#because my parents said that i was neurodivergent at a young age

[ghostlyboysstories]

For everyone who doesn’t know, I’m Audhd and sometimes the reason why i don’t respond right away is because I’m trying to think of a way to respond to you that doesn’t sound dry, sarcastic, or rude. A lot of people have mistaken genuine compliments as sarcasm and it physically pains me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for entertaining a friendship with a child?

okay so this might be a weird one or even a controversial one i honestly have zero clue how other people will receive this, apologies in advance if i ramble!

to begin, i (23ftm) and this kid (15f) first met about a year ago. one of my best friends (23m) is a pretty big model and tiktoker and she was a fan of his, and she was pretty recognized online for making cool edits and stuff of him and coming to meetups etcetera, so he knew of her from there, and over time with always seeing each other at meet ups and her being in his discord server (where i mod) she kind of became pretty well known to us.

an important thing to note is that she's SUPER neurodivergent and she's had a really tough life. she lost her older brother a few years back and she's (i'm not sure of the correct way to put it, her family is originally from the netherlands and their english is kind of in the works so this is how they put it) developmentally behind a few years - her parents describe this as her being "mentally more 13 than 15" but her behaviour to me is even younger than that. she's very very innocent and trusting, very overemotional and sensitive to criticism etc, loves stuffed animals and pink and cartoons and all of that. she's told me she feels like a little kid sometimes and will talk/act like one so maybe there's an element of trauma-rooted age regression there, i'm not super sure - i'm not gonna get into detail but she's talked to me about her life a lot and she's had some pretty fucked up shit happen to her.

from the beginning she pretty much imprinted on me - she's told me before i remind her of the big brother she lost, and ever since then she's called me her "big brother" and "family" etc. at first i was more just playing along with it to make her happy but over time she really has become something like a little sister to me, i feel super protective of her. i want to become a teacher after college (not to mention eventually a parent with my fiancee) so i think at least part of it is that taking a kid 'under my wing' so to speak is giving me experience with it all. i've always been kinda paternal/protective over kids in general but i was the youngest sibling in my family so i never really had anyone to utilise that on before

she does rely super heavily on me emotionally, especially because after i found out she was being bullied pretty badly at school i started dropping by to keep her company during breaks/lunch and making sure shit was okay (which her still-living brother used to do, but he's a famous?? - unsure How famous, i don't know sports at all - footballer/soccer player who's often in another country and can't see her often anymore), and i've been working with her to curb that. i'm actually currently working with her parents to find her a good therapist and support system. she's no longer in the tiktok friend's discord just because it was getting a little all-consuming for her and we encouraged her to take a break, but she's done a TON of work on herself and maturing since then and she does plan to rejoin at some point soon.

however, i find it really really hard to gauge whether being so close with a child is... like normal? or not. i honestly can't tell if it's kind of the internet caution about adults talking to minors kind of warping my brain and making me overly wary of what people will think or if i'm doing something wrong or if it's genuinely like a weird situation, so i guess i'm looking for outside perspectives.

the things that make me question it is that like i said she's very 'mentally young', she's very sheltered, and there definitely seems to be an element of her kind of replacing the older brother figure she lost with me. on top of that, we met through her being a fan of my friend, and though she's now separate from that i worry there could still be an element of power there because i'm close with the guy she calls her idol. her family knows me and seem totally chill with everything, but they've told me she tells people at her school that i'm literally her brother and basically 100% talks about me as if i'm her biological family, which i find super sweet but at the same time wonder if it's healthy.

she obviously needs therapy and hopefully soon we can get her it, but: AITA for entertaining a sort of found family dynamic / friendship at all with someone very vulnerable and young or is this genuinely helpful for her?

What are these acronyms?

[whattraintracks]

I kinda feel we didn’t much of raph and splinter’s relationship in 03 thoughts?

Hmm, I suppose that's fair. I've heard it said that 03 isn't a very character-driven story, and I agree we don't see as many character dynamics or arcs explored as we could have.

Below the cut are the pieces of Raph and Splinter's relationship I've pieced together for myself.

Splinter's bio on Raph in Tales from the Sewer presents this interesting duality in Splinter's perception of him. He's a difficult child but just a kid. He trains the most but he's a difficult student. He makes poor decisions but Splinter has the utmost faith in his abilities. As both father and teacher, Splinter sometimes struggles to approach his sons and their needs in the appropriate role, especially when it comes to Raph.

For example, his hands-off approach to Raph's rage, or what I usually think of as emotional dysregulation (either as a product of neurodivergence or his young age). When Raph nearly maims Mikey during a rage attack/dissociative episode (see S1E4 "Meet Casey Jones") Splinter doesn't try to stop Raph or separate him and Mikey, although he very well could have. He doesn't step in until after Leo and Donny have broken up the fight. Despite addressing Raph parentally, he comes at the issue like a teacher offering those ninja master-esque nuggets of wisdom about rage being a monster and a true warrior is balanced in all things. I think he wants to come across sympathetically (gentle voice, physical contact, calling Raph "my son") but there is a sense of disappointment and unmet expectations in what he says.

In the aforementioned bio, Splinter notes that of all the turtles, Raph trains the longest and hardest. He likely equates length of training with dedication to ninjutsu and assumes that because Raph exhibits these things he should be something he isn't: more disciplined less angry. Perhaps he compares Raph to Leo who apparently trains less but fits Splinter's prototype of a good ninja. Speaking of Leo, later in the same episode we see Splinter chastise Mikey and Donny for interrupting Leo's practice and tell Leo to keep practicing his split kick without offering any advice on how to get it right.

We see this idea directed to Raph in Splinter's comment about a true warrior finding balance in all things. It's not particularly informative. This is his version of telling Raph to keep practicing but it's not what Raph needs at this moment, hot off such an overwhelming experience. So instead of reading this as the patient, parental advice I think Splinter intends it to be, Raph's body language screams chastised. He doesn't meet Splinter's eyes and he runs away. Raph (like all of the brothers) wants Splinter's approval and he's devastated to have fallen short in this instance. Then Splinter doesn't let Mikey follow after Raph. And yeah, Raph likely needed that space but it's this hands-off approach, again. Another example comes from the one of Raph's diary entries in the Raphael: Collector Book. He talks about Splinter assigning him more meditation exercises to help him control his emotions and temper. Perhaps training, space, meditation, and nuggets of wisdom are effective tools for Splinter to self-regulate his emotions, but Splinter is also an adult. Raph needs more guidance and practical advice at this point in his life that Splinter isn't providing. The tools aren't enough, he needs to be taught how to use them.

So. Raph responds in a couple ways to Splinter's hands-off, more-teacher-than-father approach. The first is to train harder, and longer, and learn everything he can about ninjutsu. If Master Splinter says becoming a true warrior will help him find emotional balance then he's going to try his hardest to become one. When he meets Casey, he shares with him verbatim the true warrior line but confesses to Casey he's not sure how hot-heads like them are supposed to do that. He still takes the advice to heart even if it's not helpful or he doesn't understand it because he wants to please and obey his father. The collector's book shows us that Raph has taken the time to learn aspects of ninjutsu that are confusing, uninteresting, and even inaccessible to him. This book contains a lot of technical information about ninjutsu techniques and teachings. It presents Raph as even more of ninja nerd than Leo! Some of this stuff appeals to his interests, for sure; the different punching techniques for instance. Some of it, he seems to have only learned to gain Splinter's approval. He has a detailed spread on hand signs that he explicitly finds too mystical and confusing, claims it took forever to learn, and he can't even use it as a three-fingered being, but he hopes Splinter will be impressed with him.

