#i am unknowable

[macaulaytwins]

Adam Parrish if the books were in 2024: my freak is unmatchable

[aglionbyacademia]

there’s so much beauty in loving yourself. I realized already a few years ago that my hatred for myself made me miss out on a lot of things. One thing, which is oddly specific and probably a little silly to most, but means a lot to me, is that I often couldn’t see why someone loved a specific fictional character as much as they did. Because I didn’t like them at all. Hated them at times. I realized at one point that my reason for this was that I saw too much of myself in them. My worst parts. The parts I preferred to stay hidden were there on those pages screaming at me. And while I loathed them, people loved them in this specific fictional character. I couldn’t understand. I have been in therapy for years now and I’m on medication and I’m working so hard to be the person I want to be but all the while I’m doing that I’m also trying not to lose the person I was. I haven’t fully archived Self love yet but I can stand myself more and more everyday. And with that came a much better understanding of those people who love the fictional character that I couldn’t stand because I saw my worst parts in them. Recently I’ve even started to love Said fictional character with a ferocity formerly unknown to myself. Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on those in your opinion overhyped characters because you might just find yourself in them. Adam Parrish, I love you so much. Thank you for making me understand myself better. I’m sorry for all the hatred I used to harbor for you. It was never about you.

[khaoray]

2023 WATCHLIST

⤷ Soulmate (2023)

[twinkpoll]

but

are YOU a twink?? 🧐🧐 maybe twinkable???

[tortellinigirl]

“oooh but you’re in a straight-passing relationship” ok and? i have bisexual swag. if u can’t pick up on it then that kinda sounds like a you problem

[unknowableman]

I realized today how loud I am. How I just can't control what I act like. But I do know what I want to act like, and comparing myself to others is something that I do best. I find myself thinking of a desirable trait and then attempting to act like that, but being asked about my erratic or bizarre behavior, I confess to what I'm doing and revert back to my old self. I wish that I was loud to hide who I am, or for some other desirable reason, but I am simply a loud person. I don't yell to hide my sadness that I talk about if you ask, or even if you don't. I'm not loud and kind, no, I am loud and bizarre and strange and horrifying and terrible. I am simply loud and undesirable, and I hate that about myself. I preach self-love to others, saying how wonderful they are, but I sit there, knowing that my personality and sense of self change the moment I see a book in a bookstore window or seeing someone else look at me. I used to be likable, but now I am not, and I try to change myself, to fit the mold, but every time I do, I revert back into my unlovable, horrible self. But somehow, I am loved by unlovable, horrible people, and we love each other with our unlovable, horrible hearts.

I wish I was unknown, so I could at least be mysterious. When I realize that someone doesn't know me, instead of remaining mysterious like it is desirable to be, I ask about it, and question why. I am, again, loud, so how am I unknown by others and still loved with my friends' unlovable, horrible hearts just as much as I love them with mine? How I wish to be known, but I am. I wish to be known in an entirely different way. I wish to have another chance with other people, but I hate those people and the way they talk about my unlovable friends, and I would never betray my friends, but I have. I told two people something incredibly personal about my friend, looking for advice on the situation, completely unprompted. I know they won't tell anyone, but I still betrayed my friend, and when he finds out, he will tell others about the horrible things I have done and thought, and it will be deserved. He knows me the best, and I told these people in a panic thinking he was in danger, but he won't understand that.

My partner knows the most about me, but do they still know me? My partner is beautiful, and I love them with my horrible heart and they love me just the way I love them, but do they love me, or do they love the idealized version of me? They know I'm a horrible person, but the horrible acts I first did when we started dating and continued doing for a bit, not understanding, will prove to them that I am a horrible, unlovable person. Should I tell them, rip off the band-aid? Or should I continue stewing in self pity and hatred, and hope what I have said never comes to light?

I wish that the people who look at me with hatred and pity simultaneously die in their sleep, as that is the mercy I wish to spare. They hate me, as they should, considering I am me, but I cannot handle the idea of being unliked, while I can't change myself to be palatable. If I truly wished to be liked, I should have changed myself to be desirable, whether that means less of an attention seeker, or more of someone who doesn't wish to be known and understood by others.

