#disabled kids/young adults SHOULD NOT deal with this

[tired-o-fighter]

Alright

Things i have learned after 10 minutes on a rollator

- the speed goes faster and steadier and it's incredibly helpful

- knees do hurt a LOT less

- everyone stares at you but no one tries to talk to you they just walk out of your way as if you're gonna eat them. I'm fine with that. (I'm from a country where it's incredibly ableist. People who need mobility aid just don't leave home. You don't see ANY young people using mobility aids)

- THE WRISTS HURT

- in order to drop the weight on it you have to use all your arms and it makes you EXHAUSTED

- you can NOT sneak out with it thinking no one will figure it out

- there's a good chance you'd be in big trouble when you get back home because they now know you snuck out with it and they have the exact same ableist mindset and believe you don't need it

- you can just sit on it as soon as you get tired. This is incredibly helpful. Breaks are helpful to save spoons.

[in-tua-deep]

guess who showed up in my dream last night!

if you guess “early hobbit cartoon gandalf” then you were right!

[butterflyslinky]

On Tommy and Eddie's Will

Speculation of the week is that Tommy will find out Buck was named as Christopher's guardian in Eddie's will and that's going to be the crux of the problems between them.

There's no evidence for this speculation at all, but let's indulge for a moment.

Tommy knew coming into the relationship how important Eddie and Chris are to Buck. Maybe he doesn't know the specifics of the will, but I don't think he'd be surprised by it.

Even if Tommy finds out about it now, why would he care? That was an arrangement Eddie made long before Tommy was in the picture that has nothing to do with him.

But what if Tommy doesn't want kids?

We don't know that Tommy doesn't want kids. We don't even know that Buck DOES. Neither of them has ever expressed an opinion one way or another, and since they can't get pregnant by accident, it probably won't come up until much later in the relationship.

But even if it is the case that Tommy doesn't want kids...Buck doesn't have kids. I know people say he's coparenting with Eddie, but he's really not? He is at best a regular babysitter. At this moment, Chris has no bearing on Buck's relationship with Tommy.

The will, as of now, is a break-glass-in-case-of-emergency thing. It means that IF something were to happen to Eddie, Buck would be named as Chris's legal guardian. That's a hypothetical scenario that is, admittedly, more likely to happen to Eddie than the average person, but it has not happened yet. (And even if it does, Buck will likely go through years of court in a nasty custody battle with Eddie's parents, which is a whole other can of worms and fodder for a good angst fic if anyone wants to write it.)

And even knowing that hypothetical, I don't think Tommy would walk away. First off, it's hypothetical and ending a relationship over something that may or may not happen would be really immature and silly. Second off, that's a very different scenario than the traditional "should we have kids" situation.

Chris is fourteen years old. Granted, due to disability, he's going to have high support needs and will likely stay with his family most of his life, but he's still only a few years away from being an adult. And Tommy knows and clearly cares about Chris a lot; there's no reason to think he'd have an issue with Chris remaining in his life even if there's no Eddie along with him.

Second off, there's a big difference between "I don't want to go through all the difficulties of obtaining and raising a child" and "I don't want to look after my best friend's teenage son after a (presumably) horrific tragedy." We've seen in the show how difficult having a child is for LGBT couples via Hen and Karen! It would be completely understandable for Tommy to look at all the trouble and heartache they went through and decide he can't handle it.

And third off, if a situation arose that would place Christopher in Buck's custody, Tommy would be able to decide at that point when it's actually a reality if he wants to be a part of that. He may decide no, he can't be a father under any circumstance, even one like this, and walk away. He might decide actually yes, he does want to be involved, and there's a difference between a baby or young child he has to help mold and the nearly-grown teenager he already cares about.

Point is, Tommy and Buck's relationship does not and should not center on Eddie. Yes, Eddie is important to both of them, but whatever problems they face should be about their relationship, not a what-if scenario. (And lbr, unless Ryan Guzman really, REALLY wants off the show, the writers aren't going to kill him off. And after seven seasons of Hen and Karen dealing with the trials and tribulations of adoptive children, I really doubt the writers would repeat themselves by having Buck and Tommy go through it as well.)

[hyperlexichypatia]

CN: This post is about child abuse.

I was talking to a younger neurodivergent person about their horrifically abusive childhood, which included their parents beating them, drugging them, and sending them to abusive therapies, and for some reason my immediate thought was: That's so unfair, you shouldn't be allowed to beat your children AND pathologize them!

To be clear. I believe you should be allowed to do NEITHER of those things. Physical abuse and psychiatric abuse are both wrong!

But at minimum, you should at least have to choose between old-school, authoritarian, beating, yelling, physical-abuse-based parenting and new-school, authoritative, pathologizing, psychiatrizing, emotional-abuse-based parenting. They're mutually incompatible Abuse Philosophies!

The one (1) good, semi-redeeming thing about the psychiatrization of childhood and parenting is that it teaches that beating children is bad for them. Truly the only beneficial thing about it!

I remember reading about local schools adopting a "positive behavior interventions" system, and having mixed feelings about it -- Behaviorism is abuse, absolutely. But I live in an area where the largely unquestioned cultural norm is to deal with children by beating them. If parents can't be persuaded in a day to convert to neurodiversity-affirming, youth-affirming, gentle discipline, isn't getting them to deal with children's "bad behavior" by taking away stickers better than what they're currently doing? Is "positive behavior intervention" the lesser evil, in this case?

But is it? Is it even effective at that? What's to stop parents from sending their kids to behavioral therapy and also beating them? I honestly don't know.

Whenever mad liberation people argue against psychiatric abuse (forced drugging, coercive therapy, institutionalization, etc), pro-psychiatric-coercion people always defend it as better than "the alternative" of physical abuse. It's always "Would you rather they go to prison? Would you rather they be homeless? Would you rather they get beaten or shot by police?"

And of course, that's a false choice, because we would rather neither! We would rather disabled/Mad/neurodivergent people be free. Not abused or coerced in any way at all!

