#there genuinely is no hope for me at least i get these edits though

[ridgystacis]

its terminal methinks

[space-blue]

Feyd thoughts from Fenring scene

I was sharing thoughts to a friend while rewatching the Feyd and Fenring scene and figured I'd share it here too, it's my blog innit.

He's walking on his own in a completely empty corridor. Upon being followed he ambushes and pulls a knife, meaning he immediately assumes he's in danger. Calm and collected attitude at this prospect, clearly not his first time.

But he also doesn't toy with her, doesn't threaten her beyond asking about her presence, he's not showing any sadistic traits.

He openly asks if they've met because he recognises her, isn't being coy.

Instead of being violent, he tells her the rules: 'You're not allowed in this section', meaning at least he knows not to be openly hostile to guests.

He's suspicious she got past the guards. He asks about that in a higher pitch, but extremely bland face. He doesn't sound upset or happy or angry. More like low key worried.

From there Margot uses the voice.

She reveals he's shunning his own celebrations, AND he refuses to say why despite being asked with suggestive voice.

He immediately recognises the use of the voice on him and calls her a Bene Gesserit. How? He doesn't answer when she asks what makes him say that. We have to keep in mind that his mother (who he killed) was BG, and since we don't know when she died, it's possible he received some training from her.

He instead says he dreamt about Margot, harkening back to Chani dreams from Paul. Meaning we can safely assume he's just as plagued with semi-visions as Paul was in Dune 1 before going to Arrakis, and we can safely assume that's not common knowledge.

Immediately goes 'Don't mock me woman' when she teases him. BUT crucially, she says "a pleasant dream I hope?" which is not mockery but closer to flirting? It's like he genuinely takes that as a literal tease, when the actual teasing is when she says "I wouldn't dare!" which he doesn't comment on, maybe because he's used to many forms of grovelling.

He also reacts as if the voice is a physical pressure, like when you come down on a plane and your ears get blocked, and tries to shake it off:

Again with 'I know your BG tricks'

Margot asks, again, and gets no reply, again. She even says "tell me" in a normal voice. There is no cut or weird editing afterwards, so we can assume that Feyd didn't answer either time he was asked.

Instead he takes his bearing and looks around. He is not aggressive or panicked when he admits to not recognising the place.

Dude is designed to blend into his surroundings. Bonkers he doesn't wear gloves at this stage.

Risk taking : he steps unprompted in the door entrance, and she then says "come to me, kneel," etc. BUT we know he KNOWS about the BG tricks, so we can suppose that he's actually making the decision to go in despite knowing full well she can and will control him.

There's plenty of hints that he may still be heavily under her charm, but there's also evidence he can resist the voice she uses on him (he never answers her repeated questions, tries to fight it off).

He never reacts agressively. He says "where are you going?" with some heat when she leaves though, which to me hints at loneliness. He was all alone avoiding every harkonnen under the moon on his birthday despite being the king of the night, meets a random chick he dreamt about, and now she leaves? Spiced suggested though he may ask because he's not used to people leaving without being dismissed. But imo these can blend.

I lean towards Feyd being quite resistant to the voice because they sent Margot in the first place. Yes, Mohiam wants a child made, but in her excuses, she does't say "I want him bred". Instead she says she's a motherly figure and he might have killed her because he killed his mom. If the voice was such a perfect tool of control, that wouldn't really be an issue, especially once you have him under the Gom Jabar.

There may be an element of "These men [Paul and Feyd] are one generation away from the KH and can't be toyed with carelessly".

He also killed his BG mother, which means he's capable of killing a sister and not any small fry.

So they send a sexy woman to woo him and yet she still has to ask multiple times about what he knows of the BG.

Regarding his dreams, it's also possible Feyd is so compliant and keen to follow Margot because he might have foreseen a freaky good time with her.

One is left to wonder if he looks at Mwaddib walking into the throne room with such intensity not because he's hot for him (he doesn't yet know it's Paul), but because he may have SEEN this scene in dreams. We know Paul was very affected by the spice in the air and food on Arrakis. We also know he made frequent false visions (Jamis helps but it ends up being Chani. Chani and him cut ambiguously in the killing scene. Seeing himself in Chani's place in the final combat scene...) So we can also imagine Feyd may be overconfident in taking in the Emperor's challenge because he's dreamt of this too. Just spitballing.

The BG call him a sociopath with a side of hollywood competency. He has a bit of the BBC Sherlock and Hannibal Lecter disease. He should not be as tame or as competent as he's described and shown if he had the full disorder.

It's very interesting to look at the Fenring scene with sociopathic traits in mind and see how they apply or don't.

He's not getting his need for validation avoiding the party, but he just survived an attempt on his life by his Dear Uncle before getting his freedom dangled in front of him. Lots on his mind.

He's not prone to anger outburst in general. His behaviour isn't very erratic either. Both of these classic traits were probably curb-stomped by the need to fit the mold imposed by the Na-Baron position.

But he definitely has a high sense of his superiority and is opinionated. He speaks up unprompted during the Baron's interview, and again behind the Emperor with 'he's bluffing'

High propensity for violence: check. Whole film, basically. He can be prompted by anger (against Rabban), perceived threat (arena), reactive/defensive (against Margot trailing him). Violence in reaction to fear isn't shown.

Difficulty maintaining relationships : the only people he seems fond of are his once shown, once mentioned pets he brings with him. His family relationships are what they are, and he has no friend to go to on his Birthday.

Generally fearful, vulnerable to anxiety and rejection, easy to humiliate : what a cincher. This is him reacting defensively to Margot's flirting. The BG say fear of humiliation is one of his levers, and if you give him a strong attachment to an honour code, it's very easy to manipulate.

IMO this feeds into his displays of vanity (black teeth, tailor made pretty pets). Also since black is seen as a rich and beautiful colour on their world, his all black outfits with clean cuts may not be as muted as we think they are.

the end... for now.

[midnightmischief10]

welp. i'm posting this unedited and EXTREMELY self indulgent pedro pascal x reader fic. i have more written, but i will only post the full thing if ppl are also as sick and twisted as me.

hope who ever reads this, feels a little more seen bc i am SICK (well not really HHAHAH) of all the pedro character ddlg fics!! i just wanted to write something more realistic? idk welp, here it is! (not in its entirety:P )

Si no te hubieras ido

pairings: Pedro Pascal x Reader

warnings: age gap, drinking, reader is in their 20s

getting to work on a set like The Mandalorian was a dream if you were being honest. no, you weren't some high end actor, or a famous director, just someone part of the production crew, doing things like planning, writing, hell even editing. you'd do anything to just be a part of a project like this.

interactions with the actors were also common in a job like this, but apart from just guiding them through certain scenes and how they should look, you really didn't cross the boundaries that weren't professional. It was really nice to admire them though. Getting the occasional chat with big shot superstars was so cool and always something to brag about to your family even though they weren't supportive of your career choice. You didn’t end up a doctor or lawyer like they wanted, but hey! You did something you loved.

It was honestly a very normal day in the workplace. You were working in the art department as usual, helping make sure the vision that the director wanted was really coming through. Being behind the scenes for such big projects like these was really something. Your admiration for the process really grew getting to do all the behind the scenes work, it was such a nice feeling seeing the thing you along with many others, worked so hard on being televised was something special.

You weren't the overly ambitious type, but the thought of directing something sounded really cool.

You continued on, designing what the director wanted on a few scenes we’d be working on in the following weeks.

Lost in your work you didn’t expect anyone to come up to you for anything, you weren't the art director so it wasn't usual for people to come to you. Unbeknownst to you, you felt a sudden hand on your arm, not roughly just to get your attention.

you look up and woah…why the hell was Pedro Pascal standing right behind you.

"uhm, I'm sorry to bother you, you seem busy, but I've been meaning to ask, would you like to go out for a drink sometime?" Pedro asked.

huh? what…the…fuck…?

it caught you off guard.

Firstly, why was Pedro Pascal even looking for you? Because I mean you? of all people he could ask something like that, it was you? A man notorious for not having any sort of relationship, at least not public, was standing here with you asking you to go out for a drink.

you didn’t even think about your response before the words fell from your mouth.

"oh..uhm…Is this some kind of prank?"

you dumb BITCH WHY WOULD U SAY THAT???

was what you thought immediately after.

In your defense, you were in disbelief because what the hell was Pedro Pascal, a very prominent and influential actor, asking you out for drinks? I mean the interactions you both have had were merely professional and work related so why?

he looked confused at your answer, maybe even a little insulted, which was not your intention.

"shit I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound rude I'm just in a bit of disbelief" you let out an awkward laugh to soften the previous response and got out of your seat to face him properly. how do you even respond to a question like that, you had no idea that's for certain.

He stared softly at you and started, "no I'm sorry, that was very sudden haha. no need to say yes I just wanted to see if you would." His response was genuine and he wore a soft smile as he did.

God, was he really handsome up close.

To be quite honest, you always found him super attractive. But he was the internet’s daddy so it wasn't just you who felt attraction towards him. And sure, you might've dabbled in the idea of maybe even going out with him, but you were realistic with yourself.

But here you are now. Getting asked out on a date with this hunk of a man.

You were still lost in thought, trying to reflect on what was occurring and what came out of Pedro’s mouth.

He spoke again, "Sorry, just forget it ev-"

"no no, I mean I'd love to, who wouldn't want to go out for drinks with you, I'm just not all that special ya know?" you were being honest. You weren't some super sexy model or a renowned actor, you were just some girl working on the same set as Pedro.

Also, you were much younger than Pedro.

"I'd beg to differ." he said quite frankly. He smiled that sweet and tender smile of his and you couldn't help but think, for an older man he was sure fine.

you were daydreaming again at this point when Pedro spoke again,"so...is that a yes then?" it snapped you back to reality. It was so odd to see him so nervous over something like this, but being in the know of most things Hollywood, everyone who knew Pedro also knew that he had social anxiety so it must've taken a lot out of him to even ask you out

your heart raced, “yea- yes, I'll go for a drink with you.” you smiled, but if you were being honest you were really nervous too. What exactly did he see in you? Sure you were kind and respectful, but that's how you were with everyone. Pedro felt way out of your league to even grasp the idea of flirting with him, I mean come on. Who would even think about flirting with an A-list celebrity, especially someone way way WAY younger than he was and someone who wasn’t on any level to him.

he had a huge smile on his face, he seemed so content. “Great, should I get your number while I’m at it?” He pulled out his phone and handed it to you. You slightly grazed his hand when he did and it caught you by surprise.

His hands were so big, and you didn’t realize till just then how much of a height difference you two had.

You put your name and number, your hands were trembling a bit as you did so.

“here you go. so…when should I expect that drink?” you tried being coy to play off the fact that you were actually freaking out.

he smiled and laughed, “what about tonight then?”

that was quick

“oh. uhm yeah sure, i get off at 5, would like 8 be okay.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll pick you up, wear something nice.”

“Do I not look nice now?” you said sarcastically.

“No no, you always look great, I’d just like to see you in a dress.” He looked at you with so much love, his sweet smile still plastered hard on his face.

You couldn’t help but blush hard.

Has he always looked at me?

“I’ll send you my address then, see you tonight.”

“See you tonight.” and he stepped out.

