#but im just. im so sick and tired of “sleeping thru the day”

[semiotomatics]

lol maybe i shld get top surgery too while im at it

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

Sleepwalker Infection

Rarity has been awake for 4 days

——— Transcript ———

I think it’s 1/28/20XX

 I told Twilit wht luna said, & she vegero vigorously wrote to celesta. it was as if she knew exactly what t say to her, as if she new wat was goin on. Ive been put in qurantin in a lower room in the kastle & Twi visits me evry day thru th door to cast a spell on me to kep me awake. She doesnt rlly talk to me. theres no bed in my room, theres a miror tho. I fele like my beauteful colors r fading, I mis them. flitt flysh visits with meals & convo, I just enjoy to listen, talking is tiring.

im so tired

I fear the shadows, the the figures i see in them

weres Sweetie?

I hope twli doent come back

maybe luna was just sick wit a cold an everything is fine

i just wanna sleep its been llll days

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[koostarcandy]

quiet love

summary: a night where jungkook's actions speak louder than his words.

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: fluff <3!

a/n: i was going thru reels and struck inspo :] hope you like this :)) koo calls oc squishy here hope its okay ^^ this is sliiiiiightly(?) personal :] oktybyeeeee mwah ily and happy holidays (sorry im late)!!!

"eat more, baby, i saw you skip dessert at the buffet. the cheesecake is all for you, promise."

your heart is practically melting, despite the freezing weather outside. your chest clenches slightly when jungkook remembers the tiniest of details when it comes to you, for instance, the buffet. being the holiday season, you've been nomming away (how jungkook describes it) at any christmas-themed food you see. naturally, you were growing sick and tired of sweet stuff, choosing to try out savoury things you usually never try out at the buffet you both usually go together for christmas lunches. on the way back, jungkook noticed your mood sliding down like snow going down a steep roof. he abruptly stopped at a bakery, promising to be back in 5 minutes.

now, your eyes have that sparkle when you have your favourite sweet things, much to jungkook's relief. you can get pretty moody when you don't have your dessert, which he learnt the hard way.

you glance at jungkook's focused eyes on the road, hand on the steering wheel and tattooed one holding your gloved one, absentmindedly thumbing your hand. you carefully give him a bite of the cheesecake, which he took happily. you let boney m fill the quiet and comforting atmosphere, spotting the familiar buildings which lead up to your shared penthouse.

actions speak louder than words and you never thought you'd be able to live through the saying.

like right now, where you admitted to forgetting to stock up on milk and apologized profusely, knowing jungkook was looking forward to making the viral hot chocolate going around. he held your neck and pulled you in for a long kiss, pulling back to peck your forehead, saying he'd go and get the milk and marshmallows, telling you to pull up the grinch and the cookies he got from the bakery awhile back. you weakly protested, saying it was way too cold and dark out and that you could always try out the drink another day. he pulled on his puffy jacket and beanie, vehemently declaring he'd make christmas night better by going out now.

he was always the first to run out if an essential grocery item was out in your pantry, almost never letting you go with him because he preferred you staying within the warm and safe walls of your shared abode. he always lets you lean on him, even when doing the most mundane of tasks. jungkook's carefully stirring the hot pot of dark brown and warm chocolate, arm around your waist while you read the instructions. you lean back on him, sighing at the confusingly tedious task of making a cup of hot choco.

his arm slides up and goes around your shoulders, pulling you closer and leaving an array of kisses on the side of your neck, his silent way of telling you how much he loves this evening with you. he pours the warm liquid into your favourite mug, looking at you while you take the first sip.

"oh, it's so good, koo! not too sweet but not too bitter, it's amazing. here, have a sip, baby." you hold the mug between both your hands, positioning it right infront of his lips so he'd have easy access.

"thanks, squishy but i'd rather take it from here," he gently puts the mug away, cupping your face in his warm hands and kissing you sweetly. "tastes perfect to me," he mumbles, leaning his forehead against yours and wrapping his arms around you.

"squish, i swear, the movie is great, my eyelids are just abit heavy right now."

you chuckle amusedly at jungkook's attempt to stay awake through home alone 3, his tight hold around you getting looser when he nods off. "come on, off to bed," you decide, slipping out of the burrito you were wrapped in when you said it was abit chill. it's 1.35 am now and sleep's slow yet steady hold on you is visible on both of your faces, laughing when you yawn together. jungkook's the first to get up, pulling you up effortlessly and letting you lead the way to bed.

you're the first to fall face first into your pillow, wordlessly patting the pillow next to you. you can feel the mattress dip, the covers being pulled over you and the lights are off. you shift so you can see jungkook's face, doe eyes looking straight back at yours. you thumb his cheeks, poking the dimple which peeks through. a tender kiss is placed on your forehead, followed by hands making sure you're in the warm confines of the blanket and get no hint of the cold winds outside.

jungkook maybe a man of many words, cheesy and loving but his actions will always speak louder for him.

he complains of keeping track of important days but you'll find a random strawberry cheesecake on your desk, a handwritten note celebrating 25 months of the first time you both took a trip overseas.

he's proud of you being confident in yourself, always full of compliments when you show up in the latest outfit for your night out. he ends up zipping you up in his leather jacket when he picks you up at 2.30 from the club, softly telling you that he'd rather take you home quietly than make a scene with the weird creeps looking at you from down the street.

he holds you close when the weight on your shoulders become heavier, knowing soft words cannot calm the raging storm in your mind. instead, he listens. he has you lean back on the couch while he massages your legs, his doting attention always on you.

