#much like a human psychologically and as a result it develops trauma and the human lead has to help it cope with that

[resldue]

i did enjoy netflix's moxie Atlas a great deal. Im by no means a critic or whatever, and whenever I watch smth for the first time, most of the glaring issues or difficulties usually slip past my notice because im emotionally invested. these issues cannot slip by if im not emotionally engaged with the characters and their relationships with one another. as such i understand there are many problems i personally did not pick up on until they were pointed out to me, but i still had a great time with the movie. it made me laugh, and more importantly, it made me feel and even cry at the end, and thats what matters most to me.

overall its not a perfect movie. but in entertainment value, for me, it came pretty damn close.

8/10

[highseas-swede]

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

[sysmedsaresexist]

To the anon asking about my username...

There's a bit of confusion here, I'm going to answer many of your questions but I may not post the ask itself, hopefully it'll make sense :)

When I started my blog I was heavily anti endo and I specifically posted bad pro/endo takes, debunking or just laughing. To this day, most of it is still pretty hilarious. I wasn't focused on cringe, but totally crazy, out there claims that made zero sense and were flat out wrong. Check out my tags #shit endos say, #shit singlets say, and my newest tag, #shit anti endos say, I hope you have a laugh at a couple of them.

In my pinned post, you'll see the thing that started it all. A pro endo saying that sysmeds are sexist.

I would also like to know how they came to that conclusion. I'm right there with you. Also like you, I still have many issues with the pro/endo community. I believe CDDs are trauma based disorders. I post research pretty much weekly about it (check out #debunk and #research). I think endogenic plurality and CDDs are completely different things.

And you know what, my pro endo friends support me. We're all learning. I'm kind with my opinion, I'm open to talking about it, we debate, we share resources, we change our views and adjust based on new info.

This blog corrects misinformation from both sides, now. Some of it is worse than others. Antis can and do spread just as much misinformation as pro/endos.

What I would encourage you to do is start with the multiple selves theory. It actually developed right alongside Freud's theories on hysteria (which included early versions of CDDs at the time), and if Freud hadn't been such a perv, it might actually be much more well-known. It's a nonpathological theory on consciousness and philosophy. People have been describing this phenomenon for a very long time, "endogenic" is just the newest term for it. Here's a couple examples.

2015 - at any given moment in time, one or another of our subselves is in control and determines how we think and act.

1987

2012 - this one has so many links to other people talking about this theory

2023 - These results suggest that the normative principles by which agents have adapted to complex changing environments may also explain why humans have long been described as consisting of “multiple selves.”

2020

2010

Like I said, though, you can find this stuff as far back as the 50s with ease, anything older might take a bit more digging, but it's not a small or new theory.

I think an overlap in language has created a lot of confusion, but it's really not out of the realm of possibility for people to be more in tune with these parts of themselves. It's been documented for over a century outside of psychology, in other areas of research-- anthropology, philosophy.

I'm going to be honest, I don't think a single one of the headmate sale blogs are real. I think they're antis trying to start shit. Like maybe one out of every ten is actually someone misguided behind the screen.

Even CDD systems still incorrectly believe in core theory, endogenics picked it up from us and don't know any better. System resets aren't real, but there are real experiences that can FEEL like a reset-- try being patient and educating people. Ignore the others, because some people just can't be helped, and you're better off spending your time spreading good, accurate posts than arguing with people who don't want to learn anything.

I forget what I was saying.

Anyways, I'm a pro endo sysmed.

I hope you'll stick around and see what's going on.

[actual-changeling]

Do you think Aziraphale has been verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by Heaven as well?

I will answer this question like one asked in good faith even though my gut is telling me there's a 50/50 chance it is very much not one.

So!

There are two parts to his answer, or rather one question is actually two.

Firstly, we have to talk about whether heaven is abusive, what that abuse looks like, and how it differs from hell.

Secondly, how did the results of question one affect Aziraphale, if it is different from what the other angels in heaven face, and what additional trauma might he have experienced due to being on earth.

I could write a 10k meta post about this and go into the finest detail, but I will just try and stick to the main points for now. It's still going to be way too long because I am so fucking tired of people accusing me of 'hating' Aziraphale or harassing me on my posts or in my inbox.

Is heaven abusive? Yes, and it applies to both heaven as an institution and the Archangels running it.

Getting to know Muriel and what their life looks like was extremely helpful in properly defining this, because they showed us that although the Archangels tend to travel and work as a group, most of the angels are incredibly isolated.

The result is complete emotional neglect, which not only impairs your ability to form and maintain healthy relationships with other people, it also stops your from learning emotional regulation and how to behave and feel as a part of (angelic) society. We see the consequences of that in Muriel, who comes across as overly naive, socially awkward, and out of touch with not just people but themselves.

When your entire life has been shrunk down to what happens inside your own head, suddenly being confronted with having to live outside of your mind is jarring, overwhelming, and foreign.

How do you talk to people when no one ever taught you how to do that? How do you behave around someone after a lifetime of being alone? How do your regulate your responses to their behaviour?

Who are you when there is someone else to perceive you?

Figuring that out is complicated and it takes time, and while most of the angels are only distantly aware of how humans live and what kind of interactions some of the other angels might have, the effects of that neglect stay the same whether they are aware of it or not.

Muriel shows us that angels are not born/made as a blank slate, and neither are humans for that matter. Tabula rasa as a philosophical belief is one thing, but reality is very, very different.

Angels also appear to have the same inherent need for connection, for a caretaker that loves them unconditionally, for someone to help them figure out how to be, and that provides a safe space to make mistakes. Without some or all of that, you grow up into a disregulated, socially awkward if not inept person who does not know how to have relationships or how to properly exist.

It is one of the reasons why autistic people are a) almost always traumatized to some degree and b) do not know how to socialize. No one ever works with our brains, and the resulting neglect is very similar to not receiving any help at all.

If you are now curious what happens if you're both autistic and were completely socially neglected, the result is uh. me. Hi! Not nice, but at least I am very sure I win the award for being my therapist's most fucked up client, so that's something.

Yet the angels are not solely emotionally neglected, the system/household they live in demands a low self-esteem, a lack of individual identity, and complete adherence to a defined ideology and behavioural pattern. In short, you are told how to be a useless, tiny part in a bigger machine, that your only purpose is to succeed at your tasks, and any opportunity for individual development is removed or destroyed.

If you are now once again curious what that might be like, uh, yeah, hi once more. Obviously my childhood was not exactly like an angels life, but the core characteristics were the same, just realized differently. Again, not pretty, really, really fucks you over.

Take that and the neglect, combine it into one person, and then drop them in the Garden of Eden—hello Aziraphale! Crowley got dropped into hell first, experienced more abuse, and then dug his way up into Eden before joining him.

Aziraphale experienced everything Muriel (and Crowley, and every other celestial being) also experienced, with one main difference: He is the one who got away.

We have to remember that out of every single celestial being, Aziraphale got the best deal. He did not fall, he got out of heaven (more or less) permanently, and was then largely left alone.

Does that erase anything I laid out above? No, of course not!

It simply provided him with the opportunity to heal, to take his cPTSD and who knows what other disorders he developed as a result, and start recovering.

Canonically, heaven did not bother him, like, ever, except for the odd note about 'frivolous miracles' or ten minutes of catching up every millennia. They only started monitoring him once they started to suspect he was involved with Crowley and trying to stop the apocalypse from happening.