In addition, I'm reminded of something my partner said about men who brag about being "nice guys who don't abuse women like those other men do": Even if they're telling the truth (which, often, they're not), the value of this as a braggable claim is dependent on abusers being widespread. Mediocre men benefit from the widespread existence of abusive men, by getting to be the less-bad alternative to something worse.

The same is true of psychiatric abuse being "better than" physical abuse: Even if psychiatric wards and group homes are better than prisons, even if therapizing children is better than beating them, even if social workers are less abusive than police, even if all these things are true, the argument for psychiatric abuse relies on keeping physical abuse as an option on the table.

And even so, to circle back to my original point: Does psychiatric abuse even prevent physical abuse? Certainly not always. It also doesn't prevent poverty or homelessness -- we always point out that it's possible to materially support people without controlling them, but also, it's possible to control people without materially supporting them at all. Stripping people of their autonomy in order to get them financially provided for... doesn't actually get them financially provided for.

I also talked to a younger neurodivergent person who was kicked out of their parents' home at age 18. Gee, I thought the entire purpose of reclassifying young adults as still-children, and disabled adults as forever-children, was to prevent that from happening? I thought we had to endorse abusive parenting because the alternative is homelessness? Turns out, people with abusive parents can still end up homeless!

The status of youth rights and disability rights is so messed up. Parents can do essentially whatever they want to their children (especially if their children are disabled). It's disgusting and it's morally reprehensible at every level. I don't have an uplifting ending for this one.

[adorawasright]

frosta would've been a way more interesting character if she were the more diplomatic and quiet princess she was introduced as.

like yeah, frosta should be allowed to be a kid, but comparing her s1 self to her s2-5 self is jarring. she just suddenly becomes that chaotic kid. i would've loved to see her actually developing as a character. i felt like she didn't have any character arc in the show. her wanting to befriend glimmer was rlly more about glimmer, who didn't have many friends and was too attached to bow as we saw in the princess prom. besides that, her brief interactions with micah just felt cheap, too. it was more about micah being nervous about meeting glimmer again than like. frosta dealing with the fact her parents died. (i don't remember if they explicitly brought it up, but it was probably not that important). she is basically a plot device.

frosta seemed like the child that matured way too early, and that should've been touched upon better. imagine frosta seeing how immature the other princesses are, and calling them out on their bullshit. and i'm not saying that a child should lecture older ppl (i wouldn't call them adults honestly), but frosta wasn't the kind to suddenly throw punches. she seemed more observant and only intervened when things got too ugly (like when adora fought catra in the prom). and of course, i would've liked to see frosta slowly realizing she doesn't have to be the adult, she doesn't have to handle things on her own. kind of like how steven in su was the savior and the voice of reason to everyone, only to slowly unlearn that and prioritize himself.

i'm aware spop is rlly not the deep kind of show (unless you're catra i guess), and it definitely didn't care about the princesses as characters. but frosta had a different thing going on. she had a different personality. probably bc of her ice powers, but also bc of her tragic background. but yeah, as many other fans have said, frosta pretty much became a lame version of toph. which is weird to me. frosta would've been the opposite of toph, given the latter was oppressed and smothered by her parents (especially due to her disability), while the former LOST her parents at a young age. toph rejects her background while frosta seems to stay in her lane to keep everything under control.

i don't know why they did frosta so dirty like this. i think kids could've resonated with her initial personality.

[broken-endings]

The Earth Avatar

So one thing Legend of Korra did great was make sure not to repeat most story and character beats from The Last Airbender.

Aang was a simple monk with spiritual upbringing, communing with nature and peace. He was also out of his time, and being introduced to this world as an audience we learned about all forms of bending as Aang learned about all forms of bending. Culminating in ending a long war.

Korra was a rough and tough gal with a rural upbringing. Punch first, ask questions later. She was one with bending that came easy, because we the audience already knew about the forms of bending. One thing we never saw through Aang was the struggle to learn airbending. So like a 4th book to the first series, we got to see the avatar learn airbending. Korra was sheltered never traveling like her past life, and so we see the new Republic city through her eyes. Someone who has never been to the city. The rest of her story builds on lore in the world and the evolution of the people in it. Each season she faced a different "tyrant" whose stance has good intentions but they become villains.

I'm trying to think of what types of things neither series touched on that the 3rd series could explore. The only things we know are -They're an Earth Kingdom native -Their only past life connection will be with Korra

What kinds of stories have we not seen the avatar go through? Let me speculate below

My first thought is highly desirable but feels unlikely which would be for this avatar to be nonbinary. Having the Korrasami ending makes it feel not totally impossible. But I'm not holding my breath for this one.

Have the Avatar be an adult. The original audience of the series are all adults now. It would be fitting to have a series about an adult avatar.

Learn about the new avatar gradually through flashbacks. Perhaps there could be a mystery tied to information they've forgotten or are trying to keep hidden.

Have the avatar grow up in the city, and be forced to adjust to being thrown into a rural environment (opposite of Korra). Learning about the differences in life between the two.

Have the avatar be a parent. We haven't witnessed what it's like to be a young child with an avatar parent. We've only seen the avatar's children as adults.

Expand on the treatment of nonbenders. this was the biggest plot point that LoK kind of abandoned once Amon was gone.

Possibly discover a way to reconnect the avatar to all previous past lives. With only Korra as a guide, I feel like she might not excel at guidance, so being able to reconnect to history could empower this avatar. Just like Korra reconnected to her bending.

The previous avatar spirits have been zen and helpful. Korra's spirit should challenge that cliche. Perhaps her spirit gets angry with the avatar and she ignores them at times.

Have this avatar be an intellectual. Korra had a jock personality (gryffindor). Aang had a goofball, spiritual personality (hufflepuff). Perhaps this avatar reads and studies about everything in theory but struggled to put it into practice (ravenclaw).

Have this avatar have a physical disability. Toph was blind, we saw a waterbender with no arms. It would be new to see an avatar that is perhaps deaf or hard of hearing, be unable to walk, colorblind, or have only one seeing eye.