sometimes, he has you accompany him in his late night gaming sessions, hugging his arm and finishing off his abandoned snacks. he fake winces in pain when you impulsively bite his bicep, saying it's his fault for wearing sleeveless tees around the house. he apologizes insincerely, tossing away his controller so he could get his revenge back by tickling you. it always ends up with him snuggling upto you, your adoring hands leading him to sleep.

just like how it is right now.

you cuddle up to him, rubbing his back with your hand while he simply puts his head on your chest, looking up at you to make sure you're comfy. you boop his nose and smile, eyes closing in content with your tender and warm lover.

pt time: @armys-dna ; @junsai-tree ; @soobhyun ; @shatzkrinslinzki ; @jinsquishes ; @cherishoshi ; @fragmentof-indifference ; @indgio ; @jjkeverlast ; @parkdatjimin ; @yoogijk

[1eos]

Hi, just read your post about immigrant mothers ruining their kid's jobs. My mother is not an immigrant but she's asian and she cannot for the life of her be considerate with my previous job situation.

I earned 2k monthIy. It's quite low bc we're poor and I have to use half of my pay to support my family. So I decided to take this remote part time job for savings (not just for me but for the family also) and bc of that I am almost in front of my laptop 24/7. It's a report writing job and usually I would have 2 reports weekly to be submitted within 4 days.

My mother hated that I am always in my room doing work and would get so angry because "I listen to the employers more than her". She would make me do a lot of house chores when she knew I was tired from work just to spite me, saying that in the house I do the least chores???? Yeah bc I have a deadline to catch OMG.

Usually I would plan my week for the reports but then she would make me drive her for errands etc and would guilt trip me if I don't do so. Because of this I would stay up all night trying to finish the report just so that she won't throw a fit. Also, I have 2 other brothers who have a lot of free time but just for gaming, not for chores.....but somehow I'm the bad guy......which also makes me believe all asian mothers are "boy moms" but that's for another day.

The problem about these mothers is not because they don't understand their children. It's because they DO NOT WANT to. Because if they do, it means they have to listen/cater to you; not the other way around. They rather die than doing THAT.

first n foremost i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that you're going thru this :(. it's truly thee worst to be sabotaged by a mother its truly so insidious and too many ppl in this day and age think its cute or like something we just have to suffer thru bc hey that lady gave birth to us and helped raise us. like the idea that GIRLS --bc they rarely if ever do this to sons--are literally put on earth to toil and suffer and serve their mothers, brothers, aunties etc until some man comes along and then u serve him w no thought or care for ourselves until we die is sooooooooo pervasive.

like its so sad that in 2024 you have someone purposefully going out of her way to sabotage your hustle :(((((((((((((((((( and i won't do the annoying 'just move out!' bc trust me ik how hard it is to move out right now!!!!!!!!! i will say i hope you maintain the strength and energy to persevere thru the sabotage 😐 you will win. misogyny will not win! m*thers who are mad that their daughters aren't just rolling over to be the family doormat. and its like? you'd think they'd be happy but that post partum jealousy is something else i'll tell you that

i still remember being a kid and my mom waiting until i was totally asleep to force me awake to put two dishes in the dish washer?????? and would be yelling and totally pissed off that im not standing at attention to do the dishes at 11pm 😭😭😭😭😭 bitch i was in literal rem sleep why are u screaming at an unconscious child? just lacking control or excitement in their own lives and take it out on their daughters its fucking sick

bc you're right lolllll its not that they 'dont understand' they deadass do not want to. which is why i don't believe in extending grace for bad mothers in a lot of these situations bc why the hell do i have to put myself in YOUR shoes and suffer disrespect always thinking about YOUR feelings when for the first 18 years you were the ONLY adult??? absolutely bizarre. i hope one day we can stop lighting up mothers for shit they can't control like crying babies or having to breastfeed and clock them for the way theyre cornerstones in keeping the patriarchy alive. and the specific bullshit mothers dole out and get away with it bc society expects total devotion to mothers especially from daughters like i need everyone to wake it up bc there's nooooo reason for a grown ass person to be sabotaging you like that! a lot of us are living in the house with our worst opponents and i hate it!

but bottom line? I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ANONNNN WE WILL MAKE IT OUT OF HERE I PROMMY

[mejomonster]

My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh

Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please

And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.

Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.

[iliana-the-dreamer]

a message for ed tumblr

to anyone who cares to read - (ed tw)

my girlfriend is my everything. i think she might be the love of my life. she matters to me more than anything else in the world.

over the last few years my mental illnesses have progressed and trauma ive experienced continues to affect me every day. it is really difficult to see an end in sight.

im trying to get into therapy… i haven’t spoken to a therapist since i was in middle school and im nearly 21 now. im trying to work it out with my mom. its been a long time coming. i promised my gf this a long time ago and i need to follow thru on a promise for once in my life this matters more than anything.

i want to graduate college on time. i have been plagued by the fear that my ed and depression will stop me from doing so.

it is so so hard to focus on my future when i feel utterly stuck in my past.

fights with my gf leave me hating myself because i don’t understand why i can’t just get better, recover and be normal. i don’t understand why i have no motivation some days to fight for a better life and am helpless. i am trapped. ive been trapped by the seemingly never-ending pain in my brain and body since 2019.

the symptoms of my ed are severe. i also have chronic illness (diagnosed pots, some other shit autoimmune issues and potentially ehlers danlos, although i have heard that both are associated with eating disorders, scary as that is). i have chronic fatigue and small fiber nerve pain.

