#only time ive ever been able to actually fall asleep before a Big Event

[skunkes]

gonna keep making this post forever i guess because it just keeps getting wilder the more time passes and my brain forgets the immediate sensations/experience but i can't believe i got SURGERY. CRAZY. Not even this specific surgery but the fact that I got any surgery at all!!! SO WILD

[raleighcarrera]

falling

platinum | raleigh carrera x mc (cadence dorian)

a little while ago i posted about the idea of a soulmate au where the first words raleigh & cadence say to each other are tattooed on them their whole lives, and this... is that. (for @platinumweekend ❤️)

tags: @choicesarehard ; @empressazura; @emomoustache ; @natesewell ; @zigtheeortega ; @pixeljazzy ; @brycemaloliver ; @grigori-girl ; @dulceghernandez ; @bitchloveskcbaseball ; @withbeautyandrage 

~10.5k words | T

i.

the words appear in looping script on his thirteenth birthday, right on time. they curve along the inside of his bicep, innocently punctuated. what’s your name?

“you got lucky,” one of his older cousins tells him, later, when everyone in his family comes by for cake and to ooh and aah over his new tattoo, “you’ll be able to hide that with a shirt or a jacket easily.”

but raleigh sleeps shirtless every night for the next two years, even when it’s cold, so that the words are the last thing he sees with his head pillowed on his arm before he falls asleep, dreaming of the nameless, faceless person who will one day say them, wondering what their voice might sound like when they do.

ii.

she has a more difficult go of it.

being a thirteen year old girl would be miserable enough without the added pressure of the words that practically feel broadcast across her forehead, most of the time. everyone at school teases her constantly and ruthlessly: say something funny, cadence. go on. tell us a joke!

so it’s difficult not to resent the two words scrawled lazily across her collarbone and the person attached to them, especially in the mornings before school when she’s angrily rearranging her neckline and jewelry in the mirror while the bus idles outside.

very funny. she isn’t, really. she’s plenty of things -- determined and passionate and sensitive, definitely, but... no one’s ever found her particularly funny, before.

and no one seems to understand just how much the expectation of having to be funny, one day, is weighing on her, not even her parents, when she finally works up the courage to squeak out, “but how am i supposed to know what i should say?”

her mom laughs indulgently, like she’s already said something funny. her stomach sinks further.

“oh, sweetheart,” she tells her, “don’t worry, it won’t matter. you just will.”

iii.

people ask him about it. a lot.

it gets difficult to keep it a secret as things change around him, but raleigh’s careful to avoid slip-ups and paparazzi photos and he doesn’t say a word about it in interviews, even when he’s asked directly. he’s never seen without short sleeves on, at the very least, and he doesn’t even tell blair and cameron about it.

he sort of wishes he had, though, because as his life turns upside down and he adapts to a new country with a new set of rules and an industry that makes his head spin most of the time it starts to feel more and more confusing, those three words -- what’s your name?

everywhere he goes, thousands of girls blocking the street scream it at him. so how is it possible that whoever’s waiting to meet him doesn’t already know it?

and what does that mean for how the rest of his life is going to turn out? 

what if all of this -- the fame and the money and the notoriety -- is fleeting, and he’s only a few short years from being completely washed up and irrelevant? what if the day he’s meant to meet his person is so far away that he’ll be completely out of the spotlight, by then, with sunset skatepark playing reunion tours and him having spent most of his life alone?

it’s a lot of pressure, for someone who’s already working their way through such a serious adjustment, and most of the time it’s dizzying, thinking about the fact that there’s someone out there who’s supposed to be perfect for him, when everyone he meets seems determined to forget every word they know other than yes, so they can suck up to him as much as possible.

his teenage years fly by in a whirlwind of mistakes and regrets. there’s things he would’ve never dreamed would come his way, like world tours and more money than he can count and so many girls who know everything about him before they even sit down to dinner, but there’s more than that, too.

there’s all the ways the industry weakens his trust until it’s gone, all the people who try to use him for what he can do for them, all the times he stumbles until he finally learns to distance himself by cultivating a persona, by leaning into all the expectations of raleigh carrera and creating something so outlandish it doesn’t hurt as much when disaster follows him around because it’s supposed to.

he watches everything that surrounds him turn fake and plastic and puts his energy only into his music, coasting on the rest. the days are less exciting than when he first joined the band at fifteen; he’s a solo artist, now, and most of the time, he’s just trying to get through.

but chaos continues to follow him and eventually his notoriety is inescapable. his first solo album is self-titled and he somehow manages to get a trademark on the word raleigh, as if the name is now more his than anything that ever belonged to the state of north carolina, and part of him sort of expects the words stamped on his arm to change, once he hits one-hundred million followers on his social channels.

they never do, though, and when he’s alone, and the veneer he’s built up for everyone else fades away, he can’t help but to be fascinated by this person who just wants an answer to the question no one else would ever dare ask him.

iv.

college isn’t exactly the fresh start she was hoping it’d be.

she was a loser in high school and things don’t get much better for her even now that she’s with ‘her people’ at a performing arts university she can barely afford, even with two part-time jobs. 

shane is across the country at a proper state school with parties and a social life and lots of friends who aren’t her, and she’s failing her improv class, proving that she isn’t actually very funny at all. 

boys continue to not notice her and patrons in bars continue to turn away from her one-woman performance, her old acoustic guitar the only constant in a life that feels utterly, unbelievably pointless, most of the time.

it’s like she’s drifting through the days, putting her time in at college in the hopes that it’ll fortify her for what’s next -- her big break, the discovery that’ll get her out of that shitty small town she’s been trying to escape her entire life. she writes hundreds of songs about how lost she feels and hates every single one, dreaming of a time when things might be different and she doesn’t have to second-guess every single one of her decisions.

she doesn’t have much of a love life and tries not to think about that, either.

the person on the other side of those two words stuck on her collarbone is probably looking for someone self-confident, who knows who they are and is comfortable with that. they’re probably expecting to meet someone who has their life together, who, at the very least, has a plan.

they’re probably not expecting a talentless nobody screwup like her, someone who tries as hard as she can yet never seems to make anything work.

things don’t turn around after graduation, either. sure, she manages to find an apartment in a building that’s nice enough and uses the last of her savings on the deposit and trying to furnish it, but it’s only a few weeks of trying and failing to secure a regular paying gig performing before she’s back at smoothie star again, begging for her old job back.

and there’s nothing that makes her feel more like a failure than working the same shifts she had in high school. 

as she hums along to the radio on a random tuesday afternoon when the store is dead and there’s nothing to blend, she wonders what mr.-or-mrs. very funny would think if they walked in and saw her here -- twenty-three years old and flat broke, with a dead-end job and a one-bedroom apartment all she has to show for her very expensive and very useless bachelor’s degree.

that, and a notebook full of half-finished songs about relationships she could only ever dream about and an escape from the miserable small town she lives in that feels farther away with every day that passes.

she can’t imagine they’d be very impressed.

v.

raleigh’s life gets monotonous very quickly. the music takes a backseat to the scandals and for a while there’s a predictable pattern of cause trouble, clean up image, rinse and repeat.

there are girls in between the cycles to help him pass the time. some he likes well enough and some he despises, but for the most part his management gives their recommendations and he agrees and makes awkward conversation for an hour or two over brunch until it’s time to go trash something again.

things get particularly bad after one minor cruise ship hijacking incident. 

but in his defense, no one ever told him that breaking into the harbor and joy riding was a first-degree felony, worsened by the fact that he’d just so happened to crash the boat into the pier while he was trying to dock it. 

at least he’d been sober.

though a monumental fuck up like this felt sort of inevitable; everyone who knew him probably figured it was only a matter of time before he went too far. how could he not when he was always chasing the next high?

still, the image rehab tour that follows is far from what he’d call enjoyable. he has to cut off all his hair and play nice at industry parties and waste time standing around being seen at charity events he winds up just cutting checks for instead of helping out at.

on top of the miserable community service comes the pr bullshit his team so loves -- dozens of tv appearances back-to-back where he’s herded around all day like cattle, in and out of green rooms with crappy coffee and bad catering.

he has no idea that showing up to be a judge on one in a million is going to change his life. hungover and running late, he barely even makes it to the taping of the semi-finals, slinking inside the concert hall in middle-of-nowhere, usa with a headache and some choice words for whoever thought this was the best way to clean up his image.

fortunately, raleigh manages to make his way inside virtually unnoticed. his phone is buzzing angrily in his pocket -- undoubtedly his manager trying to encourage him to hair and makeup or some other absurdity -- but he ignores it in favor of ducking back behind the line near the auditorium doors, only barely catching the last few words of some catty confrontation between two contestants as he goes.

as one of the girls stomps away, he sees the other’s shoulders slump from behind. “guess i’m not making any friends,” she mutters.

it’s clearly said to no one -- not even to herself, really -- yet for some reason, he can’t stop himself from responding. “where i come from, that’s a good thing.”

the girl’s shoulders straighten, but she still doesn’t turn around. “i’m not trying to succeed at the cost of others.”

raleigh smirks, leaning back against the wall beside his guitar case. “you do realize you’re at a competition show, right?”

“of course, but...” her hair ruffles with what sounds like a huff. she’s still not facing him, staring off at where the other girl she’d been talking to had run away. “that doesn’t mean i’m not rooting for everyone here to share their music with the world.”

“what a sweet sentiment,” raleigh drawls sarcastically, almost feeling a little bad for her and her naivety. this poor girl is going to be eaten alive. “it won’t last.”

her body tenses, her shoulders tightening again. he can almost see smoke start to pour from her ears before she spins suddenly on her heel to face him. 

whatever sharp retort had been on the tip of her tongue gets swallowed with a blink as soon as their eyes meet. something like electricity crackles in the space between them, strengthening the invisible pull he’d felt when he first stopped behind her. instead, she only asks, “what’s your name?”

vi.

the man in front of her snorts. “very funny.”

a smile tugs at her lips. “very funny, that’s a weird name.” this is unlike her -- the quick comeback, the flirting. usually being face-to-face with a guy as good looking as the one talking to her now made her want to wither away and die, but something about the stranger standing before her sets her instantly at ease. “so, are you gonna tell me, or not?”

now it’s his turn to blink at her. a hand lifts to rub at his jaw. “huh. you really don’t know who i am, do you?”

cadence’s eyes narrow as she assess him. there is something vaguely familiar about that crooked grin, she’s sure of it. 

at the very least, it’s an excuse to stare at him, and she does, moving her eyes slowly over the tattoos poking out over his jacket collar, the line of stubble on his sharp jaw, the glint of mischief in his eyes.

her helpless gaping is interrupted by a sudden shrill scream. “oh. my. god! is that raleigh carrera?!”

everything clicks at once. as a wild group of girls corner him, she realizes where she’s seen that smile before -- on just about every tabloid cover known to man, plastered all over convenience stores and the internet with headlines about his latest bender. in fact, she’s pretty sure he was just in the news for something similar -- crashing a yacht or something else ridiculous like that, something that only someone as rich as raleigh carrera could have accomplished. 

then she realizes what he’d said to her, as soon as she’d turned to look him in the eyes. very funny. 

her heart stops. all she can do is stare wide-eyed at him as he dispels the girls clamoring for a selfie, snapping back to the present when he waves one large hand in front of her face. 

“sorry -- what?”

“i said, what’s your name? it only seems fair, now that you know mine, and all.”

“cadence,” she answers numbly, “i’m -- um, i’m used to your hair being longer.”

“cadence,” raleigh repeats, smiling at her, “so you do know who i am.”

“what do the magazines call you again? r&b’s time bomb? puerto rico’s hottest export? you’re kind of notorious.” she blinks at him, then admits, “i’ve heard your songs.”

“seen the tabloid covers too, eh?” the expression on his face suggests he’s almost proud of them.

this is surreal.

“didn’t you crash a yacht or something?” she asks, brain whirring into overdrive as she tries to process what’s happening. he doesn’t seem to have realized it yet, which gives her a moment to gather her thoughts, something that feels impossible when she can’t push the way he’d scoffed very funny out of her mind. 

“or something. insurance paid out a couple million in property damage, but...” raleigh trails off, brow suddenly furrowing. he stares at her silently for a beat too long, then slowly turns a dull red. “hey, what’d you say earlier, again?”

cadence wets her dry lips, trying not to panic. stay calm, she silently coaches herself. raleigh carrera is not your long-awaited soulmate and you are not doing this in line to audition for one in a million. “i said -- what’s your name? and then you said...”

oh god, this is happening. her teeth dig into her bottom lip as she fidgets with the neckline of her top, tugging it to the side so raleigh can see the two words on her collarbone. 

“very funny,” he mutters, “oh, jesus fucking christ. you can’t be serious.”

“me?” she demands, “you’re the one who --”

“next up,” calls a voice suddenly, cutting sharply through their argument, “contestant #9,276.”

her blood runs cold as she realizes that’s the number she’s wearing pinned to her shirt. she can feel herself start to sweat; how the fuck is she supposed to perform like this? she wants to throw up. why did this have to happen to her now? this was her shot -- her one fucking chance --

“hey, easy.” there’s suddenly two strong hands on either side of her shoulders, and she startles as raleigh stares at her from up close, closer than he was just a moment ago. “relax, okay? you’re gonna be fine. you’ve got this.”

“but --” she starts, then realizes her mind is racing too quickly to even articulate what she wants to say. she settles for shaking her head, eyes wide and panicked. “i can’t just -- oh my god, i’m going to throw up.”

“here,” raleigh directs, “take my guitar. prince gave it to me as a birthday present.”

prince?! she mouths hysterically to herself, as he flips the latch on his case open and pulls out the instrument. “how is this supposed to help me?”

“just trust me,” he says, giving her a gentle nudge towards the auditorium, “now go.”

she does, stumbling forward with the most expensive piece of equipment she’s ever held in her hands in her life alongside her, drawing in a deep breath as she makes her way onto the stage.

she can do this.

everything else will have to come after.

vii.

the thing is -- she’s talented. exceptionally so. 

he can tell she’s a little nervous, but maybe that’s just because he’s used to looking out for that sort of thing; he could probably recognize it more easily than the average person would. it probably has nothing to do with who they are, how he notices the nuances in her body language...

her belt is impressive. her voice is stunning, clear and uniquely melodic. his guitar looks spectacular in her hands, and cadence plays it like she’s been practicing on it her entire life. 

he tries his best to look nonchalant, feet kicked up onto the seat in front of him, but when she locks eyes with him from the stage he knows he hasn’t succeeded. raleigh’s breath catches, and he stares back at her, transfixed by the way her dainty hands cradle the neck of the guitar and strum the strings, how her lips purse around the long, emotional high note at the end of the song’s chorus.

she’s really very pretty. 

he’d probably be lying to himself if he said it doesn’t make him a little bit jealous and uncomfortable, watching how she and avery fawn over each other when she’s finished. he’s probably a much better suited match for her, clean cut and pristine as he is. 

he wonders if she’s disappointed that it’s him -- that it’s now, when she’s clearly on the cusp of something great all on her own.

it’s a lot to think about, and so he dips out of the auditorium before she finishes up, rushing outside with his heart pounding. it’s not until he’s halfway through the crumpled pack of cigarettes in his jacket pocket that raleigh starts to relax even an iota, and of course that’s when the stage door he’d left propped swings open wide and cadence’s sneakers hit the asphalt beside his boots.

“uh, you can’t just leave me with this thing,” she says, apropos of nothing, and as he stares at her he realizes she’s talking about his guitar, which she’s holding in one hand like it’s a dead fish. “this costs more than everything in my apartment combined, i’m sure.”

he shakes his head at her, laughing as his fingers flick ash from the cigarette he’s holding. “no way -- you should keep it. you two looked perfect together.”

she hesitates, looking down at the instrument again. he can see in her eyes that she’s torn; it’s obvious she knows the right thing to do is to refuse a generous gift from a stranger, but she wants to keep it, and already his mind is racing as he considers what else he could give her that would excite her like that -- a private flight, a tour of his penthouse, a million dollars. 

“are you sure?” cadence asks, without looking at him, and the hesitancy in her voice makes him realize how unsure she really is. she’s the one who’s wondering if he’s disappointed in her.

he licks his suddenly dry lips and drops what’s left of his cigarette to the ground, finding he doesn’t actually need the rest of it, anymore. “positive.”

viii.

they don’t actually get to spend a lot of time together, while she’s filming. she has to focus and it seems like she’s always busy, somehow -- not that she sees raleigh very often in the first place.

the days are spent rehearsing with avery and cramming in as much mentoring as possible, and when she can pull herself away from fiona’s lessons on image to get home at a reasonable hour she collapses into bed pretty much immediately, out like a light from the whirlwind of the day and hardly even aware enough to dream.

but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t think about him. she does, especially on the rare occasions she manages to catch a glimpse of raleigh walking around in the studio, or on one memorable evening she stays late in the auditorium to bang on the piano keys of the beautiful, enviable baby grand on set and startles to find him leaning in the doorway, watching her play.

it’s all a blur and wildly difficult to process; just when she thinks she has a grip on things she remembers the private moments she’s had with raleigh and her emotions tumble to pieces again as she lets the weight of the implications of what’s going on between them crush her completely.

one moment sticks out on her as being particularly worrisome, insofar as how it bodes for the rest of her life. 

it feels like something significant from the moment raleigh offers to help her warm up; they’ve hardly had a moment alone together in days and she still has absolutely no idea how she’s supposed to talk to him or what she should say, but for some reason the conversation flows easily and she hardly has to think about the (no doubt incredibly stupid-sounding) words coming out of her mouth.

“you’re going to kill it,” raleigh says finally, once they’ve worked through all the exercises in his arsenal, “you really don’t need my help.”

never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine someone like him would say something like that to her. “you think?”

“i know it,” he answers confidently, shrugging his shoulders like it’s that simple. “and you should, too.”

there’s a moment of silence where they just stand there staring at each other, ignoring the restless murmuring of the crowd outside that’s waiting for him to slip into his seat at the judge’s table. she’s effortlessly lost in raleigh’s eyes, so fixated on the intensity of his gaze that she doesn’t realize he’s leaning in closer until it’s too late.

“insurance policy,” he mutters, before he kisses her, hands cupping her face gently. 

for a split second, she stands frozen, shocked totally still. then, her brain reboots enough to propel her into motion, and cadence gets with the program enough to wind her arms around raleigh’s waist and pull him closer and kiss him back, until her heart’s lurched up into the throat she’d just been warming up, pounding relentlessly.

they make out until the roar of the crowd is deafening -- until it’s impossible not to acknowledge it any longer. 

of course raleigh’s a life-ruiningly good kisser. why wouldn’t he be? why should any of this be easy?

it’s only a few simple touches, but raleigh’s mouth leaves her dizzy and lightheaded when she’s supposed to be concentrating on performing, and, independently of the way she’s blinking at him in stupid shock, cadence already knows she’ll never be able to kiss anyone else ever again without thinking about him.

“i have to get out there,” she gasps between desperate presses of their lips against each other, grasping ineffectively at his clothes while his fingers tug her hair out of shape.

“be late,” he suggests, “it always works for me.” 

but she’s not him. she’s not like him -- they have nothing in common. they come from different worlds; they’re two completely opposite people.

and yet every minute with raleigh is like coming up for air after being underwater for years, like the knots of guilt and shame and awkward embarrassment she’s carried around for her entire life without understanding why she has them are slowly starting to undo themselves, unlaced by his careful fingers.

they make it out there. eventually.

before she knows it, confetti’s raining down from the ceiling and falling all over her, and she locks eyes with raleigh from across the room to find his lips pulled into a genuinely affectionate grin -- lips that she’d just kissed for the first time a fucking hour ago and, seriously, what is her life now -- his eyes bright and excited. 

things just keep getting weirder and weirder, but the way they’re beaming at each other like idiots in a room full of thousands, broadcast on national television, too, makes her think things might be pretty great, too.

ix.

it sort of takes them a long time to getting around to talking about it -- the soulmate thing.

it’s not that he doesn’t try. he does, but she’s got a lot going on, these days: a big move and a new record deal and days filled with songwriting and nights out being seen. he’s still on his image cleanup tour, while she’s at it, so his fake smile stays fixed on his face throughout another boring week of restaurant openings and charity events and talkshow appearances before he finally gets the chance to spend some time with her again.

they text here and there, but nothing pans out until the stars align and they manage to slip out of the back door of a nightclub unnoticed together after a night of dancing too close for the comfort of her publicist while avery and the others cause a commotion at the front entrance to distract the press.

she goes back to his penthouse with him. he can’t remember the last time he brought a girl back to his apartment just to talk, and especially not one who spent the better part of the evening in a sparkly minidress grinding against him. 

but here they are.

“so -- how’s the city treating you?” raleigh asks, pouring them both a drink he doesn’t want from the bar cart in the corner of the room for something to do with his hands.

cadence shrugs from where she’s perched on the edge of his sofa, tugging at the hem of her dress. “good, i guess. it’s honestly all kind of overwhelming.”

��yeah,” he nods, passing her one of the glasses in his hands and taking a seat on the ottoman in front of her, close enough to see her face in perfect clarity but still maintaining a distance that he hopes is respectful. “i know what you mean. when i first came here after joining sunset skatepark everything felt so... huge.”

“totally,” cadence answers quickly, nodding in a way that’s almost aggressive. “i mean, there’s so much pressure to deliver an album right away, but i want it to be perfect, and the studio is so different from, like, writing songs in my room at home, and i... i guess i feel kind of homesick, but -- not for my hometown. i hated that place.” there’s hesitancy in her gaze when she asks, “do you know what i mean?”

“yeah,” raleigh says again stupidly, because the truth is -- he knows exactly what she means. cadence has just articulated something he could never quite put into words better than he’d even thought the sentiments to himself. “it’s like... nostalgia for something you don’t even want.”

“exactly,” she breathes emphatically, and then they’re kissing again, and she’s in his lap on the ottoman and he definitely brought her here to talk, for sure, but is it really so terrible if they get a little sidetracked on the way to their destination?

well -- they wind up making out for hours. so, there’s that.

it’s not part of the plan but it’s a hell of a side quest, memorizing the shape and feel of her with his hands while her lips pull every last bit of breath from his lungs, until he’s lightheaded and dizzy in a way no other girl has ever made him, before. it’s to the point where when he finally finds it within himself to push her away, he’s uncharacteristically nervous -- something that’s never happened to him before, not even on the night he lost his virginity.

“i really did ask you over to talk,” he says, voice hoarse.

cadence licks her lips and then beams at him, eyes sparkling. “i know.” she shuffles delicately back onto the couch, lingering in his lap for only a moment before pulling away entirely. he stuffs his hands under his thighs to stop himself from reaching out for her again. “sorry i haven’t been around more.”

“you don’t have to apologize.” raleigh shakes his head. “i should be apologizing to you, i feel like... i should be the one who’s around, to help you with all of this. or at least -- i want to be. i don’t know if i’ll be any good at it.” 

he blinks, surprised by his own honesty. he hadn’t meant to say all of that, but the words came up before he was cognizant of them and now they’re out there, and there’s no taking them back -- especially with the way she’s looking at him, all soft and sweet and happy.

“well, you don’t have to be good at it,” cadence murmurs, reaching out for his wrists and tugging his hands free so she can interlock their fingers effortlessly. they fit together like puzzle pieces. “you just have to be you.”

x.

her budding relationship with one of the biggest names in r&b doesn’t have much time to bud at all before it’s rudely plucked from the plant and stepped on.

she finds herself blinking at fiona in confusion as the words take some time to process. “you want me to do what?”

xi.

raleigh balks at his manager, shaking his head emphatically. “no,” he spits out, “absolutely not.”

xii.

