the-healthiest-potion

[the-healthiest-potion]

Just watched a guy get burnt to a crisp while on the job. I don't even know what happened I looked away from the squad I was supposed to be healing for like... two seconds and when I look back one of our guys is just a pile of fucking ash on the floor. How does that even happen???

[the-healthiest-potion]

When The Broker disappears from his cage again everyone on duty at the time of his disappearance has to huddle around the break room in the prison and draw straws to figure out who has to tell The Warden he got out again

[the-healthiest-potion]

🤜🤛

"HP. HP my buddy pal chum, how much do I have to pay you in order for you to NOT question a suspiciously body-shaped bag while I stop by to get my drinks? :3 thanks buddy!!"

@orbital-strike-flute

"...Kazoo. Kazoo. Buddy. Pal. You know I don't condone murder. giveme100buxandmylipsarezippedforever-"

[the-healthiest-potion]

"HP. HP my buddy pal chum, how much do I have to pay you in order for you to NOT question a suspiciously body-shaped bag while I stop by to get my drinks? :3 thanks buddy!!"

@orbital-strike-flute

"...Kazoo. Kazoo. Buddy. Pal. You know I don't condone murder. giveme100buxandmylipsarezippedforever-"

[the-healthiest-potion]

"Whole fucking. SQUAD. Of Biografts outside of the Iron Cafe today. Had everyone on the job pressed up against the windows staring at them from outside and they're all just standing there. Like they're waiting for something. Personally, Biografts aren't all that scary to me but I've never seen so many in one place before... They didn't even enter the cafe, they all just gathered outside of it, stood around, and then left. No idea what that was about. None of my coworkers seem to know either."

[the-healthiest-potion]

how much is the medical bill?

"The Medical Bill? For what? A potion? I'm not a doctor, man, I'm more like... I dunno, a pharmacist? ...Yeah, a pharmacist sounds right. Uhhhhhhh... Anyway, I don't really do commissions. Boss just pays me for every mission I go on. Other than that, I can just... give you a health potion for free. Healing people outside of work is more of a hobby if anything, I don't expect payment for it if it's not a work-related thing."

[the-healthiest-potion]

"There is literally nothing more embarrassing than fucking up a massive order and getting yelled at for it. Like oh yes, how could I forget you wanted your mocha caramel iced latte with extra foam in a cup larger than the size of your order so you can put in your own cream and sugar without spilling a drop brewed at exactly 100 degrees and served to that exact temperature and not a degree over or under at 100 degrees no more or less I'm SO sorry your stupid little thermometer read 101 degrees instead of 100 let me just fucking stand here while you chew me out for an hour and a half. Fucking Swords, dude, just kill me at this point."

[the-healthiest-potion]

BLOG INTRO WOOHOO!!!

Hiii!! I'm Prismo (@prismo-pelican) and this is like... The first roleplay blog thingy I've ever done PLEASE have patience with me!!!

This is a roleplay/ask/parody blog for my silly little Phighting OC, Health Potion! His dialogue will be in red while general narration will be in normal text! (Example: "Wow, I sure do love not dying!" He gives you a thumbs up!) This post miiight be kinda long, but I hope it's not unbearably long for people to read....

RULES!!!

No NSFW stuff! I would prefer if there would be nothing suggestive in my asks!

No romance prompts, please!

Canon and OC interactions are encouraged! I'm not picky, I'd love to see HP interact with anyone.

Basic DNI and stuff, I know I can't stop those kinds of people from interacting with me if they want to, but I wanna make it clear regardless that they're not exactly welcome here.

Just don't be a jerk!

CHARACTER INFORMATION!!!

HEALTH POTION (HP) Is a peculiar little barista who works at the Iron Cafe as a barista and has a secondary job taking missions from Banhammer to put his healing to use for law enforcement work. He's even pledged his loyalty to the warden! How nice! (Though this "pledge" goes broken plenty of times because he values his moral compass over his boss's, he hasn't been caught. Yet.)

In the past, he owned a shop in Blackrock called "The Witch Shoppe", but his at-the-time boss (Who totally wasn't him) got "executed" for various counts of hiding wanted criminals from the law. His time spent selling and making potions and other equipment has made him extremely observant of the world around him. Alchemy is a delicate science, after all.