i have been around ~10 lb or so underweight on avg for the majority of the past 16 months. im cold all the time. ive lost so much normal control over my bladder and bowels. my brain fog makes it impossible to focus on anything. im miserable. i want my old brain back and i want my life back. i still don’t think of myself as sick enough but the truth is that i never will.

i need to recover.

my body is tired. tired of being mistreated by me. i am (mostly) sh free for almost two years (in january). that is an accomplishment. i need to fight harder against my self-destructive personality.

im in my shitty dorm bed next to my sleeping gf. i know that i need to get better for her. she deserves better. she has brought my greater joy than i had ever known before. i don’t want to imagine my life without her in it with me. she has told me many times that she can’t stay with me if i keep getting worse. she is supporting me in getting better and now is the time. i can’t keep putting it off, i can’t keep letting everyone else pass me by while i put off trying to make a better life for myself. i deserve to eat. every day i deserve to eat. i need to tell myself this every day even though i won’t always believe it.

i have the irrational fear that i won’t stop gaining weight forever. it is irrational. i need to find the weight that my body is happy at because as it stands i don’t know what that is but i know it isn’t where im at now.

i know that i need to fight for myself and for my health to make things right. i fear losing my love more than anything else - much more than gaining weight, even more than death. i don’t think i can forget the look in her eyes as she begged me to stop starving myself. i can’t live with the guilt of hurting her as i hurt myself. i have to break the relapse cycle, i know that i might relapse over and over but i have to try to keep going no matter what. i want a better life for myself and for her.

it is never worth it to do this to yourself. being skinny won’t make you happy. most days i don’t like what i see in the mirror and some days its like i don’t even recognize myself. suffering like this isn’t worth it. that voice in your head wants you to slowly k*ll yourself. you know it’s true. i want to choose to fight it every day for the rest of my life or else i know i can’t truly be happy. if anyone is reading this and needs help or wants to talk please message me.

love iliana

[ohgodimafraud]

.

im really just watching my body mind and soul decay in real time huh. i hate the drugs im on rn I hate them I hate them im going actually crazy rn I started sobbing bc I was like I have no food but I just spent 200 on groceries yesterday so idk how that even makes sense like wdym. And it’s easy to make. Im like bouncing off the walls but moving is like exhausting and my job is lots of moving so I reached my limit and I can’t work out to get rid of it bc if I go up the stairs too fast I wheeze and like am in pain and idk what to do honestly I was like let’s sing and play uke or guitar and that hurts let’s do this I can’t. I’m so tired of watching tv. It’s like day 23 of this and I’m terrible and sad and like am not functioning and Ik I’m not but I’m doing enough at least at my job but nowhere else and like that’s at least a W but that’s my one W. Like hahahahaa I’ve taken so many Ls I’ve fucked so much up already and also have not and nothing actually makes sense anymore it’s like that funny feeling like Ik these meds are making me better but they’re making me so much worse at the same time I just want to sleep I want to cook and eat and like work was everything and I don’t have much this week and I can’t relax and I’m like haha what if I’m actually dying tho!!!! What if I’m dying like. This isn’t normal for me and idk if it’s worse in my head bc I’m crazy or if like I’m actually declining or if this is gonna mutate into something worse again and I’ll just never get better idk. Maybe my immune system is forever fucked. Idk how ppl who go thru so much worse get thru. Like idk if my life is actually ending ig it’s yolo balls to the walls idk like did I even ever live. A kid asked me about my bucket list today and it’s like oh id like to travel and luckily they had a lot they wanted to do so I didn’t have to talk bc I don’t know. So why don’t I actually do it instead of waiting to die idk :) but idk I want to hold hands in front of a Christmas tree I want to shop for gifts for our families with my friends I want to celebrate something I want to be free I want to meet the friends I still haven’t seen irl i want to dance at a club again I want to learn guitar better and ukulele. I want to see myself grow into someone I can love and I’m so scared I’ll never get there rn I’m so dramatic but it feels so real and lonely I’m tired of going to the doctor and finding new things wrong. Limerence sounds like such a pretty word and it’s not a pretty feeling and it’s like so familiar and painful and it makes me feel so evil and cruel and I just want to be better and not sick inside and out

[ashen--dreams]

i honestly reaaally wanna get to the bottom of my constant fatigue and sleepiness. im getting so fucking sick of it. a decade of this shit has killed me. i waste my days away by sleeping. complaining about being tired is second nature. i slept thru my food and nutrition class in hs whenever i could. i slept on the bus on the way home then took an additional nap. im so slow at everything i do. i gauge the acceptability of a nap at certain times- not that it stops me. i hope to get home at work early enough that i can nap. ive neglected my brother and bestie because i just wanted more sleep. its kinda killing me

[mindself]

Mind did not want to focus. Super tired even tho i slept like 7 hrs or more (felt like i didnt sleep that grear tho-- light sleeping rather than good rest) Didn't feel like waking up but my mind started waking up. So i might as well have gotten up. I don't have to go anywhere today. I should get some things done. But i think my mind is just tired from not resting last weekend. I did rest.... but not enough apparently. Driving wears me out no matter what else i do, even tho I've been driving for over 20 years. I think irregular schedule wears me out too, along with getting up in the morning even tho it's not that early and driving right away. Also if i have to go somewhere in the morning i often wake up earlier than i need to bc my mind is telling me i have to get up in the morning! Not that early tho! If i don't get 8 hours of sleep my mind is not at optimum which i hate. 7 is ok but not enough and gradually adds up negatively. And if i slept weird like waking up a lot it's even worse than not getting those hours at all. Plus it's even harder to get up now with sleeping pills and forcing myself to wake up even with coffee is draining (rather than easing into the day by 11 when my mind begins to work.... I used to be a morning person before my arm injury messed up my sleep schedule!!!). Perhaps trying to figure out things and not having them figured out for 15 years is also stressful-- and pressure building yearly ... even more this y bc i have to move out by October lol... And stress is stressful like i was driving in a storm last weekend and car went thru a puddle and stalled. Panicked. This happened last year and car battery died amd i had to get it towed. And im terrrified of car accidents... even more bc my car insurance shot up this y after scraping another car just a little in a parking lot... over $100 just to tow the car last year for a block and find nothing wrong w it.... It takes me a long time to recover from any kind of stress (why i avoid people... interaction takes too much out of me and i lose time and panic and have to rest)

