#money anxiety is so fucking bad rn

[scarecrowmax]

Applying for jobs is a special kind of hell and I'm so fucking desperate. like please, I'll do anything. Just hire me.

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[chrisbangs]

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[vinilsoup]

Every time I'm near my period I'm like "pls god don't send me to the psychiatric hospital" and sometimes he hears me. This time however may not be the case.

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

yeah yeah yeah i know that i need to do the good thing even if its the hard thing but god dammit sometimes it’s rlly fucking hard!!!!

[sluttylittlenewsboy]

TW smoking

[1hyunjae]

School gives me such bad anxiety and i dont even know why 😭😭

Like. I think the occupation is enjoyable for the most part i love the kids really even when theyre rowdy or rude i still love them i dont know what it ISSSSS. I just wanna go back to being a student who only has themselves to worry about like i miss just being a student so bad but its 3 more months of this 😭😭😭 and im so scared too like what if this means i actually dont want to be or CANT be a teacher like why is this little internship already giving me so much anxiety

[twistedappletree]

ok & ngl but to top it off i’m having h o r r i b l e sensory overload & for some reason everyone and their mother is calling/texting me today??? ffffffFFFFFF-

wow literally everything awkward that could’ve happened today happened lmaoooo it’s like i entirely forgot how to fucking socialize with people and just ????¿¿???¿ embarassED THE FUCK out of myselffff

[yokakaiju]

i got bored and made a tierlist based off who smokes the most weed

justifications under cut

so like i made this cause its funny first and foremost, but i did put like somewhat actual thought into this. not much, but synapses were firing in my brain putting this together

also im not tagging everyone, ill just like pick 2 or whatevs

okay so first up is chidaruma. dude prolly invented weed ngl. you know he's smoked everyway imaginable: blunt, pipe, bong, can, apple, vape, synthesized, edible, hotbox, blower; you name it, he's done it. he's kinda over it, but he's still up there just cause like... idk he is and won't take criticism

haru is a beautiful weed smoking gf thats literally it

13's entire schedule is probably wake up, smoke, jerk off, sleep, eat, smoke, jerk off, eat, smoke, repeat. he also would probably kin jesse pinkman

ton is a bitch and smokes all the cross-eye commanders weed. like they'll save up for MONTHS to get like 5oz (one for each of them :3) and he'll be like, "woah! a bag of weed!" and smoke it ALLLLLL in like an hour. he's like a truffle pig for weed, they can try to hide it but his ass always finds it and smokes it all. he would prolly also call it za or skunk or some shit like that

ebisu isn't quite in the high 24/7 catagory, but she could be. dawg loves weed, like she is also 100% a fucking master at rolling blunts she rivals chidaruma at it. rolling blunts is like a sport for her tbh

aikawa's gotta cope dawg. like if he aint at school or currently being possed by demons his ass is smokin that shit bruh he needs a minute to chill. also he's got crazy money (kai's money but shhh) so he might as well spend it on his pookie <3 (risu)

noi may be controversial being up so high, but hear me out. weed smoking gf? i think yes B) mogs at you

asuka also has to cope, but its cause shes a blackpilled femcel (her own words i stg)

chota would smoke, but he hates the smell and doesn't want it to ruin his clothes and shit. he prolly wears like silk gowns and dances around to madonna while trippin off like 10g. he's livin the life tbh

OKAY HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT johnston. fucking johnston is only i repeat ONLY UP HERE‼️ because kasukabe gives him those little non thc thc pills people give to dogs with anxiety and agression issues to keep him calm

poor dokuga cant share with his besties so he's been condemed to eating edibles alone... also smoking/inhaling smoke makes him drool a bit so like a bit deadly for everyone around him to even try. i like, debated on putting him in never, but tetsujo prolly cooks smth up for him so he doesn't feel left out <3

natsuki is only at the top of sometimes because she probably would more if she had money. also she sucks in a blunt rotation cause her ass ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL tries to hold it in and always coughs like a mfer and taps out after like one hit