what the fuck were you getting into

~~~~~~~

[jtl07]

[edit: now on ao3!]

okay here's a cafe au that we're just gonna noodle here ("we" lol - me, it's just me and my silly shenanigans) where basically Ava's going in for coffee and normally, idk, normally Mary is the one to get coffee when they're working together but Ava was being too annoying so Mary sent her out to get coffee and pastries.

when she steps into the cafe Mary had recommended, she immediately is grateful because at the register is one of the most beautiful women Ava's ever seen. sure, she has a strict looking bun and an unreadable expression, but Ava can work with that - especially when she notices how the woman's gaze flickers downward briefly. (Ava sends a thank you to Mary also for doing laundry yesterday)

as Ava steps up to the counter, she notices a nametag on the woman's chest - it's one of those "hi my name is" stickers and it's slightly askew, as if it had been haphazardly slapped on - which seems at odds with the rest of the woman's look (Ava notes that her shirt is actually tucked into her pants) but Ava's not one to judge. "hello, JC," Ava greets, giving the woman her best smile.

the woman frowns. "i'm not -" blinks, stutters, "um, yes, hello, welcome to Cat's Cradle," settles back into her unreadable expression by the end of the sentence. then, she gives Ava a soft smile. "what can i get started for you?"

Ava rattles off the order, throws in a couple extra pastries because why not, gives her name and her payment and stays close to the counter to watch JC make her drinks. she notices a couple other folks working too because wow, how the heck did this cafe employ the prettiest people: a taller guy with a rakish smile wearing a shirt that seems a size too small (let's be real: Ava's not complaining) and a nametag that says Camila; a shorter woman (omg, she's around Ava's height!) with a gleam in her eye and the bounciest curls and a nametag that says Beatrice. their voices are too low for Ava to make out what they're saying but whatever they're talking about prompts JC to shake her head, a bit of a blush on her cheeks, a smile lifting just at the edges of her mouth as she walks over to hand Ava her order.

"thank you," Ava says, hopes it doesn't sound as breathless as she's feeling but whatever, who can blame her when this murmurs so softly and genuinely to come again soon. 'oh i will,' Ava thinks, barely clothing her mouth from spewing the words (she does spew the whole story to Mary who rolls her eyes and chucks a piece of her pastry at Ava's head)

*

apparently, JC isn't the woman's name.

Ava figures it out the third time she visits (okay it's the same week, sue her - actually please don't, she doesn't get paid enough to afford a lawyer) because the real JC and Camila have been wearing those fancy carved nametag pins but Ms. Badass Barista (she's seen those guns, holy shit) is still using the "hi my name is" sticker.

today, the nametag sticker has Evelyn written in a fine cursive that distracts Ava enough that she fumbles her order. she at least manages a "thanks, Evelyn" as she steps back from the register and she gives herself a high five for not being a complete disaster.

watches 'Evelyn' pause, her hand frozen on the register for a moment before she blinks, a smile blooming small and shy. it makes Ava's breath catch and she's high off the feeling for the rest of the day. 

*

the name written on the nametag changes everyday. sometimes it's more masculine, sometimes it's more androgynous, sometimes written in heavy all-caps, sometimes with doodles of flowers and sparkles decorating the edges. Ava never knows what the expect, and though she doesn't know why the woman's name changes everyday, Ava loves a good game; can understand wanting to try something new - for the heck of it, for the life of it.

so she makes it a point to say the woman's given name at least once or twice whenever she visits, watches her reaction closely. some days she gets a smile, some days a laugh, some days no reaction at all. ('Archibald' had gotten a grimace from the woman, snorting cackles from JC and Camila).

then, one day, Ava steps up to the register and the woman doesn't have a nametag, the shirt bare save for the cafe's logo. Ava tilts her head curiously, notes also the way the woman has clasped her hands in front of her, something small turning between her fingers.

"so," Ava says slowly, spotting JC and Camila not-so-subtly eavesdropping from the back, "what should i call you today?"

the woman clears her throat. "well," she begins, bites momentarily at her bottom lip; it distracts Ava enough that she has to ask her to repeat the question: which one had fit her best?

Ava thinks back to the different names and the different reactions the woman had had to each of them. the way they sounded in her own mouth, rolling off her own tongue. and Ava may be all sorts of desperate for this woman but she also cannot lie. "none of them?" Ava winces, but the woman doesn't seem disappointed at Ava's answer - in fact, she almost looks relieved.

"i ... have a complicated relationship with my real name," the woman says softly, eyeing the item in her hand. "it was chosen appearances, for a legacy i have no intention to uphold. but it's the name i was born with. i thought maybe i just needed a new name. but now i'm not so sure."

Ava smiles as gently as she can. "a name can be something that grows with you. something you can make into your own."

the woman smiles, nods. breathes in deep, then takes the item in her hand - a nametag, Ava realizes - and affixes it onto her chest. stands up straight and waits.

Ava lets her eyes curl around the letters in time with her tongue, tracing the name before setting it free: "Beatrice." the difference is clear, between all the other names and this one. the way Beatrice simultaneously softens and straightens, acceptance - of what is, what will be; of who she is. and Ava thinks -

"it's beautiful." doesn't stop there: "just like you."

a blush rises high on Beatrice's cheeks and on Ava's own but she won't take it back, not now, not when it's true.

"ask her out for dinner!" comes a hissed command from the back and Beatrice sends a glare over her shoulder and Ava giggles, which turn louder when Beatrice finally starts to laugh as well.

'it fits,' Ava thinks as Beatrice makes her order - after hammering out details for their date - watching her move, watching her be herself. 'it's you.'

[imperator-titus]

Favorite Party Banter [Astarion Edition]

[Astarion (Ascended)] [Halsin/Jaheira] [Gale] [Karlach] [Lae'zel] [Minsc] [Minthara] [Shadowheart] [Wyll]

I often miss party banter because of party comp (and sometimes just straight up can't hear??) so here's a collection of my favorite bants while going through dialogue files. I know the wiki has the banter (most? all?) but I added the file names and dev notes.

Either Astarion (Spawn or unspecified) is the main speaker/subject or I think his reaction is good shit.

Not in any particular order.

(Big surprise it's probably the biggest list.)

[PB_Wyll_Astarion_SCL_FishermansHut]

Wyll: To think how vibrant this place must have once been. Children playing, merchants hawking. Real people living real lives.

Astarion: I know, can you imagine the noise? This is much more peaceful.

Wyll: Come, Astarion. I know you're not really as heartless as all that.

Astarion: Of course not, I'm a pussycat really. Just ask anyone who's seen my claws.

[PB_Astarion_Karlach_MountainPass]

Astarion: Gods, how are we not there yet? My feet are killing me.

Karlach: Want me to carry you?

Astarion: Oh, darling, would you? {Devnote: With genuine hope}

Karlach: Sure! If you promise to swap once I get tired.

Astarion: Please, I can barely manage my pack - you’d kill me.

[PB_Jaheira_Astarion_NorthAlleys]

Jaheira: Nevermind the shining squares - I am more comfortable on streets such as this. A peek at the true face behind the mask.

Astarion: Yet another thing we have in common. We’re two peas in a pod.

Jaheira: I said a peek behind the city’s mask, Astarion - not a look up its skirts.

Astarion: Jaheira! What do you think of me? {Devnote: mock shock/scandalised}

[PB_Minthara_Astarion_ROM_Act3]

Minthara: Are you a better man now that you are loved, Astarion? Did they mend your ways?

Astarion: I rather think they did. Can’t imagine anyone wanting to do that for you, though dear.

[PB_Wyll_Astarion_ROM_Act3_001]

Wyll: Astarion, I was wrong about you. Truly wrong about you.

Astarion: Let me guess - you thought I’d suck blood, but actually I just suck? Was that your witty jab? {Devnote: A little tired of Wyll’s bullshit}

Wyll: No, I mean it. There’s little between us we share. But you’ve fallen in love and stood by your lover. That is something this dreamer’s heart can appreciate.

[PB_Laezel_Astarion_ROM_Act2_002]

Lae’zel: The more I learn of this plane, Astarion, the more I believe ‘love’ is its greatest disease.

Astarion: Oh, I don’t know. The screaming fever is pretty bad.

[PB_Astarion_Halsin_ROM_Act3]

Astarion: I hear things got wild between you two. I hope no one was too badly mauled.

Halsin: We’re all in one piece. Perhaps you’ll join us next time.

Astarion: It’s bad enough having one person with fangs trying to keep control of themselves. Two of us could be dangerous.

[PB_Astarion_Minthara_MorphicPool]

Astarion: We’re getting close. I do believe fate is shuffling the cards for the final deal.

Minthara: Let the cards fall. We have a strong hand to play.

Astarion: And speaking personally, I intend to cheat.

[PB_Karlach_Astarion_ROM_Act2_001]

Karlach: Sorry if this is rude, but… can vampires fall in love?

Astarion: What a preposterous question. Vampires can do anything you can do, and a damn sight better.

Karlach: Sunbathe? Swim?

Astarion: All right, there are a few limited exceptions.

Karlach: Good to know love is on the table though.

Astarion: It is. Though if the table is laden with good wine and meat, love is often left to rot with the salad leaves.

[PB_Minsc_Astarion_ROM_Act3_Spawn]

Minsc: No, Boo. Astarion is a friend now - he would never bite you. {Devnote: quietly comforting}

Minsc: Yes, vampire?

Astarion: Yes… I mean - no? I am not interested in biting the rodent is the point.

Astarion: Not least because he lives in your trousers…

[PB_Astarion_Laezel_ROM_Act2]

Astarion: So Lae’zel, things seem to be getting serious with you two. Do you have pet names for each other yet?

Lae’zel: ‘Pet’ anmes? As if we were domesticated animals?

Astarion: Gods, you have so much to learn. Repeat after me: honey muffin, sweetie pie, sugarplum.

Lae’zel: Honey muffin, sweetie pie - Astarion, do you see all your lovers as food? {Devnote: As if they’re in another language}

[PB_Shadowheart_Astarion_ROM_Act1_PickUpArtist]

Shadowheart: I can't quite believe you've been a pick-up artist all these years, Astarion. {Devnote: Poking fun/banter. Referring to Astarion's romance with the player}

Shadowheart: Most of the things you say still sound like you're in a two-copper paperback read by little girls.

Astarion: I sound like a charming rake, you mean? The hero everyone fawns over?

Astarion: Well, if the doublet fits...

[PB_Astarion_Gale_Colony_Generall]

Astarion: It's enough to put you off tentacles for life.

Gale: You had a taste for tentacles?

Astarion: The Elfsong Tavern used to serve excellent calamari. Mind you, that was two hundred years ago...

[PB_Gale_Astarion_ROM_Act1]

Gale: I see you waste no time pursuing your quarry, Astarion. {Devnote: referring to Astarion and player beginning to date, amused by it}

Gale: Tell me, do you always woo your lovers with such patient attention? {Devnote: poking fun because it all happened so quickly}

Astarion: I rather thought I was a little slow this time. Usually, they're begging me to drain them on the first night.

[PB_Astarion_Gale_ROM_Act2]

Astarion: So, how was your night with Gale? Did you have a long, hard debate? {Devnote: teasing the player about spending the night with Gale}

Gale: Ignore him. Astarion envies the depth of our bond because he's of a shallower inclination.

Astarion: Snort.

[PB_Shadowheart_Astarion_Battlefield]

Shadowheart: Imagine what this place was like, on the day of the battle. The ground most have been covered with the dead... {Devnote: somber}

Astarion: A tragedy - just think of all that wasted blood.

Shadowheart: You wouldn't actually feed in the wake of a battle, would you? You're not a vulture. {Devnote: 'eww, really?'}

Astarion: Oh, I don't know. I've fed on things that would disgust most vultures.

[PB_Minthara_Astarion_ROM_Act2]

Minthara: Half the men of Menzoberranzan are pleasure-servants. Weaklings, whose beauty is their only redeeming quality.

Minthara: You would fit right in with them, Astarion. {Devnote: mocking Astarion, trying to get a rise out of him}

Astarion: You think I'm beautiful? Oh, Minthara.

Minthara: Hrmmph. {Devnote: scowling, irritated grunt}

[PB_Shadowheart_Astarion_SharTemple]

Shadowheart: You're uncharacteristically quiet, Astarion. Awed into silence?

Astarion: Awed? By this? Please - size isn't everything. At least when it comes to temples.

Shadowheart: Well what would impress you, then?

Astarion: Oh, I don't know, but a little more colour wouldn't hurt. All the black and purple just makes me think of bruises...

[sh4wty18]

makeup.

pairing: johnnie guilbert x reader

summary: you and johnnie are dating and decide to film a video of you doing his makeup

cw: fluff, language, suggestive but nothing major

word count: 1.5k + edited

---

“Hey guys! So today I’m here with…”

“Y/N!” you finish, slightly nervous as it’s your first time streaming alone with Johnnie.

Johnnie giggles a little, sensing your nerves. He gently squeezes your thigh under the desk, out of sight of the viewers, letting you know he’s here for you. You grip his hand in return and squeeze, and he grins in response, stating matter-of-factly,  “Yes! And this is her first time streaming with me! She’s gonna do great, guys. She’s a hundred times cooler than me as it is.” he gazes into your eyes while he says this, providing you with the comfort you need to get over your fear. 

The thought of thousands of people judging your every move is daunting, but you know Johnnie just wants this to be a fun experience for both of you. Plus, his fans have been wanting to see you guys interact on screen for a while now. The edits of you guys together are really cute to be fair, it’s just the sudden fame that comes with dating an internet celebrity has been… a lot. Luckily for the most part, Johnnie’s fans have accepted you with open arms, and they seem genuinely happy to see him finally in a healthy relationship. 

“So today…” Johnnie starts, “Y/N and I thought it would be fun for her to do my makeup, you know, since we have such different styles and stuff.”

“Wow… that description was… enlightening” you respond fake-sarcastically, which elicits an equally fake-sarcastic eye roll from Johnnie. 

“Alright let’s just get into the makeup then if my girlfriend is gonna start bullying me now…” he trails off, as you begin to laugh and grip his arm, and soon he’s unable to contain his own giggling. Even though you both share a jokingly-sarcastic sense of humor with each other, neither of you can ever get through a bit with a straight face. One of you always ends up dying of laughter and the other can’t stop from joining. Johnnie never laughed this much with anyone– other than maybe Jake. But once you guys started dating a few months ago, Johnnie’s been all smiles. 

“Okay, okay!” you say, catching your breath. “So like Johnnie said, our styles are super different. He’s emo and I’m kinda just doing whatever I like at the time. So I figured I would do my typical going-out makeup look for him today.” 

“I’m terrified.” he responds, “I’ve seen your going out looks… There's a lot of glitter involved. I mean you look hot but…”

“Oh you’ll be fine.” you snarkily reply, “You always look hot anyway, this’ll just… amplify your beauty!” 

He laughs, “Okay… I guess I trust you, girlfriend.” Johnnie has made a habit of calling you girlfriend as much as possible. It started as a joke between you guys– pet names that is. You would call each other pookie and boo bear and stuff like that over text and in instagram comments, eliciting hilarious responses from your fans, who had fun trying to figure out if you were being serious or not. Then one day, he called you girlfriend while greeting you in one of his videos with Jake, and you called him boyfriend in response. Ever since then, you’ve been unironically using those titles for each other. You both know it’s corny, but you don’t care. You’re too in love to care. Neither of you have ever felt this deep of a connection with anyone you’ve dated. Nothing about it can be “cringe” because you’re both too happy with each other to mind. 