Have the avatar deal with death. Aang learns about all the people he lost but he never lost someone right in front of him. If this series is permitted to not be a kids show, it could deal with death head-on.

Have the avatar be one that needs redemption (slytherin). Now this is unlikely, but what if we were introduced to an avatar that rejected destiny and made selfish choices, and we learn all the things that pushed them down that path, maybe it would be too much of a repeat of Zuko's journey. But there are more ways to build a redemption arc.

[agentem]

Marvel Television Ranking (Disney+ era)

Someone asked me which Marvel shows are worth watching and I made a whole post about it. I watched all of them so you don't have to!

You Should Watch:

WandaVision - This show suffers from Marvel's need to have a final CGI battle (the final episode is let down from the previous). But it's Marvel's best use of the TV format. The emotions of it are so strong and it is genuinely a watchable sitcom in places. And it makes you believe that young girl would fuck that robot in a way Infinity War didn't really do.

2. Loki Season One -- There are a few middle episodes that feel slow in this series, but overall this is probably the best one in terms of consistency. Also high concept, with a strong ensemble. Season Two is fine but would be in a lower tier.

3. Ms Marvel - It's a good stand alone show and Marvel does not seem to be backing down on Iman Vellani being central to the MCU going forward (even though the Marvels was poorly received). So you need to know Kamala and also you're welcome because she's adorable.

These Are Good Shows If You Have Time:

4. Hawkeye - It's not as good as the Fraction run in the comics it is based on and it starts a bit slow, but once Echo shows up it's fun. Plus it's a Christmas theme!

5. Avengers 97 - It was my jam as a kid. It's still my jam as an adult. Not really for children though. I am bummed I can't show it to my nephews (character death, genocide, oddly sexualized Magneto, the whole comics shebang).

6. Moon Knight - If you like hippo goddesses and watching Oscar Isaac act with himself, this is the show for you. So far this series has not connected to the wider MCU in any way. The stand-alone-ness of this series is both a strength and a weakness. You can just watch it! But if you are looking to advance the "overall" plot of the MCU then this could feel "pointless" to some. (I'd argue the hippo is the point.)

These Shows Have Issues

7. She Hulk: Attorney at Law: Dudebros on the internet will make you think this is the worst thing Marvel has ever done and that is not the case. But it is hit or miss, and the comedy is women-centric. I actually prefer the more comedic sitcom moments (like the episode in the yurt). You also have to be able to watch bad CGI a lot; it's like they didn't have time to finish it which is probably what really happened. I grew up in the 90s so I have no problem with wonky CGI.

8. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier - I really wanted to like this because Red, White and Black was one of those comics that you read and thought, "of course. This is what would've happened." But mostly it's a let down. Plot points were changed due to the pandemic and it is... noticeable. Anyway, Carl Lumbly is great and if you just want to watch his scenes, then I wouldn't judge you.

9. What If...? I like this one but it feels super skippable. It's like the thing for people who want more Marvel all the time when the culture is dealing with Marvel overload. (Yes, I watched all of it.) I do want to see Jeffrey Wright in live action soon though.

Just NO.

10. Echo -- Very sad to say this because I think the impulse to give Alaqua Cox (she is a disabled, indigenous actress who had never been on TV before) more to do after her debut in Hawkeye was a generous one. But this wasn't thought out enough as it needed to be.

11. Secret Invasion -- It hurts me that this was bad. Luckily Samuel L. Jackson is a pro at being good in bad projects. Simply watching Olivia Coleman's scenes on YouTube would be more satisfying than the show.

[gaybd1]

Yes, hello, hi! I would love to see any of the dialogue you want to share from your Love Lives in Injuries and Those Who Know Them.

Sure! For context this was supposed to kind of tie together this post about Sokka and disability and these posts (and a ton more like it) about the issues and trauma he's always dealt with and how he would be after the war. We see a lot (including from me) about Sokka helping Zuko through some stuff after the war, but it's time to flip the tables

So this was meant to be Sokka learning how to be vulnerable and accept help from others and we would have seen some cute scenes of Zuko taking care of him on his bad days, like using his firebending to heat Sokka's leg, omg

That's the vision I had from the title, which by the way comes from this post I saw the other day by @zukkaart

anyway im rambling again. i didnt get to a LOT of the cute stuff before this got too long and out of hand and begged to be abandoned but here are three of my favorite dialogue scenes I'd written

between sokka and katara:

“Sokka, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “Can you honestly tell me if you would have been able to fix it?” “...Maybe not. I’m sorry…” “Don’t be sorry.” “I’m still mad at you for not involving me in this for almost a decade. You’re very lucky you weren’t nearby when I first got Zuko’s letter.” “I know, but–” “Sokka, what have we been working on? We’re both adults. You don’t need to protect me anymore. The war is over. You can ask for help. Zuko was right there for you this whole time and–” “Old habits die hard, I guess…” “Sokka–” “How are the kids?” “...They’re fine... Kya’s coming along really well with her bending. Does that hurt?” “Always.” “Has the brace been helping at all?” “I thought the new one I made would help more, and I know it is helping but I still…” “And your other knee and hips?” “Yeah, it’s definitely starting to spread.” “Well, not spreading technically, but the way you’ve learned to walk around the injury is starting to permanently affect your other joints…” “Uh huh. So what happens now?” “I’m gonna give it to you straight. If you keep on working as hard as you do, that’s all going to get worse. I’m surprised you aren’t feeling it more in your back yet.” “Spirits, I’m so tired of–” “Listen first, okay? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I think we both know how lucky you are after falling from that airship. I’m glad it’s taken this long for it to catch up to you.” “But?” “But… It’s only going to keep getting worse– Let me finish! You need to hear this. You need to make some changes. If you keep training as hard as you are and pushing yourself so much, it’s going to get worse faster.” “You can’t ask me to stop training, Katara. You know how much it means to me. I need to–” “Sokka. I know how you feel. But you don’t need to work so hard to protect us anymore, okay? Zuko can take care of himself, and he has Suki and all of his guards. Aang and I have been on our own for years now. The war is over. Let us take care of you for a change.” “You know I can’t–” “I’m not asking you to just sit around the palace. You just need to change up your schedule and routine, can you do that for me? Healer Sano can help organize some new exercises for you.” “Fine. I get it.” “You need to start taking more advantage of your downtime. Sit when you can. Stay inside and rest at least one day a week. I should recommend more, but I know you…” “I get it, Katara. I do. Thank you.” “There’s one more thing. You’re not going to like it.” “...What.” “You need to start using a cane.” “...” “Sokka?” “Katara. I’m not even thirty-five years old.” “I know, and like I said, it’s amazing you’ve made it so long without needing it. There’s no shame in–” “I’m too young to need that.” “Sokka. We both know you can barely walk across the palace anymore without needing to sit down. This will help you.” “I can’t– I don’t want–” “Sokka. Look at me. This has been coming for a long time and I know you’ve been ignoring it, but it’s time to accept that there are just some things you can’t do anymore and that you need help to do the things you still can.” “I–” “It’s important to have these feelings. Don’t feel bad for them. You need to work through the anger and shame and whatever else you’re feeling. You can talk to me or you can talk to Zuko, and I know it’s hard for you to talk through anything, but it’s important that you do talk to someone so you can work past this. Don’t bottle it up again.”