I also have a slight headache today. And have vacation next week so im probably like why work just today. My sister is coming tomorrow and if im not rested i might do sth i regret. Need to charge energy for being with people (even tho i like my sister it all adds up) -- including a baby shower for my cousin on Sunday-- and driving on Saturday like 23 miles... packing.... switching gears...

May be from last weekend/needing to rest... maybe i am sick tho bc i haven't felt normal for a while. A sort of brain fog. This morning i heard my bagel pop up in the toaster and i . Opened the microwave. Brain glitches like that plus spacing out and not remembering things. Hard to think.

Maybe its built up stress since i can't handle trying to figure things out/pressure of not having it figured out yet. Why. Why can't i handke actual normal things

Maybe i need a vacation (but i need a vacation like. Every other week if the week + weekend is full .. Can't get anything done like that!!!). Maybe something is seriously wrong w me.

I was going to look up things on my phone this morning but as usual i checked my tumblr but this time i totally forgot what i was doing and was scrolling tumblr for a while without realizing it. Like i needed to actually do something (or SHOULD). I even forgot i needed to take a shower this morning. Suddenly i remembered. Well if I'm not getting anything else done i might as well take a shower...

Then i went to get dressed but even got diverted from that lol and started rearrranging the magnets on the magnet board on my dresser (one of those calendar ones-- mom gave me it for organizing but i just used it for magnets and putting cards, pictures etc on).

Maybe my mind is telling me i need to take a break. The one day i dont neeed to do anything. Even tho i SHOULDNT NEED TO TAKE A BREAK AFTER SO LITTLE

[onlyheretoread2]

Lovin' my storm part 7

The group made there way into the prison and ones it was cleared storm went back to retrieve every one else.

A very pregnant Lori said:is it safe?

Rick: this cell block is

Hershal: what about the rest of the prison?

Beth : we sleep in the cells?

Rick : tomarro we will search for the infirmary ,cafeteria and armory but right now we're good.

Daryl: we ain't sleeping in no damn cage.well take the perch .

Daryl and storm brought jaxon up to the perch but storm didn't like it one bit.

Storm: baby this ain't safe.what we gunna do up here with a nearly crawling infant?

Daryl : I ain't sleeping in no cage do what ya want.

Storm: okay then.

Storm then grabs jaxon and her bag and just walks away from Daryl. Seeing this he immediately hops up and catches her.

Daryl: what are ya thinkin . I can't do the cage I'm sorry.

Storm: there's guard towers. Lots of other private places. But do what u want like u told me.

Storm then began to jaostil jaxon as he was getting heavy

Daryl: come here lil man.

JAXON reaches for his father so he takes him.

Storm: u got him ? I'ma find somewhere private to sleep. Do what ya want.

With that storm walks away . Tired of Daryl shooing her away she retreats to the guard tower they made love in the night before. She sat down and just began to think.

"I'm so tired of this. What did I do ? JAXON deserves better."

Daryl: got steam commin out cha ears woman.

Storm: I see u passed him off again

Rolling her eyes and stands up to leave.

Daryl stops her and says"yeah so I could talk to u. You act pissed off all the time and I'm tired of it."I gave ya what ya wanted"

Storm : excuse me?

Daryl: you were bitchin last night talking bout I don't look at cha. How you think I don't want cha. Storm IV loved you for over 5 years . Jaxkn is the best thing that's ever happened to me but I need help. I don't know how to do this husband and father shit. Merle....

Storm: of course blame merle

Daryl: damn it shit up and LISTIN.

Storm: no ..... I'm tired of you blaming him for you not caring. You've been away from him for a fuckin year and you still don't care. I stayed thru his bullshit remember. All the time he'd drag u away at 2 am and you'd call for bail. Everytime u got drunk and fought who bailed you out? What did merle do ? Laugh in ur face and call u pussy whipped . Worse when he was high. .... Jaxon and me are here . He's god noes where and don't get me wrong I hope we find him but you gotta start at least pretending to care. I didn't make that little boy on my own . He need us weather were together or not.

Daryl: what ya mean by that .?

Storm: I feel like I do nothin but bug the fuk outa you and you don't make it easier telling me to do what I want. I want the man I married. The man that cried when the doc told me why I was sick. ..

Daryl:I'm still him. I just need help. You deserve better than a dumbass redneck.

Storm: I deserve what I want and I want Daryl Dixon back.

Storm said with tears briming.

Daryl:I'm right here . You don't bug me I just wanna keep ya safe. I wanna be with you but I can't sleep in a damn cage.

Daryl looks around the tower

"look why not this tower. Jax can sleep in the park n play we can bring a mattress up. I'm sorry for the way IV been .

Strom: if your struggling baby tell me. Don't shut me out. Don't leave.

Daryl:I would never leave.

Storm: you already did. Several times before Jax you'd get pissed and I wouldn't see u for days. Merle would tell me you were getting fucked or locked up so I just learned to live with it.

