armand takes responsibility for picking him up off the floor and attempting to help him deal with this. Because Armand's the one that gave immortality to a man who can't stop blowing up his life and the lives of everyone around him.

I also think that on a more specific note, Daniel in season 3 will continue to be the plot device that presents the backstory to the audience. I think he'll probably go on tour with Lestat to try to get that second book, and Lestat will share his story, which we know features not only Armand, but Armand's maker Marius, and other places and characters that inform the audience (and Daniel) on Armand's history, motivations, traumas, etc. Daniel has been learning about Armand as a side character and villain in all these other vampires' stories where obviously they're the main characters, the heroes, the victims. But slowly piece by piece he is putting together the Armand puzzle, and now that they're inextricabIy linked he has even more motivation to put the pieces in place. I think those glimpses into Armand's history are going to intrigue him, maybe even endear him to Armand. When they're reunited he wont be able to resist going straight to the source. Which is good because Daniel finding him fascinating is going to melt Armand.

Also I am a romantic. Sometimes there doesn't need to be a reason why two people fall for each other. Season 2 already showed us that these two have an energy. There are strong feelings there already, they can't keep their eyes off each other, can't stop sniping at each other like hissing cats sniffing each other out. Combine that with vampire loneliness and mutual freakitude and you've got a recipe for something.

#i hope this answered your question i know i ramble #ask box #destielonfire #armandaniel #devil's minion #armaniel #just a precaution: this post isn't an invitation for you to try to start an argument #if you disagree that's fine! but start your own post.#and by disagree I mean youre thinking of reblogging this to say you hate it and here's why you're wrong #I'm not here for that.#iwtv spoilers

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ladystarksneedle · 1 year ago

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Greedy

Summary: A lady at sea finds warmth amidst its endless waters.

Warnings: angst, mentions of voyeurism, infidelity, period typical sexism and misogyny, derogatory language, rumor mongering, slight canon divergence.

Word count: 7.5k

Dividers by @saradika

She clawed at the threads in her lap, entangling them for the third time as her husband droned on about the costs of war. There were ramparts, fortifications and more men needed at Tarth to stop the incursion of the Triarchy that he spoke of, agitating himself further as he paced before her, taking her absent minded humming in response to be borne out of interest. The “War of the Stepstones" as it had come to be known, was the newest point of conversation throughout the realm from the Blackwater to the Bay of Crabs, with every household eager to contribute their share of mockery, awe or support. The Valyrians, she thought, had always managed to entrench everyone in their affairs.

Sadly she hadn't found an inch of interest in the one before her.

She had been delivered to Claw Isle almost a year ago, packaged rather gaudily in fabrics of silk and gold, to be unwrapped by the lord of salty seas and misty air. He'd torn in rather clumsily, mistaking haste for pleasure, like a crab feasting at her shore, yet no tears came to her, all the salt had seemingly washed away before she'd entered Crackclaw point. The castle stood surprisingly tall, jutting out of the small island located to the south of Dragonstone, close enough to hear the roars of the beasts of long forgotten might and far enough to be sheltered from their unexpected wrath. She'd often look out her window, imagining what they'd look like, though a year had passed and she had yet to catch a glimpse of them. Some of the locals claimed they'd seen one, a “gray ghost” they'd called it, as elusive as the fog lining the seas, scaring away the fishermen trying to make their catch for the day. They were baseless rumors to her, all the same, recited idly at tea by the ladies of the Point, when they'd run out of their keepsake of slanders. Dragons to her were beasts of myth and true as they might be, posed no consequence to her life, until now.

“Prince Daemon has assembled an army of ten thousand men with Lord Corlys Velaryon. It would be folly to not join such an endeavor.”

“You mean to join the war?” she asked incredulously “We hardly have the numbers.”

“If those shipping lanes fall it affects us all dear wife or have you not been paying attention.”

“I have, husband” she huffed “But decisions made in haste cost dearly. Claw Isle boasts enough wealth to tide us through this predicament without meriting involvement, as you've proclaimed countless times yourself, why then should we waste our men and resources?”

“You're a woman Belinda and as witty as you might be, you do not understand the consequences of uninvolvement. Tarth may very well be under siege as we speak” he remarked.

“And what has the King to say for this expedition undertaken by his brother, I doubt it is with his full consent, ten thousand men seems quite less of a number for a royal army does it not?” she replied back “But yes you're right, I'm just a woman, what would I know about numbers when it is your forte dear husband. I shall leave you to your accounts in peace” she said as she left his chambers with a swift peck to his cheek, quick to evade his reply.

