#anyway. this isnt about anything in particular. just a self-reminder so my brain stops trying to pull me into thought spirals

[spitblaze]

The thing you need to remember about Tumblr discourse is that like 70% of it does not matter off of this specific website and even less of it matters once you get off the internet

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw for mentions of abandonment, trauma

hi friends, kinda just looking for some reassurance/advice if thats ok!

ive been in a relapsed state for a while now and yesterday i hit my lowest point because of how little support ive had since it started (this is no one's fault but my own and i accept this, i should add). i snapped at some friends of mine who were just trying to be nice and said what i really feel which probably isnt even true to reality anyway. im in the process of sending apologies to everyone that got caught up in it but i cant help but feel ive just sealed the deal and everyone i know just hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

i totally understand people arent obligated to put up with me when im acting out but the only reason im doing this is just... because as much as i want friends of mine to care about me, the mortifying ordeal of being known is a thing and i have really bad trauma surrounding abandonment from an ex who told me to my face that she didnt want to deal with me when i was sad then proceeded to get mad at me for trying to hide my depression to make her feel better, so i kind of just feel bad about talking to people and asking for help nowadays. i really want people to help me, but i refuse to let myself ask for help out of fear that i'm going to have to deal with that again. plus im also concerned about piling my issues onto others when its a bad time for them as well even when they say its ok because i did that when an ex-friend of mine was insisting everything was okay there too...

~ peachy

Hey there peachy!

That sounds like a difficult situation. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. You deserve more support than you're getting.

Good for you for apologizing and acknowledging that you reacted poorly. That's really admirable. I hope you're giving yourself credit for that.

You won't know how they feel unless you ask them. Give them time to process your apology and make sure you're putting in effort to prevent that from happening again. If you think it will happen again, let them know what triggered it, remind them that you're sorry and that you take full responsibility for it, and try to work out how this could be prevented in the future. Communication is important when you let people in and allow them to see you when you're struggling. But it brings people closer together, builds intimacy.

You have a lot of self-awareness about your actions. It makes sense that you're not comfortable asking for help due to those pleas for help being thrown back in your face in the past. Our brains remember these things and try to protect us in the future. But we can also rewrite this idea our brains have. Every time you reach out and it is successful, your brain will learn that you're able to ask for help and that it won't cause you harm.

At the end of the day, people are responsible for what they do and communicate. If you tell your friends you need to talk for advice or venting, and if your friends aren't able to talk about a particular issue on a particular day, they need to communicate that to you. If they say they are up for talking, you can remind them that they can stop you anytime if they need to, but let yourself talk to them if they are up for it. It's really difficult, I know, but remember that you deserve support and that friends are people who care about you, want what is best for you, and are there for you. It's okay to ask for help. You are worthy of help. Anyone who has made you feel otherwise was wrong.

You deserve attention and care and support. I hope you're able to surround yourself with relationships that are good for you and your self growth.

Take care.

- Mod Misa

[whereconfusionisarhyme]

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

NO

NO

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

Oh

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

[ichirostitties]

welcome!! can i please get some uhhhhh pining/confession hcs for ichiro, doppo, and dice? 👀

HEY GUYS IT’S BEEN A HOT MINUTE i should be able to update more frequently now!! work b like kickin my ass + i’ve been replying for uni so uwu owo i’m back now alSO oh..THIS RQ WAS LIKE MADE FOR ME!! they’re all good dudes ughh dw i’ll send them all the love

Ichiro

-oh this poor kid. he has no clue what to do, it sort of hit him out of nowhere one day; that he realised he really REALLY liked you, like a lot!! more than a friend (i think ichiro is the type of person who would only really fall for someone he considers a friend first, so u gotta be his friend before u can suck his dick ok)

-he can’t stop thinking about you, especially when he’s reading those light novels of his. he can’t help picturing the two of you in the same situations as the main love interests and he keeps!! blushing and having to stop reading because it makes his heart so soft but he’s so embarrassed 

-every time he sees you he can feel his heart sort of..squeeze or ache in some way, he finds it hard to hold back his feelings because he’s usually so honest and affectionate but he really doesn’t want to ruin your friendship.

