#objectively untrue but also like. i mean. a little

[whenthelightisrunninglow]

spent the last couple nights watching the handplates (<- @zarla-s if you’ve never read it) comic dub with a friend of mine :-]

gaster ^

[yameoto]

college fuckgirl!caitlyn hcs (+ basketball star) who is totally whipped for u and doesn’t know what the hell to do about it

fuckgirl!caitlyn, hardtoget!reader, sub!caitlyn, for once not pure jerkoff material, she likessssss you.

▸ not the notches in her bedposts type; caitlyn doesn’t brag about her conquests. she’s classy like that. she does strut about the halls, exuding a casual sort of elegance that has girls falling over their feet. remembers all their names. grasping her solo cup between slim fingers like a wine glass and smiling over the rim. cryptic and beautiful and so utterly entrancing that she’ll have girls’ who were cursing her name two moments ago bent over the bathroom sink, with just a drawl of their name, followed by a “right?”, even if they know they’ll be discarded like yesterday’s trash.

▸ excellent in bed. obviously. charm isn’t everything. she also has a talented tongue and fingers and the stretch of her cock. priorities the girls’ pleasure because good manners have been beaten into her since she was born and she likes the way it feels to fuck into a pussy sopping in cum, gliding in the silky trenches of fiercely clenching folds as they scramble into the sheets and moan her name, fucking the nerves out of them.

▸ and then; you. she wants to fuck you so bad it’s driving her insane. caitlyn doesn’t brag. she doesn’t have sex for the sake of having sex. she just does—often. and she does it well—which has had her gain a teensy-tiny reputation for it. that doesn’t mean she’s a complete ass! doesn’t know why you hold it against her. she’s not some meathead jock trying to get her dick wet. she’s the star of the team, top of (most) of her classes, and shoe-in for valedictorian. plus, she’s rich. and pretty. and just—totally fuckworthy. everyone knows it!

▸ decorated basketball player. plays shooting guard like she was born for it; all lean limbs and sinew as she glides about the court like a koi fish in the water. oh, and she’s a show-off, too. avoids saying corny shit like “this is for you,” even if she really, really wants to—but when she spins on the court and hurls a three-pointer—and her eyes flick up right to you in the stands, intense and focused. that’s when she mouths. “that was for you.”

(jogs up to you afterwards, sweat dripping off her brow and down the long stretch of her neck, as she airs out her jersey with that cockily arched brow. can’t resist the grin on her face. 21 points to her name—meeting your eyes everytime. it falls at the unimpressed look on your face.

“you had to wait til’ after you made the shot?”

“well, i’m not gonna dedicate a losing shot to you. that’s lame.”

“you are lame.”

“objectively untrue.” caitlyn frowns, ball still curled under her arm as she paces after you, as you stride off the bleachers, and if there’s a little whine in her voice there isn’t. “you know, there isn’t a girl on this college who wouldn’t be dying to get under me.” she says it so matter-of-fact, in that irritatingly attractive accent of hers, and even though it’s true it doesn’t make her sound any less like an asshole.

“i wonder why.”

“darling.” whiney, whiney, whiney.

“dickhead.” and if you sound just a little smug that you have caitlyn kiramman wrapped around your finger, that’s just for you to know.)

▸ caitlyn just doesn’t get it. how can you possibly not like her? or at least find her attractive enough to at least want her a little bit. she certainly wants you. she’s at a loss. usually, a bat of her lashes, a whisper of her name is enough to get anyone’s legs splayed wide open for her. when you don’t, she has no fucking clue how to work you. starts lingering just a few desks from you at the library, to catch glimpses of you studying (and yeah? caitlyn looks a little cute like that; glasses perched on the tip of her nose as her brows furrowed in concentration, tongue poking out as she thinks about the pretty lilt of your jaw whenever you fix her with that im-so-sick-of-you look.. the way your arm muscles stretch behind your head when you yawn like a cat arching it’s back up for a scratch.. the way your voice sounds a touch raspy whenever you’ve been staying up super late studying and grant her the mercy of your husky, velvet undertones telling her to fuck right off… has to release a deep, long, wistful sigh just thinking about it)

▸ it goes on like that, for what feels like forever. caitlyn niggling her way into your day-to-day life as you begrudgingly entertain her. following you around like a lost puppy to the point where it starts rumours.

(she’s been sitting three seats away from you on the table for the past half-hour. sneaking glances every so often as she rereads the same paragraph over and over again, before she clears her throat and asks, chin held high. “so.. what’d you get in that test?”

shit. did her voice just crack?

the so-called legendary mystique of caitlyn kiramman really wears off when you realise how hopelessly awkward she can be.

you take pity on her, lips quirking as your gaze slides to meet hers, exasperated. yet, you answer her anyways. “92%.”

she hums, fingers drumming against the table. “uh—nice.” oh. now she’s blushing. you can also tell it’s taking everything in her not to let her own 100% bubble up and out of her lips, because she doesn’t want you to think she’s conceited. you know she’s totally itching to say it, though. wants you to know. it’s almost cute.

a sigh. you move the bag off the seat next to you. “c’mere.”

caitlyn’s head snaps up, and her eyes are really so very beautiful, all wide and starry in disbelief. “what?”

“hurry up, superstar. don’t make me regret it.”

caitlyn straightens, and then hurries to take the spot beside you, cheeks burning. she squirms a little in her seat, and the gleam of amusement only makes her want the ground to swallow up because god, she’s never acted like this with anyone. she’s caitlyn kiramman! cool, composed, collected; an energy that takes up the most space in the room, makes girls’ knees buckle, has boys stammering with just a smile. and yet, you have her melting in a puddle with the barest glimpse of your attention.

..fine. maybe she doesn’t just want to fuck you.

"don't piss your pants, kiramman." you say, without missing a beat, pen still scrawling away notes. "i don't bite."

caitlyn splutters for a response, and.. hey! that's her line!

oh. she’s so, so screwed).

fuckgirl!basketball!cait (record-time) blowjob

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I wanted to ask if you feel lately like you've been getting anything positive out of your therapy, because a lot of your initial thoughts about it kind of mirror mine. I'm very logical (except when I'm upset at myself) and very skeptical, so I feel like a therapist either isn't going to tell me anything new, or that I'm going to just disregard it because I can't trick myself into believing things that I just plain don't believe.

But I'm also starting to come to a realization, two years after my ADHD diagnosis and letting go (without therapy!) of most of the executive dysfunction-fueled self worth issues I was having, that I'm kind of Not Okay in other ways. I'm safe —going to work every day and doing my job so I won't lose my livelihood and have never had a self harm urge in my life— But I'm not really okay. I'm having major self esteem issues related to my personality separate from the executive dysfunction that are putting me in a bad place. I don't want to take antidepressants for reasons I won't go into but that means my other option is therapy and... I don't know if I'm a person that therapy will actually work on. I found a lot of validation in some of your perspectives, about affirmations being bullshit and "mindfulness" exercises feeling impossible and useless, about not having an inner monologue and how that might be causing issues with traditional methods. So I was just wondering, do you feel like therapy is working now that you've been in it longer?

I've wasted a lot of money on "elective" (and ultimately useless, back to square one) medical nonsense this year and I'm not eager to waste more, but I've also met my insurance deductible so it's the best time to try it if I'm going to.

I mean, it depends on the modality a little but I don't think trying basic talk therapy can hurt, as long as you find a decent therapist. And it's better to try it now when you're feeling Mostly Okay than waiting until you are Really Not Okay. But this entire paragraph comes with a lot of context so....

A lot of what I talked about in terms of struggling with mindfulness, etc. was less related to the therapy I am still in than it was to the DBT class I took at Therapist's suggestion. We were both aware that she was basically throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck, and while it was an interesting class I don't think for me it was helpful. As you mention, I struggled with affirmations and visualization since neurologically I'm not really set up for those; I don't think they're objectively bullshit but I do think there's an assumption within the mental health industry that they will have function for everyone and that's simply untrue, and the expectation that it will is very damaging. I also struggled with the physical-intervention aspects (called TIPP usually) which didn't work at all for me and felt frankly like doctor-approved self harm. DBT can get very culty, which set off a ton of red flags for me -- possibly false flags, but they still waved real big.

And that's because I also have a lot of trust issues surrounding therapy. To the point where, the minute one of the people running the DBT class made actually quite gentle fun of me for asking a question he couldn't answer, I checked out on anything he said. We were learning about a DBT concept called Wise Mind and I asked, "If wise mind is an identifiable mental state, how do we know if we're in it?" and when he couldn't quite answer beyond "It's different for everyone" I said, "But if we know it's real there must be some kind of common denominator, a measurable data point," and he said "Well, Sam, you're not going to levitate" and the rest of the class laughed. Sorry bud, this is almost certainly an over-reaction, but I'm me and you lost me when you came at me instead of just admitting you didn't know. (Also it turns out I just live in Wise Mind like 80% of the time which is one reason I couldn't tell.)

But basic talk therapy outside of DBT is just...you talk at someone about your problems and come up with ways to try and solve them, which is a lot more straightforward and way less frustrating. You have to be an active participant, you have to both have a goal and be willing to discuss reaching it, but that goal can be as simple as just "figure out what my mental health goals should be" at first. You don't have to learn like, vocabulary for it.

The thing is, while I have seen some improvement in regulation issues, I also struggle with basic talk therapy. Most people, and this blew my mind, see measurable improvement in nine to eighteen therapy sessions. A lot of people don't go long-term, they just are having a moment and get help getting through the moment and then can disengage, with their therapist's approval.

I was in therapy consistently from the age of nine to eighteen and only stopped because I reached legal majority and physically refused to go.

Not one minute of those nine years did I want to be there. And, because none of the three therapists I saw across those years actually explained to me why I was there or how therapy worked, for me it felt like "Your punishment for having feelings is to speedrun every feeling you had this week in an hour, to a stranger." There was also what my current therapist believes to be some extremely unethical behavior going on, which didn't help.

So it has taken actually a lot of time to get to a place where I would even allow her to understand what help I need. I've been in therapy for about a year (generally weekly but there have been some gaps) and it has only recently gotten deeper than very basic interpersonal problem-solving.

Like, two weeks ago I told her, "I had a thought this week that I couldn't tell you about something I was doing because then you'd have material on me" (meaning blackmail material) "and that's a fucked-up thing to think." And once I'd actually identified it as fucked up I had zero issue telling her about it, wasn't even nervous as I did so. Who's she going to tell? She's literally legally constrained from telling.

