illogicalramblings

[illogicalramblings]

The Golden Girls – 5.26: The Presidents Coming! The Presidents Coming!

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So today I watched this interview with the Star Trek: The Next Generation cast and they demonstrate the phenomenon "space ship acting"

and they all go

and it just cracks me up, ESPECIALLY Sir Patrick Stewart

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March 17 2025

Living in America as a disabled queer person is terrifying. I know it's worse for so many though.

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March 5th 2025 3:23am

I'm disappointed in myself. I keep having urges to use old eating disorder behaviors. Admittedly I'm eating a little less on some days but I'm trying to not go head first into behaviors. With the recent Eating Disorder Awareness Week, some friends were posting memories and such and I just keep trying to remember if things were really all that bad.

Ugh. Stupid brain, stupid body.

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oops my fuckin hand slipped.

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when i see trans/nonbinary people refer to themselves as an "afab/amab trans/nonbinary person" im like, did you know that you dont have to do that?

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January 10th 2:14am

Surgery was successful and I'm healing nicely at home. The one really aggravating after effect is the coughing from the breathing tube. It hurts to cough. A lot. I'm coughing like I have a chest cold. That's not exactly great when you sometimes pee when you cough or sneeze hard. I'm hoping this goes away super fast.

The pain is fine I know that might change soon though. I'm only taking Ibuprofen and Tylenolbfor now.

I ended up keeping one ovary. No regrets in the surgery or anything.

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January 6th 2025 5:09am

My surgery is tomorrow!!! I'll find out what time later today. I've been trying to prepare everything for when I come back. I've cleaned, shopped, done laundry, worked out ways I can be comfortable, etc. I'm super excited but also nervous about the aftercare and such. I like to do things on my own as much as I can so having someone come take care of me is going to be a bit stressful.

Today I'm doing some laundry, straightening up some, taking the trash out, and preparing things here and there that might make things easier.

Hopefully I'll be better about posting and will update in a few days.

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December 5th 2024 10:13am

Why is it that on the days you need it badly, therapy gets cancelled?

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October 27th 2024 4:18pm

Well, while cleaning I came across a hiding spot of my cat's. What did I find you may ask? Well...a mummified mouse. So that was fun. It does explain why she would act funny around that spot. Jeez.

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October 15th 10:25am

So, I was looking around on reddit for posts about hysterectomies and T and someone said something that scares me and others had the same experience which definitely makes me cautious of starting T. Actually two things are gonna be really problematic for me mental health-wise.

I have always wished I was built more like a Ken doll in the groin area. So I've definitely never felt secure or comfortable in that regard. I knew that some bottom growth happened but no one told me that it has sensation similar to getting hard! That terrifies me! I don't want to think about that part of my body and it sounds like it might actually be more stressful than I thought it would be.

I was also reminded of the acne situation. I have dermatillomania and when my acne was a problem I would literally spend at least an hour picking at my face a day. I still pick at things constantly, it isn't something I can control.

So, those two things are gonna fuck with me mentally. More than I think is worth hoping that I feel and look more masculine. I feel like such a fake though. I guess it's good that I read about others' experiences beyond my friends'.

Every time I'm called miss, ma'am, lady, or woman...it hurts but I don't know that trading some disturbing things for others is really going to be helpful.

I hate my brain. I really truly do. Why can't I just feel like most other people when it comes to having certain body parts? Why can't I just stop myself from picking at any bump or perceived imperfection?

I'm ashamed of myself and feel like a fake transmasc person.

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showering:

pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.

cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH

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October 3rd 2024 5:19pm

I'm so fucking ready to get rid of my uterus. Thankfully I have an appointment at the end of this month to set up a hysterectomy. Since I plan on getting everything removed, my PCP said I'd have to take HRT. I've thought about taking T before but there are some things that I really don't want to deal with. One thing mainly - bottom growth. I've got to try though. I imagine it won't be as bad as I'm making it out to be.

I'm curious about the increased sex drive bit. I have no sex drive. I've never had a sex drive. What is that gonna be like? Am I going to feel something?

I'm trying to get an idea of what to expect while recovering and what I might need to have on hand. I'm super independent but am going to have to at least have a friend feed and clean my cat's litter box for a bit. I read it'll need to be a week or two at least. My friend also wants to stay overnight that first night after surgery. I can't sleep with people around. I'm going to try to talk them into letting me be alone and just call if I need them.

I know this is a good decision for me. I've wanted a hysterectomy for well over 10 years. The hysterectomy and T will help me feel more connected gender-wise and I need that. I could use some euphoria.