#money anxiety is so fucking bad rn

[scarecrowmax]

Applying for jobs is a special kind of hell and I'm so fucking desperate. like please, I'll do anything. Just hire me.

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[chrisbangs]

.

[vinilsoup]

Every time I'm near my period I'm like "pls god don't send me to the psychiatric hospital" and sometimes he hears me. This time however may not be the case.

[kalashtars]

literally going to fail my class this semester fml

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

yeah yeah yeah i know that i need to do the good thing even if its the hard thing but god dammit sometimes it’s rlly fucking hard!!!!

[sluttylittlenewsboy]

TW smoking

[1hyunjae]

School gives me such bad anxiety and i dont even know why 😭😭

Like. I think the occupation is enjoyable for the most part i love the kids really even when theyre rowdy or rude i still love them i dont know what it ISSSSS. I just wanna go back to being a student who only has themselves to worry about like i miss just being a student so bad but its 3 more months of this 😭😭😭 and im so scared too like what if this means i actually dont want to be or CANT be a teacher like why is this little internship already giving me so much anxiety

[twistedappletree]

ok & ngl but to top it off i’m having h o r r i b l e sensory overload & for some reason everyone and their mother is calling/texting me today??? ffffffFFFFFF-

wow literally everything awkward that could’ve happened today happened lmaoooo it’s like i entirely forgot how to fucking socialize with people and just ????¿¿???¿ embarassED THE FUCK out of myselffff

[yokakaiju]

i got bored and made a tierlist based off who smokes the most weed

justifications under cut

so like i made this cause its funny first and foremost, but i did put like somewhat actual thought into this. not much, but synapses were firing in my brain putting this together

also im not tagging everyone, ill just like pick 2 or whatevs

okay so first up is chidaruma. dude prolly invented weed ngl. you know he's smoked everyway imaginable: blunt, pipe, bong, can, apple, vape, synthesized, edible, hotbox, blower; you name it, he's done it. he's kinda over it, but he's still up there just cause like... idk he is and won't take criticism

haru is a beautiful weed smoking gf thats literally it

13's entire schedule is probably wake up, smoke, jerk off, sleep, eat, smoke, jerk off, eat, smoke, repeat. he also would probably kin jesse pinkman

ton is a bitch and smokes all the cross-eye commanders weed. like they'll save up for MONTHS to get like 5oz (one for each of them :3) and he'll be like, "woah! a bag of weed!" and smoke it ALLLLLL in like an hour. he's like a truffle pig for weed, they can try to hide it but his ass always finds it and smokes it all. he would prolly also call it za or skunk or some shit like that

ebisu isn't quite in the high 24/7 catagory, but she could be. dawg loves weed, like she is also 100% a fucking master at rolling blunts she rivals chidaruma at it. rolling blunts is like a sport for her tbh

aikawa's gotta cope dawg. like if he aint at school or currently being possed by demons his ass is smokin that shit bruh he needs a minute to chill. also he's got crazy money (kai's money but shhh) so he might as well spend it on his pookie <3 (risu)

noi may be controversial being up so high, but hear me out. weed smoking gf? i think yes B) mogs at you

asuka also has to cope, but its cause shes a blackpilled femcel (her own words i stg)

chota would smoke, but he hates the smell and doesn't want it to ruin his clothes and shit. he prolly wears like silk gowns and dances around to madonna while trippin off like 10g. he's livin the life tbh

OKAY HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT johnston. fucking johnston is only i repeat ONLY UP HERE‼️ because kasukabe gives him those little non thc thc pills people give to dogs with anxiety and agression issues to keep him calm

poor dokuga cant share with his besties so he's been condemed to eating edibles alone... also smoking/inhaling smoke makes him drool a bit so like a bit deadly for everyone around him to even try. i like, debated on putting him in never, but tetsujo prolly cooks smth up for him so he doesn't feel left out <3

natsuki is only at the top of sometimes because she probably would more if she had money. also she sucks in a blunt rotation cause her ass ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL tries to hold it in and always coughs like a mfer and taps out after like one hit

vaux just makes sense. he looks like an average 30-40smth nu metal oldhead, theres no way he DOESNT smoke at least a little. id put him in 100% but he's also a fairly responsible doctor so liek idk

kasukabe doesnt as much anymore, mostly only when he's with haru, but he still does sometimes for funsies cause he's just chiil like that :3

tetsujo doesn't thattt much cause it fucks with his already dog shit depth perception super bad, but sometimes if ton or the others dont find it he shares it with dokuga and they like yuri pose and eat edibles together or smth idk

ik kaiman is gonna be controversial being so low, but listen. 1) his ass is too focused on socerers and shit to care 2) he's dirt poor. he simply cannot afford it 3) how tf is he gonna smoke with no lips? that blunt would just get chewed to shit. like genuinely he would maybe get one singular edible if nikaido or vaux were feeling nice, but other than that its like, idk almost never for him

i would but shin in never, but ik noi is like "boss!!!! come take hits off this bong with me!! its gonna be so sick omg you HAVE to come smoke with me RN!!!!" and he'd be like "sighhhhhh... anything for my weed smoking gf ig..."