“You must learn when to keep your mouth shut daughter, the ability to do so shall last you long” her mother's words were tight around her neck, a noose waiting to throttle her should she stray too far and though she hadn't managed to keep her wayward tongue in check, she'd found out soon enough that scraps of affection meted out at opportune moments often did the trick.

Dinner proved to be less in her favor. Bartimos was ever eager in spirit, having invited the lords of the neighboring keeps to convene on pretext of merriment. While she sat drinking with the ladies whispering animatedly amongst themselves at the other end of the hall, she realized just how hard headed he could really be. Perhaps her mother was right and there was still more to learn.

“Have you heard the tales of Lady Swann? It is such a tragedy. I've heard she's been sold to a pillow house in Lys”

“She was always a wild one, I've heard. I'm sure she'll do just fine there” chirped Lady Crabb, ever the glutton at any such occasion.

“You have quite the tongue Lady Crabb, you must learn to hold it lest you earn the likeness of the Crabfeeder himself” snickered another.

“Perhaps he styles himself after your own lord husband” remarked Lady Brunes, her fellow at arms of wit.

“Jest all you want ladies, but there is some truth to it. My husband was knighted at the mere age of four and ten, how many of yours can claim such laurels. It will be him who'll bring glory back to Crackclaw point and you'll be all the fools for it” huffed Lady Crabb clawing at the pearls around her neck.

Being the youngest among them had its merits in times like these. Despite being the hostess she was seldom asked her opinions, merely considered to be in accordance with the consensus they reached as the wine dried up and their husbands returned to eagerly escort them back home. Feasts in the Crownlands often had one way of ending, with most of them on their backs. As the bed creaked below her, she realized her’s would be a happy one. Sweaty and sated, she lay next to him as he struggled to catch his breath, exhausting himself to fruition this once. Bartimos seemed to outperform whenever he had a point to make, in matters that required more convincing on his part. She only wished they were more in number and came more often.

“We shall leave for Driftmark in three days' time” he said as he turned to sleep, blowing off the candles near them. “It is a good thing Belinda, you'll come to realize soon enough. You'll even get to see those dragons you've been so curious about.”

“They do not interest me as much as you think” she thought “But if admitting to it makes you more amiable in bed I might as well go set up camp there, husband” she pondered as she drifted off to sleep dreaming of distant roars and crashing waves engrossed in a hazy tussle of their own.

Driftmark proved to be a much grander island. They'd sailed for a day to get there, bypassing Dragonstone on the way. The captain of their ship had pointed it out, a black speck of monstrous rock jutting out from the coast, with a multitude of deep rumbles reverberating through the masts, as they had sailed past. It felt ominous and rather insidious, intriguing enough for her to want to halt and explore for the first time since they'd left, but her husband wished for no time to be wasted and ordered them to sail ahead. High Tide shone bright under the sun as they'd arrived, its pale stone greeting them in a stark contrast to the home of their Valyrian overlords. The Castle was said to have been newly built by Lord Corlys with all the wealth he'd amassed on his nine voyages, its turrets gleaming haughtily at them with their beaten silver tops. They'd been ushered in shortly, with their infantry in tow to the “Hall of Nine” in attendance before him as he sat atop the Driftwood Throne.

“We welcome you to High Tide, Lord Bartimos. The support of the Celtigars, in these trying times is much appreciated” he boomed.

“Thank you for your graciousness Lord Corlys” he smiled as she fidgeted near him.

“Perhaps your lady wife would like to rest as we get to the matter at hand, the journey would have been quite tiring for those not accustomed to it” he said as she was ushered away to the depths of the Castle by one of the Velaryon ladies nearby.

“Princess Rhaenys shall receive you my lady, please follow me. I am Daena, cousin to Corlys in case you're wondering. We have assembled here to convene on our own council” she stated, leading her up the winding stairs to a hall overlooking the Bay. At its head sat none other than the lady of the manor, Rhaenys Targaryen, a tall woman with a welcoming smile in tow “Lady Celtigar so good of you to join us, welcome to High Tide.”

There were more than a dozen ladies in the room who turned to look at her, the Velaryons with their teal dresses and silver locks, a few from Crackclaw point that she recognised immediately, ladies Crabb and both the Brunes, of Dyre Den and Brownhollow, ladies Bar Emmon and Staunton and a few stromlanders judging by the intricate braids on their heads who greeted her in response. Lady Daena led her to her seat as they resumed speaking, each advocating for their preferred course of action. As she observed their leader at the head of the table listening intently to each prompt she wondered why a dragon rider such as her wasn't involved in the affairs of the main council. Noticing her inquisitive stare she turned to address them once again “We have dragons and they are more than sufficient to weed this Crabfeeder out of his cave. My son Laenor shall be joining Prince Daemon, leading from above though your support at both sea and ground is much appreciated. We shall soon be rid of this menace together” she spoke with pride. “We've hosted a feast tonight as an inauguration of our joint partnership. Please rest, explore and enjoy your stay before we meet again ” she concluded.