Aziraphale worked on some things, he got better in many regards, especially with Crowley there to support him, but after six thousand years, many aspects have stayed the same or regressed back to the start over and over.

I will tell you a hard pill to swallow now: If you refuse to acknowledge your issues to instead live in a world of nicer denial and compartmentalization even when you have been offered the chance to change it, that is partly on YOU.

Is it fair? Fuck no! It's not fair at all, and I have had so many breakdowns over that fact. I did not break it, this is not my FAULT so why should I have to fix it all on my own? Why do I have to do the work, not them? How come they get away with it while I am going to have to carry this for the rest of my life?

I still have to do it though. I have to do the work, no matter how uncomfortable and exhausting, because I want to get better.

-

This conversation has so many facets and is a lot more complex, but this is already long enough, so if you have any questions or want to know something specific (while asking politely and in good faith) just send me an ask; I will do my best to answer it.

-

We are now only missing the last part of question 2, and that one is also so fucking complicated reducing it to the main points almost feels wrong, but I will do it anyway. Again, just ask if you have questions.

Abusive households are horrible, and you want to get out and away, but they are also the only thing you know. The world is scary, too big, too open, where did all the rules go that were previously defining your life?

Surviving in an abusive environment means you establish routine after routine after routine for every possible horrible scenario, you write a mental rule book to try and reduce the abuse (don't make them angry, don't cry when they're already shouting, don't do this, don't do that, do x but not y), and THAT is your socialization. THAT is everything you know, everything you are, everything you know relationships to be like.

Once you are away from that, you are completely and utterly lost. Even breathing feels like making a mistake, you feel watched, judged, rated, berated, you have them stuck in your fucking head. So you keep sticking to what you know, your behavioural patterns that have kept you safe your entire life.

The problem is that they kept you safe, past tense. In a healthy environment, all of those coping mechanisms are now maladaptive and harm you instead of keeping you safe.

However, breaking out of them and starting from scratch is terrifying. So, so, so terrifying. I live in constant fear, I feel judged and unsafe in my own flat with the curtains shut and the lights on. I feel like I am about to get subjected to another one of his fits for daring to use the stove.

No matter what you do, your body and brain are SCREAMING at you that diverging from what you know will kill you—and then you have to do it anyway.

Do it alone and afraid and awkwardly but DO IT. Otherwise you will always find a way to recreate the environment you grew up in, whether that is people getting into unhealthy relationships and replicating the patterns they know (which Aziraphale does with Crowley, e.g. the push-pull of his affection) or eventually even returning to it because they ruined you, but a part of you is so, so attached to them you just have to try and change them.

Some people can move on from it without going back, but sometimes you need to try and experience that failure for yourself before being able to move on, and that's where Aziraphale is at.

He needs to try and fail to be capable of finally committing to recovering.

So, to summarize this entire shitshow: Yes, Aziraphale experienced emotional neglect and abuse, and while it is different to what Crowley went through and objectively less intense and physical, it is still just as valid and horrid.

Just because a car accident is objectively worse than falling off a bike doesn't mean the biker's pain is unimportant. Both can kill you, both can hurt you, and both deserve to get their injuries treated.

Questions?

[detransition]

it’s hard to consider the possibility that some of your dysphoria might have been “created” as a result of like, pre existing aspects of your psychology/trauma and engaging with what are probably (somewhat to very) misguided groups of people/ideology, but honestly, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid or fake. humans are social animals, we are very responsive to our communities. their words, actions, and ideas create realities in our lives.

it took me a long time to consider the possibility that my dysphoria wasn't innate, and even longer to acknowledge it publicly. but now i know it isn’t something to be embarrassed of. it’s very very understandable. misogyny sucks, dysphoria sucks, figuring out how to cope with dysphoria in a misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic world sucks.

generalizing my experience to others whose dysphoria escalated a lot as they engaged with trans ideology and community, i believe there’s a lot of potential for significantly improving that dysphoria through engaging with healthier communities and ideology

you have to use a lot of critical thinking, and you have to be selective about who you choose to engage with, open up to, and surround yourself with. this can be really, really hard to do, especially if you have a history of interpersonal trauma. working on developing self empathy and identifying the patterns of damaging relationships that you've had in the past is essential to being able to avoid being retraumatized as much as possible.

if there is a space you're wishing for, chances are others are also longing for that. try to create it on the scale that’s available to you. even if that’s just person to person and friend to friend. you can build something better.

from max robinson | thinking of detransition? you are not alone

[dwln-22]

How would you think the psychology of robots goes, or to the best of your explanation, say they are close to developing the same way of human thinking, such as how they process events that the ordinary homo sapian would see as traumatic, life-altering even.

Thanks for the ask!

To be honest, I think they get closer and closer to being more "human" with each line of robots. Until in the future where they have reploids. I don't really know much about the X series so I won't comment on them.

But I think robot masters are already pretty close to human thinking. The way I see it, even Proto Man could comprehend traumatic events. So the literal prototype of robot masters could understand trauma and react to it already.

I think the way they process traumatic events is finding all the contradictions/changes it brings to their original understanding of things.

Like for example, originally Blues probably thought

"Dr Light would never purposely hurt me"

But after the "traumatic event", his original understanding is challenged because now he realises

"Dr Light is planning to do something that has a risk of erasing my whole identity"

So now his original understanding of Dr Light has to change because of this new information.

"Dr Light would never purposely hurt me"

⬇️

"Dr Light will do something that has a risk of hurting me"

With this new understanding, he acts on it accordingly. By running away to save himself. Then when he comes back and sees Rock and Roll, the same thing happens :D

"Dr Light misses me"

⬇️

"Dr Light has replaced me and doesn't need me anymore"

So basically, Dr Light's biggest mistake is allowing his robots to respond to events and act accordingly. Just kidding, they probably respond to all events like that.

I think they'd constantly be learning and understanding things more. The same process could apply to any other event. Like I dunno, if someone thought

"Leaning back on a chair doesn't have any bad consequences"

then event happens (the chair falls)

"Leaning back on a chair too much will make it fall :("

Just like how children experience the world and learn to understand things. So i suppose they process trauma just like how they'd process any other event. The difference is the impact on their understanding.

Like maybe Gemini man used to think,

"My clones are perfect, no one could ever overcome them!!"

Then event happens (Snake man exists and beats him)

Result? ⬇️

Gemini accepts that he isn't perfect? Hell no!

I don't think it would be that simple, the robots also have their own personalities and ways of interpreting things. For Gemini man specifically, his main takeaway from that situation is...

"Snakes = DANGER"

So, instead of learning that he isn't perfect, he just becomes scared of snakes. Amazing. He learnt basically nothing.

In conclusion, I think the way a robot processes trauma depends on their individual personality/experience. So, just like real humans, huh?

Dr Light was truly successful in making robots with consciousness, but maybe a little too well because tell me why the hell you need a mining robot with thoughts and feelings.

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

König HCs

Because why not lads. These are some of my personal ones regarding the lore I’ve put together for him. TW: untreated mental illness, childhood neglect, burn injuries, surgical trauma. Uh, some other shit, too, probably. Idfk reader beweader you’re in for a sceader.