“Um.. I would hope so, boyfriend.” You roll your eyes at him and he tilts your chin towards his face and kisses you. “Enough PDA, we have work to do!” you back away as he tries to go in for another kiss, “At least let me get started,” you smile back at him, cheekily. 

“Guys did you see that? She swerved me. What the fuck? This is so unfair. My girlfriend hates me.” The chat goes crazy, most people going along with the bit and saying stuff like “how dare you y/n😔” and “nooooo she gagged him lmao💀” 

“Needy, needy man” you grip his chin and peck him, “There, happy now?” 

“Yes… we can start the makeup now” he grins fake-maniacally. 

“Okay, I don’t use primer so we’re just gonna jump right in with concealer…”

—

“Stop, stopppp that’s enough!!!” Johnnie pleads in his raspy vocal-fry shout you’ve heard so many times before in his videos with Jake. 

“We’re almost done, you’re such a fucking baby” You laugh as he blinks down on the mascara wand for what feels like the hundredth time. “Okay now all we have left is lip gloss. But I figured we could do this the fun way, since you are clearly obsessed with me and wanna kiss me so bad” You flip your hair, “I mean, as you should!” 

“Alright we gotta keep this PG for the kids,” Johnnie says in one of his silly voices.

“Since when have your videos ever been PG, sir??” 

“Well… I guess you have a point,” he replies, leaning in and kissing you gently on the lips. You lean into it, and hold his cheek. You both pull away after a couple seconds, not wanting to fully start making out, which is where your innocent kisses usually lead. But considering you’re on stream, maybe that could wait until the cameras were off. 

You apply your favorite lip gloss to your own lips and smirk at him. He quickly catches on and says, “Oh so we’re chapstick challenging this bitch, huh?” 

“Oh yeah.” you laugh, and grip both sides of his face with your hands. At first you plant your lips firmly on his, actually attempting to transfer the lip gloss directly onto his lips. But then, you start planting kisses all over his face, leaving pink sticky smudges wherever your lips decide to land. 

“NOOOO!!! NOOO! HELPPP!! I’M BEING ATTACKED BY MY GIRLFRIEND. CHAT SAVE ME” Johnnie yells, gripping the sides of his desk to try and escape your grasp. 

“You’ll never escape me!!” you yell, leaping out of your own chair and onto his lap, continuing to plant kisses all over his cheeks and forehead. He grabs your waist with one hand, and your neck with the other, pulling you into a real, passionate kiss. One of your hands grips the headrest of his office chair, while the other cups the base of his neck, playing with his hair. 

He gasps for breath after a good twenty seconds, and you two both turn to face the camera, flushed with a mix of embarrassment and desire. “Well… sorry about that guys.” He says sheepishly, then turning to you adds, “The editors are about to go crazy on that one.” 

“No for real” you respond, giggling, “I don’t mind.”

He gazes into your eyes like you’re the only woman he’s ever loved, “Me neither.” And you can’t stop yourself from grinning. 

“How did I get so lucky, guys?” you ask. The chat responses have been super positive since the kiss, with comments ranging from “i feel like i’m interrupting something lol” to “the way he looks at her😭 they’re so in love omg”

“Well, now that I look like a pretty princess, I think we’re gonna call it here, guys. Thank you so much for joining the stream, and if you wanna buy my merch go to johnnieguilbert.com, oh and stream my music.” Johnnie finishes the outro and looks up at you, who is still sitting on his lap, “Anything you wanna add, y/n?”

“Ummm… I guess just that I think this was a really good first one-on-one stream, and you guys all made me feel super comfortable and welcome here, so thank you. Also, look how cute Johnnie looks! He’s so pretty with my pink eyeshadow on. You should do this more often, boyfriend.” 

“We’ll see about that, girlfriend.” he giggles, “And I’m glad you felt comfortable today, you’re awesome and I love being able to make content with you. Alright, bye guys.” he switches off the camera. “You did great! Just like I knew you would. I love you.” 

It’s the first time he’s ever said it out loud, but you can’t say you weren’t expecting it. The way you act around each other, there’s no other name for it other than true, unconditional, intense love. “I love you too, Johnnie.” 

You swing one of your thighs around his legs, straddling him, and he grips your ass with both hands. You wrap your arms around his neck as he leans up to face you. He kisses you like you’re his lifeblood, like he needs you to survive. It’s messy, and primal, and you’re both out of breath and gasping for air, but neither of you want to stop. And in this moment, you know you would do anything to be with him like this, forever. Feeling him, tasting him, breathing him in. You’ve never felt anything quite like this, and you don’t think you’ll ever want to be with anyone else ever again. It's just you and him.   

---

posted this on ao3 first, and i still have 3 more from my ao3 to repost here! likes and reblogs are always appreciated <3

[strnilolover]

.✦ ── Don’t Run ── ✦.

♫ Don’t Run • Corbyn Besson

♡ !ex matt x !ex reader

⚠︎ warnings : unresolved angst, break up, argument, crying, guilt, matts pov, tiny sprinkle of asshole matt (sorry), mentions of drinking, mentions of sleeping with multiple people, hurt with a sprinkle of comfort, and more.

♡ wc : tbc

♡ a/n : angsty time. I absolutely love Corbyn (i used to be a wdw fan) and just listening to this song made me think of an angst thing for matt. again, angst is not my strong suit! so sorry if it’s not the best. (i hope this makes you guys cry at least a little 🥰)

The memory of the fight still played on a loop in Matt’s head like a bad song stuck on repeat. It was supposed to be a regular night, one of those long, exhausting ones after a day of filming.

Matt had just wrapped up editing, a process that always left him on edge when it was his turn instead of Nicks or Chris’. His brothers had already gone to bed, the apartment quiet except for the hum of his computer and the soft notifications buzzing on his phone.

You had walked into his room with that look — the one that told him you had something heavy on your mind, the weight of the conversation already thick between you both.

“We need to talk, Matt,” you said, voice wavering slightly, like you were trying to gather the courage to finish your sentence. He didn’t even turn around at first, fingers tapping away at his keyboard as if he could escape whatever storm was brewing behind him.

“Can it wait?” he muttered, eyes not leaving the screen. “I’m almost done here.”

You took a breath, sighing.“No, it can’t,” you insisted, voice soft but firm. “We keep putting it off, and I can’t pretend everything’s fine anymore.”

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes for a second before turning to face you. “What’s wrong?” he asked, though his tone carried exhaustion more than genuine curiosity.

“Matt, you’re never here,” you started, taking a shaky breath. “Not really. I know you’re busy, but I feel like I’m always waiting for you to show up. And when you do, you’re just so... distant.” your teeth tucked your bottom lip between them, chewing slightly.

“What are you talking about?” Matt frowned, confusion and defensiveness rising within him. “I’m not distant. I’m working — this is what I do. It’s my job.” his tone coming out a little harsher than intended.

“I know,” you said softly, “but you’re more than your job, Matt. At least, you used to be. And now, it’s like I’m just another part of your day that you have to get through.” you stated, your face now burning with the force to hold back your tears.

“That’s not fair,” he shot back, shaking his head. “You know I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. We’re trying to grow the channel more, and that takes time and effort.” he defended, the harsh edge still there.

“I get that,” you replied, your voice shaking slightly, continuing to hold back your tears. “But you can’t keep using that as an excuse to shut me out.”

“Shut you out?” Matt’s voice rose unintentionally, frustration creeping in. He caught himself and softened his tone, running a hand through his hair in agitation. “I’m not trying to shut you out. I’m just trying to keep everything from falling apart.”

You shook your head. “I never asked you to fix everything,” you whispered, and he could see your resolve breaking. “I just wanted you to care enough to show up for me, too.”

He stood there, struggling to find the right words. “What do you want me to do?” he asked, sounding almost defeated. “Quit? Stop doing what I love?”

“No, Matt,” you said, tears streaming down your face now. “I want you to fight for me, the way you fight for everything else.”

The silence that followed was deafening. He looked at you, seeing the raw hurt in your eyes, and his stomach twisted with the realization of just how far apart you both had grown.

“I didn’t know it was this bad,” he admitted, voice cracking slightly.

You wiped at your cheeks, frustration mingling with sadness. “You never asked, Matt. You never noticed.”

He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. Panic started to creep in as he saw you pulling away, the finality of the moment settling heavily on his chest. “Wait — wait, just... we can fix this,” he pleaded, stepping closer, but you shook your head, taking a step back.

“I can’t keep waiting for you to choose me, Matt,” you choked out. “I love you, but I can’t keep pretending that love is enough to make up for feeling so alone.”

Matt’s breathing quickened, his eyes widening as the weight of your words sank in. “No, no, please, don’t do this,” he begged, reaching out to grab your hand, but you pulled away. “I’ll change, I’ll do whatever it takes, okay? Just don’t leave.”

Your voice trembled as you responded, “It’s not just about changing, Matt. It’s about knowing that I matter to you, and right now, I don’t feel like I do.” your voice cracked, fat tears rolling down your cheeks as you sniffled.

“You do matter,” he insisted, his voice desperate and raw. “You matter more than anything. I just — I didn’t realize how much I was screwing this up. Please, just give me a chance to fix it.”

Your silence and sniffles was the only answer he got, and he could see the pain etched into every line of your face. “Goodbye, Matt,” you whispered, voice breaking as you turned and walked out of the room.

“Wait — please,” he called after you, voice cracking as he took a step toward you, but you didn’t stop. The door closed softly behind you, and Matt felt the ground crumble beneath him.

-

It was seven in the morning, and Matt was staring at the ceiling, the light from the window seeping through the cracks in the blinds. The early morning quiet didn’t give him the solace he’d hoped for. Clothes lay in disarray across the floor, some his, some not his — reminders of choices that never filled the ache in his chest.

He turned his head slightly, watching the figure sleeping beside him, a tangle of dark hair and skin that wasn’t yours. But his mind, God, it betrayed him. Every movement in the sheets, every breath that wasn’t your soft sigh haunted him.

The pain of that night never really left him. It clung to him like a shadow, and he hated himself for letting you go. But he couldn’t bring himself to admit it out loud, not when the damage was already done. So he drowned himself in anything and anyone that wasn’t you, hoping it would numb the ache in his chest.

Baby, she ain’t you.

A bitter chuckle slipped past his lips as he closed his eyes, blocking out the world he was trying too hard to pretend he wanted. The way she shifted closer made his skin crawl with guilt, with the incessant buzzing of his mind screaming that this wasn’t what he needed.

He could practically hear you in the back of his head, that knowing voice echoing through the cracks of his resolve, warning him, like you always did, when he was doing something that would hurt him in the long run.

But he ignored it. He always ignored it. Trying to force a needle through skin that never belonged to him in the first place, grasping at someone else because he couldn’t hold onto you.

Matt slid out of the bed, grabbing his jeans off the chair and shoving them on, the harsh sound of a zipper loud in the silence. He didn’t look back; he couldn’t. Stumbling out of the door, he let it close softly behind him, letting the other girl stay asleep, oblivious to the mess he was internally drowning in.

His phone was warm in his hand, and it shook as he tapped open your contact, thumb hovering over the call button. It was so simple — just one tap, and he could hear your voice, maybe hear the softness it used to hold when you whispered his name, or the anger that he deserved when he left you standing in the pouring rain, shattered and holding onto every piece he threw away.

But what if you didn’t want to hear it anymore?

He locked his phone and stuffed it into his back pocket. The hangover made his vision blur at the edges, and his heart thumped heavily with the beat of regret in his chest. He knew drinking and getting girls into his bed was not a good way to cope with his feelings. It had been months since that night, and he was only serving to hurt himself worse.

Was this what it felt like to need someone? He had never felt the desperation like this, the longing, the brokenness that came from knowing you lost the one thing that could keep you steady.

My heart’s been stuck at a red light since you said we’re done.

Matt was back at his apartment — when did he get here?, he doesn’t know. Everything blurring together as his mind just went on autopilot. The cold still silence was more suffocating than the noise of the city.

He could still feel the weight of your memory around him, wrapped in the Prada perfume you used to wear. It lingered in the fibers of his hoodie, in the sheets he hadn’t washed since you left. He buried his face in the fabric, trying to remember what it felt like to hold you, to be someone who made you stay.

“I can change,” he whispered into the emptiness, voice breaking. “If promises still mean the same, I can change.” But the room didn’t answer. It only offered the suffocating rush of memories and the cruel bite of loneliness.

He closed his eyes, flashes of you overwhelming him — the way you laughed, bright and full, even when he was too wrapped up in his own darkness to appreciate it. The way you said his name, like he was your safe place, your home. He remembered how your voice cracked when you broke things off, when you turned away with tears in your eyes, and he was too much of a coward to stop you.

He couldn’t even fake it, the weight of his mistakes pressing down with every breath. He could still hear the gunshots from the last movie night you two had, his fingers intertwined with yours until he pulled away. The pain was like those casings — empty, spent, and irreversible. Maybe you had already moved on; maybe you found someone who didn’t take your presence for granted, who didn’t make you run.

But he couldn’t stop missing you. He missed you like he needed air, like you were the last drop of water in a desert he willingly walked into.

Is this what it feels like to need someone?

He opened his phone again like he did earlier — eyes scanning over the multiple contacts of random women he has slept with. But he wasn’t focused on them, instead his fingers trembled as he opened your contact and started typing. The words came easily because they had been locked inside for too long, festering and aching to be let out.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. I can change, I promise. I miss you every day, in every way. Please, don’t run. I’m not ready for this to be over.

He hovered over the send button, heart hammering in his chest, a tightness in his throat making it hard to breathe. The minutes ticked by, each second dragging. But the fear of you not responding was enough to keep his thumb still.