The beaches of Driftmark were a true wonder, she thought as she strolled along unbothered by the sand coating her stockings. They were unlike Claw Isle, with white sand stretching endlessly surrounded by pristine blue waters, secluded and picturesque. “Could wealth be used to acquire such beauty? Perhaps Lord Corlys’ expeditions had played a part in shaping the sea before her too” she considered enjoying her solitude. Her path soon led her to a hut, nestled away surrounded by a bed of grass, small enough to be overlooked, making her walk towards it, observing its peculiar vantage point overlooking the sea. As she passed through the rickety gate, she heard shuffling inside before coming across a man leaning against one of the posts. His eyes lit up as she came into view, trailing over her, before a smirk etched itself onto his face.

“Well Hello” he drawled lazily.

“Apologies my lord I didn't know someone was here” she replied hastily.

“Do you often walk into other's properties at will, my lady?” he inquired mockingly.

“I considered it abandoned” she flushed. “I was merely curious”

“Hmm” he said, appraising her “It is not safe to be wandering these waters alone, considering the threat that looms ahead”

“But I am not alone” she quipped back.

He chuckled as he made his way towards her.

“And what a sharp tongue you've got there. It would be a shame if that were the only weapon at your disposal”

“I don't think it wise for you to want to find out” she replied, standing her ground.

His smirk widened as he brushed past her, leaning down to whisper into the shell of her ear “Welcome to Driftmark my lady, your claws do you justice.”

Evening couldn't arrive fast enough. Her encounter with the man at the beach left her more shaken once she came to realize who he was. Bartimos spoke of the surprising absence of Prince Daemon from their war council, baffled as he dressed in haste. She merely shook her head in response, finding the lord or rather the prince she'd met, to be all the more intriguing. Dinner proved to be a lavish affair with an assortment of opulence. Dishes of roasted duck glazed with honey adorned the plates before them, along with sardines and roasted tomatoes coated with fennel and saffron. There were freshly picked cherries and apricots, apple and cinnamon pies and a heap of lemon cakes being passed around the hall, along with overflowing cups of Dornish red mocking the enemies they were to face. She sat next to known faces, taking comfort in familiarity amidst the novelty she'd found herself in, while Lady Crabb delighted in the feast before her, munching away wholly unbothered by her sullenness. Her husband was in better spirits after the toasts that had been made to their victory, conversing heartily with Lord Staunton as she looked about inquisitively.

Prince Daemon sat at the head of the table flanking Lord Corlys to the left looking disinterested as he sipped his wine, pretending to listen in to the conversation at hand. She smiled to herself at the glazed look in his eyes, present for a fleeting moment before wandering again to places far beyond her reach. One of the Velaryon lords next to Princess Rhaenys, Ser Vaemond, if she remembered correctly, said something which swiftly brought him back.

“Perhaps you'd like to find out for yourself Ser Vaemond, Caraxes would be all the more willing” he said smirking “A toast then” he spoke standing up as the chatter died down.“To our allies and their good health, may you weather the battle ahead well” he said as a few cheered in response. “And to our enemies, near and beyond, narrow be their deaths, narrow be their beds” he said looking around “To our appetite for war” he spoke at last, winking at him as the man below him gazed back in defiance “and more” he finished seemingly staring right at her. She squirmed with apprehension as the crowd erupted in cheers “Hear, hear” they chanted “To the Rogue Prince Daemon” , they continued, banging their cups on the spread in front.

She wondered if her husband realized what he partook in, as the celebrations continued, forever wanting for fame and glory begotten through company, only for her to be the unwitting recipient of the eye of the Dragon.