“cadence, it’s not a big deal,” fiona tells her, very nearly rolling her eyes. “everyone does it. you go on a few dates, play up the relationship for some photos, social media eats it up -- boom, you’re a star.”

“i don’t know,” she answers hesitantly, mind drifting back to the photographers that have already been following her around, screaming about avery when she ducks into the car with him. things with raleigh are... new, and complicated, and do they really need to add public scrutiny into the mix as well? “i just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“it’s a great idea,” fiona sighs, shaking her head. “all our focus groups agree. the label thinks it’s best, what with your single taking so long to put out.” she opens her mouth to protest -- it’s not like she’s dragging her feet on purpose -- but barely has a second to get a word out before fiona continues, “besides, raleigh does this all the time.”

her teeth bite at her bottom lip uncertainly. “he does?”

“of course. chantal clearwater? she was a pictagram model when they met, and now she’s opening shows at paris fashion week. it’s just business.”

it’s not, though. it could never be just anything, for reasons no one else knows about except the two of them, for reasons she’ll never tell. “well... what did raleigh say about it?”

xiii.

“i said no, frank.” he’s annoyed, now, and his manager knows it, raleigh’s arms folded across his chest and his eyes set into a glare. “n. o. no.”

“and i hear you, but is it really the end of the world? she’s exactly what we’re going for, and i know you already get along --”

“which is exactly why i don’t want to do this. so pick someone else. anyone else.” he’s not going to let his label turn her into one of the girls he has to be seen with for fake photos and mutually beneficial positive press. 

for so many years, he’s watched people fake feelings and use each other -- willingly participated in the using himself, too, more times than he can count. he never cared about any of it before.

but being with cadence doesn’t feel fake, and he doesn’t ever want it to. and he knows that if he agrees to this, everything he enjoys about spending time with her will disappear in favor of the ugly, plastic decay that’s eaten away at so many of his personal and professional relationships before. organic, genuine time with her will become strolls near celebrity hotspots, angling just right to help the cameras get the perfect shot. he’ll show up to support her at shows because her publicist called him, and their time together will become some manufactured narrative meant to push their labels’ agenda, until six months down the line they don’t even recognize themselves or what might’ve been if they’d done things a different way.

“look, there isn’t anyone else. her team’s already agreed to it, and i’ve got brunch set up for sunday. all you have to do is play nice for two fucking months, raleigh. is that so impossible for you?”

yes. already he feels a deep-seated desire to go somewhere and break something, to tear through the flower beds in central park with his motorcycle and wink at the cameras when they catch up to him.

instead, he storms out of the office he’s in, and into the sunlight, tugging the hood on his jacket up and melting into the crowd on the corner so he can be as anonymous as possible when he picks up his phone and calls cadence.

“hey raleigh,” she chirps as soon as she picks up, sounding far too cheerful for someone who’s likely had an equally as miserable early morning meeting on a friday. “guessing you heard the news?”

“can’t i just call you to say hi?” he grumbles, ducking his head as he strolls through the intersection with the mob of people crowded along fifth ave, turning down the next side street so he’s alone again, with no one following, just like that. 

“well, you can,” she teases, and some of the anger he’s carrying around with him fades, dissipating into nothing and evaporating like smoke. “but you’re not.”

“no, i’m not,” he agrees with a sigh, shaking his head. “you sound surprisingly cool with it, though.”

“should i not be?” cadence laughs, but he can detect a thread of nervousness in her tone. “i already want to hang out with you. we have the same friends and work in the same industry. we’re... probably going to go on dates anyway, so... how hard can this be?”

god. she has absolutely no idea. part of him thinks it’d be cruel to burst her bubble, but he should warn her, shouldn’t he? 

she sounds so optimistic about it, though. it’s hard to feel anything but hopeful when her voice turns up like that at the end. in the back of his mind, there’s a voice that’s not his suggesting maybe this time, things will be different. 

surely he knows better than to think something as ridiculous as that, though, right? 

“well, i guess it’ll be interesting, at least,” he muses, slowing his steps by the entrance to the subway. 

he’s going to lose his signal just as soon as he heads underground, and he’s not quite ready for that, yet.

xiv.

time with raleigh flies by. 

it doesn’t feel like they’re fake-dating -- they do everything she hopes he’d want to do with her anyway, like go out to eat at fancy restaurants and take walks through the park and bounce melodies for songs off of each other, facetiming late at night from their apartments or on the days he visits her and micah in the studio. 

he’s by her side for the release of her first single, and her first music video, and through it all, raleigh plays the role of the doting partner perfectly, holding her purse on the red carpet and feeding her paella at a strategically-placed outdoor table and fetching her coffee order when she’s too busy to stop writing for even just five minutes.

in the blink of an eye, it’s time to put out her album -- just like that. 

raleigh’s perfectly charming through that process, too. he shows up on time, says all the right things, and keeps a drink in her hand all evening long, so that when she’s finally done making the rounds and can enjoy herself after the entertainment and the networking and the schmoozing she’s giggly and touchy, doing her best to steal him away from the crowd.

“what were your other relationships like?” she asks, half expecting him to brush her off, though he’s always indulged her before. they’ve never really gotten this personal. “fake or... otherwise.”

“they’ve all been fake,” he shrugs, “and i can say with confidence that you’re the best one i’ve ever had.”

“really?” cadence smiles, chin propped up on her hand as she leans over the bar. “be honest. what did you really think, when you realized it was me?”

“what?” he asks, pushing the empty rocks glass in his hands around on the bar top, “you mean this thing?” he gestures at his arm, covered in expensive, custom tom ford, and the tattoo laying innocently beneath it.

“uh huh,” she confirms, “‘cause i was totally like oh shit.”

raleigh laughs, loud and wild, the sound swallowed up by the noise of the party around them. no one nearby is paying them even an ounce of attention, and it’s fun, to be anonymous at her own party, invisible to everyone in the room except for him. “i can imagine. i wouldn’t want to be stuck with me either.”

cadence shakes her head -- that’s not what she’d meant. but before she can protest, he rolls his glass between his palms and thoughtfully continues, “i guess i was a little surprised. it felt like i’d been waiting forever to meet you, so part of me was like, fuck, we’re doing this now? and i never thought it’d be someone so...”

“boring?” she suggests, eyebrows arching when raleigh’s expression immediately twists into one of disagreement, his nose scrunching up with distaste.

“no,” he huffs, “so... good, i guess.” she stares at him as he reaches for one of the waiting tequila shots on the bar, pulling it away from the line he’d set up for the crowd he’d been with before she’d tugged him to the side to talk, leaving the drinks untouched. raleigh knocks the shot back -- no salt, no lime. he’s had twice as many drinks as she has, and she’s definitely feeling them -- she has no idea how he’s even still upright, no worse for wear other than a few slurred words here and there. “but you just are. it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you, and i just didn’t know it yet.”

the noise of the party fades in favor of the pounding of her heart, loud like a kick drum in her ears. she bites her lip and stares at him, watching as raleigh shakes his head at himself, dazed. “you okay?” she asks quietly, leaning in a little across the bar. 

raleigh’s quiet for so long she has to wonder whether or not he actually heard her. just as she clears her throat and opens her mouth to repeat herself even louder, he nods, reaching across the bar and squeezing her hand before dragging her back over to the line of tequila shots waiting for them to enjoy.

the night is a blur after that, and there’s patches of the evening that are fuzzy in her memory the next morning, but she knows she’ll never forget the gentle kiss goodnight raleigh gives her when he helps her stumble into the car back to her apartment at dawn.

xv. 

things go really well, until they don’t. 

they have a blissful six months together with more fun than he’s ever had with anyone. slowly, he learns every single thing about cadence and returns her openness with honesty of his own -- honesty that feels strange and unfamiliar but weirdly thrilling, in a way, made easier every time one of his stories pulls a laugh or smile from her. 

it seems unnatural, having a honeymoon period that goes on for so long. in the entire time they’re dating, he doesn’t destroy a single thing -- doesn’t even want to, which is the weirdest part of it all. 

there are some moments that catch him completely off guard. more than a few times, he hardly even recognizes himself, she turns him into such a different person. 

he doesn’t hate it, though -- just the opposite, in fact. raleigh realizes he’s really starting to like the carefree, far from jaded person he is when he’s with her, though it only hits him for real when he’s watching her storm away from him on liberty island, eyes fixed on the angry sway of her hips.

he stews on it on the long ride back to his penthouse; the game had, admittedly, been starting to wear on him. but he’d gone along with it because it was supposed to benefit her -- he’d agreed to the stupid public breakup and following the rules and not seeing cadence in public for the foreseeable future because it was what she wanted, and -- frankly, it felt like a stupid fucking decision.

not that it lasts long. he starts texting her just as soon as he’s done washing electralite out of his hair and doesn’t make it more than twenty minutes when they first see each other again at the moda gala before he’s sneaking off with her, ducking under the velvet rope that demarcates the planetarium as ‘off limits’ with her hand tucked neatly in his.

“maybe this is better,” cadence muses between sips of her drink, her eyes on one of the stupid glass exhibits he couldn’t possibly care less about. “now we can just be together -- no pressure. our relationship is ours again.”

their relationship. is that what this is? they’ve spent a lot of time talking about who they are and what they like and don’t like, kissing and touching and holding hands. throughout it all, he’s done his best not to buy into the ‘soulmate’ bullshit too heavily, but over the last few months it’s been hard to deny that there’s a reason he was meant to meet her, that she’s been changing him from the inside out.

“what’s on your mind?” she asks, turning towards him with an open look of genuine curiosity on her face, like she really wants to know. 

“it’s nothing,” raleigh answers at first, reflexively, like he has so many times before. no one has ever really wanted to know. but cadence’s eyebrows arch, and she waits, patiently silent, and then the words tumble out of him. “it’s just that -- my whole life, i’ve watched other people use each other. so many people are just interested in the concept of celebrity status. so i played the game. never trusting anyone.” 

he shrugs. a hand lifts to rub his jaw, and he looks back to meet her gaze just in time to see the little smile playing at her lips, like she already knows what he’s about to say. “but it’s different, with you. you make me not want to be that person anymore. when i’m with you, it’s the only time i feel anything real.”

“raleigh,” she murmurs, her expression flickering before her face does something that cracks his chest wide open. her eyes go all shiny and sparkly and her cheeks crease with a grin, and the way she laughs is so ridiculously joyful the hand he has stuffed in his pocket curls into a fist to stop him from doing something stupid. “i feel the same way. i just... this whole thing, i know it doesn’t always -- work out, but... with you i really want it to. i’ve never felt this way before about anyone, and i think...” 

there’s a pause as her lips purse thoughtfully, and then she says the words that make it impossible for him to do anything but close the distance between them and kiss her over and over again: “i think even without this tattoo it’d be you, anytime, anywhere.”

xvi.

being raleigh carrera’s (real, confirmed, 100%-authentic) girlfriend feels almost too good to be true.

raleigh is... everything she never knew she wanted in a boyfriend, wrapped up into one tall, dark and handsome package, with a loud, goofy laugh and a deep, sexy voice that sends a shiver down her spine whenever his mouth so much as lingers near her ear for too long. 

it turns out that, despite their differing status in the industry and her initial assumptions that they came from two completely different worlds, they’re actually on the same page about pretty much everything. she finds that the pressure of the word she’d held in such high regard for so long -- soulmate -- disappears entirely where he’s concerned because being with raleigh is just fun. 

there’s motorcycle rides and boat trips and hours up late talking about everything and nothing; facetime calls with his mom and shopping trips where the stores are kept open late for them so they can shop alone, in an empty boutique, like every teen movie she’d ever watched growing up.

there’s late nights in the studio and either of their apartments where they both noodle around on their guitars and improvise half-hearted duets, content to just work in the same orbit as each other for as long as possible.

raleigh’s texting one night on the couch in her living room when she plucks out the melody to who i’ll be on her old acoustic, sitting on the floor in front of the tv.

he looks up before the first verse is over. “what’s that one? it sounds good.”

“oh -- just a song i wrote in college,” cadence hums, already downplaying it as she lifts her shoulder in a shrug. “i got stuck, never finished it. ellis made me sell the progress for some other writer to finish.”

he frowns, pushing up onto his elbow. his phone is tossed carelessly somewhere among the couch cushions. “why?”

“because i was taking too long with the odyssey,” she sighs. “it was kind of my only option. it’s weird, though -- thinking about someone singing something that was so personal to me.”

“play me what you had so far,” he says, and so she does, hesitating for only a second before strumming the chords, singing the lines she had slowly. 

when she’s done, she looks up to find that raleigh’s slid to the edge of the couch, elbows on his knees as he leans in as close as he can get with the coffee table in his way. “okay -- that was beautiful. you should finish it.”

she shakes her head, setting her guitar down. “i can’t. they already sold it. and even if i wanted to... i don’t know how it ends.”

raleigh’s legs spread in invitation and she stands to walk around to the couch, slipping into his lap and leaning back against his chest. his hands are tender as he rubs them across her shoulders, sliding up her back before one lifts to brush a lock of hair back behind her ear, his pointer finger pushing her glasses up her nose affectionately. “maybe one day you can write something else with the same theme,” he suggests, and she tries her best to smile even though it feels like a dream lost, somehow -- a ridiculous thought, given that she pretty much has everything she ever wanted, but the way she feels all the same.

“maybe,” she sighs, the kiss he drops to her forehead a bandaid on a wound that’s been doing its best to heal for what feels like her entire life.

xvii.

he’s never brought a date to the vinyls before. 

there’s been plenty of after parties he’s stumbled out of with a girl on his arm, sure, but cadence is the first person to sit by his side during the ceremony, and he’s surprised by how much he likes having her next to him.

then again, he’s self aware enough to realize he’d like being pretty much anywhere, with her.

still -- the awards are a lot less boring with her around to kiss and stroke his hair and make snide commentary about the rest of the attendees with, and when she squeezes his hand goodbye to rush backstage and get ready for her performance he misses her instantly.

what happens next makes him endlessly regretful of the fact that he’s not backstage with her.

he rushes around just as soon as he can, pushing his way through security and frantically scrambling technical assistants to find her exactly where he thought he might, between ellis knight and fiona, looking lost with her head in her hands.

she seems equal parts broken and pissed in a way that tugs at his heartstrings and makes him a little bit proud. raleigh shoves through the crowd to get to her and slips an arm around her waist. he’s only caught the tail end of the conversation they’re all having, but he knows enough to know that “you can’t bench her. that’s bull.”

ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter how much they stomp their feet. she’s under contract, their hands are tied, and he walks away seething at the unfairness of it all, this shitty industry that’s turned on her when all she ever wanted to do was make music.

she cries in the car back to her apartment to pack her things. there’s no way he’s letting her go home to iowa or idaho or indiana without him, and he barks at his team over the phone until they agree to move his appearances around so he can make that happen, his free hand clasped tightly in hers until he physically has to let her go so she can unlock her front door with trembling fingers.

cadence tosses clothes haphazardly onto the bed and he silently and precisely moves to folds each piece for her, until she gives up and sinks down onto the edge of the mattress, defeated. 

wide eyes filled with tears lock onto his, and he watches her bottom lip wobble before she says, “you really don’t have to do this. come with me, i mean. i know i messed up, and -- you have so much else going on. i don’t expect you to --”

“i’m coming,” he states firmly, setting the sweatpants in his hand down and stepping closer to her, sitting beside cadence on her bed. “what happened tonight was fucked up, cadence -- it shouldn’t have happened at all. i’m not going to let you go through this alone.”

“but --”

“but nothing,” he says, and before the words have even left his mouth she’s falling into his arms with a soft sound of gratitude, mashing her face into his chest as she sniffles.

“thank you,” cadence mumbles, sounding so unsure of herself it makes him wonder if she’s ever had anyone show up for her when it mattered most before, or if that’s yet another thing they unfortunately have in common. 

xviii.

raleigh tries his best to cheer her up, but it’s still hard, feeling like she’s let the entire world down. her fans. herself.

there’s something embarrassing about showing raleigh her apartment back home and the person she was before she met him -- all the places she felt most uncertain and where she experienced some her worst self-doubt, the room that still has the smoothie star apron hung up in the closet.

but there’s also something exciting, about being totally off the grid with him. no one knows they’re here and there’s no paparazzi waiting to snap photos of them -- especially given the fact that they don’t leave her building for the first three days she spends moping around while raleigh orders all the takeout he can get his hands on.

it sort of reminds her of when they first met, and there was nothing to do but learn about each other, though now there’s a familiarity to him she relies on, a unique raleigh-ness that feels more like home than this shitty apartment ever did.

still, she struggles, and the weight of the world doesn’t let up until zadie shows up with her fanmail and avery does his best to make her smile with a beach trip and some fancy new toys and a day in the sun with a drink in her hand.

eventually it’s just her and raleigh again, out by the fire after everyone else has gone to bed. her stomach is full of s’mores and her cheeks hurt from smiling for the first time in weeks, and it’s a shock when she realizes she feels content, even after everything that’s happened -- almost as though things will all work out for the better no matter what happens next.

“oh my god,” she gasps suddenly, cutting off what raleigh had been saying as her eyes light up and she hastens to stand. “i’ve gotta -- i need to -- oh my god.”

just like that, she knows how her song ends.

recording it is a process, but raleigh calls in some favors and gets them studio time and agrees to be featured on the song even though she knows he’s still working through a sound change that he feels unsure about.

but it means a lot to her, having him crammed in the booth at her side, singing into the same mic. they sound almost unbelievably good together, too, raleigh’s harmonies on the words that finally resolve that lost feeling she’s been harboring her entire life making something deep within her wriggle up happily, wagging its proverbial tail.

the fact that raleigh remains by her side throughout the entire fight with her label, the long nights of despair agonizing over what her next move is going to be and even the moment where they decide to break into indio, of all places, means more to her than she can ever say. she feels markedly less nervous about the entire thing every time she turns her head to the side and sees him, right there next to her -- right where he’s been this entire time -- smiling encouragingly and squeezing her hand hard in his.

though it’s not until they’re up at the top of the ferris wheel that she realizes how precious what she has really is. it’s not until he looks her dead in the eye and says, with that same soft earnestness he’s awarded her since they first met at the one in a million auditions that feel quite literally like a hundred years ago, “cadence, everything you want is on the other side of fear. and i want you to have everything you want,” that she truly understands that’s what between them is special and rare.

not because of any tattoos, or any preconceived destiny. not because of who they are and their status and the fact that people take pictures of them when they’re out in public together.

but because of this -- all these real moments of genuine connection they’ve been fortunate enough to share since fate threw them into each other’s paths.

“raleigh, i love you.” the words are said easily, not a moment’s hesitation behind them. 

just before she crosses over in the cart to kiss him until they’re both breathless, raleigh gifts her the brightest smile he has and says, “i love you, too.”

xix.

the night is a blur from the moment he first takes the stage with his old bandmates to when he finally finds himself alone with cadence in a rundown old motel a few miles out from the festival in the desert.

he can’t recall ever being so happy, so of course he doesn’t remember every agonizing detail of the evening, though he does know he doesn’t feel the need to have a single beer with cadence around, twirling barefoot in the grass and giggling when she leads him up to the room they’ve borrowed.

afterwards, when they’re sitting on the roof together in the blanket they dragged off the bed, he reflects on the wild year they’ve had with her in his arms, fingertips tracing the delicate very funny scrawled across cadence’s collarbone.

he feels... free. completely liberated. like there’s absolutely nothing and no one that can get to him, now, like he’s untouchable, like he doesn’t care about a single thing that happens after today and how perfect things have been. 

“i think i’m actually freer than i’ve ever been,” he muses, where his lips are pressed into her hair, “i can take my sound in any direction i want.”

“i’m so happy for you, raleigh,” cadence returns genuinely, tilting her head back so he can see her upside-down smile. 

his arms tighten around her. “i’m so excited for what you’re gonna be doing, too. i’m excited for us.”

“yeah,” she sighs, “who knows what’s next, right? now that ellis let me out of my deal...”

he can hear the thread of worry undercutting the words. he shakes his head, hands rubbing up and down her arms. “you can worry about that tomorrow. for tonight, just enjoy the comeback. what you did out there was amazing.”

“what we did,” she corrects, and he blinks up the stars as he realizes she’s right -- they’re a we now. he’s part of a we again, after being on his own for so long.

the phrases bounce around in his head, unfamiliar and foreign. me and my girlfriend, he thinks to himself, cadence and i. we’re going to be late. we’ll be away that weekend. we just started watching that show. we, we, we. 

“what we did was amazing,” raleigh amends, the words slow to come out but feeling right all the same. “whatever we do next will be amazing.”

“absolutely,” cadence confirms, with conviction, like it’s something she believes wholeheartedly.

and though he has no idea what to expect or what it might be, a large part of him is inclined to agree with her -- she’s been right about everything else so far.

xx.

one year later, she’s finishing a set in berlin, the last stop on a sprawling european tour that had taken she, avery, micah and raleigh across the continent for dozens of performances to sold-out crowds of thousands screaming her lyrics back to her. 

if her contract with overknight had been a dream come true, signing to wilshere records is heaven incarnate. cadence’s trip through the u.k. with her new label is proof enough, and the chance to meet new fans with new stories to share that she could connect with is one she’s taken to with enthusiasm, the experience made all the sweeter by the fact that her favorite people get to be by her side throughout it all.

berlin’s crowd is one of the best, and she fully expects to end the tour on a high note, head banging to the last few notes of ‘knockout’ before raleigh’s planned entrance for the last song of the night, so they can sing the duet that’s closed out every show they’ve had on the tour together. 

when he struts out with his guitar, waving and grinning at the crowd, she can’t stop herself from smiling stupidly at him, just like she does every time she sees him join her on stage, every time she realizes that this is their life, that this is something they do every night, now.

though her grin falters when raleigh pauses in front of his microphone and asks, “berlin, do you mind if i talk a little bit before i start the song? no? cool, because i’ve got an important question to ask.”

her eyes widen. cadence’s mouth drops open and doesn’t close throughout the entire speech raleigh gives her, even though thousands of people in the crowd are filming every moment of her gaping like an idiot, snapping close-ups of her shocked face.

the arena practically vibrates with screams when he drops to his knee, popping the box in his hand open so she can see the giant diamond ring nestled inside of it. 

“so?” raleigh asks, and cadence can just barely hear him in her in-ears with the way her heart is beating frantically up into her throat, as wild as the crowd’s raging around them and then some. “whaddya say, babe? will you marry me?”

as if the answer could ever be anything but yes. she nods, laughing as she launches herself into his arm for a kiss that’s too grand to be given on stage, though that’s hardly going to stop her -- not tonight, at least. tonight, she’s okay with the whole world watching their every move, just one more time.

“oh, i don’t know if it’s going to fit,” raleigh jokes as the ring slides easily onto her left hand, amping up the theatrics for the fans still watching them avidly, even up in the cheap seats.

cadence rolls her eyes playfully at him. “very funny,” she praises, and the grin he offers her in return is so loving -- so knowing, with the secret that only the two of them share and every weird piece of their history included in it -- that it takes everything she has to shove him away so they can perform instead of dragging him down to the floor to kiss him over and over again.

clumsily, she flubs a few notes of love who i’ll be on her guitar. from across the stage, between the bridge and the chorus, raleigh jeers, “someone hasn’t learned to play with the extra weight on their left hand, yet, i see,” and when she flips him off while belting out the last lines of the verse, his raucous laughter is all the harmony the final few bars of the song needs. 