Daryl: we do find him I'ma beat his ass.

Storm: don't not for me . Just be here hold me...

Kiss ....

Be a dad..,.

kiss...

And when you want to , NOT Because IM BITCHIN, fuck me till I can't walk.

Kiss ....

Daryl: I can't do that.

Daryl snakes his hands around storms waist. He begins to suck and kiss her sweet spot as storm pushes him off.

Storm: let's go find our kid. He needs to eat.

Storm and Daryl walked to the prison hand n hand and as they walked in they found Jax with gamma carol and auntie Sofie . He spotted them from the highchair and stuck both arms way in the air.

Storm:hey bubba.

Jax got happy talking to his parents . Daryl then went to retrieve the pack n play from Maggie's car and set it up for them in the tower .

When Jax was done eating he drifted off so Sofia took him to the tower for. Nap.

While Sofia babysat storm and Daryl found some gear off of one of the guards. Storm,Daryl,Rick,hershals,Maggie,and glen went to clear the tombs. As they approached what they believed to be the cafeteria a heard shows and hershals get pinned and bit. The group pulls him into the cafeteria and ends up severing his leg.

Daryl: duck

When storm turns around there are several prisoners standing staring. One with long greedy hair stares a lil to long at storms breasts and Daryl goes off.

Daryl: watch the eyes!

The prisoner then gets a good look at storm.

Tomas: well if it ain't lieutenant Dixon. Remember me sweetheart.

Rick: we gotta go! Daryl! Storm!

The group takes off and returns to the cell block. Hershal is tended to by carol and Maggie including Lori. Storm leaves telling Daryl she wants to check on jaxon but he knows better. This is the Tomas Ramos that shot storm in the face with a 5o caliber hand gun. The same ass hole that almost took his wife from him.

Daryl: back up Tomas.

Rick: storm good?

Daryl nods

After a Convo with the prisoners Daryl and Rick go to the tower and discover a pale almost catatonic storm. Rick asks what's going on but gets no answer.turning to daryl

"babe just tell um"

Storm turns over and starts

Strom: that's the asshole that did this( she points to her scar.)

Rick : ok?....

Storm: I was a lieutenant in Atlanta metro swat. Tomas was a kingpin. We raided his stach house and that asshole pinned me and usedy own fuckin gun to shoot me.

Rick: shit storm. Were gunna handle him .

Storm: thank you.

After the prisoners were taken to another cell block. Daryl returned to her and said Tomas attacked Rick and is gone. Storm was so glad.

_____

The next week hershals was up and walking . The day hershals took his first steps storm was in the courtyard playing with Jax.

Carl challenged hershal to a race but hershals politely declined .

Carl suddenly screamed "walkers"!

The men by the fence scrambled to get to the top screaming for there loved ones.

Storm got hershals ,carol and beth into a cage and handed jaxon to carol. She then pulled her gun and began to take out walkers with t.

The walkers just kept coming so t and storm ran into the tombs where t was attacked so he pushed storm into a cell . Blocking the door with a walker.

_______

Daryl finally met up with the group taking out walkers as he went. He looked everywhere for storm but only spotted jaxon thru the cage with carol. He opened the door and retrieved his son.

Daryl: where mommy bud? Huh? Where'd she go

Beth:her and t ran that way

Hershal : the tombs.

Carol: I got lil ax you go.

Daryl handed the crying infant over and proceeded to the tombs.

He and Rick searched until they discovered t eatin alive. Daryl searched the halls till he came across storms desert eagle. He picked it up realizing there was blood all over the handle. His heart sank to his stomach

_______

Back outside carol rocked Jax realizing he may have just lost his mother. Daryl kept her gun in his waist band. Besides Jax and him it was her most prized item.

Daryl kept his emotions in check not wanting to cry in front of his son. Rick began to dish out order when Maggie appeared .

Crying infant in her hands Carl was pale and Maggie was covered in blood. Daryl instantly new what happned

Rick had a full blown melt down.

Hershal: let me see the baby

Maggie walked over with the baby and handed her to Beth . Hershal checked her over.

Daryl:we got anything else a baby can ? Jaxsons out .

Hershal: good news is she's healthy . Bad news we need to find formula fast. For her and by judging Jaxon's cry's him.

Daryl: you got him? He asked facing carol

Carol: of corse

Daryl:I'm goin on a run. My kid ain't starving and neither is she.

He kissed Jaxon's head and headed to his bike with Maggie. They found an old day care that thankfully was stocked. They got formula. Diapers clothes even some toys for jaxon. Daryl began to shead tears believing his wife was gone.

Once they returned to the prison Daryl held his son the put him with carol again as he picked up the screaming girl. Jaxon's bottle was handed to him and he held it like a big boy so Daryl helped the newborn.

Daryl: she gotta name yet?

Carl: I don't know was thinking jaqui or maybe storm.

Daryl: we'll see . You like that you like that lil ass kicker?

Daryl: am I right?

______

That night he layed in his tower on there mattress with jaxon fast asleep. He dreamed of storm and sobbed as he simply wanted his wife back.

______

4 days later Carl and Oscar joined Daryl on his never ending hunt. They approached the original hallway and Oscar pointed out a walker by a door that was opening and closing on its own.

Daryl: well come back for it.

Daryl hadn't slept in almost a week at this point. He simply wanted to find storm. Or what's left of her. He sobbed at night and let carol watch lil ax through out the day.

Vowing to not stop till she was found. Or a least whatever's left.