Bro has BPD. It covers a lot of the beloved fanon interpretation of him being clingy and hot/cold and scared of being left. He’s got Fear Of Abandonment Syndrome, and he’s like 10% more likely to make a fucky wucky on himself and end up sleeping in the forever box.

Source: I have it and my baby girl only gets the best of the worst from me.

H a t e s d o c t o r s. And hospitals, and surgical procedures, and anything of the like. He’s probably already got more health issues than a blue blood racehorse just from his sheer size alone - prone to heart issues and musculoskeletal strain - but there’s no way on god’s green earth that he hasn’t been through a handful of major procedures because he’s diagnosed with human knife block and bullet sponge disorders respectively.

Sub-point A: born with a cleft palette and lip. Palette was corrected, has a turned second incisor as a result. Lip was botched. Pulled a pot of boiling sugar off a stove and burnt a big-ass portion of his face, neck, chest, and stomach. Multiple painful reconstructive and corrective surgeries to deal with keloid scarring.

Sub-point B: psychology might help OTHER people, but HE is built DIFFERENT. He’s not crazy, you see, and if you suggest otherwise you’ll suddenly develop a case of Backpfeifengesicht and he’ll provide the violence. DBT? That’s Dick and Ball Torture, babey.

Despite this, he lies through his teeth at psych evals. He knows the “right” answers, and he is not going to get his livelihood taken away from him, even if it’s not exactly what he wanted. If he’s answering for his own actions, he can swerve and intuit what thing will calm things down the most and get him the smallest punishment.

Developed most of his wheedling skills as a kid, parents were neglectful as shit. Mostly disregarded him during his upbringing. Youngest of three, an eldest sister and a brother. Not in contact with any of them.

He’s 34. I don’t know if I’ve accepted him being a Colonel into my heart as my lord and savior, I’m still figuring that one out until there’s more concrete canon material besides a loading screen.

Grew up in a hoarder house of apathy, alcoholism, and depression and it was DISGUSTING. Black mold, water damage, trash everywhere, travel lanes carved through the most useless fucking junk. His parents bred Doberman dogs to sell as guard/security dogs, and some lived in the house, adding to the filth and destruction. He can’t stand a dirty house, and as an adult has an insane cleaning routine. Often stress cleans. You could eat off his bathroom floors.

He Does Not Like Dogs. Period. He especially hates Dobermans. He doesn’t like dog breeders worth a fuck either, good or bad.

Did not have any sort of media or anything as a kid. Parents didn’t spend money on tech or pop culture stuff, they were kind of stuck 30 years behind everyone else. His parents were older when he was born, he was very unplanned and not particularly warmly welcomed. Kept himself entertained out in the boonies, did a lot of reading, learned to juggle, learned to juggle knives. Had a big brokedown half-draft horse to take the kennel dogs on longer walks in the country, horsebacked a lot.

Soon as he was in the army, away from his family home, and living on his own, he got his first cell phone and computer and pretty much started living on the internet. He’s self taught in a couple of programming languages, very tech literate, halfway kind of lives on Reddit (narrowly swerved getting redpilled, thank fuck) on his personal time, and built his own PC set up. Built one for Horangi, too, and gives Stiletto advice on her own build when she asks for it.

H E H A T E S K L A U S

Bc I said so, everyone I love hates Klaus. All my homies fuckin hate Klaus.

König was raised secular Jewish, really doesn’t know all that much about it and didn’t get a bris or bar mitzvah, it’s just like Yeah That’s What I Put On Papers to him. Klaus is always getting in his shit about Austria and WW2. König’s grandparents made it out of the camps and went on to become: a microbiologist, a professor at the Austrian University of Veterinary Medicine, a multi term mayor of a small village/candy maker, and a beloved homemaker. The brilliance of the family seemed to leech out with each passing generation, and König sees himself as the dead end of it all.

König has rocked Klaus’s shit about the shitty jokes before and will do it again.

Favorite rugby club is South Africa, and he has an intense crush on Faf de Klerk even though he’s been traded to Japan. He’s kind of hot for all scrum halves tho lbr here.

Lunch break is over and this is ridiculous, will probably do more later.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Helloo, I'm a 24 year old INTP woman. I've been reading your blog for 6 years now. Back then I knew about type but not typology and cognitive functions. Your blog made everything very clear, as well as fascinating, so thank you very much for that.

I was interested in psychology, because I felt inadequate then and had a hard time relating to people. I wanted to achieve a lot so I knew I had to work on my weaknesses first, to balance everything. MBTI theory showed me exactly what those were. The stress was big too at the time, I was alone, abroad for my studies and I'm from a third world country, the adaptation was hard and I struggled a lot with that as well as other hardships due to material conditions.

Anyway, for years I've read some of your recommendations and digged deeper into the human's psyche. Into psychology and social sciences as a whole, even though I'm in a STEM field. I tried my best to work on my emotional intelligence and really choose a career path taking into consideration my type and aspirations, even going against my parents will to do so.

Since I've been working on this for so long and with awareness, I'd like to test my maturity, what can I do to know if I'm well-developed ? If I have a good grasp of my functions ? If I worked through my traumas ? Them, being beaten for the slightest thing as a kid. I'd love to tell myself that I do, but I don't think I have enough perspective to test it objectively, so what do you think?

Thanks a lot in advance, you're really doing an amazing work, stumbling upon your blog felt like finding a hidden treasure in some lost island in the vast ocean. One must be lucky and aware of its value to recognise the remarkable craftsmanship you put into it. You have my admiration for that. Wishing you the best in life 🙌

----------------------

I appreciate your kind compliments. Funnily enough, I also treat my blog as a hidden treasure chest of sorts. It's a place I stash gems and pearls (of wisdom) that I've picked up. I make them rediscoverable rather than just leaving them in the junk drawer of my mind, lol.

The way you frame the question is rather narrow given that "maturity" is quite a big and complex concept. If your question was sparked by reading the ego development section, there are reliable ways to assess it, but doing so isn't likely to provide you with useful information. There are a wide variety of factors that influence maturity, so it's not something that can be changed through sheer force of will. The process of maturation must be respected and allowed to progress at its own pace, rather than forced toward some imagined result.

Because maturity is such a huge topic, I'll limit the discussion to what I believe is relevant to INTPs. One thing I've noticed is that INTPs tend to confuse "development" and "growth". To be fair, these two words are often used interchangeably and their definitions can be quite vague in psychology. I'll explain how I distinguish them:

Development is about improvement of your ability to make good use of the inner resources you already possess. These resources include things like your talents, skills, and constructive traits that help you reach important goals or milestones in life.

Growth is about transformation, which usually involves a dramatic change to your attitude, perspective, worldview, or self-concept. When you "grow as a person", there is a significant shift in how you conduct yourself or live your life.

If you're science oriented, you can think of development as doing things to increase mechanical efficiency and quantifying the progress, whereas growth is like an unpredictable chemical reaction that creates a qualitatively new state of being. To distinguish development and growth in this way is not to say that they are separate. Purposeful self-development is one important factor that contributes to growth, but it is not enough in itself to cause growth. When INTPs believe that development is the same as growth, they hit an invisible wall as soon as they possess enough self-confidence to handle most of life's problems. What are they missing? Making good use of intellectual abilities, materializing talents, and improving skills will certainly help you be a more capable or competent person, but it doesn't necessarily help you grow into a more mature person.