As the evening drew close and Bartimos drunkenly staggered through the halls supported by his peers, she fought back a scoff. He bade her goodnight, eager to continue his quest for companionship while she politely shut the door waiting to leave their chambers as soon as she felt the coast was clear. Drawing her robe close she snuck out to explore, excited at her newfound freedom, delighting in the sliver of opportunity she'd happened upon. High Tide was quiet as the waves lapped the shore in the distance, a peaceful contrast to the jeers of the evening. A few servants scurried about bowing as they passed by her without question, perhaps to tend to the many guests that the castle currently housed. It was relatively easy to navigate with its shiny walls of pale stone mixed with wood twisting to form an interesting maze. She passed by low chandeliers, banisters with carvings of sea creatures, walls of teal painted with murals of voyages at sea, retinues of Velaryon soldiers and seafarers shouting orders and rowing through storms, intricately decorating the hallways. Statues of oceanic figures greeted her, lining each corridor connecting together till she came upon one, wooden and endless, larger than the rest, with a small alcove at the end. Darting ahead at once to claim it for her own, she stopped as she heard an unfamiliar sound. A soft moan greeted her at the end followed by a series of grunts and the all too familiar sound of skin slapping against each other making her peer in. A maid lay bent over the edge, her dress ruched up to her waist as he pounded into her roughly muffling her sighs with his hand, her own clinging desperately to the railing ahead. “Quiet, I do not wish to hear you wench” he remarked, brutally thrusting into her as she whined. She watched, shocked and unable to move as he finished within her with a grunt, his silver hair falling over her shoulders, before turning around to face the door abruptly.

“It will never fail to amuse me how you find yourself in situations that do not concern you” her husband's voice rang through her ears as she ran out, only to find herself at the beach again. “You must learn your place wife and it isn't in every nook and corner of the castle” he'd remarked once, after her incessant interjections in an argument with his lord father. “The fool had some sense to what he'd said”, she thought, cursing herself loudly as she caught her breath. Admitting defeat had never felt so shameful, she sulked running her hands through her hair before turning around to find a voice addressing her.

“Couldn't sleep?”

“New waters, princess. I'm not used to change” she replied sheepishly.

“Hmm. You should have told Vanya, she's in charge of the guests. She'd have brewed you a nice tea, it works wonders for light sleepers”

“I presume you speak from experience” she ventured walking towards her.

“There is much to be thought of” she replied back as she welcomed her presence.

“You wish to join the war, contrary to what you spoke of at the council”

“What kind of dragon rider abandons their people in need. What am I, if not a warrior for a just cause”

“A ruler who knows when to step back” she countered.

“Those are flattering words, empty as they might be”

“I disagree, princess. Your children are young and you are needed here. Battles may not always be fought at sea or up in the air, the biggest ones often lie closer to home” she spoke, still unnerved by the night.

“You are wiser than your years Lady Celtigar”

“Many have called me rather impudent”

“And they always shall, anything otherwise would be to admit defeat” she scoffed.

“May I extend my impudence further tonight” she asked looking up at her in question “I think I know why you wish to join. Forgive my boldness but I feel a familiar reluctance in staying behind, with what has happened amidst those seas before”

She smiled ruefully in response. “Have you had the chance to see a dragon yet, Lady Belinda? Caraxes rests a few feet away from where we stand, slumbering in peace while his rider feasts for the night” she remarked causing her to turn abruptly “I fear I will not have peace till I fly to battle with him this once, a wish that was left unfulfilled years ago and a regret I hold with me still”

She looked around in unease before replying “It is not for me to advise you princess as I've often led myself off a cliff with my own words.”

“Do not fret he doesn't harm at will” she laughed sensing her distress. “Merely judges who he considers his prey”

“Like his rider” she wished to scream, smiling back at her instead.

“Sleep well my lady, I might require your impudence on the morrow after all,” she said before walking back to the Castle behind.

“There is no rest for the wicked” her mother used to say, scolding her when she acted out of impulse. “Your flights of fancy shall be the death of me” she'd scream as she chastised her for her conduct. The “morning after” drone on, just as painful to her as the throbbing in her husband's head, as he sat grumbling at breakfast.

“Seems like you had an interesting night” he remarked sullenly.

“What?”

“Princess Rhaenys was all praise for you at dawn.”

“Oh, it was nothing” she said as she tried to mask her raging thoughts, her mind wandering to a different head of silver that had caught her attention.

“Do not be so coy Belinda, it is good to see you putting yourself out there. Let them know what we stand for as a house” he said, sipping his tea.

“Your pride will be your downfall one day, husband, but I'm sure glad for it today” she thought, carefully evading the topic at hand.

The days that followed passed in a blur with her trying to make herself as scarce as possible and she'd found blending in with the decor a fine way of going about it. She'd attend meetings whenever she was called upon dressed in teals and blues, dine with her husband and their contemporaries adorned with silver, gossip idly with the ladies at sessions in sapphire, butting in more often, hoping to be included more but most of all she vowed never to stray out of company whenever she could, for she knew he was around, waiting to strike when she least expected it.

“There you are little trespasser” he'd caught her by the arm swinging her to the side on one such occasion, her burnished gold gown taunting her absurdity.