vaux just makes sense. he looks like an average 30-40smth nu metal oldhead, theres no way he DOESNT smoke at least a little. id put him in 100% but he's also a fairly responsible doctor so liek idk

kasukabe doesnt as much anymore, mostly only when he's with haru, but he still does sometimes for funsies cause he's just chiil like that :3

tetsujo doesn't thattt much cause it fucks with his already dog shit depth perception super bad, but sometimes if ton or the others dont find it he shares it with dokuga and they like yuri pose and eat edibles together or smth idk

ik kaiman is gonna be controversial being so low, but listen. 1) his ass is too focused on socerers and shit to care 2) he's dirt poor. he simply cannot afford it 3) how tf is he gonna smoke with no lips? that blunt would just get chewed to shit. like genuinely he would maybe get one singular edible if nikaido or vaux were feeling nice, but other than that its like, idk almost never for him

i would but shin in never, but ik noi is like "boss!!!! come take hits off this bong with me!! its gonna be so sick omg you HAVE to come smoke with me RN!!!!" and he'd be like "sighhhhhh... anything for my weed smoking gf ig..."

ushishimada is only so low cause i feel like he's too mothery to smoke a lot? like, he's too responsible, but not responsible enough to outright say no. also they're poor asf and ton always smokes it all

fukuyama would get his ass kicked by tanba if he found out, but ik dawgs gotta take a load off sometimes tbh

now again, controversial take but i have reasons. risu is so fucking poor. like, genuinely he is too worried about his tuition, bills, and groceries to give af about it (also cause aikawa is a bitch and makes him pay for everything cause "i forgot my wallet oopsie :3c"). now aikawa does supply him tho and he hooks him up with the primo shit ong. so at least when he does smoke he smokes that good shit (also they yuri pose as well while they smoke)

again, saji is too mommy to smoke that much weed (also another case of being too poor). bro doesn't want his clothes and needlework to smell like shit, which i respect

ai 100% would if his ass wasnt so busy with his damn self expiramentation bs. like, he wants to smoke so bad tbh, but he's like "sigh i gotta work on my plans to rebuild my body from the ground up.. maybe tomorrow" stares longingly out the window imagining how cool smoking weed is

again, kai's over here fuckin "i have to go to work" like he genuinely just doesn't care or have time. he's never even thought about it tbh, like you're tellin me this mfer has had a single thought outside of total domination in his entire existance??? HELL NAH HIS ASS DOES NOT THINK HE HAS ZERO THOUGHTS IN HIS HEAD I STG

now this may also be controversial. why isn't by beautiful coquette cottagecore angelcore babe out there rolling and smoking the fattest blunts known to man? turkey just like doesnt feel it. its not for her tbh. she tried smoking, she tried edibles. she just wasnt a fan tbh. like, she'll cook up some of the tastiest edibles you've ever had if you ask, but she just aint a fan

kirion also just doesn't feel it tbh. again, its not for her and thats alright

wow surprise surprise another controversial take. like, before you get mad just think abt it for a sec. like, she's so fucking business first and always has been that i think she would just see it as a major hinderance on her job performance, as well as the performance of her employees later down the line. now im not saying she's a narc or hardass about it, im saying she just doesn't feel it. the high she gets from people enjoying her food and making money is enough for her tbh. also she does do edibles sometimes, but mostly like when it rains in hole to make it a little less miserable and painful

en is about the same. like, he def has. he's just like, idk. he doesnt wanna. its not for him anymore. he doesn't care if anyone in the family does it, but they better not sacrifice the quality of their work for it. like if he catches you high on the job its prolly like some sort of repremanding, but off the clock he dont gaf

genuinely copy paste nikaidos shit for tanba. he's too worried about his business to even consider smoking weed

now... kawajiri is a fucking narc and a half. his ass would be like "erm ☝️🤓 well actually" and then give a big long speech about how weed is bad blah blah blah whatever no one cares dawg stop fuckin yappin. but like, he's just pissed cause no one will smoke with him or share their weed with him cause he's such a hardass