I think well over half of what she does is either validate that whatever emotion I'm having is normal, affirm my reactions so I don't keep believing I behaved weirdly, or praise something I've done that was a positive act. Does this work? Not always, because I'm unfortunately very aware that it's part of her job to do those things. But yeah, sometimes. Even if you don't fully believe it, "Hey that was a really smart move" is nice to hear. Sometimes she helps me come up with a plan for stressful future events or (rarely) behavior modification, and sometimes she either provides me with research or points me towards research I can do on my own. We don't do meditation or affirmations or stuff like that.

Like, last week I brought up the fact that I hadn't really ever thought about how if I have a disability that causes emotional dysregulation and I got it from my parents, they also likely had undiagnosed emotional dysregulation when raising me. So she said I should look into research on children with emotionally dysregulated parents. I was pretty annoyed by what I found (the ONE TIME adults are the focus instead of the kids is the ONE TIME I needed to learn about the kids, really?) but it led to something that was both informative and upsetting, so we discussed that. And when I was stumped about how to move forward with the information, she suggested that my general coping mechanism of writing about it was probably a good plan.

(At which point I just silently advanced my powerpoint presentation to the next slide, where I had a series of quotes from the Shivadh novels where Michaelis, acting as a parent, repeatedly does the exact opposite of the upsetting thing, because I realized even before the meeting that it's an ongoing theme in my work whenever I deal with people being parents. It's a good thing she has a sense of humor and also that I do.)

So yeah. Going into therapy you have to be ready to reject a therapist if you don't like them or if they get weird and pushy, you have to be ready to be a self-advocate, but you are the client; it shouldn't be super difficult to find someone who can at least walk you through what you want from it and agree not to do the stuff you don't want, and if you want to stop going you just...stop going.

Good luck, in any case! I hope you get what you need, whether or not that ends up being therapy.

[blackbullet99]

Why (as a Kataang shipper and in general) I don’t like Zutara shippers.

(I promise it’s NOT a Pro-Zutara post and it’s NOT an Anti-Kataang post).

LONG POST INCOMING, but if you have the time, please read. 😁

I’ve been thinking. I don’t hate Zutara.

No, I’m not being held hostage, and I know this kinda goes against my rather vitriolic and brutal response to Zutara shippers, but the ship itself is fine and I’m sure 95% of the shippers are decent people.

I really love Zuko and Katara’s friendship, it’s one of the most interesting unique dynamics of the show. It’s annoying when people say, they’re toxic, or they’re barely friends, or it’s a colonizer ship. Zuko and Katara weren’t toxic by the end of the show, they have a great relationship at the end, they were absolutely close friends, ready to lay down their lives for each other. Zuko WAS a colonizer, but he learned this line of thinking was wrong and actively sought to make the world a better place and save The Earth Kingdom.

That being said, Kataang is definitely indisputably the superior “ship”. We see the two start of a close friends from the get-go, they both have a lot of admiration and respect for one another, they grow to love each other dearly despite their flaws, they support each other constantly. And it’s abundantly clear that not only does Aang love Katara, but Katara loves Aang, some may it’s one-sided, but that’s objectively false, it’s painfully obvious they mean the world to each other, we see their bond get stronger, but they have a strong friendship and bond first and foremost and their romantic feelings comfortably exist within.

When I say Zutara shippers are annoying, entitled, toxic idiots, I’m specifically referring to the very vocal minority of people that seem to dominate ZK shipping discussions on Tumblr.

People like…

the-badger-mole who villainizes Aang and hates a fictional 12 year old to a ridiculous degree. Not to mention has so many objectively wrong takes.

longing-for-rain who villainizes Aang, downplaying his trauma, and is unempathetic to his emotions, but will excuses all of Zuko’s anger and outbursts cuz “muh enemies to lovers”.

eponastory who straight up downplays the very serious effects of genocide and the trauma it causes.

sokkastyles who actually thinks an imperialist play reflects the real Katara, (and yes they think the Zutara means “Zutara should’ve been canon, waah”).

zutarawasrobbed who straight up compared Aang to Ozai.

burst-of-iridescent who invalidates Katara trauma from bloodbending cuz she did it in front of Zuko once, but the evil Aang must’ve forced Katara to stop. 🙄

linnoya-writes who straight up infantizes Aang and adulifies Katara, and then that’s the audacity to put their garbage in the Kataang tag.

miss-sweetea-pie who makes mindless assumptions about people who like Aang, as though people ignore Aang’s faults and he never learns because he’s cute. Which is not only untrue, but completely ignores the fact people ignore and romanticize Zuko’s faults because to them he’s hot.

araeph who not only lies about interviewing Aaron Ehasz, but also says borderline racist stuff like this just to pathetically validate their non-canon ship (this is apparently what Sokka would gain from Zutara becoming a couple).

This idiot who acts like Aang forced Katara to comfort him and Katara apparently never treated Aang as an equal. Not to mention weirdly villainizing Zuko and Mai, because Mai didn’t coddle Zuko (like they claim Katara did to Aang) and Zuko became Fire Lord?

This hateful idiot, who is a straight up genocide denier.

And this racist weirdo who straight up writes slave fanfics about Katara being owned by Zuko. Ew.

It’s these types of people who suck. They’re the most delusional entitled moronic idiots who are fake A:TLA fans with no media-literacy who only care about a middle school ship, so they pathetically mischaracterize Aang, Katara, Zuko and Mai, and whine about Bryke not giving into their desires like the little bitches they are. Screw these guys.

That being said the ship itself isn’t bad, it’s just the vocal minority who ruin it for me. I love Zuko and Katara’s friendship, and I wish the great characters in this great series would stop being mischaracterized.

To anyone who reads this, have a nice day.

[landoom]

McLaren situation

Just some little thoughts...

Today, we got good results for the team and both drivers and still, here we are with all the drama, hate and criticism again.

I think we should remember that we are now living the times we have been wishing for for decades, years or months and we should enjoy that!

Of course, the team and drivers being successful comes with other expectations, and other stressful moments... But that is part of the sport!

Of course, some of us are fans of both drivers, some of one or another, some like the drivers better than the team or the other way around. But at the end of the day, the drivers and the team are a package deal. We have to accept that.

As a fan of both Lando and Oscar, I want Lando to win, I want Oscar to win. But I know I can't have both.

As a RPF shipper, I know that drivers' relationships aren't like in the fanfics all the time.

Still, I try to see the whole picture not only about the moment but about F1 in general.

I know that I'm older than most of other people here, that I have been following F1 for longer. I don't wan't to sound like I'm bragging about that because that is an advantage as I understand things differently but also a weakness as I sometimes compare the actual F1 to the past and that's not always the right thing to do.

Still, seeing Lando's fans angry at Oscar today, I couldn't help but remember the time when team orders had been banned (more or less successfully) and realise that, today, we tend to forget that drivers are selfish, careless idiots (affectionate) at heart. That is why they are F1 drivers.

Oscar's move was bold, a bit risky. But we are looking at it from the comfort of our couch, with a nice drink and heavily influenced by whatever our commentator is saying.

Oscar was in the car, in a high adrenaline moment, wanting to win, to prove himself, to reach his ultimate objective and told by the team he could go for it.

Our way of analysing the race events is valid but it's only an outside POV and, in my opinion, it should never be an excuse to go on full hating towards another human being!

I was told by someone on Discord that I was biased because I love Oscar and see him as a good guy. That is not untrue but that doesn't cover it all.

Another thing lots of fans seem to forget is that supporting a driver doesn't mean that you should hate on all the ones battling with him or that you aren't able to see his wrongs.

Another little nostalgia moment but I was a HUGE Michael Schumacher fan. And Jerez 1997 was a hard time for me. I was 13 by then, able to understand nuances and conflicting feelings. And still, seeing my favourite pull out a nasty dangerous move on another driver made me feel lost. How could I like him when he could do this?

I chose to acknowledge that I still loved him despite this. That I wasn't okay with that particular action but would still support him. Because he's a human and no human is perfect.

A friend of mine stopped supporting him from that day. And their feelings were valid, too. But they never painted Michael as an awful person still. They just thought that he wasn't someone they could be a fan of.

You can feel like that about Lando and/or Oscar. Support one of them only in his rights and wrongs. Or support them both inequally.

Everything is valid... Only hurtful aggressive hate isn't.

Also, I wish we could remember that watching a sport is a hobby. Not a life-depending event.

If Lando isn't WDC at the end of the season, it could be devastating depending on the conditions. But we will still have a life. Even for him, it will be an ordeal but he can get over it! Many others did it before and will do it after.

Perhaps the Landoscar relationship (non-RPF) we are having now won't survive. As fans of them both, we will be sad... But it happens... It always happened and will happen again.

Don't let your passion for F1 make you feel bad, sad, angry or make a hater out of you. It's not worth it <3

[ar3s-r4t-qu33n]

Idfc if he's real or not, he's still worse written than Eddie. Also the problem is in his fans that are making him no guilty, innocent baby and always refering that Coyle/Eddie/Everybody else im outlast are the same. And if you think it'll work, try to compare Walker (with PTSD after war) with Franco (who is just a sicko). Anyway Barbi's simps are way more agressive than any other fans when you say something bad, what's a fact, about a grown ass man. I feel like those people are just little kids who are getting upset after school and shouldn't play the game ;) When I see all those comments with "He'S mY PoOkIE" I'm getting sick... Ya'll should get a brain

Guys look!! I got one!!

You don't deserve a response, because if you were old enough to be playing Outlast, you would be able to figure out that shaming people for (checks notes) liking a fictional character in a horror series? Is plain stupid.

It would also serve you well to maybe do some spell check before you come into my asks like this. I'd take you more seriously if you maybe drafted this one more time, but here we go:

First of all, you don't know me. You can check out my like, five posts and see that only two of em are Franco related and none of them baby him. In fact, I don't think I've seen a post yet by anyone who says "Franco is a sweet, innocent baby who did no wrong" because... That's the point. He's interesting BECAUSE he's done shit wrong. We are playing Outlast. Everyone is complex and awful and interesting. Just because not every post is marked with a little footnote that says "oh by the way everyone, Franco is a bad, bad man 🥺 I don't support his actions, I'm not a Franco defender, I just wanted to draw him being silly 🥺" doesn't mean we're all out here claiming he's a saint. The fact that he's a fucked up lil guy is why we like him. I feel like that's a given with all Outlast characters? But that's just me after being a fan of this franchise for years now, idk, being able to step back and analyse a community to see what they enjoy about something is quite a fun and easy task, I recommend giving it a try instead of coming into "loser nobody who has been on Tumblr for like a week's" asks to complain to me like I can put all the Franco fans in the corner until they learn to interpret characters the way you have decided is objectively correct.