[scornedethnographer]

Me: I am unknowable. No one notices me. I blend into the background.

Classmate: hey I saw you weren't in class yesterday. Everything okay?

Me: how THE FUCK did you know that??

*remembers I have blue hair*

Me: ah yes everything is fine

[xdarkabyssx]

I was rewatching gravity falls w my friend yesterday- and I spat out that grunkle Stan is transition goals.

except w cute outfits i guess??

... Now I'm picturing goth grunkle Stan in crop tops whY

[the-siren-in-your-fridge]

No one who hasn’t known me for a set amount of time is allowed to tell me anything about myself. “Your anxiety is really bad” you’ve only known me for a month during a Stressful Period so you don’t know shit about me. Anyone who’s known me longer than that can tell I’m externally chill in the anxiety category. However the roommate I had for like eight months who slept five feet from me nearly every night is absolutely allowed to tell me I’m “so hinged I’m practically a door” because they have proof that this is a pattern of behavior I exhibit in most circumstances

[ghostytoad]

literally tho ^^^ a beacon of chaos and fun; probably the one that hoards all of the snacks and shares them if you ask nicely; forgets to drink water but will remind their friends to drink water as if they're not dying of dehydration

Lola Bunny - The Looney Tunes Show || Pearl - Steven Universe || April O'Neil - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles || Numbah 3 - Codename Kids Next Door

bonus bc i feel like she's probably a better fit but they're all p relatable: Tai Lee - Avatar: The Last Airbender

tagging: @wings-of-sapphire @mikey-rottmnt @justletmereadmycomics @supersleepyslowpoke @notjustdragonspages @theosb0rnway

EDIT: I'VE BEEN CAUGHT REDHANDED THEYRE ALL LESBIANS ACTUALLY

Making a tag game cause I can

Rules: post 4 fictional characters you relate to and assume something about the person you reblogged from based on their characters

No pressure tag! @sidneyoftheblackwoods @mqstermindswift @stars-and-birds @zenilvar @forever-chained-to-myself @themidnightarcher @skeelly @thepencilsnameissteve @thislove-taylorsversion @thislifeissweeterthanfiction @swiftieannah @a-pessimistic-swiftie @catastrxblues @jellycanon @what-about-wendy and anyone else who wants to join<3

[themorbidjam]

The feeling when you realize someone you’ve been following for years is following you and you had no idea/forgot because you’ve been off of tumblr and you only just came back:

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

I thought youtube ads were supposed to be targeted

Youtube, worstie, what exactly is it about me that makes you think this ad would appeal to me lol

[thesebooksaremytherapy]

She’s so brilliant I can’t with TRC and The Dreamer Trilogy

Also, Adam is almost self aware in the books that he could have been the villain if not for his friends and his choices to ask for help. He sees his anger and the otherness his choices thrust on him and chooses instead to trust them with his whole self. It’s the most heartbreaking and beautiful.

watching mstief’s writing the raven cycle webinar and I just want everyone to know that she just explicitly stated that adam was supposed to go full villain in her first draft but changed her mind bc “the worst thing that could happen is they stop being friends”

[dizzybizz]

please consider jellyfish john,, for me 🥺?

[fiendishartist2]

*guy who had no control over his fate voice* it's all my fault

[spitblaze]

"This historical figure who was born as a woman and lived the rest of her life as a man isnt transgender and shes not a man she was an oppressed woman who pretended to be a man in order to pursue her dreams under intense patriarchy" listen i understand what the line of logic here is and i know that applying modern labels to figures who lived and died before these words and concepts were invented or popularized is a dangerous game but if this dude not only lived his life as a man but insisted that he be referred to as a man and went off on people who misgendered him and had an entire love life where all of his lovers would also refer to him as a man and was adamant that his body not be examined postmortem as so not to be retroactively defined by his genitals and wished to still be recognized as a man after his death i feel like at the very least you could respect his wishes to be referred to and seen as a man and leave the 'born female' thing to be an interesting tidbit at most instead of the fact about him you parade around