Then the door to his room creaked open, and his heart jumped, thinking for one wild, desperate second that it might be you. But it wasn’t. It was Nick, looking worried, like he always did whenever Matt got like this.

“Matt, you okay?” Nick asked softly, stepping closer but not too close. Not wanting to risk the possibility of Matt telling him to go away — to leave him alone, when he knew he couldn’t just do that.

Matt froze for a moment swallowing hard. He shook his head, unable to speak, unable to express the loss that consumed him. His phone slipped from his grip, landing on the floor with a soft thud. The unsent message glowed in the dim light, a plea never spoken out loud.

“C’mere,” Nick muttered as he walked over and sat on the edge of his bed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, trying to offer the support Matt was too stubborn to ask for.

Matt buried his face in his hands, the tears coming faster now, the weight of the world finally breaking him. “She’s gone,” he choked out. “I let her go.”

Nick’s hand tightened around his shoulder, and for a while, they stayed like that, the only sounds in the room being Matt’s uneven breathing and the hum of city traffic outside.

Is this what it feels like to need someone?

He didn’t know if he could ever find the answer, but the only thing he knew for certain was that he wasn’t ready — and will never be ready to let you go.

© strnilolover

[sturniolosass]

I..want you - C.S

In which Chris tries to handle a relationship that he’s no where near ready for, and you can’t have your emotions be toyed with…

warnings: swearing, feeling neglected, uncertainty, hurt feelings, talking stage chris.

ANGST, FAT ANGST!

Chris and I have been in this "talking" stage for around 3 months but the thing is stuff has been getting really serious and its gotten to the point where we've become so attached to one another that we see each other each day and sleep in each others beds, at one point we both spoke on marriage.. not like seriously about it but what we’d like to gain from it..if you get what i mean.

But this pass week somethings been off, I've texted, I've called, I've messaged him through DMs for christ's sake.. No reply..

So today I've been contemplating heading over to the boy's place and seeing what's been going on.. maybe he's sick, maybe he's down in a rut about something... I'm not sure but I need to see what's going on maybe I'll stop by and even find out they're out of internet or something.. I couldn't imagine the reason Chris would ghost me for 3 whole days.. He doesn't even seem like the type of guy to go talking to a bunch of girls, I couldn't imagine him being unfaithful to me, even though we're barely a couple to begin with.. regardless heading over there wouldn't hurt that bad... at least I hope not..

Getting dressed I head out the door sending chris one last message before I head out to his home.

Hey, I'm headed over, i know I wasn't invited so if you don't want me over or something just let me know...

I wait 10 minutes, No response

I grab my keys and head out the door.

Arriving I hop out the car to knock on the door, I'm greeted with Matt. "Yo! what's up, Chris should still be sleep but he's in the basement if you wanna wake em" he greets. "hey, yeah I've been looking for him" I speak. He let's me in walking up the steps to the living room.. I immediately head to the back of the house towards Chris' room, walking down the steps and then the hallway leading up to his door. I hesitate, thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong when I turn this door knob.. twisting the door knob I'm met with a pitch black room.. a sleeping Chris laying flat on his stomach with one knee bent up north.

I just sit at the edge of the bed contemplating whether or not I should wake him and risk being greeted with his morning anguish.. Being the pussy I am, I just kick off my shoes and lay with him, picking his arm up off the bed and snuggling under it cozily.. He moves mumbling under his breathe inaudible words... I soon fall asleep right next to him..

Chris' POV

I wake up unexpectedly cuddled into y/n confused as to how she amazingly got into my room yet alone my house... Things like this genuinely annoy me, I've started to distance myself for some time now because of how serious we were getting, it began to really freak me out.. from the goodmorning messages to the worrying about my sleep schedule... things started feeling all too real. Don't get me wrong I really, really like y/n but us doing all these lovey-dovey things really scares me... aggravated I head upstairs to find out who the fuck just let her come down here while I was sleeping... Once I'm up the stairs I see Nick and Matt sitting at the dining room table, Nick editing, Matt eating cereal. "ouuu Mr. lover boy is up, how was you cuddle session?" Matt jokes.."Matt shut the fuck up, who the fuck- who just let y/n in my room and when did that happen? I didn't even go to bed until like 4 am so I know it was one of you fucking early birds" I ask angrily grabbing a Brisk can from the fridge.. "wasn't me." Nick blurts.. "who cares, its not like she was gonna murder you.. she said she was looking for you.." Matt explains.. "bro I was ignoring her for a reason.." I shout.. "well she's here now, what were you gonna ghost her something? did she do something?" He asks.. "yeah she's getting all weird and clingy and shit.." .... "like asking 'how my day was' and' if I slept well' and shit" I add... Matt looks at me weirdly "you mean caring about your well being? you're such an idiot" He gets up from the table heading to his room.. "GRAB YOUR FUCKING BOWL IM NOT YOUR MAID" Nick nearly busts my ear drums yelling at Matt.. "dude are you crazy?" I ask heading to the steps that lead to my bedroom.. "shut up bitch" Nick rolls his eyes...

Your POV

I wake up in Chris' bed alone.. not worried where he went I just wait for him to come back down the steps which is where I assume he went, starting to scroll on TikTok I hear Nick scream at the top of his lungs about 'being a maid' which I laugh at..

I then hear Chris heading back down the stairs, I hurriedly sit up fix my hair worried of what he'll have to say to me, then I start to think of what I should say to him.. I don't even know how I feel.. I wanna talk about us moving forward in our relationship but I also need to figure out why he's been acting all distant lately, I hope he doesn't think I haven't noticed.. because to be honest it feels like he has literally blocked me out of his life for the past 3-4 days..

He enters the room I stare down at my feet He walks straight pass me.. I look up. He heads straight into his bathroom... I flop back down on his bed..

Getting up from the bed I decide to make it, fluffing the duvet, tucking the sheets , fluffing the pillows.. Chris has been in the bathroom for around an hour now, I hear music, assuming he's in the shower, I clean a little more. Throwing away Pepsi cans and food casing from last night, I assume.. grabbing dirty clothes off the floor throwing them in his hamper... Suddenly I hear the water and music stop.. shuffling in the bathroom continues until Chris comes out in fresh love sweats and a black tank top, dropping his dirty clothes on the bed near his bed and heading over to his computer, I grab them and throw then in the hamper to which I assume irritates Chris.. "Can you stop!" Chris shouts... "wha-" I start to speak soon being cut off, "like you're being weird leave my clothes where I left then I didn't ask you to clean for me!" He adds.. "I mean what else am I supposed to do? You've been ignoring my presence sense I got here!" I shout back... "go home! I don't fucking know!" He replies.. "what the fuck is even your problem? like what have I even done for you to react this way to me cleaning for you?" I ask genuinely confused... He doesn't respond.. "hellooo" I speak in a questioning manner... “maybe i just don’t like you anymore and don’t need you to be here, i’m starting to even question why i did in the first place like you’re being so fucking annoying and clingy” he huffs… “all you do is bug me now gosh!” he adds…. I look to the ground genuinely hurt… it honestly makes sense, every guy i like always ends up ghosting me and it makes sense why at this point.. i can’t help that i am too “caring”.. apparently that freaks out a lot of guys..

“what so this is how you treat every girl you like? or liked?” i ask.

"I was ready to drop everything and be your girlfriend, in fact my plan today was to come ask you to be with me..I was ready for everyone to know how we've been these pass few months and not give a fuck what any hater or 'fan has to say.." I say holding back emotions.. "I never said I was ready for that, I never spoke on being together like that" He speaks.. "So what? we were just gonna be 'talking' for however long?" I ask. No response.. He just continues to stare at his computer screen. I just look back and sit down on his bed. blinking back tears.. He stares at the computer screen, nothing on it, not scrolling, no video, no music, nothing... Just staring, deep in thought...

We sit in silence for around 10 minutes before I speak again

"Chris?, can you say something? because I've done nothing but try to keep things working between us.. You've ignored me for almost 3 days when before you'd message me everyday 'How are you' , 'come over' , 'when are you free' , 'lets see a movie' , 'lets hang out before I leave for Boston.' " I count off examples.. "I just don’t get how we can go from something so good.. or what I thought was good, to you completely ignoring my existence." I add.. He continues to stare at the blank screen, until.. "I don't know okay, I just feel weird when I'm around you? you're always so caring and shit like that freaks me the fuck out..." he breaks silence. "I never feel this deep of feelings for anything, its fucking annoying.." He adds... "Well, I care about you.. its true, I care about how you slept, I care if you have a nightmare, I care if you feel a cold coming on, I care if you're upset with how much I care... because I genuinely like you Chris, and I don't know maybe this is one of those " right person, wrong time" moments because I feel like we deserve each other..." I speak whole-heartedly.. He just stares at his hands... I stand up.. "maybe in another life then?" I ask headed for the door... He doesn't respond.

I grab the door knob opening it slowly hoping he'd say something to keep me from leaving...n

"wait" he speaks "I wanna try- I want you- I wanna be with you..." he adds looking up from the floor despair in his eyes. "Chris I just don't feel like you're ready for what I'm ready for.." I reply.. “i’m ready- i am” he pleads… “how when just a moment ago you were telling me you were unsure if you even liked me” i ask… He looks down at his hands, I grab my bag and keys walking out of the room..

I hear him get up rushing out the room, he slows down once he sees me standing at the steps. Walking up to me slowly he pulls me in for a kiss, which i kindly reject hoping he gets the hint.. “i like you a lot Y/N.. i just- i need time to understand my self more. i’ve been used and hurt so many times..” he tells.. I just look at his hands in mine.. letting go i turn to walk up the steps… “can i call you later?” he asks.. I turn back “i feel like time apart might actually be what we need at this time, my feelings are genuinely hurt by the things you’ve said to me today” i reply. “i didnt mean it- you know that…” he looks up at me… I walk up the steps walking past Nick and leaving the boys house “bye Y/N see you sometime again hopefully, i know my brothers an asshole” Nick yelps from the dinning table…

I smile walking out the door.. knowing that’s possibly the end of my friendship with the boys…

fin.

A/N: the long awaited.. sorry yall i got busy but here it is!!! Hope yall like Chris and his trust issues!

taglist- @junnniiieee07 @frankdelreyy @ireadstoriss @freshsturns @unbruisable

[olderthannetfic]

Genuine question: what's the point of writing fanfic? As in, what's the purpose? No one in the fandom I'm in comments on fics and I even got told off by one person for doing so, as it "encourages bad writers and makes them think they're good". So it seems that it's a lot like book writing, where people work hard and are creative, but instead of getting paid and getting comments on the work, you just sit there silently hoping someone will press the kudos button and make a number go up. I feel like that time and work could be better spent on making something you might get some kind of profit off of. Don't get me wrong, I love doodling fanart, but I don't post it, as I'm aware that there's no point to doing so, and while it's a nice way to fill the time on a commute, it's not something that takes me as much time and effort as fanfic does. So... why do people bother? Sometimes I describe ideas I have and people I know in my fandom will tell me I should write it, but I don't see why. I get more interaction from just saying "imagine if [thing here]" than I would by sitting down, writing for hours, editing and posting [thing here], so what would the point be? I'm not punching down or going "haha women and their fanfic lol!", I genuinely do not get what the point is and this blog feels like it might have someone reading who knows the answer.

--

Do you make art for profit? Genuine question.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being motivated primarily by external factors, but it's not actually why a lot of people create things, whether it's books or recipes or doodles in a notepad.

I enjoy the actual process of writing.

I think many people lose sight of that aspect in an era where tons of <500-word fics that are mostly outlines and "Imagine if..." posts get disproportionate attention for being easy to consume. But the satisfaction of doing a bigger art piece and doing it right is real and motivates a hell of a lot of creation.

I suppose you might be thinking "Okay, but why not just write it alone and never post?", but I like sharing. Showing off my finished creation is part of the joy, and sharing with other people like me is too. But those aren't quite the same thing as worrying about kudos. It's like dressing nicely when you leave the house because you feel great when you know you look good vs. needing another person to tell you you look good.

To be honest, though, this type of feeling has grown in me the better I've gotten at a craft. The closer my finished projects get to the vision in my head, the easier it is to find them fulfilling and to be excited to share them. When I fall short of my own ambitions, it's discouraging no matter how much attention I might get from others.

I feel like it's time for my regular reblog of Adam Westbrook's video essay series The Long Game.

The third and least known in the series is all about this idea of who you're making art for if you're not getting material rewards in the short term. It talks a lot about autotelicity—being internally driven instead of externally.

--

But if you really just want clicks, anon, start a blog that accepts anon asks and posts about wanky stuff. Actually tag things, unlike me, so people can find you.

No, writing for attention isn't worth it.

The time investment is too great and your brain will always fixate on the times people didn't respond instead of the times they did.

But that's not actually why most people write.

[slutouttanowhere]

Flesh | R.Rippley

Rhea Ripley x black!oc

warnings: cunilingus, clit stimulation, mentions of blood, biting, themes of vouyerism, mentions of self body shame, and alcohol consumption. poorly edited

a/n: I’ve been saying I was gonna write Rhea months ago if you follow me, and look at that apparently I’ve been saving a Rhea x oc for spooky season. I mean she is mother spooky after all right? This Oc is bi-curious, but this is for anyone and everyone to enjoy if you’d like to. A lot of the way I wrote Rhea in this was inspired by her response to the mean comments people bade on Charlotte’s (Flair) body online. She was just so sweet and supportive I genuinely cried a little. Anyways! I hope you all enjoy this, follow for me, and as always reblogs are much appreciated. {ps, happy spooky season munsters ♡

The only reason I showed up to the party to begin with was because Liv, Bianca, and Montez were going, and I didn’t want her to go to a Halloween party by herself. So, here I am dressed as Bellatrix Lestrange on my 3rd drink sandwiched between Liv and Bianca. I’m swaying slowly with Liv when I caught Rhea’s eyes on me, I looked away, and after a moment passed I looked back just to double check whether she was actually looking at me or not.

