#nobody cares about the shit I care about I guess

[danieldrivesfast]

Oh. I get it. I understand why this bothers me so much. It all goes back to him, my pro-athlete friend.

I remember how it felt sitting across the table from him at lunch while he told me about how all the shit "fans" and the press was talking about him was affecting his personal life. How he didn't want to meet fans because he knew so many of them were saying terrible things. How he had to answer questions to his family/in-laws about the things they were saying and he was being accused of doing. How upset he was that he knew nothing he could ever say or do would change or stop what people said or how they attack him.

I remember how I told him to speak up anyway. Use his team. Use his agent. Put his truth out there... But the team wouldn't let him. His agent didn't think it was worth it. The people who did do the bad things wouldn't speak up and take their rightful heat. So on it went.

I remember being backstage with him before an event and seeing how visibly upset he was that people were wishing harm on him and his loved ones, and it was all for something he had no part in but was built upon the existing bullshit. I remember how he said I was right, he should've said what he wanted to say, because nobody had his back anyway. He asked me, more than once, if I believed him or the noise. If I thought he was a bad person, if he deserved it, if he should've done more. Then I watched him smile and go raise funds for charity in front of the cameras like everything was fine, knowing what was going on in his head.

And I think of Lando now. Obviously, I don't know Lando. But I know who I know. I know the hate and harassment he received was a tenth, a hundredth of what Lando is receiving. I know how it tore him up and affected his family and pushed him away from what he loved. I know how he always made himself be the bigger person and be kind to the same people who were being so hateful.

It's personal to me, I guess. I can't just look at these people as unaffected millionaires or whatever bullshit. Just like my friend, Lando Norris is a person. A whole person, by all accounts a good person, with thoughts and emotions and regrets like all of us, that doesn't change because he has money or a cool job. That doesn't give people the right to treat him like they are. Because he could be somewhere, looking at someone he cares about, asking "Do I deserve this?" while believing that maybe he does.

And when I think of that, I'm angry, standing in front of my friend saying, "No, you don't."

[awkwardandeccentric]

I think it’s also really important to remember in these moments that this show does take place in Hell and amongst demons.

A lot of the behavior that Blitz displays, if we were talking about real, every day men, would get him arrested and labeled an abusive piece of shit for the rest of his life. But among demons? He’s pretty tame.

He cares about consent in sex for one thing, something not a lot of demons show (Chaz was coercing both Moxxie and Millie and when Blitz told him to ‘chill the fuck out,’ there’s no indication he listened.). He is hard on his employees because he thinks he needs to be but he’s also a lot nicer to them than we see the majority of bosses treat their subordinates (just look at Stolas and Ozzie). Verosika has been stalking and harassing him for years and nobody bats an eye because that’s just something you do in Hell. He lets Loona get away with a ton of awful behavior that most people would have probably cast her aside for because he knows where that rage comes from. When a seventeen-year-old girl took his meal ticket to earth, he didn’t get angry. He feels solidarity with all imps, even when all imps don’t give him that solidarity in return. He doesn’t go to parties about hating his ex’s; fuck man, even Stolas didn’t clear that bar, and he’s pretty mature!

Like, by our standards is Blitz outrageous? Yes. By Hell’s standards? Pretty chill. He just gets labeled badly compared to everyone else because he barks so much. But his bark is a million times worse than his actual bite.

I miss when Sarcastic Chorus was making fun of shipping culture from the perspective of an insider. Yeah. We’re cringe and weird and annoying. It’s nice to be reminded to not take this shit so seriously. I liked him taking shots at RobStar, despite it being my OTP ship and Starfire being among my favorite characters of all time. I liked him taking about Rayla and Callum. I liked him being cute about Willow and Hunter. But I guess clicks and likes mattered more.

the last SEVERAL sarcastic chorus videos im just gripping my hair with increasing intensity yelling MAN I TRUSTED YOU

[finitevoid]