After having a discussion with Carl about how his mother died. Carl was a happier kids. Oscar found some slippers and was extatic. A walker tried to sneak up on Daryl but he took it out. When he tried to leave he noticed a nice in the walkers throat. He pulled it out to reveal a hand cared handle switch blade with a thunder storm on the handle.

DARYL: THATS STORMS kNIFE

he shooed Oscar and Carl back wanting some time to grieve. He sat by the door with the dead walker and became more and more irritated. He finally screamed

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

The door by him slammed louder now. So he put storms nife between his teeth. Ripped open the door but was met with the brightest green eyes hes ever seen.

Storm : hey stranger

She said before passing out. Daryl scooped her up bridal style and ran back to the cell block. Screaming for hershal . Hershal inspected storm and was released she only was dehydrated. He hooked up an IV and allowed storm to eat once she's awake.

Storm woke up hearing babbling and looked over to see her son in his father's lap stacking blocks.

She coughed and Daryl was by her side with Jax in an instant.jax reached for his mama and she snatched him to her. Daryl embraced his wife and said...

"I'ma go find Rick"

"ok"

Jax: ma. Ma

Daryl and storm looked at each other with huge smiles.

Storm spent the rest of the day cuddling up to Jax and when Daryl returned he had carol and Rick there. Carol threw herself to storm. Rick simply asked Daryl how?

After telling him Daryl carried storm with Jax on her up to there tower. Daryl had to help Rick so he left stop there cautiously .

After a few hours Daryl returned with a dad expression.

He informed storm that gless and Maggie were taken prisoner and Rick wants to retrieve them but they both needed to go.

Storm: Carol's goin right?

Daryl:yea y

Storm: I'll get us ready lil man can keep gamma company while we get um.

Daryl just smiled .

After several hours everyone loaded up and went to where the woman Rick found by the fence said go. Jax stayed in the car with carol.

Glen and Maggie were rescued but Daryl and storm received some news.

Glenn: Storm ..,. Daryl this... Was merle

Storm and Daryl both froze.

"U sure "storm adked

"yea he's a lieutenant or somethin" Maggie said

"we gotta get him" storm and Daryl both said .

"no not now.we will return but we gotta go"Rick stated

"he's his brother!" Storm yeled

"fuck him we will come back " she stated hold Daryl's face.

Daryl pulled storm to the side

"I'ma go get him u get them safe. I'll come back"

"you better" storm said while kissing daryl

The group made there way out but Daryl lingered. As storm was climbing over the wall a bullet hit her rib . She fell from the wall unconscious. When she woke up she was in the back of the car. Carol was in the front crying. JAXON was whining and Daryl was gone.

DARYL WAS GONE

"where is he"

"storm I'll explain later " "u need hershals" Rick said trying to calm jax

Where the fuck is my husband!

Stormed was now screaming.

"he left" glen started."said it was always merle and him before this. Told us to make you go to the prison. Didn't say if he was coming back"

Storm began to open the car door only to have Oscar snatch it back.

As the prison approached and then the car parked storm asked carol and Rick to watch the baby as she locked herself in the tower . Little did she know Rick was hiding something.

______

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

i DRANK 2 PUMPKIN SPICE LAtTez N NOW I FEEL Leafes in my Stom@ch!!!!!!

RAWR MEANS ILY IN DINOSAWR N I WANNA CUM to dA DARK SIZE CUZ THEYZ GOTS Mint CHOCO CHIP COOKIEZ !!!!!!

5 MORE DAYZ THEN I KAN POST ON LEX N FUG WHO EVER REPORTED MY LAST POST CUZ I RLY DID GET LIKE 17 MSGS IN RESPONSE TO MY “pOTENTIALLY HARMFHL” AKA RAISING AWARENESS MAYB BY “INCITING VIOLENCE “ON A Bitch AT HENRIETTA HUDSON!!!!!

Y do u keep smoking weed from a dirty bong when u hav bronchitis??? Y do some ppl accept 5-7 min sex from their partners and still decide to Stay with them ??? Y do u keep growing out ur roots to plz ur boyfie who has worked at michilen star restaurantz but i hav only witnessed cookin pasghetti??? shoutout to the tht guy w the bike who jumped out wilson L at 4am just to tell meh he thought i was cute n asked for mi number but i said NO!!!!!!! n r@n away. shutout to mi fwendz taiwanese landlady who pet me lik a dog n who i put k up her nose in trade 4 hot soy milky n a fish bao. they hav a fb pg dedicated to they pet ferret who dressez up like oprah, marilyn monroe n bob marley <dreads from her old boyfie!> shoutout 2 da bday pawrty tht i threw tht didn’t happen tht led to a mental breakdown n bday boy split on meh but itz all luv at the end of the day.

havnt blogged in a min since i started werking as a teacher n also at jewelry warehouse managing inventory n packaging . ig it’s whut U culd call product merchandising? finished mi fashion merchandising certificate via parsons n hav been accomplishing much but Rly kinda Fucked at the same time cuz Cali taxes but i think in ab 3 yrs w more frugal spending n living w debt i will probz be able to C the lite of day but fornow i hav got to keep gettin Kuter n hotter so i get my drugs for free.

Whts happened since i last bloggeD??? Well… the bar i threw my bday party at in Sep wants $600 from me and i lost my id there as collateral , i put K up my butthole for the first time tht same nite , My therapist i just got last week thinks i hv a great sense of humor , i paid $100 for an LA Astrologer to read my natal chart ill get read nxt sunday ,hav been reading a lot of peoples fb messages in their account unbeknownst to Dem [ some ppl r Toxic!! ] , Went 2 sleepy halloww N it wuz fun to explor3 ! we snuck into the phillip manor n ran from the moosez n snuck into the cemetery then went back to the city to go two parties til our phone died N we were askin ppl for directions to the nxt party. 0pen bar at ladygunn [ N met ppl from sk8 kitchen ive now met like three ppl from sk8 kitchen just in passing in parties n walkin around in bushwick. ] walkin in platformz n cheap shein shoes we blistered n bruised so the bunions unfortunately rnt goin anywhere but it iz whut it iz.

