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what was the team like when they found out Joe was dating songbird?
in celebration of our two favs getting extended and family staying together <3
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oh, they were shocked. not because they doubted joe’s ability to pull—let’s be real, of course he could, and everyone knew that—but because he was private. painfully private. joe wasn’t the type to be out and about with just anyone, let alone dating someone like her. seriously dating her. not after everything that happened with his last relationship.
so when they found out who she was? yeah, it was like their brains short-circuited.
“nah, no way,” ja’marr had said, staring at the photo in utter disbelief—the one joe had sent ja’marr of him and her on their little backyard date last night. “our joe? this joe?” he jabbed a finger toward the quarterback, who sat unbothered, scrolling through his phone.
tee let out a low whistle. “man, i gotta give it to you,” he said, shaking his head. “when you do something, you really do it,”.
joe just shrugged, all nonchalant, like it wasn’t the biggest flex of the decade. “yeah, i guess,”.
oh, that smug little..god damnit joe.
cue immediate chaos.
some of them were just in disbelief. others were immediately on google, scrolling through pictures, looking her up like they hadn’t just heard her on the radio that morning. and then there were the ones who instantly started grilling him.
“how’d you even meet her?”
“who made the first move?”
“you sure she likes you?” (that one earned a glare.)
“bro, do you know how many people have been obsessed with her since, like, forever?”
and then there were the guys who suddenly became self-proclaimed fans, acting like they had been day ones just because their QB was now dating her. andrei had her music playing in the locker room the next day. mike tried to casually bring up one of her old albums in a conversation. one of his other teammates asked him if he could get him and his girlfriend concert tickets for her next tour, to which joe just gave them a blank stare before walking away.
but the teasing? that was relentless. anytime she was mentioned, joe got looks. anytime one of her songs played, someone turned the volume up. if they caught joe smiling at his phone for a little longer than normal, they teased the fuck out of him.
like the time ja’marr caught him watching a video she sent him during film.
“yo, joe, you good over there?” ja’marr called out, smirking like he’d caught joe red-handed.
joe didn’t even look up. “yeah, why?”.
“’cause you cheesin’ at your phone like it just told you you won the lottery,” tee chimed in.
ja’marr leaned over, trying to catch a glimpse. “bet it’s a video from Y/N in LA. let me see,”.
joe locked his phone immediately. “mind your business,”.
“uh-huh,” ja’marr laughed, turning to the rest of the guys. “man’s whipped,”.
or when one of her songs played in the locker room and everybody turned to look at him.
sam hovered over the speaker, scrolling through the playlist with an innocent look. “huh. how’d this get on here?”.
“crazy coincidence, right joe?” trey chuckled, turning the volume up.
joe just shook his head as her voice rang through the room, completely unfazed. “you guys are so childish,”.
“nah, we just love supporting our QB’s girl,” ja’marr grinned. “in fact, we should start requesting this at the stadium. make it his walkout song,”.
and then there was the time they were out at dinner and joe, for once, wasn’t on his phone—until it vibrated, and he checked it immediately.
“aw, man,” tee dragged, shaking his head. “joe’s got that smirk again,”.
ja’marr leaned in. “she text you?”.
joe ignored them, typing out his response to you without hesitation.
“what you tell her? ‘i miss you soooo much, baby’?” ja’marr teased in a dramatic voice.
“‘can’t sleep without you, my love,’” tee added with a mock pout.
joe didn’t even flinch. “y’all got jokes, but i do sleep better when she’s with me,”.
“jesus christ.” ja’marr groaned. “he owns being down bad. we lost him, man,”.
but as much as they teased, it was all love. because they had never seen joe like this before—and they wouldn’t trade it for anything. it was how she softened the hard edges, brought out a side of him they didn’t always get to see. and that was enough for them.
still, that didn’t mean they were ever gonna let him live it down.
—
her first time meeting ja’marr & tee:
joe had been keeping her under wraps from the guys for a while—not because he was hiding her, but because he knew exactly how this was going to go. ja’marr and tee weren’t just his best friends; they were menaces. the second they met her, it was over for him. the teasing would be relentless, and he’d never hear the end of it.
but he also knew he couldn’t avoid it forever—especially with how they constantly pressed him for details, side-eyeing him anytime he got that little smile on his face while looking at his phone.
so, he finally took the bullet and set up a dinner. nothing crazy, just a nice, lowkey spot with a private booth—somewhere comfortable, somewhere she wouldn’t feel like she was on display.
she was calm, cool, collected. joe? not so much.
