#that’s why i don’t respond sometimes
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For everyone who doesn’t know, I’m Audhd and sometimes the reason why i don’t respond right away is because I’m trying to think of a way to respond to you that doesn’t sound dry, sarcastic, or rude. A lot of people have mistaken genuine compliments as sarcasm and it physically pains me.
#writer stuff#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writblr#writeblr#writer things#writing#writerscreed#writerscorner#actually audhd#like diagnosed#because my parents said that i was neurodivergent at a young age#and my pediatrician was like nah fam#but then i got evaluated and diagnosed#and what do you know I’m actually audhd#i wasn’t just faking social anxiety and sensory issues and hyper fixations and insomnia#wow what a shock(sarcasm)#but yeah#that’s why i don’t respond sometimes#*sweats in social disaster mode*#twenty four seven#three sixty five
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I love how neferiously hugh laurie delivered his lines in that 5x1 scene where house is blackmailing wilson. because the dialogue could’ve been conveyed in a manner that was obviously facetious and unserious (like the way RSL was playing the scene: “You’d jeopardise a patient—? 😒🙄) but he literally chose to go “If it keeps you here😈👹” in the most deadass, diabolical tone. so the result is that we have house sounding like a genuine psychopath as he threatens to let a woman die and then wilson proving he’s an even BIGGER one by responding with, like, mild exasperation at best. 10/10 dynamic no notes
#I know I yap about this 24/7 but I can’t get over it#I feel like the actors being on such wildly different wavelengths when it comes to hilson is what makes it so REAL#barring the true angst of the early seasons#they’re in different genres altogether sometimes. chef’s kiss#house will say something in a way that is honest to god giving dark romance#and then wilson responds with the air of bugs bunny#and that’s the essence of their characters and relationship as a whole#and probably why they’ve been trapped in a game of gay chicken for 20 years#house md#hilson#house/wilson#greg house#gregory house#james wilson#hatecrimes md#does this make grammatical sense? I am running on redbull adderall and 2 hours of sleep so I truly have no clue#and by grammatical sense I mean tumblr-wise of course#is it coherent? should be the question#actually don’t tell me. ion wanna know
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doing the heavy lifting in a convo can be so tiring omfg
#THIS IS NOT ABT ANYONE HERE BTW I’M JUST RANTING#we talk abt the non-yappers but what about the Yappers…….#like are you interested in talking 2 me or not my friend lmk bc if not it’s always so much easier not to speak 😭#and i try to match people’s energies in how they text my friend said i’m a weird little chameleon like that#don’t know why they put the weird and little there but i’ll let it slide bc that’s oomf4life 🤨 but anyways#sighhhhhh sometimes i’m like oooooh am i too much ^_^ and then i back off#ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABT ANY MOOTS OR ANYTHING i love you all i would die for you#you can see me as the gum on your shoes and i’d be like :3 YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#but it’s like sometimes i talk and they don’t respond and i think they do to others and then i’m like :O LIKE DID I DO SMTHN WRONG#and like w IRL’s/close moots it’s totally fine like we’ve gone weeks w/o talking and then just get in the groove immediately#but then w a very small handful of people it’s like damn . baby i’m pulling teeth and i do Not feel like pulling anymore#BUT ALSO!!!!! i need to think from their perspective and maybe some people don’t like my texting energy which is fine and valid (die)#((kidding))#and also maybe some people feel that way abt me! like it’s pulling teeth or it’s just awkward (which is genuinely valid)#anyways . inch of resting#i will say i do worry sometimes that i end up centering the convo about what EYE think but i never mean it in a narcissistic way!#i just want them to know that i relate/they’re not alone! but i wonder if they may think that i’m making it abt me WHICH I PROMMY I’M NOT…#but there’s no point thinking that way but also . i don’t care NFNDNDNDN respectfully like i have my group and i can just stick w them :3#i rarely vent on here like this but SIGHHHHHH where else can i <3 i love tumblr tags#i would be nothing without tumblr tags i can talk here like it’s no one’s business#ANYWAYS TIME 2 EAT A BURRITO AND THEN WRITE#personal
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I just saw how much asks I haven’t answered… Please don’t think I don’t love yall. I literally have moments where I answer in my head and completely forget or I just don’t know how to respond. I suck😭🙏🏾