I had a fascinating conversation with a coworker today in which I was arguing with him about the gaycoding of the cunty popstar character from the fifth element. I was positing that the character was gaycoded because he’s flamboyant and talks in a gay voice and dresses like That etc and my coworker was like He has sex with women onscreen. This led to a few minutes of circular argument in which I finally gave up and made a joke I don’t remember about subtext. he looked at me blankly. I said subtext? I’m not explaining subtext to you I know you went to highschool english class. and he was like no I really have no idea what you’re talking about. I was like huh. You’ve never heard of subtext? So after a brief moment of AM I PRETENTIOUS OR IS THIS GUY STUPID followed immediately by remembering that I’m the child of upper middle class college graduates who grew up in one of the highest ranking counties for education in the entire country. I explained text and subtext to him. And I made a joke about being pretentious and he awkwardly asked me what the word pretentious meant. And I fucked up a second time because I was like lol I’m pretentious tho so it’s fine. And he was like. Meaning? And I just stared at him. And then he apologized. don’t be sorry I actually feel quite bad about making you feel stupid

it reminded me of a conversation I had a few weeks ago, in which I was bitching about genshin impacts main story. I complained that it wasn’t very complex and my friend was like, no, but it is complex? There’s so much Lore. There’s so much going on that you have to keep track of. and I was like. You are misunderstanding what I mean by complex. and when they asked me what I meant by complex I was so unable to articulate myself I finally said something like You know… nuanced… challenging… has deep themes etc. and they were very plainly annoyed at me and were like. You know not everyone wants that right? Most people don’t want that. Most people want their media to not be that. I was like you would rather your media be shallow? and they fully to my face were like yes. I don’t want to think about it. like they said those words. They told me they want to skip the dialogue while scrolling on their phone and lose nothing

they did point out something to me in this conversation which was that many people don’t think deeply about art because the things they care about enough to think deeply about are not art. they were like most people think this deeply about their lives and therefore art is an escape to them and they don’t want to think deeply about it. & maybe I needed someone to say that to me because this conversation was spiraling towards “the entire human population is braindead and poisoned by Web 3.0??????” territories in my brain. Maybe people skip through genshin because they care deeply about things other than art sure. But at the same time. Why engage with art on such a surface level as to not even know what subtext is, and yet still have so much of your life surround engaging with art

because both of these people are big into art. the first guy is a huge weeb and my friend is a patented GamerTM. you spend every free moment of your life engaging with art and yet you can’t bring yourself to think about it for more than a few minutes? And you blame your highschool english teacher for this?

My friend told me that the effortless way I go about analysis is specific to me and that I am alone. that for “most” people, thinking that deeply about media is tiring. and this annoys me because it’s work for me too. Thinking deeply about things is difficult. But it’s engaging. It’s meaningful to me. I guess it isn’t meaningful to “most” people. I guess “most” people want to skip through the dialogue in genshin impact. but why am I the weird one . Maybe you should be the weird one?

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw

[a-garden-of-worlds]

Oh wow... charlastor shippers y'all okay?

[teamfortresstwo]

Okay fair points . I’ll give you the lack of trust, but I do think his actions with the wind bag stem from his concerns for the crew and Odysseus . It’s in his job description to doubt Odysseus, and I think it’s actually a point for him. The fact that he’s able to call Odysseus out when nobody else does speaks to how close they are and how they’re on about as equal footing as one can get with their captain. That’s why I think Odysseus basically telling him to shut up and go with the flow shook his trust so much, especially when he was basically ignoring all his VERY RATIONAL concerns during storm. After something like that, I doubt I’d trust the captain’s judgement either, though the thing with the wind bag was definitely Eury’s mistake.

Also the thing with Circe’s island WAS reasonable, I would say. He didn’t know they would get support from Hermes, and he’s shown to be the most cautious and weary of gods. In his eyes, the men were beyond saving, so he decided to cut his losses, which is a lot more reasonable than keeping your crew in the dark just so you can sacrifice them to a monster.

In the end though, I can see where people are coming from, since they both clearly have trust issues around one another and are fundamentally very different people, who did grow apart because of those differences . However, I do think there’s still an undeniable intimacy between them that can only come from incredibly strong bonds of friendship. Like Eurylochus immediately trying to confess his opening of the wind bag is a huge show of trust from him. Odysseus is clearly wrecked as fuck when he has to sacrifice eurylochus (and also the other crew members I guess), getting super emotional .

And like, yeah they both do a lot of horrible shit to eachother, but I think they’re ultimately just both victims of circumstance and can recognize that. I think saying Odysseus ever just stops thinking of Eurylochus is a friend is kind of disingenuous since we can see he still cares for him enough after his death to be haunted by him afterwards .

[corrodedcoughin]

Steve is giving Eddie a lift home, his van is out of commission until it stops sounding like a goat got under the hood and is mocking the driver from the inside. Anyway, car troubles aside Steve is driving Eddie back to his trailer. Eddie is giving him a run down of why he should watch Star Trek as Steve searches through the radio.