fujita is kinda weed smoking gf coded, but like ik his ass would be like "EN! EN! I SAW EBISU SMOKING A BLUNT THE SIZE OF HER OWN FOREARM AND TRYING TO SHARE IT WITH KIKURAGE!!! YOU NEED TO STOP HER RN!!!!" but hes only like this cause when he was in a blunt roation with shin, noi, and ebisu they all told him holding it in made you higher, but he ended up puking and they all laughed at him and made fun of him for it because hes a fucking idiot. so now he's an evil little narc who squeals to en when he even catches a whiff of a skunk like scent

curse is a bitch and ik his ass is like "RAAAHHHH‼️ I GOTTA GO KILL THE CROSS-EYES BOSS RAHHH‼️ I NEED TO SEEK REVENEGE FOR MY MURDER RAHHHHHH‼️" like dawg chill tf out be so real rn. he's too focused on revenge and shit to smoke and like, i think if he did smoke and kai also smoked they'd have beautiful hot sexy yaoi, thats just me tho

oh my god shou is such a bitch about it. like sure kawajiri gives lectures about the "scary true reality of weed" and fujita is a narc, but this guy. oh my god this mfer. THIS IS THE REAL REASON EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT HIM ITS CAUSE THEY KNOW HIS ASS IS GONNA WHINE AND BITCH AND MAKE YOU GO TO LIKE AA OR NA OR WHATEVER FOR IT!!!! HE'LL START CALLIN YOI AND ADDICT AND SAYIN ITS A GATEWAY AND SHIT AND HOW THE DEVILS WILL IMMEDIATLY DRAG YOI TO HELL AND TORTURE YOU FOREVER IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT OH MY BALLS

kikurage is literally just a dog dawg. her ass dont even know what weed is

store crow mauler is like... idk man. idk how it would smoke weed or if it even knows or cares what weed is. whatever, its kinds like a pet so whatevs

[wisecrackzach]

Durge HCs (with appearances from Gortash)

Some hc rotating in my brain about my durge but I'm too lazy to write fics rn so this is my outlet

The Dark Urge and Gortash learned how to ballroom dance together. Gortash knew he was going to take over Baldur's Gate and figured he should know how to dance like the rich do (he's the kinda guy who believes in dressing for the job you want). So, he decides to teach himself and Durge too since he wants to rule with them. It was clumsy, messy, and got a little violent, bloody, and even erotic at times.

Gortash also made Durge do some other proper society training. Obviously, Durge wasn't built for proper society but Gortash dreamed of it and now thay dream included Durge. So, he made them also learn what fork to use for when (the beast and belle dinner scene frfr) and posture training. Durge hated this very much. They threatened Gortash life many times and many fork were stabbed into hands.

I refuse to believe that Gortash doesn't know how to lace his shirt. Therefore, I've decided that durge used to lace them that way because they were always dressed by their followers so they didn't know how. And now Gortash keeps it that way.

I 100% think that Gortash is obsessed with money and appearing rich. He buys gaudy expensive clothes but doesn't know how to wear them or the current trends because he didn't grow up rich. So, he looks kinda silly with his ugly red shoes and anxiety robe but no one dares make fun of him for it.

And because he cared about clothes and presentation he would buy Durge a lot of clothes that durge probably never wore.

Durge probably went to the shoe store Gortash's parents own when they were a kid before becoming the dark urge.

Orin and Durge are kinda like Zuko and Azula to me. Like even though they're both kinda fucked up inside and hate each other, they're still siblings. They probably had dumb arguments as teens like normal siblings but a little bloodier. And they probably braided each other hair and cared for one enough without admitted it was that. I wish so badly their could be an ending with Orin with a redeemed Durge like their was with Zuko and Azula.

Kinda fucked up but I wouldn't put it past them, Orin and Gortash hooked up after the Durge was taken. Buuut Orin would be shapeshifted into Durge for Gortash. Additionally, Orin used the Durge form to mess with Gortash just for fun.

Redeemed Durge HCs

The general public does not know about Durge being from Bhaal's temple and kinda being the cause of it all. Except for Duke Ravengard (if alive). Which makes it really awkward for a Durge romancing Wyll because his father is so clearly scared of Durge. They feel bad and they're trying to calm him but he's definitely resents them a little.