[vs-redemption]

Crime is Common. Logic is Rare. (Ch.23)

Chapter Twenty-Three: Commence Procedure (HawksxGN!Reader)

From Cindy: This chapter is almost twice the length of the others and I apologize for that. I also apologize for the lack of Hawks. I’m planning on focusing the entire next chapter on him and the reader though, so look forward to that!

Plot summary: You thought your hands were full as a regular quirk geneticist, but then you meet Hawks and things get even more exciting!

Warnings:  

⚠️This story contains spoilers from the manga.

⚠️Some events and plot points have been altered from the original manga

⚠️ This chapter mentions medical stuff like needles and seizures

Tag List: @gayforkeigo @marshmallow-witch @redflannel @toyo-shiro @elsasshole @astronomyturtle @iambashfulperson @omiwashere

Next Chapter : Chapter Guide

“Today is the big day!” Dr. Garaki announces the next time you’re in the lab. Thankfully, Shigaraki hadn’t made a move to kill you when you arrived, so you assumed the meeting with the Hero Commission had been a success and that nobody knew you had divulged so much sensitive information about the doctor’s plan to them. “Shigaraki, are you excited?”

“Let’s just get started already,” the villain groans impatiently. “I’ll be excited once this is all over and all the heroes are dead.”

“Actually, I’m a little concerned about something,” you speak up before things could progress any further. The doctor hadn’t given you any prior warning that Shigaraki’s procedure would begin that day, but you weren’t surprised. He’d probably kept the exact date from you on purpose as a safety precaution.

“Oh?” Garaki eyes you curiously, “What is it?”

“I’d rather talk to you about it in private,” you admit while glancing warily over at Shigaraki, who predictably began to throw a fit. His red eyes, which were filled with suspicion, bore into you as if he believed intimidation alone would be enough to get you to confess to plotting something behind his back. Luckily for him though, your business with the doctor had nothing to do with schemes to do him any harm.

“It’ll only take a minute,” you add the promise just to try and put the villain at ease.

“All right,” The doctor nods. “I have to check on the high-ends anyway, so you can come with me and tell me once we’re in there.” Shigaraki lets out a sigh of annoyance, but the situation couldn’t have gone any better for you. If the doctor was allowing you to accompany him into the second lab, it would give you the chance to get another look at the nomus. You knew that any information you could pass along about the high-ends would be appreciated by the Hero Commission.

You and the doctor made some small talk as you walk through the dimly lit tunnel, taking care not to trip or step on any of the tangled up tubes and wires lining the floor, walls, and ceiling. The place used to creep you out a bit, but nothing really compared to the unease of working under the watchful eyes of Shigaraki. Once you arrive in the second lab and the door is securely shut behind you, Dr. Garaki finally turns the conversation to business.

“I wanted to let you know that the Hero Commission finally gave me permission to see the high-end from the Kyushu incident,” you tell him even though he should already know. Hawks had been present for the conversation for the very purpose of having the villains listen in. Of course, you hadn’t really gone to the Commission’s lab that day, but the president had still begrudgingly released the information they’d gathered on the nomu so that you’d be able to make the story more believable when talking to the doctor.

“Really?” The doctor pretends to be surprised. He looks at you curiously before beginning the walk through the giant liquid filled glass chambers where the high-ends sat dormant. You weighed the pros and cons of activating your quirk to record as many details of the room as you could in your mind for the Hero Commission. The doctor knew the exact length of time you could use your quirk though, so if he asked you to use it today and you were missing a minute or two he would certainly start asking questions.

“That high-end was killed by Endeavor’s flames,” you say. “Its body was burnt to a crisp from the inside out, but didn’t that nomu have a regenerative quirk?”

“That’s right,” The doctor nods before setting to work running some diagnostics from his computer. When the screen lights up with valuable information about each nomu, you know you have to risk using your quirk. You had no idea what small tidbit might mean the difference between a hero living or dying.

“I’m just a little worried,” you admit. “If that high-end wasn’t able to heal fast enough to keep up with the damage it sustained from Endeavor’s flames, there’s no way to be sure that Shigaraki won’t have the same problem.” The doctor glances over his shoulder at you to show you’d caught his interest, so you continue.

“Sure,” you shrug while trying not to make it obvious you were looking at his computer. “All for one’s quirk might be stronger overall because we’re using a living host with DNA fused much more completely than the nomus, but that still doesn’t mean Shigaraki can’t get overwhelmed.” You take the chance to glance around at the high-ends. Even knowing the build of their bodies could give insight to what they were capable of.

“We don’t even know if Shigaraki’s DNA samples ever stopped needing to regenerate either,” you continue your speech. “We just know that the rate of regeneration reached an equilibrium. If Shigaraki’s DNA isn’t truly fused, and it’s just in a constant state of regeneration, his whole body might start to break down the moment he’s in any kind of physical distress.”

Dr. Garaki turns to give you his complete attention after that. “Are you trying to get me to delay Shigaraki’s procedure?”

“No,” you give your answer confidently because it was the truth. “It’s been made quite clear that we don’t have the luxury of having more time for testing. I just didn’t want to jump head first into this thing without all possible outcomes being laid out on the table. This procedure is meant to give Shigaraki more power, but it could very well backfire and make him completely defenseless.”

“I didn’t know you cared that much about Shigaraki,” the smile on the doctor’s face looked a bit more manic than you were used to. Surely he didn’t think you were actually starting to sympathize with the villain’s cause?

“I don’t,” you tell him bluntly. “Not really. At least, I don’t care about him any more or less than I would anyone else. I just want both of you to have a fair warning. You are more reasonable than he is though, which is why I’m telling you first.”

“Shigaraki can be rather melodramatic at times,” The doctor concedes. “You don’t have to worry about him though. Even if his body won’t hold up well in a fight, it’ll still be an advantage for him to have All For One’s quirk at his disposal.” The ominous smile on Dr. Garaki’s face intensifies. “Besides, Shigaraki will never be defenseless. He has plenty of resources to rely on for protection, the high-ends just being one of them.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” You say while finally deactivating your quirk. You were reaching your limit even after the boost you’d gained from eating a handful of almonds with your breakfast that morning. “That makes me feel a little better I guess.”

Of course, you didn’t really feel better. You knew the resources the doctor was referring to. Shigaraki had more than just the high-end nomus and the massive army of civilian soldiers that had rallied behind him. He also had a fiercely loyal follower with some sort of monster quirk that the Hero Commission still had no real specific information about. All they knew was that this guy was huge and strong. Hawks had actually seen him a few times during the time he spent working with the villains. The rumor was that the giant man could sleep for ridiculous amounts of time, and only ever acted on direct orders from Shigaraki. He sounded terrifying and you really hoped the heroes could find a way to take down the league without ever needing to get into a confrontation with the giant villain.

“Let’s keep your concerns about the procedure to ourselves though,” Dr. Garaki shuts down his computer and gestures for you to follow him back to the main lab. “There’s no reason to get Shigaraki more nervous than he already is. We’ll be able to monitor his condition once the procedure commences, and we can make alterations as needed.”

“All right,” you agree to his decision while heading back to where Shigaraki was waiting for both of you to return.

“That was much longer than a minute,” the leader of the villains snaps once you emerge from behind the secret panel that hid the tunnel.

“I apologize,” The doctor tells him with his normal smile back in place. “You won’t need to wait a moment more though. Let’s get you set up and comfortable so we can get begin the procedure.”

Shigaraki made a stink for a moment about wanting to know what you’d needed to talk about behind his back, but the doctor managed to placate him with some random excuses. After Shigaraki calmed down, you led him over to the hospital bed that had been brought down for him. You managed to get him to lay down and set up with IVs while Dr. Garaki prepared the serum.

“Are you ready for the anesthesia?” you ask Shigaraki while holding up the vial. “Once this is administered, you’re going to fall asleep really fast and we won’t be able to wake you up again until the procedure is finished.”

“Yes, I’m ready.” There was a slight hesitation in his voice, making him appear more human in your eyes for a moment. Even though you were meant be staying neutral, it still upset you to be doing such a dangerous experiment on a living person. There was a chance Shigaraki would never wake up, and even though he was already responsible for so much death and destruction, you couldn’t help but feel bad about whatever life he’d lived in the past that had brought him to this point.

“Okay,” you hand the anesthesia to the doctor since he had the proper training to handle that and you prepare yourself mentally for injecting the serum. You watch Shigaraki’s face relax and after a few seconds his eyes drift closed. Your eyes dart to the machine monitoring his vitals and everything looked normal.

“That was the easy part,” Dr. Garaki tells you before gesturing at the syringe in your hand.

“Yeah,” you let out a sigh to release some of your own tension, then shake your head before reaching out to take Shigaraki’s arm and inserting the needle. After the serum is injected, both you and the doctor wait silently for a moment to see what would happen. Things seemed okay for a moment, but then Shigaraki’s entire body started to convulse, setting off an alarm on the device monitoring his vitals.

“That’s not good,” You turn to the doctor who looked extremely concerned that things were going this poorly already.

“Get him on his side,” Dr. Garaki orders and you quickly jump into action. You put your hands under Shigaraki and roll him over as gently as possible, trying not to restrict his movement too much. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much you could do for him except wait for the episode to pass. Once the shaking stops, Shigaraki’s vitals go back to normal and you roll him back over so he’s lying flat again.

“That was a stronger reaction than we anticipated,” your eyes scan over Shigaraki’s unconscious form, suddenly wishing you had more of a medical background.

“I’d like to run a few brain scans to see if there’s anything noteworthy going on in his head that might have contributed to the seizure,” Garaki scratches at his mustache, still on edge from what happened. “Can you take a blood sample and check how the DNA merging process is going?”

“Sure,” you go to gather the supplies you need. When you get the blood sample under the microscope, you’re frustrated to see that most of the chromosomes aren’t attempting to fuse at all. The few that do move and bind together look more like that of a nomu than a person. You report the findings to the doctor right before Shigaraki’s body starts to have another violent reaction.

“At this rate, we’ll have to keep him under twenty-four hour surveillance,” The doctor had a light sheen of sweat on his forehead now. Things were not going well at all. “I still want to do those head scans though.”

“Yeah, okay,” You nod your head. “I’ll stay as long as I can.”

“I appreciate that,” Dr. Garaki says, even though you got the feeling he wouldn’t have let you leave anyway with Shigaraki in such an unstable state. Hopefully, you’d find a way to get the villain under control soon though since there was a limit on the amount of time you could keep the information from your quirk inside your mind. You had to play your role diligently though, even if it meant helping keep Shigaraki alive at the risk of losing every scrap of information you’d gathered for the Hero Commission.

It was well into the early hours of morning before Dr. Garaki finally allowed you to go home and rest. The sun had long past set and was already on the rise again as you rode the train back to your apartment. Shigaraki was still having random fits, but they seemed to be coming less often and with less intensity as before. The doctor would be able to manage without you for a little while. All you wanted to do when you finally got home was sleep, but everything you’d seen in the second lab would be gone just as soon as you closed your eyes for too long. You put on a pot of coffee, grabbed a notebook, and began to scribble down everything as fast as you could before the exhaustion inevitably took over.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy chapter three

Finally decided where im going with this been mulling it over for a few days toying with a few ideas. Trying to define Henry's character has been a bit difficult for me as i wasnt sure what angle i wanted to highlight more but from here out i think iv settled on Yandere/Daddy Dom/Care Giver so the relationship has taken a more ddlg turn its not going to dive in to ageplay (im not confident enough yet maybe one day) but the reader is slightly childish. I cant stress enough that as this is a yandere themed story its not going to be for everyone all my chapters will have appropriate warnings. If you have read it and think i have missed one out please let me know so i can apologize and correct it. Not much else to say other than i hope you like it

Warning:Adult themes, Dubcon,Controlling Behaviour, Swearing

Masterlist

You find out who it was who handed you over to Henry

Chapter one ,Chapter two Chapter four Chapter five

Trophy chapter three

Waking up the next morning was slow, absolutely exhausted you laid under the soft covers relaxing with your eyes closed ignorant to the world. Turning over trying to get comfy enough to fall asleep again.Frowning as your ears picked up an irritating tapping that moved back and forth. Groggily you identified it as a dog excitedly pacing on a wooden floor.Something that you hadn't heard since your childhood ,with out a thought -still not fully awake- you poked your hand out of the covers and over the side of the mattress to placate the animal,immediately being nudged into stroking a fluffy face and lathered with dog kisses.

"Amy ,stop, go lie down" Your eyes snapped open as the words left your mouth Amy -your German Shepherd from childhood- has been long gone and you haven't had a dog since. You snatched your hand back sitting up groaning as the pain in your ass forced you to flop face first back onto your side. There was a large snout in front of you, literally inches from your nose as the dog has rested its chin on the mattress in front of you letting out an impatient whine.You slowly inched back apprehensive of the large dog.

"H-hey there erm where did you come from boy? girl?" You spoke quietly the dog snorted in response then in one swoop jumped up onto the bed over you landing on the other side. Rolling on your back ignoring the ache in your ass more concerned with the very large canine beside you. Your not scared of dogs not in the slightest, but you didn't know this one.It laid down on the other side of the bed tail thumping away as it looked at you expectantly. Sitting up slowly you pulled yourself to the head board resting against it.Only now really recollecting yesterdays events and just where you were. The dog huffed again and slumping to lie on its side pawing at you.Pet me. The dog didn't seem aggressive actually the opposite, smiling lightly you began giving a belly rub.Male. You looked up as the bathroom door opened revealing a towel clad Henry fresh from the shower rubbing a smaller hand towel on his hair before letting the damp cloth drape around his neck. He smiled knowingly as your eyes trailed down from the towel at his neck drinking in his toned chest that had a complementarity dusting of dark curls across it.You sucked in a deep breath. It really wasn't fair, he knew very well how attractive he was, under different circemstances you might have flirted with him a little after drinking a few glasses of liquid courage. Not that you'd have thought you would have a chance. 

'To bad he's a nut job' you though wistfully. Just your luck that the only man to look your way was a fucking psychopath. You directed you attention to the fingers that were still absentmindedly scratching through the dogs thick fur. Henry approached the bed nodding his head at the dog.

"See you've met Kal" The dog twitched his ears at his name enjoying his belly rub to much to move.

"Kal. It suites him Akita right?" He grinned nodding as he sat on the edge of the bed patting the dogs barreled chest.

"Yep my boy, yours to now" You paused then pulled your hand off kal (to his disappointment) tucking them in your lap as it clicked who you were speaking to. Henry continued looking at you lovingly for a few seconds then his face fell sighing as he watched you pull back into yourself then looked towards the bathroom.

"Go get cleaned up, I have a visitor to take care of after breakfast shouldnt take long then we can spend the day together" He finished his sentence leaning in with a kiss on your cheek before lifting himself up to get ready for the day. You got up holding the bed momentarily to stabilize yourself before taking slow steps towards the bathroom wincing as you movements aggravated your sore backside.

"Theres some comfry cream on the sink bring that out when your finished" For some reason You could hear his grin swallowing Uneasy you nodded before shutting the Bathroom door behind you unsure why you heard him laugh through the heavy wood. Shuffling forward you relished in the warmth of the steam filled room. His bathroom was stylish and sleek, the type of room you'd expect in a five star hotel not that you'd ever stayed in one .Expensive looking black gold veined marble steps leading to a large sunken tub at the far end of the room, before that matching marble splash back on the 'his and hers' sink with a mirror hung above them. The large shower to your left was glass on one side it was big enough to fit four or five people comfortably and had a built in bench seat. The shelves either side of the mirror were fully stocked one side obviously had been pre-prepared for you with hair and make up products all in your preferred brands and colours.

'That cannot be a coincidence' you summarized as you pulled the foundation down inspecting the seal.Brand new as suspected.So he must have planned for your arrival. You shook the thoughts out of your head not wanting to think of how he knew so much about you. After using the loo and brushing your teeth with the new pink toothbrush that'd graciously been provided for you.The power shower was welcome easing your muscles your tension melted away under the powerful spray and also giving you time to think of where you went from here.

'Don't think he's gonna give me a chance to run anytime soon. Gotta find out why he's taken me .Its lot of trouble to go through for no reason, unless he's done it before. Maybe i could be nice to him, play along until his guard drops then scarper. Question was, what then?' If what they say is true it'd be useless going to the police you'd be back here in no time dread to think what he'd do to you then. If you left you'd have to leave town asap. Wouldn't be able to go home and pack a bag it'd be to obvious-or maybe soo obvious they wouldn't even look.' The door opened pulling you from your musings, it was only open enough for kal to slip in who dutifully sat by the shower door Henry didn't follow calling from behind it.

"Are you ok? you've been in here a while" You hadn't realized but he was right as you looked at your pruned fingers.

"Im fine" you heard a sigh of relief as you answered him 

"Good when you didn't answer my calls i was worried that you'd tried something very stupid" He paused contemplating his next words

"Time to get out now i think" You faltered at that stepping from under the spray towards the shower door. 

"But i haven't washed yet"

"Well who's fault is that little one? Besides the amount of time you've been in there the waters probably taken care of any dirt.Next time don't waste so much time." He scolded half hartedly

"Sorry i wasn't aware you were on a water meter" you snapped back at him in temper.

"Excuse me? would you like to try again?" His tone was so ominous you took a step back curseing silently.

"Sorry. I'll be right out"

"Sorry Who?" you didn't reply immediately

"...Sorry daddy" 

"Good don't let it happen again" Calling kal out of the room he shut the door.Defeated you hang your head deciding to try and pacify him at least until you could come up with a plan of action.Twisting off the water and exiting the shower wrapping a large bath sheet around your body uesing a smaller one to wring out your wet hair. Scurrying out of the bathroom finding him sitting up on the bed laptop in hand Kal was nowhere to be seen. Your captor was dressed in a caramel two piece suit with white shirt. He looked over the screen at you.

"Your clothes are here. Did you grab the cream?"

"I forgot, give me a sec." You quickly grabbed the small pot of cream handing it to him then preceded around the bed unfolding the clothes left out for you.

"Y/n come here" He said closing his laptop stopping sliding it off his lap peeking over at him you blinked holding up the sweater that was left out for you. 

"Cant i get dressed first?" A pleading look not trusting his expression or him in general really.

"Not until this has soaked in"

"What?" Nervously twiddling the soft knit fabric already dreading what ever he had in store for you now.Chuckling he waved the pot in the air.

"This is to ease your cute little bottom now come over here" Opening the pot and paced it within reach on the beside table. Fully expecting you to do as your told you covered your back side with one hand.

"M-my bottom is fine really i don't need it"

"Now you and i both know that if i turned you over my knee right now id find a sore red little bottom. Im going to take care of you now could you please come here."

"Please i can do it myself" Ignoring you he dipped his fingers into the thick balm smoothing it between his palms. You took a deep breath deciding that your best option was to grin and bear it. Dragging your feet until you stood in front of the amused man.

"Theres no need to sulk." Lifting you effortlessly to lie on the bed tugging the towel from around you he whistled low 

" Thats a well punished bottom if iv ever seen one" he anounced before running his lathered hands across it massaging in the pain reliefe thoughrly in smooth circles, you tensed under his hands, they felt cool in comparison to your heated flesh.

"Dosnt look like youll bruise which is good.Allmost done now"

You fhuffed letting him get on with it trying to imagine you were anywhere but here as his palms moved lower to graze over your thighs and back up again leaving behind a trail of tingles then he pulled away.

"Just lie there and let it work its magic ,you've been a very good girl." You hated feeling a twinge of pride at his praise quickly beating it down .He left you there for five mineuts or so then signaled to get dressed. Once down stairs you were greeted with an enthusiastic kal whilst being served a light breakfast of toast and juice. Not long after that you found yourself beside him watching the news on a sofa kal chilling out at your feet with an indestructible looking chew A large man clad in all black strolled in stating

"Got a visitor boss said he called last night?" Henry left instructing you to stay put. You strained your ears as you heard his foot steps stopping a few feet behind the door. Hearing a familiar voice from the other side. Getting up you tip toed across the room pressing your ear against it listening to the conversation.

"-Caught on cctv, thats evidence that could implicate me. What am i supposed to tell them? The others were already asking questions last night i told them it was a rota mistake not sure how long i can keep them quiet its out of character,  You said it would be subtle." It was henry who spoke next his voice was deep authoritative and menacing.

"Calm down I have it all taken care of, not my first rodeo.Trust me no one is going to go looking to deep, the paper trails already sorted out  application ,travel, accommodation the lot. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and we're squared up.As agreed"

"I dont know how i feel about it now? I think i made a mistake" The other male frantically replied.

" Your mistake was not keeping up your end I told you to keep an eye on him. I told you what would happen if you cocked it up.Now I have to be the bad guy. You think I wanted to do it this way? Besides its already done you cant go back on your word now. If your having second thoughts thats tough fucking luck I dont do refunds. Now get the fuck out of my house and you best keep that mouth shut cos I can make you dissapear just as easy as her. Lads show Mr Fletcher out" You gasped stepping back quickly mind racing as you sat back down where you were originally. You sat in shock as you realized who it was Henry had been talking to and why theyd sounded familiar. Kyle fletcher owner of the small cafe you worked in your boss of four years.Putting two and two together ,that chat was about you. You felt sick it was kyle who'd asked you close later than usual to deep clean the coffee machine and recount the float , causing you to close up in the dark which was where youd been taken. For some reason he knew what was going to happen he'd been in on it a overcome by a wave of anger you decided come hell or high water you were going to find out exactly what your exboss had done.

[sharks833]

Sad Face

Well, my relationship of over a year has come to a very sudden end. I am very saddened by this but to be honest it makes as much sense as the rest of the relationship. We meet here on Tumblr, we became partners for a writing/art event. I had been a reader for this event before and this year I wanted to be a writer. Iv passively been a part of the community around the event for a while now and wanted to try and become active in the community. I enjoy reading and have always wanted to try my hand at writing on the count that I have a very vivid imagination and would like to try and get some of my thoughts down. I thought doing so on Tumblr would be a good idea both because I could give back to a wonderful community and people would be more understanding of my dyslexia which I use editing software to try and correct but sometimes even they don’t understand what I’m trying to spell (which spell check never does). To be honest, I was also looking for a more intimate relationship, but never really expected anything to come from it. I was very fortunate to get a wonderful partner but was too shy to ask them if they were a girl until I accidentally called them him for my big post and quickly edited it (a point that I got a lot of much deserved teasing for once we started dating). We kept talking after the event though and slowly after talking to each other every day we became closer and closer until I asked them if they wanted to start dating. Originally they said no, to which I was surprised and disappointed but understood that they were wary of dating after past experiences which I was made aware of. I thought they deserved a wonderful boyfriend and always hated when people said that and yet were themselves unwilling to be that person, so I offered myself. It wasn't long after that however when they confessed their own love for me and would love to date with an understanding of the things they would be uncomfortable with given their past. I was happy to be able to just talk to them and was more than happy to make any concession that would make them happy. A year passes and it’s both one of the best and worst years of my life.