But even if they are "babying" him and apparently ignoring that this is the Outlast series and Franco is a character from Outlast... Oh no! What horror! Someone is misinterpreting a VIDEO GAME CHARACTER what a terrible and unique crime!

Franco "just a sicko" Barbi was abused and neglected by his father, his mother was murdered, and he only ever received affection after he killed someone. But yeah, he was just born fucked up whereas every other Outlast character earned their trauma and the right to kill the player. What a senseless and just untrue take and I'm sure you know that, you just want to complain because that's all you people like to do. You want to feel morally superior over someone because you don't understand why they feel the way they do instead of just moving on and ignoring them like any other sensible adult would. Because who's actually getting hurt if some people think Franco is their lil Pookie? Is it you? Does it cause you psychic damage? Because last I checked, this is the internet. We are responsible for ourselves, so unless somebody is actually hurting anyone...

Block the Franco tag. You are brave enough to type out this whole message to a stranger online and act morally superior because comparing which video game character deserves the right to kill you is THE most mature thing in the world, so you're definitely brave enough to block the tag and move on.

You are responsible for what you see online, but ESPECIALLY on Tumblr, it is so so easy to hide content you don't want to see, and mind your own business. Quite frankly, I don't care if I come across as aggressive here. You came into my asks about a tag/fandom you clearly aren't in trying to act like you're better than the rest of us. That's pretty damn aggressive, wouldn't you say?

This is Outlast. A game about fucked up guys doing fucked up shit, and we love them for it. If that is too much for you, if the mommy issues gangster is too crazy for you but Eddie and Trager and Knoth and Coyle are completely fine, no questions asked? I don't think this series is for you. Sexual horror is a staple of Outlast. Childhood trauma is a staple of Outlast. You can't be shocked when people respond to a new character in a video game they like.

YOU are not better than me because you like Chris Walker and I like Franco Barbi. I can't believe you need to be told this, we are all in the same uncomfortable freakshow cesspit that is The Outlast Fandom, no one is morally good. No one is better than anyone else. You cannot claim moral superiority over any character because at the end of the day, I can point to Wernicke and say with my full chest that he is objectively the worst because he's a literal nazi, and what then? Are you going to tell me that Franco is worse than a nazi? The debate is over, in the list of "who is the worst of these awful people", Wernicke wins hands DOWN. The point is null because EVERYONE SUCKS HERE!!! THAT'S THE POINT!!!!

Is that enough for you? Or are you gonna keep harassing people through your alts or getting your friends to do it? I can go alllllll day, baby, you ain't making me feel bad about my interests in the O U T L A S T fandom, dear GOD, this is ridiculous. Don't fucking condescend me, telling me to "get a brain" you don't KNOW ME, I am a stranger to you, why do you feel comfortable coming onto my blog harassing me about a video game character? That's not a good look for you and now it is immortalised here. Anonymous or not, you still did this. Whoever you are, you typed that out and sent it to a random person you do not know and felt comfortable enough to do so.

That's weird.

[nanomooselet]

Little but Fierce

Now, I might be mistaken, but judging by the number of bare pectoral muscles strewn over my dash at any given moment, I'm gonna say Wolfwood is pretty popular? And that's understandable (he's a loser <3) but it's a genuinely terrible shame that Meryl gets overlooked. Especially in Stampede. Orange have done some really amazingly cool things with Meryl.

And it makes me a little nervous to say so, but I think they only could have done them by detaching her from Milly, at least for a time. Milly's still going to show up and I'm confident from this precedent they'll treat her well, so I'm at peace with her absence for now.

Nightow is unexpectedly good in many ways. He treats sex workers as human, which is a low bar that many nevertheless fail to clear, and my only serious disappointment in Maximum was in how the girls vanished for long periods. I recall an interview where he said something to the effect of being reluctant to put them in harm's way, and while I'm disinclined to take anything Nightow says entirely at face value (I don't think he's a liar, but I do think he has a sense of humour that inclines him to kindly trolling, which I respect), that would line up, I think.

I think Orange are taking the opportunity to remedy this disappointment.

It's exciting. It's the kind of writing for female characters in genre media I've always craved. I will not be silenced on how extremely gay I am for Meryl Stryfe.

Unfortunately that means for this first entry, I'll have to talk about Knives. (Whom I also love, but not in a gay way. More an affectionate revulsion. He's fascinatingly horrible, this man.)

So. I've noticed a distressing tendency for Knives's... really almost anything that ever comes out of his mouth (seriously) to be taken as the honest, objective truth. After all, they didn't call him a villain.

And what an honest face he has!

As Knives has it:

Vash is pretty, but he's useless without his brother. He's a powerless, weak, pathetically naïve, blubberingly sentimental little baby who doesn't care about the Plants, too busy enabling humanity's abuse via performing his cringing, grasping abasement before them to notice how his brethren suffer. Knives himself is the more powerful (and much less human-like) of the twins; the strongest and most righteous activist for necessary change now that, sadly despite all good faith attempts at communication, non-violent solutions have failed. He truly has only the best and most altruistic intentions: the freedom of his people, and the happiness of his brother.

Here's the problem. This has always been the problem. Every one of the statements in the paragraph above is false. Except the one about Vash being pretty.

Once more with feeling: They are completely untrue. They are supported by literally nothing. All we have is his word that they're true and there's so much existing evidence to disprove his claims that even the thought of compiling it exhausts me.

However, I did say that Zazie is a truth-teller in this story, didn't I? So let's examine some of Zazie's conclusions.

Now, I've seen reference to the surviving human communities on No Man's Land as "colonisers", and that their treatment of the Plants even before the Fall is analogous to slavery. (My strong suspicion is that Knives is purposefully invoking those comparisons, in fact.) Those are both extremely loaded analogies, culturally and emotionally, and I just want to gently, respectfully caution those who make them against overlooking the more nuanced and purposeful analogies being made. Or maybe should I say, the actual individuals to whom they apply.

Zazie is very careful to say this: Knives told them humans can't be trusted to learn from consuming their home planet. Knives was the one who said humans will have Zazie's planet next, and that only Knives will "use" the Plants correctly - so Zazie should ally with Knives.

Here's what Knives meant by "using the Plants correctly":

I, uh, think Zazie may have made the wrong call on this one! And that Zazie thinks the same.

This is what makes the interaction with Wolfwood so funny and sad - the all-knowing, ostensibly unkillable Zazie is freaking the hell out, staggering under the weight of realising just how apocalyptically badly they have fucked up. Wolfwood, who also directly instigated this disaster but under duress, is grimly amused - he did everything he did fulfilling the contract to protect the kids, even as his conviction failed, even though he would rather have died, even after Livio... and thus he personally rendered all his own efforts and sacrifices moot.

And he's just like, "Heh, yeah. That tracks." This poor boy.

Afterwards, Zazie is confused and even a little saddened that Vash was demonised in the wake of July's destruction. Never let it be said the bug fails to learn from experience: Vash is the one everyone blames? Ah, so he was in fact spectacularly heroic and clever and it's entirely Knives's fault it turned out so badly.

Also, crashing on this specific planet wasn't exactly humanity's choice. Guess whose choice it was.

Go on, guess. Better yet, guess why.

Yeah. It was also Knives who said to Zazie that both he and Vash crashed the ships... trying to stop us. From doing exactly what Knives tried to do the very instant he got the chance.

The thing is, Knives does everything he can to look like he's right by positioning himself as the most authoritative source, but he isn't ever backed up by like... facts. Or evidence. Or reality. Or anything. Ever. He crowned himself king of the Plants. He speaks and acts for them by divine right, apparently. He didn't take a vote or anything - in his mind it's self-evident only he understands the world, and Vash, and the correct way to use the Plants. Because remember that it's not using Plants he gives a damn about, even using them to death in the Last Run, as long it's him doing it. It's being dependent upon humans; he views providing for our basic survival needs as wasteful and inherently, exclusively parasitic, even if we're helping the Plants to survive in turn. Because it's humans that he's frightened of, and he wants the yucky things gone.

The thing is, when he's not being purposefully manipulative (though Vash is the only one he manipulates in person, probably because Vash is the only one he pays enough attention to for his tactics to be effective) he's being a dense fucking idiot. At very few points do his delusions intersect with reality.

The thing is, Knives is a known, proven, and entirely unrepentant liar. It's the logical extension of the way he gaslights Vash. He is in no way a trustworthy source of information.

All that he says is part of a heroic narrative about being the specialest boy evar that he came up with to avoid taking any blame or responsibility for the consequences of his actions. Knives considers himself perfect, but he's made plenty of mistakes, which I do think he would consider mistakes - among them Rem's death, alienating Vash, cutting off his arm and rendering him disabled, and what I suspect to be the large number of Plants killed in the Fall, along with the ones consumed by the Last Run in the desperation that followed.

So he tells himself... little stories. Inside his head. It's how he reconciles it. It's how he copes.

Basically, if you want to find any truth in anything Knives ever says, look closely at what he says, and believe the opposite.

Now, onto my girl and how completely fantastic she is.

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

Putting the CAT# Back in the Bag: The Flaws With Person/Place/Object

Hi, I’m bonzos-number-1-fan You might know me from such theories as; "Theory of Fears; or, Zur Furchtlehre", "What R# Means: The ABCs of Fear" or, "Padlocks, How Do They Even Work?".

I’m back with another essay about this show. Today’s subject is a little different from previous ones. Rather than explaining what I think something in this show is, I’ll be explaining what I think it isn’t. What I’m going to be talking about is the very popular theory that CAT1/2/3 means the supernatural aspect is a Person/Place/Object.

Because I’m talking about other people’s ideas here I do want to start off by saying I understand why this theory is attractive and I don’t think anyone is stupid or anything for believing it. I just personally think there are angles from which it doesn’t work and that the sum of them makes it fairly certain to be untrue. I could be very wrong about that, and my other theories, or I could be very right. I don’t think either scenario matters much. This essay isn’t about being right but about talking about a big thing in the community. I just happen to not believe this one and people have signalled interest in hearing why.

So with all that out of the way I’m going to start by establishing the terminology being used. Then I’ll break down what this theory is positing and follow it up with the ways I think it does and doesn’t work. That’s basically it but with 16 episodes and supplemental material to cover it’s still not going to be terribly short. 

Huge thanks to @brettanomycroft for proof reading/editing this madness.

