#i am unknowable
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Adam Parrish if the books were in 2024: my freak is unmatchable
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there’s so much beauty in loving yourself. I realized already a few years ago that my hatred for myself made me miss out on a lot of things. One thing, which is oddly specific and probably a little silly to most, but means a lot to me, is that I often couldn’t see why someone loved a specific fictional character as much as they did. Because I didn’t like them at all. Hated them at times. I realized at one point that my reason for this was that I saw too much of myself in them. My worst parts. The parts I preferred to stay hidden were there on those pages screaming at me. And while I loathed them, people loved them in this specific fictional character. I couldn’t understand. I have been in therapy for years now and I’m on medication and I’m working so hard to be the person I want to be but all the while I’m doing that I’m also trying not to lose the person I was. I haven’t fully archived Self love yet but I can stand myself more and more everyday. And with that came a much better understanding of those people who love the fictional character that I couldn’t stand because I saw my worst parts in them. Recently I’ve even started to love Said fictional character with a ferocity formerly unknown to myself. Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on those in your opinion overhyped characters because you might just find yourself in them. Adam Parrish, I love you so much. Thank you for making me understand myself better. I’m sorry for all the hatred I used to harbor for you. It was never about you.
#Jane speaks#this is really just me babbling#i am unknowable#or am I?#I know you so well Adam you’ve never been unknowable to me I just didn’t want to see it#adam parrish#the raven cycle#trc
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2023 WATCHLIST
⤷ Soulmate (2023)
#soulmate#소울메이트#kdrama#kdramaedit#kdramadaily#kdramasource#asiandramasource#filmedit#fyeahmovies#dailyflicks#cinematv#tvfilmsource#*gifs#*2023#jin woo didn't do anything evil enough to be denied the opportunity to know his kid but w/e#anyway yes i've watched two movies today what about it i might watch a third#i am unknowable
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i have a queue because i am a man of mystery and secrets
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but
are YOU a twink?? 🧐🧐 maybe twinkable???
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I realized today how loud I am. How I just can't control what I act like. But I do know what I want to act like, and comparing myself to others is something that I do best. I find myself thinking of a desirable trait and then attempting to act like that, but being asked about my erratic or bizarre behavior, I confess to what I'm doing and revert back to my old self. I wish that I was loud to hide who I am, or for some other desirable reason, but I am simply a loud person. I don't yell to hide my sadness that I talk about if you ask, or even if you don't. I'm not loud and kind, no, I am loud and bizarre and strange and horrifying and terrible. I am simply loud and undesirable, and I hate that about myself. I preach self-love to others, saying how wonderful they are, but I sit there, knowing that my personality and sense of self change the moment I see a book in a bookstore window or seeing someone else look at me. I used to be likable, but now I am not, and I try to change myself, to fit the mold, but every time I do, I revert back into my unlovable, horrible self. But somehow, I am loved by unlovable, horrible people, and we love each other with our unlovable, horrible hearts.
I wish I was unknown, so I could at least be mysterious. When I realize that someone doesn't know me, instead of remaining mysterious like it is desirable to be, I ask about it, and question why. I am, again, loud, so how am I unknown by others and still loved with my friends' unlovable, horrible hearts just as much as I love them with mine? How I wish to be known, but I am. I wish to be known in an entirely different way. I wish to have another chance with other people, but I hate those people and the way they talk about my unlovable friends, and I would never betray my friends, but I have. I told two people something incredibly personal about my friend, looking for advice on the situation, completely unprompted. I know they won't tell anyone, but I still betrayed my friend, and when he finds out, he will tell others about the horrible things I have done and thought, and it will be deserved. He knows me the best, and I told these people in a panic thinking he was in danger, but he won't understand that.
My partner knows the most about me, but do they still know me? My partner is beautiful, and I love them with my horrible heart and they love me just the way I love them, but do they love me, or do they love the idealized version of me? They know I'm a horrible person, but the horrible acts I first did when we started dating and continued doing for a bit, not understanding, will prove to them that I am a horrible, unlovable person. Should I tell them, rip off the band-aid? Or should I continue stewing in self pity and hatred, and hope what I have said never comes to light?
I wish that the people who look at me with hatred and pity simultaneously die in their sleep, as that is the mercy I wish to spare. They hate me, as they should, considering I am me, but I cannot handle the idea of being unliked, while I can't change myself to be palatable. If I truly wished to be liked, I should have changed myself to be desirable, whether that means less of an attention seeker, or more of someone who doesn't wish to be known and understood by others.
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Me: I am unknowable. No one notices me. I blend into the background.
Classmate: hey I saw you weren't in class yesterday. Everything okay?
Me: how THE FUCK did you know that??
*remembers I have blue hair*
Me: ah yes everything is fine
#this happens every day#also see: why the FUCK is that child staring at me#blue hair#dont care#i am unknowable#blendy
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I was rewatching gravity falls w my friend yesterday- and I spat out that grunkle Stan is transition goals.
except w cute outfits i guess??
