#non sam aro positivity

[contagious-watermelon]

i think part of the reason that aromantic awareness is lagging so far behind that of asexuality is that romance is viewed as straight-up ubiquitous, whereas sexuality is thought of as a choice people make. (e.g. purity culture & making the choice Not to have sex; dating as a given while hooking up is notable)

hence, asexuality may be misconstrued as synonymous with celibacy, but aromanticism isn't (can't be) construed as anything because nobody can conceptualize its existence at all. a fish doesnt even know it's wet...

[xx-ace-raccoonz-xx]

This is a friendly reminder that...

•Even if you don't fit the exact definition of asexual or aromantic, you still are free to use those labels if you think they fit you. I don't exactly fit the definition either because I myself find some people aesthetically attractive like fireworks. I like looking at them but I ain't gonna touch them.

•You do NOT have to use the SAM (split attraction model) if you don't want to. If you do want to use the SAM, then that's also fine.

•Nobody has any right to tell you not to use a certain label just because you don't fit their definition. Those people ain't the label police, but instead they need to handle the police in their head first.

[hiraeth-daydreams]

Living well with your aromanticism, not despite of it, gets easier when you notice that this world wasn't made for you. You are not restricted by expectations, you don't have to follow a pre-planned course of steps to what happiness should be at; being aromantic can bring upon you the will to mold your life to whatever shape you want, because you know fully well what's expected won't fulfill you. Instead, you have the power and time to find what does.

You can live alone, unabashedly happy, surrounded by the little things that give you comfort.

You can build meaningful, long-lasting relationships that have not even a hint of romance.

You can have fleeting relations with people that make you feel good and not deepen your bond.

You can have one-night stands and leave before the morning comes if it feels right for you.

You can be present in your family or community, helping and being helped by people you trust and feel like a gift of being part of.

You can hear stories from the mouth of your companions and elders, and tell your own.

You can find beauty where people don't usually care to look at, revel in how much wonder is within you.

You can do what people usually feel like they need a romantic partner to do, without the limitations or complications one would need to fit themself around; ranging for dates to caring for children.

You can pursue hobbies, engage with art and craftsmanship, explore nature, do research, fill your days with the joy of creation all by yourself, just because you can.

The world was not built for you, but it doesn't mean it can't fill your days with joy, or that you can never belong in it. There is so much more than romance.

[aro-rambles]

aros who aren't ace,

yall are so cool <2

[andthetapeworms]

IT'S AROMANTIC VISIBILITY DAY !!!!! aromantics demiromantics aroaces aroallos non sam aros aromantics who are seen as "not aro enough" by the community love positive aros loveless aros aros who like qprs I SEE YOU you're so visible to me rn. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

[mommabird1772]

Happy Witchcore Samantha Wednesday!

For those of you who are new here, this orginally stemmed from my obsession with Sam Winchester and Sastiel in the Supernatural fandom, and in an attempt to provide Sam a better life, I created an AU with a transgender MtF witchcore Samantha, a genderfluid cottagecore beekeeper/gardener Castiel, and non-binary toddler Jack Kline.

New audiences call for a slight change in direction, and while Samantha, Cas, Jack, and I are still available to answer questions about the family, Witchcore Samantha Wednesdays will now be focusing on making moodboards that fit the cottagecore and witchcore vibe. Suggestions and prompts are always welcome, just shoot me an ask or a DM!

Today's moodboard is a special one centered around Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week! ASAW is usually celebrated the week after Valentine's Day, and includes everyone who identifies as Aromantic or on the Aromantic spectrum. Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction towards others, although some may wish to still participate in romantic activities or relationships. Aro spec people are super valid in the LGBTQIA community! I've included some basic information and aromantic memes, but you are encouraged to do your own research if you'd like to learn more. Happy ASAW, everybody!

I am extremely serious about needing suggestions in order to continue providing quality content, whether it be anonymous one word prompts, or elaborate collaborative pieces sent through asks

As with the rest of my moodboards, none of these pictures are my own, and I claim no credit for any art or design used, only for the concept created

Tagging: @cordellwinchesterwalker @willgrahamscat @fandom-hoarder @twobrothersoneheart @oh-no-its-danger-gays @flynn-thebin @winchesterestrogen @pirate-captain-kaira @stemroses @the-gray-ghosty @fangirlxwritesx67 @fae-and-night @cowboyincest @hexlorde @regnumveritatis @stuckysdaughter @wendibird @zwahkmuchoney @magpie-wings @sirrsnakesssss @r3animat0r

(My DMs aren't working rn, so please send me an ask to be added/removed from the taglist)

[strangerlsdanger]

I feel like there's something to say about the fact that (atleast as of writing this) the "it's complicated/it varies" category is what has the highest percent for aromantics.