Spoilers for The Magnus Protocol up to and including episode 16.

What is a CAT#?

A CAT# is the first 4-5 characters of an OIAR's incident report header. While these are not often referenced in the main body of the show, each incident we hear is accompanied by one in the show's description and transcript. As an example this is the case number for the first incident of episode 1.

CAT1RBC5257-12052022-09012024 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret [Email]

The first line is the case number. CAT1 is this incident's CAT#. The RBC (R#/Rank) and 5257 (DPHW) have been topics I've discussed in essays I linked at the start. The second line is the header and is formatted “Section (Subsection) -/- Crosslink [Format]”. CAT#s is all we're concerning ourselves with today but I will be using this terminology going forward.

Now we know what they look like, what is it we know about them? Well, not much at all. From the show itself we know there are CAT1s, CAT2s, CAT3s and CAT23s. From the Klaus excel sheet that was found as part of the ARG (and can be found here) we also know there are CAT12s and CAT13s. With that information we can say with some certainty that CAT1, CAT2, and CAT3 are non-mutually exclusive groupings. It's very likely not a linear scale of some description—i.e CAT23 isn't between CAT2 and CAT3—because CAT13 doesn't fit such a scale. Which means that where there are two numbers in a CAT# that incident likely fits both groups rather than being a new group. This also strongly implies that an incident could be CAT123 although we have yet to see that demonstrated.

We also know that CAT is short for "Category". In the Klaus sheet these numbers are located in the "Kategorie" column. "Kategorie" being German for "category". This unfortunately doesn't tell us anything we didn't already know. CAT#s denote some form of grouping.

There is only one other fact we know about CAT#s and that's this:

ALICE Right, so, after each entry there's four numbers. That’s the DPHW. So, “dolls comma watching” is… 1157. Then you cross reference with the table here, that would be a 2-C, and then you type that into the box here, along with date of incident if there is one and today’s date.

Which is not a lot to go on at all but it does raise an important question. How is a CAT# assigned? There are two major assumptions you could make here. The first is the “objective method” and that it’s a factor of either the section, subject, DPHW or a combination thereof. This means that they are pre-assigned in the same way that DPHWs are. This method has an inherent trait in that it means every header manifests as the same sort of thing. While it’s not a problem to say that every Doll (Watching) is the same— that could just be the rules of the setting—it does make CAT# itself somewhat redundant. The terminology of the headers will often describe something inherent about the CAT#. We have a CAT3 case that’s Dice (Bone) -/- Fate but dice are objects so why would you need to restate that?

The second is the “subjective method” in which the assessor chooses the CAT# based on the incident itself. The subjective method has a larger assumption built into it in that they know what CAT#s are. They don’t know what DPHW is and have shown no indication of knowing what CAT# is either. So I’d say it’s less likely that CAT#s are subjective rather than objective. However, for the purposes of this essay I will assume that both are as likely to be true as each other and will refer to them both. Different cases show different flaws when one of these is true over the other, so both will get discussed.

What is Person/Place/Object?

Person/Place/Object is the theory that the three single digit CAT#s stand for Person, Place, and Object respectively. Combinations of these digits represent that an incident falls into each category. A CAT1 incident indicates that the supernatural element of an incident is a person in some respect, while a CAT23 would indicate both a place and an object.

As I have mentioned this isn’t a theory with a single theorist or origin to point to. As such this theory isn’t a monolith and there is variation in how these categories are presented from theory to theory. Sometimes “Person” is literal and other times it includes any sentient thing, “places” aren’t always strictly physical locations, and the narrative framing of what “objects” are may shift. As such I will be taking the broadest interpretation of these categories as their definitions. 

People will include animals and other sentient beings. Places will include metaphysical locations. Objects won’t need to be physical in nature. This is both the fairest I can be to all theories and also the strongest I can make this theory. The broader I can make these definitions, the more different ideas can be represented and the more wiggle room the CAT#s get.

What I’ll do next is run through all the incidents the show has mentioned and explain them as I see it. We’ll start with the ones that fit this theory well because they require little explanation. Then when that’s established we’ll talk about the places I think this theory falls down.

Which Incidents fit well?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: There is something like a zombie in this incident. That’s something like a person and so fits well. 

CAT1RB4824 Injury (Needles) -/- Intimidation: Needles is definitely a person, no question there.

CAT1RB2275 Mascot (Kids) -/- Murder: Bonzo walks, “talks”, and probably thinks. He’s a person.

CAT1B4728 Mascot (Kids) -/- Frenzy: Bonzo is still doing that stuff so is still a person.

CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/-Horde: There was a person and they turned into snakes. Snakes count as people here too. Given the amount of snakes this is the most CAT1 CAT1. 

CAT1RB-6451 Hunt (Aristocratic) -/- Compulsion: Lady M is the most person on this list.

CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Definitely involves a person doing something supernatural.

CAT2:

CAT2C8175 Infection (Full Body) -/- Arboreal: This incident takes place in a time and space bending garden. Makes perfect sense for CAT2.

CAT2RB2377 Disappearance (Undetermined) -/- Invitation: A spooky theatre is a location for sure. 

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: In this instance the object in question is the tattoo. Which I think is really stretching the definition of “object” but I’m still going to give it to the theory.

CAT3C7494 Collection (Blood) -/- Musical: A magical violin is definitely an object.

CAT3RB3354 Dice (Bone) -/- Fate: Bone dice are inarguably objects. 

CAT3RB4622 Gambling (Application) -/- Murder: It’s another stretch to call an app an object but, again, happy to give it to the theory.

CAT23:

CAT23RAB2155 Transformation (Eyes) -/- Trespass: In this incident’s case the location is the Magnus Institute and the object is the box RedCanary stole. I think there are some problems with this one but there is enough to get through.

Which Incidents Don't?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: You’re not misremembering, I did say this fit well. Because on the surface it really does make sense, but I think if you push just a little it makes very little sense. Why? Because any category you want to place this in is easily justified in the incident itself. There is a zombie-esque thing but also a Frankenstein-esque figure for CAT1. CAT 2 would be the location of the graveyard itself. It was chosen by the presumed creator of this zombie-like creature and is depicted similar to the one in Marked, a CAT23 incident. If this theory is correct and the Marked graveyard is supernatural I can’t see a reason to discount that possibility here. CAT3 fits too because the presumed creation method is that they were Frankenstein-ed which does require some sort of surgical apparatus. But whichever choice you make you’ve not really clarified the incident at all. 

This issue is further seen in the methodology of assigning CAT#s.Objectively it has the same problem all objective assignments do. Reanimation implies there is going to be a reanimated person so restating that doesn’t add much. If we look at the subjective method then this is chosen largely at random. There isn’t enough of an indication in this incident to clearly state which CAT this is. So it’s neither helped in the assessment of the incident and doesn’t provide anything for response because all choices are justifiable. 

CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/- Horde:  Not misremembering here either. There is a problem with this one in that it’s demonstrated to be an infection. This makes the source of the affliction basically unknowable. The source could qualify it for other CATs but the larger issue here is that what CAT1 means here and what it means elsewhere are not that comparable. Needles, Bonzo, and Lady M are all sentient and independent. The afflicted we see in this case are normal people until they get very rapidly sick, summon a portal to the snake dimension in their throats, and die. Which leaves CAT1 translating to “something in the rough shape of a person” which is a really wide range of interpretations. Which is something I feel has little practical utility in either assessing or responding to these incidents. 

CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Still not misremembering. While you can say that Ink5oul or Madame E are the person in this instance there is a major conflict here with CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic. If Daria’s transformation was CAT3 because tattoos are objects then there is no reasonable justification that this isn’t at least CAT13. It’s the same person, doing the same thing, to a very similar result but in a different CAT. The headers are entirely different, and so this/that may be misfiled, but it highlights a problem with Daria’s incident. If the incident with the Tattoo header isn’t an object then tattoos are probably not objects under this scheme. 

If this is objective then this is always a person, or on people, which makes a great deal of sense. However if that’s the case then the objective method for Daria’s case sort of falls apart because there wasn’t really a secondary object there. Additionally, because all incidents with that case’s header being objects is a huge stretch. So if this incident, or that incident, is misfiled it doesn’t really matter. In either case (or even if both of them are misfiled), it largely disproves that tattoos are objects, creating a larger issue with that theory as it affects more than just this case. Subjectively as far as we’re aware Sam filed all three of the Ink5oul incidents. So he chose an object in Daria’s case but then opted against it here despite there being no real reason to that we can see. You could say that now Ink5oul has been in it more, he thinks Ink5oul has some sort of supernatural power themselves which makes them a CAT1; that would still make this CAT13 as episode 11 was CAT23.

CAT2:

CAT2RC1157 Dolls (Watching): This is a big one in my opinion. It’s not only the first incident we’re told about, but it's both Sam’s and our first exposure to an explanation of the OIAR’s filing system. It’s also one I see ignored in most of the posts that posit the Person/Place/Object theory. That is understandable as we don’t hear the incident itself but we do hear enough of it to show that there is a flaw in the theory. 

What we hear about this incident is entirely focused on the doll itself and questions about its nature. It’s a split between Dolls (Watching) and Dolls (Human Skin) with the former being chosen as the latter is only implied. Dolls themselves are objects which would make this CAT3, and if the doll is sentient a CAT1. However, this is placed in CAT2 indicating that it's actually caused by the location in some respect. In order for that to make sense you have to make 3 major assumptions. Assumption 1: despite no indication in the conversation about this incident suggesting anything outside of the doll being strange there was actually a “haunted house”. Assumption 2: despite there being sections far more descriptive of locations—i.e Architecture—Dolls is more suited to this incident. Assumption 3: despite this being Sam’s/the audience’s first exposure to this system it leaves out the real source of the incident when, narratively, this is an explanation of it. Those are some fairly major assumptions to make to justify a theory.

This also has issues with either method of assigning CAT#s. If CAT# is objective then every Dolls (Watching) is actually a location. Unlike with something like Reanimation (Partial) that doesn't make much sense as dolls themselves are objects. In the subjective method, Alice assigned this as a location but their discussion of it centred solely on an object and she didn't explain to Sam why she did it.

CAT2RC3338 Agglomeration (Miscellany) -/- Congregation: This might be my favourite example of issues I have with this theory. To explain it we’ll look at this from both the objective and subjective methods while taking into account outside knowledge of the show from an audience perspective.

