#Or I wish to be

[unknowableman]

I realized today how loud I am. How I just can't control what I act like. But I do know what I want to act like, and comparing myself to others is something that I do best. I find myself thinking of a desirable trait and then attempting to act like that, but being asked about my erratic or bizarre behavior, I confess to what I'm doing and revert back to my old self. I wish that I was loud to hide who I am, or for some other desirable reason, but I am simply a loud person. I don't yell to hide my sadness that I talk about if you ask, or even if you don't. I'm not loud and kind, no, I am loud and bizarre and strange and horrifying and terrible. I am simply loud and undesirable, and I hate that about myself. I preach self-love to others, saying how wonderful they are, but I sit there, knowing that my personality and sense of self change the moment I see a book in a bookstore window or seeing someone else look at me. I used to be likable, but now I am not, and I try to change myself, to fit the mold, but every time I do, I revert back into my unlovable, horrible self. But somehow, I am loved by unlovable, horrible people, and we love each other with our unlovable, horrible hearts.

I wish I was unknown, so I could at least be mysterious. When I realize that someone doesn't know me, instead of remaining mysterious like it is desirable to be, I ask about it, and question why. I am, again, loud, so how am I unknown by others and still loved with my friends' unlovable, horrible hearts just as much as I love them with mine? How I wish to be known, but I am. I wish to be known in an entirely different way. I wish to have another chance with other people, but I hate those people and the way they talk about my unlovable friends, and I would never betray my friends, but I have. I told two people something incredibly personal about my friend, looking for advice on the situation, completely unprompted. I know they won't tell anyone, but I still betrayed my friend, and when he finds out, he will tell others about the horrible things I have done and thought, and it will be deserved. He knows me the best, and I told these people in a panic thinking he was in danger, but he won't understand that.

My partner knows the most about me, but do they still know me? My partner is beautiful, and I love them with my horrible heart and they love me just the way I love them, but do they love me, or do they love the idealized version of me? They know I'm a horrible person, but the horrible acts I first did when we started dating and continued doing for a bit, not understanding, will prove to them that I am a horrible, unlovable person. Should I tell them, rip off the band-aid? Or should I continue stewing in self pity and hatred, and hope what I have said never comes to light?

I wish that the people who look at me with hatred and pity simultaneously die in their sleep, as that is the mercy I wish to spare. They hate me, as they should, considering I am me, but I cannot handle the idea of being unliked, while I can't change myself to be palatable. If I truly wished to be liked, I should have changed myself to be desirable, whether that means less of an attention seeker, or more of someone who doesn't wish to be known and understood by others.

[charlesoberonn]

It's gonna be such a funny mess when Donald Trump dies of a stroke on April 1st, 2024.

Naturally everybody will think it's fake because of the date only to lose their minds (both positively and negatively based on their opinion of trump) when realizing it's real

There will be massive celebrations in the streets and on social media and lots of predictable "don't speak ill of the dead" discourse about those celebrations

Weird evangelicals will pull some weird number trick talking about how Jesus was conceived on April 1st and that makes Trump a sort of messiah and people will make fun of that

The Republicans (after they're done with the faux-sadness and faux-outrage) will stomp over each other to be his successor but none of them will succeed. They'll tear each other apart and have no single nominee for the November elections.

There will be discourse about if Biden and the living former presidents should go to his funeral (they won't, he was a traitor insurrectionist)

The Ukraine-Russia War immediately goes in favor of Ukraine as morale in the Kremlin is reduced. China similarly backs off from its threats on Taiwan.

Ten thousand new memes are made, some sticking around for years to come.

Not a month later a bunch of unofficial biographies of Trump hit the bookshelves, many with new details about just how awful he was.

[queenoftheantz]

Here are my Dungeon meshi stickers! I basically thought "hey. lots of people will have cute food themed stickers. And that good and well, but I want that serious stuff too!" So I decided to make a series for the main gang based on sense of self instead!

[stil-lindigo]

they're burning ballots in the US now btw. in case you wanted to know where things are at.

Edit: to clarify, locations mentioned are Vancouver, Washington and Portland, Oregon. This news story does not involve Canada.

Important info: Context: Dropbox location was Fisher's Landing Transit Center near Southeast 162nd Avenue Hundreds of ballots lost, voters should contact the Clark Auditor ASAP Clark Auditor contact info: clark.wa.gov/auditor (Washington voters) can confirm your ballot was received on: vote.wa.gov (Oregon voters) can confirm your ballot was received on: sos.oregon.gov General Ballot tracker: voteamerica.org/ballot-tracker

[frenchublog]

kosovo miku

[bob-artist]

Bittern at the grocery store

[rochenn]

I think we should write more straight relationships with 2010s TV queerbait tactics. Let that man and that woman's lives be horribly intertwined, let them take bullets for the other, let them be each other's meaning but NO KISSING. They are holding each other platonically. You're crazy for reading anything romantic into it at all tbh

[nikoco11]

AAAGHHHHHHHHHHH

finally finished this i’m happy!!!!!! she’s one of my favorite designs in game and my favorite designs i’ve ever drawn wahaahaaaa

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

No you don't get it, I'm a Good Person. You don't understand. I'm a Good Person which makes it okay for me to think violently about the Enemy, who is Bad Person. I'm commenting "you should be violently murdered" because I'm Good Person and you're Bad Person. You think saying that to someone is fucked up?? You should be violently murdered, you're probably Bad Person anyway

[donnieisaprettyboy]

can we stop pretending like it’s so super easy for trans men to pass. “oh just put on a baggy shirt and cut your hair-“ it literally doesn’t work like that and I refuse to believe you actually think it’s that easy

[cheddar-baby]

heres my advice to any followers i have who are young. Don't delete things when you think you've outgrown them or they're cringy. If you make youtube videos just private them don't delete them. Save your files, you can bury them in multiple sub-folders if you think they're cringe now but DON'T DELETE THEM! It doesn't feel like it now but years in the future you will look back fondly at who you were and wish you still had those things.

[werethropy]

"The nonbinary afab who goes by she/her, dresses femininely, and uses a push-up bra when I—" when you what? What's wrong with her?

Is she not nonbinary enough for you? Is the way she experiences her queerness and how she presents not perfect enough for you? Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny, right? So why is she the exception? Why does she have to hate herself to appeal to your standards? Why is she any less trans—any less worthy of respect—cause it's "not visible"? Queer solidarity my ass. Don't spout this bullshit on Pride, man.

[prinnay]

Fairy selfie

[rosered-schneeweisschens-sis]

i never knew there were men in the room for this, “that was tough” oh man they were not prepared XD

[envelopandkissme]

this fucks