“Uh oh, Mami got her eyes on you.” Bianca giggled as if she heard this, Rhea’s lips twitched, a hint of a smirk.

“More like daddy.” I giggled to Liv, deciding that I had enough dancing for now, I squeezed through the crowded sea of bodies, and made my way over to the makeshift bar in the kitchen. There were people, who weren’t dancing, scattered around the kitchen area. There was a platter of brownies in the shape of a ghost. I placed one on a mini plate, and nibbled a little.

“Can I get a bite?” The sudden sound of Rhea’s voice made me jump, my heart pounded against my rib cage, “sorry sweetheart, didn’t mean to scare you.” She smiled feigning concern, her blacked out lips set in a pout, but when she broke out into a sly grin I rolled my eyes.

“You obviously did that on purpose.” I said coyly, Rhea had a way about her, I didn’t know a single person that hated her. At least they didn’t hate her for too long til she finessed her way back into your good graces, then you love her all over again.

Her hair was cut short down to her neck, the sides were shaved, and faded up. She had her jet black hair slicked back, putting her pretty pale colored face on full display; her eyes were an unusual blood red color, but what isn’t unusual about Rhea Ripley? She wore a long velvet black cloak around her shoulders that kissed the ground as she walked. Even her silk shirt, and trousers were black, she looked more like a floating head if anything. Of course she made sure to leave her blouse unbuttoned to show off her tattoos and toned stomach.

“Are you a vampire?” I asked, trying to guess what exactly her costume was, her eyes flashed an unrecognizable expression. She then leaned her hip against the kitchen counter. Her hand pushing my hair behind my shoulder, I let her fingers caress my skin. She was ice cold despite it being a house packed full of warm bodies, unintentionally my shoulder jerked, but she didn’t take offense. Instead she continued to travel her fingers down my exposed skin, I chewed on my bottom lip trying to keep the moan from escaping me.

“For you princess, I’ll be whatever you want me to be.” She purred low enough for me to hear, though I strongly doubted Rhea cared who watched as she groped me. I bet if she thought she could get away with it, she’d fuck me on the kitchen table.

Oh sweetie pie, you aren’t ready for that. The sound of her voice in my head caused me to freeze, my eyes were glued to her, Rhea’s eyes flickered to the rest of the party growers then back to me. I turned to see what she was seeing, I sucked in a breath, everyone in the room had froze, except the two of us.

“You’re a fucking vampire.” I said breathlessly, I wasn’t going to act dumb, I’ve read enough movies and books to know the signs. I never thought one would reveal themselves to me in real life, but here we are.

“Well! Aren’t you a smart cookie, that just makes everything much easier.” Slowly she circled around the back of me like a predator, her arms wrapping around my waist, and her head nestled in the nape of my neck. “Mmm you smell so sweet, what do you say we go somewhere more private…unless you really did want them to watch?” Her lips pressed to the shell of my ear then trailed kisses down my neck where she gently nibbled on my skin. Her touch stirring something within me I didn’t even know existed? I could feel my face heating up, sure I thought Rhea was pretty, gorgeous even, but I thought all of my girl friends were beautiful.

“You’re thinking too much babe, don’t worry about the line you’re dancing on. Just simply, step over it.” She uttered melodically.

“But I’ve never…with a—

“It really doesn’t matter, as long as the desire is there, you feel it don’t you? That sweet ache between those delicious thighs of yours, the way your nipples painfully hardened when I touched you?” She teased me, her breath fanning across my cheek, she was right but I felt slightly torn.

I parted my lips to deny, but she cut me off, “I could hear the way your heart raced when you noticed me staring, but if you insist.” She said suddenly bored, by the time she reached for a slime green colored jello shot, the party had gone back to normal without skipping a beat. Rhea began to walk away, I was dumbfounded, but quickly snapped out of it when I decided I wouldn't resist her.

“Rhea.” I called desperately, a little out of breath from the hold she had on me.

“Hm?” She barely spared me a glance. I wanted so badly for her to look at me, for those stunning, yet odd eyes to watch me.

I grabbed her by the hand, letting my fingers slide up her silk covered arm the same way hers had done mine. She seemed virtually unphased by me, but of course I wasn’t her. I didn’t have the same charisma as Rhea Bloody Ripley. “Is that what you think?” She hissed, she caught me off guard by pulling me against her, “I want you for more than the blood that runs through your veins, I wanna know what your flesh tastes like.” I knew people saw us, of course they did, mostly because of how Rhea stands out. Even in a crowd full of grown adults dressed up, everyone had their eyes on her, and now me.

I let her drag me off up the stairs to the second floor of the house. There were people up the stairs, taking up space, but for the most part they drunkenly chatted, paying Rhea and I no mind.

“Who else knows?” I asked meekly once we were alone, I was filled to the brim with questions, but tried not to spill them all out.

She chuckled, “Priest of course, and Finn. They’re the only two people I’ve confirmed it to, everyone else just suspects and makes up whatever they think sounds cool.” She rolled her eyes, she had walked me backwards towards the bed, taking her cloak off, and throwing over a bear by a desk chair. My hands moved to slide her slick black shirt off her shoulders, her skin was cold to the touch, and soft. She was covered in tattoos, the ink jet black, and fading. Those ruby eyes of her watched me intently as I pressed my lips to her skin, she sharply inhaled, “if you don’t calm down I swear.” She said through clenched teeth, I paused, my eyes flickered towards her, “your heart is pounding, and it’s taking everything in me not to drain you.” She explained, her voice impossibly quiet, her eyelids low as she looked upon me.

“Sorry.” I whispered, I took a moment to breathe, and calm down. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders losely, her arms came around my waist, and reached up to untie the strings of my corset. Our lips pressed together in a fervent kiss, her tongue pushed past my lips, and caressed me.

“Mm you taste like chocolate.” She hummed pleasantly, I could feel air properly return to my lungs as she unties the last string. She trailed wet kisses down my breast as she tugged the dress down my body. Her lips wrapped around nipple, sucking, and gently tugging on it with her perfect teeth.

I didn’t fight the whine that escaped my body this time, I stepped out the dress, then kicked it to the side, and sat on the edge of the bed in only my underwear. “Let me see that pretty pussy baby.” Rhea purred, without hesitation, and eager to please her, I leaned back on the bed. The weight of my breast caused them to slightly fall to either side, our gazes locked as we removed more layers. I didn’t even bother to take my panties all the way off, instead they hung off my leg as I parted my thighs wide enough for her to see me.

Rhea didn’t miss not one movement, from the moment I brought my index and middle finger up to my lips, to when I brought them back down to spread my labia open. She watched me hungrily, starved, and desperate. The last thing to come off her was an expensive looking pair of shoes before she knelt in front of me, but she didn’t stop me, instead trailed kisses up my thighs. My two fingers dived deep until knuckles disappeared, “fuck.” I cried, after pumping my fingers a few good times, and coating myself, I pulled all the way out.

Without me having to ask her to, Rhea sucked my fingers hungrily, her tongue sliding between the crevices to make sure she didn’t miss anything. “You taste so fucking good, hmm my god.” She hurried her face into my lower abdomen, reflexively sucked my tummy in, I couldn’t help but be aware that Rhea was in way better shape than me. Most of the women in the company where, but then there’s me, my body was—

“Soft, and delicate, like a garden flower. You may be tough as nails in the ring, but you’re still human. A gorgeous one, that doesn’t need to compare herself to anyone, do you understand?” She was gentle with her tone, but firm in her belief in my beauty, I could feel the way my face heat up. Suddenly I didn’t want her seeing me.

“Yes.” My voice came out meeker than I expected, she planted sweet kisses on my stomach once again. Unfortunately for me my lips moved before I had time to stop myself, “I haven’t…in a while, and my ex, he was bad at head.”

The last thing I expected was for her to laugh, a deep, hearty laugh. Her head was thrown back, and her mouth slacked open. I bit my lip, certain that whatever had blossomed between us was over. “If I had a dollar for every time a man couldn’t find the clit I wouldn’t need to wrestle ever again.”

I was beyond confused, “I’m sorry?”

“Sweetheart, I don’t know too many men that knew how to please women without their dick, let alone their mouths. What you need… is exactly what you want. So tell me, how do you like your pussy ate?”

She was so bold, and confident. If I could feel the chagrin expression on my face, I knew she could see it just as well. “Well I…” I started off quietly, I felt so unsure all of a sudden, a moment ago I was ready to rip her clothes off.

“Do use your outside voice sweetie.” She teased, her fingers were still kneading my thighs keeping the ach between them going, like kindling a flame.

“I like to be teased a little, but I mainly like the focus here.” My fingers landed carefully over the clit, her eyes followed my hand down, and the smirk that curled onto her lips told me I wasn’t leaving this bed till we both got what we came for.

“So like this?” She replaces my fingers with her lips gingerly sucking me in before letting go with a pop sound. My back arched up off the bed, but her hand pushed me back down in place. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She chuckled, with her thumb she drew light circles around my brownish bud, while simultaneously pushing into me with her tongue. My body nearly folded in half for her as I brought my legs back further to give her full access to me.

Her tongue swirled around from my clit, and sliding between small intricate crevices I myself hadn’t even thought of as if she was actually exploring my body. It felt so damn good I was at a loss for words, and I wasn’t sure if it was that good because it was just her or because it’s been so long for me. “Fuck, your so fucking sloppy, but I love it.” I confessed through a whimper of pleasure.

“Hmm, yeah, you like it when I eat this pretty pussy of yours? You like how your fucking juices are all over my lips and chin?” She breathed heavily, the smile on her lips looked more like a predator flashing its teeth in warning. The tips of her ears became pointed, my hand reached out to touch her, but her hand caught me. “You might not like what you see princess, you’ve never seen a vampire in their true form.” Her face hidden from me, her thumb drawing circles, keeping the heat between my thighs going.

“Show me.” My curiosity was getting the best of me.

“One thing at a time, love.” Her voice was the softest I’ve ever heard it, I almost forgot how easy it would be for her to overpower me. I didn’t have time to process much else because her lips were back on me, and this time with the internet to finish me off. Not like it would take much, I’m easy like that. Rhea’s index and middle finger delved deep inside of me, and her lips sucking with a bit more aggression. I threw my head back, an intense sensation rolling throw me in waves I couldn’t control, “that it, let it out baby, nobody is gonna hear how much of fucking needy slut you are for me.” She teased, her fingers still working on me, pumping in and out of me till I came, squirting all over her and myself.

“Oh my fucking god yes!” My thighs trembled uncontrollably, I didn’t fight it, it all felt too good to care about anything else. I could feel her hands massaging up my thighs, I wasn’t sure what she was going to do with me now, but I’d let her hit me over the head with a bat if she so wished.

“Now I want to taste you for real.” Rhea climbed on top of me, her face was so close to mine I could see the small tattoos that kissed her hairline. She straddled my hips, she only pulled away enough for me to fully see her face and the way it had transformed. She looked mature, like she had lived thousands of lives, here ruby irises appeared to be darker like blood. And when she talked, thick, sharp incisors stood out amongst her other teeth. Dark black veins rose to the surface of the skin underneath her eyes, this time when I reached my hand out she didn’t move away.

I knew she could hear the way my heart was about ready to rip from my rib cage, “you’re scared of me?” She wasn’t really sure what I was feeling, I guess it was hard to gauge my emotions when they’re all over the place.

“Yes…but I’m also excited.” I confessed honestly, the emotion in her eyes flickered too fast for me to tell what she was thinking. She took my wrist in her hand, her lips kissed directly where my pulse thumped underneath the skin. “Will this turn me into a vampire?” I asked ignorantly, there were so many variations to vampirism, one could never know what’s true or not.

“No.” She paused to chuckle, “but it will hurt as would anything biting into your flesh.” Her fingers caressed me down my arm, if she was meaning to calm me, it did work slightly. Then a thought crossed my mind, she answered me before I could get the words past my lips.

“Feeding from the neck is very intimate, and I try to maintain a healthy distance from that.” She explained, her gaze met mine as she brought my wrist to her lips where she kissed me there. “It will sting for a moment, but it’ll go away after a moment.” She murmured over my skin, she hesitated for a second, her eyes screeching for any sign of regret, or uncertainty. But I was grounded in my decision. She was right. I did hurt, the stinging feeling was on instant contact, but I tried not to overreact. Her breathing was heavy, and her eyes looked ferocious as she lapped up as much of my blood as possible without having to detach herself from me.

I could feel my head getting dizzy at first, the way the room spun made me feel like I was floating, or rather I was dying? I wasn’t sure which one it was, but if it was me dying then what better way to go than in the hands of a beautiful woman. The last thing I saw before the world went black were those red eyes staring down at me…

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

Yes, we have a some of December left, and I want to check out Death's Game but whatever. I got time for this now and not sure if I will have later so here goes.

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. This was an excellent kdrama year, the likes of which we hadn't had in a long time.

DRAMAS WATCHED

In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality so pls don't come for me, fans of some popular dramas that are on my nope list. Also, I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list.

33. The Escape of the Seven - this is so aggressively stupid and mean that it feels like the makers are playing a practical joke seeing how much their audience will take. This has a season 2 coming, so the answer is a lot.

32. Behind Your Touch - the FL gets superpowers by touching people's and animals' butts. Yes, you read this right. Do I really need to add anything?

31. King the Land - yes, it was a hit. Yes, it stars popular actors. I HATED IT LIKE IT TOUCHED MY BUTT TO GET SUPERPOWERS!!! Plastic people in paint by the numbers story, with about as much genuineness or retability as a barbie aisle in walmart. I never expect much from Yoona so whatever, but to have LJH go from The Red Sleeve to this boggles the mind.

30. Mrs Durian - this is so dumb that I think I lost a few IQ points watching this, but its insanity becomes entertaining - I mean what kdrama can you name where a daughter in law declares her love and lust for her mother in law at a family dinner?