Durge probably killed Gortash's parents after the whole saving the world thing in the good ending. Like this might be a redeemed durge but they still killed them cause they still felt bad for Gortash and his parents sucked.

Durge made a memorial for Orin, Gortash, and Ketheric. Maybe they even added The Dark Urge too, just to remind themselves that's not who they are anymore.

If Durge is a warlock then original their patron is Bhaal but after they reject him Withers is their new patron.

Since they're kinda the hero of Baldur's Gate now, Durge was forced to do a bunch of public appearances and go to fancy parties and balls. Unfortunately, they've forgotten everything that Gortash taught them before about being in the upper crust so Durge is totally lost and feels like a rabid wolf in a bowtie. However, the gang helps them where they can. Primarily, Wyll and Astarion. Lae'zel offers advice but it's never any good...

[miraitenshi]

If you're comfortable sharing, what kind of things have people said to you when you've worn jirai kei in public?

The only reactions I've gotten have been from guys, some teen boys were jokingly flirting with me and my friend (like "Hey you're sexy, wanna go out?" while snickering in a way that made it obvious they were mocking us)

And then I had one guy ask if I wore my shoes to look taller (I'm 156 cm but wear chunky platforms)

I'm sure you look lovely though and I hope you don't let anyone bring you down! They just have nothing better to do than criticise strangers

Sending you lots of love 💞

Bad experience wearing Jirai

Firstly thank you for being so sweet💗

To answer the question I’ve had a lot of bad experiences but one of the worst would be from last year which really made me not wear Jirai out cuz I’m so traumatised.

But basically I was just minding my business going to my uni lecture and there was a group of guys just outside the class staring at me. I have bad anxiety so I already knew they were gonna come up to me and they did. I had earphones in and one of them started talking so I took it out and asked what he said and he was just saying that I look really innocent and like a child. I said wtf cuz he was being really creepy and coming so close to me. During the lecture he sat next to me and kept whispering in my ear and saying he loves innocent girls and he could easily do anything to me.

I got so scared I literally was gunna have a panic attack so I left the class so fast when it ended and he started running after me asking me for my name and if I can add his socials. I literally ran so fast while having a panic attack. I ran all the way to my dorm and I didn’t go to any classes for a week or two and emailed my teachers about what happened.

The thing is this dude has been doing this to me for a few months. But at first he would complement me but then he started just sexualising me and saying creepy stuff and his friends would make fun of me saying I have a good body but ugly face and I look so childish not like other girls in my class. Saying things about my body and appearance in general just made me feel so fucking insecure and I haven’t been the same since that happened tbh.

I just decided to stop wearing Jirai out and I sold all my clothes and things because it affected me a lot. I still dress very cute and soft I try to incorporate as much Jirai into my fashion without fully dressing up like I used to. I’ve been heavily bullied in highschool too for wearing it. Just a lot of things happening that made me decide.

Aaaaaaaa I wrote so much idk if you’re gunna even read this or if anyone cares but yeh. I have so many stories of ppl harassing me and shit but we would be hear for years lol

I still encourage everyone to dress how you want and not let other people get to you. I hope one day I can get back into it. Rn I just don’t have any money to buy anything but food so it’s a bit of a struggle.

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

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[kalashtars]

the last month of this semester has got me considering disappearing to another country more than any other moment of my life has before, which truly is saying something.

[ch333rryboy]

my paychecks suck so bad rn and im only gettinf 23 dollars in snap a month and im hardcore resisting the urge to ebeg bc i dont actually need it i just have insane money anxiety but fuck dude

