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you may be losing the idgaf war but they wouldn't even let me enlist. on account of my poet's temperament.

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“To each their own forward”

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fuck i can’t believe i wasted my entire life being moved by art and beauty and the indomitable human spirit ugh i should’ve been making money through internet scams

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guy who does NOT have a warrior's constitution OR a scholar's wit: whatever. i have a warrior's constitution and a scholar's wit so it's literally fine

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i realised that in the midland throne after what had happened carter at least had julian. julian could lie to him, saying that everything will be alright, he could hold him, help him, anything. estelle was all alone, she had to go back to her chambers with literal blood on her hands with nothing but the awarness that she now had literally no family and she had to wake up the next morning like nothing happened. with blood under her nails.

this makes me ill.

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i'm gonna answer more asks soon i pinky swear

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The problem is I always want to dm my mutuals some shit like "I consider you an ally to my cause"

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some organizations working on the ground in gaza right now

gaza soup kitchen

the sameer project

salam charity

watermelon relief

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Sometimes, if you’re lucky, there will be a tree outside your bedroom window. It is very important to romanticize this tree as much as possible.

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i am aware of the fact that i talk in my sleep but i usually don't get to experience it due to my being asleep. anyway at 3:02 AM i got sleep paralysis and was awake enough to hear myself say "you fucker i'm gonna kill you" in a terrifying rasp but not awake enough to move my body. all this to say i understand why people blamed demonic possession that shit was bone chilling

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if she’s your girl then who am i? what year is it? why cant i remember anything…

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feeling snackish but it's past midnight and everything's closed. i really do get vampires

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people have been reblogging this and saying they quit writing but they miss it, so if this is your experience and you're looking for a sign to start again, here it is.

i get it; i do. i've spent months unable to come up with a single word, and many more months where i've sat down and forced myself to work on something and hated every second of it so much that it physically nauseated me. i have had to take a big step back more than once and relegate writing to strictly-a-hobby territory, even though it is the way i have defined myself for close to two decades. it's too easy to get in your head about whether you're making anything worth anyone's time and not easy enough to create something that fully satisfies you.

but i don't enjoy having written. i enjoy writing. once i made that distinction for myself, it became that much simpler. you have to find a way to fall in love with the process again. this will be difficult (and so gradual it may often seem like you have not made any progress at all), but it is possible, and i promise that it is worth it. sometimes it's stepping back from a main project. sometimes having a big thing to work on is just too much pressure, and you need to take a break.

sometimes it's taking some time off and then trying again. sometimes it's writing a full page of something you will never let anyone else see—and, in fact, i would encourage you to write something with the sole intent of destroying it afterwards. sometimes it's a change of scenery. sometimes it's waking up early or going to bed late or journaling stream-of-consciousness on your commute or at lunch or between classes. sometimes it's googling prompt lists and churning out utter garbage for 15 minutes a day until the garbage approaches something comprehensible. for me, it is often structure (a clear routine and clear goals), but i know that other people benefit more when they place fewer expectations on themselves.

the perfectionism does not go away. the hope is to cultivate your joy so that it drowns out that inner critic at least some of the time. the goal is to embrace an imperfect creation (not just accept or ignore its imperfections) if the process of making it has made you happy.

if you want to get back into writing, focus on this and this alone. focus on you, and how writing makes you feel, and your joy, because that is all that matters. it doesn't have to be more than a hobby. it doesn't have to be an accomplishment or something you need to show to others. it doesn't have to be more than something you engage in once in a blue moon, as long as it brings you joy.

if you feel the urge to create, don't stifle it in service of your fear of failure. reclaiming your process for yourself is terrifying, but most things worth doing are. and remember: a lot of us are doing it with you.

i’m like if a writer did not write and did other things instead

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u know someone’s about to get dragged through the mud when an academic uses the phrase ‘it’s tempting to assume’

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"do you want to talk about vampires with me?" i ask. "no," you say. i turn around and walk away from you and climb into my car and hit you with my car and drive away. luckily you are saved by a nearby vampire who takes pity on you and makes you one of them. and that vampire is also me. really just goes to show