-jiro and saburo notice he’s been acting differently recently, he’s been a little more easily distracted and he seems especially jumpy when you come around…honestly they can probably tell what’s up, i think they’d try to get you two alone but they simultaneously facepalm when ichiro still says nothing and just keeps staring at you when you’re not looking (sometimes you notice but you don’t think much of it)

-he would probably imagine some different romantic confession scenario each night. before he goes to sleep he lies there and he imagines various (impossible) ways his confession to you would go. it’s all really cliche but he’s having the time of his life before he goes to sleep and probably dreams about it too

-bruh ichiro is so whipped like.,he’d drop anything to help you if you needed it. he’s such a sweetie and even you notice he’s been doing more to help than usual lately. please remind him to take care of himself, i feel like he needs someone to do that for him sometimes

-it takes time, a lot of longing glances at you and he probably even sighs wistfully while reading manga, but eventually he’ll gather up the courage to tell you how he feels. he’s planned some impossibly elaborate scenario, but one day when you guys are just hanging out on one of his days off playing video games or something (GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME…THIS BITCH Y/N IS OUT HERE LIVING THEIR BEST LIFE) he just sorta..lets it slip that he really likes you. 

-he would definitely only ever say it in person. he thinks that doing it via message/text is sort of an easy way out and what sort of person would he be if he did that?? he’s gotta gather up the courage just like his favourite main characters have done so many times!!

-so he’d tell you, and if you accept him he’d be SO HAPPY i think he’d almost cry. he’d give you the biggest, softest hug ever and you’d probably have to tell him to stop squeezing so hard but!!! aah!! he’s so so happy that you return his feelings and he doesn’t even care that you guys technically wasted time with all the moments he couldn’t bring himself to say anything

-and as a zombie kills him in minecraft in the background, ichiro can feel that ache in his chest finally subside as he leans in to give you a big ol smooch right on the lips (mwah ily too ichiro)

Daisu

-ok. this one made me a little emo ngl

-when dice finds out he has feelings for you, he really doesn’t know what else to do. there’s evidence that he actually doesn’t think that highly of himself (..im lookin at you hypmic manga + stella lyric video), so he would probably be content to be around you in any way, even if it isn’t romantic, because he’s just so happy and kind of astounded you want to be around him as much as you do at all

-he isn’t very obviously like this, though, it’s just thoughts he has sometimes so you don’t notice anything, but they’re still there. he doesn’t think you’d want to date someone like him, after all, he’s a bit of a screw-up, right?(NO HE ISNT..DICE IS BABEY) he’s only 20, and yet he’s already made so many bad decisions…

-and he finds himself enjoying your company even more than usual, he really does love you so much and he isn’t used to feeling this way! his chest hurts when he thinks about you, and he just sees your hand and wants to hoLD IT SO BADLY but he can’t bring himself to say anything

-he’s always been a little clingy towards people who are kind to him, but you notice he’s been like that even more than usual. he doesn’t even beg money from you like usual, he’s just…there, a lot. not that you mind, in fact you welcome his company, you just notice that difference

-he stays with you a lot, and you guys still have just as much fun together as you always did! he’s great to be around, he’s really lighthearted even if he gets riled up easily, and maybe you start to notice this light, fluttery feeling when he’s around too..but you brush it off as just general enjoyment of his presence

-it’s one day, after he’s had a particular lucky streak down at the slot machines, that he feels that wave of dopamine hit and just rushes to your place, excited at all his winnings, and accidentally-on-purpose (he’s aware of what he’s doing, he just can’t really control his mouth lol) tells you how he feels in a big rush of excitement (probably like “AND I THINK I WON CAUSE I’VE BEEN AROUND YOU A LOT!! YOU’RE LIKE MY LUCKY CHARM!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH Y/N!!”

-you’re like “uhh..ok what?? bruh moment” as he keeps going, then he realises what he said and COMPLETELY STOPS, he’s speechless for a good few seconds, before he turns pretty red and starts pacing around the room ranting about how it wasn’t supposed to go like that!!! he wasn’t supposed to say anything because there’s no way you’d wanna be with someone like him!!