(This is the complaining paragraph and if anyone reads this feel free to skip)

I quit my awful part-time job and moved out of my apartment I share with a roommate to try and live with my aunt and cousin in DC to try and go to CU in DC or find a job that I don't hate. Unfortunately the week I get there covid hits DC and we have quarantine. After about two months it's very clear things aren't going to work out and I go back home. Sadly my mother passed suddenly a few years ago and my father didn’t waste time finding remarrying, selling our family home, and moving in with her across the state line. At this time my twin brother gets recalled from the peace corps and now we are both in this strange house with this woman that we barely know who retired the moment she married my father much to his dismay. Were both forced to very quickly get any job and I find myself in hell on a tugboat for two months. Living in that hell for two weeks at a time working six hours, sleeping six hours. Once off the boat I get two weeks off and get to try and hide in a room that’s not mine from the monster that is my fathers’ wife. All while studying for the GRE and joining my brother in an online class to learn all the math. After two months I quit that hell much to the horror of my father. I’m quickly forced, and I mean forced as much as one can without putting a weapon against my skin, to work five hours of labor at FedEx throwing boxes in the back of semi-trucks. After another month the monster has had enough and me and my twin are moved into an apartment we didn’t get to choose but still pay everything for. The apartment isn't so bad as I'm away from my father and his wife and me and my twin took the GRE and will now be attending grad school in August through housing and such still need to be acquired.

Through this time though I've had the wonderful experience of being in a loving relationship. Every day I talked to my love and she talked to me. We went on dates and skyped with each other and I honestly loved Them more than I have loved anyone before. I want to fill a page full of all the wonderful things that we did and how happy I truly was at the time but those moments were between us and I like to keep the details of my love life private. My very first relationship was a long-distance one and it was a wonderful six months before it quickly became one-sided. For the next two years that we were dating, I was miserable because I didn't understand that people with more experience in dating get bored of relationships. After that, I never wanted to be in a one-sided relationship again. Sadly that's exactly where I found myself the moment they came home from the end of the semester. I always knew they were close to their family, and didn't and don’t mind being second or third to family, but I wasn't even last on the list. We went from talking every moment of the day to, from waking up to falling asleep, to never at all. I for my part tried to text her and keep a lively conversation, but she was never interested. After a week I figured she needed some time for herself but it became clear after another week if I wasn't talking to her then I'd never hear from her again. I tried to talk to her about this, and every time she apologized and said she felt awful about not talking and she would in the next few days but she never did. I talked about my past relationship with her and how I didn't want to be in another one-sided relationship again, and just as I had made concessions for the sake of our relationship she would too. I didn't think a single hello sent to me in the span of a month would be a deal-breaker to our relationship but here we are.

We first met in September of 2019 and for almost two years I felt like, for the first time in my life, there was somebody that actually cared if I was around. Iv always had a problem with saying no to people and giving more the is proportionate and as a result, always felt used or taken advantage of. I struggle with knowing how much to contribute to any kind of relationship and it has hindered my ability to be in healthy relationships whatever form they take. For the first time in my life though I found someone who gave to me just as much as I gave to them. Unsurprisingly however they admitted to me that they suffer from that same problem and that they never focus on themselves. I don't have too many friends so I'm normally focusing on myself and it was nice to be there for someone else. However, they have a family and others to focus on and as a result, almost never get to focus on themselves. Now that they are home however they would like to focus on themselves and no longer want anything to do with me. I get that though I don’t know why you can’t focus on yourself and still send me a hello, I don't want them to talk to me because they feel pressured to. If they have decided they no longer want me in their life suddenly then all I can do is hope they are able to achieve their goal and move on. I will always love and respect them for the kindness they have shown me.

As a moral philosopher who has studied the nature of virtue, I truly believe this person to be so virtuous as to be one of the greatest people, I have ever met. An observation I came to make shortly after meeting them, and I am very grateful I had their compassion for even a short time. I thought if I could lead them down the path of some philosophical school they would be able to find the answer to the problems they had but I never knew how to do it and now it's too late. My only regret is that I couldn’t help them with the problems more. In the entirety of our relationship from the first meeting to the end we never even got into one argument. Technically we did have somewhat of a fight when she decided to tell me she could no longer be in a relationship with me and work on herself but she ended the relationship the moment she left her dorm, she just forgot to let me know. I am again deeply saddened by this but I always knew in the back of my mind she too would get bored of me and move on. It's been the thread through all my relationships dating back to that first one and I knew it would appear again, I just wish my head had told my heart. I know in every relationship you tell each other you want to spend the rest of your life with the other one but for some reason I really believed it this time, making this loss all the more crushing. I know they won’t read this as I suspect only two people ever will and that for the best, I doubt she is saddened by this whole affair but on the off chance she is I don't want them to feel bad. I have always wanted them to be happy from the start and even know that it's over. That's all I want, it's all I ever wanted truly. Plato says happiness is what happens when all three parts of the soul are doing their work well, each part representing a virtue. I’ve always been good at knowing what to do (desire) and I'm alright at knowing how to do it (reason), but I've always been horrible at doing it (courage). She led me to courage though, both for her and myself. And for those moments when the three came together through her and for her, I can truly say to have been happy. I don’t know if I ever inspired anything in her that led her to happiness but I hope she can find someone that does, and that I can come to know the courage she showed me I had myself.

[wolferals]

👄 whiskey lips*👄

arón piper imagine

*

„Hey y/n... shh wake up."

I was woken by someone shaking my shoulder.

It was Alvaro, I figured after opening my eyes and being hit by the sunlight right into em.

„Huh?" I asked tired and slowly sat up.

Thats when I realized I really had fallen asleep at the beach.

I slowly looked around and saw that the boys were gone.

„The guys are back at the house. You are burned."

He spoke in his cute accent.

I scanned my body and saw that, in fact, i was really red. Well I didnt use sunscreen because I just came down to the beach to bring Arón his phone which he had forgotten. Then we ended up splashing each other in the water and then I unfortunately fell asleep.

„Yeah. Uh thanks for waking me. Let's go."

I got up, grabbed my bag and walked next to Alvaro back up to the house Ally, their manager, had rented for us for a couple of days to get some rest from all the traveling lately.

„When did the guys leave?"

I asked Alvaro when we walked up the stairs.

„Like uhm... 10 minutes ago."

I nodded. „Okay."

Alvaro and I didnt really talk the rest of the walk. Not because we dont like each other, it was more because Alvaro was a rather shy guy and so was I. So no one ever started a conversation.

I do like Alvaro, but i feel like we just dont have too much in common.

When we arrived at the house I walked in first, directly to my room to immediately moisturize my skin from the already burned incident.

Then I took off my bikini and put on a comfy bra, a big shirt and some shorts before walking downstairs meeting the guys in the living room.

Arón, Itzan and Omar were shirtless, for whatever reason. I mean Miguel and Alvaro survived as well even tho they were wearing shirts.

„Hey sleeping beauty, uh damn u got burned."

Itzan said and put away his phone looking at me grinning.

„Didnt you use any sunscreen?"

Omar asked then and started laughing like crazy seeing my beetroot red face.

„Noo, because I never meant to fall asleep. Why didnt any of you wake me?"

-„Arón wanted to but we felt bad because you were sleeping like a baby."

Aw he wanted to wake me because Arón knew I would get burned, i told him before.

„Well..." was all I was able to say before Itzan pulled me down at my shorts making me sit next to him on the couch with me legs on his lap. „So girl, how you doin in general?"

Itzan grinned at me, then touching my cheek trying to feel up my sunburned skin.

„Im okay."

-„Can we watch a movie and order some food?"

I then suggested and looked at all the guys.

„Actually Omar cooked for us. But for a movie Im totally in. Lord of the Rings?"

Arón words made me smile. He remembered how much I loved Lord of the rings.

The rest of the guys apparently noticed mine and Arón's staring because they started making kissing noises and i heard stuff like „uhh guys hitting it off hard" of „Arón get her".

We all started laughing and Itzan grabbed my leg and said:"Yo Arón, she's my babe tho, u can have her but first u gotta pass me."

I hit him in the shoulder. Not for the „she's mine", for the „u can have her".

I've always seen Arón as an amazing guy. He's beautiful as hell, has the nicest personality ever, is caring and loving yet he hasnt had a good girlfriend at all.

Thats why he's mostly really awkward around me, he just doesnt know how to behave around a girl. Especially a girl that keeps staring at him, preserving his beauty.

„Alright let's watch a movie."

Miguel spoke and we set up the movie and Alvaro brought in the food spreading it within us.

*

About an hour into the first movie my head kept falling down and my eyes got really heavy. I felt bad because they were watching the movie because of me but i got so tired that I just got up and said:"I'm gonna go sleep. Nighty guys."

-„Ey! No kiss for papá?" Omar asked confused grabbing my arm.

„No way. You'll get a hug but thats it."

He seemed pissed but nodded. So I gave him a hug, said good night to the rest of the boys and headed upstairs.

The moment I opened the bathroom door I heard a „Wait"

from behind me.

„Arón." i smiled.

„Whats up?"

He came up to me and asked rather shyly:"Might I get a goodnight hug too?"

I smiled even wider from all his cuteness.

I took a step closer to him and pulled him in a nice warm hug. He put his arms around my waist and held me really close for a while, giving me the opportunity to inhale his sweet scent of the chocolate he had eaten before.

„Buenas noches y/n." he then whispered and smiled at me.

„Goodnight Arón." i giggled and entered the bathroom real quick.

I have never giggled from anything a guy has said.

What is he doing to me?

Without thinking about it, I got ready for bed. When I changed into my pants I noticed something in my back pocket.

It was a little note saying:"You looked pretty today."

Was that from Arón? But it seems more like something Miguel would say. I was wearing those pants sleeping at the beach, so everyone could've put it in my pocket tho...

I then walked to my room, snuggled into bed and watched some videos before putting my phone aside and turning off the lights.

I still heard the guys downstairs but I just ignored it and tried to sleep. Unfortunately I couldn't because they were talking really loud, so I slowly headed back downstairs.

„Hey uh guys?"

They all turned around to look at me.

„Could you please keep it down a little bit?"

They nodded and Alvaro said:"Of course y/n. Everything for you."

This led to even more noise coming from the guys.

All except Arón.

Where was he?

„Night."

I went back to my room and kept staring into the dark, still thinking about the note. I dont know the guys' handwritings so it really could've been everyone.

And still i was wondering where Arón had been.

Something that second made me get up to walk to his room.

I knocked at the door lightly and got a „yeah" response.

I slowly opened the door and saw Arón sitting on his bed with a lot of polaroids in front of him.

„Hey?" he spoke, which sounded a little bit like a question. „I didnt know you collected polaroids."

Before he could answer I sat next to him on the bed, looking at the photos.

„Yeah uh my mom got me a polaroid camera for my birthday and i kind of like to capture moments on instant film."

This simple fact made me go crazy. I've always been a big fan of polaroid cameras, i had 4 to be honest:D

„Thats amazing."

I looked into his eyes and saw the sincere agreement in his brown puppy eyes.

„Can I take a picture of you?"

He then asked rather shyly and smiled at me.

I laughed a little embarrassed because i really hate it when people take pictures of me.

„O-okay." I answered and smiled back.

-„Smile for me." Arón took a camera and held it in front of me.

„No wait."

-„yeah?"

I laughed again and said:"Lets take one together."

He hesitated for a second but then agreed and I sat right next to him.

„Alright, ready?"

I looked at him smiling and nodded before looking back at the camera.

-„I,2,3."

And the flash went off. Seconds later the instax wide film came out of the camera and I took it with my left hand.

„Dont shake it." Arón said.

I gave him a serious look and spoke:"I know. I have a polaroid myself."

He grinned, then took the picture out of my hand and we kept staring at it as it was developing.

When it was clear i started smiling. I was smiling into the camera while Arón stuck his tongue out looking at me.

It was honestly super cute.

„Here." He gave it back to me.

„You keep it."

I smiled ever wider but then said:"No its your film. You bought it, that shit is expensive."

Arón grinned again and then simply added:"No you keep the picture and in return we take some more with my phone, then i got some too."

Laughing I agreed. He took his phone and we started taking some selfies.

At first we really took it serious to take some pretty pictures but at some point we didnt care anymore and were just goofying around.

„I love this one." i laughed and scrolled through his phone.

I was having a lot of fun and I guess Arón did too because I have never seen this guy so happy. Laughing all the time and he literally got out of his comfort zone I could see that.

Usually he was really serious but right now he was relaxed and seemed to be happy.

Which made me happy since I knew about his past and all.

„Send them to me!" I laughed and looked at him as he was looking at the pictures himself. He was honestly so beautiful, jesus christ.

„Do u think the guys are still downstairs?"

He asked without looking up.

„Should we check?"

-„Yeah."

Arón and I then walked through the hallway. The guys made some noise so they were obviously still downstairs.

„Hey guys." I said and jumped onto the couch sitting next to Omar.

„I thought u wanted to sleep dude." He hit Arón in the leg as he sat down as well.

„Yeah but i couldnt. I met Y/n on the hallway when I went to the bathroom and we decided to join u guys again."

Wait what?

He really denied hanging out with me. Was he embarrassed?

„Nice. We actually wanted to hit this beach bar in 30. Do you guys want to come with us?"

Miguel spoke.

Im actually not a big fan of partying but right now i was bored as hell and since i love dancing, why not?

„Im in." i said.

All the boys looked at me in confusion because I usually never go out with me. They know how much I hate clubs and alcohol.

„Wow okay. Arónsky?"

Arón shook his head.

„Oh come on dude. Even y/n is going."

-„Nah I'm not in the mood to partying."

I looked at Arón and decided to work my female charme to make him go with us. „Aróny, please come with us. For me."

The guys started groaning again but Arón started laughing.

„Alright. But no one is going to make me drink anything tonight."

So we got up to get ready for the beach party event we saw a sign of.

„Back in the living room in 30 okay party people?"

Omar ordered and we all went into our rooms.

*

*

After 10 minutes of staring at my closet I decided to wear a boho dress Ive bought recently. Since it was very hot out still I only needed the dress and some shoes.

I then applied some make up, not too much though, and put my hair into a half up bun.

Then I went downstairs where I met Itzan looking just fine as always. I gasped because he looked so good. The loose shirt made him look even broader.

„Damn girl u look hot."

He grinned and put some dished into the sink.

„I could say the same about you Itzan."

He laughed a little and then came up to me.

„I like it, a lot actually."

He scanned my body, making me slightly uncomfortable.

„Thanks." i whispered and looked to the ground.

„Nah come on, look at me."

He lifted my chin with his thumb. When my eyes met his soft brown ones he smiled and mumbled:"You'll dance with me tonight, im telling you."

I laughed a little, of course I would dance with this guy. He's a god on the dance floor and I could learn a lot from him.

„Oyy guys." I immediately stepped back and turned around.

„Oh y/n lookin good!" Omar cheered and came down to us.

„Thanks." I smiled and then sat onto the couch with my phone in my hands.

„Alright I'm done." I heard Arón's voice coming from the stairs.

Fuck he looked good. Itzan looked hot, yeah, but Arón's outfit gave me chills everywhere.

„Wow." i whispered and looked at him.

Apparently I said it louder than i thought because Omar started making kissing noises again and Arón looked down slightly embarrassed.

Fuck...

„Chicos y Chica, estamos aquí."

Alvaro and Miguel ran downstairs looking good as well.

„Alright lets hit the party."

Itzan grabbed my hand and pulled me with him, outside the house.

„Jeez Itz. Chill. Im coming."

He laughed with his funny dirty laugh and started running down the stairs to the beach with me on his arm.

„Guys hurry up!" he yelled back to the guys who were just laughing at his eager running.

*

When we all had arrived at the bar we already heard some good latin music playing and people dancing.

„See u later guys, y/n follow me."

-„Wait what?"

Before I understood what was going on, Itzan had pulled me with him to the bar.

„Have a drink and then we'll dance." I laughed and nodded. „Alright, but only one. I hate being drunk."

Itzan knew that I hated it so he understood and ordered me a Sex on the beach. (Classic him:D)

For himself he got a Bacardi-Cola and some shot I didnt even know.

„And go." We chugged our drinks really fast and once the glasses were empty, he pulled me (again) to the dance floor. He started moving his hips right away and I was feeling a little uncomfortable but after a while I got more and more fluent in my motions and at some point Itzan and I were grinding against each other (in a non-sexual way tho) and I was having a lot of fun.

Itzan was such an amazing dancer and guy but still i had feelings for Arón and i definitely wanted to dance with him after that. Itzan spun me around so his stomach was touching my back. I could feel his abs just right and his breath against my neck.

„Me gusta como tu mueves tus caderas baby." he whispered in my ear giving me chills.

I didnt understand what he said since I dont speak Spanish yet he turned me on somehow.

But no! I like Arón, not Itzan.

„Do you want to get out of here hun?"

I immediately turned around and looked at Itzan who was biting his lower lip.

„Itz I'm sorry... But i honestly like Arón a lot and uh I dont want to hurt you, you're amazing at dancing but dont hate me for saying that."

He smiled and answered against the loud music:"I knew you liked him. Even though you're beautiful as hell and I'd love to have u as well. But im fine, you go girl. Get your man." Once I turned around I saw Arón dancing with a girl.

And it was not just dancing, they were basically all over each other. He met my eyes, looked at me for a second and then didnt even hesitate and grabbed her face to kiss her.

My mouth fell open and I stared at them kissing for a while before something in my brain reacted without thinking.

I turned back to Itzan and pressed my lips onto his. He kissed back immediately and i put both of my hands on his half exposed chest.

Then I turned us over so I could watch Arón in the corner of my eye. He did the same. We were kissing other people but staring into each others souls like we're crazy.

But he started it. And i wouldnt be ready to make him win. I pulled away from Itzan, bit my lower lip and said:“Lets go."

He grinned, grabbed my hand again and we left the party. I turned around, meeting Arón's look once again. He looked confused.

Well i wasnt planning on sleeping with Itzan, i just wanted Arón to believe i would.

We walked away from the beach party until I spoke:"Can we please just go somewhere else? I need to get away for a little." He looked at you in confusion but then seemed to read your face and nodded. „Claro." You two then made your way back to the house where your plan was to turn on some music and have your own party.

The second you had entered your bedroom to get changed, you heard the front door open and a girls laugh downstairs. Immediately you walked out the room again and looked down to see Arón kissing that same girl from the party. No, no, no! You swallowed and thought about it for a while but then decided to destroy this. You knew he was playing. Quickly you made your way downstairs and coughed to make them both look at you. „Hey." you spoke with a fake pissed tone. „Baby who the fuck is she?"

Arón looked at you confused. „Baby?" the girl asked and looked between the two of you.

„Your girlfriend?"

You then walked towards her and spoke:"Yes, bitch get the hell outta here."

Before saying anything else she left the house, looking very pissed.

„What the fuck y/n?" Arón walked up to you and grabbed your arm. For a bit you just looked at him and then did something you couldnt believe alcohol had made you do. You grabbed him by the neck and kissed him. Just like this. He kissed back but seemed to hesitate a bit.

The kiss didnt last too long because he pulled away eventually.

„You bitch." he spoke and it shocked you. His face was straight and he stepped back. But he then started to grin and you calmed down again. He didnt actually mean it.

„You did this shit with Itzan to make me jealous hm?" He came closer to you, making you step backwards. „Hm?" he asked again

You swallowed. He was so fucking hot.

„Maybe."

He grinned and pushed you further backwards until your back hit the kitchen counter.

„Speechless much hm y/n?"

His cockiness turned you on.

You just shook your head. „No."

Before you knew, his whiskey lips were back on yours, making you close your eyes.

He basically owned you that moment. And it was all you wanted.

After pulling away he grabbed your hand and wanted to pull you out the house. „What are you-?"

He laughed and leaned down to whisper in your ear:"We're going back to the beach but this time you'll be grindin that ass on me alright?"

[megalony]

A big family- Part 10

Here is the next part of my dad! Ben Hardy series which I hope you are all enjoying. Thank you for all the lovely feedback it means a lot.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms

Series taglist: @writeroutoftime @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @hardzzellos

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have three daughters together with their youngest not even being one year old yet. But their family is about to get bigger when they find out they’re pregnant again.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Happy birthday."

Ben's eyes briefly locked with (Y/n)'s half-lidded ones before he tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. Trying to tip the tears to the back of his head so he didn't have to shed anymore but they simply fell down his features despite his best efforts.

He had been sat with (Y/n) for most of the early morning and into the afternoon and when she finally woke up, those were the words she spoke. She didn't ask what had happened or say something hurt or say she was scared or worried or confused. She simply wished Ben a happy birthday, clearly hoping she hadn't been asleep the whole day and that it was still his birthday. She wasn't to know the kind of thoughts that had rattled through Ben's head about his birthday.

(Y/n) didn't know that over the past twelve hours, Ben had suddenly despised his birthday this year. He was angered at himself for going out when his instincts had told him to stay home and make sure (Y/n) was okay. If he'd of stayed home he could have noticed something was wrong earlier, he could have gotten her to the hospital earlier rather than her waiting around for him to get home. He could have spared them both the trauma of the past day.

Today wasn't a day that Ben wanted to remember or celebrate in the future. He didn't want to remember the feeling and the dreaded horror of coming so close to losing two of his girls. He didn't want to look back on his birthday and remember sitting in the hospital watching both his wife and his youngest daughter motionless with no heartbeat. Ben didn't want to look back on today in a year's time and remember watching over his youngest girl with a desperation to hold her in his arms and make her better.

He didn't want to look back at today and remember sitting beside (Y/n) for the day, praying that she would wake up soon and tell him that she was okay.

He had been sat here like a ghostly presence in the room, watching the doctors and nurses give (Y/n) IV fluids, blood transfusions and oxygen, all waiting for her to pick up and get better.

"Please, don't leave me again." Ben mumbled the words quietly as he felt his voice breaking. His heart wouldn't be able to take that kind of trauma again if something else happened, he couldn't suffer through the thought of losing any of his family. Last night was going to be imprinted on his mind for the rest of his life, Ben didn't need any other events like that scarring into his mind to haunt him in his dreams.

Reaching over, Ben ever so gently weaved his arms around (Y/n)'s frame when she held her arms out towards him.

(Y/n) felt her breaths hitching in her throat when her arms hooked around Ben's neck, pulling him as close as she could get with the minimal energy that she had. She felt as if she had bee sucked into the deepest state of dreaming that was even possible, as if she had fallen into a void during the operation this morning and had only just managed to crawl back out again. She felt the tiniest bit relieved now that she had Ben in her arms and there was no pain coursing through her whatsoever.

She felt Ben's arms holding her as if he thought she was a fractured ornament made of glass which only needed the slightest bit of pressure to make it fragment and crack. He didn't want to hold her any tighter in case he hurt her but his heart was yearning to drag her against him as tight as he could to prove to himself that she was awake and okay.

(Y/n) pulled Ben as close as she could manage as she tightened her arms around his neck, hoping he would get the silent message she was conveying. There was some form of pain relief swarming through her veins and attacking her nerves so they wouldn't feel any pain, Ben holding her a little tighter wasn't going to hurt her. She needed his arms as tight as they could be around her to prove to herself that she was alright. It felt like she was falling and she needed Ben's arms around her as tight as possible to stop her from falling.

Tears formed in (Y/n)'s eyes when she felt Ben shaking against her as he tucked his head into the crook of her neck, tensing and tightening his arms around her.

"I'm okay."

It was meant to be the other way around, Ben was meant to be the one comforting (Y/n) and reassuring her. She was the one whose heart had stopped on the operating table, she was the one who was ill and recovering from mass bleeding, a fever and an operation. Yet here she was, holding all of Ben's broken pieces together just like she always did. It was as if she was perfectly fine and it made Ben feel horrid for her having simply just woken up to console him like this.

But in that moment, he couldn't care less. He needed her love and her embrace and he needed it now before he shattered.

"Ben..." (Y/n) trailed off as her eyes landed on something across the room on her right that made her heart jump from her chest to her throat. Slowly pulling back from the embrace, Ben followed her line of sight before a small smile pulled at his lips. He ran his tongue over his lips, collecting the saltwater gathering there before he attempted to speak.