“Unhand me now or I'll scream”

“I doubt you would little mouse, I think you seem to take an undue amount of pleasure in depravities as such”

“I don't know what you mean”

“Don't play coy now, it doesn't suit you as much as you'd like it to” he retorted sharply

“I didn't mean to barge in on you, it was an accident”

“Hmm as are most instances you find yourself in, yes?”

“I am telling the truth,” she said, squirming in his grasp.

“Now what would your husband think, hmm, were he to find out, compromising yourself not once but twice” he whispered, twisting her towards him, pulling her flush against his chest.

“I have done nothing of that sort, you seem to mistake mischance for willingness”

“I am under no illusion my lady, but anyone in your current predicament would beg to differ” he said smirking as a few curious lords passed by them in the hallways whispering to themselves as they looked away abruptly.

“Walk with me and let me put you out of your misery” he replied, tugging her along, as he took her arm into the crook of his elbow, swiftly guiding them towards the other end of the hall.

“I want nothing more to do with you, my prince. Please leave me alone”

“Now where's the fun in that” he laughed humorlessly “Do not take me for a fool lady Celtigar, I’d prefer it if you'd play along”

She huffed as she followed him out onto familiar territory, the sandy soil welcoming her once again.

“You are married, what would your lady wife think if she found out” she said trying to dissuade him.

“I think she'll be all the more happier for my absence, something you and I might have in common” he retorted, eyes twinkling as he gazed down at her.

“I don't know what you mean” she said which earned her a click of his tongue in response.

“Bartimos is nothing but kind. He's faithful and just, I could ask for nothing more from a husband” she said after a pause.

“Perhaps you'd prefer a dog instead if that is what pleases you in a man” he huffed “Or was that your reason to linger last night?” She blushed furiously in response as he laughed at her silence.

“You presume too much”

“I only say what I think. Life is too short to hide behind false pleasantries.”

“One needs to be amiable enough to get by, not everyone has the veil of protection of a dragon rider”

“It is not Caraxes that speaks to you now, as much as you'd like, I am more myself when I say as I do.”

“And what exactly do you wish to achieve out of this” she asked, stopping as she stood before him.

“To unwind that needle you've stuck up yourself” he said “Your husband's brought you here all dolled up to decorate his empty promises, espousing might and support when all he has to his name is a house of Crabs with too few men. I do not need the likes of foolhardy lords who'll run the moment they come to face real danger.”

“What do you want then, my prince? We've come here with goodwill and whatever we have to offer” she said plainly

“I think you have far more to offer.”

“If you've come to ask me to bed you, I'd prefer it if you said so plainly”

“If I wanted to bed you I wouldn't need to ask and I don't mean taking you as an unwilling partner, as pretty as you might be”, he replied, turning a lock of her hair in his hands “You'd come to me willingly”

“Then it seems we are at an impasse” she replied. “I cannot give you what you want nor do you possess anything I seek”

“How do you know?”

“What”

“How do you know what it is that you wish to seek?” he asked “How does someone so sheltered know what they want if they haven't seen what life has to offer”

“What is it that you think I want then”

“A taste of the unknown,” he replied, looking towards the sea.

She stared after him for a moment choosing to continue beside him, the silence between them feeling akin to punishment as they made their way ahead. He stopped soon to pick up a tiny crab running across the shore.

“That is your husband,” he said, examining the creature.

“Come now, that is cruel”

He laughed before pointing towards it again “Look at its legs and tell me what you see”

“It has threads attached to it”

“They're not threads. They're remnants of flowers that thrive deep below

the seas, of colors so bright they'd put a Tyroshi head to shame” he said turning it around for her to look “Flowers like these cling to the crab, beautifying it, helping it forgae the sea weeding out prey, a perfect companion won't you say” he continued watching her swallow “Yet when this little soldier feels the need to return ashore he discards his companion to the solitude of the sea” he finished before tossing the crab aside.

“I am not a flower” she said lifting her head up in defiance “To be discarded so easily”

A broad grin lit up his face as he nodded at her continuing down his path.

Preparations for the war soon ramped up, prolonging her discomfort. She felt stifled putting up smiles, talking incessantly to fill the silence lest she be drawn back in, while he lingered on. She began seeing him more frequently, at most meals of the day. A few of the men had taken to dining with their ladies, mostly those of importance to the warfront and with Bartimos finally being offered a place at the table it was hard to refuse his advancement. She began sitting with them stiff as a board, his gaze burning into her across the spread before them, ashamed to be the cause of her husband's newfound happiness. Watching him drink and talk with pride oblivious to the danger that lay ahead of them both prompted her to consider the nagging thought in her head, perhaps she needed to be his sea flower at last.