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I had to ask my mom for money today. And ask my brother if we can transfer all the bills to his name, bc my mind feels like swiss cheese, and I just don't think I can manage it rn. We usually go halfsies on bills, but it's my bank account everything is under. So I was constantly having to put cash in the bank, then go online to pay bills, and I just can't. I can't handle it. I go back to my psychiatrist tomorrow, not that it fucking matters. I've been seeing her over a decade and I'm still fucked up. She prescribed me meds that made me worse. Like, the side effects were awful. And I've had to stop taking other meds before bc of the side effects. it all just feels so hopeless. i thought i was getting better for awhile, but that didn't last. I thought the TMS was gonna fix me, but now instead of sad I just fell scared all the time and that's so much worse. I can handle sad. I've been dealing with it my whole life. I was a sad, lonely kid. Then I made friends and it helped, but I was still depressed as a teenager. I was suicidal by 16; I literally only stayed alive through high school and college bc I had people that loved me who would feel bad if I was gone. Then there kept being reasons to put off, like my bff getting married and wanting me to be the maid of honor, and how I couldn't do it during her honeymoon bc that would kill the mood. And then my other best friend got married, then pregnant, and I couldn't do it then, bc what if the shock triggered a miscarriage or something? I've lived the first 25 years of my life just waiting to die. And the anxiety has always, always been there. The adhd too, and sometimes i hate my parents for not getting me the help i needed, just bc one doctor said i didn't have it after the school suggested testing. There was no actual testing, he dismissed it out of hand as my behavior just 'kids being kids'. He probably didn't believe adhd existed, bc he was old af and set in his ways. And kept prescribing meds that were no longer being made, bc the FDA found them unsafe. so i've always been fucked up. since i was a kid i felt like there was this wall of glass between me and the rest of the world. i could look inside and I could see it and hear it, but I never felt part of it. Like I was something else, this other thing that couldn't connect. And it's never went away. I still don't understand all of these unspoken rules everyone picks up on. I've spent so long, trying to contort myself into something not normal, but acceptable. Something people could love. So I default to being polite, and using the 'right' answers to get by. And keeping everyone at an arm's length. Bc the social anxiety I get from just having to talk to another person who isn't one of my people is so bad that I'll start shaking while talking to them, and become more and more uncomfortable until it's finally over and I go in the bathroom and cry. I don't know how to be vulnerable around people unless they already know and love me, or I'm on the internet where there's no connection to my government name, and no one i know irl will ever see it.

[damthosefandoms]

also!! I wanna hear about them!!! Yap about Soda please! Much love Godspeed dudes

Sodapop Patrick Curtis ilysm and it is so insanely fitting that I’m doing this instead of moving my laundry around (I will NOT fold the laundry, not all of it). I could and would go on about him for years and eventually I will bc I think every outsiders post I’ve made so far has been about him bc he’s the easiest to make up headcanons for bc like maybe it’s pony’s unreliable narration making him out to be perfect (until the very end at least when pony & darry finally realize soda is, surprise surprise, as mentally unhealthy and fucked up as the rest of them). I wanna save a lot of that for posts I could make one day bc I’m a selfish bitch but you can always scroll through the soda tag or read one of the two whole fics I wrote about him growing up and going through school with what I love to call the percy jackson special (adhd/dyslexia) bc it’s so obviously canon, right? he’s the poster child for it. and then there’s the whole thing about how tragic he is. I’m not even talking about the dead parents or the debilitating middle child syndrome, not how his brothers play tug of war with him—I mean how he’s the definition of horse girl (his big hyperfixation!!!) and his dad (and later Darry) wouldn’t let him go to the rodeo anymore at all after he “tore a ligament” getting thrown off a horse. That was his Thing, like how Darry has football and Pony has track and writing and drawing, and he can’t even do that anymore because he tore his ACL or something (a VERY serious injury mind you, that their family really didn’t have money to get surgery for him to fix, so there’s a real chance his knee’s just permanently fucked up but I won’t get into it rn) so all he can do now is make sure Pony doesn’t have nightmares and help Steve fix cars and get hit on by girls. I think Soda’s softer than we think he is, I think he talks himself up to sound cooler because he’s insecure as hell, I think his guilty pleasure is listening to the Beatles and to The Beach Boys (his ass wants to go to california and go surfing one day SOOOOO bad, somebody get him a rich girlfriend to take him there Cherry I’m looking at you) he has a lot of anxiety, and I think he needs a hug and I would die for him