Second, he goes behind Splinter's back. If there's something he wants or needs and he thinks Splinter won't approve of it, he'll take it for himself. Such as going to the surface when he needs space or bringing his brothers to the surface when he thinks there's something important they need to do. This feels, to me, like access thievery, which is the concept (typically applied to disabled/neurodivergent folks) of taking what one needs (time, space, resources) without asking for permission or waiting to be offered it (because you likely won't be). Again in the collector's book, Raph exhibits an awareness of his faults and a self-compassionate recognition that he's just a teen. Splinter know this too but has shown that he can't always offer what Raph needs or won't give him it in some cases (forbids them from going to the surface). So Raph has developed a willingness to take what he needs for himself and sneak around Splinter to avoid the disapproval he fears.

All that aside, I think they're very similar in their fierce love and devotion to family and the ways it can drive them to anger, fear, hatred, and vengeance. There are traits Raph inherited from Splinter they bond over, too. They're both competitive. The Battle Nexus Tournament isn't their thing but we see them playing pokey in "Dragons Rising." I love the idea that they play a lot of games together! They have a similar sense of humility. They know they're skilled but they're more likely hang back and play support while their other family members take the spotlight than boast. Unless it's really personal, then they'll take over, like how Splinter's quest for vengeance guides them in Exodus and Raph's desire to help Casey leads the brothers to sneak out with him in "Meet Casey Jones." I think, they have a similar sense of humor, too. Raph has this silly line in the collector's book about Splinter being proud he used his head, that is, like a battering ram, and you cannot tell me Splinter wouldn't chuckle at that.

[melonlthawne]

I just wanted to rant to you about this thing I saw. Ik we aren’t moots, but ik you’d understand my anger.

SOMEONE SAID THIS

IT MADE ME SO FUCKING LIVID!!!

Like, yes they did joke about him “being like a child” and them “being like the parents” but THEY ARE ALSO KIDS/TEENS AND ARE PROJECTING THEIR OWN INSECURITIES ON TO HIM WHEN THEY SAY THAT (plus sometimes the writers do NOT understand impulse so they say shit like that). The real parent of Young Justice IS OBVIOUSLY RED TORNADO BECAUSE HE IS THE ACTUAL FUCKING ADULT!!

Wish people would stop acting like Imp is mentally 8 and stop acting like shipping him with anyone his own age is super illegal and weird WHEN HE IS LITERALLY ON THEIR LEVEL!! LET THEM HOLD HANDS AND KISS AND GO ON DATES LIKE NORMAL TEENAGERS DO!!

Anyways, just hate the infantilization of neurodivergence.

ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Bart is the only member of yj to get constantly infantilized and it’s super frustrating. Neurodivergency is not interchangeable to maturity or age. That’s just not how it works. Even if people think Bart acts “childish/immature/whatever” which is usually a mischaracterization made by the fandom he is still a teenager and shouldn’t be treated as Tim and kons little brother or even weirder child. I think this sort of thing happens a lot to prop up timkon too and it makes me really loathe that shop all together. I’m sure there’s some normal timkonnies out there but the flanderization of Bart is so rampant and UGH

[barenecessiteas]

Random Sinclair Headcanons Because I Can't Get Them Out Of My Head

Oh snap I'm back again. I'm feeling relatively inspired so I figured I may as well give some more silly little headcanons. Today we'll be talking about everyone's favorite hardass - Bo Sinclair! Hope you guys like my dumb headcanons

Bo Sinclair

Bo is the older twin. Granted it's only by literal seconds because of how he and Vincent were conjoined, but if you wanna get technical he was first

Since his full name is Beauregard, his nickname should really be spelled "Beau". When he was a toddler and his parents were teaching the boys how to spell their own names, Bo adamantly refused to spell it as Beau and instead picked Bo. Baby Bo said it was because it made an O sound, so it should just be O. Trudy and Victor didn't really argue with that, figuring a two letter name was easier for a kid to remember anyway

The first time he was restrained in the high chair happened when the twins were about 2. Trudy and Victor had previously tried to handle his tantrums with time-outs, sending him to his room, but he kicked and punched and screamed back too much

That's when they got the "genius" idea of restraining him to his highchair. It started with just the straps, but he actually managed to start tearing them apart with how hard he pulled at them. That's when the duct tape came in

As we all know, children are VERY sensitive in this stage of their development when it comes to discipline. It can really set the tone for how they perceive their parents. Once his parents would start strapping him in, whatever he was upset or angry about completely went out the window - it was just straight up fear at that point

The amount of time he'd be left in the chair varied, but usually it could be anyways from 15 minutes to over an hour. The longest times were in the beginning when they first started doing this to him

When he finally "calmed down" enough that his parents deemed it okay to let him out of the chair, Trudy would tend to the wounds on his wrists. It may have been her twisted form of an apology, but what does that matter if they just kept doing it?

Once he was away from his parents, that's when he would break down and cry. Not normal crying you'd expect from a young child, though. He'd cry so hard he was almost completely silent since he couldn't really breathe in steadily, his mouth would be open almost like he was trying to scream but couldn't

Vincent always looked for him after every time he was restrained to the high chair. Being so young, he didn't really know what to say to comfort Bo, so he just sat there with him and hugged him tight for as long as he needed

These were the only times Bo gave in and let his emotions out in front of another person. He'd just feel so scared and defeated after being restrained that he didn't have the energy to fight back at that point

These were also the rare times he'd actually accept hugs from Vincent

I don't really have an idea on whether his outbursts were from brain damage from the surgery, something he was naturally neurodivergent with, or if he just kinda threw really harsh tantrums

BUT regardless of what caused it, his outbursts and chair "sessions" did become less and less frequent as he got older. Mostly it's because the only thing these moments taught him was that he couldn't trust his parents

To a child, it just seems like you get in trouble any time you express negative emotion. That's why he got so good at bottling everything up and not telling anyone what he really felt

He also did genuinely mellow out more as the years went on. He was a kid, of course he was still gonna have tantrums and outbursts, but the worst of those happened when he was really young

Trudy and Victor finally stopped restraining him down when Bo was about 10. This is the age he got REALLY good at just keeping everything inside and only letting it out if he absolutely knew he was alone

Since he did get better at regulating his emotions before they kinda exploded as he got older, his relationship with his parents got better as he got older. Still, it was damaged in ways that could never be repaired. He genuinely loves his parents, and they loved him (despite being so shitty), but he never trusted them

Bo had a habit throughout the years of picking and scratching at the wounds on his wrist, especially when he'd hide away crying afterwards. This just made the scarring more prominent

He does have pretty extensive scarring on the back of his head from the separation surgery, but it's all completely covered by his hair. It would really only be visible if he shaved his hair off

Okay now with all the horrifying stuff out of the way, we can move on to more light-hearted headcanons

Bo is genuinely charming by nature, and he can actually sincerely be very sweet. This was more so when he was a little kid, but it's still there. The sweetness just got buried under all the trauma, so it rarely comes out much ;-;

The charm however is almost always at 100. He learned fast as a kid that being charming or cute was really endearing to everyone else around him