"They said she could stay in here with us... she's been waiting for you."

Ben's eyes landed fondly on the incubator opposite him resting not too far from the bed. The doctor had kindly agreed that their newborn could be in (Y/n)'s room since they both needed monitoring anyway and it also stopped Ben from drifting between the antenatal unit and (Y/n)'s room.

"Is she okay, have you held her yet?" (Y/n) couldn't seem to drag her eyes away from their baby to look at Ben as she talked to him. She couldn't see her features clearly from the angle she was sitting at, but she could clearly see that their newest girl was very small. There were tubes and wires connecting to her from all angles which was a sight (Y/n) had never seen before.

With all three of their other girls, none of them had needed an incubator or so many monitors. All of them had been perfectly fine and healthy, having a baby that was this early and clearly unwell wasn't something they knew how to deal with.

"I got to hold her about an hour ago, they gave her steroids for her lungs earlier, but she's breathing well." Ben had been almost clawing at the glass of the incubator, desperate to hold her but he couldn't whilst they had been waiting for her heartbeat to stabilise. They also had to make him wait because of the steroids and make sure she wasn't having a bad reaction to them before they said it was okay.

Ben knew (Y/n) wouldn't mind that he held her when she was asleep, (Y/n) had always told him with their other girls that he should hold them when he wasn't with her. He always had a suspicion that she didn't like the thought of leaving them on their own and he liked to hold them as soon as he could.

The doctors had been surprised that she seemed to be breathing on her own considering her lungs were underdeveloped. They had placed a tube through her nose to help her get the oxygen she needed but her lungs were working considerably well right now.

"Can I...?" (Y/n) finally managed to drag her attention back to Ben, seeing the sparkle in his eyes as he nodded.

He cradled the side of her face as he pressed a loving kiss to her lips before he got to his feet. His hands started to shake as he moved over to the incubator, trying to remember how the nurse had done this before as he concentrated on not catching or pulling on any of the wires. The one thing Ben liked about all their other girls being born either on time or past their due date was that they weren't underweight. He could hold them and actually feel their weight in his arms, but with this girl, it was like he was holding a stuffed toy.

She barely fit in both his hands and when he had held her in the crook of his elbow earlier, she almost disappeared. Compared to how Ben remembered Taylor feeling in his arms, their youngest seemed to weigh nothing. Ben clearly remembered the first time he held Taylor in his arms and he remembered she had been heavy.

(Y/n) could feel an itching spreading through her hands and up her arms when she saw their youngest girl in Ben's arms. It was always a different feeling when they held their girls for the first time and she wondered how this time was going to feel. There had been part of (Y/n) that had fretted that this wouldn't be a reality. She had worried that they wouldn't get to hold their newest girl. When things seemed to take a bad turn, (Y/n) thought that they were going to lose one of their girls for the first time.

Tears started to pour from (Y/n)'s eyes the moment Ben gently settled their girl down onto her chest. There was a small plaster over her nose to keep the breathing tube in place but (Y/n) could see that she had small but very dark, rosy lips like Ben's. She had a small button nose that curved up at the end like a cursive flick at the end of a letter and (Y/n) could see she had very warm, chocolate eyes.

"She's so small." (Y/n) whispered as she pressed her chin to her chest so she could get a better look at her. "You'll need some extra loving... and a name." (Y/n) spoke gently before she turned her head so she could lean her cheek against the top of the newborn's head. It made her heart swell with both love and relief to have her baby resting in her arms like this. To know that she was here and she was relatively alright meant the world to both of them.

"I had a thought about a name." Ben mused as he reached over and rubbed his finger gently over the newborn's rosy cheek. Smiling when she seemed to nudge and lean into his touch.

(Y/n) locked her eyes on his own, silently urging him to continue with what he was saying. They had come up with a few names over the past few months but nothing seemed to stick or sound right. (Y/n) really liked a few names but Ben didn't or he just didn't think they sounded right. They had to have something that worked, Taylor, Charlie and Goldie were all different yet fitting and they sounded fine with the last name too.

"What about Luella?"

(Y/n) let her eyes fall back down to the newborn on her chest as she mulled over the name, wondering if she could see herself calling their youngest that. She had to admit that it was a nice name, and it was definitely unique, they didn't know anyone with that name or with children by that name. They could call her Lulu or Ella for short since they had nicknames for all their other girls.

"Luella Jones... I think it's perfect."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is she okay?" Taylor leaned her head to the side as she inched forward just a smidge to try and get a better look at her youngest sister. She swallowed harshly as her eyes flitted up to look at Ben for some kind of reassurance.

The eldest didn't remember what Charlie looked like when she was born but she remembered seeing Goldie in the hospital and she didn't look... like Luella. Goldie didn't look deathly pale to the point she was practically grey, she didn't have tubes and wires poking out of every crevice and she didn't make a scratchy sound when she breathed. Luella looked very small and in Taylor's opinion, sickly, she knew Ben said the youngest girl was a bit earlier than planned but Taylor didn't think that was a cause for concern.

"She's not been very well Tay, but she's gonna be fine." Ben rested his hand on Taylor's back for reassurance as he nudged her to stand closer to (Y/n) who had Luella in her arms. They had thought it best that they let the girls come today rather than yesterday to give (Y/n) a bit of time to recover and feel better so the girls wouldn't worry or get upset by seeing her ill.

"Do you want to hold her?" (Y/n) questioned, a smile pulling at her lips to show Taylor that it was okay. They were having to be very careful and gentle when holding Luella but Taylor would be able to hold her if she wanted to.

But Taylor shook her head, skimming her fingers over her new sister's temple before she stood back beside Ben, leaning into his leg for some kind of protection.

"Me!" Charlie suddenly announced, bouncing on her feet as she reached her arms out for the bed to try and pull herself up. Giggling when she felt Ben picking her up so she could sit on the bed but when she scrambled to try and reach out for her little sister, Ben scooped her up and pulled her back. Settling her down on his lap instead because he knew no matter how gentle Charlie tried to be, she wouldn't be as careful as they needed her to be with Luella.

"Oh no, baby. I don't think you're big enough to hold her yet." Ben pressed his lips to the top of her head as he swayed them side to side, relieved when Charlie didn't whine in protest as she seemed to understand.

Ben's eyes followed Taylor as she walked around the other side of the bed so she could sit next to (Y/n), leaning her head on her mother's shoulder so she could look at her newest sister. She didn't look well, but after studying her for a few moments, Taylor had to admit she had rather pretty features, even if they were covered by a bit of tape and stickers.

"She's here for my birthday." Charlie suddenly stated, remembering that Ben had told her before that Luella wouldn't be here for her birthday but now this meant that she would be.

"Hmm, she made it for daddy's birthday too." (Y/n) responded with a smile that soon faded when she saw the confusion on Charlie's features and the frown that soon became plastered on Taylor's face. Charlie prided herself on the fact that her birthday was closer to Ben's than both Goldie's and Taylor's were even though they were all relatively close together. (Y/n) realised this wasn't going to go down well with them both.

"She was born yesterday?" Taylor questioned as Ben tried to smile as he nodded in response. "That's not fair." She pouted as she folded her arms over her chest. That was some luck for her to share the exact same birthday as Ben when she wasn't even meant to be born this month.

"My birthday surprise." Ben muttered as he smiled at the newborn who was wriggling in (Y/n)'s arms. He had gotten more than one surprise yesterday that he could have done without but even though he would have preferred Luella being born later on, it was nice that he got to share his birthday with his youngest girl.

"No, daddy no!" Charlie cried as tears began to well in her eyes. She wanted to be the one to have the same birthday as Ben, not anyone else.

Ben couldn't help but roll his eyes as he spun Charlie around in his arms so she was facing him. He picked her up so she was standing in his thighs so he could cuddle her against his chest, surprised by the force she used when she wrapped her arms around his neck as she started to sniff to try and stop herself from crying.

"Hey, come on, it doesn't matter that much baby. It's not a reason to cry." Ben hushed as he pressed his lips to her temple. Ben didn't feel like his birthday was really a day he wanted to celebrate from now on with the ordeals it had caused this year. It wasn't a very special day for him anyway, but now he shared that day with one of his girls.

And all of his girls were okay.

[freddiesaysalright]

Catching Up Part VI

A Joe Mazzello x Reader Story

Summary: Reader is a writer for an entertainment news network and after Joe comes in to do an interview, they reconnect. Unexpectedly, they’re having a child together.

Word Count: 3K

Tag List: @crazylittlethingcalledobsession  @jennyggggrrr, @somethinginthewayiam, @grandaddy-roger-trash, @rogerloveshiscar, @hopefully-aesthetically-pleasing, @danamaleksworld, @mrsmazzello, @reedusteinrambles, @rexorangecouny If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: SMUT in this chapter! I just give the people what they want ;)

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V

Part VI here we go!!!

You rested your head on Joe’s chest in the afterglow, more content than you had been in months. He dragged his fingers up and down your arm and it felt so nice you were sure you’d fall asleep in minutes. Only, Joe was wide awake and still excited about the baby.

“When’s the due date?” he asked.

“February 20th,” you said.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m cancelling everything. I’m gonna be here for you.”

You stirred, turning to look up at him. “Joe, you don’t have to do that. I don’t want to keep you from your job.”

“It’s not as important as you are,” he insisted.

You kissed his lips gratefully. “That’s very sweet. But the movie comes out in the US in November. After that is when I’ll need you most anyway.”

“Speaking of the premiere,” he said. “I want you to come with me.”

You sat up and moved away from him. “You know I can’t do that.”

He sat up too, taking your hand. “You can. I know you can.”

You shook your head. “No, Joey. The cameras.”

“We can work up to it,” he said. “You’re totally fine with face time now.”

“That’s different, I have control,” you reminded him. “And it’s not going out to the public.”

“Baby, I don’t want to be insensitive, but don’t you think it’s something you need to work through?” he asked. “I mean, after the baby comes, won’t you want family photos and all of that? Or do you expect to just have pictures of me and the baby?”

“I…” you trailed off. You hadn’t really considered that. “That’s also different. Those won’t be posted anywhere either.”

He sighed. “Do you want to get past your anxiety about cameras?”

“Of course I do, but putting pictures of me out there when people could match them to the ones Nick posted is terrifying,” you said.

“I just hate that you can’t live your life because of this,” he said, frustrated. “I wanna brag on my beautiful girl. I wanna show you off at that premiere with your baby bump.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “You do?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I love you and I wanna scream it from the top of a mountain. I can’t do that, so the next best thing is social media.”

“Even if we did work on it,” you said through a chuckle. “I can’t go to the premiere. It’s in Los Angeles. I won’t be able to fly.”

“Road trip,” he said simply.

You lay back down and rested against him, considering the work you would need to put into this. But when you thought about what would come of it - being able to attend events with Joe, getting family photos, etc - it seemed like it made sense. You looked at Joe’s face. It was clearly important to him that you attend. He had done so much for you, and was willing to support you to get you where you needed to be. He was worth facing your fear.

“Okay,” you said. “Let’s work on it.”

“Really?!” he gasped. “Y/N, thank you so much!”

He rolled on top of you and kissed you. Again, you already felt heat pooling in your stomach at his touch. You whimpered and shifted your hips up. He noticed.

“Damn, baby, it’s like that?” he teased.

“Don’t tease me, Joe,” you sighed.

His lips found your neck and he swiped his tongue across a sweet spot by your ear. Your hips jumped at the feeling, needing friction desperately.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed. “I’ve hardly even touched you.”

You whined. “Joe, I need you.”

He continued kissing your neck and his hand found your breast. He squeezed it and you moaned, arching your back into him. He trailed kisses from your neck to your collarbone, and across your sternum to the neglected breast. He took your hard nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it and you saw stars.

“Fuck!” you cried. “Joe!”

“I love how sensitive you are, Y/N,” he murmured into your skin. “So hot and needy with my baby inside you.”

You hummed as he continued. You tried to grind on his thigh, just for something at your core, but he used his free hand to hold you down.

“Relax, baby,” he said. “I’m going to take care of you.”

He placed a hand on each breast now and his mouth went to your neck again. Your head fell back as his name escaped from your lips once more. He pinned your hips down with his own, and you could feel how hard he was getting. Soft sighs and gasps dropped from your mouth as he continued, and the spring inside you coiled tighter and tighter. You were on the edge just from him being on top of you. You pushed your heels into the mattress and gripped his arms tight, whining loud.

“Holy shit, are you gonna cum just from this?” he wondered.

You nodded, and once again, your hips jerked involuntarily. Your clit brushed his tip and with a strangled moan you finished, clenching around nothing, but trembling just the same.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “That’s so fucking sexy.”

You panted beneath him and he admired you for a moment. You skin was flushed and you looked absolutely fucked out already with your hair splayed around your head.

“Please, Joey,” you begged.

His hand snaked down your body, his finger brushing your throbbing clit. You bucked again as he started light circles around it.

“Please what, baby?” he asked.

“Fuck me!” you gasped as he added pressure with his finger before sliding it up and down your slit.

He removed his hand and you whined, but he quickly slid inside you. He released a deep breath as he bottomed out. You groaned and clung to him, chanting his name as he started pumping in and out of you. His pace was even and steady, and you were already nearing the edge again. He felt perfect inside you, especially without a condom. Just entirely him. His tip grazed your g-spot and your back arched.

“Right there!” you cried.

He grabbed your legs and put them over his shoulders to get a better angle and hit that spot with every thrust. He quickened his pace, snapping into you with soft grunts. His thumb returned to your clit and you thought you would explode.

“So good, baby,” you told him. “Feels so good. Gonna -”

You got cut off when you practically sobbed at his motion. You were writhing beneath him, lost completely in Joe. Your hands wandered over his body, raking over his chest and back. You just needed to feel his skin.

Another step up in pace and you were blinded by another orgasm. You pulsed around Joe as he rode you through it. Yours triggered his own and he spilled into you, thrusts slower and sloppier. You breathed heavily. Joe waited for you to stop shaking before he pulled out.

“I think you got another one in you, baby,” he whispered into you ear.

You shivered as he kissed from your mouth, down your chest and stomach, stopping at your aching heat. He pressed his tongue flat against your folds, and you jerked again, more sensitive than ever. He wrapped his arms around your thighs to keep them apart and still. He latched his lips onto your twitching clit and you cried his name, your hand jumping to his hair.

“Shit!” you hissed. “Joe!”

He lapped at you gently before plunging his tongue inside you. You squirmed and thrashed. You’d never been overstimulated like this before. It was almost painful, but it hurt so good. Your eyes slammed shut. The tension built again and you knew you weren’t going to last long like this. You were already clenching again as you approached your breaking point on Joe’s tongue.

A third orgasm rippled through you and you screamed. Tears leaked from your eyes and slid down your cheeks as Joe came up to join you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, wiping the tears away. “I hope it wasn’t too much.”

“It was incredible,” you said shakily.

He smiled. You lay there, panting together for a few moments.

“Joey,” you said. “Hold me, please.”

“You got it,” he said, and gathered you up in his arms.

You relaxed in his arms until your breathing evened out. You felt so good, you fell asleep there. Joe looked on you fondly as you slumbered with him. He imagined you in his arms a few months from now, swollen belly and all. Then a few years from now, with a child between you. He pictured how you would be as a family. Maybe you could have a few more as well. He watched you until his own eyelids grew heavy, picturing his life with you by his side for the rest of it. It was a lovely thing to fall asleep to.

When you woke up the next day, you heard Joe out in the living room, talking. The silent gaps between his phrases made you guess he was on the phone. You listened carefully, trying to make out who he was talking to, but you couldn’t. With a stretch, you got up. You were actually a little sore between your legs from the night before. You made a mental note to avoid letting Joe notice this in case he got a big head.

You padded out and saw that he was facetiming with someone, and he had headphones in. He glanced over when you opened the door and he beamed at you. His face was like a ray of sunshine and you waved at him. He beckoned you over, taking the headphones out of his ears and unplugging them from his phone. He was on with Rami. You sat beside him and leaned in to the shot. Rami was grinning.

“I just heard the big news,” he said sweetly. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you, Rami,” you replied, nuzzling in to Joe’s shoulder. “But you can’t tell anyone else. We can’t make a formal announcement for another three weeks.”

“Not even Lucy?” he asked.

“Not even Lucy,” you said.

“That’s gonna be tough,” he said. “But I think I can do it.”

“Thank you,” you said.

“So, boy or girl?” he wondered.

You rolled your eyes. “Men really have no idea how this works, do they?”

“We’re just excited, baby!” Joe said, laughing. He turned to Rami. “We won’t know until twenty weeks.”

“That’s so long!” Rami complained.

“That’s what I said!” Joe agreed.

You sighed and got to your feet to go make breakfast. You made some coffee for Joe, but you were having caffeine free herbal tea now instead. When Joe hung up with Rami, he came over to help you.

“What are you making?” he asked.

“French toast,” you replied, cracking an egg into a bowl.

He went to the cupboard and retrieved a few things you’d need like cinnamon and powdered sugar while you heated up a skillet.

“So, I’ve been thinking about names,” he said.

“Oh, have you?”

He nodded. “If it is a boy, can we name him Joseph Francis Mazzello IV?”

You looked at him. You reached for his hand and brought it to your lips. His vulnerability was palpable in this moment. He told you about his father passing away, and you knew how much the name meant to him.

“It would be an honor for our son to have that name,” you said sincerely.

Tears shone in his eyes for a moment. He blinked them away.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Did you have something in mind for a girl?” you wondered.

“I’m not really sure,” he said. “I like a lot of girl names. Have you thought of any?”

“I haven’t,” you said. “I was so worried about telling you and everything this meant, I’ve barely even been excited about it.”

He frowned. “You weren’t excited?”

“Don’t be offended,” you returned. “Please understand. I was terrified. You were gone. And I had a huge decision to make. Now that you’re here with me, and you’re excited, so I’m excited too.”

He dipped the bread in the mixture and placed it in the skillet. He opened a drawer and got the tongs, clacking them together. You raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Gotta make sure they work,” he said.

You giggled. “Alright then.”

“I’m glad you’re excited now, Y/N,” he continued. “I want this to be a happy time.”

“It will be,” you assured him. “This is us we’re talking about. Now flip that toast before you burn it.”

He chuckled and obeyed.

He had a photo shoot that day, so while he was gone, you started cleaning your apartment. Christy was at her boyfriend’s place, since she knew Joe was coming over. It was a good thing too, since Joe had wrecked you more than once last night. You smiled to yourself as you remembered it. You decided to leave him a voicemail and annoyingly - but lovingly - tell him how much you missed him. His phone rang for what felt like ages before the voicemail message ran and you could begin.

“Hey, baby!” you said brightly. “I just wanted to call you and say I love you and I miss you and that was some sweet lovin’ you gave me last night!” You giggled. “Anyway I -”

You were cut off by the knock at the door. Unthinking, you set the phone down and went to answer it. The man behind it took your breath away. It was Nick, your ex who had sold your photos. He stood there, looking guilty but otherwise much the same.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said. “Can I come in?”

“No,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him. “You can fuck off.”

You went to slam the door in his face, but he blocked it with his hand.

“Please,” he said. “I’m clean. That’s sort of why I’m here.”

You looked him up and down. “I don’t believe you.”

“W-why?”

“Because addicts are liars,” you spat.

“Y/N, please!” he cried. “I’m trying to make amends.”

“I’m not gonna forgive you,” you said. “I don’t care if you’re sorry.”

“Come on, can’t we talk about this?” he asked. “It’s part of my recovery.”

“Your recovery is not my problem.”

“Please,” he repeated. “I won’t even be here ten minutes. And you don’t have to say anything. But you’re the person I wronged the most and I need to tell you how sorry I am.”

You only glowered at him.

“If you let me do this, I promise I’ll go away and never bother you again.”

“Fine,” you said icily. “But keep your hands where I can see them.”

He held his hands out near his waist, palms open and facing you. He stepped over the threshold. You walked into the kitchen and sat at a barstool.

“Stand on the other side of the counter,” you demanded. “Away from me. Put your hands on the counter.”

He did as you told him. Afterward, he looked at you.

“How’ve you been, Y/N?” he asked.

“Nope, we’re not doing that,” you returned. “Say what you need to say and get out.”

He looked down. When he looked back at you there was something new in his eyes. A look you had never seen before.

“Who’s Joe?” he asked, picking up your phone. You’d forgotten to hang up, so all of this was going into Joe’s voicemail. “He’s got a heart next to his name.”

“He’s my boyfriend,” you explained, nerves taking over. “Give me my phone, Nick. I said you can’t touch anything.”

He didn’t obey you now. Instead, he brought your phone closer to his lips.

“So, Joe,” he said, his tone dark and challenging. “You’re fucking my girl, are you?” He raised his voice to a shout. “KEEPING HER WARM FOR ME, HUH?”

The blood drained from your face as fear washed over you. Nick had never behaved this way. Jealousy and aggression was something you’d never experienced with him, and it was frightening to watch. He shouted more, incoherent things at Joe into the phone before gripping it in his hand tightly. You knew he was going to throw it, and he did. You ducked and screamed as it smashed into the wall, the glass shattering and the paint chipping off in large chunks.

You stood again and stared at Nick, wide-eyed. His sleeve was up from hurling the phone and you saw them - track marks across his skin.

“Why did you come here?!” you yelled. “I knew you were fucking lying!”

“I fucking love you!” he shouted. “I thought you might still love me! We had something special!”

“Get out of my house!” you screamed. “Get the FUCK out of my house!”

“Baby, please!” he cried, tears coming to his eyes. “I need help!”

This tactic you were familiar with.

“I have no help to give you,” you told him. “I will not give you money. I will not give you food. You will get nothing from me.”

“I just need love!” he insisted.

“I have no love for you!” you shouted again. “Get out and stay the hell away from me!”

His breathing picked up again, his chest heaving. He came around the counter and you backed away, giving yourself room to escape him if you needed to. He reached for you, trying to grab your arm, but you ducked away. You couldn’t wait for him to try it again, so you darted into your bedroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. You grabbed the sonogram off your nightstand just as you heard him bang his fist against the bedroom door. He was screaming at you now, but you ignored him. You slipped into your bathroom, closing it and locking it as well. You slumped against the door, sliding slowly to the ground. You could still hear Nick, but his voice was dulled by the doors between you so you couldn’t make out his words. Burying your face in your hands, you waited for help to come to you.

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 5

Guys I'm so sorryyyy!😭I HAD MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK😭 It was actually so bad! And then the fact that Tumblr deleted my whole draft and I had to start it over again🙄 Big surprise towards the end btw😂Anyway here's part 5 y'all...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Disclaimer: My sucky writing, Incest, grammar and spelling😅 and just overall the whole thing😂 please don’t kill me🙏🏽😂 @yanii-the-hippie is already trying to😂

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @youbloodymadgenius @laketaj24 @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @cainismyname @readsalot73 @wuxiesalt @camatsuru @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @ragnarssonsbitch @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms

Flashback to 6 years ago...

“RUN! (Y/N)! RUN!” Helga screamed...

 On that fateful night you had been awakened from your slumber by one very worried Helga. She was the wife of the scary looking man Floki. And you could never come to understand how such a cheerful and radiant person, could be with someone so dark and mean. Helga had come in to the homestead whilst everyone was asleep. She had overheard her husband and Aslaug talk about getting rid of the christian child of Ragnar Lothbrok. She knew about (y/n), but she never thought that an innocent child would have to pay for the sins committed by those around her. 