... Now I'm picturing goth grunkle Stan in crop tops whY
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No one who hasn’t known me for a set amount of time is allowed to tell me anything about myself. “Your anxiety is really bad” you’ve only known me for a month during a Stressful Period so you don’t know shit about me. Anyone who’s known me longer than that can tell I’m externally chill in the anxiety category. However the roommate I had for like eight months who slept five feet from me nearly every night is absolutely allowed to tell me I’m “so hinged I’m practically a door” because they have proof that this is a pattern of behavior I exhibit in most circumstances
#i am an enigma#until you’ve known me for a while ofc#then the mystery vanished#I am unknowable#until a certain point#Adam Parrish energy lol
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literally tho ^^^ a beacon of chaos and fun; probably the one that hoards all of the snacks and shares them if you ask nicely; forgets to drink water but will remind their friends to drink water as if they're not dying of dehydration
Lola Bunny - The Looney Tunes Show || Pearl - Steven Universe || April O'Neil - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles || Numbah 3 - Codename Kids Next Door
bonus bc i feel like she's probably a better fit but they're all p relatable: Tai Lee - Avatar: The Last Airbender
tagging: @wings-of-sapphire @mikey-rottmnt @justletmereadmycomics @supersleepyslowpoke @notjustdragonspages @theosb0rnway
EDIT: I'VE BEEN CAUGHT REDHANDED THEYRE ALL LESBIANS ACTUALLY
Making a tag game cause I can
Rules: post 4 fictional characters you relate to and assume something about the person you reblogged from based on their characters





No pressure tag! @sidneyoftheblackwoods @mqstermindswift @stars-and-birds @zenilvar @forever-chained-to-myself @themidnightarcher @skeelly @thepencilsnameissteve @thislove-taylorsversion @thislifeissweeterthanfiction @swiftieannah @a-pessimistic-swiftie @catastrxblues @jellycanon @what-about-wendy and anyone else who wants to join<3
#toady talks#toad talks#tag game#youll never guess what they have in common#never#i am unknowable#you cannot perceive my personality#im a goddamn enigma
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I thought youtube ads were supposed to be targeted

Youtube, worstie, what exactly is it about me that makes you think this ad would appeal to me lol
#i suppose they could be purposely targeting queer people just to be annoyinh#which seems like an ineffective business strategy#or they dont know how to target people which honestly would not surprise me at all#many possibilities here#id like to believe that its because ive somehow managed to make google think im the kind of person ads like that would appeal to#despite having done nothing online to suggest that i am#i just give off an aura that google cant figure oug#i am unknowable#not even google knows what the fuck is happening with me#i win
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please consider jellyfish john,, for me 🥺?
#i lvoe every interpretation and representation of him#here is my take#a big jellyfish#malevolent#i honestly dont know if this is a joke or not#if i dont think about it too hard i like the concept but i dont know much about jellyfish so idk if its smth that could make sense if you t#hought deeper on the topic#to me jellyfish are just so unknowable and weird and cool and silly. like john#my art#doodle#humor me with this one i am so eepy rn HJHASHgsg#ive been thinking so much about sea creatures recently this was bound to happen help
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i want to drink melted chocolate at the moment
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today was the first day of classes for my phd program — i was absolutely terrified, questioning all my life decisions that led up to this point & generally about two deep breaths away from a panic attack when i was getting ready.
but then when i was walking to campus, this thought washed over me and i immediately knew everything was going to be okay:
sam winchester would be proud of me
#GAY GAY GAY GAY DUMB IDIOT GAY etc.#why i am willingly admitting this to anyone is quite frankly unknowable but probably has something to do with the autism
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Oh Max
How I've missed your Yoda-like wisdom. Your incomprehensible, needlessly complicated and obscure, wrapped in riddles, wisdom.
No one else is doing it like Max is doing it. We still don't even know this man's real name. He writes his diary in Vietnamese. He has seen god and the vast expanse of time. He doesn't understand Halloween. He's a single father. He's a homewrecker. He's died. He is a being of pure energy and light. He has commitment issues. He's an enigma. He speaks in riddles on purpose, solely for the bit.
I fucking love this man.
#i love Wally and Maxs relationship because it truly is Luke and Yoda#which makes it twenty times funnier that Max and Barts relationship is 'sad tired old man and his favorite neurodivergent son'#because we know what you are Max#everytime you talk to Wally with your whole 'i am a wise unknowable mysterious man who knows all' bit#we know that you once ate chives for a month straight because you don't understand gardening#we know max#dc#dc comics#the flash#kid flash#wally west#impulse#bart allen#max mercury
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dude. dude. i get that you are an avatar of The Stranger and being uncannily close to humanity yet not being human is, like, your thing, but can you stop wearing the human skins you've flensed off your victims? this is literally humanface and it's hugely problematic
#the magnus archives is a podcast#the magnus archives#tma podcast#tma#the magnus pod#the stranger#the unknowing#anglerfish#i am the clown dancing in the edge of your vision#wait wrong piece of fiction#uhh happy prysler yall#prysler means pride month btw#archive#statement#the magnus institute
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