Tons of women around Ambrose would tell Trudy that he was gonna be a heartbreaker once he was grown up. That's what started boosting his ego

Genuinely he's never been insecure about his appearance aside from the scars. He knows he's hot shit, he feels no reason to be insecure about it

Bo would actually always be perfectly still and cooperative whenever Trudy made a cast of his face to make masks for Vincent. When his mother told him they were doing something to make his brother feel better about himself, he immediately agreed to be on his best behavior

To this day he hasn't complained once when the casting is being done. Before and after it are fair game, though, and really it's just affectionate teasing at that point

Bo was one of those kids that was naturally good at sports. On the occasions his father would play baseball or basketball with the kids, he picked up on it fast and loved just being able to run around

Baseball was always his favorite. It was also the one he seemed to be best at

We can see in the movie that he has a scar along his jaw (I know this is just because Brian Van Holt has a scar there but still). He got it when he was around 12 and attempted to climb a tree

In all fairness the process of climbing up the tree was successful, it was just trying to climb down that didn't go so well lol. He lost his footing and got scraped pretty deep by a branch as he fell

It was just serious enough to need stitches, but he never really cared about it being there

He genuinely loves music. He knows how to play piano because both the twins learned as kids, and he picked up guitar as a teenager. Naturally he was just more musically inclined than Vincent

The piano in the House of Wax was specifically added for Bo. Trudy would take the boys with her when she'd add some new additions, so she got the idea to add the piano so he would have something to do while she worked. She actually really loved hearing him play, he was very good at it, and it helped her concentrate

Trudy loved music too, so that's kinda where he gets it from. He also feels that it helps him vent his frustrations when he listens to hard rock and metal

Trudy actually encouraged his talent, just not to the point she did with Vincent and his art

Bo also has genuine talent as a mechanic. He was one of those kids that loved taking things apart and putting them back together again. When he was able to start taking auto shop in school, he was thrilled

I'm sure many of us noticed, but Bo's ring originally belonged to Victor. On the rare occasions he would sit in his dad's lap as a kid, he would always play with the ring on his hand and told his dad he wanted one just like it when he was grown up

Victor gave it to him on his 18th birthday. It's one of his favorite memories he has regarding his father because he didn't think his dad actually remembered the stuff he said about the ring as a kid

He has a habit of playing with it and twisting it. Most of the time it's just from fidgeting and he doesn't realize he does it, but it's also a coping mechanism for him

As I said before, even though his relationship with his parents was complicated to say the least, he did love them. The ring reminds him of the happier moments he had with his dad growing up

I mentioned in Lester's post that Victor would take him and Lester hunting on occasion, and he would always get so excited for those weekends! He got real enjoyment out of it, and seeing his father be proud of his marksmanship was an added bonus

I don't know why but I think he's a violent sleeper. As in he moves around a lot throughout the night. He'll often wake up to find he's completely kicked the blanket and sheets off his bed

It doesn't happen every single night, but it's definitely rare that he sleeps relatively peacefully

These also happen because of his night terrors from PTSD, though he'd rather set himself on fire than admit that

Also he snores pretty loud, he definitely does. Sorry I don't make the rules I'm just delivering the message

As I'm sure we all know, he loves his brothers to death. They're the only two people in the world he trusts completely

Of course he still has trouble expressing that, and his love language is kinda being an asshole and teasing them both

I don't see Bo as abusive, personally. The only time we really see him lash out at Vincent is in the kitchen after he'd been shot twice with a crossbow. I think most of us would be in a bad mood if we had a piece of an arrow sticking out of our chest and our brother kept trying to yank it out

But even with all the teasing, he always follows up with some sort of apology when it goes too far or he ends up taking his frustrations out on them. Granted, it's rarely ever an actual "I'm sorry" but more of compliments and comfort like he did with Vincent after snapping at him

His brothers are just his soft spot, man 🥹

He doesn't kill every single person that comes into strolling by. He has a soft spot for kids so none of the boys ever hurt families, pregnant women, children, stuff like that. Once you're out of your teens it's fair game

Bo and Vincent also tried their best to keep the killings a secret from Lester, they didn't want to drag their baby brother into their mess

Needless to say they did not hide it well

After his parents passed and the town went dead from the mill shutting down, Bo legitimately saw his idea of killing people to use for wax statues as a way of honoring his mother's work

He knew he didn't have the same artistic inclination as Vincent did, so he saw providing real models to work on as helping Vincent with his art, and therefore helping fulfill his mother's dream of making a wax town

Bo wasn't using Vincent or lying to him as Carly thought. Or at the very least he wasn't doing it on purpose, because he just genuinely saw the things he did as a way of helping

His thought process is basically "Even if I help just a little bit, it still counts, and maybe if I do this I can finally make my mother proud of me"

Alright I think that's enough for today. A few of the more general headcanons are definitely ones I've seen floating around, but I wanted to elaborate on them a little more in how I imagined them. Hopefully I'll get to Vincent's headcanons soon. See you soon my lovelies 😘💕

[hyperlexichypatia]

CN: This post is about child abuse.

I was talking to a younger neurodivergent person about their horrifically abusive childhood, which included their parents beating them, drugging them, and sending them to abusive therapies, and for some reason my immediate thought was: That's so unfair, you shouldn't be allowed to beat your children AND pathologize them!

To be clear. I believe you should be allowed to do NEITHER of those things. Physical abuse and psychiatric abuse are both wrong!

But at minimum, you should at least have to choose between old-school, authoritarian, beating, yelling, physical-abuse-based parenting and new-school, authoritative, pathologizing, psychiatrizing, emotional-abuse-based parenting. They're mutually incompatible Abuse Philosophies!

The one (1) good, semi-redeeming thing about the psychiatrization of childhood and parenting is that it teaches that beating children is bad for them. Truly the only beneficial thing about it!

I remember reading about local schools adopting a "positive behavior interventions" system, and having mixed feelings about it -- Behaviorism is abuse, absolutely. But I live in an area where the largely unquestioned cultural norm is to deal with children by beating them. If parents can't be persuaded in a day to convert to neurodiversity-affirming, youth-affirming, gentle discipline, isn't getting them to deal with children's "bad behavior" by taking away stickers better than what they're currently doing? Is "positive behavior intervention" the lesser evil, in this case?

But is it? Is it even effective at that? What's to stop parents from sending their kids to behavioral therapy and also beating them? I honestly don't know.

Whenever mad liberation people argue against psychiatric abuse (forced drugging, coercive therapy, institutionalization, etc), pro-psychiatric-coercion people always defend it as better than "the alternative" of physical abuse. It's always "Would you rather they go to prison? Would you rather they be homeless? Would you rather they get beaten or shot by police?"

And of course, that's a false choice, because we would rather neither! We would rather disabled/Mad/neurodivergent people be free. Not abused or coerced in any way at all!

In addition, I'm reminded of something my partner said about men who brag about being "nice guys who don't abuse women like those other men do": Even if they're telling the truth (which, often, they're not), the value of this as a braggable claim is dependent on abusers being widespread. Mediocre men benefit from the widespread existence of abusive men, by getting to be the less-bad alternative to something worse.

The same is true of psychiatric abuse being "better than" physical abuse: Even if psychiatric wards and group homes are better than prisons, even if therapizing children is better than beating them, even if social workers are less abusive than police, even if all these things are true, the argument for psychiatric abuse relies on keeping physical abuse as an option on the table.