“they’re gonna love you,” he assured her in the car, his palm resting on her thigh, thumb absentmindedly tracing circles against the soft fabric of her dress.
she smiled, squeezing his hand. “yeah? you seem real confident about that,”.
he let out a breath, shaking his head. “well i am, but they’re going to give me so much shit in front of her. i’m not confident that i’m making it out alive,” he thought to himself.
and the moment they walked into the restaurant, it started.
ja’marr and tee were already waiting at the table, leaning back in their seats, mid-conversation. but the second they spotted joe, they didn’t even look at him. instead, their attention snapped straight to her.
ja’marr was on his feet first, grinning. “so this is the infamous girlfriend,” he said, immediately pulling her into a hug like they were old friends.
tee followed, just as eager, shaking his head as he pulled her in next. “we were starting to think he made you up,”.
she laughed, completely at ease like she had known these two for her entire life. “i promise, he didn’t,”.
joe sighed, shaking his head as they all sat down and ordered drinks. and just as he feared, from the moment the conversation started, it was like she had always been part of the group. which meant telling all the embarrassing stories about joe without any restraint or hesitations.
his worst nightmare.
they were cracking jokes, roasting him mercilessly, and she was holding her own like a pro.
“you do know you’re dating the most boring dude ever, right?” ja’marr teased, smirking at her over his drink.
she hummed, pretending to consider it. “hmm. i don’t know. he keeps me pretty entertained,”.
tee snorted. “that’s just ‘cause you haven’t seen how routine he is yet,”.
“oh, i know all about the 8:30 bedtime and the meal preps,” she grinned, nudging joe with her knee under the table.
ja’marr burst out laughing, nearly choking on his drink. “nahhh…not the bedtime. man, you don’t even stay up for her?”.
joe groaned, rubbing a hand down his face, but it didn’t hide the telltale blush creeping up his neck. “stop being annoying for like two seconds, damn,” he muttered, shaking his head.
“oh, we’re annoying?” ja’marr raised a brow. “this you?” he held up his phone, scrolling through what had to be old texts of joe constantly asking ja’marr to play iMessage chess with him, then grinned sheepishly like he had remembered something else to tease joe with. “bro, tell me why when we were at LSU, this man literally said he wasn’t dating anyone ‘cause football was his only priority,”.
tee wheezed, “ain’t no way. ain’t no way,”.
ja’marr leaned in, voice dropping to a dramatic whisper. “and now look at him. sittin’ here, all cuddled up next to his girl, lookin’ like a whole simp,”.
“a happy simp,” tee corrected, raising his glass in joe’s direction.
she just smiled, glancing at joe, taking in the way his face was so red. she reached for his hand under the table, squeezing gently, and he glanced at her with soft eyes, squeezing back. “he’s still focused on football,” she said, tone teasing. “he just has better, more special priorities now,”.
ja’marr and tee howled, and joe—defeated—just leaned back, shaking his head, but there was no missing the small, bashful smile tugging at his lips.
the moment that really sealed it? when she excused herself to the restroom.
joe had been relaxed the whole night, at least as much as he could be with his two best friends taking every opportunity to roast him. but as soon as she got up and disappeared down the hall, he felt the shift immediately. ja’marr and tee moved like they were in sync, both leaning in across the table, elbows propped up as they fixed their eyes on him like interrogators closing in on a suspect. “okay,” ja’marr started, nodding. “we like her,”.
“nah,” tee interjected, shaking his head. “we love her.”
joe huffed out a laugh, shaking his head as he took a sip of his drink. “yeah?”.
“hell yeah,” ja’marr said, leaning back in his seat. “she’s cool as fuck. holds her own, dishes it back—,” he gestured toward joe, smirking, “—and she got your ass blushin’ like a lil’ schoolboy,”.
“real talk, though,” tee added, a little more serious now, “she’s good for you. i can tell,”.
ja’marr nodded, nudging joe’s arm. “yeah. like, we joke about you bein’ boring, but i ain’t never seen you like this, bro. you just look…happy,”.
joe exhaled, rolling his bottom lip between his teeth, but the small smile tugging at his lips was impossible to hide.