and after between sokka and zuko

“How did it go with Katara?” “Didn’t she tell you?” “Only a little. How are you feeling?” “Fine.” “Should I ask you again?” “I’m… okay.” “Can I ask why you aren’t using the cane?” “I… have complicated feelings about it.” “Can I help you try to work through them?” “I… okay.” “So do you think it would help your overall pain?” “Yeah.” “And do you think it could help keep the rest of your complications at bay a little bit longer?” “I guess so, yeah.” “But you still feel… weird about it?” “Mm-hmm.” “Okay. Do you think people will… judge you for using a cane?” “No, not at all. It’s… not about how I would be perceived. I don’t think.” “But…?” “I… I don’t know. I feel like I’m giving in. Like I’m admitting to myself that I have this weakness.” “Hm.” “The logical part of my brain knows that’s not true, that it’s not a weakness, that actually the cane would help the weakness, but it still feels like I’m giving up!” “...” “I can’t explain it. I feel like I’m finally being forced to acknowledge that there are things I can’t do anymore and that terrifies me.” “Why?” “I… I need to…” “...” “I need to be able to protect you.” “Babe… I understand that this would be hard for you with everything you’ve been working through since the war. I respect that and I wish you could be dealing with anything else right now. But you know you don’t need to protect me, right?” “If there were another assassination attempt and I couldn’t get to you–” “Baby, there hasn’t been an assassination attempt in years. You saved my life countless times and I’m grateful, but we’re in a time of peace now and you’ll never need to do that again. Besides, there are dozens of guards around at all times.” “I know…” “And more importantly. If there were another attempt and you weren’t able to get to me in time because of your injury, would it be the cane’s fault?” “No! And that’s what I hate! That my own body has betrayed me to the point that I’m not even able to do what I’ve always been good at.” “Sokka. The war is over. I know this whole ordeal has brought back a lot of that stuff for you, but it’s been over for a long time.” “Yeah.” “And you’re good at a lot of things that aren’t affected at all. Does your leg have anything to do with your ability to work on any of your inventions?” “You’re right.” “I’m here for you, babe. Agni knows you’ve been here for me more times than I can count. I know you’re going to be angry about this and I know it’s something you’re going to have to keep adjusting to, but I’m here to go through it all with you.” “I love you so much.” “I���m here for your good days and your bad days. Don’t be afraid to ask me for anything. If I need to cancel a meeting to sit in bed with you, I’ll do it. If you’re too tired to walk back from dinner, I’ll carry you. Anything. There’s no shame in letting others take care of you. You’re safe here.” “I believe you. Thank you”

and later, because it's just so visceral...

“Babe, why is your cane in the turtle duck pond?” “Oh, is that where it ended up?” “Sokka. What’s going on?” “...Having a bad day.” “Yeah, I gathered.” “It’s so beautiful out. And the first thought I had when I woke up was that I wanted to take you for a picnic up the volcano.” “But you weren’t feeling up to it.” “I hate this shit sometimes.” “I know, babe. It really gets to you at times like this. But we can still have a picnic closer to home. The gardens are fine.” “Yeah, okay.”

[afterthefuneral]

I know I should make more Beetlebabes art, but I'm working on a bit of a passion project at the moment. A sequel to Cradle to Grave, The Swan Song of a Dying Girl. It follows the life of Bellatrix Deetz, the daughter of Beetlejuice and Lydia. It's a little more of a young adult novel as opposed to a strict fanficiton. But I'm enjoying writing it, which is what counts. Growing up, I knew some really eccentric kids, and I myself was a bit of an asshole. My therapist says I should write a book about my childhood, and this is sort of a stepping stone to get to that. Everything Bellatrix does is something either I did, or I witnessed a classmate do. This story will deal with some heavy topics, including disability, child neglect, alcoholism, mental illness, bullying, loss, and love.

Quick 5 minute doodle of Bellatrix as a teen. She takes after her father strongly, which isn't easy when you're a 16 year old girl. But she doesn't care that her eyes are dark, her hair is ragged, or her teeth are crooked. She's too busy planning her next prank.

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

I do agree with the general statement of your post (that is, products should include warnings). I also thank you for acknowledging that seizures can cause death. I'm in the epilepsy community (although I am not photosensitive myself) and I can not stress how much negative pushback we've gotten from some spiderverse fans just for pointing out that a seizure could lead to death.

I will argue though that with spiderverse in particular, I think it was negligent on the part of the creators and studio to release those films as it currently is. People can be diagnosed with photosensitive epilepsy at any age but is especially common at the age between 7-19. The spiderverse films are a mainstream product primarily aimed at that age group. No matter what kind of warnings there are for the film, kids that age will probably not know if they are photosensitive until they are watching the film and have a seizure in a public place.