And even so, to circle back to my original point: Does psychiatric abuse even prevent physical abuse? Certainly not always. It also doesn't prevent poverty or homelessness -- we always point out that it's possible to materially support people without controlling them, but also, it's possible to control people without materially supporting them at all. Stripping people of their autonomy in order to get them financially provided for... doesn't actually get them financially provided for.

I also talked to a younger neurodivergent person who was kicked out of their parents' home at age 18. Gee, I thought the entire purpose of reclassifying young adults as still-children, and disabled adults as forever-children, was to prevent that from happening? I thought we had to endorse abusive parenting because the alternative is homelessness? Turns out, people with abusive parents can still end up homeless!

The status of youth rights and disability rights is so messed up. Parents can do essentially whatever they want to their children (especially if their children are disabled). It's disgusting and it's morally reprehensible at every level. I don't have an uplifting ending for this one.

[enbycrip]

I am pro-kid because I am pro-human, and kids are people. No matter how much social bullshit tries to say they are not.

No one asked to be here. Everyone deserves a loving, gentle, safe childhood; and the world is actively a much worse place because that idea is somehow controversial.

Active hostility towards kids also *massively* entrenches the inequality birthing and feeding parents experience. If you really hate kids but you don’t hate women and people read as women, sell treating kids like people to yourself on fighting misogyny. And consider that hating any group of marginalised people for their marginalisation is bigotry.

You don’t have to like kids en masse. You *certainly* don’t need to have them if you don’t want to, or to babysit kids if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.

But you *do* have a responsibility to treat kids like people, including accommodating their needs. Don’t be a dick to kids you meet in the wild, and don’t be a dick to parents because their kids are acting like kids.

And be aware of the intersections of privilege when you are considering kids in public. Kids who are getting in your way in public spaces are likely to be doing that because of poverty, frankly. Very few parents *want* to take their young kids on a long ride on public transport, especially if said kids are clearly either tired and cranky or full of energy that public transport is a shitty environment to release it on. If they are doing this, it is likely because they have no other options.

And please don’t make the disingenuous “they chose to have kids” argument; horribly, bodily autonomy is not a given for birthing parents. About a third of births in “western countries” are unplanned. There is lack of access to birth control and reproductive healthcare and there are controlling partners (manipulation through sex and reproduction is a favoured tactic for far too many abusers).

A 3 year old having a meltdown is doing it because of their developmental stage and because their basic needs aren’t being met. It’s not deliberate and it’s not under their control. Being a dick about that as exactly as bigoted as behaving that way towards a disabled person who isn’t being accommodated either.

I’m physically disabled and neurodivergent. My adult brother is neurodivergent and learning disabled. I’ve seen a lifetime of people who hate kids hating disabled people too. Including too many privileged disabled people, frankly. There is absolutely such a thing as a clash of accessibility needs, but vocal hatred of other marginalised people, or being a dick to them, because their needs clash with yours is Not Okay.

I am also pro-old people for the exact same reasons I am pro-kid. Because they are all people, and marginalised people at that.

Childhood and old age are the times people living in economically-exploited classes experience the most poverty, because age, and the lack of capacity for economic exploitation that accompanies both old age and childhood, is a characteristic that people are marginalised for.

We live in a society here. We are communal creatures. We have a basic responsibility to be decent to other people, including people who are marginalised and dehumanised, and that includes kids and old people.

If you are organising, including kids and providing childcare is as essential as accessibility. If you don’t, you are literally entrenching the same power dynamics you claim to be organising against. This is a huge fucking problem on the left, and it’s one thing the second wave feminists got entirely right, despite all their other issues.

[xiv-wolfram]

WolfBahn Ship Summary - Part 1

Prequel

I realized the comics are... a lot. So I decided to make a short summary of my Wolfram x Raubahn ship. As I started to write I realized it was also... a lot. So clearly WolfBahn is simply... a lot. Eh, this is still way less to read than the comics, enjoy.

Warnings - imperfect neurodivergent protagonist, voidsent, domestic argument that turned a teeny tiny bit physical

Ul'dah

Wolfram Vought and Raubahn Aldynn met 15 years before A Realm Reborn at ages 25/29 in Thanalan. Wolfram (A recently reformed bandit, Gyr Abanian refugee, and the future Warrior of Light) wanted gladiator training as he was accustomed to a rapier. Raubahn, a gladiator (for the guild, not a prisoner), just thought he was trying to pick him up after a tourney. They ended up talking and hit it off almost instantly, bonding over being from the same country, shared interests, and good ol' fashioned Garlean hatred. After hours of walking around Ul'dah conversing, Rau had given up on his assumption that Wolf was interested in him romantically but was happy to have a new friend. Demisexual Wolfram just needed a bit of time to get to know him and surprised Raubahn with a kiss after they had talked all night. Wolfram decided to stay in Ul'dah, but not as a gladiator. He became a cook at the Quicksand.

They fell in love unnaturally quickly and lived together happily for 2 years. Raubahn appreciated Wolf's sincerity, sense of humor, and being non-judgemental and supportive. He even enjoyed his empathic abilities. Wolfram loved how the gladiator could keep him grounded, admired his heroic nature, that he helped him calm down during panic attacks, and generally made him feel safe (the dude has trauma™). They were great friends as well as partners. Wolfram taught Raubahn how to cook. Raubahn taught Wolfram more fighting techniques. They enjoyed sparring and fighting monsters. Exploring together. They’d a whole future planned out. Wolfram was going to propose they be eternally bonded, but couldn't in good conscience until he told Raubahn about his past. One night, after a horrible nightmare, he confessed. 

6 years prior, the Decurio who led the small group of Garleans occupying his village requested Wolfram’s young sister’s hand in marriage in exchange for going easier on the family’s inn. He overheard his parents considering the offer. Wolf had been secretly studying his grandmother’s tomes on void magic and in his anger summoned a hellhound. Something went wrong and the voidsent that arrived was far more powerful than he could control. It possessed him and forced him to watch as it transformed, using his body to not only kill the Garleans but his whole village, including his family. His Mhachi grandmother did a ritual to bind it before her death, saying it was still within him and he would have to control his emotions to keep it imprisoned. (He didn't mention to Rau that the voidsent often talked to him.) Wolf then fled to The Black Shroud and became a bandit while adjusting to his new reality.

Raubahn was shocked but kept his poker face and asked for some details. Wolf admitted to killing several other bandits who he thought were a threat but insisted he only robbed rich travelers. After a few years, he had gotten control over the hellhound and wanted a more stable life, so he moved to Ul’dah. He said he was so glad when he met Raubahn because the gladiator was able to calm him down when the voidsent was causing him to panic and so clearly a good person that maybe he could help Wolf become good too.

Raubahn was horrified at his partner's actions and the fact that he'd lied and put him in danger for the entirety of their relationship, but even more so that Wolfram refused to accept responsibility for his own decisions and insisted on blaming the Garleans. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, he had robbed and murdered people he didn’t need to. Rau questioned if Wolf actually cared for him or if it was a selfish love born from wanting to be taught ‘goodness’. Wolfram seemed to have changed now - but could Raubahn ever be sure? Could he ever trust the man who would do those things and refuse to accept the guilt for them? The conversation got away from them both. Wolfram was defensive, panicked, and pushy. Raubahn was angry at Wolf’s insistence on his innocence, downplaying what he did. The gladiator tried to walk out, Wolf tried to stop him, Rau shoved him away then left, telling him if he ever saw him again he’d have him arrested. Raubahn quickly calmed down and returned to apologize but Wolf had already gone. They wouldn't speak for many years.