Maturity (as defined by the stages of ego development) isn't a skill you can work on systematically like math or violin, and it isn't even an end goal in itself. Maturity is a side-effect of sustained psychological growth. If you want to know how to become more mature, then a focus on self-development isn't enough, it is also necessary to understand what spurs psychological growth.

If growth is like a chemical reaction that creates a qualitatively new state of being, then an important aspect of growth is actively exposing yourself to new experiences that have the potential to alter your psychology. Such experiences could be as simple as changing up a stale daily routine or as complex as moving to a completely foreign country. The key point is you are continuously learning new and important life lessons. This is why greater maturity also implies greater wisdom. Wisdom isn't just about what you know or how much you know; it's about being able to apply what you know with enough nuance, sophistication, and adaptability to create objectively good or beneficial results in everything you do.

Another difference between development and growth is there could be one method of development that works for many people for self-improvement, but there is no simple formula for growth. A new experience that significantly alters your psychology might have no effect whatsoever on mine. Why? Each person has their own unique lessons to learn based on what's happening deep in their unique psychology.

If you must learn from life experience in order to become mature and wise, then is it worthwhile to control what kinds of life experiences you have? Yes and no. Oftentimes, the experiences that provide the most opportunities for learning are the ones you find most challenging. Challenges usually bring some pain, so people tend to avoid them rather than use them as opportunities for growth. You shouldn't just randomly take on each and every challenge you see, but you also shouldn't exert such extreme control over your life that you miss out on unexpected or fortuitous challenges that would spur growth. The challenges you get to control are things like: pursuing higher education; stepping out of your comfort zones; confronting painful memories; talking to people you disagree with; etc. The challenges you don't get to control are things like being born into a dysfunctional family or suffering a tragic loss. Unexpected challenges are just as, if not more, important because they strongly compel you to build strength and resilience.

The advantage of knowing type theory is you get to know yourself better, especially when it comes to being aware of the challenges that you inflict upon yourself because of flawed perception and judgment. Being able to spot the weaknesses of your personality opens up many opportunities for learning and growth.

Are you able to identify all your patterns of function misuse? What do those patterns tell you about your challenges?

Are you successfully minimizing/mitigating instances of function misuse in your everyday life, i.e., meeting your challenges?

Are you able to use your functions optimally, i.e., to apply them appropriately and wisely to form a healthy relationship between yourself and the world?

Have you built up a healthy sense of self and practice proper self-care through introverted function development?

Have you learned how to adapt well to your environment(s) through extraverted function development?

Are you striking a good balance between the introverted and extraverted sides of your personality (i.e. neither is extreme)?

If you are on the right track in type development, life doesn't necessarily get easier, but you become much more adaptable to life's challenges. The results you get should speak for themselves.

If you are a mentally healthy individual, the desire for progress and growth never really ends, so it's natural to wonder about what more there is for you, especially in times when life is going relatively well. However, asking how to "test" yourself is kind of a suspicious question to me because it makes me wonder what the underlying motivation is. Sometimes, it's an indication that there's something wrong with the approach. A "test" implies there's a formula, but maturity doesn't work that way. You say you don't have the perspective to test yourself objectively? That is precisely how you know you have more maturing to do. When your perspective seems too small, then there's something you need to learn in order to broaden it. But I can't tell you exactly what that something is. You'll know it the next time you experience true growth. To paraphrase Kierkegaard: Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. This is the difficulty of being human.

What I can say is, at 24, you haven't lived much. You've still got much more ahead of you than behind you. You have a lot of lessons yet to learn. Personality type only tells you that some of those lessons have to do with your functions. But the rest is unpredictable. Some lessons come with the mistakes you'll inevitably make throughout life. Yet more lessons will come with the ups and downs of fate. And even more lessons will come as you get much older and gradually lose all the things you hold most dear.

If you want, I can give you some questions to reflect on for building self-awareness. Maybe some of them can lead you toward growth.

What sorts of thoughts frequently run through your head?

What feelings do you frequently experience?

What is your overall mood most of the time?

Are you aware of your needs and do you attend to them well? Are you aware that you have physical, emotional, cognitive, social, esteem, aesthetic, spiritual, and transcendent needs?

Are you aware of your passions and joys and give yourself enough space to experience them regularly?

Are you aware of your wants and desires? Are you able to explain where they come from or what motivates them?

Are you aware of your identity? Are you able to describe the things that define you as an individual? Are you able to explain how those things came to define you?

Are you aware of your worth? Are you able to describe your method of appraising/evaluating yourself, explain why you use that method (and not some other method), and justify that it is a good method?

Are you aware of how you are perceived by others? Are you able to express yourself authentically? Are you able to recognize and respect the authentic expressions of others?

Are you aware of the roles/positions you occupy in society? Are you aware of how those roles/positions affect your relationships with the people around you? Are you aware of all the duties, obligations, and responsibilities you have to yourself and others?

Are you aware of your moral values and how well you abide by them? Are you able to explain how you came to adopt them?

Are you aware of your core beliefs about how the world works? Are you able to explain how they came into being and how they influence your behavior?

Are you aware of the criteria/standards you use to define "success"? Are you able to explain their origin and justify them as being the most appropriate criteria/standards to use?

Are you aware of your aspirations? Are you able to explain why you've set the life goals you have previously pursued, are pursuing now, or will pursue in the future?

Are you aware of your potential? Do you have an ideal self that you wish to become? If so, are you able to explain how you came to construct that image of yourself? Are you able to envision more than one possibility for expressing who you are (other than what you are at present)?

Are you aware of your guiding principle/philosophy of life? Are you able to explain where it came from or why you chose it?

Mature people understand themselves more deeply than the average person. Depth of self-knowledge is necessary for making wise decisions in life. When you have meta-awareness of yourself, such as your needs, desires, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, motivations, biases, etc, you'll eventually be able to transcend your subjectivity as needed in order to operate more objectively. When your perspective seems too small (i.e. subjective) as an INTP, then you ought to use Ne to actively expose yourself to new knowledge/experiences that expand your horizons. By doing this, you should eventually encounter challenges that spark growth reactions.

[noctiselusio]

Park Junmo and his unstable self–image:

In The Worst Of Evil, we’re not told much about Junmo’s past (not really shown much of any character’s history really) as the story mainly focuses on the noir and crime aspect of the show. But we’re shown enough to be able to connect some clues and understand some of the reasonings and psychology behind our main character’s actions.

Junmo’s father was a drug addict, and his mom left when he was young. Obviously, this would have a detrimental impact on his mental health—which we see slowly spiraling out of control throughout the show. (Never mind the fact that the series mostly focuses on the ethics of it, Junmo is a cop who goes on an undercover mission and he has to fight hard to not lose his morals to all that he sees, all that he experiences, all that he does. And as compelling as that was, for this short rambling of mine I want to focus more on something else.)

And yes Junmo’s faltering morality is also a symptom of this disconnect he has with his own person. Junmo is confused and has no idea as to who he really is. His mother left early on and his father evidently was not a good one, we can imagine he had no interest in properly raising his son alone. I suppose the resulting trauma posed a significant hindrance to Junmo’s upbringing and development. Without an adult’s guidance, he was unable to properly develop a personality of his own. You need (healthy) interactions with others to shape your sense of self.