ushishimada is only so low cause i feel like he's too mothery to smoke a lot? like, he's too responsible, but not responsible enough to outright say no. also they're poor asf and ton always smokes it all

fukuyama would get his ass kicked by tanba if he found out, but ik dawgs gotta take a load off sometimes tbh

now again, controversial take but i have reasons. risu is so fucking poor. like, genuinely he is too worried about his tuition, bills, and groceries to give af about it (also cause aikawa is a bitch and makes him pay for everything cause "i forgot my wallet oopsie :3c"). now aikawa does supply him tho and he hooks him up with the primo shit ong. so at least when he does smoke he smokes that good shit (also they yuri pose as well while they smoke)

again, saji is too mommy to smoke that much weed (also another case of being too poor). bro doesn't want his clothes and needlework to smell like shit, which i respect

ai 100% would if his ass wasnt so busy with his damn self expiramentation bs. like, he wants to smoke so bad tbh, but he's like "sigh i gotta work on my plans to rebuild my body from the ground up.. maybe tomorrow" stares longingly out the window imagining how cool smoking weed is

again, kai's over here fuckin "i have to go to work" like he genuinely just doesn't care or have time. he's never even thought about it tbh, like you're tellin me this mfer has had a single thought outside of total domination in his entire existance??? HELL NAH HIS ASS DOES NOT THINK HE HAS ZERO THOUGHTS IN HIS HEAD I STG

now this may also be controversial. why isn't by beautiful coquette cottagecore angelcore babe out there rolling and smoking the fattest blunts known to man? turkey just like doesnt feel it. its not for her tbh. she tried smoking, she tried edibles. she just wasnt a fan tbh. like, she'll cook up some of the tastiest edibles you've ever had if you ask, but she just aint a fan

kirion also just doesn't feel it tbh. again, its not for her and thats alright

wow surprise surprise another controversial take. like, before you get mad just think abt it for a sec. like, she's so fucking business first and always has been that i think she would just see it as a major hinderance on her job performance, as well as the performance of her employees later down the line. now im not saying she's a narc or hardass about it, im saying she just doesn't feel it. the high she gets from people enjoying her food and making money is enough for her tbh. also she does do edibles sometimes, but mostly like when it rains in hole to make it a little less miserable and painful

en is about the same. like, he def has. he's just like, idk. he doesnt wanna. its not for him anymore. he doesn't care if anyone in the family does it, but they better not sacrifice the quality of their work for it. like if he catches you high on the job its prolly like some sort of repremanding, but off the clock he dont gaf

genuinely copy paste nikaidos shit for tanba. he's too worried about his business to even consider smoking weed

now... kawajiri is a fucking narc and a half. his ass would be like "erm ☝️🤓 well actually" and then give a big long speech about how weed is bad blah blah blah whatever no one cares dawg stop fuckin yappin. but like, he's just pissed cause no one will smoke with him or share their weed with him cause he's such a hardass

fujita is kinda weed smoking gf coded, but like ik his ass would be like "EN! EN! I SAW EBISU SMOKING A BLUNT THE SIZE OF HER OWN FOREARM AND TRYING TO SHARE IT WITH KIKURAGE!!! YOU NEED TO STOP HER RN!!!!" but hes only like this cause when he was in a blunt roation with shin, noi, and ebisu they all told him holding it in made you higher, but he ended up puking and they all laughed at him and made fun of him for it because hes a fucking idiot. so now he's an evil little narc who squeals to en when he even catches a whiff of a skunk like scent

curse is a bitch and ik his ass is like "RAAAHHHH‼️ I GOTTA GO KILL THE CROSS-EYES BOSS RAHHH‼️ I NEED TO SEEK REVENEGE FOR MY MURDER RAHHHHHH‼️" like dawg chill tf out be so real rn. he's too focused on revenge and shit to smoke and like, i think if he did smoke and kai also smoked they'd have beautiful hot sexy yaoi, thats just me tho