I also find that the inaccessibility of the films to photosensitive people completely undercuts the films inclusive nature. Like I have never before seen so many arguments that "art isn't supposed to be accessible for everyone" and that photosensitive people should just deal with being locked out of the conversation until these films. Not foing to lie, it's a little hurtful seeing it come from the wider disability community too.

i don't really have a response to the point re: it being mainstream and targeted towards a young audience; i think it's definitely a discussion to have, but overall i think that the phenomenon of targeting age demographics as marketing demographics is a bad one, which only evolved for monetary purposes, and the idea that age is a good predictor for taste in art and preferred complexity of topics is fundamentally flawed. essentially: yeah, i get you, but the angle i'm coming at this from is that we should really stop ~marketing media towards minors or adults~ to begin with and let the content of the art stand on its own.

re: inclusiveness: i also get you, but like. any art whose message is inclusiveness is going to intentionally exclude a significant portion of disabled people. there is no possible way for a piece of art to be accessible to all disabled people, because disability is such a broad category that every single access need directly conflicts with at least one other access need, possibly dozens.

i tend to prefer that artists openly reckon with which disabilities they're excluding from access to their art and why. i know it's an uncomfortable thing to reckon with, but like... the idea that all art has the chance to be equally accessible to all people and the only reason it isn't is lack of effort re: inclusion on the artist's part... is just a straight up lie. there isn't any way to reconcile two directly conflicting access needs, much less dozens of directly conflicting access needs, so rather than push that under the rug and act like some access needs are superior and as long as they're fulfilled the art is blanket "accessible" to all, i would much rather artists openly discuss what groups of disabled people they are prioritizing in accessibility and why.

(in the case of spiderverse movies in particular: back when the first one came out years ago, i engaged with some talk in some smaller low-vision spaces about the film's bright colors and overall eye-strain being actually more accessible to some individuals, because it made it easier for them to see the broad shapes and movements than most movies at the time. directly conflicting needs. while it's almost definitely unintentional on the spiderverse team's part, i would rather them know about it and grapple with the difficult decision of who to include vs. exclude publicly, rather than sweep the whole thing under the rug or act like one group's accessibility needs are obviously more important than the others.)

like... it's a difficult conversation to have, because i genuinely have a lot of empathy for being permanently locked out of engaging with a piece of art that i love a lot because of its inaccessible nature (i have a couple of different video game series that i love and Can Never Play, and i also can't mod them to make them easier to play, because the ways they're inaccessible to me are the fundamental point of the art). but i also at the same time have to balance that with my material experience of being a person whose access needs directly and 100% conflict with other disabled people's access needs, the material experience of understanding very firsthand that there is no possible way for some art to be accessible to me, ever, even in a world where everyone cared about accessibility, because other disabled people exist too. and like. idk! it's a weird fucking emotional space to be in! i at the very least would like for everyone involved to tackle it head-on, instead of playing the game we currently seem to be playing where 1) mainstream artists do not grapple with these concepts at all, nor do they clearly label which disability needs are included vs. excluded in any of their art, 2) we in disability spaces act like there is one universal measure of "accessibility in art" and if you are excluded by that measure then your needs are not from genuine disability or your disability simply is not included in disability activism.

[paperboy-pb]

The goal of "PAPERBOY" isn't just to dunk on Special Education.

It just isn't.

I've mentioned in other spaces that the accommodations offered by Special Ed can be excellent; alternate ways of testing, extra time on tests, etc. School should never be one-size-fits-all for everyone.

However, Special Ed classes can be very isolating and-- if not run by the right people-- extremely traumatic for disabled youth. And I know this because I lost nearly my entire childhood to it. But when I was that age, no one wanted to acknowledge that.

And I plan on THAT being one of Paperboy's biggest themes; "isolation." Isolation & what it does to the mind of a young child.

Matthew's experience in Special Education is very similar to mine & many others'-- he is constantly left out of peer activity, including games that he would love to play. He's dragged out during other class-time to work on his shortcomings & as time goes by, starts to wonder why it's never good enough. When he asks the adults about it, he gets baby-talk or extreme anger, two opposites that end in questions dodged all the same. He's clearly being thought of as incompetent, and "not worth the time." They don't even teach him what General Eds know as the bare minimum. And to top it all off, other disabled peers see this, think it's okay, and taunt him. They all hold an internalized ableism that bleeds into how they treat to each other. Toxic, yet... it's all he's allowed to have. Because the adults at school value abled comfort over disabled joy.

Yet this is "inclusion," for somebody like him. This is what he 'needs,' what he deserves. But why is inclusion... so EXCLUDING? That doesn't make any sense!

Isolated in a bubble with no friendships, no kindness, no education, and no fun... in what world would a little boy raised in this environment have a safe self-esteem?

In what world is this okay?

And why do so many schools treat their "special little ones" this way?

...

I was a Matthew Boston once. And I imagine that there are many more "Matthews" under different names & conditions out there. Many other disabled kids who were treated as unwanteds in the place they spend the most time. Made to feel like they just didn't matter as much as other kids, like they weren't good enough. And nobody allows us to talk about it.

Because disabled people-- especially kids-- are seen as SO undesirable that anyone who willingly spends time with them is automatically thought of as a saint. So then when caretakers like teachers abuse us, we aren't allowed to talk about it. Because it's "necessary." Because those people are "doing us a favor." Because it's what we deserve for existing how we are.

And that's the real goal here. Just... acknowledging how fucked up that is. And maybe finding ourselves a better ending. No child should ever have to deal with that level of cruelty. And for everybody who did or does, I am so sorry.

So I guess that's why I came up with it; Matthew deserves better than that. WE deserve better than that. Disabled children of the future deserve better than that.

And while I don't think I'll change the world or anything, I think I'd like to at least let people know that.

Because no one ever did that for me.

[spiremire]

PSA for parents with young kids! please teach your kids the etiquette for approaching strange dogs, no means no!!!!

I don't generally have a lot of advice for parents, not being one myself, but I suppose this is applicable to people of all ages. I'm also hoping this is just a regional problem and that other people aren't currently dealing with this as well, but this deserves a wide audience regardless.