Additionally right now aromantic has the highest percent of the "it's complicated/it varies" category out of aces aros and aroaces/acearos (31.7% vs 41.1% vs 21.9%) despite having the least amount of total votes by 7.1% (16.1% vs 9% vs 74.8%).

* Aromantic includes arospec, asexual includes acespec, and aroace/acearo includes aroacespec/acearospec and other unit terms that may be used instead of aroace/acearo (ex: ay, spadillic, ...)

** Romantic/Sexual relations include literally any relationship that has romantic/sexual aspects (ex: hookups, long term/serious romantic/sexual relationships, flings, some QPRs, ...)

[romancerepulsed]

aspec terms for beginners!

since it's trending right now, i feel like it might be helpful to clear up some basic aspec (but particularly aromantic, as we are the center of attention currently) terms. if you have absolutely any questions, i would be happy to answer, either in the replies, dms, or my inbox!

★・・・・・・★

the split attraction model (SAM): a model of human behavior that posits that, for some people, romantic and sexual attraction are not the same.

[most often this will come in the form of someone being aspec on one axis and allo (not aspec) on another. for example, a biromantic asexual may be romantically attracted to two or more genders, but sexually attracted to none. some people may even use SAM for allo identities– a bisexual lesbian may be sexually attracted to multiple genders, but only romantically attracted to women (note that this is not the only way that someone can be an mspec lesbian, just one way!). the SAM does not apply to everybody, not even all aspecs! there are non-SAM aros, for instance, who do not differentiate their aromanticism from their sexuality.]

aspec: a collection of queer spectrums centered around the lack of a certain attraction or identity. the most common spectrums under the aspec umbrella are asexual, aromantic, agender, and aplatonic, though there are many other ways to be aspec.

asexual: experiencing little to no sexual attraction.

[aces can still have sex– whether its because they experience some amount of sexual attraction or they just want to participate in sex because they find the act appealing in some other way. that being said, there are still plenty of aces who have not and will never have sex. it is a spectrum.]

aromantic: experiencing little to no romantic attraction.

[aros can still have romantic partners– whether its because they experience some amount of romantic attraction or they just find relationships appealing in some other way. that being said, there are still plenty of aros who have not and will never be in a romantic relationship. it is a spectrum.]

agender: having no gender or little relation to any gender.

aplatonic: experiencing little to no platonic attraction.

[similarly to aros and aces, apls can still form friendships if they so desire– whether its because they experience some amount of platonic attraction or they find friendships appealing in some other way.]

aroallo: combination of aromantic and allosexual– allosexual being someone who fully experiences sexual attraction. an aroallo, then, is someone who is aromantic but not asexual. aroallos often do not have a standard relationship with sex due to its romantic connotations and the stigma against loveless sex. someone having sex with someone else they do not love does not inherently make them aroallo, much in the same way that having a nonsexual relationship with a partner doesn't inherently make either participant asexual.

aroace: someone who is both aromantic and asexual. because aro and ace are both spectrums, an aroace may still experience some amount of attraction on either or both of those spectrums, or they may experience attraction of some other kind (platonic, tertiary, etc.), and that attraction may be only for a certain gender or genders– these are known as oriented aroaces.

queerplatonic relationship: a type of relationship that is defined only by the people within it. i have a post dedicated to explaining this in larger detail.

partnering: an aspec (usually aromantic) person who has and/or desires to have a partnership or multiple partnerships– romantic, queerplatonic, or otherwise.

non-partnering: an aspec (usually aromantic) person who has no desire to form a partnership of any kind.

romance/sex/plato favorable: an aspec who desires or would not reject a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship. they are also generally not particularly bothered by seeing these relationships in their day-to-day.

romance/sex/plato repulsed: an aspec who does not desire a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship and generally does not like seeing those relationships in their day-to-day. [x] repulsed people are not necessarily judgemental towards people who desire or participate in those relationships, they just do not desire them for themselves. repulsion often takes the form of discomfort or annoyance. [x] repulsed people are not necessarily cruel sticks-in-the-mud– they are perfectly capable of being respectful, and they very often are. repulsion does not always stem from trauma, though it certainly can.

romance/sex/plato positive: not to be confused with favorability, [x] positivity is the belief that romance, sex, and platonic relationships are human rights that should be supported and uplifted. someone can be [x] repulsed and [x] positive at the same time, because favorability/repulsion revolves around the self, and positivity/negativity extends to others.

sex/romance/plato negative: not to be confused with repulsion, [x] negativity is an inherently judgemental and harmful ideology. most commonly in the form of sex negativity, these ideologies are centered around the opposition to or personal judgement of people who engage in romance, sex, or platonic relationships. sex negativity in particular is embedded in western white supremacist societies and it is important for aspecs not to play into that.

those are the basics, but i have more information below the cut!