“i am happy,” he admitted, fingers tracing the condensation on his glass. his voice dropped, softer now. “really happy,”. he wasn’t usually one to talk about his feelings like this—especially so candidly with these two, who’d take any opportunity to turn it into a joke—but right now, he didn’t care. because the truth was impossible to deny.
tee grinned, nudging ja’marr. “man, you hear that? our boy’s whippeddddd,”.
“oh, big time,” ja’marr agreed, grinning. “gon’ have to start callin’ him ‘lover boy joe’,”.
joe groaned, dropping his head back. “and here you guys go again,”.
“nah, bro, we’re just proud of you,” ja’marr said, smirking. “for finally growing some balls and settling down,”
joe rolled his eyes, flipping him off, but tee just laughed. “for real, though,” tee said. “she’s the one, huh? we can see it in your eyes. you ain’t ever look at a girl the way you be looking at her…,”.
joe glanced toward the hallway where she’d disappeared, that soft, faraway look creeping back into his expression.
he didn’t hesitate.
“yeah,” he murmured. “she is,”.
#yail asks#yail#joe burrow#joe burrow x reader#joe burrow fanfic#joe burrow blurb#joe burrow imagine#joe burrow fan fic#joe burrow fic
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Tagged by @detnylaharper 💖😊
Last Song: Burn - Night Traveller (Such a beautiful song)
Favorite Color: I love the colour blue :) And I love when it's paired with the colour purple, pink and yellow..
Last Book: ah.. shit 🤣🤔hmm... tough one 'cause I tend to alternate between books. It might have been Heart of the moors by Holly Black
Last TV Show: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. I have been re-watching (while giffing)
Sweet/Savory/Spicy: A lot of these questions got me saying fuck or shit 🤣Damn.. This really depends on what I feel like, eh? Right now... I could go for something spicy.
Last thing I googled: I can't remember for the life of me what the last thing was 'cause my search clears once I leave the browser. I do remember googling 'What does the royal family actually do?' 🤣... I still don't know though. And also 'dumb shit people name their kids' some honorable mentions (from a text about it, that I sent to a friend):
Audio science
X AE A-12
Sno filmon dot come cozart (what the actual fu-- )
Starscream Anakin
John John John (first, middle and last name)
Baby girl
Crystal wineglass
I'm not kidding.
Looking Forward To: My birthday 🎉I don't know why I get so excited every year tho 🤣 I don't think I've ever had a really good birthday. Maybe it's just how much I love the idea of birthdays. And then ofc there's cheesecake, but I could literally eat it whenever I want. But, it's different when it's your birthday... makes it all the more enjoyable. 'Cause it's your special day and not 'cause you're treating yourself just 'cause you deserve it.
Current Obsessions: oooo... I don't really have any new ones. I just keep recycling the old ones. Mostly just whatever I gif or even reblog about :)
Tagging: ( If you feel like answering some questions, or you're bored. It's okay too, if you don't feel like it! )
@thesassywitchofthenortheast @bradfordchxn @bronx-bomber87 @woolenhumpbackwhale @apple-grass-and-smiles @signed-manny @theawkwardanglophile @bintrowsa
If I haven't tagged you and you happen to be following me... feel free to just give it a go :)
#j-s: tagged#[detnylaharper] thank you for tagging me !#It was a long while ago now... but I hope you had an okay time watching s6 of the Rookie#and it didn't trigger you too much ♥ I remember you !#even with you rockin' the username change 🤭
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I thought youtube ads were supposed to be targeted
Youtube, worstie, what exactly is it about me that makes you think this ad would appeal to me lol
#i suppose they could be purposely targeting queer people just to be annoyinh#which seems like an ineffective business strategy#or they dont know how to target people which honestly would not surprise me at all#many possibilities here#id like to believe that its because ive somehow managed to make google think im the kind of person ads like that would appeal to#despite having done nothing online to suggest that i am#i just give off an aura that google cant figure oug#i am unknowable#not even google knows what the fuck is happening with me#i win
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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chat......