He stops as the introduction of blinded by the light comes on. Eddie isn’t a music snob but it’s obvious he gets a kick out of riling Steve up about his song preferences. He knows it’s coming so Steve gets himself ready to defend his choices when Eddie is turning it up. Steve thinks he’s done it, he’s finally cracked Eddie Munson into giving up the ‘metal is the only real music’ schtick he keeps up solely around Steve. He’s won!

Then of course Eddie subverts Steves expectations and is shouting ‘REVVED UP LIKE A DOUCHE ANOTHER RUNNER IN THE NIGHT!’ Looking so pleased with himself because of course he latches on to the song that sounds like the singer is saying douche. He’s banging his head and smiling at Steve, laughing all the while. He’s beautiful is the thing and Steve feels like somebody reached in to grab his heart and just twisted it. A feeling that is so far past painful it’s euphoric. So he just gives in and joins Eddie in the stupidity of it all, both of them slapping the dashboard and singing harder when Eddie’s favourite line makes its appearance.

Its pure unfiltered joy for seven minutes and eight second that Steve tucks away for safekeeping. It gets added to when Eddie takes his hand and kisses his knuckles when they eventually arrive at the trailer and leaves Steve with a blush on his cheeks.

[yellowocaballero]

i dont know if this something you put a lot of thought into but it seems like you might and im curious so, what are some of your favorite themes to write about/the themes that interest you in writing or media?

Oh wow, good question. I put both a lot of thought and very little into the themes of my work. I always sit down and decide what I'm saying, and the meaning of the story, but some things always emerge in the writing. I usually discover what a story is actually about as I'm writing it. It's usually only after I finish the work that I realize what themes I had put in there, which seems like it should be bad. I think this means that a lot of my themes come through subconsciously. They're typically just...things I think about a lot.

I think the one thing I keep on coming back to is *tumblr voice* the mortifying ordeal of being known. That entire article, including the image of walking down a hundred stories of hell before reaching heaven, reconfigured my brain. It's just so damn hard to exist in a world with other people in it. There's an inevitability to hurting each other, but the love's worth it. Playing The World Ends With You at a vulnerable age primed me for obsession with this. That one quote from The Little Prince, ya know.

Generational trauma, cycles of trauma and abuse, and the long-term impact of trauma comes up a lot for me too. How being fucked up makes you fuck up others, the long-term consequences of being fucked up, the coping mechanisms we develop as a result. The ugly side of trauma and mental illness, the way we lash out and hurt people. I talk about escapism a lot, and the impact that has on you and the people around you long-term. This is usually exemplified through amnesia plotlines. This is a deep cut, but the Warchild series by Karin Lowachee had the best take on this I've read in a book.

Non-traditional love. I end up writing a lot of sibling dynamics, but I like creating unnamable and undefinable relationships. A lot of things I write just become very aro and asexual narratives. Love that saves. Love that isn't enough, but it still matters. The other side of love, which is grief.

I could go on. Forgiving yourself. Struggling to determine how to be a good person. How your identity & the intersections of your identity affect who you are. Power and power dynamics. A LOT of man vs self stories, like a lot a lot (I'm not overly interested by villains). The experience of being mentally ill and navigating the world as a mentally ill and/or disabled person. The differences between navigating the world as a man or a woman. I write a lot, so a lot of stuff tends to come up, lol. Roleswaps - fucking, somehow, for some reason, WHY, WHY DO I WRITE SO MUCH OF THEM -

Thanks for the ask, I had to do some self-reflection to answer it! I never really realize I'm writing about these things until I am, again. They're just all part of my framework of how I understand the world. Everybody has those, but when you're a writer it's easier to pull them out and microscope them.

[doctorweebmd]

a really nice comment on 'nothing else fills' made me actually reread it for like, the first time in its entirety and.

wow. its... actually really good. like. i teared up multiple times and i'm the one that wrote it. why was i so mean to myself about it.

[one-time-i-jumped-off-a-cliff]

[pink-lemonadefairy]

🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

[moe-broey]

Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know

[livvyofthelake]

who could possibly have seen it coming that the first thing in literal ages that i would be so obsessed with i actually am able to cross the first and most major hurdle to amv making. getting scenes. that that thing would be cbs firefighter drama fire country…

[luminouslotuses]

why does every femslash ship always have people who go “they look like sisters” or even insist that those characters ARE sisters (literally just pulling that info out of their ass)

like i hate to be that annoying lesbian but if this goes for Every sapphic ship you encounter that may be something you need to rethink. possibly. probably . but what do i know

[floral-hex]

hi it’s my birthday tomorrow