HP uses He/Him for pronouns!

PREDETERMINED RELATIONSHIPS!!!

HP is intimidated by Banhammer and calls him "Boss". He gets anxious around him.

Subspace creeps him out! HP can legit smell the malicious intent radiating from him from a mile away. Or maybe that's the poison...

HP is on good terms with Medkit! He looks up to the doctor a lot, as a matter of fact, and considers him a friend despite the fact Medkit is an accomplice to his boss's mortal enemy.

HP and Sword are pretty chummy! They get along just fine, being a friend of their mutual friend, Medkit. HP and Kazoo (@orbital-strike-flute) are best friends! Platonic Siblings, even! Who argue! All the time! Constantly! They would probably die for each other!

[He also has relationships with other OCs that belong to other friends, but I'm not going to put them here! HP might mention them by name, though, if my friends are comfortable with it and the ask or reply I'm doing or whatever calls for the opportunity!]

TAGS!!!

coming right up - Ask Answered

health POSTion - Standard HP Post Tag

iron cafe shenanigans - IC Post

after hours - Lore-Related Post

hps not home - OOC post

phighting/phighting oc/phighting rp/etc. - Generic Tags

[the-healthiest-potion]

There is no way in Inpherno launching a controlled Black Hole is legal.

(I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SUBSPACE.)

[the-healthiest-potion]

Heres a reminder to DRINK. WATER.

Every day I work my little shift at the Iron Cafe I see people flexing about how the Six Shots of Espresso I just gave them is the only thing they drink.

NO!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!

It is not healthy to do that and you know it PLEASE stop being dumb and stupid and go drink for godsdamn water

[the-healthiest-potion]

Listen if anyone hears about a gas leak in an apartment building IT WAS NOT ME

#It wasn't even a gas leak... #I made mustard gas #ON ACCIDENT!!! #MIND YOU!!!!!

[the-healthiest-potion]

Listen if anyone hears about a gas leak in an apartment building IT WAS NOT ME

#It wasn't even a gas leak... #I made mustard gas #ON ACCIDENT!!! #MIND YOU!!!!!

[the-healthiest-potion]

I AM SO FUCKING HORRIFIED IM GONNA CRY

THERES THIS CLOSET IN THE STORAGE ROOM OF THE IRON CAFE THAT I USE AS A SCREAMING CHAMBER TO NOT LOSE MY SHIT DEALING WITH CUSTOMERS EVERY DAY

AND I USE THIS CLOSET BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS SOUNDPROOF.

AS IT FUCKING TURNS OUT!!!!!!!

THIS ENTIRE TIME THE CAFE COULD HEAR ME SCREAMING IN PURE, UNFILTERED RAGE EVERY TIME I ENTERED THST CLOSET.

I HAVE BEEN SCREAMING IN THET CLOSET

FOR FIVE FUCKING MONTHS.

I CAN'T FUCMING DO THIS ANYMORE I'M GONNA THROW MYSELF INTO THE WATER SURROUNDING CROSSROADS OH MY ILLUMINA

[the-healthiest-potion]

On what planet would it be a good idea to chuck bread at the mass produced murder machines

WHY are there FIFTEEN BIOGRAFTS in THE FUCKING CAFE.

WHO PUT THEM THERE?!?!?

WHERE IS THERE CREATOR??????!??!??

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!??!!?!??!

[the-healthiest-potion]

WHY are there FIFTEEN BIOGRAFTS in THE FUCKING CAFE.

WHO PUT THEM THERE?!?!?

WHERE IS THERE CREATOR??????!??!??

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!??!!?!??!

[the-healthiest-potion]

Tell you what next time a Phight is hosted here, let me know and I'll give you a good handful of my glass bottle to throw at people

THE POINT GUYS

IM ABOUT TO START SMAKCING PEOPLE WITH THIS KAZOO FOR IGNORING THE OBJECTIVE IN CONQUER!! GRAHHHHH

[the-healthiest-potion]

THIS. FUCKING. THIS.

THE POINT GUYS

IM ABOUT TO START SMAKCING PEOPLE WITH THIS KAZOO FOR IGNORING THE OBJECTIVE IN CONQUER!! GRAHHHHH