oh my god shou is such a bitch about it. like sure kawajiri gives lectures about the "scary true reality of weed" and fujita is a narc, but this guy. oh my god this mfer. THIS IS THE REAL REASON EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT HIM ITS CAUSE THEY KNOW HIS ASS IS GONNA WHINE AND BITCH AND MAKE YOU GO TO LIKE AA OR NA OR WHATEVER FOR IT!!!! HE'LL START CALLIN YOI AND ADDICT AND SAYIN ITS A GATEWAY AND SHIT AND HOW THE DEVILS WILL IMMEDIATLY DRAG YOI TO HELL AND TORTURE YOU FOREVER IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT OH MY BALLS

kikurage is literally just a dog dawg. her ass dont even know what weed is

store crow mauler is like... idk man. idk how it would smoke weed or if it even knows or cares what weed is. whatever, its kinds like a pet so whatevs

[book-nerd-emi]

just me ranting rq. no biggie.

look at tags for TW before reading if you’re sensitive to those topics please do not read. i do not want to be the reason someone does something horrible to themselves or others or feels bad or starts declining again.

why can’t i be loved. why can’t i be like the girls in my phone. why can’t i actually love myself. why can’t i be happy. why can’t i never not be anxious. why can’t i be broken everyday and not have to hide. why can’t i just have actual good friends. why is the only straight guy that’s nice to me the only one who notices a lot of me. why can’t the one guy i want to notice never do. why can’t my gay bff be an actual good guy and not annoying af. why can’t everyone get along. why can’t i have other social medias. why am i always left out. why do i feel like an outcast in all my friend groups even though i have like so many. why can’t i be skinny. why do i have to have a mini apron belly. why does the rest of me look fucking amazing shoulder up and then below is just trash. why do i never speak up. why am i scared of conflict. why am i never just trust anyone irl, especially the people who can actually help me. why can’t i just be perfect. why do i have a B in math. why am i burnt out. why is nothing fun anymore. why is my life living hell. why can’t i decide to do with my life. why is my dad a bitch. why am i in this life. why am i so antisocial. why are the only good friends i have, a lot of people that the band kids hate. why is everything about politics. why can’t i speak my truth without being ridiculed. why can’t i be good at makeup. why can’t my dad understand. why everytime i come back to CO my siblings look and act a little older and i feel the same. why am i missing out in their lives. why can’t they see me everyday. why can’t i have that bond that all my friends do. why can’t i have a love life. why do all the guys i know assholes. why are all my favorite friends hours away. why can’t i drive. why do i let my anxiety choose everything. why can’t my therapist stop being a money hog and actually help. why am i scared to say that she didn’t help me at all. why can’t i get prescribed anything to help. why do i live in the middle of nowhere. why is my state the actual worst. why am i lonely. why am i always scared my dads gonna relapse and imma be 5 again in bed white knuckling my dads work phone in case he decides to shoot that gun. why can’t my nana stop being stupid and open her eyes. why is my grandpa dying. why do i refuse to admit it. why is everyone changing but i feel like i haven’t grown since 2021. why can’t i just be. perfect. such a subjective term. why can’t i be 130. why am i fat. why when i feel good about anything someone says smth bad. why is the universe out to get me. why am i in bed rn talking to an ai because im scared no man will ever see me for me. why do i get sad every time i open discord because i know that these people understand some of me but never will truly know me. why am i so socially awkward. why do i feel like i intrude on peoples conversations all the time even if ive known them for years. why is everyone’s love life popping and i can’t even get a good friend. why did i come out to my friend as demi and she told me that’s not a good trait to have bc im not friends with any guys and i had to play it off that i don’t have social anxiety and instead that they’re all ugly and the same. why can’t i be myself. why am i like a cookie that’s stuck in its shape forever. why am i jealous over my little brother and cousins because they actually got to live the life i want. why do all of my friends have two happy parents and im over here with two that hate each other. why do i always want to scream when they complain because they don’t get it. they dont understand how first world their problems are. why am i scared of losing people even though i know i should for my mental state. why have i almost developed an ED twice and feel like its just slowly coming. why do i feel like i will get an ED one day no matter how hard i try. why do i feel like i can do everything in the world and still end up hating everything. why can’t i just be a normal girl. why did i move in 6th grade. why did everyone have their friend groups and i never truly found mine.