As Helga made her way silently across the home trying to find the child, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She was betraying her husband and the Queen at that. But she couldn't get over the fact that an innocent child would be murdered. When she sees (y/n)’s and Bjorn’s bodies cuddle up on the bed, she softly approaches the little girls’ side. Tapping her on the shoulder she manages to wake (y/n) up. Startled you go try tp scream and thats when she places her delicate finger over your lips. Signalling you to be quiet. “Follow me, you and your family are in grave danger.” The feeling of wanting to protect your family from anything consumed you. Even being 13 years old you understood that family came first and that you would gladly lay down your life to save theirs.  With that, you untangled yourself form Bjorn’s embrace and gave him a small peck on his forehead, then you made your way to your parent’s room. You peeked inside to make sure they were asleep and then tip toeing to where they lay in an embrace you softly kissed both of them goodbye.

You knew that this may very well be the last time you ever saw your parents. But, you could tell through the look in Helga’s eyes that whatever she was talking about your family being in danger was in fact the truth. Helga helped you gather some of your things quickly and as you rushed to the door, you almost forgot your teddy. “Wait, I need to grab my teddy. I cant leave without it, its the only thing I’ll have left of them.” You silently whisper towards Helga as she stands watch by the door. “Ok, but you must hurry. They'll be here any second now. And if they find you, I can assure you that no one will survive.” At that you scurry back towards your room. In there you find a sleepy headed Bjorn almost waking up. “(y/n), what are you doing? Come back to bed, you know we’re gonna start your training tomorrow morning.” He yawns out. “Sorry, I'm just really thirsty. Ill get a glass of water and come back ok?” you murmur to him. Bjorn just nods whilst yawning and goes back to sleep. But before you close the door and disappear you can hear him murmur the words I love you...

Your POV

After the moment that we shared in the Great Hall as a family happened. Mother, father, Bjorn and I had gone down to the lake by the old homestead we once lived in. There we all lied down on the grass and I had caught them all up on what had transpired on that night 6 years ago. “So let me clear this up, Helga...as in Floki’s wife. Broke into our home and kidnapped you and then sent you away on a boat to Frankia...” said Lagertha trying to wrap her head around the subject. “Well, mother I wouldn't really put it like that, but technically yes. She kidnapped me in order to save me and yourselves. Or so she claimed. She didn't really get into details on who was after me. She just told me that my life was in danger and I finally believed her when we were being chased by a group of mercenaries.” I respond to her. In that we all fall into silence. Over looking the lake I can tell that my family is processing all this information. Not only because of how quiet they are at the moment, but because I can feel their eyes on me. As if they believe that I shall vanish right in front of them.

“I missed this... Having my family together, overlooking the lake and just the serene and calming effect that this place has on us.” My father breaks the silence as he looks out towards the lake. He runs his fingers through my mother’s hair. And I cannot help but think about how come they never told me. “Soooo... since we’re all together finally. Can someone tell me how in the name of God and all that is good. No one ever told me about Aslaug and her sons?” With that my father’s fingers come to a stop at the ends of my mother’s long golden locks. “It just went something you tell your child out of the blue, (y/n).” My mother responds for my father. They always did this. Even as a child, when one of them was being questioned. The other would jump in and save them as if the question was directed at them. “But why keep it a secret? I don't understand, if you were married to Aslaug and Ivar and I are the same age that means that you laid with mother during the time you were married to her. Meaning that I have no claim to anything. Im a bastard.” At this my father lifts my mothers head from his lap and turns to me. Rage and sadness is what I am able to detect from his electric blue eyes.

“You are not a bastard child! I will not have you slander my name or your mothers with such lies. Your mother and I are married, in the eyes of both the Christian God and Freyja and Odin. Yes, your mother left me when Aslaug became pregnant with Ubbe. And many years later she came back to me, however I could not let her go. Be it selfishness or pride, she was mine and I am hers. Till death do us part!” At that tears well up in my eyes. Not because Ive just been scolded by my father. But, because this is the first time that I could really say that he has shown me his emotions. The night where we reunited, was only a small glance of emotion. But, this moment here had probably been the closest thing to a heart to heart that I have ever had with my father. He wipes my tears away and then goes to face Lagertha who had also been tearing up through this revelation.  And they share a small, but passionate kiss.

I do not know if its just the overwhelming emotion that I’m processing, but I cannot help but bring my finger to my lips and think of a certain ill tempered boy...

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As the hours went by, we had decided to not only renovate and clean up the homestead. But we relieved some of the old memories we had. Bjorn and I decided to get in the water and go for a swim. Whilst Lagertha and Ragnar stayed in the house “cleaning up”. Bjorn and I knew exactly what that meant. As I laugh thinking about the situation that my parents are in. Bjorn sneaks up behind me and dunks my head into the water. I try my hardest to push him away and try to get rid of his hold on my head. My lungs need a break and as I almost felt my self drifting away, Bjorn pulls me back up. Gasping for air and coughing out the water from inside. I turn around and hit Bjorn’s chest as hard as I could muster at the moment. “Bjorn! What the hell!! you could've killed me!”   I yell at him through my punches. “Ow..ow.. OW!!!. I was just joking... Jeez woman lose up!” He responds trying to shield himself form my hits. “Well it wasn't funny...”

As I swim towards the shore and go to collect my clothes, Bjorn turns me around and looks into my eyes. “We need to talk. And it’s not something that you are not getting yourself out of.” At this I can only gulp. Did he find out about Ivar and I? Is it possible that Hvitserk told him? No..no, Hvitty wouldn't do that. But then again he’s know the boys his whole life. I have just met them. “What about, big brother?” “Sigurd told me something when we had been waiting for mother’s arrival. And you could say I‘m a little concerned, and I just want to get to the bottom of it.” He says while eyeing me carefully. At that moment before I could respond the sound of the horses hooves could be heard form down the road. Bjorn and I quickly exchange looks and begin to dress immediately. We run towards the homestead and burst through the doors. It seems as whatever mother and father had been up to had just finished. 

Seeing our exasperated sighing and how flustered I must have looked father reaches for his sword. “Why are you both so out of breath?” Mother asks wrapping the quilt around herself.  “We heard horses down the road. We didn't know if they were friend or foe. And Bjorn didn't have any of his weapons with him.” I manage to get out. At this both father and Bjorn make their way towards the door.  Peeking out the one of the small holes Bjorn is able to make out who it was standing outside. “Its the guards accompanied by Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar.” Something told me that this would be quite eventful...

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Ivar POV

The moment (y/n) and her mother reunited in the great hall brought a tear to everyones eye. I admit that maybe I got a little emotional as well, but no one would ever know that. However, I noticed that my beautiful mother had left the room with rage and tear filled eyes. I had never seen my mother go through so many emotions in one day. She went from having a good blessed morning to having a shit hole day with that whore Lagertha coming back. I mean she gave birth to my beautiful (y/n), but still. Every time I see her I cannot help, but want to choke her to death fro all the pain she caused my mother.

Shaking me from my thoughts Ubbe starts going off on Hvitserk. “How could you be so stupid! (Y/n) has a target on her back and you decided to go off into the woods alone without anyone else?!?!?!” In this sense Ubbe was right, Hvitserk put (y/n)’s life in danger all because he wanted to take her from me. It wasn't enough for these people that I am a cripple. But they want to take the woman that the gods sent to me! This is unacceptable and I will not allow it. “Ubbe is right. She could have been killed because of your insolence Hvitty!” I scream at him. My blood had been boiling at this point. “Oh shut up Ivar! We all know that if she would have asked you to go with her, you would have done the same. If not take her some place remote where she could not leave your crippled ass!” Hvitserk barks back at me.

All this time Sigurd is sitting by the fire pit whilst tuning his lyre. “You both should just accept the fact that you're in love with your own sister. And that it will never go anywhere. Besides I overheard father speaking in his chambers the other day with Bjorn. They're looking for suitors to marry her off to. That way she will be hopefully safe from whoever is hunting her.” Sigurd says as calm as one could ever be. At this my mouth hangs open and Hvitserk and I exchange glances. “N..No... That cannot be. Father would never marry (y/n) off to someone she doesn't know. And the fact that he just got her back should keep him form doing so as well.” Hvitserk struggles to say. Im still trying to process the fact that my purpose to live will be taken from me once again. This I cannot allow...

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“Ivar you’re sure that this is the right way?” Hvitserk asks me for the hundredth time. This time instead of answering I just keep going. This man-child will not drive me insane today. Not when the task at hand is so dire. Making our way through the woods and down the path, I spot my father’s horse as well as 3 other ones. Urging my horses to go faster I catch a glimpse of (y/n) runnings towards the homestead whilst trying to slip her dress back on. The way that the drops fell from her hair and onto her chest and then down the valley of her breasts made me come to a halt. Before I knew it the guards and Ubbe had all passed me and there I was still sitting in my carriage on the same spot. Once she was out of my sight, I got it together and got to the house. There we were greeted by father and Bjorn. “Ubbe. what brings you all down here?” my father asks. “We wished to know what we should do about the investigation. You all just took off without alerting anyone.” At that Lagertha steps out of the homestead clearly in a disheveled dress. From that we can guess what her and father were up to before we could get here. 

“Actually Ubbe... Your father and I have come to terms that (y/n) shall be trained by me. This way I can properly teach her how to use her strengths and weaknesses to her advantage. Something you boys will not be able to teach her.” At the mention of this (y/n)’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well... Mother (y/n) isn't really one to train, if Im honest with you. Poor girl is was never taught how to properly defend herself. And through all the training that we've put her through, its not much of an improvement...” Bjorn says, but then trails off due to (y/n) punching him in the gut. I can tell you that I have never been as in love with someone as I am with my own sister. Which is ridiculous to many, but the truth...

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Your POV

Weeks from the time that my mother arrived had gone by. My training started immediately after the conversation that we all had at the porch. Ubbe and the boys had finally gotten somewhere with the investigation with the help of Lagertha. They had found the murder weapon, a small dagger with intricate designs. Bjorn had taken it to get a closer look, but from what I had seen in his eyes I could tell that he knew who was behind this. As I think of who could have been behind the murder of my best friend, the wind is knocked out of me. “(Y/N)! Concentrate! Never take your eyes off your opponent! Thats the number one rule on the battlefield!” My mother yells at me from above. Extending her hand out towards me I grasp on to it and she pulls me up from the ground. Dusting myself off I mumble an I’m sorry to her and that I will concentrate next  time. “When facing a real opponent child you will not have the luxury to be better again. Its do or die!” She holds onto my shoulders as she looks into my eyes and then leans her forehead against mine. “I want you to be able to defend yourself. It might come a time where neither your father or I. Bjorn and your brothers will be there to protect you. And I need to be able to sleep at night with the thought that my child will not be taken from me again by some imbecile...” 

My mother and I exchange a final glance before she heads off towards the great hall in what I think is an attempt to find my father. My father and Bjorn have been very secretive lately. Every time I walk into a room I can tell that the conversations they were having were about me before I got there. And it was very much getting on my nerves. Picking up the bow that Ivar had made for me I start to aim at the dummy target. But before I knew it something startles me and I let go of the arrow without knowing where it would hit. “AHHHHH, are you trying to kill me woman?!??!”

“Ivar, Oh my God I’m so sorry. You startled me.” I say whilst rushing towards him. “I see that you've taken a liking to the bow I crafted for you...” blushing from his words I simply nod my head and stare at the ground. “(y/n). I wanna have a serious conversation with you. But it must be done in private.” He whispers the last part to me. I rear my head towards him and proceed to grab his hand. Ivar takes it upon himself though to lace our fingers together and walk together to "our” chambers. Passing by the market, I notice the looks that people have been given us and the not so quiet whispers. Embarrassed and not wanting to drag attention to myself anymore than I already have. I attempt to let go of Ivar’s hand, but he will have none of it. He jut grips my hand harder and walks a little faster towards the cabin. 

Once inside Ivar walks towards the bed and starts taking off his braces. “Close the door please. I would like this to be a private conversation between you and I. For the time being.” Doing as told, I close the door behind me and make my way towards him. Ivar is struggling to get one of his braces off, so without thinking I kneel before him and push his hands away to try and help him out. At this action Ivar looks at me with shock and a hint of adoration. Over the last 3 months that I have been here. I observed Ivar take his braces off before bed. Something about them fascinated me and I couldn't pinpoint what it was. Picking myself up from the floor I go to sit beside him on the bed in one swift movement Ivar pushes me back on the bed and gets on top of me. 

Before I could scream his lips touch mine. Unlike the times before I find myself reciprocating the kiss. Our lips begin to move in sync with each other. He traced his tongue on my bottom lip asking for entrance which I denied. At this he got frustrated and slapped my ass. As I opened my mouth to yell at him for hitting me, he took this as a chance to slip his tongue in my mouth. There was no fight for dominance as he overtook the situation. My fingers tangle in his hair trying to pull him closer to me. His hands caress my sides and then cup my breasts. In this I cant help, but let out a moan. Ivar pulls back and stares at me while bringing his hand up to brush my hair outta my face. “I would really love to continue this, but there's something I have to tell you (y/n).” He untangles himself from my grasp and brings my hand to his lips. Placing small kisses on the back of my hand he closes his eyes and then reluctantly gets up. As I lay on the bed, I can only think of what we were up to seconds ago. What would have happened if we didn't stop. Pulling me into his lap and out of my thoughts Ivar grabs my face in his hands. 

“Before you got here I was a scared and lonely boy. With no notion of what love was or could have been. To think that the gods made you especially for me and brought you to me at the most opportune time is a sign from Odin himself. (Y/n) I will not let them take you away from me. Not now or ever...”  Ivar closes the gap between us with a small and tender kiss. “Ivar... it’s wrong. How we feel about one another isn't right...” my eyes well up with tears. What cruel joke is this that God is playing. Why? How come the man that I love is my brother... Brushing my tears away, I could tell that Ivar is having the same predicament. “Father plans to marry you off... That is what I wanted to talk to you about.” His eyes do not meet mine this time. “Wait...no it cant be. Father would never do that. he always said that I would be free to marry whomever I pleased and fell in love with...” Nothing the change in my breathing Ivar hugs me and rubs my back. “I will not let them. You will not be sold like cattle just because they cant find the killer and are afraid.”

“This is why I want you to runaway with me. Will you (y/n)...” 

------------------------------------

Bjorn POV

I cannot control the anger boiling inside me. How could she do this... Storming off from the meeting I went straight to my cabin. There she greeted me as if nothing was wrong. “Love I made some...” Throwing the bowl of soup from her hands I pushed her back onto a chair. “Bjorn what's wrong with yo...” “What wrong with me?!?!?! How about what's wrong with you? You killed Mira! You tried to kill my sister!” At this point all I see is red. I cant even describe how I felt when I saw that the murder weapon was Torvi’s dagger. And to think I was gonna tell her the truth and let her in on the reason as to why she could be wanted dead. “Bjorn.. please! It was not like I wanted to do it! Aslaug forced me too. She had said that you were in danger! Please Bjorn you have to believe me! I did it for our family!” Shaking my head at her I turn around and head towards the door. “Get your stuff, I don't want you here when I come back. I will tell my father everything that you and Aslaug have been planning. And for the sake of what we once had I will give you this heads up so you can leave. And do not come back!” Slamming the door of the cabin I head towards the great hall and begin t think to myself about the first time I laid eye son my sister....

19 years ago...

“Bjorn... come meet her.” I didn't want anything associated with that child. The fact that I had already lost a sister and that my parents had now taken in a child that wasn't theirs baffled me. “She's not my sister. She the child of a christian priest...” At that my mother looks at me with sadness in her eyes. “Bjorn I know that you still hurt over Gyda and the fact that she didn't survive and you did. This child however is your sister. No matter how she came into this world, the gods have given us a second chance. Please come and meet her, for my sake?” At that I go towards my mother and get a closer look at the child. Her features resembled that somewhat of my father’s. Not much, but enough to be able to pass as the child of my father and mother. “What about Athelstan? Is he okay with you taking his child?” I ask my mother. At that my father walks in and kneels before me. “You must protect her with your life Bjorn. From this day onward she will be yours to take care off. She is your sister and no one must know that in fact she is Athelstan’s daughter or she and all of us will be in danger.” At that I understood why my parents had done it. Taken a child that wasn't theirs in order to protect it. Although I didn't want her, I cant help but feel a strong sense of protection over her. As if my sole task in this world is to protect her... “Bjorn...she doesn't have a name yet. Would you like to name her?” My mother asks whilst placing the child in my arms. The baby opens her eyes and looks up at me. Her beautiful eyes open up to reveal those (y/e/c) orbs. She cracks a smile at me and at that I cant help, but laugh. “(Y/n)...her name will be (y/n).”

[trashpandakat]

UNKNOWN :

There are things people dont know about me, and its irrational to think that I can go my entire life keeping it all to myself, but thats no way to live and thats not something I want to endure.. so here goes nothing.

I like the color Green. Growing up I struggled with having a favorite color- I spent some time going from one color to another, but as I have gotten older, I like green. Green comes in so many natural shades. It signifies change, spring, summer, new growth, new accomplishments- another trip around the sun. My mom had a green thumb, and as ive gotten older ive really taken over the love for free oxygen.

The small things mean more than the big things.... ive had hand written notes mean more to me than a $200 dinner. I have a sweet spot for all the hand written notes, the tickle fights, the cuddeling till we fall asleep, even just holding hands. Growing up I always thought it would be cool to be that rich girl who can go and do anything in life- and I still believe some of my biggest accomplishments are ahead of me, but if im stuck on the East coast my whole life... well, ill be happy.

I dont care about money. When you die you cant take it with you and no amount of money can give you the love and compassion that an actual person can bring you. I much rather have quality in human connection than fame and wealth. If you chose money over a relationship, you lost.

I grew up in one town for my entire life. I moved when I was 22.. Do I regret it? Every day. Would I go back? No. My new home brings me an opportunity I never would have accepted under other cirumstances. I have made new friends.. When you hear about how crap you've been for so long- you kind of start to think things really are your fault- even if they are just mad... you can only hear the same words so many times before they become apart of you. Deep deep down I still have the Asheville Hippy Mentality.. but in my heart- im an explorer. I like to see new things and experience new places. Sue me.

I found no comfort in my life until I was 21. My entire life I was raised as a spoiled bratt- at least thats what my grandmother and my family thinks.. even my friends in school thought I was rich and loaded but really, we where just as bad off as them. What people havent seen is the catastrophic events my sister imposed on my entire family.. week after week, day after day. For.. well, 19 years of my life..and then some. Torture was an understatement- she ruled the house. She did what she wanted. She made my parents nonexistant, so you can probably imagine the shit I endured. Now a'days things are pretty smooth... expect for my mentality to be able to trust- thats been pretty fucked in the ass.. but every day I battle with the fact that I was never really that important to my family, so why should anyone else try and change that? Especially an insignificant boy?!

Extremes. Im either extremely manic and having a whole glorious day with zero clouds- or im a ticking time bomb that is activated by water and MANNNN it pours on some days. Its really a get what you get kind of thing- but its also a life long battle- so its not like things are new there. Just learning to adjust for adulthood.

Kids. Man this one is touchy... really touchy.. but Its still apart of me.. Last year I lost a child.. It was unplanned and unexpected- but that doesnt make the pain and greif any less antagonizing. I dont like the baby section in stores... I dont like to use handicap stalls cause the changing table makes me cry. My nephews mean even more to me and it hurts cause I cant see them much. I dont know if ill ever try again... that was a scary and painful situation.. I dont think I could do it again.. even with the best person..

I dont like to give up. I admit that i make mistakes, im human... but come on. Some times you just gotta accept that you did try your hardest there in the end .. just because it didn't work doesnt make you less of a person. I fear failure... and its alright.. cause if I didnt fear it id have nothing to gain by faceing it.

Im usually an open book. The only things I find sensitive is close to nothing. Im a Scorpio and we thrive off being alone and giving hard truths.. but when calm, can be the best companion.

KME

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Luflous

Summary: The same events as in ‘Soulful’ but from Stretch’s POV

Notes: @crysta-cub was very interested in seeing all of this from Stretch’s pov, and, yeah, I thought maybe we needed to see that. His perspective on it is very different from Edge’s, so let’s have it. This turned out longer than the original because as we all know, Stretch has a lot of words to say. Whether they all have meaning in another argument. 

Read Soulful first: 

keelywolfe.tumblr.com/post/180237746448/fic-soulful

Read more from this series in the Masterlist:  keelywolfe.tumblr.com/post/178224395713/masterlist-by-any-other-name

Read it on AO3: 

archiveofourown.org/works/16660039/chapters/39093499

~~*~~

The thing was, Stretch knew he was being the asshole about all this.

He’d been really damn sick, he knew that, and Edge had issues about that shit. Fuck, who didn’t? There was no one out there thinking it was a-okay that the people they loved were hurt or sick or what the fuck ever.

So, Edge dealt with that by layering on the protectiveness which was no kind of surprise because Blue did the same damn thing. This was High HP Takeover 101, and Stretch should be able to give Edge that. In theory.

In practice, he wasn’t very damn good at it. The forewarned texts came like clockwork every two hours, and angels wept, he hadn’t moved off the sofa since the last damn text. Exactly where did Edge think he was going to go? Hop a bus to Ireland for some damn Riverdance lessons? It was difficult to keep the snark at a minimum when you had to come up with a new variation on ‘I’m fine’ every two damn hours.

Except…snark came at a guilty price when Edge looked so tired as he came home from work. There were so many things he was trying to handle right now and here Stretch was, sprinkling his bullshit issues on top of Edge’s current shit sundae. Edge was on the verge of making himself sick working so hard and trying to take care of the house, of Stretch, of everything, and the worst part was, there wasn’t much Stretch could do about it except try to keep his prickish nature at a minimum.

That left him here, trying to think of a way to make up for being an asshole without actually saying ‘sorry about the whole asshole thing’. Not that he wouldn’t, fuck no, but apologies were easy. Dime a dozen. He wanted something a little more tangible.

He couldn’t cook worth a damn so making dinner was out; seemed more like a punishment than an apology to make Edge choke down a plateful of whatever he managed in a burnt offering. A little apology sex seemed like a good idea, but Stretch could admit he wasn’t really up to a marathon yet, and a quick round of missionary wasn’t probably wasn’t going cover it, especially if he fell asleep in the middle of it.

So far, he’d managed to allow a serious amount of cuddling after dinner, letting himself fall asleep in Edge’s arms because it was useful in settling his hubby down and besides, like Stretch was going to say no to a nap. But he was still on the lookout for something better.

Like so many good things in his life, the idea came to him from the television.

He was watching ‘Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives’, because that show was the shit and Stretch had no idea why people were always down on Guy Fieri on the internet because hell, that was a guy with style.

Anyway, the episode had wandered into mac and cheese territory, a wonderland that was near and dear to Stretch, and at one point, they referred to it as soul food.

Soul food.

It clicked a little lever in his head that sent an idea down through the tangled paths of experiments, pranks, and various television theme songs, straight to his guilt center and there it hit the buzzer.

Edge had looked so damn hurt when Stretch asked him to leave the room when the nurse pulled his soul and even when Stretch had shown it to him later, that hurt had only shifted states, liquid pain to icy fear when he’d seen the IV. Not exactly the stuff of romance. There was a pretty good chance he’d be interested in a private viewing when his soul was in its natural state.

It was intimate, sure, souls were intimate as hell, but he’d also spent the past week having everyone but the janitor give his soul a looksee. A big deal, yeah, but there were levels and honestly, now that he thought about it, Stretch was a little surprised Edge hadn’t brought it up before.  