#I don't even know what to call it when something like this happens....#For context#Jonathan Livingston Seagull the movie has nothing directly to do with Richard Harris#I was just equating the song by Niel Diamond for the movie also fucking me up like Harris' song#And while googling the book I found this audiobook#read by Richard Harris#My ability to laser point directly at certain vibes is something else sometimes
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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)
#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit#ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise#guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice#(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD#okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with#shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a#simple question#and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people#but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny#(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip#so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me#then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me#then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it#like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you#i wanted to cry so bad then#ugh i hate it#like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem#this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes#and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy#but its still so frustrating#we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday#then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home#bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends#rant
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How can I have started a book, read the blurb on the back, the title and 30 pages, but only when I’m tracking my progress on the StoryGraph and only finding an English version of the book when searching by isbn I realise that the book is in fact in English and not in Dutch as I’d been convinced?!?!
#I also doubted for a second whether I read little thieves last week in English or Dutch#but it was English because I was thinking about how I did not vibe with how the English handled the German like words#I think this is the second time this happened to me with a book but damn#I am really fucked up now#this confuses me so much#I’m blaming the library’s Nieuw sticker#oh and the blurb the library put on the inside is also in Dutch#so it didn’t even click when I first read the English blurb on the back and then the Dutch blurb inside#I am not observant#my thought process was: huh weird the title in the app is english#checks the title on my book: is in English#me: huh weird but then sometimes they don’t translate titles#*checks the blurb* *is also in English*#*frantically checks the inside* *is also in English*#me: …#just like I kinda often read bits of text where I could not tell you the language right?#like I Google something and I go to Wikipedia and sometimes that’s Dutch Wikipedia and sometimes it’s English#and I don’t really notice or care#but now I was CONVINCED I was reading in Dutch#and that’s what’s getting me here#if you ask me what language this Wikipedia page was I would just not know#but if you’d asked me what language my book was I’d have said Dutch with full conviction#but it’s not????#i made an original post#part time booklr#books#reading#part time langblr
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The moment I think I'm finally getting the hang of this thing, I don't. And it puts my mood down instantly.
#personal#i was supposed to return one school assignment yesterday. regarding my training#i had time today between classes so i thought i could do it#i followed the instructions and went to the page where i'm supposed to return it#i realized i don't know what the fuck i'm actually supposed to write on a word document or even return there#i tried googling for help. to get some examples#i mostly found some bitchy responses to someone else's question about the same thing:#'if you don't know what you're supposed to do there. you don't understand what you're studying and you're not ready for the thing'#well duh. obviously#except i know what i'm doing. i know exactly what i'm doing when i'm WORKING#i just don't know what i'm supposed to write there. for my SCHOOL#and i can't even find good examples for that online because nobody wants to share them bc you're supposed to think for yourself#but my brain isn't working and my imagination isn't working when i can't picture the thing i'm supposed to be working on#i'm so tempted to drop out because this keeps happening to me all the time now it seems#i don't feel like asking for my teacher all the time#and my training supervisor is busy as fuck all the time#i do my training well enough but i can't proceed with my studies if i don't return these stupid assignments before christmas#i'm so fucking sick of this thing right now
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considering faking my death to get out of this project. would still like to get a passing grade for it.
#googles how to get good grades even though you have died#ok this is about be a rant in a half and way too much info so excuse me but#ive been hyperfixating on our flag like crazy all month long#and i knew that and knew that i was going overboard#and i said all last weekend that i was feeling insane about it#but i didnt realize why until last night when i watched eps 6 & 7 and got mildly disappointed by what happened#because up until that point i was just having so much fun so that one small moment of not having fun#felt like a balloon had suddenly been popped and i was like OH FUCK! I HAVE TO DO THIS PROJECT!!!#like girl the reason we were hyperfixating that hard to such insane levels that we made a theory post about when ed and stede would fuck#was because we were avoiding doing/thinking about the project#and now ive just been sitting here still stuck and worried about this damn thing like holy shit when/how am i going to do this???#like holy shit did you know i was insane because i was stressed? i didnt!!#i have not stopped thinking about our flag all month and i just did not have time for all that!#AHHHH#anyway like......help i have to fake my death#personal
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come on
#Duuude my headaches aren’t even that bad they’re just at that level where I have to stop what I’m doing to prevent them from getting worse#like they never reach Unbearable bc I remove myself from the situation but that always makes me feel like I’m overreacting. I’ve made my#peace with not playing intense video games/reading comics bc those have messed up my head for as long as I can remember but recently it’s#been movie theaters? LIterally any fucking book? Looking at google maps so I know how to not get lost forever when I drive somewhere new? Is#nothing sacred? I haven’t been to a concert in a while but I’m assuming they’re going to be affected too and that fucking sucks. It’s sort#of happened before so part of me thinks it will go away again but the other part thinks it will get worse until I have an actual migraine#it’s a perpetual state of waiting WHATEVER fuck it we ball
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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol
#purrs#delete later#not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really#comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel#where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it#all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugl#and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fuckin#getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest#colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought#we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight#we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the#participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day#and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half o#them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we#did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like…#have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also#HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a#failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as#emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i#failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year#and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jf#like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE#PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and#we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting#everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid#bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i#get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i#am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that#just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol
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Me, reading over broken!verse #55: *throwing chairs and flipping tables* WHY! CAN'T! I! SHARE! IT! YET! I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY!!!