Most of them look like they’re during shows and events and I’m too busy screaming my opinions and jumping in front of the tv💀
#sometimes I get too overwhelmed to respond and it’s like why am I like this???#anyways yeah I love yall don’t think I ignore on purpose😭🫶🏽
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Cartoonish blinking noises. Hi guys
#꒰💬꒱ ❝ Dear Diary… ❞#been a while huh?#I mean. yeah I’ve been reblogging stuff but I haven’t really actually been like. Posting stuff on my own tuition#I’m not too sure why that’s been… I guess I’ve just been feeling really Weirdbad for the past couple days#if I knew why I’d tell you but I genuinely don’t think I know why that’s been#I have to assume The Horrors are of no help but. whatevs#honestly? I’ve kinda been Asocialmaxxing. I have no reason to do so out of fear of being annoying#I kinda feel like I’m a nightmare to talk to so MINI PSA! if I take ages to respond to you or if my messages sound flat#it’s absolutely nothing against you. sometimes I’m busy or I don’t have much energy to talk. that or I just don’t know what to say#so um. reader beware and all that#tangent over time to go back to hiding in my little cave
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I don’t think you own the shattered glass simpatico idea…
What on earth are you talking about? Since when did I give an implication I owned anything?
Is this about the art piece from earlier I reblogged? Because I have no issue of others making art around the same idea or even taking inspo from an idea I wrote. More the merrier.
My “issue” (if you can even call it that- I’m not even trying to make it anything, just making a suggestion in the tags) is when you take the words I wrote and don’t attribute proper credit to the person that wrote them.
That’s all.
#god I know this sounds even more pissy than I mean but I’ve been stewing on this for a couple of hours unsure how to even respond#I can’t read this as anything but obnoxious and it’s a little aggravating#sorry for being a rude ass on my blog#but please don’t insinuate I’m doing something wrong#anonymous#asks#and people wonder why I am not as into tf anymore…sometimes it feels bleh here
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hi 👋 I’m looking for an assistant to the Count. send me a doming migeon (dm. get it. g. get i) if interested godspeed
#the count speaks#not counting words in posts#if all goes well I’m gonna be getting a job in the next few days#and starting sometime in March#I don’t think I could work a close to 40 hr/week job and maintain this blog#only so many spoons to go around yk#but I don’t wanna just abandon it!!! it’s fun#so!#if someone would like to be my assistant#(basically count words in posts they find and then queue them just like i do)#probably with a tag#‘assistant to the count’ or something idk#if you’re interested dm me and I’ll ask you a few questions#I have kind of a specific arbitrary and irrational way I count#at least it probably seems that way to some people#and because my Brain is my Brain I want someone who is willing to do things the exact same way as I do#so the questions will basically just be making sure you understand the way I count stuff!#and someone with a similar sense of humor to mine would be nice because I mostly just reblog things I think are amusing#anyway. I eeb now#I might not respond to anything for a few days#so if anyone sees this and dms me and is like ‘why are they ignoring me :(‘ I swear I’m not#I’m just Busy and not on tumblr#okay I eeb now for real
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“I have this scene in my head for my fic that I really love but i don’t feel like writing all of the other stuff to get to it.”
I see this comment like 5 times a day in fic writing spaces lol
a scene that you don’t want to write is a scene you don’t want to read. don’t write stuff you don’t want to read.
me, personally: wait until the scenes that get you to that first initial scene you were excited about are just as interesting as that scene too. it won’t be the first, second, or third thing you think of. if u have a scene you really want to write, write that, and keep writing only those exciting scenes that come to you. eventually you have a million interesting scenes for your fic and they become puzzle pieces for you to arrange and then eventually the strings come together and you realize you really do have an interesting way to get to that original scene, and you’re just as excited to write it, if you haven’t already written it when you were brainstorming other scenes earlier in the writing process that you didn’t even realize could carry your story like that.
