#I am really fucked up now
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How can I have started a book, read the blurb on the back, the title and 30 pages, but only when I’m tracking my progress on the StoryGraph and only finding an English version of the book when searching by isbn I realise that the book is in fact in English and not in Dutch as I’d been convinced?!?!
#I also doubted for a second whether I read little thieves last week in English or Dutch#but it was English because I was thinking about how I did not vibe with how the English handled the German like words#I think this is the second time this happened to me with a book but damn#I am really fucked up now#this confuses me so much#I’m blaming the library’s Nieuw sticker#oh and the blurb the library put on the inside is also in Dutch#so it didn’t even click when I first read the English blurb on the back and then the Dutch blurb inside#I am not observant#my thought process was: huh weird the title in the app is english#checks the title on my book: is in English#me: huh weird but then sometimes they don’t translate titles#*checks the blurb* *is also in English*#*frantically checks the inside* *is also in English*#me: …#just like I kinda often read bits of text where I could not tell you the language right?#like I Google something and I go to Wikipedia and sometimes that’s Dutch Wikipedia and sometimes it’s English#and I don’t really notice or care#but now I was CONVINCED I was reading in Dutch#and that’s what’s getting me here#if you ask me what language this Wikipedia page was I would just not know#but if you’d asked me what language my book was I’d have said Dutch with full conviction#but it’s not????#i made an original post#part time booklr#books#reading#part time langblr
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[SCENE: driving back from my appointment]
dad: ...am I going to have to teach you how to shave?
me: uh yeah! at some point, lol
dad: hm. well I can show you the way I prefer, with mug soap and a brush, because the aerosol cans are just no. I showed your brother my way and he likes it a lot better too...
dad: [rambles for a bit]
dad: ...it's really just another chore, you look in the mirror and go 'ugh I have to shave soon' so it's just one of those things you do every once in a while
me, externally: haha yeah, I can't wait :]
me, internally: he's talking about this like it's no big deal, it's not weird at all,,, he doesn't mind the idea of teaching me despite the fact that he never expected to be doing this with me,,,, he's my dad and he supports me even if he doesn't completely get it,,,
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#i legit got this close 👌🏻 to tearing up in the car#anyway i am really going to take that nap now so g'bye#ftm radio#<3#transgender#trans#ftm#trans guy#nonbinary trans guy#trans masc#trans man#trans masculine#nonbinary man#nonbinary guy#ftm positivity#trans positivity#holy fuck this one's really goin round again huh#6k 😵💫#7k?!?!?!?!?#8k#9k#good lord#10k#11k#12k#13k#16k
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I want to scream and cry (istg who tf am i lying to, i am already crying)
To every non-ukrainian that reads my tumblr — if Ukraine is going to be given to russia, I will die. For being openly pro-Ukrainian or openly queer — one of those two, definitely. It is, like, a fact. And the possibility of that is way higher then the possibility of me dying right now from a missile or a drone (even though there's an air raid right now, yeah). Fucking crazy, but that's the reality.
Don't want to be spreading defeatism, but the things that happened in the White House today very clearly show that the US is siding with russia.
I believe in our military. They are doing absolutely unbelievable things. They are probably the only reason why I haven't given up on my life yet.
But oh my fucking god, it is so obvious that the US is trying to sell us to russia. Honestly, it is fucking unbelievable. After threatening to sanction the hell out of us in the 90s in order to make us give up our nukes and destroy missiles and military aircrafts, they failed to react when russia broke the Budapest memorandum and attacked us in 2014. They did fucking nothing. And now they are actively betraying Ukraine (sorry, I can't call it otherwise). I hate trump and every person that voted for him. I wish them to spend the next 11 years like ukrainians — actively suffering and with everyone telling them to shut up and die already.
I genuinely don't know what else to say. Support Ukraine, please. If you are not from the US — look up the info about pro-Ukraine rallies in your country. We need the support of other countries. At this point I am literally begging everyone who can read this — push your government to help us. It is crucial right now.
If you are from the US — honestly, i don't know what to tell you. Either hire a hitman who can do their job or riot and overthrow him. Yeah.
Ah, also, yeah, never fucking ever give up your nukes 🙂
#ukraine#ukraine russia war#war#at this point i have come back to my january 22 state when i was considering killing myself if the full-scaled war starts#rn my mental health has come to the point when every damn thing that comes out of trump's mouth makes me consider jumping out of the window#yeah i am really close to ending it all right now i am not joking#but yeah i believe in armed forces of ukraine#im tired angry and scared#honestly what the fuck i should be worried about finishing school rn not about how i will die if usa sells us to russia#this is so fucked up
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taking all my american followers by the shoulders. listen to me. just because you have a more promising candidate now doesn't mean you just assume it's going to be fine and don't bother voting. assuming trump wasn't going to win is how you got here in the first place so you go out and fucking vote for harris and give everyone a fighting chance.
also if you're still in the 'they're both as bad as eachother' delirium, please take your head out from between your cheeks and consider that your options are an imperfect president and the literal worst person alive who is going to get masses of people killed. i've said it like this before, but it's like deciding between maybe getting food poisoning or definitely having a brain aneurysm. take your pick i guess but don't be surprised when you drop dead.