A haiku:

Mi molly plug

put they

pube

in my molly pills.

10/10 Best molly i ever done. missed the party bus at fidi to haunted mansion cuz my fake frog died n im in the third stage of grief ab it. (Bargaining) . Im entering a hoe phase again after being in my “im waiting for tru luv christian era “but like Truly- if ur boring id rather u be toxic pleaze for the love of God don’t b boring !!!!!!!!! UgH…. now I know whut silicone fake boobs feel like in my handz and mouth , iAm now an owner of a mattress made out of green tea , Im talking to a they them whose name is a frappuccino at Starbucks , My belly button piercing is infected , N new luv language unlocked : L8 nites screaming 2 emo music n throwback y2K sheit in Lena hornes grandsons bushwick apt n kissing his gf n trying on wigz n trying to do headstandz n LOTZ OF poetry SHaringz !!

a random poem i wrote on the bussy On my way! to werk: “scared of fame like sia .

Rico Nasty , sick . and diarrheaed .” Do u like it .

Halloweenn wuz fun dressing up like the BL00d of christ lmfao but i def got too tired cuz went out consecutive dayz n no sleep n just tired n sad . Intrapersonal probz make meh so fukin sad. But it lastz few wkz of good wetherr so i celebratin by goin to bodega in a c thru bra. i value deli man’s opinions of meh Titty piercings . iM still confused as to how i met my last situationship’s ex roommate at a casting who also may hav fucked my friends situation ship / Boyfie while feeling insecure and Hmmz. Guess the strait scene is gettin smol like the gay scene.

i finished watching party monster ab the club kidz scene in nyc n i am fuckin INSPIRED as hell to keep dressin weird n mayb do drag makeup sometimez. Luved the movie but therez too much Heroin. but much respect to Amanda Lenore , James st James n Angel Melendez (rip). Sidenote but i’ve been talking to a virgo trans masc columbia student who wants to top me and He wuz tellin meh ab how they did heroin once at a poland rave n Im getting increasingly interested Also just found out kurt cobain did Hereoin to help his undiagnosed IBS prob cuz he was severely lactose but his fav food wuz mac n cheese n pizza. LE SIGGHHH. soooooo relatable…!!!! but H is not kute so ima hav to let this 1 pass.

Finally getting mf help n treatment for ED stuff n tryna take more vitamins , im afraid of change and its so toxic how my head kan get sometimes just trying to follow this routine or diet sometimes i’ll call it just to find myself lying to myself continuously n going in roundabout ways with food anxiety, to the point of not being able to sleep because im in such a bad headspace because i’m hungry and trying to distract myself from not eating. I rly want a cinnamon roll wiff pecans tho. n crab Ranboobs…..

Gossip gurl rennybaby69247 advice- Dunt ever trust a hoe tht acts like sylvia plath manic girlie but kantt rly relate cuz it’s a whole systemic white ppl privilege thing at the end of the day , but trust white ppl who bake real good cuz Tbh they cook the main course w no garlic seasoning or pepper or salt on PURPOSE cuz they wanna prepare u for the boobwerrie muffin w almondz shaped like heartz on the top Dessert on purpose cuz U wont even fathom their artistry n Sheit n the power in their muscles to knead that dough tO Begin with!!!!!!!!!! white people need more credibility in the kitchen Ntthis week i want to say white lives matter n we shuld Giv them respectable chances to "get back " in our social platforms .

Til nxt week!!!!!!!!

ur disney channel princess , clowncore magazine collaging naked neighbor in the window , Depressed bitch rotting in their bedroom, Blew up on tiktok cuz of the ketamine scene in russian doll Yea u shuld follow me , Renny<3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The world... is a much different place... when you go outside during the day...

[piplupod]

.

[sameteeth]

im trying to relax and listen to asmr but i cant BREATHE.... my chest feels tight, my nose is stuffy, and worst of all i can taste in my breath that im sick. idk how to explain it its just like. when i breathe in i can just tell. i am sick. im very concerned tbh

[heybinnie]

life update from 2 weeks ago:

[duckymcdoorknob]

hey so i was kind of scrolling thru emergency request tags hoping someone would be open and i think you are? but pls don’t worry if not. anyway i’ve been job hunting for months and am running out of money and have been dealing with anxiety from hell over a potential super early morning job bc the anxiety of even applying has been giving me panic attacks and not eating or sleeping so, im trying to distract myself in anyway way i can wondered if maybe you could right something about osamu and atsumu comforting/helping their gender neutral s/o during such a stressful time??? thank u anyway if not tho

Of course I can help you!!

I hope you’re feeling a little better. Anxiety is a tough one to get over, so I’m proud of you for coming to me.

Please ask for help if you need!!

CW UNDER THE CUT: Severe Anxiety, panic attacks

𝑂𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑢 𝑀𝑖𝑦𝑎

While mainly stoic, Osamu loves with his whole heart.

So, when you hadn’t been as upbeat and happy to see him as per usual, he was instantly concerned for your well-being.

‘Samu noticed that you seemed to have a crushing weight on your shoulders, as you carried on with your days.

Despite your reassuring him that you were okay, he still had his doubts.