The Shroud

Wolfram traveled back to the Black Shroud and quickly acknowledged to himself that Raubahn had been right about everything. He would have immediately apologized and accepted the guilt, but he was terrified of going to jail if Rau made good on his threat. In part, because it didn’t sound like a pleasant experience, but also because he could be made to fight in the Bloodsands and was worried about what would happen if he lost control of the hellhound in a crowded coliseum in the middle of a large city. After a month-long bender (in which he realized alcohol would quiet the voidsent’s voice) Wolfram decided to join the Conjurer's Guild to learn to heal and become a better person on his own. Raubahn was right about that too - it had been selfish to expect the love of someone to fix him. Besides, white magic would become useful for something he had to take care of if he ever made it back to Gyr Abania.

Red Magic

After 6 years Wolfram heard that Raubahn had bought the Coliseum, joined the Syndicate, and reformed the Immortal Flames. The conjurer gathered the courage to head to Thanalan to offer his services to the Flames - hopefully winning Raubahn's forgiveness. On the way, he ran into a fellow Gyr Abanian named X'Rhun Tia. The miqo'te had a unique fighting style that combined magic with a rapier. They got along well and X’Rhun offered to train Wolfram in red magic. Wolf couldn't pass up the opportunity, deciding he'd been a fool to believe he could return to Ul'dah anyway.

Calamity

For the next 3 years, Wolfram trained with X’Rhun, quickly mastering Red Magic and helping his friend find more apprentices to teach. Then came the 7th Umbral Calamity. Wolfram was away in Kugane at the time but once word reached that the Eorzean Alliance would be fighting Garleans at Carteneu he teleported himself to the South Shroud and rushed to make it to the battle in time. He was almost there when the moon cracked open. Wolf couldn’t help but watch as fire rained from the sky. Once it was over, he saw from afar that Raubahn had survived. He couldn’t bring himself to approach the General, but knowing he was safe was enough. Wolfram quickly started aiding the injured soldiers. He healed many before the Echo visions of the dying overwhelmed him.

The next 5 years were spent in well-masked anxiety - assuming that the voidsent had gained the ability to show Wolfram nightmares while he was awake. Something he didn’t tell a soul. Helping victims of the calamity as a member of the Adventurer’s Guild was a nice distraction. He didn’t make much gil but it was enough to buy a small apartment in Limsa Lominsa. In all that time Wolf kept tabs on Raubahn (easily, he was famous after all). Wolfram's love never faded, but he learned to live with the pain and focus on helping others as a way to make amends for his past. He was so resolved to not even date that it often worried his best friend and roommate Rhun. 

Raubahn had been busy in those 13 years, but everyone knows his story. He adopted his son Pipin. He became a wealthy politician and military commander. He did *try* dating, but didn't find anyone he could see a future with. As his political power rose so did the rumors. Simply dancing with his friend Merlwyb at an event had sparked gossip and accusations of collusion. He gave up on public relationships completely after joining the Syndicate for fear of what the Monetarists would do to any partner of his. The General did have a few casual lovers who respected his need for discretion but his focus was on leading the city he’d come to truly call home. Raubahn often found himself wondering if Wolfram was still alive but couldn't track the former bandit down due to his penchant for using an alias.

Part 2 - A Realm Reborn

[punkeropercyjackson]

Here's the downlow on the 'You can't be punk if you have [interest here]!!!' and 'You're gatekeeping punk by saying i can't like [same thing] and be a part of it!!!' discourse:There are many ways to be punk.There are many things that can make you inherently NOT punk unless you change them about yourself.I'm gonna use myself as an example so you can understand what i mean with specifics:

I'm afrolatina.I'm extremely feminine,pastel,super goofy and i wear skirts and stockings and sweaters and do my makeup in 2000s styles.I'm autistic and some of my special interests are kidcore and the indie genre,including listening to stereotypical transmasc/nonbinary bands like The Front Bottoms and being fandoms like Adventure Time and MLP.I haven't been able to go to protests or deface public property yet because my current living situation would put my life at risk if i did.None of this makes me punk nor disqualifies me from it

I've read a lot of punk history and will continue until i literally can't find stuff i haven't.I'm a socialist.I'm learning to diy.I listen to punk music.Because of all the restaurant chain boycotts that have been going on,i've stopped buying from the ones i used to go to and looked up recipes on how to make their foods so i can still eat them but not give them support and similarly,i've decided to buy all my merch from media i like either secondhand or much preferably fanmade so i can support small artists with a focus on ones of color and trans and disabled ones.I save up spare money and have lied to my relatives to get them to give me more so i can donate to causes.I spread awareness about people in need so others can help them too.I do my best to be as respectful as possible in a humanizing way to minorities i'm not a part of and have erased my conservative family's teachings

I plan to get piercings,a battle jacket from a thrift store and load it with patches i made and pins bought from punk bussinesses and my current style is inherently gnc by virtue of me being both a man and a woman and i'm gonna present pastel punk specifically and that'll make it even moreso.I'm a firm believer in rights for all minorities with children being one of the main one's because i'm an eldest sibling and that made it so i ended up befriending a lot younger people enough that we consider eachother siblings too and a few of them even call me their parent because their actual ones are abusive and that's what made me go so hard for children's rights to begin with,especially since in almost all their cases it was motivated by them queer or neurodivergent or so forth,and a few of them have gone punk too because i inspired them to.This makes me punk and the first part dosen't invalidate that in any way,it's just another part of who i am because i'm a human person and therefore multifaced

And that's just the thing-Hobbies and tastes and most styles aren't inherently punk.There's tons,TONS of punk subgenres for a reason.Yes,they're are ones that make it so you can't be punk and yes,there's also ones that would you make a dumbass if you said they're the same as that.Punk has rules.You can be punk and be edgy,femme,indie and everything inbetween.You CAN'T be punk if you don't actually have our ideologies and do our cultural requirements because punk is not a universal heritage.You're not unpunk for not living up to the most popular imagine of us even though you have the personality and fufill the actions.You're unpunk if you prioritize fitting in over being kind and don't help out minorities to prioritize oppressors even though they're the ones you're supposedly fighting for and cry 'cencorship and purity culture' when people think you're gross for having age/raceplay and incest and noncon kinks and sexualizing minors even if they're not 'real' or it's 'just pretend' when there's actual harmful cencorship and when purity culture is about christians historical abuse of young women using their sexualities against them to cater to men.Los Punkeros son asunto serio,no mamen

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

The Bluey Drama (even though I like the show)

As an adult who loves kids shows, I appreciate how Bluey is fun for both kids and adults and I can enjoy it a lot. It's an adorable and fun show and even though I still prefer the more nostalgic kids shows, I still enjoy Bluey because it keeps the simplicity of the 2000s-2010s shows that I grew up with. I'm only 21, so I am a young adult, and I repeat YOUNG adult! I also have trauma (and probably also neurodivergent but wasn't diagnosed) so I'm very happy that a kids show because popular enough with adults so that more people are accepting to people like me watching shows meant for preschoolers. However, there are some issues that popped up recently. For the longest time, fans have been really respectful of the show and sweet, but people are now taking things too far!