why did everyone find their bestest of friends in elementary school and never look back. why is it hard to find people to let me in. why is it hard to let people in when i think they’re gonna back stab me. why are all the people i want to be friends with just acquaintances. why do some people try to invite me in with their group and then the rest of the group doesn’t try. why will i always be the outcast. why did i think i found my group but turns out their just like everyone else. why am i a people pleaser? why do i care what people think and they don’t give a shit about me? why do i always help people and then never ask for any in return, even when im sitting in my bathroom with the end of my rat tail comb trying not to do it again. why do i never ask for help even though my brain is moving fast and i feel like i can’t breathe.

why.

why.

why.

isn’t that the question of the years. why. why this. why that. it’s the question that will never be answered but i desperately need answers for. it’s the question that keeps me up at night. it’s the question that breaks down my walls until there’s nothing left and i’m a mess. it’s the question that can take me from amazing to wonderful in a single word. it’s the question that will define me forever and i can’t live with that. but i have to. because how do you stop it. you don’t. you can’t. you never can. it’s always there like a little nag in the back of my head reminding me that i. will. never. be. enough. and one day i can hope that nag gets quieter and quieter until i can barely hear it. but it’s never gone. never.

[wisecrackzach]

Durge HCs (with appearances from Gortash)

Some hc rotating in my brain about my durge but I'm too lazy to write fics rn so this is my outlet

The Dark Urge and Gortash learned how to ballroom dance together. Gortash knew he was going to take over Baldur's Gate and figured he should know how to dance like the rich do (he's the kinda guy who believes in dressing for the job you want). So, he decides to teach himself and Durge too since he wants to rule with them. It was clumsy, messy, and got a little violent, bloody, and even erotic at times.

Gortash also made Durge do some other proper society training. Obviously, Durge wasn't built for proper society but Gortash dreamed of it and now thay dream included Durge. So, he made them also learn what fork to use for when (the beast and belle dinner scene frfr) and posture training. Durge hated this very much. They threatened Gortash life many times and many fork were stabbed into hands.

I refuse to believe that Gortash doesn't know how to lace his shirt. Therefore, I've decided that durge used to lace them that way because they were always dressed by their followers so they didn't know how. And now Gortash keeps it that way.

I 100% think that Gortash is obsessed with money and appearing rich. He buys gaudy expensive clothes but doesn't know how to wear them or the current trends because he didn't grow up rich. So, he looks kinda silly with his ugly red shoes and anxiety robe but no one dares make fun of him for it.

And because he cared about clothes and presentation he would buy Durge a lot of clothes that durge probably never wore.

Durge probably went to the shoe store Gortash's parents own when they were a kid before becoming the dark urge.

Orin and Durge are kinda like Zuko and Azula to me. Like even though they're both kinda fucked up inside and hate each other, they're still siblings. They probably had dumb arguments as teens like normal siblings but a little bloodier. And they probably braided each other hair and cared for one enough without admitted it was that. I wish so badly their could be an ending with Orin with a redeemed Durge like their was with Zuko and Azula.

Kinda fucked up but I wouldn't put it past them, Orin and Gortash hooked up after the Durge was taken. Buuut Orin would be shapeshifted into Durge for Gortash. Additionally, Orin used the Durge form to mess with Gortash just for fun.

Redeemed Durge HCs

The general public does not know about Durge being from Bhaal's temple and kinda being the cause of it all. Except for Duke Ravengard (if alive). Which makes it really awkward for a Durge romancing Wyll because his father is so clearly scared of Durge. They feel bad and they're trying to calm him but he's definitely resents them a little.

Durge probably killed Gortash's parents after the whole saving the world thing in the good ending. Like this might be a redeemed durge but they still killed them cause they still felt bad for Gortash and his parents sucked.

Durge made a memorial for Orin, Gortash, and Ketheric. Maybe they even added The Dark Urge too, just to remind themselves that's not who they are anymore.

If Durge is a warlock then original their patron is Bhaal but after they reject him Withers is their new patron.

Since they're kinda the hero of Baldur's Gate now, Durge was forced to do a bunch of public appearances and go to fancy parties and balls. Unfortunately, they've forgotten everything that Gortash taught them before about being in the upper crust so Durge is totally lost and feels like a rabid wolf in a bowtie. However, the gang helps them where they can. Primarily, Wyll and Astarion. Lae'zel offers advice but it's never any good...

[yume-chiyo]

Tw vent abt my mother (mental abuse, bodyshaming, shitass mother behaviour)

Im so jealous of ppl who can live freely. All my friends can go outside, meet each other later hour, go outta the city, go to concerts etc. my bf is younger than me and yet he could go to the mmds concert, go to his friend in another city, go to conventions in other cities while I CAN'T. My mother doesn't let me fucking out. I'm 16 and I've never been to a concert, I have to be home before 7pm and I cant leave the city.