So, he took it upon himself to ensure that he did what he could to make you feel better.

Every morning, he’d text you to tell you he was thinking about you. Then, he’d offer to bring you something for lunch. If you said no, he told you he’d bring you something for dinner.

This man would offer to come over so many freaking times. He wouldn’t even have a plan, he just wanted to spend time with you.

Eventually, when the stress got super bad, you couldn’t hide the physical effects. You were sick to your stomach, sluggish and tired all of the time.

All was going well, until Osamu was over to watch a movie. The two of you were sitting side by side on the couch when your boyfriend suddenly spoke.

“Say, (Y/N), are you sure you’re feeling okay my love?” Osamu asked, hand sliding into yours.

While you wanted to lie, you just didn’t have it in you to do so. Instead, you simply fell sideways into your lover’s chest and burst into tears.

“Oh! Oh honey it’s okay, I’ve got you.” The silver haired boy shushed you as he instantly wrapped his arms around you.

He rubbed your back gently as your tears flowed out. Weeks of pent up stress, lack of sleep and sustenance came out in the form of lamenting sobs.

“Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.” Osamu whispered as he kissed the crown of your head.

Your lover held onto you as if it would be the last time he did so. He gently rubbed the spot where your shoulder blades met with his thumb, worried that he hadn’t checked in on you in time.

“M’just so stressed, ‘Samu.” You finally whimpered out, “I’m running out of time and money and I have no idea when I’ll find a job.”

“Oh my darling why didn’t you tell me before?” He asked with a tinge of sweetness in his voice. “My dad is opening up a restaurant soon. I will talk to him and see if I can get you a job there, even if it’s only temporary.”

“This isn’t your fault, please believe me on that. Life comes in phases and we never know what may happen next. Currently, you’re just in a phase that isn’t the best. Time always moves forward, so you’re never stuck in a negative space forever.”

“Whenever the going gets tough, just remember to find a clock. Look at the seconds ticking away and remember that time doesn’t stop, no matter how bad the situation is.”

You smiled as you looked up and kissed your boyfriend’s cheek. “Thank you, ‘Samu. I love you.” You whispered.

“And I love you. Please don’t ever hesitate to reach out when you’re stressed and in need of some love.” the silver-haired boy replied. “Now, why don’t we find something interesting to do.”

“I’m in the mood to make some cookies.” You replied in a tiny voice.

The buzzing feeling of Osamu’s chest when he laughed was one you never wanted to forget. You hugged him tighter and never planned on letting go.

𝐴𝑡𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑢 𝑀𝑖𝑦𝑎

Like Osamu, Atsumu loves so deeply and wears his heart on his sleeve.

He just isn’t as attentive as his more sympathetic brother. It took him a while to notice your stress.

Days went on and you felt as if the world would implode if you made the wrong step.

Atsumu, though unknowing, always managed to give you a little bit of temporary relief.

His way of greeting you was to hug you from behind and blow a raspberry on your neck. His main goal was to hear your giggling, since he swore it made his mornings better.

He also had a habit of bringing you extra treats that his brother made. Though you knew Osamu always made an extra for you, Atsumu swore he was sacrificing his own treat to bring you one.

You loved these gestures, always falling more in love with your boyfriend after they occurred. Unfortunately, they weren’t enough to completely melt away the stress that was in your life.

The day Atsumu found out, he was proving to Osamu that he could cook. You and ‘Tsumu had planned a date at his house on that night.

You held your head high and forced a smile on your face. You figured that your anxiety would calm itself for a two hour date, then you could be anxious at home.

Oh how wrong you were…

As soon as you sat down at the table, the pent up anxiety inside you made you feel nauseous and gave you the familiar feeling of suffocation. You barely managed to choke out that you were excusing yourself to the restroom.

You left the table in such a hurry that the two Miya twins stared at each other, and Atsumu followed close in pursuit. When he reached the door, he heard your desperate gasps and sobs through it. He knocked gently and asked for you to at least unlock the door.

“Please, I don’t want you to suffer alone.” He said in a pleading tone.

When the door opened, he rushed inside and sat on the bathroom floor. He enveloped you in his arms and held you as you loudly cried. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe with me.”

Eventually, you dumped out all that was bothering you. You told him about the stress of not having money and no source of income, you told him about the time that seemed to be ticking away by the second.

The faux blonde rocked you back and forth as you sputtered out your story. He nodded along to show he was taking in every word you said. Eventually, he spoke softly.

“You don’t have to worry about it anymore. I will help you find a job even if I have to apply myself. You better have your social security number on hand.” He teased, hoping to elicit a reaction, “But regardless, I can help you more than you think.”

“My dad is opening a restaurant soon. I can see if he can give you the host job. Even if it’s only temporary, I want to help put you back on your feet. This is something that isn’t worth worrying about. You have every right to be upset and worried, but I don’t want something that can be fixed to be tearing you down this badly.”

“We can worry about other stuff, like whether or not I cooked a decent meal for us. You have to understand that life carries on, and that we can’t spend our time worrying that the clock will stop ticking by. Because as awful as this moment is, the hours will pass and we will be in a better one!” your lover ended his last sentence with a beaming smile.

You eventually did calm, and found the energy to release yourself from Atsumu’s embrace. The two of you left the bathroom to be met with Osamu at the stove, trying to keep the food from burning.

“You didn’t take your pan off the heat, idiot.” the silver-haired twin noted.

“Hey! I had a bigger priority thank you very much!” Your boyfriend barked in reply.

As you rested your cheek on your hand with a smile, you knew that this chaotic family was truly one you’d want to be a member of forever.

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————