#ramble#sorry to keep posting about this but i am so worried about this fucking election#which is crazy bc it's not even my country#idk there's just lots of people i don't want to be horribly killed or tortured#i was really afraid when it was biden but you have a BIT of hope now#the 'burn it down and start again' revolution isn't coming you have to use your brains please#not to be dramatic but if you think harris and trump are the same you might be the actual dumbest person walking on earth#when we look back on stuff in history and say 'i would've spoken up. how did nobody stop this?'#this is how you stop it.
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when helena says “irving” in that smug chastising way that you speak to a misbehaving child god I would have waterboarded her ass too
#Britt lower your acting choices are so delicious im slurping them up with a spoon#her EYES she really looked at him like. come now irving#just behave. I AM A PERSON YOU ARE NOT BEHAVIOR#severance#severance spoilers#I need someone else to talk to me about her choices holy fuck and IRVING. JOHN I WANT TO STUDY YOUR BRAIN
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From "Unadulterated Loathing" in which Charlie chains these two idiots accidentally together by @otsmosis (who made this comment at the end of the last chapter and inspired me to do whatever this is above)
#i was forced to colour this and its always painful and out of my comfort zone hallelujah#let me just tag this real quick i have a lot to say#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#radioapple#appleradio#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor x lucifer#okay we are back#FIRST things first#oh shit i forgot#my art#i watched silence of the lambs for the first time#and i think that hannibal lecter is just normal smart#but everyone else is really really fucking stupid#OH THE FIC I FORGOT TO SAY#i needed something uplifting and im so happy that i found it#if any of you is in need of some cheering up please give it a read#i am EXCITED for the next chapter#i just love it when charlie screams in someones face#AND THAT “ALASTOR HEAVED OUT A DISGUSTED SOUND” is absolutely me and my best friend every five minutes if we dont like something#i now use a screenshot of that sentence to express my discomfort in our chat#wow im so shit at giving compliments and i am stuck in an endless loop of “wow i loved it so much it was great”#BUT I REALLY LOVED IT
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you ever think about how the horrific thing dorian almost had done to him... is exactly the thing iron bull went to the reeducators to beg them to do to him. yeah. me either. for ten years straight now. what the fuck. wanna be my narrative foil dude. we could fuck about it if you're game and single
#what if I am your mirror image and what I see in you changes with what I see in myself but we're always reflections. messed up honestly#I really want to write out the proper coherent version of this one day b/c it drives me nuts but for now. truly what the fuck dude#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dorian pavus#iron bull#adoribull#'I wanted them to *fix* me. like they'd fixed them' god. bull.#the horror and desperation of 'you tried to -- *change* me' vs. the horror and desperation of 'I wanted them to *fix* me'#bull's greatest fear is madness. I feel sick.
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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collection of some loz origin au stuff i've been chipping away at for awhile now ^_^ with a healthy amount of dunmeshi insp for good measure LOL (the ooccoo isnt relevant she's just here for size comparison purposes)
feat my beloved good friend @linkvcr's hylia design also. because i am obsessed with her and you should be too 🫵
#sitting here hoping and praying these images dont get crunched too badly <- guy who knows its in vain#WELL WHATEVER. i had fun. kinda. enjoy bcus i am still playing ffxiv and will be for the foreseeable future#loz#hylia#link#tloz#loz au#loz fanart#skyward sword#zelda#sksw#hylink#yeah it gets that tag too. sorry. but his name isnt/wasnt link either he's just the og dude#'well what is his name then' whell..... idk <3#we really have just been calling this dude the first hero or her hero for a few weeks now. hope you enjoy whatever vision is going on here#bcus i dooooo ^_^#speaking of which he definitely came out really messy but. gotta start somewhere i think. loved drawing weird and fucked up hylia though#OKAY NO MORE RAMBLING. see you later#my art
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sonic movie monkey paw: knuckles is more popular now than he was prior to 2022 but it's movie knuckles and his character is still misunderstood
#DON'T TAKE THIS AS ME HATING MOVIE KNUCKLES BECAUSE I THINK HE'S CUTE SOMETIMES BUT THERE'S CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT HIM THAT MAKE ME SO ANGRY#and this is from someone who is like... emotionally attached to boom knuckles and who really liked movie knuckles AT FIRST#but I also am kinda blinded by “any knuckles is good enough knuckles to me” because I like him a lot...#I feel like with movie knuckles they have no idea what to do with him#he got his big intro story and now they don't even know what to do#repetitive jokes with the same lines#idk gahhh wish i could better articulate myself#I don't want it to seem like i HATE movie knuckles because I don't!!#but do I think knuckles needs to be more like movie knuckles? LESS PROBABLY??#the only thing that stands out about movie knuckles I like is that he seems like a total foodie that guy likes to eat lol#but otherwise....... no#god knuckles is so complex.... and interesting and it feels like movie knuckles took one side of knuckles#misunderstood it and ran with it#the difference with him and boom knuckles to me is that everyone in boom is stupid#no one takes boom seriously it's not a serious thing???#movies?? it's way more serious than boom and yet?? knuckles 9/10 times is the “I only know how to hit things and fuck up” joke ??#idk#PLEASE UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY HERE#like hear me out I'll take any knuckles content I can get ALWAYS but grahhhhhhhh don't let this impact him please!!! I really don't like it
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Throwing up banging my head against the concrete floor eating my own fucking arm right now
#RODY ??? CRUMBS ???????#ME WHEN THE BEST BNHA CHARACTER SHOWS UP#FUCKING FINALLY#now he won't show up ever again but i am really truly the happiest person alive#bnha#boku no hero academia#rody soul#rodydeku#< target audience#because i was thinking about rodydeku i am always thinking about rodydeku
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Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!
Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*
Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!
#original#the last unicorn#tlu#peter s beagle#molly gru#schmendrick#schmendrick the magician#two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first!#my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped!#no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different.#to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life!#but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol#because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb#the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!!#my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.#and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE#mostly zoro's blades from One Piece#normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and#then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU#and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele
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spent the last couple nights watching the handplates (<- @zarla-s if you’ve never read it) comic dub with a friend of mine :-]
gaster ^
#EDIT: I JUST REALIZED I FUCKED UP WHICH EYE . IN THE THIRD PICTURE I AM FUCKING SO STUPID AUGHHH#that specific picture is an au where his left eye was fucked up instead ok? no one point out my mistake#i am clearly struggling enough here as-is#or we can say they accidentally triggered that fucked-up magic loop like as babies somehow before they were really aware of it.#and gaster somehow let this happen. i don't KNOW i'm embarrassed. i drew these at 5 am so everyone gotta be nice to me#undertale#sans#papyrus#gaster#handplates au#sketches#it is CRAAZYYY to me that the comic is like officially over. last time i watched Handplates Comic Dub was like.... 2018#and the comic officially ended in 2023 right? and it's now 2024 going on 2025#that is INSAAANNNEEE#every time gaster opened his damn mouth me and my friend were both like IS HE STUPID? for like. the entire duration of the dub#objectively untrue but also like. i mean. a little#i couldn’t really do the I AM 13 YEARS OLD comic because… he is like. two-ish maybe. and also an adult kind of#so i did what i could. LMAO
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'The Polar bear at Blair Atholl,' 2024.
#em draws stuff#the terror#harry goodsir#franklin expedition#a ponderment on fucked up polar bears heavily inspired by the 'nanoq: flat out and bluesome' art exhibition by snæbjörnsdóttir/wilson#short explanation of which is that it was a photographic survey of all 34 taxidermied polar bears in the uk#including the one the only blair atholl polar bear. yes it really looks like that.#(they fixed it up some in 2016 but it's still narsty. highly recommend googling this particular beast.)#this is what happens when you put a polar bear on display in 1786 (at the least) and you Keep It There for twohundredsome years#ANYWAY. hey mr goodsir why'd you go to nunavut to see a very bad polar bear when you had a very bad polar bear at home#<- JOKE. i am allowed to do big ponderment art and also have myself a little jonk in the same post. farewell now.
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this disability pride month, stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs standing up or walking.
can I stand and walk? sure, for a short while and with pain. the consequences for trying to be out all day without a wheelchair are that I'll be in bed for the rest of the week, too tired and in too much pain to move.
but the government won't give me my own wheelchair because they have the same attitude as these jokes - I can stand up, so I don't need one. exercise is good for you, you should walk!
it keeps me trapped in the house, unable to do anything more than short stints anywhere without borrowing or hiring a wheelchair - one that causes me pain to sit in and relies on someone to push me (usually with difficulty), because they're not going to have a high-end chair for that sort of thing.
it's not a miracle that a wheelchair user can stand or walk. it's something we should aspire to see more often.
#disability#disability pride month#chronic fatigue#fibromyalgia#cfs/me#post exertional malaise#like fucking hell people we should really be long past this by now#why am I seeing these bullshit jokes on my dash in twenty fucking twenty three#i did a short walk to a cafe yesterday because I thought I was up to it#and my right leg has seized up#my ankle can barely take my weight and my hip won't move properly#also lol I almost certainly have hEDS but cannot persuade a doctor to give me a referral#in summary#stop being fucking dense#i would rather people who don't need mobility aids use them than have people struggle because they don't want to be seen as a faker#or have people think that you have to reach a certain level of severity before you need it#also if I had a wheelchair I would bring my cat with me more places but that's by the by
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It's funny because Arthur doesn't know what a Disney Princess is
(@pestobepis thank you for comparing Arthur to that one picture of a girl with a racoon. you are so fucking big brained)
#graedari doodles#malevolent#arthur lester#john doe malevolent#digital art#ipad#procreate#apple pen#hehehe little fucked up guy!!!!#i really am vibin with the arthur design i went with for now#i need to draw him more fucked up though#as my good friend yvoovy said i need to draw him “rawed by the horrors”#graedari malevolent#graedari loves queue
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