29. The Matchmakers - there is nothing offensive about this drama at all. But there is nothing in the least interesting either. If elevator music took drama shape, it would be this show.

28. Destined with You - sorry, Rowoon, I am still fond of you, but you are two for two in drama duds department this year. This is a drama where I loved ep 1, liked ep 2, was indifferent to 3 and...you get the point. Each ep was worse than the one before, and I bailed before I was dragged into a cosmic singularity.

27. Oasis - great first two episodes. Unfortunately it was not a two ep show. The performances are solid but the story is just not there - the effect is like a fancy chef making an amazing sauce to put on pig slop.

26. Boyhood - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like it but a 34-year old playing a high schooler in a Weak Hero Class 1 Slapstick Edition is no go for me.

25. Castaway Diva - it's so precious and kooky in the most annoying ways, with the most well-adjusted abused castaway in history. I like magic realism when done by Jorge Amado, but this ain't Amado.

24. Island - it had a good concept, good cast and fun visuals but the execution deserved one of ML's swords through the neck.

23. The Worst of Evil - if I wanted an American show, I'd watch one. Very solid performances though.

22. Song of the Bandits - period edition of what I said about The Worst of Evil.

21. Welcome to Samdalri - and goodbye to any hope of emotional involvement.

20. Joseon Attorney - I have yet to like a single sageuk centered around a profession and this was not an exception. I guess it could be worse but it also could have been so much better.

19. Twinkling Watermelon - everyone loved this drama. Everyone except for me. It's the kind of precious that sets my teeth on edge and I couldn't stand half the main characters we were supposed to root for. I guess I like my fruits to shine steadily.

18. Our Blooming Youth - probably the biggest disappointment on this list. This is not a bad drama by any means, but with that cast and that story (I loved the novel), I was hoping for a memorable sageuk not merely all right.

17. Vigilante - it has the emotional complexity and nuance of a punch to the throat but it gives us quasi-gay openly-murderous dudes going after psychos and Yoo Ji Tae holding feral Nam Joo Hyuk by his hoodie at his feet.

16. The Forbidden Marriage - expected nothing but it was a surprisingly enjoyable trifle of a costume drama that was also quite pretty.

15. Arthdal Chronicles: Sword of Aramun - a hot mess but such an entertaining epic one. And it gave us TWO Lee Jun Kis in period gear and who am I to cavil at the bounty of God?

14. The Story of Park's Marriage - it's a trifle, a souffle, so light it might blow away, but it keeps my attention and is so fun and sweet.

13. My Lovely Liar - a huge surprise, that manages to mix a murder mystery and a romcom, and shocked me by showing Hwang Minhyun can act.

12. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - the original ToNT was my fave drama of its year and I did not think it needed a sequel. But this is not a sequel but more of a side-quel and is such a total delight with brotherly love, adventures, romance and hijinks. It's a joy.

11. Perfect Marriage Revenge - it's actually very hard to do a soap right but this slim 12 ep drama managed. So fun, so crazy, such a good ship!

10. My Lovely Boxer - not really about sports, but about two broken people finding salvation because of and in each other. Also, if you like age gap romances, this is delicious. Sort of loses steam by the end but c’est la vie.

9. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - this was a sageuk that was not on my radar with a bunch of actors I was not familiar with but it took my heart away. A good plot that was perfectly paced, characters and ships I adored, a logical ending. This is one of the biggest positive surprises of the year for me.

8. Tell Me That You Love Me - a slice of life remake (sort of, it's more "inspired by") of my favorite jdrama of all time. It's not as good as the jdrama because nothing could be, but it's an aching lovely story with some incredible performances.

7. See You In My 19th Life - funny and romantic and haunting and hopeful and odd. This was one of my favorites of the year.

6. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - it's rare for me to like a (1) sequel (2) with FL actress change (3) that is a Hong Sisters drama. But this was such a gorgeous, surprisingly achy story of love and loss and love regained with some cool monster fighting in the middle. Between the two seasons, this is the first Hong Sisters' drama I enjoyed from beginning to end in well over a decade.

5. My Demon - so tropey (chaebols, supernaturals) but it proves that these tropes are popular for a reason. The chemistry is fire, the story is unpredictable and the whole thing is an addictive delight. A rare drama where I like each new ep more than the last one.

4. Goryeo Khitan War - an old school sageuk in every meaning of the term (no romance, no eye candy, lots of bearded men, battles and politics), this feels like watching an epic movie more than a drama. The vast cast all earns their place and the performances (mainly from character actors given a chance to shine) are incredible.

3. Call It Love - two very very damaged people finding love and healing with each other. This is a narrative very hard to do to my satisfaction but when it's done well, as here, there are few things that can hold a candle to it.

2. My Dearest - a masterpiece of cinematography, narrative, performances. This is an old-school epic romance in the best sense of the term. If it doesn't make you swoon or break your heart, there is something wrong with you. A story of two untraditional, strong-willed, flawed people who fall in love in the middle of the horrifying Qing invasion of Korea and have to deal with all that the world throws at them, this is a bona fide masterpiece.

1 - Moon in the Day - who knew my favorite kdrama of the year will star a store brand Domyoji from Extraordinary You and an actress I was never familiar with. But this part period/part modern fantasy tale of doomed cursed lovers is everything I knew I wanted and everything I didn't know I wanted but did. Two lovers where their love did not save them and in modern day it might not again, has got me obsessed the way I haven't been in years.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Moon in the Day - if there is such a thing as a drama made perfectly for me, this gorgeous, emotionally haunting, utterly romantic, twisty tale is it.

WORST DRAMA

The Escape of the Seven. This drama is proof that demons exist and not sexy ones like Song Kang but horrible nasty ones who delight in the torment this hot mess inflicted on its viewers.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Ha, Moon in the Day - a Silla general and a consummate killer who committed atrocities on the orders of his monster father and yearned to die for them, who found the meaning in life in loving his enemy but it did not make him better, a man so obsessed he literally was around for 1500 years of horrifying ghostly existence and still went "worth it" for a woman who killed him as long as he knew she loved him while she did it. He's intense and competent and beyond fucked up and has never had a normal day and I love him so so so very much from a safe distance.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Gil Chae, My Dearest - she starts out as vain and spoiled but the horrors that break so many others bring out all her fierce survivor potential and she becomes such a force of nature - capable of incredible love but also sacrifice and strength and compassion.

Runner Up: Shin Hye Sun's reincarnator in See You In My 19th Life - quirky, damaged, strong, so odd and so vulnerable at once.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

There are a lot of characters who fit that category (King Injo in My Dearest? My God) but the crown belongs to So Ri Bu from Moon in the Day. You think you've seen abusive parents but until you've seen a man abuse his son his whole life and then continue for 1500 years after his death, you ain't seen nothing!

FAVORITE SHIP

The doomed by the narrative OTP of Moon in The Day. Only thing that's better than enemies to lovers is enemies while lovers and their impossible relationship where her killing him is a supreme act of love and his refusing to let go is so strong that he stays around for 1500 years watching her, helpless as she dies over and over again, is everything you ever want.

Runner up: Jang Hyun/Gil Chae, My Dearest. They are so strong and so damaged and it takes them so long to figure out what they feel and what the other person feels but their love and sacrifice and complexities are perfect.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Kim Shi Yeol/Hong Joo, The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - an assassin bodyguard pretending to be a carefree scholar and a widow of the man he killed to protect his king (and whose life was destroyed as a result.) I enjoyed the main OTP of this drama but I was utterly and completely unhinged for the secondary couple.

I'd have probably picked Rang and his mermaid from TotNT 1938 even over them, but they really were the main OTP of that drama.

NOTP

King the Land couple seems like an easy target but honestly, they are both so terribly bland and antiseptic and marketing by committee, they kinda deserve each other. So I am gonna go with Destined with You, one half of which thinks supernaturally roofying someone into loving them is cute and the other half thinks dating one woman while wooing another is totally a-ok. Ugh.

FAVORITE SCENE

There is no competition for the scene in the slave market in My Dearest, where Jang Hyun finds Gil Chae - the way he screams and tries to clutch the hem of her skirt will live in my head forever.

And the scene where he 'wins' that horrifying bet, or the scene where she finds him in a pile of bodies - they are as good also. Or when he fights off a squad to protect her even though he's sick. That whole drama is perfect.

Runner up: the scene of Do Ha executing Ri Ta's family, covered in blood, as she looks at him from the crowd in Moon in the Day.

Or the scene where he talks about how he cannot live as a person but at least maybe she will kill him and he will die as one. Or when her confession in the past intercuts with his walking in the present, or when he comes home in his bloodied armor and she finds he has a fever and it's the first tender touch he's probably ever known. Her murdering So Ri Bu saying she knows she's going against filial piety in loving her parents' murderer, the way they hug, both bloody, as he says "let's live." The way she says she can't go on as she's hit rock bottom and he replies she cannot quit because she must accompany him to his rock bottom now. Honestly, the drama is a font of amazingness.

Also, the opening scene of Goryeo Khitan War or the scene of Yang Gyu ordering to shoot the captives and having to do so himself.

The OTP meeting again at the intersection at the end of ep 1 of Tell Me That You Love Me. SHS comforting ABH as he's having a traumatic breakdown in 19th Life. The love-making scene in Call It Love. There were a lot of great scenes this year.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Lee Jang Hyun, My Dearest - is that even a competition? He's flawed - vain, often emotionally closed off, not great at processing emotions, lashing out when hurt. He is also incredibly heroic in a real, knows the cost but bears it, kind of way. Whatever he does, he commits utterly but it's never without understanding the cost. He felt both larger than life and utterly real. He went through hell and maintained his soul and the way he loved Gil Chae was breath-taking to behold.

Runner Up: Yang Gyu, Goryeo Khitan War - an experienced military commander who wins an impossible victory even as it ravages his soul. Competence is sexy as fuck.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Rang, Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - 1938 really was Rang's chance to shine and he took it. For a character I started out disliking in the original, he really stole my entire heart in this drama. I am so glad he got his happy ending with his brother and his girl.

Runner Up: Crown Prince, My Dearest. He started out as a sheltered, spoiled aristocrat, convinced the world owed him for existing. He grew up slowly and painfully into an amazing man. And then was murdered for it and I cried.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Arthdal - it leaves the story at a good stopping point but it's very much a "world in flux, adventures and conflicts continue" ending and I would love to see more of these characters. I know we won't but it would have been nice.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Behind Your Touch - should have been snipped at birth.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Vigilante - I don't mean it had scissors taken to it because it's not cdrama and there is no NRTA, but this drama would have benefitted from being longer. I mean, I love fights and gay polycules as much as the next tumblr person but a bit more character development would not have come amiss. (ahaha - I said come. Leave me alone.)

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

I don't care about cops/doctors/trash collectors/whoever - workplace drama centering on their "cases" needs to die. I hate procedurals from any country and Korea is no exception.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Supernatural critter devoted to their OTP with all the power of their long life.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Our Blooming Youth - it was far from terrible but it was a giant meh. I was so excited to see Park Hyung Sik in a sageuk (that wasn't the hot mess that was Hwarang) and I adored the source novel. It actually started well and then...it's like Revenge of the Beige!

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

I want to say Moon in the Day but to be honest, I was excited by posters and trailers so it wasn't wholly a surprise despite not having much of an opinion on the actors before I saw them. So I am going to say My Demon. I was bored by the trailers, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a Kim Yoo Jung drama and before this year I would have said Song Kang was an incredibly limited actor in everything I've seen him in and not appealing to me at all. And here I am rabidly rabiding for this drama!

If I am not limiting myself to dramas but can use this for actors - Hwang Minhyun in My Lovely Liar. I genuinely did not think the man could act and then he gave such a pitch-perfect, nuanced performance out of nowhere!

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have actually watched all the kdramas that aired this year that I wanted to check out except for Evilive. I am saving this for when I have time.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

I don't know if I'd say it's the best but Say You Love Me (2004) with Kim Rae Won as a quasi monk seduced away from his true love by an evil older woman was a hell of a ride.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Love Song for Illusion (Lady assassin falls for her royal target who has two personalities), Captivating the King (lady spy falls for her royal target who is tormented) - notice a theme? Also Flower that Blooms at Night because Honey Lee in a sageuk, The Life of Mrs Ock (Lim Ji Yeon in a sageuk), The Love Story of Chun Hwa (an "erotic" sageuk, hmmmm, what?!), Hong Rang (Lee Jae Wook in a super angst sageuk), Queen Woo (that cast and set in Goguryeo!), Wong Kyung (about Lee Bang Won's wife and I love the cast.) Basically, if it's period, I am there with bells on.

[dreamties]

Polyam! Ghostface Comforting GN! Reader About Their SA

A/N- yeah. hiii. it's billy !! im back. again. plz read with caution- there is no mention of the assault itself (it is alluded to many times; there are no intimate details), still. you know yourself best. stay safe lovelies <33

I tried keeping the assaulters identity neutral- but let me know if i messed up and used he/him pronouns at all and i'll edit the post :3

Billy is unable to understand the full scope of your traumas, however, he understands that it runs deep, that if your anything like he is that you feel it in your bones and the ache of your body.

