mindself

[mindself]

Freaking hell

Im an expert at apologizing bc others always hold all the power so I'm always in the wrong whether I really am or not

Sure, you know how to self-flagellate, but do you know how to apologize? Saying "I'm a stupid idiot" is not the same thing as saying "I did something wrong."

[mindself]

Reminder that caregivers of children are, by definition, supposed to provide shelter, food, and clothing. They did not do you a huge favor by providing this. It was the bare minimum of the job description that they voluntarily signed up for. You are not indebted to your caregivers for giving you the very basics.

[mindself]

i wish i was born as someone who could handle life

[mindself]

Determined not to tell mom about any negative feelings except having to do with physical discomfort/pain. She can't take anything negative or she goes nuts. She thinks negative feelings can just easily be flipped to positive. And i don't think she has empathy despite her personable demeanor.

[mindself]

Every time I see a woman pregnant on a movie etc, I hope the baby is a girl

Every time I see the warnings for "sexual violence" on a movie etc, I hope it's against a man not a woman

[mindself]

They say 'be yourself,' but when I was myself, no one stayed.

[mindself]

Have to be ok with people not liking me

Because I'm not changing for them

[mindself]

Really????

Never happened to me

when you find it, you won’t have to fight for a genuine connection. you won’t have to chase after it. you will both go to each other happily. it won’t be like the others. it will come with ease and not need to be forced.

[mindself]

Only way to protect others from my destructive impulses is to cut myself off from everyone

[mindself]

“The whole of existence makes me anxious, from the smallest fly to the mysteries of the Incarnation. It’s all inexplicable, myself most of all. For me all existence is contaminated, myself most of all. Great is my distress, unlimited.”

— Søren Kierkegaard, Journals and Papers

[mindself]

Maybe the solution to surviving is to become cold and manipulative because the person who can control others emotions wins.

[mindself]

As always I have to apologize bc they have all the control of all my space and food. They don't have to even if they did something wrong

That's why I have to get out of here and completely self reliant with as little contact w ppl as possible bc I don't want them to control me or have any power over me

[mindself]

It never pays to reach out to people because you always do the wrong thing

[mindself]

If its all my fault I need to punish myself hurt myself make myself do things wreck myself bc I deserve it

[mindself]

What if I'm not abused or haven't had trauma but I'm still messed up? Probably means it'd my own fault and I should just suck it up

[mindself]

Stop feeling is probably the best thing to do.

[mindself]

The solution is always, always to hide and stop talking!