Everyone I’ve seen posit this theory attributes CAT2 to Hilltop here.They do this solely because of TMA. There is nothing in this episode that makes Hilltop out to be anything special in any way. But because Hilltop is special in TMA the audience is primed to view this location as special. It may very well be but there is no reason to think that. In fact, I’d argue there's reason to think otherwise based on this episode, but that is a little off topic for this essay. However from an objective perspective it can’t take Hilltop into account because not every header of this sort will take place in Hilltop. They could only manifest at special locations but that seems like a stretch. If it is true, why does this unique combination of words not include a word that describes it as a location? Subjectively it could be a misfile. Celia would be the only person who knows what Hilltop is in TMA— assuming some of the theories on her are correct—but that doesn’t make Hilltop important in and of itself. It also means she ignored large parts of this incident when filing it just to focus on that element. As this case is the one Alice uses to teach Celia the system with, then this also relies on Alice knowing or not correcting Celia. In either scenario this case is full of people of definite supernatural quality, lacks a location of supernatural quality, but has 100s of objects of dubious supernatural quality. Something doesn’t make sense here if this theory is correct. 

CAT2RBC3366 Architecture (Liminal) -/- Hunger: This one is interesting because it shows a flaw not in the theory per se but in the methodology as a whole if the theory is correct. If CAT# is what the theory says it is why is this just CAT2? It being CAT2 at all is redundant when its header describes a location but in this incident we see it’s populated by supernatural creatures. I call them Uncannybals—as should you—and they’re monsters living in the shadow realm. That seems like very important information to include. So it should be CAT12 as there are both people and a place. The OIAR methodology already has the problem that you can’t include multiple headers but CAT#s, if they worked like this, could be used to alleviate that issue. The way it’s implemented here just makes it virtually pointless to include at all.

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: This was largely already covered. So simply put if Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic is an object because of the tattoo, and Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion is an object because of the tattoo, but Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac isn’t an object despite being virtually identical to this case then CAT3 doesn't mean object. 

The method problems are the same as above too. Now this case is the one most likely of the three to be misfiled. So you could say that Daria's case is misfiled and would actually be CAT1 if filed correctly. Tattoos aren’t objects, this case is a mistake. Then you could explain that Marked is CAT23 because corpses are objects (so 13 if he was alive). Objectively this header always being CAT3 still poses problems because we know there are Transformations that don’t require objects. Which brings us back to the problem of “why are the headers so bad at describing these things?”. If it’s subjective Sam decided that object instead of person made more sense here. Seemingly based on the fact that there is a tattoo. Later on he changed his mind about this but choosing it in the first place seems like a stretch. If he knew what these things meant in order to choose them, object seems like a very unobvious choice. 

CAT23:

CAT23RC5246 Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion: This one is fairly clear to me. I’m going to be very generous and suggest that the corpse here is the object based on the above. The reason this one is a problem is that there wasn’t a location here. I’ve seen people say that it must be the graveyard but that’s confirmation bias IMO. It wasn’t a large feature of the episode, didn’t do anything coastal graveyards don’t do, and had no overt supernatural properties to it. I don’t personally think anyone would categorise this as CAT23 based on the incident alone but because CAT23 people will justify it to fit. That’s not inherently a problem because sometimes you have to make assumptions but given all of the above I don’t think that assumption is a reasonable one to make. 

Objectively all compelling corpse tattoos are found in magical graveyards—or morgues, tombs, goth bars, and other corpse hangouts—and I think we can all agree that’s sort of wack. Subjectively Sam decided the graveyard was magic despite there being nothing to suggest that.

Klaus’ CAT#s:

This is a bit of a special section. I briefly mention Klaus in the intro but I didn’t mention that some of the incidents we’ve heard have been found on the Klaus sheet. The canonicity of these aren’t 100% and I would say the show takes precedent so this is supplemental rather than definitive. I think I’ve more than shown that this theory doesn’t hold up. This is more of an academic exercise.

The big thing to know here is that Kluas’ cases lack headers entirely but that some Klaus cases have notes and it’s these notes attached. It’s only one’s with those notes I’m interested in for this because of how they relate to things we’ve heard. One case is CAT3RBC1567 with the note “tinte”. CAT3RBC1567 is Daria’s case and “tinte” is German for “ink”. So this is very likely that case. There are 4 other cases with that note and they’re two CAT1s, a CAT3, and a CAT13. So even if Daria’s case is misfiled not all of those are the correct CAT# for that assumption. There are also two CAT1s and a CAT2 marked “Herr B”, which is “Mr B” in English. These aren’t tied to a Bonzo case we’ve heard yet but one of them does take place in Bland Theme Park, Somerset. That’s not definitively Bonzo but it’s a good hint at it. 

Additionally there are 6 CAT2 cases that have the note “Katzen LOL” or “Cats LOL” which you’d expect to be CAT1s if there are cats involved. In a similar vein there are one CAT1 and five CAT2s marked “Kreigsvolk” which is literally “War People” but more likely “Army” or “Soldiers”. Again, you’d expect more CAT1s if CAT1 is people.

I’m not saying any of the above is the backbone of my reasoning here but these are things that are showing up in the show and they do seem to be pointing the same direction as what I’m saying. Ignoring them entirely I think the theory doesn’t hold up but with them I think it’s very clear.

Conclusion

I don’t have much of a wrap up here. Anyone who’s been reading my posts for a while has known that I’ve never thought this theory worked. It’s not something I ever get too deep into because I’m also obviously happy for people to have ideas I disagree with, as am I happy for them to disagree with my ideas. That’s just healthy theorising. I’d been considering writing this for a while though but was mostly held back by not wanting to come across as some sort of arbiter of what is and isn’t correct, and didn’t want to seem like I was calling anyone out specifically. However a few people now said they wanted to see this and there are enough instances of parallel thought on this theory that it’s impossible for me to really single people out now. So here we are. 

Just to reiterate for people that did/do believe this theory I don’t think anyone was stupid and/or wrong for thinking it. I hope if the above has convinced you that I’m right about it that you’re not dissuaded from making and sharing future theories. I’ve have 3 or 4 terrible CAT# theories and a few R# theories too. My current ideas on DPHW and R# might be awfully wrong in the long run and that’ll be okay.

That’s me anyway, hope this was at the very least an interesting read if it didn’t manage to be a convincing one. Bonzo! Bonzo!! Bonzo!!!

[ro-rogue]

i have very mixed feelings about the new bostin confrontation that got john expelled.

it is portrayed as the worst of john's actions in new bostin, his lowest, most violent moment. and while that last part is not untrue, i feel like the confrontation is a lot more complicated than just john going insane.

by that point, john had already been king for a little while, and he was absolutely terrible at it. (i've written before on why i think that is, and even his objectively horrible actions here were not excusable but understandable.) claire decided he needed to be stopped, and she gathered a bunch of their schoolmates to confront him, as her vision had shown. then, instead of trying to talk it out, zirian (one of the people she had gathered, for some reason) immediately attacked john, and everything devolved from there.

now, a few things stick out to me here:

first of all, claire took zirian with her to confront john. the question is: why? john and zirian had already fought on multiple occassions, and last time they fought, john had beaten zirian. did claire think seeing someone john defeated in a fair fight would make him realize he was a horrible person? did she think that if people saw zirian, they too would be willing to confront john? but wouldn't those people then think they were going to beat john up? did she not realize that if people believed her lie enough to follow her, they would be prepared to act on it too? i really struggle with her thought process here.

next, zirian thought that they could beat john if they all worked together. this supports my theory that the kids in new bostin had absolutely no idea how powerful a god-tier was. the wellston kids would never try to gang up like that on pre-ability loss seraphina - they knew she was too strong.

however, they did gang up on john at least sixteen-to-one (in episode 185, the shot with the most classmates shows sixteen people). when claire was telling the story to seraphina, she made it sound like it was completely unreasonable that john assumed that a group of people who all hated him, at least some of whom he had fought before, including the former king, would want to attack and overthrow him. "he refused to listen" is true, and something john has struggled with a lot both before and after the ambush, but to be honest, in his shoes, i also wouldn't have believed claire.

moreover, he is criticized for going too far in beating them up, but imo that mostly applies to claire and adrion, who weren't actually attacking him. the other fifteen kids were very clearly willing to hurt him just as much as he ended up hurting them. besides, they were attacking him fifteen-to-one, with claire standing to the side - what was john supposed to do? hold back?

the answer, of course, is yes: he should've. it was absolutely not right for him to go that far. but we must understand that john was sixteen, stressed, hurt, and facing people who were likely his former bullies, in the sense that everyone used to bully him.

(plus claire, who gathered everyone there, and how was he supposed to know that she didn't mean for it to turn out like that? and plus adrion, who called the authorities on him, which was objectively a good decision, but it can be hard to see it that way when you're the one who the cops are being called on)

in addition to that, if seraphina or even arlo had been ganged up on like that, no one would be surprised if they, too, fucked up their opponents. (remember that turf war back in episode 17/18/something? where arlo clearly wasn't just going to stop hurting rein, not until seraphina physically stopped him?) john was out of control and very much Not Okay, but his handling of the ambush actually seems to be quite typical for a god-tier.

so to conclude, the new bostin ambush/confrontation was more complex than simply john going crazy, and while both he and claire definitely think that he is the only one at fault there and he acted completely irrationally, that isn't actually the case, and uno readers should be aware that we are viewing the story from the perspectives of biased and thus unreliable narrators.

[toyouhellohowareyou]

Me to the group chat: Do you want a directors cut for Hero of Hyrule?

Chat: YES

So uh, okay, here you go.

Note this contains excerpts from the original fic which is horror I guess? It gets dark, it gets gory. You have been warned.

That being said I'm really pleased with how it turned out and so give it a look if you enjoy hurting the dowfall boys.

So this starts later than Hyrule’s, with Legend running into the room. He’s magic sensitive but in a different way to Hyrule. With Hyrule the off feeling is internal, with Legend he can sense it in the surroundings.

It’s familiar but only in an instinctual way until later when it clicks.

The pace is frantic, basically the whole fic. Sentences are short and choppy or have lots of commas when they’re longer.

Legend stumbles over raised stone, tripping and recovering and going faster. Searching for a cell, or a seal, or some power hungry villain, and Hyrule, Hyrule. Something is wrong. He hits stone again, taller this time, running straight into it. A block of some kind rather than a wall, and he scrambles to reach on top of it. 

Hyrule, Hyrule is a recurring mantra, as is something being wrong as he can’t articulate what it is yet.

Skip had a comment while betaing about linking back to previous experience and expectations, there’s some of that in a few places. Also the altar is tall and I had to recalibrate what I saw in my head a couple of times lol.