While I don’t mean to diagnose, or misuse psychology, or project on his character (forgive me if I’m doing any of those but also can you blame me, this deeply flawed character is so beautiful to dissect and read and attempt to read between the lines, behind the footage) there were some parts that made the light above my head switch on.

We learn that Junmo became a cop mainly thanks to his mentor: Seo Do Hyung.

He’s the reason Junmo didn’t stray off the path and became a cop. He gave him a purpose, a reason to keep going, an identity to chase after, and a sense of belonging. Do Hyung presents all of this to him, and Junmo holds on to it for deal life.

He gets married to a cop —born into a family of cops— and that’s kind of where it starts going bad again (including the wedding scene). Junmo starts feeling like… an impostor. Unlike his wife, his family is broken, he‘s unable to get a promotion, this all is an open wound that Euijung’s family keeps gnawing and scratching at until it scabs over and falls off. It’s sad, it’s tragic, but I don’t think that marriage had any hope of lasting.

Comes Jung Gichul—Junmo finds a new… place to belong, a brotherhood, maybe…maybe…maybe… a home?

It’s not that way at first, but the bridge effect is very real and Junmo has more than one close–death experience with Gichul next to him. And the more time he spends with him, the more humanity and vulnerability he sees from his boss, the more he hesitates.

And now, Park Junmo has a new name, a new identity. Which I don’t know if it was intentional or not: giving Junmo a new name and an impostor role—to convey his unstable sense of self.

Once again, Junmo is stuck, and he can’t —no matter how much he tries— figure out what he actually wants to do, where his heart lies. Who is he? What does Park Junmo want? How does Park Junmo feel? Who should Park Junmo betray? Should he act as Kwon Seungho or as Park Junmo?

But this doubt, this doubt hurts too. Because why should he be faltering? He’d spent so much time and effort to get here, sacrificed so much, and his wife is part of this too, he didn’t go through so much suffering just to fail his mission in the end. (He went through all that for Gichul.)

Do Hyung’s sacrifice settles it, Junmo is forced to make the final choice and bring the gang to justice.

But Gichul… Kwon Seungho couldn’t do that to him. Not until Gichul had really forced Park Junmo’s hand.

(Forgive me if there’s any mistakes or if this seems incoherent, this is my own interpretation and it’s been on my mind for a while and of course I had the urge to finally write it before a deadline. So these are my jumbled thoughts that I had to let go into the world)

[endogenicredstararchive]

Welcome!

Hello, everyone, and welcome to our little patch of heaven! I know I made an intro post before, but I feel that it’s become outdated already. So, after this post has been submitted, the old one will be unpinned, and possibly deleted, along with the original system intro post. Because all of our info will be in this one submission! Before we begin, please keep in mind that this page is a secondary blog! As a result, we won't be able to follow back! Now, without any further delays, let’s get started!

About the Host

My name is Shane, but you can also call me Sylum! I’m 29 years old. I’m physically disabled, chronically ill, and I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and inattentive type ADHD. I’m part of the Alterhuman community, meaning that I don’t psychologically identify as a human (This can also include spiritually for some people, but not me.). More specifically, I’m primarily fictionkin. I identify as an individual member of a fictional species known as the Buma from Final Fantasy VII– even more specifically, a subspecies that I developed, called the Icicle Variant. If you’d like to know more, please feel free to message me.

My secondary kintype is shapeshifter. A paleo shapeshifter to be more precise, meaning that I can mentally shift to any extinct species at any given time. So you may wind up talking to a living, breathing dinosaur at some point.

Important Info: Due to my anxiety, I may not reach out to anyone outside the system. If you’d like to talk, please send a DM. Please be patient with me, as it may take a bit for me to respond. If anyone’s up front aside from myself, they may answer in my stead. Please be aware that some system mates aren’t social. So I apologize in advance if they come off as rude.

Now, it’s time for the fun part! Let’s meet the system!

Note: I’ve decided to use an almost sci-fi space marine/military naming theme in regards to their roles. (I’m a nerd. Shush./j) Please be aware that the guys aren’t all like their source materials.

The Red Star System

Let’s get one, very important detail out of the way: We are an Endogenic System, meaning that we don’t stem from trauma of any sort. If you would like to know about non-traumagenic plurality, please check out the ICD-11, as it’s a tad more in date than the DSM-5. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on with member introductions!

Good afternoon! I’m Knockout, the Chief Medical Officer of the Red Star System. My job is to make sure that the host’s body is well taken care of. Everything from reminding Shane to eat, to administering medication, to checking blood sugar is my responsibility. I’m often at the front whenever Shane experiences some form of medical issue. Or, when he goes to see a human doctor. I often help him cope with medical anxiety whenever it rears its ugly head. Please note that, due to my job as a medic back home, that I may not respond to questions or comments right away. And please don’t ask me for medical advice. I may be the Chief Medical Officer here, but that doesn’t mean I know everything about human biology.

Heyya! I’m Breakdown! I’m kinda like a nurse, which is also what I am back home! I help Knockout with medical stuff in the field, and I help take care of Shane! I also double as a Security Officer. Ya know, making sure that our little guy’s safe and sound! I usually come out whenever there’s a physical problem that needs solving; like figuring out the safest place to park his chair. It doesn’t sound like much, but I promise you that it’s important work! Like Knockout, I might be busy with other things, so I might not answer right away.

Greetings. I am Starscream, the Commander– though Shane insists that rank and duty are two separate things here. Regardless, my job is to ensure our host’s physical safety, as well as maintain his psychological security. I am often at the front whenever he is under extreme stress, and needs to be removed from the situation. I am a boundary enforcer; I make sure that certain lines are not crossed. I suggest you tread carefully, unless you wish to face my wrath.

Hi there! I’m Nanaki, and I’m one of the system’s Councilors! My job is to help Shane through some psychological issues. I don’t counsel him in regards to severe problems, like his depression spikes, but I can help him with his anxiety. I can also be a listening ear if he needs to vent. Please remember that I’m considered a minor in human culture, so please don’t mention anything adult whenever I’m at the front, okay?

Name’s Cloud. I’m a Security Officer– which means that I protect Shane from anything, or anyone, that might hurt him. I’m always on the clock, so if anyone tries anything, you’ll have to deal with me.

Hola! My name is Miguel O’Hara, and I’m the system’s head Security Officer. I usually front whenever Shane feels threatened by someone/something. Or, if he’s experiencing acute distress. If anyone gets particularly outta line, it’s my job to make sure they get back in line. Because I’m my universe’s Spider-Man, and a protector of the multiverse, I might not be around all that much. However, I’ll try to respond, or post, whenever I have the time.

Sup? I'm Hawks, better known as Keigo in some circles on here. My job is to protect Shane from any perceived danger-- a Security Officer, if you will. As long as you're chill, I'm chill. Kay? I might be unavailable at times due to hero work, but rest assured: I'll post and answer any asks you send as soon as I get the chance!

Hey. My name is Kai Chisaki, also known as Overhaul. I don't really go by that anymore; it leaves a bad taste in my mouth whenever I hear it. I'm a Medical Officer I guess-- that's still up for debate though. I'm not always busy, so I'll be around more than most of the people here.

DNI IF YOU ARE:

Anti-Endo

A transphobe, TERF, Homophobe, etc.

A Pedophile/MAP.

A Zoophile.