It's sad how Bluey and Nanalan' seemed like shows that kids, teens, and adults can love, but some people will easily ruin it for the kids and the normal adult fans. For one thing, shipping kids is freaking disturbing! Like, most of the drama is because grown adults were speculating on who Bluey's future partner is in a scene that showed her as an adult with a kid. WHY ARE WE HAVING A DEBATE OVER THAT? Like, even though it flashed forwards to when Bluey's older, she is still a kid in the majority of the show and it's really creepy that 30 something year olds are having a debate over who a 7 year old's future partner is. Also, people straight up ship her with Makenzie or Jean Luc and as I said before, shipping kids is freaking disturbing! Especially if you're an adult and you're obsessed with a 6 or 7 year olds being in a relationship. Even when parents think their kids have a crush at that age. it's weird! They're just LITTLE KIDS! Like, at this point you can't watch an enjoy the show without having a debate over who the father of the baby is. Now if you're like 20 and you're watching a show where most of the characters are teens and you see a couple on the show and you're like "Aw what a cute couple!" it's fine, but if you're old and you're debating over who the father of Bluey's future child is, then it's weird!

Also, weirdos in the fandom have made NSFW of Bluey, and I understand that it was mostly involving Bandit and it's fine as long as it's only adult characters. However, remember that there are still kids who enjoy the show and you don't want to ruin it for them like people ruined My Little Pony for the kids. Also, Bandit simps are not as bad as Bronies from what I remember, and I hope that the fandom will stay calm and not get out of hand. Like, the thing is that if adults get too weird with the fandom, it will soon drive the kids away and we won't realize how good the messages actually are in both shows. Both Bluey and My Little Pony actually tackle topics that other kids shows don't normally cover, and they deserve to be hyped over for that! It's okay to simp for Bandit and that attractive voice of his, but just remember that there are still children in the fandom too.

I really wish we could have nice things! Bluey wasn't the only show that weird adults were ruining, Nanalan almost got hit too. NANALAN! The puppet show with that "Who's that wonderful girl?" song meme! Yes, they had an episode with a little boy that Mona played with, a FRIEND and only a friend, and people got so angry because they thought Mona had a boyfriend. I'm sure if it was another girl, people wouldn't get so upset but because it was a boy, they automatically assumed "they're a couple" and people were commenting things like "Stay away from Mona!". I couldn't believe these comments! Me and a few other people were addressing how crazy these people were in the comments. Like, it's a kids show and it's fine for adults to enjoy it, just please don't get too upset over little issues.

Anyway, tell me your thoughts! I know there's a lot to talk about here.

[saphig-iawn]

Day 5 of Turning me into Me

Today was a strange one, but it was positive. Today gave me another chance to feel my own strength and stand my ground; I visited my parents.

Here's some Saphi lore to give context as to why this was an important conversation. I originally came out as trans in 2018. I was out to my dear girlfriend and a handful of others knew I had some gender fuckery going on. But I was uncertain, I had doubts, so all I could do one day was squeak out the words "I think I'm trans" to my mum. There was such a mounting pressure inside of me, and finally being able to tell them felt good, but things didn't pan out all that well. "So you're a crossdresser" my mum would bark while we were walking dogs together, "If you had come out as gay, I would've been more prepared" she added. Sure, let me just throw away my long term relationship for your comfort shall I? My dad couldn't hold conversation with me. There was a frost forming in the air between us, and then at my sister's engagement party a few days later, he couldn't even look me in the eye. Every time I reached out to him, he would dive away. I felt so alone and left early, lied to my sister that I wasn't well. Then I retreated into the closet, my transess felt surpressed. I went into such a dark period of questioning. But I came out the otherside as the lovely transwoman you have before you.

This time around, my parents and family are the last to find out. My friends all call me by my new name, I'm out to my colleagues at work, I'm my beautiful trans self everywhere, but to them. I couldn't help but think of the worst scenario when daydreaming about coming out to them. If my dad avoided me then, how would he react now when I tell him of how sure I am of my femininity? Would my mum be 'more prepared' now? In this time I've tried to lay down breadcrumbs, slowly invite them in and the responses were sometimes worrying. My sister and her husband talking about kids having their genitals cut off, my dad scrunching up his face at the word non-binary, my sister asking if I have any snowflake friends. The worst was my mum. She wasn't transphobic or bigoted, but she acted in a way that fucking hurt. She was telling me about her friend who's daughter came out as transwoman, and how every time she sees a photo of her friend and her new daughter she make sure she comments on how her daughter is so happy and confident. I wished I could've felt joy at that, that my mum was turning a page but all I could think was: "where were you when I came out".

My parents find it so hard to let me think for myself. I've not lived with them for a while now but they still feel that they can have this sway on my life. I've taken to straight up lying about seeing mental health professionals so that they'd understand how I work, as someone who is neurodivergent and has ADHD, because their own child's word about their own feelings is apparently not good enough. Every time they'd say "you know where we are if you want to talk" I TRIED. I TRIED AND YOU PUT ME AT ARMS LENGTH. Then I told them the plainest and most powerful truth, that I saw my doctor about getting a referral for the gender services. That was so HAPPY that something positive was finally happening, that I was going to be figuring myself out. But of course, we know the reality is that I already know who I am and have already figured it out. I've drip fed them what I've learned about myself, my body and gender dysmorphia from a young age, the realisation now that my mind and body didn't match. My mum is a fatphobic and she always thinks I'm going through this because I'm a big girl, but I shut her down every time.

So, with all of that in mind, I spoke to my parents. I told them that I've received confirmation that I'm on the gender services. I told them I'm joining support groups (lie) and that I'm meeting people who have similar experience as me (lie)... They were supportive... They actually hugged me and in their old way actually said that they'd support me, as long as I feel like I'm doing the right thing by me.

Oh I am mum and dad, and I have been for a long time.

Love, your daughter

[greentrickster]

One of my earliest, weirdest, memories involving religion involves sneaking downstairs one night when I was somewhere around five or six. I don’t remember why I went down - could have been scared and wanted to talk to my parents, could have been that I knew from a young age they watched TV sometimes after I went to bed and I snuck down to watch.

Anyway, the point is, I’m a small child, being raised in a very vaguely Christian household, it’s late at night, I’m supposed to be in bed, my parents are watching TV, and I’m peering sneakily into the living room as they do this for reasons unremembered.

This moment does not last long, however. In fact, it lasts exactly long enough for someone on the TV to say, in a very serious voice, “God is dead, and we have the body to prove it.”

Now, if it had just been the first part of the sentence, things might have been different. It’s a popular Nietzsche quote, and I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there who heard it young and got to experience their first crisis of anything as a result of it.

But that’s not what happened to me. No, I’m now young, creative, neurodivergent (undiagnosed at the time), and in the middle of panic attack because someone has killed God. A thing I know, because an adult on the TV just said so very seriously, with an image of a covered body to go with it. And I’m a little kid from an only vaguely religious household - I have next to no grasp of who or what God is, but I am now extremely concerned about him, because someone just said he’s dead, and I’ve seen dead birds in the backyard, so I understand the concept of death in that it’s something very upsetting and you don’t come back from it. This isn’t a thought experiment, this isn’t a re-evaluation of my place in the universe, this is undeniable proof that God is dead because somebody killed him. They have a body to prove it and everything. Yeah, I barely know who he is and have next to no grasp on theology, but I’m upset! Because- dead! That’s bad!