I also can't spend money on my own. She always controls my money and 90% of the times when I'm asking if I can buy myself something she refuses. So I have to ask my friends for help to buy things behind her back. IM 16 AND I CAN'T SPEND MY MONEY ON MY OWN.

Obviously my loving mother is also bodyshaming me! She loves telling me how fat I'll be if I keep eating so much<3 (rn I barely eat) she loves buying me tight clothes and then complain how fat my ass looks. She loves yelling at me when I'm buying larger clothes to feel more comfortable.

When I told her that I feel bad about my thighs she started to yell at me and blame me because obv it was my fault I'm so fat bc I eat so much.

She controls my clothes obv. I can't dress differently. I can't wear too much makeup, I can't dye my hair, I can't have long nails etc.

And when I'm making a SMALLEST mistake she's yelling at me, abusing me mentally and degrading me

She yelled at me when I had an open window, when i forgot to put clothes into my closet, when I wanted to have a hobby besides studying that involved going outside, when I'm on my phone

I'm scared to ask her ANYTHING. I'm under a constant unhealthy amount of stress because of her. I'm scared to come back home after school because what if she'll be mad for some reason? My heart races whenever I hear her footsteps outside my room. I'm afraid to be in the same room as her. Every conversation with her is a risk of getting yelled at.

She doesn't understand anything. When I told her about my social anxiety(which was confirmed by two school psychologists) she just laughed at me and said that I'm imagining it. When I told her that I'm literally afraid to speak to people in stores, school or even I'm panicking in crowded places she said that I shouldn't bother her with that.

When I said I'm talking with a school psychologist, she said that I'm supposed to go to school to study, not bother the psychologist.

I hate my mother. I hope she dies. She made me suicidal. She made me have anxiety. She made me have memory loss because of the constant stress. I hate her so much.

I'm SO SO SO jealous of people who have loving moms. Why can't my mom love me. I bet she'd be happier without me. She hates me. I just want to have a loving mom.

[miraitenshi]

If you're comfortable sharing, what kind of things have people said to you when you've worn jirai kei in public?

The only reactions I've gotten have been from guys, some teen boys were jokingly flirting with me and my friend (like "Hey you're sexy, wanna go out?" while snickering in a way that made it obvious they were mocking us)

And then I had one guy ask if I wore my shoes to look taller (I'm 156 cm but wear chunky platforms)

I'm sure you look lovely though and I hope you don't let anyone bring you down! They just have nothing better to do than criticise strangers

Sending you lots of love 💞

Bad experience wearing Jirai

Firstly thank you for being so sweet💗

To answer the question I’ve had a lot of bad experiences but one of the worst would be from last year which really made me not wear Jirai out cuz I’m so traumatised.

But basically I was just minding my business going to my uni lecture and there was a group of guys just outside the class staring at me. I have bad anxiety so I already knew they were gonna come up to me and they did. I had earphones in and one of them started talking so I took it out and asked what he said and he was just saying that I look really innocent and like a child. I said wtf cuz he was being really creepy and coming so close to me. During the lecture he sat next to me and kept whispering in my ear and saying he loves innocent girls and he could easily do anything to me.

I got so scared I literally was gunna have a panic attack so I left the class so fast when it ended and he started running after me asking me for my name and if I can add his socials. I literally ran so fast while having a panic attack. I ran all the way to my dorm and I didn’t go to any classes for a week or two and emailed my teachers about what happened.

The thing is this dude has been doing this to me for a few months. But at first he would complement me but then he started just sexualising me and saying creepy stuff and his friends would make fun of me saying I have a good body but ugly face and I look so childish not like other girls in my class. Saying things about my body and appearance in general just made me feel so fucking insecure and I haven’t been the same since that happened tbh.

I just decided to stop wearing Jirai out and I sold all my clothes and things because it affected me a lot. I still dress very cute and soft I try to incorporate as much Jirai into my fashion without fully dressing up like I used to. I’ve been heavily bullied in highschool too for wearing it. Just a lot of things happening that made me decide.

Aaaaaaaa I wrote so much idk if you’re gunna even read this or if anyone cares but yeh. I have so many stories of ppl harassing me and shit but we would be hear for years lol

I still encourage everyone to dress how you want and not let other people get to you. I hope one day I can get back into it. Rn I just don’t have any money to buy anything but food so it’s a bit of a struggle.

[kalashtars]

the last month of this semester has got me considering disappearing to another country more than any other moment of my life has before, which truly is saying something.

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

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