#my many spiralling thoughts

[outcastpack]

It's the fact rewatching this scene you see that part of pre hell theo. Like he purposely baited Schrader into pressing the button again and again to be able to break the zip tie before tieing schrader back up and turning the voltage back on essentially killing him.

It was a monument to who he was and also ironic to me. Like that voltage must of hurt but then also this is a dude who dealt with the DDs and he definitely either doesnt feel pain properly or has such a high resistance it didn't bother him going back to "real pain is emotional pain" because it's true that was really true in theos case.

He's been shot, tortured, experimented on etc yet he didn't show signs of feeling any true pain until Tara, until it was a never ending loop of his sister ripping the heart that was hers out. Yeah it must of hurt physically but its more the emotional aspect of it I think for theo there.

Anyway going back to the "I'm not impressed" wet shirt scene, theo brought back his manipulative ways and got schrader to do what he wanted. Like he was smiling, speaking in that old S5 theo tone knowing exactly what to say to trigger the man into the response he wanted.

Like don't get me wrong schrader deserved what he got but I dunno I liked that we seen that small spark of Pre hell theo. Like the pack may be against killing but those skills, the things theo will know and do would be big help to the pack, or well the pack members left since when Scott and co left/leave after s6 finale Liam is the only wolf with Corey and Mason and I love them both but Corey would have to rely on his stealth and also Mason being with him, neither heal quick and Mason is human end of the day so you just know Liams gonna be like no stay back etc plus when Alec shows up he's a brand new beta being dumped on Liam a little bit.

Re enter Theodore Karl Raeken. A fighter, someone who will make damn sure Liam lives to the next day potentially through any means. It was his name specifically Scott said in 6x20 to get theo to go, Liam only survived that day because Theo showed up just in time otherwise you just know those hunters were not leaving that hospital alive.

I kinda spiralled all over the place abit here 😭

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Danse Macabre

[Commission]

[spitblaze]

The thing you need to remember about Tumblr discourse is that like 70% of it does not matter off of this specific website and even less of it matters once you get off the internet

[crow-with-a-pencil]

Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)

[sforzesco]

I was reading a footnote to Themistius' Brotherly Love Oration and ended up doing a quick painting of Seleucus II Callinicus while looking all these people up

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!

[blu3c4n4ry]

don't u just love it when the protag gets basically only used as an extension of another characters angst and is turned into a cardboard cutout in fanon content and thus is never though of outside of that inspire of having 30 episodes focused on her (eye twitch)

Oh my god. Yes. The treatment of hazel in the fandom makes me !!!! Mad to say the least . Like yeah i love dev but HAZEL HAS HER OWN PROBLEMS ANS STRUGGLES THAT ARE JUST SO OVERLOOKED BECAUSE OF DEVS DADDY ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hazel is barely treated as ...you know......the protagonist of her OWN SHOW WHICH IS WHAT SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will never forgive how the twt fandom treated her when the finale aired. She did NOT have to use her rule free wish on dev come on now!!!!!!!!!! I think the wish she DID end up making is so interesting AND I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO FOCUS ON WINN AND JASMINE BEING HAZELS FRIENDS MORE!!!!!!!!!!! theyre both awesome in their own ways it just SUCKS that so many cool characters get basically....no recognition..........bc people would rather focus on devs problems WHEN HES ONLY HAZELS FRIEND FOR LIKE. IDK 3 EPISODES????????

Tldr TREAT HAZEL LIKE TO PROTAGONIST OF HER OWN SHOW GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

As we discuss Scarlust dynamic we need to factor in Gluttony. Because where does this weird cannibal factor into this. He’s like Lust’s little brother and tbf, Scar has always been impartial to little brothers (on account of having been one) and gave up his own life to save one with little hesitation.

I’m just thinking of that meme; Me, my GF, and her weird little homunculus cannibal of a little brother. All of them in bed together.

Remember how the last thing Gluttony says to Scar after he paralyzes Lust with the locket was "I hate you! I hate you for hurting my Lust!"

Because I do, and I don't think Gluttony would soon forget either.