#My process is 1) write the initial scene — the first one I thought of that inspired the fic#2) daydream (preferably to a custom playlist) and write ONLY THE DIALOGUE that I like from my daydreams#3) discover common threads while daydreaming and thus discover a theme#4) now that I have my theme; my favorite dialogue lines; and my inspiration scene I begin drafting#Drafting includes writing around the dialogue and filling in the gaps with action#I find that dialogue drives my plot usually but I’m trying to get better at throwing chaotic events at my characters#and forcing them to respond to circumstances beyond their control/beyond the consequences of their choices#Drafting is also the point where I start writing only the exciting stuff and stringing it all together like a lunatic#5) once you have enough scenes to string together and you’ve put the puzzle together: reread and revise#6) put it down and don’t touch it dont think about it don’t do anything to it for like at least 3 days to 1 week#7) reread with fresh eyes and revise again#8) repeat steps 6 and 7 until you have desired fic#Sometimes if I really don’t like the way a story is working though I’ll play around with scenes#like “what if I remove this scene? How does that affect things? Is this a loadbearing scene in the story or is it superfluous?”#“What if I delete chapters 5-15 and just totally rewrite everything in that space”#that one is a rough one to go through and is the reason why I have some fics that have never seen the light of day 😂#this is all coming from pre-2021 ghostlycod#back when I was in the marvel fandom and writing 100k self insert OC fanfics#14-18 year old me wrote like an Ancient Greek poet#pure genius masterpieces with masterclass articulation#and idk what happened but it’s like at 25 I’ve suddenly gone brain dead#I envy 14 year old me so much when I’m writing now#That girl was just humming along to Lorde on repeat creating multiple full length novels at the same time all written with English Premium
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Leif, can I ask why sometimes you don’t tag your fanart? I’m sure more people would love to see it!!
Because my anxiety is horrendous and I’m so scared of being perceived I will explode
#cringe culture is a beast and one that still beats me to death to this day#I genuinely WANT to make more fan art and share my headcanons and silly scenarios but I get so freaked out about it#nothing im doing or drawing is actively harmful I’m just fucked up and paranoid and weird 👍🏻#im trying to be more open w stuff!! its just hard#I’m very. closed off. I guess???#I don’t want to be! but when I get even vaguely spooked I close up#I’m like a fuckin’ opossum#anon#asks#that’s why I sometimes go radio silent on folks#i do WANT to respond-! but sometimes I feel like I can’t
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i hate when my parents make me speak to them directly about what i want
#marzi speaks#it’s BETTER that i DO THAT but ALSO . i don’t wannaaaa why can’t i just hint sometimes . i know they know what i mean#i was hungry and my parents just finished their movie#so i come out to the living room#my dad asks if i just woke up from a nap or smth bc i’m visibly tired#i go ‘no just hungry. n we don’t have a lot of food in the house rn :/‘ (<- simply stating a fact)#and he goes ‘are you asking to order?’#to which i respond ‘not necessarily. are you offering to order?’#and he says ‘i’m not offering. are you asking?’ BITCH .#so of course i just go ‘i’m just here’ and put my head in my arms bc i genuinely am Tired#AND THEN THE CONVERSATION WAS OVER#MOTHERFUCKER .#i would have said ‘yes i am asking’ BUT !!! if i did then i’d have to pick what to eat#and i . am less craving smth in particular and more just hungry#so . i was /hoping/ he would suggest something. but he Didn’t .#gwaaahh…..
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man…
#it’s hard not to hate yourself when you’re constantly getting in your own way#and it’s shit that’s entirely out of your control#why do i gotta be like this#why do i gotta function this way#i love being queer but god damn it it’s confusing and frustrating sometimes#really confusing when my brain positively responds to things that don’t align with how i see myself#aughhh
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I’m here in bed feeling a bit sick and I’ve let my mind wander to Michael Sheen when he was in Sydney AU 2022-2023 for the production of Amadeus.
I have mentioned before I got to see Michael every single day for over a month. He was rehearsing in my work building. Sydney Theatre Company/ Sydney Dance Company. I would typically get to talk to different actors/talent that would rehearse and have a production running but Michael being my favourite actor I think I actively avoided breaking that personal line except for when I got a photo with him.
However I wanted to share something with you about Michael Sheen’s reaction to something that happened to me. I can’t remember exactly why but I had a meltdown and my boss instructed me to go for a walk. I was hyper aware of Michael when he was in my vicinity and in what was probably just a morning for him getting his coffee, talking to peers listening to music but I felt so awkward that I was about to walk past Michael and he would see this snotty crying face who he might recognise as “that fan who asked for a selfie on my first day rehearsing” also I’m not saying I’m memorable but I was definitely someone he would’ve recognised as being in the space everyday a part of the furniture so to speak.