Hyrule! Hyrule! He’s alive. See, see? He could survive that. He must have healed or it wasn’t so bad or there was a fairy or—

[]

“I think I’m dead,” Hyrule voices Legend’s worst fear.

Except he’s not! Clearly he’s not! He’s just confused or in shock because he’s here and talking and, “Wh—no. No. Hyrule, I’m holding your hand, you’re alive, stay with me, okay?”

He knows deep down he shouldn’t be alive and instead of celebrating that he is, he’s trying to justify it to himself.

“But the blood,” the boy whispers back, and Legend can’t see it but he can smell it, sweat and fear and the metallic reek of warm blood and carved flesh, like a butchered animal.

This is just me making it worse lol. Also the hunted animal motif with the downfall boys.

“What wakes?”

“I’m sorry,” the boy pulls away.

He cannot bear it.

I low-key love that little bit.

“Sorry for what?” his hands search desperately, trying to find Hyrule again, to know this isn’t some terrifying dream.

Dream motifs for Legend~

“You know it,” Hyrule says, so gently, so kindly, and a hand in the dark cups Legend’s cheek, sticky with blood, “You know it, don’t you? You saw that wound. Nothing could survive that.”

“You’re not a thing,” Legend objects to the wrong thing, but it’s the only thing he trusts to be true. Is this real? If he plays the song will he wake up? What has been lost? The dark magic lies over them, smothering, sickening. Hyrule cannot be dead, Hyrule could not have survived. 

[]

He is a nightmare.

Dreams again. Because he knows there was something untrue about Hyrule surviving from the start.

The grip on Legend’s face tightens, digging in nails behind his jaw and he’s dragged forward against the altar as Hyrule jerks back.

Me with my hand on my jaw figuring out how tightly you could hold someone like that.

“No, No, you’re not dead, I’m touching you, you have a pulse—” he murmurs, blinking away tears as he shifts his fingers on Hyrule’s wrist to feel it better. He’s alive, he’s alive. There was, there was a fairy or something and he survived and—

Still frantic

And then just after this he gets his confirmation Hyrule had indeed died.

There’s tear tracks down his cheeks, outlining the contours of his bloody face with that death pale skin beneath.

I added tear tracks because I am mean. They weren’t in the original, but Hyrule couldn’t see them on himself.

Legend gives a choked whimper of loss, of despair. He died… he died afraid and alone. Legend failed the most important task he’s ever been given.

They ripped him open to die in the dark, they ripped him open and still his heart beats. They are gone, some fled, some dead by their swords, and a true Curse remains.

It—this not-Hyrule—looks pleased, puffing itself up at his horror.

So, this is all Legend POV, and you can tell who/what he thinks is in Hyrule by the pronoun he uses. ‘It’ is when he doesn’t know, ‘he’ for Hyrule, and ‘He’ (proper noun) for Ganon.

Also Skip, ‘where are they’? lol, so there’s a throwaway line saying they ran off.

So we’ve come from frantic to gutted.

“I—” Legend knows he’s right, he saved Warriors in the moment, an instinct to prevent the immediate death. Had they known, Wars would have chosen Hyrule, had he known… His eyes flick back to those twin tear stains, and some selfish, shameful little corner of his mind whispers he would have too.

He did not, and Hyrule is dead, and the world will never be right again. He will carry him forever with his other mistakes and failures and ghosts.

Nyastri while betaing ‘More guilt?’ Me ‘Okay, bet’

Also, contrast between the Wars part, Legend shoots straight to guilt and despair and ‘it’s happened again’

It looks at him with some fondly cruel expression, its grip still unyielding. A Monster. Dead eyes watch his as it keeps his chin up and reaches back inside Hyrule’s chest to the shattered bone and viscera and twitching organs within.

No, no, no, no—

He sobs in horror and it hushes him like a child, reaching forward to smear the gore over his face like a twisted, doting comfort, tracing his tears.

He’s shaking so badly.

“Smell it.”

Legend just sobs again and tries to twist out of that grip, to pull away, but the corpse’s grip is too strong, too tight. The pin pricks of his nails and the smear of flesh burn with that corrupt, rotting magic, he breathes it into his blood and flesh and bones, into his mind and soul. It will not let him go. He feels like that little rabbit boy again, with an adult’s too rough grip on him, walking him to his death. It watches him like a predator.

There’s a whole bunch of throwbacks to Legend’s early quests. Also dark magic being semi toxic/corruptive and what starts just as smothering in the atmosphere is not seeping into him. Also, also we are Keepin’ It Weird between the downfall boys. 

Warriors takes a step closer to them, bringing up his sword ready to plunge it into Hyrule’s chest. Legend whimpers in spite of himself.

Don’t hurt Hyrule.

So it was interesting having just the dialogue and actions and then having to figure out the thought process, and this was one of the more interesting ones. What did that little whimper mean? Was it fear, despair, was he just making a noise? 

And I thought it was him not wanting to see Hyrule hurt more. Hyrule being dead hasn’t internalised yet.

“Oh, were you trying to say something?” Hyrule-not-Hyrule asks in his best ‘visiting a Princess’ voice “Go on. You can do it.”

He manages a little shake of his head, he doesn’t dare open his mouth, not with the hand pressed so tightly against it. Not with the blood, there’s so much blood, he can’t breathe without smelling it. Settling in his lungs like the guilt and loss in his gut.

The smile Hyrule gives him sets the rabbit in him to freeze in fear. He should not have drawn its attention back to him.

“Aw, don’t be shy,” a voice that sounds like his playful, teasing little brother insists and it scoops more blood from its chest and rubs it into Legend’s face.

Its smile shows bloody teeth.

I love scary, chipper Hyrule. So condescending and infantasing. Hyrule is ‘dead’, but it’s Legend it’s breaking. There’s a line in King of Hyrule here about him thinking the blood around his mouth suits him which is so delightful.

Suddenly fingers are forcing their way past his lips, gripping his jaw and wedging between his teeth. They’re cold and dead in his mouth, firmly and confidently pressing his jaws open and tongue down. He tastes the blood on its hands, the magic in it claws and coils around his own.

He’s shaking, weak and panicked and terrified, and it crams the palmful of gore into his mouth, patting its fingers over his tongue before removing the other hand and forcing his mouth shut. He’s screaming behind his teeth, gagging and choking and he has to get it out, has to get it out. It’s all he can taste, all he can smell, Hyrule’s corpse is all he can see. The magic of it tears at him as it sinks in, burning like acid, carelessly picking away at his weave of his soul. Hyrule’s magic all twisted and shattered and broken so it cuts, and another, horribly, terrifyingly familiar.

So this is probably one of, if not the, last paragraph I wrote because it’s The Worst Thing that happens to Leggy. And then Skip told me (rightly) ‘make it worse’ so I did lol. Also a little further on Skip had the comment of ‘what’s holding him there aside from just grabbing him’ and all the dark magic stuff and its effect on Legend got dialled up. Hyrule’s full on manhandling him. This is such a quick scene in both Hyrule and Wars’ POVs, but it’s actually fairly long in Legend’s, being forced to swallow that was horrific.

We’re past the guilt phase and just into kind of paralysed and breaking.

“You have to,” Hyrule’s voice says with monstrous kindness, “You don’t want me to put more in there, do you?”

The Hyrule POV is ‘says kindly’ but ya know

It clamps his nose shut and he can’t breathe, can’t look away, he gags, then forces himself to swallow obediently, something hard scrapes all the way down. The toxic rot of it settling inside of him, seeping through him from the inside out.

Yeah, this is the worst in Legend’s POV for obvious reasons. Also Legend shaking, being able to look away, and can’t stop tasting blood recurs a lot. That’s what he’s noticing.

There’s spots in his vision and distantly he hears someone call it a monster, insist it’s not Hyrule.

Legend whines a high pitched, broken sound, terrified to open his mouth again.

Every version interprets this differently. For Hyrule it’s agreement, for Wars it’s grief, for Legend he’s just making noise, it’s just kind of ‘upset’.

“You can taste it, right? You can tell?”

He can. That familiar wrongness, the part of him that isn’t tranced like a pinned rabbit screams in the back of his mind.

This is when Legend places consciously who it is.

Hyrule, oh Hyrule.

We’re back to that. It’s all about Hyrule.

“He was being overly simplistic. It wasn’t a curse. It was a soul. But it’s gone now. It has woken.”

Legend jerks in its grip and it laughs at him, Hyrule’s joyful chime all twisted and stuttering.

This is when Legend actually starts to react the the knowledge and unfreeze.

“Yes, brave one,” it, He, croons at him, His grip unyielding “that’s what the ashes were for. Except I didn’t have enough of a body yet to really inhabit, so I borrowed this one. Oh, he bled so nicely for me. It was beautiful.”

Panic now, panic because he knows, he knows this magic, he knows those intonations spoken with Hyrule’s tongue.

He’s here, He’s here and He killed Hyrule, and He has him.

Ganon.

First instance of ‘He’ for Ganon. And an old, old nightmare manifesting.

“Didn’t even have to tie him down,” He says gleefully. “He only woke up once during the whole thing, and I guess he figured you’d left him for dead, because he just laid back down. Placid as a lamb, that one, in the end,” the corpse’s thumb strokes his cheek, “So easy, when he realised he couldn’t do anything to stop what had already been started…”

Rulie. Rulie. Was he scared? Did he die this afraid? He should have been there, he should have saved him, how could he let him die alone? He was supposed to be his big brother. They tore him open and let a monster crawl into his corpse.

Wars POV, he went to anger and ‘Hyrule wouldn’t take it lying down’ etc. Legend is just despair and guilt.

‘Tore him open’ recurs in a couple of different ways. This is my favourite.

Legend thrashes, tears at Hyrule’s (he’s dead, but they’re his, they’re his) wrists with his nails. Ganon will kill them all, he’ll lose them all. This is what he’s for, what he’s always been for. He’s supposed to fight Him. He can’t do it, he needs to get away.

So, when I write Legend I tend to have him believe he is necessary, he doesn’t have to like it but his reason for being, the only reason he was born at all, is because the hero was needed for Hyrule. Ganon is here? This is your purpose, get to the killing, Hero boy. He doesn’t consider the others for a moment. But he is so afraid and broken right now.