And I’m pretty sure I just went back to bed after this and didn’t talk to my mom about it in tears until the next day, giving her the experience of getting to assure her small child that it’s okay, God’s fine, nobody murdered him, it was just people saying silly things on TV.

TL;DR: There may have been a point in my life where I could have potentially had a somewhat normal relationship with religion, but by golly did that ship sail early.

[crossstitchbossbitch-blog]

Storytime: Believing in Santa, or "I bet you were a delight"

Yesterday on a lunch outing with 5 work colleagues, 3 of whom are parents of kids under 10, plus myself and another young-ish woman who are childless but have enough dealings with sprogs... the conversation turns to Christmas and belief in things like Father Christmas/ Santa, the Tooth Fairy and whatnot.

After general sharing of stories including the parents talking about when their kid stopped believing, or had it told to them by an older kid, I shared my story of having a debate in primary school (y5 or y6, so age 9 or 10) about whether Father Christmas was real.

I had read the Hogfather by Terry Pratchett by that age and shared his solution to the conundrum: that many of these beings can be described as an anthropomorphic personification, and the more belief people have in it, the more real it becomes.

I really like this notion: it gives strength to magic, superstition, beliefs and faith alike. This is how religions rise and fall, how supernatural phenomena won't occur around skeptics and how some things are just ingrained into our collective psyche, because somewhere in our subconscious there is a grain of memory or residual belief about it. It waxes and wanes with the power of collective thought and storytelling, and for those that have time for it, it is as real as you make it.

I didn't say any of that following paragraph, just said the first bit about using it in a primary school debate and it being from Terry Pratchett and the Hogfather; to which the other young woman retorted, "Oh, I bet you were a delight".

I don't know whether I'm meant to be offended. At the time I laughed, and the conversation moved on.

But honestly, I worry that it was meant in a mean way and that kind of upsets me. I have always treasured being able to circumvent the breaking of the illusion and the loss of innocence. I love the fact that reading, an activity always pleasing to grownups, had given me that gift of knowledge and terminology for something I wanted to understand.

Sir Pratchett's influence on the nerdy, the neurodivergent and the not-very-cool is profound and far reaching even after his death. Of course, he was a bestselling author and millions of people have read his works, so I assume neurotypical people have also read his books!

I don't know if I should be sad that this person who called me sarcastically, "a delight", just never got the memo about the wholesome quirky cool that is Pratchett's worldview.

Maybe I am taking offence where none was intended - I guess having a 9 year old use big words could be annoying to adults, but I think it's a good thing. I really wish I could read half as voraciously as I did when I was a child. I miss getting lost in fantasy worlds of literature and by gosh I miss Terry Pratchett. It's it just nostalgia? Maybe. But also if I lose this shit, I probably lose even more of my identity and continue down the slope of depression and anxiety that began around that age. I keep getting told I look so young (I'm 31) and I know that ADHDers do grow up slower than their neurotypical peers. It takes longer for our brains to develop. The ADHD / Autistic brain doesn't "prune" neural pathways and the overlap can contribute to positive and negative elements of cognitive differences. E.g. improved pattern recognition vs sensory overload. I would cite the studies I have looked at, but I can't be bothered digging through my browsing history.

This is one of those times where I overthink the interaction and realise I'm possibly at fault for being "too much", or reflect on a childhood memory and have it reframed as another example of me being neurodivergent and not fitting in. But at that point in time, age 9 or 10, the other kids on my debate team seemed fine with me sharing my point and explaining it, as a means to an end in completing the class debate. I thought I was welcomed.

It's only with this comment, I find myself wondering how much of my past conduct was actually too much or too weird or too different for other people.

Ironically, this lunch came after we had an hour long presentation from the EDI (Equality, Diversity and Inclusion) team at work... where they specifically outlined how feeling "othered" can negatively affect behaviour.

Cool. Cool Cool Cool.

[uefb]

Hi

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but as you know I really enjoy reading some of your fanfic and love the way Newt’s family are written in your universe. I love how Newt’s parents are supportive, especially his dad. I think his dad and Theseus are my favourites.

Anyway I wanted to ask, in your world how would Helious and Rowan react to Newt’s expulsion from Hogwarts? What happened when Newt came home? Or when they were called in after the incident?

Did they treat him with kid gloves? Like go about it delicately like they did with the incident with his uncle in the ministry? Or maybe this time he’s gone too far (as far as they know), so they’re more disappointed and bit more firmer? He’s not a kid anymore so how would that go? Now that’s something interesting I think to explore.

Hello! Good to hear from you! I’m answering this from bed half asleep so forgive me for not going into a ton of detail. But if I put it off I’ll just never reply. Very happy you like how I write the Scamander family

And great question — because their reaction is different from how they treat him after the situation with Hesiod in “The Riot Act”. While still cognitively immature, there’s still a big difference between barely 11 and 16/17…. ‘Kid gloves’ are appropriate when dealing with certain issues at certain ages, but realistic conversation would probably be a better fit for the expulsion at 16.

That being said..

So I actually I have a few versions of their reaction to Newt’s expulsion I’ve been playing around with. But all of them involve Newt going back to live with Rowan eventually, but spending the first month avoiding home, living solely with his dad in London. I write him specifically requesting his father be contacted to pick him up, after which he informs his mother himself, while at Helios’. Newt knows she’ll be disappointed. And he ultimately chooses to figure the first few weeks after expulsion out with Helios precisely because Rowan is struggling to be supportive (and he likely feels ashamed). Rowan, meanwhile, feels she’s tried everything and still she’s ended up with her youngest son, expelled from school, just come of age with absolutely nothing going for him. She’s worried, and frustrated, and angry, and that can be hard for someone like Newt to figure out how to handle, especially bc I don’t headcanon he tells his parents about the entire Leta situation. Which makes him come across as far less sympathetic.

By this point, I write their dad as being somewhat “checked out”. He’s largely given up on parenting by now (I mean, Theseus is well into adulthood, but newt’s still young), as he’s been rather burned out by his own life and some particularly poor coping mechanisms. You can imagine the unspoken strain that puts on a family unit. Helios is of course upset with the situation but he’s not disappointed in Newt in the same way as Rowan (probably for obvious reasons, as he and Newt share a lot of personality traits in addition to some overlapping neurodivergence), so his reaction is pretty tempered. So it’s easier for Newt to hide there, with his dad.

Luckily for both Rowan & Helios, though, Newt immediately gets work at DRCMC and an apothecary in Diagon Alley, so he keeps himself busy, and largely out of trouble. He strikes me as the kind of person who does much better—in many ways—in the world than he does in school (I say, heavily projecting), so I imagine over the course of a few months, he and his mum come back around to understanding one another better. There’s a point at which one just has to accept that (a) this is the unfortunate way of the world and it’s necessary to survival to sometimes just accept it [Newt], and (b) this is just the way some people are — you can cry and scream about it but good luck trying to change something that perhaps just can’t be changed [Rowan]. Neither of them is entirely in the right, and I think they both probably know it, a little bit.

I do headcanon the expulsion as one of the first real cracks in N & T’s relationship, though. Theseus doesn’t abandon him and remains an anchor in an otherwise somewhat unstable family during this time period, but he doesn’t understand him, and it starts to get messy.