He was relentless in his pursuit all the while, smirking with his head tilted to the side whenever she caught him looking, observing her with a heavy gaze waiting to strike again.

It came to a head finally, one sunny morning. She didn't know what possessed her to go to the council room, perhaps it was to seek out Bartimos, as a warning or with counsel itself, but she had opened those great oak doors only to find him inside. He sat alone at the head, with one foot propped up on the map before him, eyes looking out the window, disinterested and lost.

“Are you here to apologize again?” he asked, raising his eyebrow in question.

“I was looking for my husband. Since he's not here I shall leave you to it”

“Ever the dutiful wife, byka embar rūklon”

“Don't call me that”

“Hmm” he chuckled. “Given that he's occupied at the moment, what can I do for you, my lady?” he said standing up.

“Must we keep coming back to it” she replied back, exasperated.

“It is you who makes things difficult”

“Hardly. I've told you what I do not want, I think that should make things much easier for us both”

“You may speak all you want but it's the things left unsaid that matter the most” he continued, before they were interrupted by a servant. She turned to look at her in shock as she greeted him, striding forwards to fill his cup to the brim, privy to all their secrets. He grinned at her expression as he held up a hand

“Leave it and tidy up those scrolls like I taught you” he remarked dismissing her as she wordlessly turned her back to them.

“Now this must be a familiar sight to you” he chuckled, addressing her.

“Your cupbearer” she asked, switching to High Valyrian delighting in his pleased expression.

“Yes it is quite convenient. She knows when I'm full”

“How ingenious” she remarked dispassionately.

“Come on, it's fun”

“To see her each morn, when you're discussing matters of importance and know how you'll be having her at dusk? Was this the unknown you spoke ok?” she spat

“Stand up, let me show you something” he remarked suddenly as he led her to the window.

“To anyone who walks in now, I'm showing you how the sky melts into the sea, explaining to you the foreign territory we'll soon find ourselves in, ” he said, moving close to her.

“What concerns us, is how I've ordered her to tidy up everything. All the scrolls and there are a hundred of them, before she thinks of lifting her head up again” he whispered as she heaved at his proximity, her back flush against his chest.

“We could do whatever we want and she wouldn't move an inch” he hummed against her ear pulling her close. “No one would know, for the reward that awaits her at dusk”

“Obedience for pleasure” she sighed as he tilted her head up gazing into her eyes.

“Precisely” he grinned, grabbing her neck without warning.

“What will you choose, embar rūklon?” he said brushing his nose violently against hers. She bit his lip in response, delighted with his painfully grunt as she tasted him, metallic and raw, of blood and smoke.

“I think that suffices as an answer ” she responded breathlessly, crashing her lips against his.

As she walked out the door later, she noticed the neatly arranged scrolls in the corner with seven cups lined in order, ready for each member of the council to use. The dragon behind her grinned greedily, having found yet another conquest to his name.

Daemon Targaryen was more beast than man, she'd come to learn over the days that followed. As the time to leave finally drew close and tempers ran hot at council meetings, his thirst for flesh increased, seeking her out in shadowed corridors, grasping and rutting into her savagely. She'd be showered with equal affection later on masking the bruises marking her skin. Jewellery of pearl and rubies adorned her pulse points, bitten and sore from their heady encounters as she strutted around with unfaltering poise delighting in her newfound routine. She had come to enjoy their little game, often finding ways to excuse herself to explore another hideaway the castle had to offer, leaving it separately with the lingering smell of their sweat and arousal. Despite the intensity of their meetings it was the aftermath she had come to cherish the most, when he'd kiss the crown of her head after pulling her hair, or play with her wrists as he drew her close. The little trinkets that she hid among her dresses, made her heart beat faster whenever she sat looking out at sea smiling to herself as her company chatted on.

“I got you something”

“What is this?” she laughed “A bird of paper?”

“There is a technique they use in Yi-Ti, where they make creatures out of paper, style them as they like '' he said “This is a crane shown to me by a merchant in passing, as a token for the hefty purchase I made. They say if you make a thousand of these the Gods grant you anything you desire.”

“I thought you didn't believe in the Gods,” she mocked.

“I do not but there isn't a man more foolish than the one who doesn't appreciate beauty, in all forms” he smirked.

“There is a catch though” he said, pulling it away before she had the chance to grab it.

“There always is, isn't it”

“If and when you make a thousand of these you'll be granted but a single wish. I would choose one carefully embar rūklon”

She closed her eyes as she thought smiling to herself.