Trauma is so personal and crushing. He wants nothing more than to take that away from you, endlessly lift your spirits, he wants to make you feel whole again. Loves you too much to see you like this.

He can't do that. As much as he and Stu can do, they can't erase what has already happened. He will be there as much as he can, for whatever you need. He has always been devoted to his loves- it increases tenfold when you open up about your assault.

Stu automatically wants to kill the perpetrator, takes Billy aside to tell him all his gruesome thoughts- until Billy stops him. Tells him, roughly, to shut up. You don’t know what you're talking about, man. Our little love needs to make that choice on their own.

Billy talks about it with Stu beforehand obvi. Billy wants to wait for you to ask them about killing your assaulter, while Stu would go to you and ask straight up if you want to be the one to kill them (if you want them dead. He won't understand if you desire to keep them alive tee bee aich, but he'll honor your choice).

Stu just like. He doesn't get it. He doesn't handle it well at first. He's far too brash and laughing- well. Not laughing, he knows enough to realize that would have been a bad move. Though he seems to not know enough as he's all jokes still.

Both boys are so emotionally stunted- Stu has only had to comfort girlfriends before (which, he was admittedly not the best at. He stole apologies and one liners from movies) and the brief vulnerable moments that Billy allows himself to show. C'mon, give him a pass, okay? He's trying :(

Stu's comforts are all hugs and cuddles and gifts- depending how you react to those things, maybe he won't have to branch out too hard. Either way you'll need more than one source or level of comfort- Stu WILL learn new things for you, though.

He has a hard time if you don't want physical touch! He gets all whiny about it and it pisses you off, you have to give him a stern talking to that it's NOT about him and he has no right to act like that. Psssh whatever . . .

(he's really sorry though. He promises)

He buys you so many things, as if that will ever make what happened okay. He hopes you appreciate it though. He'll get all sorts of comfort items, food and stuffies and stuff that he KNOWS you love. He'll buy it in bulk if he has to lol

For learning things, it's hard on all of you, but he and Billy will try their darndest to be emotionally available (just for you, babe!!). Billy is good at listening, Stu needs to get better with it.

Billy just listens to what you have to say, and I think on really emotional nights he opens up about his own trauma. He opens his wounds so you know he genuinely cares and is committed to you. Regardless of anything and everything. Billy will make himself a permanent fixture in your life, always.

(again really not that Stu wouldn't but it's so different y'all)

ALSO NIGHTMARES OHMYGOD

If you have nightmares they'll stay up with you until you're ready to fall asleep (or at least try).

They make it an all-nighter and pretend they were always planning for movie night. If you want to watch something that's not horror? Yeah, that's okay!

Most of Stu's VHS collection is horror lol

Though he does have some buddy comedies and cheesy romcoms. He owns one or two mysteries cause Billy likes them.

Anyways !!! Have your pick darlin' <333 They won't judge or complain

Admittedly they aren't great with panic attacks. Billy gets anxious- what if he makes it WORSE? He'd hate himself for it. Stu is surprisingly good at grounding you though :D

All in all- it's an adjustment for everyone. They're gonna be there for you forever though, okay? Good luck getting rid of them <3

[eksvaized]

Part One König / Ghost / Reader [ Previous 〡 Next ] ︱AO3 ︱Wattpad ︱ taglist: - (if you want to be added - let me know!)

since I finished editing 'just friends', I decided to rewrite & edit this story, so I hope you'll enjoy the new version! <3

Each morning, you awaken alone. The enormous bed, once filled with warmth, now cold and empty. Today, your morning isn't any different from the countless ones that have come before. As you roll onto your side, your hand stretches out, tracing the cool, empty expanse of the mattress. Your fingers curl around the frosty pillow, its fabric still bearing the faintest scent of him. You draw it closer to you, clutching at it in a futile attempt to fill the void that is left by your boyfriend and his lack of presence.

A sigh, barely audible, escapes your lips as a wave of loneliness engulfs you. Its icy tendrils wrap tightly around your heart, constricting it in a bitter reminder of your solitude. You yearn for a morning where you can flutter open your eyes to find König next to you, his arms securely wrapped around your body, his breath warm against your skin. You long to see him still sleeping, his face relaxed in peaceful slumber, instead of disappearing and getting out of bed as soon as the first rays of sunshine peek through the window. A longing for the soft whispers of "good morning" and the gentle comfort of his embrace fills you, making the emptiness of the bed all the more pathetic.

The first two years of your relationship with König were great. You were happy, genuinely happy, and over the moon because you finally had someone in your life, who truly cared about you, who showered you with attention and affection, and even lavished you with expensive gifts. You felt cherished and valued, and it was a feeling unlike anything you had ever experienced before.

However, as of late, König has transformed into someone unrecognizable. He is still your boyfriend; you love him very much, and he probably loves you even more. Yet, his demeanour, his behaviour, and the manner in which he has started to conduct himself have left you in a state of constant questioning. The love you once never doubted now seems uncertain, as his actions and attitude have begun to paint a different picture—he's not the man you met and fell in love with two years ago.

Sometimes, usually after a couple glasses of wine when you've gathered the courage, you dare to confront him about his nonchalant attitude towards you. In these moments of newfound bravery, you bombard him with questions, desperately seeking to understand if it's something you are doing that causes him to act as if he couldn't care less about you or your feelings. But no matter how earnestly you implore, he never gives you the answers you're looking for. He never provides any concrete explanations or reasons for his indifference.

He has a myriad of excuses for why he doesn't want to engage with you about your concerns. The reasons are countless and they change each time, just like shifting sands, always elusive and never consistent. You've heard a variety of them. For instance, he might dismiss your confrontation because of you being wine drunk, suggesting that you should go to bed. Another time, he might say he's too tired to engage in a deep conversation and promise to talk with you in the morning.

But perhaps the one that stings the most, your least favourite, is when he pretends he didn't hear you. Even when you're standing directly in front of him, looking at him with teary eyes, and pouring out your heart, he chooses to feign ignorance and act as though he didn't hear a single word. This cold dismissal is far worse than any words he could say.

Although he's cold with you, he never never displays any outright cruelty. Still, you can't help but notice the chilly detachment that has creeps into his voice when he talks with you. It's as if a frost has settled over your conversations, making each word feel like a shard of ice. Or the flicker of irritation that now seems to have taken up permanent residence in his eyes whenever he comes home and sees you. It's as if he's looking through you rather than at you, seeing not the person you are but the person he wishes you were.

König has constructed around himself an impenetrable wall. A wall so thick and so high that no matter how much you chip away at it, no matter how hard you try to scale its heights, it remains steadfast. It stands there as a constant reminder of the gulf that has opened up between you two—a gulf that seems to widen with each passing day.

You find yourself continuously attempting to convince your own mind that this is merely a fleeting phase, a temporary hiccup in your relationship. Every relationship, after all, has its own set of struggles and hurdles to overcome. It's normal, you tell yourself, maybe all you need to do is to be patient and wait it out. Time has a way of healing wounds and mending bridges, and perhaps a little more of it could be the magic potion that brings everything back to the way it used to be - normal and simple.

However, despite your best efforts to suppress it, there's a harsh, cruel voice that resides in the deepest recesses of your mind, nagging persistently. It casts a dark shadow of doubt over your thoughts, suggesting with an unsettling certainty that maybe, just maybe, the once deep love that existed between you and him is gradually, and painfully, fading away into oblivion.

You are brewing coffee, desperately hoping that the invigorating aroma and the caffeine would help to dissipate the remnants of sleep that linger stubbornly within you. The quiet solitude of the early morning embraces you, punctuated only by the gentle hum of the brewing machine and the occasional chirping of a bird outside.

But suddenly, the tranquillity of the moment shatters like glass as the front door swings open with a force that rings through the house. This abrupt entrance is quickly followed by the distinct, rhythmic thud of heavy boots making their way down the lengthy corridor. Each footfall sends a reverberation through the floorboards. The sound is so familiar, yet it sends a jolt through your heart. You don't even need to turn around to know - König has returned home.

Over the past few weeks, you've found yourself walking on eggshells around him. It feels as though the surrounding air has become thin and brittle, ready to shatter at the slightest misstep. You've been constantly monitoring your words and actions, choosing them with careful deliberation so as not to accidentally exacerbate his increasingly volatile mood, which has been fluctuating more frequently as days pass. But when he finally appears in the doorway of the kitchen, his face etched with deep lines of exhaustion and his eyes vacant, you find the words tumbling out of your mouth before you can stop them.

"What's wrong?"

His response is curt, delivered with an air of finality that leaves no room for further questions. "Nothing you need to worry about, liebling," he says, attempting to alleviate the palpable tension in the kitchen with a smile. But it's strained, fragile, like a piece of glass that's on the verge of shattering. The corners of his lips quiver slightly, an involuntary reaction betraying his inner turmoil. The frown lines etched deep on his forehead refuse to disappear, stubbornly present even as he tries to mask his emotions.

He closes the distance between you, his footsteps echoing in the silence. He leans in to plant a brief, fleeting kiss on your forehead, his lips colder than you remember, their warmth replaced by a chill that sends a shiver down your spine. As he continues his task, his hand reaches up to retrieve a cup from the cupboard above your head. You can't help but notice the new changes in him. His movements lack their usual grace, his touch feels mechanical, and his caresses are devoid of the genuine affection you've grown accustomed to. It's as if he's simply operating on autopilot, his mind evidently elsewhere.

You yearn for him to confide in you, to share his burdens and let you in on the whirlwind of thoughts that seem to be plaguing him. You wish to be his solace, to help him navigate through his sea of worries. More than anything, you want to help him, to alleviate his worries and bring back the man you know and love. But how can you do that if he refuses to let you in, if he remains so stubbornly silent, his emotions locked up tighter than a fortress?

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Have another mission. It's going to be a short one," König finally says, his gaze piercing you with an intensity that suggests he's expecting you to blow up.

However, you strive to maintain your composure. You have no intention of descending into another fruitless argument; every time he leaves after a fight, you feel awful for the way you acted.

"It's only been a week since you've returned home," you say, your eyes focused on the steaming cup cradled in your hands. The heat radiating from the cup is causing your fingertips to tingle, and the steam is lightly brushing against your skin. Despite the discomfort, you hold on to it with a firm grip. "I thought you were going to stay for at least another week. We had plans, remember? You gave me your word—."

He cuts you off before you can complete your sentence. "Plans have changed."

There have been countless times when you've wanted to confront König, to ask him directly why he finds it so challenging to uphold the promises that he so confidently makes. Yet each time you find yourself holding back, fully aware that such a conversation would be futile and would only result in both of you raising your voices in frustration. It has become painfully clear that he has no intention of discussing work-related matters with you.

König has a habit of offering reassurances that are devoid of any real comfort. He frequently insists that it's silly for you to burden your mind with matters that, in his opinion, do not directly concern you. This line of reasoning, though flawed, he presents as if it were an undeniable truth. And if, despite his attempts to dissuade you, you still muster the courage to press further, he always has a fallback. He always abruptly ends the conversation, leaving you hanging with a parting remark that it would be safer, better for you, if you remained ignorant.

* * *

As dawn breaks, you stir from your slumber only to find yourself enveloped once again by the cold emptiness of the bed beside you. The dreary grey skies outside mirror your inner turmoil. Raindrops pitter-patter gently against the windowpane. König didn't even bother waking you up before leaving. Yet, his absence is punctuated by a hastily scrawled note left carelessly on the nightstand. The message is brief and impersonal, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth: 'had to get up early, didn't want to wake you up. see you soon.'

Was it really so difficult to scribble three more words?

With a soft sigh, you whisper into the stillness of the bedroom, "I love you, too." The words, left unsaid by him, hang heavy in the air. You clutch the note in your hand before crumpling it and aimlessly tossing it onto the mattress.

With a great deal of effort, you pull yourself from the warm embrace of the bed, your feet reluctantly making contact with the icy floor beneath. You pause for a second, collecting your scattered thoughts, allowing the remnants of sleep to fade away as you mentally prepare yourself for yet another day.

Slowly, you venture through the hauntingly silent house, each step echoing through the stillness of the early morning. Each room you pass through seems to reverberate with echoes of a thousand memories that seem to cling to the walls and linger in the air. Yet amidst the symphony of remembrances, there's one memory that stands out from the rest, a memory that refuses to be drowned out by the others. It's that heated argument with König, a fiery exchange of words and emotions that took place just a few months ago.

You vividly recall the sting of his dismissive attitude on that day when you bared your soul to him, accusing him bitterly of not taking your relationship as seriously as you did, accusing him of taking your love, your commitment, for granted as if it were an inconsequential thing.

In the depths of your heart, you wished fervently, desperately even, for him to just be honest with you if his feelings for you were slowly fading away, like the last embers of a once roaring fire. You wanted him to admit it if he no longer felt the same passion, the same affection that once seemed to radiate from him like a comforting warmth.

But instead of providing the honesty you craved, he had merely dismissed your concerns, brushed them aside like dust. He told you that you were imagining things, that it was all just a figment of your overactive imagination, assuring you with words that felt hollow, that nothing between you two had changed.