[footballshowrot]

come closer i am just a regular scene😄 UH OH! changes your brain chemistry

[deathskrang]

i think about zim and the tallest and their inherently, nearly parasitic relationship to each other a lot.

i think about how all of them are, objectively, mostly blind to this fact as well, zim blinded by the swift and stark obedience that he performs under the delusion that he is doing something for the good of his leaders and his empire, and the tallest blinded by their total arrogance and rage over the fact that zim cannot read any of their cues that he is a nuisance. still, it is so obvious that the back and forth is there.

i know that this particular example probably wasn't purposeful in florpus and was mostly just so the audience could see dib's point and the narrative similarities between zim and him, but i think a lot about zim's silence when dib says, "you know, my dad doesn't appreciate what i do, either" after zim explains how the tallest are not coming to bring him back home. i think a lot about that. the impact and the implications behind one simple sentence from dib. i imagine, to zim, this sort of felt like a slap in the face. the first word besides "my tallest" that's ever explained how zim wants them, how zim, in his own way, almost loves them. and it's a word from earth. it's a word that implies a built in, unconditional caring between human beings. it's a word that zim had just said in a mocking tone of voice to dib moments ago in reference to his plan to replace his real dad. and, suddenly, in a single instance, the weight of the word has seemed to hit him.

i think the saddest part of this parallel is that dib has the understanding that because he and his dad are biologically related, unconditional love is the expected thing, it's the supposed natural progression of things. zim and the tallest, though—they don't have any of that. you could argue that they're barely even acquaintances. there is no understanding of what is supposed to happen with them. there is no built in hope of having them step up to the plate the way dib hopes with his dad. i don't think zim truly understands this, though. as if zim can completely comprehend isolation. isn't that apart of an invader's duty? isn't that what he was trained to do? and isn't zim an invader? isn't he?

after all of this, after all of florpus, long after dib had first used that word, dad, in relation to the tallest, how dib said his dad doesn't appreciate what he does, one of the last things zim asks the tallest as he is witnessing their last moments across that transmission is: does this please you? in other words, do you appreciate what i have done for you?

dialogue wise, this is emotionally wrecking enough, but i think, visually, it is equally if not more disarming and depressing. i really, really, really love the imagery of the scene right before it cuts to the tallest burning in their puppet florpus flames. because it's a silly visual gag, yes, two flailing tallest puppets—but zim talking to two distorted tallest silhouettes, not noticing (or, rather, caring about) the difference between this and their usual way of appearing when they're in a transmission—zim talking to a literal representation of how the tallest have always existed in his head, as two distorted silhouettes, as delusions—that is insanely succinct in describing the true detriment of zim and the tallest's relationship to each other, at least to me.

this is, in my opinion, the most fucked up imagery in florpus, maybe even the entire series to me—and, most likely, none of the invader zim crew meant it to come across quite like that. zim's performance of normalcy in the face of what he is unaware is the tallest's last living moments. the delayed video feed in the transmission, shortly followed by complete and utter panic from the tallest, who were possibly oblivious to the fact that zim had even contacted them amongst their chaos. zim almost seeming as if he is staring at his own reflection in the screen rather than right at the tallest. a physical representation of what their entire relationship has been built on since the beginning—a blurry idea, a vague delusion of a bond that is in actuality no more than a fatal, life long misunderstanding on each end. it's the most palpably gut wrenching thing in the whole film for me, and i don't care that none of it was probably meant to pack that type of punch. it's always hit me hard.

[rapidhighway]

venting like an idiot

the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired

[skunkes]

gonna keep making this post forever i guess because it just keeps getting wilder the more time passes and my brain forgets the immediate sensations/experience but i can't believe i got SURGERY. CRAZY. Not even this specific surgery but the fact that I got any surgery at all!!! SO WILD

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

[ridgystacis]

its terminal methinks

[quiverymango]

Learning to be Gentle

*Slams fists on desk* "LET THEM BE FRIENDS!!"

[vanillabat99]

Sometimes I take a peek into the corners of tumblr I do not dwell in, and I am harshly reminded of the little rock I live under. I am quite happy to be a very small blog and to share this space with similar people :3

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