“Not now”

“Ah but what if I wish for something this very moment, what's to stop me”

“You play by my rules alone byka gevie, never forget” he said pulling her towards him delighting in her laughter.

As much as he'd claimed ownership of the people in his service Daemon had glossed over a singular fact common to all women alike, they preferred nothing more than a fresh rumor served cold. From the smallfolk to the ladies in their fine towers, each held a kinship to one another when it came to gossip, spreading it far and wide. Rumors of her entanglement with the dragon prince spread like wildfire, with fresh tongues wagging in her direction, holding her accountable with their judgy eyes and insolent mouths. His little cupbearer was the one responsible, she thought as she found herself cornered, how fitting it was to be felled by the keeper of his secrets.

The most disappointing though, was the reaction of the lady she'd lent her sympathy to days ago.

“I'd like to give you a piece of advice Lady Celtigar” she remarked one morning

“You are young and have many years ahead of you, do not waste it in pursuit of fleeting pleasure. I know what it's like to feel constrained and alone. When my husband went off on his travels across the world it was I who held fort here, braving it all, ensuring our legacy wouldn't be tarnished by even a wisp of bitterness. You will soon be put in a similar position and you won't weather it should you choose to continue as you are now” she said plainly. “A woman's reputation makes or breaks her family and her house. It is the most important tool you have in your arsenal and you must learn to weild it well.”

“I can take care of myself Princess. My impudence shall weather me through whatever storm awaits me yet, besides you have a dragon to protect you, I doubt it was your diplomacy that carried your legacy forwards”

“And now you've found yours” she remarked with distaste. “Heed my warning my lady, I have known my cousin long enough to realize he always does as he wants. He will not change no matter how much you wish for it to be so” she said as she left her in thought.

The storm at her horizon approached faster than she could have anticipated striking the pearls around her neck first, with an innocuous question posed at dinner.

“That is such a beautiful necklace my lady wherever did you get it”

“Oh it is one of the many treasures of our house” she countered “A little trinket, one of many the Celtigars boast. We have chests of ancestral rubies, Myrish carpets, Volantene glass, jeweled cups and more that await you at Claw Isle should you choose to visit” she remarked satisfied with turning the conversation at hand. If only it had been so easy.

“Where did you get that Belinda?” Bartimos asked cornering her when they were alone

“The necklace? It is one of the many you've given me”

“Do you take me for a fool” he scoffed

“I don't know what you mean, if not then it must belong to one of the chests back home”

“I know every gift that I've ever given you Belinda, your honeyed words fool no one” he said looking at her with contempt.

“Do you think I don't know what's been happening behind my back? Do you think I'm such a fool to not recognise how you've been whoring yourself while I have been away and for what” he asked, ripping them from her neck “Pretty trinkets that I'd buy you had you bothered to ask? Are you so starved for attention to be acting as such. Do you know what they call you? '' he screamed “They call you the Harlot of Driftmark! The Whore of High Tide who's been strutting around the Castle with her cheap keepsakes. Why must you act as such? Have I not given you enough?”

“You're one to talk, have you even bothered looking at me this once. Ever since we've stepped foot on this dreaded island you've done nothing but jest and play at your war never bothering to inquire how I've felt. Ever since I've married you, you've never made the effort. Do you think I want your wealth and all the treasures that you hoard with your claws, boasting at every opportune moment? It makes you look like the fool that you are Bartimos” she screamed “If you'd just asked me once, if you'd just listened to what I had to say, to what I've felt this past year, things would have been-”

“If I had listened to you then you wouldn't have fucked him, is that it then?”

“Why don't you love me?” she cried “Why is it always honor and virtue and claiming and parading myself as yours when I am anything but. I've never been yours because you haven't let me. Why don't you want me as I am”

“Neither does he. He doesn't see you as anything more than a vessel for his pleasure, ripe for taking and you are a fool for thinking otherwise, just as I am for thinking you'd ever want me” he said looking at her in pain.

“I shall leave on the morrow. You shall be escorted back shortly with Lady Crabb. Say your goodbyes as I have none for you”

The noose felt tight around her neck as she wiped the wetness staining her cheeks, the tears she'd wished for had come at last.

It was dawn when she ventured out again, awoken by the shrill roar of Caraxes taking flight. She rushed to his chambers barefoot with a robe covering her, only to find them empty. A wail left her throat as she collapsed near his bed clutching the sheets, sitting still on the floor gazing at his walls, lost and alone till the sun rose and her tears dried up. The time to lament was over. The mirror at the entrance caught her attention, alerting her to her haggard appearance. She looked at the bags under her eyes, puffy and glistening as she walked towards her reflection, noticing a cushion nestled beneath. On it lay a single paper crane greeting her solemnly.