I live in Alaska, where most dogs are well socialized to humans and have absolutely atrocious obedience skills and manners in addition to generally being walked off leash or allowed to wander off leash.

Many times over the past year and several times in just the past few months, I have been out on a walk with my dog and we have encountered unsupervised kids in small groups who try to pet my dog without my permission. Sometimes they reach out without asking at all and other times they outright ignore my refusal after they do ask.

This is problematic in many ways, but is first and foremost very dangerous. If the dog in question is a service animal, it can endanger the handler because the dog could miss something in it's distraction. If the dog is not a service animal, then you, as a stranger, have no idea how the dog tolerates people. Dogs that don't like people deserve to go on walks as well, and they and their handlers deserve to have their boundaries respected regardless of your opinion on the matter.

Some context for my dog, specifically: he is a cattle dog I rescued from the local shelter a little over a year ago, and the shelter staff think his previous home life wasn't great. I have managed to, over the course of the last 14 months, train out his leash reactivity to cars, pedestrians, cyclists, and children. We're still working on other dogs and wildlife, but I suspect that will be much harder.

Because of his breed (he gets nippy when he's excited) and his relatively unknown history, I do not allow strangers to pet him on walks. My dog is not a bite risk (if I felt he was, he would wear a muzzle when we go out), and does not have a bite history, as far as his documentation goes. I don't want this to change, so we do not interact with strangers on walks. He also has a job (he's not a disability service animal but he is a working dog) so I don't really want him to associate being on leash with the reward of human attention, because that distracts him from his job.

The first three times we were approached by children who ignored my denial of permission, he was still highly reactive to pedestrians and children. These kids saw a snarling, barking, backing away, mean-looking dog and decided it looked like it wanted to be pet.

When supervised children approach us, I tell them that he's in training, and that's usually enough for the adult to have them move on.

When unsupervised children approach us, I tell them they cannot pet him because he isn't friendly. I make him stand between my legs a good distance off the path, and we send them on their way before we continue on. Sometimes they listen and its fine. Other times they're trying to pet him anyway. That is met with stern scolding and me physically placing my body between them and my dog.

I don't like intimidating kids this way, but it's entirely unacceptable. These unsupervised kids have ranged from something like 6 to 14. Many of them have been old enough to know better.

If you still don't get where I'm coming from, I want you to imagine a scenario where the strange dog is a bite risk. Every time you approach a strange dog, you only know what the owner tells you and when an owner tells you their dog is unfriendly, you should assume they are not lying regardless of how calm the dog is before you engage with it. In this scenario, I am out on a walk with my bite risk dog, at the time I usually go, which when I expect less people to be around for a more enjoyable and less stressful experience. I am not expecting to encounter anyone, so I do not put on my dog's muzzle (or maybe I don't have one, for some reason, but that's a different conversation for a different audience). An unexpected and unsupervised kid approaches with intent to pet (verbally communicated or otherwise) and I tell them no, not friendly.

The kid reaches to touch him anyway, and gets bit. I now have a pissed off and frightened dog to wrangle and a bleeding child to deal with. I don't know where this child lives. I don't know who is in charge of them. And with the injury, I can't guarantee that the child will be able to tell me where they live or who I should call for them. All I know is that in the eyes of the law, my dog will be at fault, and if the parent chooses to press charges, my dog will be euthanized.

TLDR: If your unsupervised kid would approach an unfriendly dog against the handler's advice, then they should not be unsupervised. Save everyone a lot of pain, medical expenses, and legal fees, and just teach your kids not to do this.

[ina-nis]

This is making me go a little insane again today because I'm always the oldest one in my groups and let me tell how people throw "predator" and "groomer" when your only crime is something you have no control over (your age). Yeah, I don't take that shit well at all.

I gave up on deeply connecting with people my age because there's almost not a single thing we have in common and it's hard with the whole queerness + disability + sober stuff. People are busy with jobs and families too so there's no place for me in their lives.

It's easier to connect with younger folks because of shared interests and literally being on a similar place in life (having not built much), many are not in long-term relationships or married, and definitely most do not have kids.

I hate this, I honestly do. I feel creepy and disgusted but beating myself up over something out of my control won't do anything to help so I don't do that anymore.

Do you seriously think I like being here, where the majority of the current userbase are super young, when I've been on this website for over 10 years? I really don't. I could never really connect deeply with people in real life, ever since I can remember, ever since internet and smartphones weren't really that accessible. At least now, I have a way to make connections, and keep these connection in my life, even if only virtually.

Don't even get me started on the whole "I'm lonely. I want a partner" because I'm really getting out of my comfort zone and coming onto any adults, regardless of their age - obviously, always younger than me...

I don't know... this shit fucking sucks and it's only going to get worse the older I get, I guess.

My therapist was excited about the possibility of me going back to school because "you'd be able to meet more people and make friends" but I already have a degree and all the relationships in these places (school, work, etc) are temporary: they exist as long as you're there. I gave up on trying to understand why, and it has a lot to do with people and their own priorities. You become a footnote in their lives, and they become one in yours too. The connections die.

So... am I willing to put myself in debt and emotional strain, for who knows how many years, so I'd, maybe, get my foot on the job market (again) and make friends (again), just to deal (again) with the crushing reality of being virtually unemployable and see connections I might spent a lot of energy and time building up, die? I'm not really sure if I want to do that again, or if I want to keep on doing that, to be honest.

It's funny because it went full circle: when I was younger and even as a child, I found it hard to connect with people my age (probably something to do with how you have to mature under duress to survive, and the whole childhood trauma thing, too); and now as a fully-grown adult, I achieved basically nothing people my age "ought" to: I don't have a career, I'm not in a relationship (never have been), I don't work because of my disabilities, I don't have a family or friends I can count on (so no social buffers or a safety system), I have built virtually nothing concrete, much like how when you're just starting your adult life!