One of the reasons I love writing about Theseus and Newt is because neither of them is perfect. They both have canon flaws in how they deal with commitment and conflict. And I’m trying to figure out how to write the expulsion reaction for all of them, so I’ve just been poking at it for a few months, and waiting for it to shape itself out.

So that’s some rambling. Certainly it’s not all my thoughts because I’m in bed but. Would love to know your thoughts too.

[soullikethesea]

I found a video about "limerence" and attachment issues. (Very long).

I think some of the anxious preoccupied parts are stuck in limerence. It's helping me to see a bit more clearly what's happening, like how it's not grounded in the present (unfortunately, I have to think about that stupid childhood again).

I recognize wanting to find a home in another person - desperately wanting to feel welcome. I recognize fantasizing about rescue and idealizing people. I did that a bunch as a child. I recognize the deficit of connection. Also a deficit of being cuddled and touched.

I have to untie this from romantic love. Honestly, I have no idea if I'm capable of romantic love. Is there anything in me beyond the longing for an attachment figure? I doubt it.

Unfortunately the "ways to work on limerence" don't seem very inviting. Daily affirmations and daily rituals. I know the weekly yoga is a good thing right now. I know the daily cuddles with plushies are good. I know spending time with parts is also helpful over time. Plus finding words for things, finding step-by-step explanations and guides. Like when my T borrowed me the deck of cards with words for needs, I finally had possible answers for ("what do you need?") and that helped so much. I think my next step is going to be more journalling. The Courage to Heal has journal prompts (it is a scary book I haven't read yet, but it does sit on my shelf), and I really like the journal prompts from Unmasking Autism. They are often more about strengths and other good things.

"Little me", to summarize the cluster of super young parts, is highly emotionally volatile. It's such a wounded and dysregulated little person. So desperate and vulnerable. About age 0 - 3. When the world is a chaotic world in which you're very much powerless. I idealize(d) my mum a lot, because she responds to the anxious preoccupied-ness with her own anxious preoccupied-ness. It's ironic, because I WAS clearly the apple of her eye. No neglect there. Just neglect because she was so struck with trauma, grief and dissociation herself. Our bond was very intense. I was allowed to be my full neurodivergent self. She accepted my picky eating, my sensory avoidance and sensory seeking, my open and curious look at the world, my incessant talking (way too much), my intense focus, my need for quiet and structure. She couldn't soothe my strong emotions, but she was there for me in many other ways. Like stroking my back every night. It's just that I wasn't allowed to step out of that connection either. I had to stay close to her intenseness, or she would freak out. Even while staying close she freaked out a lot, because she was very traumatized. I was really scared of upsetting her, because her upset would be like the whole world turning dark and even more scary.

My limerence is maybe thinking back to those times I *did* feel fully accepted. When life was calm and my mum was happy.

The scary things that happened were way beyond my comprehension. The fights. Losing my siblings. Being abandoned (left with the other parent), where suddenly everything would be different and I would be scolded for not knowing what to do. I was so scared. My dad has opened up a bit more about his experience of my early childhood and he said that I was unhappy most of the time, very upset. He said that my second birthday was one of the few happy days he remembers. That was right before he and my mum split up for good, although they already split up and got back together a few times before that.

I don't remember that day, of course. But I remember other birthdays and days, and I know I was happy whenever my mum would be happy. She loved being away in our cabin, so I have a lot of good memories there. She loved Easter, so that feels like a safe holiday.

My dad said he didn't "fight for me", because he was too scared of my mum. She is very manipulative and proud of it. She still is.

But she did make me the apple of her eye and when I was with my dad I lost all of that. I lost anyone capable of taking my needs into account in any way. So I longed for my mother. And I weeped and wailed, alone on the carpet. No one to comfort and no one to care.

My dad said I needed a lot of constant attention and I was very clingy. But my mum could leave me to play for myself for 4 hours at a time. It was a matter of feeling unsafe.

And I hate that it still affects me even now.

[lionheartslowstart]

The Double Empathy Problem

The Double Empathy Problem describes the difficulty faced between two people who come from extremely different backgrounds when trying to empathize with each other. Understandably, it can be difficult to empathize with a situation when you can’t even begin to fathom what that situation might be like, because you have no foundation from which to draw upon. Over the last few years, The Double Empathy Problem has been increasingly discussed in reference to the interactions between neurodivergent and neurotypical people. More specifically, those between autistics and allistics.

On one hand, technically these interactions do fall under The Double Empathy Problem. Studies in neuroscience have shown that autistic brains actually look different from allistic brains. One isn’t necessarily better than the other, they’re just different. It also explains why there is such a struggle between autistics and allistics when they attempt to communicate. If our brains are literally wired so contrasting from each other, it’s no wonder we each have difficulty empathizing with the other side.

On the other hand, I think that’s complete bullshit.

Yes, our brains work differently, and therefore it WOULD be extremely difficult for allistic and autistic people to relate to each other. It’s not even just life experience, it’s straight up biology. But the simple truth is that autistics are EXPECTED to empathize with allistics regardless, and allistics are not.

Autistics are taught from a young age that we should conform to the needs and desires of the allistic world around us. Many of us (especially AFABs), learn how to mask very early in life, because our autistic traits are looked down upon. And autistics who can’t mask, or can’t mask as successfully, are even more othered, and are often looked at as unintelligent and inept (which can’t be farther from the truth). We are not just other, we are “wrong.” Simply because our brains and therefore our ways of life don’t fit into the expectations of neurotypical society. 

Even those of us who are “out” as autistic, so to speak, are constantly expected, and in some cases, commanded, to put our feelings and needs aside to make allistics feel comfortable, heard, understood, and safe. And that often comes at the expense of OUR comfort, safety, and need to feel heard and understood. But do they do the same for us? Absolutely not. The vast majority of allistics I have met have been cold, unempathetic, and at the worst of times, invalidating and cruel. Even the allistics who aren’t quite as extreme in their intolerance, still only acknowledge our needs and feelings in a very roundabout sort of way. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard some variation of, “I understand you have XYZ needs...BUT most people don’t operate that way, and it is on YOU to adapt.” It doesn’t matter how “nicely” it’s said. The message is the same. Truly, the only allistic people I have ever met who have genuinely worked to meet me halfway are my parents, partner, and best friend. That’s it. And most autistic people don’t even have that many.

One of the biggest pieces of evidence I can call upon is the misconception that autistics struggle to communicate. And yes, it is a misconception. In a study involving the game telephone, it was discovered that autistics only struggle to communicate with neurotypicals. When placed in a group of solely autistics, there were no issues with or lapses in communication. But we are labelled as having “difficulty communicating” because we have difficulty communicating with allistics, aka the majority. Meanwhile, allistics are not labelled as having difficulty communicating because they struggle to communicate with US. Because they have no problems communicating with each other.

This is only one, very broad example of a truly disgusting double standard.

The way I see it, there is no double empathy problem here. Because we learn - scratch that - we are FORCED to empathize with allistics. Yet allistics act as if we are not worth empathizing with. Again, because we’re “wrong.” We’re not them, therefore we’re “wrong.” And the worst part is that this idea is so systemic, so pervasive, that we grow up thinking we’re “wrong” too.

There is only one group of people in this equation who struggle to empathize. And it’s not us.