★・・・・・・★

> how are aspecs queer?

aspecs are queer because "queer" does not only mean LGBT. queer theory is about far more than just LGBT people– though they are undeniably a large part of it– queerness is any subversion of the traditional cisheteronormative standard. this includes things that cishets may take part in/identify with, because you do not have to be LGBT to subvert those standards. cishets who are gender-nonconforming are queer, for example. a good rule of thumb is that if you have to explain what you whole deal is to cishets, you're queer. queer does mean strange, after all.

traditional cisheteronormative conceptions of attraction, gender, and relationships do not account for aspecs. it is expected that everyone will one day form a traditional partnership with one other person, and that relationship will include sex (even if only for procreation, under some dogmas). virginity past a certain age is seen as a point of shame and something indicative of a larger problem in someone– in men, a red flag even. people past 30 without a relationship are pitied. our economic structure is build for couples and families– it's near impossible for someone to live comfortably alone. romance, friendship, and love are placed on a pedestal, treated as the meaning of life, the best thing anyone could ever experience. "love is the point of everything," as many posts on this site like to claim. people who reject these ideas are undeniably queer.

> i can get behind aros and aces, but the whole "aplatonic" thing feels like a stretch to me. how is not having friends queer? "platonic attraction" isn't even real.

aplatonicism is more than just "not having friends," and many apls have friends anyway, much in the same way that aros can date and aces can have sex. someone who does not have friends is not inherently aplatonic, they only are if they identify that little-to-no platonic attraction in themselves and choose to label themselves that way (just like how virgins aren't inherently asexual). still, apls who don't have friends exist, and they are all queer. what is a greater subversion of traditional cisheteronormative relationship structures than an outright rejection of what's seen as the most basic, fundamental relationship our culture has to offer?

you may not feel that platonic attraction is a distinct phenomenon in your own experience, and that's fine! ultimately, a lot of aspec terms exist for the utility and comfort of aspecs themselves. the SAM isn't for everyone, and platonic attraction isn't for everyone either. you do not have the authority to tell people what their own experiences are, nor should you care.

> i think it's sad that you're limiting yourself with these labels. you'll find someone one day!

for the broad majority of aspecs, our identities are not self-disciplinary, nor are they necessarily permanent. all queer people are capable of misunderstanding their identity or having a fluid identity– it is not a problem unique to being aspec. that being said, a lot of us may always be aspec and completely happy with it. being aspec is not a tragedy. the only thing i don't like about being aromantic is the judgement i receive from other people about it. non-partnering aspecs are not "missing out" on anything, because we don't even want the things we're rejecting in the first place. many of us are romance/sex/plato repulsed and are far more happy engaging with the world and with other people in different ways, because there is so, so much more to life than relationships, and it's wrong to presume that relationships are universally fit for everybody. telling an aspec that they'll find "the right person" one day is no different from telling a lesbian she'll find "the right man" one day. there is no "right person" for an aspec just as there's no "right man" for a lesbian. a lesbian is not "missing out" on a heterosexual relationship just because it's culturally perceived as superior and more fulfilling.

[disclaimer before anyone tries to do a "gotcha," i'm talking about a lesbian who is fully not attracted to men in any way. it's not like homophobes know the intricacies of gender identity and nonconformity as it pertains to homosexuality anyways.]

lastly, i wanna give a special shout out to the loveless aros and the relationship anarchists.

loveless aros are those who either feel little-to-no love as they understand it, or they are someone who supports the de-centering of love. they're worthy of a whole post of their own, but in summary: the loveless experience is all about finding joy in yourself and the countless things our world has to offer that are not dependent on the vague idea of love.

relationship anarchy is another concept worthy of its own post, but in essence it's an ideology aimed at abolishing the standard hierarchy of relationships (in the USA, depending on who you ask, its typically friendship < family < romantic partnership or friendship < romantic partnership < family) and allowing everyone the autonomy to define their relationships for themselves.

if i made any mistakes, let me know! and of course i'm willing to answer any questions anyone may have. :-3 thanks for reading my long ass post!