An ableist.

Anti-Otherkin.

Anti-Fictionkin.

We hope to see you folks around some time soon! Thank you for taking the time to read all of this! We appreciate it!

[yuikomorii]

Greetings, I come with late night ramblings abt diabolik lovers. Big fan of your blog, I really like the side of the fandom which discusses the characters

Sometimes i wonder what it was like for the mukami bros to turn into vampires. Since vampires look so similar to humans the fact that they are a different species really slips my mind sometimes.....

So sometimes I find myself wondering what that psychological shift was like. The mukami bros were all pretty young and had grudges against humans in some way when they were turned, so parting with their humanity wasn't on their minds I think lol.

But despite spending lot of their childhood/puberty around vampires they still do act a lot more human like than the sakamakis. Granted, the sakamakis def have a lot trauma that compromises their ability to have any type of healthy relationship. But characters like ayato suggest that vampires aren't inherently incapable of the more "human" emotions (don't rlly know a good word for it mb).

I do remember ruki saying somewhere that because he is weak he stays with his family (not the only reason ofc, but having to band together/find strength in numbers to survive is a very human-like thing), yet he and his bros abandoned being human/ hold some level of resentment for humanity.

Anyways all that to say the mukami bros have an interesting relationship with their "humanity" and I'm overanalyzing characters in an otome game of which the lore is constantly retconned. Complicating this is the fact that we don't have a "average" or "normal" vampire to compare with

Also reject totally missed an opportunity to make a character that didn't want to be turned into a vampire, and had to struggle with the changes.

// Hello, thank you for enjoying my blog!<3

Hmm… If the person who becomes a vampire is kind-hearted and mentally stable enough to avoid wishing revenge upon someone or using their newfound vampire status as an excuse to treat people badly, I sincerely doubt that the psychological transition from human to vampire would hit that hard. Trauma caused the Mukami brothers to develop such a vicious nature, exactly like Yui in HDB did at one point when, as a result of being mentally broken, she started killing people in an After story. While pure-blood vampires do have their own set of morals and they obviously need blood to survive, I wouldn’t say they are inherently evil, taking into account that in LP and VC, some vampires were nice to Yui and the Diaboys. They are indeed predators, that’s something they can’t control no matter how much they try, but not all of them are malicious.

The Mukamis got rid of their humanity but they still kept acting like humans around one another because, after all, that’s how they were initially accustomed to. As for the Sakamakis… due to trauma as well, they were pretty twisted since childhood. I mean, most of them were the main cause something bad happened to any of their brothers in the past, therefore it’s to be expected that their relationship is not a healthy one. However, vampires are actually capable of experiencing human emotions, and Ayato is the living example of this given that he is confirmed as being the most human-like out of all due to the fact that he was already capable of displaying these emotions prior to meeting Yui (for example: wanting to sacrifice himself for his brothers, ruining Karl’s blue rose so as Cordelia wouldn’t get sad, crying when Cordelia died and, most importantly, valuing his life). Additionally, a vampire will begin to experience human emotions the more Eve's blood he consumes, so... that's basically part of the plan, according to what Karl said in Ayato’s DF route.

I wouldn't say the Mukamis hate humans; they held a grudge against aristocrats, but not humans in general, because they only see them as an inferior species. As for Ruki, the reason he would feel weak without his family isn’t only due to banding together or finding strength in number but rather it’s about them as his emotional support. Kou, Yuma, Azusa respect, praise and accept Ruki with all his qualities and flaws, therefore feeling needed and appreciated is actually what makes Ruki strong.

[anamericangirl]

(Girl who sent the two part ask here, just wanted to tac on something I forgot to mention 3/2 ) Something I feel is also criminally glossed over time and time again is the amount of children who feel uncomfortable in their bodies and or some form of dysphoria as a result of violation/ exposure to sex too young. Regardless of the form it’s in. (Molestation, rape, watching porn, etc) These are real issues. If you look up the statistics, the amount of “dysphoric” children (and adults, as well) who turn out to be victims of sexual abuse is appalling. And instead of giving them the support they need after these crimes, (THERAPY) we rush to validate a wholly unhealthy coping mechanism. It’s like someone witnessing a murder, and turning to alcoholism to cope, and instead of people discouraging a destructive behavior, people rush to make it okay to drink excessively in public and give them surgery to have an artificial liver put in so they can continue to drink as much as they want and being mad at anyone who questions these things. You’re not helping anyone by blindly affirming them, especially people who feel this way as a result of some sort of trauma. We are doing people a great disservice by saying, if you are gnc in any way, if you feel uncomfortable in your body, then the immediate next step should be some form of transition. The fact of the matter is, even socially transitioning kids has been shown to be psychologically harmful. And a lot of these kids are most likely looking for approval, attention, and praise from the adults around them, because that is what all children are naturally inclined to do. It’s how humans develop. And I never even touched on the amount of kids who these parents are transitioning in childhood because they like to do things that are stereotypically associated with the opposite sex. So many of those kids just turn out to be gay, or just straight people who aren’t a walking stereotype. Not every single action a child makes is a groundbreaking view into the inner mechanisms of their mind. There are little girls who at 3 years old will attempt to pee standing up and say “I a boy mama” and it means absolutely NOTHING. One of the key ways human children explore and learn (and have since the dawn of humanity) is by imitation. It’s normal and healthy for them to explore different things. They should not be chastised or pushed into transitioning (even if it’s “just social”) as a result of these behaviors. They’re starting from scratch, being formed out of seemingly nowhere, where all they know for almost a year of their existence is a womb, and then being thrust into this crazy ass world trying to navigate it all. Children cannot give “informed” consent. It is was and always will be predatory towards children and adults alike to push transition upon the mentally Ill, victims of sexual crimes, people who don’t fit into the stereotype of their sex, or people who are just fucking gay and that’s fine! You as a parent shouldn’t be jumping into rash decisions after a google search because your 12 year old daughter likes short hair and hates dresses. If you don’t think it’s predatory to push these things in the classroom under the guise of it being sex Ed and that it’s okay for schools to not tell parents what’s being fed to their kids or that their kids are internalizing these messages, you’re just a groomer and there’s probably no helping you. (May have sent this twice? Tumblr was being stupid)

( Last one I PROMISE 4/2) At the end of the day, if you are a legal adult, I don’t really care what you do with yourself, but your right to swing your fist ends at my face. So I and many others do have a problem with people demanding we affirm and conform to their personal choices (denying basic biological reality, calling them things they are not, giving them access to spaces that are not rightfully theirs, and pushing this lunacy on to vulnerable adults and children, to name a few) The amount of actual transsexuals (people who actually have diagnosed gender dysphoria) in the world is very few. The reason why where seeing more and more self proclaimed trans people nowadays isn’t because of “increased awareness and education” it’s largely because, being trans online is clout city if you wanna put it on social media, it makes it so you can behave abhorrently and be largely untouchable (or else you’re a bigot!), it puts you in a position to punish and cancel those you dislike by crying “transphobia!!” Every five seconds, it’s pushed upon anyone who feels unhappy with the expectations put on them because of their sex, are insecure or ashamed of their sexuality, or who feels uncomfortable in their body, and of course a big seller for adults and kids, it gets you brownie points, attention, praise, sympathy, and coddling GALORE. Are you a completely uninteresting person? Do you bring nothing to the table? Do you want some zest in your personal life? Just be trans! Now for a lot of people that’s too much, so if you’d like a lighter option you can consider our most popular package, she/they! (Also available in he/they and they/them). Kids have a hard enough time navigating the first 25 years of their life as it is. They don’t need more bullshit being pushed on them, especially not in place of actual therapy and mental health treatment if they truly have a problem.