“It is time for you to do your duty, embar rūklon just as it is time for mine. To the unknown you've been searching for”, she read through hazy eyes running her fingers over the scrawled words on its wings.

The journey back to Claw Isle proved to be an arduous one. She felt their eyes on her as she boarded the ship, when she stood on deck and when she took her meals in silence on board, their judgment never leaving her. She wished for nothing more than to be sequestered in her home once again, laughing to herself at the irony of it all. She had often heard the tale of the weary seafarer glad to return home after his travels, delighting in its familiarity and Claw Isle had never felt more welcoming than it did now. As she stepped onto the beach leading up to the Island, she felt a sense of relief wash over her. She spent the next few days in silent contemplation, barring visitors and well wishers alike. She went on long walks, worked on her embroidery, read whatever she could find in the castle library and kept herself as occupied as she could, though the thing about an idle mind was that it soon merited thought. The news of the warfront floating around crept up to her soon. The advancement of the Velaryon forces on Bloodstone with Prince Daemon and little Lord Laenor's assistance spread rapidly delighting noble and commoner alike, for a war involving dragons had been fought after so long and the gossip accompanying it proved even meatier. She heard it in passing as her maids whispered to themselves, mentions of herself with Prince Daemon graced the hallways as well as chuckles at Bartimos and his misfortune of being stuck with her. It was the twentieth day of the fifth moon when she decided to confront it all, bringing out and dismantling the object of her ire. The crane was easy to take apart, soggy from its travels at sea and as the wet parchment of paper stared at her she remembered why it was given to her in the first place. Over the next few moons she learnt how to make one, it was easy enough with no shortage of paper for anything to be considered amiss. Every night before she went to bed she crafted a little bird with her hands, closing her eyes and stuffing it away come morning. The war carried on as did her own effort at home.

Almost three years later when she had diligently made her last one she sat staring at it in silence, crying to herself as she closed her eyes, thinking her effort had perhaps all been in vain.

News of the war reached her a fortnight later, Prince Daemon had killed Craghas Drahar, slicing him from head to torso, styling his weapon into a crown, calling himself the “King of the narrow sea”. It had been a happy occasion for all of Crackclaw Point uplifting their spirits enough for her to invite the neighboring ladies to tea. They had all won and a celebration was to be hosted in their honor. As the castle was tidied up and the ornaments brought out, she noticed a giant red crab placed near the entrance welcoming the guests she was to host, on its back writhing and beautiful were a myriad of familiar coloured threads.

“What is that” she asked the Castellan as he caught her looking.

“Those are sea flowers my lady, nestled upon the great crab’s back. It is a beautiful relationship they share in harmony, uplifting one another. The flower beautifies the crab as well as helping it forage while being offered protection inturn. No other creature of the sea dare touch it's beauty as long as the crab stands vigil”

A looming sense of dread washed over her as she excused herself from the hall, rushing to find the old crane. As she sifted through her drawers desperate to find it among the thousand others she'd made she felt herself grow weary and tired, frustrated as she collapsed to the floor. Each crane she'd found was henceforth burned in the hearth before their bed, meticulously chucked into the fire as she watched them be swallowed by the flames. Her wish had finally been fulfilled.

Bartimos returned nearly four moons later to a full house and a happier wife. His apprehension at seeing her was soon eclipsed by her contagious demeanor. She apologized to him, with Rhaenys' advice fresh in her mind, wishing to make amends to which he acquiesced soon after a moon of coaxing. The rumors still reached them from time to time yet she had him, to weather them together. Prince Daemon's lady wife soon passed away. A hunting accident they'd called it followed by the scandal of the Jade tiara from Yi-Ti, his hefty purchase she'd assumed finally coming to fruition. The deflowering of his niece in the capital brothel followed soon, as her belly swelled and by the time he'd returned to wreak havoc on the royal wedding she had laughed at it all mirthlessly.

When he took a new bride five moons later in the form of Lady Laena Velaryon she took it well with a stiff lip, mind drawn to the Red Queen herself and as her confinement approached a few moons later and she lay in bed she found the old crane at last. Scrawled illegibly on one of its wings was part of the phrase her hazy eyes had missed moons ago

“To the unknown you've been searching for and for the one you've helped me find.”

She crumpled the weary crane in her lap clawing at it as her husband droned on recounting the accounts of the castle for the moon. The Valyrians, she thought, had always managed to entrench everyone in their affairs.

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