Also the stealing/violation of Ganon using Hyrule’s body

Abruptly He lets him go, that unyielding grip from his face and jaw vanishing in an instant as Ganon leaps from the altar and lands with a sickening crunch of bone. Legend drops like his strings have been cut and retches up blood and bile and everything else in his stomach. Then again, and again. He curls up on himself, shaking, he’s going to shake himself apart. His stomach twists and he gags again, he can still smell the blood, he can still taste the blood. He will never be free of it.

Finally gets to spew! Yay! More shaking.

He has to get up. His streaming eyes crack open.

The others are yelling, scared and desperate. The others!

lol, remember them? Legend doesn’t notice anything that’s not right in front of him for this whole thing. There’s a line where Wars tells Ganon to kill Legend, and Legend doesn’t notice it at all. He misses most of that conversation while throwing up.

Legend uncurls and staggers up on to his knees, spitting out blood and bile and gore, gagging and retching again, only to realise those dead eyes are back on him and He looks so pleased.

Legend freezes, a rabbit caught in a spotlight. He’s coming for him again, bearing those bloodstained teeth in delight.

Okay, dick move by Wars siccing him back on Legend though. I mean, it worked, but still!

It’s hurting him, it’s hurting Hyrule (Hyrule’s dead), it has to stop, he can’t let it keep hurting him. Defiling his corpse. Stop smiling at him like Rule. Stop laughing like that boy when he’s all torn to pieces.

The blade presses into his neck.

He has to, he has to—

Continuing on this being Legend’s purpose, and struggling to internalise Hyrule being dead. He hasn’t had time to process anything at all. Also, you’ve got one of the emotional turning points on this line.

It strokes his cheek and Hyrule’s face looks at him with such fondness. With that same otherworldly adoration and possessiveness he only catches glimpses of in rare moments when magic is thick in the air and the day is dying. 

Everything Legend has ever loved, has loved him so much in return.

I maintain this, for better or worse, beings, especially powerful non-human ones, adore Legend. 

The corpse’s hand cradles Legend’s cheek, just like Hyrule did on the worst nights, like he did after the worst hurts. Something in him breaks. In spite of himself he leans into it, it feels familiar. He doesn’t care. He misses Hyrule, he wants him back so badly.

Something kinda breaks. He’s not thinking about it, he just wants comfort and what does it matter if it’s false?

“See?” Warriors asks, and Legend closes his eyes as Hyrule snarls. A stupid, foolish thing, but just for a moment he can pretend, he can feel it’s his brother beside him still.

“I don’t think he’s really dead. You’re not acting like… you’re evil, sure, but Ganon has always been more concerned with taking over the world than with… destroying us personally,” Wars argues. White noise.

“I’m not—”

Hyrule, Hyrule, oh Hyrule…

Hyrule, Hyrule again, and he starts to believe he might actually be in there and it’s not just make believe.

“Or not destroying us,” Warriors says, “Look at the way you’re holding him.”

The fingers twitch against his cheek, he’s pulled a little closer.

“I don’t— I SHOULD KILL YOU.”

“But you won’t,” Legend rasps, opening his eyes.

Hyrule loves him.

Hyrule wouldn’t hurt him.

Hyrule would never let Ganon have him.

We’ll see how he feels after King part 3 but it’s what Legend believes in the moment.

“YOU CAN’T,” Hyrule roars, “HE IS MINE.”

Hyrule POV: ‘Hyrule’s body’ says this Legend POV: ‘Hyrule’ says it Warriors POV: ‘Ganon’ says it Contrast between their thoughts on it.

“There you are,” his Hyrule. That beautiful, bright, fae-kissed boy. He rests his hand on the one cupping his cheek.

Gotta keep it a little weird between the downfall boys. He’s pulling himself back together. Also I write out of order, so part of the editing was making sure the emotional progression was coherent lol. 

He knows what he has to do, the very purpose for which he was born into this world.

Again, Legend and the point of his existence, saving Hyrule, killing Ganon.

He forces himself to his feet, tangling his fingers with Hyrule’s, head and jaw still aching from the creature’s hold, throat burning and stomach roiling. He can still feel the fingers on his tongue, the flesh caught in his teeth. He lifts his bloody, gore and tear stained face and raises his chin to the monster who hurt his Hyrule.

He will kill it as many times as it takes.

Welcome back to the fucking hero of Legend.

He doesn’t need to say the words, he never needed to say the words, the Triforce burns into your soul, picks it apart and unravels it to reflect what it finds there.

There's a bit of ‘they’re not so different’ contract between the overwhelming negative feeling dark magic before and the overwhelming Triforce now. It could absolutely destroy him, but Legend just surrenders to it. It’s familiar.

he wishes Hyrule would see, and those dead eyes turn to him.

Triforce grants this little desire too

Light overtakes him.

Hyrule’s outro fades to darkness, Legend’s fades to light.

Then everything fades.

The last line is the same in both.

Woo, that’s a lot of words. Hope you enjoy, this was a fun fic to write. I don’t usually go all out on the visceral-ness of it, but I had a blast. Thanks again @rebornofstars and @nyastri

[generic-sonic-fan]

If you care to entertain the thought:

The Finnish language has a gender neutral 3rd person pronoun for people and an "it" pronoun for objects & animals = not people. In official/book language at least. But 90% of the time in casual speech, we use "it" to refer to people as well. (It feels like night and day to use "it" in Finnish for people compared to English.)

Do you think Neo would thrive off of hearing people refer to it as "it" so casually if it interacted with (& translated) language speakers with this type of convention? Or would "it" being used like a "3rd person pronoun" feel strange/not fulfilling to Neo, due to the lack of distinction unless written down? (I assume "neutral 3rd person pronoun", by itself, might be like they/them for Neo?)

Similarly; you hc Omega with a strong he/him preference &, IIRC, an even stronger distaste for it/its. Would he tolerate a language that uses "it" so casually when meaning *3rd person pronoun*, not meant to sound objectifying in any way? + All while only having gender neutral pronouns in the first place, even if one was speaking properly (or in writing) & actively not using it/its. >No existing masculine pronouns to affirm gender anywhere (not counting using "Mr/Ms" type of titles).

I suppose it's up to interpretation on how difficult/easy it would be for them (compared to organic characters), to adjust to different language conventions like this, but I'm curious if you have any thoughts?

Ooooh, this is a fantastic question.

I think that Neo would be flattered with either pronoun! Sounds like both forms of "it" within the Finnish language lack a gender or pluralness- and gender is what Neo is seeking to avoid. It would be very pleased with this, and it would also wonder why it was programmed to think in a language as silly as English instead of the clearly superior Finnish. Neo's a bit more, shall we say, cerebral than Omega. I think it would adjust to the different language conventions very quickly.

Omega, meanwhile, would definitely have a preference. He would not tolerate the pronoun that's meant for objects and animals. He'd see it as incredibly demeaning, and you'd have to have a long talk with him to explain that the inanimate pronoun is not demeaning in the context of Finnish culture. He's got a little bit of a self-centered view of the world and doesn't handle the idea of different traditions very well? Mostly he just thinks they're weird and perceives himself as not being a part of any culture (despite that being untrue. He's kinda got the stereotypical American thing going on lol.) He's already a bit of a rebel in his own cultural context, let alone understanding the connotations of different cultures, if that makes any sense? He wouldn't adjust to the different language conventions very easily is what I'm saying.

Thank you for sending this ask!

[castlebyersafterdark]

look i know we're biased with our byler goggles and foah goggs, but seriously, objectively, these ig posts are so full of loaded meaning. finn and noah posting at exactly the same time when the other boys havent at all? saying very deep and meaningful compliments, utterly sincere declarations of affection with no irony or humour or lighthearted social media-esque witty captions like the other cast members? posting multiple pics that clearly include each other?

sure, they could be close friends, but this speaks volumes about how much theyve been in each others lives this year, how close theyve clearly become. these aren't rote sentiments; theyre real declarations of affection between very close friends, maybe more. its special. only people who really want to let the world know how emotional they are write things like finn and noah both did for their goodbye posts. most boys (sorry its true), especially straight boys - finn? - of their age would put something much pithier, cooler, more casual.

but this was mature and beautiful. this year, doing this work, it's changed them. both of them. i refuse to believe a truly emotional and earth shattering storyline is NOT in store for mike and will this upcoming season. work was done of the kind that made noah want to say he was proud of finn specifically. this is big big stuff.

It is very big stuff. So right, so true. I know we look at most things through shipper googles, both Byler and Foah, but I think we can look at this one a little deeper here for this moment, since we know we're already extensively talking about these two ships a lot.

There was emotion there, real emotion. So deep and real. This is what I mean when I talk about having an appreciation for authenticity - something that admittedly, is missing often from society these day. Pretentious to admit? But is it untrue? Correct to call out that especially from the social media habits of many - the sincere isn't always the top choice for these sort of moments. Neither turned it into a joke. Speaking from the heart to millions is a lovely decision.

Clearly clearly clearly from everything we've seen this past year - I think something massive changed. No matter the exact specifics. They've gotten so much closer. Special to each other, so special to each other. And it was also probably twofold in regard to the material they were working with - and this closeness and baseline friendship at the root of it added to elevating that already so meaningful material of their show. Regardless of the reality of friendship or more - does not matter in confirming this to be true: they mean so much to each other and we are in store for a huge emotional journey they've created together and are so so mutually proud of - proud of the show and proud of each other. ❤️❤️❤️

[nicnacsnonsense]

Food insecure Stede Bonnet?

Yeah, sure!

I know this sounds like a weird theory; Stede is rich, how could he possibly be food insecure? But an important thing to keep in mind here is technically wasn't rich growing up; he was the child of rich parents. And those can be two very different things.

We know Stede's father was abusive and was very disappointed in Stede, and it's pretty reasonable to assume that he punished Stede frequently. And while we don't have much explicit information as to what the instructors & other authority figures at Stede's boarding school were like, I'd be shocked if they weren't similar. And if one or both of them favored meal deprivation as a form of punishment -- your classic sent to bed without supper kind of thing -- then it's very possible that little Stede could end up food insecure.

But that's just theoretically how it could have happened, on to the actual evidence. It's clear that part of what Stede is doing as a pirate captain, especially in his behavior in the first episode, is trying to re-parent himself through the crew and generally make sure they have all the support and care and all the things he wished he had. And Stede explains that the reason he pays his crew a salary is if the average pirate doesn't steal, he doesn't eat. Stede is very concerned about the mental pressure of food being contingent on performing certain behaviors. Furthermore, based on Olu's line at the end where he says working for Stede means they are going to be paid AND fed implies that Stede is both paying them and providing for all the food on board.