As much as I understand the sentiment coming from people about how "it's not too late" and "you're not behind in life, you're where you're supposed to be", you'll still be labeled a predator for only having young friends and childish interests on the internet - and before anyone tells me to just "get off internet and go outside" do I need to explain again the matters of accessibility? Also "it's alright to not being able to work" until you have a invisible disability that makes it looks like you're actually just faking it, and so on.

I understand I'm one of those. I understand I have all these horrible "red flags" and that no one should ever be allowed near me, and I should never really approach any young person ever. The irony is that I don't like children and immaturity is a huge turn off for me so I'm stuck with a bunch of young inexperienced people. It sucks for me in a lot of different ways.

But I'll honestly take that over being around people my age who managed to build things and relationships over time. I don't need any more reminders of how much "lost" time I have to grieve...

I'm not naive, I know I still have time and I know I have built quite a lot of things. That's not the point I'm trying to make, and that's not what I have to grieve either. The matter of time is still a huge issue that is absolutely out of my control and I can only do so much with what I have.

[queerasflux]

So I've been struggling real bad with working through some old childhood trauma, and my therapist asked me to sit down and write down everything my mother did to me that was just like, Objectively Not Okay- and jesus christ. I always just sort of assumed that like, yeah, my mom wasn't the most perfect mom, but she was doing her best and meant well.

then I just... couldn't stop writing. and the more I wrote, the more I realized that hey, this was straight up abusive. not just "made a few mistakes but generally well-meaning as a parent" but like honest to god "what the fuck is wrong with you and why would you do that to a child" shit, and I'm just so angry and I don't know where to put it.

I'm tired of people telling me that I must forgive/give my mother some slack, because she's my mom and she was also traumatized and "did her best"- as if being traumatized is a free pass to abuse others, or that it somehow negates the emotional and mental toll it took on me to be raised by someone like her.

I'm angry that I can't even confront her about these things, because she will immediately either get defensive/aggressive at me, or will invalidate it (it wasn't that bad/wasn't as bad as what her mom did/she didn't mean it that way), or hop up on the pity potty and want to be comforted that yeah, even though she severely abused her child, she's not a bad mom, right?

Really just struggling with things rn. List under cut, because I think other people should also be aware this shit is Not Okay, and because I'm tired of covering up for my mother's bad behavior, and not being allowed to talk about it or how it hurt me because of how it may reflect on her.

A (very) abridged and generalized list of shit my mom has done that was straight up fucked up and abusive and Not Okay that I was convinced was "not that bad" for literal decades.

Beat the shit out of her autistic kid having meltdowns, joked years later about "beating the autism" out of me, never got me tested for autism/ADHD/any other neurodivergency, I had to get diagnosed myself at 28

stayed married to a man that was not only physically abusive, but who she (rightfully!) suspected of being a pedophile

constantly ripped her children from places once they'd established friendships/finally settled in at school with no warning, apology, support system, or any way to contact old friends

when her child who is very smart starts struggling very badly in school (for above reasons and also because she was drinking heavily and was too busy partying to help her kid), decides the best option is not to get the kid tested/help in school, but to simply scream at them that they're just like their abusive father

medically neglects her children- one of whom didn't get glasses until they were 13 and had a note sent home from school. same kid becomes partially deaf in ear later due to medical neglect, and eventually ends up with several disabilities as an adult from things that could have been prevented or mitigated from childhood

repeatedly put children in the path of her own abusive mother, who she knew and described as abusive, and who she knew (commented on and joked about!) was targeting one of her children specifically

when I get depressed over that, and come to her asking for help because I'm suicidal, she proceeds to mock me for (actual quote) "needing [my] mommyyyyyyy", does not get me into therapy

despite never getting her children treatment for their own mental illness or being someone they could confide in, perfectly able and willing to use her children as free therapists, from as young as 6 years old.

constant breaches of trust/privacy- instead of simply talking to children or listening to them when they have a problem, she decided to simply read journals, chats/emails, anything private, then becomes angry when confronted.

The first two times I came out to her, she just ignored it because she didn't want to have to deal with it and thought I would just drop it

The third and final time I came out, she said I was mutilating my body, that my fiance would stop loving me and no one else would ever want me, and that I was holding her hostage/betraying her.

again, the most generalized/abridged version of what she's done, and seeing it all down just... disgusts and enrages me. this is not okay behavior. this is child abuse, emotional abuse, just sickening behavior in general, and this whole time I've been making excuses. Because I was taught/told that I "had to understand" because she had been traumatized, so that somehow made my own trauma acceptable? Because she wasn't as bad as her mother, I was expected to praise her and never hold her accountable for her behaviors and actions. I am expected to give her kudos and a gold medal for meeting the bare minimum of food/shelter, as if that's not the absolute bare minimum that doesn't get your kids taken away, and that animals in the animal kingdom do without any sort of celebration every day. a leopard doesn't get a mother's day card for feeding her cubs, she has to do that or they fucking die.

I'm just angry, and I need to get it out somewhere. I am sure this will be eventually seen/found by my sister, and like, sorry buddy but I can't be quiet any more, and I'm not making excuses for her any more. She was abusive. Is abusive. And I don't have to put up with it any more.

[brightlotusmoon]

From the Facebook page Autistic Women And Nonbinary Network.

-

Such an important post!

*Caption below and image description by Nina Tame

“Disabled kids grow up to be disabled adults. If they’re getting questions now imagine dealing with that for the rest of your life.

Empower them with the choice to choose to answer if they want to but equally they can tell someone to fuuuuck right off or whatever the child equivalent of that is 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Checking in with your kid to see how they feel about being asked these questions. Maybe they don’t mind, maybe they like talking about it and that’s cool but also maybe they don’t so let’s give them options for that too.”

ID: seven slides of text that reads

Sharing a disabled kids medical details to anyone who asks, doesn’t normalise disability. It normalises disabled people being seen as medical curiosities.

You wouldn’t expect a nondisabled kid to share details of their last doctors appointment with a stranger on the street so why do we expect disabled kids to?