-and then you go over to him to calm him down, take his hand in yours and assure him that actually, you do want to be with him. you tell him you’ve liked him for a while now too, but you’d only figured it out recently, and he’s just so shocked that his brain stops working for a moment and he looks like “…” but as a person

-and then he gets the biggest, cheesiest dice-grin on his face and gives you a BIG BIG BONE-CRUSHING HUG, spins you around, and says he loves you over and over while you laugh and cry simultaneously because you think he’s about to snap your spine

-after that’s over, you tell him that he shouldn’t think of himself as trash or anything; sure he’s like the definition of bad decisions, but you don’t care because he’s an honest, kind person whose company you genuinely enjoy, and even if he gambled all his clothes and everything else he owns away, you’d still wanna be with him because you feel the same, you love him

-he’s so happy! he feels luckier than he ever has in his entire life, his day has gone so well and he has the best sleep (by your side, ofc) he’s had in a long time

Doppo

-a nervous wreck..you think he’s bad normally?? he’s 100 times worse now that he’s realised he likes you in a romantic way

-he’s REALLY OBVIOUS!! poor man :^( he stutters while he’s talking to you (more than usual), he blushes BRIGHT RED when asking you anything, he’s fidgeting SO MUCH like his hands are shaking (knees weak palms sweaty mom’s spaghetti), and sometimes he can’t even bring himself to greet you when he sees you because he’s just too afraid of screwing up and making you hate him (as if you could ever..doppo is amazing)

-everyone within a mile radius can tell how he feels. hifumi almost tells you himself before doppo smacks him straight across the face and tells him to shut the hell his mouth before apologizing profusely to you and dragging mr hifoomi away for a severe talking to about Social Boundaries (then apologizes for giving him the smack and pats him on the head. i love their friendship)

-he’d go out of his way to see you at least once a day, even if he can’t always bring himself to talk to you and even if it means he gets home a little later than usual. he feels horribly creepy just watching you, but his heart is fluttering so much and his chest is aching so badly he can’t do much more than that, no matter how much he wants to go over to you

-he will NEVER confess purposely. his self esteem is so cripplingly low he’s convinced you don’t even like him that much anyway, let alone return his feelings, and he thinks him confessing would just make you despise him, so he never says anything and just remains stuck in this horrible loop

-one day, however, he’s had the shittiest day in a while (at least, it stands out compared to others), and you invite him over for dinner (it’s been a while, after all!). he thinks, why not? how could this day get any worse? at least he’ll get to see you, even if he makes a big fool of himself and you end up hating him. at least it’ll all be over in one day

-you’re actually a little nervous yourself. you really like doppo, and you had plans to say something to him yourself this evening. you didn’t want to give him a nervous breakdown, however, so you had this whole thing planned out where you’d give him the most relaxing dinner possible so he’d at least be in a relatively normal state of mind so you could tell him your feelings

-well!! spoiler alert, it doesn’t end up like that. doppo, more anxious than usual, keeps slipping over his words and keeps muttering under his breath, and you can only seem to calm him for a max of 5 minutes at a time before he’s at it again. you manage to get through dinner fine, in fact it’s really pleasant, but after that he doesn’t know what to do and ends up biting his nails on your couch while you tidy up

-he says it accidentally. he didn’t mean for you to hear it, but he says that he loves you and you almost drop the plate you’re holding in shock because!! no way! he feels the same? and you turn around and he’s got this absolutely devastated look on his face because he’s convinced he’s just ruined your entire relationship

-you rush over to him before he can start apologizing and self-deprecating again (he gets a few out before you reach him) and you pull him up off the couch and into your arms because boy does he look like he needs a hug right now. you stroke his hair and reassure him that you feel the same! in fact, you were planning on confessing to him yourself at some point tonight, but he beat you to it! you congratulate him on being brave enough to say it aloud, even if it was an accident

-doppo’s in shock. he doesn’t know what to say, but he loves the feeling of your hand stroking his hair and leans into it, unable to believe his luck. he probably starts crying as soon as his emotions catch up to him because he’s SO RELIEVED, that was so stressful for him, and he’s not sure if he’s felt this happy in a long time

-he calls hifumi and tells him he’ll be out for the night, before he decides to stay over at your place for the night (screw work, he’ll call in sick) and maybe talk to you about nice things while he falls asleep. he’s wanted this for so long and you’re more than happy to have him over to talk things out properly (and also try to lift his spirits a little. poor man needs a break)

-and now u guys r dating and it’s wholesome and pleASE GIVE HIM ALL UR LOVE HE NEEDS IT!!