Oh gods please how am I still stuck on number twenty fucking SIX I'm never going to make it to posting this fucking arc 😣😩😩
#I seriously need to stop looking at future b!v fics because it is driving me actually INSANE#there are so many things I so desperately want to share and I can't even BEGIN to talk about them#because you guys are like 5 arcs behind me and there is SO MUCH that happened#and the actual series is like over twice as long as what's currently posted but you guys don't KNOW THAT#you can't see the inside of my head or my google drive. you don't know and all I can do is suffer and try to keep fucking writing#and hopefully fill in the gaps faster. Preferably the stuff closer to the beginning sooner so I can post#but I have so much less control of that than most people would have you believe. I am not at the wheel#Nor is the foot on the accelerator mine#AD updates#please though I have so much commentary and I desperately already want people's reactions and comments on the things coming up#why did I have to make a series this is the worst thing in the world. There is absolutely a reason I've not done this before
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i forgot to say this but i made an appointment with another therapist, hopefully one that'll hold me down like I'm a rabid animal and tell me I'm valid
#🐬#although I'm still afraid of being given a shitload of google advice and solutions that my mom would give me anyways#I'm staying positive about the therapist#but another thing is that I'M SO FUCKING BAD AT CANCELLING PREVIOUS THERAPISTS#i always feel a gutwrench sensation because i feel like I'll make them think that they failed#but like idk like idk how often people cancel or how the therapist thinks#i just know that she's kind but she doesn't really know how to help me process trauma#she only tells me certain things as if i just have a bit of anxiety and nothing else#like#no I'm not doing alright and I'm surprised i somehow automatically switch into being able to hold myself together when trying to#talk about stuff#does that happen to anyone else??#like you want so badly to talk about things but just “yeah I'm doing good” and then after the session ends#you're like “FUCK THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT”#but even if you write things down it still somehow gets to that point
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being an adult sucks i just realized that the reason why ive been feeling sucky for the past few weeks and not sleeping well and been bloated is probably due to consuming too much sodium why can i not be a kid again and not worry about things like sodium intake and blood pressure
#i finally did some googling and it all checks out#i literally woke up in the middle of the night the other night and drank water and im not even sick#red fucking flag#im glad that i probably figured it out now and i can do something about it#not glad that the fact that its been going on so long means that im now panicking over the potential of a heart attack#but what else is new#this also explains why excercise always makes me feel marginally better#and crying#god this is what happens when you tell someone who cant cook to self cater#good lesson to learn i guess but yikes#i guess now i know my limits#the only way to learn#cloudy tries adulting#cloudy rambles
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Hate trying to search for specific things on the internet only to never find the thing im trying to look for 😒
#like genuinely#absolutely hate that im specifying very specific bits and I'll get shit for something completely else#like ive had a sudden thing come up with my phone. where when moving it. 4 green pixels with flash a lot by the camera lense#will literally type in “s23+” and would get shit for the s24 or the fucking google pixel phone#or even just samsungs own site and it only being a response for the WHOLE screen flashing/flickering WHITE#or some other issues other people had with a previous model and its screen posted on reddit#but still never what im trying to figure out#had this shit happen with old phones too when trying to trouble shoot shit. like i did with some audio issues w my old 20fe or whatever#idk idk. its bothering me so bad rn tho cuz i know i womt be able to ignore since its like. right where i try to keep text and whatnot#while im browsing or reading =/#anyway doesnt really matter how vague or specific i get. makes me so pissed off everytime i gotta use a search engine#(i am very much not tech savvy but come on man....)
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