I would again like to take the time to apologize to the owner of this blog, I know I wrote an absolute novel, and you’re probably going to have a hell of a time trying to post these and may or may not be bombarded by idiots as a result, but as someone who was groomed by several different individuals as a child I get incredibly frustrated with people trying to groom children out in the open (and make no mistake, it is grooming.getting these children alone, demonizing their parents, creeps online saying stuff like “I’ll be your parent now” it’s textbook.) and then emotionally manipulating people who question them by saying their kids are going to commit suicide. It’s not right to do this to vulnerable adults, but pushing your weird sex change fetish onto children is abhorrent and should be seen and treated as such.

It’s true and you should say it!

There have been studies published showing that many of those that detransitioned stated they realized their dysphoria was related to “other issues” and people aren’t paying attention to that!

When a child indicates they feel like the opposite sex it’s never like “oh that’s not normal let’s try to find out why they are feeling that way” it’s always “well that means you are the opposite sex so let’s go get that feeling affirmed and put you on puberty blockers.”

That should never be the first option.

Not to mention, like you said, being trans is “trendy” these days. The amount of people identifying as trans has gone up dramatically since the social media became a thing and there are so many testimonies of detransitioners saying social media was a huge influence in their decision to start transitioning because in those online circles they’re all just working to convince kids they’re in the wrong body and that they need to transition to be truly happy and not kill themselves.

There could be a myriad of reasons why someone might be experiencing dysphoria and every attempt should be made to get to the root of the issue and try to prevent the dysphoria from continuing or getting worse before you start “affirming” it. Because chances are, if it’s from something like abuse, transitioning isn’t going to solve the problem.

And I really hate how our culture celebrates the transitioning of children, and even adults, by saying they “found their true selves” as if they fucking know that. How do they know they weren’t their “true selves” before and this transition isn’t a symptom of a serious problem, like it usually is? Transitioning is celebrated as if people actually are born in the wrong body and are girls when they’re boys and boys when they’re girls instead of being seen as the mental illness it is.

These people need help and celebrating their mental illnesses and gender dysphoria and referring to that as their “true self” is incredibly disgusting to me.

[aralisj]

You are the first person I found that also sees autistic trades in Carmy.

Last year after the first season (I loved it so much! I watched it 3 times & some episodes even more often) I even came back to tumblr just for this series, I needed more content!

I saw so much of myself in Carmy, I never before saw a character so much like myself (although I'm a woman, from Europe & not good at anything at all).

All his struggles with other humans, it was like looking into a mirror, seeing myself.

So I got a psychological evaluation for my anxiety and other stuff. After some research I thought maybe I'm autistic. Getting officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder with autistic traits. I still have the feeling I'm autistic and at the same time I feel like an imposter for feeling that way.

Carmy is such a people pleaser, so unaware of how other people see him, his bursts of anger, his fidgeting with the spoon, wearing the same kind of clothes, him not understanding other people except in regards to food. Him getting used and abused by other people (NY chef, his mother and brother, even Richie but with him the punches at least back & does not only take it, take it and take it). Other people have to point out that his relationship with Claire makes her most likely his girlfriend, that reminds me so much of myself when I had to ask my sister if my boyfriend had shown interest in me because I could not say for sure.

And maybe I'm just projecting, but for me it looks like he never looks other people into the eyes just with Sydney (yes I do ship them but I do not mean it like that) and Richie. Maybe it's just me but I do not like to look into the eyes of people I do not know at all/well, it's hard work to do. But it's easier with people I know for longer and I feel safe with. I still let my eyes wander to be able to concentrate better but it's easier to look directly into their eyes. At least I think I'm better with them. Or it's the camera angles fault XD.

In regards to friends, do you think all the connection he does have in the culinary world see him as a friend but he himself does not recognizes them as friendships. For example Luca?

Sorry this is kind of long and I'm rambling. A long text just to say yes I see it too. :)

I had a very similar experience with the show. I watched season 1 twice and I think I'm due for a rewatch quite soon.

During my first watch I didn't really see the autistic traits per se but I definitely related to him. Especially when he talks about routines and being good but completely burnt out at the same time - that was my experience at school.

I started looking into getting professionally diagnosed right about the time when I rewatched and I realized his experience echoed mine especially in the ASD related stuff. I made a post about it, and I believe it really resonated with some people within the autistic community, not just as a headcanon.

I feel you, I haven't gotten my official diagnosis because tests are very expensive. Plus, I'm a woman and I have been masking all my life, so it's hard to get a psychiatrist to believe that you are actually struggling. Maybe there's some overlap with avoidant personality because my psychiatrist has mentioned it a number of times, and it would make sense for Carmy to develop a disorder as a result of his family trauma.

And yes, a lot of his "quirks", the things that make him seem high strung and shy, could also be signs of ASD. I hadn't noticed that he's literally wearing the same clothes all the time but you're absolutely right. The Claire storyline really shows that he doesn't know how to navigate relationships and needs it spelled out by someone else (and honestly, same). He's concerned with being "shitty" but doesn't know when he's being perceived as that and so he asks Sydney to be his gage (my sister is mine)

I think you're right about the eyelines, and I guess it makes sense in the kitchen, since there's always something to do, you can talk with people without looking them in the eye, or taking breaks in between. I like talking while I'm walking or in the car, no eye contact 👌👌👌

You make a good point that he isn't particularly aware of who is his friend and who isn't. When Claire called him and told him that Fak said he was his best friend, Carmy took a second to process and then agreed. He has no idea. And I think that also plays a part in being used by other people - if he doesn't know what friendship or a healthy family relationship looks like, he's going to take it all like that's normal, which is not great

I do believe that Luca and Chef Terry would consider him a friend. They took in one of Carmy's staff, no questions asked, just believing in his judgement. Especially Chef Terry talks about him with a certain fondness that feels very sweet. With Luca, they probably had a more competitive, sort of brotherly thing going on but they ended in good enough terms? I don't know, I'm just guessing.

Thank you for such a thoughtful and generous message! I believed that I would get backlash when I first posted about my feelings on this subject but everyone has been very kind and supportive (not everyone agrees but no one has been rude and I count that as a win lol)

I hope you have better luck getting a diagnosis, and that you get to navigate this chaotic world as easily as possible 💜

[oursonwithagirl]

2x01 “mad max“

significance of the

monkeys

it’s official that the duffers used Harlow’s monkey attachment style experiments to help write how el reacts to situations that come her way.