[anistarrose]

the teensiest tiniest but actually not that tiny pet peeve that will make me not reblog an otherwise really nice a-spec positivity post is using the phrase "a-spec and aro-spec." aro-spec is a part of a-spec! a-spec doesn't just mean asexual spectrum! that's what ace-spec is a word for!

I know people using the phrase "a-spec and aro-spec" under these circumstances clearly have good intentions only, not any intention to erase aro-specs from the community — but unfortunately the implication of "a-spec doesn't include aro-spec" is very much implicitly deployed as part of aroallo and non-SAM aro erasure! if you want to be explicit that you're talking about both ace-spec and aro-spec people, say "ace-spec and aro-spec."

anyways, on a happier note: to my fellow a-specs of all forms including but not limited to aro-specs and ace-specs, I love you if you're comfortable with love, and appreciate you non-lovingly if not. wishing you a great pride month <2

[pizzaronipasta]

It kinda sucks that, while aces who don't use the split attraction model can just say "I'm ace" and be mostly understood, aros in that position have to clarify that they're non-SAM aro or else they'll get called aroace.

[gdsplicer]

For the final bit of aro visibility day, I want to thank my fellow aros and aroallos for helping me understand my own aro-allosexuality and to have pride in it!

I would not have half of the positive relationship I have with my orientation if it wasn't for the rage, the joys and the loudness of our demographic; It gives me hope every time I see aroallos, non-SAM aros, aroqueer etc being open and raw and proud, knowing that somewhere it will always make someone else realise they're not alone and that there's pride to be had in being and feeling seen.

I treasure you so damn much! 💚🤍🖤

[our-arospec-experience]

recently realised I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic not demi or otherwise arospec and that there was probably a reason my vague attempt at dating did not go well (mostly romance neutral/positive in general, repulsed in relation to myself I think). Aromantic feels way more accurate and correct, now realised I'm unsure whether I relate more to AroAllo or Non SAM Aro but tbh not bothered by it cos who cares (I'm definitely not ace but actively putting Allo as part of my identity feels weird? idk? have yet to have reason to explicitly come out to anyone since realising because they either already kind of know or it hasn't been relevant but I feel like I'll probably say Gay-Aro when I do)

.

[aro-rambles]

non sam aros are the coolest people in the world

[losergendered]

ID: a set of 16 images in 8 pairs. each has one image of the listed genshin impact character, with a white outline in front of their corresponding flags, and a second image which is a blank flag splice. END ID

Furina from Genshin Impact is a plato-positive, lovequeer aro, aplspec, hydrodoll, genderqueer, femme, transfem who uses she/hydro/star/adore pronouns1

Venti is a plato-repulsed, non-friending, loveless, heartless, poison apl, transmasc, windgender, winegender, transsexual who uses he/iy/wind pronouns!

Neuvillette is a demiplatonic, apothisexual, aplflux, heteroflexible, alloace, biromantic, biyugender, FTM, MTF, intersex, hydrothing who uses no pronouns, but if Neuvillette must use pronouns, uses he/they!

Arlecchino is a loveless, heartless, non-partnering, non-friending, romance-repulsed, poison apl, non-SAM aplatonic, horrorgender, bodyhorroric, falsegodlexic, boyfutch, genderless, butch who uses he/hyr pronouns!

Barbara is a plato-positive, friending, aplflux, demiplatonic, grey aplatonic, romance-positive, loving aro, hydrothing, hydrobun, hydrodoll, healer lesbian who uses shi/bubble/idol/swim/joy pronouns!

Lumine and Aether are both genderqueer and aplatonic!

Wanderer is a caedplatonic, afamilial, atertiary, greyromantic, apothisexual, bigender, biyugender, intersex, dollcoric, FTM who uses it/its!

For 🐶☀️ anon!

[aroclan]

i read sounds fake but okay (the book, authored by the podcasters) and it does not cover anyone allo aro. it also has no awareness of loveless aros, non-sam aros, or apl aros. it even includes a "what makes us human is... love! of all kinds!!" section to finish up the book.

tl;dr: this is, first and foremost, a book about asexuality, by an asexual and a demisexual. to broaden their perspective, they surveyed/interviewed ace and acespec people for additional quotes. throwing in the greens on the cover, and having separate aro and ace flags as the section break within chapters, makes it promise something it never delivers.

i also checked their podcast, which is how i found out this book is one year old (as of recording an episode for release on 25 Feb 2024), meaning the writing process itself probably happened in 2022. given the lack of perspective, i had not expected it to be so recent.