He suspected it was an Underfell thing. Somehow, he doubted anyone in that little sliver of the multiverse was handing their soul over on Lover’s Day with flowers and chocolates for a little bonding time. To Edge, this was probably a much bigger deal than it was for him, but that was okay, it didn’t make it unimportant.

So, yeah, there was a plan. If Edge wanted to see his soul, hell, if he wanted to touch it, Stretch was fine with that. No one else had ever run away with screaming heebie jeebies from touching it, there were decent odds that Edge wouldn’t either. Plus, he could probably work it out so that Edge got a little more out of it than most Monsters would.

Stretch knew a little bit about souls; it had been years since any of those experiments, and yeah, cut that fucking thought off right there, but he did remember, and he knew how the focuses worked.

Souls could work on a low level of empathy; if he focused on how much he loved Edge while he was touching his soul, then Edge should be able to feel a little of it, without anything else that Stretch didn’t want him feeling bleeding through and if there was one thing he was sure he could handle, it was focusing on how much he loved Edge.

This was a great idea, Stretch was sure of it. If he worked out the odds, it was about 95% chance that it would turn out fine, less than a 5% chance of it ending horribly! Fuck it, let’s roll those dice.

Probably he should have waited until Saturday. Let Edge get in a good night’s sleep, wake him up with a few kisses, play up that shyness that Edge liked so much, and they’d be on their way. Except Stretch was shit for patience and now that he had the idea in his skull, it would rattle around like a maraca until he took care of it. So tonight it was.

About a half-hour before he was expecting Edge home, Stretch went up to their bedroom, peeling off his sweatshirt and tossing it carelessly on the floor. The hamper was literally a step and a half away, but Stretch had a thing for that little twitch Edge got in his socket when he saw clothes scattered around. It was a kink, so sue him.

The sweatshirt didn’t make a difference anyhow, it wasn’t like clothing impeded a soul, and Stretch might proudly be an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid. Edge liked how he looked, like the delicate lines of his bones, liked to run his hands over them, testing the smoothness. He was feeling better, he looked better, might as well let Edge have a treat to go along with the main event.

He hadn’t made the bed when he’d gotten up and he took a minute to smooth out the covers before scooting up to sit in the middle. Edge would be home soon, he needed to work fast, and Stretch took a deep breath and gingerly pulled out his soul. He hadn’t looked at it since they left the hospital and it would be better to take a quick peek. Edge probably wouldn’t handle any surprises very well.

It came easily, hovering over his outstretched hands. Silvery pale, a sign that he didn’t have any LV, and the mark where the IV had been was gone entirely. Good enough.

He heard the front door open and hastily dismissed it back, checking himself over. Jeans and a tank top, check, soul lookin’ good, check, ready for takeoff.

“come upstairs,” Stretch called, and he could hear the shuffling downstairs pause, clothing rustling, probably taking off his coat, and then feet on the stairs, coming up fast, well, someone was eager.

Edge filled the doorway when he stepped in, his eye lights a little bright and focusing in on him like a laser. “Hello.”

Oh, fuck. Stretch couldn’t help shivering, that husky growl, shit, maybe apology sex was a great idea…no, no, down boy, remember the plan, eyes on the prize and other various encouraging shit.

Instead, he gestured Edge in, patting the bed across from him. Edge was a little confused but willing enough, and he waited patiently for Stretch to spill the beans.

Stretch felt a flush rise in his cheeks, okay, yeah, so this was pretty intimate, far more than sex could ever be and of all the Monsters who’d ever seen his soul, ever laid impersonal, clinical hands on it, Edge was the very first Stretch actually wanted to touch it.

This was supposed to be for Edge, but Stretch was finding that he wanted this, too.

“i’m feeling a lot better,” Stretch said, little hesitantly, ““and i thought maybe you’d want to see my soul when it isn’t wired in like frankenstein.”

Want might not be a strong enough word. Edge’s eye lights flared wide; apparently, this was something he’d been yearning after for a while and never mentioned, yeah, this was gonna be a big deal to him, and that was okay.

Of course, Edge tried to give him an out, no surprise there, geez, it wasn’t like Stretch was the one who’d brought it up to begin with. And it wasn’t much of a surprise that Edge wanted to be the one to pull it, no, no, control issues, go on ahead.

Stretch didn’t mind. He trusted Edge with a hell of a lot more than his soul.

The sensation of someone else getting a grip on your soul was usually foreign and maybe a little unpleasant, at least in Stretch’s experience, and while it didn’t hurt, it was weirdly uncomfortable. Usually.

The delicate tendrils of magic that lassoed his essence and coaxed it forth were like nothing Stretch had experienced before and he closed his sockets, exhaling shakily as it slipped free and settled lightly into Edge’s hand.

Oh. That felt…oh…

Okay, he’d had other Monsters handle his soul before but none of them had ever resonated like this. Maybe…maybe it was because of who they were, he and Edge, the flipside of the same coin, he needed to talk to sans and red but not now, now he had to focus on edge, he loved him, loved him so, so much, edge was his brilliant sunshine through darkness, his safety from himself as much as from the world, and he wanted to show him that love, wanted him to feel it…

A little hazily, Stretch opened his sockets and could only stare in shock.

Edge was crying.

He hadn’t even known Edge could cry, he’d never done it, not once since Stretch had known him. Stretch was a little bit of a damn crybaby himself, not that he cared, own it, bitches, but Edge—

Tears were trailing from his closed sockets, not crimson, not a match to his magic the way Stretch’s were, but silvery and pale, a mirror of his soul.

That…Stretch had never seen anything like that before.

Um, yeah, maybe it was time to stop.

Edge didn’t protest but he was still obviously pretty damn reluctant to hand Stretch’s soul back so quickly. His tears stopped the moment Stretch’s soul faded back into his sternum, leaving streaks of wetness on his cheekbones.

Carefully, Stretch reached up and ineffectively wiped away one thin, silvery trail. “that was supposed to make you happy.”

Edge’s voice with thick, warm, as he murmured, “It did.”

The tears weren’t exactly convincing him, but Stretch decided to take him at his word. He gave up trying to wipe them away, bone wasn’t exactly great as a sponge and, unthinkingly, he let his hand drift down, resting his fingertips over Edge’s sternum and wishing fleetingly that he could touch, just for a second…

He could feel Edge stiffen, rejecting it wordlessly.  Ah, shit, Stretch hadn’t meant to put that idea into his head, he knew better than that.

“Do you…do you want…” Edge forced out, because of course he would. Of course he would offer, even though he wasn’t ready for that by any means. Even though it would upset him, maybe even traumatize him to force his soul out for no better reason than he felt like he owed it.  Of course he fucking would.

Stretch couldn’t think of anything he wanted less than to hold an unwilling soul, even one that loved him.

Turning him down didn’t take things down a notch as hoped and almost sent Edge into a fucking panic attack, and shit, shit, this was not how this was supposed to go. This was supposed to help, not make things fucking worse, and what kind of asshole did Edge think he was, that he’d demand a soul fondle in return when Edge was so unready for it?

Exhaustion worked for him for once, and Stretch was able to soothe him down, gently, set Edge at ease, and fuck, they should probably talk about this later. Probably.

Probably weren’t gonna though, because he already knew what Edge was afraid of, what he was so terrified Stretch would see.

And Stretch wasn’t about tell him that he already knew exactly what Edge’s soul looked like. Didn’t want to tell him he’d seen it the first time they’d met, swollen blood-red with LV, patchy veins of darkness scattered over it. He’d been in a bad damn way when they’d first arrive, but so fucking what? Stretch had been too; from the first step out of the portal, his own soul had been so faded it was a wonder he hadn’t already fallen down.

Red had seen all that from the beginning and so had Sans. They’d all known the stakes, for what little it was worth. It was over and done with, though, no point in talking about it now. And Stretch didn’t look anymore at anyone, not often, didn’t judge, none of them did that Stretch knew of. Souls showed something of a person, yeah, but they didn’t show everything and it was pointless to form a judgment on one aspect of a person when there was so much more left unseen.

But it didn’t mean that he didn’t know Edge’s soul was so much lighter since then. LV never left, but it could fade, it could lighten, those dark patches vanishing. His soul would always be red. It didn’t mean it couldn’t be beautiful.

Edge was so far from ready to hear any of that.  

Holding his soul must’ve been pretty damn draining because Edge was all but asleep in minutes. Resisting it, sure, because his love wasn’t very good at giving in, but eh, a little petting, a little singing, and he was out like a light.

Even in his sleep, Edge’s grip on him was tight, both arms around his pelvis and Edge’s skull was resting in his lap, his sockets closed and that weariness seeping away. It left him looking a little softer, a little warmer.

Beautiful, Edge had called him, so beautiful, and Stretch had to believe him. He’d been holding his soul, there wasn’t much denial Stretch could offer.

Very lightly, Stretch traced the crack that ran through Edge’s socket, the unevenness of it rough against his fingertip. Edge was beautiful, too, in so many ways, and maybe Edge wasn’t ready to hear that yet, not yet, but it didn’t mean Stretch couldn’t see it.

-finis-

[tmntwritings]

Hi there, I havent felt so well as of late. Ive been actually really down. I was wondering how Raph would feel if him and his girl got into a really really big fight and he didnt know she was having a really bad day already; so when he left to get some fresh air, she downed pills in her bathtub only for him to show up just before she could fall asleep?

I’m so sorry that you haven’t been feeling well! I hope that you feel better soon! (My inbox and PM are always open if you want to talk)

Trigger Warning for anyone who’s ever been suicidal, depressed or just not in a good head space. As someone who’s been there before, I understand and hope this cheers you up a little bit. I tweaked it just a little bit as well. (I also put it under a cut)

Everything seemed to be stacking against you again. You had messed up on a big report at work, were embarrassingly late to a very important meeting, your family had gone on vacation without you and your friends stood you up at dinner. The past month had just been a whole string of horrible events and a dark cloud had been looming over your head. You did your best to keep it hidden but soon the rain was going to come crashing down. Today had sucked tremendously and all you wanted to do now was to have a nice quiet evening with Raph and hopefully try things again tomorrow. 

Of course, you would have no such luck tonight. 

As soon as you entered the lair, Raph dug into you about where you had been for the past two hours. 

“I’ve been calling you! Where have you been”, he yelled as soon as you stepped into the lair. 

“I told you for the 10,000th time this morning that I was going to dinner with some friends”, you yelled back. 

You were nearing your breaking point and Raph was surely going to be the one to tip the proverbial iceberg. 

“Well of course your little friends are more important than me. You promised you’d help me finish the blanket for Sensei today and you were no where to be found!” 

Raph was practically fuming and you just let him because you had enough. 

“I hope you’re happy with yourself”, he spit.

“Yeah Raph, I’m real happy”, you bit back. 

The sarcasm was evident but he seem to miss it completely. 

“You know what, I’m going on patrol. I gotta clear my head for a bit. Do what you want.”

Raph brushed past you and out the lair. You were feeling numb as you marched yourself to Raph’s room and sat down on the bed. It had only been recently that the boys had gotten their own rooms so the privacy was nice.   All the events of the past day replayed in your head like a movie. A really terrible horror movie. 

You just wanted to make it stop. 

And that’s exactly what you were going to do. Raph was lucky enough to snag the room that was attached to the bathroom so you now stood in front of the mirror contemplating your next move. Donnie had lucked upon an old bath tub in the alleyway behind a hotel a few months back and it was current filling with water. Every drop felt like every failure you had in the past month. It was all filling up fast just as the memories filled your mind. After the waterline came to an adequate amount, you turned off the water and sat yourself down inside. The weight of your clothes felt nothing like the weight of your sadness. But you wouldn’t be sad for much longer. Your water bottle sat on the edge of the tub and you had your bottle of prescribed sleeping pills in your hand. Your fingers fiddled with the cap as you still wrestled with your decision.

 If you were going to do this, there would be no turning back.

You had just made up your mind and removed the cap when the bathroom door burst open. Raph stood in the door way, taking in the scene before him. You didn’t even look up at him as he descended on you taking the bottle from your hand. 

“Are you crazy? What are you doing?”

He tossed the bottle over his shoulder and went to pick you up out the tub. 

“I’m not crazy, I’m tired! I’m tired of feeling like I can’t do anything right. I can’t catch a break at work. My family and friends just seem to forget that I exist and you won’t stay off my back. I’m a failure and I’m just done”, you yelled. 

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulder being able to just let it all out. Raph just looked at you trying to figure out what to say. Every time he fixed his mouth to say something, he quickly closed it. Instead, he hoisted you out of the tub and grabbed a towel from the makeshift rack in the bathroom. He wrapped you up in it and sat on the ground with you still cuddled up into his chest. 

“I don’t know what I can say to make everything feel better but I can start by saying that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you feel like that and I’m sorry about earlier. I was just upset but that didn’t give me the right to get mad at you which is why I came back and I’m so happy I did”, he said resting his chin on top of your head. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you.”

You shifted your eyes to look up at him and there were tears pooling in his eyes. You had never seen Raph cry before since the big guy was never this vulnerable. His emotion felt raw and real and it brought up feelings that you couldn’t explain.

“I just want to know what I can do to make you feel better”, he said wiping his eye with the corner of the towel. 

Somehow you strangely felt at peace being in that bathroom, curled up with Raph. Whatever this feeling of peace was, you didn’t want it to leave. 

“Please, just hold me.”

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

sign up now for a free trial! [part iv/vii]

Ben catches feelings and decides to take things to the next level with his long-time roommate, close friend, and occasional hook-up. Rey, ever the more sensible half of the duo, decides that they should make sure a relationship between them won’t be a total disaster first.

What they need is a trial run.

Featuring: awkward run-ins with a family member, even more awkward holidays with the whole family, and fluff. So much fluff. All the fluff.

Today on ARE THESE TWO MAKING YOU FEEL WARM AND FUZZY YET??: Ben calls Rey ‘sweetheart’! Three-hour road trip! Leia finally makes her big appearance and immediately puts Ben and Rey in the same bed room!

Part I | Part II | Part III Also available on AO3.

It’s a three-hour drive to Alderaan, and the plan is to leave right after lunch so that they’ll get there with plenty of daylight to spare.

Theoretically, that should have given them plenty of time to pack in the morning. In reality, they’d both overslept and now they’re rushing around the apartment in a mad panic to pack, get dressed, and have lunch in less than ninety minutes.

“Ben, do you want your–”

“Sweetheart, have you seen my–”

They bump into each other in the hallway, Ben instinctively reaching out to steady Rey as she holds up his faded University of Naboo sweatshirt.

“Ah,” Ben grins as Rey hands him the… borrowed article of clothing. “I should’ve known it would be with you.”

She’d donned it sometime last month, when she woke up in the middle of the night and blindly grabbed the first piece of clothing she could find before slipping out of Ben’s room and carefully tip-toeing past the master bedroom door on her way back to her own room. “I’ve been meaning to give it back to you,” Rey claims, “but you know Finn and I always do laundry together, and he would definitely have found it weird if he saw me washing your clothes.”

Ben stares at her. “You realize you could have just told him you borrowed it when you were cold and didn’t have any clean laundry? You borrow clothes from him and Poe all the time, anyway.”

“… Right. Of course.”

In truth, the idea hadn’t even occurred to Rey; towards the end she’d found herself growing somewhat paranoid of the guys finding out about her arrangement with Ben. Now she can admit to herself it was because she knew they would’ve sat her down and made her confront her growing feelings for Ben, but back then Rey told herself it was just to avoid any possible awkwardness. After all, Finn and Poe are in love and happily committed to each other; they wouldn’t have been able to understand her and Ben’s practical way of doing things.

Rather than admit to all of this, however, Rey chooses to focus on a more recent development. “Sweetheart?” she echoes questioningly. “That’s new.”

At some point while packing, Ben must have unknowingly tucked some of his hair behind his left ear, leaving said ear visible. Rey is hit by an overwhelming wave of fondness and affection when the tip of his ear turns just the slightest bit pink at her question.

“I couldn’t exactly call you that before,” he mumbles, dropping his eyes to the sweatshirt in his hands.

“You did, though,” Rey blurts out unthinkingly. “But… only when you were asleep,” she elaborates once Ben looks up. “Mostly you’d just whine a bit when I tried to leave in the middle of the night, and then you’d say don’t go, sweetheart.”

Ben shakes his head with a rueful grin. “All that time and effort trying to hide how I felt about you, when all along I’d been giving it away in my sleep.”

“And here I thought that’s just what you call all the girls,” she teases, backing away to return to her room. While Christmas itself is a rather laid back event in the Organa-Solo-Skywalker household, Leia has been known to go all out for her Christmas Eve party… which means Rey is going to need a dress, preferably one that hasn’t found its wrinkly way to the bottom of her closet.

“Hey, wait,” Ben reaches out for her hand, long fingers easily encircling her wrist. “You know there are no other girls, right?” he tells her, and she is struck by a sudden impulse to reach out and smooth the furrow between his brows. “There hasn’t been anyone else for a very long time now.”

Rey smiles, reaching up to loop her free hand around his neck. “I know,” she murmurs, pulling him close for a kiss. “There’s no one else for me, either.” Prior to these past few days, Rey doesn’t think she’d ever smiled into a kiss before. Now she finds herself doing it even as Ben tugs her closer to deepen the kiss.

The sweatshirt falls to the ground as Ben’s hands slide to the back of her thighs and lift her up, prompting Rey to wrap her legs around him.

“Ben,” she gasps, letting her head fall to his shoulder. Her voice sounds unfamiliar to her own ears, all giddy and breathless with a hint of laughter. “Ben, we don’t have time for this.”

“There’s always time for you, sweetheart,” he says, warm lips brushing against her temple.

They end up getting delayed by an hour.

It’s nearly three by the time they haul their bags down the street and get into Ben’s car, a sleek black Silencer he hadn’t been able to part with even after leaving behind everything else from his old life. You Solo men and your cars, Rey remembers Leia saying the first time she came to visit and found Ben’s car parked out front.

In any case, it’s a good and reliable car, one Rey is glad to be in as the clear roads of Coruscant give way to the ice- and rain-slicked twists and turns of Takodana. The road to Alderaan runs parallel to the length of Takodana’s forest, and Rey finds herself drifting in and out of sleep as Ben navigates the long, winding paths the state is known for.

Two hours into their drive they come across a signboard for Maz’s B&B, which Ben tells her indicates they’re about to cross state lines. Soon enough, the dense forest gives way to an expanse of snow-capped mountains, and Rey finds her nose practically pressed up against the window as she takes in the sight of Alderaan.

“It’s like something straight out of a postcard,” she marvels, catching sight of the sun’s brilliant reflection on the surface of a frozen lake.

When she turns to Ben, he spares her a glance as a smile blooms on his face, bright and open and unreserved. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Rey nods, her eyes drifting back to the scenery. “Thank you for sharing this with me,” she tells Ben, reaching out for his free hand.

“I’m glad you’re here, Rey,” he murmurs, bringing her hand up to his lips even as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead.

It’s only once the Organa mansion comes into sight that Rey remembers something very, very important.

“Oh shit,” she says suddenly, an errant thought of how much Finn would like it here giving way to the more important thought of how Finn spent two whole months tracking down the perfect gifts for his boyfriend’s family while she’s shown up completely empty handed. “Presents!” she tells Ben when he turns to check on her. “We forgot presents!”

Ben laughs. To her absolute horror, Ben laughs. “Oh god, the look on your face.” He sobers up when she crosses her arms and huffs at his reaction. “Calm down, sweetheart. We don’t do presents in my family.”

“Oh, thank god,” Rey whispers, throwing her head back against the seat. “Wait, why not?” she asks once the relief has worked its way through her system.

“It’s just…” Ben shrugs. “It’s always been that way, ever since I was a teenager. I mean, everyone bought me gifts as a kid because that’s just what you do for kids, but none of the adults ever exchanged gifts. When I got older, I realized the people in my family only ever buy each other gifts when they’ve really, really fucked up. It didn’t feel right to have that be a part of Christmas, so I told my parents I was old enough to understand and we haven’t exchanged gifts since.”

Rey takes a moment to absorb that before asking a truly important question: “Do you still get birthday presents, at least?”

Ben shakes his head as the car slows to a stop at the gate and he rolls down his window to punch a code into the tiny keypad set into the wall. “Contrite bribery is a year-round tactic in this household, so it’s ruined gifts for pretty much any occasion you can think of. My parents aren’t even allowed to buy each other Valentine’s gifts anymore, not after a certain incident with the Falcon. Remind me to tell you about that sometime.”

“Okay,” Rey mumbles absently, too busy being stunned by the fact that the Organas have an actual goddamn circular driveway, the kind she’s only ever seen on TV and in pictures. There are three cars already parked in the driveway, one of which she recognizes as Luke’s. Ben parks right next to that one, and before she knows it they’re out of the car and making their way to the front door.

“This is really fucking fancy,” she whisper-hisses to Ben as they climb the set of stairs leading up to the entrance.

“Tell me about it,” he mutters in return as one of the doors – there are two of them, because of course there are – starts to move. “This place has been in the Organa family for as long as anyone can remember. If Alderaan had a castle, this would be it.”

The door opens to reveal Leia with a wide smile on her face, one that Rey can’t help but compare to the smile Ben had given her in the car when they first drove into Alderaan an hour ago.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” she calls out, crossing her arms as she waits for Ben and Rey to reach her. By the time they’ve crossed the threshold her smile has turned into a smirk, and for a terrible moment Rey thinks this is it, this is the moment the endless teasing starts–

“My idiot prodigal son, home at last,” Leia announces grandly, allowing a beat for her statement to sink in before she moves to pull Ben down for a hug. “Hi, Rey,” she adds over her son’s shoulder, throwing her a smile.

Ben remains practically folded over in half until his mother steps out of the hug and ushers them further into the house, closing the door behind them.

“Dinner’s in an hour,” Leia tells them, eyeing their bags. “You two should bring those up and go get settled in. I’ll holler when food’s ready.”

“Okay,” Ben says, already guiding Rey towards the staircase. “The usual room for me, I’m guessing. Where do you want Rey?” On the drive over he’d told her that despite the seemingly infinite number of rooms in the Organa mansion, Leia has always been very particular about only preparing a select few for guest use at any given time. Ben learned a long time ago not to offer up just any room to their guests, and to consult his mother beforehand.

“Oh, I’ve set aside the blue room for the both of you,” Leia tells them, her casual tone belied by the twinkle in her eyes. “Luke mentioned you two might appreciate the… added space.”

While Rey gapes at Leia and Ben drops his eyes to the ground, the man in question can be heard stomping around upstairs. Just seconds later, he appears at the top of the stairs.

“I most certainly did not!” Luke protests, glaring down at his twin. “My exact words were you won the bet, and that is all I said,” he assures Ben and Rey.

Leia scoffs and waves a dismissive hand at her brother. “Oh, whatever. You implied that–”

“Don’t you put words in my mouth, Madame Senator–”

Rey watches in amazement as Senator Leia Organa, an idol of hers, and Professor Luke Skywalker, the most composed man she knows, get caught up in a bickering match the likes of which would be better suited to a couple of sulky teenagers.

Beside her, Ben groans and hides his face in the curve of her neck. “Please don’t let my crazy family scare you off,” he pleads against her shoulder.

Despite the strange, unsettling sensation of stepping into an alternate reality, Rey rests her head against Ben’s and vows, “Never.”

Day 4! We're officially past the halfway-point, with only three more chapters (but five more days??) to go.

As always, thank you all for reading and please feel free to reach out in the comments below. It's been so much fun interacting with you guys this week!