Harlow studies attachment styles with monkeys in the 50s and 60s. the theory was that infants would attach and cling to whoever is providing them food and comfort. this makes sense for el, she was stripped away from her mom and thrown in the lab, where she developed an unhealthy attachment to papa. her other symbolic birth is when she escapes the lab and is brought forth into the real world. who is the person that she sees and attaches herself to? mike wheeler.

in the experiments, it was originally thought that though the feelings of comfort and security are important, the only true need that newborns and young have is the need for nutrition. once the results were looked at and consulted, it was determined that there is a need present for both food and comfort at such a young age. both of these things directly impact growth and behavior, which is why animals and humans aren’t grown and developed in labs for convenience. if that were to happen, there will be expansive psychological and behavioral consequences on the subjects.

in the first episode of st2 mike begrudgingly throws away his old toys, and in the scene, a pair of stuffed monkeys are visible. these monkeys were out there within the shot to reference the harlow monkey experiments. mike and el’s unique situation and relationship compare to the social experiment conducted with the monkeys. they both suffer from survivor’s guilt, el especially because of multiple situations where she is the only one left alive. they’re trauma bonded to each other and in this moment mike is thinking of el because he genuinely misses her but he also feels like he can’t be apart from her, which is unhealthy.

as much better for el mike is than brenner, that’s still a 12-year-old kid and you do not want that to be the only support you have when growing up. because of these unfortunate circumstances, el has unhealthy habits due to the unhealthy attachments she is forming with unsuited caretakers. and the show has emphasized on and on about how much el needs and wants her mother back.

el has been needing familial love throughout the show. hopper is the healthiest father figure that she has. he is NOT perfect, and this gets demonstrated multiple ways in each season. but their personal stories are written in a way for them to end up in each other’s lives. el never experienced the love of a dad and parental love is what she seeks out. hopper lost his daughter at a young age and he gets a second chance with raising el.

as for mike, there is emotional neglect from his parents, which makes him much like another monkey in the experiment. he receives food, shelter, and the basic things needed for survival but he lacks the emotional connectedness and protection that he craves and also needs for his psychological development. mike and el hold 2 different dynamics, within this same framework, which is why they feel so drawn together.

[detransition]

it’s hard to consider the possibility that some of your dysphoria might have been “created” as a result of like, pre existing aspects of your psychology/trauma and engaging with what are probably (somewhat to very) misguided groups of people/ideology, but honestly, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid or fake. humans are social animals, we are very responsive to our communities. their words, actions, and ideas create realities in our lives.

it took me a long time to consider the possibility that my dysphoria wasn’t innate, and even longer to acknowledge it publicly. but now i know it isn’t something to be embarrassed of. it’s very very understandable. misogyny sucks, dysphoria sucks, figuring out how to cope with dysphoria in a misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic world sucks.

generalizing my experience to others whose dysphoria escalated a lot as they engaged with trans ideology and community, i believe there’s a lot of potential for significantly improving that dysphoria through engaging with healthier communities and ideology

you have to use a lot of critical thinking, and you have to be selective about who you choose to engage with, open up to, and surround yourself with. this can be really, really hard to do, especially if you have a history of interpersonal trauma. working on developing self empathy and identifying the patterns of damaging relationships that you’ve had in the past is essential to being able to avoid being retraumatized as much as possible.

if there is a space you’re wishing for, chances are others are also longing for that. try to create it on the scale that’s available to you. even if that’s just person to person and friend to friend. you can build something better.

from max robinson | thinking of detransition? you are not alone

[readypanda]

Welcome to my blog!

Figured I should make a pinned post so people know what I'm about and whatnot

I'm an aspiring author and maybe game developer if I can ever get through all the godot engine tutorials (and learn how to make good pixel art). She/Her, not a minor. I'll go by pretty much any variation of my username (Red, Ready, Panda, etc. whatever floats your boat)

I mostly just dump whatever random posts I like in this blog. I tend to go through fandom phases so expect to see a ton of posts about one thing followed by radio silence (it's not that I stopped liking that thing---I just have fairly short brainrot turnover) I also have a sideblog, @readydrone, just for murder drones content, but it's fairly inactive as of late (see aformentioned brainrot turnover)

My Wattpad: @FuzzyRedPanda

My AO3: ReadyPanda

My Royal Road: readypanda

Some media I'm very normal about are:

Netflix's centaurworld (lives rent free in my head and probably always will. I CAN TASTE THE THEMES)

Epithet Erased and Prison of Plastic by Brendan Blaber (rick shades,,, among other things)

Wings of Fire by Tui. T Sutherland (DRAGONS)

Jentry Chau vs. The Underworld (deserves more attention!)

Pokemon, unfortunately

The Owl House

Anything animated, honestly. I'm an animation enthusiast

etc. etc. etc.

writing stuff under the cut if you're just here for the fandom and memes

In terms of writing, some genres and tropes I like are:

fantasy (easy to read, also fairly easy to write given my style)

science fiction (idk I guess at the end of the day I just think robots and aliens are cooler than elves and dwarves)

drama (ooey-gooey character drama is my real specialty, fantasy and scifi are just flavors of the world tbh)

really great characters and character interactions

romance? sometimes? (bonus points if it's dual POV)

non-human characters (I just think they're neat)

I have too many WIP stories to list here, but I'll give a brief synopsis of some of the ones that are more important to me/relevant (since I tend to jump around which WIP stories I'm working on)

Fantasy drama about a human and a siren starting a band:

The human can speak to the ocean and plays the lute

The siren, due to an injury, can't talk or sing underwater and is fascinated by life on land

FIRST DRAFT FINISHED YIPPEE!!!

Dual POV but not a romance

the song that reminds me of this story: Moonshine by Caravan Palace

Science fiction fantasy drama about a cyborg and a flower nymph becoming bestiiiiiies (and maybe more 😳):

My oldest "finished" story. First draft is ~not very good~ so on and off I'm working on a rewrite to overhaul major story elements and prose

If you or a family member were sent this story in the past you may be entitled to financial compensation

dual POV like the other one, but this one has ROMANCE

the song that reminds me of this story: Blood by ANIMA! (this song lyrically fits better with the band story but I prefer its vibes for this story)

A story of undefined genre (maybe psychological horror???) about a girl who finds out she has "an unbreakable soul" and is offered a high paying job that involves astral projecting into other worlds as a result

I'm like 2/3 of the way through writing this one and it's...a lot? It's kind of depressing

the summary feels the most Y/A protagonist coded and yet the tone feels the least Y/A out of any of these. Like the main character is a plucky 18-year-old with special powers fighting a great evil (and there's a love triangle but only by technicality) but it's actually about her suffering intense trauma and slowly losing her mind and memories

What is sadder than a Resident Evil fangirl forgetting who Leon S. Kennedy is 😭

I mean maybe that's Y/A I don't read enough Y/A to say for sure

One POV, has some romance but it's mostly in the background

the song(s) that reminds me of this story: Hell Riders by M83 and the entire Murder Drones soundtrack

A post apocalyptic murder mystery with shapeshifting robots and one very mentally unwell girl:

Context? Nah

the song that reminds me of this story: Paper Boats from the Transistor soundtrack

that song doesn't really fit the murder mystery aspect but whatever

A monster romance (yeah this one's for the tumblr crowd) about a human volunteering for a marriage proposal from a distant kingdom to escape a toxic relationship:

This story is kind of a mess due to the heavy themes but I am actively writing it for whatever that's worth

I'm cooking but the kitchen is on fire

Maybe if I wrangle it into a reasonable shape I'll put this on one wattpad idk it's giving wattpad This one IS on Wattpad now! (As well as AO3) Title: Ashura, King Of The Dragons

the song that reminds me of this story: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John

If any of these sound interesting to you my ask box is wide open (please ask me about my stories)