#neurodivergent insomnia

[autismcultureis]

Autism culture is getting up in the middle of the night to soak and file your feet because the sensory experience of your calloused heels finally made you boil over and you are not going to get any more sleep until you do something about them.

!!

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism and Being Constantly Exhausted

Neurodivergent_lou

[italiantea]

[spellscarred]

An Autistic Poll For Personal and Professional Research

I work in mental health, and a topic was touched upon, while talking to my other autistic friend, that I'm interested in and I never really properly thought about or looked into. The question I want to find an answer to is as follows:

As an autistic person (professional- or self-dx), do you have a certain bed time you have to adhere to or risk insomnia symptoms such as not being able to sleep or unable to sleep through a night (waking up every x amount of hours)?

Please reblog so I can reach a wider sample size, if you will! (Yes, allistic people can reblog as well.) Feel free to discuss or share in the replies or in tags.

[incognito-liger]

Stayed up late watching one of my favourite shows. Felt nice and comfy. Had some snacks and tea. Forced myself to go to bed to get some sleep, I’ve been so tired lately. Got under the covers, realized how much everything hurts, so now instead of staying up having a cozy watching marathon, I’m laying awake staring at the ceiling with painsomnia. As soon as the distractions are gone, the pain hits me all at once. What’s the point trying to fall sleep at all…? I know I’ll wake up just as tired. I try to listen to a podcast. Maybe it will lull me to sleep. This has gone on for weeks now. Longest flare-up period in a while. I got sick about a month ago and thought I’d recover fairly okay. Didn’t. Can’t catch a break in other areas of life either rn. I’m so tired. Maybe I’ll open my laptop again in a couple of hours if I can’t sleep. The sun is already up. I would like to not be.

[ticklace]

Shout-out to my chronically and/or mentally ill friends who are sensitive to shifts in meal & sleep schedules and had their routine shot to hell by the time change today.

One hour's difference isn't a trivial thing. Please be gentle with yourself this week.

Some helpful routine-recalibration things I've collected from various friends and nurses, in case they might be helpful to anyone else:

If you take medications at exactly the same times every day, be aware that your body might need to get used to the shift.

Don't be afraid to bring some extra snacks with you to work/class if you can. (this doesn't just help with delayed mealtimes - sleep schedule disruptions can also really throw your blood sugar out of whack so keeping it steady is important)

Drink lots of water.

Keep your support network close.

If you suddenly feel unbearably shitty, maybe eat a snack.

Sunlight is good for re-calibrating your circadian rhythm. Fresh autumn air is good for just about everything.

Please please please try to resist the temptation to doomscroll this week. (USA, I'm looking at you.)

Most of all, please give yourself plenty of grace. I love you. You're doing so well. ❤️

[ghostlyboysstories]

For everyone who doesn’t know, I’m Audhd and sometimes the reason why i don’t respond right away is because I’m trying to think of a way to respond to you that doesn’t sound dry, sarcastic, or rude. A lot of people have mistaken genuine compliments as sarcasm and it physically pains me.

[sunlightfeeling]

ADHD is all about being up at 3 in the morning listening to Live While We’re Young by One Direction while making gifs, right? ☺️

……

…r-right?? 😔

[neuroticboyfriend]

i know a lot of us knock meditation because we're constantly told to use it in a very dismissive way, but seriously, it can help - if you do it right. i didn't do it for the longest time, because i'd tried it before and it didn't really work out. but i didn't realize, i just wasn't doing the right kind of meditation for me.

imagination-heavy meditations tended to just make my mind run; i'd get caught up on every detail and think too hard about it. ones that focus a lot on breathing just distressed me. but i found Progressive Muscle Relaxation - and a specific hyponsis-style one by Sleep Cove is what's helped me most (check other platforms for it if you dont use spotify.

with this one, there are still imaginative elements (simple ones), and a few deep breaths. but the majority of it is well - you literally can just lay there and listen to his voice. don't think too hard about it - and as he says, "don't worry about getting it right." all you need to do is be open to what he's saying, as he guides you through relaxing your body.

there's no thinking involved, and for someone as anxious and mentally hyperactive as me, having someone to literally do the thinking for me is immensely calming. i never realized how much anxious tension my body holds, and even when it doesn't get me sleeping, i'm still calm - for once.

so yeah. it's okay to do what helps you, it's okay to be open to things. what ableist assholes say shouldn't have bearing on you finding coping mechanisms that work, and obviously, it's completely okay if meditation doesn't help you. we're all different, and sometimes figuring out what's best for us is trial and error. that's ok. just do your best, and be kind to yourself.

[rinniereads123]

Comorbidities

I didn’t realize I was different My behavior wasn’t deliberate But I drove my mother crazy She didn’t want to scream But it became an ongoing theme She took me to the doctor so they’d see Apparently, it’s ADHD It was fine by me But it made my mother cry I didn’t understand But I got less reprimands She became more of an ally I began to notice Another diagnosis I couldn’t sleep at night It’s plagued me for years And just as I feared Something wasn’t right “It has ties to ADHD” Says the internet feed Well of course it does “Turn off your phone,” they say “Put it away” I just want drugs My mood swings can be debilitating Which is beyond frustrating I want to be free It could be PMDD Which has ties to ADHD Yet another comorbidity

[illogicalramblings]

May 7th 2024 6:42am

This insomnia is killing me. My sleep is always all over the place but now that I interact with other humans a few days of each week I'd like it to be less unpredictable. Sometimes I don't sleep, sometimes I sleep too much. I'm also nocturnal so that makes things interesting as well.

I found myself watching a show I stopped watching in 2020. I feel guilty because ACAB and I know that. I actually started to call out the shitty stuff being done. Note that I say it out loud to my cat....she doesn't give a shit. At first I just chalked it up to needing something I had seen before so that I didn't get too enthralled. Things were chaotic and I wasn't sure when I'd need to leave town (family stuff). But, when watching I found that I might be watching because of a certain character. She cares deeply for people and comforts those that need it and tries to help them. I never really felt comforted by my Mom and I guess that's a big reason I've been watching.

In lighter news, my Mom posted a recent pic of herself and I and a friend of hers called me a "handsome young man." I'm nonbinary (possibly agender). Masc leaning presentation I guess. Mainly to counteract the constant assumptions that I'm a woman. So to have someone see me as something other than a woman is rather euphoric.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts.

[dafspiart]

Ugh will there ever be a time where I will sleep well again throughout the night and be able to get our of bed at a "normal" time??? 🙄

I'm sick of living my life like this and waking up at 11:00-11:30 AM and wasting my days

My last big autistic burn-out from 2020 has fucked me up badly.

And I doubt that doctors are willing to understand me and listen.

Since doctors and therapists don't really listen to neurodivergent people anyway.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

ADHD Guide: Insomnia & Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

Future ADHD

[we-are-the-memers-mr]

[incognito-liger]

Yet again having insomnia due to

- the relentless ache in my bones due to changes in barometric pressure

- the relentless ache in my face due to neverending sinusitis

- the Everything that’s happening in the world right now

- melancholia in general

- Too Many Dishes In The Sink

- what should I wear tomorrow

- guilt from worrying about outifts when people are dying, Kim

- having weird epiphanies

- clenching my jaw