We also have Nigel's taunts about Stede being fat as a young boy, despite that being objectively untrue (and fatphobic, but I hardly think Nigel's concerned about that). If Stede were frequently being forced to skip meals at school, that would likely lead to him eating a lot when he was allowed at meal time, and possibly also lead to food hoarding behavior. Nigel, being a fatphobic bully, wouldn't care about the context of Stede being forced to skip meals could very well have just started calling Stede fat because he "eats a lot." (This also makes Mary passive aggressively implying Stede is a pig hit way worse in way I hope she wasn't doing on purpose.)

A minor point, as I'm not sure how much really is the normal amount of food to keep on the ship in this context, but the fact that when they ran aground multiple members of the crew were immediately jumping to the possibility of cannibalism, does make it seem like Stede packing enough food for weeks is excessive.

But wait there's more! Stede is also very autistic-coded, and autistic people can often be very particular about what kind of food they like or even can mange to eat. I highly doubt Bonnet Sr or Stede's school would be accommodating of any food issues that Stede had, which would have forced him into a situation where he was either once again unable to eat or where he had to choke down what was in front of him to avoid starving (or whatever worse punishment he would get for refusing to eat) (and I mean literally choke down, my issues are pretty mild/manageable and I still have a handful that literally trigger my gag reflex). And none of that would have helped his issues with food any.

Stede mentions having loaded the ship's stores with marmalade. That does speak to the food hoarding I already mentioned, but the fact that he got so much of this specific marmalade suggest it might be a safe food for him. In fact, the 40 orange cake suggests that maybe oranges/orange flavor might just be a safe food for him in general.

And let's talk about the forty orange cake. Because Stede is not only defensive of the idea that he could have wasted food, he's practically aggressive in the way he tries to put the blame on Roach instead. And I think this could reflect a trauma response where Stede is trying to avoid getting into trouble. Between eating a lot of the foods that are safe for him, refusing to eat foods that he is averse to, and food hoarding, there are any number of different ways that child Stede might have gotten in trouble for taking too much/wasting food. Hence his reaction here.

And then finally, despite Stede's seeming preference for fine foods, he also seems perfectly willing to just eat whatever. He eats unseasoned field-dressed snake with no apparent issues whatsoever. But the trick here is if you have just mild issues with food and people who are not willing to accommodate that but will force you to eat the Bad food anyway, you get really good at forcing yourself to eat it without any sign you are dying a little on the inside because oh my god, lima beans make the inside of my mouth feel like its being coated in mushy ashes.

And there you have it, my theory on Stede being food insecure.

[etoilesbienne]

tbf i get what u mean but i wouldn’t say he’s stated that his character is holding a grudge against qbbh specifically, just that he maybe wouldn’t vote him as president bc his outlook on him has changed due to Purgatory (he used the word betrayal bc let’s be real étoiles is dramatic and qbbh induced madness does things to people lmao) . which is fair imo, like qbbh went in with the objective to be as ruthless as damn possible during Purgatory 1 and considering starhalo’s whole Thing im not at all surprised it’s lead to a little bit of friction . but tbh to me it doesn’t mean Much in the grand scheme of things (if anything i think it’s a cool evolution of the starhalo dynamic but that’s me personally LOL) . like u said in ur post étoiles doesn’t Really hold grudges against people ever, and from what ive seen he’s very much one of the cubitos who is kinda vibing post Purgatory and ultimately doesn’t care that much about the team dynamics that were formed during it . his dynamic with qbbh isn’t gonna change drastically at all other than some jokes about wishing bbh would fight him 1v1 in a locked room or smth and people r gonna realise that once they talk to each other again . i very much agree it’s annoying when viewers take everything he says as gospel when he’s just a dude guy and joking most of the time (i have been dealing with the qetoiles is canonically blind and is slowly being corrupted by the code allegations for months when in both cases he just thought the skin looked cool, i get it kekw) but i do think it’s sorta inevitable that viewers do stuff like that . like it’s annoying but out of both other fans and the streamer’s control and if smth is wildly untrue it will usually be proven as such over time . idk if this ask is useful or anything and also it’s my own opinion but no stress i’d say it’ll work out <3

yeah thats fair <3 i do end up talking about things to a much longer extent in posts than probably really necessary cuz i end up thinking on them more and i do admit i absolutely do have a bias toward bbh in a lot of scenarios LOL. you're right it'll probably end up being fine and there's not really going to be any issues going forward. it is useful dw o7 sometimes i get in a spiral about things im watching going badly and need someone to snap me out of it

[yugocar]

tag directory 

decided to do a little tag directory, for anyone whose ever been curious what my silly little long tags are for! i treat these like personal little archives, so i’m constantly cleaning them up 

art

‘on the question of art’ - art history, fine arts

‘on the topic of art’  - contemporary illustration / animation / digital art

‘till the devil whispered behind the leaves’ - texts about art, art theory, discussions about art (primarily visual art)

‘a story is true a story is untrue’ - discussions about narrative particularly in the context of various media

‘personal art vault’ - my favourite artist and works of art, usually means i’ve reflected on these works/artist in a more serious capacity

“we do not judge the object but what it tells us” - eastern european art. made by, made in or made about.

‘lgbtq art / balkan art / comics zines and artbooks / history of propaganda // gen art tag

specific / themed

‘who suffered death because she chose to turn’ - on nostalgia and memory. this is a topic i work with and research a lot

‘the stories we want to believe are the ones that survive’ - things that resonate with me personally, usually in the context of my artistic practice

‘parallel lines meet at infinity’ - web-weavings and things adjacent to web weavings

‘gastarbajter tag’ - a tag for my experiences with moving/living abroad. a mix of personal posts, transitioning from eastern european culture to western european culture and bits about nostalgia/immigration/exile/etc

‘yugocars impromptu art club’ - my ongoing attempts at having conversations about art (film/music/literature/etc) with followers/mutuals, cause its neat!

‘the robot cycle’ - robot things which are also a personal metaphor for me trying to live with autism which is also just some overall collection on what being human means ? hope that helps

“you will tell me stories of the sea and the ones you left behind” - everything about leaving

healing tag - a collection of art and words that focus on gentle thing and the fact that life goes on

personal nostalgia collection - what it says on the tin. this contains primarily things from ‘90/early 2000′s.

on the problem of flesh - reflection on the difficulty of having a body and what to do with it

the infant’s wail - the base desire and desperation to be seen and loved

the poison seeps through - all things regarding the strange reality of family

with these clumsy hands - collection of how humanity stumbles through life

how the world ends - what it says on the tin

metamorphosis of monstrosity -

on betrayal / on love / on friendship / on violence / on homecoming / on sisterhood / on grief /  on longing / on being understood / on the visual / roads left behind / swan song / on solitude / on gentleness / on salvation / on divinity / on haunting / past the final hour (on resiliance) / on tragedy /

general

‘soon nostalgia will be another name for europe’ - pretty much everything connected to europe, i dont tag most purely balkan things with it because i have a separate tag for that

‘balkan youth have always outlived evil times’ - tag for all things balkan. primarily ex-yu countries, but sometimes also other places

‘you must have soul crushing hope to be this afraid of missing it’ - a very long title for what is essentially a ‘me’ tag

‘the world’ - as it says on the tin, pictures from all over the world, from different cultures. it isnt a tag with critical texts, just a tag to appreciate the diversity of this world

samenleving en politiek - a broad tag that contains politics, social commentary, etc

‘reading logs’ - whatever i read and feel like sharing, usually small bits from the texts.

logs - me talking. blacklist if you wanna ignore the silly stuff i say

love visualized - all kind of moments of love and intimacy

‘ee tag’ - eastern europe tag. if it doesnt have an elaborate name yet, i’m still workshopping it!

lgbtq history / lgbtq tag / ee lgbtq tag (eastern europe)

on living / a bit of humanity / a bit of laughter / media corner / general gaming tag / arthuriana / superhero stories and such / future past of the internet / music corner

autism tag / mental health tag / dutch tag / mental health refs /

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[seriousbrat]

the implication that james never changed and/or tricked lily into marrying him pisses me off, not for james but for lily.

we have so much evidence that this girl was stubborn and headstrong and not afraid to call james out on his shit. what you’re saying about her when you say she married james despite him not maturing is you implying that she’s a silly woman who prioritizes romance and attraction over morals and would gladly go against something she is firm in her stance about for a man.

or that he tricked lily into marrying him- what does that even mean? lily isn’t stupid, how exactly would he trick her? at this point you’re putting more work into creating these nonsensical theories just to validate your dislike for a character when you can just dislike him because you can. you don’t kneed to grasp for straws trying to justify why you hate james, you’re allowed to just not like him.

but these weird theories are just silly and make no sense. and they really do lily’s character a disservice.

for real!!! I agree. We dont know much about Lily but what we do know is she wasn't shy about telling James exactly what she thought of him. For her to do a total 180 on that makes no sense and is completely out of character for her, which is impressive given there's relatively little character to be out of when it comes to Lily.

to be blunt the idea that James manipulated Lily into a relationship, based on what we know, is objectively so... so. unlikely in terms of just the base text and authorial intent. and in my opinion, a pretty overdramatic reading; purposefully backflipping into the worst most dire explanation based on very flimsy non-evidence. people are free to have their headcanons obv but that's what they are in the end.

also, like you said, it does feel unnecessary because there's already so much to hate about james (or love, if ur galaxy brained and enjoy a good character flaw) in canon so what is the point. the exact same goes for snape. idgi personally.

the "he tricked her" thing is utterly absurd on many levels imo, peak jamespiracy thinking, but also funny because personally my hc is that's what Sev believed at first, or wanted to believe anyway. He was the original jamespiracy theorist but I think he was smart enough to eventually realise that this was massive cope and untrue in the end. It's just so much more likely that jily were simply 2 young people who liked each other.

I understand relating to Snape and that it's hard to be objective about something you personally feel very emotionally invested in; but I think it's helpful to try, especially when dealing with others who may have differing viewpoints. It does seem like ppl are automatically determined to believe the very worst of James no matter what, and refusing to hold my poor flawed fucked up Sev to anything even remotely close to the same standards; it's perhaps worth being aware of that. the same is def true of many james stans/snaters i'm sure but anyway, the jamespiracy lives on!

edit to add: its not that I dont believe that strong/smart people can be manipulated. it's that it's (imo) out of character for lily to suddenly decide that she's okay with james's behaviour, implying there was a change of some sort. and I think it's more likely for him to have just matured but still been imperfect than it is for there to be some horrible dynamic of manipulation and abuse going on the entire time, which we would have seen evidence for.