Next up: Luke and Chewie - unlikely co-conspirators, or romantics at heart? OR BOTH???

[auduna-druitt]

What Is

Fandom: Star Trek (AOS) Pairing: Reader X Kirk Word Count: 2703 Rating: Teen

Beta’d: No

Tags: @kirkaholic123 @yourtropegirl

A/N: This was intended to only be the sequel to What Should Have Been but it actually turned into a sort of prequel to Kirk’s Shore Leave as well. This is an angsty story with possible triggers. Jim suffers from PTSD after the events of Into Darkness and also memories of Tarsus IV.

Ever since he opened his eyes and saw you Jim Kirk has been infatuated. He won't let any of the other nurses do anything for him if you are on the floor. He only wants you. Doctor McCoy reluctantly assigned you to him and him alone after the third day of this behavior, but only if he promised to do everything you told him too.

A week and a half of therapy with you later and he is able to walk out of the hospital on his own two feet. Three days after that you overhear him in Doctor McCoy’s office asking for sleeping pills. You find him waiting for the lift a few minutes later, a small bottle clutched in his hand.

“Hello Captain.”

He quickly shifts the bottle out of sight and smiles at you. “Hello, I didn't know you were working today.”

“I’m back on my regular schedule now that you're out. I think the girls are happy to have me back.”

“I’m grateful for everything you did for me. I'm sorry if I was a pain.”

You place a hand on his arm, “You were no trouble at all. I'm glad I could be here to help…” you slide your hand down his arm and brush his fingertips with your own. Slipping a small piece of paper into his hand you close his fingers around it. “If there's anything I can do to help you just let me know. Day or night.”

He swallows hard and nods as the lift doors open.

“It was good to see you again Captain.” You say as you turn to leave.

He watches you disappear around the corner before stepping into the lift. Looking down at his hands he shakes his head, bottle of pills in one hand and your private communicator number in the other.

Two days later just after midnight your communicator chirps, waking you. You yawn and flip it open. “Hello?”

Nothing.

You sit up in the bed, “Hello?”

Still nothing.

“Jim is it you?”

There's a noise on the other end that you can't quite make out.

“Jim, I'll be right there.”

That noise again, still indistinguishable but a little louder and then silence.

You throw back the covers and grab your jacket and keys and rush out the front door. Jumping in the nearest taxi you instruct the driver where to go. Fifteen minutes later halfway across town in the dead of night you find yourself standing at his front door. You ring the bell and wait anxiously for him to answer.

It feels like forever before the door opens and you slip inside. As the door closes behind you, you get your first glimpse of a weary disheveled man on the verge of collapse. His eyes tell you everything you need to know and you wrap your arms around him and hold him tight. “I'm here Jim. I'm right here.”

He puts his arms around you and the tears begin to flow. You stand there and hold him while he sobs into your shoulder. Sitting on the counter nearby is the unopened bottle of pills he'd received from the doctor. You sigh and gently rub his back as the sobbing gradually gets quieter and stops.

He takes a step back and wipes his face with the sleeve of his t-shirt. Sniffling he looks up at you, “I'm sorry I called so late…”

You reach up and put a hand on his cheek, “Don't be. This is exactly why I gave you my number.”

He smiles a little and nods, “You didn't have to do that you know. Bones gave me some sleeping pills.”

You pick up the bottle and give it a little shake, “And you haven't taken any.”

“I wanted to do it on my own...but I had the dream again and I just…”

“You needed someone to be here with you. I understand.” You take him by the hand and walk over to the couch. Taking a seat at one end you pat the seat beside you. “Lie down.”

He lays across the seat and puts his head in your lap. You smile and sweep his sandy hair to one side. “Close your eyes.”

Those big blue eyes of his that could talk you into almost anything, stare up at you with concern. You brush your thumb over his cheek, “Close your eyes.”

He slowly closes his eyes and you rub his arm and chest with one hand and run your fingers through his hair with the other. “Relax Jim. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.”

His tension slowly melts away and he completely relaxes in your arms. You fall asleep shortly after him and both of you sleep soundly the whole night.

When you wake in the morning his warmth has been replaced with a blanket and he is no where to be seen. You stand to your feet, stretch, and fold the blanket up. Just as you set the blanket on the chair he walks in from the other room toweling off his wet hair. He smiles, “Good morning. Are you hungry? I can make breakfast...don't have much but I can whip up something...”

You laugh, “I'm fine. I actually have to get home and get ready for work.”

His face falls, “Oh...uh...okay. Well, thanks for last night. I really appreciate it.”

You smile and kiss him on the cheek. “Remember, just call me if you need me.”

“I will...Kitten.”

You look at him in slight confusion. “Kitten?”

He nods, “Your pajamas have a kitten on them.”

You glance down and sure enough you're wearing your black pajama pants with a teal shirt featuring a single black kitten. “I was in such a hurry to get here I guess I forgot.”

He shrugs, “I think we're about even. You've seen m in nothing but a hospital gown and now I've seen you in your pajamas.”

You laugh and shake your head. “I like you, James T Kirk. I honestly don't know why the doctor complains about you so much.”

He smiles and sees you to the door. “Later Kitten.” He says as you walk out the door pulling your jacket closed to hide the kitten.

A week later he calls again and you rush over to console him.

The week after that he calls you twice and a month later when he calls you grab a large bag sitting ready beside the door. The next morning he points at the bag. “Whats that?”

You pick the bag up and swing it over your shoulder. “I brought a few things. If we're going to keep doing this I need to be better prepared. Last time I was late to work and Doctor McCoy wasn't happy with me.”

You walk into the bedroom and drop the bag on the bed, unzipping it you pull out two changes of clothes and set them on the bed beside the bag. He walks over to his dresser and pulls a drawer out. “Here.” he says as he shifts clothes from the drawer into a desk chair. “You can keep your stuff in here.”

You stop and smile at him. “You really are something else.”

He blushes just a little, “I was wondering...if you would stay again tonight? This is a rough time of year for me anyway and I don't think it's going to be much better with...recent...events.”

“Of course I will.” You pick up your clothes and drop them in the drawer before turning to face him. “You know Doctor McCoy asked me if you'd taken any of those pills he gave you. He said he gave you a month's worth and he hasn't heard anything about them.”

“Did you tell him?”

You smile and slip your hand in his. “Even better. I gave him the full bottle.”

He kisses you on the forehead, “You're even better than in my dreams.” He says quietly.

You look up into his sparkling blue eyes, “I think I'm falling for you James Kirk.”

“Kitten, I fell for you a long time ago.”

That night after work you go straight to his place instead of going home. He greets you at the door, takes your jacket, and leads you into the dining room. “I got your favorites.”

On the table he has little white takeout boxes from your favorite Chinese place across town and a little vase with red and white carnations. You smile, “That’s really sweet of you but, it's been a long day and I really just need a hot shower and some sleep. I'm sorry...”

“That's okay. You go take a shower and relax I'll put this up and we can have it for breakfast tomorrow.”

You smile, “Thank you.”

You head into the bathroom and get the water started while he bustles around in the kitchen. When you come out of the bathroom a while later he is already asleep on the bed. Slipping under the covers beside him you snuggle down into the bed and quickly fall asleep yourself.

A strange but all too familiar sound rouses you from a deep sleep, you open your eyes to the darkness and feel the emptiness of the bed beside you. Slipping from the bed you follow the sound as your eyes adjust, he sits on the floor in the corner of the room, his knees pulled up to his chest, muttering to himself. You slide down to the floor beside him and put an arm around him. “I’m here Jim.” you whisper in his ear. “I’m right here.”

He lifts his head and you look into his eyes. The sparkle is gone and he has a far off look in its place, but it's more than that it's a look of pain and fear. You run a hand through his hair and hold him close.

“Where are they? Where are my kids? Are they safe?” He asks, his voice raspy and tired. He looks to you with unseeing eyes. “Is Kevin okay?”

You rub a hand over his back, “I’ll find out, you just get some rest okay?”

“Can't sleep. It's my turn to watch. Gotta keep them safe.”

“Don't worry, I'll take over for you. Get some rest.”

He nods and lays his head on your shoulder. Sitting in the corner of the room on the floor, you glance over at the clock, five am, the sun’ll be up in an hour or so.

Later that afternoon you knock on the open door to Doctor McCoy’s office. “Doctor? Could I speak with you?”

He looks up from the report he is reading and smiles. “Of course. What can I do for you? Jim giving you trouble?”

You shake your head and close the door behind you. “No sir, but it is about Jim.”

He sets the report aside and his demeanor changes. “Is something wrong?”

“Well, last night I found him sitting in the corner of his room and he was acting strangely. He was talking about some kids, saying he had to keep watch, keep them safe. Then he asked me about someone named Kevin?”

The Doctor sighs and opens one of the desk drawers. He rifles through some papers until he finds what he's looking for. “Jim has a very complicated history and he doesn't really talk about it. I found out about this in much the same way you did.”

He passes you the file and sits back in his chair. “We were roommates at the academy and one night I woke up and found him completely out of it. Talking to men like I was someone else, about people that I had no idea who they were. I asked him about it the next day and he refused to talk about it.”

You open the file and several photos slip out onto the desk, the top photo catches your attention and you set the file down. Picking up the photos you glance from the thin face of the sandy haired boy with the blue eyes to the Doctor. He nods, “That's Jim. That file will tell you what you need to know and some you’ll wish you didn't.”

Taking the photo of Jim off the top, you look through the others. Gaunt little faces stare up at you with pain and sadness in their eyes. “Three girls and five boys? Who are these other kids?”

He gestures to the file. “They were known as the Tarsus eight. Jim was the oldest, he found a total of eight or nine kids and tried to protect them. According to what I was able to dig up, when the massacre started he took off. He found Trent and Sara, both six years old, and told them to follow him. They hid in the forest while he went looking for others and scrounging for food. Most of them were able to take care of themselves except for Kevin Riley. He was the baby of the group at only four years old. From what the others said he was stuck to Jim like glue from the moment he found him.”

You look at the pictures in your hand and shake your head. “His picture isn't here.”

Doctor McCoy sighs and nods. “Just before help arrived one of the kids wandered off and Jim went to find him, Kevin followed him but couldn't keep up. By the time Jim got back, Kevin was lost. Starfleet arrived and took him and all his kids to medical. One of the girls didn't make it and they did a sweep of the woods but were too late to save Kevin.”

You set the photos back in the file and push it back across the desk. “Jim doesn't know Kevin died?”

Doctor McCoy shakes his head. “The kids were seperated, some went to live with family in other colonies and some ended up in orphanages. Jim was the only one that got to go home to a parent. I spoke to his mother about it and she said that he never talked about it and acted like it never happened.”

“He's tried to suppress it, but his subconscious keeps bringing it up.”

“Sleeping pills help some but I think you've probably done more for him than you realize.”

You smile, “Thank you for helping me understand.”

As the months pass you spend more and more of your time with Jim, gradually moving things from your house to his until half his closet is full of your clothes. He takes you with him to see how the Enterprise is coming along and the first time you see her up close you are completely blown away. With the memorial only a month away and the Enterprise re-launch scheduled for the same week you submit a transfer request as soon as you get back to San Francisco.

Since you were already working with Doctor McCoy and are living with the captain of the ship the request is almost immediately approved. The day after your approval you walk onto the floor at the hospital and Doctor McCoy shakes his head at you. “You must be crazy to want to transfer to the Enterprise.”

“If you think my transfer is crazy then you’re going to love what I’m about to tell you.”

He raises an eyebrow and folds his arms. “What could one of my favorite nurses possibly have to tell me that I don’t already know?”

“I’ve fallen for him.”

The eyebrow doesn’t move as a hand reaches out and touches your forehead. “Hmmm...You don’t feel feverish.”

You laugh and duck away from his hand, “I assure you I'm fine. He's different from what you told me. He's sweet, thoughtful, and generous. You know he took me on a picnic on the beach last weekend?”

“Maybe he's like that with you but the Jim Kirk I know is still reckless and crazy.”

You pat him on the back. “Relax doctor, maybe I’ll rub off on him more once we're on the Enterprise.” You say with a smile before heading off down the hall.

He shakes his head, “I just hope he doesn't rub off on you.”

[totallyrhettro]

The Lone Jedi, Chapter 8

Word Count: 2360 Rating: This chapter: G. Overall story: explicit Warnings: None Summary: Jedi Knight Rhett McLaughlin managed to escape the purge of the Emperor to become one of the last of his celibate order. After years of a solitary life, he finds himself with a former slave for a friend. Despite his efforts to maintain anonymity and the jedi code, he starts to realize that doing either is easier said than done. Notes: Star Wars AU; Events take place between episodes III and IV

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

*See the end of each chapter for additional notes on star wars terms*

Rhett POV

While Link was out by the river shaving, Rhett was in his bedroom with a small box of his own. When he had purchased the shaving kit for his friend, the jedi had made a similar purchase for himself. Now as he knelt beside his bed, he looked down at the box in his hands.

Ever since he was a child Rhett had been taught to keep his appearance neat and tidy, not for vanity's sake but purely for hygienic reasons. While he brushed his hair and beard, and washed his face (along with all other parts of his body) every day, he had not gotten a proper haircut since going into hiding. He usually just cut the ends of the hair with scissors when they got too long.

Now as he looked down at the small box in front of him, he told himself he wanted to do this because his hair had grown unruly and needed a trim. He ran his fingers over his bushy beard pensively, wondering how short he wanted to cut it. It had been years since he was clean shaven; he didn't much care for that look on himself.

‘I am more than due for a trim, though,’ he told himself. It had nothing to do with having a rather handsome guest now staying with him. Nothing at all.

It had been a long time since he trimmed his beard and hair, but he was confident his new tools would help him. Inside the box, along with a new set of hair scissors, was a beard trimmer and his own straight razor. It wasn't nearly as nice as the one he had just given Link, but it would do. He only needed it for his neckline.

By the time he had finished, there was a good sized pile of hair gathered around him. He looked himself over in the small mirror on his nightstand. He smiled, pleased with his good work.

‘Not bad,’ he noted, running his fingers through his dramatically shorter beard. The jedi looked several pounds thinner and maybe a decade younger. It was amazing what a decent hair cut could do. He couldn't wait to show Link.

Still grinning, he placed his new grooming tools back into their box and bent down to place the box into the satchel he kept by his bed. As he did, he noticed his lightsaber, which he kept inside the bag, wasn't lying in the exact same way as he had left it. It was a small adjustment, but it unsettled him. He couldn't shake the feeling that someone had moved it. Someone had touched it.

Rhett didn't want to jump to conclusions; he could ask Link about it later if he had been rooting around in the bag. It was possible the jedi was just seeing things. Besides, he couldn't blame his guest for wanting to find out more about the mysterious host. It wasn't as if Rhett had been entirely truthful with him, and he probably sensed it.

There was also the fact that, despite his obviously keen mind, there was no way Link actually knew what the saber was. The man’s intelligence could not negate his ignorance and Rhett was positive his secret was still safely hidden.

Somewhat satisfied with his conclusion, Rhett put away the shaving kit inside his satchel and drew the drawstring tight, laying the leftover string in a deliberate fashion. If Link went back to examine the saber, this time the jedi would know for certain. After making sure everything was in its place, and picking up the hair to be thrown away, Rhett headed back out towards the garden to find his companion.

Throwing the hair into a small trash bin just outside the garden, he walked on passed by the fountain. There he saw Link returning from the river. Rhett stopped short as the brunet and he locked eyes. Link grinned when he saw his new friend and walked a bit faster to catch up with him.

“I see I'm not the only one who had too big of a beard.” He pointed at Rhett’s newly trimmed facial hair. “Didn't want to shave it all off?”

“I don't look good without a beard, but I thought a quick trim couldn't hurt.” Rhett stroked his beard, thoughtfully. Link rubbed off his own face, seemingly pleased with the smooth sensation.

“I didn't like having any kind of beard.” He looked guilty for a moment and quickly added “but yours is nice. You look... good.”

“Thanks. You, uh, you look good, too.” Without thinking, Rhett lifted his hand to run his fingers over Link’s newly shaven face, but pulled away before he got very far. Link’s grin grew brighter at  Rhett’s words. Finding himself staring a bit too long, the jedi cleared his throat and pulled his eyes away to stare off into the garden.

“You did good while I was gone,” he noted. “The garden looks great.”

“I'm sorry I didn't get further, but-”

“No need to apologize. I'm amazed at how far you got, considering. I think you are healing quite nicely. Should have you out of those bandages in no time.”

“That will be nice.” Link passed his good palm over his chest. “Then I'll really be able to help around the place.

“You know, you really don't have to lift a finger here. I'm used to doing everything myself anyway…”

“I'd just go crazy, with nothing to do. Besides.” He wrapped his fingers around Rhett’s arm, turning him back to face him. “I still owe you my life.” The jedi felt his pulse quicken from the man’s touch. He knew he would have to get over this… whatever this was, and fast, if Link was going to be staying here indefinitely. Otherwise, life was going to be very difficult.

~

Despite the jedi’s reservations, he and Link quickly fell into a comfortable daily routine. After waking early, Rhett would go down to the river and bathe. Every few days he’d trim his beard to keep it neat. Afterwards, when Link woke up, Rhett would change his bandages. Link’s feet were all but completely healed after the first week, and his hand quickly followed. His back, bearing the brunt of his injuries, took the longest, requiring new bandages every morning for nearly three weeks. It was both a happy and sad day when he no longer needed them.

After Link bathed in the river, and shaved his face, he met Rhett for breakfast in the dining room. They would talk over a warm meal, usually about the chores for the day. Rhett repeatedly told his companion that he needn't worry himself about working, but Link wanted to help, to feel useful. He never spoke about finding Rhett’s lightsaber and the jedi never brought it up. They both seemed happy to just pretend it never happened.

During the day they would tend to the grounds, working on the garden, clearing rubble that had gathered in various parts of the continually decaying ruins. Rhett made sure they avoided the lower levels, putting off explaining them day after day. His personal work of copying down the old archives fell behind; he couldn't risk slipping away without Link noticing or getting suspicious. Of course telling him was an inevitable conversation, but every time he planned on having it, he found some reason not to, some excuse, something more important to do.

At night they slept soundly in their respective beds, Link always falling asleep long before his friend. Sometimes Rhett would watch him sleep, his tender face seeming so at ease despite such a rough past. He wondered what their future held, if they had any. He debated telling him everything, if only because he didn't like keeping secrets from him, but he couldn't. He couldn't risk it. There was no reason to, anyway. What difference would it make if his new friend knew of his true identity? No. He was better off ignorant.

~

One day, after Link had been living in the academy for over a month, Rhett found him in the makeshift stable. He was feeding the kybuck by hand, talking in a quiet, soothing voice and giggling occasionally. Leaning against one of the many pillars, the jedi just stood there, regarding his two companions in amused silence. After a minute or two, Link turned just so, and jumped when he realized he was not alone.

“You scared me!” he exclaimed, trying to hide the smile on his face. Rhett held in a chuckle, keeping a mostly straight face as he walked over to pet the large animal himself.

“I didn’t mean to,” he assured Link, petting along the kybuck’s long neck, not looking at him. “The kybuck likes you.”

“And I like him,” Link confessed, accepting the change in subject. He held up a fresh handful of berries he had picked himself. “I really think we should give him a name.”

“As long as he doesn’t mind.” Turning his head to finally look Link in the eye, Rhett felt his heart flutter. It was such a common occurrence now that he was almost used to it. More than that, he welcomed it every time, relishing the swell in his chest and the warm feeling that surged through his body. Part of him knew he shouldn’t let himself get carried away, let his emotions have full reign, but he didn’t care. For the first time in years, he was finally content. “What about Herb?”

“Herb,” Link repeated, testing the name on his tongue. “What do you think?” This last question directed towards the kybuck. As if answering, the beast snorted softly against Link’s open hand. “I guess Herb it is.” Rhett chuckled and patted the newly christened ‘Herb’ softly on his back.

“Well, I’m glad you both approve.” Herb’s tail swatted the air nonchalantly as his long snout tried to find more of the delicious food Link had been feeding him. Link gave him one last handful before brushing off the excess twigs from his hands.

“It’s a fine name,” he noted. “Maybe you can teach me to ride him sometime.” Rhett cleared his throat, nervously.

“Uh, yeah. That’s an idea.” He tried to sound optimistic, but Link saw right through him.

“If you don’t think I can do it, just say so.”

“No,” Rhett was quick to revise. “It’s just that kybucks… They’re not an easy animal to master. It took years for Herb to even let me pet him.” He gave the beast a few languid strokes to demonstrate. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again,” he continued, his voice much softer now. “Kybucks are powerful creatures…” Before he knew it, his hand had stopped moving, just resting now on the animal’s back. Link placed his own hand on top of Rhett’s, trying to sooth, but it just made the jedi’s heart race faster.

“It’s alright,” Link began. “I know you’re just worried about me. If you don’t want me to ride him, I won’t.” Rhett met his eyes and almost instantly he could feel himself being drawn into them again, but he had quickly learned how to avoid that trap. Looking away, he stepped back and took a breath.

“I think you’re on the right track though,” he smiled, trying to lighten the conversation. “Those berries are his favorite.” Getting a lopsided grin on his face, Link licked his palm.

“Mine, too!”

~

While Rhett was used to a mundane routine, Link eventually started to get restless. He didn't say anything, but he would often fidget in his seat while the two of them ate, and there were many times when Rhett caught him staring off into the clouds, lost in thought.

At first, when confronted, the man would insist it was nothing, but Rhett was persistent. He didn't like the idea of his guest being unhappy. Eventually Link admitted to feeling a bit antsy.

“I don't want to sound ungrateful,” he assured. “I just feel a little cooped up.”

“You're more free here then you've ever been,” Rhett told him. “Now that your injuries have healed, you can go wander the hillside to your heart's content.”

“I would like to venture out into the wilderness, see the sights. I just…” He looked over the distant canopy of the forest beyond the mountain, his lower lip tucked into his mouth. Rhett smiled, sympathetically. Link had probably never been allowed to go on regular nature walks when he was a slave. Besides, the one time he went out in the woods by himself, he had been attacked by not one but two vicious animals. He was understandably afraid of what lay beyond the safety of the academy's walls.

“We can go together,” the jedi suggested. “I promise as long as you stick close to me, I'll keep you safe.” Link looked up at him, his blue eyes warming Rhett's soul with their beauty and gratitude. “I won't let anything happen to you.” For a moment he was lost in those eyes, then he got a sudden idea. “Why don't you come with me into town. I need to replenish some supplies; were running low on cooking fuel and some other things…”

“What if someone sees me? What if -”

“You aren't dressed as a slave anymore. No one will recognize you even if anyone is looking for you, which I seriously doubt. You'll be just fine, I'm sure of it.” Link still didn't look convinced. After a moment of thought, Rhett got an idea. “What about your hair?”

“What about it?” Link ran his fingers through his shaggy, brown hair. He was used to it being a little long, with hair sweeping out over his ears like little wings, but even this length was a bit much. A trim might be nice.

“Maybe a haircut would give you a new look and make it harder for people to recognize you.” Rhett didn't fancy himself a barber by any means, but he could cut hair fairly well.

“Maybe?”

“Definitely,” the jedi confirmed, trying to instill confidence in his companion. “What do you say?”

Next Chapter

Additional Notes-

Lightsaber:  a weapon used by the Jedi, the Sith, and other Force-sensitives

Kybuck:  an animal originally from Kashyyyk. They look very much like the Tauntauns found on Hoth, if you crossed one with a horse.

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