I’m disabled and so is one of my kids. A really lovely well meaning person with a toddler in tow asked my husband if it was ok to ask about my sons leg brace. My husband said no it wasn’t (never fancied him more).

It’s not because it’s a big shameful secret. It’s just what do you think it is? It’s quite obviously a device that helps him walk, you know like how glasses are a device to help you see. Do you need to interrupt our day for that?

With other kids and adults our kid knows that he can answer if he wants. He can make up a story if he wants. He can tell em “My Mum said I don’t have to answer that” if he wants and sometimes he just eye rolls and walks away.

Disabled kids shouldn’t have to be mini educators around their medical conditions. They should get the same privacy and autonomy as anyone else. They should just get to be kids.

Maybe your kid doesn’t mind having their medical details shared with strangers now but will they feel the same as a teen? As an adult? Explaining to them from a young age that their medical details aren’t public property and it’s their choice whether to share or not is one of the most empowering things you can do for them.

# DisabledParenting # DisabledAndProud

-

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02LpBYESxPKvDZJUb7Nw7r6nSkHm3jnEuuiPwYZtQfrciggcnwtkxj9bqvSji6HLJXl&id=100064856373594

[horce-divorce]

thinking about how, even as a young kid who had never had a job, I started to question what the point of working so hard for so little is. when I got old enough to join the workforce, I had about four or five good, abled years left in me, relatively speaking. over the next 7 years I would have more than 15 different jobs, sometimes 3 at once, trying to find the magic combination that would pay my bills without bleeding me dry. I never found it. Instead I gradually lost my jobs along with my ability to work, I quickly became homeless, and have been struggling to "get back on my feet," whatever that means, for the ensuing 10 years and counting. I have not once had stability in my adult life. I expect to be homeless indefinitely.

nobody looks at any of the stuff I actually DO, though. no, because I'm disabled and I had to quit my jobs, all they see is what I DON'T do. and it's so weird, like. people moralize poverty and disability, right? they ABSOLUTELY look down on me for those things. And once they realize I'm not working because of that, they get jealous. They get insanely, transparently JEALOUS of the fact that I'm deathly ill, simply because I'm not working. clearly that means I have so much extra free time to be a person. (I hate that it bears repeating, but I DONT! being sick is a full time, 24/7/365 job that I DONT get breaks from, EVER.)

They'll say it like, "oh but you don't HAVE to work." False. I DO *HAVE* to work, just like you! I merely CAN'T. I dont get paid for the work i do end up doing; i cannot be additionally employed. "But i have to work to live? We all do? Isnt that hard?" YES!!!! You get a gold star for finally fucking noticing!!!!! WOW!!!!

But even then it doesnt stop the jealousy!!!! idk that dissonance is something that never stops fucking me up. Shame on your disabled ass, you have nothing to be proud of, you should be spending every last drop of energy fighting not to be disabled anymore, fighting to get back into the workforce primarily before anything else, and fighting not to need help EVER AGAIN. and if you die trying, fine! that's just life! You are lazy and entitled! Everyone only hates you because they wish they could be you :)))) Lmfao!!!!

It's wild how much a society that places this much importance on "individualism" will turn around and condemn me for supposedly "not contributing to society" (by letting my labor be exploited lmao). I thought that was called "giving handouts" and that we only do Me, Myself and I here in America? Why is it suddenly only all Team Spirit once your employer busts out the wiggly eyes and says "but we're a FAMILY"? Where's that spirit from your employer when YOU need someone to pick up your shifts? Let me guess, it's typically, "you're gonna have to find coverage for that yourself," isn't it? Yeah. And you hate ME for not "having" to deal with that anymore, instead of your boss for doing that to you.

It's pretty transparent how much abled people don't like being treated disposably either. They fucking hate this life lmfao. But because they have more utility left in thier bodies, they can go on pretending that they're actually "contributing" somehow, instead of instead of being milked dry for future discarding just like any other resource.

Instead, they'll get to spend thier whole lives believing they did something- until they're retired, and suddenly realize that having given their whole entire lives and selves still wasn't enough. It was never enough to keep them afloat, never enough to make them rich how they dreamed, Not even enough for just a few years of peace and quiet before they die.

I guess yeah, on the bright side, I do get to miss out on that whole song and dance. Because I already learned that harsh lesson at age 20, that NOTHING I ever do will actually be enough. And in the meantime there's, u know, just, all the debilitating chronic pain, the lack of dignity, the homelessness, having to beg to buy fucking toothpaste, EVERY. SINGLE. interaction you have with a housed person being moralized and scrutinized endlessly, the constant, never ending tug of war with social services, and MORE... did I mention the CONSTANT, CHRONIC, DEBILITATING PAIN?

You don't really wish you were me, lmfao. You just wish your work meant something. You wish you HAD a work-life balance instead of just work and no life. You wish it was dignified. You wish you chose to work instead of being forced to, under threat of becoming Like Me. You wish it so bad that you're jealous of someone who's fucking disabled for life and homeless most of the time. And for what? Because it precludes me from doing what you're doing anymore. Because now I can sit outside of that sphere and make this type of commentary about my experiences in the workforce, and you don't have the energy, the time of day, or freedom to speak out against your employer in the way i can now speak. So you take it out on me instead.

Think about that. Is that normal? Is that what you want from a job? Is that dignified? Is that how you want to treat yourself and other people? Is this the status quo you're fine with upholding for the rest of your life? Is this what you want for your kids? Is it worth it? Is it doing it for ya, bud? Is it paying the bills and everything? NO??? Damn. Ouch! Maybe think about that before you make some stupid comment directed at disabled people next time 👍

Anyway, when you're nearing the end of your utility, it's really easy to see the way all employers, even the "good ones," juice you dry and then discard you for a replacement, among other bigger structures that demand this. It's also easy to see when you're NOT disabled, it's just really uncomfortable and requires admitting some hard truths about all those "nice things" your boss supposedly does for you. If your job was really that great, you wouldn't be seething with jealousy at a disabled guy and wishing you were dying instead. That's not very hashtag sigma grindset likeaboss of you :/