Anyway as I was nearing Michael he made eye contact with me and I know he saw I was crying because he gave me what can be described as an empathetic look followed by a gentle smile. Now I know there will be people who go “yeah right” and that’s totally fine, however being a fan of Michael you’re going to savour every bit of interaction. I did smile back but rushed out embarrassed.
But what’s very cringe and more embarrassing is the time I attempted to draw attention by playing the Manic Street Preachers song ‘if you tolerate this then your children will be next” I worked in venue management at the time so I got to control venue ambiance. That was so cringe. He didn’t notice, or noticed but chose not to acknowledge.
Michael Sheen had more conversations with my boss who tried to encourage him to do a ballet class cause he was watching some ballet students. He giggled and said that he wouldn’t be able to keep up. When my boss spoke to him I literally was so stunned that he got to talk to him like a normal person where I would have just stood there agape and probably did do whenever he was around.
I hope I get to see him in real life again. But I’m happy if that was the only time.
#michael sheen#welsh boy#welsh seduction machine#wales#i heart michael sheen#i can be so cringe sometimes#awkward Michael sheen fan#can anyone else relate#why do I work in the arts if the prospect of coming across famous people is likely#gotta keep it together#I hope people don’t respond negatively to this
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To be less rude about that anon, I have said quite a few times now that I will not be writing a milk fic
For one thing, it’s against my rules and I expect you as readers to respect that, but also the original creator of the milk fic is just all around Bad.
While I don’t think the actual contents of the milk fic are bad or problematic, I do not want my name associated with the milk fic, the writer, or their reputation.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying that sort of content, and I have absolutely no judgement in that regard, but it’s kinda not cool for people to continue asking after I’ve said no A Few Times Now
Consent is a big thing in a lot of my fics, and I expect you as readers to know that No Means No, not ask again later.
#I’m glad you like my writing and want to see certain fics in my writing style#but rewriting someone else’s work isn’t what I’m here for#especially when that work is inherently problematic#now obviously this is the all time low fandom we’re in#and some may argue writing fic at all is problematic#but that’s entirely seperate can of worms#I’m not the only one writing weird shit on the internet#so I don’t know why I keep getting asked this#maybe I’m the only one who responds to these anons#maybe the people who send these asks are just trying to cheat a reaction because I’m so haha silly#it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth that yall keep asking#I Said No#end post#neon answers#sort of#neon fanfic rules#sorry for being rude in my initial response#but I think some rudeness is deserved sometimes
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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i think i just crushed someone’s dreams whoops
#this is the Guy That Likes Me btw#he asked about my sexuality to which i said lots of words but summarised by saying i was basically unlabelled#then he was like ‘oh i’ve never been in a romantic relationship’#and i responded telling him about my year 7 ‘relationship’ where i was asked if i loved the guy (not The Guy) and i said i didn’t know#(i didn’t)#then i told him he wasn’t missing out on a romantic relationship cause sometimes they suck ass#to which he didn’t really respond#and then i told him that that’s probably because of the parents divorce#i think i’ve scared him off now i feel kinda bad#he’s been messaging me every day this week and i’ve just reduced his perception of the chance of me dating him immensely#(it wasn’t going to happen anyway but like. i still feel bad he’s like weird but he’s not mean and evil)#i’m planning to ask some inside sources about this on monday#again this does not need to be a tumblr post why do i keep doing this#oh well if you see this and especially if you don’t know me irl just go with it
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god this household is fucked
#i am TRYING to be a human being and express my boundaries and emotions in a calm matter#but whenever i do none of them respond. they just go quiet and the conversation ends#like i’m TRYING TO WORK WITH YOU#but everyone here is so emotionally stunted it’s impossible#txt#literally this conversation went:#me: i am frustrated and angry bc you don’t listen to my boundaries#my mom: but why are you frustrated and angry#me: because you don’t. listen to my boundaries (which are basically: let me have some silence sometimes and don’t force me to talk to you)#my mom: [doesnt respond]#like GREAT. thanks
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