(going to cut the rest of this because it is long)

the focus on and centering of asexuality while borrowing a bit of the aromantic symbols seems rude at best for people who are clearly aware of the difference between aro and ace. they discuss the split attraction model early on, and they consistently use aspec, acespec, and arospec accurately. oh, and they happen to run what might be the biggest aspec podcast (as in, the only podcast I could name if someone asked me, "are there aspec podcasts?")

i also noticed that alterous attraction rates a mere footnote with a brief definition (and that definition is "between platonic and romantic") when one person being quoted used it. somehow, this doesn't come up for discussion in the relationships chapter. or anywhere.

overall, i got the feeling that the authors were approached with a book deal based on their podcast, but didn't actually have much to say. or just, like, phoned it in. it's a relatively short book. it dives deep into an AITA reddit post because apparently only that one person could be found for the topic of housing. and that's a topic that would have to be revisited to pad out the final chapter.

[i wanted to know what other people thought, so i checked reviews, and the answer is: there's a lot of criticism of the authors' position that you can hate JKR but like HP. accurate and valid; i have nothing to add to that.]

i wanted to be objective, so i scanned the book again. out of 82 quotes, Phoebe gets 3, and Rai gets one. Phoebe, she/they, responded as ace but realized they were bisexual (allosexual, alloromantic, trans) afterward; Rai, they/them, included neither an acespec label nor allosexual.

ten quotes are from people who use a sexuality label other than asexual:

2 gray-ace

4 demisexual

2 aspec

1 acespec

1 aegosexual

(i didn't track individual names; Phoebe and Rai just stand out.)

so in the final accounting, five of every six quotes are from people identifying as asexual, and none are from people who are unequivocally arospec and not acespec (including loveless aros, non-sam aros, neu aros, unit aros, allosexual aros, and aplatonic aros. and yes, there is overlap between those terms, but they all have zero representation in the text.)

i want to be clear before signing off... it's not that i think everyone should know everything about our community, necessarily, but i do think that people who claim to write for the whole aspec community owe it to us to be well-informed and inclusive before publishing.

[eldorr]

Royal Aroace

Plain (left), with stripe meanings (right)

Figuring out that aroace flag was coined in mind for Non-SAM aroaces, I decided to make my own variation of the aroace flag. For anyone who wants to use it.

Why “Royal Aroace”? Because it sounds nice. I designed the flag sorta based off of red velvet cake, and corvids. Since the whole aces like cake meme, and I personally like crows. Not really anything more significant than that. I also assigned meanings to the stripes because people seem to like when that’s done, I don’t usually do it just because I don’t know what to put for each stripe and suck at describing colors when it comes to transcripts, but since this is an Aroace flag meant for a broad community, I decided to add meanings. Of course anything not explicitly said in the stripe meanings is also included, this is sorta just a base idea.

=

Ebony bluish purple (First/Top stripe): Aroaces who don’t experience or prioritize tertiary attraction, Non-SAM Aroaces. (Could also be Aplatonic, Aqueerplatonic, Aaesthetic, Aalterous, etc.)

Pastel thunder purple (Second stripe): Amatopunk Aroaces, Non-monoamorous Aroaces, Partnering Aroaces. (Basically Aroaces someone may think of “not actually aroace” due to entering relationships, etc.)

Pastel slate tealish blue (Third stripe): Acespec Aros, Arospec Aces, Aspecs who identify as Aroace, Aspec Microlabels. (Basically anyone who may not explicitly be just aroace due to being aspec, however identifies with the aroace label.)

Pale yellow (Fourth Stripe): Marginalized Aroaces, Community, Inclusivity, Aroace History. (Basically inclusivity of those who are other-wise marginalized in the aroace community due to being trans, disabled, etc. and celebrating diversity and aroace history.)

Pastel dirty pink (Fifth Stripe): A-Amorous Aroaces, Non-partnering Aroaces, Loveless Aroaces. (Aroaces who don’t enter or desire relationships, relationship/love neutral or repulsed aroaces.)

Vivid auburn red (Sixth/Bottom Stripe): Aroaces who experience and/or prioritize tertiary attraction, SAM Aroaces. (Queerplatonic Aroaces, love-positive/neutral aroaces, etc.)

=

This flag was originally posted April 3rd, 2022.

I'd like to note now that I've coined Alspec, this flag also includes Alspec Aces and Alspec Aros.