But by the day's end, he had taken a step that had left you reeling in confusion. He had asked you to move in with him, a grand gesture that he believed would dispel your doubts and insecurities, a gesture that he thought would reassure you of his commitment. But instead of providing the comfort he hoped it would, it merely added another layer of complexity to the turbulent sea of emotions within you.

Initially, there was a glimmer of hope, a faint belief that things were on the verge of improving. You harboured the thought that perhaps the physical distance, the living apart, had been the catalyst that dimmed the once vibrant flame of your relationship. However, as each day bled into the next, and weeks morphed into seemingly interminable months, the solitary confinement within these walls began to weigh heavily on you.

The more time you spent alone in this house, the more you found yourself yearning for the familiar corners of your old apartment, regretting the decision to sell it to relocate here. After all, you pondered, what difference does it make where you live? The four walls of a room are just that, and the absence of König made this house feel no different than your old apartment.

What was the point of moving in together if König was always away, prioritising his work and his duty as a soldier above you?

You shake your head, as if physically trying to dispel the thoughts that have begun to creep into your mind. You can't allow yourself to dwell on them any longer, to let them take root and cast a shadow over your day. After all, the day has only just begun and you don't want to end up sulking on the couch, a prisoner in your own home, wallowing in a sea of regret and loneliness.

You stroll into the kitchen. As you slowly approach the counter, your fingers lightly graze the cool, granite surface, your mind whirling with the endless possibilities of what to make for breakfast. Your gaze wanders aimlessly, eventually settling on the window that provides a picturesque view of the neighbourhood.

You squint against the bright sun, your eyes catching an unusual sight - a man, his face damp with sweat under the morning sun, is engaged in an arduous task of moving boxes from a truck to the house across the street. His movements are slow and meticulous, each box handled with care as if they contain something precious.

A new neighbour.

A sense of intrigue washes over you, an irresistible curiosity that grips your very being. It's a magnetic pull that holds your attention captive, rendering you incapable of tearing your gaze away from the scene unfolding before your eyes.

His house lies across the street, a good distance away, yet his features are strikingly apparent and impossible to ignore even from your secluded vantage point in the cosy confines of your kitchen. His stature is tall and imposing, a figure that commands attention. His shoulders are broad, his hair is a dishevelled mess of rich blond locks.

As the day wears on, you find yourself repeatedly drawn to the kitchen window. Every so often, the man would step outside to retrieve yet another box from his truck, providing you with fleeting glimpses of him.

You remind yourself that you are in a committed relationship. You know that ogling other men is not something you should be doing. It's not something you usually do, and it's certainly not something you want to make a habit of.

However, in the recesses of your mind, a voice tries to justify your actions. It whispers, seeking to ease your guilt. You're just looking. That's not really doing anything wrong, right? It's a feeble attempt at rationalizing, but it works nonetheless.

[skunkox-fics]

Until He Gets Tired Of Me Part 1

Edited version of this fic

“Until he gets tired of me.”

That was Darlin's answer anytime someone questioned their relationship with Sam. A piercing but deep pain would shoot through their chest every time they said it. But it was always said in a joking tone and a movement to distract the other person from their face. No one needed to see how that thought may have hurt them. They knew what they were getting into from the jump. 

Vampires don’t age. They don’t make a habit of keeping long connections with humans if any at all. Despite knowing this, Darlin' felt safe. Safer than they had felt in a long time. They found that safety in Sam and were grateful for it. Nothing is ever truly guaranteed, and to have had Sam in their life at all was a blessing and a mercy. He made a promise to stay by their side.The man was no liar and they loved him for that. Him staying was all they could ever hope for.

As much as they hated the thought of Sam ever leaving them, Darlin' could never blame him. They'd fucked up so many times in their life. People’s well being were tested and some had gotten hurt. His Progeny, their friend, and the countless others Quinn had gotten ahold of before his capturing by the Department. They were reckless. In being so, caused Sam to strain himself to care and worry for them.

There were day they wished Sam would just pack up and go. To rid himself of the headache being their presence. But whenever they woke, he was always right there, holding them close and tightly.

He'd never do that, though. It was obvious to anyone who actually bothered to see them together. The tenderness in his eyes. The gentleness of his touch. The vampire was beyond sprung for the wolf. He was happy. Like he was finally healing. Sam wouldn't be going anywhere. Sam learned that about himself very quickly after the first couple of meetings. 

Darlin' knew as well. A part of their brain screamed to believe otherwise. They hadn't done anything to deserve his grace. His patience. His love. Love that was promised to them until the end of their time.

"Do you think Count Yee-Haw will stay?"

The question had been asked once again. This time, by a young boy named Carlos. He had gotten attached to Darlin' as a toddler and was one of the few pack members that was genuinely happy to see them back.

Count Yee-Haw was the nickname the pack kids had given Sam. Only they could call him that, though. It was a name bestowed upon him after the collective decided to put his vamp strength to the test. The poor man was literally dog piled and left to hold and stumble around with a minimum of 8 kids hanging off his frame like ornaments. It was a title he was growing fond of.

"Probably. At least until he gets tired of me." Darlin gave the boy a half-hearted smile and pulled the hood of his jacket over his face. He didn’t need the soured expression on their face. 

Carlos struggled against Darlin’s had that was still on top of his head and growled playfully. Truth was, he knew Darlin’ better than he let on. He had picked up on their scent on the edge of wooded areas before David knew of their return to town. He would always be loyal to the pack, but if Darlin didn’t want to be seen, he wouldn’t rat them out. Not before they were ready.

"I heard some of the adults talking. They said that he wouldn't stay when you get older."  Carlos admitted, irritation all too clear on his voice. "It's stupid. He obviously loves you. And you're happy now. Isn't that enough?" His voice was just above a whisper

The words spoken came from a place of care. Carlos had missed his favorite rebel and defender of Asher's antics. Truth be told, he was worried Darlin' would become uneasy around the pack and got MIA again. They were more stable with the southern vamp at their side.

Darlin' was about ready to hug the kid in an attempt to soothe his nerves. He typically didn’t get openly upset. But a single thought ran through their head. Carlos was a sweet kid, but what he said was just nice? Too nice to come from a tween.

"Besides. I don't think you'll ever stop being weird. And he already talks like an old ma-." Darlin' cut him short with a smack to the back of his head.There it was. Darlin’ couldn't help but smile to themselves. It's not like he was lying. 

"If you think that, why even ask?" They pulled the hood from over his head and he turned to face them.

"Because I know you hear them too. And I don't want you guys to go anywhere."

-----------------------------------------------------

Sam and Milo were coming back to the main hall. The casual conversation came to a halt when he heard his nickname. The following sentence fell from lips he was all too familiar with. Every vocal cue and tone. And today, it tugged heavy at his heart.

“Sam. Hey, you feelin’ alright? I didn’t think Vamps got sick, but uh…. You’re not lookin’ too hot.” Milo had caught the hurt across Sam’s face before he had the chance to sort himself. 

The vampire was brought back and forced himself to focus on the shifter next to him. He would have to talk with his Mate after they had gotten home. Sam forced a small smile and waved off Milo’s concern. Milo knew not to push too hard with Sam. He was recluse by nature and finally coming out of his shell to the pack. Pushing Sam could very well mean him closing up again. Not to mention that if he did, there was no reason to believe Darlin’ wouldn't either.

[karleksmumskladdkaka]

DIABOLIK LOVERS CHAOS LINEAGE ebten・WonderGOO Tokuten Drama CD: “The Vampire’s Every Day: Board Game Edition ~ Ruki VS Azusa VS Kino ~”

Original Title: DIABOLIK LOVERS CHAOS LINEAGE ebten・WonderGOO特典ドラマCD「ヴァンパイア達の日常ボードゲーム編~ルキVSアズサVSキノ~」

Translation: Here! Huge thanks to @otomehonyaku for her hard work ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

Audio: Here (CD owned by me). Please do not reupload anywhere.

Starring: Ruki Mukami (CV: Takahiro Sakurai), Azusa Mukami (CV: Daisuke Kishio), Kino (CV: Tomoaki Moaeno)

Plot: Kino downloads a new app based on a board game. As he starts the game, he is suddenly sucked into his phone by a powerful force. Meanwhile, at the Mukami manor, Azusa asks Ruki for help with installing the very same game, resulting in the two of them experiencing the same mishap as Kino. The three boys now find themselves in what they quickly deduce to be the world of the game they were trying to play. Now they must (try) to work together to win the game in order to get back to the real world.

My Thoughts: Below the cut. They are mostly centered around Ruki but honestly what else would you expect from me by this point?

I hope you all enjoy ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

Anyone who's listened to the other CDs in this board game series will know that they are absolute gold. Particularly the one starring Shuu, Reiji, and Subaru. Truly Dialovers crack at its finest.

While I don't consider this CD to be as funny as the one I just mentioned, nor as funny as a lot of the other silly ones in general tbh, I still had a good time listening to it, and genuinely laughed at some points throughout. And ultimately that is what I wanted to get out of the CD in the first place, so I have no complaints. Hopefully it got – or if you haven't listened to it yet, gets – at least one laugh out of you as well!

(Spoiler-ish thoughts below)

I found the dynamic between Ruki and Kino to be pretty entertaining. These two do NOT get along, as to be expected with how clashing their personalities are and how their previous interactions have gone. They piss each other off pretty consistently in this CD, even focusing on arguing with each other while facing an active threat. I enjoyed their bickering and digs at each other but I did feel bad for poor Azusa who just wants everyone to be friends and also y'know deal with aforementioned threat. I'd probably say that he acts the most mature here, most of the time anyway.

Speaking of Azusa the interactions between him and Ruki are also great but for the exact opposite reason. Their relationship is so wholesome and sweet, and it's so obvious that Ruki has a soft spot for his baby brother (which Azusa does try to take some advantage of near the end lol).

The highlight of the CD though for me is when Ruki tries to capture the golden rabbit by telling it in the sternest most commanding tone of voice to jump into his arms. Sakurai's delivery here is Perfect (what else is new tho) and made even better by the fact that it's directed at a literal rabbit. I also love how genuinely puzzled Ruki is that his foolproof tactic fails. Stellar stuff that honestly made this CD 100% worth buying.

It does feel as though - in true silly tokuten fashion - Ruki's IQ has dropped a few digits, but it doesn't bother me much in the context of these CDs. After all they're not meant to be taken seriously, but rather for the listener to simply enjoy the chaos and absurdity.

[buddiebeginz]

Bummy stans truly believe that their ship that has maybe an hour of screen time collectively between 2 seasons has the bigger fandom. Yet if you go on tiktok Buddie edits are getting 20k+ likes. (You can see a post I made about that here. Where a bunch of Buddie TT's made right after 808 were up to 10/20k in a day.)

Journalists are also always eager to talk to Ryan, Oliver, and Tim about Buddie. They ask about it in basically every single interview now. B/T never got that kind of attention ever.

Bummys continue to play the victims making it seem like they've been the ones repeatedly attacked by us. Yet I've been around the 911 fandom for years and never seen the kind of toxicity, harassment, and drama that I have this year. If Buddie fans were always the problem this would be something well known in 911 fandom and likely in fandom spaces in general but it's not. It would also make sense that the show would want to distance themselves from our fandom if all we did was cause issues like harass the show and the actors (like Bummy's allege) but they don't. Most people involved with 911 have shown support for Buddie and us especially in the past two seasons when it's clear they've been working towards Buddie canon happening with ABC.

I'm not saying Buddie fans are totally innocent and never caused any issues because I know some have. But pretty much since 704 aired we've been having to deal with Bummy stans telling us that we were homophobic for not liking their ship. We've watched as the 911 News account was harassed and journalists were threatened with doxxing just for posting positive Buddie content. During Pride month there was repeated harassment towards Buddie fans for wanting to celebrate Eddie for being gay/demi. And lately Bummy's have been hurling a lot of hate towards Oliver because they blame him for their ship ending.

Bummy's talk all this trash about our ship and our fandom but the fact is they wish they had what we have. They wish Oliver talked about their ship like he does Buddie. They wish he posted pics of Lou constantly like he does Ryan. They wish b/t had the amount of screentime Buddie have had. They wish that b/t had the kind of scenes together that Buddie get to have. Almost all of Buck's most meaningful moments in s7 happened with Eddie not Tommy.

They also wish Tommy was Eddie in that they wish he looked like Lou but acted like Eddie. Look at some of the posts they make or their fics, where they talk about how much Tommy gets Buck or is there for him that was never how it was in canon. But you know who is there for Buck and who gets him better than anyone? Eddie.

Bummy's also talk about how important and beloved their ship is but it's not and never will be. Both Oliver and Tim have tried to make it as clear as possible in their interviews that b/t was supposed to be a stepping stone relationship for Buck. Tommy was never ever intended to be Buck's endgame love. That is Eddie. Buddie is the ground breaking ship and it will be something everyone will be talking about when it goes canon. People are literally starting to watch 911 for the first time during the hiatus now that they know Buddie canon is coming.

There is a part of me that feels the tiniest bit of empathy for these people because I know what it feels to lose a character and ship you love. But at the same time it's also hard to feel bad for a fandom that has been repeatedly abusive and continues to be and continues to insist Tommy is coming back even though every single thing is screaming how much that's not happening.

I just really hope that in these few months of break from the show we all have that they'll gain some perspective or at the least go follow Lou in some other project. It's been genuinely exhausting having to deal with this for over half a year now and I miss when we could just enjoy shipping Buddie in peace.